Original subtitles

So, who the hell is that dude?

Looks like Lana has a new boy toy.

Dude, she's not going to bring him up here and bang him, is she?

I hope so. He's cute!

I had a really good time tonight.

So did I.

It doesn't have to end if we don't want it to.

I don't know.

My roommates are home.

Who cares?

I don't know if tonight is a good night. I wanna take things slow. Don't you?

Whatever you want. I'm patient.

Good. I'll call you.

Really? Spying? You have nothing better to do with your Friday night.

You should talk. It's only six.

I went on a date with my boyfriend. It's not my fault he teaches spin at 5 AM.

Where's yours?

I could have one if I wanted.

Yeah, they're banging down the door, aren't they.

Someone should have brought their boyfriend up.

Someone needs to get laid. You're not your usual charming self.

I.. I'll do it.

Gross!

And for your information, we're taking it slow.

I like this one.

Are you still waiting for your vagina to go back to normal after banging Tyrone last week?

It's almost there.

Now good night.

Man she'll never like me.

I thought you just wanted to bang her?

Well, you know. Let her like me enough to let me bang her.

Sometimes I wish I were more like you.

Meaning? Well it's like you bring home a different

guy each night. How do you do it? Where do you find these people.

Craigslist.

I thought Craigslist was for buying and selling stuff.

No honey, no, no no, it's used for so much more than that.

Really? Like aren't you worried about guys robbing

you or killing you and stuff? No, I sleep with a switchblade under my pillow.

Seriously? Fuck me and find out.

Ok so you want to find a woman, I assume. Oh, look they've got a dating section.

No, that's for people looking for sex but won't admit they're skeezy mother fuckers.

We're going to Casual Encounters, my friend. I don't think I want to do this.

It's weird. Meeting someone from the internet. Do you want to make it a little more interesting?

You don't have to meet anyone if you don't want to.

What is it? Let's have a friendly little competition.

A Craigslist contest if you will. Go on.

We both put profiles up in our respective sections.

We each up our own pics and descriptions. And then we check it in the morning.

And whoever has the most responses wins. So what do you win?

I'll give you a blow job if you win. Uh, no. I don't think so bud.

Fine! Prude! Say, twenty bucks.

Yeah, okay. I'm cool with that.

So. What do we do? I need some naughty pics of you.

Naughty pics? Like your body, shirtless; your dick; maybe

your hairy bubble butt. Ah man, I don't have any pictures like that.

Lucky for you your best friend Logan has a wonderful camera.

Man this is weird. Jason, it's fine.

It's always good to have dirty pics of yourself. You never know when you'll need them.

Take your shirt off. I don't know.

Do you want to pay me now then? Show that body.

You don't work out four times a week for nothing. Alright, but don't show my face.

You act like this is my first time at the rodeo.

No, we don't show face unless they show first. So, Jason, let's see it.

See what? Jason nation.

Oh no, no no. Hell, no!

For a hot straight guy you sure are really shy.

No wonder you have to resort to using Craigslist. I'm not going to touch it.

Unless you want me to. Stop!

Fine, I take cash, PayPal and check. Alright, but this is so weird.

Sweet, mother of.

And, done.

We both have profiles. Now we wait. When do we check it to see who won?

We'll check it in the morning. After princess has left.

She doesn't need to know what we're doing. But, don't we need to check it to see if we

can get some tonight? Lana isn't the only one that needs to heal

up a little. Ah, gross.

Going to work? Yeah, I have three classes and two private

sessions. So what time are you going to be home?

Uh, I'll be home around four. Why?

Long day. Poor baby. Just curious.

Okay, I'm off.

Now let's find us a winner.

One, two, four, ten, twenty two! I have twenty-two responses.

What about me? What about me? Hold on.

Damn, forty-five? Well, the blow job is still on the table.

Uh, pay up, bitch. Later. Let's see what kind of women wanted

to sit on it.

What the hell was that?

It looked like a big brown rattlesnake about to eat a mouse.

What the fuck, man? Oh shit. I posted your ad in m4m.

Shit. No girls saw this only gay guys. What the fuck?

Calm down. It's not like I used your face.

Man, I said I was looking for pussy. Oh, hello.

Twenty-eight, six foot, eight inches cut dom top.

Oh, yes I like you. Jason I fucking hate you.

Oh my god. Jason, look who it is.

What who is it? Oh my god.

We have to tell Lana that her boyfriend is gay.

He may not be gay per-se. He could just be one of those greedy bisexuals

or curious. Well, we gotta do something.

So what do we do? I've got an idea.

If you're willing to forego the twenty dollars I owe you if it will help you to get a step

closer to Lana. Bro, I would pay you if you got me that pussy.

And that pussy you shall have.

Dude, I'm really nervous.

I don't know about this. You'll be fine. Just go hide in the bathroom

and keep the camera on your phone rolling on us.

Now go hide.

Hey man, funny thing my girlfriend lives in this building.

You're not the guy from the ad.

No, I'm not. Dude, this isn't cool. I'm out of here.

No, you and I are going to have a little chat. No way.

Lana? We would hate for Lana to find out that you're

hooking up with gay boys. Especially, gay boys you find on Craigslist.

How do you know her? This door? Right here.

It's her bedroom. Don't worry she's not here right now.

She's teaching some stupid yoga class. So if you don't want her to find you, you'll

go in that second bedroom and... Well, I'll be more than happy to keep your

little secret. Dude, what are you doing?

Hey, you're the guy from the profile. See, I'd fuck you.

Not going to use my face, huh? What are you doing?

And nobody is fucking me. Yeah, Jason's definitely more of a top.

A what? I'm vers.

Dude, I'm not gay. This is bullshit, I'm out of here.

We're going to tell her you're a homo. No, please, no. I'll do anything.

Anything?

Now get the fuck out!

Adam, what are you doing here? It's over. Hear me? Over!

Why? Fuck you!

What the hell?

Oh no, what happened?

Did you see that taco place was closed, too? Adam just broke up with me.

Oh, no. What a jerk!

What happened? I don't know. I don't even know why he was

here. Ah, there, there.

Let Jason make everything much better. Wait, what are you doing?

Making everything better. No, we're done here.

We're done here. Are you sure?

Yes. We're done here god damn it.

I just need to be alone for awhile. Adam had a jacket just like that one.

Did you try and grind on her? Yeah.

What did I tell you about grinding on girls when they're sober?