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1
00:00:06,305 --> 00:00:09,408
Why is your ex trending
so hard on Twitter?
2
00:00:09,414 --> 00:00:10,906
'Cause Dill's the worst.
3
00:00:10,912 --> 00:00:13,527
Elijah, please don't make
me click on a hashtag.
4
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:15,533
Fine.
5
00:00:18,067 --> 00:00:21,102
He wants to adopt, but he
only wants a white baby.
6
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,991
And he got caught trying to
buy one on the black market.
7
00:00:24,788 --> 00:00:25,989
Ew.
8
00:00:26,075 --> 00:00:28,672
Now I finally get why you
dumped that sexy creep.
9
00:00:28,678 --> 00:00:29,894
Yeah.
10
00:00:29,976 --> 00:00:33,793
That's why I straight
up ghosted his ass.
11
00:00:34,466 --> 00:00:35,839
Hey,
12
00:00:35,845 --> 00:00:37,839
um, would you...
13
00:00:37,845 --> 00:00:40,333
- Oh, you'd look so pretty in this.
- Mm.
14
00:00:40,550 --> 00:00:43,324
Would you cover my shift tomorrow?
15
00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:47,010
You're never busy in advance,
just sick from your drugs.
16
00:00:47,016 --> 00:00:48,353
What you got?
17
00:00:48,847 --> 00:00:50,411
There's an open call.
18
00:00:50,715 --> 00:00:52,600
Since when are you auditioning?
19
00:00:52,606 --> 00:00:54,637
I thought you were scared
you'd get too famous.
20
00:00:54,643 --> 00:00:57,823
Well, to be honest, after
college, I auditioned a bunch.
21
00:00:58,324 --> 00:01:00,517
I just wasn't booking anything.
22
00:01:01,188 --> 00:01:05,197
I remember I went on this audition
for a commercial for Papa John's.
23
00:01:05,203 --> 00:01:07,524
I had to say, "They stuffed it!"
24
00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:10,029
It was for the stuffed crust pizza.
25
00:01:10,035 --> 00:01:13,289
And after I left the room, I heard
the casting directors laughing at me.
26
00:01:13,422 --> 00:01:16,929
I waited around all day
to say, "They stuffed it,"
27
00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:18,818
and I just got laughed at.
28
00:01:18,927 --> 00:01:21,258
It was... it was humiliating.
29
00:01:21,264 --> 00:01:23,710
Dude, that's being an actor.
30
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,043
90% of my auditions go that way.
31
00:01:27,016 --> 00:01:28,723
What's the one tomorrow for?
32
00:01:28,866 --> 00:01:33,279
It's for a workshop of a new
musical, "White Men Can't Jump!"
33
00:01:33,285 --> 00:01:35,670
Holy shit, they made
that into a musical?
34
00:01:35,676 --> 00:01:37,859
- Yeah.
- You're perfect for that.
35
00:01:38,249 --> 00:01:39,457
You think so?
36
00:01:39,463 --> 00:01:41,267
Of course. You're the
whitest guy I know.
37
00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:43,150
Thank you.
38
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:49,191
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.addic7ed.com
39
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,528
Hi. I'm Elijah Krantz.
40
00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:55,161
- Hi, Elijah Krantz.
- No, don't talk.
41
00:01:55,167 --> 00:01:57,247
It's not a fucking AA
meeting, okay? They don't talk.
42
00:01:57,252 --> 00:01:59,051
- I just talk.
- Got it.
43
00:01:59,145 --> 00:02:01,803
Hi, I'm Elijah Krantz.
44
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:06,626
Well, I believe in the soul,
45
00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:08,227
the cock,
46
00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:09,510
the pussy,
47
00:02:09,645 --> 00:02:11,605
the small of a woman's back,
48
00:02:12,104 --> 00:02:13,515
the hangin' curveball...
49
00:02:13,521 --> 00:02:15,201
high fiber, good Scotch,
50
00:02:15,206 --> 00:02:18,920
that the novels of Susan Sontag
are self-indulgent, overrated crap.
51
00:02:19,099 --> 00:02:21,092
Hannah, why are you
looking at your phone?
52
00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:25,307
I'm so sorry. By the
way, that was amazing.
53
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:28,626
- You wrote that, right?
- Yeah, basically. I Googled it.
54
00:02:28,906 --> 00:02:30,633
What the fuck, Hannah?
55
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:33,199
I'm sorry, it's just, I'm waiting
for Paul-Louis to call me back.
56
00:02:33,205 --> 00:02:36,325
It's really stressful. What if he wants
to, like, move in with us or something?
57
00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:37,530
Ugh.
58
00:02:39,441 --> 00:02:42,042
Do not let another homeless
woman in here, please.
59
00:02:42,048 --> 00:02:44,144
She was fun. You know it.
60
00:02:44,949 --> 00:02:46,373
Yes?
61
00:02:47,182 --> 00:02:48,515
Can I come in?
62
00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:49,794
Yeah.
63
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,582
No. No! Why are you here?
64
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,028
Everywhere I go, there's paparazzi.
They won't leave me alone.
65
00:02:55,033 --> 00:02:57,074
I just got in my car
and I started driving.
66
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,063
And then my driver noted that...
67
00:02:59,069 --> 00:03:01,181
we were near your place
and I took that as a sign.
68
00:03:01,187 --> 00:03:04,573
I thought, this is probably the
only safe place for me right now.
69
00:03:04,579 --> 00:03:08,133
Well, you've gotten yourself
into quite a predicament, Dillard.
70
00:03:08,531 --> 00:03:11,255
Just... making trouble.
71
00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:13,539
Yeah. Look at you.
72
00:03:13,821 --> 00:03:16,131
Look at your sad little outfit.
73
00:03:16,137 --> 00:03:18,850
Look at your sad outfit.
What happened to us?
74
00:03:18,856 --> 00:03:20,827
This is for an audition, okay?
75
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,951
I'm great. Things are going
great right now for me.
76
00:03:24,231 --> 00:03:27,504
Why should I help you with your
white-baby-buying scandal, huh?
77
00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:28,710
You're right.
78
00:03:29,925 --> 00:03:31,610
I'm sorry, Elijah.
79
00:03:32,114 --> 00:03:33,406
Break a leg.
80
00:03:35,397 --> 00:03:37,137
I don't know!
81
00:03:39,603 --> 00:03:40,877
Dill!
82
00:03:41,705 --> 00:03:42,916
Dill.
83
00:03:43,604 --> 00:03:45,604
- You can come in.
- Thank you.
84
00:03:46,197 --> 00:03:50,088
And I'm just kidding. You look
adorable in your little gym outfit.
85
00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:52,338
I'm a street baller.
86
00:03:53,253 --> 00:03:54,669
Of course you are.
87
00:03:58,036 --> 00:04:01,767
Please wait in the kitchen while I
speak to Hannah alone in the hall.
88
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,080
Fuck!
89
00:04:04,086 --> 00:04:05,760
My whole day is fucked right now!
90
00:04:05,766 --> 00:04:07,526
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
91
00:04:07,531 --> 00:04:08,891
I feel like I just...
92
00:04:08,897 --> 00:04:10,885
chugged a bunch of
Robitussin or something.
93
00:04:10,891 --> 00:04:13,181
Listen, calm down, okay?
He's, like, nothing.
94
00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:15,987
He doesn't have any power over you.
He's not even super sexy right now.
95
00:04:15,992 --> 00:04:17,614
- He's like a sweaty...
- Just stop it.
96
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:20,473
Just do me a favor. Write
down everything he says.
97
00:04:20,479 --> 00:04:22,919
Write down everything he says,
particularly if it's about me.
98
00:04:22,925 --> 00:04:25,611
I have to go. I'm late.
99
00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:32,112
I'm gonna have my eye on you,
even when it seems like I don't.
100
00:04:32,512 --> 00:04:34,901
Just like the rest of
the fucking Internet.
101
00:04:36,124 --> 00:04:39,636
Do you have anything to eat that doesn't
have an activity center on the back?
102
00:04:53,198 --> 00:04:54,786
What the fuck?
103
00:04:55,177 --> 00:04:57,482
Hey, Marn. Why are you wet?
104
00:04:57,488 --> 00:04:58,782
Because I went on a run.
105
00:04:58,788 --> 00:05:02,046
Why don't you just take an Animal Flow
class at Equinox like a normal person?
106
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:05,212
Well, funny you should ask, because
I had to cancel my Equinox membership
107
00:05:05,218 --> 00:05:07,124
and my CardioBoxFlo membership
108
00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:10,429
and my Animal Yoga membership
because I'm fucking broke.
109
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,821
And also, I'm fucking
evicted, so everything's great.
110
00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:16,525
Marnie, are you seriously
calling to ask for money?
111
00:05:16,531 --> 00:05:19,738
Mom, it's just a small loan,
just until I can get in touch
112
00:05:19,744 --> 00:05:21,784
with Desi and figure out
what the fuck is happening.
113
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,732
I'm sorry. I-I just can't give
you any more of my fun money.
114
00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:26,762
I've already booked
a trip to Montego Bay
115
00:05:26,768 --> 00:05:27,979
- and...
- What?
116
00:05:27,985 --> 00:05:30,172
It's in Jamaica, and
Sharva goes every year.
117
00:05:30,178 --> 00:05:31,753
Are you fucking serious, Mom?
118
00:05:31,759 --> 00:05:33,668
Oh, okay, fine. Just,
like, enjoy yourself
119
00:05:33,674 --> 00:05:36,566
and totally don't worry about your
daughter, who has nowhere to live.
120
00:05:36,572 --> 00:05:37,986
Well, I have a perfectly good couch
121
00:05:37,992 --> 00:05:39,980
for you to sleep on if
you're really that hard up.
122
00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:43,072
- Mom!
- And actually...
123
00:05:44,026 --> 00:05:47,089
this would give us more time to
rehearse as The Michaels Sisters!
124
00:05:47,095 --> 00:05:50,407
Oh, my God, we are not
The Michaels Sisters!
125
00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:53,494
You know what? You're basically forcing
me to sell my Sweet Sixteen necklace.
126
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,967
How do you feel about that?
How does that sit with you, Mom?
127
00:05:55,973 --> 00:05:57,845
Don't let divorce make you bitter.
128
00:05:58,235 --> 00:06:00,257
Oh, God, those nails.
129
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:06,801
_
130
00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:20,483
Hi, there.
131
00:06:22,485 --> 00:06:23,711
Okay.
132
00:06:31,786 --> 00:06:33,695
Elijah Krantz?
133
00:06:34,364 --> 00:06:35,802
Yeah, I'm here.
134
00:06:36,161 --> 00:06:37,577
We're ready for you.
135
00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:39,060
Oh, no. I just got here.
136
00:06:39,583 --> 00:06:41,669
Great. We'll hear your song now.
137
00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,283
But...
138
00:06:43,368 --> 00:06:45,008
I'm... I am... I'm
sorry, I thought the...
139
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:46,708
I thought the monologue
was... was first.
140
00:06:46,714 --> 00:06:47,837
It's not.
141
00:06:47,843 --> 00:06:50,248
Can I have, like, 30 seconds
to go to the bathroom?
142
00:06:50,254 --> 00:06:51,454
Not really.
143
00:06:51,608 --> 00:06:55,320
I, uh, it's an emergency.
Uh, not a bad emergency.
144
00:06:55,326 --> 00:06:58,600
Just, like, a quick... just a pee.
Just a super quick... I can't...
145
00:06:59,134 --> 00:07:00,511
Thank you.
146
00:07:03,196 --> 00:07:04,923
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
147
00:07:04,929 --> 00:07:06,620
♪ White men can't jump ♪
148
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,526
♪ Billy Hoyle, you'll never dunk ♪
149
00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:10,806
♪ Sidney's foil is a geeky white jump ♪
150
00:07:10,812 --> 00:07:13,808
♪ In the zone and he's
taking it to the hole ♪
151
00:07:13,814 --> 00:07:16,796
♪ Oh, 'cause it's hard goddamn work ♪
152
00:07:17,302 --> 00:07:19,085
♪ Being this good ♪
153
00:07:19,091 --> 00:07:21,388
♪ Yes, it's hard goddamn work ♪
154
00:07:21,578 --> 00:07:23,369
♪ Living in the hood ♪
155
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:25,499
♪ We in the hood now,
it's all good now ♪
156
00:07:25,505 --> 00:07:27,573
♪ 'Cause we f-f-f-freaky
in the hood now... ♪
157
00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:29,295
Clearly you're here for the auditions.
158
00:07:29,301 --> 00:07:30,907
Fuck, yeah.
159
00:07:30,913 --> 00:07:33,114
Oh. Good for you, honey.
160
00:07:33,172 --> 00:07:34,604
I'm getting the fuck out of here.
161
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:36,580
Where are you going? The
auditions are upstairs.
162
00:07:37,796 --> 00:07:40,886
Yeah, I-I-I-I... I gotta go.
163
00:07:40,892 --> 00:07:43,249
But you're in your
little basketball outfit.
164
00:07:43,376 --> 00:07:45,491
Yeah, I am. Uh...
165
00:07:47,077 --> 00:07:49,505
Basically my ex showed up
at my place this morning
166
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:52,435
and has just destroyed
this entire day for me.
167
00:07:52,441 --> 00:07:53,663
Fuck that.
168
00:07:53,669 --> 00:07:55,941
Men are only on this
earth to buy us jeans.
169
00:07:56,417 --> 00:07:58,349
I got to get out of here.
I can't go in that room
170
00:07:58,355 --> 00:08:01,057
and sing "Santa Fe"
from "Newsies" right now.
171
00:08:01,245 --> 00:08:03,737
Then don't sing "Santa
Fe" from "Newsies."
172
00:08:03,862 --> 00:08:06,175
Sing some shit that's
real to you right now.
173
00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:07,799
What's your name?
174
00:08:07,805 --> 00:08:09,096
Athena Dante.
175
00:08:09,511 --> 00:08:11,400
That is a great name.
176
00:08:11,406 --> 00:08:12,739
Yeah.
177
00:08:12,811 --> 00:08:14,011
What's yours?
178
00:08:14,017 --> 00:08:15,615
Elijah Krantz.
179
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:18,086
Eh. It's a'ight.
180
00:08:18,092 --> 00:08:22,075
Well, it's been working for me
for 28 year... 25... 24 years.
181
00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:28,797
Hi.
182
00:08:28,803 --> 00:08:30,080
Hi.
183
00:08:30,580 --> 00:08:33,183
So, this is the most
valuable thing I own.
184
00:08:33,189 --> 00:08:35,284
Um, but I'm selling it because
185
00:08:35,290 --> 00:08:41,452
my freedom is more precious to me
than a precious locket from the 1870s.
186
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:43,820
So... here goes.
187
00:08:44,131 --> 00:08:47,436
"Wild Bill" Hickok gave that
to my great-great-grandmother.
188
00:08:47,639 --> 00:08:50,236
I come from a long line of
women who choose terrible men,
189
00:08:50,242 --> 00:08:52,413
but that's ending now.
190
00:08:52,522 --> 00:08:54,203
Isn't it beautiful?
191
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,412
It's plated pewter.
192
00:08:56,418 --> 00:08:58,672
You can see where the
plating has chipped away.
193
00:08:58,678 --> 00:09:01,787
Oh, no, no, um it's actually
gold-plated platinum.
194
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:03,354
Apparently it used to be really common.
195
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:05,346
They'd put the more
valuable metal underneath.
196
00:09:05,352 --> 00:09:07,346
So this platinum is so fine,
197
00:09:07,352 --> 00:09:10,215
that they literally needed
solid gold just to protect it.
198
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:12,925
Yeah, I'm certain that's not true.
199
00:09:13,331 --> 00:09:16,348
It has a spring lobster clasp.
200
00:09:16,354 --> 00:09:17,554
This...
201
00:09:17,737 --> 00:09:19,518
is less than 20 years old.
202
00:09:19,524 --> 00:09:22,295
So, what are you telling
me? That my mom lied to me?
203
00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:25,389
Holy shit!
204
00:09:26,193 --> 00:09:30,911
My mom lied to me when I was
16 and I still believe it.
205
00:09:31,591 --> 00:09:33,519
She fucking lied to me!
206
00:09:33,525 --> 00:09:37,297
I bet none of my ancestors
were ever even in the Wild West.
207
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,822
Half my fucking wedding theme is a lie.
208
00:09:41,002 --> 00:09:42,531
Jesus Christ.
209
00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:48,216
Fuck. Okay, I have to sell these, then.
210
00:09:51,107 --> 00:09:54,129
My dad gave these to me
when I got into college.
211
00:09:54,854 --> 00:09:56,136
My diamond!
212
00:09:56,142 --> 00:09:58,549
- Fuck!
- Glass.
213
00:09:58,555 --> 00:10:01,051
Everyone in my family
is fucking lying garbage!
214
00:10:01,057 --> 00:10:05,108
Every single person! No wonder I
married someone just as bad as they are,
215
00:10:05,114 --> 00:10:06,615
because it's all I fucking know.
216
00:10:06,621 --> 00:10:09,709
And now, I'm, like, on the
precipice of homelessness
217
00:10:09,715 --> 00:10:13,013
and all I've ever done
to anybody is love them.
218
00:10:13,019 --> 00:10:15,314
All I've ever done is love somebody,
219
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,117
and now I'm fucking here.
220
00:10:17,706 --> 00:10:19,411
What the fuck!
221
00:10:19,417 --> 00:10:21,106
Did you just roll your eyes at me, sir?
222
00:10:21,197 --> 00:10:22,641
I assure you, I did not.
223
00:10:22,647 --> 00:10:25,316
Well, I may not know the
difference between gold and pewter,
224
00:10:25,322 --> 00:10:26,824
but I'm not a fucking moron.
225
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:30,112
- You just rolled your eyes at me.
- Please listen, lady.
226
00:10:30,221 --> 00:10:31,423
Please?
227
00:10:31,429 --> 00:10:33,415
I'm not leaving until you tell me why.
228
00:10:33,421 --> 00:10:34,639
Why'd you do it?
229
00:10:37,373 --> 00:10:41,258
It sounds to me like you're
doing a lot of blaming.
230
00:10:41,264 --> 00:10:43,365
Your mother, your father, your husband.
231
00:10:43,371 --> 00:10:47,199
But nobody ever walks in here
to sell things off their body
232
00:10:47,205 --> 00:10:48,963
who has done nothing wrong.
233
00:10:48,969 --> 00:10:51,578
You know who comes into pawn shops?
234
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:54,665
Junkies, thieves, dentists who have
235
00:10:54,671 --> 00:10:58,624
lost their license because of
sexual abuse, babysitters who have
236
00:10:58,630 --> 00:11:00,870
- affairs with the men that...
- Jesus, dude. Stop. Stop.
237
00:11:00,875 --> 00:11:02,116
Stop. I get it.
238
00:11:02,122 --> 00:11:03,437
Do you?
239
00:11:04,428 --> 00:11:05,628
Get it?
240
00:11:09,331 --> 00:11:10,748
The liar...
241
00:11:11,602 --> 00:11:12,897
is you.
242
00:11:20,528 --> 00:11:23,104
He wants me to go outside
and play soccer with him.
243
00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:25,822
Like, in the park. Oh, I hate it.
244
00:11:25,828 --> 00:11:27,229
- Don't laugh, I hate it.
- Hi.
245
00:11:27,523 --> 00:11:29,615
I just... I mean, the worst...
246
00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:30,821
Hello.
247
00:11:30,827 --> 00:11:32,502
I'm Elijah Krantz.
248
00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:35,988
Hi, Elijah Krantz. Ah,
what will you be singing?
249
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:38,665
Ah, I will be singing
"Let Me Be Your Star"
250
00:11:38,671 --> 00:11:40,844
from the hit show "Bombshell"
251
00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:44,785
from the hit TV show "Smash."
252
00:11:54,108 --> 00:11:57,389
♪ She'll do all she can ♪
253
00:11:57,395 --> 00:12:00,442
♪ For the love of one man ♪
254
00:12:00,448 --> 00:12:03,349
♪ And the millions who love ♪
255
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:07,023
♪ From afar ♪
256
00:12:07,029 --> 00:12:10,118
♪ I'm what you've been needing ♪
257
00:12:10,124 --> 00:12:12,589
♪ It's all here and
my heart's pleading ♪
258
00:12:12,595 --> 00:12:14,419
♪ Let me be your ♪
259
00:12:14,425 --> 00:12:22,842
♪ Star. ♪
260
00:12:28,343 --> 00:12:31,334
Okay. You can stay for the monologue.
261
00:12:41,589 --> 00:12:43,300
How far along are you?
262
00:12:44,354 --> 00:12:45,559
Excuse me?
263
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:49,298
I have 14 Emmys. I know when
someone's keeping a secret from me.
264
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,565
Don't worry. I don't
want to buy your baby.
265
00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:55,201
Good, 'cause I don't
want to sell my baby, so.
266
00:12:57,839 --> 00:12:59,436
I'm only, like, three months.
267
00:12:59,442 --> 00:13:01,126
I haven't even told the father yet.
268
00:13:01,132 --> 00:13:03,050
You're afraid he won't support you.
269
00:13:03,056 --> 00:13:05,751
No. I don't know if I
want him to support me.
270
00:13:05,757 --> 00:13:07,597
I don't even know if I
want him to be involved.
271
00:13:07,603 --> 00:13:09,723
- I didn't want to make this phone call.
- Whoa, whoa.
272
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:11,100
Hannah.
273
00:13:12,474 --> 00:13:14,764
I like to live a life of acceptance,
274
00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:17,258
to flout tradition when I can,
275
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,747
but there's one thing I know...
276
00:13:18,753 --> 00:13:20,943
babies need fathers.
277
00:13:21,155 --> 00:13:22,446
Mine left when I was three.
278
00:13:22,452 --> 00:13:24,732
he just got up and
followed the maharishi.
279
00:13:25,069 --> 00:13:27,405
It left me totally incapable
280
00:13:27,411 --> 00:13:30,902
of accepting divine male love.
281
00:13:32,126 --> 00:13:33,817
I'm broken.
282
00:13:35,618 --> 00:13:37,917
You're broken and you
thought you would fix it
283
00:13:37,923 --> 00:13:39,528
by buying a white baby?
284
00:13:39,534 --> 00:13:42,347
Yeah, that's exactly what
I thought. I was gonna...
285
00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:45,028
father that baby
286
00:13:45,034 --> 00:13:47,230
because I couldn't father myself.
287
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:52,073
Okay, well, what about
moms? Aren't moms important?
288
00:13:52,079 --> 00:13:55,188
Uh, for six months. Listen, Hannah,
you need to think about the effect
289
00:13:55,194 --> 00:13:58,282
that this could have on your
child. What they might miss.
290
00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:02,657
They could find themselves alone, aging,
291
00:14:03,094 --> 00:14:07,414
embroiled in a public scandal in Queens
292
00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:09,801
in an ex-lover's squat house.
293
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,611
Okay, we're in Brooklyn right
now and this is an apartment.
294
00:14:12,617 --> 00:14:15,237
It just sounds so much sadder
when you try to defend it.
295
00:14:16,517 --> 00:14:19,115
He drank my fucking LaCroix.
296
00:14:19,511 --> 00:14:21,526
You need to stop
checking on your ex, man.
297
00:14:21,532 --> 00:14:24,118
- He's gonna get to your head!
- He is in my head.
298
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,041
He drank all the LaCroix in my head.
299
00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:29,053
Good dick is a prison.
300
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:31,415
All right, listen up,
kids! I got a list.
301
00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:34,489
- All right, Allen...
- Yes!
302
00:14:34,495 --> 00:14:35,695
Micucci...
303
00:14:36,103 --> 00:14:37,886
- Frances...
- Yes!
304
00:14:37,892 --> 00:14:39,488
Dunnigan,
305
00:14:39,494 --> 00:14:42,512
Eldridge, Kang,
306
00:14:42,894 --> 00:14:45,639
Jared, Zinman,
307
00:14:45,731 --> 00:14:48,744
Gillan, Villepique,
308
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:50,333
McMillan.
309
00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:52,523
Okay,
310
00:14:52,529 --> 00:14:54,940
so if she said your name,
311
00:14:55,369 --> 00:14:57,050
you can go home. Thank you so much.
312
00:14:57,056 --> 00:15:00,050
And the rest of you can head into
the studio for the dance portion.
313
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,161
He flipped it!
314
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,745
He fucking flipped it.
315
00:15:03,751 --> 00:15:05,430
Mm, I love that move. Classic.
316
00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:07,875
Yeah, "A Chorus Line." Best show ever.
317
00:15:07,881 --> 00:15:09,712
I love this bitchy business so much.
318
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,007
Well, that's easy.
319
00:15:23,127 --> 00:15:26,334
Well, gotta take this call.
320
00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:32,741
Hello?
321
00:15:32,947 --> 00:15:34,839
Yeah, this is Paul-Louis.
322
00:15:34,845 --> 00:15:36,814
Hey, Paul-Louis. This is Hannah.
323
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:38,569
We met a few months ago.
324
00:15:38,575 --> 00:15:41,388
I was writing the article
about the surf camp.
325
00:15:42,790 --> 00:15:44,873
I threw up in your bed...
326
00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:47,881
You said I had, like,
a lot of pubic hair.
327
00:15:47,887 --> 00:15:49,212
Oh, Hannah!
328
00:15:51,019 --> 00:15:52,479
Hey, what's up, girl?
329
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,460
Hey, yeah, I just wanna preface this
330
00:15:54,466 --> 00:15:56,570
by saying this is a
real no-pressure sitch.
331
00:15:56,576 --> 00:15:59,852
Um, you know, I'm just kind of
doing my moral and ethical duty
332
00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:02,766
to keep you informed and let
you know that I'm pregnant.
333
00:16:03,352 --> 00:16:05,438
From when we had sex. So, from the sex
334
00:16:05,444 --> 00:16:10,055
we had, I got pregnant and... and
I'm gonna be having that child.
335
00:16:14,251 --> 00:16:15,539
Whoa.
336
00:16:16,836 --> 00:16:19,334
Uh, whoa.
337
00:16:23,081 --> 00:16:24,498
Okay, what do you need?
338
00:16:24,666 --> 00:16:27,174
Uh, need? Uh, I don't need anything.
339
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:29,387
No, I know you're at the
beginning of, like, a very
340
00:16:29,393 --> 00:16:31,660
exciting and illustrious
water skiing career,
341
00:16:31,666 --> 00:16:34,781
and I'm not interested in
creating any problems for you.
342
00:16:34,787 --> 00:16:35,987
Wow.
343
00:16:36,782 --> 00:16:39,646
Wow, ooh, are you... are you serious?
344
00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:41,964
Ah...
345
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:44,586
That's really kind of you.
346
00:16:44,592 --> 00:16:45,998
That's so cool.
347
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:50,204
Uh, because I'm not really
ready to... to have a kid.
348
00:16:50,591 --> 00:16:52,601
And I feel like a POS telling you to get
349
00:16:52,607 --> 00:16:54,802
an abortion or whatever. I
mean, that's not my place.
350
00:16:54,808 --> 00:16:58,043
That's... that's not...
that's not fair. I'm not, um...
351
00:17:02,558 --> 00:17:06,364
Um, well, thanks for
telling me, I guess.
352
00:17:06,745 --> 00:17:08,628
Yeah, everyone said it
was, like, so important.
353
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:11,644
Now I feel like maybe it was a mistake.
354
00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:15,432
Oh, no. No, no. Hey, you know what?
I don't even believe in mistakes.
355
00:17:15,438 --> 00:17:16,862
I really don't.
356
00:17:17,144 --> 00:17:18,451
Uh...
357
00:17:19,826 --> 00:17:21,115
Okay.
358
00:17:21,724 --> 00:17:24,443
No, cool. Well, uh... well, good luck.
359
00:17:24,449 --> 00:17:27,109
Absolutely. I'll definitely,
um, keep you in the loop
360
00:17:27,115 --> 00:17:30,594
if anything major, ah,
goes on. Or I don't...
361
00:17:30,711 --> 00:17:34,508
have to. It'll only be if
that was something you wanted.
362
00:17:34,514 --> 00:17:36,815
Cool. Cool.
363
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:42,432
Um, hey, you know a name I always
thought was cool for a boy was Grover.
364
00:17:44,086 --> 00:17:46,796
Uh, okay. So, all right, I'll go now.
365
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:48,230
Unless you want to talk more.
366
00:17:48,236 --> 00:17:50,637
I mean, I don't want to be a
dick about it if you wanted...
367
00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:55,455
No, no. I got out everything
I needed to say. Thank you.
368
00:17:58,372 --> 00:17:59,978
Well, be good, Hannah.
369
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:09,080
Sounds like he didn't have much to say.
370
00:18:10,728 --> 00:18:12,944
Sounds like he dismissed you...
371
00:18:14,325 --> 00:18:16,757
the way I dismissed Elijah.
372
00:18:18,325 --> 00:18:20,749
No, it went perfectly.
373
00:18:22,696 --> 00:18:25,434
He doesn't want a kid, so
he's not gonna bother me, so...
374
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,002
that's what I wanted.
375
00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:30,925
I wanted it to be easy
and it was easy, so...
376
00:18:30,931 --> 00:18:32,722
I guess it's just a little sad...
377
00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:35,361
- Shh.
- how easy it was.
378
00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:37,959
Shh.
379
00:18:38,765 --> 00:18:39,991
It's okay.
380
00:18:39,997 --> 00:18:42,218
I guess I just thought I
could be this, like, brave,
381
00:18:42,224 --> 00:18:44,218
cool, young mom with, like, tattoos
382
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,023
and, like, a whole, like, you
know, cool approach to things,
383
00:18:47,029 --> 00:18:48,703
and now I'm just feeling...
384
00:18:57,435 --> 00:18:59,426
What are you crying about?
385
00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:02,112
It's just... it's just...
386
00:19:02,437 --> 00:19:04,653
it's just the same shit.
387
00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:06,830
You know, sweetie? It's...
388
00:19:06,836 --> 00:19:09,628
we're just... we're just
children. We're just...
389
00:19:10,039 --> 00:19:12,604
we're just naked children.
390
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,543
Reviewing that part one last time.
391
00:19:30,549 --> 00:19:33,717
It's window, front,
392
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:35,430
one, and, look, two,
393
00:19:35,436 --> 00:19:37,436
up, three, and four,
394
00:19:37,442 --> 00:19:39,257
five, double pirouette,
395
00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:40,988
- then jump.
- Jump.
396
00:19:40,994 --> 00:19:42,646
Great! Music.
397
00:19:48,549 --> 00:19:51,492
And five, six, seven, eight!
398
00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:13,003
♪ Yeah ♪
399
00:20:14,722 --> 00:20:16,113
♪ Yeah ♪
400
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:26,514
♪ Come on, yeah, babe. ♪
401
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,594
So good!
402
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,338
Nice! Really great stuff, guys.
403
00:20:33,344 --> 00:20:35,033
Let's bring the basketballs in.
404
00:20:55,229 --> 00:20:56,734
Oh, sorry, sorry!
405
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,600
♪ Golden ♪
406
00:20:59,974 --> 00:21:01,209
♪ Yeah ♪
407
00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:03,905
- Yeah! Whoo!
- Why?!
408
00:21:09,283 --> 00:21:10,898
- Oh!
- Sorry!
409
00:21:15,501 --> 00:21:17,927
Yeah, still counts. Whoo!
410
00:21:18,821 --> 00:21:20,112
Hold your nose up.
411
00:21:20,524 --> 00:21:22,314
♪ Yeah, babe. ♪
412
00:21:23,274 --> 00:21:24,474
Hm.
413
00:21:28,169 --> 00:21:32,493
- Ugh, man, you stunk up the joint.
- I know.
414
00:21:32,565 --> 00:21:35,179
The last time I touched a
basketball was the sixth grade
415
00:21:35,185 --> 00:21:37,265
where, then, I literally
only touched it.
416
00:21:37,271 --> 00:21:40,187
Then why the fuck you try
out for a basketball musical?
417
00:21:40,193 --> 00:21:43,583
Because I thought the whole point was
white guys aren't good at basketball.
418
00:21:43,786 --> 00:21:47,247
Hey, what you doing now?
You wanna go to Starbucks?
419
00:21:47,253 --> 00:21:49,546
I get 30% off all snacks
that aren't seasonal.
420
00:21:49,552 --> 00:21:51,824
- Do you work at Starbucks?
- No.
421
00:21:53,527 --> 00:21:57,295
I wish I was younger so we could
hang out and it's not weird, but...
422
00:21:57,905 --> 00:22:00,373
it feels weird. I'm sorry.
423
00:22:00,379 --> 00:22:01,939
Plus, I have to go back to my apartment
424
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:04,173
and make sure my ex-boyfriend
didn't kill himself, so.
425
00:22:04,179 --> 00:22:05,381
He's still at your house?
426
00:22:05,387 --> 00:22:10,422
Yes, but only because he's hiding
from the "Daily Mail" or whatnot.
427
00:22:10,428 --> 00:22:11,922
Bullshit.
428
00:22:11,928 --> 00:22:13,410
Dudes can go anywhere.
429
00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:15,713
There's nothing but places
to hide in this city.
430
00:22:16,596 --> 00:22:18,430
He loves you. Rawr!
431
00:22:18,436 --> 00:22:20,620
- No, no, no.
- Yeah.
432
00:22:21,745 --> 00:22:23,667
I'll see you at another audition, huh?
433
00:22:23,673 --> 00:22:25,050
Or maybe at rehearsal.
434
00:22:25,337 --> 00:22:27,456
- Yeah, okay.
- Hey!
435
00:22:28,144 --> 00:22:30,456
I might get cast in this show.
436
00:22:30,531 --> 00:22:33,816
I nailed the first two
parts of that audition.
437
00:22:33,914 --> 00:22:35,614
And then how hard can it be to...
438
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:38,116
to spin a fucking basketball
on your finger, right?
439
00:22:38,122 --> 00:22:40,742
I can learn that. I
could learn a new skill.
440
00:22:40,829 --> 00:22:43,748
Reese Witherspoon learned how
to sing for "Walk the Line,"
441
00:22:43,754 --> 00:22:45,741
and she won a goddamn Oscar.
442
00:22:45,829 --> 00:22:47,347
I can do this.
443
00:22:47,637 --> 00:22:49,711
Because you know why, Athena Dante?
444
00:22:49,717 --> 00:22:51,637
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
445
00:22:51,643 --> 00:22:55,043
I'm really, really fucking talented.
446
00:22:55,223 --> 00:22:57,934
I'm as talented as you say you
are. That's how talented I am.
447
00:22:57,940 --> 00:22:59,240
Exactly.
448
00:22:59,317 --> 00:23:01,335
That's how you gotta be, man.
449
00:23:01,341 --> 00:23:03,137
It's never too late.
450
00:23:03,230 --> 00:23:05,114
Fuck you. I'm not that old.
451
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,385
Too old to be going to open calls.
452
00:23:08,235 --> 00:23:10,069
You little bitch.
453
00:23:17,867 --> 00:23:20,559
You don't think it's gonna be
so good, the baby's talking,
454
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:22,390
- but it's just like...
- Mm, Kirstie...
455
00:23:24,174 --> 00:23:25,874
Honey, how'd it go?
456
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,770
Dill got us eight pizzas. The
pepperoni's in the bathroom.
457
00:23:28,776 --> 00:23:29,984
Why are you still here?
458
00:23:30,690 --> 00:23:32,904
I'm here 'cause I have
something to say to you.
459
00:23:34,966 --> 00:23:36,713
There's nothing like a public shaming
460
00:23:36,719 --> 00:23:39,483
to make you realize
what's really important.
461
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:41,796
I cast you aside
462
00:23:41,802 --> 00:23:44,692
when all you wanted to do was love me.
463
00:23:45,662 --> 00:23:48,453
It's funny, I... I thought
I came here to hide out,
464
00:23:48,459 --> 00:23:51,936
but I think for the first time in
my life I'm ready to stop hiding.
465
00:23:52,516 --> 00:23:55,632
- Elijah...
- Oh, okay. All right, um...
466
00:23:56,101 --> 00:24:00,532
Dill, just save it for somebody who
cares about current events. Okay?
467
00:24:00,727 --> 00:24:02,942
You came here to fuck with me.
468
00:24:04,059 --> 00:24:05,835
That's why you came here,
469
00:24:05,841 --> 00:24:08,951
to fuck with me the same way
that you fuck with everybody.
470
00:24:08,957 --> 00:24:12,112
But guess what. You can... you
can't fuck with me anymore, okay?
471
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,137
I'm "unfuckable" now.
472
00:24:14,238 --> 00:24:18,253
So, yes, you might've thrown me
a little bit when you showed up,
473
00:24:18,259 --> 00:24:20,857
but not anymore.
474
00:24:21,357 --> 00:24:23,452
'Cause I... I took my ball,
475
00:24:23,458 --> 00:24:26,740
and I marched down that
court, and I fucking dunked it.
476
00:24:26,746 --> 00:24:28,841
Those are sports terms
477
00:24:28,847 --> 00:24:32,772
and I'm using them because
I am my own teammate now.
478
00:24:33,199 --> 00:24:34,581
Me.
479
00:24:35,491 --> 00:24:36,878
Bam.
480
00:24:38,286 --> 00:24:39,622
So...
481
00:24:40,473 --> 00:24:43,790
good luck with your white baby.
482
00:24:51,801 --> 00:24:55,534
Dill, could you please
bring a pizza in here?
483
00:25:02,533 --> 00:25:04,679
Hey, Desi. It's Marnie.
484
00:25:04,685 --> 00:25:08,263
Um, I just wanted to let you know
485
00:25:08,269 --> 00:25:12,732
that I'm assuming
responsibility for my own life.
486
00:25:12,738 --> 00:25:16,560
And, um, don't worry about
sending me any money for rent
487
00:25:16,566 --> 00:25:19,981
because I will be moving in with my mom.
488
00:25:20,156 --> 00:25:21,451
Um...
489
00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:25,238
you don't owe me anything
490
00:25:25,244 --> 00:25:28,487
and, um, I'm really sorry
that I thought you did.
491
00:25:30,377 --> 00:25:34,903
Okay, um, I genuinely
hope you're doing well.
492
00:25:34,973 --> 00:25:36,209
Bye.
493
00:25:40,868 --> 00:25:43,465
Fuck you, Mom.
494
00:25:43,856 --> 00:25:45,056
J...
495
00:25:48,246 --> 00:25:49,822
This is Elijah Krantz.
496
00:25:49,828 --> 00:25:51,228
Elijah, hi.
497
00:25:51,234 --> 00:25:54,427
- Um, it's Tony and, uh, Patty...
- Patty and Tony!
498
00:25:54,433 --> 00:25:57,380
from the soon-to-be hit
musical "White Men Can't Jump!"
499
00:25:57,386 --> 00:25:58,591
Yeah?
500
00:25:58,597 --> 00:26:00,529
So, I'm just gonna
cut right to the chase.
501
00:26:01,742 --> 00:26:03,773
You cannot dance for shit.
502
00:26:03,779 --> 00:26:05,781
- We don't give a fuck. Yeah.
- No, I don't care.
503
00:26:05,786 --> 00:26:08,975
I don't care. You have an element, this
essence, that we really would like...
504
00:26:08,981 --> 00:26:10,782
for you to come in and
read for our producers.
505
00:26:10,787 --> 00:26:12,994
- Just read the scene.
- Read the scene. No balls.
506
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,268
Mm, and the way you sang? Beautiful.
507
00:26:15,274 --> 00:26:16,862
Just tell them you forgot your ball.
508
00:26:16,868 --> 00:26:19,368
Absolutely no balls. We'll see you soon.
509
00:26:19,712 --> 00:26:22,233
All righty, so Dr. Kruskal
will see you in a few minutes.
510
00:26:22,238 --> 00:26:23,526
Thank you.
511
00:26:40,686 --> 00:26:45,686
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.addic7ed.com
37974
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