All language subtitles for Cannonball Run II

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Do you understand?

We, the Falafel family,

from the very beginning until now,

have ruled the desert
with one thing - ''speed''.

Our ants run faster than others.

We spend money faster than others.

Now, from the ground...

suddenly...

Our planes fly faster than others.

We have the fastest boats
and the fastest cars

except for one.

It is you!

Last year I sent you
to race the Cannonball Run

to let people know about
the Falafel family.

The fastest family in the world.

We could have won.

But you guit during the race.

A thousand thanks.

Please listen to me.
We drove too fast,

and that caused a flat tire.

- Father.
- Stop explaining!

You have already disgraced
the Falafel family.

A thousand thanks.

Do you have a blonde slave

for any special reason?

Don't underestimate him.

Prior to becoming a slave,
he was a hotshot on TV.

That's right.

Two thousand thanks.

If it weren't for my ulcer,
I would have won the last time.

The worst part is...

I order you to return to America

to win the Cannonball Run.

The problem is none of us
has a driver's license.

Otherwise, I wouldn't ask you.

But Father,

there's no Cannonball Run this year.

No race? Then organize one.

I know what to do.

Someone is speeding.

Someone really has guts
but no regard for life.

I'm not sure about that.
The ticket's going to be expensive.

- Here they come.
- We have to chase them.

''Speed Limit: 55 m.p.h.''

''Speed Limit: 155 m.p.h.''

This car is really fast.

A white car is coming at you
in about 3 seconds.

You're exaggerating.

Right, there are two pretty girls
in the car.

This is a straight road.
How could we miss them?

Calm down. Look for dust and dirt.

It must be them.

We really have lost them.

The two girls are driving
a white Lamborghini.

How could we have missed them?

Really, we didn't see them.

I saw it.
This time, we won't lose them.

Don't get cocky.

We'll split up.
They won't get away.

Let's do it.

I'm heading south-east,
chasing a white Lamborghini.

Be on the lookout.

Thank you.

Did I have too much drink or what?

The white Lamborghini is gone.

But here comes a red one.

That isn't right.
There are two more girls speeding.

It's boring racing with them.

The Cannonball Run is much better.

Right. There's a Cannonball Run
this year.

Why don't we compete race?

It must be exciting.

- What are we waiting for?
- Let's go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the Human Cannonball show.

Get ready to be thrilled
by a brave performer.

This stunt pushes human ability
to its limit.

This is a record-breaking event

that defies death.

It's a gamble of life.

J.J., is this going to work?

It'll work.

- We're going to be rich.
- Rich...?

We're going to split
all the money in half.

We're partners.

- You perform and I get the money.
- That's fair.

- You won't go wrong with me.
- Because we're partners.

My part is more dangerous.

Don't be a chicken.

The pilot is very experienced.

- He can do it with his eyes closed.
- Closed eyes?

Don't be afraid.
He'll drop you gently.

- Then you'll go through that.
- Go through what?

- Go through a net. It's very safe.
- Really?

There's hay behind it.

If you don't catch the net,
you'll wind up as a scarecrow.

What if it doesn't work?

- It's not dangerous?
- I'm very calm.

- Have some confidence.
- Right.

If you have confidence,
I won't be worried.

Good luck.

- J.J., I'm still scared.
- Scared?

If you are scared,
then change into Captain Chaos.

Everything will be fine.

Captain Chaos only appears
when human life is in grave danger.

Right, ask him to come.

Hello, this is Jack Smith.

We brought our camera

to report

to our viewers

who will witness a stunt

called the Human Cannonball.

A human bomb will be dropped
at 140 m.p.h.

If he is lucky,

he will become a national hero.

His face will not only be seen
on magazine covers,

but millions of adoring women

will be at his feet.

He will be surrounded by women.

Clumsy oaf.

J.J., long time no see.

You look great.

I think I'd better take your place.

l'll do it. We're good partners.

It's better if i take your place.

- Really?
- Right.

Then go ahead.

Thank you.

- Be cool.
- I will.

He's in grave danger.

Drinking beer is better
than doing anything else.

Drinking beer...

lced cold beer...with chicken wings...

Let me take a sip to wake myself up.

What's the matter?

I want to go down.

That's easy. Watch me.

Don't blink. The Human Cannonball
is ready to be dropped.

Everything is ready.

The smart has the ideas.
The dumb one does the work.

An ambulance is here

to see if he's all right.

The pilot is great.
Are you all right?

It's really exciting. It's great.
The event was wonderful.

- You really accomplished something.
- Pull me out first.

- It's fabulous. We'll be rich.
- Hurry up!

You'll be a star
and appear on magazine covers.

You can do whatever you want, J.J.

J.J...
you seem to be shorter?

J.J., are you all right?

- We'll make tons of money now.
- Is that right?

If we perform this ten times a day
for about a year,

we'll be billionaires.

What?

The prize for the Cannonball Run
is a million dollars.

It's just a small amount.
It's nothing.

A lottery prize is more than this.

Did i say something wrong?

You want me to perform this
ten times a day?

How about nine times?

I just want you to be rich.

I want to discuss something
at this meeting today.

Our family has had money
and power for a long time.

I control everything in America,

prostitution, gambling,

drugs, racketeering,
and prostitution.

Boss, you said prostitution twice.

I like it.
Our business has gone down.

Guys, who worked for us before,
work for other families.

They don't even consider us.
Why is this?

It is because we're nice guys?

Is the interest too high?

Too many people emigrate?

None of the above.

No...you're all stupid.

I didn't know we'd be playing
a guessing game.

Give us a hint.

Last year, i passed my business
over to my son, Don Don.

I asked you all to assist him

to increase business.

And what are the results?

He has only brought our family
disgrace and shame.

What happened?

This cat is dead.

Give me a new cat.

Even cats can't survive.
Thank you.

This hair is soft. It's interesting.

It's a boy.

Go and bring Don Don back.

Don Don.

Your father wants us
to learn about your affairs.

What are your assets?

I'm...i'm good-natured,
and i dress well, and...

No. What about your liabilities?

Well, there is one small liability.

What...?

I could use a tummy tuck.

- A tummy tuck?
- Yes, i have to pee.

You have to pee?

- I'm going to kill you...
- Calm down.

Don Don,
do you have any outstanding debts?

It's all here.

Take a guick look.

$30,000?
We have to get the money back.

Fenderbaum?

- Right.
- We have to get it back.

You better tell Jim
where his car is.

Me again?
It's your turn.

How are you?

Can i help you ladies?

Our car broke down.

Right.

Take a hike?

Get lost.

What a jerk!

- What are we going to do?
- Martha.

Come here...

Come on here, baby.

Are you all right?

Could be. This is a beauty,
just like you.

It's about average.

I have to enjoy it
before the license fee goes up.

What do you want?

- A ride.
- All right. Get in.

- I'm Martha.
- I'm Jill.

- I'm George.
- You're a nice guy.

Attention Japan Cargo.
Please land at hangar three.

Roger.

We're in trouble.
We have to go through customs.

And they'll impound the car.

And we won't be able
to enter the race.

What shall we do?

- Land immediately.
- All right.

Take emergency action.

A cop car is following us.

- Get rid of it.
- Roger.

- Take action 9.
- Roger.

Great, look for a place to hide.

I know you are in there.
Open the door.

Open the door, Blake. It's Fenderbaum.

It's me.

I know you're in there.

I know a way.

Men...Women...

When i make a dry Martini,
it's really a dry Martini.

- Someone's knocking at the window.
- It's the window cleaner.

- Go and see who it is.
- Forget it. I don't have the time.

Blake, open the window, let me in.

Let me handle this.
I'll be back.

Someone sure picked the wrong time.
It's annoying.

Blake, I'm here.

I'm in a serious situation.
You leave first.

Blake, I'm here on serious business.

- What a coincidence?
- Right.

Do you want to kill me?
This is the 18th floor.

Really? It's the 18th floor?

- The 18th floor?
- Right, the 18th floor.

Really?

You are the tallest short guy
l've ever seen.

- Read this good news.
- What?

The Sheikh is organizing
the Cannonball Run this year.

First prize is one million dollars.

If we win, we'll be rich.

Be careful! Watch out!

- Don't come in. l'll come out.
- Blake.

Where are you going?

I don't need you
when I have a million dollars.

You creep.

How come you become
a window cleaner?

Just now. It was the only way
to make you come out.

You're on time, Doctor.

- Money can make anyone on time.
- Smart.

Don't worry.
I can cure those who aren't sick.

I can't cure the ones who are sick.

I have to win the Cannonball Run
this time.

That's why I need you
to take care of me on the road.

Are you good at curing ulcers?

My speciality is haemorrhoids.

I guess it's all the same.

My examination will cure you.

Let me give you a check-up.

Open up your mouth.

I'm clean. You know my rules.

Everyone has to pay me
no matter who it is.

Right...you're good.

What are you doing? Drinking milk?

It won't improve your health
if you fool around like this.

It's better than nothing.

Can i help you?

Whiskey and water.

Does anyone speak Oriental?

Two Whiskeys and water.

I'll get you something.

Are you deaf?
Whiskey and water. Go.

- Hurry.
- All right, coming right up.

We'll get a bottle of champagne.

And we'll go up to my place.

Father, what are you saying?

Haven't you seen The Thornbirds?

Pal, this outfit is no good.

You can look but you can't touch.
It's a pity.

Why do i still feel hungry?

Order something again.

Roast pigeon tastes good,
at a good price.

What about steak? Last time l...

I'm not talking about food.

What are you talking about?

- I meant women.
- Women.

If there aren't women in this world,

being a rich man is meaningless.

- Right, i agree.
- You agree?

Yes, J.J., I'm not gay.

I know you're not.

You're just a little different.

I'm just kidding.

If you want a girl,
I'll give you one of mine.

But that's how you get diseases.

It wouldn't be a coincidence.

Then hurry up.
I can't hold on anymore.

- What's up?
- Seems like we have the girls.

We'll have fun tonight.

Yeah, have fun tonight.

- What fun?
- Let's go.

You have to leave after the fun.

J.J. how are you?

- Do you have any plans tonight?
- Not yet.

Let's have fun tonight.

Count me in.

Do we still owe Don Don $30,000?

- Didn't you pay him back?
- No.

That means
you still owe him $30,000.

Some collectors are here
for the money.

What collectors? Where?

They're at the entrance. Don't look.

Stupid, i told you not to look.

They're at the entrance,
so we'll sneak out the back door.

They can't be in two places
at the same time.

- Good idea.
- Of course.

We're dead this time.

They won't be easy on us.

You signed the loan.

Then it has nothing to do with me.

If you don't pay, you won't live.

My life isn't worth anything.

Listen to me.
Do you think we'd run away?

We know we owe you money.

That's why we're here?

Then, tell me what you want to do.

We want to enter the Cannonball Run.

We want to win the million dollars
and pay our debt.

What idiot would offer
that much money?

Fenderbaum, Blake,
aren't you both in the race?

Why don't you go rest?

It starts early tomorrow.

You guys don't have taste.

Take the money.
The Godfather look is out.

Buy yourself something new.

That's him.

It seems like this Sheikh is rich.

Boss, it's nice to see you.

You look handsome.
Welcome to the Pinto Ranch.

Do you want to have some fun today?

- May i have a chair?
- Of course.

This is serious.

My...my father, do you know him?

Do you mind if i call you Dumb-Dumb?

Okay. Dumb-Dumb.

Your father knows
you are a bum.

That's why he asked me to help you.

So he sent you to Las Vegas

to learn the business from me.

So what did i do?
I gave you a job on this ranch.

But you only fool around
with the girls here.

I just slept with one girl.

- The girl was ugly.
- Shut up.

Forget about that.

I lent you the money
to operate a prostitution ring.

- The economy isn't doing well.
- Is that right?

How much does he owe?

As of 9:30 a.m.,

with compound interest
and administrative fees,

the total is $9,332,448.55.

Mr. Hahn, I'm doing the best i can.

What? You're going to die.

I'm going to give you
one more chance.

You have to pay off your debt
by tomorrow.

You still have a day.
Tomorrow is the due date.

- Great.
- Shut up.

You'll be dead if you don't pay
within 24 hours.

Don't ever have a name like his.

What do you think?

- It's funny, boss.
- Don't laugh.

No one can laugh
without my permission.

So that's it. Dumb-Dumb.

Mr. Hahn, i have a guestion.

I'm dead.

Anymore guestions?

No...no guestions.

Is he really your uncle?

He is also your uncle.

The relationship is complicated.

I still don't understand.

He used to visit us often.
I call his mother, Aunt.

Your mother
and my mother are sisters.

He's the spouse of our eldest aunt.

I haven't seen him for a long time.

I only know he drives a white car.

My mother never mentioned him.

Uncle.

Sons, my place sells high-end cars.

Nowadays, we have ways
of doing business.

I started my business here.

Uncle, I'm Melvin.
You held me when i was a child.

Are you really my nephews?

I am Susan's son.

I don't recall.

That doesn't matter.
Doesn't that driver look different?

He...is a bit special.

Not only that, he looks strange.

I didn't know it was so easy
to get a license here.

He doesn't have a license of course.
Come here...

I drive from the back.

He just pretends to drive the car.

It's my way of doing business.
Here's my slogan...

''If a monkey can drive, so can you.''

He's interesting.
I treat him like my partner.

Come, partner, isn't this fun?

Yes, it's fun.

Uncle, we have a small problem.

Yes. We're broke.
We're almost bankrupt.

We want to borrow your car.

Are you going to use it
for something illegal?

No, we want to get into a race.

The Cannonball Run.

Stop it. I told you not to play
with the phone.

This stupid monkey always makes
long distance calls by mistake.

Stupid monkey. Stop it.

Wait a second.
I'll teach him a lesson.

Stupid monkey.

I can't stand this anymore.

Let's do this.
I will lend you the car.

But you have to bring him along.

You don't have to pay me if he dies.

I didn't expect

to look so real in a nun's habit.

It's so hot in this outfit.

- I want to get a cup of coffee.
- Good.

- Are we scheduled tomorrow?
- Yes...

I'm sick of playing small roles.

I don't even have a line.

Dreaming of becoming a star
is ruining my life.

My goodness, it's so crowded here.

We're finished.
You can have our seats.

- Thank you.
- You're so nice.

God bless you.

I'm sick and tired
of being a supporting actress.

I really want to change my career.

Betty, you can't rush things.

You have to wait for a chance
in this business.

I'll have to wait until i get old.

The best way to make money
is to look for a rich man.

It doesn't matter if he marries me.

As long as he gives me money.

How are we going to spend
a million dollars?

- How will we spend it?
- Listen to me.

I want to buy a race horse
for the Derby.

Then I'll buy a TV station
for my son.

I'll spend the rest on a mistress.

There are a thousand ways
to spend the money.

- Right?
- You're smart.

We've found our targets.

- Are you insane?
- Listen to me.

You're so clumsy. Look at you.

What shall i do?

- Women will suck you dry...
- Come over here.

Mister. I'm sorry to interrupt you.

We accidentally spilled coffee
all over our table.

May we join you?

Certainly. It's great...

You don't have to get up.
We'll sit couple to couple.

- Couple to couple?
- Great.

- J.J. they're joining us.
- Thank you.

I'm Sister Veronica.

- I'm Sister Betty.
- How are you?

I'm J.J. and he's my partner, Victor.

We're partners.

Are you two related?

No, we're just business partners.

It's that simple.

And you two?

Betty and i are like real sisters.

What is your occupation?

- We're professional...
- Car racers.

Right. We're in a race today
that's going to the east coast.

Really? Then you'll be rich?

Sure. Which church are you from?

Our church is old and ugly.
We're from...

The Old and Ugly Church.

We and some other sisters

- organized a detox centre...
- It's a community.

It's called
the Desert Detox Community.

- The name sounds strange.
- It's new.

I'm very familiar with the bible,

because i always pray
the night before a race.

l've never heard that name.

You're reading an old version
of the Bible.

Even the teaching material
changes every year.

- Right.
- Is that right?

The Bible has to be updated.

It should be.

We still have work to do.
Let's go. Bye.

- Right, we'll talk later.
- Good.

- Let's go.
- When does the race begin?

- At noon.
- At the hotel entrance.

- Bye, sisters.
- Bye.

Let's go.

- Talk to you later.
- Bye.

- Bye...
- Many people need our help.

Is the problem resolved?

I can solve any problem.

We have the thing planned.

While they are racing,

we will get that Arab.

Are you insane? Kill the Arab?

He is a very rich man.

Yes, i know.

I still owe someone a lot of money.
What time is it now?

I'm in trouble.
I have to pay off my debt tomorrow.

If we catch the Arab,
everything will be solved.

He wants us to think of a way
to catch that Arab.

Why?

Why? lf we have him,

we can extort him.

Don't get mad. i know what to do.

- You really blew me off.
- Good night.

Anna, try it again.

Step on the gas.

Everything is fine.

Do you think those military people

will salute when they see you?

You're cunning.

Jill, Martha, it's great.

J.J. looks cocky.

His partner doesn't look that great.

That fat guy always gets cheated.

Those two can't compare to us.

- Let's check out the other racers.
- All right.

How do i look?

- You look smart and sexy.
- Sexy?

- You too...
- I don't look that great.

- No.
- What's my title?

Landmine soldier.

A solider on the front lines.

- That's brave.
- Right.

J.J., i want a medal.

- A medal?
- I'll look better with one.

All right, you can choose one.

No, i can't take one of yours.

I feel embarrassed.

We're partners. Help yourself.

All right.

That one looks good. Thank you.

You're so generous.
A medal of the highest honour.

Thank you so much. This suits me.

It's beautiful. I really like it.

It looks so shiny under the sun.
Look who it is.

How are you?

- How are you?
- Are you a General?

You're a General. He's a lieutenant.

He's just a soldier.

General, can you help us?

We have an urgent errand
and we have to go to New York.

There are many people
who need our help there.

Can you give us a ride?

It's because our church is poor.

- We can't afford to buy tickets.
- Let's do it.

The other racers
aren't as fast as you.

And you're funny.

Funny?

Yes, you know that we're sisters.

We may look serious,

but we like to relax
when we get the chance.

Relax?

You want to relax?
As you like.

We have to discuss this.

- What are you doing?
- Come over here.

What?

I think you overdid it.

Funny and relaxed.

What's wrong with being relaxed?

- i know.
- Helping people is difficult.

It's a jinx to have nuns
come with us.

Just do something good.

If we let them come with us,

we won't be able to pick up girls.

I know I'm a womanizer.

But if they come with us...

- We can use them as shields.
- All right.

J.J. is the best.

Let's get into the car.

- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.

J.J., you'll go to heaven.

It's an honour for the angels.

The handbag is trendy.

We follow trends, too.

I have to make myself clear.
We're in the military.

We do what we want to do.
Aren't you scared?

- That's all right.
- That's good.

Being a nun is a tough job.

My daughter
doesn't want to become one.

Look who is here.

It's someone famous.

It's General Patent
and General Administrator.

It's better to be a cop
when you're chased by one.

Something's wrong.

Miss, let me tell you.

We were disguised as priests before.
We didn't win.

Disguising yourselves as nuns
won't do you any good.

That's why we're disguised as cops.

We can protect the ladies.

We can also search them.
That's great.

You really have guts.

They're real nuns.

You have to pay them respect.

Watch yourself!

You solve your own problem.

Everybody, come here...

Fenderbaum, Blake, J.J. and fat guy,

come here and listen
to the rules of the race.

Although I'm the prince
of the Falafel family,

I do my business seriously.

Don't laugh...

To encourage this race,

I personally donate a million dollars

as the first prize.

We will be rich.

- Good.
- I wish i had a million dollars.

But i get an advantage
for offering this prize.

I have to be the first one
to start the race.

General, is car racing dangerous?

It's not. It's exciting.

Captain Chaos is back.

How are you?

J.J., I'm here to protect you.
You will win this time.

Ask the nuns to get into the car.
We'll take off now.

Your partner is good at acting.

It's not acting. This is real.

General, you sit in the back.

Sister Betty and l
will sit up front.

- The fat guy is cute.
- Of course.

Don't try to be funny.

Everybody, wish me luck.
I hope all of you fail. Cheers.

Thank you. Goodbye...

Are you out of your mind?

You're blocking the way. Move away!

All right.

Say it again.

You're so stupid. Listen carefully.

Get close to his car.

Press the button at the right time.

The metal hand
clamps onto the car's bumper.

Then i will step on the brake

to stop his car.
Then you go and grab him.

Now do you understand?

I understand.

Attention, there's a cop behind you.

We'll be in trouble.

This doesn't work during the day,
only at night.

Show them what you can do.

The cop is getting closer.

- Everything is ready.
- The jet is ready.

Good, this is great.

They are coming.

Are they here yet?
I am still a bit confused.

It's easy. We'll chase them
and grab their rear bumper.

Watch me. I'm ready. Be careful.

Be calm. Ready. Go.

Press the button...

Press.

The car is shaking,
I can't press the button.

If you're so good,
why don't you do it? Press...

- His car isn't going anywhere.
- Not going anywhere.

The car took off.
We can't even follow them now.

That's cute.

Granny,
do you want a tire change?

Tony, will we make it this time?

Shut up, we've been working together

for a long time,
have we ever failed?

The control panel

in this helicopter
has been improved.

Your body may be intact
after a car accident,

but you'll be minced meat
in a helicopter accident.

Shut up.
Keep reading the instructions.

If you want to live, read louder.

We made it.

But you're so scared
your hair is standing on end.

Can you explain to me
how to catch him?

Why?

This is too complicated.
One explanation isn't enough.

You are as dumb as a pig.

Listen, we have a magnet.
It can even pick up a truck.

Is it that powerful?

We are driving really fast.
Are we speeding?

Yes. We are going 110 m.p.h.

It is really exciting.

Are you touching my thigh?

Yes.

It's all right. Please continue.

We have just passed a cop.

It doesn't matter.
Just pretend we didn't see him.

Sir, how fast are you driving?

About 80 m.p.h.

They just passed us.

We have to give them a ticket.

Watch me. You're still a rookie.

So you've never been involved
in a real car chase.

Oh no. The cops are behind us.

They just want my autograph.

What is wrong? What happened?

I am afraid of the cops.

You are afraid?

Don't be afraid. I'll protect you.

I am counting on you.
Your hands are warm.

They are steaming hot.

- His whole body is very warm.
- Is that right?

You know what?
Fatty's thigh is warm, too.

There is a technigue to speeding.

Going in the same direction

will give you 20 m.p.h. more,
even when making a turn.

What are you writing?

My resignation letter.

It is lunch time, Prince.

You will get a stomach ache
if you eat too much.

Let me have some.
I will have the stomach ache instead.

His car is ahead of us.

I see it.

This is getting exciting.

What do we do now?

Of course, we will follow it.

When they are not looking,

we will use the magnet
to pick the car up.

It's better than using super glue.

That is great, Tony.
I have faith in you.

I have to be 100% certain.

That is good.

Do you think we are too low?

You don't understand.

We are almost touching the car.

Don't you think i know that?

Go left. A bit left.

Stop mumbling in my ear.
I know what to do.

Go a bit lower.

Lower the magnet.

It sticks like super glue.

It's so tight,
nothing can break it apart.

Let's fly into the sky...

Let's fly into the sky.

How come it is not working?

Do you think the fan belt is broken?

Is it too light?
Is that why it won't work?

Don't worry. I'll fix it.

I think we will have to wear
our seatbelts.

It is lunch time.

You feed him. Let me drive.

No. It is your turn. Hurry up.

This is for you.

What are you doing, monkey?

That monkey is crazy.
It should be sent to a clinic.

London Bridge is falling down,
falling down...

- Soldier.
- Yes, sir?

- You're driving well.
- Thank you, Sir.

Keep up the good work.

Sister Betty,
I am familiar with the Bible.

Why haven't i heard about
the Desert Detox Community?

- It has to do with morality.
- Morality?

She doesn't have a good memory.

- We want to rest now.
- Go ahead.

If you don't mind,
we have to change.

Please go ahead. Don't be shy.

Goodnight.

I think they're open-minded.

It's nice that they're open-minded.

Nice?
I can't control myself anymore.

J.J., you have to control yourself.

It's very difficult. They always...

They're religious.
You have a dirty mind.

- They're nuns.
- They're women, too.

I don't know what to say to you.

I can't stop fantasizing
about those girls.

J.J.

Please forgive me, God.
I have sinned.

Good morning, Officer.
Nice day, isn't it?

- Don't sweet talk me. Step aside.
- All right.

- Good morning.
- General?

What's the matter, Officer?

Nothing, your car
was over the speed limit.

It's a military emergency.

How urgent is it?

It's highly confidential.

Where is your driver's license?

Stop.
I'm contaminated with radiation.

Do you think I'm an idiot?

There was a nuclear radiation leak.

We have to take the leaky object
to the next state.

Why?

To store it in a warehouse.

This is nonsense.

Hey, Brother-in-law!

That's my wife's brother.

- Go ahead. We'll wait for you.
- Thank you.

Long time no see...

- I didn't know you're coming back.
- Private.

General.

Why are you here?

I'm on vacation.
I haven't had one in 10 years.

I order you to drive this car
to the next state.

- Go and drive.
- Yes, Sir.

Wait a minute.
I have to check it out first.

His rank is higher.
I have to listen to him.

See how many medals he has.

I don't care. I have to check.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Officer.

What's going on?

General, what happened?

I'm sorry, Sisters.

I tried to explain everything
to the officer.

Why are these nuns with you?

- Just in case we die while on duty.
- This is serious.

The mission is called ''God Knows''.

We have to keep this top secret.

If we don't complete this mission,
the U.S. may be destroyed.

You have to be careful.

ln that case,
I will escort you to the border.

God bless you.

Officer, i have to tell you.

There are two spies
disguised as cops.

They're following us in a red car.
They're spies.

- Is that true?
- It's true.

Attention, there's a message
from the General.

Two spies disguised as cops
are driving a red car.

They are trying to steal
our nuclear waste.

If you see them, stop them.

Do you understand?

Units Two and Five
are heading east.

We saw the spies.

Spies?

l've always been mistaken by others,
but never for a spy.

Do they think i am James Bond?

Report to the General.
The spies won't get away.

Report to the General.
What General?

It's that jerk, J.J.,
he's playing a trick on us.

Good work.
But we're not free yet.

Units Two and Five
are heading west.

This is the Captain.

Capture them. Dead or alive.

We will have to take a chance.

I am going to place the car
in the middle of the road.

So they will be blocked.

If they have the guts,
they will hit us.

Or else they'll go into the ditch.

Let's do that. Speed up.

If they have the guts,

we'll be minced meat if they hit us.

That's right.

Don't throw that, stupid monkey.

I hate sitting up here.
I am bored.

Do you think i enjoy
sitting back here? Stupid monkey.

I won't be easy on you
if you keep on throwing stuff.

- Why are you out here?
- It is safer here.

- Who is driving?
- He is.

Do you want to take me to a disco?

I haven't put on my dancing shoes.

- Blake.
- What?

It's the General's car.

Is the fat guy driving?

No, the General is driving.

The General is driving.

I am going to teach him a lesson.

We're going to win this time
and get the prize.

You have to trust me.
You won't forget this experience.

- Will we have fun together?
- Yes.

You'll be proud
to tell your grandchildren.

If you crash the car,

I will never forget the experience.

That won't happen.

We will be gentle with it.

Do you think you can handle
the both of us?

- All right.
- We got it...

The keys are in the car.
Don't mess around.

Or else my friends will laugh at me.

They will envy you.

- Really?
- Drink more milk for energy.

Really?

Is the tank full?

Please drive carefully.

Bye, handsome.

Look at that fat guy.

What are you doing?

What do you want?

Give me a hand.

Why do i have to?
I am not involved in this.

Help me cut this. Come on.

- Thank you.
- You don't have team spirit.

I will help you later.

Did i scare you? Are you all right?

Don't be afraid.
I will protect you.

Can we go for a ride later?

This is the first time
l've been rescued.

Please stay for dinner
and meet my parents.

- You're great.
- You're so capable.

- It's wonderful.
- Please, don't mention it.

What's your name?

I'm Jack...

We still have to finish the race.

A million dollar prize
is waiting for us.

No, she and i are...

Don't forget me when you get rich.

When i am rich, i will come back.

Why are they taking so long?

They look great. They have changed.

- Are we too sexy?
- Maybe.

I am afraid we may scare them.

General, you have two pretty women
for this task.

I guess the mission
must be very important.

All right, we have enough food.
We don't have to worry.

You won't starve.

You look great out of your outfit.

They're beautiful.
Private, come with me.

Disguised as nuns, huh?

Get into the car, guickly.

Yes, General.

What are you doing?
We don't need a gun.

Turn right...

We'll use the wire to stop the car.
Then you steal the money.

- I steal the money?
- I will kidnap the Prince.

After that,
we will go back to Las Vegas.

Let's do it.

This is Falafel.

Did you get it? Doubtful?

What a name for a company.

The name doesn't sound good,
but go ahead and buy it.

Use another name
to make birth control pills.

I am going to buy. That is it.

Do you understand?

I can't hear you. Speak up a bit.

I said,
do you still have a stomach ache?

- Thank you.
- It is a deal. Bye.

What happened?

- They are coming. Make it tighter.
- I know.

- I have tried my best.
- They are coming...

What lousy luck!

This car is like a toy. I am so mad!

You get what you pay for.

- What shall we do?
- I don't know.

Go and flirt with someone
so they can fix it.

They are getting intimate.

It is a real show.

The car just suddenly stopped.

It looks like there is a gas leak.

It is here.

This isn't the gear box.

What gear box?

Can you fix it?

I am a car repair expert.

Really?

How powerful is your truck?

It is eguipped with a jet engine.

- The horsepower is second to none.
- Really?

It doesn't look bad.

It is so hot.

It is really hot.

Sonny, believe me,
I won't trick you.

If my boss knows i am speeding,
he will yell at me.

How will he know?

How about this?
Why don't you take me back first?

Let me explain to my boss.
Or else i will be fired.

Forget it. I don't care.

We will make this trip unforgettable.

Attention, a cop is approaching...

We have to race them.

- Use the jet.
- All right.

The jet is ready, 3, 2, 1.

- Ready.
- Go.

- Turn it off.
- Why?

Turn it off.

We're going into the water.

There is nothing we can do.

Look, beer cans.

- Release the oil.
- All right.

There is an oil leak.

They caused the accident.
We had nothing to do with it.

I am sorry.

Attention...

What is the matter now?

Turn off the engine.

Keep guiet.

Underwater operations. Ready.

It is all right.

You have to have patience
to catch a big fish.

- I have been waiting for 5 years.
- It is been that long?

That is why you have to be guiet.

- How do you know?
- From experience.

When my wife is home, i hide.

I saw a big fish recently.

He must be drunk.

Highway 40 is up ahead.

Go at full speed.

Speak of the devil. You see.
I caught a big fish.

- I caught a fish.
- That is great.

Going at full speed.

Look, smoke is coming out of it.

The fish must be big. Don't let go!

That fish must weigh
a few hundred pounds.

Hold on tight. Don't let go!

It must be fun to be in the army.

It's not bad when you're not at war.

- General.
- What is the matter?

Since our mission is dangerous,

why don't we let the Private go?

I will consider it.

His girlfriend is waiting for him.

- J.J., let him go.
- Well...

This is inhumane.

I'll break the rules just this once.
Watch me.

- Private.
- Yes, Sir?

You have done well.

ln order not to disappoint
your girlfriend,

l've decided to let you go home.
Stop the car.

Yes, Sir.

Listen to me.

I really appreciate your attitude.

Your performance shows
that you are a patriot.

l've decided to give you a medal
of the highest honour.

- My medal?
- That is right. Your medal.

- Then i won't have any.
- Shut up.

General, i have taken
my driving test 30 times.

I am delighted
that i have gained your trust

to be your driver.

I am really honoured.

Goodbye.

This time we can't go wrong.

It is hard to find a partner
who can fly.

You are flying now.

- Read the landing instructions.
- All right.

It says to lower the flaps.

- Why don't you lower the flaps?
- Where are they?

On the right side...stupid.

There are 40 buttons.
They are all numbered.

Which one do i press?

Choose anyone.

- An even or odd number?
- It is up to you.

I am writing a song.
I am better than Quincy Jones.

I don't understand.
I though flying was difficult?

We can't fail this time.

I just spoke with Don Don.
He is mad.

Don't worry.

The easiest way is the best way.

No problem.

Really?

Relax, all right?

I am starting to have stomach ache.
Do you have any painkillers?

This is a new product.

It is slimy,
but it is better than an injection.

I guess it is fate.

This is a product of Allah.

A pretty girl
standing by the side of the road

is a waste.

Why don't you come home with me?

I am the famous prince
of the Falafel family.

My family is rich.

You will enjoy luxury
if you come with me.

After probation, you can be my...

Seventieth wife.

I hate people pointing guns at me.

If you do well,
you will get promoted.

This is fun. Did we make you horny?

Especially when we got changed?

Did you guys get horny?

It was all Betty's idea.

We are always dressed up.

We didn't expect you to believe us.

We are very innocent.

We were afraid
that you would kick us out.

How could l?

We did it to make money.

Who wouldn't want to?

Let me kiss you.

I have been waiting for this
for a long time.

I hate giving out speeding tickets.

Especially to big shots.

I have to give you a ticket...

Don't mess around.

Why did you kiss that monkey?

That car is a bit strange.
Go and check it out.

I know. This must be Candid Camera.

Don't look!

The program
that plays tricks on people.

- We are on TV now.
- We are going to be movie stars.

Go back and be smart.
Stand straight, hurry.

Be calm. Be more expressive.

Come on...you can do better.

I am sorry. Can i have your license?

He hit a cop. He will go to jail.

He thinks we are playing with him.

Don't mess around.
Don't make him angry.

You have to take it
if you want to be a star.

I have had acting classes.
I know how to act.

How was it?

I think it is better
if we sing him a song.

Get up and sing.

Get up and work hard.

We should go now,
or else we will be arrested.

We haven't finished yet.
Shouldn't we get paid?

Forget it. Let's go.

Be guiet. Look.

Why is everyone stopped there?

What is going on? What happened?

When i took some medicine,

a pretty girl suddenly appeared.

Actually, it was nothing.

Falafel was kidnapped.
And the money was robbed.

How did it happen?

A pretty girl wanted to hitch a ride.

Being nice guys, we stopped the car.

- God knows...
- That is impossible.

No one knows
where the money was kept.

Someone in this group
gave away the secret.

He is right. No one else knew

there was so much cash involved,
except us.

J.J.

You two better talk.

- How?
- Say it.

J.J., this is simple.

We owe a casino for a small amount.

They were being cautious,
so they sent some collectors.

You told them the secret.

We didn't mean to.

Who are they?

They are friends
of the Godfather's son, Don Don.

We have to find them
and discuss this.

- That may work.
- It is not going to work.

Why?

Because the Pinto Ranch
is heavily guarded.

It is not easy to get in.

They can't scare us if i am here.

You, Captain Chaos, go in.

And you will end up not coming out.

What else can we do?

What is wrong?
Why are there so many people?

We have to rescue the Prince
as soon as we can.

He is probably fooling around
with some girls.

He is going to be drained.

I have a solution.
I can go to my old friend.

He is a bad guy.

It doesn't matter who he is
if he can help us.

He is waiting for you.

Sit here.

Every time you come here,
it is bad news.

- You are bright.
- Right...

All right, how much do you want?

We are not here
to ask you for money.

We just need your help.

Who told you to sit down.
Stand up.

Mr. Sinatra.

Call me Frank.

I am really honoured.

Hold on.
Let me take a good look at you guys.

Don't try to be too cute with me.

How should i address you?

Call me, ''Sir''.

- Call him, ''Sir''.
- I know.

Sir, we are Cannonball racers.

- What?
- Cannonball car racers.

We have something in common.

I like car racing, too.

You are lucky
we have that in common.

Sir.

Sir, our race goes
from the west coast

to the east coast.

- During the race, Falafel...
- Falafel?

Right, he is an Arab prince.

I know a lot of Arab princes.

He could be your friend.

Someone kidnapped him
and stole his million dollars.

That is why we are here
for your help.

You should go to the FBl.

You are better than the FBl.

All right, tell me what you want.

What is his background?

He is the former Godfather's son.

I have an idea.

He's wanted to hire my performers
for a long time.

I can introduce you to him.

Anna, get me Don Don.

Frank introduced me
to other performers,

but they weren't very good.

Maybe not.

I guarantee you,
these girls will surprise you.

Believe me. I am not bragging.

Really? Let me meet them.

Let's see the guality.

What is the matter?

They are the ugliest group so far.

You can't define art
by its appearance.

They are not bad.

Frank knows his stuff.

He keeps the good ones to himself.

Thank you.

Great. You got the contract.

It is an irrevocable contract.

It will be extended to 1997.

Nothing will be changed.
Let's get changed.

Go...and get changed backstage.

But don't remove your make-up.

Do this favour for Frank.

Don't argue with him.

The bully is here.

We will pay you
after signing the contracts.

Great...

Hey, what a pleasant surprise?

What surprise?

I told you I'd be here
to get my money.

If you don't have the money,
you are dead.

May l?

On no...

Are they here to help you?

They are dancers.

Dancers?
Is the audience blind?

It is a joke.

How are you? Boss.

- Shouldn't you shave?
- We try to be fair to the guys.

I take too many birth control pills.

You have to take them?
You could promote vasectomies.

I am Laverne.

- Keep an eye on them.
- All right.

Dumb-Dumb,
do you have the money?

I have a million in cash.

I have some guys getting the rest.

This is just the interest.

When are you going to pay
the remaining balance?

All right, i will wait one more day.

If you don't have it by then,
dig yourself a grave.

Bye, everyone.

Come again.

Where is the ladies' washroom?

- Upstairs and to the left.
- To the left.

In the contract, you have to dance
and do the janitorial work.

- Stick out your chest.
- Yes.

Mr. Hahn.

Don't let those girls
get too close to me.

We would like
some show business advice.

My advice to you is,
get out of show business.

Hit them!

Get the money. Go that way.

Let's hide...

- We got the money.
- Let's run.

This way...

- We have to rescue the Prince.
- All right.

Hurry up.

Excuse me. How are you?

Can you get my luggage for me?

- That girl is so ugly.
- She is as skinny as a skeleton.

- I can't hold this anymore...
- We can't get in. It is locked.

1, 2, 3.

What is happening? More women?

You will have to wait.

There is only so much water
in the fountain.

- We are not girls.
- We are men.

Men? I am not interested in men.

If i do this, i can't face Allah.

Prince, we're here to rescue you.
Let's run.

- I don't want to go.
- Come on.

This is interesting.
It is a swing.

I want to bring this home.
It is fantastic.

Don't bother. Come.
Help me up.

I am sorry. Mr. Hahn.

I warned you.
If those girls took the money,

- you are dead.
- Please don't.

I will teach you a lesson.

He will stab you a few times.
And he will stab you a few times.

Then he will stab you a few times.

Don't you worry.

They can't leave.

The Pinto Ranch has so many girls.

None of them can run away.

Hurry up...

- Where are you taking me?
- Open the door.

- Don't you have the car keys?
- I don't know.

- You are useless.
- Don't move.

The show is over.

Shield me from any bullets.

It's your turn to play,
any way you like.

You heard him. Any way you like.

We will kill them,

so that there is no evidence.

Kill them?

J.J., there is no way out.
What do we do?

Be calm.

We are in trouble.

Give me back my money.

Money? He is got the money.

Now he has the money.

J.J.

As is customary,
any last reguests?

Right.

You are so generous?

My wish will make you go bankrupt.

I just want to have a crazy party.

I want a guiet place to figure out
the lottery numbers.

I...I don't know yet...
let me think about it.

I want to eat expensive seafood
and drink wine.

What about you?

Do you have a menu?

I do. I will send you one in hell.

Our rescuers are here!

This ranch is not bad.

Hi there!

- Come on.
- I am tough.

I am tough.

Hey...can i have a look?

- No problem.
- It is small, but it is nice.

That one is escaping.

I will go after him.

You go and catch him.
We will take care of you.

Don't worry. I will be back soon.

What happened to you?
You are not good in this.

- Let me do it.
- Go ahead.

That guy will be miserable.

You are full of energy.

Of course.
It is an Olympic year.

- Is that right?
- I am an athlete.

Don't get injured.

- Sisters, it is dangerous.
- I will protect you.

5, 6, 7.

Next.

Do you have some good ones
to show me?

The craftsmanship is wonderful.
Where did you get it?

It is a gift from my cousin.

Good. That is enough. Forget it.

- A thousand thanks.
- Bless you, my son.

This way...you will know my power...

- You are smart.
- Of course.

We owe you $30,000.
This will pay off the debt.

Good. Let's have a drink. Waiter...

They are busy now.
They don't have time.

I am having so much fun.

- Handle them.
- No problem.

Captain Chaos is here.
Don't you worry.

Here comes Captain Chaos.

Up in the sky.

Thank goodness i am in shape.
Go ahead.

Is anyone injured?
Do you need any help?

Give him a shot.

It is a piece of cake.

Watch me.
One shot will fix everything.

Jackie, i am J.J.
We are from the same group.

- Let's split up.
- Yes.

Hi there.

- It is Superman.
- He is on a trampoline.

Can you hold this for me?

Let me look at this.
The more i look, the more i like it.

I am finished.

Take that...

Don't move...stop it.

Look.

It is a miracle.

- No.
- No. it is us.

- J.J.
- Captain Chaos.

You are my girl.

- This time i needed your help.
- No problem.

We are here for you.

- Did you miss us?
- A bit.

This much.

A bit more.

- A bit more?
- All right.

My dear. How lovely!

Fenderbaum.

- Couple to couple.
- Wait a minute.

Fenderbaum,
don't mess with my partner.

- Your partner?
- Partner?...

Right. I bought the ranch.

Right.

It was worth it. I like this.

I can't live without women.

You got away with it this time.
You idiot.

Does this guy know
you owe a lot of money?

It doesn't help if you yell at me.
Stingy.

- Prince.
- My partner.

Prince, i need money to buy women.

How much?

$9,000,000.

$9,000,000?
It's such a small amount.

I will give you $18,000,000.

Get some high guality girls.

Thank you.
Why are you leaving so soon?

I have a race to finish.

Since everyone is here,

in order to celebrate,

I'd like to announce that the prize

has been increased to $2,000,000.

Great...

- How many houses can that buy?
- I don't know.

$2,000,000.

If we win, we'll split it 3 ways.
Good...

Get into the car, dear.
Get into the car.

Get into the car...

Fenderbaum, Blake, come here.

Sir, we are going to race.

I know. I'll be faster than you.
See you at the finish line.

Jackie, you are an average player.

Don't embarrass yourself next time.

Your pulse is irregular.
How am i going to cure you?

Shut up...you are bothering me.

Just keep me in shape until the end.

The Prince is going to fail again.

We are going to win.
We will get a million dollars.

Each one gets a million.

It is Frank.

He is driving really fast.

We have to be faster than him.
Go ahead.

We are at the limit.

We want to talk business with you.
It is me.

We are old pals.

No matter who wins,
we will split it in half.

You get 70 percent.
We get 30 percent.

What about 10 percent?

I won't care.

No need to rush.
The champion arrived 4 hours ago.

Get a drink and take a rest.

The race continues tomorrow.
That is it.

Who won? I have to take a look.

We can't lose the race tomorrow.

Relax. We didn't forget about you.

You lost the Cannonball Run again.

You really make me mad.

Father, the doctor gave me
the wrong shot.

That is why i lost.

I am warning you.
If you don't win tomorrow,

you will never drive again.
You will be riding camels.

Father, don't get mad.
I will win tomorrow.

Because i invited today's champion
to be my partner.

This will work perfectly.

He is just like you.
He admires you, too.

Let's meet him.

Let me introduce you.
Father, here is today's champion.

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