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1
00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:25,740
Shall I take your bags
downstairs, love?
2
00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:27,980
Oh, it's just... It's just one bag.
3
00:00:27,980 --> 00:00:29,340
Quite, small. They don't...
4
00:00:29,340 --> 00:00:30,460
I don't...
5
00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:31,860
They don't want me to bring much.
6
00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:34,380
No, no, no.
Yes, I read the booklet.
7
00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:37,580
So I can carry it.
8
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:39,820
I always thought we should have
redecorated this room.
9
00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:41,340
It was on my list, actually.
10
00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:42,780
Well, you can now.
11
00:00:42,780 --> 00:00:44,740
No, no, no. I meant for you.
I meant,
12
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,780
this room was done up
for a seven-year-old.
13
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,340
You've deers on the wallpaper.
14
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:51,500
I should've given it a lick of blue
paint over the summer sometime.
15
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:54,140
Made it feel more like
a grown-up's room.
16
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,900
I like it.
17
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:57,780
My point is,
18
00:00:57,780 --> 00:01:01,140
I think you grew up
and I didn't notice.
19
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:06,740
Well, Dad,
none of this is to upset you.
20
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,540
I found an answer to something,
that's all.
21
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:14,580
KNOCK ON DOOR
22
00:01:14,580 --> 00:01:16,060
Muriel? Are you there?
23
00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:21,260
KNOCK ON DOOR
Anna?
24
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:22,500
Er, if, if you're there...
25
00:01:23,980 --> 00:01:25,380
...Ithink we need to talk.
26
00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:30,780
I-I'm just posting my number
through the door.
27
00:01:32,420 --> 00:01:34,580
I'd just like to talk. Talk more.
28
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,100
That's all.
29
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,820
SIREN WAILS
30
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:53,940
Oh!
31
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,100
No honey sandwiches?
32
00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:00,260
No, I'm sure I can rustle
something up.
33
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,140
Yeah? Don't.
34
00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:07,580
How you doing?
35
00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:14,380
MACHINE BEEPS STEADILY
36
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:26,300
Oh, you brought him?
37
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,460
Yeah.
38
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,220
You been waiting long, Father?
39
00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:32,980
I'm sorry to keep you,
40
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:36,020
I'm having a bladder reaction
to the drugs or something
41
00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:38,220
and they were changing my pads.
42
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,820
This a right level
of embarrassing for you?
43
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:43,740
Yep.
44
00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:47,020
Do you want...?
Would you prefer some private time?
45
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:48,580
No.
46
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:51,060
She wanted you here.
47
00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:54,140
Besides, we've had enough of that.
48
00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:56,140
She's bored of me yapping away,
49
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:59,820
complaining about
this, that, the other.
50
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,180
Are you in pain?
51
00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:02,780
Oh, yeah.
52
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:04,900
And it's on my notes
that I'm an addict
53
00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:07,420
so they're being very cheap
with the painkillers.
54
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:15,220
Er, Tina wanted me to come
and ask what you wanted to do next.
55
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:17,860
Oh, I'd like to go home
56
00:04:17,860 --> 00:04:19,820
and live my life,
thank you very much.
57
00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:28,620
I suppose I am concerned that,
with Tina's baby on the way...
58
00:04:28,620 --> 00:04:32,940
What, I'll let him back in
and he'll mess up that kid, too?
59
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,460
You're still charming.
60
00:04:36,420 --> 00:04:37,780
Tina wants help.
61
00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:40,380
I just...
62
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,580
I want things to be different now.
63
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:48,540
So you went to a priest?
64
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,660
I'm not a priest. Not here.
65
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:55,660
Just someone who cares.
66
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:59,100
We all care, Father.
67
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,940
Some more than we should.
68
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:21,020
I am through with vetting families
for schools.
69
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,820
Little Algernon
is a firm Catholic.
70
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:26,700
We can't attend, of course,
we dry ski on Sundays,
71
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,300
but he prays daily
72
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:31,100
and we bought him some
of your holy beads from Amazon.
73
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,620
Show him, Algy, show him.
74
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:34,540
I'm sure his name isn't Algernon.
75
00:05:34,540 --> 00:05:38,300
No. He's called Biscuit
or some such nonsense.
76
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:41,580
Sermon?
77
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,580
Oh, it's my sister's
marriage blessing.
78
00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,740
I didn't see it in the diary.
79
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:50,460
Second marriage. Ah.
80
00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:54,700
First one was...
Bloke was an arsehole.
81
00:05:56,260 --> 00:06:00,140
It's a registry office wedding
and then a blessing in the garden.
82
00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:03,980
Then praise be
she's getting on the horse again.
83
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:07,980
What? The Church isn't right
about everything,
84
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,740
and I like your sister.
85
00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,180
HE CHUCKLES
86
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:14,740
And I like people getting on horses.
87
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:18,220
I'm extending an awkward metaphor.
88
00:06:18,220 --> 00:06:21,340
I'm checking you're getting
the help you need.
89
00:06:22,420 --> 00:06:25,780
I'm getting the help I need.
90
00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:28,580
A lot of which
is coming from my sister.
91
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:29,780
Well, that's good.
92
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:36,500
I was concerned, etc.
93
00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:39,500
I won't interfere, etc.
94
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,860
Consider me spent.
95
00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:43,700
Thank you.
96
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:50,940
Now, we've had a strange request
I didn't know whether to pass on.
97
00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:55,060
The chaplain at HMP Avonmouth
has requested a visit.
98
00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:57,540
What? Why? Why would...?
99
00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:59,740
A parishioner has requested you.
100
00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:01,060
Tina's father.
101
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,100
I don't think you should.
102
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,940
I'm not even sure
Tina would like you going.
103
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,620
But... your decision.
104
00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:20,820
CHOIR SING HYMN TO ST CELIA
105
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,340
Oh.
106
00:07:57,900 --> 00:07:59,740
I...I wasn't sure whether to...
107
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,540
Knocked for you like four or five
times at Muriel's.
108
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:04,620
You haven't been home.
109
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,780
Well, that is impressive of you.
110
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:09,660
I've rung. Repeatedly.
111
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:11,500
You've done a lot.
112
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,340
Very thorough.
113
00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:15,740
It's, beginning to sound like
harassment.
114
00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:21,100
I, um...
115
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,540
I wanted to talk to you.
116
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:25,220
I'm aware.
117
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:33,380
I just wanted to say that
I stand by everything I've said.
118
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,460
I've... I've thought about it and,
119
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:38,420
this doesn't often happen to me,
but...
120
00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:41,540
...I think I was right.
121
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:45,700
I think you and I should accept that
122
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:48,540
what happened between us
was meaningful,
123
00:08:48,540 --> 00:08:50,420
but not in the way,
124
00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:54,860
well not... not the way that
I thought it to be meaningful.
125
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,180
Can I speak now?
126
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,420
No.
127
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,620
Yes. If you want to.
128
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:06,980
You are...
129
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,260
But you're... you're not allowed
to compliment me.
130
00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:13,060
Can you...? Just if, for instance,
you were going to say
131
00:09:13,060 --> 00:09:16,740
that I was formidable or fantastic,
132
00:09:16,740 --> 00:09:18,820
or even just interesting,
133
00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:21,380
or anything about how I look
or how I am,
134
00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:24,700
then that,
that wouldn't be OK to say.
135
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,540
Why not?
136
00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:30,740
Look, can we just start
from the beginning? I mean...
137
00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:33,700
Look, the beginning
and the end
138
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,940
is that I changed my life for you.
139
00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:39,420
And you are not responsible
for that.
140
00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:41,900
I really... I really hope
I've made it clear
141
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,580
that you are not responsible
for that.
142
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,060
It's...
143
00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:47,420
It's just the truth.
144
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:51,700
I fi... I've found all of this
very confusing.
145
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,260
I apologise.
146
00:09:53,260 --> 00:10:00,300
I also hope I've made it clear
that it was all me and
147
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,420
I...I do apologise
for your confusion.
148
00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:03,620
But it wasn't all you.
149
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,140
You're not allowed
to say that either.
150
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:06,780
Anna, what am I allowed to say?
151
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:13,260
Have you been praying?
152
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,580
About you?
153
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:18,340
God, no... No, not about me.
154
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:20,380
I just mean have you...
155
00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:23,540
Have you been praying generally?
156
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:29,260
I feel like I've been the cause
of some spiritual undoing
157
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:31,900
and I just...
158
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,740
I just wanted to make sure that
you've been...
159
00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:36,260
You've been praying again.
160
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:39,060
Yeah, I've been praying.
161
00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:40,500
Have you?
162
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,500
Yes.
163
00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:47,300
I've also been going more regularly
to Alcoholics Anonymous.
164
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:52,020
It's not something I want advertised
but something you probably guessed.
165
00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:58,780
Yeah, I did...
166
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,100
...sense that. And that's helpful?
167
00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:05,060
Think so. My sister's...
168
00:11:07,940 --> 00:11:09,140
Good people around me.
169
00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:14,820
You're not to feel responsible.
170
00:11:14,820 --> 00:11:18,100
You shouldn't apologise.
I should.
171
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,820
I'm sorry.
172
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:25,140
I behaved towards you like...
173
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:28,540
I felt...
You-you made me feel things.
174
00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:30,060
I need you to know that.
175
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:34,260
You made me feel things.
176
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:41,940
Now I...I'm trying
to set myself right.
177
00:11:41,940 --> 00:11:44,500
I'm determined to be a good priest.
178
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,900
Or at least the best priest
I'm capable of being.
179
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:52,620
My confusion was never you.
180
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,260
It was...
181
00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:58,060
You brought to light...
182
00:11:58,060 --> 00:12:00,460
Well, you've done a bit more
than bring to light.
183
00:12:05,940 --> 00:12:11,620
At AA, we try to explain
not who we are but why we are,
184
00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:17,860
and I think you saw the who
but not the why.
185
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:22,580
I think my understanding
of what I should be has been...
186
00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:25,340
I think I've been trying
to help people in the wrong way.
187
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,220
And which way is that?
188
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:31,380
Saving people.
189
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,780
It's an addiction like any other.
190
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:10,060
Wonderful's the word
I would've used to describe you.
191
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,140
See you again.
192
00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:22,420
Not if I see you first.
193
00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,860
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
194
00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:09,020
Is that you?
195
00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:11,700
Oh, of course it's you,
196
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,500
I'm due on shift.
197
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,540
Oh, I've cooked.
198
00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:17,540
A disgusting idea, I know.
199
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,780
But on the off chance
you're not repulsed,
200
00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:22,820
there's half a shepherd's pie
in the oven.
201
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,860
You look like you're coming down
with a cold.
202
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,460
No. No, I'm fine.
203
00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:27,980
You sure?
204
00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:29,340
What time are you back?
205
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:33,660
Shift ends 5am.
Very lucky, I know. Come here.
206
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,060
Eat the pie.
207
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:42,220
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
208
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,940
TV PLAYS
209
00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:50,300
LOUD MUSIC AND INDISTINCT CHATTER
210
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:04,340
Hi, can I have a glass
of red wine, please?
211
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:05,780
We've got a list if you want to...
212
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:07,220
Oh, just the... Just the cheapest.
213
00:16:07,220 --> 00:16:09,220
Coming right up.
214
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:48,620
SHE EXHALES
215
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,020
It's OK.
216
00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:38,820
Hi. Hi.
217
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:47,460
You waiting for someone?
Er, no, no. I...
218
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,420
I just couldn't stay in the house
any longer.
219
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,860
Huh. How come?
220
00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:54,980
Er...
221
00:18:54,980 --> 00:18:58,820
Irritated by the sound
of my own thoughts.
222
00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:01,660
I know that feeling.
223
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,100
Tony.
224
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,260
Anna. Hi. Hi.
225
00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:13,140
Who... who are you with?
226
00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:15,060
Uh, my brother and his wife.
227
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:17,540
Yeah, they came here to get away
from their kids
228
00:19:17,540 --> 00:19:19,900
and they just want to talk about
their kids.
229
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:22,940
THEY CHUCKLE
230
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,660
You got children?
231
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,380
No. No. You?
232
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:29,620
Uh, yeah, yeah, one. Ben. He's 11.
233
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:33,980
His mum and I are divorced.
It's... it's tricky.
234
00:19:33,980 --> 00:19:35,780
Yeah. I can imagine.
235
00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:41,420
What do you do, Anna?
236
00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:45,420
Uh, I'm a... cook.
237
00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:49,300
Uh, a cafe cook.
238
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,180
Which cafe?
239
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:55,700
Well, really I just,
I...I make cakes and bakes
240
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,700
and sell them to different cafes.
241
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,980
You know, just a home kitchen.
Nothing big.
242
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:01,220
Mm.
243
00:20:01,220 --> 00:20:02,660
Keeps me going.
244
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:06,940
Well, I may have eaten
a sausage roll of yours in my time.
245
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:10,060
Spicy lamb rolls are my speciality.
246
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,180
Wh-what do you do?
247
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:18,980
Uh, solicitor.
I work for Bristol City Council.
248
00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:24,620
Oh, listen,
I'm not very good at getting served
249
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:28,860
but can I buy you a drink, Anna?
250
00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:37,940
Er, one more and I'll be drunk.
251
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:39,300
Oh.
252
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,820
Uh, I'm, um, to be honest, I...
253
00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:49,580
I'm a bit bored of this place.
254
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:52,940
Have you...
Have you got somewhere we could go?
255
00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:56,500
Er, sure.
256
00:21:42,180 --> 00:21:43,300
Huh.
257
00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:47,100
You OK?
258
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:50,020
Can I just say,
you're in great shape?
259
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:51,820
Better shape than me.
260
00:22:07,940 --> 00:22:09,820
SHE BREATHES SHAKILY
261
00:22:13,580 --> 00:22:16,980
Are you OK? Am I...?
Am I going too fast?
262
00:22:16,980 --> 00:22:19,140
No.
263
00:22:19,140 --> 00:22:20,260
S, s, s, s, I'm sorry...
264
00:22:20,260 --> 00:22:23,060
I mean, this was your idea,
wasn't it?
265
00:22:25,060 --> 00:22:28,380
No, it's, um...
No, it's not... It's not you.
266
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:31,060
Listen, I'm... I'm sorry if I...
267
00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:35,020
No, I'm, um... It's-it's not you.
I'm-I'm sorry.
268
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:37,580
Well, it's, it's, it's OK.
I like you.
269
00:22:37,580 --> 00:22:39,900
I... I... Should I...?
We...
270
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:41,380
I can make a cup of tea?
271
00:22:41,380 --> 00:22:42,780
With some biscuits.
272
00:22:42,780 --> 00:22:45,460
Maybe we can,
we can, we can talk about it?
273
00:22:45,460 --> 00:22:47,260
I'm, um... I'm...
274
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:53,020
I can't. What you going?
275
00:22:53,020 --> 00:22:55,740
Can I call you?
276
00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:57,340
No...
277
00:22:57,340 --> 00:22:58,540
No.
278
00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,420
Anna?
279
00:23:02,420 --> 00:23:04,940
You've-you've done nothing
wrong. This is...
280
00:23:04,940 --> 00:23:07,900
It's... It's my-my mistake.
Please, please don't.
281
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:12,220
I don't want this...
I'm not ready.
282
00:24:14,980 --> 00:24:17,580
PRISON GATE BUZZES
283
00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:25,820
Father Hicks?
284
00:24:25,820 --> 00:24:27,620
Father Bennet.
285
00:24:27,620 --> 00:24:29,100
Call me William.
286
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:30,260
David.
287
00:24:36,420 --> 00:24:39,220
OK, so you'll be meeting him
in the multi faith room.
288
00:24:39,220 --> 00:24:41,900
It's up to you if you want someone
in the room with you.
289
00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:43,260
I'll be OK.
290
00:24:43,260 --> 00:24:45,060
I think he genuinely wants counsel.
291
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:53,780
DOOR BUZZES
292
00:25:08,620 --> 00:25:10,820
Guard staying out?
293
00:25:10,820 --> 00:25:12,060
You asked for me.
294
00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:14,980
Yes.
295
00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:17,020
I was surprised.
296
00:25:17,020 --> 00:25:18,220
Yeah.
297
00:25:23,060 --> 00:25:25,420
Am I here as a priest?
298
00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:26,620
Or as a man?
299
00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:29,300
As a priest.
300
00:25:36,580 --> 00:25:38,140
What do you want from me?
301
00:25:41,580 --> 00:25:43,020
I, um...
302
00:25:47,140 --> 00:25:48,980
Uh, they told me she's gonna be OK.
303
00:25:51,820 --> 00:25:56,180
I asked if I could call her
but they... they said no.
304
00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:57,580
You thought they might allow it?
305
00:25:57,580 --> 00:25:59,300
I didn't know. That's why I asked.
306
00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:01,700
Why do you wanna speak to her?
Because I love her.
307
00:26:05,540 --> 00:26:07,500
I wanted to hear her voice.
Hear she was...
308
00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:13,020
Hear she wasn't in too much pain.
309
00:26:14,420 --> 00:26:15,940
What, pain that you caused?
310
00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:21,500
Yeah, I know, I know.
311
00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:27,900
Have you...?
312
00:26:30,660 --> 00:26:31,980
Will you visit her?
313
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:34,860
I have.
314
00:26:36,900 --> 00:26:39,180
And is she...?
She's in pretty bad shape.
315
00:26:43,540 --> 00:26:44,900
I don't know...
316
00:26:50,820 --> 00:26:54,980
I don't know how to stop.
317
00:27:01,820 --> 00:27:04,580
If she gives evidence against me
they'll give me two years, maybe,
318
00:27:04,580 --> 00:27:08,220
and I'll be released on condition
that I stay away from her.
319
00:27:08,220 --> 00:27:10,980
But... but she'll find me.
Because that's her way.
320
00:27:10,980 --> 00:27:12,620
And... and then
I'll just do it again.
321
00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:14,500
You've assumed a lot of things
in that statement.
322
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,460
Or she won't and I'll find
someone else.
323
00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:23,500
I can smell it on 'em.
324
00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:24,940
The woman.
325
00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:31,820
The women who won't say no.
The women that'll take it.
326
00:27:31,820 --> 00:27:33,820
I-I know who they are.
Sounds like...
327
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:36,300
Oh, what, you think there
weren't others before her?
328
00:27:36,300 --> 00:27:38,020
Others during her?
329
00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:43,020
Yeah, it doesn't take a lot for me
to get women.
330
00:27:43,020 --> 00:27:45,620
These hands have broken three jaws.
331
00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:47,020
I've stamped on hands.
332
00:27:47,020 --> 00:27:49,500
I've shattered legs, pelvises,
eye sockets.
333
00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:51,300
One girl I almost ripped her ear
clean off.
334
00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:52,620
What can you say to that?
335
00:27:52,620 --> 00:27:54,060
You sound almost proud.
336
00:27:55,420 --> 00:27:59,380
My mum, she walked with a... a hunch.
337
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:04,620
Walking round the house
with a bunch of washing
338
00:28:04,620 --> 00:28:06,140
in a cheap plastic basket,
339
00:28:06,140 --> 00:28:09,940
and this saggy face and this
hunch...
340
00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:15,100
...like she was always waiting
for the gut punch.
341
00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:17,260
Why did you want me to hear that?
342
00:28:17,260 --> 00:28:18,780
What's the question?
343
00:28:21,660 --> 00:28:23,380
I'm thinking I need to kill myself.
344
00:28:25,940 --> 00:28:27,980
And I know that that is a sin,
345
00:28:27,980 --> 00:28:30,180
but I'm thinking
it's all that I've got.
346
00:28:33,420 --> 00:28:36,300
It is the only way to stop me.
347
00:28:41,740 --> 00:28:44,020
And I'm asking for your guidance
on that.
348
00:29:12,340 --> 00:29:13,620
OK.
349
00:29:16,660 --> 00:29:19,940
I think that you need help.
350
00:29:19,940 --> 00:29:22,300
Tried it. It didn't work.
351
00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:24,220
I think you need to try again.
352
00:29:26,420 --> 00:29:28,580
Father Bennet told me of
a counselling service here.
353
00:29:28,580 --> 00:29:30,660
No. No.
I just want to hurt them too.
354
00:29:30,660 --> 00:29:32,780
They think they're
so fucking clever. They never are.
355
00:29:32,780 --> 00:29:33,980
I am actually clever.
356
00:29:33,980 --> 00:29:36,900
I can see how fucking thick they are
and I won't have it.
357
00:29:38,540 --> 00:29:39,860
Do you think I'm clever?
358
00:29:39,860 --> 00:29:41,780
You? You're not as clever
as you think.
359
00:29:44,060 --> 00:29:45,700
You are weak.
360
00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:53,980
I can smell the booze on you now.
361
00:29:55,140 --> 00:29:56,700
No.
362
00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:57,860
Fine.
363
00:29:59,220 --> 00:30:01,380
But I've smelt the booze on you
before.
364
00:30:02,580 --> 00:30:05,820
And I know you go to those meetings.
365
00:30:05,820 --> 00:30:08,740
I've got friends in those meetings
and they know you're weak too.
366
00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:10,300
Why... why's it matter what I think?
367
00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:11,860
Because I have said this.
368
00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:17,460
You are my priest.
369
00:30:17,460 --> 00:30:19,660
I've never much felt like
your priest.
370
00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:24,460
You can talk to any priest.
371
00:30:24,460 --> 00:30:26,620
Maybe someone with some distance.
Father Bennet.
372
00:30:26,620 --> 00:30:28,740
I don't know them.
They could be kiddy fiddlers,
373
00:30:28,740 --> 00:30:29,940
or worse still,
374
00:30:29,940 --> 00:30:32,660
the pious fuckers who think that
everything is easy.
375
00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:34,100
You're weak...
376
00:30:38,460 --> 00:30:39,860
...but you're a good man.
377
00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:43,620
I've seen you and I know
you're good.
378
00:30:43,620 --> 00:30:45,540
And you have been good
to my daughter.
379
00:30:47,540 --> 00:30:49,020
I trust your judgment.
380
00:30:50,660 --> 00:30:54,780
I don't want this last act
to be a sin.
381
00:30:54,780 --> 00:30:57,140
I want it to be an act of penance.
382
00:30:57,140 --> 00:30:58,780
And God is not talking
to me right now,
383
00:30:58,780 --> 00:31:01,260
so I need to know from you,
I need to know that...
384
00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:02,900
I need to be sure that this is...
385
00:31:06,140 --> 00:31:08,060
That penance is right.
386
00:31:20,220 --> 00:31:21,540
Good.
387
00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:25,620
Good, yeah, you're thinking.
388
00:31:29,660 --> 00:31:32,180
Well, there it is.
I know I've said all I want to say.
389
00:31:34,380 --> 00:31:36,260
I'll trust your word.
390
00:31:44,020 --> 00:31:45,380
Yes or no?
391
00:31:45,380 --> 00:31:48,660
First foster home I went to was fine
392
00:31:48,660 --> 00:31:51,060
but they were only doing
emergency care.
393
00:31:51,060 --> 00:31:54,100
The second was OK
but we didn't get on.
394
00:31:56,020 --> 00:32:00,700
Third foster family I went to,
I was five.
395
00:32:00,700 --> 00:32:02,860
I lived there for two years
till I was seven.
396
00:32:04,660 --> 00:32:06,940
The oldest kid there was 14.
397
00:32:09,060 --> 00:32:14,060
I won't give him his name
because he doesn't deserve it.
398
00:32:14,060 --> 00:32:16,260
To be honest, I don't need to hear
the personal stuff.
399
00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:20,180
He thought I made too much noise.
He liked to pinch me.
400
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:24,940
Just little hard pinches
that no-one saw.
401
00:32:24,940 --> 00:32:30,100
And I-I was a pretty scared child
and I let him.
402
00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:32,980
And then it escalated a little.
403
00:32:32,980 --> 00:32:35,180
He'd punch me.
404
00:32:35,180 --> 00:32:37,420
Little rabbit punches
he'd call them.
405
00:32:38,980 --> 00:32:40,780
He'd push me off things, and he'd...
406
00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:46,220
...do everything he could,
little things, to...
407
00:32:48,860 --> 00:32:50,460
He enjoyed my pain.
408
00:32:50,460 --> 00:32:52,340
I am not finding this interesting.
I just want an answer.
409
00:32:52,340 --> 00:32:54,620
I didn't want to talk
to my support worker about it,
410
00:32:54,620 --> 00:32:57,460
because I thought it was this
or an institution,
411
00:32:57,460 --> 00:32:59,940
and I had my own room
with this family
412
00:32:59,940 --> 00:33:01,940
and I really enjoyed the food,
413
00:33:01,940 --> 00:33:06,020
and I had a couple of friends
at school that I liked to play with.
414
00:33:06,020 --> 00:33:08,500
And then my...
415
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:11,020
The people who became my parents
started to visit.
416
00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:15,500
And they were really special.
417
00:33:15,500 --> 00:33:17,620
Everyone could see.
418
00:33:17,620 --> 00:33:21,660
They smelt good. They were Catholic.
419
00:33:21,660 --> 00:33:24,460
Everyone knew that religious
adopters were the best kind.
420
00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:27,580
Third time they visited,
421
00:33:27,580 --> 00:33:32,460
he followed me into the toilet
422
00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:35,780
and he slammed my head
into the bowl and he held it,
423
00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:37,860
he tried to hold it into the water,
424
00:33:37,860 --> 00:33:40,020
he tried to drown me
in the toilet water,
425
00:33:40,020 --> 00:33:42,500
but there wasn't enough water
in the bottom of the bowl
426
00:33:42,500 --> 00:33:45,780
and so he pushed his hands
around my head
427
00:33:45,780 --> 00:33:48,260
and I was bleeding.
428
00:33:48,260 --> 00:33:49,740
He strangled me.
429
00:33:56,220 --> 00:34:01,580
He strangled me
so hard I lost consciousness.
430
00:34:04,620 --> 00:34:05,980
I...
431
00:34:05,980 --> 00:34:08,500
I don't know how.
432
00:34:10,420 --> 00:34:11,820
I don't who saved me.
433
00:34:15,780 --> 00:34:18,460
I was taken away from that
foster family immediately,
434
00:34:18,460 --> 00:34:21,100
taken, actually taken in to...
435
00:34:21,100 --> 00:34:23,500
By the Catholics who adopted me.
436
00:34:26,740 --> 00:34:28,900
My point is...
437
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:30,540
Actually, I have two points.
438
00:34:30,540 --> 00:34:32,820
My first is - I understand pain.
439
00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:38,060
I understand people
who want to inflict pain.
440
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:44,780
My second point is,
that boy, me...
441
00:34:47,700 --> 00:34:51,660
...I had no-one to talk to.
442
00:34:51,660 --> 00:34:52,940
No-one.
443
00:34:54,260 --> 00:34:57,540
And I...I've thought since then,
444
00:34:57,540 --> 00:35:01,740
I resolved I would never let anyone
be alone like that,
445
00:35:01,740 --> 00:35:02,900
like I was, again.
446
00:35:06,100 --> 00:35:07,340
But...
447
00:35:07,340 --> 00:35:09,820
But I think you do need to be alone,
Phil.
448
00:35:12,740 --> 00:35:15,380
Penance is about change.
449
00:35:15,380 --> 00:35:17,020
It's not about ends.
450
00:35:19,140 --> 00:35:21,620
If you commit the same sin,
451
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:23,020
you can't just clean it off
452
00:35:23,020 --> 00:35:26,060
and you can't think one act
cleans the slate. It doesn't.
453
00:35:26,060 --> 00:35:28,420
God doesn't work like that.
454
00:35:28,420 --> 00:35:31,540
God loves but God also expects.
And what does he expect?
455
00:35:31,540 --> 00:35:32,900
He expects love.
456
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:37,980
He expects love.
457
00:35:39,420 --> 00:35:42,300
For yourself and for others.
458
00:35:42,300 --> 00:35:44,300
And he expects you
to be the best love.
459
00:35:46,140 --> 00:35:48,260
John 4:8.
460
00:35:48,260 --> 00:35:51,580
"Dear friends, let us love one
another, for love comes from God.
461
00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:54,780
"Everyone who loves has been born
of God and knows God."
462
00:36:04,900 --> 00:36:07,820
So, no. No. I will not
sit in judgment on your act.
463
00:36:07,820 --> 00:36:10,780
It's a sin how you've lived
and if you kill yourself,
464
00:36:10,780 --> 00:36:12,380
it'll be a sin how you die.
465
00:36:14,660 --> 00:36:15,900
But I will say this.
466
00:36:17,660 --> 00:36:20,180
Yeah, you're right. I am weak.
467
00:36:22,140 --> 00:36:24,260
But you are weaker
468
00:36:24,260 --> 00:36:27,620
if you think you truly
have no way of helping yourself.
469
00:36:30,500 --> 00:36:35,500
And I will be... I...
I will do everything I can
470
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:37,140
to help Bianca see this through
471
00:36:37,140 --> 00:36:42,100
so you stay in here
for a very long time.
472
00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:25,780
DOORBELL RINGS
473
00:37:31,020 --> 00:37:32,780
Hi.
474
00:37:32,780 --> 00:37:34,540
Hello.
475
00:37:34,540 --> 00:37:36,180
This is a surprise.
476
00:37:37,660 --> 00:37:39,660
I, uh, thought about calling,
477
00:37:39,660 --> 00:37:42,100
but I didn't want to catch
you unawares.
478
00:37:42,100 --> 00:37:45,100
Well, you caught me unawares
on your last visit so...
479
00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:46,620
...fair's fair.
480
00:37:46,620 --> 00:37:48,340
And you're cooking?
481
00:37:50,180 --> 00:37:52,100
The James family invited us over.
482
00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:54,060
I thought I'd make my apple cake.
483
00:37:54,060 --> 00:37:55,740
Chris? Chris!
484
00:38:00,460 --> 00:38:02,220
Well, don't let me stop you.
485
00:38:03,780 --> 00:38:06,540
Do you want to help?
486
00:38:06,540 --> 00:38:10,060
Yeah. Of course.
487
00:38:10,060 --> 00:38:11,700
Hmm.
488
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:21,300
Hello.
489
00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:25,380
She's helping me now.
You can go back to your room.
490
00:38:25,380 --> 00:38:26,620
Nice to see you.
491
00:38:26,620 --> 00:38:28,580
And you, Dad. Are you well?
492
00:38:28,580 --> 00:38:30,060
We're cooking.
493
00:38:42,380 --> 00:38:46,860
That was an odd thing to do,
wasn't it? Forgot I had some out.
494
00:38:46,860 --> 00:38:49,020
Sure.
495
00:38:49,020 --> 00:38:50,980
You de-core and slice.
496
00:38:50,980 --> 00:38:53,020
I'll keep working on
the rest of it.
497
00:38:53,020 --> 00:38:54,380
OK.
498
00:38:57,780 --> 00:39:02,580
Er, I've been making
a yoghurt and apple cake, actually.
499
00:39:02,580 --> 00:39:06,380
We had a farmer who would swap...
500
00:39:07,940 --> 00:39:10,300
Ah. Doesn't matter.
501
00:39:10,300 --> 00:39:12,780
THUD!
502
00:39:12,780 --> 00:39:14,740
I hate it when you do that.
503
00:39:14,740 --> 00:39:18,700
When you're superior like that.
"It doesn't matter."
504
00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:22,540
Like you are the arbiter of...
505
00:39:24,420 --> 00:39:26,380
I, um...
506
00:39:26,380 --> 00:39:30,620
I'm just...
I'm just here to see you, Mum.
507
00:39:30,620 --> 00:39:33,060
I just want to help you make a cake.
508
00:39:40,660 --> 00:39:42,100
I like thin slices.
509
00:39:43,620 --> 00:39:46,260
Feels like they melt into the cake
when they're thin.
510
00:39:59,580 --> 00:40:01,740
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
511
00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:13,620
I need a lift, Dad.
512
00:40:14,780 --> 00:40:17,580
OK. Where to?
513
00:40:44,980 --> 00:40:46,660
Hello, Father.
514
00:40:46,660 --> 00:40:48,700
Hello. Um...
515
00:40:48,700 --> 00:40:51,380
I just wondered if Anna...
516
00:40:51,380 --> 00:40:53,340
Whether I could talk to Anna.
517
00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:56,540
Um... No, I'm afraid you can't.
518
00:40:56,540 --> 00:40:58,260
Look, I-I know I've made mistakes.
519
00:40:58,260 --> 00:41:00,780
I-I just want to explain
520
00:41:00,780 --> 00:41:03,500
or try to set things right,
521
00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:04,900
just talk to her.
522
00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:06,900
She's gone back.
523
00:41:06,900 --> 00:41:08,140
Back where?
524
00:41:16,580 --> 00:41:18,460
She...
525
00:41:18,460 --> 00:41:19,940
She left me a letter.
526
00:41:21,340 --> 00:41:24,020
Probably thought I'd
try and convince her different.
527
00:41:30,780 --> 00:41:32,780
Do you... Do you want to come in?
She's made a mistake.
528
00:41:36,100 --> 00:41:38,380
I think you've thought that
a few times.
529
00:41:38,380 --> 00:41:39,740
She has.
530
00:41:42,020 --> 00:41:43,900
She took her skin off for you.
531
00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:52,060
Maybe she just wants to
put it on again.
532
00:41:53,860 --> 00:41:55,780
Feel safe again.
533
00:42:01,420 --> 00:42:02,780
Yeah.
534
00:42:03,860 --> 00:42:05,460
HE SIGHS
535
00:42:12,540 --> 00:42:13,820
Anna?
536
00:42:17,380 --> 00:42:19,140
Oh, it is you.
537
00:42:19,140 --> 00:42:21,780
And looking so healthy.
538
00:42:21,780 --> 00:42:24,180
Look at that lovely hair.
539
00:42:24,180 --> 00:42:28,420
Hello, Polly. Hello, Agnes.
540
00:42:29,900 --> 00:42:32,540
I didn't think I'd see you again.
541
00:42:32,540 --> 00:42:34,860
You have light all through you.
542
00:42:53,220 --> 00:42:54,620
Hello.
543
00:42:56,940 --> 00:42:58,140
I...
544
00:42:58,140 --> 00:43:01,260
Are you in-in the middle
of something or shall I...?
545
00:43:01,260 --> 00:43:02,620
Stay. Please.
546
00:43:06,180 --> 00:43:08,100
Please don't make this humiliating.
547
00:43:08,100 --> 00:43:10,700
I wasn't intending to.
548
00:43:10,700 --> 00:43:14,020
But may I ask why?
549
00:43:15,980 --> 00:43:17,700
This is my home.
550
00:43:17,700 --> 00:43:20,900
No. It is a home of God.
551
00:43:26,740 --> 00:43:28,420
Did he reject you?
552
00:43:28,420 --> 00:43:29,700
No.
553
00:43:30,740 --> 00:43:33,500
Are you going
to change your mind again?
554
00:43:33,500 --> 00:43:34,700
No.
555
00:43:34,700 --> 00:43:39,660
Sorry to ask,
I hope you know why I have.
556
00:43:39,660 --> 00:43:41,980
Is there still a place for me?
557
00:43:44,180 --> 00:43:46,380
Of course there is.
558
00:43:47,540 --> 00:43:50,060
I can do good work here.
559
00:43:50,060 --> 00:43:51,540
You always did.
560
00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:56,260
I, uh, I have my habit.
561
00:43:58,380 --> 00:44:02,580
If you want to,
you may put it back on.
562
00:44:06,900 --> 00:44:09,180
You are loved here
563
00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:11,860
and we are pleased
you have found your way back.
564
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:16,820
I love you, too.
565
00:44:19,140 --> 00:44:24,180
And I will try not to expect you
to be the same person now
566
00:44:24,180 --> 00:44:26,460
as you were when you left us.
567
00:44:29,100 --> 00:44:31,620
Though you do seem to be
just as irritating.
568
00:44:33,660 --> 00:44:35,220
In the name of the Father
569
00:44:35,220 --> 00:44:37,580
and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit.
570
00:44:37,580 --> 00:44:39,700
The Lord be with you.
571
00:44:39,700 --> 00:44:41,540
And with your spirit.
572
00:44:43,540 --> 00:44:48,180
Lord, we have sinned against you.
573
00:44:48,180 --> 00:44:50,180
Lord have mercy.
574
00:44:50,180 --> 00:44:53,420
Lord have mercy.
575
00:44:53,420 --> 00:44:57,660
Lord, hear our prayer
to fill us as you filled your Son
576
00:44:57,660 --> 00:45:00,340
with love to fight the world.
577
00:45:02,260 --> 00:45:04,580
Help us...
578
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:06,060
...to...
579
00:45:07,100 --> 00:45:08,780
Help...
580
00:45:08,780 --> 00:45:11,180
Help-help-help us to...
581
00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:14,500
Amen.
582
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:15,940
Amen.
583
00:45:17,060 --> 00:45:20,260
Show us.
584
00:45:20,260 --> 00:45:22,660
Show us your mercy
585
00:45:22,660 --> 00:45:24,700
and your love.
586
00:45:24,700 --> 00:45:27,180
And grant us your salvation.
587
00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:33,140
May Almighty God have mercy on us,
588
00:45:33,140 --> 00:45:35,980
forgive our sins
589
00:45:35,980 --> 00:45:39,700
and bring us to everlasting life.
590
00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:40,740
Amen.
591
00:45:40,740 --> 00:45:42,140
Amen.
592
00:45:42,140 --> 00:45:43,540
Amen.
40927
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