Original subtitles

Is squealing like a dolphin normal?

Perfectly normal,

when you've been stung by a porpoise-pine.

Will the captain ever speak human again?

Hmm. Porpoise-pinitis is rare.

But, ah, there's a 99% chance

he doesn't turn into a porpoise.

Oops, my mistake.

It's a 99% chance he does turn into a porpoise.

Now I feel guilty about all those times

I wished for a dolphin.

Aw. Right back at you, Dad.

Hugo, you speak porpoise?

Does this answer your question?

Uh, not exactly.

There's gotta be something we can do.

There is one cure.

The Tangy Turkey-Time Healing Soup.

We need a cup of seawater, turkey carcass, veggies, and...

Oh, no.

What is it?

Mermaid tears? The ink of a Kraken?

Worse. A pinch of emberfire salt.

The rarest salt in the Ten Realms.

Oh, I can help ye find the salt.

Hmm?

Ahoy, matey.

Saltybeard.

Of course.

I couldn't help but overhear your predicament.

I couldn't help it because you locked me in this closet

and now I'm forced to listen to all ye's conversations.

Because you tried to destroy us.

That was the old me.

Yer love for Cap'n Andar and cholesterol

have softened me bearded heart.

Let me help ye.

'Cause salt is in me blood.

You should see a doctor about that.

And in me name: Saltybeard.

Well, my name is

"Lana Never Gonna Listen To You Ever Again Longbeard."

Huh?

Uh, on second thought,

make that "Lana Let's Hear What Saltybeard Has To Say."

And then I danced the blindfolded hornpipe

on the back of a Kraken

and it was the finest jig of me life.

You think this jellyfish lie detector is working?

I don't even remember what you asked him.

Did you try to control Lana

when she was wearing you as a beard?

Nay. I was merely charting a course with me words.

Yes, the lie detector works.

Alright.

Aye, 'tis true.

I did try to trick Lana.

-Hmm. -Do you really know

where to find the emberfire salt?

Aye, I do.

Is this all a ploy to get your old pirate body back?

I'd sooner cap'n a leaky dinghy through Ghoul's Grotto

than claim me old bag of bones back.

I guess that's a no.

I swear I don't have a dishonest bone in me body.

That's because

you don't have bones or a body.

We gotta save my dad, Bo.

Unless you wanna wait

until the captain grows another blowhole.

Another blowhole?

We never would've made it here without Saltybeard.

Let's just see if we make it out of here with Saltybeard.

For all we know,

- it could be a-- - Trap!

Ye nearly triggered that boulder barrage,

the likes of which would flatten more than just your spirits.

Whoa, Bo. Saltybeard saved you.

Oh, come on. Anybody could've seen that rope.

You're welcome. I may be just a tangle of hair,

but you could say I have eyes in the back of me head.

Hmm?

Phew, he doesn't.

So, uh, what do we do?

We take the cap'n on the road

and charge five gold coins per viewing.

We hope that Lana and Bo get back here

with that salt and quick.

And we charge 10.

There. The emberfire salt!

Careful. It's so hot,

it'd melt a sea witch's cauldron.

But not too hot for this!

Yes.

We're trapped.

Now Saltybeard has us right where he wants us.

Ay. We're right where I want us.

You in a pit and me a beard without a face.

Ugh.

Grab on.

Thanks for sticking to your word, Saltybeard.

You're welcome. Tis nice knowing there's someone

who trusts this old bag of no bones.

Now, let's save the cap'n.

The healing soup's ready.

The cap'n will be in a deep sleep

while he sweats out the porpoise-pinitis.

And then, eventually, he'll be back to his old self.

Sleep well, Dad.

More like I'll be back to me old self

in a new body.

I'm the cap'n's beard now.

Whoa. Good morning to you, too.

Mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, Mee, mee, mee, mee, mee.

A renegade captain has stolen Horatius' golden goose?

Yikes. Luckily, we've got our captain back.

The captain's not in his quarters.

And Saltybeard's not in his broom closet.

Uh oh.

Please tell me that's not my dad's beard.

-It's not. -Oh, thank goodness.

Technically, it's just hair now.

Saltybeard is missing,

and so is the captain.

The renegade captain's my dad?

I know this is a bad time to say I told you so,

but can we all remember later that I told you so?

Go on, take the ship.

Papa will just buy me a better one.

This new body is worlds better than me old one.

And miles better than that broomstick.

Ow! Me back.

Okay, maybe the broom spine was stronger than the cap'n's.

Uh oh. Retreat. Retreat.

Tell all your friends Saltybeard is back, baby.

Saltybeard! You took over my dad's body?

You lied to us!

Nay. I said I didn't want me old body back.

But I never said I didn't want your cap'n's body.

He's got us there.

Technicalities.

We need to get that beard off my dad.

Now!

Without hurting him.

No way I'm giving up this dad bod.

Charge!

Andar's asleep

and supercharged with ghostly pirate beard power.

That's how you solve a problem?

By throwing money at it?

Nice try, lass.

But you're no match for me!

Set sail for the...

Dad?

Where the seas are calm.

Quiet, you. Back to sleep.

After I get rid of the likes of you,

I'll terrorize the Ten Realms!

The only way to stop Saltybeard

is to wake up my dad.

Let's get loud.

You still think you can beat me? Keep dreaming.

Shh, not so loud.

♪ Oh, long shall we be Loyal to Longbeard! ♪

♪ Pink from our cheeks To our cold little rears! ♪

Be quiet.

Give me back my dad!

Never! I mean... Never.

I just need some earplugs. And then I'll be unstoppable.

Aw, Saltybeard.

Your mop missed you.

Soup's on...

your head.

Where am I?

Dad?

Dad! I'm so happy to see you!

Um, okay.

-What a relief. -We missed you.

Welcome back, Cap'n.

Wait, where's Saltybeard?

Ugh! You'll pay for this.

Whoa. That was one spicy turkey.

Uh, oh, oh!

Did somebody wax my face?

The Ten Realms just got a taste of what old Saltybeard can do.

And I'm just getting started.

Maybe that mop wasn't such a bad idea.