Original subtitles

Behold, your latest quest.

A race to Sassafras Sea Stack

to claim the Orb of Eternal Luminescence,

and claim four points on the Leader-board!

On my count, 47, 46, 45 -

Exsqueeze me! Sorry I'm late,

good thing these countdowns are weirdly long, right? Haha.

Captain Durango, you're here too? Huuuge fan.

I've collected ALL your quips. They're legendary!

Fan-girl much? So cringe.

Oh zip it, or that big talk

will get your small brain into trouble.

Add that to your collection.

Zero! Now make it fast, and sassy!

Hey Durango, why don't you Duran-GO

take a hike in the 11th Realm?

Uh, there is no 11th realm.

Exactly! Zing!

You must have been a barnacle in a past life,

because you keep sticking to my side.

The only thing sticking to your side is your rustbucket STONK.

Hey Ho-Ho, what are you, a trophy?

Cuz you're dressed in, uh, gold!

Haha...zing?

Guess the Mighty Windbreaker was named after you,

Lana, cuz THAT was a REAL STINKER!

Better stick to swabbing decks,

cuz quipping is for the cool Captains!

Uh-oh, medical emergency, Lana's got cringe fever!

As you see, cringe fever is caused by extreme embarrassment.

She'll snap out of it eventually.

In the meantime, we must win this, for Lana,

and four guild points, cuz we all know what that means--

Uh, we'd move halfway up the leaderboard.

We'd be average.

- AVERAGE! AVERAGE! - AVERAGE! AVERAGE!

Greta, deploy the sail and...VAMOOSE!

Oh, ahem, well new plan, requisition everyone's socks.

Dirty or not, we're plugging those holes.

"Yeah, well you smell of flarfs, Ho-Ho!!"

...is what I should have said.

What's happening?!

Oh sorry, I just came up with the perfect comeback. Zing!

No, no, no, not zing.

A sassy quip needs spice, like, um...

"Hey Ho-Ho, I haven't seen you sink this low

"since your last ship went down."

No wonder you're a chef, that was the perfect roast!

Help me become a real cool ZINGALINGER!

Lesson 1: zingalinger does NOT sound cool.

And 2: you sure you wanna do this, Lana?

It can change a person forever.

I'll do anything to get into the quip club!

It is...MY DESTINY!

- Fine, wake me up at dawn. - Yes!

So, you wanna learn the art of the roast?

The rules are simple: We use chilies to judge the burn;

mothers are off-limits; avoid quipping under the belt;

and NEVER sass above six chilies.

And lastly, roasting is NOT trash talking, it's a fun way to

throw off your opponent, build camaraderie, and vocabulary.

Now put down your quill and quip me.

I wanna feel the burn.

You...look...

...nice moustache!

Of course, you're Lana, you only see the good in people.

You need to meet someone with NO redeeming qualities.

Too bad the one lives way out in the Mean Seas.

What if we took a detour?

Introducing the meanest, saltiest creature

the Ten Realms has ever heard!

Fun fact, he taught himself to talk

just so he could zing people.

Lana, meet...SNUBBLES!

Aww he's so cuuuute.

Hey, don't judge a book by its cover. Although you look

like you never opened a book before. ZING!

Oof. Now's your chance to clapback, Lana.

You think you're mean, you're as scary as a marshmallow.

And the only thing marshmallows should be roasting

are themselves... Around a campfire!

Making children all across the Ten Realms sing

with gooey chewy happiness! Can I hug you?

Uhh, that kinda ran away from me.

Maybe Ho-Ho was right, I don't belong in the Quip Club.

Lana, never let your opponent know your insecurities--

Too late! Ha ha!

Your self-confidence called. It's on vacation!

And you should trade Junk Imp for a new get-up.

I mean, what's with those wings?

My Grammie gave me these wings!!

Aww. Did she give you her bad taste too?

KA-ZING! - GGGGRRRRRRRRHHHH!

Ha, she's cringing up!

That's not cringe-fever, she's going berserker!

Easy Lana, don't waste that rage.

Channel it, into a killer quip!

Lana!! You steered us away from the race?!

Chiiill, Dad, you're so uptight,

we could use you as a topmast. ZING!

Hah, you seem confident you know what you're doing.

I like that. - Wow, I feel different.

You think I'm finally ready to dish, doc?

There's only one way to find out!

DISH! DISH! DISH! DISH! DISH!

Hugo, did you see a hermit crab and go 'THAT's my look?'

Zing!

And Bo, you put the orc in orc-ward!

Ooh!

Not to mention Greta, who lost her personality

somewhere down deep in a sea trench, hey ho!

L.O.L. Funny.

Aw, love ya!

And now I've gotta leave ya to chill before my next gig,

at Sassafras Sea Stack!

Woah!

Hey get workin', we got a race to win!

Sorry, Cap'n, we're just not feelin' it.

We need some Lana-level motivation,

but she's busy meditating on her zing.

Then here's your motivation: get to work or walk the plank!

Fine...you can do it?

I, er, I... I believe in you?

I sense your cheerleading skills stink as much as

our sock-sail. Ziiing.

Lana's right. I can do better, we all can!

We could even be average.

AVERAGE! AVERAGE! AVERAGE! AVERAGE!

That's my crew! If we're gonna win this,

we're gonna need an EXTRA pair of sails.

Lend me your undies and let's make the Windbreaker RIP!

- YEAH!! - What?

OH! Shortcut. Hahaha!

Sassafras Seastack!

Let's see to it that our socks and undies

weren't sacrificed in vain.

Ships ahoy! Full quips ahead!

Remember quips are meant to be fun--

Don't worry, I'll have plenty of fun

once I've joined the Quip Club!

HO HO HO!

Call that a battle cry? Sounds like Sprog after a nap.

Ha, ZING!

Next! Ah, Durango, the one-person crew.

I heard even your shadow doesn't want to work with ya.

A-zing-zinga-zaah!

Oh Ho-Ho! It's just you and me!

Lemme roast ya' in a way your tiny brain will understand...

We have a winner. Four points to the Mighty Windbreaker!

Yoink! I'll take that, 'cuz my zings got us the win!

Huh?

Oh here comes the Quip Club.

Better dunk your heads in seawater,

cuz y'all about to get burnt!

Huh???

Relax Dad, Lovejoy's got as much bite

as a toothless tuna fish.

I mean what do you do exactly,

give random quests for weird orbs?

I test the character of heroes, and you may have won

the competition, Lana, but you've lost my respect.

Aw c'mon, it was just a joke!

Oh I get it, you can all dish but you can't take it

from the Zingalinger! Pfft, let's vamoose.

I'm not sure I want the 'Zingalinger' on my boat,

but good ol' Lana is always welcome.

You went one chili too far, Lana.

Maybe take a moment to de-zing?

Woo-hoo, you are the queen of mean!

But I didn't want to be mean, I just wanted to fit in.

Meh, who needs friends or family when you got me?

We could be a double act, roasting the Ten realms!

No offense Snubbles, but I joined the Guild to explore

the Realms and meet all sorts of cool people, not make enemies.

Too late for that.

It's never too late to say you're sorry.

Or SIGNAL IT!

Lana's got another case of cringe-fever!

No wait, she's...dancing?!

Downward-goose, apology-kerfuffle

Is she roasting us...with flags?

No, she's apologising in semaphore!

She's saying, "I'm so so super sorry for being

"a ginormous, whale-sized butthead."

Turn around and sashay into earnest-puppy-dog-eyes.

"Short story long, I tried to be someone I'm not just to

"fit in, when I'm already part of an especially average crew."

Hey, she just called us AVERAGE!

Awww...

Let's get our Lana back, quit this quipping,

and let's get questin'!

ONE OF US! AVERAGE! ONE OF US!

Ugh, too sweet, I think I'm getting cringe-fever!

Hey Dad? For our next quest can we do an Apology tour?

Starting with the Guild.

Sorry! Soooorry! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

A million times sorry.

Aaahhhhhh fine, you're forgiven!!

Hehe! Bye.