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1
00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:10,899
ZOE: All right, I
think it"s recording.
2
00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:13,119
MAN: Wait, I"m not ready yet.
Just be in the moment.
3
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,687
Just do what we normally
do when we have sex.
4
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,254
What do we normally do?
5
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:18,627
We just do it.
6
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,867
Shit, I"m sorry. Gosh!
7
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,023
Should I put my hair up?
8
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,958
Maybe we don"t have to kiss.
9
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,182
ZOE: Ow, ow, ow. Hey, ow, ow,
ow, you"re pulling my hair.
10
00:00:28,206 --> 00:00:29,788
No, the other hair.
11
00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,964
MAN: Okay, you"re
still fucking it up.
12
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:36,316
Jesus, God, don"t judge me.
This is very vulnerable.
13
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:38,473
Okay, we just need
to find a rhythm.
14
00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:43,062
Hey... Ow, ow, hey, you"re...
15
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,803
My head"s... Could
you pull me down?
16
00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:45,891
Here, here.
17
00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:47,675
No, don"t French kiss my neck,
18
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,242
just kiss my neck.
19
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,896
I don"t think that
this is happening.
20
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,053
Aren"t you supposed
to fake it, at least?
21
00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:58,535
Happy?
22
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,683
MAN: Habits define
exactly who we are.
23
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,382
They exhibit our
personalities, our behavior.
24
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:29,255
Routines regulate our
efficiency or inefficiency.
25
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,953
One"s habits affect their
perception of others
26
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:35,633
and most importantly, their
perception of themselves.
27
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:20,437
ZOE: It"s hot as balls here.
28
00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,506
CLAIRE: Hmm, global warming?
29
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,182
More like just Texas, you know?
30
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,185
You think when you get married we"re
still actually gonna do this?
31
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,100
Or are you gonna like spawn
and join the PTA and shit?
32
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:34,257
Oh, yeah, because that"s
totally who I am.
33
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,433
Minivan and all.
34
00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:54,949
No, but you"re a closet-normal
person, for sure.
35
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:56,037
I agree.
36
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,388
P.S., Lana seems happy... Mmm.
37
00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,606
In pictures.
38
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,869
In a very, like, contrived
way, of course.
39
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,437
Other people"s
happiness disturbs me.
40
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:05,786
You"re a hopeless romantic.
41
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,730
No, I just don"t understand
what the big deal is.
42
00:04:07,754 --> 00:04:10,791
Like, the marriage
thing, the baby thing.
43
00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,793
It"s like, not everybody's
version of normal.
44
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:15,535
Oh, please, you"re gonna
end up with like five.
45
00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,015
How long have you known me?
46
00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:18,886
Like a hundred years.
47
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,470
And have I ever once said that I
want to have a baby or a husband?
48
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:24,584
No, but to be fair, I"m,
like, drunk half the time.
49
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:29,332
This is just that whole turning
30 drama everybody talks about.
50
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:33,510
Just let it fall over you like
a warm blanket on a cold day.
51
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:35,686
I see your blanket, I twist
it, tie it in a knot,
52
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,253
hang myself with it,
53
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,732
and then I address
a note that says,
54
00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:39,931
"This is all your fault."
55
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,258
That"s a lot.
56
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,911
Are your eyes gonna go
cross like that, too?
57
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,135
I don"t know, I can"t really
predict how my eyes will be.
58
00:04:46,159 --> 00:04:47,519
But I"ll definitely
stare you down.
59
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,867
Zoe, are you serious?
60
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,174
Oh, hey, Jay, good morning.
61
00:05:29,198 --> 00:05:30,915
You"re practically
naked out here.
62
00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:33,004
I got kids inside.
You get that, right?
63
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,920
You know what? I can, like, get a
curtain from IKEA or something.
64
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,356
Zoe, as your landlord...
65
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,445
Whoa, actually, I own my house.
66
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,491
So, you"re not my landlord.
67
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:44,015
Yeah, and I own the ground
that it"s parked on.
68
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:45,973
I own this whole lawn.
69
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:48,411
But who really owns the ground?
70
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:51,327
You are two weeks behind
on rent this month.
71
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,806
I"m so sorry.
72
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:56,070
I need you to pay me
to use this ground.
73
00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:59,030
Hey, Jay, you know I can hear
the words you"re saying.
74
00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:01,206
You don"t also have to act
them out with your hands.
75
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,469
Excuse me if my expressions
are intimidating.
76
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,341
Because I need you to pay me.
77
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,085
Yeah, sure, we can talk
about this tomorrow.
78
00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:08,522
You know what? I"m actually
running a little late
79
00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:10,607
to a wedding, so... You
can pay me tomorrow.
80
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,783
You can hand me an envelope
of money tomorrow,
81
00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:16,134
or you can find a new place
to park your tiny home, okay?
82
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,377
Cool, great.
83
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,162
Wait, does it have to be cash?
84
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,549
This...
85
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,377
Could not have happened
to a nicer couple.
86
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,074
No, actually, it
totally could have.
87
00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:44,597
"Really goin" for it.
88
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,382
This is like pornographic.
89
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,209
Oh, Lana, is this it.
Is this it?
90
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:50,671
WOMAN: Oh, Peter. Should
I get my head lamp on?
91
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:54,172
Did she just cum? I
think the mom did.
92
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,565
Great job!
93
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,175
I just missed it.
94
00:06:57,199 --> 00:07:01,309
All right, thank you to every one
for being here on our big day.
95
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,834
We really appreciate all of you.
96
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:07,838
But now I"m gonna need
all the single ladies!
97
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:11,015
Get up here!
98
00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:14,148
Yeah, and it"s you.
99
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,586
You"re single, Sarah, by the way.
Now, you go up.
100
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,570
Yeah, but after what happened
at the last wedding,
101
00:07:18,594 --> 00:07:20,503
I"m just tryin' to
mind my P"s and Q's.
102
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,722
Uh-oh, I see you.
103
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:25,682
I see some single ladies
hiding out in the back there!
104
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,118
Zoe...
105
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,884
I know you"re single!
106
00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:34,734
WOMEN: Zoe! Zoe! Zoe!
107
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:37,631
Zoe. Come on up!
108
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,047
Get up here!
109
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,396
"I fuckin" hate myself.
110
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:48,052
If anyone gets in your
way, duck and hit.
111
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,924
Last wedding, I got arrested
because I hit somebody,
112
00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:52,341
I didn"t duck.
113
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,866
All right, let"s do this!
114
00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,088
One, two, three.
115
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,970
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]
116
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,208
Shit!
117
00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,911
No. Hold up.
118
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:06,347
We scheduled this.
119
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,306
It"s on the joint calendar.
120
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,395
Okay, well, you know.
121
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:13,311
Same time next week, that
bell goes off, I"m all yours.
122
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,139
You said that last week.
123
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:17,141
It"s been like three months.
124
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:18,969
Oh, God, okay, fine.
125
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,187
But can you be quick?
126
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:21,491
I have a meeting in the morning.
127
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,127
Oh, my God!
128
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,825
The condo"s going up next door!
129
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:52,306
I have reported them multiple
times for working after 9:00...
130
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,787
Just forget about it.
131
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:57,224
Zone out.
132
00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:58,728
All we need is right here.
133
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,296
Okay. Okay.
134
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,015
I"m zoning out.
135
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,257
Zone it out.
136
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:11,543
I swear if one more artisanal
cupcake shop goes on our block,
137
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,154
I"m gonna lose my goddamn mind.
138
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:15,527
I"m...
139
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:20,054
I"m sorry, I can't. I just...
I can"t.
140
00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:23,971
Maybe you should have an affair.
141
00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:38,352
Reaganomics, higher
taxes, school prayer.
142
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:41,529
Is this the 2000 Convention?
Yep.
143
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,357
Where did you get this on Blu
144
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:47,603
YouTube, and then I had my IT
guy at work burn it for you.
145
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:58,266
Honey, just let me
see this one part.
146
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,995
You know, Lana told me that you
don"t have a lot of customers.
147
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:14,693
So I just want to support
another business.
148
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:18,436
Oh, well, that was
nice of her, I guess.
149
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:21,526
I actually own Forbidden
Fruit down the street.
150
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,049
Oh, the sex shop.
151
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:24,877
Adult marketplace. Oh.
152
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:28,272
People have told me they never
quite seen anything like my vagina
153
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:31,516
and I choose to take
that as a compliment.
154
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,583
Whoo, I lost my
visor on that one!
155
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,108
That was a good one.
Very satisfying.
156
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,458
Oh, yeah, you feel good? Yeah.
157
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:44,244
I"m just in that state of mind
where I"m like, full bush!
158
00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:45,942
I go out in my
bathing suit like,
159
00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:48,858
I"ve had a couple children
point at it and say,
160
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,642
"What"s that, Mom?"
161
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,862
Oh, my God!
162
00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:56,237
I think I"m dying.
My pussy is on fire!
163
00:11:57,542 --> 00:12:00,347
I am gonna titty punch you!
Okay.
164
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:03,133
Zoe, do you want to
just come over here
165
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,985
and hold me for a second?
166
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,268
MAN: Ms. Crandle, I"m so sorry.
167
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,270
But we"re gonna have to
reject your application
168
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,403
for a small-business loan today.
169
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,839
Darn. But I can offer you
170
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:16,189
one of these fantastic
drink koozies.
171
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:17,538
Compliments of the bank.
172
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,193
Oh, great, yes. Because
the drink koozy
173
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:22,369
is really gonna take the
edge off the complete
174
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,849
and total destruction
of my life.
175
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,633
Maybe you can try
someplace else?
176
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:28,201
Maybe you have some
friends or family?
177
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,271
What about your parents?
178
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:20,688
CLAIRE: If he"s cheating on me,
I need to step my game up.
179
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,647
I have been watching
only PornTube,
180
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,736
like, literally all the time.
181
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,477
Oh, I really like
PornTube, you know?
182
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,740
There"s something
very Warhol about it.
183
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:30,133
Yeah, right?
184
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:33,353
I mean, a babysitter anal
series is like super artsy.
185
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:37,793
Okay, Claire, why don"t
you just end it?
186
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,491
Okay, I found someone.
187
00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:42,319
Someone who"s great on paper
188
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,408
and looks good next
to me in pictures.
189
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:47,043
Someone who wants to marry me
even though I"m, you know,
190
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,762
me and everything.
191
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,919
Right? When you love
someone, you fight for it.
192
00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:56,009
Even if it feels wrong.
193
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:04,645
JANE: It"s beautiful, right?
194
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:08,258
I mean, it will be when
we put it on a dimmer.
195
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:09,868
Are we looking at the
same thing here?
196
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,565
Don"t do this.
197
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:14,133
Jane, I can"t even
walk under it.
198
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,832
I"m gonna smash into
this thing one day.
199
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,313
This thing is set
up for me to lose.
200
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:23,316
Have you noticed that it"s
getting harder and harder
201
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,212
to walk around our house?
202
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:28,495
Yeah, well, have you noticed,
203
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:31,150
since we"re, you know,
spit-balling here,
204
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,457
that the towels in the
bathroom are always a mess?
205
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,894
No. You have a towel thing.
206
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,375
I have a towel thing? Yes,
you have a towel thing.
207
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:40,768
The hand towels are always askew
208
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,403
and it drives me
up a fucking wall.
209
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:43,752
Okay.
210
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:49,734
Okay, no more askew
towels, got it.
211
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,911
Have you given any thought to
what I said the other night?
212
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,696
What? Having an affair.
213
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,394
No.
214
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,699
Maybe I"m not joking.
215
00:14:58,723 --> 00:14:59,918
People do that, right?
216
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:03,095
They open up the
marriage to save it?
217
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:05,315
I don"t know, maybe we
could be those people.
218
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:07,839
Yeah, I don"t wanna be
those kind of people.
219
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:12,650
I wanna be the kind of
person that"s just for you.
220
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,176
Mmm.
221
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,442
Oh, my God!
222
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,430
Don "t fuck him, he" s a client.
223
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,702
ZOE: Do you want any
help with that?
224
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,942
No, I think I got it.
225
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,293
Just let me know if it"s even.
226
00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:41,036
It"s even just pull it
tight, much tighter.
227
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,428
The weather in Texas
changes a lot.
228
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:44,343
You don"t want anybody
to miss this.
229
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:45,412
How"s that?
230
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,503
Ah, perfect.
231
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,375
It"s a little on the nose.
232
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:56,964
Yeah, I was going
for simple and sad.
233
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,268
Oh, well, I think you nailed it.
234
00:17:58,292 --> 00:17:59,445
Yeah, I feel good about it.
235
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,187
You want to come in?
236
00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:04,581
I mean, if you"re open.
237
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,997
We"re open now.
238
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,890
I can"t believe this
place is closing.
239
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,718
You know, I love Paul"s Picks?
240
00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:15,374
Paul does have exquisite taste.
241
00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:17,420
You"re Paul, aren't you?
Paul, nice to meet you.
242
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,663
Hi, I"m Zoe. Hi, Zoe.
243
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,035
So are these alphabetized or...
244
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,993
I sort of have my
own system going.
245
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,300
I"ve seen pretty much
every film here.
246
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,346
So it forces people
to ask me questions.
247
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,285
Which is nice, because
I get a little lonely.
248
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,786
Well, not to sound
like a stalker.
249
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:38,136
But I saw you all alone
250
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,660
at Lana"s super boring wedding.
251
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:43,446
Yeah, I was with my wife.
252
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:48,581
She was in the Delta
Gamma thing with her.
253
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:49,887
Were you in that?
254
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:52,194
No, no, I"m not a joiner.
255
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,761
I majored in
ass-sitting college,
256
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,286
and by college, I
mean, I did not go.
257
00:18:57,310 --> 00:19:00,593
Hmm. I did. Majored
in philosophy.
258
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:03,770
Hmm. And now I have all of this.
259
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,250
For not that much longer.
260
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:06,904
Hey, don"t be so
hard on yourself.
261
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,514
It"s not your fault,
it"s the economy
262
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,777
and you know all that
crap I fall asleep to
263
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:13,867
while listening to CNN. Mmm.
264
00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:16,348
Well, I got a few more
months on my lease.
265
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,308
I figure, why not
revel in my failure?
266
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:22,789
That"s a good plan, Paul.
267
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:24,922
I do that, like, all the time.
268
00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:26,252
So, welcome to the club.
269
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,795
Thanks.
270
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:31,494
I own the waxing business
across the street.
271
00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,149
So if you ever need any detail
work on your bikini line...
272
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,063
Yeah, I might take
you up on that.
273
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,369
Cool. It"s a mess down there.
274
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,807
Well, it was nice
to meet you, Paul.
275
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:43,462
You, too, Zoe. So,
I"ll see you later.
276
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:46,596
Fuck, who put that there?
277
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,622
I did. There.
278
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,059
Bye, Zoe.
279
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:54,584
Bye, Paul.
280
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,963
So how do you know that
Jim"s gonna be here?
281
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:08,705
I"ve traced all of his credit
card receipts back to this place,
282
00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:10,315
he"s here every Tuesday at noon.
283
00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:13,057
You"re such a psychopath.
Whatever.
284
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:14,754
Oh, my God. I see
him, I see him,
285
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:17,148
Oh, my God, was he with anyone?
I don"t know, I panicked.
286
00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:18,671
We need to get closer.
287
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,238
You know some people go to
lunch just to have lunch?
288
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,382
Well, we"re not some people
and I need you to walk by.
289
00:20:22,406 --> 00:20:23,720
I don"t want to.
290
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,833
Zoe, I need you to walk by.
291
00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:44,610
To-go containers.
292
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:45,722
You ready to go?
293
00:20:46,309 --> 00:20:47,309
Wanna get a drink?
294
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,919
It"s noon, I have to work.
295
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:49,943
So?
296
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:56,231
He"s not cheating on me, right?
297
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,668
No. No, right?
298
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:00,235
No way.
299
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,976
I mean, there aren"t even
enough hours in the day.
300
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,109
Yeah, who has the time for that?
301
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:06,937
You know what I realized?
302
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:08,808
I want to find a soulmate.
303
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,897
But my house is only big
enough for one person.
304
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,509
Hmm. Unless they
get on top of me.
305
00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:16,076
So then, I guess, like, you
can fit more people in there
306
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,600
if somebody gets on top of them.
307
00:21:17,624 --> 00:21:20,037
And you could just, like,
keep stacking people.
308
00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:22,692
So, the ceiling"s the limit.
309
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:26,173
Unless you built a sunroof.
Yeah.
310
00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:29,699
Okay, so he"s definitely
not cheating on me, right?
311
00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:31,048
I have nothing to worry about.
312
00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:33,833
Not a thing to worry about.
313
00:21:33,857 --> 00:21:35,772
Definitely not. Uh-uh.
314
00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:40,342
I mean, unless he is.
315
00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:44,322
So, we"re seriously doing this?
316
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,150
We"re going through
your fiance"s trash
317
00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:47,456
in the middle of the night?
318
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,022
Okay, when a man enters you,
319
00:21:49,046 --> 00:21:51,373
you have a right to his garbage.
320
00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:53,157
You know what? I"m going in.
321
00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:54,811
What? No.
322
00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:56,856
No, that"s breaking
and entering.
323
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,989
I"m not breaking,
I"m just entering.
324
00:21:59,013 --> 00:22:00,928
Wait, Claire!
325
00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:05,387
Claire!
326
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:06,411
Claire!
327
00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:13,569
Why are we searching
the kitchen?
328
00:22:13,593 --> 00:22:16,422
Because it is the last place
anyone would think to look.
329
00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:20,097
I don"t know, clean
people don"t cheat.
330
00:22:20,121 --> 00:22:21,751
His maid comes twice a week.
331
00:22:21,775 --> 00:22:24,580
Maybe he"s fucking her.
332
00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:25,844
Hey, that"d be kinda brilliant.
333
00:22:25,868 --> 00:22:27,626
She could just clean
up afterward.
334
00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,348
Ugh, that"s not funny.
335
00:22:31,959 --> 00:22:33,806
Wait, are you
sniffing his clothes?
336
00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:36,722
Well, if I don"t sniff for vanilla
musk and scan for body glitter,
337
00:22:36,746 --> 00:22:39,116
how do I know if he"s
been to a strip club?
338
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,750
I"ll allow it. Thank you.
339
00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:49,542
Oh, things just got weird.
340
00:22:51,718 --> 00:22:53,913
Oh, my God, Zoe,
take off the mask.
341
00:22:53,937 --> 00:22:56,176
Zoe, take off the mask!
342
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,333
Zoe, take off the fucking mask!
343
00:22:59,508 --> 00:23:00,944
Oh, my God.
344
00:23:01,684 --> 00:23:02,772
Oh.
345
00:23:14,349 --> 00:23:16,264
All right, Nate. Nate, stop.
346
00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:19,243
Stop. Stay.
347
00:23:19,267 --> 00:23:21,724
Look, buddy, it
would be so awesome
348
00:23:21,748 --> 00:23:24,030
if you would just
stop the dog thing.
349
00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:26,032
Because you"re not
a dog, Nathan.
350
00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:28,624
You"re a kid, and
you"re a great kid.
351
00:23:29,364 --> 00:23:30,713
So, what do you say?
352
00:23:32,715 --> 00:23:35,675
Stand up and walk on
your own two feet?
353
00:23:39,069 --> 00:23:40,525
He bit me, dude.
354
00:23:40,549 --> 00:23:42,159
I know, but he"s so cute.
355
00:23:43,204 --> 00:23:44,703
We make awesome kids.
356
00:23:44,727 --> 00:23:46,773
I mean, they"re weird
as shit, but awesome.
357
00:23:48,992 --> 00:23:51,101
So, listen, I was thinking...
358
00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:53,867
The affair thing,
is that still a go?
359
00:23:56,696 --> 00:23:58,088
Yeah, totally.
360
00:24:00,569 --> 00:24:02,489
Should I let you know when...
No, I don"t want to
361
00:24:02,513 --> 00:24:03,766
hear details or anything.
362
00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:04,790
Cool.
363
00:24:07,794 --> 00:24:09,206
Hey, guys...
364
00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,110
Not in the street. Hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
365
00:24:11,134 --> 00:24:12,165
Get your brother.
366
00:24:12,189 --> 00:24:13,558
Just stop him.
367
00:24:13,582 --> 00:24:15,062
Come here. Come here, boy.
368
00:24:25,986 --> 00:24:27,442
Whoa, wax your bush.
369
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:28,660
Wax your bush.
370
00:24:28,684 --> 00:24:30,084
Try out the wax
studio, right there.
371
00:24:30,108 --> 00:24:31,968
Hello, your wife looks
like she needs a wax.
372
00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,839
Sir, sir, sorry.
373
00:24:33,863 --> 00:24:35,014
It"s a little...
374
00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:36,320
You wanna wax your bush?
375
00:24:36,344 --> 00:24:37,887
Wax your bush.
376
00:24:37,911 --> 00:24:38,931
Wax your bush.
377
00:24:38,955 --> 00:24:40,106
Wax your bush. Thank you.
378
00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:41,697
Wait, hey!
379
00:24:44,178 --> 00:24:45,677
Hey, Zoe.
380
00:24:45,701 --> 00:24:47,861
Hey this is not working. I
am fucked right now, Claire.
381
00:24:47,885 --> 00:24:48,854
CLAIRE: What"s up?
382
00:24:48,878 --> 00:24:50,247
I"m just scaring people away.
383
00:24:50,271 --> 00:24:51,901
Nobody gets the double entendre.
384
00:24:51,925 --> 00:24:55,818
Oh, you just said "double
entendre" and now I am worried.
385
00:24:55,842 --> 00:24:58,951
Just pour yourself a
vodka soda and know that
386
00:24:58,975 --> 00:25:01,737
if you build it, they"ll come.
387
00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:02,892
They should.
388
00:25:07,288 --> 00:25:08,439
PAUL: Hey.
389
00:25:08,463 --> 00:25:09,463
Hey.
390
00:25:09,812 --> 00:25:11,442
Oh, hey.
391
00:25:11,466 --> 00:25:12,815
Nice double entendre.
392
00:25:13,686 --> 00:25:15,272
Thank you.
393
00:25:15,296 --> 00:25:16,926
You doing okay? You
look a little...
394
00:25:16,950 --> 00:25:17,927
Yeah, no, I"m good.
395
00:25:17,951 --> 00:25:20,364
I"m really... Really good.
396
00:25:20,388 --> 00:25:22,235
Yeah. Why, do I not look okay?
397
00:25:22,259 --> 00:25:23,889
No, you look hot.
398
00:25:23,913 --> 00:25:25,175
Double entendre.
399
00:25:27,308 --> 00:25:28,590
What are you doing right now?
400
00:25:28,614 --> 00:25:31,244
Oh, you know, I"m...
401
00:25:31,268 --> 00:25:33,725
Just probably gonna jump
off a bridge or something.
402
00:25:33,749 --> 00:25:36,336
Yeah, you gotta get outta
politics, it"s killing you.
403
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,754
Come on.
404
00:25:52,246 --> 00:25:54,901
Can I buy you a drink?
405
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:59,664
Um, nope, I have
a drink already.
406
00:25:59,688 --> 00:26:01,361
What is your name?
407
00:26:01,385 --> 00:26:02,493
Are we allowed to do names?
408
00:26:02,517 --> 00:26:03,797
I thought we weren"t
doing names.
409
00:26:03,821 --> 00:26:07,106
You can make one
up, if you"d like.
410
00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:09,848
Oh, okay. Um...
411
00:26:09,872 --> 00:26:12,658
Great, I didn"t really give
that any advanced thought.
412
00:26:13,963 --> 00:26:16,028
Um, Allison.
413
00:26:16,052 --> 00:26:18,228
No, I hate Allison,
she is a total...
414
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,188
Melania.
415
00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:25,777
That is also equally vile.
416
00:26:25,801 --> 00:26:26,846
Um...
417
00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:29,651
Lola?
418
00:26:29,675 --> 00:26:32,001
That"s cute... No, that"s
trying too hard, isn"t it?
419
00:26:32,025 --> 00:26:33,069
Nice to meet you, Lola.
420
00:26:35,419 --> 00:26:37,615
Wow, you"re really getting
into that hand, aren"t you?
421
00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:39,095
No, no, no.
422
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,817
Uh, sorry, I"m just not into...
423
00:26:42,688 --> 00:26:44,515
Public displays of affection.
424
00:26:47,170 --> 00:26:49,322
So, how do we...
How do we do this?
425
00:26:49,346 --> 00:26:51,218
You tell me what you like.
426
00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:56,199
Okay. Um...
427
00:26:56,223 --> 00:27:01,010
Well, I like C-SPAN,
I like to workout,
428
00:27:02,708 --> 00:27:04,555
I like watching
people hoard on TV.
429
00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:06,625
Okay, how "bout I
figure this out?"
430
00:27:10,846 --> 00:27:11,846
Um...
431
00:27:14,110 --> 00:27:15,435
You don"t...
432
00:27:15,459 --> 00:27:17,723
You don"t have any
cold sores, do you?
433
00:27:18,332 --> 00:27:19,463
No.
434
00:27:20,073 --> 00:27:21,659
Okay.
435
00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:25,097
It"s just that like, 85% of
the population has herpes.
436
00:27:25,121 --> 00:27:27,447
So it"s a valid question.
437
00:27:27,471 --> 00:27:30,605
Um, I would really prefer
not to take off my clothes.
438
00:27:31,911 --> 00:27:33,782
Okay.
439
00:27:37,090 --> 00:27:40,528
I"m sorry, I"ve never been with
anyone besides my husband.
440
00:27:52,148 --> 00:27:56,128
I just thought I might
take you to a movie,
441
00:27:56,152 --> 00:27:57,434
if that"s all right.
442
00:27:57,458 --> 00:27:58,827
What do you think?
443
00:27:58,851 --> 00:28:01,525
Wow, did you set this
all up yourself?
444
00:28:01,549 --> 00:28:03,701
Yeah, I"m not so
great at sleeping.
445
00:28:03,725 --> 00:28:05,877
So I just come up
here and hang out.
446
00:28:05,901 --> 00:28:07,792
It"s like I have my own
personal drive-in.
447
00:28:07,816 --> 00:28:10,969
Yeah, at night I stay
up making mixed CDs.
448
00:28:10,993 --> 00:28:13,033
I mean, I guess they"re
called playlists now, but...
449
00:28:13,057 --> 00:28:14,581
Dude, you do realize
that mixed CDs
450
00:28:14,605 --> 00:28:16,105
are like a lost art form, right?
451
00:28:16,129 --> 00:28:17,280
Yeah.
452
00:28:17,304 --> 00:28:19,238
Yeah, every girl I
liked in high school
453
00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:21,327
would get these, like,
heart-wrenching,
454
00:28:21,351 --> 00:28:23,765
80s hair band, power
ballad mixes.
455
00:28:23,789 --> 00:28:26,376
Oh, no, Paul, you"re
a hair band guy?
456
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,639
Sorry, yes.
457
00:28:28,663 --> 00:28:32,512
That is both very lame and
kinda, sorta awesome.
458
00:28:32,536 --> 00:28:33,862
Thank you.
459
00:28:33,886 --> 00:28:38,064
Wow, I sleep up here more
than I care to admit.
460
00:28:41,676 --> 00:28:43,785
Can I ask you something?
461
00:28:43,809 --> 00:28:46,570
Whoo, I hate questions
that start with that.
462
00:28:46,594 --> 00:28:48,006
But, sure.
463
00:28:48,030 --> 00:28:51,488
Why were you alone in
your car at the wedding?
464
00:28:51,512 --> 00:28:52,619
You know, when I...
465
00:28:52,643 --> 00:28:54,186
Got high and lit
yourself on fire?
466
00:28:54,210 --> 00:28:56,493
Okay, we don"t need
a play-by-play.
467
00:28:56,517 --> 00:28:59,433
I was, you know...
468
00:29:00,695 --> 00:29:02,586
I was giving my wife some space.
469
00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:05,937
Pretty sure she can"t
stand to be around me.
470
00:29:05,961 --> 00:29:07,417
We"re hardly ever having sex.
471
00:29:07,441 --> 00:29:09,462
And when we do, it
takes way too long.
472
00:29:09,486 --> 00:29:11,638
It"s kinda like that wedding
scene in The Deer Hunter.
473
00:29:11,662 --> 00:29:14,816
My every day is like the wedding
scene in The Deer Hunter.
474
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,993
I started listening to 7 Habits
of Highly Effective People
475
00:29:18,017 --> 00:29:20,735
on audio tape and it turns
out, I have none of them.
476
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,824
Yeah, it took Jane"s
parents bailing me out
477
00:29:22,848 --> 00:29:24,260
for, like, the hundredth time
478
00:29:24,284 --> 00:29:26,262
before I came to
that conclusion.
479
00:29:26,286 --> 00:29:28,743
Well, my parents have
been dead for 13 years.
480
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:31,528
So I can"t exactly
bother them for cash.
481
00:29:31,552 --> 00:29:34,183
They didn"t leave you some
huge trust fund or anything?
482
00:29:34,207 --> 00:29:35,967
A trust fund
483
00:29:35,991 --> 00:29:36,968
I don"t know.
484
00:29:36,992 --> 00:29:38,274
No, my parents were basically
485
00:29:38,298 --> 00:29:40,798
like the Bonnie and
Clyde of tax evasion.
486
00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:42,539
They opened up a bunch of
credit cards in my name,
487
00:29:42,563 --> 00:29:43,845
left me with all this debt.
488
00:29:43,869 --> 00:29:45,194
So yeah, they raised me but then
489
00:29:45,218 --> 00:29:46,543
somebody else sent me the bill.
490
00:29:46,567 --> 00:29:48,414
Well, how"d you then
open up a business
491
00:29:48,438 --> 00:29:49,459
and land on your feet?
492
00:29:49,483 --> 00:29:50,677
I worked a ton of jobs,
493
00:29:50,701 --> 00:29:52,767
I served a thousand
beers at Beer Land,
494
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,725
worked the door at Mohawk,
495
00:29:54,749 --> 00:29:57,206
temped, parked cars at a rodeo.
496
00:29:57,230 --> 00:30:00,122
I actually was the
cashier at the salon
497
00:30:00,146 --> 00:30:01,386
and then they were closing down
498
00:30:01,410 --> 00:30:04,387
and I got my license,
took over the lease,
499
00:30:04,411 --> 00:30:06,065
paid for itself for a while.
500
00:30:08,502 --> 00:30:10,045
What?
501
00:30:10,069 --> 00:30:13,681
I just... I find
you fascinating.
502
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,555
That"s a word.
503
00:30:19,426 --> 00:30:21,645
That is the F-word.
504
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:27,695
It must be horrible
to lose this.
505
00:30:29,349 --> 00:30:31,631
Yeah.
506
00:30:31,655 --> 00:30:34,093
It"ll probably be a condo
by the end of the month.
507
00:30:38,184 --> 00:30:40,839
You ready? Yeah.
508
00:30:55,201 --> 00:30:57,246
Hi.
509
00:31:03,818 --> 00:31:06,516
No.
510
00:31:29,365 --> 00:31:30,734
LANA: Zoe? Yeah?
511
00:31:30,758 --> 00:31:32,736
Zoe! Oh, hi!
512
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,392
Hi, I"m so happy you came!
513
00:31:36,416 --> 00:31:37,393
Of course.
514
00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:39,177
I have something for you.
515
00:31:39,201 --> 00:31:40,744
For me? Look!
516
00:31:40,768 --> 00:31:43,834
Oh, great! Do you want
to feel him kick?
517
00:31:43,858 --> 00:31:45,531
No. Come on.
518
00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:47,098
It is a joy. No.
519
00:31:47,122 --> 00:31:49,100
To feel him kick, I must say.
520
00:31:49,124 --> 00:31:51,146
No, no, I do not.
521
00:31:51,170 --> 00:31:52,147
No? I do not...
522
00:31:52,171 --> 00:31:55,324
Want to feel the kick.
523
00:31:55,348 --> 00:31:59,415
Fine, maybe we can put
your present over here
524
00:31:59,439 --> 00:32:02,722
along with the
non-registry gifts.
525
00:32:02,746 --> 00:32:06,465
It"s okay, all the single
people bring baskets.
526
00:32:06,489 --> 00:32:07,902
SARAH-BETH: Oh, Zoe! Hi!
527
00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,840
Brought you a juice.
Oh, thank you.
528
00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:11,775
Where"s the bar?
529
00:32:11,799 --> 00:32:14,299
Oh, there"s a juice
bar over there
530
00:32:14,323 --> 00:32:16,258
and an oxygen bar in the back.
531
00:32:16,282 --> 00:32:17,922
I don"t wanna take too
much because I have
532
00:32:17,946 --> 00:32:21,350
a roller derby match tonight,
and it"s my first one.
533
00:32:21,374 --> 00:32:22,694
I"m trying to come
up with a name.
534
00:32:22,718 --> 00:32:25,006
I was like, the
Penetrator, you know.
535
00:32:25,030 --> 00:32:27,486
Or like, Nipple Clamper LANA:
Oh, no, I don"t like that one.
536
00:32:27,510 --> 00:32:29,053
I want something aggressive.
537
00:32:29,077 --> 00:32:30,968
So there"s no alcohol?
No alcohol?
538
00:32:30,992 --> 00:32:33,623
No, Zoe, it"s 11:30
in the morning.
539
00:32:33,647 --> 00:32:36,147
Well, it"s past 10:00, you
know, all bets are off.
540
00:32:36,171 --> 00:32:39,629
You ever had a carbon
monoxide shot?
541
00:32:39,653 --> 00:32:42,458
You should go in the garage
and turn the car on.
542
00:32:42,482 --> 00:32:44,199
What? Yeah, all the
kids are doing it,
543
00:32:44,223 --> 00:32:46,183
don"t stay in there too
long "cause you could die.
544
00:32:46,207 --> 00:32:49,682
But just turn the car on
for like, 30 seconds.
545
00:32:49,706 --> 00:32:53,121
It"s the same effect as alcohol.
546
00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:55,079
Anyway, this is a great party.
547
00:32:55,103 --> 00:32:57,081
I love kids.
548
00:32:57,105 --> 00:32:58,953
All right, we"ll see
you at the oxygen bar.
549
00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:00,824
I"ll see you at the...
550
00:33:00,848 --> 00:33:03,416
I actually will just breathe the
air that"s right here, thank you.
551
00:33:06,723 --> 00:33:08,638
Don"t judge me, little kids.
552
00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:18,494
Well, hello, friend. Hello.
553
00:33:18,518 --> 00:33:21,497
Somebody that I know,
that is older than five.
554
00:33:21,521 --> 00:33:23,455
Hi! Hi.
555
00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:26,154
So what were you up to
before this horrific
556
00:33:26,178 --> 00:33:28,547
shoot-myself-in-the-face
baby shower?
557
00:33:28,571 --> 00:33:30,245
Ah, I was doing very
exciting things.
558
00:33:30,269 --> 00:33:33,074
I was blowing up balloons,
I was unstacking chairs.
559
00:33:33,098 --> 00:33:34,553
Hard labor, basically.
560
00:33:34,577 --> 00:33:35,815
Sounds like a blast.
561
00:33:35,839 --> 00:33:37,687
You have kids? Nah.
562
00:33:37,711 --> 00:33:39,210
Oh. Do I look like I have kids?
563
00:33:39,234 --> 00:33:41,062
No. Okay.
564
00:33:41,889 --> 00:33:42,997
Guess what? PAUL: Hmm?
565
00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:45,066
Your son is biting party guests.
566
00:33:46,111 --> 00:33:47,914
Our son thinks he"s a dog.
567
00:33:47,938 --> 00:33:49,264
It"s a phase.
568
00:33:49,288 --> 00:33:50,376
It"s a phase.
569
00:33:52,682 --> 00:33:55,096
Be right back. Thank you.
570
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,099
It"s actually a totally
normal, developmental stage.
571
00:33:58,123 --> 00:33:59,578
Oh, sure, yeah.
It actually means
572
00:33:59,602 --> 00:34:01,276
he has an above-average
imagination.
573
00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:02,712
So, maybe he"ll be an artist.
574
00:34:02,736 --> 00:34:03,930
I hope not.
575
00:34:03,954 --> 00:34:06,542
Well, I bark at
like half my dates.
576
00:34:06,566 --> 00:34:10,372
So, I totally understand.
577
00:34:10,396 --> 00:34:13,070
Yeah, don"t have kids,
that"s my tip for you.
578
00:34:13,094 --> 00:34:14,356
Way ahead of you.
579
00:34:15,096 --> 00:34:16,619
God, I hate myself.
580
00:34:19,970 --> 00:34:21,015
Hello.
581
00:34:22,756 --> 00:34:24,410
What "s y'all" s nameses?
582
00:34:26,151 --> 00:34:28,694
I see how this is going.
583
00:34:28,718 --> 00:34:31,045
You know the first boy that ever
broke my heart had red hair.
584
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:33,177
He ended up cutting off a lock of
his hair and mailing it to me.
585
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:34,841
I still have it in this
trunk at my house.
586
00:34:34,865 --> 00:34:36,093
I wonder what he"s doing?
587
00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:37,616
Do you guys have Facebook?
588
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:38,920
So which one of you do you think
589
00:34:38,944 --> 00:34:40,380
will lose your virginity first?
590
00:34:41,731 --> 00:34:42,993
It"s a fair question.
591
00:34:44,691 --> 00:34:45,842
June, Cam...
592
00:34:45,866 --> 00:34:48,366
Sorry, Cameron,
June, this is Zoe.
593
00:34:48,390 --> 00:34:50,262
Zoe, these are my girls.
594
00:34:50,958 --> 00:34:52,936
You have three kids.
595
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,222
That I do, Zoe.
596
00:34:55,049 --> 00:34:57,486
That I do.
597
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:08,236
What"s your name again? Sam.
598
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,093
I want to welcome
everybody to Oral 101.
599
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:23,009
I am Sarah-Beth and I suck!
600
00:35:23,033 --> 00:35:25,186
Seriously, Claire?
601
00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:27,013
What, I saw it on Groupon.
602
00:35:27,037 --> 00:35:29,668
You bought a dick-sucking
class on Groupon?
603
00:35:29,692 --> 00:35:33,281
So today you"re gonna
learn how to GBB,
604
00:35:33,305 --> 00:35:35,848
Give Better Blowjobs.
605
00:35:35,872 --> 00:35:37,312
You told me that
this was going to be
606
00:35:37,336 --> 00:35:39,591
a cooking exhibition to
make homemade Pop-Tarts.
607
00:35:39,615 --> 00:35:42,531
Surprise! Fuck you.
608
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,772
He won"t. What?
609
00:35:46,796 --> 00:35:47,904
Fuck me.
610
00:35:47,928 --> 00:35:52,561
And it is actually an
amazing exfoliant.
611
00:35:52,585 --> 00:35:55,085
My fiance won"t have sex with me
612
00:35:55,109 --> 00:35:57,609
unless I have Bush on my face.
613
00:35:57,633 --> 00:35:59,655
That"s what the masks were for?
614
00:35:59,679 --> 00:36:02,397
And just put it on
your face like this
615
00:36:02,421 --> 00:36:07,010
and I swear your face
has never been softer.
616
00:36:07,034 --> 00:36:10,013
So when you have the
penis in your mouth,
617
00:36:10,037 --> 00:36:11,754
you wanna treat it
like a pepper grinder.
618
00:36:11,778 --> 00:36:13,388
Now, twist it!
619
00:36:14,346 --> 00:36:15,584
Twist it!
620
00:36:15,608 --> 00:36:16,715
Put some pepper on it!
621
00:36:16,739 --> 00:36:18,630
It"s all in the wrist.
622
00:36:18,654 --> 00:36:19,849
That"s nice.
623
00:36:19,873 --> 00:36:23,157
Every penis has its
own personality.
624
00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:26,986
Some dicks are just
like a nice, simple guy
625
00:36:27,010 --> 00:36:28,901
that"s tellin' you he
likes your blouse.
626
00:36:28,925 --> 00:36:30,860
Other dicks are a little feisty.
627
00:36:30,884 --> 00:36:33,254
You can get a good sense of
what a dick"s gonna be like
628
00:36:33,278 --> 00:36:34,472
when you see it.
629
00:36:34,496 --> 00:36:35,995
If he"s all doin' this at first,
630
00:36:36,019 --> 00:36:38,911
you"re like, "Yeah,
that"s a feisty dick!"
631
00:36:38,935 --> 00:36:41,349
And there"s nothing a guy likes
632
00:36:41,373 --> 00:36:43,089
more than getting compliments.
633
00:36:43,113 --> 00:36:44,395
Okay, so watch this.
634
00:36:44,419 --> 00:36:47,703
You have the most beautiful eyes
635
00:36:47,727 --> 00:36:50,880
of anyone I have ever seen.
636
00:36:50,904 --> 00:36:53,622
So everybody, pick
your penises up.
637
00:36:53,646 --> 00:36:56,233
On the count of three
you"re gonna put the penis,
638
00:36:56,257 --> 00:36:58,061
cucumber, in your mouth.
639
00:36:58,085 --> 00:37:01,630
Okay, one, two, three.
640
00:37:01,654 --> 00:37:03,438
You"re so sexy.
641
00:37:04,265 --> 00:37:06,374
ZOE: You"re so loyal.
642
00:37:06,398 --> 00:37:08,095
SARAH-BETH: You"re so loyal?
643
00:37:09,096 --> 00:37:10,813
Good try. A for effort.
644
00:37:10,837 --> 00:37:12,336
But a guy does not want to hear
645
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,686
how he"s loyal in a blowjob.
646
00:37:14,710 --> 00:37:16,558
You need to say something like,
647
00:37:16,582 --> 00:37:20,344
"This is the biggest dick I
have ever put in my mouth.
648
00:37:20,368 --> 00:37:21,911
"It is so huge,
649
00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:24,740
"I"ve only thrown up
on you five times."
650
00:37:24,764 --> 00:37:26,089
All right, small mouth, come up.
651
00:37:26,113 --> 00:37:28,874
How does this keep
happening to me?
652
00:37:28,898 --> 00:37:31,529
Zoe, Zoe! Shh.
653
00:37:31,553 --> 00:37:33,575
Come over here, Zoe.
654
00:37:33,599 --> 00:37:35,122
All right, pull up your penis.
655
00:37:35,862 --> 00:37:37,231
There we go, okay.
656
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:40,669
So, just imagine a
penis just like,
657
00:37:40,693 --> 00:37:42,845
"Oh, my God, I love this.
658
00:37:42,869 --> 00:37:45,456
"Oh, I want to put my
wiener all over your face"
659
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,080
"and in your mouth,
put it in your nose,"
660
00:37:47,104 --> 00:37:48,984
"and in your eye, and in
your cheek, everywhere."
661
00:37:49,008 --> 00:37:50,562
"Just take it, just
take it, take it."
662
00:37:52,037 --> 00:37:54,117
SARAH-BETH: All right, that"s
one way to deal with it.
663
00:37:54,141 --> 00:37:56,012
Uh, I wouldn"t suggest...
664
00:37:57,362 --> 00:37:59,189
Breaking it in half.
665
00:38:08,721 --> 00:38:10,307
Hey, Jane!
666
00:38:10,331 --> 00:38:12,028
Well, hi, Nathan.
667
00:38:15,510 --> 00:38:18,228
Oh, sorry, he does
that to everyone.
668
00:38:18,252 --> 00:38:21,405
We didn"t see you at the Toddler
Meditation sailboat last week.
669
00:38:21,429 --> 00:38:23,886
You know Nathan would
just love that.
670
00:38:23,910 --> 00:38:25,350
I"m running a workshop
on how to make
671
00:38:25,374 --> 00:38:27,542
your own kale chips
this Thursday, okay?
672
00:38:27,566 --> 00:38:29,394
So, I"ll put you
on the list, okay?
673
00:38:29,872 --> 00:38:31,241
There you are!
674
00:38:31,265 --> 00:38:32,808
Jane, we were starting to think
675
00:38:32,832 --> 00:38:34,810
that you guys had moved away.
676
00:38:34,834 --> 00:38:36,942
You know I"m doing a Mothers
Against Litter sign up
677
00:38:36,966 --> 00:38:38,248
to clean up the park.
678
00:38:38,272 --> 00:38:39,771
Paul"s already on the list.
679
00:38:39,795 --> 00:38:41,860
He is really fantastic
with the kids.
680
00:38:41,884 --> 00:38:43,732
You are so lucky!
681
00:38:43,756 --> 00:38:46,628
[WOMEN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
682
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,251
What, you have to pee?
Okay, come on.
683
00:39:08,041 --> 00:39:10,498
Mom, we"re hungry. Dad,
can we have dinner?
684
00:39:10,522 --> 00:39:12,238
Yeah, I"ll order us a pizza.
685
00:39:12,262 --> 00:39:14,328
No, I can make
something in a minute.
686
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:15,527
Can you walk your brother?
687
00:39:23,926 --> 00:39:25,687
PAUL: Who is that?
688
00:39:25,711 --> 00:39:29,541
Lana, she"s really upset
about the pregnancy.
689
00:39:30,890 --> 00:39:32,563
You know, I should
go over there.
690
00:39:32,587 --> 00:39:34,284
Why don"t you order
that pizza thing?
691
00:39:34,981 --> 00:39:36,025
Okay.
692
00:40:12,366 --> 00:40:13,604
Hello?
693
00:40:13,628 --> 00:40:15,978
[WOMAN ON PHONE SPEAKING SOFTLY]
694
00:40:16,762 --> 00:40:18,024
Oh, my God.
695
00:40:18,503 --> 00:40:19,504
Okay.
696
00:40:20,548 --> 00:40:23,159
Yes. Thank you for calling.
697
00:40:24,857 --> 00:40:27,966
Ah, guys, the school called
698
00:40:27,990 --> 00:40:32,797
and it seems that
your class has lice.
699
00:40:32,821 --> 00:40:35,017
No, no, no, no, no.
700
00:40:35,041 --> 00:40:36,671
We don"t scream. Sit
down, sit down.
701
00:40:36,695 --> 00:40:38,020
I"m gonna take a look at you.
702
00:40:38,044 --> 00:40:40,109
Everyone just calm down.
703
00:40:40,133 --> 00:40:42,416
I"m sure everything is fine.
704
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,028
We"re just... You know, we"re
gonna deal with this, okay?
705
00:40:46,052 --> 00:40:48,378
The important thing
is we don"t...
706
00:40:48,402 --> 00:40:49,771
Oh, fuck!
707
00:40:49,795 --> 00:40:51,753
Oh, my God!
708
00:40:52,406 --> 00:40:53,644
Oh, my God.
709
00:40:53,668 --> 00:40:56,430
I"m sorry for using that word.
710
00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:57,866
It was knee-jerk.
711
00:40:57,890 --> 00:40:59,563
Uh...
712
00:40:59,587 --> 00:41:01,260
We"re gonna kill them all.
713
00:41:01,284 --> 00:41:02,416
Daddy"s gonna kill them all.
714
00:41:03,046 --> 00:41:04,046
We"ll be fine.
715
00:41:04,070 --> 00:41:05,526
You"ll be fine.
716
00:41:05,550 --> 00:41:06,725
We"ll be okay.
717
00:41:08,553 --> 00:41:10,076
Here we go.
718
00:41:10,859 --> 00:41:12,252
Here we go.
719
00:42:29,721 --> 00:42:30,939
MAN: What did I do?
720
00:42:33,289 --> 00:42:35,354
Nothing, you"re great.
721
00:42:35,378 --> 00:42:36,921
You"re great.
722
00:42:36,945 --> 00:42:39,948
It"s just something that
happens to me these days.
723
00:42:41,254 --> 00:42:42,536
I"m just obsessing.
724
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:43,928
I "m obsessing It" s okay.
725
00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:45,563
I"m obsessing. It"s okay.
726
00:42:54,659 --> 00:42:57,705
It"s just so hard to be alone.
727
00:42:59,620 --> 00:43:01,753
Especially when
you"re with someone.
728
00:43:05,495 --> 00:43:09,195
MAN: Uh... I can...
I can hold you.
729
00:43:12,198 --> 00:43:14,940
For an extra $200.
730
00:43:24,210 --> 00:43:26,386
Hey.
731
00:43:26,821 --> 00:43:28,059
Hey.
732
00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:29,763
Where you been? I called
you like 10 times.
733
00:43:30,216 --> 00:43:31,497
My phone died.
734
00:43:31,521 --> 00:43:34,263
Okay, don"t freak out.
735
00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:37,895
Maybe we should send
them to private school.
736
00:43:37,919 --> 00:43:40,463
You think lice don"t
infect spoiled rich kids?
737
00:43:40,487 --> 00:43:41,662
Probably not.
738
00:43:50,279 --> 00:43:51,803
Have you slept with anyone yet?
739
00:43:54,762 --> 00:43:56,000
You told me not to tell you.
740
00:43:56,024 --> 00:43:59,090
Yeah, no, I know, I"m
sorry, never mind.
741
00:43:59,114 --> 00:44:01,551
But no, I haven"t.
742
00:44:06,078 --> 00:44:07,078
Come here.
743
00:44:16,915 --> 00:44:18,003
I love you.
744
00:44:20,832 --> 00:44:21,832
I know.
745
00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:31,949
Okay, All right.
746
00:44:31,973 --> 00:44:33,298
Paul, stop. Why?
747
00:44:33,322 --> 00:44:35,387
Seriously, stop. What.
748
00:44:35,411 --> 00:44:37,413
We have to wash this out.
749
00:45:05,485 --> 00:45:07,071
All right, full disclosure.
750
00:45:07,095 --> 00:45:09,770
I pretty much survive on
food truck meals alone.
751
00:45:09,794 --> 00:45:12,250
So you"re talking to an expert here.
You can trust me.
752
00:45:12,274 --> 00:45:14,513
I trust you. Thank you.
753
00:45:14,537 --> 00:45:16,515
Do you realize how
badass these guys are?
754
00:45:16,539 --> 00:45:18,561
I mean, no one can
afford a lease anymore.
755
00:45:18,585 --> 00:45:21,477
So they"re like, "Screw it, we"re gonna
open a business on our own terms,
756
00:45:21,501 --> 00:45:25,263
"no one to answer to, and we get to
do what we love day in and day out."
757
00:45:25,287 --> 00:45:26,917
Plus, these tacos are no joke.
758
00:45:26,941 --> 00:45:29,311
Okay, well, you"re talking to
somebody with extraordinarily
759
00:45:29,335 --> 00:45:31,792
high taco standards,
just to be clear.
760
00:45:31,816 --> 00:45:33,184
Okay. I"m not easily impressed.
761
00:45:33,208 --> 00:45:36,405
Okay, so we"re meeting
in the same place here.
762
00:45:36,429 --> 00:45:38,755
Mmm-hmm. And...
763
00:45:38,779 --> 00:45:40,539
Close your eyes and
open your mouth.
764
00:45:40,563 --> 00:45:41,923
I"m not falling for
that one again.
765
00:45:41,947 --> 00:45:44,500
Come on, man, it"s
taco roulette.
766
00:45:44,524 --> 00:45:47,242
You gotta trust me, I have
honorable intentions, I swear.
767
00:45:47,266 --> 00:45:49,094
Okay. All right.
768
00:45:51,705 --> 00:45:53,204
This is very vulnerable for me.
769
00:45:53,228 --> 00:45:54,577
Shh.
770
00:45:55,448 --> 00:45:56,754
So your mouth is ready.
771
00:45:59,060 --> 00:46:01,280
Okay. It"s close, it's close.
772
00:46:05,023 --> 00:46:08,132
Okay, oh. Chew it down.
773
00:46:08,156 --> 00:46:10,047
This is really good.
It"s really good, right?
774
00:46:10,071 --> 00:46:11,266
Who knows his tacos?
775
00:46:11,290 --> 00:46:12,639
You know your tacos.
776
00:46:14,467 --> 00:46:16,208
Come on, there you got it.
777
00:46:20,995 --> 00:46:23,365
Well, I met somebody.
778
00:46:23,389 --> 00:46:27,717
Someone I actually like, and
he"s perfect, and he"s married.
779
00:46:27,741 --> 00:46:29,023
Unhappily.
780
00:46:29,047 --> 00:46:32,548
Well, that"s new and
better than happily.
781
00:46:32,572 --> 00:46:33,549
You know what your problem is?
782
00:46:33,573 --> 00:46:35,464
Um, yeah, which one?
783
00:46:35,488 --> 00:46:37,422
You see everyone around
you settling down
784
00:46:37,446 --> 00:46:40,425
and it makes you want to
rev up and give hand jobs
785
00:46:40,449 --> 00:46:42,166
to weird dudes in public.
786
00:46:42,190 --> 00:46:45,213
Wow, you really have a way of making
things sound worse than they are.
787
00:46:45,237 --> 00:46:47,998
Really? "Cause you're
sleeping with a married guy"
788
00:46:48,022 --> 00:46:50,182
and watching your business
fail right before your eyes.
789
00:46:50,206 --> 00:46:51,872
I haven"t actually
slept with him
790
00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:53,830
and what am I supposed
to do about my store?
791
00:46:53,854 --> 00:46:55,223
It"s out of my hands.
792
00:46:55,247 --> 00:46:57,573
I"m sorry, you haven"t
slept with him?
793
00:46:57,597 --> 00:46:59,705
Well, that"s different.
794
00:46:59,729 --> 00:47:01,055
Shut up.
795
00:47:01,079 --> 00:47:03,666
Look, if that"s what
you want, go for it.
796
00:47:03,690 --> 00:47:05,146
If the store is what you want,
797
00:47:05,170 --> 00:47:06,887
stop being complacent, okay?
798
00:47:06,911 --> 00:47:08,366
We"ll figure something out.
799
00:47:08,390 --> 00:47:09,672
Or we"ll die.
800
00:47:09,696 --> 00:47:12,394
But either way, it"s
gonna be over soon.
801
00:47:13,221 --> 00:47:14,416
I"ll drink to that.
802
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:15,876
Cheers.
803
00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,987
I"m kinda getting
high from the fumes.
804
00:47:20,011 --> 00:47:21,447
That"s why we come here.
805
00:47:21,795 --> 00:47:22,795
Right.
806
00:47:24,276 --> 00:47:25,276
Paul?
807
00:47:31,370 --> 00:47:33,609
Hi. What are you doing here?
808
00:47:33,633 --> 00:47:34,566
You forgot your keys.
809
00:47:34,590 --> 00:47:36,220
What is this place?
810
00:47:36,244 --> 00:47:39,528
Ah, it"s just a place I hang
out sometimes, you know?
811
00:47:39,552 --> 00:47:40,727
Watch movies.
812
00:47:42,076 --> 00:47:43,076
You"re drinking?
813
00:47:44,383 --> 00:47:46,448
No, it"s a friend's.
814
00:47:46,472 --> 00:47:47,797
You don"t have friends.
815
00:47:47,821 --> 00:47:51,259
Thanks, I do occasionally...
Have friends.
816
00:47:53,740 --> 00:47:56,786
Okay, so what, you come
here and you watch...
817
00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:00,505
You watch Working Girl?
818
00:48:00,529 --> 00:48:02,116
Why are you watching
Working Girl?
819
00:48:02,140 --> 00:48:04,380
You only watch Working Girl
when you"re feeling defeated.
820
00:48:09,582 --> 00:48:12,474
You wanna hang out for a bit?
821
00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:13,673
Watch Working Girl?
822
00:48:15,457 --> 00:48:16,806
I can"t. I don"t have time.
823
00:48:17,851 --> 00:48:19,722
Yeah.
824
00:48:20,462 --> 00:48:21,637
Thanks for the keys.
825
00:48:22,856 --> 00:48:25,424
See you at home. Yeah,
see you at home.
826
00:48:44,965 --> 00:48:46,725
Hello. Hello.
827
00:48:46,749 --> 00:48:48,075
What are you doing?
828
00:48:48,099 --> 00:48:50,991
I am tracing my own hand.
829
00:48:51,015 --> 00:48:53,950
Okay, well, a few of us are
going to a bar down the street
830
00:48:53,974 --> 00:48:55,343
if you would like to join us.
831
00:48:55,367 --> 00:48:58,346
And by a few of us I
mean, there is no us,
832
00:48:58,370 --> 00:48:59,869
it"s just me, alone.
833
00:48:59,893 --> 00:49:01,573
But there will be people
in the background.
834
00:49:01,597 --> 00:49:02,785
So, it should be fun.
835
00:49:02,809 --> 00:49:06,354
I would, and thanks for the
invitation but I"m sober.
836
00:49:06,378 --> 00:49:07,964
Oh, perfect, I"m an enabler.
837
00:49:07,988 --> 00:49:10,010
So, this is great.
838
00:49:10,034 --> 00:49:12,099
Rain check? Aw, come on.
839
00:49:12,123 --> 00:49:14,492
It"ll be fun. Right?
840
00:49:14,516 --> 00:49:16,277
Question mark,
exclamation point.
841
00:49:16,301 --> 00:49:20,498
Another exclamation point,
dot, dot, dot, dot...
842
00:49:20,522 --> 00:49:22,065
Okay, I"ll go if you
stop doing that.
843
00:49:22,089 --> 00:49:24,241
Deal. Period.
844
00:49:24,265 --> 00:49:27,679
So are you sober or
are you an alcoholic?
845
00:49:27,703 --> 00:49:29,768
Well, I"m definitely sober.
846
00:49:29,792 --> 00:49:31,596
Not sure if I"m an alcoholic.
847
00:49:31,620 --> 00:49:34,599
But my wife is sure.
848
00:49:34,623 --> 00:49:36,253
Cool. Yeah.
849
00:49:36,277 --> 00:49:38,516
So how bad of an alcoholic
are we talking?
850
00:49:38,540 --> 00:49:39,822
Do you, like, chug Listerine?
851
00:49:39,846 --> 00:49:41,606
Do you keep gasoline
underneath your bed?
852
00:49:41,630 --> 00:49:43,782
No, I was, like, old-school.
853
00:49:43,806 --> 00:49:46,089
I just drank all
the human stuff.
854
00:49:46,113 --> 00:49:49,136
But, like... Like a lot of it.
855
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,573
I like a man who can commit
to something.Mmm-hmm.
856
00:49:51,597 --> 00:49:53,317
Does this mean you got
like an intervention?
857
00:49:53,341 --> 00:49:55,272
Did people come and read
you letters and cry?
858
00:49:55,296 --> 00:49:58,580
No, but that sounds amazing
and I would"ve loved one.
859
00:49:58,604 --> 00:50:00,103
What happened to
me was I got into
860
00:50:00,127 --> 00:50:02,062
into a really awesome
car accident.
861
00:50:02,086 --> 00:50:03,933
Cool. Yeah.
862
00:50:03,957 --> 00:50:05,500
You didn"t hit anybody, did you?
863
00:50:05,524 --> 00:50:07,676
I did, a parking meter.
864
00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:08,851
He didn"t make it.
865
00:50:08,875 --> 00:50:11,332
Oh, no. It was fine.
866
00:50:11,356 --> 00:50:13,116
He was kind of a
jerk parking meter.
867
00:50:13,140 --> 00:50:16,622
No, Jane, uh... Jane
gave me a choice.
868
00:50:17,231 --> 00:50:19,842
Her or Scotch.
869
00:50:20,626 --> 00:50:22,604
And I chose her.
870
00:50:22,628 --> 00:50:24,345
Well, I choose Scotch.
871
00:50:24,369 --> 00:50:27,609
And beer, and anything else
I can get my mouth around.
872
00:50:27,633 --> 00:50:30,177
I did not say... I didn"t
mean it like that.
873
00:50:30,201 --> 00:50:32,441
It doesn"t bother you if I drink
in front of you, does it?
874
00:50:32,465 --> 00:50:36,009
No, no, no, other people drinking doesn"t
bother me as much as, you know, me not.
875
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,619
Which still annoys me.
876
00:50:37,643 --> 00:50:41,212
Well, you seem to be handling
yourself quite nicely, you know?
877
00:50:42,996 --> 00:50:44,519
Something right there.
878
00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:50,395
Ow! Sorry.
879
00:50:56,270 --> 00:50:57,271
Fuck!
880
00:50:59,578 --> 00:51:01,362
I"m gonna worry
about this later.
881
00:51:06,933 --> 00:51:09,196
So that happened. Yep.
882
00:51:10,502 --> 00:51:12,069
I"m in your bed.
883
00:51:12,765 --> 00:51:14,308
Your joint bed.
884
00:51:14,332 --> 00:51:17,267
You are married, you have a wife.
You know, your wife, Jane.
885
00:51:17,291 --> 00:51:18,573
Where is Jane?
886
00:51:18,597 --> 00:51:21,880
She"s gone for the
night with the kids.
887
00:51:21,904 --> 00:51:23,428
Oh, my God.
888
00:51:25,212 --> 00:51:28,496
Jane told me I could
have an affair.
889
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,565
So, I"m the affair?
890
00:51:31,914 --> 00:51:34,265
Well, yeah, I guess.
891
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,026
Oh, my God.
892
00:51:37,050 --> 00:51:39,028
Is that why you"ve been
hanging out with me?
893
00:51:39,052 --> 00:51:40,595
Was so you could bait me?
894
00:51:40,619 --> 00:51:43,230
So you could sleep with me?
So I can be your... Zoe, Zoe.
895
00:51:43,796 --> 00:51:46,035
I like you.
896
00:51:46,059 --> 00:51:48,690
You have no idea how
much I like you.
897
00:51:48,714 --> 00:51:50,474
Oh, my God.
898
00:51:50,498 --> 00:51:52,587
We"re bad people. No.
899
00:51:53,588 --> 00:51:56,132
We"re good people.
900
00:51:56,156 --> 00:51:58,463
We"re just failing
at it right now.
901
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,877
Just...
902
00:52:01,901 --> 00:52:03,618
I mean, we take the
same antidepressants.
903
00:52:03,642 --> 00:52:05,837
I mean, that should
count for something.
904
00:52:05,861 --> 00:52:07,733
Yeah, that"s the spirit.
905
00:52:09,343 --> 00:52:15,238
Listen, my life is, like,
super complicated right now.
906
00:52:15,262 --> 00:52:17,960
I have no idea what"s
happening with my marriage.
907
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:23,681
But my kids, I mean,
they"re everything.
908
00:52:23,705 --> 00:52:27,231
They"re the only thing I"ve ever
done right in my whole life.
909
00:52:29,929 --> 00:52:31,887
Come here, come on.
910
00:52:32,714 --> 00:52:34,238
We"ll figure it out.
911
00:52:35,369 --> 00:52:37,589
Everything"s gonna be okay.
912
00:52:39,678 --> 00:52:41,332
For somebody.
913
00:53:13,059 --> 00:53:15,559
PAUL: It was too low.
914
00:53:15,583 --> 00:53:17,455
I knew this would happen.
915
00:53:22,329 --> 00:53:24,264
Let me do it. It was my fault.
I have it.
916
00:53:24,288 --> 00:53:25,808
Leave it. Leave it! I got it.
I got it.
917
00:53:25,832 --> 00:53:27,225
Leave it! I"ll do it!
918
00:53:43,785 --> 00:53:46,179
Hi.
919
00:53:47,485 --> 00:53:49,289
Jane, hi.
920
00:53:49,313 --> 00:53:51,595
I didn"t even know
you worked here.
921
00:53:51,619 --> 00:53:53,293
You didn"t?
922
00:53:53,317 --> 00:53:55,556
No, Laser Town is packed.
923
00:53:55,580 --> 00:53:59,081
I just came over for a...
For a wax.
924
00:53:59,105 --> 00:54:01,649
Oh, great.
925
00:54:01,673 --> 00:54:05,087
What were you thinking of doing?
926
00:54:05,111 --> 00:54:06,828
Brazilian? Cool, I do that.
927
00:54:06,852 --> 00:54:10,048
I do that. Okay.
928
00:54:10,072 --> 00:54:12,877
Unless, of course, you wouldn"t
feel comfortable with...
929
00:54:12,901 --> 00:54:14,879
Oh, no, you"re a professional.
930
00:54:14,903 --> 00:54:20,494
So, I... I am
completely comfortable.
931
00:54:20,518 --> 00:54:22,539
Great, why don"t you
just go back there,
932
00:54:22,563 --> 00:54:25,499
make yourself comfortable
and I"ll be right in.
933
00:54:25,523 --> 00:54:26,567
Okay.
934
00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:42,211
All right, Jane, if you could spread
your legs in a frog-like position.
935
00:54:42,235 --> 00:54:44,150
Like... Like this?
936
00:54:45,194 --> 00:54:47,042
Excellent, thanks.
937
00:54:47,066 --> 00:54:49,131
So how have you been doing?
938
00:54:49,155 --> 00:54:50,374
Good.
939
00:54:51,462 --> 00:54:53,657
I heard you went by the store.
940
00:54:53,681 --> 00:54:58,096
Yes, I did. I"ve
gone by the store.
941
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,838
You know, I go by... I
go by all those stores.
942
00:55:00,862 --> 00:55:03,648
Yeah, Paul"s having a really
hard time letting go of it.
943
00:55:05,214 --> 00:55:06,757
Sorry.
944
00:55:06,781 --> 00:55:08,941
All right, now you can go
ahead and pull your legs back
945
00:55:08,965 --> 00:55:11,228
as far as you can,
excellent, yes.
946
00:55:12,918 --> 00:55:14,485
You ever been married?
947
00:55:15,660 --> 00:55:20,118
No, no, not yet.
948
00:55:20,142 --> 00:55:23,078
You heard Lana and Peter are
already having trouble, right?
949
00:55:23,102 --> 00:55:24,799
No, I had not heard that.
950
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:30,240
All right, Jane, you can go ahead and
lie down on your side, this direction.
951
00:55:33,417 --> 00:55:36,134
Yeah, apparently he"s
been cheating on her.
952
00:55:36,158 --> 00:55:38,398
Oh, you know, I...
953
00:55:38,422 --> 00:55:42,315
You know, I guess that"s
something that people do.
954
00:55:42,339 --> 00:55:44,969
All right, Jane, now
this is something fun,
955
00:55:44,993 --> 00:55:46,713
I never thought I would
be asking you to do.
956
00:55:46,737 --> 00:55:49,409
But could you spread
your right butt cheek?
957
00:55:49,433 --> 00:55:50,433
Excellent.
958
00:55:52,871 --> 00:55:54,239
Wait, is it the wax?
959
00:55:54,263 --> 00:55:57,068
No, I"m just having
a panic attack.
960
00:55:57,092 --> 00:55:59,375
Oh, I have those all the time,
961
00:55:59,399 --> 00:56:00,679
it"s a repetitive
sound disorder.
962
00:56:00,703 --> 00:56:03,118
Maybe that"s... Is it the sound?
963
00:56:03,142 --> 00:56:05,710
No, it"s fine, I'm breathing.
964
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,472
This is breathing and
it means I"m not dying.
965
00:56:09,496 --> 00:56:11,656
Okay, are you sure? Can I get
you something, some water?
966
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:13,041
No. A Xanax?
967
00:56:13,065 --> 00:56:15,217
It"ll help the water
go down easier.
968
00:56:15,241 --> 00:56:17,132
No, it"s just something
that happens lately.
969
00:56:17,156 --> 00:56:20,309
I spontaneously start crying.
970
00:56:20,333 --> 00:56:22,442
It"s like I have a
disease or something.
971
00:56:22,466 --> 00:56:24,487
No, you"re okay.
972
00:56:24,511 --> 00:56:26,968
How do you know that?
973
00:56:26,992 --> 00:56:29,579
I guess it"s just something
that people say.
974
00:56:29,603 --> 00:56:31,320
But I"m sure it"s
true occasionally.
975
00:56:31,344 --> 00:56:34,976
Zoe? Yeah?
976
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,240
Can you just finish waxing
my asshole so I can go?
977
00:56:38,264 --> 00:56:39,744
Of course.
978
00:57:09,643 --> 00:57:12,187
Mazel Tov.
979
00:57:12,211 --> 00:57:14,450
I just want to say thank you
to everybody for coming.
980
00:57:14,474 --> 00:57:17,192
This is has been the
most successful bris.
981
00:57:17,216 --> 00:57:18,846
Well, that"s subjective.
982
00:57:18,870 --> 00:57:21,239
Thank you for having us.
983
00:57:21,263 --> 00:57:22,613
It"s been lovely.
984
00:57:27,748 --> 00:57:29,117
Are you gonna get him?
985
00:57:29,141 --> 00:57:33,730
No, no. We are practicing
the "Cry It Out" method.
986
00:57:33,754 --> 00:57:37,081
So, it is agony.
987
00:57:37,105 --> 00:57:39,562
But it is better for
him in the long run.
988
00:57:39,586 --> 00:57:42,086
Oh, actually they"ve
just proven that
989
00:57:42,110 --> 00:57:44,132
lack of emotional support
when you"re young
990
00:57:44,156 --> 00:57:46,439
can have a real damaging
effect later in life.
991
00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:48,353
So, it"s all over the blogs.
992
00:57:48,377 --> 00:57:49,964
Our son eats off the floor.
993
00:57:49,988 --> 00:57:52,619
No, really, he chews bones
994
00:57:52,643 --> 00:57:55,317
and the other day we found him
drinking water out of the toilet.
995
00:57:55,341 --> 00:57:57,972
So, anything that Jane
says about parenting
996
00:57:57,996 --> 00:57:59,930
you should, you know,
do the opposite.
997
00:57:59,954 --> 00:58:02,803
This flatware is lovely.
998
00:58:02,827 --> 00:58:04,152
Thank you. Yeah.
999
00:58:04,176 --> 00:58:05,588
You know, I actually from...
1000
00:58:05,612 --> 00:58:07,068
Because you"re father of
the fucking year, right?
1001
00:58:07,092 --> 00:58:09,418
No, I"m sorry. I'm sorry
that I make all the money
1002
00:58:09,442 --> 00:58:11,115
and I take care
of our three kids
1003
00:58:11,139 --> 00:58:13,466
and I have my parents bail
us out of bankruptcy.
1004
00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:16,294
You"re right, I'm just a terrible
mom and a terrible wife.
1005
00:58:16,318 --> 00:58:17,905
I paid for that money, Jane.
1006
00:58:17,929 --> 00:58:19,776
Trust me, I fucking paid for it.
1007
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:22,240
How"s that wine treating you, Sweetie?
It"s delicious, thanks.
1008
00:58:22,264 --> 00:58:23,563
Would you pass the...
1009
00:58:23,587 --> 00:58:24,607
Hey, look, everyone.
1010
00:58:24,631 --> 00:58:26,087
Now it"s all out in the open.
1011
00:58:26,111 --> 00:58:29,525
Look, everybody,
Jane is a smoker.
1012
00:58:29,549 --> 00:58:31,962
See, now everybody knows
and nobody cares.
1013
00:58:31,986 --> 00:58:34,530
You"re right I'm a terrible,
terrible human being,
1014
00:58:34,554 --> 00:58:37,315
because sometimes I
have a cigarette.
1015
00:58:37,339 --> 00:58:39,013
Right.
1016
00:58:39,037 --> 00:58:40,144
Uh...
1017
00:58:40,168 --> 00:58:41,929
There, you win!
1018
00:58:41,953 --> 00:58:43,365
Okay? You win!
1019
00:58:43,389 --> 00:58:46,150
If winning mean losing
your job, getting a DUI,
1020
00:58:46,174 --> 00:58:47,891
and bringing nothing
to the table sexually.
1021
00:58:47,915 --> 00:58:49,850
I mean, you think I
just wanna roll over
1022
00:58:49,874 --> 00:58:52,809
and get fucked the exact same
way for the rest of my life?
1023
00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:55,725
It is Groundhog Day! My vagina
is fuckin" Bill Murray!
1024
00:58:55,749 --> 00:58:58,815
Aw, I love Bill Murray.
1025
00:58:58,839 --> 00:59:00,469
You"re embarrassing yourself.
1026
00:59:00,493 --> 00:59:03,211
You know what? You"ve been
embarrassing me our entire marriage!
1027
00:59:03,235 --> 00:59:04,475
Jane, can I get you an ashtray?
1028
00:59:04,499 --> 00:59:06,040
No, it"s fine. No?
1029
00:59:06,064 --> 00:59:08,066
JANE: Thank you,
have a great bris.
1030
00:59:11,939 --> 00:59:16,093
Well, I have never
been to a bris before.
1031
00:59:16,117 --> 00:59:17,858
But this is great.
1032
00:59:23,081 --> 00:59:24,648
Zoe. Whoo.
1033
00:59:25,866 --> 00:59:27,844
Zoe, do you think
I can"t see you?
1034
00:59:27,868 --> 00:59:31,239
Oh, I"m sorry, I just really need
my face in my hair right now.
1035
00:59:31,263 --> 00:59:32,543
You mean your hair in your face?
1036
00:59:32,567 --> 00:59:36,505
I mean my hair in my face, Paul.
1037
00:59:36,529 --> 00:59:38,899
Hi. Hi. You okay?
1038
00:59:38,923 --> 00:59:41,162
Yeah, I"m actually...
Are you kidding me?
1039
00:59:41,186 --> 00:59:43,860
I signed up for life
classes through Oprah,
1040
00:59:43,884 --> 00:59:46,080
because she does that and
then I got corn tortillas
1041
00:59:46,104 --> 00:59:48,264
instead of flour because I
heard that was better for you
1042
00:59:48,288 --> 00:59:50,029
and I, I...
1043
00:59:50,456 --> 00:59:51,912
Fuck, I"m doing awesome.
1044
00:59:51,936 --> 00:59:54,591
Okay, listen, I"m
really sorry, um...
1045
00:59:55,766 --> 00:59:57,352
I"m really sorry
about what happened.
1046
00:59:57,376 --> 00:59:59,746
I"m not sorry that it happened.
I just...
1047
00:59:59,770 --> 01:00:02,009
I suck at words.
1048
01:00:02,033 --> 01:00:04,272
I"m so much better at mixed CDs.
1049
01:00:04,296 --> 01:00:07,057
Yeah, me, too.
1050
01:00:07,081 --> 01:00:10,694
I just, I REO Speedwagon
Can"t Fight This Feeling.
1051
01:00:12,609 --> 01:00:15,631
Paul, you can"t admit to
liking REO Speedwagon.
1052
01:00:15,655 --> 01:00:17,851
It"s not even cool in an
ironic way like Tom Petty.
1053
01:00:17,875 --> 01:00:20,201
Yeah, Tom Petty is
not cool in any way.
1054
01:00:20,225 --> 01:00:22,682
What are you... Are you
serious right now?
1055
01:00:22,706 --> 01:00:25,598
Tom Petty is not cool? I
can"t, you know what?
1056
01:00:25,622 --> 01:00:27,687
No, I"m not doing this here.
1057
01:00:27,711 --> 01:00:30,511
I cannot argue with you about the
coolness of Tom Petty out in the open.
1058
01:00:30,535 --> 01:00:31,817
It"s just way too intimate.
1059
01:00:31,841 --> 01:00:34,563
Then come inside. I"m
not coming inside.
1060
01:00:34,587 --> 01:00:36,870
This is... I can"t do this.
1061
01:00:36,894 --> 01:00:37,895
It"s just...
1062
01:00:59,090 --> 01:01:01,005
He was an escort.
1063
01:01:02,006 --> 01:01:04,051
The guy I was with.
1064
01:01:05,444 --> 01:01:06,750
He was a what?
1065
01:01:08,839 --> 01:01:11,295
He was a prostitute.
1066
01:01:11,319 --> 01:01:14,061
He was a fucking prostitute.
1067
01:01:18,196 --> 01:01:20,111
You paid someone?
1068
01:01:21,852 --> 01:01:23,941
You paid someone?
1069
01:01:33,515 --> 01:01:35,039
How much did they charge?
1070
01:01:47,747 --> 01:01:50,141
Why is there an eviction
notice on your door?
1071
01:01:52,926 --> 01:01:54,208
I don"t know.
1072
01:01:54,232 --> 01:01:56,234
Zo, what"s wrong?
1073
01:01:59,585 --> 01:02:01,345
I slept with Paul.
1074
01:02:01,369 --> 01:02:03,458
Paul of Paul and Jane?
1075
01:02:05,199 --> 01:02:07,874
I mean, it"s okay, you know?
People fuck people.
1076
01:02:07,898 --> 01:02:11,442
I don"t know how this
is my life, you know?
1077
01:02:11,466 --> 01:02:16,883
I worked so hard not
to be like my parents.
1078
01:02:16,907 --> 01:02:18,711
Not to be a failure.
1079
01:02:18,735 --> 01:02:21,975
I don"t want to lose
everything that I have.
1080
01:02:21,999 --> 01:02:25,065
Okay, what do people in this
town love more than anything?
1081
01:02:25,089 --> 01:02:27,371
Tacos. More than tacos.
1082
01:02:27,395 --> 01:02:28,395
Music.
1083
01:02:28,962 --> 01:02:30,548
I have the bands,
1084
01:02:30,572 --> 01:02:33,769
you have a pretty vacant
space with your store.
1085
01:02:33,793 --> 01:02:36,206
I say we charge a cover
1086
01:02:36,230 --> 01:02:38,861
and... I don"t know,
see what happens.
1087
01:02:38,885 --> 01:02:40,515
You think that would work?
1088
01:02:40,539 --> 01:02:42,933
I mean, we might as
well try, right?
1089
01:02:46,675 --> 01:02:48,808
Sir, you! Ma"am!
1090
01:03:05,912 --> 01:03:07,087
See this, Austin?
1091
01:03:09,002 --> 01:03:11,048
We can"t find Nate.
Nathan"s missing.
1092
01:03:19,491 --> 01:03:21,643
Hey, did you pay a cover?
1093
01:03:21,667 --> 01:03:23,471
No, you can"t sneak in here.
1094
01:03:23,495 --> 01:03:26,295
You need to go to the front and you
need to pay. CLAIRE: Zoe, Zoe, Zoe.
1095
01:03:26,319 --> 01:03:26,909
Hey! Relax.
1096
01:03:26,933 --> 01:03:29,129
This is going so great. I
have someone at the door.
1097
01:03:29,153 --> 01:03:31,914
Oh, great. Yeah. Wait, you
wanna take a shot with me?
1098
01:03:31,938 --> 01:03:35,526
No, and why don"t you
slow your roll, okay?
1099
01:03:35,550 --> 01:03:37,659
I"m having fun,
Claire, loosen up.
1100
01:03:37,683 --> 01:03:39,052
This is going great.
1101
01:03:39,076 --> 01:03:40,356
Why don"t we get you some water?
1102
01:03:40,380 --> 01:03:43,099
Okay, you look
like a total mess.
1103
01:03:43,123 --> 01:03:44,579
Phew.
1104
01:03:44,603 --> 01:03:45,734
Nathan!
1105
01:03:46,561 --> 01:03:48,322
Come on, bud, Nate!
1106
01:03:48,346 --> 01:03:50,890
Did you find him? Yeah,
Jane, I found him.
1107
01:03:50,914 --> 01:03:54,894
"Just decided to stand out here and continue
calling his name like a fuckin" idiot.
1108
01:03:54,918 --> 01:03:57,461
I"m sorry! It"s not your fault.
1109
01:03:57,485 --> 01:03:59,463
He does this all the
time, we"ll find him.
1110
01:03:59,487 --> 01:04:01,770
Yes, it is, it"s my fault.
1111
01:04:01,794 --> 01:04:04,207
Everything is fucking my fault!
1112
01:04:04,231 --> 01:04:05,972
It was the both of us. Nate!
1113
01:04:07,713 --> 01:04:11,040
You know, that I get off
work and I come here,
1114
01:04:11,064 --> 01:04:13,521
and I walk around the
block three or four times
1115
01:04:13,545 --> 01:04:15,305
before I even come inside?
1116
01:04:15,329 --> 01:04:16,480
Why.
1117
01:04:16,504 --> 01:04:18,743
Because I can"t believe
that I am this.
1118
01:04:18,767 --> 01:04:22,878
This wife, this mother, it
just doesn"t seem real.
1119
01:04:22,902 --> 01:04:25,359
I never wanted to be one
of these fucking people.
1120
01:04:25,383 --> 01:04:26,926
What people?
1121
01:04:26,950 --> 01:04:29,406
People who live just
to endure each other.
1122
01:04:29,430 --> 01:04:32,018
That"s everyone we know.
That"s marriage!
1123
01:04:32,042 --> 01:04:33,410
It"s not!
1124
01:04:33,434 --> 01:04:34,498
You think...
1125
01:04:34,522 --> 01:04:36,979
You think I tried to
be a shitty wife?
1126
01:04:37,003 --> 01:04:39,721
No, I tried! I tried
to do my best!
1127
01:04:39,745 --> 01:04:42,506
I worked hard, I took
care of the bills,
1128
01:04:42,530 --> 01:04:45,553
I took care of the children. I
tried to be attracted to you.
1129
01:04:45,577 --> 01:04:47,337
Wait, what?
1130
01:04:47,361 --> 01:04:50,041
What do you... You tried to be attracted...
What does that even mean?
1131
01:04:51,452 --> 01:04:55,108
Recently, the thought of having
sex with you just repulses me.
1132
01:04:57,937 --> 01:04:59,025
Wow, this...
1133
01:05:01,158 --> 01:05:03,179
I"m just trying to
be honest for once.
1134
01:05:03,203 --> 01:05:06,791
Yeah, your honesty, it"s just
another way for you to hurt people.
1135
01:05:06,815 --> 01:05:10,230
Look at our house, nothing fits!
1136
01:05:10,254 --> 01:05:13,474
You are buying furniture for a
house we don"t even live in!
1137
01:05:15,955 --> 01:05:18,523
Nathan! Nathan!
1138
01:05:20,220 --> 01:05:21,439
WOMAN: Found him!
1139
01:05:27,706 --> 01:05:31,449
Must be hard, being
this self-righteous.
1140
01:05:32,711 --> 01:05:34,408
You have no idea.
1141
01:05:40,066 --> 01:05:42,068
ZOE: Thank you so much
for coming out tonight!
1142
01:05:43,722 --> 01:05:46,614
And giving a hands
up to Sailor Poon.
1143
01:05:46,638 --> 01:05:48,311
Look at these ladies.
1144
01:05:48,335 --> 01:05:51,619
And speaking of poon, let"s
not forget why we"re here.
1145
01:05:51,643 --> 01:05:53,926
So that our poons can get waxed
1146
01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:57,625
by a local business
and not Laser Town,
1147
01:05:57,649 --> 01:06:01,585
which is basically the
Illuminati of pubic hair.
1148
01:06:01,609 --> 01:06:03,449
Now tonight, we"re gonna
take back what"s ours!
1149
01:06:08,138 --> 01:06:09,680
Let"s take it to the streets!
1150
01:06:09,704 --> 01:06:11,402
Come on!
1151
01:06:15,623 --> 01:06:17,993
They can"t break us.
1152
01:06:18,017 --> 01:06:20,343
CROWD: Ohh!
1153
01:06:20,367 --> 01:06:22,476
Plexiglass, you gotta
be fucking kidding me.
1154
01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,652
This just stupid...
1155
01:06:24,676 --> 01:06:26,349
CROWD: Ohh!
1156
01:06:26,373 --> 01:06:28,177
Damn it! Stupid!
1157
01:06:28,201 --> 01:06:30,353
Ow! Fuck!
1158
01:06:30,377 --> 01:06:32,640
Ow! Fuck!
1159
01:06:56,708 --> 01:06:59,078
Thanks for bailing me out.
1160
01:06:59,102 --> 01:07:01,689
The covers paid half
and the other half...
1161
01:07:01,713 --> 01:07:03,082
I"ll pay you back, I promise.
1162
01:07:03,106 --> 01:07:06,389
How, Zoe, how are you
gonna pay me back?
1163
01:07:06,413 --> 01:07:07,912
You don"t have anything.
1164
01:07:07,936 --> 01:07:09,610
Look, Claire, I"m sorry.
1165
01:07:09,634 --> 01:07:12,265
I was wasted, I got
out of control.
1166
01:07:12,289 --> 01:07:14,484
Your parents spent
their whole lives
1167
01:07:14,508 --> 01:07:16,119
running from where
you just were.
1168
01:07:17,859 --> 01:07:21,622
Wow, that was a really low blow.
1169
01:07:21,646 --> 01:07:24,451
God, Zoe, you need to grow up!
1170
01:07:24,475 --> 01:07:26,409
Okay, so you didn"t win at life,
1171
01:07:26,433 --> 01:07:28,150
you didn"t get some
grand fucking prize,
1172
01:07:28,174 --> 01:07:30,935
no one does and no one
owes you anything.
1173
01:07:30,959 --> 01:07:33,329
And, I mean, forget winning,
because how you lose
1174
01:07:33,353 --> 01:07:35,244
is just as much a
part of who you are.
1175
01:07:35,268 --> 01:07:38,054
And no offense, but you"re
kind of an asshole.
1176
01:07:42,362 --> 01:07:45,539
You know what? Just
pay me back whenever.
1177
01:09:27,337 --> 01:09:28,425
What"s up?
1178
01:09:32,429 --> 01:09:34,711
What, did you rob a bank?
1179
01:09:34,735 --> 01:09:36,346
I got my job back at Beer Land.
1180
01:09:37,216 --> 01:09:39,542
That"s oddly stable of you.
1181
01:09:39,566 --> 01:09:42,980
I know that I suck
at relationships.
1182
01:09:43,004 --> 01:09:47,246
And I"m full of shit,
1183
01:09:47,270 --> 01:09:50,205
and I act like I"m right
about everything,
1184
01:09:50,229 --> 01:09:56,951
because I am so fucking scared
to be wrong, all the time.
1185
01:09:56,975 --> 01:10:01,260
But you"re my best friend and
I really, really do love you.
1186
01:10:01,284 --> 01:10:05,916
And I say that out
loud, like, never.
1187
01:10:05,940 --> 01:10:07,203
So...
1188
01:10:09,727 --> 01:10:11,119
I love you.
1189
01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:14,098
You"re being totally
emo right now.
1190
01:10:14,122 --> 01:10:17,996
Yeah, I"m really trying to get
better at this emo stuff.
1191
01:10:18,518 --> 01:10:20,453
Feels good.
1192
01:10:20,477 --> 01:10:22,870
I caught Jim fucking his office.
1193
01:10:23,610 --> 01:10:25,284
Like the wall?
1194
01:10:25,308 --> 01:10:27,590
No, the people.
1195
01:10:27,614 --> 01:10:29,201
And he didn"t even invite you?
1196
01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:31,575
Oh.
1197
01:10:33,403 --> 01:10:34,491
You"re invited.
1198
01:10:40,061 --> 01:10:44,694
Well, you can come to my
office fuck party anytime.
1199
01:10:44,718 --> 01:10:47,330
I can"t believe our 5-year-old
needs to see a shrink.
1200
01:10:48,374 --> 01:10:49,699
You think he"s okay?
1201
01:10:49,723 --> 01:10:50,961
He"ll be fine.
1202
01:10:50,985 --> 01:10:52,265
He probably loves the attention.
1203
01:10:52,289 --> 01:10:54,791
I mean, do you think he is okay?
1204
01:10:54,815 --> 01:10:57,949
Yes, I think he"s fine.
1205
01:10:59,385 --> 01:11:00,385
Okay.
1206
01:11:03,041 --> 01:11:07,959
You know, I"m really sorry about
the whole prostitution thing.
1207
01:11:12,877 --> 01:11:15,401
It"s not funny.
1208
01:11:16,228 --> 01:11:20,493
I mean, come on.
1209
01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,607
I didn"t keep up.
1210
01:11:27,631 --> 01:11:31,611
Wow, I can"t remember the last
time I"ve seen you laugh.
1211
01:11:31,635 --> 01:11:33,985
Oh, my God, that"s depressing.
1212
01:11:37,641 --> 01:11:39,860
I know this sounds
fucked up, but...
1213
01:11:42,733 --> 01:11:45,866
If we were gonna fail, I"m really
glad that I failed with you.
1214
01:11:51,785 --> 01:11:52,960
Good game.
1215
01:11:53,657 --> 01:11:54,788
Good game.
1216
01:12:00,228 --> 01:12:02,206
Oh, hey, buddy.
1217
01:12:02,230 --> 01:12:03,860
Hey, man. Hi.
1218
01:12:03,884 --> 01:12:06,080
Oh, look at you. Oh, hello.
1219
01:12:06,104 --> 01:12:07,908
Up on your knees.
You look taller.
1220
01:12:07,932 --> 01:12:09,499
Look at that, he"s okay?
1221
01:12:12,980 --> 01:12:14,828
No. Blow it out, Zoe.
1222
01:12:14,852 --> 01:12:16,177
Make a wish.
1223
01:12:16,201 --> 01:12:17,613
I wish I wasn"t old.
1224
01:12:17,637 --> 01:12:18,637
Like a viable wish.
1225
01:12:19,247 --> 01:12:20,312
I wish I were dead.
1226
01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:21,791
Or rich.
1227
01:12:21,815 --> 01:12:23,895
You know what I actually wish?
I wish I were British?
1228
01:12:23,919 --> 01:12:25,921
I think I"d be very
charming if I were British.
1229
01:12:27,081 --> 01:12:30,626
Cheerio. It worked.
1230
01:12:30,650 --> 01:12:31,584
No, it didn"t.
1231
01:12:31,608 --> 01:12:33,499
God, I"m really bad at accents.
1232
01:12:33,523 --> 01:12:35,786
You are, you actually
are really bad at it.
1233
01:12:37,744 --> 01:12:40,201
I know this isn"t where you
imagined yourself at this age.
1234
01:12:40,225 --> 01:12:43,117
You mean closing my
failing business, single?
1235
01:12:43,141 --> 01:12:44,901
I don"t know, it
seems about right.
1236
01:12:44,925 --> 01:12:47,034
Did you hear about
Peter and Lana?
1237
01:12:47,058 --> 01:12:48,514
He filed for divorce.
1238
01:12:48,538 --> 01:12:51,299
You got me bad news
for my birthday?
1239
01:12:51,323 --> 01:12:53,736
You know I love other
people"s bad news.
1240
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:59,810
Speaking of, Paul and Jane,
while no longer Paul and Jane.
1241
01:13:01,464 --> 01:13:03,920
Wow, really?
1242
01:13:03,944 --> 01:13:05,269
You gonna hit that?
1243
01:13:05,293 --> 01:13:07,054
No. Why?
1244
01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:08,751
I think I"m gonna be celibate.
1245
01:13:08,775 --> 01:13:10,623
Oh. That"ll last.
1246
01:13:10,647 --> 01:13:13,563
Uh, it will last. I
will be celibate.
1247
01:14:39,344 --> 01:14:43,150
Hey. Nice sign.
1248
01:14:43,174 --> 01:14:45,045
A little on the nose.
1249
01:14:45,872 --> 01:14:48,198
I know.
1250
01:14:48,222 --> 01:14:50,462
This is great, congrats.
1251
01:14:50,486 --> 01:14:51,593
Thanks. It"s amazing.
1252
01:14:51,617 --> 01:14:53,290
Thank you very much.
1253
01:14:53,314 --> 01:14:55,641
You know, all my life, I"ve
anticipated failure so much
1254
01:14:55,665 --> 01:14:58,078
it"s kind of bizarre when
it"s not actually happening.
1255
01:14:58,102 --> 01:14:59,122
Mmm.
1256
01:14:59,146 --> 01:15:00,974
Sounds nice, enjoy it.
1257
01:15:02,193 --> 01:15:03,910
Hey, I heard about you and Jane.
1258
01:15:03,934 --> 01:15:05,781
And I"m really sorry.
1259
01:15:05,805 --> 01:15:07,372
"How you holdin" up?
1260
01:15:08,939 --> 01:15:10,244
Oddly well.
1261
01:15:11,550 --> 01:15:12,745
That"s good to hear.
1262
01:15:12,769 --> 01:15:13,857
Yeah, except for one thing.
1263
01:15:14,422 --> 01:15:15,423
What?
1264
01:15:16,816 --> 01:15:22,015
I keep trying to not
be in love with you.
1265
01:15:22,039 --> 01:15:24,931
And it does not
seem to be working.
1266
01:15:24,955 --> 01:15:27,847
Hmm, interesting turn
of events.Mmm-hmm.
1267
01:15:27,871 --> 01:15:30,153
Let me just lay out
some ground rules.
1268
01:15:30,177 --> 01:15:33,026
There"s gonna be no
sleeping together, no sex.
1269
01:15:33,050 --> 01:15:35,768
I"m so sorry. Okay,
great, see you.
1270
01:15:35,792 --> 01:15:36,812
All right.
1271
01:15:36,836 --> 01:15:38,403
Come here.
1272
01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:45,429
Hey.
1273
01:15:45,453 --> 01:15:46,735
Yeah?
1274
01:15:46,759 --> 01:15:49,129
I think I"m comin'
around on Tom Petty.
1275
01:15:49,153 --> 01:15:50,434
Okay, we can have sex.
1276
01:15:50,458 --> 01:15:53,046
Let"s fuck. Oh, fantastic.
1277
01:15:53,070 --> 01:15:55,551
ZOE: The table"s very small
but it is full-service.
1278
01:16:34,328 --> 01:16:36,785
No, wait, I have an idea.
No, wait, don"t leave me.
1279
01:16:36,809 --> 01:16:38,918
No, I need to get this.
Don"t leave me.
1280
01:16:38,942 --> 01:16:40,093
Come on. All right.
1281
01:16:40,117 --> 01:16:41,771
Promise, this is gonna be good.
1282
01:16:42,336 --> 01:16:43,990
One, two, three.
1283
01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:50,799
Good one. Got it.
1284
01:16:50,823 --> 01:16:52,453
Do this? No, no.
1285
01:16:52,477 --> 01:16:54,020
I"ve seen people do this.
1286
01:16:54,044 --> 01:16:55,480
Told you.
1287
01:22:53,925 --> 01:22:58,862
My most memorable blowjobs
was with a celebrity.
1288
01:22:58,886 --> 01:23:02,040
Oh, I try not to brag about
that too much, uh...
1289
01:23:02,064 --> 01:23:03,693
But I met Rick Moranis
1290
01:23:03,717 --> 01:23:06,218
right after Honey,
I Shrunk the Kids
1291
01:23:06,242 --> 01:23:09,699
and, honey, did I
shrink his kids.
1292
01:23:09,723 --> 01:23:12,161
You know?
1293
01:23:16,121 --> 01:23:18,689
I"m sweating.
92069
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