Original subtitles

He's wearing her gym shorts on his head.

He's strutting around the classroom.

[ Drilling ]

What are you doing? This is my bathroom too.

Gosh, I'm sorry. I guess I never learned how to share.

- Where am I supposed to go? - Well, you have a number

of choice: the woods, kitty box... your pants.

[ Laughing ]

Chett's been pulling this crap my whole life.

- I shouldn't take this. - You don't have to.

I'll take this wall... knock it down!

- I'm serious. - I-I'm serious.

- We should. - I will.

- Just knock it down. - Bang!

- One kick. - It's down.

- Stupid wall! - Stupid Chett!

[ Grunts ]

Oh, no.

- Look what I did! - What'd you do that for?

I don't know. My foot.

And then you said... and then I...

- We're dead. - You got that right, cheese bag.

[ Groans ]

Hey!

He can't reach us. Moron!

Bet you wish you had a door now.

[ Laughing ]

The door!

CHETT: Whoa. Big heavy door. I'll huff and I'll puff...

and I'll rip your freakin' heads off!

[ Drilling ]

BOTH: Lisa!

- Chett doing a little remodeling? - Chett will kill us!

- Do something! - Zap him back to before he was mad at us.

Okay. Check it out. Zap ball, corner pocket.

[ Bullet Ricocheting ]

[ Explosion ]

Chett?

WYATT: W-what did you do?

You told me to put him back to before he was mad.

At me! Before he was mad at me. Like ten minutes ago.

Hey, I'm a genie, not a mind-reader.

Shh. Shh. Shh.

It's okay... Chett.

- He smells weird. - Maybe he needs to be changed.

Okay. Into what?

You don't know much about babies, do you?

Lisa, my folks will be back in three days.

How long is he going to be like this?

Hard to say. Could be months, years...

A weekend?

It's hard to believe this cute little fellow's the same guy

who used my tongue to spread turtle wax on his jeep.

Hey, wait a minute.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Nah. His tongue's way too small.

No. We can re-raise him.

Chett's this way because of how he was raised.

If we raise him ourselves we can create a kinder, gentler Chett.

- He keeps saying "we." - I noticed that.

Come on. What do you say?

Well, let's see. How to spend my weekend?

Monster truck rally? Or potty training Chett?

- Toodles. - Oh, please, Gary.

This is my one chance to create the brother I never had.

To undo everything my parents did wrong.

Okay. But I'm not touching doody.

- Lisa? - I don't know.

I'd give me the willies.

You're pretty. I love you.

Oh...

Just a little something from your Aunt Lisa.

It says, "Kids are shaped by their environment."

So if we want a peaceful, love Chett

we can't expose him to anything scary or violent.

No news, no horror flicks... no barney video.

Here comes the choo-choo headed for the tunnel.

[ Making Crash Noises ] Oh, no! Derailed!

Oh, look. Toxic waste.

Ah! Ah! I'm melting! Ahh!

That's not funny.

He's going to lose his trust in us.

Chett... Gary didn't mean it.

Everyone on the choo-choo lived happily ever after.

- Now, say you love him. - Forget it.

- Do it. - No way. It's Chett.

Why should I be nice to him?

You have to constantly reinforce that

he's in a safe and loving environment.

I love you.

They grow like weeds, don't they?

- Can I go play? - All right.

But stay where I can keep an eye on you.

Okay, what do we have to cover?

Let's see. "Outdoor activity skill...

"group interaction, sharing nature appreciation..."

"A gallon of double fudge rocky road"?

That's for me.

Bang! Bang! You're dead, sucker!

Uh-uh. I'm invisible. You missed me.

Never, never, never play with guns...

or kids who play with guns... or kids who watch TV shows

about kids who play with guns--

awful, yicky, nasty, stinky, bad, bad guns.

Here. Have a pretty flower instead.

Bang! You're dead!

[ Chett Sighing ]

I had so much fun today, Wyatt.

Lisa, will you tell me a bedtime story?

Of course I will. How about "Hansel and Gretel"?

Ooh-hoo.

- What? - "Hansel and Gretel"?

Cannibalism? Abandonment?

- Bad idea. - "Little Red Riding Hood"?

Grandma ends up Wolf Kibble.

Let me do this.

Okay. Ready for a story?

Once upon a time there were three little pigs

- and they were all brothers. - Brothers? Like us?

Right. Just like us.

And these three little pigs built three very nice houses--

One of straw, one of sticks and one of bricks.

And one day a wolf went up to the pig's straw house

and he said... um...

he said, "That's a nice house you got there, pig.

"Let me know if you need any help moving in."

I got a truck.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Isn't there supposed to be some huffing

- and puffing in there? - Sure.

When they moved the refrigerator.

And the moral is--

Everyone even pigs and wolves, be nice.

The world is such a lovely place full of beautiful things.

Good night, Chett.

Good night, sweetie.

- Don't let the bedbugs bite. - CHETT: Bedbugs?

Wyatt? [ Crying ]

Way to go.

- LISA: Morning, Gar. - 'Morning.

What action-packed nonviolent activity

do we have planned for today?

I thought we'd take Chett to the children's museum.

He way be too big for that.

Good morning, everybody.

Isn't it a beautiful day?

Oh, shoot.

I wanted to make you breakfast.

I think I'm going to like this.

# Something tells me I'm into something good #

I never knew having a brother could be so much fun.

Brother er, Wyatt.

With a cherry on top.

I'm really glad things are working out, Wy.

You've done a great job.

- Yeah. Great. - Chett, how many cards you want?

I don't know, Gary. I got your aces and a seven.

- Sevens are lucky. - Gary... no hints.

- [ Doorbell Rings ] - You two must feel very proud.

Rocko? Chaz?

- Uh, what do you guys want? - Where's your bro?

Bravo leader calling alpha leader!

Operation booze n' flooze is moving out! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Wait. He's not here. I haven't seen him in days...

Hi, guys. Want to play crazy eights?

What's with the costume, chester? You going to church?

Nice clothes make me feel good about myself.

Wyatt says you should put creases

in your pants not your forehead.

We're wasting valuable time standing here.

We could be sitting on our butts drinking beer.

- What's so funny? - You said "butt".

Come on, let's roll.

Cut it out. You're tickling me.

I'm going to go play with these guys.

- We got to go after him. - We're underage.

[ Hearty Laughter ]

- What's that? - You got in, didn't you?

Yeah, but we look like zz top on a job tomorrow.

- He's dead. - And then the piece

said to the bartender "No, I'm a Frayed Knot."

Got it?

Frayed Knot? You're one funny guy, Chett.

I haven't heard those jokes since I was ten.

Hey, did I tell you I'm on a seafood diet?

See... food. See food.

I got to remember that one.

What do you know? He's doing great.

It's all in the parenting.

Hey, guys, look, I got another one.

Go ahead. Hit my hand.

You're okay, Chett. You make me laugh.

Come on, ladies, let's roll.

Ladies? They're not ladies.

Uh, Rolph? Aren't you forgetting something?

# Somebody needs their helmet. #

Nobody tells me how to ride my hog.

Maybe that's 'cause nobody ever cared about you

- enough to tell you. - So, what are you saying?

I'm just saying I care about you, Rolph.

You seem like a big-hearted lug that was trouble

fitting in with the world.

Well, I have been kind of a loner all my life.

You see? The Chett we raised can warm even

the hardest of hearts. That's my boy.

I love you, Rolph.

I love all of you.

Now, come on, line up for hugs!

I take it back. He's idiot.

[ Snarling ] Ooh, my spleen! [ Punches ] Ooh, that hurt!

ROLPH: This is gonna hurt you.

CHETT: Why would they...? Ow!

Sit still.

You'll rip the stitches.

But, but you said the world is a happy place

where everybody loves each other like in

the poky little puppy. A-and it is.

The world is like the poky little puppy.

Well, then, why did Rolph shove his finger in my eye?

That was the poky part.

Wyatt, conference time.

You've created frankenweenie-- a big-headed freak.

He's just outgrown his crummy old friends.

- It's a sin of maturity. - Ow-ow-ow! Blow! Blow! Blow!

Admit it. He can't function in the real world.

No. He can't function in his old world.

We just have to find him a new life.

A place where his sweet nature will be appreciated.

CHETT: Here you are, Mrs. Pepperton.

Now, remember, flowers need more than water and sunshine.

They also need your love so, treat them

as you would your children and mist them every day.

The flowers, not your kids.

Bye-bye, Mrs. Pepperton. Bye-bye, Daisies.

You know, Chett, I've never know a boy

take to stems and stamens like you.

I swear, you must be part bumblebee.

Oh, no, Mr. Kite. I just love these flowers.

I could get lost smelling the snapdragons and the bougainvillaea.

[ Sighing ] Bumblebee.

- Hi, Chett. - Guys! What are you doing here?

We just wanted to see how your first day

- at work was going. - Oh, it's terrific!

I think Mr. Kite is terrific I think the flowers are terrific...

tell them the one about the bumblebee.

Wyatt, I guess I owe you an apology.

You were right about Chett. He's doing okay.

WYATT: I thought he'd be happy here.

- Nice environment, good people. - KITE: Almost forgot, Chett.

These have to be at the Henderson Brothers by 2:00.

Oh. Brothers. That's nice.

Like the pigs. A-and me and Wyatt.

I think it's just what they call their funeral home.

Wyatt, what's a funeral?

So... Grandma's going to die? [ Sobbing ]

Eventually, Chett. It's nature.

That's why we need funerals. And what about puppies?

- Do they die too? - No, Chett, puppies don't die.

- They grow up into dogs. - And then they live forever?

- No. They die too. - [ Bawling ]

Well, Dr. Frankenstein, I hope you're happy.

- All of a sudden this is my fault? - No, it's been your fault all along.

If he can't hack it in a flower shop he can't hack it anywhere.

- So, I forgot to teach him about death. - What else did you forget?

Chett, where do babies come from?

They fall out of the baby tree and then you pick them

up and dust them off and cuddle them.

Very good. If a dog comes up to you

with foam dripping out of his mouth what do you do?

Bring him home and name him foamy.

- Heard enough? - I don't care.

I have a kind, caring brother who loves me.

- So what if he's a little... - Wimpy?

- Freakish? - Sensitive.

He's loyal, warm and doesn't administer daily beatings.

Do you expect me to give that up.

Do you have to go to the bathroom?

- I didn't want to interrupt. - Go the the bathroom, Chett.

- Thank you. - Okay, he's hopeless.

I don't get it though. Everything my parents

did wrong raising Chett we did right.

- But you coddled him. - I nurtured him.

You screwed him up. You didn't allow Chett

to develop his own natural instincts.

- Without them, he can't survive. - Okay. So...

How do we change him back?

We have to bring his natural instincts to the surface.

Natural instincts?

You're saying the old Chett is somewhere inside that?

Watch.

Whoo! Just made it.

- Hey, what's all that? - It's a puzzle, Chett.

See if you can put it together.

A puzzle! Keen!

- Unbelievable. - See? Instinct.

Ah! Done!

But, uh, what is it? Oh, I know.

It's a flute.

You guys have your work way cut out for you.

[ Blowing ]

I don't know about this.

- There's got to be a better way. - No.

If Chett's going to develop his natural instincts

as a warrior we got to get him into a fight.

But this time, we can't rescue him.

He's got to learn to stand up for himself.

Hey, look-- free peanuts! They're everywhere!

Chett, get over here.

You remember that joke we memorized together?

It's time to go share that joke with your friends.

- I didn't get it. - You will.

Excuse me, Rolph.

Oh, if it isn't the cuddle-bug.

You here to lead us in a sing-a-long?

Well... sure, if you'd like but first, I'm supposed

to tell you my funny joke.

Everybody, Chett here's going to tell us a funny joke.

- Knock-knock. - Who's there?

You, you piece of [ Bleep ] [ Bleep ] that's who.

[ Yelling ]

Wait. Maybe you didn't get it.

I said, you, you piece of [ Bleep ] mother...

Oh! Wyatt!

We've got to let it run its course.

I can't! He's my brother!

- Who the hell is this? - That's my brother.

- Hi, Wyatt. - You made your point.

You win. We'll be leaving now.

I'm not finished yet. I got a joke F you.

Wyatt, say "who's there?"

[ Chuckling ]

You picked the wrong day

to mess with my little brother, skidmark.

Oh, yes, he's back!

That'll teach you to hang out with the big boys, sis.

What are you doing here--

collecting sawdust for your hamster cage?

[ Laughing ]

Psych!

Hey, who does a guy got to gut around here

to get a cold one?

See, Wyatt, the old Chett is back in action.

What have we done?

[ Yelling ]

[ Chuckling Softly ]

- Hey, Chett. - Pit-lick, pucker-butt.

Always a pleasure.

[ Snickering ]

Captioned by Grantman Brown