Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

(downbeat music)

How's he doing?

He's having a good day today.

Is the leakage cleared up?

See for yourself.

(liquid squirting)

Looking better than yesterday.

(screeching)

(upbeat music)

Don't think too much about Mr. Chrysler.

It has been a long time since he

has been anywhere near healthy.

[Female] I don't expect him to be healthy.

I just wish he was a little more substantial.

[Male] You're really worried about him.

I'm worried about us all.

Now I think making saline water

with table salt may be inferior

to using actual ocean water.

It says it's sea salt.

Doesn't matter.

We need to get some real ocean water in here.

How are we going to do that?

I don't know yet

but I'll figure it out.

For now, just make sure you're boiling the water

before you salt it.

(beeping)

204.

I guess Mrs. Hedaker still has some substance to her.

Can you tell what she wants?

I think she's hungry.

Or she's wet herself again.

There's no way to tell.

We could feed her just in case.

Hose her down before you leave.

(gurgling)

[Male] You care more about this puzzle

than anyone else in here.

I don't care about this damn thing at all.

[Male] I'm pretty sure you're missing some pieces.

Well clearly you care enough for the both of us.

You wanna get back to work, make some science happen?

I am puzzling!

(door closing)

(downbeat music)

(beeping)

(bubbling)

(indistinct shouting)

[Female] Sacks, this is not your room.

You will come with me.

Don't worry Ms. Treefish, he's gone now.

You did the right thing (mumbling).

Dude, you should paint a picture of an ugly building

on to that actual ugly building.

Yeah, or a really wide one on to a really tall one.

No, that wouldn't be funny.

Why are you so into ghosts anyway?

Because they're everywhere

and nobody ever talks about them.

Or to them.

You can't talk to them

or you could but they can't talk back.

[Female] Like a pet.

Sort of like a pet.

I do have a pet ghost though.

You have a pet ghost?

Yep, since my turtle died.

♪ Haircut, your turtle is dead ♪

♪ And I'm sorry for your loss ♪

♪ But you got a pet ghost instead ♪

♪ Plus an army helmet or a coffee mug ♪

♪ Or it could be a nightlight full of lightning bugs ♪

♪ Haircut, your turtle is dead ♪

♪ And I'm sorry for your loss ♪

♪ But you got a pet ghost instead ♪

I like, I love what we do

but I just wish I could make something

that mom'd be proud of.

I mean have you ever thought about

transitioning to high art?

No, I have to do overall social messages.

I love doing monsters.

I mean what if you did like a site specific thing?

In a graveyard?

Or a haunted building.

I don't think that'll impress my mom.

I'm gonna put you together the best ever art show.

That way, when the art world loves you

your mom will love you.

And they love haunted buildings?

I know some art world people who will be into it.

Art world people are into cocaine.

True, and wine and cheese.

You know any places that might be possessed?

I got some leads.

(downbeat music)

I hate washing the dishes.

[Female] Is everyone locked?

Not yet.

You need linoleic acid.

[Female] I'm worried about room eight.

I already locked 206.

You need linoleic acid.

What?

Are you sure that this is worth it?

[Female] Worth what?

Worth all the death.

Worth whatever we're doing to these people.

It is worth that.

It is worth that and more.

It is worth nearly every life on this planet

to achieve immortality.

What have these people done that makes them

worth more than immortality?

You need linoleic acid.

Turn off the old man.

What will immortality...

It will be mankind's greatest achievement!

It will be our gift to the future

which we will be there to admire in person.

We will be there to say you're welcome.

You already locked 206?

Yes.

Oh, Mr. Heron, are you thirsty?

(downbeat music)

(spitting)

(spitting)

(splatting)

(upbeat music)

♪ Lost, forgotten ♪

♪ In the mire ♪

♪ Designed to fail ♪

♪ Safe ♪

(indistinct singing)

♪ Lost, forgotten ♪

♪ In the mire ♪

(downbeat music)

Good morning.

Oh no, Mr. Sacks!

You ruined your freshest kicks!

Come on.

Let's get up.

Mr. Sacks!

Do I have to deal with this before I'm even dressed?

Mr. Sacks ruined his freshest kicks!

Well that is not surprising.

He is a disgusting man of slime!

Just fix it!

Mr. Sacks.

I'm not mad about the shoes.

That's not your room, Mr. Sacks.

Come on.

(yelling)

Mr. Sacks!

You are not amusing!

And you're making entirely too much noise!

Get up.

He has no door which is why I have tied him down.

Do not untie him, do you understand?

Yeah.

Yeah!

Let's pretend like this morning was a normal morning

and not a mess!

And proceed with our day.

(downbeat music)

[Male] My grandma lived here.

Did she?

Well, she died here.

Dude, this place has to be full of ghosts.

It will be when I finish with it.

We should probably come back after dark though.

Hold up.

Hey.

Tootles.

Who was that?

My girl Kish.

Says she discovered the next big thing.

Great, big thing art is my favorite kind.

A street artist.

He's doing an installation of ghosts

in a haunted building.

Haunted by the ghosts of good taste?

They're having a wine and cheese opening.

Well I always have an opening for wine.

(classical music)

Reds are good, right?

With cheese?

I mean yeah, I think red and cheese go together.

What if we got other than standard orange wine

and canned cheese.

That'll be a thing, right?

Dude, I invited real people, okay?

Not art school jerks.

They don't wanna see your sarcastic take

on the art world.

They are the art world.

And they want real cheese.

To go with my real art.

That's what we're telling 'em, yeah.

Do we need more time?

I mean tonight's too soon, right?

Nah, I'm off, alright?

I got the internet, grab your paintings.

The art world rolls in at midnight.

But I do have to paint things inside the building.

Okay dude, so what?

You're fast.

The sun sets soon enough.

I don't know how we're gonna pull this off.

Yo.

♪ Trix ♪

(menacing music)

No, it will shock me.

[Female] Just try it.

(electrical zapping)

Idiot.

Be careful.

Interesting.

[Male] What is it?

Dirty mop water.

Bits of dust, mud.

I thought you said it glowed.

That's just too small a sample to see it.

Watch this.

[Female] Astonishing.

Did it do something?

Yes.

It got your finger wet, dope.

Is the water in the mop bucket still glowing?

It is.

But I'm not sure that it's water.

[Voice] Stop!

What the hell?

[Voice] Stop your quest for immortality.

It is not for you.

This is a demand, not a request.

Pee into this jerk.

[Voice] You don't understand.

I am a god.

Each of us could be a god.

[Male] We're using the genes

from biologically immortal animals.

Jellyfish, octopi...

[Voice] I'm no mere bucket, no mere fluid.

You may not be able to tell by sight

but I am the queen of the seas.

I have been since before the land even was.

For years, my kingdom was a peaceful one.

A place where all could live in harmony.

But there was a shark.

A proud creature not unlike yourself.

"I'm just an angry guy."

He thought that there was glory to be had

and that he was the one to have it.

[Shark] Plus I should be famous.

[Voice] He quietly made plans

with his confederates to usurp my throne

and when they were ready they launched an assault.

I of course was furious.

[Past Queen] Get out of my house!

[Voice] The shark brought with him

the most ferocious creatures of the ocean.

The swordfish, the eel, the urchin.

It was the humbler animals that stayed by my side.

The jellyfish, the lobster.

The whales remained neutral

as they do in all things.

"I'm just not a fighter."

It was a difficult battle,

hard fought on both sides.

[Female] My face is for stabbing.

[Voice] With my guidance

we prevailed and at the end

I gave my allies the greatest gift

a God could bestow, immortality.

I gave it to them and only to them

and that is why you can not have immortality.

It is not for you.

I hope you understand.

No, you don't understand, bucket!

This fellow and I were left here to die, to die!

This whole building is full of people

waiting to die!

Well we're not gonna do that!

Not anymore!

We're using science to fix that critical human glitch

called death!

I hate that guy!

Well, she's not really asking for anything unreasonable.

She's asking us to die!

And she's a brat.

I won't do that for anyone

much less a mop bucket god.

[Male] Do you think it can get out of the closet?

I don't know but that's why I locked it.

What's next?

Maleic and hydride.

Maleic and hydride.

Why do you think Mr. Sacks was banging on the door?

The door of the mop closet?

[Male] Yeah.

We're all looking for our equals.

They're both horrible fluid creatures.

Did you find what you were looking for?

Not sure.

What is it you need to make a god leave your mop bucket?

Well.

I guess I've never tried.

(beeping)

Go check.

Isn't this more important?

[Female] Our job is to provide life.

You need lithium lorate.

304, Treefish.

We haven't kept them all alive.

To the best of our abilities.

Go, see what Ms. Treefish needs.

You need lithium lorate next.

What is that you need, Ms. Treefish?

(slime oozing)

You know I'm only here to feed you and keep you well.

Just like the other doctors were.

I think she has a crush on me.

You are not allowed to have sexual relations

with any one of our patients!

I don't want to!

That's a rule that can not be bent

or broken for anyone!

(sloshing)

Let's do this!

Hello again.

Have you come to apologize?

I've come to introduce you to science.

Say hello to science.

Hello science!

Cute.

I do not understand.

Let me teach you.

(groaning)

Why do you do this?

I do this to send you back to hell!

I'm not from hell, I'm from the ocean.

Then I do this to send you forward to hell.

She did explain that she's...

I don't care.

Go get me another vial.

[Male] What are we doing?

I don't know!

This is my first time murdering a god.

Please, stop your quest for immortality

and I will not have to continue...

You grant immortality, right?

You granted it to lobsters.

Grant it to me alone and I will cease my quest

to give it to all of mankind.

[Female] I will not and you will not succeed.

You're gonna know!

Are you okay?

[Female] I'm incredible.

Can I help you up?

I'm staying here for a while.

Okay, should I do something with this?

[Female] Read it!

(groaning)

(downbeat music)

Wait here.

(glass shattering)

Come on, dude, it's spooky in here.

[Haircut] Are you sure this is what we're doing?

Yes, I'm sure this is what we're doing.

Where do we start?

Obvs, snacks.

That god lightning really takes a lot out of you.

You gonna be okay?

Yeah, as soon as I win.

Did you take your pills?

Get out of my room.

Sleep well.

Yo, I'm gonna go scope the sitch.

I'll circle around and curate with you,

let me know what's up.

Cool, I'll just be here in my own world of creation.

Unlocked.

Unlocked.

Unlocked.

Locked!

But why?

What are you trying to tell me, machine?

Haircut!

Haircut!

Haircut!

[Haircut] Yo.

Maybe we should leave.

[Haircut] I'm in the middle of painting.

We'll make it part of the art.

[Haircut] It is the art.

No, the person thing.

What person thing?

Dude, this thing can't still be alive.

This place has been shut down for months.

It's horrible.

Why is it beeping?

I don't know, should we leave?

Because of the beeping?

Dude, because what is this?

You don't think that'll scare off the art people?

I mean we could make it a part of the art

and we'll just act like we made it.

I could paint some stuff in here.

Some lumpy flesh things.

Own it.

Oh God.

I guess that's what I'm doing.

We're gonna make your mama love you.

My morning walk I gladly take

breathing in the summer air.

The light is new, the weather fair.

The creatures wish to see my face.

My morning walk I gladly take.

I dawdle now and then retrace.

In afternoon, my walk is calm.

The idle sun shows all the ground.

The hillside scarred, broken bone.

The breeze is careless on the shore.

In afternoon, my walk is calm.

I trust the paths I found before.

The walk at eve I fear to tread.

I know the day will soon be dark

when moon rules night and owls hark.

I fear the vastness of the plain

a walk at eve I fear to tread

for I know I shan't walk again.

[Female] Yo, I'm taking a wine break.

You want any?

Nah dude.

I'm high off spray paint and (mumbling).

Just like they tell you not to do.

Cool, later.

Aren't you a dream come true?

(upbeat music)

You are the opposite of a shriveled up dead guy.

Haircut, be here now!

Haircut!

The hell you do!

This is so stupid.

We should leave.

Cut!

Cut, we should go!

Haircut!

Haircut, we should go!

Cut, cut!

Haircut, we should go, Haircut!

(beeping)

Treefish.

Brilliant.

I got this.

Hello Ms. Treefish.

The lights are weird now.

I suspect the electric company

has finally shut us off.

Did you do all this?

Where did you get spray paint?

(shouting) any more of you!

Who are you?

You here for the art show?

No.

I work here.

This place has been closed for months.

Yes, I know.

Then you know you don't work here.

My colleague and I still work here.

We still have patients.

None of this makes sense.

You broke my ribs!

I'm sorry.

All my ribs!

Help me up.

You better get out of here.

Oh, I know, that's what I was trying to do.

You can leave the dead guy.

I have a collection of them.

I mean I don't collect them but they

do tend to pile up around here.

Dude, that could not be more upsetting

to hear from you right now.

[Male] Kish.

Please don't be here.

[Male] This place is so dismal.

What is going on out here?

[Doctor] I asked her to leave.

So where's the artist?

Or is he anonymous?

Are those actors?

What are you doing here?

And why are we on emergency power?

Look, we...

Say better words!

I'm going to steal her youth.

Oh, there's a thing!

Today is the worst day!

This show is very complicated.

We'd like to know more about the artist's intent.

Who's that guy?

Are you acting?

You think I'm not ready for you.

I'm not ready for nothing!

Nobodies not ready for nothing!

Scramble!

You all.

Be careful.

So how long have you been planning this whole thing?

This seems complex.

Don't tell him.

None of this, okay, it's all just happening.

This is redefining happenings.

This is big.

This is big.

We can't take the hallway.

We need a crawl space.

Let's take the wall way.

I solve it all, always.

What do you think?

Good light or bad light?

Artistically?

You don't know.

Are you evil?

Or just bright?

We're not evil.

And it's not really that bright in here either.

Do I know you already or are you new?

Half and half, back away from the hole, guy.

Don't you ever use doors?

Well, there's monsters in the hallway thank you.

Randolph, Mrs. Teeth, meet Professor Grist.

Grist?

Oh, yeah.

I'm not a professor, I'm a doctor.

Doctor of what?

[Male] Hello.

[Female] What do you know about the creature

in the hallway?

What are you, ghost busters or something?

We are not but ask me again in about 30 minutes.

I don't think it's all that severe really.

That lady shoots lightning.

You saw that, right?

She does but she also talks.

Maybe we can just talk to her.

I love that.

You do that, that great plan.

You come with me.

Sure, why not?

I mean let's all just die.

Okay.

Did you see that she shoots lightning?

This is fun.

(menacing music)

This looks hard.

Sh!

Hello.

I, I would like you to know

that we have ceased all science activity

in this facility and you're free to go.

I am free to do as I please.

Thank you so much for your visit.

I have no reason not to destroy you

as a precautionary measure.

No, we're all good now.

I do not care about good or evil.

I am nature!

(exploding)

I've never been to a better art opening.

That's not what happens!

You get up and you run!

I'm pretty sure she won't check in here.

She hates this closet.

Your world is dark and strange.

She killed Ms. Teeth.

I know bud.

We're gonna get her for it.

I don't wanna get her for it.

I want it to be yesterday or this afternoon even.

This is exactly the kind of thing

we were trying to circumvent with our science.

What, horrible hallway monsters

killing my friends with hand lightning?

No, obviously not, that's very specific.

Just death.

Aquatic and weird.

Aquatic and weird.

I think we can do this.

I think we can do this!

[Female] I shouldn't be doing this, you know.

Smoking?

[Female] No.

Before you leave this room, I'll be dead or immortal.

So this doesn't matter.

What I shouldn't be doing is offering you this deal.

You have nothing to offer me but your own death.

[Female] You gave your warriors immortality.

I want to do the same!

I do not approve.

You are powerful!

The master of magic.

I am the master of science.

I am your equal!

We are equal!

[Female] Hey, face me, chum bucket!

You have nothing, child!

[Female] Yeah, well I have your name on my fist.

♪ Shit head ♪

(screaming)

How can I read them in the dark?

(screaming)

Yeah, well then let me get it lit for you.

(fireworks exploding)

(screaming)

Kish.

Yeah?

I know how this ends.

How does it end, bud?

This ends like Jaws Three.

How does Jaws Three end?

Roughly the same as Jaws.

Jaws?

I got this.

(screaming)

Jaws!

(rocket whistling)

(exploding)

(screaming)

(coughing)

[Male] You okay?

All my friends are dead.

[Male] I should put that fire out.

I'm gonna leave you here next to this piano, bud,

'cause I know how much you love 'em.

Then I'm gonna get Haircut and Ms. Teeth

and I'm gonna get you guys out of here.

Everything's gonna be okay.

[Male] Someone emptied the fire extinguisher.

Strange twist.

I don't think that I have enough baking soda

for a fire of that size.

What am I supposed to do?

Then maybe it just all burns down.

This place has my life's work in it, though.

Monsters.

Yeah, okay.

Maybe we should get out of here.

I'd like to get my friends bodies first though.

[Female] No!

You will not go anywhere!

You will die!

We killed the monster, we're free!

[Female] You did not, because I am the monster.

Please, can we just get out of here?

Everyone is dead!

[Female] Everyone is not dead

until you are dead!

Everyone.

Don't worry, I got time for this.

(yelling)

(mumbling) feeble!

Power, power!

(upbeat music)

Come on, I'm making you safe.

In here.

[Female] Wait!

Really being a jerk!

(laughing)

(spitting)

(yelling)

I thought I was gonna murder a god today.

I suppose you think you might!

I already did.

I'm just trying to distract a chump

before the fire takes us.

You're not that tough.

Your notes were pretty hard to read

but I think I got 'em right.

[Doctor] You're dead!

Not yet but I'm ready.

You've given up the cause.

I'd rather be dead than a monster

so I guess yeah.

You're weak.

Please, take this, let it go.

Die with me, die with dignity.

We're never ready!

This is how it ends!

I am so tough!

(yelling)

We leave now, that's what happens.

Not me.

Everything I know is dead or on fire.

Me too.

I was brought to this building to wait for death.

It's been more exciting than it could have been.

Okay, well we can transfer you to another hospice.

Nah, I was in bad shape when I went to bed.

Since then, my ribs been broken about three times.

Sorry.

No.

It's just this is my time.

Fighting it just turns you into...

Do you want a blanket?

No, I'm okay here.

Pillow or anything?

Really, I'm okay.

Okay.

Hey.

[Female] Yeah?

Actually, if you don't mind, a pillow would be nice.

[Female] Of course.

And my tea?

[Female] Yeah, you got it.

(fire crackling)

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ I'm dead at the hands of immortal creatures ♪

♪ She's got to my head ♪

♪ To review these lobsters and leeches ♪

♪ Sea god that famously bled ♪

♪ Oh I tried to belong in this world ♪

♪ Shocking and pride and I loved the way it all unfurled ♪

♪ But as I said ♪

♪ I'm dead ♪

♪ I'm dead though I love how accessible ♪

♪ Art can be for me and for all the world ♪

♪ And so, so I guess I predicted the ending ♪

♪ It's nice to set out ♪

(indistinct singing)

♪ I can be so demanding I'm glad ♪

♪ That this wasn't that show ♪

♪ Though I tried to belong in this world ♪

♪ Aquatic and weird ♪

♪ And I loved the way it all unfurled ♪

♪ On my death bed ♪

♪ I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead ♪

(extinguisher spraying)