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You know what's more orgasmic than finding
Doris Day parking?
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Riding Rock Hudson?
No, Mickey, watching I Love Dick on OutliciousTV.
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00:00:14,650 --> 00:00:21,650
Awkward moment number 465.
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We've all been here before.
You go out drinking, you're horny, you meet
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someone hot and you really wanna get it on.
The problem is you don't have a place.
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So you ask your friend if you can sober up
for a bit and stay at their place.
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But, you're too horny to control yourself
and off you go getting it on with your trick.
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Well, that didn't happen to me tonight.
Hi, I'm Ryan.
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The one watching late night infomercials on
the couch.
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00:01:06,459 --> 00:01:09,509
Maybe I should buy some of that special stain
remover they're selling.
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It's only $19.99 and I'm sure my couch will
need it.
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The one in the white shirt is my friend, Dustin.
Well, he was wearing a white shirt.
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He's the guy on top. Which is funny because
he's not.
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The other guy, his name is Kyle. He was my
date tonight.
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You heard me right. MY DATE!
So, why am I not really angry about the situation
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on the couch?
Well, let's just say that this is just the
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tip of the iceberg of the dryspell I've been
going through.
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Five, six, seven, eight!
You're doing such a wonderful job!
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Perfect!
Cut!
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Honey, what's going on here?
I don't have a partner.
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Story of his life.
This drama's going to be the death of me.
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Alright, look.
I'll find you a partner as soon as I finish
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this... this masterpiece.
This is going to be my greatest achievement.
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Now will you let me finish?
Moving on and pony and pony and pony and pony
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step out...
So you're not going to apologize for last
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night?
What about last night?
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Hello, you were getting on with Kyle.
Who's Kyle?
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My date.
Oh him.
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Yeah, I was doing you a favor.
A favor?
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If he's that prone to distraction, he isn't
boyfriend material. You should be thanking
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me.
Ow.
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I'm sorry.
Is everything okay over here?
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Yes, it is.
Well, since you two chatty Kathies find it
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fit to have a little coffee clatch while I'm
working my ass off!
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Why don't you do a little demonstration for
us, huh?
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Would you like that?
I don't know it.
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My pleasure.
Five, six, seven, eight!
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Moving on! Music!
So maybe I'm not looking for a boyfriend.
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What?
You said the guy wasn't boyfriend material.
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Maybe I don't want a boyfriend. Maybe I'm
just looking to get laid!
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I think now would be a good time to call it
a day.
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If you wanna get laid just go out and do it
already. It's not that hard.
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So says the man who's little black book is
the size of New York City's phone book.
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Only the Manhattan section.
Ow!
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Oh shit! Sorry about that!
You should be! You almost broke my nose!
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Don't worry about it. He's been hunting for
an excuse to get his nose done anyway.
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It's my first day of rehearsal so I'm a little
dazed and off in my own world.
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I can tell.
I'm Ryan.
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Ian, the new understudy.
So, you're the guy with the dating problem.
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Keep your chin up, everything happens for
a reason.
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Thanks.
Keep your chin up? Who says that? That is
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so lame.
Ryan, hello, Ryan! Right here!
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Now I know that you wanna get laid and all.
But rule number one. Do not fuck the guys
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that you rehearse with.
It can get messy.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's get out of here. Mama, needs a shot
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of vodka and vicodin for her nose.
Goddammit!
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Hello, lover, did I interrupt something?
No, you didn't.
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You look a little messy. I think you were
totally having sex.
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00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:07,699
You can tell me if you have a boy hiding here.
I won't bite. Unless he's hot.
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00:06:07,699 --> 00:06:11,059
Where is he?
No one's here. I was just doing some housework.
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Well, I'll let you get back to doing your
housework.
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I just wanted to tell you, I found a solution
to your problem.
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Tada!
What the hell is that?
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Aw, you poor thing. You've never seen one
of these before. It's a-
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I know what it is, what would I do with something
that big?
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It's your new boyfriend. Now you can get some
attention every night before bed without-
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I do that every night before bed already and
I don't need the help of your baseball bat.
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I knew you wouldn't be in to it. That is why
I hooked you up with Troy.
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Oh I'm not going on a blind date.
Don't be so ungrateful. Troy is a nice boy!
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He's this totally hot guy that runs in my
neighborhood.
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Oh god, delicious.
Everyday he runs by my apartment, I think
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he totally wants me.
One day, he stopped and chatted me up.
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Oh shit, so sorry.
Watch where you're going with that thing.
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You look even hotter dirty.
Pardon?
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Wanna come up for a drink?
You're not my type.
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I've got a cute friend!
He's coming over here night.
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What? Here? You gave out my address?
Are you crazy? What if he's some crazy rapist?
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As they always say, you can not rape the willing.
Sorry for the wait, I couldn't get the cork
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out.
Oh, I should have told you, I don't drink.
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00:08:00,999 --> 00:08:06,689
Oh, are you in recovery?
No, I just don't believe I need alcohol to
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have a good time.
I get it. So what should we watch.
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This looks good.
I think that's rated R. I try to stay away
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from movies in which I don't share the values
of the characters.
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00:08:23,479 --> 00:08:26,649
Wow. That would leave out like everything
I've ever seen.
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The news is on, we could watch that.
Whoa, what are you doing?
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I was going to kiss you.
You said you don't need alcohol to have a
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good time.
I... I... I don't really do this.
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What? Sex on the first date?
Well, I prefer to be in a committed relationship
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00:08:54,650 --> 00:09:00,070
before I do anything.
I mean I used to do it all, sex parties, bathhouses,
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00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:07,070
gang bangs, parking lots.
But recently, I found Jesus has a higher purpose
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00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:10,210
for me.
I prefer to have a spiritual connection with
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my partner over just a physical one.
I'm in a deeply committed relationship with
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the lord.
Are you sure he's not open to threeways?
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How was Troy?
Troy sucked.
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Did he swallow, too?
No, not like that unfortunately. He's one
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of those crazy religious types that doesn't
have sex until their married.
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Tell him he's in the wrong state to be waiting
for gay marriage.
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Oh, yes.
What was that?
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Oh, nothing.
Oh, I'm coming.
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00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:53,020
Is that Kyle?
Yeah, you know we're dating now.
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00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:55,610
I thought you said he wasn't relationship
material.
102
00:09:55,610 --> 00:09:57,800
I meant he wasn't relationship material for
you.
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Listen, I'll see you tomorrow in rehearsal.
I gotta clean up.
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Can I stretch here?
Be my guest?
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00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:29,330
So what got you started in dance?
Oh gosh. I must have been like ten years old.
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I was watching a Paula Abdul video on TV.
She was so fierce.
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My mom saw it and she called her a slut.
From that moment on I always knew I wanted
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to be a slut. I mean dancer.
You know you're pretty funny. Hey do you wanna
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00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:49,510
grab some-
Welcome back everyone!
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Okay, Ryan, I have solved your partner problem.
Jacob, come here please!
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Ryan this is Jacob. He's an excellent dancer.
Actually, I'm not exactly sure if he can dance
112
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:10,260
but; he sure made me move.
You are going to be partners.
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Excuse me everyone. Take five!
Hey, I'm Ryan.
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00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:21,060
Do you know where the bathroom is? I'm having
a dance belt issue.
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00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:28,060
Uh, yeah, it's through those doors and
to the right.
He's pretty cute, huh?
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He's hot!
Follow him.
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What?
He wants you to.
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00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:38,910
No.
Go.
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00:11:38,910 --> 00:11:45,910
I just wanted to make sure you found it alright.
This door right?
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That's the one.
Great.
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Super.
Are you okay?
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00:11:59,890 --> 00:12:06,290
I'm sorry.
What happened?
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00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:13,290
I am so embarrassed.
Oh I told you it can get messy.
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Since our latest dancer mysteriously disappeared.
I've gotta rethink this whole thing.
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We need someone who can dance. Someone who
can be right up front and shine.
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I'll do it!
You're the understudy.
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00:12:46,790 --> 00:12:53,560
However, since I am feeling a little generous
today. I've had a prostate exam from a gorgeous
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00:12:53,560 --> 00:13:00,560
proctologist.
Alright you can do it! Get up here!
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00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:22,630
Smile everyone! Five, six, seven, eight!
Now lasso and lasso go this way and that,
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00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:55,890
get the horse!
And swim and swim don't drown, don't drown.
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00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:58,310
Charleston! Charleston! Won't you kick with
Charleston!
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One and two and three and four. Oh you got
it perfectly.
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00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,140
You're brilliant!12209
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