All language subtitles for 7x07 - Chardee MacDennis - The Game of Games

[ Dennis ] So What do you
guys wanna do today?

[ Charlie] I don't know. [
Dennis ] We could sing a song.

[ Dee ] We just ate.
We're drinking.

Hey, you know what? Macfs
coming over here pretty soon.

- Mac's always got something.
- He'll have a plan-

He always has something. And he'll
get us into something good.

He comes in with something.

'Cause we're having a hard time
getting into something good.

There he is! [Charlie]
Good timing!

[All Cheering ]

Mac in the house. Mac in the house.
Mac: in the house.

- [ Chanting ]
- Got some news for me?

- [ Frank] Lay it on us.
- No, what's your news?

I don't have any news. I
thought you guys have news.

You usually fire- You always
come in hot with news.

Yeah, what's the plan?
Oh. I got nothin'.

Really? Huh.
Oh.

That's disappointing. You usually
fire in here with something.

Yeah. I've actually
been kinda bored today.

We're bored over here.
You guys bored too?

We are bored out of our goddamn minds.
Didn't run into a thing or-

[ Woman On Jukebox]
♪ Don't you remember, love ♪

♪ We built this city;

♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪♪

Oh. Wait.

Guys, I know
what we can do.

You do?

Let's play Chardee MacDennis.
Yes! Yes!

No!
No!

No, no. No! 'Cause
we're not playing it.

Yes!
What's Chardee MacDennis?

Chardee MacDennis
is an awesome board game...

that we came up with many years
ago on a day much like today.

That sounds like fun.
It is not' fun.

[ Together] Chardee! Chardee!
No, we're not playing it!

Don't start chanting it. We're
not playing that stupid game!

We are not playing
that game!

Why? What's the big deal?
It's only a game.

It's not just a game!

It's a war.

Chardee MacDennis-
the game of games.

Now what we did is,
we took our favorite aspects...

of a bunch of different board games
and we mashed 'em all together.

We did the same thing with the name,
'cause we couldn't agree upon one.

Now the point of the game
is actually quite simple.

It's a race to the finish from
level one to level three.

[ Charlie ] This is the board. And we
start at level one, which is “Mind.”

That consists of “Trivia,”
“Puzzles” and “Artistry.”

It is also the level at which the
alcohol being consumed is wine.

Whoa! You get to drink
during the game?

Uh, drinking is the game, Frank.
It's the whole point of it.

I'm not gonna play any game in
which I'm not getting annihilated.

Moving on to level two,
which is “Body”-

“Physical Challenge,” “Pain” and
“Endurance.” That's the beer level.

Yes, and level three
is “Spirit”-

“Emotional Battery”
and “Public Humiliation.”

Boom.
Hard-alcohol level.

- What the hell you doing, Deandra?
- This is very important, Frank.

We gotta nail the board
down to the bar,

because at a certain
point during the game,

Mac's gonna get very pissed off
'cause he's not doing very well.

- He's gonna try and flip the board over.
- He's right. it's for the best.

I will forget later that it's nailed down.
[Dennis] He will.

Here's a big one. There's a
15-minute time limit to the game.

Fifteen minutes doesn't seem
like a long time for a game.

Well, there's a fair
amount of clock stoppages.

Yeah, each team
gets three time-outs.

There's a halftime, post-level
breaks, a two-minute warning...

and a significant amount of injury
stoppages. Hence the first-aid kit.

Pay very close attention
to this next part.

Each team must collect a certain
number of cards ateachleveL“

in order to progress
to the next level.

And the first team to complete
all three levels wins the game.

And the winner- Ooh. The
winner gets a sweet prize.

Nice! What's the prize?

The winner gets to smash the
other team's game pieces. Yeah.

That's the prize? You get to
smash the team's game pieces?

Oh, it's incredibly gratifying.
Oh, it's awesome, Frank.

Now these are our game pieces.
Nice, right?

And these...

are Mac and Charlie's pieces.

Look at the condition that they're in.
Pretty pathetic.

As you can see from the state
that these pieces are in,

Mac and Charlie have
never, ever,

in the history of Chardee
MacDennis, won the game.

You never won?
Never won once?

No. it's almost statistically
impossible...

to play that many games and never
win, but- it's truly an anomaly.

We haven't won yet, all right?
But maybe this is our time.

I mean, yeah. It is gonna happen.
Watch out!

Yeah. I'm gonna slit throats.
Nice.

Ack! I love this game!

I want in! Okay, I want to be
Mac: and Charlie's partner.

That seems fair to me, and
I'll say why. Mm-hmm.

Because, you see, Frank's
mind is still fairly strong,

but his body's very, very
weak, so I think it's a wash.

- And his spirit's garbage, so I'm
okay with it too. - [ Dennis] Right.

Hang on. You can't just jump on our team.
Let us talk about this.

- All right, first of all, we got
a team photo, right? - Yeah.

We're gonna have to decide, do we get a
new team photo with or without you'?

Plus, we have a whole new strategy
to come up with, you know.

Our strategy has never worked.
And I hate the team photo.

Okay. You know what? Just join our team.
You're on the team.

[Shouting, Cheering ]

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.

Yes, and the Golden Geese...

are very much looking forward
to another annihilation.

Yes, we are. Now, in the
spirit of tradition,

I would like to propose that we
begin the ritual of sportsmanship.

Good luck to you, sir.
And you, sir.

I do hope you have a good game, miss.
And you, sir.

Why the hell are youse
talkin' like that?

Well, this is an important
part of the process, Frank.

Gives the illusion of
respect for your opponent.

Things are about to get real
dark, real quick, Frank.

- It's nice to start off on a
positive note. - Oh, that reminds me.

Once the game officially begins, you
are not allowed to ask any questions.

Yes! In fact, if you do,
don't say a question.

Look it up in the book
of rules, okay?

[ Laughing ]
Jesus Christ!

Oh, I think I understand.

No, you haven't begun to understand,
Frank, but that's okay.

You'll get it as we go along,
like every other board game.

Dee, how much time?
Uh, 10 seconds.

Ah! Perfect!
Okay, gentlemen.

Suck my dick.

[All Shouting, Whooping ]

What the shit
are you doing?

Goddamn it, Frank.

You asked a question.
Goddamn it.

Frank, Mac, Charlie-
drink for five seconds.

Yeah, drink, drink, drink!

This is how we get psyched
up before each level.

Yeah, that's
our Maori war dance.

It's how we demonstrate
intimidation.

Shows off
our physical prowess!

All right, Dee, put two more
minutes on the clock. Let's go.

[ Chuckling ]
Gentlemen,

level one begins.

[Bell Dings]

Okay, first card is trivia.

Okay, Dee, answer this question
correctly, we get the card.

If not, they get a chance to steal.
Yes.

What is the greatest band in the world?
Chumbavvamba.

- [Both Groan ]
- Correct! Nice!

Whoa! That's not trivia.
That d0esn't make sense.

We made up all these questions, so
there's gonna be a lot of opinion.

It's more of a memory game
than anything else. But drink.

Drink, bitch.
Let's go.

All right, whatever. Our turn. Our turn.
Here we go. Ready, Charlie?

[ Together ] No puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles-

Trivia!
Trivia!

I can do trivia, baby.

Oh, dude, and you definitely
wrote this one. Nice.

Lay it on me!
Lay it on me!

Question: “Dennis is asshole.
Why Charlie hate?”

- [ Dennis Whispering ] I know this.
- [ Murmuring]

[ Dennis Whispers ]
[ Timer Ticking ]

I don't think I wrote that.

You definitely
wrote this one, Charlie.

Who else
would have written this?

Uh, I'm not remembering that.

Oh, my God. I don't
think I wrote that one.

Of course you did! How many
other illiterates are in the-

Just throw out a guess.

Pass.
No!

You pass?
Pass?

No, he didn't pass.
He didn't pass.

Just throw out a guess.
Any guess, come on.

Pass.
Son of a bitch!

I can't think of one.
All right, chance to steal.

Oh! Because Dennis
is a bastard, man.

[Laughs]
That's what it is.

I definitely wrote that.
That was it, right?

Yeah! Two cards. Two cards.
Two cards.

I was mad at you about something.
I wrote that.

Doesn't matter.
Next card is Artistry.

- And it's an all play, so pay
attention, guys. - All play. All play.

“The artist from your team...

must draw the clue from the
card on your teammate's back.

The teammate must guess the
clue based solely on feel.”

You ready? I'm going to pass
the card over to the drawer.

I draw. Yeah, I don't
want to have to read it.

Oh, this is hard.

All right, ready?

And... you guys ready?
Yeah.

Begin!
GO; g0, go, go,

Hey, go! Uh, uh, bird?
[ Chattering ]

I'm not getting it, dude. it's impossible
to draw. I don't know how to dr-

Jesus,yourback is so bony and
crooked and all over the place,

I can't get a flat surface.
Anger!

Let me have it.
Let Frank go.

Oh, if only
the answer was ribs.

Go, go. Frank, give me the-
Kicking.

- [Bell Dings] - He got it.
He got it!

Kicking.

[ Laughing, Shouting ]

I forgot about your stupid, strange
connection with each other.

We get the card.

Drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink.

No puzzles, no puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles.

Chance! Chance.

This is a great one. We stole
this straight from Monopoly.

It could be good.
it could be bad.

Mm-hmm.
That's the chance.

- [Frank] Got it.
- Oh! It's like the best one.

“Take the money
from everyone's pockets.”

That's, like, the best one.
Shit.

Foo-foo, fork over, foo-foo.

[ Dee ] That's the
best card there is.

Frank, I don't know what you're so
excited for. Give me your money.

What? I'm on your team.

Frank, the card says, “Take the
money from everyone's pockets.”

Everyone.
You are everyone.

Charlie gave up his 5C) cents.
I got $500 in my pocket.

I'm not putting my money on the table.
You gotta do it, dude.

Give it to me.
That's the game.

Let me see that card. No. If
you're gonna play the game-

Let me see that card.
Let him see the card.

Let me see the card.
Show him the card.

“Swallow this card whole.”
Oh!

Cheating! Cheating!
That's cheating.

You've been caughtcheafing.
Time's stopped.

[ Bell Dings] You've
been caughtcheafing.

- We're on the same team. - Look, Frank,
cheating is tolerated. it's accepted.

It's like a big part
of the game,

but if you get caughtcheafing,
they advance to the next level.

[Groans]
You ruined my scheme.

In his defense, you were
trying to steal his money.

It was not the time to cheat, dude.
[ Dennis ] Enjoy that.

- Only one card down.
- Yeah, well, it's too late now.

What's done is done, so-
Uh-oh.

[Both Squawking]

[ Together] Yeah,
yeah, yeah,yeah,yeah,

yeah,Yeah,yeah
Yeah,yeah! '

To the game of games! Yes, Frank, good.
You're getting it.

- Very civil. - Can questions
now I ask that clock stop-ed'?

Okay, just 'cause you jumble up the
words doesn't make it not a question,

but the answer is yes.

When the clock is stopped, all
rules are off and civility reigns.

They advance. Do we?

Ah. Yes. I'll explain it to you, Frank.
It can get a little confusing.

They are now in level two.

Which means they need only two
cards to advance to level three.

We are still in level one.

It's a goddamn mind-boggier. Yeah,
I've never really understood it.

But the point is, if Mads
telling you what to do, listen.

Okay.

Now at level two,
there is no more cursing.

Oh, yeah.
Big-time level two rule.

Where we at here?
Where we at?

All right.
Oh, gentlemen, it's time.

Oh, is it?
Kick it!

[ Shouting ]

You flinch, you lose.
Here we go.

- [ Sighs] Didn't wince. all right.
- Nothing. Not even a-

All right.
[ Grunts ]

[Mac] Oh! [ Charlie
] Aw, come on.

Nothing.

The problem is, his hands
are like- So tiny.

If Dee had gotten this, we could have
just- Obliterated those giant paws.

I'm gonna put it right in the
center of his hand. Do it. Do it.

- [Charlie Groans] - [
Mac] Cheese and Crepes!

All right, hit him, hit him!

- [ Charlie ] Dadgumit!
- Let me have a go at it.

Yeah.
Yeah, here.

- [ Grunts]
- [ Charlie, Mac Shouting ]

Nice!
Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Cheese and crepes.
Son of a gun.

Cheese and crepes!

Dee,

we'll be taking this card.

Cheese and crow. All right, it's our turn.
Let's go get the cards.

[ Together ] No, puzzles, no,
puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles,

no puzzles, no puzzles, no
puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles,

no puzzles, no-
Chance.

[Groans]
Okay, all right.

Okay, could be good.
Could be bad.

“Go to jail. Do not pass Go.
Do not collect $200.”

[ Mac]
Sand of a bunch.

All right, we take our pieces,
we put 'em in jail.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Frank, see, you don't get it.

There's no jail on the board,
so you go in there.

You gotta be kidding me.
Mm-mmm.

No, jail's a dog kennel.

You can get out, but
you're not gonna like how.

You gotta eat a cake.

That's sounds good.
it's not.

You have to eat
the ingredients of a cake.

Aw, shit.
One, by one-

- Oh!
- Oh! Stop the clock!

Dude!
You cursed!

Aw! I hate this game.
I hate this game.

All right, all right, all right.
We drink for five seconds.

No, you're not getting it. In
level two, the other team counts.

[ Chuckling ]

Foun

five.

[Dennis Laughing]

[Charlie Coughing ]
[ Mac, Frank Groaning ]

Awful.

No more cursing.
No more cursing.

Get in jail. Let's go.

You might want to brush up on some of these
rules while you're in there too, pal.

That's a good idea. Let him
read the rule book. Yeah.

All right, our turn.

Ooh, all play.

“Physical challenge:
The Grape Gobble.”

Oh, nice! Grape
Gobble's my thing, man.

Charlie's favorite board game?
Hungry Hungry Hippos.

[Distorted]
Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Ready, set, go.

[ Dennis] Go, go, go. Go, Charlie.
Go, Charlie.

Put my cage on the bar
so I can see.

Shut up,dog.

Gobble, gobble, come on.

Come on, Dee. Go, go, go.
And time.

Ho! Ho!
That's time.

Oh, no. it's only five.
I only got five.

Oh, sheets! Bed sheets! Yeah!

You definitely got more than five.
Yeah, yeah! I ate, like, 12!

Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
You're not supposed to eat them.

Th-The rule is you're sup-
You're not supposed to eat them.

There's no way we can tell
how many you- [ Groans ]

We win the level.
We get the card!

We're on level three.
Level three now.

Wait, they're still inside me!
I can get them out!

Doesn't matter!
Doesn't matter.

[Both Squawking]

Golden Geese!
Golden Geese!

Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah,
yeah,yeah,yeah!

We move on to level three!

I hate this game! I hate this game!
[ Screeching ]

Oh, I know this game.

Board flipping. Cheating.

[ Shouting ]

[ Slurring ] I'm so sick
from that cake stuff.

You shouldn't have even eaten it, 'c:ause
the game's gonna be over in a second.

They're gonna kill us. Hold on a second.
I got a plan.

When I was in the cage,
I had the book.

Save it, Frank. There's no
way we can beat them, okay?

They are tailor-made
for level three.

Last time we played,
Dee got “Emotional Battery.”

We berated that bitch for,
like, two straight hours.

I mean, really personal stuff.
Way over the line.

The kind of stuff that cuts you
to the core, you know?

She held it together
without a single tear.

Dude, when her two minutes were up,
she cried for a month straight.

Yeah, it was really sad. Every
clay, crying all day long.

She talked about
taking too many pills.

I think
she tried to kill herself.

She did, she did. I saw it, but
I didn't tell you about it.

[ Slurring ] Are you bitches
ready for round three?

[ Slurring ] 'Cause you're
going down, clowns.

[ Shouting ]

- Dennis, I want to tell you something.
- Yeah?

I hope I get “Emotional
Battery” this time from them,

because this is why-

You guys, you always
emotional batter me.

And I'm gonna- I'm fine with it.
I don't care about it.

I'm getting good at it now.

So that's something
that I hope for this game.

Okay.
Let me help you with that.

Oh, Frank.

- Frank, come on!
- Okay, so I broke another rule.

- [ Dennis] Oh, you did?
- Don't rat us out if it's a rule!

Probably not a rule.
Let's keep playing.

It probably is a rule.
I don't think it's a rule.

Rule 463: “When a player
spills his or her drink,

his or her team has to chug
the opponents' drinks.”

- [ Dennis Laughs] - [ Mac] You are
a terrible, terrible teammate.

I don't want to chug hard alcohol
on top of all this wine.

It's like- No, that's okay.
You don't have to do it.

You don't have to, because
you guys are in level one.

You can't even drink
hard alcohol anyway.

They're trying to trick us,
'cause then we'll not drink it,

and it'll be a rule
that we had to drink it.

No, no, it's fine.
No tricking us.

We're playing the game.
We're playing the game.

It's Chardee MacDennis.

This tastes like water.

This is water.

Aha! I knew it!

- Well-
- I knew it was water.

When he threw his beer in
my face, I could taste it.

[ Distorted ]
Shut up, dog!

- Cheaters!
- Yeah, cheaters.

You've been cheating!
We caught you cheating!

Eff you in the “A”! Eff you in the “A”!
Eff you in the “A”!

Congratulations, all right?
Fudge on crackers, all right?

Mr. Falconing sons of birds.

Motherfathers,
you've caught us cheating...

for the first time in,
like, 18 games.

If the team ahead
gets caught cheating,

then the team behind jumps
to their level, which means-

Level three!
Level three!

Level three!
[ Laughing ]

Okay. We've never been
to level three before.

I'm going to level three! I'll see you
in level three! Yep, yep, yep, yep»

♪ We're going to level three We are
the team going to level three ♪

[Alarm Clock Rings ]

- That was the buzzer.
- Oh.

The timer's
never gone off before.

So what
does that mean?

Wait, look that up, because you guys
always win before the timer goes off.

It means we have to draw...
the black card.

I don't remember a black card.
There's a black card'?

I don't remember a black
card at all.

Black. Guys, this could be
some dark shit right here.

Here it is. This is gonna
be a battle to the death.

Ooh! Oh, that's scary.
All right, read it.

- Open it, open it, open it, open it!
- Brace yourself.

Get ready.
Here I go.

Huh? What do we-
I don't know.

Why-
I don't know.

“In the event of a tie,
a winner must be chosen.

There can be only one.

And so it comes to this:

Flip... a... coin.”

Flip a goddamn coin?
That's what we came up with?

Flip a coin.
That's lame as shit.

Oh, now I remember.

When we were writing the rules, at one point,
we just got really bored, and we phoned it in.

- That is so lame!
- No, it's awesome.

Think about this, Mac. They can't
out-cheat us, they can't outsmart us.

This isn't about, like, physical
endurance or anything like that.

This is just up to the gods
right now, Mac!

And there's a 50-50 chance we're
winning this whole thing, right now.

- No.
- Tails never fails.

Tails never fails!
Tails never fails.

Frank, we're taking tails!

All right, all right, just flip the coin.
All right.

[ Charlie, Mac] Flip that coin.
Flip that coin!

Flip that coin!

[ Distorted Voices]
Flip that coin!

Flip that coin!

[ Both Grunting ] [ Dee ] Yes!

'Yeah,yeah,yeah, yeah,yeah,yeah!
'Yeah,yeah,yeah!

[ Chuckles ]

Ah! That felt good.
Losers.

[Laughing]

[ Voices Speaking Backwards]

English - US - PSDH