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1
00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:07,164
[ Dennis ] Hey, guys, why are
the urinals filled with rocks?
2
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,163
[ Charlie ] Oh, bause I put
a bunch of rocks in them.
3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,720
Oh. Okay, why?
4
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,565
Well, you know how they were broken,
so I was, like, filling them with ioe?
5
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,689
Now the ice machine's broken, so I'm
just filling 'em up with rocks.
6
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,728
You know that doesn't
make any sense, right?
7
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,564
Replacing the ice with rocks?
8
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,085
The ice actually
served a purpose, Cha-
9
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:24,844
Oh! Oh, God!
10
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,530
Oh, something just dripped
in my mouth!
11
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,125
Yeah. Ceiling is leaking.
12
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,443
Oh, that's gross.
What'd it taste like?
13
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,887
Whafd it taste like? Who gives a
shit what it tasted like, Frank?
14
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,450
Dude, what the hell?
15
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,045
You have been docking
our paychecks lately...
16
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,248
so that you could pay
for shit like this around the bar.
17
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,049
- Why is nothing fixed?
- Yeah, by the way,
18
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,407
I never agreed to let you
dock my paycheck.
19
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,801
That seems like something we should
all vote on. [ Vehicle Approaching ]
20
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,684
[ Horn Beeps ] It costs
money to run this place...
21
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,205
and keep it neat-
22
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,930
Hey, oh!
23
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,082
What's up, bitches?
24
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,810
What the shit is this?
25
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,167
New scooter.
My surrogate money came in.
26
00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,129
Thirty G's, babies.
27
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,929
- Oh, sweet. Where's our cut?
- Your cut?
28
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,729
Whoa! Hey, Mac makes
a really good point.
29
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,007
Yeah, we worked our asses off
on that baby scheme of yours.
30
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,844
Give us part of the money
that you made.
31
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,566
What the hell are you talking about?
You did nothing for nine months.
32
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,803
Get out! You couldn't have pulled
something like that off without us.
33
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,882
Yeah, they drove you to the
hospital, they picked you up-
34
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,724
I was there, I recall.
35
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,770
Okay, I made all the contacts.
I pushed that little monkey out,
36
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,411
and now I'm going to be
claiming him as a dependent...
37
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,642
and getting tax breaks
for the next 18 years.
38
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,566
So you talk about a scheme? How's
that for a long-term scheme, bitches?
39
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,768
Uh, you guys all better eat a dick,
40
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,561
'cause Sweet Dee beat the system.
[Chuckles]
41
00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,330
[ Knocking ]
42
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,003
Ooh! No, no, no. Lady, sorry.
43
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,605
Get out.
[Laughs]
44
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,170
Whatever god you're selling,
I ain't buying it.
45
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,084
Miss Reynolds, I'm with the l.R.S.
46
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,730
We've been trying to contact you
for months.
47
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,529
Have you not received
any of our letters?
48
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,682
Letters? What is it, 1986?
49
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,967
[ Chuckling ] I don't do letters, lady.
I'm all digital.
50
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,724
Well, if you had
opened up the letters,
51
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,280
you would understand
that you're being audited.
52
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:22,964
Audited? Why?
What are you talking about?
53
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,082
I'm not scamming the government,
if that's what you're saying.
54
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,640
Your license plate says “SCAMMIN'.”
55
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,166
Uh, no.
56
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,730
What do you mean, no?
57
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,406
Yes.
58
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:40,204
Okay. I want to talk to you about
this dependent that you're claiming-
59
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,965
this, uh, Barnabas Reynolds.
60
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,247
Yes, I would love that.
61
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:46,845
I would love that-
[ Engine Starts]
62
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,400
Because I love to talk
about little Barney. I do.
63
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,091
But now's not a great time.
You know what I mean?
64
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,686
Because I-l left him in the car-
65
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,330
with the window down,
of course.
66
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,528
[Chuckles]
It's hot. it's hot, isn't it?
67
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,523
Well, is there a better time?
68
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,602
Would 3:00 work?
69
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,011
[ Revving ]
3:00 sounds great.
70
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,248
I can't wait for 3:00.
71
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,361
Hey, Frank. We need to talk.
72
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,681
We don't want you making any major
bar decisions alone anymore,
73
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,444
because you're sleazy
and we don't trust you.
74
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,524
Yeah, we want to vote on things now, okay?
We want a democracy.
75
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,523
[ Cackles ]
Well, that ain't gonna work.
76
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,410
Because you guys get really
emotional about everything.
77
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,370
You'll start arguing about shit,
and nothing will get done.
78
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,408
We know we're emotional people,
and we've discussed that.
79
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,010
We think we have a solution.
80
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,730
We're going to have
a daily meeting...
81
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,564
where we will discuss
all bar matters.
82
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,961
Emotion will be suppressed,
and reason will prevail.
83
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,804
[ Together]
Reason will prevail!
84
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,486
Yeah, we decided also that we
would say “reason will prevail,”
85
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,887
every time someone says- [
Together] Reason will prevail!
86
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,485
You don't have to say it
right now...
87
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,244
because I'm just explaining to
Frank that reason will prevail.
88
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,931
Reason will prevail! Again, you
don't have to say it right now.
89
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,731
If we're going to say it, we're gonna say
it every time. If you made up the rule-
90
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,365
[ Chattering ]
Hold it, hold it.
91
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,125
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I like this.
92
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,281
You do?
Yeah.
93
00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:59,930
We should definitely do this...
94
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,571
to make everything fair,
everything aboveboard.
95
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,404
Let's go do it in there.
Come on.
96
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,131
[Pounding] The first meeting
of Paddy's Congress...
97
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,362
shall commence henceforth.
98
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,010
[Laughs]
Oh, first order of business.
99
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,088
Yeah? Let's talk about how
Frank handles the money.
100
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,804
Yes. Money, money, money,
money, money, money.
101
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,962
Oh, whoa, whoa. I know we
gotta talk about the money,
102
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,361
but there are other issues
that are pressing too.
103
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,410
- Like what, dude? - Like one that
comes to mind is the dead dog.
104
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,811
What dead dog?
105
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,042
The dead dog in the alley.
It's been there for about a week.
106
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,766
Yeah, and we decided that Charlie
was gonna throw it in the trash.
107
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,729
No, you decided that.
We never got a vote.
108
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,290
If Mac and I got
to vote on that,
109
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,931
we would have voted to, like, you
know, have a proper dog burial.
110
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,446
That's a waste of time
and resources.
111
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,602
Okay. Well, hold on
a second there, Frank.
112
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,047
Let's put our new process
into action.
113
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,726
I think the guys should have an
opportunity to state their case...
114
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,882
in a rational
and unemotional way.
115
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,530
Guys, you have the floor.
116
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,728
Yeah.
All right, sure. Easy. Yeah.
117
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,290
Yeah, all right. No problem.
Okay.
118
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,850
Uh, okay.
119
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,207
Sometimes dogs die.
120
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,401
Right! Um-
121
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,528
Dogs, uh.
122
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,525
Die from cars sometimes,
sometimes not.
123
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,364
There's also disease.
124
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,525
There's also disease
in America and abroad.
125
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,124
Many dogs”
126
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,721
Goddamn it! I don't know
how to express myself...
127
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,450
unless through anger
and personal attack!
128
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,608
I'm getting upset because I'm not
saying it right! All right, guys.
129
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,644
I want a dog funeral!
Guys, calm down.
130
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,003
I'm going to step in here, and I'm gonna
speak for you for a moment, if I may.
131
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,004
I don't think it's a good idea for us
to spend all of our hard-earned cash...
132
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,765
on some ornate display
for the disposal...
133
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:36,808
of what amounts
to an animal carcass,
134
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,531
an animal
that we never knew...
135
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,364
or had a relationship with.
136
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,683
I'm gonna go ahead and say that I think
we should just throw it in a Dumpster.
137
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,723
No. Come on! But, but, but-
138
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,689
We'll have a candle on site.
We'll light it.
139
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,809
We'll have a boom box there, and
you guys can say a few words.
140
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,962
Huh.
141
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,889
I don't love it.
Me neither.
142
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,049
But that dog is turning into
hot soup out there in the sun.
143
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,041
Okay.
144
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,248
- Frank?
- Fine.
145
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,328
Okay!
Hey! It works.
146
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,131
See, Frank? We can get through these
issues and be unemotional about it.
147
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,282
That's one issue off the docket
right there. Next issue-
148
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,050
Let's talk about the money.
Money!
149
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,884
Oh, yes, we're gonna
talk about the money,
150
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,169
but we have a list of things on the
docket here that we gotta check off,
151
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,208
and if we're gonna do it right,
we're gonna do it right.
152
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:22,409
And the next thing on the list
is limes and how we slice them.
153
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,891
Thick or thin?
154
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,048
Let's talk about the limes, guys.
We'll keep emotion out of it.
155
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,288
Reason will prevail. [
Together] Reason will prevail.
156
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,089
I think the limes
should be cut a bit thinner.
157
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,804
What the hell?
Thin limes?
158
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,451
People will choke!
People will die!
159
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,562
Calm dow- Charlie, Charlie,
take emotion out of it.
160
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:40,008
Charlie's got a point! One of the
cornerstones of Paddy's Pub is thick limes.
161
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,411
Yeah! Don't tell me-
162
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,767
I'm gonna put my thumb through
your eye, you little bitch!
163
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,723
No,no,no.Shh.
Stay calm, stay-
164
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,808
Hey, hey, hey, look at me.
Look at me, eh?
165
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,042
Stay calm with me, okay?
Be unemotional.
166
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,805
Let's-Let's be democratic.
167
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,764
Let's put this thing to a vote.
A vote?
168
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,491
A vote solves everything
in a democracy, does it not?
169
00:06:58,560 --> 00:06:59,925
[ Mac ] Yes. So,
170
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,321
all for thinner limes,
raise your hands.
171
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,801
And all for thicker limes,
raise your hands.
172
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,611
Now there you go.
That's a democracy in action.
173
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,809
That's two votes
against two votes.
174
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,885
A perfect example
of when democracy has failed.
175
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,050
[ No Audible Dialogue]
176
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,285
[ Mac]
Good news, Dee!
177
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,885
We have decided to occasionally
let you vote...
178
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,440
on some pressing matters
in the bar, as we see fit.
179
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,921
- What? - Where do you land
on thick limes or thin limes?
180
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,650
And try and keep your emotions
out of it,
181
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,326
- even though people could choke and die.
- What are you talking about?
182
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,050
What's- What's going on in here?
183
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,764
Are you having another baby?
No! No.
184
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,285
It's fine, okay?
I have it all under control.
185
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,721
[ Stammering ]
I'm getting audited.
186
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,564
Audited? Oh, she's screwed.
187
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,364
That's a tax thing?
I'm not screwed.
188
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,363
I got it all under control.
I've got a handle on it.
189
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,488
I just gotta find a baby
by 3:00 in the afternoon.
190
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,251
Just get out. Just get out now.
[Mac] Hmm!
191
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,800
A vote for thin limes would get me
out of your apartment.
192
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,803
Better yet, a vote for thick limes-
193
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,685
I'll throw myself full force
into this little baby caper of yours.
194
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,320
I don't need your help.
Look, Dee, you need our help.
195
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,323
We need your help.
Let's work something out here.
196
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,284
I don't know which stance you're gonna do,
and I wanna do it. Stop standing like me.
197
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,409
Okay, yeah. Let's help each
other out, okay? lgotanidea.
198
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,370
You guys go magically find me a
baby by 3:00 in the afternoon,
199
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,250
and then I'll- I'll help you
out with your lime problem.
200
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,651
Okay.
Yeah.
201
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,131
What?
202
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,561
We can get you a baby. Yeah, you
want, we'll get you a baby.
203
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,967
No magic required.
How many babies you need?
204
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,606
Just the one baby.
How long? Couple hours?
205
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,688
3:00 this afternoon.
No, no. How long you need it for?
206
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,804
You want it for life or you-
Just a short-time baby.
207
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:42,163
Easy. Oh, my God, you guys,
this is so exciting.
208
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,766
Oh, this is amazing. You have no
idea how much you're helping me.
209
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:49,846
Okay, let's see. Um-
All right, I tell you what.
210
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,082
Here's how to handle
your lime situation.
211
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:54,523
It has been decided.
212
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,807
We are now the Pickle Party-
[Laughs]
213
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,644
And Dee has joined us.
214
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,690
We are going to vote for pickles
in the bar instead of limes.
215
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,848
What are you talking about?
It doesn't matter.
216
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,890
The point is, our three votes
will always beat your two.
217
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,566
We win, dude.
Give me a beer with a pickle in it.
218
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,530
Well, what happens when you
three disagree with each other?
219
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,080
We're not going to disagree. That
is the point of the Pickle Party.
220
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,884
We're very aligned
on these issues.
221
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,450
You can't just start
your own party.
222
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,085
You got to talk to people-
[Charlie] Yes, you can.
223
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,288
If you're not as educated
or as informed,
224
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,045
what you do is you start your own
party and you yell the loudest.
225
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,406
We want attention!
226
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,562
O-O-Okay.
All right. Yeah, sure.
227
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,881
No, you're the Pickle Party.
Great.
228
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,088
Okay, so let's just accept that
and move on.
229
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,889
Yes, Frank, move on.
230
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,169
- Reason will prevail.
- [Together] Pickles will prevail!
231
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,362
Okay, well, the next issue
on our list...
232
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:46,606
should be a pretty easy one for
the Pickle Party to agree on.
233
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,921
“A crucifix in the bar.”
234
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,401
Ah! You are right.
This is an easy one.
235
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,569
Why wouldn't we have a crucifix in the bar?
'Cause we're a bar.
236
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:58,924
W- Right, but We're an Irish Catholic bar.
We're an Irish bar.
237
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,525
Yeah, Irish Catholic bar,
238
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,204
and therefore
a giant wooden crucifix...
239
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,845
is a celebration of our heritage.
Giant?
240
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,884
Yeah. How big of a
crucifix do you want?
241
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,970
Big. It should be the centerpiece
of the whole room.
242
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,690
I mean, it should dominate
every conversation.
243
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,605
That's gonna be terrifying.
it should be terrifying.
244
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,250
That's how you know
God loves you, Charlie.
245
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,687
I don't want a giant, bloody man...
246
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,411
in the bar scaring the customers,
and most importantly, me!
247
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,124
You see that, Frank?
I saw it.
248
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,362
[Laughs]
I just played them like a fiddle.
249
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,602
- A goddamn fiddle.
- What do you want?
250
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,569
I want in on the action.
251
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:33,201
Whatever it is that you got going on
around here, I want a piece of it.
252
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,129
Okay? You see, Frank,
253
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,090
you might not know this,
but you need me.
254
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,322
People don't trust you, Frank.
255
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,890
You're a piece of shit...
256
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,567
and you're ugly and you ooze
sleaze and you're very, very ugly.
257
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,529
All right, I'm gonna
make you my puppet.
258
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,609
Right here.
Puppet
259
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,206
Look, I've been cooking
the books in the bar for years.
260
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,642
I freaking knew it. All kinds of
avenues and shell corporations.
261
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,364
It's all fake,
and it's all in here.
262
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,482
Let me see.
Check it out. Right there.
263
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,369
Oh, man. Holy shit.
264
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,727
What-What is this one?
“Wolf Cola”?
265
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:05,966
Wolf Cola.
Mm-hmm.
266
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,520
That's a bogus soda distributor.
I made it up.
267
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,688
[Laughs]
Yeah, it's fake!
268
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:15,322
The whole idea is, the more corporations
that you can plant offshore-
269
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,647
Right. the more money
you can rake in.
270
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,768
Da-da-da! I don't care about
any of these details,
271
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,524
but I like these figures
I'm seeing.
272
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,170
I'll be the puppet
and do my dance,
273
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,844
and you can keep
the goddamn details to yourself.
274
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,763
Uh!
275
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,286
[ Whispering ] I don't think I
hear any arguing out there.
276
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,608
So we can have the crucifix,
277
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:36,480
but it needs to be
in the back of the bar.
278
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,324
See, I can live with that.
279
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,640
That's a compromise
right there, man.
280
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,046
[ Mac Laughs] [
Charlie ] All right!
281
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,451
Pickle Party compromise!
282
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,727
Huh, huh, huh!
Tasteful Crucifix party.
283
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,087
Hey, hey, hey! All right!
284
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,685
Sounds like you guys
came to a compromise.
285
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,411
That's great. We cross the
crucifix issue off the list.
286
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,010
One quick question
before I do though.
287
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,923
How bloody
is this guy gonna be?
288
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,565
Not bloody at all.
Very bloody.
289
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,086
- What?
- He's gotta be drenched in blood.
290
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,730
I mean, covered in blood.
291
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,081
Why?
That's the whole point.
292
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,483
You need to see the wounds of Christ.
Oh, my God, dude.
293
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,040
It's bad enough I'm gonna let you put
the stupid cross up in the first place.
294
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,771
Stupid cross? You son of a
bitch, I knew it! I knew it!
295
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,490
[ Mac, Charlie Shouting ]
296
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,968
It's a massacre! I don't
want to look at a massacre!
297
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,849
So, according to our records,
298
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:29,245
you are claiming a dependent for which
you have no official documentation.
299
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,607
[Sniffs]
300
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:32,841
Yes?
301
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,689
Mmm.
302
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:41,730
Are you okay?
You're sweating profusely.
303
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,241
Oh, no. Yes. Yes.
304
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,529
I, um- I'm just very worried.
305
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,443
You know, the babysitters...
306
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,967
were supposed to bring the
baby back by 3:00, and,uh-
307
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,442
Where are you?
Where are you guys?
308
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:58,971
I understand.
[ Door Opens ]
309
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,809
Crying baby! Crying baby
herd [ Baby Crying 1
310
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,882
There's my sweet baby.
Excuse me, won't you?
311
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,247
Come on. Let's go.
312
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:09,041
You guys! You've got a baby.
Where did you find a baby?
313
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,122
Oh, you guys, I love you so much.
Where did you-
314
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,522
- [ Crying Continues ] - Okay, Dee, which
crucifix do you find more tasteful?
315
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,922
Are out of your goddamn minds?
What is this? Where's the baby?
316
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,243
Do you wanna add kidnapping on top of all
the other shit you got going on right now'?
317
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,203
We had a plan.
We had a plan.
318
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,527
She's totally buying it, okay?
Come on. Make a decision.
319
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,967
Yeah, but for how long?
She could be out there for hours,
320
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,407
and I have to produce
a real baby!
321
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,130
Stop thinking
about your problems,
322
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,288
and start thinking about our problems.
[ Growls ]
323
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,362
You know, calm-
Calm down. Calm down.
324
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,482
You are so emotional right now.
And so wet too.
325
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,085
Oh, my God, I'm gonna kill you.
326
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,083
Okay, just shut up for a second.
Let me think.
327
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,844
All right, yes. Go to the bar.
328
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,730
That'll get me out of here and buy me
some time to get this bitch off my balls.
329
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,404
[ Door Opens ] [ Charlie ] Bye!
330
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,960
Very, very sick baby.
Very sick baby!
331
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,804
It's so sad when
they don't feel well, isn't it?
332
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,360
Lock up, won't you, on your way out'?
And let's definitely reschedule.
333
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,926
Let's do. Shh!
334
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,687
[ Dennis ] Hey, yeah, so I
was thinking about my title.
335
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,651
Because I think it should be Vice
President of Worldwide Distribution.
336
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,324
But you don't need a title.
337
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,449
What I need you to do for the next three
weeks is deflect Mac and Charlie.
338
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,046
That's easy. I can do that, Frank.
That's what I'm good at.
339
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,565
But I am gonna need
a business card,
340
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,642
'cause I want to be able
to hand that shit to people...
341
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,688
so they know
that I am in a place of power.
342
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:24,202
It's not important.
it's important to me, Frank!
343
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,647
And I know that what's important
to you is money and power,
344
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,207
but I don't want real power, because with
real power comes real responsibility,
345
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,203
and I don't want
any of that shit.
346
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:36,569
I just want the money
and the illusion of power.
347
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,051
And puss.
348
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,846
What? Hell, I don't know, Frank.
I don't know, man.
349
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,241
What? Tell me. Tell me.
350
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,727
I need something.
351
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,484
I mean, I got this, uh-
352
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,648
this giant gaping hole inside me.
353
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,888
Oh.
And I'm-
354
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,362
I'm always trying to fill it...
with something.
355
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,361
[Sighs] I like to call
it my, uh- my God hole.
356
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,448
And I think a lot of
people in this world, Oh.
357
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,046
They-they fill it with religion.
358
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,770
But I don't believe in God.
359
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,365
But you want to fill it with pussy.
360
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,965
[ Door Opens]
Yeah.
361
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,771
- [ Charlie ] Yo!
- Hey, Dennis and Frank, you here?
362
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,604
Yeah, oh, oh! Good.
363
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,762
Guys, we gotta help Dee
with her tax audit situation.
364
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,729
So, Dennis, please,
if you could take the floor.
365
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,770
W-Wait, wait.
What tax audit situation?
366
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,207
Oh, right. Okay, so Dee's baby
scheme blew up in her face,
367
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:27,765
and now she's getting audited.
368
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,127
Deandra, did you tell the I.R.S.
you work here?
369
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,642
- Of course I did. - We can't have
the I.R.S. looking around our books.
370
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,848
- Why? What's wrong with our books?
- Let me step in here.
371
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,490
Um, I think what
you're trying to say...
372
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,484
is that the I.R.S. poking around our
bar business is no good for anyone.
373
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,847
Look, it's gonna be
best for all of us...
374
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,042
to get the l.R.S.
off of Dee's back.
375
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,565
Okay.
376
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,689
So, as the only rational
and emotionless person here,
377
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,609
I'm gonna tell you guys
what we need to do.
378
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,805
See, you've all been trying to convince
the I.R.S. that Dee's baby is alive.
379
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,484
What you really need
to be doing...
380
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,968
is convincing the l.R.S.
that Dee's baby...
381
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,690
is dead.
382
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,850
♪♪ [ Bagpipes: “Amazing Grace” ]
383
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,968
This is dark.
384
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,447
Darkest thing we've ever done.
Mm-hmm.
385
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,050
Uh, hello.
386
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,811
I'm looking for Dee Reynolds.
Yes.
387
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,611
Won't you have a seat please?
What's going on?
388
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,042
Baby croaked.
Oh, uh, yes.
389
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,282
Oh- Oh, my God.
390
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,165
[ Sighs ] This is insane, right?
Mm-hmm.
391
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,844
I mean, this definitely feels...
392
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,122
like emotion trumping
reason, correct? Yep.
393
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,690
Also, dude, I'm sorry,
394
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,683
but is this the size
you had in mind?
395
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,205
[ Mac Sighs]
Yes.
396
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,368
It's too big.
it's not too big.
397
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,647
You should just be happy I
didn't spray it down yet.
398
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,405
No. you're not getting any more blood.
That's it.
399
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,562
“He was my sweet angel.”
400
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,371
All right, Dee, here we go.
It's showtime. Are you ready?
401
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,762
I'm getting nervous, Dennis, 'c:ause I don't
think I can do the speech that you wrote.
402
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,407
Let me hear some of it. And this is
the thing. I can't cry on command.
403
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,164
Jesus Christ, Dee.
404
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,891
I mean, how are you planning
on becoming an actress at all?
405
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,849
You can't make people laugh,
'cause you're not funny.
406
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,649
You can't cry on command.
What can you do?
407
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,167
L-I can try harder, but it's
just that- All right, well,
408
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,369
the good news is
I anticipated this so I brought-
409
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,209
What's that?
Little bit of chili powder.
410
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,523
I'm gonna blow this directly into
your eyes, and trust me, y0u'll cry.
411
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,329
Wait. Is that safe though?
Is this-
412
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,125
Well, it's- You know, it's safe enough.
Let's give it a try, shall we'?
413
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,481
Aaah! What- No,no,no,no,no,n0!
Shh,Shh,shh.
414
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,800
Oh, Shit!
415
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,445
[Loud Groan]
Shh, shh, shh.
416
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,608
[Wailing ] Okay, listen, listen, listen.
Save it, save it!
417
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,160
We're starting. Ready? We're starting, Dee.
Break a leg.
418
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,965
♪♪ [ Bagpipes Continue]
[Frank Groans]
419
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,640
[ Frank Muttering ]
420
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,367
Son of a-
421
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,010
It's really heavy.
What did Frank put in there?
422
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,525
[Sighs]
The urinal rocks.
423
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,688
Oh. Coming in handy, huh? Yeah.
424
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,370
Oh, this is
a very sad day...
425
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,690
for the entire Paddy's Pub family.
Mm-hmm.
426
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,888
At times like this, I-
427
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,885
I like to quench my thirst
with a delicious Wolf Cola.
428
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,530
[Slurping]
429
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,682
Ahh! There's
nothing like that...
430
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,210
to wash away the sorrow.
431
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,810
Hear, hear.
432
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:15,927
That's my bit.
433
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,721
Now it's time
for the grieving mother.
434
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,490
Uh- Oh-
[Frank Grunts]
435
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,085
Hello, everyone.
436
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,571
Ah, God.
437
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,722
Thank you so much
for coming.
438
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,282
[Groans]
it's such a sad day, isn't it?
439
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,522
Oh, little Barney!
440
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,410
You were my special angel.
441
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,721
And only angels can fly.
Good God. Sorry.
442
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,882
Sob. Sob, you bitch.
443
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,691
[Sobbing ]
444
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,250
Oh, it hurts!
445
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,926
God, it hurts!
The pain inside!
446
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,002
[Groans]
God, it hurts so bad.
447
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,366
Okay, that's enough.
448
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,010
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
Okay, Dee.
449
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,923
I'm sorry, I just-
Aaah!
450
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,371
Are my eyes bleeding?
Aaah!
451
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,970
Oh, my God, is there blood?
Okay.
452
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,883
Is there blood?
You son of a bitch!
453
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,486
Wow! Heavy stuff, guys.
454
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,483
Heavy stuff.
Heavy subject matter.
455
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,642
Anyway, uh, Barney,
456
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,882
you died too young-
457
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,002
before you could walk,
458
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,323
before you could talk,
459
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:19,770
and before you had the chance to
get together the proper paperwork,
460
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,683
all that paperwork
that you need to prove-
461
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,205
Oh, thank you so much.
462
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,009
Wolf Cola, everyone.
463
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,162
It's the right cola for closure.
464
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,049
Let's talk about closure,
'cause that-
465
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,811
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah.
466
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,083
Dude, something stinks.
I know, I know.
467
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,561
Have you noticed that all we wanted
to do was talk about our money-
468
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,170
Right. and then we
kept getting pushed...
469
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,725
into talking
about other things?
470
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,280
And then when we'd leave, Frank and
Dennis became all buddy-buddy?
471
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:47,569
Yeah, there were a lot of backroom
dealings going on in here, you know?
472
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,165
What the hell is this?
473
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,810
“Dennis Reynolds,
Executive Vice President...
474
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,441
of Worldwide Distribution,
Wolf Cola.”
475
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,284
What the hell, dude?
476
00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,807
Now I'm getting pissed off, 'c:ause I think
those two are conspiring against us.
477
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,770
Let's go out there and expose these
sons of bitches for who they are.
478
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,845
And the most important thing to remember
is that this whole thing is over.
479
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,644
Right?
Dead.
480
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,803
Every single person
in this room has to move on.
481
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,486
That's excellent. Excellent, Dennis!
Thank you. Thank you.
482
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:19,645
Now we would like to pay our
respects to the dead baby.
483
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,563
And in the Christian tradition,
484
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,167
we're gonna open up the casket to take
one last look at his tiny corpse.
485
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,288
- You don't want to do that.
- What is happening?
486
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,249
This is what you get when you
mess with the Pickle Party.
487
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:33,126
Pickle Party. Prepare for your
hearts to turn to stones!
488
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,202
[ Screams ]
489
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,851
- Ugh! - [ Dennis ]
What the hell is that?
490
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,321
It's the dead dog
from the alleyway.
491
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,561
I was compromising.
492
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,768
I figured we'd give it
a proper burial.
493
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,081
Okay. Well, I'm done here.
494
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,128
[Groans]
495
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,043
Well, I'll tell you what.
496
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,407
Dee's definitely
going down in this audit.
497
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,170
I think we're all going down,
Charlie.
498
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,083
Okay, you know what?
Here-
499
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,730
Let's vote on something
once and for all.
500
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,121
Everybody in favor of Frank
not making all of the decisions...
501
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,443
in the bar anymore,
raise your hands.
502
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,646
Great, that's settled.
503
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,563
Even he's on board.
Okay.
504
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,130
And finally, all in favor...
505
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,044
of going back to the old system
of organized chaos,
506
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,929
where emotion trumps reason
every single time...
507
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,044
and we just yell at each other to get the
shit that we want, raise your hands.
508
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:20,170
Fantastic! I've got a few things I'd like
to yell about now, so we can all start.
509
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,169
You opened the casket!
My eyes!
510
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,886
My eyes!
[All Shouting ]
511
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,450
Why are your eyes bleeding?
I'll take care of you-
512
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,289
Why the hell
did you open the casket?
513
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,010
[All Shouting ]
514
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:04,090
[ Voices Speaking Backwards]
515
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:09,961
English - US - PSDH
41704
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