Original subtitles

On their first date, my parents went to see

"Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

It was my dad's favorite movie

and after that it became my mom's too.

They decided to have 7 sons and name them as in the movie.

I'm the youngest of 5 brothers:

Adam, Benjamin, Caleb,

Daniel and me, Ephraim.

Biblical names in alphabetical order from eldest to youngest,

like in the movie. But after me, they didn't have any more.

Remember the alphabet:

Adam, Benjamin, Caleb, Daniel, Ephraim, Frank and Gideon.

Later on, my eldest brother had a daughter

and called her Fran to keep the tradition.

I asked my dad once how he knew he'd have only boys.

And he said that everyone's life resembles a movie.

And that ours was "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

That our life is a musical comedy.

Of course he told me all this

before my mom left him and moved out.

That was not long ago

and we all sat around eating the croquettes

my mom had frozen and watched the movie

because it always cheered us up.

But that day it didn't.

So Dad decided to stop watching it and visiting the ranch

because both things reminded him too much of my mother.

My brothers are much older than me. I think I was an accident.

That's why I think this is all my fault.

I want to tell my dad, but he's too sad.

So I'm declaring my love for you, Carla Diego Lopez,

and asking you to marry me on my dad's ranch

so we can all be one big happy family again

and make my dad's dream come true.

You have to be 18 to get married.

We can wait.

What do we do until then?

We can go to movies.

Okay.

I made a ring. One for each of us.

FAMILY UNITED

8 YEARS LATER

- Why didn't you tell me? - We knew you'd freak out.

- Then you shouldn't have done it. - Don't get mad, please.

Ben, stop it.

- Dad, will this go on forever? - Yeah.

Going to the ranch is hard enough, I don't want your mom there.

- Whose idea was it? - Your son the dummy.

No, it wasn't. And I'm not a dummy. I'm Benjamin Montero Sanz...

I don't mean you, Ben. Don't freak out.

Dad, make an effort. Do it for Ephraim.

Okay, I'll make an effort.

I'll stay here. Your mother can go.

I'll stay here and watch the match.

All I want to do is watch the match.

I've been waiting 70 years for this.

Everybody in Spain wants to see the match.

It's your son's wedding day.

But hey, no sweat. To hell with us. We're a perfect family.

- Dad, can I come upstairs? - No!

He's getting nervous and so am I and so are you.

- And so is he. - Don't stress us out.

Okay, okay.

And you! Come out here and deal with the wedding, it's yours.

- Hey, respect my privacy. - Were you masturbating?

- I'll pick up Caleb at the airport. - You don't have a license.

I want to come. I want to see Caleb.

- Ben, take it easy. - Okay.

Dad! Please don't stress out, it's bad for you.

- Can I come upstairs? - No!

- Dad. - What?

I think I'm a lesbian. My friends all want to screw Casillas

and I just want to score on him. Does that mean I am?

Yeah, probably.

I thought so.

- Can I go to the wedding like this? - Sure.

Fran, you can't go like that, you're part of the wedding.

What bullshit. I even have to miss the match.

- Take me to the airport? - Okay.

Adam, you can't drive. You're on antidepressants.

- I can drive slowly. - I'll skip the wedding.

Okay, let's go!

No, wait, I'm coming too.

- So you can break the news to Caleb! - Get off my case.

- Dad, can I come upstairs? - No!

Dad won't let me go upstairs.

I'm so nervous you'd think I'm the one getting married.

Okay, that's enough already.

Ben and I will go. Stay here and take care of this.

You, as the big brother and you, as...

The schmuck getting married the day of the World Cup Final.

Okay, look. One: I want my mother at the wedding.

Two: I'm picking up Caleb, I can't wait to see him.

You can break the news to him later.

And three: Who thought Spain would reach the World Cup Final?

- I did. - Me too, damn it.

Okay, Fran. So you and everybody else feel better,

we'll put a big screen TV in the reception

so you can watch the match.

Yes!

- Ephraim, Ephraim! - Okay, come on.

- See you later, bro! - Dad, I'm leaving!

We're almost champions! Go Spain! Here.

We're almost champions!

- Tubby. - What?

Your dad's blood pressure is through the roof.

My dad's? You should see mine...

Go with them, I'll stay here and try to calm him down.

No, babe. It's not your problem.

Go keep your niece company.

She must be nervous about the wedding. I'll see you there.

Does that mean you don't want me here when Caleb arrives?

Did I say that?

- I didn't say that. - Yeah, sort of.

It's what you were thinking.

Bye.

What?

Out of the way, dickhead!

Jerk! Moon him! Moon him!

Take that!

I farted.

Give me five! What a moon.

Jesus Christ.

- Watch the road. - What moon?

Your company went bust, but the van still stinks like cheese.

- I love the smell of cheese. - Smells like failure.

Don't be cruel.

It's okay, you're the one who smells like failure.

Maybe so, but you smell like shit.

Don't touch my head, it freaks me out!

- Damn it! - You'll distract Adam.

Don't talk to Dani that way.

I broke your ear!

You can all go to hell.

Why are you all so against me getting married?

- It's not that. - Yeah, right.

We just don't want you to make the same mistakes as Dad.

What mistakes?

Mistakes? One, two, three, four and we're picking up the fifth.

I'm not a mistake. I'm Benjamin Montero Sanz.

- I live at Camino de la Fuente... - Ben, stop.

There are clear signs out there and you're ignoring them.

They say: "Don't get married, you're young,

you have your whole life ahead of you."

- Signs? What are you talking about? - What signs?

Look.

All of Spain is sending you a gigantic sign. It's historic.

Spain, bang, bang!

Bang!

That's a good sign, damn it. It's an awesome sign.

You're a bunch of chickens.

You always say Spain will lose, that they'll blow it...

You're losers. But not me.

I'm the Spain that fucks Germany with an amazing goal by Torres.

I fuck Germany, Italy, France, whoever I have to.

And if I want to get married, I get married.

I grab my nuts and go for it. So respect my moment.

My name is Benjamin Montero Sanz.

I live at Camino de la Fuente del Piojo, number 3.

Phone number: 915550433.

This is not a very good sign.

Caleb...

Caleb!

Caleb!

It's okay.

You're all right.

- Benja... Benja... - Caleb!

I want to see Caleb!

Look, there he is.

Caleb!

- What happened? - Caleb!

What's up, bro?

What happened?

Torres or Pedro, who will start?

Torres or Pedro?

Torres. You have to be faithful. If you gamble on someone,

you gamble on someone, period.

Yeah, but... if that someone doesn't perform like they should,

it's okay to try somebody else isn't it?

Are you talking about Dani and Caleb?

- What? - That's a low blow.

What's that about?

Are you ready to see Caleb?

Are you ready to see Carmen?

What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm too old.

- Sure. - Yeah, it's true.

I think you should let her come.

How long has it been? Eight years?

I don't care if it's been eighty.

You don't want to get over it.

We've received word that Pedro will start.

Del Bosque is going with Pedro after his great match against Germany.

You're right.

I don't want to get over it.

- You don't? - No.

True love isn't something you get over.

That's my son.

"The Masai doctor."

What happened to the van?

Dad, Dad...

We almost got killed.

We were this close to dying.

This huge pole fell out.

A pole fell out of the truck in front of us.

Now that we're all here,

and before Caleb tells us

why we haven't heard from him in almost two years,

first I want to apologize for how I've behaved recently.

You know I've never liked imposing my will. And today is no exception.

This family is a democracy

and we need to decide if your mom can come to the wedding.

Forget that democracy crap. It's my wedding, my decision.

One man, one vote. Just like always.

- What bullshit! - Let's vote.

Who wants your mother to come to the wedding?

Hey, bonehead.

Mom? Yeah.

Okay, it's decided.

- Long live democracy. - I'll call Mom.

Wait, hold on a second. I want to say something.

You see? I knew there was a catch. Democracy my ass.

Ephraim,

nothing in this world makes me happier than you getting married.

That's my dream, all of you getting married on the ranch

and raising your kids there

like your mother and I raised you.

I think we did a good job.

You're all handsome, intelligent

and most of all, good people.

I would love for your mother to be here.

And have her beside me.

But I don't want her here just as your mother.

I want her here also as my wife,

as the one great love of my life.

We voted before for your mother to come.

Now we're going to vote again.

Who wants my wife to come?

Can I have some more, Dad?

Mom, it's Ephraim.

I was calling to say...

MY TEAM

I love you, Mom.

I love you very, very much.

THE WEDDING RANCH

Good afternoon, everyone.

We're gathered here to join in marriage

Ephraim and Carla, my granddaughter.

Before I proceed with the ceremony,

Carla would like to read something she wrote for the occasion.

- Okay. - Anytime, sweetie.

Where is it? It was in my bra.

Goddamn it.

- Carla, please. - It must have fallen out.

Anybody see it?

Damn, I really worked hard on it. And I don't even have a copy.

Carla, try to remember it.

I can't. Stress gives me amnesia.

Don't worry about it.

- I remember. - You do?

Sure, you gave it to me to correct the typos and it stuck with me.

Then you say it, I'm too nervous.

Grandma, if I may...

Watch it. I'm on heels!

- In first or third person? - I don't care, just do it.

- In first. Like I'm you, okay? - Fine.

Okay.

Hi, my name is Carla

and I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

What does that mean? That I can't sit still.

I always try to rush things and get ahead of myself.

People think I do weird things, but I don't, that's just me.

I turn 18 today, like my twin sister Monica,

who got this awesome haircut for the occasion.

Don't improvise, Monica.

I'll keep going.

My great grandmother, grandmother and mother all got married at 18.

Coincidence or genes?

Anyway, I can think of no better way to celebrate reaching adulthood

than marrying the man who...

at age ten, wrote me an essay about his family

and proposed to me. I couldn't at the time,

and to be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to.

But today

I can make that decision

and I know what I want.

So I'm totally...

Wait, wait. I remember the rest.

Yeah.

So I'm totally sure when I say: I can and I want to.

That was super cool, thanks.

You're welcome.

Proceed, Grandma, your excellency...

That said, I will now read articles

66 through 68 from the book of Civil Law,

which will bind Ephraim and Carla

once they have been joined in matrimony.

Article 66:

Husband and wife share equal rights and duties.

Article 67:

The married couple must help and respect each other mutually

and act in the family interest. Article 68:

The couple must live together and...

Carla!

Hello! It was in my garter.

Dad!

One, two, three.

190 over 120. His blood pressure had been high the last two days,

but not this high.

He's taking his medication?

Enalapril, Carvedilol and the patches.

Caleb,

- after the third bypass... - I know.

- Have you got benzos? - Yeah.

In the kit.

Give him ten mg. of diazepam and a vile of furosemide.

I tried to hang on until they said "I do." I really did.

Don't worry about it, Dad. Just take it easy.

Here, Ga-Ga's oxygen tank. She wouldn't let go of it.

You took it from her?

You said "Get Ga-Ga's oxygen tank" and I did.

- Carla, her spare oxygen tank. - Oops.

Here, give me that.

Dad.

First some oxygen and then the hospital.

Son, I don't want to go to the hospital. No hospitals.

- Dad... - You can't make me.

I'm good here, with all of you.

You know what to do.

You do, don't you?

Any pain?

Where does it hurt?

Cris, can you please give us a moment?

Where's Ben?

I don't know.

Hi.

How's Dad?

He's not well.

Dad had an angina. He has a weak heart, you know that.

What about an ambulance and the hospital?

- He said no. - Does that matter?

Yes, it does. It's up to him.

- I'll talk to him. - Tubby... Dani.

He's calm now, okay? Let him rest.

- Cancel the wedding. - No way.

Dad is strong, he'll be okay.

He's not up to it.

- And won't be any time soon. - I won't do it without Dad.

He's the reason I'm getting married. I can't without him.

Ephraim, just get married some other day.

Yeah, tell your niece that, see what she thinks.

What are you doing?

The match.

This is no time to be watching soccer.

We need hope, right? There is hope, at the match.

Please, turn off the TV.

It stays on, just like the wedding.

We have food, drinks and the fucking World Cup Final.

You all wanted to watch it, right? Well, there it is.

You got it.

The moment has arrived.

The World Cup Final is underway!

South Africa, 2010.

Africa's first World Cup ever

and we're playing for it.

RADIO TRANSMISSION

- Fran. - What do you want?

What are you listening to?

- The match. I like the radio. - The radio?

If there's a goal, you hear it before.

- I know, so I can shout first. - Shout first?

Dad, drop it.

Why did you draw me like this, standing by myself?

Because you're sick, on the bench.

Why am I frowning?

- Because you're sad. - Sad?

Yeah.

- Hey, one question. - What?

You mind staying on your own for a little while?

Who cares? With you I'm always alone.

Spain!

Maybe we should listen to the signs.

Signs? What signs?

First everyone's against the wedding,

then it's on the same day as the final,

then we almost get killed in the van and now my dad...

What's wrong? You don't want to get married any more?

Of course I do, damn it.

I just feel lousy thinking about the wedding with my dad

- in this condition. - Fine, but cold feet won't help him.

Carla, do you love me?

Hello! Of course I love you, dumbshit.

- But for the rest of your life? - Yeah, sure.

Well, I don't know. You never know with these things.

Nobody can know. My whole life? Not even you know that.

- I do. - Come on, get real.

And you've never dug another guy?

Sure, all the time. So what?

All the time? What do you mean?

- Yeah, so do you. - No, I don't.

I'm fine with all your posters of hot chicks.

- That doesn't count. - Yes, it does.

That's not what I mean. I mean people close to you.

- Close? - Yeah, close.

You want to hook up with other girls?

- Is that it? - No.

- Then what are you talking about? - Nothing, forget it.

I just want my dad to be okay, that's all.

Don't be silly.

Your dad will be fine.

We'll start over. This time I'll nail my speech.

Nail it.

- Your cold feet will heat right up. - Okay.

Keep touching my hair.

What a smart ass! No way! Not a chance until we get married.

- Tubby... - Yeah?

Did you talk to Caleb?

No. No, no, no.

Right.

You should take advantage and do it now.

Before he hears it from someone else.

- Someone else? - Yeah.

What do you mean? Who would tell him?

Are you going to? Did you?

Did you?

I don't know about you, but I feel ridiculous acting.

So do I, okay?

I can't help but feel like I'm...

like I'm cheating on him.

- Cheating on your brother? - Yeah.

On your brother?

So you're demoting me from girlfriend to lover.

That's great. Fantastic.

- Cris, Cris... - What?

Can I have a kiss?

Here.

Wipe that off your lips.

What? Lipstick?

No, guilt.

No, no, no...

The ring! Where's the ring?

I'm Benjamin Montero Sanz.

I live at Camino de la Fuente del Piojo, number 3. Telephone...

Benjamin, what are you doing? Get out.

The cheese smell relaxes me.

Get out, I have to go somewhere.

Where?

- Where? - Home for something.

I'm coming with you. You can't drive alone.

And you'll take over in an emergency?

Come on, Ben. Get out.

Dad said that when I turned 40

he'd get me a hooker and teach me to drive and ride a horse.

He taught me to ride but not the other thing, unfortunately.

I kept quiet because I didn't want to bother him.

- Bother him? - Yeah.

- You're no bother. - No.

- You're a good son. - Yeah.

I'll teach you to drive and get you a hooker, okay?

Right after you get out.

I don't need the hooker, my summer camp friends got me one.

They did, huh? And how was it?

Great.

Adam, is Dad going to die?

Yeah, probably.

Don't tell me that.

No, Benjamin.

No, no, no. He's not going to die.

Look, I'll tell you the story about the cheese.

Okay? Then you can relax and be on your way.

Right. Once upon a time there was a little boy named Benjamin

who had night terrors.

Tell it right, with the little voice, the way I like it.

Once upon a time - That's it.

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Benjamin

who had night terrors.

To cure him of his night terrors, his brother Adam

would get a little cheese triangle from the fridge,

bring it to Benjamin

and he'd eat it like a little mouse. Nibble, nibble.

And after he ate the cheese, he'd smell the wrapper...

and the smell of the wrapper would put him to sleep.

So Ben lived happily ever after and got out of the van.

- Go on, get out. - No, tell it again.

- Fran, what are you doing here? - Sorry.

Why?

- You're angry. - Why am I angry?

- He's angry about the drawing. - What drawing?

You wanted to see the match, right? "I want to see the match..."

Go ahead, go watch the match.

I wanted to watch it with Grandpa.

Me too.

- Is he going to die? - Yeah, probably.

How should I know? Ask Uncle Caleb, he's the doctor.

I'm sick, right? Frowning by myself.

I'll go get better and you two get a red card. Go on, scram.

Adam.

Fran, Ben!

We knew you'd regret it. You always regret everything.

You're a grumpy old man, but I don't care.

Because I love you a ton, brother.

He's better.

150 over 100.

It should have dropped more.

Give him a sublingual captopril.

Did you read my email?

What email?

I sent you an email a couple weeks ago.

A couple weeks ago...

Which email exactly?

The only one I sent you.

Right, the only one you sent me in two years, yeah.

Yeah, I got it.

But I didn't read it.

You're still mad at me?

What bullshit question is that? What game are you playing?

What were you doing out there? Staring at me like a vulture.

Like a pervert.

With a big nose.

A huge fucking beak.

Jerk.

I'm with Dani.

Dani who?

Dani who? Your brother, obviously.

We're dating.

He makes me super happy.

And I make him happy, I think.

- That's why you call him Tubby. - That's right.

And Lumpy.

He was supposed to tell you, but since you're his brother,

he's afraid he'll lose you.

Don't tell him you know.

Sorry, but he's my brother.

- I can at least congratulate him. - No.

Play it off, you've always been good at that.

Jose Ramon Polo Sabau in 6th grade. Raul Pardo in 7th.

Christian Escriber Moreno in 8th. Jonathan Sanchez in 9th.

Miguel Fidalgo Marcos in 10th. Luis Miguel Bravo in 11th.

And Matias Aguirre Wilkins in 12th.

Seven.

Those are all the boys I've liked since I met you.

What did you call it before? People close to me, right?

- They all flunked. - Yeah. Obviously.

Why obviously?

Well, yeah. Every year I'd get a crush on someone

and right before I dumped you, you'd show up

and say or do something that made me crazy about you again.

- Martin Aguirre Wilkins? - Yeah.

- Harry Potter? - Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

I almost dumped you for him on the graduation trip.

Remember how I was a little distant with you?

Yeah.

Well, that was why. But it's water under the bridge now.

Water under the bridge?

Carla, the graduation trip was two months ago.

Don't look at me like that, you brought it up.

Why all guys who flunked? They all have to be older?

Yes.

Why?

Because they have things kids your age don't.

- Like what? - I don't know.

Sex appeal. Sex appeal?

- Sex appeal? - Yeah.

- I don't have sex appeal? - Yes, darling.

- I have sex appeal, don't I? - Yes.

- You can't deny it. - Yes, honey, you have sex appeal.

There.

Why is Harry Potter at our wedding?

You invited him, he's your pal.

- Jesus Christ. - Look at her.

Monica, get down. You'll hurt yourself.

- She looks wasted. - Totally.

Monica, show me your pupils.

- Ephraim, get her down. - Tell Harry Potter to do it.

You told him about Harry Potter?

Yeah, he got all jealous.

Didn't you, sweetheart?

I'll smack that jerk and send him packing.

- You wouldn't dare. - No?

- Hit the road, four eyes. - No, he brought the pot.

Moni, get down from there already.

Monica, it really sucks that you got stoned without me.

- You can't, you're pregnant. - Come on.

Let's go.

What are you doing? That's not funny, Monica.

- Don't take it out on me. - He's pissed about Harry Potter.

Monica, hook up with Harry Potter so he gets over it.

Stop talking about Harry Potter. I don't give a shit about him.

I don't like Harry Potter.

I like you.

Are you stupid or what?

Jesus!

Come here! Monica, come back here!

Fuck!

We were supposed to jump in the pool.

After the wedding, Monica! After the wedding!

Aren't there any normal people in this family?

No one is normal in normal families.

HARRY POTTER

THE WEDDING RANCH

DAD'S HOUSE

Casillas comes up with the ball...

I'll look for my pills, you guys stay here

and watch the match.

Dad doesn't like us coming up here without his permission.

You have my permission. This TV's much better.

If something important happens, give me a shout

and I'll come running, okay?

You don't like me to shout. It makes you nervous.

In this case it's okay. It's a special occasion.

And make it loud, so I can hear you from across the house.

Who knows where I left my pills.

Goal...!

Goal?

We're joking, dummy.

We fooled your ass, huh?

You sure did.

Hey, cousin. You didn't say hi.

Damn, you're looking pretty hot. Let me see.

What happened to you? You were always so chubby.

With an earring and everything! Are you a bad ass now?

No, no...

Sure, people evolve. Look, I got tits.

They're awesome. Very natural, huh? Wanna feel them?

- Feel them. - No...

You look so sad. Cheer up. Let's you and me go for a walk.

- You can't, huh? - Yeah...

You're hanging out with Cris, I saw you.

What's the deal? She went out with your brother.

Yeah.

Come with me, you can be the first to touch my tits today.

Cheer up, it's a wedding.

- I really have to go. - Where do you have to go?

- Find me later. - Yeah. No.

Find me. If I catch you with someone else...

Chicken.

Hey, watch it! Don't whip me with the towel.

For being ugly, dumb and stoned. You're a stoner.

I'll get you back when you get married.

She'll never get married.

What?

How do you know?

Will you get married or not?

No, he's right. I'll never get married.

But who would you pick if you did?

Nobody, drop it.

You'll end up fat,

bald and surrounded by cats, eating pizza.

Sounds like a plan.

Monica, imagine someone's aiming an AK-47 at you and they say,

"Pick." What do you do?

Then I'd pick the guy aiming at me so he doesn't kill me.

What are you doing, I'm naked!

- How's the match? - Still no score.

Spain is turning up the heat and the Dutch

are playing dirty.

How are you?

A little in shock from the family overdose after so long, but okay.

How was Kenya? What did you do besides work?

There wasn't time to do anything else.

But you must have had time to meet someone, right?

A little action for your young dick.

Excuse me?

That's what you said before leaving. "My dick is young

- and I want to use it." - I said that?

Yeah, one night when we were drunk before you took off

and left Cris.

What bullshit.

Hey, I know you. You must have been at it non-stop.

I operated on a hundred people a week.

Most mutilated by tribal conflict.

After 12 hours in the 0.R. you think:

"I'm probably the only doctor these people will ever see."

And you keep going.

Non-stop.

Why did you disappear for so long?

I needed to.

What will you do now? Stay here?

I don't know yet. It depends.

- On what? - On Cris.

Ah... fantastic.

- How about you? Are you okay? - Fine, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Taking care of the family,

running the business, the horses...

You know Dad. He never comes to the ranch, so...

same old stuff.

No, it's not. Don't give me that crap.

You've lost all this weight, you have a beard, an earring...

You look like another Dani. Your new role suits you.

- What role? - Mine.

Did you find your dreamgirl?

That's what you said

that night we were drunk before I left.

"While you're gone, I'm going to find my dreamgirl."

That's what you said.

What bullshit.

It's not bullshit.

It's normal and necessary.

Oh, my God!

- Red card! That's a red card! - Referee!

I can't look!

Dad!

They almost killed Xabi Alonso!

It was a mortal karate kick!

Dirty Dutchmen! We need to make some noise!

Spain, bang, bang!

Bang!

- Spain' bang, ban I .Bang! 9-

- Spain' bang, ban I .Bang! 9-

Spain, bang, bang!

Spain, bang, bang!

Bang!

Spain' bang, ban I Bang! 9'

Bang!

Carla, what are you doing?

I had a craving. You want some?

No, no.

Hi, I'm Ephraim. I got decapitated but I'm sweet and yummy. Eat me.

- Go on, eat me. - I'll eat yours.

- You wouldn't dare. - No?

Eat me out for all I care.

I can't take all this waiting any more.

No, and besides... At this hour...

It's getting pretty late and your aunt Cris said...

that maybe we should postpone it.

Excuse me?

I don't care what she says. You don't want to get married?

Here we go again.

Carla, that's not what I said. I said we should postpone it.

- It's different. - Right.

Like telling a girlfriend you need space.

It's a lie. It's the end.

Hey, look who ended up with a limp.

Carla, when you get like this you're impossible!

Caleb.

What was that?

After all I've been through

I hate the stupid things you all worry about.

But then I realize

I worry about all the same stupid crap.

And I end up hating myself.

A lot.

Why did you leave like that?

It was in the email.

I don't want to read an email.

I need you to sit down with me and tell me.

I think I deserve that.

Will you treat my wound?

Which one?

Dad, what are you doing?

What are you two doing?

I told you to watch the match.

- To stay inside. - What are you doing, dummy!

You're crazy!

You're stealing from Dad. Dummy!

Can't you see stealing from Dad is like stealing from all of us?

I was only going to borrow it, I swear.

If you need money, ask Dad for it.

He'll give it to you.

Like when he gives me my allowance every weekend.

I'm supposed to be the eldest brother.

The one who has to take care of everyone when Dad is gone.

Adam, please don't cry.

I'll get sad. Stop crying. Come on, brother.

Please.

I am angry about the drawing.

I know. I'll rip it up if you want.

No, it's pretty.

And you drew the truth.

That's exactly what your dad is:

A man who's alone, on the bench.

Please, you're a good man.

Adam, please don't cry.

Adam.

Do you want to be happy?

Yeah?

You want me to open the safe?

Thanks but it can't be opened.

You're doing it wrong. You can't open it

with a hammer. You need the numbers

- of the combination. - I know, Benjamin.

But only Dad knows the combination.

12-20-2-29-14.

The days each of us were born.

12-20-2-29-14.

12-20-2-29-14.

12-20-2-29-14.

Isn't gold pretty?

And it's really smooth. Look, touch it, Adam.

Dad lets me clean it every Thursday.

I do a pretty good job, don't I?

Why doesn't Dad trust me?

Why did he give you the combination and not me?

Look at me.

Look at me, damn it!

Today is the day we win.

Yeah, we're gonna win!

The first half comes to an end, tied 0-0.

MONICA (THE TWIN SISTER)

I'm really sorry about your parents.

Thanks.

- I'll never get married. - Why?

Because all marriages suck and they always end badly.

- Moni, it's your turn! - I'm coming.

When my parents break up

I expect you to give me half of your glazed heart.

Our Father who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name.

Thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Thy kingdom come.

Sorry.

Give us this our daily bread.

Forgive us our trespasses

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Please let Dad get better. Please let Dad get better.

Please let Dad get better.

I didn't know you knew the Lord's prayer.

I don't. I got it off the internet.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Well, first of all...

- We went to my dad's house. - My dad is depressed.

Due to a personal crisis and...

He's down in the dumps and the doctor said he needs pills.

I have to take medication...

- We saw the broken door and... - Still nervous about the wedding...

We went inside and the place had been ransacked.

Burglars take advantage of big events

like weddings, banquets and processions.

Because of my stress problems, and when we saw the door...

These burglars were real slobs, everything was...

Sorry, I'm still nervous.

Did I mention my stress disorder?

A disaster, and we looked out the window...

An event like the World Cup Final

when people are at home having fun in these hard times...

The rabbits were going crazy.

He has gold... He has gold because he likes to...

We evaluated the damage and saw there was a discrepancy...

Objects on the walls had ceased to be vertical...

Things had been relocated...

It's worth more than oil and...

I thought we would be poor, since my dad's unemployed...

At first I was...

I didn't really know... Look, I have...

It was really very intense.

- Animals grazing... - I'm still on edge.

It was like I couldn't breathe...

- My dad had gold. - Damn burglars!

He kept it in the safe because a while back my dad

foresaw that the fruit of global economic cycles

which feed retroactively, well...

The banks were not safe.

The dollar wasn't either, we all know that.

Politicians can't fool us, no matter how hard they try.

Hedge funds and subprimes created a spiral

of international financial violence

which turns assets which weren't toxic before

into toxic assets.

You might say I advised him on financial monetary outlook...

Dad?

Come on, the second half is going to start.

Spain is fighting strength with finesse,

with pretty soccer... Spain starts the half with the ball...

Why did you start going out with me?

Huh?

What?

Why are you asking me now?

I'd never wondered before today. You know why?

Because I never needed you to love me.

Me loving you was enough.

But my love for you was bigger then.

Now it's more real and smaller.

That's why I feel like I need something more.

Something I can't provide.

Like what?

I was going to propose to you today.

You were going to?

I've been acting stupid for days and I wanted to fix it.

By doing the stupidest thing of all.

You think me proposing to you is stupid?

No, I think it's stupid to do it

because you feel threatened by your brother.

And I think it's stupid to do it because you doubt my love

and need to know it's as strong as yours.

- I knew this would happen. - What?

That when Caleb got here we'd be screwed.

You mean that you would screw it up.

I can't compete with Caleb.

Even if I work out, lose weight, get an earring...

Hoping that...

Hoping that what?

You'll like me more.

Girls always fall for the bad guy.

- And you're the good guy? - That's right.

Just like you're the good girl.

But it looks like that's not a good mix.

Are you breaking up with me?

I already know the answer, I'm only asking

to make you realize what you're doing and the consequences.

Yes.

I'm breaking up with you.

What are you doing here, Ephraim?

You should be with your guests, like a good groom.

Cigars are for men.

Fans are for girls.

- Here, smoke. - No.

- Smoke a little. - Don't be gross.

- And don't be a wimp. Here. - Okay.

You were right, cigars are for men.

What's wrong? Why are you acting so weird?

- Why are you? - Me? Why weird?

- What did you say before? - When?

Before jumping in the pool, after saying you don't like Harry Potter.

Nothing.

You didn't say anything, right?

I imagined the whole thing.

- And the hair dryer? - I was joking around.

Yeah, right...

Here, you're doing it wrong.

Don't swallow the smoke. Look.

See how it's done?

Try again.

I don't want to. You slobbered all over it.

You're supposed to.

I've seen my grandfather do it tons of times.

- Don't get all picky on me. - No.

Besides, it's like all of a sudden I would...

Would what?

It's not the same.

At all.

Dad?

I have a question for you.

- Ben, stop it! - What's wrong?

Do you think now that you're rich you'll get Mom back?

Get her back?

Do you think so?

Yeah, I do.

So do I.

But first you have to teach me to drive the van.

And then I'll get you a hooker with my summer camp friends.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

Iker's a saint!

Iker, bang, bang!

Bang!

Iker, bang, bang! - Bang!

No, no, no... Not again!

Oh, it's the replay.

Stop replaying it so much!

Caleb, what are you doing?

Wait, I'll be right back! Wait there.

Caleb, stay here! The more the merrier!

What the hell are you doing?

Nothing.

Using my young dick, like you.

Because...

I broke up with Cris.

What are you talking about?

Oh, right. I didn't tell you we were together.

Well, yeah. We were. But not any more.

Actually I was saving your spot

so nobody would take it while you were away.

Why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what? That we were together or that I dumped her?

Whichever.

Do you really want to get back with her?

- Or are you fucking with me? - Of course I do.

Cris was the love of my life.

Cris is still the love of my life.

I'm going to punch you.

But what I want doesn't matter. You know why?

Because it depends on her. On who she wants to be with.

- It's not up to me. - Yes, it is. It is up to you.

You know why? Because you're a predator.

You're a fucking predator at the top of the food chain.

I don't know why I admire you so much.

Or why you make me feel like such a coward and so inferior.

I'm the one who took care of the family for two years.

- You abandoned me, you asshole. - No, I didn't.

There are five of us.

Oh, right. One depressed, one retarded and one stupid.

We're a bad joke, man.

I waited for a year

with Cris crying on my shoulder,

telling her you'd be back, it would be fine, not to worry.

And I still feel like the worst brother of all time.

So I'd rather lose her than feel like I'm betraying you.

And I didn't take your role.

You threw it away and left.

All I did was pick it up.

Now please, leave me alone.

So you don't need this any more? I can keep it.

That's Grandma's ring.

Dad thinks it's jinxed.

But I don't.

The family might be, but not the ring.

Give me the ring.

- I like it. - Give me the fucking ring.

- I won't. - Give me the fucking ring.

Give me the ring, damn it!

Remember when we were little and we played doggie?

I threw stuff and you brought it back to me.

Here, go fetch.

Hit me, Dani.

Hit me.

Hey!

What are you doing?

Don't fight!

Give him a kiss right now!

Guess what happened.

Adam forgot his pills at home and things got pretty hairy...

Ben, not now.

- Okay. You tell me when. - I will.

I hope the rich-man poor-man chat is over because we need to talk.

Give me a drag.

Here, hand it over.

I told you not to smoke, it makes you sick.

- Is it because of your dad? - No.

Well, yeah. But no.

What's wrong?

Earlier when...

when Moni read your letter...

I felt strange because...

Why?

Because suddenly it felt like she wrote it instead of you.

And I got really upset.

Who cares? Why would that upset you?

Because I got a woody.

What?

But I don't know if it was because she read it or because you wrote it.

It's like last summer

when we went to the beach together and you two went topless.

We were the only three people on the beach!

Exactly, the three of us are always together

and I get confused and forget who is who.

Okay, I don't forget and literally say "who is who."

I get confused in another way.

In what way?

I kissed her.

No.

- Where did you get these photos? - Adam left his pills at home...

- No, Ben. Not now. - Okay. You tell me when.

I will.

Adam, where did you get them?

Dad kept them.

Kept them where?

Where?

So Mom left Dad for this man?

This man? I don't know. We should ask Dad.

No. We're not bugging Dad with this crap.

If Dad put them away

it means he didn't want us to know.

Probably to spare us the pain

or he couldn't bring himself to tell us.

I think it's really sad you went through his stuff.

No,

what happened is Adam left his pills...

- Ben, not now. - Okay. You tell me when.

I will.

So what if Mom had a lover and left Dad for him?

A lover?

This is more than a lover.

They're pictures of them together.

Over a span of like, eight years or more.

If you didn't know them what would this photo look like?

A pregnant woman

clinging warmly to a man's arm

strolling happily through the park.

A happy couple

About to have a baby.

A baby.

Ephraim?

Four boys in a row,

then 15 years go by and she gets pregnant again. Strange.

Maybe Dad suspected,

hired a detective and found out.

And that's why he's so emotional when he talks about Mom.

And three heart attacks and bypasses...

He looks like Ephraim. The man, I mean.

- Let's call Mom. - Nobody's calling Mom.

- It's her life and we respect it. - Respect?

Respect my ass. I want to know who the marriage-wrecker is.

You shouldn't speak ill of a Julio person you don't know.

What did you say?

That you shouldn't speak ill of someone

- if you don't know them. - No.

I don't think you should talk about someone unless...

- You said Julio. - You said Julio.

Yeah, I said Julio.

No, I didn't!

Ben, do you know him?

Look me in the eye.

Do you know him?

Yes or no?

Yes. You're torturing me. I won't talk.

How do you know him? Why do you have to know everything?

Because he's Mom's friend. Julio's a nice guy. I won't talk.

When did you meet him? Before Mom and Dad split up or after?

Mom and Dad split up? But why?

I'm joking!

I had you going, Adam.

I met him after. I won't talk.

Why didn't you tell anyone?

Because Mom told me not to. And I didn't.

Because promises are sacred.

But don't worry, he's a nice guy.

He helped me find work

and maybe he can help you, Adam.

Since you have no money or GOLD or anything.

Have you seen them kiss?

Sure I have, and plenty more. I won't talk.

Okay, that's it then.

Mom has a boyfriend.

She was afraid to tell us. No wonder, since we're so tolerant.

We'll respect Mom's will and let her tell us when she's ready.

End of story.

No, not end of story. End of story my ass.

Yes, end of story.

Carla and I broke up.

Well, I screwed up

and Carla dumped me.

Well, I think she did.

I'm not exactly sure.

But she told me to fuck off with good reason

and I don't think this wedding

is going to happen.

Should I tell them about the robbery?

No, Ben. Not now.

Is it off?

He blows the whistle, ending regular time. Overtime.

Want me to take you to the retirement home?

Do you?

We're not getting married.

You can stay until the match is over.

I hope Holland wins so I won't be the only loser.

Thank you all for coming.

MY VACATION - 2000 A DAY AT THE BEACH

MY VACATION 2009 A DAY AT THE BEACH

DUMMY

It's about to begin, the last act of this grand finale.

Can you explain this?

We lied for effect.

Would you have let me get married otherwise?

- Yes. - Yes.

Really?

Now I look like a bad mother.

Like shitty brothers. A bad aunt.

Okay, fine. I screwed up.

- Don't blame me. - Blame me.

- Nobody's at fault. - It's a question of responsibility.

- There's... - Responsibility.

Ephraim, do you like Monica?

Monica can marry him, she hooked up with him.

With Monica there's a feeling that with Carla...

I did not. Feeling?

We only kissed. Oh, what a feeling!

Kissed my ass.

Okay, you were right, there were signs.

Moni, do you like Ephraim?

- There were not any signs. - No, no.

There was a woman. Well, another woman.

I don't know.

Not another woman, just one.

Monica, be honest. One here, another here.

Okay, yeah.

Two. But they count as one. I always sort of liked him.

But that one counts more than any woman in the universe.

Sometimes...

It may sound confusing, but it's not.

He felt a little like...

It's not confusing. Yes, it is.

My boyfriend.

My head is spinning right now.

Too bad we're not Mormons. Carla, Moni, Moni, Carla...

Carla, I swear I'm not trying to steal him from you.

- I can't tell them apart. - What if he dumps me?

- Because I love Carla. - Even worse.

- But I don't want to lose Moni. - What if I dump him?

We're all made for each other.

Nobody's dumping anybody. You love them both.

Over just a little kiss?

- You don't plan a wedding. - Or a big one, but a kiss.

Turning 18 isn't getting married.

You're going to marry him... It's making decisions.

But your sister kisses him.

No, Dad says you can't have it all. Or any of it.

I don't know...

Or all of it, or any of it.

Dummies!

You have to stop playing this game.

No more Ephraim for me.

If you play to tie...

- I'm done. - ...you get eliminated.

I'm such a schmuck I'll lose them both.

I think you're making excuses to forget the whole thing.

You don't know the half of it.

We're talking about me, but you've got plenty going on too.

Carla's a bit...

Monica, shut up.

Complicated.

- Say it. - About some things.

Liberate yourself.

- Not only... - Here we go again.

Is she not pregnant.

It's my business, not yours.

The truth is, we've never...

I think that's enough for today.

- We've never done it. - We've never done it.

There.

You haven't...?

You haven't had sex? Even I've had sex!

Married without having sex! Finally some good news.

We'll get you a hooker with my summer camp friends.

It's not funny, damn it.

It's okay, Ephraim, really...

It's no big deal, but...

But...

But Why?

We thought waiting was cool.

Waiting for what?

For today.

Mom and Dad waited. So did Britney Spears.

And that worked out great... We fucked everything up.

You've got balls like the Death Star, kid.

We've done stuff. I'm not frigid.

We tried once.

But Carla was scared because...

He stuck in...

Well, just the tip.

It really hurt.

Because Ephraim...

You've got a huge cock, dude!

Have you seen it or what?

No, you told me!

Mine would be no problem.

So anyway, we put it off until today.

It's not just that it hurts.

It's like things are better if we don't.

Carla loses interest very fast.

Sex isn't everything.

It isn't?

It's not about sex.

It's about touching...

Insatiable desire...

- Chemistry. - Chemistry.

Compatibility.

Understanding.

- Rapport. - Love.

And love.

And knowing all your bullshit before it eats you up.

And sex too, right?

A quickie, a quickie.

What makes no sense is you're 18 and you're not ready for sex...

but you are for marriage.

I just wanted to be like Ga-Ga.

And Grandma. And like you, Mom.

I tried to break the streak.

Cool young mothers who are happily married.

Fine, I failed. But I tried.

The pressure got to me.

So I'm not going to be an uncle?

No, Ben. You're not going to be an uncle.

You said you would name him Ronaldo.

Ben, his name had to start with G.

To keep the family tradition.

I don't care, then name him Gonaldo.

That's the end of the first half of the extra period.

There's no time to rest.

Hi. Can I come in?

What are you looking at?

The mess we made.

Waiting for the bride and groom?

Did they give you a lecture?

Pretty much. You?

I don't want it to end like this.

I'll meet plenty of men and you'll meet plenty of women. That's life.

I'll like some more than others.

I'll drive some crazy, others will make me insane.

But none of them, not a single one of them...

will be as important as you.

I'll always be that pathetic little blonde kid

with the four crazy brothers.

What was his name again?

Oh, yeah, I remember. Ephraim.

What ever happened to him? I'll look him up on Facebook...

Let's see...

Wow, he's all fat and bald now. No, thanks!

Thank God I didn't marry him.

We can still make this a special day.

I still want you to be my first.

Me too. I promise I won't hurt you.

- That's not what I meant, pervert. - Me neither.

Yes, I did, silly.

- Get ready and I'll be right back. - Where are you going?

Carla, where are you going with my essay?

Carla!

Wanting it all and never settling, that's cowardice.

Wanting one thing and fighting for it, that's bravery.

You've done nothing wrong.

I wouldn't have waited a year.

Do what you have to do.

Thanks for taking care of everyone and everything.

What are you doing?

Why did you break it?

Here.

Hold it up to the light.

No. From now on, three's a crowd.

Just look at it.

What am I looking for?

A hidden treasure map?

Look where my name is written.

I'll never get married.

All marriages suck and they always end badly.

How long have you known?

Since before he wrote it.

I don't think you need a map to find your treasure.

Villa is coming out. Five goals in the tournament.

I don't want to go. I want to stay here.

I'm not going.

Why?

You're scared of seeing Dad?

I'm not scared. I don't want time to run out.

What do you mean, "run out?"

Yeah. I know you guys think I don't notice things,

but I know Dad doesn't have much time left with me.

And I don't...

I don't want it to run out, I want to save it for later.

Ben, we can go together if you want.

- No, I'm staying. - It'll make him happy.

I'm staying.

I still have to tell the story about the robbery. It's super important.

What robbery? What are you talking about?

- Adam left his pills at Dad's... - Ben, not now.

- Okay, you tell me when. - I will.

Look what I got you.

The cheese that calms me down.

Ben, listen to me.

Time is like cheese.

Even if you like it a lot, if you hold onto it too long,

it goes bad.

You have to use it when it's ready.

Then I'll use it

Here.

If you'd asked me

to marry you today, I'd have said no.

But if you'd asked yesterday,

I'd have said yes.

And if you ask me tomorrow,

I probably will too.

I started going out with you because I hate being alone.

That's the plain, fucked up truth.

I need to take care of someone and have someone take care of me.

Someone strong and sure of himself.

And it's true I felt a passion for Caleb that I don't feel for you.

And I think I'll always love him.

But I can't be with him.

I can't.

I don't want to.

With you everything is comfortable and easy.

I know that sounds awful, but it's true and I like it.

With him I was hooked to the things he didn't give me.

And with you I'm hooked to the things you do.

And I can't think of a better father for my children.

But I'm not pregnant, okay?

Don't worry.

But anyway,

I don't think I'll take long.

In wanting children, I mean.

Take all this into account

and think about if you want to be with me.

Because I want to be with you.

Am I interrupting?

- What are you doing? - Carla said you want to talk to me.

No, we were going to...

What, sleep? You want your pajamas?

No, no.

Do you want to talk to me or not?

But... what for?

Okay.

Then I'll leave.

No, no, wait.

Don't leave.

Don't ever leave.

You should know I still never want to get married.

No, I'm not really into marriage any more.

Getting married is too 20th century.

Navas gets away, passes to Iniesta,

a beautiful pass with his heel to Cesc,

Cesc to Navas, Iniesta's on the other side,

over to Torres, Torres centers it to Cesc,

Cesc to Iniesta...

Goal.

Goal.

Goal, goal...!

What are you doing?

Well...

After all I said, you're...

No...

celebrating?

Hold on.

Dad!

Dad!

The goal cured him!

If I get fat again, will you still love me?

I can't take this diet any more.

No fucking way!

Tubby!

I love you guys! I love you too!

I love you, damn it!

World champions, my boys.

Iniesta, you're a dream!

It's a miracle!

Dad waking up is a good sign, right?

No, it's not a good sign.

I gave him morphine earlier to settle him down.

He woke up because the effect is wearing off.

Dad has little time left.

Very little.

- Why didn't we go to the hospital? - Because there was no point.

His heart could fail any second, it's broken.

Actually it's been broken for a long time.

Dad was aware of it

and he picked the moment.

This moment.

All I did was respect his will.

Caleb.

I don't want to be here.

You're talking about grown-up stuff.

My name is Benjamin Montero Sanz.

I live at Camino...

Ben.

Ben.

Remember when you went to summer camp

- with your friends? - Yeah.

You were happy, but also a little sad, right?

Because you were going to miss us.

And what would Dad do?

He'd put us all in the car and took us to the station.

We'd kiss and hug you goodbye

and you weren't sad any more.

Well, this is like Dad going to camp.

And we have to see him off right

so he's happy and relaxed.

So we can give him the ending he deserves,

the one he always dreamed about.

All right?

Hi, Cris.

I've been operating 48 hours straight.

I'm exhausted but overjoyed.

I think I've finally understood the meaning of the word success.

Then right after I was invaded by a huge feeling of emptiness.

Because success is useless if you can't share it with your loved ones.

I haven't shared anything with anyone in two years.

None of what's going on inside me,

none of what I know.

And I can't take it any more.

Remember two and a half years ago

when my dad's testicles were swollen?

We thought it might be a tumor. We operated and he was fine.

But I discovered later in Anatomical Pathology

that his testicles weren't functional. They never had been.

My father isn't my father

or any of my brothers' father.

And he doesn't know it.

My father is sterile. He doesn't know that, either.

And what I'm writing here so quickly and easily

has been an unbearable curse for me.

Because my concept of family,

of my family,

vanished completely.

You assisted me in that operation. You were beside me the whole time.

And I've often wondered why I didn't share it with you.

Now I know it's because I was ashamed.

I questioned my existence and everything around me.

And I chose to run.

From everything,

even you.

But before I left, I went to talk to my mother, to confront her,

to demand an explanation and share my grief.

If I was going to take that bomb far away...

I wanted to know exactly what was inside.

After they got married, no matter how hard they tried,

my parents couldn't get pregnant.

Something clearly wasn't working.

My mother took fertility tests and everything was fine.

She obviously wasn't the problem.

But she couldn't bring herself to ask my dad to do the same.

I guess she didn't want him to feel humiliated or doubt his manliness.

Those were other times.

The thing is, my mom decided to make his dream come true.

In 1969 my folks were living in a small apartment in Legazpi.

One afternoon, my mom fixed herself up

and said she was spending the night at the hospital with aunt Pili.

She wandered aimlessly through the night

until she found herself outside the recently-opened Eurobuilding.

She went in and sat in the cafeteria.

They were having an international conference on maritime transport.

My mother didn't speak languages, but she didn't need to.

She was very pretty and friendly.

He was Danish, elegant, tall and handsome,

with a strong build, like Dad.

Nine months later, Adam was born,

with incredible blue eyes nobody could explain.

12-20-2-29-14.

Your birthdays.

That's the combination to the safe.

You're the eldest, it's up to you to distribute what's inside.

You'll be fair and you'll do a good job.

I could tell you 4 more stories like this one with 4 different men.

I needed two years, distance, misery and solitude

to realize that all my mom did was commit 5 acts of love,

generosity and absolute sacrifice to give my dad a large family,

the Hollywood family he always wanted.

I think it's understandable and forgivable

that my mom fell in love with the last man, Ephraim's father,

and chose to move in with him and live a life free of lies.

After all, it's her life.

Hi, Mom.

I'm telling you this because I feel like I lost you for not telling you.

I'm not trying to get you back,

mainly because I know you wouldn't want me back.

I guess it's my way of saying I'm sorry

for not living up to the standard you deserved.

The one you deserve.

I love you.

Caleb.

I love you too.

P.S. Don't tell my brothers any of this.

Carrying this is not a burden any more.

I pronounce you man and wife.