Original subtitles

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Ryan

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Ryan

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Ryan Shang. We got so much to talk about

Shang. We got so much to talk about

Shang. We got so much to talk about tonight. Donald Trump makes his bank

tonight. Donald Trump makes his bank

tonight. Donald Trump makes his bank account great again. White people find a

account great again. White people find a

account great again. White people find a new food to gentrify. And the new

new food to gentrify. And the new

new food to gentrify. And the new get-rich quick scheme is taking a

get-rich quick scheme is taking a

get-rich quick scheme is taking a on Nancy Pelosy's desk. And later on,

on Nancy Pelosy's desk. And later on,

on Nancy Pelosy's desk. And later on, Brendan Fraser will be joining me. SO,

Brendan Fraser will be joining me. SO,

Brendan Fraser will be joining me. SO, FIRST, YEAH, BRENDON FRASIER.

FIRST, YEAH, BRENDON FRASIER.

FIRST, YEAH, BRENDON FRASIER. But first, Donald Trump has found many

But first, Donald Trump has found many

But first, Donald Trump has found many new ways of getting rich. So, let's get

new ways of getting rich. So, let's get

new ways of getting rich. So, let's get into it in our new segment, Corrupt

into it in our new segment, Corrupt

into it in our new segment, Corrupt Tales.

We grab money, money, money. I love

We grab money, money, money. I love

We grab money, money, money. I love money.

money.

money. >> This morning, Donald Trump gave

>> This morning, Donald Trump gave

>> This morning, Donald Trump gave reporters a tour of his upcoming

reporters a tour of his upcoming

reporters a tour of his upcoming ballroom site that big companies are

ballroom site that big companies are

ballroom site that big companies are paying for. And no, they're not just

paying for. And no, they're not just

paying for. And no, they're not just paying for it to get political favors.

paying for it to get political favors.

paying for it to get political favors. It's to support his passion for dancing.

But since everyone is so skeptical about

But since everyone is so skeptical about

But since everyone is so skeptical about it, Donald Trump made sure to defend it

it, Donald Trump made sure to defend it

it, Donald Trump made sure to defend it loud and clear.

loud and clear.

loud and clear. everything

everything

everything and website full of Washington. So

and website full of Washington. So

and website full of Washington. So that's important.

Thank you for clearing that up.

Thank you for clearing that up.

Thank you for clearing that up. Honestly, just as informative as any of

Honestly, just as informative as any of

Honestly, just as informative as any of your other press conferences.

your other press conferences.

your other press conferences. But once the noise calmed down a bit,

But once the noise calmed down a bit,

But once the noise calmed down a bit, Trump did have a chance to explain some

Trump did have a chance to explain some

Trump did have a chance to explain some of the unique architectural innovations

of the unique architectural innovations

of the unique architectural innovations that justify the cost of this ballroom.

that justify the cost of this ballroom.

that justify the cost of this ballroom. >> I think you can see the complexity. All

>> I think you can see the complexity. All

>> I think you can see the complexity. All of these columns go directly up to the

of these columns go directly up to the

of these columns go directly up to the roof.

roof.

roof. That's right.

That's right.

That's right. Up to the roof.

Up to the roof.

Up to the roof. We're not doing any of those columns

We're not doing any of those columns

We're not doing any of those columns that stop halfway. Okay.

that stop halfway. Okay.

that stop halfway. Okay. Very innovative. Any other incredible

Very innovative. Any other incredible

Very innovative. Any other incredible breakthroughs we should know about?

breakthroughs we should know about?

breakthroughs we should know about? >> The glass is approximately 4 in thick.

>> The glass is approximately 4 in thick.

>> The glass is approximately 4 in thick. Uh and yet it's amazing. You can see

Uh and yet it's amazing. You can see

Uh and yet it's amazing. You can see through it as though it didn't exist.

through it as though it didn't exist.

through it as though it didn't exist. It's amazing.

Wow. Glass you can see through.

Wow. Glass you can see through.

Wow. Glass you can see through. >> Very cool. It sounds like you're just

>> Very cool. It sounds like you're just

>> Very cool. It sounds like you're just describing every building. Can you do

describing every building. Can you do

describing every building. Can you do something interesting with it?

something interesting with it?

something interesting with it? >> It's all knit together. The roof goes

>> It's all knit together. The roof goes

>> It's all knit together. The roof goes with the ground floor. The ground floor

with the ground floor. The ground floor

with the ground floor. The ground floor goes with the roof. The uh roof also

goes with the roof. The uh roof also

goes with the roof. The uh roof also goes down into the basement.

goes down into the basement.

goes down into the basement. >> Okay. Wait. Now, now it's too weird.

>> Okay. Wait. Now, now it's too weird.

>> Okay. Wait. Now, now it's too weird. Okay. What do you mean the roof goes

Okay. What do you mean the roof goes

Okay. What do you mean the roof goes into the basement? What MC extra is

into the basement? What MC extra is

into the basement? What MC extra is this? People inside will be like, "Am I

this? People inside will be like, "Am I

this? People inside will be like, "Am I dancing on the floor, the ceiling,

dancing on the floor, the ceiling,

dancing on the floor, the ceiling, both?" But whatever laws of physics this

both?" But whatever laws of physics this

both?" But whatever laws of physics this roof violates, having a giant ballroom

roof violates, having a giant ballroom

roof violates, having a giant ballroom built as a favor by your corporate

built as a favor by your corporate

built as a favor by your corporate friends, it's hard to think of how

friends, it's hard to think of how

friends, it's hard to think of how things could get more corrupt than that.

things could get more corrupt than that.

things could get more corrupt than that. >> Tonight, the Justice Department

>> Tonight, the Justice Department

>> Tonight, the Justice Department announcing a new so-called

announcing a new so-called

announcing a new so-called anti-weaponization fund, $1.8 billion in

anti-weaponization fund, $1.8 billion in

anti-weaponization fund, $1.8 billion in taxpayer money to be given away to

taxpayer money to be given away to

taxpayer money to be given away to allies of President Trump who claimed

allies of President Trump who claimed

allies of President Trump who claimed they were unfairly treated by the Biden

they were unfairly treated by the Biden

they were unfairly treated by the Biden DOJ. I stand corrected.

DOJ. I stand corrected.

DOJ. I stand corrected. I think my brain's roof just fell into

I think my brain's roof just fell into

I think my brain's roof just fell into his basement. I mean, if you're confused

his basement. I mean, if you're confused

his basement. I mean, if you're confused by what's going on here, I went to law

by what's going on here, I went to law

by what's going on here, I went to law school. Okay, so let me explain it to

school. Okay, so let me explain it to

school. Okay, so let me explain it to you visually. So, Donald Trump, the man,

you visually. So, Donald Trump, the man,

you visually. So, Donald Trump, the man, is suing the IRS, which happens to be

is suing the IRS, which happens to be

is suing the IRS, which happens to be headed by Donald Trump, the president,

headed by Donald Trump, the president,

headed by Donald Trump, the president, which then reached a settlement with the

which then reached a settlement with the

which then reached a settlement with the Justice Department headed by a man named

Justice Department headed by a man named

Justice Department headed by a man named Donald Trump to create a slush fund

Donald Trump to create a slush fund

Donald Trump to create a slush fund controlled by, you guessed it, Donald

controlled by, you guessed it, Donald

controlled by, you guessed it, Donald Trump. It's so blatant and corrupt that

Trump. It's so blatant and corrupt that

Trump. It's so blatant and corrupt that it's actually fine.

it's actually fine.

it's actually fine. I mean, I want to be mad, but I'm also

I mean, I want to be mad, but I'm also

I mean, I want to be mad, but I'm also kind of impressed. Trump figured out how

kind of impressed. Trump figured out how

kind of impressed. Trump figured out how to be both the Karen and the manager.

to be both the Karen and the manager.

to be both the Karen and the manager. Like,

Like,

Like, no one has ever done that before. This

no one has ever done that before. This

no one has ever done that before. This guy's playing 5D chess with corruption.

guy's playing 5D chess with corruption.

guy's playing 5D chess with corruption. I mean, I bet he's building the ballroom

I mean, I bet he's building the ballroom

I mean, I bet he's building the ballroom just so he can do a slip and fall.

just so he can do a slip and fall.

just so he can do a slip and fall. He'll he'll be dancing in there. He'll

He'll he'll be dancing in there. He'll

He'll he'll be dancing in there. He'll hit his head. He's going to leave the

hit his head. He's going to leave the

hit his head. He's going to leave the office with a fake neck brace and $3

office with a fake neck brace and $3

office with a fake neck brace and $3 trillion.

trillion.

trillion. Now, the settlement says the money is

Now, the settlement says the money is

Now, the settlement says the money is going to go to the victims of the Biden

going to go to the victims of the Biden

going to go to the victims of the Biden administration, which is pretty broad. I

administration, which is pretty broad. I

administration, which is pretty broad. I mean, hell, I'm a victim of the Biden

mean, hell, I'm a victim of the Biden

mean, hell, I'm a victim of the Biden administration. I mean, I still have

administration. I mean, I still have

administration. I mean, I still have PTSD from watching that guy die slowly

PTSD from watching that guy die slowly

PTSD from watching that guy die slowly on television. But who does Trump have

on television. But who does Trump have

on television. But who does Trump have in mind for this money? Among those who

in mind for this money? Among those who

in mind for this money? Among those who could see payouts, the 1,600 people

could see payouts, the 1,600 people

could see payouts, the 1,600 people charged in connection with the riot at

charged in connection with the riot at

charged in connection with the riot at the capital on January 6th.

the capital on January 6th.

the capital on January 6th. >> Okay. Okay.

>> Okay. Okay.

>> Okay. Okay. Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on. So, our taxpayer money is going to the

So, our taxpayer money is going to the

So, our taxpayer money is going to the people who did Gen 6. So, effectively,

people who did Gen 6. So, effectively,

people who did Gen 6. So, effectively, the rest of us are being taxed for not

the rest of us are being taxed for not

the rest of us are being taxed for not doing Gen 6.

doing Gen 6.

doing Gen 6. Oh, if I knew that, I would have gone

Oh, if I knew that, I would have gone

Oh, if I knew that, I would have gone there.

there.

there. Wait, I mean I I was there.

Wait, I mean I I was there.

Wait, I mean I I was there. I I I just remembered.

I I I just remembered.

I I I just remembered. Didn't Didn't you see me? I was the guy

Didn't Didn't you see me? I was the guy

Didn't Didn't you see me? I was the guy in the video doing this.

The election.

Anyway, Venmo me.

Anyway, Venmo me.

Anyway, Venmo me. But look, uh I don't want to be too

But look, uh I don't want to be too

But look, uh I don't want to be too cynical here. I'm sure Donald Trump

cynical here. I'm sure Donald Trump

cynical here. I'm sure Donald Trump doesn't get to hand the money out to

doesn't get to hand the money out to

doesn't get to hand the money out to whomever he wants. I'm sure there's

whomever he wants. I'm sure there's

whomever he wants. I'm sure there's someone else who's actually controlling

someone else who's actually controlling

someone else who's actually controlling the fund.

the fund.

the fund. >> The fund itself will be controlled by

>> The fund itself will be controlled by

>> The fund itself will be controlled by acting attorney general Todd Blanch, who

acting attorney general Todd Blanch, who

acting attorney general Todd Blanch, who of course was the president's uh

of course was the president's uh

of course was the president's uh personal lawyer.

personal lawyer.

personal lawyer. >> Okay, it's his personal lawyer, but

>> Okay, it's his personal lawyer, but

>> Okay, it's his personal lawyer, but that's still a professional

that's still a professional

that's still a professional relationship. I'm I'm sure he's still

relationship. I'm I'm sure he's still

relationship. I'm I'm sure he's still objective.

objective.

objective. >> I love working for President Trump. It's

>> I love working for President Trump. It's

>> I love working for President Trump. It's the greatest honor of a lifetime. If he

the greatest honor of a lifetime. If he

the greatest honor of a lifetime. If he chooses to nominate somebody else and

chooses to nominate somebody else and

chooses to nominate somebody else and asks me to go do something else, I will

asks me to go do something else, I will

asks me to go do something else, I will say, "Thank you very much. I love you,

say, "Thank you very much. I love you,

say, "Thank you very much. I love you, sir."

Okay, fine. He's his personal lawyer and

Okay, fine. He's his personal lawyer and

Okay, fine. He's his personal lawyer and he's also in love with him. Whatever. At

he's also in love with him. Whatever. At

he's also in love with him. Whatever. At this point, it's pretty clear that

this point, it's pretty clear that

this point, it's pretty clear that Donald Trump's former personal lawyer is

Donald Trump's former personal lawyer is

Donald Trump's former personal lawyer is just there to his corruption

just there to his corruption

just there to his corruption boner. But just don't say that to his

boner. But just don't say that to his

boner. But just don't say that to his face.

face.

face. >> I'm the acting attorney general. Okay?

>> I'm the acting attorney general. Okay?

>> I'm the acting attorney general. Okay? The fact that I used to be President

The fact that I used to be President

The fact that I used to be President Trump's lawyer is just a fact. So don't

Trump's lawyer is just a fact. So don't

Trump's lawyer is just a fact. So don't say the president's former personal

say the president's former personal

say the president's former personal lawyer will do something. The acting

lawyer will do something. The acting

lawyer will do something. The acting attorney general will do something.

attorney general will do something.

attorney general will do something. >> Okay. Okay. Jeez.

>> Okay. Okay. Jeez.

>> Okay. Okay. Jeez. I'm sorry. What I meant to say is if the

I'm sorry. What I meant to say is if the

I'm sorry. What I meant to say is if the honorable acting attorney general could

honorable acting attorney general could

honorable acting attorney general could please stop throating Trump's corruption

please stop throating Trump's corruption

please stop throating Trump's corruption bonus so hard that his corrupt balls

bonus so hard that his corrupt balls

bonus so hard that his corrupt balls tickle your acting attorney general

tickle your acting attorney general

tickle your acting attorney general chin. That would be great, my good sir.

chin. That would be great, my good sir.

chin. That would be great, my good sir. The one

the one good thing about the settlement

the one good thing about the settlement

the one good thing about the settlement is that it doesn't let Trump get the

is that it doesn't let Trump get the

is that it doesn't let Trump get the money personally. So, at the very least,

money personally. So, at the very least,

money personally. So, at the very least, it's nice to know that Trump isn't just

it's nice to know that Trump isn't just

it's nice to know that Trump isn't just going to go around trying to make

going to go around trying to make

going to go around trying to make himself rich. New reporting this morning

himself rich. New reporting this morning

himself rich. New reporting this morning on President Trump's financial

on President Trump's financial

on President Trump's financial disclosure showing he publicly praised

disclosure showing he publicly praised

disclosure showing he publicly praised companies after buying their stock.

companies after buying their stock.

companies after buying their stock. Prolific stock trades, making 3,700 of

Prolific stock trades, making 3,700 of

Prolific stock trades, making 3,700 of them. a cumulative value between $220

them. a cumulative value between $220

them. a cumulative value between $220 million and around $750 million.

million and around $750 million.

million and around $750 million. Holy this guy is grinding.

Holy this guy is grinding.

Holy this guy is grinding. How does he even find the time to do all

How does he even find the time to do all

How does he even find the time to do all of this? I mean, I thought he was

of this? I mean, I thought he was

of this? I mean, I thought he was falling asleep during meetings, but I

falling asleep during meetings, but I

falling asleep during meetings, but I think he's just looking down at his

think he's just looking down at his

think he's just looking down at his Erade account.

I mean, it must have been more subtle

I mean, it must have been more subtle

I mean, it must have been more subtle than that, right? It's not like he was

than that, right? It's not like he was

than that, right? It's not like he was buying a stock and then going out and

buying a stock and then going out and

buying a stock and then going out and telling people to go buy the company's

telling people to go buy the company's

telling people to go buy the company's products. President Trump bought between

products. President Trump bought between

products. President Trump bought between 1 million and $5 million of Dell stock

1 million and $5 million of Dell stock

1 million and $5 million of Dell stock on February 10th. Nine days later, he

on February 10th. Nine days later, he

on February 10th. Nine days later, he delivered an economic speech in Rome,

delivered an economic speech in Rome,

delivered an economic speech in Rome, Georgia, where he said this.

Georgia, where he said this.

Georgia, where he said this. >> Dell, go out and buy a Dell computer.

>> Wow. Okay, this guy does not give a

>> Wow. Okay, this guy does not give a

>> Wow. Okay, this guy does not give a anymore.

anymore.

anymore. They're going to have to start replacing

They're going to have to start replacing

They're going to have to start replacing the presidential seal with a hashtag ad.

the presidential seal with a hashtag ad.

the presidential seal with a hashtag ad. In hindsight, we should have suspected

In hindsight, we should have suspected

In hindsight, we should have suspected something. I mean, if you're telling

something. I mean, if you're telling

something. I mean, if you're telling people to buy a Dell computer in 2026,

people to buy a Dell computer in 2026,

people to buy a Dell computer in 2026, you're probably doing something illegal.

you're probably doing something illegal.

you're probably doing something illegal. Okay? Cuz even the people who make Dell

Okay? Cuz even the people who make Dell

Okay? Cuz even the people who make Dell computers are like, "Do they still make

computers are like, "Do they still make

computers are like, "Do they still make Dell computers?"

Dell computers?"

Dell computers?" When we look back on it, though, the

When we look back on it, though, the

When we look back on it, though, the clues were pretty obvious.

clues were pretty obvious.

clues were pretty obvious. >> Weeks after buying shares of Palunteer,

>> Weeks after buying shares of Palunteer,

>> Weeks after buying shares of Palunteer, Trump touting the stock, posting,

Trump touting the stock, posting,

Trump touting the stock, posting, "Palanteer Technologies has proven to

"Palanteer Technologies has proven to

"Palanteer Technologies has proven to have great war fighting capabilities and

have great war fighting capabilities and

have great war fighting capabilities and equipment. Just ask our enemies." I

equipment. Just ask our enemies." I

equipment. Just ask our enemies." I mean, he's even putting the stock ticker

mean, he's even putting the stock ticker

mean, he's even putting the stock ticker symbol in his tweet.

symbol in his tweet.

symbol in his tweet. You know, the way we all drop stock

You know, the way we all drop stock

You know, the way we all drop stock symbols into our everyday conversations,

symbols into our everyday conversations,

symbols into our everyday conversations, like, "Hey, officer, officer, that man

like, "Hey, officer, officer, that man

like, "Hey, officer, officer, that man stole my iPhone." APL.

Here's the bottom line. It's undeniable

Here's the bottom line. It's undeniable

Here's the bottom line. It's undeniable at this point that Trump has achieved

at this point that Trump has achieved

at this point that Trump has achieved the level of corruption no one has ever

the level of corruption no one has ever

the level of corruption no one has ever imagined before. And if I may be serious

imagined before. And if I may be serious

imagined before. And if I may be serious for a second, this is this is

for a second, this is this is

for a second, this is this is unacceptable. Mr. President, you owe it

unacceptable. Mr. President, you owe it

unacceptable. Mr. President, you owe it to the public to explain yourself loud

to the public to explain yourself loud

to the public to explain yourself loud and clear.

>> Okay. I can't I can't hear you. I can't

>> Okay. I can't I can't hear you. I can't

>> Okay. I can't I can't hear you. I can't hear what you're saying. All right. God,

hear what you're saying. All right. God,

hear what you're saying. All right. God, fine. I'm I'm sure he's apologizing

fine. I'm I'm sure he's apologizing

fine. I'm I'm sure he's apologizing here. All right.