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1
00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:05,044
[ Crowd Chattering]
2
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,805
[ Charlie ] I know, but I can't believe
I never even noticed this place before.
3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,163
I walk by it all the time. How could you
notice it? There's no sign outside.
4
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,965
Yeah, what's up with that? You think it
like blew down in a storm or something?
5
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,362
No. No storm. I think the owners did it
on purpose 'cause they think it's cool.
6
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,090
- Yeah.
- They blew on their sign...
7
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,242
until it came off
'causetheythought it was cool'?
8
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,288
- I mean, who does that?
- No, no. Nobody blew anything.
9
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,328
Hey, Dee, how did you
find out about this place?
10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,209
Somebody sent me a link
to their Facebook page.
11
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,044
Facebook-
That's why everybody's here.
12
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:30,565
What the hell is this?
13
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,722
- What?
- Is this water?
14
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,006
- No, it's gin.
- Oh!
15
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,566
[Groans] Gin? I hate gin!
Get me a beer!
16
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,648
- Get me a beer!
- Get me a beer! - Beer!
17
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,324
It's a gin bar.
All they have is gin.
18
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,204
Are you kidding me?
What?
19
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,329
You mean to tell me there's this many people
in this joint, all they serve is gin?
20
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,649
The only reason that people are here is
because Facebook tells them to come here.
21
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,485
This is the kind of shit we need at
Paddy's. Paddy's has no Web presence.
22
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,245
- You are absolutely right. - [ Mao]
The whole world is connected now.
23
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:58,211
It's all connected by Bill Gates
and that Rain Man, Zuckerberg.
24
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:02,120
He and his Jews have connected the whole
world, and now they're toppling regimes.
25
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:06,171
And Egypt and Japan and the
Jews are all peaceful together-
26
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,322
- [ Dennis ] I understand the spirit
of what you're saying. - Yeah.
27
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,846
Faoebook is connecting everyone these
days- even people in the Middle East.
28
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,327
That's what I'm saying. Hell, and look
people are showing up to a bar...
29
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,209
that doesn't even have a sign,
and serves only one...
30
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,123
old-timey disgusting drink
that nobody likes.
31
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,202
Goddamn, I hate gin.
Dee, you bitch.
32
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,568
That's the thing. This place
has got a good business model.
33
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,967
We have to emulate it.
That's absolutely right.
34
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,247
We have to get rid
of all the beer in Paddy's.
35
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,129
We have to blow the sign
off of the building.
36
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,168
You know, maybe I'll do
the blowing. That's fine.
37
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,924
Charlie, Charlie,
stop, stop, stop.
38
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,480
Do you think a human being can
blow a sign off of a building?
39
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,961
- I didn't until Mac said it.
- I never said that.
40
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,042
A grown man cannot blow
a sign off of a building.
41
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,846
In Charlie's defense, you could loosen
the screws, get up there and blow-
42
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,763
- [All Arguing] - We are
talking about the Internet.
43
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,844
You cannot blow a sign- You are
derailing the conversation.
44
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,042
Shh!
45
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,570
Ugh! Ew.
46
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,529
What the hell was that?
47
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,683
Okay, don't worry ab0utH,okay?
Guys, we gotta get on this.
48
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,967
He's absolutely right.
No distractions.
49
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,247
Paddy's needs to get connected.
50
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:32,007
Look at the Gin Bar's Facebook page.
They have like 50,000 friends.
51
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,321
- Crazy.
- Links to Twitter viral videos.
52
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,209
Their Web presence is amazing.
53
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,851
- We could do a viral video for Paddy's.
- Well, we can't afford not to.
54
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,809
That's right.
We'll do a really cool video...
55
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,804
of how we serve gin in spaghetti
cans or something like that.
56
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,202
- And we take the sign down. - Frank,
you're getting hung up on the wrong things.
57
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,521
The old booze and the no sign
have nothing to do with it.
58
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,523
Yeah, what kind of a douche bag
walks into a bar...
59
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,484
just 'c:ause it doesn't have a sign outside
of it? That's stupid, Frank. Use your head.
60
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,848
But that's the most
important thing- exclusivity.
61
00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,491
Weird drinks, no sign.
That's cool.
62
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:01,721
Maybe so, but I like...
63
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,211
Paddy's sign, so it stays up.
Yeah.
64
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,362
I got the sign down.
[Grunts]
65
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,364
And there's no way a man could have blown
that off of our bar. There's just no way.
66
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,522
- You're totally wrong about that, Mac.
- [ Dee ] Yeah.
67
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,762
- I never once said that!
- Did you not?
68
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,611
Okay, forget it. Forget it. Charlie, we're
doing a viral video thing now, okay?
69
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,365
All right. Listen. Can I stop
all this for one second?
70
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,125
I don't mean to derail us, 'c:ause
this is very, very important stuff,
71
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,771
but, um, I'm getting
a little hung up on something.
72
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,731
The guy that shushed us last night-
Is that bugging anybody else?
73
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,245
I've been thinking
about that too.
74
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,044
Have you been thinking about that?
I really have.
75
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,010
What are you talking- You were in the
middle of telling Charlie to keep quiet.
76
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,321
I was telling him to be quiet.
I was telling him to be quiet.
77
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,528
I tell everybody to be quiet. I don't
shush them like they're animals.
78
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,325
I use my words. Whatever. I'm
gonna go get the video camera.
79
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,731
Yeah.
Yes. Guys,
80
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,246
you're normally very excited
about making videos, all right?
81
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,125
Guys, let's just focus. We have
bigger fish to fry. Yeah, let it go.
82
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,730
I can't let it go.
I can't let it go either.
83
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,524
I won't let it go.
I'm irritated by it.
84
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,883
I'm not gonna let it go. Uh, yeah, but
the viral video thing is very important.
85
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,685
We'll get to that. We'll pop a shush
on the guy, and we'll be right back.
86
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,649
- Let's- Yeah.
- You could just find the guy on Facebook.
87
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,410
That's where you find people
these days.
88
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,285
You're not gonna find the guy on Facebook.
There's three billion people on there.
89
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,448
Are you crazy? Yeah, you don't
even know the guy's name.
90
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,761
- We don't know his name.
- Go on Facebook, magically find a guy.
91
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,525
[ Chuckles ]
Facebook.
92
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,210
[ P005 ] Found him. Really?
93
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,408
Yeah. He was friends with the Gin Bar.
[ Mac] Holy shit.
94
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:16,891
Yeah, that's him. [
Dee ] That's him.
95
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,048
Facebook is amazing. We are all connected.
Right? Okay.
96
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,401
We're all connected. Yeah, we're connected.
So let's get back to business.
97
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,888
Uh, viral video. Yeah, but now
that I'm seeing his face-
98
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,570
Mm-hmm.
I gotta be honest.
99
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,081
It was very annoying last night when
he did that. It pissed me off. Right?
100
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,640
Maybe we can just, you know, send
him a friend request andthen-
101
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,001
Yeah, see if he responds- Then we'll
get back to what we were doing.
102
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,088
Okay, yeah. Distracted. [ Mac ] All right.
Did he respond?
103
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,964
Not yet. How long
does it usuaflytake?
104
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,004
Oh, you know, it depends on if he's
online or not. Refresh. Refresh.
105
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,202
No. No. What if you
hit it faster'?
106
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,051
I mean, here's the problem with,
like, Facebook and Twitter.
107
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:52,448
You know, everyone says, 0h, it's changing
the world, but not in a good way, you know.
108
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,244
We're not connected
with each other anymore.
109
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,561
Tweeting- that's not having
a conversation. What is that?
110
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,483
No, no. And then these
people who do that shit-
111
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,404
they hear you having a real conversation
with your real buddies, your real pals,
112
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,051
and they get all jealous and pissed
off, and they want to shush you.
113
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,600
Yeah, right. And you know what else
is bugging me about this guy'?
114
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,809
I cannot get past the fact
that we're perfect strangers.
115
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,326
He doesn't know me.
I mean, for all this guy knows,
116
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,165
I'm a psychopath with a trunk
full of chain saws, right?
117
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,925
He shushes me 'c:ause he doesn't
like the volume of my conversation,
118
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,123
next thing he knows he's chopped to
bits in a basement somewhere, you know.
119
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,323
Was that worth it? No. And I could be
a man with a fist full of hammers-
120
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,090
Right. and a trunk full of
duct tape and zip ties.
121
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,764
This guy doesn't know me.
Is he crazy?
122
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,923
It's very upsetting to me that
he didn't consider any of that.
123
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,571
Yeah, well, this is not a considerate
man, Charlie. This is a rude man,
124
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,490
and they are very seldom
the same people. Yeah.
125
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,931
Uh, sir.
Yeah.
126
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,082
[ Charlie ] Can we get you for a second?
We've got a-
127
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,448
- What can I get for you guys?
- Well, we're looking for a man.
128
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,488
Um, yeah. This guy
was a real douche bag.
129
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,490
He was in here the other night.
Uh- Yeah, douchey looking.
130
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,968
Kind of douchey. Yeah. I wish I had a
picture of the guy, but we don't. Um-
131
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,487
Oh, he's a shusher.
Oh, yes. Right.
132
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,530
This is a douche bag who goes around
shushing people that he doesn't even know.
133
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,483
Yeah, people who could have chain saws.
Or hammers.
134
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,609
I mean, is any of this
ringing a bell to you?
135
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,651
No. Sorry, but I don't really
see what the big deal is.
136
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,246
The big deal. You don't even
see what the big deal is?
137
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,290
The big deal, sir, is that a grown
man shushed me and my friend here.
138
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,089
We demand satisfaction
from this person, okay?
139
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,049
We gotta find this guy because
we have important shit...
140
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,929
that we're trying to do
on the Internet, or whatever.
141
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,526
We have much bigger things going on.
The sign is down, okay?
142
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,369
The sign is down.
He took our sign down.
143
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,488
It's never been down.
You see what I'm saying?
144
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,130
- No.
- I'm getting frustrated.
145
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,771
I'm also very frustrated. Look.
How would you like to be shushed?
146
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,649
I don't think I'd care.
147
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,690
- Shh! How'd that feel?
- I mean, I was finished speaking.
148
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,364
Well, shh to you!
149
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,284
- Again, I was done, so-
- Well, you're speaking too fast.
150
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:39,964
Stop speaking
in such short sentences.
151
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,407
Then we can shush you in the middle
and you'll know how it feels.
152
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,204
Okay, do you guys want a
drink, or what? Yeah.
153
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,321
Yeah, we want drinks.
Absolutely.
154
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,131
- Okay, so two house specials?
- Shh!
155
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,362
- Specials. Yeah.
- Yeah, two house specials.
156
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,044
Got interrupted.
How'd that feel?
157
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,360
On your way.
158
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,404
[ Scoffs ] I think you got
him with that one though.
159
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,409
I don't exactly
feel good about it.
160
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,210
No.
But he had to know how it feels.
161
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,049
Yeah, but you nailed him.
Thanks, man.
162
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,969
[ Chuckles ]
Hey, you know,
163
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,567
I think I know how we can get a
picture of this shusher guy.
164
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,130
What you thinking?
165
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,244
[ Mac ] Refresh. [ Clicks ]
166
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,243
Goddamn it. Why won't
this guy be our friend?
167
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,721
It's like an online shush.
You know, I-
168
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,041
Okay, Paddy's Pub has
over 30 friends at this point.
169
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,600
Why will this guy not accept our
friend request? He's too good for us?
170
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,365
[ Mac] Don't complain. Just hit
refresh again. You son of a bitch!
171
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:27,726
Refresh.
172
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,525
Ha! I got
the video camera!
173
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,764
All right. Mac,
say “I got infected.”
174
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,444
- What?
- Say it!
175
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,722
I got infected. Get that away from me.
[ Chuckles ]
176
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,201
Deandra, okay,
now here you go.
177
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,210
Say “I got the bug.”
No, I'm busy, Frank.
178
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,044
Say“Bug?
Bug!
179
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,442
- What are you doing? - [ Chuckles
] I'm shooting the virus thing.
180
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,488
- What virus thing?
- The virus thing...
181
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,201
that you guys said we were gonna infect
all our friends on Facebook or whatever.
182
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,322
Oh! We got him!
We got him?
183
00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,643
We got you, Dylan Toback!
You giant douche!
184
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,923
Are you guys gonna help me do the virus
thing, or what? We're busy right now, Frank.
185
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,968
Yeah, we're doing
the shushing thing first, Frank.
186
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,010
But you said the virus video
was the most important thing.
187
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,560
No, no. No. We said the viral
video is very important,
188
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,485
and it is very important, but we're on to
this now. You know, we'll do it later.
189
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,006
Why don't you get it started and then
we'll come and fix what you did, okay?
190
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,169
All right, but hurry up.
Oh, check out these updates.
191
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,086
“L am a man-whore. I hate women.
I am a liar.”
192
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,606
He admits that he is a liar.
Son of a bitch!
193
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:31,163
Uh, looks like he is shopping for a
silk sash at Tootie's, on South Street.
194
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,647
A silk sash at Tootie's?
195
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,410
What an asshole.
Hmm.
196
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,727
Okay. Daddy got a new plan.
Mm-hmm.
197
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,962
Daddy got a new plan.
Let's head down to Tootie's,
198
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,009
and we'll fire a shush right
in his face. [ Gasps ]
199
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:45,010
We'll shush him real quick. But we won't tell
Dennis and Charlie, 'cause they mocked us.
200
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,809
Eventually we'll
tell them though, right?
201
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,491
We won't tell them right now, but we'll
come back, and we'll jam it in their faces.
202
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,170
Face! Yeah, once we shush him.
Okay, let's go.
203
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,645
Okay. Great idea. Great idea!
204
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,047
[ Dennis ] I want to make sure
you got the nose right though.
205
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,407
That's the most important part to
rne, because it was an annoying nose.
206
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,130
It was a nose that
you wanted to smack.
207
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,202
Then give him, like,
almond eyes if you-
208
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,965
You've already said that.
And don't compliment the man.
209
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,611
It's not a compliment from me, 'c:ause
I don't like people with almond eyes.
210
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,166
I find it creepy. All right. Can we
just take a look at the drawing?
211
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,641
Because we kinda
need to get out of here.
212
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,246
You've done an excellent job.
213
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,004
Really good. Wow!
214
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,890
And what is your technique, sir?
Because I want to learn that. That is-
215
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,970
You know, the only thing that would help
this, is if you had him do this gesture-
216
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,929
Oh, my God. Because when
the man assaulted us-
217
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,008
Mr. Reynolds, Mr. Kelly,
I'm Detective Larson.
218
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,162
I'm gonna need to clear something
up on your report here.
219
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,647
We're good, actually, 'cause
we got- Yeah, we're good.
220
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,289
It says here this was
filed as an assault,
221
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:38,081
but the only thing that you're claiming
was that this man shushed you?
222
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,730
Yeah.
223
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,286
Yeah.
But it was an assault.
224
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,089
Shushing somebody
is not an assault.
225
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:48,171
There was more to it than- He- Yeah-
It wasn't just shushing though.
226
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,089
Yea h- And the reason
it was an assault...
227
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,969
was because he was shushing
our cries for help.
228
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,122
Right. This guy was raping
us- [ Clears Throat ]
229
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,089
- Well- Wha-
- He was raping you?
230
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,890
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
231
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,167
- Yeah.
- The both of you?
232
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,647
No. You can't rape two guys. No.
233
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,768
No,no,no. I wouldn't even
necessarily classify it-
234
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,207
You know what happened was that
he only raped my friend here.
235
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,089
I actually
shook him off in time.
236
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,562
The guy never quite made it inside
of me, but my friend here- Yeah.
237
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,324
So he was only raping you?
238
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:15,805
Yeah.
Yep.
239
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,963
Yeah. He, like, really, kinda
made soup of your insides-
240
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,089
No. No, no, no. He barely made it
in there, so, trust me, I'm fine.
241
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,208
- Yeah, but he bit his dick.
- Not- What?
242
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:25,805
No, he did-
243
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,962
He- He-
[ Chuckles ]
244
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,088
The reason we were
gonna file it as a rape...
245
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,482
was because he did make it inside
me, but, like, just barely.
246
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,562
And the guy was super-small,
so I'm fine.
247
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,404
And then I did get away.
248
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,649
Well, don't-don't write any of this down.
Look. Can we just drop the case?
249
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,000
Yeah!
Right?
250
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:43,889
We don't need to-
We just need the drawing.
251
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,282
I didn't even think about that, because if
we have the drawing, we can find the guy.
252
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,609
We can dole out the justice- And then this
never needs to go in any files anywhere.
253
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,250
[ Larson Sighs Deeply]
254
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,688
If you and Mr. Reynolds are
filing a false police report,
255
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,246
there's no way in hell y0u're getting
out of here with that drawing.
256
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,970
[Sighs]
All right, Charlie.
257
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,048
I got another plan.
258
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,851
How's that? [ Charlie
] That's perfect.
259
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,645
That looks exactly like him. Yeah,
I mean, he wasn't in a dune buggy,
260
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,285
and he didn't have-
No, he was not.
261
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,249
A propeller on his head.
I like the shushing though.
262
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,408
[ Charlie ]
You nailed the shushing!
263
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,444
Tootie's. Tootie's.
This is it.
264
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,890
EM!
265
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,205
Is that him?
That's him.
266
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,521
- That is him.
- Let's do this.
267
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,125
Hey, Dylan Toback.
268
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,201
Shh!
Shh!
269
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,770
[ Mac] Oh. Hey. [ Chuckles ]
270
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,729
Sorry about that, ma'am.
Hi, ma'am.
271
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,810
Uh, we thought you were this guy,
Dylan Toback. He shushed us, and-
272
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,763
We were gonna shush him back.
Yeah. Yeah.
273
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,531
We didn't think you were
a man, per se- I did.
274
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,523
Okay, I did too.
I did because of your hair.
275
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,325
Here's why. it's the hair, and it's
the cardigan, and it's the build-
276
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,046
Yeah, and it's the way you stand. Broad
shoulders. But that's okay. That's okay.
277
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,691
There's nothing
you can do about that.
278
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,161
Have a nice day.
I'm still confused.
279
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,641
I'm very confused. it's sort
of a transgender situation.
280
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,489
Are you guys looking
for Dylan Toback? Yes.
281
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,484
Yeah. Do you know him? He posted
on Facebook that he was here.
282
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,722
Well, can you guys keep a secret?
283
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,211
No!
Ye- Yes.
284
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,970
Yes, I can- Yes, yes.
Yes, yes.
285
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,448
That wasn't him. It was me. I started
a Facebook page to get back at him.
286
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:17,127
I'm his ex-girlfriend,
and he was the worst.
287
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,362
He was always like,
“Sally, send me money.”
288
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,204
“Sally, mail me hair.”
289
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,328
- Mail him hair?
- Weird, right?
290
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,803
Yeah. And then he posted a bunch of naked pics
of rne online, and that was the last straw.
291
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,360
Oh, my God!
That's disgusting.
292
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,330
I know. Naked pics online? Where?
Where did he post those?
293
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,489
I d0n't know. One of those disgusting
ex-girlfriend porno sites.
294
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,086
Oh, those disgusting
ex-girlfriend porno sites.
295
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,767
I mean, there's so many of them though.
Which one? Which one did he post it on'?
296
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,320
- Do you know where we can find him?
-Oh, I can give you his address.
297
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,289
- I don't give a shit. - [ Dee ] Really?
- Great! Great!
298
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,930
Also, put down one of
the sites that was-
299
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,401
Listen. Do you want to come with
us and maybe get some payback?
300
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,127
[ Chuckles ]
That's- Well-
301
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,680
Here's the thing.
He's never actually met me.
302
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,691
Well, the pics I sent
were a little more...
303
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:05,009
flattering than I actually am, and so we
just sort of had this online relationship.
304
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,686
- Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- But the hair I mailed was mine.
305
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,610
- That was real. - Okay, you know what?
This chick is douchier than Dylan.
306
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,245
Let's get out of here.
Yeah.
307
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,209
No, I'm not even gonna look
for those nude photos.
308
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,682
I might.
I might though. I might.
309
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,764
Come on, man.
This guy's been in here.
310
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,729
He's got the annoying nose
that you wanted to smack.
311
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,564
Evil almond eyes.
312
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,645
I'm sorry, guys. I've never seen a cartoon
character in here shushing people before.
313
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,683
Well, he wasn't in a dune buggy.
Yeah.
314
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:35,043
Look. Use your imagination. Yeah,
he's not a cartoon character, okay?
315
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,770
Would you just
take this seriously?
316
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,446
I don't see how I could
take this seriously.
317
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:40,726
He's not helping.
318
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,405
No.
He's not gonna be a help to us.
319
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,244
You're just gonna be difficult,
so go get us more gin drinks.
320
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,283
That's-That's all you're good for.
More of the gin.
321
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,364
God. All right. Here's what
I'm gonna do, Charlie.
322
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:53,570
I'm gonna write “Rude man who
shushes- please call” at the top,
323
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,569
and then, at the bottom, I'll
put my phone number. Right.
324
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,290
Right? Then we'll make
a shitload of copies,
325
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,761
we'll put them up all over town, and
it'll act like a wanted poster.
326
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,808
Okay, wait. So you want
the rude man to call you?
327
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,644
No, I want people to call
me about the rude man.
328
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,770
But if the rude man calls me- [
Snaps Fingers ] that works too.
329
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,803
That works too! [ Laughs ] All right.
That's gonna work.
330
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,611
Hold on a second. You're oool just putting
your personal information out there?
331
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,650
Yeah! I'm absolutely cool with that, man,
because I'm saying “Connect with me.”
332
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,166
That's what we're talking about.
People just don't connect these days.
333
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,049
I'm saying, “Call me. Let's
have a phone conversation.”
334
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,367
Yeah, don't tweet. Don't just tweet me.
Don't shush me.
335
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,329
You know, let's connect. Let's
have a connection, you know.
336
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,408
Don't be rude.
Let's talk about rude people.
337
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,086
Let's talk about people who
do rude things, you know.
338
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:33,171
Mm-hmm. I guarantee you,
people will respect this.
339
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,361
Okay, one little roadblock.
No big deal.
340
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,563
But let's shush this guy and get cut of here,
because it's starting to get complicated.
341
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,126
Yeah. And what was happening back there?
Sending nude pictures of yourself?
342
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,607
That's just stupid, and that's desperate.
Yeah, and hair?
343
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,569
I mean, sending hair-
that's just demented.
344
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,968
Well, the hair I don't really have a
problem with. What are you talking about?
345
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,441
What is the point of that?
You send your hair to a guy,
346
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:58,002
and, you know, you just give that guy
a sense of you and your smells and-
347
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,770
Oh, 0h! Shh!
Shh!
348
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,729
Okay. Come on.
Goddamn it!
349
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,246
We're looking for Dylan Tobaok.
Is he around?
350
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,402
Oh, Lord.
351
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:10,087
I knew this day would come.
Urn, come in.
352
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,242
[ Both Groan ]
353
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,324
Okay, but listen.
We don't have a lot of time, okay?
354
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,643
Um, a few months ago,
my daughter Jamela bought me...
355
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,200
this brand-new computer,
and she put it right here.
356
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,769
- Speed up, speed up, speed up! - Okay. So,
ever since Jerry got put on life support-
357
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,002
- I have nothing but time- - Whoa!
Slow down, slow down, slow down!
358
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,084
- Ew. I didn't see him there.
- I've had nothing but time on my hands.
359
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,601
And I've been so lonely, you know.
[ Chuckles ]
360
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,331
Okay, well, does any of this have
anything to do with Dylan Toback?
361
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,641
- Oh, why is she doing that?
- Urn,
362
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,808
I am Dylan Toback.
363
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,610
No.No.No. hmn4mnnLkmn4mmnLkmn4mmnL
No, you're not.
364
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,603
Don't say that. We don't
have time for that, okay?
365
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,081
Is anybody online the person
who they say that they are?
366
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,162
Okay, do you know how to find
the real Dylan Toback?
367
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:54,086
Well, what I'm saying is
he doesn't exist.
368
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,811
I made up the name
Dylan Toback.
369
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,362
I've made up dozens of names.
I'm really good at it.
370
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,723
My real name is Catfish!
[Laughs]
371
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,123
What the hell is happening here?
Here's what I gather.
372
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,964
I think she went on
the Gin Bar's Web site,
373
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,323
found a picture of that guy and then made
up a whole name and personality for him.
374
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,851
No. So we don't know
the guy's name.
375
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,450
We don't even know if
he's on Facebook. Nope.
376
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,289
How the hell are we gonna find him?
I d0n't know.
377
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,124
Well, how did you find me?
378
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,841
Was it that Sally? Because that
bitch been getting on my nerves.
379
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,681
- So you know Sally?
- Oh, well, Dylan knows Sally.
380
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,888
No, he doesn't, 'c:ause Dylan isn't real!
And you know what?
381
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,644
Sally isn't Sally anymore.
Sally is now Dylan.
382
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,250
Yeah! And what about
the nude photos?
383
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:34,527
- This is not about the nude photos, Mac.
- Shh! Shh!
384
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,569
Don't you shush me! Don't
you shush us, goddamn it!
385
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,081
- Don't disturb Jerry! - Disturb Jerry?
I'm disturbed! He should be disturbed!
386
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,289
This whole thing is disturbing. If you shush me
one more time, I will put you in the ground.
387
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,129
Do you hear me? You know what?
Dee! We're losing focus.
388
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,248
Let's just get back to the bar.
We'll find the nude photos there.
389
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,561
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's focus on the-
- Well, hold on.
390
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,244
Don't you want
your hair back?
391
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,363
- Is that your hair, Dee?
- Oh, come on.
392
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,920
- You're Carl Lundegard?
- Yeah.
393
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,525
What is the problem? Are we not putting
these in the right part of town'?
394
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,090
We put them
in every part of town.
395
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,367
[ Cell Phone Buzzes ] I know.
Ooh, ooh. Here we go.
396
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,130
Here we go. Okay.
Come on.
397
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,441
- Hello? - [Man] I saw that
guy you were looking for.
398
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,285
You did? 0h, that's great. Okay,
can you tell us where exactly the-
399
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,044
Shh!
Uh, no. Sh, you do no“!
400
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,884
Oh! You-
He shushed me.
401
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,606
Another one? Yes, another shusher
shushing rne on the phone.
402
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,808
All right. Maybe the poster is
the problem because it says...
403
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,048
“Rude man who shushes-
please call”- Right.
404
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,009
So rude men are calling
just to shush you.
405
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,724
To shush me.
This is prank calls.
406
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,087
Am I gonna have to change my phone number?
That's a pain in the ass.
407
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,680
You never want to put your personal
information out there in the world.
408
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,564
[ Mac] Yo! People abuse it.
409
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,085
- You find the guy?
- [ Both ] No!
410
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,884
He's unfindable. We just
hit a bunch of dead ends.
411
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,685
- The guy is a ghost. - I know! We
tried to track him down on Facebook,
412
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,603
but it got very strange.
413
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,887
Like, it was just a bunch
of girls pretending to be boys,
414
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,485
and Dee banged
a fat old black lady,
415
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,204
and then sent her hair.
That's not- All right.
416
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,763
Hey! I did the video, and I sent it
to all of Paddy's Facebook friends.
417
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,490
You did?
Yep.
418
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,847
Frank to the rescue. Oh, ho!
Frank saves the day.
419
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,644
All right.
Good work, Frank.
420
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,762
Nice. Let's check out
what you got here.
421
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,690
♪♪ [ Marching Band] [ Frank
] Welcome to Paddy's Pub,
422
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,525
the oldest pub in America.
423
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,284
Well, that's not true.
Right.
424
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,330
- No, I lied. Everybody lies
on the Internet. - He's right.
425
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,880
Everybody out there is lying to
get what they want. Why can't we?
426
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,325
Totally.
427
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,928
We have a variety of old liquors
served in strange containers.
428
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:31,090
- [ Camera Shutter Clicking ] - We are
packed with celebrities- the fun ones.
429
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,685
[ Crowd Cheering]
430
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,446
We also have cockfights
and strippers.
431
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,010
And guess what.
432
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,562
We don't have a sign,
so good luck finding the place.
433
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,160
But if you do,
you'll be lucky,
434
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,402
'cause we also got
donkey shows,
435
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,966
Métley CrUe and cake.
436
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,081
Awesome. Awesome.
Okay, okay.
437
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:51,571
Okay.
That's awesome.
438
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,364
That is awesome. Frank!
I gotta hand it to you.
439
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,006
I think I would go to this bar. I
would definitely go to that bar.
440
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,605
This is the best part,
coming up.
441
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,286
So spread the word
to all of your friends.
442
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,887
At Paddy's Pub,
you're guaranteed to catch a-
443
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,962
[ Deep Male Voice]
Virus!
444
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,809
Just ask this guy.
445
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,724
I goz' infected.
Get' if away from me.
446
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,007
- Or her.
- No, I'm busy.
447
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,367
She looks like
she caught the-
448
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,169
- Bug!
- [ Woman Screams]
449
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,527
So spread this video
to all of your friends,
450
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,887
because it's
a computer virus.
451
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,930
[ Buzzing ] [ High-pitched
Voice] Virus!
452
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,524
Take it from me.
453
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,523
I am a doctor.
454
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,126
Dr. Toboggan.
455
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,242
Mantis Toboggan.
[ Echoes ]
456
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,927
What? You sent that to all
of our Facebook friends?
457
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,729
Yeah!
458
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,326
They're gonna think they have
a computer virus, Frank.
459
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,767
Wait. You're the ones who said
we needed the virus video.
460
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,002
I said a viral video, Frank.
Goddamn it.
461
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,202
Goddamn it! Oh, my God. We never
should've left him in charge.
462
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,408
The problem is we got
focused on the guy.
463
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,967
We didn't help him with his- This
whole thing is a total mess.
464
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,731
I mean, absolutely nothing good
has come of today. [ Door Opens ]
465
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,161
No, we wasted all of our time.
[ Man Whistles ] Excuse me.
466
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,402
This is a bar, right?
467
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,281
We noticed you guys
didn't have a sign out front.
468
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,362
Thought that was
pretty cool.
469
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,925
You guys open?
470
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,968
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
471
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,327
Yes. We are.
472
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,964
Charlie, lock the door.
473
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,804
Come on in. [ Chuckles ] Oh!
474
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,844
[ Voices Speaking Backwards]
475
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,761
English - US - PSDH
42256
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