Original subtitles

And that's what we have of the most beautiful.

Ah, but I don't want what you have of the most beautiful, I want what you have

of the least expensive.

Indeed, it is often the problem with young widows.

They have not planned financially and ... Financially, but it has nothing to

with money, it's just for the principle. I need what you have of the ugliest.

I do not understand, normally families take what is best for their deceased,

huh, if you pay a little more expensive. Yes, but I just want to make it the

same.

Well, do you want me to explain to you how I learned the death of my husband?

Les flics m 'ont appelé pour me dire qu 'il avait fait une crise cardiaque

pendant qu 'il se tapait une pute.

Ah oui, c 'est pas cool comme nouvelle.

Pas cool ? Non, mais vous plaisantez.

C 'est carrément la honte.

Donc, je prendrai la plus belle merde que vous serez capable de me vendre.

C 'est -à -dire que... Bon, on se comprend pas du tout, vous et moi.

Votre cercueil, là, qu 'il soit en carton ou en papier -cul recyclé, je m

fous, mais alors complètement.

Moi, ce que je veux, c 'est juste qu 'il chie la honte dans le cimetière tout le

reste de sa mort.

Absolument, absolument, vous avez raison.

D 'ailleurs, je vais le faire sur mesure, même en poil de cul diable s 'il

mais on va trouver une solution.

Ne vous inquiétez pas.

Je savais bien que vous me comprendriez.

Vengez -moi.

Oh, my God.

No, don't tell me you haven't hit one yet. Well, yes.

It's always you who benefits.

You sell them super expensive things, and they still don't want to kiss you.

Yes, but you know, it's not my fault. If young women are in lack of affection...

Still, it's me who makes them top -class crates so that they travel first.

Yes, but you can also bring them a little comfort.

All you have to do is be in the right place at the right time.

It's easy for you, they always end up in your office.

Well, you can also give them a visit.

You make yourself a friend of the deceased.

By the way, this is the list of all the deaths this week.

I arrive, I say hello madam, I'm a friend of your husband, and hop, I'm

kiss her.

Of course not, but a little bit of listening and comfort, and you'll see,

may be surprised.

I saw it right away.

On the other hand, change yourself.

Because me, even a friend who comes to see me like that, I don't open.

So doctor?

Well, listen, madam, I'm sorry to announce that your husband has just

Oh, it wasn't really light.

I imagine you're in shock.

Oh, but not at all.

I'd rather tell him that I'm finally calm.

Ah, well, that, to be calm, yes, it's the least we can say.

So, now, how do I get divorced?

You don't need to divorce him, since he's dead.

But I don't want to stay married to him all my life.

Have you seen his head?

Yes, well, it's normal that he has that head, madam. He's dead.

But he's always had that head.

C 'est pour ça que je vais divorcer.

Bon, je comprends, évidemment.

Il a toujours eu cette tête -là, oui.

Mais pourquoi l 'avez -vous épousée, alors ? Ben, pour les papiers français.

Oui.

Bon, évidemment, une personne comme ça, pour avoir une sexualité, s 'il n 'y

avait pas notre belle administration française pour leur permettre d 'épouser

jeunes réfugiés comme vous, ça serait compliqué pour lui.

Vous savez, c 'était un mariage blanc.

In addition, it's been three years that he stopped me from leaving the house and

he didn't want me to go see another man than him.

Listen, madam, know that if you don't know anyone else in France, well, don't

hesitate to call me.

But could you help me accomplish an Asian custom?

Listen, the pleasure, madam, which one?

It's to make me kiss next to my ex -husband.

Pardon? Yes, it's a tradition that allows us to clean our soul when we are

married by love.

Ah, I've heard this tradition, tell me.

But hey.

Si c 'est une coutume, il ne faut surtout pas fâcher les ancêtres.

Marie, you're having a hard time.

Too bad he's dead.

Too bad for me.

Maybe his spirit

is watching us.

Don't worry.

Keep it up.

She's laughing at herself.

Oh, my God, it hurts.

You know, her head isn't better.

Oh my God.

Ah, c 'est bon ça.

Ah, c 'est bon ça.

Oh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh là là.

Oh.

Oh.

Bonjour, madame. J 'étais un ami de votre défunt mari.

Ah oui?

Je vous en prie, entrez.

Oui, vous êtes un homo.

Quoi ? Oui, mon mari était devenu pédé comme un phoque.

Et vous me dites que vous étiez amis.

Donc j 'en conclue, vous l 'êtes également.

Non, je ne le suis pas.

D 'ailleurs, je ne savais même pas que votre mari était gay.

Maintenant, on n 'en parle plus.

Il est raide et froid.

C 'est pas un petit peu dur et brutal, votre attitude ? Ça le changera un peu.

Il était plutôt du genre, mou et tiède.

Et puis, avec leur connerie de mariage pour tous, ils m 'ont carrément niqué le

mien. Ah bon ? Comment ça ? Bah, ils s 'étaient tellement investis dans ces

réunions de tata qu 'il n 'y a pas mis que les doigts dans l 'engrenage.

Et moi, ça fait deux ans que j 'ai pas baisé.

Ah, ouais, quand même.

Ouais, je comprends.

Deux ans, ça fait franchement long.

Qui dit de vous, monsieur.

D 'ailleurs, si vous connaissez une bite prête à m 'honorer, je vous en serais

très reconnaissante.

On a de la chance, mes petites dames.

Et je trouve que, justement, j 'ai ça sur moi.

Ah oui? Et vous m 'en feriez le prêt le temps de me veiller?

Avec plaisir.

Voilà quelque chose de très, très appétit.

Ah.

I was a friend of your late husband.

And know that I share your pain.

We were partners and we used to... I'm aware.

It was with your wife that my husband had an affair.

Pardon? Yes, I know everything. I recently learned that my husband cheated

with the wife of his best friend.

And as you introduce yourself to me today, I suppose it was with yours.

I am sincerely angry, but it is impossible that your husband cheated on

my wife.

Because she left me already a year ago.

No,

no.

You didn't understand.

My wife died last year.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

It's been a year.

Oh, no, but... Oh, what right can I have? I'm angry.

Listen.

To make me forgive my lack of tact, I suggest you fuck me.

Huh?

Yes. My husband cheated on me while I remained faithful, body and soul.

I'm going to fuck him all my life.

So kiss me.

C 'était un ami de votre mari.

Ah oui, il m 'avait dit que vous alliez passer à récupérer la mallette.

La mallette?

Oui, la mallette. Mon mari a gardé bien précisément.

Ah oui, la mallette, oui.

Mais je ne savais pas que vous étiez au courant, en fait.

Il me dit de tout.

Allez, rentrez, je vous en prie.

Voici ce que vous devenez seul, c 'est.

Call me Anya. Are you a friend of my husband? You can call me Anya.

Okay, if you want, Anya.

Tell me, just out of curiosity, is it because of this suitcase that my husband

is dead?

It's possible.

That said, it would be very difficult to explain to you.

Ah, yes. My husband used to tell me often, it's better if we know as little

possible.

And he also told me, my husband, you'll see, when my partner comes to the

suitcase, we'll have a party, all three of us.

Yes, yes, yes.

He told me that too.

I'm afraid of this story, though.

Have you already planned to leave me?

Ah, no, no.

I remembered that the alarm of my car had been triggered.

Ah, yes.

I'm sorry.

I thought you didn't want to celebrate it with me anymore.

Oh, yes.

I'll celebrate it with you for nothing in the world.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

I'm not saying you're doing as well as it's going to be, by the way.

But the card has the secrets.

Oh, I love that.

Oh, yeah.

It's a little bit sad, though.

Bitch.

Be at the beat.

Oh, my God.

We are agents in obsèque insurance.

Well, you arrived too late. My husband is already dead.

Well, that's exactly why we're here.

Well, we're going to go in, please.

What my colleague tried to make you understand is that your husband had

subscribed to an insurance and that he did not settle the totality of the

payments.

And what I'm telling you is that I have nothing to do with what my stupid

husband subscribed or not.

He left me only debts and shit to manage.

So, concretely, I will not sign anything that is a close or distant relationship

with my ex -husband.

Yes, but madam, that means you give up everything that insurance can bring you.

And they planned to bring me back someone, your insurance, to kiss me when

missing, huh?

No, indeed, there is nothing planned for that.

Besides, even for psychological support, there is nothing planned for this

effect.

I told you that they were rotten, your insurance.

It's not true.

If you want, we can go back to the office and we'll see with the director.

No, no, no.

You're not going anywhere until you've kissed me.

What do you mean?

What I just said.

You're going to kiss me.

And it's been a year since no one touched me.

Mwah.

Oh, my God.

We love you.