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1
00:02:03,727 --> 00:02:05,652
Oh... por favor.
2
00:02:07,346 --> 00:02:08,762
Holy Maria.
3
00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:14,671
Please, I...
4
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,076
Well, well, well, well.
5
00:02:47,193 --> 00:02:49,154
If it isn't Sir Richard Hawkins.
6
00:02:49,279 --> 00:02:54,183
Thieving English privateer
and pain in the bum hole.
7
00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:56,222
Is that you, Phil?
8
00:02:54,346 --> 00:02:56,647
King Phil... ip.
9
00:02:57,122 --> 00:02:59,000
I thought so.
10
00:02:59,003 --> 00:03:01,098
- You don't mind if I...?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
11
00:02:59,987 --> 00:03:03,402
- You carry on. Fill your boots.
- That's very decent of you.
12
00:03:03,521 --> 00:03:05,785
Hm-mm-mm.
13
00:03:05,905 --> 00:03:08,726
Love to stop for a portrait,
but er... must dash.
14
00:03:09,277 --> 00:03:12,134
Do look me up if ever
one of your Armadas pans out
15
00:03:13,057 --> 00:03:15,358
and I'll take you out in London.
16
00:03:15,483 --> 00:03:18,305
- My treat.
- I'll be sure to pop it in the diary.
17
00:03:20,022 --> 00:03:23,388
You seem very chipper
for someone being robbed.
18
00:03:21,912 --> 00:03:25,110
No, it's just I'm a...
a little bit excited.
19
00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:29,394
You see, I'm interested to see
how you're gonna get out of this one.
20
00:03:30,703 --> 00:03:33,173
It's a round room, no corners, two exits.
21
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:37,055
Not exactly holding
all the cards there, Phil.
22
00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:39,737
Have you forgotten
the first rule of espionage?
23
00:03:40,032 --> 00:03:42,636
No. Always hide in plain sight.
24
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,864
Mr Hawkins.
25
00:03:50,562 --> 00:03:52,608
Oh, bugger.
26
00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:55,054
Take him.
27
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:58,675
Get him up!
28
00:04:00,162 --> 00:04:04,303
I sail under the sovereign protection
of Queen Elizabeth
29
00:04:04,419 --> 00:04:06,635
and she will not stand for this!
30
00:04:08,719 --> 00:04:10,680
Good.
31
00:04:16,595 --> 00:04:18,556
I'm counting on it.
32
00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:29,122
Make way!
33
00:04:29,239 --> 00:04:30,995
Make way!
34
00:04:31,112 --> 00:04:32,310
Aaargh!
35
00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:34,952
Make Way!
36
00:04:35,668 --> 00:04:37,629
I don't suppose you could...?
37
00:04:37,754 --> 00:04:39,123
He's gone.
38
00:04:40,797 --> 00:04:42,759
Make way!
39
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:46,087
Letter for Her Majesty.
40
00:04:46,631 --> 00:04:48,301
Where is she?
41
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,539
- Undressing. What is it?
- King Philip ll of Spain.
42
00:04:52,005 --> 00:04:53,120
It would seem...
43
00:04:54,773 --> 00:04:56,396
"he's captured Sir Richard.
44
00:04:57,710 --> 00:04:59,721
Hawkins?
45
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,426
I agree, Your Majesty,
46
00:05:03,542 --> 00:05:06,449
Hawkins is a most valuable asset
47
00:05:06,565 --> 00:05:11,130
and we all want him back out there
robbing the Spanishes.
48
00:05:11,248 --> 00:05:15,208
But diplomacy is our only option.
49
00:05:15,803 --> 00:05:18,188
- A summit with King Philip.
- Ooh!
50
00:05:18,315 --> 00:05:21,512
As your father, King Henry, always said,
51
00:05:21,635 --> 00:05:26,031
"Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer."
52
00:05:27,085 --> 00:05:29,470
And a lot of stuff about women
that I never really...
53
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,607
- Will there be dancing?
- What about a joust?
54
00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,263
- Kiss chase.
- Sex wrestling.
55
00:05:33,385 --> 00:05:36,159
- Perhaps a nice play.
- I hardly think we need to...
56
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,327
Wait.
57
00:05:38,451 --> 00:05:42,374
Who said... a play?
58
00:06:06,889 --> 00:06:08,682
I'll get you!
59
00:06:23,194 --> 00:06:25,750
Bill! Bill!
60
00:06:27,962 --> 00:06:31,160
- What?
- Your friends are here.
61
00:06:34,348 --> 00:06:36,310
Ladies and gentlemen,
62
00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:39,425
gently to hear, kindly to judge,
63
00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:41,976
we are... Mortal Coil.
64
00:07:27,979 --> 00:07:30,025
- It's not you.
- It is you.
65
00:07:30,703 --> 00:07:32,581
It is you.
66
00:07:32,704 --> 00:07:34,620
Maybe you're destined
for something different.
67
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,946
Like what?
68
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:37,945
- Erm...
- Er...
69
00:07:38,622 --> 00:07:41,358
- Cooking.
- Anyway, we'd better...
70
00:07:42,453 --> 00:07:43,870
"shuffle off.
71
00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:46,163
Sorry, Bill.
72
00:07:48,413 --> 00:07:50,120
Sorry, Bill.
73
00:07:54,757 --> 00:07:56,718
I thought his name was Phil.
74
00:08:03,974 --> 00:08:06,020
I knew something like this
was gonna happen.
75
00:08:06,826 --> 00:08:09,684
- Talent jealousy.
- You'll get over that.
76
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:11,473
Not me. Them.
77
00:08:11,977 --> 00:08:14,157
Well, I will call in
at the butcher's tomorrow
78
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:16,625
and see if he still needs someone
in the afternoons.
79
00:08:16,745 --> 00:08:18,840
Whoa, Anne.
80
00:08:18,959 --> 00:08:21,817
I'm not gonna go
and work in some butcher's.
81
00:08:21,939 --> 00:08:25,475
But you said if things didn't work out
with the band, you'd get a proper job.
82
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,053
- You promised.
- I know.
83
00:08:27,175 --> 00:08:29,137
And I have.
84
00:08:30,922 --> 00:08:33,138
I've written a great work for the stage.
85
00:08:34,498 --> 00:08:36,205
- What?
- I'm a writer now.
86
00:08:36,328 --> 00:08:37,914
- Oh, my God.
- What?
87
00:08:38,031 --> 00:08:40,502
Bill, you're not a writer.
88
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,997
- What's this, then? Scottish mist?
- Scotch mist.
89
00:08:44,119 --> 00:08:46,335
This is why you're not a writer.
90
00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:48,846
Oh! It's just another fad, Bill.
91
00:08:48,972 --> 00:08:52,641
Just like the acting, the band,
the interpretive dance.
92
00:08:52,761 --> 00:08:55,535
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. This is different.
93
00:08:55,954 --> 00:08:58,776
It's like the words flow through me.
94
00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:01,709
Like I'm the east and they're the sun.
95
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,904
- Well, not that, but...
- Bill...
96
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:08,812
Writing scripts isn't a job,
not in Stratford.
97
00:09:08,938 --> 00:09:11,494
You need theatres and patrons and...
98
00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,718
- No.
- Just think about it.
99
00:09:14,835 --> 00:09:17,947
There is no way
that you are moving our entire family
100
00:09:18,071 --> 00:09:21,352
- down to that bloody London!
- ..a talented young writer in London.
101
00:09:22,754 --> 00:09:24,969
You wanna go to London? You go to London.
102
00:09:25,563 --> 00:09:27,403
But me and the kids
are not going with you.
103
00:09:27,522 --> 00:09:30,548
You're 30 years old.
It's time you grew up.
104
00:09:30,672 --> 00:09:34,087
- What, and give up my dreams?
- They're just dreams.
105
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,743
Oh!
106
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:43,025
Well... we'll see who the dreamer is,
sweetheart
107
00:09:43,699 --> 00:09:47,114
That London is not gonna know
what hit it.
108
00:09:47,786 --> 00:09:50,692
People will remember the name
Shakespeare...
109
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,037
20 years from now!
110
00:10:17,363 --> 00:10:19,410
To each their dreams.
111
00:10:46,568 --> 00:10:48,020
- Earl of Essex.
- Of course, sir.
112
00:10:48,143 --> 00:10:50,104
- Earl of Essex!
- Earl of Essex!
113
00:10:50,229 --> 00:10:51,682
- Oxford.
- Of course, sir.
114
00:10:51,804 --> 00:10:53,729
- Earl of Oxford!
- Earl of O!
115
00:10:53,847 --> 00:10:55,264
- Croydon.
- Of course, sir.
116
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:57,219
Straight out the front gate,
down the road towards Penge.
117
00:10:57,347 --> 00:10:59,563
Now, you need to veer left
when you hit a stream.
118
00:10:59,631 --> 00:11:04,196
No, I don't want to go to Croydon.
I am Croydon.
119
00:11:04,614 --> 00:11:06,625
The Earl of Croydon.
120
00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:08,428
- Barry.
- Yeah?
121
00:11:08,546 --> 00:11:10,844
- You got a Croydon down there?
- I was here yesterday.
122
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,963
- All right.
- Er... Got a Chester.
123
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,363
Cornwall?
124
00:11:15,485 --> 00:11:17,615
- Got a Crawley.
- Yes, that's me.
125
00:11:17,741 --> 00:11:21,447
- But you just said Croydon.
- There is no Earl of Crawley.
126
00:11:21,573 --> 00:11:23,752
That's me. Your list is wrong.
127
00:11:23,871 --> 00:11:26,898
We've gotta go by the list, sir.
A lot of Catholics about, you see.
128
00:11:27,022 --> 00:11:29,068
You can't just let anybody in.
129
00:11:30,129 --> 00:11:31,631
But he just...
130
00:11:31,747 --> 00:11:36,143
Ah. Southampton, would you
please tell these idiots who I am?
131
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:39,203
Yes, Crawley, isn't it?
132
00:11:39,325 --> 00:11:41,372
- Earl of Crawley.
- Curly Wurly.
133
00:11:43,530 --> 00:11:49,161
So no jokes at all as such.
We go out and do funny observations.
134
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,091
I'd stick to the juggling.
135
00:11:55,109 --> 00:11:58,100
I pulled his finger.
Turned out he had dysentery.
136
00:11:59,622 --> 00:12:00,687
Ha, ha, ha.
137
00:12:00,814 --> 00:12:03,550
- Anyone seen a spare chair or...?
- Drake, darling.
138
00:12:03,666 --> 00:12:06,402
Are you still harping on
about your little pleasure cruise?
139
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,376
- Oooh!
- Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
140
00:12:09,498 --> 00:12:12,998
You're still burning your way through
all your daddy's hard-earned money?
141
00:12:13,117 --> 00:12:15,587
Oooh-hoo-hoo!
142
00:12:15,714 --> 00:12:18,657
I'm trying, love.
Investing in the ans now.
143
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,317
It's like pouring it down a privy.
144
00:12:24,313 --> 00:12:26,021
Oh, and have you erm...?
145
00:12:26,144 --> 00:12:29,729
Oh, yes. Three tankards of mead and
just a bowl of those crispy pork things.
146
00:12:29,848 --> 00:12:31,725
- I'm the Earl of Croy...
- Now, get this.
147
00:12:31,849 --> 00:12:33,943
- Go on, the one about the sailor.
- Oh!
148
00:12:34,062 --> 00:12:37,938
Now, this... I warn you, you'll have
to mark this one "Not safe for work."
149
00:12:38,064 --> 00:12:39,942
No, seriously.
150
00:12:40,065 --> 00:12:43,056
He calls it an apartment,
but it's just a hut with...
151
00:12:43,173 --> 00:12:45,219
Hang on.
152
00:12:48,239 --> 00:12:50,249
I love this one.
153
00:12:59,435 --> 00:13:02,039
Is it true as well that
during the battle of the Armada
154
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,037
they slept between two and five pm?
155
00:13:04,161 --> 00:13:06,934
Yeah, mostly. We'd stop fighting
and they'd go and have a lie down
156
00:13:07,056 --> 00:13:08,812
or go and chuck dads at a board.
157
00:13:08,929 --> 00:13:10,515
Hey, where's our drinks?
158
00:13:10,632 --> 00:13:13,659
- Where are our drinks?
- I am the Earl of Croydon.
159
00:13:13,782 --> 00:13:16,725
I fetch drinks for no man.
160
00:13:16,847 --> 00:13:18,300
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
161
00:13:18,466 --> 00:13:21,711
- Here's your tip.
- Oh. "Ha-ha-ha!"
162
00:13:21,829 --> 00:13:23,331
Oh, hilarious.
163
00:13:23,447 --> 00:13:25,203
It's a jesters' convention.
164
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,461
"Ooh, I sailed around the world.
Look at me, everyone. Ooh!"
165
00:13:29,577 --> 00:13:31,708
You're no better than me!
166
00:13:32,727 --> 00:13:35,585
- I do stuff.
- Like what, exactly?
167
00:13:35,707 --> 00:13:38,734
Well, I do... er...
168
00:13:41,284 --> 00:13:43,246
juggling.
169
00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:46,694
Fire eating.
170
00:13:47,542 --> 00:13:50,449
Ah! I'm a prostitu...
171
00:13:50,565 --> 00:13:52,527
No, sir.
172
00:13:57,079 --> 00:13:58,616
Writering.
173
00:13:58,739 --> 00:14:00,785
Writering? Writering.
174
00:14:01,847 --> 00:14:04,026
I am a writer.
175
00:14:04,145 --> 00:14:06,882
- No, you're not, darling.
- How dare you!
176
00:14:08,275 --> 00:14:12,537
I'm the finest writer in all of England!
177
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,706
Are you, now?
178
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,195
Who is it?
179
00:14:21,013 --> 00:14:23,278
Indeed I am, Your Majesty.
180
00:14:23,397 --> 00:14:25,443
Why, how very fortuitous, Lord...
181
00:14:27,228 --> 00:14:29,068
Ooh, I want to say Crawley.
182
00:14:29,187 --> 00:14:32,977
Croydon, Your Majesty.
The Earl of Croydon.
183
00:14:33,657 --> 00:14:35,703
Crawley is down towards Horsham.
184
00:14:35,828 --> 00:14:37,922
Croydon is... um...
185
00:14:38,297 --> 00:14:40,562
Do you know Penge at all?
186
00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:42,642
I don't care.
187
00:14:42,767 --> 00:14:48,518
There is to be a diplomatic summit
with our beloved cousin,
188
00:14:48,642 --> 00:14:51,330
King Philip ll of Spain.
189
00:14:51,452 --> 00:14:54,225
- King Philip ll of Spain.
- Spain.
190
00:14:55,124 --> 00:14:56,576
Sorry.
191
00:14:56,699 --> 00:15:00,925
And what better centrepiece
to this fine event...
192
00:15:01,222 --> 00:15:06,296
than a demonstration
of our great nation's...
193
00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:10,174
utter dominance in the ads?
194
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:17,400
A play penned by
one of my very own courtiers.
195
00:15:18,762 --> 00:15:22,637
And we shall be most pleased
to hear this play of yours.
196
00:15:23,062 --> 00:15:28,644
Because you know what happens
if we're displeased.
197
00:15:31,959 --> 00:15:35,035
- Sorry, you do know what happens if...
- Yep. Yes, yeah.
198
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,498
Oh, no, that's gone.
199
00:16:00,122 --> 00:16:01,538
Si.
200
00:16:08,679 --> 00:16:10,302
Ooh!
201
00:16:18,768 --> 00:16:20,646
What is the score, Your Majesty?
202
00:16:22,259 --> 00:16:24,439
Juice.
203
00:16:27,198 --> 00:16:30,359
Your Majesty,
there is a messenger here to see you.
204
00:16:30,476 --> 00:16:32,606
From England.
205
00:16:32,732 --> 00:16:36,231
"To His Majesty King Philip ll of Spain."
206
00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:37,501
That's me.
207
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:42,272
"Queen Elizabeth cordially invites you
to diplomatic talks in London
208
00:16:42,396 --> 00:16:47,978
to discuss the capture of her most
loyal subject, Sir Richard Hawkins."
209
00:16:48,654 --> 00:16:50,700
Actually, I just need to...
210
00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:55,596
I told you she would take the bait.
211
00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:59,384
The rabbit is in the snare.
212
00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:07,218
Your Majesty...
213
00:17:08,109 --> 00:17:10,494
the specialists you requested.
214
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,625
Oh, yes. Talk to me.
215
00:17:12,792 --> 00:17:14,839
Lope Lopez, Your Majesty.
216
00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:17,606
Master of inquisition.
217
00:17:20,285 --> 00:17:22,464
It's for making people talk.
218
00:17:26,883 --> 00:17:29,014
Juan Domingo, Your Majesty.
219
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:33,015
Espionage. . and weapon-ry.
220
00:17:37,697 --> 00:17:41,196
- Nice.
- Actually, I was aiming for the pillar.
221
00:17:42,465 --> 00:17:44,511
Sweaty hands.
222
00:17:45,828 --> 00:17:48,431
And... where's the other one?
223
00:17:48,552 --> 00:17:50,732
Gabriel Montoya, Your Majesty.
224
00:17:51,447 --> 00:17:53,203
Master of disguise.
225
00:17:54,427 --> 00:17:57,758
If you need a milkmaid, Washerwomen
or female fisherman,
226
00:17:57,876 --> 00:18:00,261
I am your woman - man.
227
00:18:01,452 --> 00:18:03,244
Man.
228
00:18:02,283 --> 00:18:03,700
OK.
229
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,862
We have been presented with a...
230
00:18:07,818 --> 00:18:10,373
- Why are you here again?
- Sorry. Um...
231
00:18:11,734 --> 00:18:14,374
I just need to take food orders
for the banquet.
232
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,141
Just so we've got some rough numbers
on the mains.
233
00:18:17,269 --> 00:18:19,194
Whatever is fine. I don't care.
234
00:18:19,312 --> 00:18:22,255
Er... l can't eat shellfish.
235
00:18:22,377 --> 00:18:24,388
- What?
- Well, prawns are fine.
236
00:18:24,506 --> 00:18:28,005
But... l have to avoid the bivalves.
237
00:18:28,124 --> 00:18:30,135
What... What, what?
238
00:18:30,253 --> 00:18:32,602
Bivalves. You know, er... mussels,
239
00:18:32,722 --> 00:18:35,192
scallops, oysters and...
240
00:18:35,319 --> 00:18:39,327
Oh, what is the one
which er... stick out of the sand?
241
00:18:39,448 --> 00:18:41,205
- Razor clams.
- Razor clam!
242
00:18:41,322 --> 00:18:42,738
Ai, ai, ai.
243
00:18:42,854 --> 00:18:44,440
And I can't do nuts.
244
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,991
If I even eat a small, itty-bitty nut,
245
00:18:47,111 --> 00:18:50,018
my throat, it expands,
it swells like a man's thing.
246
00:18:50,134 --> 00:18:52,265
- And langoustine.
- You had that thing with...
247
00:18:52,390 --> 00:18:55,635
- No one's gonna force you to eat nuts.
- OK, you know what? Whatever.
248
00:18:55,754 --> 00:18:58,442
- Oh...
- Just go now.
249
00:19:00,564 --> 00:19:02,066
Seriously?
250
00:19:04,864 --> 00:19:09,259
We have been presented
with a unique opportunity
251
00:19:09,377 --> 00:19:12,574
to rid the world of this Protestant cow,
252
00:19:12,697 --> 00:19:15,471
to strike from within her royal court
253
00:19:16,316 --> 00:19:19,561
This is our Trojan horse.
254
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,171
It doesn't look like a horse.
255
00:19:23,298 --> 00:19:26,966
Well, it's not an actual horse.
You know, it's a... a metaphor.
256
00:19:27,129 --> 00:19:28,631
Read a book.
257
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:33,523
It's a hiding place from which
a secret attack can be sprung.
258
00:19:34,835 --> 00:19:38,455
Gentlemen,
who would like to kill a queen?
259
00:19:38,581 --> 00:19:40,846
- Yes!
- Yes, please!
260
00:19:40,965 --> 00:19:42,926
Yes!
261
00:19:47,606 --> 00:19:49,568
Yes!
262
00:19:57,185 --> 00:19:58,941
OK, what is this? Some kind of veneer?
263
00:19:59,058 --> 00:20:02,170
You need a softer wood,
like a balsa, something like that.
264
00:20:02,293 --> 00:20:04,337
- Or do the chair.
- Stick it in the chair maybe.
265
00:20:04,379 --> 00:20:06,426
- Try the chair.
- You'll ruin the chair.
266
00:20:17,524 --> 00:20:19,486
You been before?
267
00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:24,464
- No, first time.
- Oooh.
268
00:20:25,144 --> 00:20:27,191
It's nice. You'll like it.
269
00:20:28,848 --> 00:20:32,602
- Don't steal anything.
- Yeah.
270
00:20:43,152 --> 00:20:45,926
- Wait for me.
- This way.
271
00:20:46,047 --> 00:20:48,009
- Here!
- Tom!
272
00:20:52,390 --> 00:20:54,352
London.
273
00:21:27,768 --> 00:21:29,560
- Yeah, well, it's mostly pork.
- Right.
274
00:21:29,683 --> 00:21:32,965
- When you say mostly pork, what"?
- Well, mostly pork and other stuff.
275
00:21:33,515 --> 00:21:35,646
- It doesn't matter. It's only for him.
- Yeah.
276
00:21:35,771 --> 00:21:37,357
Right.
277
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,524
Ian!
278
00:22:02,092 --> 00:22:03,800
Ian!
279
00:22:04,732 --> 00:22:06,052
MY Lord.
280
00:22:06,179 --> 00:22:08,141
Why did you let me get drunk?
281
00:22:08,265 --> 00:22:09,972
- I wasn't there.
- Exactly.
282
00:22:10,138 --> 00:22:12,233
Look what happened.
283
00:22:12,352 --> 00:22:14,145
Now I have to write this incredible play
284
00:22:14,268 --> 00:22:17,295
or some power-crazed lunatic's
going to chop my head off.
285
00:22:17,418 --> 00:22:20,409
- Well, report him to the Queen.
- I'm talking about the Queen.
286
00:22:22,186 --> 00:22:24,960
And stop leaving me
multiple chamber pots.
287
00:22:25,464 --> 00:22:27,135
It's very confusing.
288
00:22:27,295 --> 00:22:29,475
Sun...
289
00:22:29,594 --> 00:22:32,028
I suppose writing a play
can't be that hard, can it?
290
00:22:32,148 --> 00:22:34,243
I mean, it's just...
291
00:22:34,362 --> 00:22:37,607
talking, isn't it, but... written down.
292
00:22:39,045 --> 00:22:41,091
"Hello. I'm a man in a play."
293
00:22:41,216 --> 00:22:43,601
"Hello. I'm a woman in a play."
294
00:22:43,728 --> 00:22:46,501
Oh, this is easy.
295
00:22:46,623 --> 00:22:48,246
- Ian?
- Hm?
296
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,415
Go out and fetch me paper and quills.
297
00:22:50,582 --> 00:22:54,808
I'm going to put Croydon on the map.
298
00:23:07,995 --> 00:23:10,005
Good day to you, sir.
299
00:23:10,123 --> 00:23:12,303
I am a dramatist from a distant vale
300
00:23:12,422 --> 00:23:15,534
who comes to London
seeking fame and fortune.
301
00:23:15,658 --> 00:23:17,829
Would you be so kind
as to point me in the direction
302
00:23:17,914 --> 00:23:19,791
of the city's most reputable theatre?
303
00:23:20,511 --> 00:23:21,879
Ha.
304
00:23:26,641 --> 00:23:28,688
The theatres are closed, my friend.
305
00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:31,751
Plague. It's killing the ads.
306
00:23:31,877 --> 00:23:34,311
And people. I heard.
307
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:37,370
It's taken my play.
It might as well have its audience.
308
00:23:37,539 --> 00:23:38,823
You're a writer?
309
00:23:38,944 --> 00:23:40,700
I'm a writer too.
310
00:23:46,054 --> 00:23:48,609
Shakespeare. Bill Shakespeare.
311
00:23:48,736 --> 00:23:49,886
Christopher Marlowe.
312
00:23:50,013 --> 00:23:51,890
So, what son of stuff
do you write, Chris?
313
00:23:52,014 --> 00:23:55,126
Drama, tragedies,
tales of betrayal and revenge.
314
00:23:55,675 --> 00:23:57,431
Frailties of the human condition.
315
00:23:57,846 --> 00:24:00,026
- You?
- Bum jokes.
316
00:24:00,656 --> 00:24:03,126
People hit by sticks. Comedy.
317
00:24:04,147 --> 00:24:06,194
- Comedy?
- You know, like erm...
318
00:24:08,745 --> 00:24:10,706
I see your mum's in.
319
00:24:10,831 --> 00:24:12,199
That's not my mother.
320
00:24:12,321 --> 00:24:15,094
That's not what your sister told me.
321
00:24:17,770 --> 00:24:20,543
- That's a man.
- That's what makes it funny.
322
00:24:21,261 --> 00:24:24,373
- You're not from London, are you, Bill?
- No, Stratford.
323
00:24:25,135 --> 00:24:27,956
Just came down here to try
and get this baby into a theatre or...
324
00:24:28,072 --> 00:24:30,373
Look, I'm the most
successful playwright in London
325
00:24:30,499 --> 00:24:33,490
and I can't even buy a house
without borrowing money.
326
00:24:33,873 --> 00:24:35,629
I mean, imagine that.
327
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,140
If I can't make a living from the theatre,
328
00:24:38,258 --> 00:24:41,115
I hardly see the works of Shakespeare
taking the world by storm.
329
00:24:42,174 --> 00:24:44,136
I see.
330
00:24:45,069 --> 00:24:49,211
- Do you act?
- Well, I've... trodded the boards.
331
00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:53,119
I'm thinking about going for this thing.
332
00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:55,205
It's not much, but it's money.
333
00:24:56,064 --> 00:24:58,837
It's a two-hander, so...
if you wanna come along...
334
00:24:59,555 --> 00:25:00,790
Thank you.
335
00:25:03,003 --> 00:25:05,739
Don't thank me.
336
00:25:05,855 --> 00:25:08,374
Thank your mother who is dead.
337
00:25:09,644 --> 00:25:13,313
- What?
- Not like that, then?
338
00:25:14,285 --> 00:25:17,784
Oh, no. No, never like that.
339
00:25:19,223 --> 00:25:21,862
Right. Interesting.
340
00:25:24,198 --> 00:25:28,158
So, this thing, is it a meaty role?
341
00:25:28,285 --> 00:25:29,568
Not exactly.
342
00:25:29,690 --> 00:25:31,784
- Vegetables!
- Vegetables.
343
00:25:32,499 --> 00:25:35,139
Madam, why not try some vegetables
with your meat?
344
00:25:36,629 --> 00:25:40,249
Try some vegetables? They're really
good for you. And they help you poo.
345
00:25:40,375 --> 00:25:41,744
Get 'em right down.
346
00:25:44,079 --> 00:25:46,040
Are you cold?
347
00:25:47,229 --> 00:25:48,985
I'm cold.
348
00:25:53,658 --> 00:25:55,837
Sssh.
349
00:25:55,956 --> 00:26:00,473
- Walsingham. I thought you were dead.
- No, just in deep cover.
350
00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:04,556
- But it was an open casket.
- Yeah, it was very deep.
351
00:26:05,578 --> 00:26:09,417
Listen, Molly...
I need some information.
352
00:26:10,101 --> 00:26:12,317
Is it true, about this summit?
353
00:26:12,443 --> 00:26:14,489
Oh, yes, here at the palace on the 7th.
354
00:26:15,295 --> 00:26:17,850
- I hear the Spanish are hunky.
- Well, you hear wrong!
355
00:26:17,977 --> 00:26:22,118
Catholics can't put on muscle mass
because God hates them.
356
00:26:22,234 --> 00:26:26,715
They've no muscle and no backbone,
like snakes.
357
00:26:27,385 --> 00:26:29,734
Surely snakes are all backbone. No?
358
00:26:30,493 --> 00:26:33,351
- Well, like worms, then.
- Oh, no, worms are all muscle.
359
00:26:33,473 --> 00:26:38,414
- Someone knows a lot about Catholics.
- No, no, just... garden creatures.
360
00:26:40,157 --> 00:26:42,627
Hm... One can't be too careful, Molly.
361
00:26:43,350 --> 00:26:44,718
They're everywhere, you know.
362
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:50,035
The Catholic threat may be sleeping now,
but it will soon awaken like a...
363
00:26:51,418 --> 00:26:53,512
- Bear?
- Yes.
364
00:26:53,631 --> 00:26:55,084
Good.
365
00:26:55,206 --> 00:26:58,064
Like a non-muscular, spineless bear!
366
00:27:00,741 --> 00:27:04,616
- Uh... False alarm.
- So we're safe, then?
367
00:27:05,637 --> 00:27:07,222
Safe? Ha!
368
00:27:07,339 --> 00:27:09,604
If the Catholics
are so weak and spineless...
369
00:27:09,723 --> 00:27:11,939
What they lack in muscular,
skeletal integrity,
370
00:27:12,065 --> 00:27:14,584
they more than make up for in cunning.
371
00:27:16,407 --> 00:27:19,047
They'll be hatching plots as we speak.
372
00:27:19,174 --> 00:27:20,931
Well, should I tell the old...
373
00:27:21,048 --> 00:27:23,094
- Majesty?
- No.
374
00:27:23,017 --> 00:27:25,874
I will be her eyes and ears and mouth.
375
00:27:26,593 --> 00:27:28,095
No, not mouth.
376
00:27:28,211 --> 00:27:33,842
Just tell her Sir Francis Walsingham
is back and I remain, as always,
377
00:27:33,958 --> 00:27:36,223
her most faithful servant.
378
00:27:53,457 --> 00:27:55,249
We are close. Disguises on.
379
00:28:01,503 --> 00:28:03,259
- Boss.
- What is it?
380
00:28:03,376 --> 00:28:04,878
I don't understand.
381
00:28:04,994 --> 00:28:10,492
If you have been invited to England, why
do we have to sneak ashore like this?
382
00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:14,617
Because, Juan, one:
383
00:28:14,742 --> 00:28:17,649
the invitation was for me
and my closest advisors,
384
00:28:17,765 --> 00:28:19,860
not a group of trained assassins.
385
00:28:20,447 --> 00:28:22,325
They were very clear about that.
386
00:28:22,448 --> 00:28:25,391
And two, Juan:
an assassination like this,
387
00:28:25,513 --> 00:28:27,983
it takes time and planning.
388
00:28:28,834 --> 00:28:31,135
People don't just kill themselves.
389
00:28:32,452 --> 00:28:34,499
My cousin did.
390
00:28:49,141 --> 00:28:51,660
Sleep well this night, dear Queen.
391
00:28:51,993 --> 00:28:54,681
Soon this land shall be mine.
392
00:28:59,698 --> 00:29:02,338
Boss, I have some bad news.
393
00:29:06,212 --> 00:29:08,173
We forgot the horse.
394
00:29:11,927 --> 00:29:14,107
Gentlemen, good evening.
395
00:29:15,631 --> 00:29:18,187
And welcome... to England.
396
00:29:18,526 --> 00:29:22,874
If you'd just like to follow me up to
Customs, we'll get you checked in, OK?
397
00:29:24,580 --> 00:29:27,692
You land us here? I said clandestine.
398
00:29:33,563 --> 00:29:35,864
I don't know what that means.
399
00:29:37,139 --> 00:29:40,760
One donkey, straw, made thereof.
400
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,063
All... righty, Richard.
401
00:29:45,185 --> 00:29:50,344
If you'd like to shimmy that one along
and pop the next one sur la table.
402
00:29:51,102 --> 00:29:54,214
Strapping lads,
like my sons would have been.
403
00:29:54,338 --> 00:29:56,178
The plague.
404
00:29:56,296 --> 00:29:58,730
Let's have a look.
What have we got here?
405
00:30:04,513 --> 00:30:07,249
OK. Ours is not to judge prior...
406
00:30:08,521 --> 00:30:10,532
What's this?
407
00:30:10,650 --> 00:30:13,423
- It's for making peo...
- Gazpacho.
408
00:30:13,545 --> 00:30:17,553
It's for making gazpacho.
It's a... cold soup.
409
00:30:18,142 --> 00:30:20,273
It's very nice.
410
00:30:30,233 --> 00:30:33,817
Well, everything seems to be in order.
Enjoy your stay.
411
00:30:36,619 --> 00:30:38,665
Psst. Sir.
412
00:30:43,686 --> 00:30:46,034
- King Philip ll of Spain?
- Yes.
413
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,550
Oh. Very clever.
414
00:31:14,198 --> 00:31:17,140
- Morning.
- Walsingham.
415
00:31:18,923 --> 00:31:22,338
- I thought you were dead.
- Don't believe everything you read.
416
00:31:22,457 --> 00:31:24,551
- I can't read.
- Good.
417
00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:27,781
- Any survivors?
- No, sir.
418
00:31:28,033 --> 00:31:30,249
Whoever it was did a thorough job.
419
00:31:34,121 --> 00:31:37,197
We did get one of theirs, sir.
No idea who they are.
420
00:31:44,764 --> 00:31:46,726
Catholics.
421
00:31:47,063 --> 00:31:48,686
The game is afoot.
422
00:31:51,235 --> 00:31:53,282
This is heavy.
423
00:31:55,407 --> 00:31:57,623
Wait. That might be our man.
424
00:32:08,519 --> 00:32:12,782
The weather in London is
unseasonably cold for this time of year.
425
00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:18,780
But the mynah bird must wait until winter
before its song can be heard.
426
00:32:19,397 --> 00:32:21,274
What the hell does that mean?
427
00:32:22,036 --> 00:32:24,810
Honestly, you try and start
a conversation with someone...
428
00:32:28,167 --> 00:32:32,477
The weather in London is
unseasonably cold for the time of year.
429
00:32:32,594 --> 00:32:35,791
- Are you the secret Catholic contact?
- Er... Yes.
430
00:32:35,915 --> 00:32:37,065
No. Um...
431
00:32:38,341 --> 00:32:40,690
- Yes.
- OK, let's go.
432
00:32:40,853 --> 00:32:43,323
- Right, yes. This way, Your Majesty.
- Come.
433
00:32:44,642 --> 00:32:46,180
Ow.
434
00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,052
You're kidding, right?
435
00:32:59,170 --> 00:33:01,809
This is the biggest
Protestant church in England.
436
00:33:01,937 --> 00:33:05,812
Last place you'd look for
a Catholic hideout, Your Majesty, yes.
437
00:33:06,748 --> 00:33:09,013
- Hide in plain sight.
- Ha-ha.
438
00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:13,016
Yes, I like this guy. He's got cojones.
439
00:33:20,498 --> 00:33:23,054
Come along, come along. This way.
440
00:33:23,180 --> 00:33:25,227
Sorry. Sssh.
441
00:33:29,651 --> 00:33:31,613
Over here.
442
00:33:52,279 --> 00:33:55,052
Your Majesty,
I think you'll find everything you need.
443
00:34:06,690 --> 00:34:08,228
Jesus Christ.
444
00:34:09,883 --> 00:34:11,554
Sorry.
445
00:34:12,437 --> 00:34:14,023
My sweet angel.
446
00:34:14,140 --> 00:34:15,726
Greetings from that London.
447
00:34:16,439 --> 00:34:20,229
I am delighted to report
that despite your slight doubts,
448
00:34:20,355 --> 00:34:23,262
my dreams of success
are coming to fruition.
449
00:34:23,804 --> 00:34:26,794
Sorry. Trousers stolen in the night.
450
00:34:28,189 --> 00:34:30,029
Very much not my fault.
451
00:34:30,445 --> 00:34:33,218
I have secured a challenging role
performing daily
452
00:34:33,382 --> 00:34:35,562
with renowned dramatist
Christopher Marlowe.
453
00:34:36,150 --> 00:34:39,176
I greatly regret the terms
on which we parted
454
00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:41,092
and look forward to your reply,
455
00:34:41,216 --> 00:34:43,904
as reading it would provide
a welcome distraction
456
00:34:44,025 --> 00:34:47,815
from my tireless schedule
of rehearsals, performances and...
457
00:34:47,942 --> 00:34:49,903
Oh, no.
458
00:34:50,965 --> 00:34:53,011
Daddy!
459
00:34:53,359 --> 00:34:56,350
- Daddy!
' Hey, guys!
460
00:34:58,213 --> 00:35:02,560
- Wh... What are you doing here?
- I brought the kids to see Daddy.
461
00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:06,182
- And what's Daddy dressed as?
- A tomato.
462
00:35:06,301 --> 00:35:07,500
Mm-hm.
463
00:35:07,621 --> 00:35:10,055
And can we think of any plays
that a tomato might be in?
464
00:35:11,410 --> 00:35:14,013
- Gosh, well, there's...
- Look, kids.
465
00:35:14,135 --> 00:35:17,670
- A human statue.
- No, he's... dead.
466
00:35:18,860 --> 00:35:21,379
Oh, look. A juggler.
Go and have a look. Go on.
467
00:35:22,064 --> 00:35:24,703
- Wow.
- So this is it, is it?
468
00:35:25,384 --> 00:35:30,664
- This is your big, challenging role?
- OK, I admit I'm not on the stage yet.
469
00:35:30,834 --> 00:35:32,419
But I'm making inroads.
470
00:35:32,536 --> 00:35:35,781
If I work really hard,
I could be the next Christopher Marlowe.
471
00:35:37,134 --> 00:35:38,974
Oh, this is Christopher Marlowe.
472
00:35:39,092 --> 00:35:41,394
Chris, Anne. Anne, Chris.
473
00:35:41,562 --> 00:35:44,383
- Hello.
- I'm staying with Aunt Jane.
474
00:35:44,925 --> 00:35:47,056
Have them back by three.
475
00:35:47,181 --> 00:35:50,003
Anne, please, give me a chance.
476
00:35:50,544 --> 00:35:54,165
Enter our hero. Let's call him Hero.
477
00:35:54,887 --> 00:35:56,848
Erm... Blah, blah, blah...
478
00:35:56,973 --> 00:36:00,049
Oh, God. Writing's hard.
479
00:36:06,701 --> 00:36:09,220
That poor sexy woman.
480
00:36:19,611 --> 00:36:21,791
Hello, my dear.
481
00:36:21,910 --> 00:36:23,193
Going somewhere?
482
00:36:25,316 --> 00:36:27,156
Here, look. Ring and ting.
483
00:36:27,274 --> 00:36:31,669
- Get away from me!
- Unhand that beautiful woman, sir!
484
00:36:33,532 --> 00:36:35,833
What's the matter with you? Cowards?
485
00:36:36,512 --> 00:36:38,135
Get him.
486
00:36:39,535 --> 00:36:41,629
Yeah.
487
00:36:45,197 --> 00:36:47,243
Aaaah!
488
00:36:52,860 --> 00:36:54,616
Oh.
489
00:36:54,733 --> 00:36:56,694
Bit embarrassing.
490
00:37:04,718 --> 00:37:06,341
Let that be a lesson to you.
491
00:37:08,337 --> 00:37:10,602
Good God. Are you all right?
492
00:37:10,721 --> 00:37:13,579
It's quite hard to tell.
I mean, it's deep, but it hasn't gone...
493
00:37:13,701 --> 00:37:15,541
- Oh, right.
- Thank you.
494
00:37:15,659 --> 00:37:19,026
Quickly. Poor people are easily startled,
but they'll soon be back.
495
00:37:19,746 --> 00:37:21,793
And in greater numbers. Come.
496
00:37:22,598 --> 00:37:24,100
Aaargh!
497
00:37:24,983 --> 00:37:27,889
- Don't dawdle, Ian.
- I'll be right with you.
498
00:37:28,644 --> 00:37:30,436
He's had lunch.
499
00:37:30,985 --> 00:37:32,438
And I take his throat out. Nnnyh!
500
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,776
And the blood is...
501
00:37:34,902 --> 00:37:38,232
It's everywhere. It's on the walls,
it's on the architraves, on the rugs.
502
00:37:38,350 --> 00:37:40,106
And the Queen, she tries to get away,
503
00:37:40,223 --> 00:37:42,960
but she can't run because
she's slipping in all of the blood.
504
00:37:43,076 --> 00:37:46,273
So I grab her by the hair
and I pull her round to look at me
505
00:37:46,396 --> 00:37:49,170
and I say, "Knock, knock! Lope's here!"
506
00:37:49,291 --> 00:37:51,725
And she's like, "Oh, no!"
And I go, "Shut up!"
507
00:37:51,845 --> 00:37:55,176
And I put my thumbs
right into her eyes and when I let go,
508
00:37:55,194 --> 00:37:57,628
the eyes, they plop out
and drop down onto the cheeks.
509
00:37:57,598 --> 00:38:00,843
And so I pick up the eyes
and I look at them with my eyes and I go,
510
00:38:00,961 --> 00:38:05,188
"Ahh! Do you like that, lady, huh?
Do you like that?"
511
00:38:10,306 --> 00:38:12,231
- OK.
- Yeah.
512
00:38:14,942 --> 00:38:17,377
Thank you for that, Lope. It's very nice.
513
00:38:18,433 --> 00:38:22,139
- Let's call that plan J. Hm?
- Plan J.
514
00:38:22,265 --> 00:38:24,057
OK.
515
00:38:27,373 --> 00:38:29,420
Sorry. Do you want to...?
516
00:38:29,545 --> 00:38:31,591
- Oh.
- Hm.
517
00:38:32,738 --> 00:38:36,964
The problem with it is, because of
the unfortunate incident on the beach...
518
00:38:37,420 --> 00:38:39,854
the authorities are now on high alert
519
00:38:40,315 --> 00:38:46,491
The issue is now not how we kill the Queen
but getting close enough to do it.
520
00:38:46,999 --> 00:38:48,368
Boss, I have an idea.
521
00:38:48,489 --> 00:38:50,874
Does it involve you dressing up as a lady?
522
00:38:52,193 --> 00:38:54,712
- Well, yes.
- OK, any other ideas in the room?
523
00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:56,334
No, no, please, please.
524
00:38:56,350 --> 00:38:58,106
Listen.
525
00:38:58,123 --> 00:39:02,131
We need to find a way to get us all inside
the palace without raising suspicion.
526
00:39:03,828 --> 00:39:05,584
The play's the thing.
527
00:39:07,202 --> 00:39:09,163
Yes, that's it.
528
00:39:15,029 --> 00:39:18,396
We must find this Earl of Croydon...
529
00:39:19,031 --> 00:39:22,821
for his play is our Trojan horse.
530
00:39:23,586 --> 00:39:25,257
Any questions?
531
00:39:31,121 --> 00:39:35,215
Please come in, relax.
Welcome to my humble abode.
532
00:39:35,379 --> 00:39:39,047
- I really don't think this is necessary.
- No, no, it's no trouble at all.
533
00:39:39,167 --> 00:39:42,110
- You're in deep shock.
- Actually, I don't think I am.
534
00:39:42,233 --> 00:39:44,363
Yeah, that's one of the symptoms.
535
00:39:44,489 --> 00:39:47,734
Ian, would you fetch the lady
some brandy, please?
536
00:39:47,852 --> 00:39:49,863
- Brandy.
- And nibbles. Fetch some nibbles.
537
00:39:50,492 --> 00:39:52,369
Oh.
538
00:39:52,492 --> 00:39:53,861
So...
539
00:39:53,982 --> 00:39:58,293
- Erm... ls there somewhere I could...?
- Oh, yes, of course.
540
00:39:58,793 --> 00:40:00,718
Just up the stairs, second on the left.
541
00:40:17,515 --> 00:40:19,816
Ian, whoever that is, I'm out!
542
00:40:21,133 --> 00:40:23,482
Gentlemen. How may I...
543
00:40:23,602 --> 00:40:24,717
Right.
544
00:40:24,837 --> 00:40:27,477
Seriously, Lope,
what is wrong with you? Hm?
545
00:40:27,945 --> 00:40:30,415
- What?
- Is this about your dad?
546
00:40:33,437 --> 00:40:35,616
- Ian, who was it?
- Some handsome men.
547
00:40:39,610 --> 00:40:41,704
Who the hell are you?
548
00:40:42,802 --> 00:40:46,169
King Philip ll of Spain.
549
00:40:46,293 --> 00:40:47,879
Oh.
550
00:40:48,762 --> 00:40:50,519
Oh, God. Not now.
551
00:40:55,702 --> 00:40:57,832
- Anyway, how are you?
- Don't worry.
552
00:40:58,469 --> 00:41:00,988
If I wanted to kill you,
you'd be dead already.
553
00:41:01,108 --> 00:41:03,882
What is this, some son of Catholic plot?
554
00:41:06,398 --> 00:41:08,832
A Catholic plot?
555
00:41:10,230 --> 00:41:13,172
No, no, no. I assure you,
there is no conspiracy here.
556
00:41:13,295 --> 00:41:17,605
No, no, no. It's just that things
between me and your beautiful Queen...
557
00:41:22,118 --> 00:41:25,448
"they have been
a little bit... difficult.
558
00:41:25,864 --> 00:41:28,383
So, I was thinking.
559
00:41:29,142 --> 00:41:35,064
How can I demonstrate that our two nations
can work together, in harmony?
560
00:41:37,444 --> 00:41:40,047
A half-and-half flag cake?
561
00:41:42,042 --> 00:41:44,172
It's a cake, obviously.
562
00:41:44,298 --> 00:41:46,563
Half of it looks like the English flag.
563
00:41:46,682 --> 00:41:48,099
- Imagine...
- The other...
564
00:41:48,215 --> 00:41:51,290
"this great play of yours ends.
565
00:41:51,407 --> 00:41:55,803
People are applauding,
they are cheering.
566
00:41:56,923 --> 00:41:59,611
Then you step forward and you say,
567
00:41:59,733 --> 00:42:02,034
"Your Majesty, surprise.
568
00:42:02,159 --> 00:42:05,017
'This play has been a collaboration
with our Spanish friends."
569
00:42:05,906 --> 00:42:08,425
She cries. She hugs you.
570
00:42:09,311 --> 00:42:11,660
She gives you Devon.
571
00:42:12,675 --> 00:42:15,363
- I do like Devon.
- Who doesn't?
572
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:21,796
Together... we shall put on a play
that will go down in history...
573
00:42:22,381 --> 00:42:25,457
- Wait a minute. ls this it?
- Yeah, well, it's not quite finished.
574
00:42:26,170 --> 00:42:28,604
Not quite finished?
It's, what, three pages?
575
00:42:28,724 --> 00:42:30,940
It's been a bit of a struggle
if I'm honest.
576
00:42:31,066 --> 00:42:33,705
You're telling me.
"Hello. I'm a man in a play."
577
00:42:33,833 --> 00:42:35,456
"I am a woman also in a play."
578
00:42:35,471 --> 00:42:38,970
- Talk about clunky exposition.
- Well, what do you expect me to do?
579
00:42:39,089 --> 00:42:42,505
Stumble across some unsuspecting
young writer with a completed play,
580
00:42:42,623 --> 00:42:45,142
hoodwink him, steal his work
and pass it off as my own?
581
00:42:45,162 --> 00:42:48,323
Oh. I'm sorry.
I didn't realise you had visitors.
582
00:42:48,340 --> 00:42:50,011
Oh, Anne,
583
00:42:50,071 --> 00:42:52,202
this is erm...
584
00:42:52,296 --> 00:42:55,916
- Geoff... Smith.
- Yes.
585
00:42:56,595 --> 00:43:00,603
A theatrical impresario.
And these are the...
586
00:43:02,555 --> 00:43:05,377
Cockney Players of Bow.
587
00:43:06,174 --> 00:43:08,305
- All right?
- London Town.
588
00:43:08,430 --> 00:43:09,847
Down the rub-a-dub.
589
00:43:09,963 --> 00:43:12,602
You see,
I'm putting on a play for the Queen.
590
00:43:12,730 --> 00:43:15,115
If you can find one, mate.
591
00:43:17,583 --> 00:43:20,102
- I'll find one, mate.
- Well, you better had.
592
00:43:22,734 --> 00:43:24,865
My husband's written a play.
593
00:43:30,206 --> 00:43:32,943
Can you spare a moment
to talk about vegetables at all?
594
00:43:33,059 --> 00:43:34,899
- No.
- They're really good for you and...
595
00:43:35,017 --> 00:43:37,063
Hey. What are you doing?
596
00:43:38,125 --> 00:43:39,444
This is a meat market, mate.
597
00:43:39,572 --> 00:43:42,987
This is our patch,
not some son of vegetable pa...
598
00:43:44,255 --> 00:43:45,793
Surely there's room enough for...
599
00:43:45,915 --> 00:43:48,010
There some son of problem here,
Leslie?
600
00:43:48,172 --> 00:43:50,860
No, no. No problem.
601
00:43:51,364 --> 00:43:54,355
Just a salad that needs addressing.
602
00:43:54,855 --> 00:43:56,272
Ups-a-daisy.
603
00:43:56,388 --> 00:43:59,209
Here, you can't just walk around
pushing people about.
604
00:43:59,666 --> 00:44:01,168
What, like that?
605
00:44:03,083 --> 00:44:05,602
Take your veg and stick it!
606
00:44:06,403 --> 00:44:08,074
- All right.
- Sorry, mate.
607
00:44:08,191 --> 00:44:10,286
Had a bad day. Fancy a spot of lunch?
608
00:44:09,905 --> 00:44:11,697
We'll get something light.
609
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,130
Phil Shakespeare?
610
00:44:23,954 --> 00:44:25,915
Bring out your dead!
611
00:44:26,380 --> 00:44:27,749
Marlowe.
612
00:44:29,999 --> 00:44:32,215
Bring out your dead!
613
00:44:34,001 --> 00:44:35,151
Who's dead?
614
00:44:42,260 --> 00:44:43,325
Walsingham.
615
00:44:43,452 --> 00:44:46,697
- I thought you were dead.
- I'm as alive as the next man.
616
00:44:48,262 --> 00:44:50,647
Just... hiding in plain sight.
617
00:44:51,753 --> 00:44:53,339
In these troubled times, a truly...
618
00:44:56,862 --> 00:44:59,938
- It's a pretty good yield.
- Yeah, it's been a good day today.
619
00:45:00,651 --> 00:45:03,557
- Any more dead?
- Anyway, down to business.
620
00:45:03,673 --> 00:45:05,768
I need some information.
621
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,760
No, I'm out of the spying game,
I told you. I'm now a credible artiste.
622
00:45:10,346 --> 00:45:12,986
There's been a dip in writing work.
623
00:45:14,221 --> 00:45:16,740
- The cucumber's for the dip.
- Makes sense.
624
00:45:17,201 --> 00:45:21,681
Well, spy or no spy, I would ask you
to keep your ear to the ground
625
00:45:21,798 --> 00:45:24,232
for any signs of a Catholic plot.
626
00:45:24,353 --> 00:45:26,230
- Well, like what?
- Well, I don't know.
627
00:45:26,353 --> 00:45:31,427
Er... Priest holes, candles,
massive Marys...
628
00:45:31,741 --> 00:45:33,448
big pictures of the Pope.
629
00:45:33,572 --> 00:45:35,751
If you see anything,
you can contact me
630
00:45:35,870 --> 00:45:38,219
through the pie stall in the marketplace.
631
00:45:38,808 --> 00:45:43,325
Until next time, then,
I'll bid you... adieu.
632
00:45:49,451 --> 00:45:51,582
- Your Majesty.
- Hm.
633
00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:53,499
Familiarize yourself with this.
634
00:45:53,623 --> 00:45:55,581
- "Thou shalt be king."
- Don't be nervous.
635
00:45:55,666 --> 00:45:57,677
Same for you, Mick.
636
00:45:57,795 --> 00:46:00,822
- I have lady pads.
- Erm...
637
00:46:02,648 --> 00:46:06,015
- I have the lady pads?
- Oh, yes, I see.
638
00:46:06,139 --> 00:46:08,440
Erm... Yeah,
you're playing both female roles.
639
00:46:08,885 --> 00:46:13,959
OK! Suit the action to the word
and the word to the action.
640
00:46:14,462 --> 00:46:18,301
Oh, and speak the speech
as I pronounced it to you,
641
00:46:18,422 --> 00:46:22,260
because some of you
have slightly weird accents.
642
00:46:22,806 --> 00:46:26,306
All-day breakfast. Fish and chips.
643
00:46:28,256 --> 00:46:30,048
Good. Well...
644
00:46:30,767 --> 00:46:33,116
Best of luck, guys. Break a leg.
645
00:46:33,875 --> 00:46:35,292
No problem.
646
00:46:36,089 --> 00:46:38,050
- Nibbles?
- No.
647
00:46:38,601 --> 00:46:44,741
Presenting a bold new work
for the stage by Bill Shakespeare.
648
00:46:59,993 --> 00:47:01,446
♪ Two men who look the same
649
00:47:01,569 --> 00:47:03,325
♪ But have a different aim
650
00:47:03,442 --> 00:47:06,808
♪ It's a series of funny misunderstandings
651
00:47:07,401 --> 00:47:10,731
♪ Two twins each with a lover
♪ Who mistake each for the other
652
00:47:10,849 --> 00:47:14,385
♪ Somehow fall into the service
of a mad king
653
00:47:14,510 --> 00:47:16,181
♪ Take this letter
♪ Wait, there's two
654
00:47:16,341 --> 00:47:18,012
♪ And they mix up which goes to who
655
00:47:18,140 --> 00:47:21,385
♪ The comic complications keep expanding
656
00:47:21,503 --> 00:47:25,088
♪ In a tale so confused
You can't help but be amused
657
00:47:25,207 --> 00:47:28,706
♪ By this series
of funny misunderstandings
658
00:47:34,487 --> 00:47:36,158
♪ A jilted bride
♪ That's not funny
659
00:47:36,275 --> 00:47:38,068
- Pretend she died?
- On the money!
660
00:47:38,191 --> 00:47:41,013
♪ And her poisoned body's
hidden by a monk
661
00:47:41,725 --> 00:47:45,224
♪ Until a fool who's quite smart
♪ He's a fool, that's a start
662
00:47:45,343 --> 00:47:48,165
This monk is nuts
♪ And locks him in a trunk
663
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,931
♪ And his servant, make him thick
Then hit him with a stick
664
00:47:53,091 --> 00:47:56,797
♪ It's a series of funny misunderstandings
665
00:47:57,668 --> 00:48:01,337
♪ Cue a mixed-up wedding blessing
♪ Further vexed by more cross-dressing
666
00:48:01,457 --> 00:48:04,315
♪ Which goes on to heal
two families at war
667
00:48:05,076 --> 00:48:08,442
♪ When the bride they thought was dead
comes back with a donkey's head
668
00:48:08,567 --> 00:48:11,037
♪ But marries anyway because her groom
669
00:48:11,164 --> 00:48:16,491
♪ Has been drugged by a whore!
670
00:48:17,635 --> 00:48:20,238
♪ Add a priest, add a lion,
add a wrangle over money
671
00:48:20,359 --> 00:48:22,030
♪ It's too much ♪ I'm confused
672
00:48:22,147 --> 00:48:23,600
♪ Yes, that's what makes it funny
673
00:48:23,722 --> 00:48:25,393
♪ Severed heads, star-crossed lovers
674
00:48:25,510 --> 00:48:27,012
♪ English kings, evil mothers
675
00:48:27,128 --> 00:48:30,580
♪ With a big happy ending
notwithstanding
676
00:48:31,087 --> 00:48:34,623
♪ We think you'll agree
this has turned out to be
677
00:48:34,748 --> 00:48:36,928
♪ A series of
678
00:48:37,047 --> 00:48:45,562
♪ Funny misunderstandings!
679
00:48:50,141 --> 00:48:52,151
Oh, God, I'm dead.
680
00:48:59,379 --> 00:49:01,425
I heard about the play.
681
00:49:06,244 --> 00:49:08,338
Sorry, mate.
682
00:49:13,055 --> 00:49:15,102
Why are you dressed as a sausage?
683
00:49:15,822 --> 00:49:18,765
I got turned.
Playing for the other team now.
684
00:49:19,696 --> 00:49:21,912
Well, if they need a spare rib,
put a word in.
685
00:49:23,187 --> 00:49:26,214
- Looks like I need a change of career.
- Oh, come on, Bill.
686
00:49:28,296 --> 00:49:29,616
I'm sure it's not all that bad.
687
00:49:29,743 --> 00:49:34,091
You know, sometimes these things,
they seem worse than they actually... are.
688
00:49:34,213 --> 00:49:37,240
Oh, no. Why would you...?
689
00:49:39,503 --> 00:49:42,410
Where's all the...?
What the hell's that?
690
00:49:43,335 --> 00:49:45,599
Dance moves.
691
00:49:49,848 --> 00:49:52,197
I'm not a writer, am I?
692
00:49:53,850 --> 00:49:55,642
Just a fad.
693
00:49:57,692 --> 00:50:01,615
Right, first things first -
write what you know.
694
00:50:03,269 --> 00:50:04,505
OK?
695
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,402
Well, get a quill.
696
00:50:10,293 --> 00:50:12,255
And ales.
697
00:50:16,083 --> 00:50:19,752
You've just got to take in everything
around you. Take in all your surroundings.
698
00:50:59,848 --> 00:51:01,895
' Yes!
' Yes!
699
00:51:21,304 --> 00:51:23,315
- Ow!
- This is not a library.
700
00:51:24,795 --> 00:51:27,484
His Lordship sent me
for Mr Shakespeare's play.
701
00:51:27,605 --> 00:51:30,766
- Oh, well, there you go.
- I'll deal with this.
702
00:51:31,394 --> 00:51:36,298
Mr Shakespeare works for coin,
which I don't see any... of.
703
00:51:36,758 --> 00:51:39,531
His Lordship said he'd pay
Mr Shakespeare when he saw him next.
704
00:51:39,653 --> 00:51:42,765
Don't give me that old chuff.
You know how this works.
705
00:51:42,888 --> 00:51:45,358
- No money, no funny.
- All right.
706
00:51:45,996 --> 00:51:48,381
Don't stab the messenger... please.
707
00:51:48,508 --> 00:51:51,365
You tell Mr Croydon that Mr Shakespeare
will meet him tonight.
708
00:51:51,828 --> 00:51:54,650
Somewhere neutral.
The Bull's Inn, Deptford.
709
00:51:54,808 --> 00:51:57,969
It's quite safe. He brings the money,
he gets the script.
710
00:51:58,086 --> 00:51:59,879
- I'll tell him.
- Good.
711
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,991
And I'll tell your mum... who isn't here.
712
00:52:05,726 --> 00:52:08,027
- Needs work.
- Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
713
00:52:09,515 --> 00:52:11,646
You'll be fine. Just stick to your guns.
714
00:52:11,772 --> 00:52:13,395
50 pounds, not a farthing less.
715
00:52:13,517 --> 00:52:15,442
- Got it.
- Bill.
716
00:52:17,221 --> 00:52:19,740
- I think you've got something.
- What, from the river?
717
00:52:19,860 --> 00:52:22,076
No. I mean...
718
00:52:22,244 --> 00:52:23,528
talent.
719
00:52:23,649 --> 00:52:26,725
It's a little rough, sure,
but... it's there.
720
00:52:27,906 --> 00:52:30,086
So, I am a writer?
721
00:52:30,205 --> 00:52:32,809
Not yet. This...
722
00:52:33,952 --> 00:52:35,102
I can teach you.
723
00:52:35,229 --> 00:52:37,275
Only you can find this.
724
00:52:38,209 --> 00:52:39,407
A nipple?
725
00:52:40,337 --> 00:52:42,384
We'll work on it.
726
00:52:45,159 --> 00:52:46,528
Thanks, Chris.
727
00:52:50,906 --> 00:52:52,613
Thanks.
728
00:52:59,208 --> 00:53:01,133
Bill, you forgot the play!
729
00:53:01,251 --> 00:53:03,213
Sorry. I...
730
00:53:03,763 --> 00:53:04,961
Oh, no.
731
00:53:10,755 --> 00:53:14,631
Christopher Marlowe.
How nice to see you again.
732
00:53:14,757 --> 00:53:20,812
It would seem your world
has been turned upside down.
733
00:53:20,930 --> 00:53:24,466
Which is funny,
because you are the wrong way up.
734
00:53:24,591 --> 00:53:29,750
Look, I know
I missed a few payments, but...
735
00:53:29,870 --> 00:53:31,069
Ssssh'.!
736
00:53:31,190 --> 00:53:33,237
Honestly, you writers.
737
00:53:33,361 --> 00:53:35,746
You are all the same.
738
00:53:35,773 --> 00:53:39,103
We lend you money to buy little house.
739
00:53:39,121 --> 00:53:43,081
You now have little house.
You pay back money.
740
00:53:43,208 --> 00:53:44,577
Absolutely, and I will.
741
00:53:44,698 --> 00:53:48,113
Overdue payments may result
in increased interest rates,
742
00:53:48,232 --> 00:53:53,475
recovery action and forfeiture
of life and limb/limbs.
743
00:53:53,638 --> 00:53:55,516
Terms and conditions apply.
744
00:53:55,639 --> 00:53:58,073
- Small print?
- Not really.
745
00:53:58,577 --> 00:54:01,132
Although, admittedly, it is in Russian.
746
00:54:01,621 --> 00:54:06,561
Perhaps we were not clear
what happens to people who are late twice.
747
00:54:09,114 --> 00:54:12,104
This is a late customer.
748
00:54:13,328 --> 00:54:16,489
- Urgh!
- Which is funny because he is dead.
749
00:54:17,894 --> 00:54:21,600
In order to avoid
further inconvenience,
750
00:54:22,279 --> 00:54:25,391
we now require you to pay full amount.
751
00:54:26,196 --> 00:54:30,071
50 English cash pounds
by this time tomorrow.
752
00:54:30,197 --> 00:54:34,629
50? Where the hell
am I supposed to find 50... pounds?
753
00:54:35,562 --> 00:54:41,060
50 pounds by tomorrow.
Or we have to buy another trunk.
754
00:55:01,169 --> 00:55:03,216
Ooh. Got you these.
755
00:55:05,639 --> 00:55:07,904
Some son of rose. I forget the name.
756
00:55:12,152 --> 00:55:13,776
I've got news.
757
00:55:17,091 --> 00:55:19,137
Keep them closed.
758
00:55:21,816 --> 00:55:23,911
OK?
759
00:55:24,030 --> 00:55:25,992
Open them.
760
00:55:30,203 --> 00:55:32,758
- I've sold my play.
- Wow.
761
00:55:32,885 --> 00:55:34,338
To an earl.
762
00:55:34,460 --> 00:55:36,725
Earl of Croydon.
763
00:55:36,844 --> 00:55:39,193
- It's near Penge.
- Penge, yeah.
764
00:55:39,313 --> 00:55:42,558
And they're putting it on for the Queen.
Not here. At the palace.
765
00:55:42,677 --> 00:55:44,433
This was just, you know...
766
00:55:45,486 --> 00:55:47,533
- For the drama.
- Yeah.
767
00:55:47,657 --> 00:55:49,752
But it's good, Anne.
768
00:55:49,854 --> 00:55:52,203
- Imagine it.
- Where...?
769
00:55:55,389 --> 00:55:57,823
Get down from there.
770
00:55:57,843 --> 00:56:03,304
The Rose Theatre is delighted
to present a play by Bill Shakespeare!
771
00:56:15,021 --> 00:56:16,813
Listen.
772
00:56:16,937 --> 00:56:20,981
I know I haven't
always made things... easy.
773
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:25,714
But it really feels like
things are looking up for me.
774
00:56:27,069 --> 00:56:29,031
For us.
775
00:56:33,625 --> 00:56:35,587
And you said I'd never make it.
776
00:56:36,477 --> 00:56:39,384
- What?
- "Go and be a butcher," you said.
777
00:56:40,337 --> 00:56:43,667
"Don't go to London," you said.
Well, look at me now.
778
00:56:44,338 --> 00:56:46,978
Hang on a minute.
I've always supported you.
779
00:56:47,106 --> 00:56:48,983
Well, yes and no.
780
00:56:49,106 --> 00:56:52,049
- I mean, up to a point, but...
- Up to a point?
781
00:56:52,172 --> 00:56:55,538
Well, let's face it, here I am, in London,
782
00:56:55,662 --> 00:56:59,416
about to perform my play for the Queen.
783
00:57:00,218 --> 00:57:01,889
And who's that down to?
784
00:57:03,268 --> 00:57:05,278
Yours truly.
785
00:57:05,397 --> 00:57:08,085
Number 1A, Me Avenue.
786
00:57:08,781 --> 00:57:12,704
- It was me, you idiot.
- What?
787
00:57:12,826 --> 00:57:15,562
- I told Croydon about your play.
- What? When?
788
00:57:15,678 --> 00:57:18,414
- The other day, at his house.
- At his house, were you?
789
00:57:18,530 --> 00:57:20,964
- Not like that. He picked me up.
- Did he, now?
790
00:57:21,085 --> 00:57:24,500
- I was trying to help you.
- Well, I don't need your help.
791
00:57:24,618 --> 00:57:28,457
Well, that's a bit of luck, isn't it?
Because you're not gonna get it again.
792
00:57:28,577 --> 00:57:31,011
- I'm going back to Stratford.
- Fine.
793
00:57:33,641 --> 00:57:36,548
One day you'll realise what you just lost.
794
00:57:36,664 --> 00:57:38,626
I hope it was all worth it.
795
00:57:40,623 --> 00:57:45,395
No, one day you'll realise what you lost,
when I'm up here.
796
00:57:48,563 --> 00:57:50,356
When I'm up here.
797
00:58:25,984 --> 00:58:27,691
Saying things in a shod, snappy way
798
00:58:27,815 --> 00:58:31,568
instead of a long, drawn-out way
is the soul of wit.
799
00:58:39,309 --> 00:58:41,574
Ooh. Someone's been in the wars.
800
00:58:42,119 --> 00:58:43,911
Yes, I...
801
00:58:45,397 --> 00:58:48,303
- What are you doing in a pie?
- It's a disguise.
802
00:58:48,419 --> 00:58:51,786
Or one might say a dis-pies.
803
00:58:52,421 --> 00:58:54,213
Now, that works in three ways.
804
00:58:54,337 --> 00:58:57,110
One, it's a disguise.
Two, the disguise is pies.
805
00:58:57,232 --> 00:58:59,871
And three, it's got
the word "spies" in it, so...
806
00:59:00,010 --> 00:59:01,596
- It's very clever.
- Mm.
807
00:59:01,713 --> 00:59:03,723
What did you want?
808
00:59:03,841 --> 00:59:08,576
- Well, you know Catholic plots?
- Does the Pope wear a silly hat?
809
00:59:11,121 --> 00:59:12,574
I think I may have found one.
810
00:59:13,740 --> 00:59:16,646
He rents a room
above The Quill and Rapier.
811
00:59:17,401 --> 00:59:19,786
Well, you'll see for yourself.
812
00:59:20,381 --> 00:59:23,711
He's turned it into
some sort of Catholic shrine.
813
00:59:26,384 --> 00:59:27,836
What them?
814
00:59:33,365 --> 00:59:34,734
I'm being framed.
815
00:59:34,855 --> 00:59:36,817
- Left, right, left...
- Come on, lads.
816
00:59:39,836 --> 00:59:41,883
Chris?
817
00:59:42,561 --> 00:59:43,930
Left, right, left...
818
00:59:45,903 --> 00:59:48,034
Mr Shakespeare, I presume.
819
00:59:48,287 --> 00:59:51,908
You, my friend,
are going straight to he... Aargh!
820
00:59:52,034 --> 00:59:54,673
Left, right, left, right...
821
00:59:54,801 --> 00:59:57,102
After him, you fools!
822
01:00:13,447 --> 01:00:17,032
Right!
Can everyone please stop arriving?
823
01:00:35,499 --> 01:00:37,934
- Where's the money?
- Where's Shakespeare?
824
01:00:39,012 --> 01:00:42,427
He's... tied up. I'm... his agent.
825
01:00:49,016 --> 01:00:50,978
Play first.
826
01:01:04,725 --> 01:01:06,772
What the hell's this?
827
01:01:07,706 --> 01:01:09,970
Your change, sir.
828
01:01:11,494 --> 01:01:13,710
' Urgh! Aargh!
829
01:01:13,878 --> 01:01:16,094
A pleasure doing business with you.
830
01:01:16,220 --> 01:01:17,334
Why?
831
01:01:17,454 --> 01:01:19,840
Er... Cheaper.
832
01:01:24,053 --> 01:01:26,693
- King Philip ll of Spain.
- Sssh.
833
01:01:27,374 --> 01:01:29,977
It's a secret, you see.
834
01:01:30,205 --> 01:01:32,761
This play you have
kindly provided me with...
835
01:01:33,952 --> 01:01:37,827
I'm going to use it to kill the Queen.
836
01:01:39,912 --> 01:01:42,600
A Catholic plot. You fiend!
837
01:01:42,721 --> 01:01:44,514
Don't be like that.
838
01:01:44,637 --> 01:01:46,383
Oh, don't take it out. Don't take it out.
839
01:01:46,510 --> 01:01:49,501
It won't hurt if I do it quickly.
It's a bit like erm...
840
01:01:50,129 --> 01:01:51,545
Do you do your eyebrows?
841
01:01:51,661 --> 01:01:53,877
- No.
- OK. Well, it's a little bit like that.
842
01:01:54,301 --> 01:01:56,311
Aargh!
843
01:02:00,900 --> 01:02:02,861
Bill...
844
01:02:10,426 --> 01:02:12,605
Chris, I'm gonna kill you!
845
01:02:14,555 --> 01:02:16,602
Join the club, mate.
846
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,968
- Oh, my God.
- No, it's a scratch. It's just a scratch.
847
01:02:20,089 --> 01:02:22,136
It's nothing.
848
01:02:23,027 --> 01:02:25,074
Actually, that is quite bad, isn't it?
849
01:02:29,796 --> 01:02:31,757
Chris?
850
01:02:32,776 --> 01:02:35,077
I betrayed you.
851
01:02:35,202 --> 01:02:37,504
I needed the play, the money.
852
01:02:38,438 --> 01:02:41,077
- I'm in terrible debt.
- This was over a debt?
853
01:02:41,205 --> 01:02:44,063
No, no. This was... Catholics.
854
01:02:45,037 --> 01:02:46,962
- Catholics?
- Croydon's company.
855
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:49,296
- They're Spanish agents.
- The Cockney Players?
856
01:02:49,422 --> 01:02:50,838
- But they're from Bow.
- No.
857
01:02:50,954 --> 01:02:55,047
Mark me, they plan to use our play
to somehow kill the Queen.
858
01:02:56,233 --> 01:02:58,872
You must go to the pie stall
in the marketplace.
859
01:03:00,362 --> 01:03:02,578
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
860
01:03:02,704 --> 01:03:04,920
Oh, sorry. Did you want that?
861
01:03:05,045 --> 01:03:06,547
Want it? He isn't dead.
862
01:03:06,663 --> 01:03:09,606
Well, not quite. But I knock off in five,
and realistically...
863
01:03:09,728 --> 01:03:11,181
Go away!
864
01:03:16,732 --> 01:03:19,638
Right, you see her? Well, your mum...
865
01:03:19,754 --> 01:03:22,745
- For God's sake, not now, Chris.
- Yes, yes, the plot.
866
01:03:23,671 --> 01:03:25,718
You must find Walsingham.
867
01:03:26,310 --> 01:03:30,355
Go to the pie stall in the marketplace
and say these code words.
868
01:03:30,483 --> 01:03:34,830
Saying things in a shod, snappy way...
soul of wit.
869
01:03:36,868 --> 01:03:38,794
You mean "brevity".
870
01:03:38,912 --> 01:03:40,873
Er... Yeah.
871
01:03:40,998 --> 01:03:43,044
But say it my way.
872
01:03:43,382 --> 01:03:46,239
And Walsingham
will deal with the Spanish.
873
01:03:47,980 --> 01:03:50,159
Avenge me, my friend...
874
01:03:50,278 --> 01:03:53,221
for now I go... and it is done.
875
01:03:55,132 --> 01:03:57,311
The bell invites me.
876
01:04:02,901 --> 01:04:04,487
One more thing.
877
01:04:04,604 --> 01:04:08,698
The... the script I gave them, it's...
878
01:04:11,586 --> 01:04:13,548
It...
879
01:04:19,590 --> 01:04:21,720
So wise, so young...
880
01:04:22,527 --> 01:04:24,574
they say do never live long.
881
01:04:32,148 --> 01:04:33,855
Seriously?
882
01:04:36,065 --> 01:04:40,291
Well, Your Majesty, we have our play.
883
01:04:41,386 --> 01:04:42,706
Cheers.
884
01:04:42,834 --> 01:04:44,881
We'll stop for nibbles.
885
01:04:46,069 --> 01:04:47,862
Yes, I don't want to worry you,
886
01:04:47,985 --> 01:04:50,504
but this reads a lot
like a Russian loan agreement.
887
01:04:52,115 --> 01:04:53,992
Why, that double-crossing little...
888
01:04:54,115 --> 01:04:56,295
Furs!
889
01:04:56,414 --> 01:04:59,659
Get your lovely furs!
890
01:05:00,395 --> 01:05:02,829
High fashion furs!
891
01:05:04,142 --> 01:05:06,103
High fashion...
892
01:05:08,995 --> 01:05:12,107
Saying things
in a shod, snappy way inst...
893
01:05:14,444 --> 01:05:16,829
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
894
01:05:20,319 --> 01:05:22,280
King Philip ll of Spain.
895
01:05:25,598 --> 01:05:28,153
- Where is the play?
- I don't know.
896
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:29,866
You'd better tell me...
897
01:05:30,792 --> 01:05:33,989
or I will let Lope here
loose with his device.
898
01:05:34,666 --> 01:05:37,996
You don't wanna know
where this bit goes.
899
01:05:38,210 --> 01:05:40,257
So, you'd better tell me...
900
01:05:41,105 --> 01:05:45,113
- In your bum.
- Don't actually say it.
901
01:05:45,234 --> 01:05:49,073
Why are you saying it? It's more
dramatic if you don't say it. I... What?
902
01:05:49,193 --> 01:05:50,392
OK.
903
01:05:50,513 --> 01:05:52,814
Listen, as far as I knew,
you had the play.
904
01:05:52,940 --> 01:05:56,391
- I don't know where he's put it.
- Then you will write me a new play.
905
01:05:57,878 --> 01:06:00,614
Without Chris, that's impossible.
906
01:06:00,730 --> 01:06:03,842
Nothing is impossible,
Mr Shakespeare.
907
01:06:03,966 --> 01:06:06,013
Given the proper motivation.
908
01:06:11,778 --> 01:06:13,825
- Anne.
- That's right.
909
01:06:14,375 --> 01:06:16,422
We have Jan.
910
01:06:16,589 --> 01:06:18,429
It's Anne.
911
01:06:18,547 --> 01:06:20,387
Is it? Oh.
912
01:06:20,889 --> 01:06:23,323
- Why?
- Because the Queen needs a play
913
01:06:23,443 --> 01:06:26,217
and I'm not about to let her down.
914
01:06:26,338 --> 01:06:28,893
But he's gonna kill the Queen, you idiot!
915
01:06:29,020 --> 01:06:32,519
I think you mean surprise the Queen.
916
01:06:35,065 --> 01:06:38,855
- Right?
- Well, it's kind of a surprise.
917
01:06:41,068 --> 01:06:43,198
Oh!
918
01:06:43,303 --> 01:06:45,010
Oh, you villainous snake.
919
01:06:46,156 --> 01:06:48,335
As a loyal peer and patriot,
920
01:06:48,454 --> 01:06:51,276
I would never betray the sovereign power.
921
01:06:51,392 --> 01:06:54,213
- You still get Devon.
- Very much back on board.
922
01:06:54,414 --> 01:06:56,934
So, you write me a new play...
923
01:06:57,991 --> 01:07:01,103
"otherwise, it's "Adios, señora."
924
01:07:02,716 --> 01:07:05,235
- It's...?
- It's Spanish for "Goodbye, lady."
925
01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,402
It means I'm going to kill her.
926
01:07:17,616 --> 01:07:20,983
Look, you wrote play before.
Write it again.
927
01:07:21,107 --> 01:07:22,560
I thought you were playwright.
928
01:07:22,682 --> 01:07:24,729
Well, you thought wrong.
929
01:07:26,003 --> 01:07:28,388
I can't do this, not on my own.
930
01:07:28,515 --> 01:07:30,779
I hope that is not true. For your sake.
931
01:07:41,286 --> 01:07:42,957
Bill.
932
01:07:42,574 --> 01:07:44,160
What an thou?
933
01:07:44,532 --> 01:07:47,052
By heaven I charge thee, speak.
934
01:07:48,460 --> 01:07:49,610
Hello.
935
01:07:49,737 --> 01:07:51,699
Erm... Hello.
936
01:07:52,973 --> 01:07:54,389
You're not here.
937
01:07:54,548 --> 01:07:57,284
You're just a tired mind
playing tricks.
938
01:07:57,400 --> 01:08:00,597
I'm a friend when you need one.
Question not my coming.
939
01:08:01,444 --> 01:08:04,775
So you've come to help me? With the play?
940
01:08:09,320 --> 01:08:12,565
I can no more lift a quill
than I can tip this cup.
941
01:08:15,706 --> 01:08:17,546
That was a coincidence.
942
01:08:17,664 --> 01:08:19,711
The point is, I cannot give you help.
943
01:08:20,985 --> 01:08:22,946
You don't need it.
944
01:08:23,050 --> 01:08:25,315
I've got nothing here.
945
01:08:26,711 --> 01:08:29,351
No characters, no story.
946
01:08:29,478 --> 01:08:33,063
No story?
No story in the time we've shared?
947
01:08:34,928 --> 01:08:37,483
Of the hand that fate has dealt you
these days past?
948
01:08:39,398 --> 01:08:45,065
Tales of betrayal, plotting kings,
the death of a friend.
949
01:08:46,550 --> 01:08:49,626
Such twists and turns
as would shame any fiction.
950
01:08:54,383 --> 01:08:56,563
Write what you know.
951
01:09:00,663 --> 01:09:02,624
I can do this.
952
01:09:04,196 --> 01:09:06,158
I can do this.
953
01:09:07,900 --> 01:09:10,539
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
That's just the story.
954
01:09:10,667 --> 01:09:12,714
What of the words?
955
01:10:03,606 --> 01:10:05,567
It's a hit.
956
01:10:06,713 --> 01:10:08,384
A palpable hit.
957
01:10:09,991 --> 01:10:12,038
So my wife can go.
958
01:10:12,290 --> 01:10:15,451
But you haven't finished yet.
I have some notes.
959
01:10:16,548 --> 01:10:18,678
Number one, we lose this.
960
01:10:18,804 --> 01:10:20,850
It's your play now.
961
01:10:21,018 --> 01:10:25,195
And number two,
the end could be a little more...
962
01:10:25,786 --> 01:10:27,832
How shall I say?
963
01:10:29,277 --> 01:10:30,427
Explosive.
964
01:10:30,554 --> 01:10:33,024
Hooray!
965
01:10:33,151 --> 01:10:34,386
Sssh .
966
01:10:34,896 --> 01:10:36,603
Hooray.
967
01:10:37,408 --> 01:10:39,031
Hm.
968
01:10:39,292 --> 01:10:41,811
Gather round. So, here's the plan.
969
01:10:42,314 --> 01:10:45,983
You wit stack the gunpowder
behind the stage during the first act.
970
01:10:46,103 --> 01:10:49,010
Juan will then light the fuse
when he hears Ramon -
971
01:10:49,126 --> 01:10:51,257
who plays witch number three -
say the line:
972
01:10:51,382 --> 01:10:53,852
Thou shalt be king hereafter.
973
01:10:53,979 --> 01:10:55,396
Hope you like bombs.
974
01:10:55,512 --> 01:10:57,135
I shall then make my excuses
975
01:10:57,257 --> 01:10:59,105
and sneak out
while you exit through the kitchen.
976
01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:01,141
Gotta go now. Bye.
977
01:11:01,259 --> 01:11:04,117
And Mr Shakespeare
will be coming with us
978
01:11:04,239 --> 01:11:07,351
to witness the final act
in his little drama,
979
01:11:07,474 --> 01:11:10,719
where we will quite literally
bring the house down.
980
01:11:11,881 --> 01:11:13,976
Come on. It's a theatre joke.
981
01:11:15,500 --> 01:11:18,139
Gentlemen, to the palace!
982
01:11:19,033 --> 01:11:21,080
OK. Left a bit, John.
983
01:11:21,204 --> 01:11:23,505
Left. My left!
984
01:11:23,971 --> 01:11:26,442
Right. And let it go.
985
01:11:31,209 --> 01:11:32,444
Gemma!
986
01:11:32,571 --> 01:11:35,005
Big day today, obviously.
987
01:11:35,125 --> 01:11:38,915
Security level
has been set at dark woad,
988
01:11:39,042 --> 01:11:42,033
which I believe is this one?
989
01:11:44,108 --> 01:11:46,409
Erm... Hello? Excuse me?
990
01:11:47,045 --> 01:11:48,281
Where are you going?
991
01:11:48,408 --> 01:11:51,823
We're the
Cockney Players of Bow, me old plate.
992
01:11:51,941 --> 01:11:54,411
- Yeah.
- The actors, yes.
993
01:11:54,538 --> 01:11:57,699
Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
I used to do a turn myself.
994
01:11:57,716 --> 01:12:00,828
I don't know if you've ever heard
of The Sticky Players?
995
01:12:00,952 --> 01:12:02,913
Oh... Magic days.
996
01:12:02,938 --> 01:12:05,759
Anyway, just follow the path
and you'll get to the front gate.
997
01:12:05,775 --> 01:12:08,682
Hang on. What are those barrels about?
998
01:12:09,687 --> 01:12:11,273
Er...
999
01:12:11,290 --> 01:12:14,402
Well, there's a Cockney song,
in't there, mate,
1000
01:12:14,525 --> 01:12:16,656
where we roll 'em out.
1001
01:12:18,995 --> 01:12:22,701
♪ Roll out the barrels, mate
1002
01:12:22,827 --> 01:12:25,733
♪ We'll give you some barrels of fun
1003
01:12:26,573 --> 01:12:29,043
- Yeah, mate.
♪ Where's he coming from?
1004
01:12:32,235 --> 01:12:34,620
Very good.
Well, off you trot, then.
1005
01:12:39,792 --> 01:12:41,548
Cheeky.
1006
01:12:41,665 --> 01:12:43,590
Right, drapes. Gemma!
1007
01:12:54,437 --> 01:12:55,502
Classic.
1008
01:12:55,629 --> 01:12:57,385
King Philip ll of Spain.
1009
01:12:57,502 --> 01:13:00,141
- King Philip ll of Spain.
- Of Spain.
1010
01:13:00,567 --> 01:13:02,444
Sorry.
1011
01:13:02,468 --> 01:13:05,071
Her most excellent Majesty...
1012
01:13:05,159 --> 01:13:08,865
by the grace of God, Elizabeth...
1013
01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:12,696
Queen of England...
1014
01:13:13,077 --> 01:13:16,529
France and Ireland.
1015
01:13:18,739 --> 01:13:21,258
Defender of the Faith.
1016
01:13:23,550 --> 01:13:27,643
- Most improved monarch '92 to...
- Let's assume he knows who I am.
1017
01:13:33,299 --> 01:13:38,239
Your Majesty, it is a very great honour
to be invited to your fine country,
1018
01:13:38,365 --> 01:13:40,412
which I just got to this morning.
1019
01:13:41,175 --> 01:13:43,996
I came straight here.
No funny business.
1020
01:13:44,421 --> 01:13:46,891
- Whoa! Talk about boat-lagged.
- Philip.
1021
01:13:47,060 --> 01:13:51,456
It is our greatest hope
that this summit shall pave the way
1022
01:13:51,573 --> 01:13:58,173
to lasting peace
between our two great nations.
1023
01:13:58,342 --> 01:14:00,182
Right, come on,
let's get this over with.
1024
01:14:11,944 --> 01:14:16,970
First we eat, and before you ask,
the Soup's served hot.
1025
01:14:17,095 --> 01:14:18,331
Ah, come off it.
1026
01:14:18,458 --> 01:14:20,843
Then we watch Crawley's new play
1027
01:14:20,969 --> 01:14:26,721
and finally we discuss
the release of Hawkins.
1028
01:14:27,355 --> 01:14:28,506
Who?
1029
01:14:28,632 --> 01:14:30,339
Hello!
1030
01:14:30,559 --> 01:14:33,198
Oh, yes, him, the reason I'm here. Ha-ha!
1031
01:14:33,326 --> 01:14:35,288
Mind like a gauze. It's terrible.
1032
01:14:36,562 --> 01:14:38,099
Yeah, that's him.
1033
01:14:38,222 --> 01:14:41,419
Oh. And one of 'em said something
about a pie stall.
1034
01:14:51,462 --> 01:14:53,047
What about the voice?
1035
01:14:53,165 --> 01:14:55,635
Is it convincing?
1036
01:14:55,804 --> 01:14:58,625
Gabriel... I don't care.
1037
01:15:04,361 --> 01:15:08,502
You then chop up the tomatoes, you cook
the onions, but then you leave it a bit...
1038
01:15:10,321 --> 01:15:11,690
OK.
1039
01:15:13,110 --> 01:15:16,307
Burghley.
I like what you've done with this. Huh?
1040
01:15:16,771 --> 01:15:19,593
Two beards in one. Very nice.
1041
01:15:23,327 --> 01:15:26,016
Whoa. Better make it a good one.
1042
01:15:26,520 --> 01:15:28,276
The wife's in.
1043
01:15:28,393 --> 01:15:33,975
Oh! Didn't I mention?
It seems Devon comes with a duchess.
1044
01:15:35,971 --> 01:15:38,490
Well, he may be
a crazed religious extremist,
1045
01:15:38,610 --> 01:15:40,657
but this Shakespeare is smart
1046
01:15:41,974 --> 01:15:44,747
And a truly smart man knows...
1047
01:15:49,381 --> 01:15:51,682
you hide in plain sight!
1048
01:15:59,620 --> 01:16:01,715
Ladies and gentlemen...
1049
01:16:02,728 --> 01:16:04,605
Your Majesties,
1050
01:16:04,729 --> 01:16:07,926
I'm delighted to present
for your entertainment
1051
01:16:08,049 --> 01:16:10,229
a new tragedy...
1052
01:16:10,348 --> 01:16:13,122
comedy/drama/history play,
1053
01:16:13,243 --> 01:16:17,118
written by and co-starring
the Earl of Croydon.
1054
01:16:17,798 --> 01:16:21,467
That's me. Croydon.
1055
01:16:39,382 --> 01:16:42,204
Oh, for a muse of fire...
1056
01:16:42,214 --> 01:16:46,053
that would ascend
the brightest heaven of invention,
1057
01:16:46,173 --> 01:16:50,654
a kingdom for a stage, princes to act
1058
01:16:50,856 --> 01:16:54,610
and monarchs
to behold this swelling scene.
1059
01:17:10,184 --> 01:17:12,278
Did you see? Did you see?
1060
01:17:12,951 --> 01:17:14,997
I was just... They were...
1061
01:17:25,467 --> 01:17:27,513
lam so going to hell.
1062
01:17:34,343 --> 01:17:36,390
Evening.
1063
01:17:39,878 --> 01:17:42,517
- You set me free.
- No, you set me free.
1064
01:17:43,965 --> 01:17:45,926
Let's go.
1065
01:17:47,456 --> 01:17:48,775
Where are you going?
1066
01:17:48,903 --> 01:17:50,998
We have to save Anne, stop the plot.
1067
01:17:51,117 --> 01:17:54,193
- Are you crazy in the coconut?
- What's a coconut?
1068
01:17:54,310 --> 01:17:57,300
Well, my Catholic friends,
1069
01:17:57,417 --> 01:18:00,360
you have led me a merry dance.
1070
01:18:01,462 --> 01:18:05,809
But now it would seem
that I have the upper hand!
1071
01:18:09,423 --> 01:18:11,300
Aaargh!
1072
01:18:11,892 --> 01:18:15,767
- I won't leave her, not again.
- Well, then, you are on your own.
1073
01:18:16,213 --> 01:18:18,260
May God be with you, my friend.
1074
01:18:23,876 --> 01:18:26,819
'Tis... enough.
1075
01:18:30,134 --> 01:18:32,012
Bit of a rewrite.
1076
01:18:33,668 --> 01:18:36,138
"A Play for Her Majesty"?
1077
01:18:39,245 --> 01:18:41,206
Ha!
1078
01:18:44,566 --> 01:18:46,019
Hark.
1079
01:18:46,141 --> 01:18:49,084
By the pricking of my thumbs,
1080
01:18:49,207 --> 01:18:53,046
oh, something wicked this way comes.
1081
01:18:56,572 --> 01:18:57,722
Witches...
1082
01:18:57,849 --> 01:18:58,914
Witches! OK.
1083
01:18:59,679 --> 01:19:01,048
Scared.
1084
01:19:01,169 --> 01:19:06,630
How now,
you secret, black and midnight hags.
1085
01:19:08,407 --> 01:19:12,584
Hail to thee, the Thane of Glamis.
1086
01:19:12,962 --> 01:19:17,526
Hail to thee, the Thane of Cawdor.
1087
01:19:17,645 --> 01:19:20,975
Hail to thee, for thou shalt be king.
1088
01:19:23,541 --> 01:19:26,568
- Mark me.
- What the hell?
1089
01:19:26,692 --> 01:19:28,702
- What the hell?
- What the hell?
1090
01:19:28,820 --> 01:19:31,642
I could a tale unfold
1091
01:19:31,758 --> 01:19:35,633
whose lightest word
would harrow up thy soul,
1092
01:19:35,759 --> 01:19:41,899
freeze thy blood, make thine eyes
like stars start from their spheres.
1093
01:19:42,486 --> 01:19:46,796
A foul and most unnatural murder.
1094
01:19:47,765 --> 01:19:49,642
Marlowe?
1095
01:19:49,766 --> 01:19:51,945
That I now avenge!
1096
01:19:52,064 --> 01:19:53,348
Shakespeare!
1097
01:19:53,469 --> 01:19:55,516
That's him!
1098
01:19:55,640 --> 01:19:58,280
- Ooh. A cameo.
- The Catholic's mine!
1099
01:20:00,025 --> 01:20:01,987
Listen, you've got the wrong man!
1100
01:20:02,111 --> 01:20:04,582
That's what a Catholic traitor
would say.
1101
01:20:05,709 --> 01:20:09,548
This is what's known
as breaking the fourth wall.
1102
01:20:10,477 --> 01:20:12,233
Ooh!
1103
01:20:12,350 --> 01:20:13,936
Sword fight?
1104
01:20:14,053 --> 01:20:16,100
Sword fight, sword fight...
1105
01:20:43,162 --> 01:20:45,984
Wait! He's not the Catholic.
1106
01:20:48,739 --> 01:20:50,701
We are the Catholics.
1107
01:20:50,825 --> 01:20:54,664
Me amigos, plan J.
1108
01:21:13,090 --> 01:21:15,476
Actually, you know what?
1109
01:21:15,602 --> 01:21:18,714
I've gotta go
to the little kings' room.
1110
01:21:18,838 --> 01:21:20,715
OK. Excuse me.
1111
01:21:20,839 --> 01:21:23,018
It's seafood. King coming through.
Make a hole.
1112
01:21:23,308 --> 01:21:25,015
Goodbye, Queen.
1113
01:21:25,181 --> 01:21:27,106
Yeah.
1114
01:21:29,438 --> 01:21:31,485
Come on, there's another one...
1115
01:21:36,718 --> 01:21:40,169
Oh, villain, villain,
1116
01:21:40,294 --> 01:21:43,660
smiling, damned villain.
1117
01:21:45,913 --> 01:21:47,706
Uh...
1118
01:21:50,852 --> 01:21:52,898
All the world's a stage...
1119
01:21:55,577 --> 01:21:58,689
and all the men... and women...
1120
01:21:59,058 --> 01:22:00,850
merely players.
1121
01:22:01,474 --> 01:22:05,482
They have their exits and entrances...
1122
01:22:07,264 --> 01:22:10,206
and one man in his time
plays many parts.
1123
01:22:11,095 --> 01:22:13,565
Take this man.
1124
01:22:13,292 --> 01:22:16,319
Hath he not played the part of Patron?
1125
01:22:17,166 --> 01:22:18,958
Patriot?
1126
01:22:19,124 --> 01:22:20,831
Traitor?
1127
01:22:20,955 --> 01:22:23,086
Thief!
1128
01:22:23,211 --> 01:22:26,118
Who would rob a scribe of his words...
1129
01:22:27,256 --> 01:22:29,520
a man of his wife...
1130
01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:32,885
a land... of its queen!
1131
01:22:35,983 --> 01:22:38,973
Your Majesty, hell is empty.
1132
01:22:40,410 --> 01:22:43,147
All the devils are here.
1133
01:22:43,433 --> 01:22:45,698
Aren't they, Phil?
1134
01:22:49,563 --> 01:22:52,033
Ah...
1135
01:22:52,522 --> 01:22:54,230
Ha-ha-ha.
1136
01:22:54,694 --> 01:22:56,788
You think you're so clever,
don't you? Hm?
1137
01:22:57,376 --> 01:23:00,197
With your hair and your face.
1138
01:23:01,888 --> 01:23:04,322
Well, this changes nothing.
1139
01:23:05,124 --> 01:23:08,792
We may leave now
this damp, fetid bog of a country.
1140
01:23:08,913 --> 01:23:10,281
All right, mate.
1141
01:23:10,403 --> 01:23:12,449
But know this.
1142
01:23:14,021 --> 01:23:16,116
I will return,
1143
01:23:16,235 --> 01:23:19,178
and my revenge... will have no bounds.
1144
01:23:20,662 --> 01:23:22,757
I shall do such things.
1145
01:23:23,515 --> 01:23:25,561
What they are yet, I know not.
1146
01:23:27,006 --> 01:23:31,147
But they shall be
the terrors of the earth.
1147
01:23:35,244 --> 01:23:37,084
And we're going to bring an horse.
1148
01:23:37,202 --> 01:23:39,636
But it's not a normal horse. Oh, no.
1149
01:23:39,756 --> 01:23:42,614
It's a ginormous horse
and it will confuse you.
1150
01:23:42,736 --> 01:23:45,679
- But that's the point of the horse.
- What is wrong with you?
1151
01:23:45,802 --> 01:23:48,321
What is actually wrong with you?
You are broken in the head.
1152
01:23:48,441 --> 01:23:49,943
It is not a real horse!
1153
01:23:50,059 --> 01:23:52,187
- It is not a real horse?
- It is not a real horse.
1154
01:23:52,230 --> 01:23:54,022
- What is it?
- It is a wooden horse.
1155
01:23:54,146 --> 01:23:55,465
What is so hard to...
1156
01:24:01,127 --> 01:24:06,322
I arrest thee of capital treason
'gainst the Queen and crown, Crawley.
1157
01:24:06,449 --> 01:24:09,137
It's not Crawley. It's...
1158
01:24:10,749 --> 01:24:12,710
Oh, I give up.
1159
01:24:13,027 --> 01:24:15,582
A head filled with such fine words.
1160
01:24:15,709 --> 01:24:17,755
Almost a pity to put a spike up it.
1161
01:24:18,391 --> 01:24:20,740
He didn't write the play.
1162
01:24:21,924 --> 01:24:26,272
- Your Majesty.
- Then who did... girl?
1163
01:24:26,948 --> 01:24:28,486
Bill.
1164
01:24:28,608 --> 01:24:30,873
William Shakespeare.
1165
01:24:32,184 --> 01:24:34,146
My husband.
1166
01:24:35,249 --> 01:24:37,089
Well, well, Mr Shakespeare.
1167
01:24:37,761 --> 01:24:40,026
Is there no end to your talents?
1168
01:24:40,571 --> 01:24:45,984
I may unmask these devils, ma'am,
yet still I cast myself among them.
1169
01:24:46,701 --> 01:24:48,917
For though I share not
the nature of their crimes,
1170
01:24:49,043 --> 01:24:52,409
I too sinned, as a demon might...
1171
01:24:54,705 --> 01:24:57,224
when I cast aside an angel.
1172
01:24:59,813 --> 01:25:02,247
Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?
1173
01:25:03,985 --> 01:25:07,606
Thou an more lovely and more temperate.
1174
01:25:08,307 --> 01:25:10,692
Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May.
1175
01:25:10,818 --> 01:25:12,865
- And summer's lease...
- Stop talking.
1176
01:25:18,779 --> 01:25:20,741
Mr Shakespeare.
1177
01:25:26,783 --> 01:25:28,830
You may kiss my hand.
1178
01:25:35,084 --> 01:25:37,131
I may not be long for this world.
1179
01:25:39,044 --> 01:25:42,071
But I am most grateful
to see a few more dawns.
1180
01:25:44,152 --> 01:25:46,114
Thank you.
1181
01:25:48,069 --> 01:25:50,079
Southampton!
1182
01:25:50,197 --> 01:25:53,564
- Hello, love.
- Is your money room still bulging?
1183
01:25:53,688 --> 01:25:57,649
Oh, it's positively out of hand, darling.
I've had to knock a wall through.
1184
01:25:58,329 --> 01:26:02,555
Then see to it that this loyal subject
finds himself well financed.
1185
01:26:02,884 --> 01:26:04,167
Your Majesty.
1186
01:26:04,289 --> 01:26:08,636
Well, we shall be hearing much more
from you, won't we, Shakespeare?
1187
01:26:08,759 --> 01:26:12,125
Yes, Your Majesty. I have a few ideas.
1188
01:26:12,261 --> 01:26:14,138
Excellent.
1189
01:26:14,261 --> 01:26:17,337
Though maybe one at a time, eh?
Cos that was a bit dense.
1190
01:26:19,285 --> 01:26:23,329
Well, then...
all's well that ends well.
1191
01:26:24,649 --> 01:26:27,337
Time for some music, methinks.
1192
01:26:28,182 --> 01:26:31,549
Ladies and gentlemen...
1193
01:26:31,897 --> 01:26:36,971
I give you Mortal Coil!
1194
01:27:54,328 --> 01:27:57,609
It's a full house, Bill.
Have you settled on a title?
1195
01:27:57,734 --> 01:28:00,373
How about
A Series of Comedy Errors?
1196
01:28:00,714 --> 01:28:02,930
That's... getting there.
1197
01:28:03,226 --> 01:28:05,405
- Ow.
- There.
1198
01:28:06,759 --> 01:28:09,956
- All done.
- Well, what do you think?
1199
01:28:12,762 --> 01:28:14,808
Is the world ready for Shakespeare?
1200
01:28:49,459 --> 01:28:51,251
This...
1201
01:28:50,587 --> 01:28:53,530
No, sorry. I still don't get it.
1202
01:29:05,232 --> 01:29:07,157
Any last words?
1203
01:29:07,275 --> 01:29:10,473
Yeah. Don't get involved in the ads.
1204
01:29:13,619 --> 01:29:16,138
I thought Ian
would have been here, at least.
1205
01:29:26,603 --> 01:29:28,564
Now... No.
1206
01:29:31,606 --> 01:29:33,567
Hello.
1207
01:29:35,309 --> 01:29:37,356
Hello.
1208
01:30:09,197 --> 01:30:11,074
I'm going in.
88700
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