Original subtitles

"Sunday April 9th 2017"

"LEO MESSl WINS HIS 10th GOLDEN BALL"

At 6:15 am this morning an explosion was heard in Oliet,

the nearest city to the airport

When the police and firemen arrived the statue inaugurated in March 2011

was almost destroyed

Nothing could be done but put out the few flames

The remnants of "The Fabra Statue"

spread within a 2 km radius

Nobody was injured

and no one claimed responsibility for the attack, one of the many blasts

that occurred over the last years

in the most emblematic places of the crisis

We woke up with some news that set all the alarm bells ringing

The European Central Bank refused Spain its third rescue

The unemployment rate reached 7 million, 380 thousand more

The falling GDP alarming figures,

the weak growth forecast for 2018

and the Bundestag opposition

are the reasons brought by the European institution

to deny some breathing space to the Spanish State

Today we Spaniards woke up

a bit poorer, if that's possible, a bit more humiliated

and, of course, much wearier

The future is still unknown,

ten years after the 2007 crisis

plunged the country in a deadlock from which we can't step out

With untrustworthy political parties engaged in internal strife,

even the more conservative experts

defend a radical change in the economic model structure,

but nobody is able to take control and lay the foundations

so that this can be done

Sports: Barca is willing

to pay up to 120 million of the former Euro

for the Crimean player

Vasilikoff, a new record in the transfer market

YESTERDAY NEVER ENDS

Hello?

Hello?

There's no one here?

No

Nobody

- You've got here early - Yes, there wasn't much traffic

And the plane arrived on time

How windy it is, eh?

Yes

Have you got this kind of wind over there?

Over there? Yes

Yes

Well, sometimes

Not always

I don't know why I always imagine Germany as windy

Windy and with grey skies Lead grey

Not where I live

It's very green Trees and all that

Lots of parks

How nice

You haven't changed

Don't get too close

It arrived the day before yesterday

I wasn't sure that it would arrive in time

Yes

I could fix things so that I could come

Luckily

Luckily

I called you, but you didn't answer I decided to come

- You called me? - Yes

You didn't usually phone, you've changed

I came because of the letter

A letter seemed more appropriate

Now that nobody writes them

More in earnest

- An E-mail didn't seem to be - Yes, it is

More in earnest More

Did you go?

- No - No?

You know

We've spoken about it a lot

Listen There's nobody here

I don't know

There's nobody here

They're moving everybody out

Almost everyone is in the new place

The official is coming with the papers, he was tied up

We're going to be the only ones who?

Actually we're the last ones

This is a disgrace

This is a disgrace!

What? That we're the last ones?

No

That well

That they're moving people out No?

You've been away a long time

What do you mean by that?

Here and now, it's normal

Not here or anywhere it's normal

I no longer know what is normal or not

You and I here? Chatting as if it were normal

Talking about the wind

About grey skies

Or whether I have

more or fewer wrinkles than before

Son of a bitch

I think you look good Seriously

It's very nice of you Even if you're not sincere

Bastard

Coward

Shitbag

I'm sincere

You also look good

Thank you

I like your jacket Is it a Hugo Boss?

Yes, Hugo Boss

It makes you

hunky

Formal Manly

Mature

Alpha male?

- That's it - Thanks for saying it

When we went clothes shopping together I always

looked at your face to know whether I should buy something

You're doing ok without me

Well

I changed clothes five times before choosing this outfit,

but Well, six really

Oh, well

So, you've arranged to meet someone here about?

There's no arranged time

They'll let me know when they're about to get here

Oh, I thought

Both our signatures are needed

But they didn't know when exactly They'll call me

Of course

Both our signatures

I find this

- very difficult - Well

- Let's see what the options are - No This

- I mean all this You and me Here - Yes

That we have to be here after

I don't know anything about you

You don't know anything about my life

And I don't know what to say And I need to pee

I am peeing myself

I think there's a toilet over there

I'll be right back

Yes?

She's here

No, she's gone to the toilet

We're waiting

Yes We're waiting

On your behalf Of course

I'll call you when I know something

Ok? Bye

What a relief

So, you think I haven't changed

Well, yes You have changed

Yes

You're more

Go on

Well You've matured

In a spiritual sense

You're more mature Wiser

- Yes - Oh, yes?

Here's hoping

I'm glad to see you

Seriously

I was thinking all the way here:

"What will she look like?"

"Will she still hate me?"

"Will she ever have hated me?"

"Can poison be stronger than thirst?"

"And mimosas?"

"Will she remember that every February I went mad"

"trying to find her a bunch before the florists' ran out of them?"

Or that boring dinner

when we couldn't stop touching each other under the table

When I touched her foot

years later when we were together

and I said astonished, because I really was astonished,

that I still got a hard-on by just touching her foot

"Look what you do to me", I said to her

Where is that moment?

When you look at someone you love

and would drown in their eyes because you only want to be there

The house we went one summer

and what we said

The promises

The promises that

I said to her:

"I'll fight for you"

"Whatever happens I'll fight for you"

And I remembered

the first time that I saw you

The first time?

I thought about the last time

I hope that you're glad to see me, too

Do you know what I find strange?

What?

It's such a pain when things happen

when you don't really need them

Do you mean me?

As well

So you mean that

It doesn't matter to you that I'm here?

- I didn't say that - Yes, you did

- But it wasn't what I meant to say - Ok

You mean to say

that you don't need me anymore

Of course not

All right

Don't be upset, it's positive

Stop needing something

Be able to do without something Someone

Besides, isn't that what women always get blamed for?

- You never depended on me - Never

Well, are you glad that I'm here or not?

Let's go outside?

All right

- Leave it there - Yes

The wind is lessening

Yes

I'm glad that you're here

That we are here

That we have to be here now Together

Cast away in the sea So as to speak

You feel like that? Cast away in the sea?

In a way

In which way?

Well like cast away whatever Forget it

I guess it's a metaphor

Yes That's it

Are you sure it was today?

- Don't you trust me? - Yes, of course, it's just that

Don't you remember that I never forget these things?

The year that Dorothy Parker died What Oscar Wilde said before dying

Pepe Isbert in "The Executioner":

"How blissful I was the happiest day of my life!"

The time and day you left home five years ago and didn't come back

The 31st of December

At ten to seven

I looked at the clock and thought it was a strange time to go out

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm really sorry

- You're sorry - Yes It's true I'm really sorry

I'm sorry

"Or the wallpaper goes or I do" Oscar Wilde

What did you do that night?

I went to my mother's

Yes Well

Well

Just before midnight I stopped at

a petrol station

There was a couple screwing in the parking lot

Ours were the only cars there

The petrol station was closed New Year's Eve Saint Sylvester

I thought about her

at home, in our flat,

about the prawns I'd taken out to defreeze before leaving

I saw the couple screwing and I saw myself in the car with my phone

and have never felt so disconnected from the world

As if all the bonds that tied me to life had been broken

As though I were

swimming in the dark A darkness without end

Without beginning or end

And I knew I would never call her ever again

That I could never return to that house

That the prawns would go off and she would throw them away

and she would hate me for a time

- But that was the way it had to be - I looked at the clock 6:50 pm

Such a strange time

A strange time

I felt a strange relief when he left

Now, every time he left the house, I felt relief

and I was ashamed to feel relief

The prawns

The striking of the bells

The twelve grapes

The fireworks

I wanted to be alone

Alone in bed with a bottle of wine

and a 500 page detective novel

Or 600 pages

I didn't want to hear anybody's voice,

not even his

Why did I buy prawns?

And frozen besides!

We didn't like prawns at all

When they stopped screwing, she got out of the car,

laughing, and made her way to the toilets

She complained because they were shut He came out after her and

Stupid things stay engraved on your mind

while other things, important things, are forgotten

It's weird

how often we do something we don't really want to do

Do you mean that night,

- now or what? - In general

In general I'm talking about myself

The number of times that I do something I don't really want to do

and the times I don't do something I really want to

I think the same thing happened that night

Don't bother apologising Is this an apology?

No, it isn't

It's a revelation

that's come to light later on Much later on

We probably all come to the same conclusion

- Do you think so? - Yes

To the same conclusions

And what is your conclusion?

Do you think that's funny?

Coming from you It amuses me

If you say so

Now you're taking offense?

What a bastard!

No No No!

- No? - No!

What a fucking bastard!

But?

- Nothing, no buts - None?

No

"In the sun's path"

"In the breeze's footprints"

"Where the world and the sky meet"

"He will ride the silver seas"

"He will cut the glittering wave"

"I will sit at home"

"I will sway"

"I will stand up to answer A neighbour's call"

"I will make a tea And I will cut the thread"

"I will wash my bed sheets"

"And he will be called brave"

- I'd rather not be - What?

- I'd rather not be here, that's true - Yeah, well

Neither would you

But we are waiting for a man with some papers

Five years on Who will tell us what they are going to do

We have to listen

before we talk

What options there are and the cost

What did you say?

What?

The cost Something will have to be paid, or?

What the fuck are you talking about? We're talking about Dani!

Did you have a lobotomy made in Germany!

I didn't mean it that way! Not like that!

- What the fuck do you mean then? - Not that way!

I swear I didn't mean it

that way!

- That's disgusting! - I'm only saying that in Germany

when a cemetery is expropriated to build a bloody casino,

the people would get something!

- Ask for a compensation! - Or there would be fucking protests!

Or whatever! I don't know, forgive me!

Forgive me

Have you got any chocolate?

Yes As usual Do you want some?

Well, at least I'm glad you haven't changed in that

- I try not to eat so much now - Me too

Do you know

the worst thing of an addiction?

That it's difficult to get rid of it

That it's easy to acquire it

You start off with half a tablet

And another day the other half

Then a whole one

But not everyday Only when it's really necessary

But it is, every day

In the morning

At midday

In the afternoon

At night

To go to sleep

To waken up

To stroll in the street and see a child

and not feel an iron band squeezing your heart

So as not to howl like a dog

To breathe without it hurting you

To fit in

And now?

What do you do now?

Now I do other things

So as not to howl

Yes So as not to scare people

What do you do?

Things

Wait!

Don't toss it

Do you still translate?

No

That's finished

Publishing houses stopped calling

Not just me, everyone

Our friends, the ones who could afford it they left Everybody is

In Norway, in England,

- in Germany - In my university there are a few

Do you get together? To talk about our appalling news?

Do you drink mojitos celebrating how well you did fleeing?

No, no mojitos They don't make them properly there

They drink more beer

You could, too Escape

I mean change places

Emigrate

I could?

And let the shit hit the fan?

- It's already hit it - Yeah Well

Someone will have to clean it up

Or hide it Or blow it up Or do something with that shit

So that's what you do Something Things

You used to say that everybody wants to change the world,

but nobody wants to take out the garbage

So as not to take pills

I don't do it so as not to take pills

I do it because

someone has to do it

I do it for Dani

Look

- Leave Dani out of this! - No

No

I can't You know why

It was an accident

It could've happened in any country At another time and circumstances

But it wasn't in another country or time or under other circumstances!

I ran as hard as I could

We ran as hard as we could

It was late, too late

We were far away

It took them five hours to attend him

Five hours 300 minutes!

It could have happened everywhere!

But why are you obsessed by that?

It was here It was a long weekend

The cutbacks were here

My son didn't have a chance

Five hours is a long time!

I don't ever want to go to sleep at night for the rest of my life

thinking that this could happen to another person, to another child

Well "Things" Now, I understand

Now, you're an activist You've become committed

- I know you - I'm sorry

- Don't laugh at me - Excuse me

I do what I can

And how do you live?

In five years you didn't give a shit about me and now you're concerned?

- Yes - You are insulting me

I'm here with you

I don't feel like telling you

Don't answer me then

I live in a car that's just about as old as I am

I have a pirated mobile phone and a shattered PC I'm a squatter

Do you know how many empty houses there are here?

3,417,064 houses

Who are they keeping them for?

Why so many homeless evicted people

and so many toxic banks with so many houses?

Though here a toxic bank is now a good one

Fuck the toxic banks!

I live in a car whose tyres are dying on me With a shitty PC

I haven't any dreams left

I had some

Many dreams

Not anymore

I want to feel that I'm doing something

Does that make sense?

Probably not for you

And sometimes not even for me Something I don't know

A new life

A new place A new job

New friends And that entitles you to

You know what?

Nothing's the same as before

- Never - No

No

You'd like to wipe everything out

And begin again?

And begin again

Where would you begin?

From which day would you start?

How do you know it would be better?

That's the most stupid thing you have ever said

A question

An incredibly stupid question

I know

I still miss him The same as before

Don't you miss him?

Yes

I think about him every day

But, do you miss him?

I don't really know what it is I have to miss

So you don't

Suffering is addictive

Like drinking, like drugs

Like alcohol or gambling

Do you think I am addicted to suffering?

It sounds

heartless Remote As if it had nothing to do with you

Apart from your professor's opinion

Your male professor's opinion

About life About suffering

What is a male professor's opinion?

The idea that one controls one's own life and one's own suffering

You don't believe in that?

You've always thought that

for self-advancement you have to learn

That question makes me puke

- You don't always learn something - Ok

That life is crap sometimes For unexplainable reasons

- Ok? - All right

All right then

Chocolate makes me thirsty

- What? - Chocolate makes me thirsty

- Do you want to have a drink? - There's nothing near here

I've got some things in the car Wine Cheese Bread

The sausage is nice Is it from Germany?

- Not the wine - I see that

It's all very strange, isn't it?

What?

I mean that nobody's come or called you

Isn't it?

They're moving

And there isn't much staff

The man seemed very stressed out on the phone

It's strange to think that soon this will be a huge parking lot

and people will park here and go off to gamble their money

And there'll be hotels and neon lights and such

I don't know

Celine Dion might perform here Or worse still

Even worse? Coldplay?

And people working

Badly paid

With slave shifts

that 15 years ago would have been forbidden

People will come to gamble away their wages

And people many miles away getting rich,

exploiting their employees

and the punters

Women from all over Europe being exploited by everybody

Nameless people, only acronyms that nobody knows what they mean

Corporations

And all this where our Dani was buried

People banging their heads against the wall in protest

Well, objectively speaking, it's evident that he's not there

Jesus Christ!

And if he isn't there, who is there?

You haven't changed a bit In all these years Not a bit

- I try to see it from another angle - What a load of shit!

You try not to see anything

It's even difficult for you to say his name

Dani Dani

Our Dani

Well

I expected this Come on then

A head-on attack

Let's have it all Get it off your chest

Why haven't you shown any sign of life during all these years?

You want to know why now?

Are you scared I'll puke up?

Or that I'll smash your head open?

It's not that easy

I can believe that

Or would you prefer to tell me, firstly, why you went?

You know it perfectly well

A small explanation would help

Will it change anything? Once I've told you, what then?

Nothing But sometimes it's nice to know that you were right,

even by hindsight

Is it about someone being right? For fuck's sake!

Why are you suddenly behaving differently?

I don't know you

Why can't we speak like civilised people?

- Like civilised people? - Yes, please

Like civilised people? Is this fucking situation any civilised?

This isn't civilised

Not the slightest bit

Differently, when? You and I before, when?

Well, that's it!

You know what?

I'm not glad to see you

If that's so,

I'd better go

Hey! That rings a bell Sure, go!

You've only got to say that you want me to stay That's all

Coward

What did you say?

What did you say?

I'm not going to allow it

I'm not going to allow you to

That you

that you with everything

I didn't come all the way here for this

Goodbye

I'm sorry

Sorry, sorry!

You've put on weight

Not much

You're compact

- Do you go to a gym? - Give over

Do you take care of yourself?

A man on his own never takes care of himself

Do you take care of yourself?

Do you eat out a lot?

Do you cook a lot?

No Not anymore

My wife does the cooking

I hoped that we Today

Both of us could start something good,

something new

That's what I wanted Really

Start something good

I'm sorry That's stupid, isn't it?

Have you known her for long?

Two years

- Two years? - Yes

- Two years? - Yes

Two years?

Yes

Two years!

You have been married for two years

Fuck

I was happy

No, it wasn't the day that Dani was born

"The happiest day of my life was My child" No

A child has nothing to do with happiness

That's something else

That's to feel yourself whole

Although life is meaningless,

there is a meaning to all this

A mystery full of meaning Or whatever

I was happy for a day or the five minutes

I thought someone loved me

When he said

What do you see when you look at me?

Seriously

You're laughing

If laughing makes you feel better, great

Fucking great!

A Saturday afternoon In a house that some people let us use

Dancing to "Hello, stranger" After having swum After fucking

When he said to me:

"I'll fight for you"

in that voice he has, or had, when he was serious

"I'll fight for you"

I'm sorry

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, sir

You haven't hurt my feelings, miss

I asked you what do you see when you look at me That's all

Stop acting like an idiot!

What do you see?

I spy with my little eyes

Truthfully

I see

- a Hugo Boss jacket - Come on

What do you see?

- I see a man - A happy man?

A wretch?

I see

I see it's beginning

to rain In a moment

Right

- It's going to rain - And?

- Nothing I love rain - You used to like the rain

- I still like it - I didn't know

- But I don't like stupid questions - I see

I asked what do you see when you look at me

A stupid question

Fair enough

- You won't answer - What do you want me to say?

What you see when you look at me!

- I see imperfection - You see an imperfect man?

I see a bastard who left me on New Year's Eve at ten to seven

because he didn't have the balls to keep his word

"I'll fight for you", he said, after we had conceived a child

And when that child died and something in me died along with him,

he left, he didn't fight

He didn't do anything

I see it's about to rain,

I'm freezing and I want to go back inside

- You look better with your hair loose - Let's go back in

I'm writing a book

What?

A book

One of your essays?

No A novel

A novel?

I didn't know you were inclined That way

I thought you loved books too much to write one

- That's what you said - It's something

new

Fiction?

A large part of it

Don't you want to know what it's about?

No Not interested

- Don't you want? - No I don't want to know

It's about a man

You could say that he's me, or a part of me

- Or I'm a part of this man - I don't want to hear about it

- And a boy - I don't want to hear about it!

- The man suffers - No!

I want to tell my story

My novel

- The idea of telling something so - Do you think that's strange?

so intimate

The History of Literature is full

- For fuck's sake - What?

So, it will be part of the History of Literature?

I understand that you're cynical

I'm not cynical

- No? - No, no No

I find it

Too intimate?

I find it pathetic

What's pathetic?

You are pathetic

Trading with

with your pain With him With me

- Leave me out of this story - That's not it

I only want to

Need to

find a place for it

Now we're with the bloody jargon of shitty self-help books

Because you have to find a place for pain

as though it were an object

No My life isn't a book that can be closed

I see

Do you prefer to identify with your pain?

- I am my pain As well - Are you?

Yes!

That's why you've really come?

- To get my blessing? - No

What did you come for? To get material for your book?

Where Wait

The end The final redemption

Where the father and the mother of the dead child hold hands

in front of the boy's tomb

I didn't expect you to like it

I write it for you, too And for me For us

What do you mean "us"?

What "us"?

"Us" doesn't exist anymore

What the fuck are we?

We are a man and a woman who lost their child

Who first lost their child

And then lost each other

Or perhaps I should say who first lost their child,

then themselves,

and later on each other

Listen

Please, listen to me

If you only feel pain when you think about somebody

Somebody who you've loved so much, so much that

Aren't you doing something wrong,

something very wrong?

I feel the pain

- It's my right I can't help it - Is it?

- Yes! - Pain

I lost a child

We lost a child

I have the right

to every iota of my pain

Right

Imagine you had another child

- No! - Just imagine

- I don't want to! - Would you have the right to be

an aggrieving mother or father? Would that be fair for the child?

We were advised to have another child, as if it had been a pet

Maybe we should have done that

You're not serious, are you?

Yes, I'm speaking seriously

I don't know what I see when I look at you Really

Do you get over things if you don't carry on?

No, on the contrary

Perhaps you don't, but it's worth trying

What?

- You've fathered another child? - No What does that matter?

That's why you've come Are you a father?

- Look at me! - Does it matter?

I came because you asked me to

I came because you asked me to!

I wanted you to come because I thought

Why?

You wanted to find out if I was as desperate as you?

Two castaways hanging on to a buoy?

A boy or a girl?

I don't have any children

You're lying You're lying!

You're lying!

Not yet

Hanna is pregnant

- Hanna? - Yes

- Hanna is pregnant? - Yes

And it's yours?

Yes

- How old is she? - Hanna?

What difference does that make?

What difference does that make?

Is she one of your students?

Or a young lecturer, a teacher, good-looking, German

Without a fucked up past And your mother must adore her

My God!

Tell me! Is she one of your students?

How bitter you are!

You think you're the only one who feels any pain?

The only one who feels grief and pain, who suffers

Your Son Your Loss

Your Suffering As if I never existed!

You were away on one of your shitty seminars, you weren't there

Not the same old story again! Please!

I called you, and you said that you were on your way to the hospital

I left everything, grabbed the first plane

How do you think I felt every minute after speaking to you?

In the plane In the taxi

You didn't answer the phone How did I feel?

You weren't there

With my child in my arms!

- Holding him - I wasn't there

- I wasn't there! - Waiting for five eternal hours

- Surrounded by screaming people - But I felt it all right

I felt it here

And here All over me!

I wasn't there

I felt it all right All over my body! And in my head!

When I was first in Cologne,

I went running a lot

I ran for kilometers

Uphill Downhill Everywhere

Through woods Do you know why? To make the pain go away

But the more you run, the farther away you are

From everything

More and more lost More drugged More

That's what happens to you

But luckily at the end of the ride

there was Hanna to take you to

- to her Hansel and Gretel house - Let it be! Please

- Yes - Yes

And maybe one day,

after coming back

from buying furniture

for the nursery room you thought, didn't I have a son in Spain

who caught meningitis

on a long weekend and the emergency was saturated?

- Let it be, please - But life must go on and

- Don't start - Life must go on

And a great idea popped up in your brain: I'll write a book

- about how sad it was - Leave off, leave off now!

About

About yourself

About myself and how difficult it all was,

but you had to dig in your brain because you couldn't remember

But your poor ex-wife could help you

because she's never healed

She remembers every moment Every detail

The jersey he was wearing The socks

His little face

- His little face - Leave off now

Don't touch me!

I'm sorry

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to

You're still angry because I left

People run away from other people's pain as if they were sick

They don't know what to do or how to behave

Friends vanish

And deep down, you don't really care

It's as if your worst imaginings about human nature are confirmed

It's amazing the way you keep on wallowing in your pain

Five years after you wallow in your pain as in a hot bath

That's fucking amazing!

You've got no fucking idea!

- No? - Of course not

OK

Five years without showing a sign of life

- Yeah - And then

- Then what? - Then this! This shit!

This Yes, this shit

Do you know what I thought?

I'd hoped that some of this shit

would have changed

- Don't try to understand me - Yes

- I try because you're my ex-wife - Don't try

We share a past, a mutual story that will never disappear

Whatever we do now

You know?

That's what I wanted

I wanted to

turn over a new leaf That we do it together

A new leaf

How good you're getting with metaphors since you're a writer

You demean yourself with all that sarcastic shit

That's not like you

I'm not going to keep on listening to this

So you're leaving again?

This is nonsense

I can't stand it

We don't manage it

I'd better be going

There's one more thing I'd like to say

When I was coming here, I thought

about how beautiful you were the day we conceived Dani

The shine in your dazzling eyes

The softness of your skin

Dancing on that hill for the fun of it

Laughing

How proud I felt of

existing That you existed, that we met in life

That's what

I wanted to get back

And I remembered that song that you liked so much

I had forgotten, you know? And I had completely forgotten

I had said "I'll fight for you",

and your lovely face when you smile

It's my car, it won't start

Well,

it starts

but I can't start

Someone wants to close the gate

I asked him to leave it open

He told me

About the works

That they never thought seriously about building a casino

That it was only a rumour

That no one is going to be moved

They could have done it, they're capable of it

- Yes - Now anything is possible here

Yes

A very nice man

Yes, he's very nice

- You hate me, don't you? - No

Do you love me?

- I know you hate me - No, I don't hate you

Of course I love you

If you don't hate me, then what?

You want to hear me say I love you

Hear me say that I still love you

and then you'll say: I don't know

- Am I like that? So wicked? - Yes,

you're so wicked

Well, I don't want to be like that

Yes, I know

You loved to watch people in trains

- Yes - And read out loud

the letters to the editor in different voices

How ridiculous

And flying chairs

- And watermelon lollipops - Watermelon!

And that apple pie that falls apart

- Apple crumble - That's it Apple crumble

You liked people who burst into tears when speaking

Like Popeye's Olivia

A glass of wine with dessert

I get the feeling

that my head is so crammed that I

That you can't forget

I've forgotten the names of Dani's favourite dinosaurs

The name of Doraemon's friend Of Shin Chan's voice

When my son asked for a cheese sandwich without cheese

- He's with me in my mind Always - I know

When I pour out the coffee

When I open a sachet of sugar

In the shower

Driving

At a newsstand

In all the books In all the songs

That Dani lives again

Sometimes I see a man

Any man

On a bike with a child riding pillion

The man points: "Look, look!"

"Look a dog, oh, look a pigeon!"

"Did you see that bird or that tree or that cloud?"

And the child laughs

And for a moment I am that man and the child is him

Forgive me

Don't say that

But it's true!

Sometimes

I see people who have gone through worst things

and assimilate them

Catastrophes, wars

People who have lost a whole family

Yes

I hear them say that they're happy I see that they are happy

Then I wonder what's wrong with me What am I doing wrong?

And only thinking about it

I can't go forward

Why did you go that night?

Why that night?

I don't know

I didn't feel capable of counting up to twelve

Lift up a glass, toast

Make a wish I couldn't look at you, hold you in my arms I couldn't

I couldn't

Half a kilogram of prawns in the bucket

I stayed at the window all night long

With the lights off

I couldn't help thinking of those last moments with Dani

Yes

When

When they disconnected

the life support systems

The noise of that machine went

"Fiiiiuuuu"

"Fiiiiuuuu" went the ventilator

- And the world stopped - The world stopped

And that moment was shut up in my mind

That made me furious

Sometimes I felt like hitting you

So that you would begin to feel me

Feel me close again

The father of your child, your husband

I want to know how it is to feel again, being a bit happy

I want someone to save me

It doesn't work that way

- It's easy for you to say that - Why?

- Because - Why do you say that?

You have another country, another job, another wife

- Another child - Do you think that can save you?

Am I a bastard to let anyone save me?

No?

To hang on to someone and drag them down with me?

- Forgive me - No

Don't worry

- I'm being unfair to you - No It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter

Do you know what saved me? Before meeting Hanna?

What?

- Singing - Singing?

I sing in a choir

- Really? - Yes

Don't laugh! I sing in a choir

We are 18 or so, depending on the day

We practice twice a week

And we perform in villages, nothing special

One day I was on my way back from running,

I was passing by a small town council building,

near Cologne

I sat on a bench because I couldn't go any farther

And I heard a voice

A very deep voice

One of those that bounces off the walls

It was singing in English A song that

I felt it was as if it were meant for me

"It must be so", by Bernstein Do you know it?

No

And I felt every one of the notes vibrate in my body

As though I was singing it, too

And suddenly

something

burst inside of me

As if a fountain of tears

was pouring out inside of me

And

all my muscles relaxed,

and finally soothed

An epiphany

- Because some guy was singing? - Yes

- What was the song called? - "It must be so"

Do you know how much I hate these kinds of stories?

Why?

Because those stories suddenly happen to some people, illogically

- Really? - And no one else can repeat them

They make it all so

So elusive

Elusive?

Yes, elusive, slippery, whatever

As though you had to see the light And I don't see anything

- I haven't seen any light - You know what I mean

I haven't seen any light, I sing in a choir

Where there are fat, slim,

dustmen, teachers, gays, heterosexuals

We argue about our repertory

Gays are obsessed with Broadway musicals

Some Germans only want to sing Lieders, Schubert

We practice twice a week

And we travel around

in a dilapidated East German coach,

from World War ll

We sing in schools, in places

I can't trust in these things any more

It could be another thing

Your thing

You know?

One day you can find another thing that helps you

Just hearing that song made you feel glad to be alive?

Of course! Something like that

Something like that

Then I have to be grateful just because I can breathe

and my breasts aren't dugs yet But they are!

Yes?

I always loved your breasts

I want to leave here

Now?

- Now I do - All right

Do you want to go somewhere else?

- Do you want me to go with you? - No I want to go alone

- I don't want you to leave this way - It's all right

Can I do anything for you?

No

Yes Maybe give me a hug

Come here

- It's lovely - Yes?

Yes

I sing it badly

I'm one of the worst in the choir

It's lovely Really

Do you want us

to go to Dani's tomb together?

- You go I was there yesterday - You don't want to?

Really

All right

I sincerely hope

that everything goes well for you

The baby

And you?

- I'll be all right - Seriously?

Yes

Keep me up to date

I suppose you won't want to come

No But I want to know

Well

I find it very difficult to say goodbye to you

I'll be all right

- Well - Well

Will you call them so that they can close up?

Yes, I'll call them

Everything is going to be all right

To Jaime To Cristina