All language subtitles for American Pie (1999) [1080p]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,276 --> 00:00:32,143 Ohh, you're so good. 2 00:00:32,178 --> 00:00:35,443 Ohh, yes. I am the best, baby. 3 00:00:35,515 --> 00:00:37,881 - Oh, yeah! - Oh. Oh, that was a tit. 4 00:00:37,951 --> 00:00:40,351 That is a tit! Yes! 5 00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:42,388 Oh, you're so big! 6 00:00:42,455 --> 00:00:45,253 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right, baby. 7 00:00:45,325 --> 00:00:47,520 - Oh, doggie wants to hide his bone. - Yes! 8 00:00:47,594 --> 00:00:49,755 Oh, yeah! I'm bone smugglin', baby. 9 00:00:49,829 --> 00:00:51,922 Man, would you shut up! 10 00:00:51,998 --> 00:00:54,432 Hey, Jimmy. Just wanted to say sweet dreams. 11 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:56,434 Yeah, yeah. Sweet dreams. Good night, Mom. 12 00:00:56,502 --> 00:00:59,767 Kiss good night. 13 00:00:59,839 --> 00:01:03,070 - Something wrong with the reception? - Uh, yeah. Yeah. 14 00:01:03,142 --> 00:01:05,770 - There's... There's this nature show that I'm trying to watch. - Take it off. 15 00:01:05,845 --> 00:01:09,713 - And the birds are all scrambled and I can't even... - Do me! Yes! 16 00:01:09,782 --> 00:01:12,774 Baby! Ride me like a pony! 17 00:01:12,852 --> 00:01:16,288 - The thing must be broken or I sat on the remote or something. 18 00:01:16,356 --> 00:01:18,790 - Getting ready for bed, son? - Yup, I'm all set, Dad. I'm all set. 19 00:01:18,858 --> 00:01:21,952 - Yeah? - No! No, I think he's tried to watch some illegal channels. 20 00:01:22,028 --> 00:01:24,997 - Illegal... Illegal channels? - This is just bad reception, honey. 21 00:01:25,064 --> 00:01:27,055 - Oh, spank my hairy ass! - What's that? 22 00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:30,967 - Ooh, baby! - You know what? Here. Just give me this, please... 23 00:01:31,037 --> 00:01:33,835 - Oh, my God! - And let's get this... Ohh! 24 00:01:33,906 --> 00:01:37,638 Okay, okay. Let's, uh... What the hell's the matter with this thing? 25 00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:39,010 Yes! 26 00:01:39,045 --> 00:01:39,443 Yes! 27 00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:53,056 Illegal channels? Shit! 28 00:01:53,126 --> 00:01:55,458 If there's any channel that should be illegal, it's that "all-woman's" channel. 29 00:01:55,528 --> 00:01:59,362 - Lifetime supply of pantyhose or some shit. - Yeah. 30 00:01:59,432 --> 00:02:01,798 Hey, uh, did you see The Little Mermaid on TV the other night? 31 00:02:01,868 --> 00:02:04,860 - No. - Ariel, man. She's so hot! 32 00:02:04,937 --> 00:02:08,896 - Yeah, Oz. But not when she's on land. - She's a mermaid, dude. 33 00:02:08,975 --> 00:02:12,809 Come on, Vicky, it's Stifler's party. We got to go. It'll be great. 34 00:02:12,879 --> 00:02:16,646 Why? All that happens at Stifler's parties is people get drunk and do it. 35 00:02:16,716 --> 00:02:18,651 Yeah. 36 00:02:18,718 --> 00:02:20,653 Now, come on, Kevin. Open it. 37 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:24,019 It's a big, thick envelope, Vicky. You got in. 38 00:02:24,090 --> 00:02:26,251 If you think so, just open it. 39 00:02:26,326 --> 00:02:28,294 Fine. 40 00:02:33,199 --> 00:02:35,167 Hmm. 41 00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:38,965 "Dear Miss Latham: We're sorry but after keeping you on the waiting list... 42 00:02:39,038 --> 00:02:42,530 for the past couple of months, we've decided that you are now rejected." 43 00:02:42,609 --> 00:02:44,599 Shut up! 44 00:02:44,678 --> 00:02:49,512 - You got in. - Yes! I love you! 45 00:02:49,582 --> 00:02:52,107 Okay. 46 00:02:59,092 --> 00:03:01,219 Hey, you think I should wear this shirt to Stifler's party? 47 00:03:01,294 --> 00:03:03,819 You've worn that shirt for, like, three days in a row, man! 48 00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,921 Guys. She said it. 49 00:03:05,998 --> 00:03:08,398 - Said what? - She said she loves me. 50 00:03:08,468 --> 00:03:10,732 - Holy shit, dude! The "L" word? - Oh, man! 51 00:03:10,803 --> 00:03:13,203 Cornell's not that far from "U" of "M." 52 00:03:13,272 --> 00:03:15,206 Yeah, it's only, like, seven hours. 53 00:03:15,274 --> 00:03:17,242 Oh, and you get to drive across Canada. 54 00:03:17,310 --> 00:03:21,804 - Beautiful country. - Whatever. It's doable. 55 00:03:21,881 --> 00:03:24,577 Wh-What we should do today, in band. 56 00:03:24,651 --> 00:03:28,484 Instead of playing our instruments regularly, we should play them backwards. 57 00:03:28,554 --> 00:03:30,818 - That'll be so funny! - Yeah. 58 00:03:35,094 --> 00:03:39,554 No offense, but you're talking about a post-high school, long-distance relationship. 59 00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,624 And you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. 60 00:03:41,701 --> 00:03:43,828 That's not why we're going out. 61 00:03:43,936 --> 00:03:47,428 What do you expect him to drive to Cornell for? Milk and cookies? 62 00:03:47,507 --> 00:03:49,669 We're gonna have sex when he's ready and I'm ready. 63 00:03:49,742 --> 00:03:51,835 It's got to be completely perfect. 64 00:03:51,911 --> 00:03:55,005 I want the right time, the right moment, the right place... 65 00:03:55,081 --> 00:03:57,845 Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch. It's sex. 66 00:04:01,821 --> 00:04:04,153 - Finch. - Here's the man we are looking for. 67 00:04:04,223 --> 00:04:05,271 - Gentlemen. - What's goin' on, buddy? 68 00:04:05,306 --> 00:04:06,320 - Gentlemen. - What's goin' on, buddy? 69 00:04:06,392 --> 00:04:09,793 - Same ol'... - Finch. You got the Latin homework? 70 00:04:09,862 --> 00:04:15,528 Oh. 71 00:04:15,602 --> 00:04:18,126 It means, "My dog ate it." It's Latin. It's a joke. 72 00:04:18,204 --> 00:04:22,538 - It's a Latin joke. - Yeah, Latin. Just drink your coffee. 73 00:04:22,609 --> 00:04:24,906 - No, Jim, it's mochaccino. - What? 74 00:04:24,977 --> 00:04:27,468 What I'm drinking, it's mochaccino. It's not coffee. 75 00:04:27,547 --> 00:04:29,538 'Nova! 76 00:04:29,616 --> 00:04:31,675 What's up, dude? 77 00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:33,912 You comin' to the party tonight, Ozzie, you fuckface? 78 00:04:33,986 --> 00:04:36,386 Uh, depends if my date wants to stop by. 79 00:04:36,456 --> 00:04:39,620 - I'm workin' on somethin' new. - I got an idea about something new. 80 00:04:39,692 --> 00:04:42,024 How about you guys actually locate your dicks, 81 00:04:42,094 --> 00:04:44,961 remove the shrink-wrap and fucking use them! 82 00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:48,831 Dude, it's gonna happen. She's a college chick. 83 00:04:48,901 --> 00:04:51,335 Oh, right. I'll see you guys tonight. 84 00:04:51,404 --> 00:04:54,965 I'll look for you in the no-fucking section. 85 00:04:58,377 --> 00:05:02,336 All right. I'm shooting for a 9:00 E.T.A. Beer in hand by five after. 86 00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:04,646 Breath check. 87 00:05:06,219 --> 00:05:09,518 Thank you. 88 00:05:15,862 --> 00:05:18,797 - I wish you wouldn't do that. - So, you got something up your sleeve for tonight? 89 00:05:18,865 --> 00:05:21,698 This is a foolproof plan, my friend. 90 00:05:21,767 --> 00:05:23,792 I have a serious question to ask you guys. Okay. 91 00:05:23,870 --> 00:05:27,533 You know Nadia the Czechoslovakian chick? She might be there tonight. 92 00:05:27,608 --> 00:05:29,837 Now, do you think she would prefer... 93 00:05:31,678 --> 00:05:33,646 Laid-back Jim... 94 00:05:33,713 --> 00:05:36,409 or... 95 00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:39,280 Cool, hip Jim? 96 00:05:39,352 --> 00:05:41,377 I don't think it really matters with that shirt you're wearing. 97 00:05:41,454 --> 00:05:44,787 What? Correct me if I'm wrong but you're the one with the girlfriend... 98 00:05:44,857 --> 00:05:46,848 and you're still stranded on third base. 99 00:05:46,926 --> 00:05:49,623 Hey, at least I know what third base feels like, okay? 100 00:05:49,695 --> 00:05:52,220 - You're still just a batboy. - Batboy. Batboy. 101 00:05:52,298 --> 00:05:54,232 What are you talking about? 102 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,098 Guys, uh... 103 00:05:57,169 --> 00:06:00,434 What exactly does third base feel like? 104 00:06:00,506 --> 00:06:02,474 You wanna take this one? 105 00:06:03,644 --> 00:06:08,046 - Like warm apple pie. - Yeah? - Yeah. 106 00:06:08,114 --> 00:06:11,413 - Apple pie, huh? - Uh-huh. 107 00:06:11,484 --> 00:06:14,180 McDonald's or homemade? 108 00:06:14,253 --> 00:06:17,882 Gentlemen, destiny awaits. 109 00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:27,458 That's number five and six for the Stif-meister! 110 00:06:27,533 --> 00:06:30,127 Yeah. 111 00:06:30,202 --> 00:06:32,329 Oops! 112 00:06:32,405 --> 00:06:35,238 - Holy! - H-Hey! 113 00:06:35,308 --> 00:06:38,971 Nadia! Buenos días. Glad you could make it. 114 00:06:39,045 --> 00:06:41,980 I'll be back for you later. 115 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,211 - Another party sultan! - How ya doin'? 116 00:06:50,289 --> 00:06:52,314 Welcome to Stifler's Palace of Love, fellas. 117 00:06:52,391 --> 00:06:55,623 - The keg's back there! Enjoy! - Yeah. 118 00:06:55,695 --> 00:06:59,062 Vicky, Jessica! Great to see you. Glad you could make it. 119 00:06:59,131 --> 00:07:01,395 Haha, bitches! 120 00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:03,458 - Sherman! - Hey! 121 00:07:03,536 --> 00:07:06,027 What the fuck are you doin' here? 122 00:07:09,575 --> 00:07:10,940 Fellas! What's goin' on? 123 00:07:10,975 --> 00:07:12,305 Fellas! What's goin' on? 124 00:07:12,378 --> 00:07:15,745 Sherman. Not much. Just, uh, scopin' the babes. 125 00:07:15,815 --> 00:07:19,410 - Indeed! Some fine ladies here, boys. - Uh-huh. 126 00:07:19,485 --> 00:07:23,012 Confidence is high. Repeat. Confidence is high. 127 00:07:23,089 --> 00:07:25,489 Sherman is movin' to DEFCON 2. 128 00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:28,925 - Full strategic arsenal ready for deployment. - Hey! 129 00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:31,122 You have somethin' goin' tonight, Sherman? 130 00:07:31,197 --> 00:07:33,324 You see that Central chick, Bernette? 131 00:07:33,399 --> 00:07:35,060 - Um, no. - No. 132 00:07:35,134 --> 00:07:38,433 She's around. Seems she's taken a liking to me. 133 00:07:39,872 --> 00:07:43,239 Fellas, it's time she experienced... the Shermanator. 134 00:07:43,309 --> 00:07:45,608 Yeah, okay, Sherman. Whatever. 135 00:07:45,679 --> 00:07:49,739 I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time... 136 00:07:49,815 --> 00:07:53,342 to change the future for one lucky lady. 137 00:07:53,419 --> 00:07:56,855 - Go get 'em, tiger. I'll be back! 138 00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:00,993 - Hopeless. - Completely. 139 00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,119 - Hi. - Hey, Vic. 140 00:08:03,195 --> 00:08:06,096 Oh, shit. Guys... Guys... 141 00:08:06,165 --> 00:08:09,794 There's Nadia and she just looked at me. 142 00:08:09,869 --> 00:08:12,497 - She just looked at me. - Well, why don't you go talk to her? 143 00:08:13,572 --> 00:08:16,132 Yeah. 144 00:08:16,208 --> 00:08:18,699 Yeah, you're right, Kev. I should just go talk to her. 145 00:08:20,813 --> 00:08:22,747 Yeah, I could do that. Sure. 146 00:08:22,815 --> 00:08:26,842 Sure. 147 00:08:26,919 --> 00:08:30,855 Kev? Kev? Ke... 148 00:08:39,298 --> 00:08:42,062 Yeah. Yeah. 149 00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:07,587 - That's great! 150 00:09:21,774 --> 00:09:23,742 See ya later. 151 00:09:32,017 --> 00:09:34,680 We're here for the party. 152 00:09:34,754 --> 00:09:37,780 What party? There's no party. 153 00:09:42,094 --> 00:09:46,588 Weird. Try the house down the street. 154 00:09:50,436 --> 00:09:53,462 So, what's your major? 155 00:09:53,539 --> 00:09:55,598 Post-modern feminist thought. 156 00:09:55,675 --> 00:09:59,041 Oh, cool. Great night, isn't it? 157 00:09:59,111 --> 00:10:02,308 Sure. 158 00:10:02,381 --> 00:10:07,785 Yeah, it's just somethin' about the springtime that's just cool, you know? 159 00:10:07,853 --> 00:10:12,290 - Like the smell of fresh rain or somethin'. - Mmm. 160 00:10:12,358 --> 00:10:14,657 Suck me, beautiful. 161 00:10:14,727 --> 00:10:17,218 What did you just say? 162 00:10:17,263 --> 00:10:21,029 Suck me, beautiful. 163 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:26,299 My friends call me "'Nova," as in Casanova. 164 00:10:26,372 --> 00:10:28,671 That's pathetic. 165 00:10:29,875 --> 00:10:32,241 Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me. 166 00:10:32,311 --> 00:10:34,302 Well, there's just some things you need to learn, that's all. 167 00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,679 - Like what? - Well, you've got to tone it down. 168 00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:38,979 You don't need to come to a place like Lookout Point... 169 00:10:39,051 --> 00:10:42,020 and spout off cheeseball lines to be romantic. 170 00:10:42,087 --> 00:10:45,352 - Okay. - You have to pay attention to a girl. 171 00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:49,554 Be sensitive to her feelings. Relationships are reciprocal. 172 00:10:49,629 --> 00:10:53,860 Come on, Casanova. I'll take you back to your friends. 173 00:10:58,838 --> 00:11:03,366 Vicky, think it's time to take the next step in our relationship? 174 00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:07,173 - Tonight? - Yeah, it's such a perfect evening. 175 00:11:07,246 --> 00:11:09,681 I mean, it's how you've always pictured it, isn't it? 176 00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:11,943 Damn, my parts fuckin' stink! 177 00:11:12,017 --> 00:11:15,919 Dude, you gotta take a shit! You smell like a Yeti! 178 00:11:15,988 --> 00:11:18,855 Or not. 179 00:11:18,924 --> 00:11:21,688 Just relax. 180 00:11:24,930 --> 00:11:27,728 You actually said that? 181 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,963 Shut up! 182 00:11:31,036 --> 00:11:33,061 You did a hell of a lot better than I did with Nadia. 183 00:11:33,138 --> 00:11:36,107 Oh, thanks, Jim, that's great. That's really reassuring. 184 00:11:36,175 --> 00:11:38,667 Hey, no problem, 'Nova. 185 00:11:38,744 --> 00:11:42,681 Hey, don't call me 'Nova anymore. I'm a... I'm a fraud. 186 00:11:42,748 --> 00:11:45,182 You guys are pathetic. 187 00:11:45,251 --> 00:11:48,152 I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. 188 00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:51,917 "Suck me, beautiful"! 189 00:11:56,896 --> 00:11:59,490 - Let me know. - Okay. 190 00:11:59,565 --> 00:12:01,931 Keep going. 191 00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:04,492 I should be able to talk to girls. 192 00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:06,902 I'm articulate. 193 00:12:06,972 --> 00:12:09,270 You know, I got a 720 on my S.A.T. Verbal. 194 00:12:09,341 --> 00:12:11,536 Bullshit. There's no way. 195 00:12:11,611 --> 00:12:15,512 I kid you not, man. Look. Listen. 196 00:12:15,581 --> 00:12:19,950 - Copious. Verisimilitude. - Mmm. 197 00:12:19,985 --> 00:12:23,045 Oh, ohh. Now. 198 00:12:24,624 --> 00:12:27,114 Ohh. 199 00:12:33,432 --> 00:12:35,366 Suck me, beautiful! 200 00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:38,267 - Damn it, Stifler. - Checkout time! 201 00:12:38,337 --> 00:12:43,640 - Please, vacate the room. - You are such a jerk. 202 00:12:47,846 --> 00:12:51,282 God, I can't believe how many cool people are at this party. 203 00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:54,650 Yup. 204 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,018 And you got a keg too! 205 00:12:57,089 --> 00:12:59,922 - Wow! - Indeed. 206 00:13:04,797 --> 00:13:08,062 Oh, wait. I left my beer downstairs. 207 00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:10,567 No. No. Here, babe! 208 00:13:10,637 --> 00:13:13,571 Thanks. 209 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,699 You're really beautiful. Oh... 210 00:13:16,775 --> 00:13:20,370 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 211 00:13:34,927 --> 00:13:37,987 You know what? I don't know if I want to be doing this. 212 00:13:38,063 --> 00:13:42,830 - Doing what? - You know, like, if we hook up tonight, 213 00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:45,802 tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. 214 00:13:45,871 --> 00:13:49,272 No way! 215 00:13:49,341 --> 00:13:52,276 Steve, you could at least look at me when you say that! 216 00:13:52,344 --> 00:13:56,974 Look. Sarah, 217 00:13:57,049 --> 00:14:01,008 I... I wouldn't go telling stories or anything about you. 218 00:14:01,086 --> 00:14:05,649 I promise. So, just... relax, 219 00:14:05,724 --> 00:14:09,956 take it slow... and let the good times roll. 220 00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:15,696 - Okay. - All right. 221 00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:24,405 What's wrong? 222 00:14:26,078 --> 00:14:28,673 What's wrong? What is it? 223 00:14:31,383 --> 00:14:35,820 Xenophobic. 224 00:14:35,888 --> 00:14:40,291 Oh! 225 00:14:40,359 --> 00:14:43,260 - Regurgitation. - I know that one. 226 00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:47,864 - Kevin likes it. - He likes getting head. 227 00:14:47,933 --> 00:14:50,458 Gee, what a total shocker. What about you, Vicky? 228 00:14:50,536 --> 00:14:52,697 I mean, h-have you just never had one with Kevin... 229 00:14:52,771 --> 00:14:54,739 or have you never had one, period? 230 00:14:54,807 --> 00:14:57,173 I've had one. 231 00:14:57,242 --> 00:14:59,437 - I think. - Okay. 232 00:14:59,511 --> 00:15:03,379 That's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. 233 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:05,383 You tell me you never even had one manually? 234 00:15:05,451 --> 00:15:08,716 - I've never tried it. - You've never double-clicked your mouse? 235 00:15:09,988 --> 00:15:11,922 Ha-ha, nice! 236 00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:14,653 - Jesus! Stifler, how much did you drink, man? 237 00:15:14,726 --> 00:15:18,685 Hey, Stifler? How's the pale ale? 238 00:15:18,764 --> 00:15:22,530 - Fuck you! - Ooh, whoo! 239 00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:26,728 - That's Stifler's mom? - Yup. 240 00:15:26,805 --> 00:15:31,799 Shit. I cannot believe a fine woman like this produced a guy like Stifler. 241 00:15:31,877 --> 00:15:35,779 - Dude, that chick's a "MILF." - What the hell is that? 242 00:15:35,848 --> 00:15:40,012 - M-I-L-F... Mom I'd like to fuck. - Yeah, dude! 243 00:15:40,085 --> 00:15:42,144 Oh-ho, yeah! 244 00:15:42,221 --> 00:15:45,281 - Yeah! MILF! MILF! - Hey, guys... Guys. Guys. 245 00:15:45,357 --> 00:15:48,690 - Come here. - Sherman, what's goin' on? 246 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:53,220 Yeah, uh... Don't you think you fellas could try a little tact? 247 00:15:53,298 --> 00:15:58,065 I got company, if you know what I mean? 248 00:15:59,571 --> 00:16:02,131 She's hot! 249 00:16:04,476 --> 00:16:09,642 If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed. 250 00:16:09,715 --> 00:16:14,778 Sherman? The Shermanator? 251 00:16:14,853 --> 00:16:18,311 Come on, man. 252 00:16:19,591 --> 00:16:21,855 MILF! MILF! 253 00:16:21,927 --> 00:16:26,193 MILF! MILF! Dude, hey, dude. What are you doin' to her, dude? 254 00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:29,633 Oh, my God, bro, dude. 255 00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:32,966 Enough of this blow job bullshit. 256 00:16:33,038 --> 00:16:36,701 - I gotta get laid already. - That's nice. Really, really nice. 257 00:16:36,775 --> 00:16:40,541 - Can I have a ride? - Sure. 258 00:16:40,613 --> 00:16:44,104 - Vicky, wait. - Not for you. 259 00:16:44,183 --> 00:16:48,552 Yeti! I am the Yeti! 260 00:16:56,261 --> 00:16:58,855 - Good morning, gentlemen. - Finch. 261 00:16:58,931 --> 00:17:02,867 Where were you last night, huh? What happened to that foolproof plan of yours? 262 00:17:02,935 --> 00:17:06,029 Well, I was going for a fashionably-late entrance and I was too late. 263 00:17:06,104 --> 00:17:08,971 So, no ladies left. 264 00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:11,566 It was a very special night, very special. 265 00:17:11,644 --> 00:17:14,271 Guys. Guys. 266 00:17:16,582 --> 00:17:20,644 - I'll never forget this. - Oh, I'll never forget it, either. 267 00:17:20,719 --> 00:17:25,179 - Thank you. - Uhh. 268 00:17:25,257 --> 00:17:29,353 - Well, bye. - Bye. 269 00:17:29,428 --> 00:17:31,362 Bye. 270 00:17:33,599 --> 00:17:37,057 Fellas, say good-bye to Chuck Sherman, the boy. 271 00:17:37,135 --> 00:17:39,797 I... am now a man. 272 00:17:39,871 --> 00:17:42,567 I highly recommend you join the club. 273 00:17:42,642 --> 00:17:48,045 We were doin' the wild thing... all night. I'm exhausted. 274 00:17:48,113 --> 00:17:51,173 I don't get it. I mean, how the hell did you do that? 275 00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:55,949 It was just my time. It was just my time. 276 00:17:57,389 --> 00:17:59,755 Best of luck to you boys. 277 00:18:01,927 --> 00:18:05,226 - I cannot believe this. - Come on, guys. 278 00:18:05,297 --> 00:18:08,027 You know, we should be happy for Sherman. 279 00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:11,628 No, we shouldn't be. 280 00:18:11,703 --> 00:18:14,639 You know, I put in months of quality time with Vicky. 281 00:18:14,706 --> 00:18:17,368 Sherman meets a chick for one night and scores. 282 00:18:17,442 --> 00:18:20,138 - This is just wrong. - No shit. 283 00:18:20,212 --> 00:18:23,704 How the hell am I supposed to become Mr. Sensitive Man? 284 00:18:23,782 --> 00:18:27,479 You know, we're all gonna go to college as virgins. You realize this, right? 285 00:18:27,552 --> 00:18:29,986 I mean, they probably have special dorms for people like us. 286 00:18:30,055 --> 00:18:34,788 All right. I got an idea. But it's got to stay between us. 287 00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:37,351 It's really simple. We just got to make an agreement. 288 00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:39,762 Er, nah. It's... It's more than an agreement. 289 00:18:39,831 --> 00:18:41,992 - What? A bet? - A pact. 290 00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:44,399 No money involved. More important than any bet. 291 00:18:44,469 --> 00:18:48,303 Here's the deal. We all get laid before we graduate. 292 00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:52,835 Dude, it's not like I haven't been trying to get laid. 293 00:18:52,911 --> 00:18:55,709 Think about when you work out, Oz. You gotta have someone there, right? 294 00:18:55,781 --> 00:18:58,341 Someone to spot you. Someone to keep you motivated. 295 00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:00,851 Well, that's exactly what we can do for each other. 296 00:19:00,919 --> 00:19:03,650 I mean, we'll be there to keep each other on track. 297 00:19:03,722 --> 00:19:06,020 Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable, but together, 298 00:19:06,091 --> 00:19:08,252 we are the masters of our sexual destiny. 299 00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:10,261 Their tiger-style kung fu is strong. 300 00:19:10,329 --> 00:19:12,263 But our dragon-style will defeat it. 301 00:19:12,331 --> 00:19:15,892 - Guys! - The Shaolin masters from East and West must unite! 302 00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:18,527 - Fight, and find out who is number one. - Guys! 303 00:19:18,604 --> 00:19:23,370 Come on. You're ruining my moment here. This is our very manhood at stake. 304 00:19:23,442 --> 00:19:26,036 We must make a stand, here and now. 305 00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:30,837 No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! 306 00:19:30,916 --> 00:19:35,012 We will fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid and should be. 307 00:19:35,087 --> 00:19:38,545 This is our day. This is our time. 308 00:19:38,624 --> 00:19:42,992 And, by God, we will not stand by and watch history condemn us into celibacy. 309 00:19:43,061 --> 00:19:45,052 - Amen. Yes. - I like that. 310 00:19:45,130 --> 00:19:49,032 - We will make a stand. We will succeed. - 'Bout time! 311 00:19:49,101 --> 00:19:51,695 - We will get laid! - Yeah! - Yeah! 312 00:19:53,271 --> 00:19:57,230 Now, the sex: It's got to be valid, consensual sex. 313 00:19:57,309 --> 00:20:00,710 - No prostitutes. That's what you're thinkin', Finch. 314 00:20:00,779 --> 00:20:03,270 Busted. 315 00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:06,044 So, basically, prom is our last chance. 316 00:20:06,118 --> 00:20:08,211 - Oh, dude. Prom sucks. - I know, 317 00:20:08,286 --> 00:20:10,413 but you gotta think about it this way. 318 00:20:10,489 --> 00:20:14,391 I mean, all the parties afterwards? The chicks are going to want to do it. 319 00:20:14,459 --> 00:20:18,486 - Yeah-yeah, he's right. It's, like tradition or something. - The Rose Bowl. 320 00:20:18,563 --> 00:20:22,795 - So, that gives us... - Exactly three weeks to the day. 321 00:20:24,569 --> 00:20:28,130 - We're gonna do this. - All right, to the next step! - Next step! 322 00:20:28,206 --> 00:20:28,772 Next step! 323 00:20:28,807 --> 00:20:30,639 Next step! 324 00:21:18,457 --> 00:21:21,153 - Well, did you get the flowers? 325 00:21:49,421 --> 00:21:51,719 Don't worry. You'll get her back soon enough. 326 00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:54,088 - You think so? - Sure, she likes you. 327 00:21:54,159 --> 00:21:55,238 - Well, I like her too. - Do you love her? 328 00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:56,318 - Well, I like her too. - Do you love her? 329 00:21:56,394 --> 00:22:00,353 Um, you know what? You can't really ask me that. 330 00:22:00,432 --> 00:22:03,424 Well, if you want to get her in the sack, I mean, just tell her you love her. 331 00:22:03,502 --> 00:22:06,437 - That's how I was duped. - Look, Jessica, 332 00:22:06,505 --> 00:22:08,633 I- I don't want to dupe her. 333 00:22:08,707 --> 00:22:12,268 All right. What you need to do... 334 00:22:12,344 --> 00:22:14,539 is learn how to press a girl's buttons. 335 00:22:14,614 --> 00:22:16,547 You have to give her what she's never had. 336 00:22:16,616 --> 00:22:20,016 - What's that? - Let me give you a hint. 337 00:22:20,085 --> 00:22:24,112 Ohh, Kev! Uhh. Yeah. 338 00:22:24,189 --> 00:22:27,317 - ? Comprende? - You mean an orgasm. 339 00:22:27,392 --> 00:22:29,623 - You got it, stud! - Well, you know, 340 00:22:29,694 --> 00:22:31,855 I'm-I'm pretty sure that I've... given her a... 341 00:22:31,930 --> 00:22:35,889 - No, you haven't. - Well, there was one time... 342 00:22:35,967 --> 00:22:39,459 - No. - Oh, man. 343 00:22:39,538 --> 00:22:44,407 - Look, kid, it's up to you. The big "L" or the big "O." - Dickhead! 344 00:22:44,476 --> 00:22:47,843 - You gotta see this. 345 00:22:58,056 --> 00:23:01,652 - What did you cocks do to him? 346 00:23:09,034 --> 00:23:11,195 Great. See you next time. 347 00:23:15,974 --> 00:23:18,943 - Hey, guys. Came to watch me in action? - Yeah. 348 00:23:19,010 --> 00:23:21,673 - I-I think you sounded pretty good. - Yeah, man. 349 00:23:21,746 --> 00:23:23,681 I think you need your balls reattached. 350 00:23:23,748 --> 00:23:27,275 - Hey, keep it down, dude. - What the fuck are you doing here? 351 00:23:27,352 --> 00:23:29,411 This place is an untapped resource. 352 00:23:29,487 --> 00:23:31,512 I mean, check it out. 353 00:23:31,590 --> 00:23:36,186 - These vocal jazz girls are hot. - Why the hell is he joining jazz choir so late? 354 00:23:36,261 --> 00:23:39,958 - Maybe he's preparing for another senior year at East? 355 00:23:40,031 --> 00:23:44,092 You guys, we don't even know him. 356 00:23:46,104 --> 00:23:48,038 You dipshit! 357 00:23:48,106 --> 00:23:50,199 You're expecting to score with some... 358 00:23:50,275 --> 00:23:52,209 goody-goody choirgirl priss? 359 00:23:52,277 --> 00:23:56,373 These chicks don't know me. I can work the sensitive angle here, fellas! 360 00:23:56,448 --> 00:23:58,679 You know, it's just like that college chick told me. 361 00:23:58,750 --> 00:24:01,810 All that you gotta do is just ask 'em questions... 362 00:24:01,886 --> 00:24:03,854 and listen to what they have to say and shit. 363 00:24:03,922 --> 00:24:08,256 I don't know, man. That sounds like a lot of work! 364 00:24:10,195 --> 00:24:13,460 Uh, just a second! 365 00:24:18,403 --> 00:24:20,530 Come in. Come in. 366 00:24:20,606 --> 00:24:22,631 Oh, Jim, you're here. 367 00:24:22,707 --> 00:24:26,667 Uh, I was just walking by your room and uh... 368 00:24:26,745 --> 00:24:30,772 And, you know, I was thinking, "Boy, it's been a long time since we've had... 369 00:24:30,849 --> 00:24:33,249 a little father-son, uh-uh, chat." 370 00:24:34,620 --> 00:24:38,681 Oh! I almost forgot. I, uh, I bought some magazines. 371 00:24:38,757 --> 00:24:41,988 Do you just want to flip to the center section? 372 00:24:44,262 --> 00:24:46,753 Well, this is the... this is the, uh, female form. 373 00:24:46,831 --> 00:24:49,823 And they have focused on the breasts, 374 00:24:49,901 --> 00:24:54,669 uh, which are used primarily to, uh, feed young infants... 375 00:24:54,739 --> 00:24:59,403 - and, uh... and also, uh, in foreplay. - Right. 376 00:24:59,477 --> 00:25:02,844 This is, uh... This is Hustler. 377 00:25:02,914 --> 00:25:06,646 And this is a much more exotic magazine. 378 00:25:06,718 --> 00:25:11,553 Now, they have decided to focus on the, uh, pubic region... 379 00:25:11,624 --> 00:25:15,457 - Right. Uh-huh. - The whole groin area. 380 00:25:15,527 --> 00:25:19,327 Look at the expression on her face. You see that? See what's she's doing? 381 00:25:19,397 --> 00:25:22,457 She's kind of looking right into your eyes saying, 382 00:25:22,534 --> 00:25:26,368 "Hey, big boy. Hey, how ya doin'?" 383 00:25:26,438 --> 00:25:30,238 - You see? - Right. 384 00:25:30,308 --> 00:25:34,404 Shaved is a magazine I'm not too familiar with, 385 00:25:34,479 --> 00:25:38,745 - but, again, if you flip to the center... 386 00:25:38,817 --> 00:25:41,251 Section... 387 00:25:41,319 --> 00:25:45,620 Well, you see the detail that, uh, that they go into in this picture here. 388 00:25:45,690 --> 00:25:49,353 - Uh-huh. Yeah. - It almost looks like a tropical plant or something... 389 00:25:49,427 --> 00:25:51,361 - underwater... thing. - Yeah. Yes. 390 00:25:51,429 --> 00:25:53,727 - Do you know what a clitoris is? - Oh, my God. 391 00:25:53,798 --> 00:25:55,993 - Well, don't say, "Oh..." - Yes, I know what a clitoris is. 392 00:25:56,067 --> 00:25:58,194 Oh, you do. Oh, I see. Yes, you do. I forgot you've been there and back. 393 00:25:58,269 --> 00:26:00,203 - You know everything... - I've learned about it in Sex Ed... 394 00:26:00,271 --> 00:26:03,240 - I really don't need you to talk about clitoris. - I'm trying to make this painless... 395 00:26:03,308 --> 00:26:05,970 - You know what? I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. - No-no-no. 396 00:26:06,044 --> 00:26:09,480 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. 397 00:26:09,547 --> 00:26:11,515 I shouldn't have got hot there. 398 00:26:11,583 --> 00:26:13,813 Well, you know what I'm going to do, Jim. 399 00:26:13,885 --> 00:26:15,819 I'm going to just leave these books here... 400 00:26:15,887 --> 00:26:19,414 for you to, uh, peruse at your, uh... at your leisure. 401 00:26:20,291 --> 00:26:23,454 Wait! 402 00:26:27,232 --> 00:26:29,393 Well, safer than a tube sock. 403 00:26:31,469 --> 00:26:35,428 - Okay, that... That was good. - Yeah. 404 00:26:36,975 --> 00:26:40,934 - See you at dinner. - Uh, yeah. I'll see you at dinner. 405 00:26:41,012 --> 00:26:43,708 So, Finch, this is your plan? 406 00:26:43,782 --> 00:26:47,218 You know, I don't think girls are into the whole mini-golf thing. 407 00:26:47,285 --> 00:26:49,344 Kevin, I'm sure that they're not. 408 00:26:49,420 --> 00:26:53,117 Actually, there is one small matter that I need to ask for your cooperation in. 409 00:26:53,191 --> 00:26:56,217 - In the spirit of this whole pact, you know? - Sure, what do you need? 410 00:26:56,294 --> 00:26:59,491 Whatever you hear about me, you agree. And tell all the boys the same thing. 411 00:26:59,564 --> 00:27:03,432 Look, I gotta go. Sixteen minutes round-trip. 412 00:27:03,501 --> 00:27:06,299 You know, Finch, it's... it's senior year. 413 00:27:06,371 --> 00:27:08,737 I mean, don't you think it's time you learned how to take a dump at school? 414 00:27:08,807 --> 00:27:12,140 When was the last time you looked at the facilities in this school? 415 00:27:18,550 --> 00:27:21,280 Excuse me. 416 00:27:21,352 --> 00:27:23,843 Uh, that's Paul Finch, right? 417 00:27:23,922 --> 00:27:26,686 - Yeah. - Well, you've seen him in the locker room, right? 418 00:27:26,758 --> 00:27:31,821 - Uh, yeah. - So, my friends, they want to know. Is it true? 419 00:27:31,896 --> 00:27:34,661 You know, that he's... equipped. 420 00:27:34,732 --> 00:27:38,862 I have no idea. Finch showers with his bathing suit on. 421 00:27:38,937 --> 00:27:41,371 I mean, uh... 422 00:27:41,439 --> 00:27:44,704 As a matter of fact, it is true. The guy's huge! 423 00:27:44,776 --> 00:27:47,870 - Does he have a date for the prom yet? - No, definitely not. 424 00:27:47,946 --> 00:27:50,005 All right. Thanks. 425 00:27:51,382 --> 00:27:53,748 Oh, man! 426 00:27:53,918 --> 00:27:58,981 So I was thinking maybe you could give me some advice, brother to brother. 427 00:27:59,057 --> 00:28:01,719 I thought you might know a trick or somethin' to make her... 428 00:28:01,793 --> 00:28:06,230 - Orgasm? - Yeah. - What's good here? 429 00:28:06,297 --> 00:28:08,595 - Try the spicy tuna hand roll. - What? 430 00:28:08,667 --> 00:28:12,466 - How do you do that? - Hey, never mind that. Listen, pay attention. 431 00:28:12,537 --> 00:28:15,802 Is that all that you're interested in, tryin' to get your girl into bed? 432 00:28:15,874 --> 00:28:19,139 No, it'd be good to be able to, you know, return the favor. 433 00:28:19,210 --> 00:28:21,645 Be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do. 434 00:28:21,713 --> 00:28:24,978 See that? That's good. That's what I wanted to hear. Now, you qualify. 435 00:28:25,049 --> 00:28:31,545 - Qualify for what? - My man, you've just inherited the Bible. 436 00:28:31,589 --> 00:28:34,080 It originally started as a sex manual, 437 00:28:34,125 --> 00:28:37,583 this book that some guys brought back from Amsterdam. 438 00:28:37,663 --> 00:28:40,256 And each year it got passed on to one East student who was worthy. 439 00:28:40,331 --> 00:28:44,529 Now, it's full of all sorts of stuff that guys have added over the years. 440 00:28:46,938 --> 00:28:52,205 But you have to keep it a secret and return it at the end of the year. 441 00:28:52,277 --> 00:28:56,304 All right. So now you know. Good luck. 442 00:29:33,284 --> 00:29:35,617 What was that? 443 00:29:35,687 --> 00:29:38,247 - Uh, sorry. - No, it was good. 444 00:29:40,692 --> 00:29:44,128 Well, it, uh... It came from the heart. 445 00:29:44,195 --> 00:29:48,154 Well, keep it coming. All right, people, good work! 446 00:29:48,232 --> 00:29:50,894 Now, don't forget. The state competition's a couple of weeks away, 447 00:29:50,969 --> 00:29:54,132 so keep on it, okay? 448 00:30:03,982 --> 00:30:06,645 Not bad, Chris. 449 00:30:06,718 --> 00:30:08,982 Really? 450 00:30:10,054 --> 00:30:12,420 Thanks, uh, Heather, right? 451 00:30:12,490 --> 00:30:14,424 Yeah. 452 00:30:14,492 --> 00:30:17,017 So, you've got this sort of Frank Sinatra thing going on. 453 00:30:17,095 --> 00:30:21,759 Right. I feel like I've discovered this whole new side of me. 454 00:30:21,833 --> 00:30:24,324 I mean, uh, music is so expressive. 455 00:30:24,402 --> 00:30:28,065 Okay. I mean, I agree, but... 456 00:30:28,139 --> 00:30:31,199 aren't you supposed to be out, like, trying to decapitate someone... 457 00:30:31,275 --> 00:30:35,268 - with your lacrosse stick or something? - Oh, sure. Sure. 458 00:30:35,346 --> 00:30:37,439 You know, I know what people think. It's like, 459 00:30:37,515 --> 00:30:40,575 "Oz, he's just this kick-ass lacrosse player." 460 00:30:40,652 --> 00:30:43,347 You know, I also play football, by the way, but that's, like, 461 00:30:43,421 --> 00:30:46,788 - that's not all that I am, you know? - Of course, I didn't... 462 00:30:46,858 --> 00:30:50,817 I mean, it really bothers me when people try to pigeonhole me like that. 463 00:30:50,895 --> 00:30:52,863 You? 464 00:30:52,930 --> 00:30:55,797 You think I don't get that? 465 00:30:55,867 --> 00:30:59,234 God, it's like just because I don't get drunk and barf every weekend... 466 00:30:59,303 --> 00:31:03,569 that people say, "Oh, look. There's this Goody Two-Shoes choirgirl priss." 467 00:31:03,642 --> 00:31:07,975 Yeah. So, like, what else do you do? 468 00:31:08,046 --> 00:31:11,379 Well, the same things you do, 469 00:31:11,449 --> 00:31:14,418 like hang out with friends and stuff. 470 00:31:14,485 --> 00:31:16,919 - Why? What do you think I do? - Oh, I... 471 00:31:16,988 --> 00:31:19,980 I just realized that I don't know anything about you. 472 00:31:20,058 --> 00:31:25,223 - I was interested. - Oh, well, what do you want to know? 473 00:31:25,296 --> 00:31:28,163 You know, stuff... about you. 474 00:31:30,636 --> 00:31:33,069 All right. 475 00:31:33,137 --> 00:31:37,632 Mom, I'm home! 476 00:32:33,798 --> 00:32:36,289 Oh, yeah. Oh! 477 00:32:39,537 --> 00:32:44,167 - Jim! - It's not what it looks like. 478 00:32:49,380 --> 00:32:52,612 Well, we'll just tell your mother that, uh... that, uh... 479 00:32:52,683 --> 00:32:54,810 we ate it all. 480 00:33:35,359 --> 00:33:37,759 Goal by number eight, Chris Ostreicher. 481 00:33:41,699 --> 00:33:43,724 - Nice game. - Nice game. Good game. 482 00:33:47,538 --> 00:33:50,507 Hey, what are you doin' here? 483 00:33:50,575 --> 00:33:54,011 Just enjoying my first exhilarating lacrosse experience. 484 00:33:54,078 --> 00:33:56,639 - You kicked butt. - Oh, thanks. 485 00:33:56,714 --> 00:33:59,706 - Um, Chris... - Oh, you can call me Oz, if you want. 486 00:33:59,784 --> 00:34:02,150 - Do I have to? - You can call me Ostreicher. 487 00:34:02,220 --> 00:34:04,381 - What's your middle name? - Nah, forget it. 488 00:34:04,455 --> 00:34:08,016 - Come on. I won't tell anyone. - Well, neither will I. 489 00:34:08,092 --> 00:34:11,721 Okay. Um. 490 00:34:11,796 --> 00:34:15,323 So, I had this thought and... 491 00:34:15,399 --> 00:34:17,664 It may seem like it's way out of left field. 492 00:34:17,735 --> 00:34:22,331 I don't know if you can, but since I'm not going with anybody, I thought that maybe... 493 00:34:22,406 --> 00:34:25,068 Those guys sucked ass! 494 00:34:25,142 --> 00:34:27,337 Choir chick, what the hell are you doing here? 495 00:34:27,411 --> 00:34:32,178 Well, uh, I was asking Chris to prom. 496 00:34:32,250 --> 00:34:34,241 So, do you want to go? 497 00:34:34,318 --> 00:34:37,776 Oh, yeah! That would be great. 498 00:34:37,855 --> 00:34:41,120 Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo! 499 00:34:41,192 --> 00:34:44,252 Stifler, fuck! I mean... 500 00:34:44,328 --> 00:34:48,822 Why do you got to be so insensitive all the time? 501 00:34:48,899 --> 00:34:52,232 What? 502 00:34:52,303 --> 00:34:55,704 Whatever. Look, uh, don't forget. My cottage after prom. 503 00:34:55,773 --> 00:34:58,207 On Lake Michigan. 504 00:34:58,276 --> 00:35:00,767 Hey, wait up, you pussies. Where you goin'? 505 00:35:00,845 --> 00:35:06,215 Ah, well, I gotta... I gotta hit the showers now, 506 00:35:06,284 --> 00:35:09,618 but I think this is gonna be really, really good. 507 00:35:09,687 --> 00:35:13,624 - Yeah. Me too. - All right. 508 00:35:13,691 --> 00:35:16,489 - Bye. - Bye. Bye. 509 00:35:21,198 --> 00:35:25,362 - 'Appenin' Oz! - Working with the choir chick? 510 00:35:25,436 --> 00:35:29,031 What d'ya say, fellas? I just dig those cute little sweaters she wears. 511 00:35:29,106 --> 00:35:33,338 Nuts you do, you little horn dog. 512 00:35:33,411 --> 00:35:35,971 Yeah! Yeah, baby! 513 00:35:36,047 --> 00:35:40,074 Spank me! Spank me! Hit that high "C." 514 00:35:45,456 --> 00:35:47,652 Come on! What's goin' on here? 515 00:35:52,596 --> 00:35:55,463 I was being selfish and majorly insensitive. 516 00:35:55,533 --> 00:35:58,434 I'm a... I'm a total idiot. I mean, a fool, a buffoon. 517 00:35:58,502 --> 00:36:01,027 I think shithead really says it. 518 00:36:01,105 --> 00:36:03,321 You know what? You're right. I'm a shithead, and I want to make it up to you. 519 00:36:03,356 --> 00:36:05,537 You know what? You're right. I'm a shithead, and I want to make it up to you. 520 00:36:05,576 --> 00:36:07,092 Oh, yeah? How? 521 00:36:07,127 --> 00:36:08,609 Oh, yeah? How? 522 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,649 - Oh. Oh. Oh. Ohh! 523 00:36:11,716 --> 00:36:14,378 - Vicky. Shh. Your parents are downstairs. 524 00:36:14,452 --> 00:36:17,683 - Kevin, don't stop! - Just a second. 525 00:36:31,636 --> 00:36:35,833 - Hon, can you tell Vic to come on down for supper? 526 00:36:35,906 --> 00:36:41,742 - Holy shit! - Shh. You know there's no lock on your door? 527 00:36:47,284 --> 00:36:50,447 Ohh! I'm coming! I'm coming! 528 00:36:54,826 --> 00:36:57,089 - Oh, Jim! - Dad. 529 00:36:57,161 --> 00:37:00,460 Hi, I was just looking at the old family portrait out here. 530 00:37:00,531 --> 00:37:03,193 Well, that was a fun day wasn't it? 531 00:37:03,267 --> 00:37:05,702 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 532 00:37:05,770 --> 00:37:10,069 Jim, I want to talk about masturbation. 533 00:37:10,340 --> 00:37:14,607 Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing. 534 00:37:14,679 --> 00:37:16,840 And I have to admit, uh, you know. 535 00:37:16,915 --> 00:37:21,374 I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. 536 00:37:21,451 --> 00:37:25,581 - I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." 537 00:37:25,657 --> 00:37:28,284 Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud." 538 00:37:28,358 --> 00:37:31,021 I never did it with baked goods. 539 00:37:31,094 --> 00:37:35,554 But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day. 540 00:37:35,633 --> 00:37:39,831 See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game. 541 00:37:39,904 --> 00:37:43,032 You see? It's like... It's like... 542 00:37:43,106 --> 00:37:46,008 banging a tennis ball against a brick wall. 543 00:37:46,077 --> 00:37:50,036 Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game. 544 00:37:50,113 --> 00:37:52,947 - Right. No. - It's not a game. 545 00:37:53,017 --> 00:37:56,452 What you want is you want a partner to return the ball. 546 00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,081 - Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner. 547 00:38:00,157 --> 00:38:02,058 - You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner. 548 00:38:02,125 --> 00:38:06,152 - Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course. 549 00:38:06,230 --> 00:38:08,130 Good. 550 00:38:08,198 --> 00:38:12,693 So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on... 551 00:38:12,770 --> 00:38:15,135 the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back... 552 00:38:15,205 --> 00:38:17,503 on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff. 553 00:38:17,574 --> 00:38:22,273 You see, Hal is going through a... rite of passage, much like you all are. 554 00:38:22,346 --> 00:38:26,214 So make most of the time you've got left together. You'll miss it later. 555 00:38:26,283 --> 00:38:28,912 So, does your tongue cramp up? 556 00:38:28,987 --> 00:38:33,082 - Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though. - Wow. 557 00:38:33,156 --> 00:38:37,059 That's amazing. She's probably gonna want to do it soon. 558 00:38:38,362 --> 00:38:42,298 All right. Class dismissed. 559 00:38:44,769 --> 00:38:49,364 Still questing after the Holy Grail, huh, guys? 560 00:38:52,810 --> 00:38:54,801 Hey, uh, where's Finch? 561 00:38:54,879 --> 00:38:56,938 Oh, he went home to take a shit. 562 00:38:57,015 --> 00:38:58,983 I don't get it. I just don't. 563 00:38:59,050 --> 00:39:01,883 How does a guy like that get this sudden reputation? 564 00:39:01,953 --> 00:39:05,388 - What reputation? - Observe. 565 00:39:05,455 --> 00:39:09,448 Ex-Excuse me. Do you know who Paul Finch is? 566 00:39:09,526 --> 00:39:12,894 Yeah! He's the guy with the tattoo, right? 567 00:39:12,964 --> 00:39:18,732 - You know, the eagle and the blazing fire and that stuff. 568 00:39:18,803 --> 00:39:22,568 Well, um, if you guys see him later, will you tell him Courtney says hi? 569 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,074 Bye. 570 00:39:25,142 --> 00:39:29,169 Okay. Explain. 571 00:39:29,246 --> 00:39:32,181 I can't. I don't know how he's doing it. 572 00:39:32,249 --> 00:39:35,548 I, uh... I guess that just leaves Jim trailing. 573 00:39:35,620 --> 00:39:37,815 - Aw, Jimbo! - Better sack up, buddy! 574 00:39:37,889 --> 00:39:40,016 Yeah, I know. I'm working on it, all right? 575 00:39:40,090 --> 00:39:42,217 James? 576 00:39:42,292 --> 00:39:44,260 You are very good in the world history class, yes? 577 00:39:44,328 --> 00:39:48,424 Me? Y-Yes. No, uh... 578 00:39:48,498 --> 00:39:51,935 - Yes, I am. - Perhaps you could help me with my studies. 579 00:39:52,003 --> 00:39:54,163 Uh, yeah. Absolutely. 580 00:39:54,237 --> 00:39:56,262 Tha-Tha-Tha... That would be... That would be great sometime. 581 00:39:56,340 --> 00:40:00,903 - How about tomorrow? - Well, I have ballet practice. 582 00:40:00,979 --> 00:40:04,141 Perhaps I could come by your house afterwards? 583 00:40:04,214 --> 00:40:06,478 I could change clothes at your place. 584 00:40:08,085 --> 00:40:11,852 Oh. Uh... yeah. 585 00:40:11,923 --> 00:40:15,916 I suppose that would be okay. Sure. 586 00:40:21,632 --> 00:40:26,432 Nice car! 587 00:40:26,503 --> 00:40:28,938 - I'm glad you think so. - You don't like it? 588 00:40:29,007 --> 00:40:32,373 No, I like the car. By the way, though, about prom? 589 00:40:32,442 --> 00:40:35,411 That was a bad idea. I'm sorry I invited you. 590 00:40:35,479 --> 00:40:38,471 - What are you talkin' about? - Please. 591 00:40:38,548 --> 00:40:42,109 I asked you because I thought you might actually be worth going with. 592 00:40:42,185 --> 00:40:45,849 But you are just a jock. No, wait. You're a jerk. 593 00:40:45,923 --> 00:40:48,858 Wait! I don't understand. 594 00:40:48,926 --> 00:40:52,258 I saw you making fun of me with your lacrosse buddies. 595 00:40:52,329 --> 00:40:54,490 Heather, I wasn't makin' fun of you. 596 00:40:54,564 --> 00:40:57,124 Gimme a break. You're so full of it. 597 00:41:00,337 --> 00:41:05,434 Fuck me! There's gonna be an Eastern European chick naked in your house. 598 00:41:05,509 --> 00:41:07,637 And you're not gonna do anything about that? 599 00:41:07,712 --> 00:41:11,511 What am I gonna do, huh? Broadcast her over the Internet? 600 00:41:11,581 --> 00:41:15,040 - Yeah. - You can do that? 601 00:41:18,990 --> 00:41:22,619 No. I cannot do that to her. 602 00:41:22,693 --> 00:41:26,093 Jim, get some fuckin' balls. 603 00:41:26,163 --> 00:41:30,965 If you don't have the guts to photograph a naked chick, how you gonna sleep with one? 604 00:41:31,035 --> 00:41:33,697 I don't like the kid, but he's got a point. 605 00:41:33,771 --> 00:41:37,002 See, even shit-brick knows you should do it. 606 00:41:37,075 --> 00:41:40,602 All you gotta do is set up some sort of private link or whatever on the 'Net... 607 00:41:40,678 --> 00:41:42,669 and tell me the address. 608 00:41:42,747 --> 00:41:45,544 You can send me the address too. 609 00:41:45,616 --> 00:41:48,550 I'll save you a seat. 610 00:42:09,473 --> 00:42:13,843 Okay, that was good, but I want to thicken-up that solo. 611 00:42:13,911 --> 00:42:16,174 Michigan State is this Saturday, and I want that part to smoke. 612 00:42:16,246 --> 00:42:18,510 Yeah, I know, my timing's off. 613 00:42:18,582 --> 00:42:22,279 No, it's not that. I think it'll work better as a duet with a tenor part. 614 00:42:22,352 --> 00:42:24,320 I'll do it. 615 00:42:25,656 --> 00:42:28,022 - Dick. - I'll do it. 616 00:42:28,091 --> 00:42:30,355 Great. See you tomorrow. 617 00:42:32,029 --> 00:42:34,462 Hmph. 618 00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:40,397 - Why are you doing this? - 'Cause I want to. 619 00:42:40,470 --> 00:42:43,838 Yeah? Well, you can't fake this. 620 00:42:43,908 --> 00:42:47,036 You better practice. 621 00:42:57,287 --> 00:42:59,380 Come in. 622 00:43:01,091 --> 00:43:05,688 Jim? There's a, uh... a young lady here to see you. 623 00:43:05,763 --> 00:43:08,027 - Hey, Nadia. - Hi, James. Ready to study? 624 00:43:08,098 --> 00:43:10,829 Oh, he's always ready to study. He's a real bookworm, this kid. 625 00:43:10,902 --> 00:43:14,393 - Dad. - That means... He's not-not one of those nerdy guys but... 626 00:43:14,471 --> 00:43:19,340 - Dad! - Well, I'll... I'll let you two hit the books. 627 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,506 You want a beer? 628 00:43:26,583 --> 00:43:30,383 - Oh, there we go. - Come on, move! 629 00:43:30,453 --> 00:43:34,514 Steve! It's my computer! And I wanna use it! 630 00:43:34,591 --> 00:43:36,582 Shut up! 631 00:43:36,661 --> 00:43:39,322 Oh, you need to... You need to change, right? 632 00:43:39,396 --> 00:43:42,025 - Uhh, do you mind? - No. N-No, not at all. 633 00:43:42,098 --> 00:43:45,967 Uh, please, you know. Just go ahead and get un... get changed. 634 00:43:46,037 --> 00:43:49,437 I'll, uh... I'll go downstairs and start studying up. 635 00:43:49,506 --> 00:43:51,337 - Yeah. - Okay. 636 00:43:51,408 --> 00:43:54,138 - Oh... - All right, there he goes. 637 00:43:54,211 --> 00:43:55,460 Now, we're in business. 638 00:43:55,495 --> 00:43:56,711 Now, we're in business. 639 00:43:58,783 --> 00:44:00,978 - Back in a sec. - Jimmy, honey, wh... 640 00:44:22,138 --> 00:44:25,596 - Ah, here she is. 641 00:44:27,310 --> 00:44:30,906 - Did I miss anything? - No. You are just in time. 642 00:44:30,982 --> 00:44:34,417 - Oh. Ohh! - This is incredible. 643 00:44:34,484 --> 00:44:37,214 Oh, my God! This is too much. 644 00:44:37,287 --> 00:44:40,279 Oh, did you see? Oh, there that goes. Oh, geez. 645 00:44:40,357 --> 00:44:42,724 God bless the Internet. 646 00:44:42,793 --> 00:44:45,819 - Ai-yi-yi. - Do it. Take it off. 647 00:44:45,896 --> 00:44:48,261 - Oh, my God. - Ohhh! 648 00:44:48,331 --> 00:44:51,062 Oh, thank you, God, for this wonderful, wonderful day. 649 00:44:51,134 --> 00:44:55,366 - She takes her vitamins. 650 00:44:57,808 --> 00:44:59,742 Stop hyperventilating. 651 00:45:04,782 --> 00:45:09,411 This is, like, the coolest thing I've ever seen. 652 00:45:09,486 --> 00:45:12,820 I know. 653 00:45:12,890 --> 00:45:15,585 Can you believe... This is definitely one of Stifler's best ideas ever. 654 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,253 What is she... She's touching my stuff. 655 00:45:19,329 --> 00:45:21,992 - Why is she touching my stuff? - Man, let her touch. 656 00:45:22,066 --> 00:45:25,228 - She's going through my stuff! - Nadia can touch anything she wants. 657 00:45:31,541 --> 00:45:34,739 - Oh. - Oh, no. Oh, no. 658 00:45:34,812 --> 00:45:37,302 - No, no. - Oh, nice collection there, Jim. 659 00:45:37,347 --> 00:45:40,010 She's gonna leave. She's definitely gonna... 660 00:45:40,083 --> 00:45:42,746 She's getting comfortable. She's not gonna leave. 661 00:45:42,820 --> 00:45:45,515 She reads the articles. 662 00:45:58,401 --> 00:46:00,700 Is she? 663 00:46:00,771 --> 00:46:04,832 She's goin' downstairs. 664 00:46:13,516 --> 00:46:17,817 - Oh, my God! - Jackpot, baby! 665 00:46:17,888 --> 00:46:21,186 - Can you believe this? - Nadia, I would have never known. 666 00:46:21,257 --> 00:46:24,056 I have an announcement that I would like to make. 667 00:46:24,127 --> 00:46:27,996 There is a gorgeous woman... masturbating on my bed! 668 00:46:28,065 --> 00:46:33,502 - Thank you, Nadia! - If you ever had a chance with Nadia, this is it. 669 00:46:33,570 --> 00:46:38,098 - What am I supposed to do, Kev? - Seduce her. 670 00:46:38,174 --> 00:46:41,268 Wha... What the hell would I say? 671 00:46:41,344 --> 00:46:44,712 Go over there and ask her if she needs an extra hand. 672 00:46:44,782 --> 00:46:48,718 - That's stupid, Kev. I can't... - That's not stupid! You're stupid if you don't go! 673 00:46:48,786 --> 00:46:50,754 Come on! Get over there! 674 00:46:50,821 --> 00:46:53,084 - Get goin', man. She's prime. - Get out of here! 675 00:46:53,156 --> 00:46:56,489 - She's waitin' for you. - Okay, all right. I'm goin'. 676 00:46:56,559 --> 00:46:58,584 - Go! - Go! - I'm goin'! 677 00:46:58,662 --> 00:47:00,595 - Go! Go! Go! Go! - Oh, shit. 678 00:47:20,525 --> 00:47:22,459 - Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. 679 00:47:28,500 --> 00:47:31,298 Oh, boy. Oh, God. Oh, crap. Oh, no. 680 00:47:31,370 --> 00:47:34,738 Hello? 681 00:47:34,807 --> 00:47:38,537 - Looks like Jim addressed the e-mail wrong. - What? 682 00:47:38,611 --> 00:47:41,876 It went out to every mailbox in the East High directory. 683 00:47:41,947 --> 00:47:43,938 God, how juvenile. 684 00:47:44,016 --> 00:47:45,950 Hey, hey, hey, guys! 685 00:47:46,018 --> 00:47:50,546 - Check this out! Oh, my God! Wow! 686 00:47:53,025 --> 00:47:55,152 Oh. 687 00:47:55,628 --> 00:48:00,428 Please, God, let this be it. 688 00:48:00,498 --> 00:48:02,523 Please? 689 00:48:06,504 --> 00:48:11,135 S- Somebody's goin' in there. 690 00:48:12,577 --> 00:48:14,876 Here you go. That's what you need to do. 691 00:48:14,947 --> 00:48:17,040 - That guy's in my trig class. - Oh, no. 692 00:48:19,652 --> 00:48:23,144 - Looks like you could use an extra hand. - Jim! 693 00:48:23,222 --> 00:48:26,123 - Well... Oh, God. - Shame on you. 694 00:48:26,192 --> 00:48:28,386 Yeah, shame on me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 695 00:48:28,460 --> 00:48:30,895 - Uh, you know, I'm just gonna go. - Well, 696 00:48:30,963 --> 00:48:34,295 you have seen me. 697 00:48:34,365 --> 00:48:37,459 Now, it's my turn to see you. 698 00:48:39,004 --> 00:48:42,039 Strip! 699 00:48:42,074 --> 00:48:44,507 - Strip? - Slowly. 700 00:48:44,576 --> 00:48:48,741 Uh, you mean, like, strip strip? 701 00:48:48,814 --> 00:48:51,942 For me. 702 00:48:52,018 --> 00:48:54,144 What is he talkin' to her about? 703 00:48:54,219 --> 00:48:59,088 - Uh, no idea. - Come on, Jim. People are viewing. Get to business. 704 00:49:02,327 --> 00:49:04,853 Perfect! 705 00:49:04,930 --> 00:49:08,387 - Move, James! Move! - Yeah, yeah. Move. 706 00:49:16,474 --> 00:49:19,069 Go, trig boy! It's yer birthday! 707 00:49:30,221 --> 00:49:31,780 - No! No. No. - Please, God. 708 00:49:31,857 --> 00:49:34,256 What's going on? 709 00:49:39,130 --> 00:49:42,224 - Yes! - All right. Get in the mix! 710 00:49:42,300 --> 00:49:44,564 - See there. - Oh, okay. 711 00:49:46,271 --> 00:49:51,710 - This is disgusting. - What the fuck is this? 712 00:49:53,045 --> 00:49:55,376 Cut it out, man! 713 00:50:00,085 --> 00:50:02,178 Yeah. 714 00:50:14,033 --> 00:50:16,296 Freak. 715 00:50:20,538 --> 00:50:22,700 Did not just take out that chair. 716 00:50:22,775 --> 00:50:26,768 - Yup, he took out the chair. - More, more, you bad boy! 717 00:50:26,846 --> 00:50:30,873 Oh, yeah, I'm naughty. I'm naughty, baby. Hyah! 718 00:50:30,950 --> 00:50:34,407 Ohh, God! 719 00:50:37,690 --> 00:50:40,716 - Now, 720 00:50:40,793 --> 00:50:43,192 come to me. 721 00:50:43,261 --> 00:50:45,890 Oh, yeah. 722 00:50:52,772 --> 00:50:54,797 - Here we go. - He's in, man. 723 00:50:54,874 --> 00:50:56,705 - This just got a hell of a lot better. 724 00:50:56,776 --> 00:51:00,803 - Be gentle. - Okay. 725 00:51:02,514 --> 00:51:05,075 - Uh... 726 00:51:05,150 --> 00:51:07,380 - Oh. 727 00:51:10,022 --> 00:51:11,887 Jim? 728 00:51:11,957 --> 00:51:16,621 - Oh! Oh, no. - Oh, no. 729 00:51:16,695 --> 00:51:19,823 - Oh. Ohh! - Liftoff aborted. 730 00:51:19,899 --> 00:51:22,868 - Houston, we have a problem. - Oh... Uhh... 731 00:51:22,935 --> 00:51:26,335 What happened? What did he do 732 00:51:26,404 --> 00:51:28,372 He blew it. 733 00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:30,875 I guess I'll be going now. 734 00:51:30,943 --> 00:51:36,505 No, no, no, I'm... I'm not done, Nadia. I've, uh... I've got reserves. 735 00:51:36,581 --> 00:51:39,345 Nadia, please, please. I'm begging you. 736 00:51:39,417 --> 00:51:42,250 Well, I do like your dirty magazines. 737 00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:47,657 You do? Okay. Well. Um. Did-Did... Did you see this one? 738 00:51:47,726 --> 00:51:52,389 This here is your... is your more, uh, exotic, risque magazine. 739 00:51:52,464 --> 00:51:54,455 - He's pullin' out the porn. - He's desperate. 740 00:51:54,532 --> 00:51:56,466 Jim, just wait till she leaves. 741 00:51:56,534 --> 00:51:59,128 Very arousing women. They arouse me... 742 00:51:59,204 --> 00:52:01,172 They arouse me very, very much. 743 00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:05,141 But, uh... But not as arousing as you. 744 00:52:05,243 --> 00:52:09,179 - Oh, Jim! - Oh, God! 745 00:52:13,686 --> 00:52:17,212 Yes! 746 00:52:17,288 --> 00:52:19,415 He's ruining daisy! Whoo! 747 00:52:22,061 --> 00:52:26,554 So, uh, "shaved" is the expression? 748 00:52:29,635 --> 00:52:31,568 Holy shit. 749 00:52:31,637 --> 00:52:34,834 - Holy shit! - Holy shit! 750 00:52:34,907 --> 00:52:37,568 - H-H-Holy shit! - Touch me, Jim. 751 00:52:40,045 --> 00:52:42,137 Here. 752 00:52:42,213 --> 00:52:45,615 Oh. Oh. 753 00:52:45,684 --> 00:52:48,117 - Again? - Not again. 754 00:52:48,186 --> 00:52:51,417 - Not again, man! - Is that possible? 755 00:52:51,489 --> 00:52:52,737 What a loser. 756 00:52:52,772 --> 00:52:53,984 What a loser. 757 00:52:57,595 --> 00:52:59,085 Hey! 758 00:53:42,608 --> 00:53:45,042 - Hey, minute man! - Shut up. 759 00:53:45,109 --> 00:53:47,044 You know... You know you're supposed to be supportive. 760 00:53:47,111 --> 00:53:51,411 Hey, you think you still got a chance with Nadia? 761 00:53:51,482 --> 00:53:54,646 No. Her sponsors here saw the thing on the 'Net. 762 00:53:54,720 --> 00:53:56,654 I-I really don't think they liked it. 763 00:53:56,722 --> 00:53:58,883 How do you know that? 764 00:53:58,958 --> 00:54:01,017 She's already on a plane back home. 765 00:54:01,092 --> 00:54:03,083 Yeah. 766 00:54:03,161 --> 00:54:06,928 You know, guys? Maybe I'm just not good with girls, period. 767 00:54:06,999 --> 00:54:10,525 No-no-no, really-really. Like... Like I was born without that part of the brain. 768 00:54:10,603 --> 00:54:12,764 I mean, I can't talk to girls. 769 00:54:12,838 --> 00:54:14,863 And when I do talk to them, I screw it up. 770 00:54:14,940 --> 00:54:18,034 Yeah, well, come prom those excuses aren't going to do you any good. 771 00:54:19,544 --> 00:54:23,503 And one time at band camp, 772 00:54:23,581 --> 00:54:25,777 we weren't supposed to have pillow fights, 773 00:54:25,851 --> 00:54:28,911 but we had a pillow fight, and it was so much fun. 774 00:54:28,988 --> 00:54:33,982 A- And this one time, we all lost our music and we were supposed to play this song, 775 00:54:34,059 --> 00:54:39,325 but we didn't know it, so we just made it up and we kept playing and playing, 776 00:54:39,397 --> 00:54:43,356 and the conductor didn't know what we were doing, and it was so funny. 777 00:54:43,434 --> 00:54:45,869 So, you're pissed about somethin', huh. 778 00:54:45,938 --> 00:54:47,872 You know what I do when I'm angry? 779 00:54:47,940 --> 00:54:51,102 I just play some Bach on my flute. It's so relaxing. 780 00:54:51,175 --> 00:54:54,372 - I learned to do that at band camp. - Hold on, uh... 781 00:54:54,445 --> 00:54:57,813 You have no idea why I'm angry? 782 00:54:57,883 --> 00:55:01,046 Is it because we have a test tomorrow? Sometimes I get cranky... 783 00:55:01,119 --> 00:55:04,384 - when I know I have a big test to study for. 784 00:55:04,455 --> 00:55:08,790 - Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty much it. - I thought so... 785 00:55:08,861 --> 00:55:11,556 - because this one time at band camp... - W-What's your name? 786 00:55:11,630 --> 00:55:13,494 - Michelle. - O-Okay. 787 00:55:13,564 --> 00:55:15,555 Michelle, um... 788 00:55:15,634 --> 00:55:18,431 Do you want to be my date for the prom? 789 00:55:18,503 --> 00:55:21,905 Really? You seriously want to go with me? 790 00:55:25,476 --> 00:55:28,605 Yes. Seriously. 791 00:55:28,681 --> 00:55:32,275 Are we going to Steve Stifler's party afterwards? Because that would be so cool. 792 00:55:32,350 --> 00:55:37,687 - Sure, whatever you want. - Cool! We're gonna have such a good time. 793 00:55:37,756 --> 00:55:42,921 It'll be like this one time at band camp when we all had a campfire... 794 00:55:57,643 --> 00:56:00,737 Hi. 795 00:56:00,813 --> 00:56:04,441 - How'd you know I was here? - Stifler told me. 796 00:56:04,515 --> 00:56:07,917 - Talked to Stifler? - Well, I needed to find you. 797 00:56:07,986 --> 00:56:10,112 We're gonna have to work on that song. 798 00:56:11,322 --> 00:56:14,257 Okay. I'm glad you came by. 799 00:56:14,325 --> 00:56:16,555 So you work nights? 800 00:56:18,864 --> 00:56:21,697 - My dad's the manager. - Really? 801 00:56:21,767 --> 00:56:24,827 Cool. Tell him the subs are great. 802 00:56:26,905 --> 00:56:29,806 - So you're going to Michigan next year? - Yeah. 803 00:56:29,875 --> 00:56:32,605 My parents want me to go to Northwestern, but... 804 00:56:32,678 --> 00:56:35,544 I don't wanna write all those extra essays they make you do. 805 00:56:35,614 --> 00:56:41,415 I mean, how am I supposed to know what my "most emotionally significant moment" was? 806 00:56:41,486 --> 00:56:46,049 So when my "U" of "M" acceptance came in December, I just said the hell with it. 807 00:56:46,124 --> 00:56:48,149 - Onions? - What? 808 00:56:48,226 --> 00:56:50,752 You, uh, want onions? 809 00:56:50,829 --> 00:56:52,763 Oh, no, thank you. 810 00:56:55,533 --> 00:56:58,127 So what are you gonna major in? 811 00:56:58,202 --> 00:57:02,263 State's got a good business school, and I could probably walk-on to the lacrosse team. 812 00:57:02,340 --> 00:57:06,242 Well, you've probably got it pretty figured out, then, huh? 813 00:57:06,310 --> 00:57:09,940 I mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but... 814 00:57:10,015 --> 00:57:13,108 what am I gonna be, a professional lacrosse player? 815 00:57:13,184 --> 00:57:15,118 I really have no idea. 816 00:57:15,186 --> 00:57:18,519 Thank God. I thought I was the only one. 817 00:57:18,589 --> 00:57:20,523 Well, you're not. 818 00:57:21,994 --> 00:57:24,019 So we're gonna be close next year. 819 00:57:32,004 --> 00:57:33,938 You mean East Lansing and Ann Arbor? 820 00:57:34,006 --> 00:57:37,338 Yeah. 821 00:57:37,441 --> 00:57:39,341 What are you talkin' about? 822 00:57:39,410 --> 00:57:43,437 I can't go to the prom with you. I'm holding out for someone else. 823 00:57:43,514 --> 00:57:45,710 You gotta be fuckin' kidding me. 824 00:57:45,784 --> 00:57:50,152 I know it's a long shot, but I figure Paul Finch might ask me. 825 00:57:50,221 --> 00:57:54,248 Finch. Shit-brick. 826 00:57:54,325 --> 00:57:57,022 Oh, gosh. I-I forgot. 827 00:57:57,094 --> 00:57:59,528 You look okay. 828 00:57:59,597 --> 00:58:03,056 I-I mean, the scars healed really well. 829 00:58:03,134 --> 00:58:05,069 - Hey, Stifler. - Eat shit. 830 00:58:07,906 --> 00:58:09,874 What was that all about? 831 00:58:09,942 --> 00:58:14,344 - He's still embarrassed because Finch kicked his ass. - Who told you that? 832 00:58:14,412 --> 00:58:16,573 What do you mean, "no comment"? 833 00:58:16,648 --> 00:58:19,708 - Did you two hook up or something? - What, are you kidding? No. 834 00:58:19,785 --> 00:58:23,345 Then how did all this get started? 835 00:58:23,421 --> 00:58:26,653 Well, I guess it's all right for me to tell you now. 836 00:58:26,725 --> 00:58:29,922 That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Cheese, please. 837 00:58:29,995 --> 00:58:32,964 Finch comes up to me and says, "Jessica, 838 00:58:33,031 --> 00:58:35,659 I need your help with this, blah, blah, etcetera." 839 00:58:35,734 --> 00:58:38,099 So I said, "All right. Pay me 200 bucks, 840 00:58:38,169 --> 00:58:41,037 and I'll tell a couple of girls that you're dynamite in bed." 841 00:58:41,105 --> 00:58:43,870 So he did, and I did. 842 00:58:43,942 --> 00:58:46,035 - That actually works? - Well, duh! Of course. 843 00:58:46,110 --> 00:58:48,601 Naturally, I embellished a little bit. 844 00:58:48,647 --> 00:58:51,171 Did you hear that Finch had an affair with an older woman? 845 00:58:51,249 --> 00:58:53,183 No, I didn't hear that one. 846 00:58:53,251 --> 00:58:55,846 That one was my favorite. 847 00:58:55,921 --> 00:58:57,912 Do that cheerleader. 848 00:58:57,990 --> 00:59:01,516 - She wants me. She calls me up... 849 00:59:06,130 --> 00:59:09,258 Oh, my God, you're gay! 850 00:59:09,333 --> 00:59:11,267 Sing it with me. You know the words. 851 00:59:11,335 --> 00:59:14,566 No, thanks, man. You've been singin' that shit all week. 852 00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:18,336 If you try that at M.S.U. This Saturday, I'll kick your ass. 853 00:59:18,409 --> 00:59:20,400 Our last game is this Saturday. 854 00:59:20,478 --> 00:59:22,606 Yeah, well, shit. 855 00:59:25,549 --> 00:59:29,611 I've got this lacrosse game. It's really important. It's our last game. 856 00:59:29,688 --> 00:59:33,453 Central almost beat us last time, so this time I really wanna kick their ass. 857 00:59:33,524 --> 00:59:36,254 But it's gonna be cool, because the game's at State, 858 00:59:36,327 --> 00:59:38,888 which means afterwards I'll be able to stop by. 859 00:59:38,964 --> 00:59:40,955 So you can't sing at the competition. 860 00:59:41,033 --> 00:59:43,763 Heather, I'm sorry. I totally blew it. 861 00:59:43,835 --> 00:59:48,567 It's okay. You should... do what makes you happy. 862 00:59:50,174 --> 00:59:53,906 All right. Listen, thanks for understanding. 863 00:59:53,979 --> 00:59:56,469 Yeah. 864 00:59:56,514 --> 00:59:59,574 So, uh, I guess I'll see you later? 865 00:59:59,651 --> 01:00:02,175 Mm-hmm. 866 01:00:14,332 --> 01:00:17,529 Hey, Kevin. 867 01:00:17,601 --> 01:00:22,595 - You seen shit-brick lately? - Why? What did you do to him? 868 01:00:22,674 --> 01:00:24,767 Me? Nothing. 869 01:00:24,843 --> 01:00:27,140 See, I'm the one whose ass he kicked. 870 01:00:27,211 --> 01:00:30,670 But, uh, I'll tell you one thing, though. 871 01:00:30,749 --> 01:00:33,980 I don't think he's gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. 872 01:00:34,052 --> 01:00:36,043 Slipped a little something into his mochaccino. 873 01:00:38,522 --> 01:00:41,184 Oh, God! 874 01:00:42,259 --> 01:00:44,386 Oh! Oh! 875 01:00:50,601 --> 01:00:52,900 Jesus. 876 01:00:52,971 --> 01:00:55,495 Right this way, sir. 877 01:01:00,946 --> 01:01:04,814 Oh, God. 878 01:01:32,644 --> 01:01:35,636 Oh, no. 879 01:01:36,014 --> 01:01:38,174 It's gonna be fun. 880 01:01:38,249 --> 01:01:40,810 You know it's just gonna be some crappy band and stupid decorations. 881 01:01:40,886 --> 01:01:44,514 You're just saying that because prom's a week away and you don't have a date. 882 01:01:44,588 --> 01:01:47,080 No, no, no. I don't want a date. 883 01:01:47,124 --> 01:01:51,619 Finch is goin' stag and... so am I. 884 01:01:51,696 --> 01:01:54,961 God, he's like so... refined. 885 01:01:55,033 --> 01:01:58,195 - You think that older woman thing is true? 886 01:01:58,269 --> 01:02:01,568 Yeah, it's true. It was Stifler's mom. 887 01:02:03,642 --> 01:02:06,975 Joanie, was that you? 888 01:02:07,045 --> 01:02:09,342 - Oh! - Can't hold it. 889 01:02:09,413 --> 01:02:12,439 Oh! 890 01:02:16,387 --> 01:02:18,480 Eww! 891 01:02:41,145 --> 01:02:45,411 Yeah! 892 01:02:45,483 --> 01:02:48,452 Kev? I think we've come... 893 01:02:48,519 --> 01:02:52,114 - a really long way since homecoming. - Yeah, we have. 894 01:02:52,189 --> 01:02:54,123 Maybe it's time... 895 01:02:54,191 --> 01:02:58,150 we start to express ourselves in new ways. 896 01:02:58,229 --> 01:03:00,493 - Yeah. - You wanna do it? 897 01:03:00,564 --> 01:03:03,362 - Yeah. - I love you. 898 01:03:05,070 --> 01:03:07,698 It's your turn. 899 01:03:08,773 --> 01:03:11,206 That's not what I was thinking. 900 01:03:11,275 --> 01:03:15,336 Sex. It's always about sex. 901 01:03:15,412 --> 01:03:18,506 It's not always about sex. 902 01:03:18,582 --> 01:03:21,643 I just thought it was about sex this time. 903 01:03:25,023 --> 01:03:29,356 Look, Vicky, love is a term that gets thrown around, 904 01:03:29,426 --> 01:03:31,394 and-and people don't mean it. 905 01:03:31,462 --> 01:03:34,660 When I say it, I want it to be more than words. 906 01:03:34,733 --> 01:03:37,462 - You know? I want it to be... - Perfect. 907 01:03:39,570 --> 01:03:41,504 Exactly. 908 01:03:41,673 --> 01:03:44,402 - Okay, Albert. You ready? - No problemo. 909 01:03:49,648 --> 01:03:51,980 Come on, Heather. Work with me here. 910 01:03:57,488 --> 01:04:00,252 Goal, Ostreicher! 911 01:04:00,324 --> 01:04:04,022 - All right, Oz! - Atta boy, Ozzie! 912 01:04:04,094 --> 01:04:06,029 Whoo! Yeah, baby! 913 01:04:06,096 --> 01:04:08,725 - We're crushing you losers! - Let's go, fellas! 914 01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:10,825 Come on! Whoo-hoo! 915 01:04:17,174 --> 01:04:19,199 Focus on the music. Think melody. 916 01:04:19,276 --> 01:04:22,370 - Let the music be my guide. - That would be a start. 917 01:04:33,257 --> 01:04:35,055 Who's the man? Stifler! 918 01:04:38,362 --> 01:04:40,455 Huddle up, guys! Huddle up! 919 01:04:48,539 --> 01:04:51,976 Huddle up! Come on! Okay. 920 01:04:52,043 --> 01:04:53,943 All right, all right! 921 01:04:54,012 --> 01:04:56,241 - Good hustle, guys. - Good hustle. 922 01:04:56,313 --> 01:05:01,307 But you can still lose. You all saw what happened to Oz out there. 923 01:05:01,385 --> 01:05:06,584 I don't want to ever see any of you thinking you're gonna score. 924 01:05:06,658 --> 01:05:09,855 You don't score until you score. 925 01:05:09,928 --> 01:05:12,418 - Until you score. - That's right, baby! 926 01:05:12,496 --> 01:05:14,795 It all boils down to today. 927 01:05:14,866 --> 01:05:18,734 For you seniors, this marks the culmination... 928 01:05:18,803 --> 01:05:21,829 - of the past four years. - Culmination. 929 01:05:21,906 --> 01:05:26,535 I want you to think about what this means to you. 930 01:05:26,611 --> 01:05:29,739 Do you guys wanna look back on your days at East... 931 01:05:29,814 --> 01:05:33,476 and know that you used the time you had? 932 01:05:33,550 --> 01:05:36,246 - Hell, yeah! - You do! 933 01:05:38,155 --> 01:05:41,522 - Ah! Good attitude, Ostreicher. - Good luck, fellas. 934 01:05:41,592 --> 01:05:45,084 Christ, I didn't tell ya to leave the game. 935 01:05:45,162 --> 01:05:47,130 I'm sorry, Coach. 936 01:05:47,197 --> 01:05:50,189 You got someplace more important to be, Ostreicher? 937 01:05:50,267 --> 01:05:52,531 Yeah. 938 01:05:52,604 --> 01:05:54,765 Ostreicher! 939 01:05:55,707 --> 01:05:59,267 Oz? Fuckface? 940 01:05:59,343 --> 01:06:02,006 Ostreicher! 941 01:06:27,271 --> 01:06:29,866 - Hey, Oz! - Ozmeister! 942 01:06:29,941 --> 01:06:31,909 - Oh, great. - What about the game? 943 01:06:31,976 --> 01:06:35,070 - I'm not playing. - You're missing the game for us? 944 01:06:35,145 --> 01:06:38,342 No, I'm missing the game for you. 945 01:06:41,753 --> 01:06:45,483 - D-Does this mean I'm not gonna get to do the duet? - Albert, you suck. 946 01:06:50,662 --> 01:06:52,595 I don't think he's comin' back. 947 01:07:34,438 --> 01:07:36,771 Yeah, Oz! You fuckin' rule! 948 01:07:36,841 --> 01:07:39,468 - Fuckin' rule! - Yeah! 949 01:07:42,046 --> 01:07:44,343 Maybe the words aren't that important. 950 01:07:44,415 --> 01:07:46,646 It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know? 951 01:07:46,718 --> 01:07:48,811 Even if he can't say it, he does. 952 01:07:48,887 --> 01:07:52,823 And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's okay, 'cause he's a guy, right? 953 01:07:52,891 --> 01:07:55,484 - He's got a dick. He's a guy. - Right. 954 01:07:55,559 --> 01:07:57,493 Wait. Is this translation right? 955 01:07:57,561 --> 01:08:00,530 "Go home, bird teacher. I've had enough." 956 01:08:00,597 --> 01:08:03,566 I don't know. I got it from Kevin. 957 01:08:03,635 --> 01:08:07,195 - So, does it hurt? - What? 958 01:08:07,271 --> 01:08:09,968 You know... sex. Does it hurt? 959 01:08:10,041 --> 01:08:14,443 Yeah. I mean, the first time you do it, you know, it hurts. 960 01:08:14,511 --> 01:08:18,676 But then you, you do it again and again and again... 961 01:08:18,750 --> 01:08:21,981 It just starts to feel good. Really good. 962 01:08:22,053 --> 01:08:25,079 Okay, so say I don't do it. 963 01:08:25,155 --> 01:08:29,923 And then I go off to college. I might end up doing it with some random guy... 964 01:08:29,994 --> 01:08:33,725 - who totally turns out to be a jerk. - This is true. 965 01:08:33,798 --> 01:08:36,493 And I'll wish I would've done it with Kevin. 966 01:08:36,567 --> 01:08:38,832 So go do it with Kevin. 967 01:08:38,903 --> 01:08:41,963 - You think? - Yeah. You're... You're ready. 968 01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:46,373 - You're woman. Look at you. You're ready for sex. - You're right. 969 01:08:46,443 --> 01:08:48,844 - I know. - I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have sex. 970 01:08:48,913 --> 01:08:51,540 - Now. - And it's gonna be right, and it's gonna be just perfect. 971 01:08:51,616 --> 01:08:53,743 - Perfect sex. - Thanks, Jessica. 972 01:08:53,918 --> 01:08:56,317 Please. 973 01:08:56,386 --> 01:08:59,219 Kevin. 974 01:08:59,289 --> 01:09:01,348 Kevin. 975 01:09:02,927 --> 01:09:06,327 - I wanna have sex. - Now? 976 01:09:11,603 --> 01:09:13,662 Prom. 977 01:09:55,279 --> 01:09:57,771 You must be excited about the big night tonight. 978 01:09:57,815 --> 01:09:59,976 Thrilled. 979 01:10:00,051 --> 01:10:01,584 Who's the lucky girl? 980 01:10:01,620 --> 01:10:03,118 Who's the lucky girl? 981 01:10:03,186 --> 01:10:05,120 Michelle. 982 01:10:05,188 --> 01:10:08,282 - Michelle. - Yeah. 983 01:10:08,358 --> 01:10:12,522 - She must be very special. - Oh, she's special, all right. 984 01:10:12,596 --> 01:10:15,588 I'm sure she is special if you picked her out of the whole bunch. 985 01:10:18,302 --> 01:10:21,067 Jim, I'm just gonna say one thing... 986 01:10:21,138 --> 01:10:23,073 before you leave tonight. 987 01:10:24,709 --> 01:10:28,975 I want you to be very, very careful... 988 01:10:29,047 --> 01:10:31,675 when you're putting on... 989 01:10:31,749 --> 01:10:34,376 the corsage. 990 01:10:37,454 --> 01:10:39,388 Okay, Dad. 991 01:10:39,456 --> 01:10:41,857 - Promise me. - I promise. 992 01:11:52,063 --> 01:11:54,759 You know, at band camp we have dances like this, 993 01:11:54,832 --> 01:11:57,027 only they're way funner. 994 01:12:11,649 --> 01:12:14,914 All right, status check. Where do you guys stand? 995 01:12:14,986 --> 01:12:18,786 Finch, we know where you are, but can't really use that as an excuse. 996 01:12:18,856 --> 01:12:20,790 Jim? 997 01:12:20,858 --> 01:12:25,123 Uh, my date's a flute-toting band dork. Does that answer your question? 998 01:12:25,195 --> 01:12:28,632 Oz, is this vocal-jazz shit gonna pay off or what? 999 01:12:28,700 --> 01:12:31,463 Kevin, what's with the attitude? 1000 01:12:31,535 --> 01:12:34,470 Attitude? Me? 1001 01:12:34,538 --> 01:12:37,200 I think you guys should be a little more enthusiastic. 1002 01:12:37,274 --> 01:12:39,766 This is the night we've been waiting for. 1003 01:12:39,811 --> 01:12:41,938 We're in this together. You guys can't back out. 1004 01:12:42,013 --> 01:12:45,676 Kev, you don't need us to get laid. Are you afraid or something? 1005 01:12:45,750 --> 01:12:49,185 No. Come on. We made a pact. 1006 01:12:49,252 --> 01:12:52,689 You can't break that. You guys are gonna have to... 1007 01:12:52,757 --> 01:12:56,590 Have to what, Kev, huh? I don't have to do shit. 1008 01:12:56,661 --> 01:13:00,062 Forget it already. I am so sick and tired of all this bullshit pressure. 1009 01:13:00,130 --> 01:13:04,898 I've never even had sex, and already, I can't stand it. I hate sex! 1010 01:13:04,969 --> 01:13:07,938 And I'm not gonna stand around here busting my balls over something that, 1011 01:13:08,005 --> 01:13:10,370 quite frankly, isn't that damn important. 1012 01:13:10,440 --> 01:13:12,533 I'm gonna go hang out with that geek over there... 1013 01:13:12,610 --> 01:13:15,738 'cause at least she has something else to talk about besides sex. 1014 01:13:15,813 --> 01:13:17,747 Goddamn. 1015 01:13:19,784 --> 01:13:22,479 Yeah. 1016 01:13:22,552 --> 01:13:25,920 You know, at least I learned how to shit in school, buddy. 1017 01:13:25,990 --> 01:13:27,958 Hey, Finch. 1018 01:13:28,025 --> 01:13:30,755 - Wanna dance? - Yeah. 1019 01:13:36,133 --> 01:13:39,569 - How come you have no date? - I like to keep my options open. 1020 01:13:39,637 --> 01:13:41,570 I got something for you. 1021 01:13:43,473 --> 01:13:45,965 Consider it a consolation prize. 1022 01:13:49,046 --> 01:13:51,981 Jessica, this is great! Wow! 1023 01:13:52,049 --> 01:13:56,417 - Felt sorta guilty about taking your money. - You spent $200 on this? 1024 01:13:56,486 --> 01:13:59,684 No, I spent 50 on the flask, 150 on the earrings. 1025 01:14:01,826 --> 01:14:03,760 - These are, uh... - Let me just clarify... 1026 01:14:03,828 --> 01:14:08,264 - that you have no chance of scoring with me, Finch. - Of course not! 1027 01:14:08,331 --> 01:14:10,926 So I take it you and Sherman are pretty close, huh? 1028 01:14:11,002 --> 01:14:12,993 You met at that party a while back, right? 1029 01:14:13,070 --> 01:14:15,004 Yeah, we were up all night together. 1030 01:14:15,072 --> 01:14:18,165 We had one of those amazingly deep conversations... 1031 01:14:18,241 --> 01:14:21,233 where you feel like you really get to know someone. 1032 01:14:21,311 --> 01:14:24,611 Deep conversation, huh? 1033 01:14:24,682 --> 01:14:26,912 Is that what you call it? 1034 01:14:26,984 --> 01:14:28,952 What else would I call it? 1035 01:14:35,793 --> 01:14:37,727 Thank you, Great Falls. 1036 01:14:37,795 --> 01:14:40,787 We're gonna take a little break. You are beautiful. 1037 01:14:45,135 --> 01:14:47,070 You suck! 1038 01:14:49,974 --> 01:14:52,567 Excuse me, everyone. 1039 01:14:52,643 --> 01:14:54,804 Sorry to interrupt. 1040 01:14:54,879 --> 01:14:57,244 I just thought you all should know this. 1041 01:14:57,314 --> 01:14:59,977 Chuck Sherman is a liar. 1042 01:15:00,051 --> 01:15:02,348 I never had sex with him. 1043 01:15:02,419 --> 01:15:06,823 He's never had sex with anyone. I know this because he told me. 1044 01:15:06,891 --> 01:15:10,759 Once he tried to screw a grapefruit, but that's all. 1045 01:15:10,828 --> 01:15:14,160 Oh. He also told me that when he gets nervous, he sometimes wets his pants. 1046 01:15:14,231 --> 01:15:18,531 Thank you for your time. 1047 01:15:30,982 --> 01:15:34,246 - Guess what? - Not interested. 1048 01:15:34,317 --> 01:15:38,618 Kevin. Come on, man. The bus to Stifler's is gonna be here soon. 1049 01:15:38,689 --> 01:15:40,623 - I'm not going. - What? 1050 01:15:40,691 --> 01:15:44,251 Why not? 1051 01:15:44,327 --> 01:15:49,094 Look, things didn't really turn out how I wanted them to. 1052 01:15:49,165 --> 01:15:51,531 I mean, I don't even know what I'm doin'. 1053 01:15:51,601 --> 01:15:55,003 I-I'm acting like I've got everything together tonight. 1054 01:15:55,072 --> 01:15:58,769 I know that Vicky's gonna ask me if I love her, and... 1055 01:15:58,843 --> 01:16:00,777 I don't know what I'm gonna say. 1056 01:16:00,845 --> 01:16:02,813 I mean, I'm on the brink. 1057 01:16:02,880 --> 01:16:06,474 I'm just about to do it. I should be psyched. 1058 01:16:06,549 --> 01:16:10,646 I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe I am just scared. 1059 01:16:10,721 --> 01:16:14,782 Come on, Kev. Tonight is the night. 1060 01:16:14,859 --> 01:16:17,987 We-We are finally going to a post-prom party on the lake. 1061 01:16:18,062 --> 01:16:20,393 We have been waiting for this for four years. 1062 01:16:20,463 --> 01:16:23,557 Why else have we been friends with Stifler all this time, right? 1063 01:16:24,534 --> 01:16:26,935 We were friends with Stifler? 1064 01:16:27,004 --> 01:16:29,130 Hey, look. 1065 01:16:30,340 --> 01:16:33,071 Sherman didn't even get laid. 1066 01:16:33,143 --> 01:16:35,874 - He didn't? - No, he pissed himself. 1067 01:16:35,947 --> 01:16:38,107 What? 1068 01:16:39,784 --> 01:16:41,752 We'll tell you on the bus. 1069 01:16:41,819 --> 01:16:44,982 I'm gonna go inside and grab my bag. 1070 01:16:45,056 --> 01:16:47,580 My date too, perhaps? 1071 01:16:49,259 --> 01:16:51,420 Stifler's mom got it in the divorce. 1072 01:16:51,494 --> 01:16:53,428 That reminds me of this one time... 1073 01:16:53,496 --> 01:16:56,431 Hey, can I ask you a question? 1074 01:16:56,499 --> 01:16:59,161 How come you don't have any stories? I've got lots of them, 1075 01:16:59,235 --> 01:17:01,430 and you don't have any. 1076 01:17:01,504 --> 01:17:04,702 Oh, I've got stories. Believe me. They're just, uh... 1077 01:17:04,775 --> 01:17:07,538 They're just a little more risque than tales of band camp. 1078 01:17:07,611 --> 01:17:12,172 Are they gross or something? Like guy stuff? Tell me! 1079 01:17:12,248 --> 01:17:14,182 Okay. You want a story? 1080 01:17:14,250 --> 01:17:16,845 Here's a story. Stifler finds this beer... 1081 01:17:20,024 --> 01:17:24,323 - This is the nicest room in the house. - Kev, it's perfect. 1082 01:17:35,138 --> 01:17:38,802 You guys are gonna fuck, aren't ya? 1083 01:17:38,876 --> 01:17:41,469 Fuckers! Fuckers, fuckers! 1084 01:17:41,544 --> 01:17:43,809 Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers! 1085 01:17:45,215 --> 01:17:47,810 - Out. - Aw, come on! 1086 01:17:47,885 --> 01:17:50,318 - Get out. - Aw, man! 1087 01:18:08,371 --> 01:18:10,396 There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Heather. 1088 01:18:10,473 --> 01:18:12,806 What's that? 1089 01:18:12,877 --> 01:18:15,174 It's gonna sound really bad, but, uh, 1090 01:18:15,245 --> 01:18:17,874 I want you to know. 1091 01:18:17,948 --> 01:18:20,644 You see, uh, 1092 01:18:20,718 --> 01:18:24,984 I'm a virgin, and, uh... 1093 01:18:25,056 --> 01:18:27,718 Well, me, Kevin, Jim and Finch were... 1094 01:18:27,792 --> 01:18:30,521 We all made this pact... 1095 01:18:30,593 --> 01:18:33,426 that we would lose our virginity... 1096 01:18:33,496 --> 01:18:35,555 before high school was over, 1097 01:18:35,633 --> 01:18:38,693 and tonight is supposed to be the night that we all do it. 1098 01:18:40,704 --> 01:18:42,797 This isn't the best way to proposition me. 1099 01:18:42,873 --> 01:18:45,671 No, that's... That's not what I mean. 1100 01:18:45,743 --> 01:18:48,940 W- What I mean is, uh... 1101 01:18:49,013 --> 01:18:51,777 Look, do you know what made me leave that game? 1102 01:18:51,849 --> 01:18:55,876 See, Coach, he was givin' us this speech about... 1103 01:18:55,953 --> 01:18:58,649 not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score... 1104 01:18:58,722 --> 01:19:00,781 This isn't any better, Chris. 1105 01:19:00,858 --> 01:19:02,951 No, you see... You see, Heather, 1106 01:19:03,027 --> 01:19:05,460 what I realized is that... 1107 01:19:05,528 --> 01:19:10,431 with you, it's... not like I'm running towards a goal... 1108 01:19:10,500 --> 01:19:13,834 looking for the best way to score. 1109 01:19:13,904 --> 01:19:17,395 This may sound a little corny, but... 1110 01:19:17,474 --> 01:19:19,705 I feel like I've already won. 1111 01:19:22,245 --> 01:19:26,649 And, uh, I care about you a lot. 1112 01:19:27,852 --> 01:19:30,149 Oz, I know. 1113 01:19:31,354 --> 01:19:34,688 - You called me Oz. - Well, yeah. 1114 01:19:34,758 --> 01:19:36,692 It's what your friends call you. 1115 01:19:36,760 --> 01:19:39,786 I mean, I feel like I'm one of your friends now. 1116 01:19:39,864 --> 01:19:43,630 And... your girlfriend? 1117 01:20:17,400 --> 01:20:19,334 Are ya lost? 1118 01:20:23,874 --> 01:20:26,741 You're Stifler's mom. Uh... 1119 01:20:26,810 --> 01:20:29,539 No, no, not lost. Just, um, 1120 01:20:29,613 --> 01:20:31,546 you know, taking the tour. 1121 01:20:34,051 --> 01:20:38,316 Hey, uh, thank you for letting us have this wonderful party. 1122 01:20:38,388 --> 01:20:40,823 As if there was an alternative in the matter. 1123 01:20:45,796 --> 01:20:48,195 So, you enjoying yourself? 1124 01:20:48,264 --> 01:20:51,723 I'm... three sheets to the wind, ma'am. 1125 01:20:51,802 --> 01:20:54,167 I'm so happy for you. 1126 01:20:54,237 --> 01:20:56,171 But it takes the edge off, doesn't it? 1127 01:20:58,174 --> 01:21:01,439 - Where's your little date tonight? - No date. It was... 1128 01:21:01,511 --> 01:21:03,912 It was a bathroom incident. 1129 01:21:03,981 --> 01:21:08,576 - Pardon me? - Never mind. 1130 01:21:12,355 --> 01:21:14,756 You have anything to drink? 1131 01:21:14,825 --> 01:21:16,759 I believe the kegs are upstairs. 1132 01:21:18,062 --> 01:21:20,586 That is what the cretins drink. 1133 01:21:20,664 --> 01:21:22,757 I'm talking about alcohol, liquor. 1134 01:21:22,833 --> 01:21:25,802 - The good stuff. - All right. 1135 01:21:27,437 --> 01:21:29,371 I got some scotch. 1136 01:21:29,439 --> 01:21:34,036 - Single malt? - Aged 18 years. 1137 01:21:34,110 --> 01:21:36,045 The way I like it. 1138 01:21:39,817 --> 01:21:42,047 Why don't you go grab a glass from the bar? 1139 01:21:44,454 --> 01:21:47,150 I think I should. 1140 01:21:47,223 --> 01:21:49,157 Allow me. 1141 01:21:50,794 --> 01:21:52,728 You know it's a bitchin' party. 1142 01:21:52,796 --> 01:21:55,286 The Stif-man always comes through in the clutch. 1143 01:21:58,769 --> 01:22:02,260 And then he just puked his brains out. 1144 01:22:02,338 --> 01:22:05,239 - That is a nasty story. - Yep, I told you. 1145 01:22:05,308 --> 01:22:07,469 Do you want to hear a nasty story of mine? 1146 01:22:07,543 --> 01:22:09,602 It's sort of sexual. 1147 01:22:11,547 --> 01:22:14,107 Yeah! Yeah, let's hear it. 1148 01:22:14,183 --> 01:22:18,985 Okay, well, this one time at band camp, we were playing this game. 1149 01:22:19,056 --> 01:22:22,719 I don't know if you know it, but it's called "Spin the Bottle." 1150 01:22:22,793 --> 01:22:26,661 And I had to kiss this guy named Mark Wander on the lips. 1151 01:22:26,730 --> 01:22:28,664 And-And he plays trombone... 1152 01:22:28,732 --> 01:22:31,165 So how do you want to be? 1153 01:22:31,234 --> 01:22:34,203 Like... how do you want to do it? 1154 01:22:35,471 --> 01:22:38,133 I don't know. How do you? 1155 01:22:38,207 --> 01:22:42,975 Like... normal style. The missionary position. 1156 01:22:44,682 --> 01:22:46,616 Okay. 1157 01:22:52,890 --> 01:22:55,017 Kev? 1158 01:22:55,091 --> 01:22:57,389 - Yeah? - I wanna hear you say it. 1159 01:22:57,460 --> 01:22:59,895 Okay. 1160 01:23:02,800 --> 01:23:05,064 Victoria, 1161 01:23:05,134 --> 01:23:07,069 I love you. 1162 01:23:08,839 --> 01:23:11,534 I love you. 1163 01:23:37,801 --> 01:23:40,031 - Oh. My hair. 1164 01:23:47,077 --> 01:23:49,510 You okay? 1165 01:23:49,579 --> 01:23:53,515 Yeah. Go slow. 1166 01:24:16,205 --> 01:24:19,140 So the end of the story is you... 1167 01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:21,301 had to kiss the guy for 20 seconds. 1168 01:24:21,377 --> 01:24:25,336 Yes! And he was such a dork. Everyone laughed at me... 1169 01:24:25,415 --> 01:24:29,545 - but I didn't care because it was so funny. - I get it. 1170 01:24:29,620 --> 01:24:33,385 And this one time at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy. 1171 01:24:33,456 --> 01:24:35,583 Hmm. 1172 01:24:35,659 --> 01:24:37,786 Excuse me? 1173 01:24:37,861 --> 01:24:40,590 What? You don't think I know how to get myself off? 1174 01:24:40,664 --> 01:24:44,099 Hell, that's what half of band camp is... Sex Ed. 1175 01:24:44,167 --> 01:24:47,295 So are we gonna screw soon, 'cause I'm gettin' kinda antsy. 1176 01:24:56,412 --> 01:24:58,608 This'll do. Whoo-hoo! 1177 01:25:00,116 --> 01:25:04,553 Ow! 1178 01:25:04,621 --> 01:25:06,851 Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. 1179 01:25:06,886 --> 01:25:09,082 Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. 1180 01:25:09,125 --> 01:25:11,617 I don't want you coming so damn early this time. 1181 01:25:13,864 --> 01:25:16,195 What makes you think that I would come early? 1182 01:25:16,265 --> 01:25:20,326 Come on. I saw you on the 'Net. Why do you think I accepted this date? 1183 01:25:20,403 --> 01:25:23,133 You're a sure thing. 1184 01:25:25,208 --> 01:25:28,042 Yes, I am. 1185 01:25:28,144 --> 01:25:32,809 So I said, "This is very obviously a Piero della Francesca." 1186 01:25:32,883 --> 01:25:35,681 Hmm. 1187 01:25:40,089 --> 01:25:45,892 So, uh, would you object if I said that you were quite striking? 1188 01:25:45,963 --> 01:25:50,900 Mr. Finch, are you trying to seduce me? 1189 01:25:50,968 --> 01:25:53,027 - Yes, ma'am, I am. 1190 01:26:05,448 --> 01:26:09,179 - Mmm, you're dead. 1191 01:26:47,624 --> 01:26:50,148 - I had no idea you'd be this good. - Neither did I. 1192 01:26:50,226 --> 01:26:52,251 Oh, Finchy. Finch. 1193 01:26:52,328 --> 01:26:55,229 - Oh, Stifler's mom, whoa! - Finchy! 1194 01:27:01,504 --> 01:27:04,530 Okay, let's go. 1195 01:27:04,608 --> 01:27:07,042 What's my name? Say my name, bitch! 1196 01:27:07,109 --> 01:27:09,270 Michelle, Michelle. 1197 01:27:10,881 --> 01:27:12,815 Oh, God. 1198 01:27:40,509 --> 01:27:42,443 That was a great night, huh? 1199 01:27:44,881 --> 01:27:46,815 Yeah. 1200 01:27:48,785 --> 01:27:51,811 I mean, I just can't believe we had our senior prom. 1201 01:27:51,888 --> 01:27:55,790 I know. It went by so fast. 1202 01:27:55,859 --> 01:27:58,486 Yeah, it did. 1203 01:27:58,561 --> 01:28:00,495 Kevin? 1204 01:28:05,234 --> 01:28:07,726 Next year with you going to Ann Arbor... 1205 01:28:07,804 --> 01:28:10,932 and me going to Ithaca, 1206 01:28:11,008 --> 01:28:14,135 it's not gonna work, is it? 1207 01:28:14,210 --> 01:28:16,235 No. Don't say that. 1208 01:28:16,312 --> 01:28:18,804 I mean, we could make it work. 1209 01:28:20,149 --> 01:28:22,778 - It'll be perfect. - No, Kevin. 1210 01:28:24,520 --> 01:28:26,955 - But... - See, that's what I've been realizing... 1211 01:28:27,024 --> 01:28:29,788 is that... nothing's perfect. 1212 01:28:29,860 --> 01:28:34,353 And you can't plan everything. 1213 01:28:34,430 --> 01:28:38,196 Well, I guess... you will be pretty far away. 1214 01:28:39,502 --> 01:28:42,528 And we'll be on our own, meeting new people. 1215 01:28:46,743 --> 01:28:48,711 Last night, though. 1216 01:28:52,415 --> 01:28:55,407 I wasn't lying. 1217 01:28:56,787 --> 01:28:58,721 I know. 1218 01:29:14,370 --> 01:29:17,829 She's gone. Wha... 1219 01:29:17,908 --> 01:29:19,967 Oh, my God. She used me. 1220 01:29:20,043 --> 01:29:21,977 I was used. 1221 01:29:23,947 --> 01:29:27,347 I was used. Cool! 1222 01:29:29,720 --> 01:29:31,654 What's this door locked... 1223 01:29:31,722 --> 01:29:33,656 Mom, where's... 1224 01:29:35,157 --> 01:29:39,423 - Mom? Shit-brick? - Hey, Stifler. 1225 01:29:45,101 --> 01:29:48,537 I just gotta say that women, 1226 01:29:48,605 --> 01:29:51,198 like a fine wine, only get better with age. 1227 01:29:52,843 --> 01:29:55,937 Of course, I have no basis for comparison, but, uh, 1228 01:29:56,012 --> 01:29:57,946 it was good. 1229 01:29:58,014 --> 01:30:00,504 So you almost made it, huh, Oz? 1230 01:30:00,549 --> 01:30:04,714 - I'll just say that we had a great night together. - Hang in there, buddy. 1231 01:30:04,788 --> 01:30:09,247 - You'll get there. - You know, guys, I think we're falling in love. 1232 01:30:09,325 --> 01:30:13,159 Wha... Wow. 1233 01:30:13,229 --> 01:30:15,755 That's great, man. That's awesome. 1234 01:30:17,033 --> 01:30:19,831 Y- You know what the coolest thing is, guys? 1235 01:30:19,903 --> 01:30:21,996 This. You know, right now. 1236 01:30:22,072 --> 01:30:25,803 It's true. I mean, after this, everything's gonna be different. 1237 01:30:25,876 --> 01:30:29,073 After... getting laid? 1238 01:30:29,145 --> 01:30:32,114 - After high school. - Here's to the next step. 1239 01:30:32,181 --> 01:30:35,777 - To the next step. - To the next step. - To the next step. 1240 01:31:26,002 --> 01:31:27,765 - Sweetheart? 91469

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