Original subtitles

Yuck. Too ripe.

Well, this one doesn't look good either.

No.

This one has a worm in it. Mine!

You eat worms?

What else are you supposed to do with them? Use them for bait?

Okay.

You coming out?

No, go ahead. Your mother won't let me eat worms in the house.

Thanks. There's no worm in this!

Oh, howdy, Raquel.

Red alert! Red alert!

Alien coming through!

What was Al running for?

Occupied! Oh, I'm sorry.

Al knows that's not a bathroom, doesn't he? I hope so.

Al?

Al?

Hey, Al, what's going on?

Uh, uh, get the front door, Willie. It may be self -evident.

Okay, Willie, it was horrifying. It was simply horrifying.

It had a long and too big... Raquel, please don't do this.

She's imagining things. I am not imagining things. There is a monster

the neighborhood.

A monster?

Oh, are you going to form an angry mob?

I saw it in your backyard.

And I could swear I have seen it once before.

What did this monster look like?

Like Bigfoot. Only little.

It ran behind your garage.

It might still be there.

Maybe we should go have a look.

Oh, good, good, good. But you go first.

Raquel, Raquel, I'm sure that there's nothing out there.

Oh, fine. Well, then you just tell that to it.

Raquel.

Uh, will you tell it that I'd like to speak to him?

Bigfoot? Well, she's one to talk.

I could shoot the rapids in one of her gunboats.

It was right over here.

See? It was eating the avocados.

How considerate of it to have taken a single bite out of every one.

Look at this bite pattern.

Four teeth. That is not human.

Your mother had four teeth.

Bad example.

Maybe it was a dog.

It knew my name.

Maybe it was a neighborhood dog.

Raquel. You know how the mind plays terrible tricks on a person. Yeah.

I bet it was that extra garlic you put on your pizza this morning.

You had the pizza.

It's me, Raquel.

I'm just trying to cover for you.

I don't need you to cover for me. I am telling the truth.

Fine. You saw a little Bigfoot.

I'm out of it.

you know, wrinkly dogs from China. They're always being mistaken for

else. No, it was different.

It looked like something from another world.

A soap opera?

No! It was a creature from outer space!

Willie, you went to college.

Tell her there's no such thing as spacemen.

Well, I can't say that for sure.

It is possible that there are beings from other worlds that could come to

us someday and stay, even, in fact, overstay, not even once offer to pay for

their own food.

So I'm here.

I give up. You're all nuts.

Come on, Raquel. We're going home.

No. No, it may be dangerous.

We must warn the alien task force. No, no. Why? You did that before. They

believe you. Why do you think they believe you now?

Fine. Then I'll have to warn everybody myself.

Yoo -hoo!

Mr. Litwack!

Raquel! Raquel!

Honey,

you don't think the Litwacks will believe her, do you? Kate, the Litwacks

believe Dick Clark is 23 years old.

Did they leave?

Yeah.

Where's the mall foot?

Sudden obsession with my feet.

Ryan, I want you to go outside and see if Mrs. McMonick is alarming anyone.

You want me to spy on her?

No, no, no, no. I want you to go outside. I want you to look around and

Mrs. Yeah, go.

Spy.

You know, I don't think that Raquel is going to rest until she gets her

spaceman.

What if we borrowed a hairy animal and let it loose in her yard?

The fine, hairy animal.

A goat.

An anteater.

A baboon.

No, an orangutan. That's orange.

Who are you calling orange?

I'm Bert Sienna.

I'm sorry, Al. No offense.

Well, none taken.

You hairless, pink suburbanite.

There's a crowd around Mr.

Zach Martin. Oh, no.

Don't worry. Don't worry. We'll find a way out of this. In the meantime, Al.

You'll just have to stay inside.

Well, define meantime.

For as long as it takes.

Well, define as long as it takes.

Until Raquel forgets she saw a talking midget Bigfoot with four teeth.

So, we're talking well into next week.

I notice you spend a lot of time fixing stuff, Willie.

That's because you spend a lot of time... Breaking stuff, Al?

Well, it's nice that our hobbies are so compatible.

Could you stop the pacing?

I pace when I'm bored.

I've been under house arrest for almost a month.

It's been two days, Al.

Then why did I carve 30 notches on your banister?

Because you're a vandal.

for this hideous -looking space creature.

Well, if that isn't a case of the orbit guard calling the cat rancher a

hairball.

They're on all the telephone poles. Oh, no, this is terrible.

Well, you're right. That picture looks nothing like me. If my ears were that

big, I could pick up HBO.

We've got to do something.

Yes, Brian, go to all the telephone poles and erase the ears. I repeat,

the ears.

Okay, I'll make the nose bigger, too.

Oh, hi, Mr. Off -Matic.

Hi, Brian.

Where's your dad?

He's in the garage, all by himself.

Well, thanks a lot.

See you later.

Oh, hide.

No, it's time I took a stand.

It is a far, far better thing I do.

I'll be far, far under the workbench.

Hey, Trevor, what's up?

That's Raquel.

She's driving me nuts.

You know, she even made a scope through the creature out of mashed potatoes.

That is pretty bizarre.

Hey, watch it. That's my wife you're talking about.

This is a wild imagination, that's all.

She used to think you guys were taking a sip out of her milk every morning.

She's making us a laughing stock of the neighborhood.

I hate to say it, Willie.

I think she's wacko.

Trevor!

Trevor! Don't play me.

I just got a call from the Lenny Scott Show. Lenny wants to interview me on

tonight's program.

Oh, no.

Not Lenny Scott!

Who's Lenny Scott?

He has a local talk show. He has all kinds of kooks and weirdos on. He

them, then he makes fun of them.

It doesn't matter who ridicules you if you're telling the truth.

I'm sorry, Pumpkin.

I just hate to see you blabbing this thing all over the city.

The truth must be told, and finally someone wants me to tell it.

Not me.

Me either.

Raquel!

rate this guy in a sleazeball scale?

Oh, it's the more between Cheech and Chong.

We'll take our first caller now.

You're wrong, dear.

Poor Al.

You realize that after tonight, thousands of people will be coming to

him? I hope they don't take Alf away.

Well, you hope they don't take Alf away.

How could you be eating popcorn at a time like this?

Well, we're out of potato chips.

Besides, I always snack when I'm going to be exposed on TV.

Did you, Brian?

Yes.

Oh, I must have been thrown off by his subtlety.

kitchen. I'm going on a hunger strike in protest.

First, I'm going to strike the chocolate cake. Then I'm going to dive bomb the

cheese log.

Tell me, Raquel, do you have any physical proof about what you saw?

footprints, an English Martian dictionary.

what she's talking about.

They're coming out of the woodwork tonight.

Aliens do exist, and they've visited this planet many times, although they

drink the water.

The voice sounds so familiar.

Folks, I'd like to report a UFO, an unidentified flaky object.

Well, listen, I couldn't help noticing your hair.

Is that a toupee, or did you sprout polyester?

That's Al. That's him.

Hello! Hello!

He hung up on me.

Al, whatever possessed you to do such a thing?

Hey, somebody had to defend Mrs.

Archmonic's honor.

Don't you realize what a chance you were taking?

Things were getting out of hand, Kate.

I just wanted to be the voice of reason.

You missed it, Al. They just voted you cuckoo of the week.

Again?

Where's Lizard taking you?

Oh, to a science fiction movie.

Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.

Well, that's not science fiction.

A friend of mine did that once.

He took a wrong turn and got stuck in the guy's nose.

Al. Wait, I didn't tell you the good part.

How he got out.

We don't want to know.

Hi, Dad. Hi, honey.

Hi, honey.

What's the good word?

Oh, well, the good word is it looks like you're safe.

Trevor's going around taking down all the posters.

Oh, heat's off.

I'll be at the beach.

Oh. Well, I've got sunblock.

You're saying right.

What's the bad word?

Raquel. I feel just terrible for her.

She's been so traumatized by this whole experience that she won't talk to

anyone. She just sits in front of a TV staring at the screen.

How's Trevor handling it? Not very well.

He said he wanted to go out for a long walk.

I'm going to search through his feelings.

Possibly bowl a few games.

Is there something that we could do for Mrs. Akmanek?

I'll go have a talk with her.

Smart face, man. Real smart.

I have to do something.

The woman's a turn -up because of me.

I'm afraid that's true. She thinks she's lost her mind.

But I do exist.

I shed.

Therefore, I am.

What do you think we should do?

Well, I don't know. You know, honey, talk to her, be patient.

Convince her that she didn't see an alien.

Well, let's face it.

I'm unforgettable.

Broadcasting Company is on the air.

Faith and imagination.

Your girlish love of life.

Oh, and I want you to take art lessons.

Alf, what are you doing? Do not adjust your step. We are experiencing technical

difficulties. Alf,

you're only going to make things worse.

Au contraire. I'm trying to help matters. Now just give me a chance.

Who are you talking to?

If she sees you, you'll ruin everything.

all those utensils.

I shouldn't have done it.

I thought first and spoke later.

No, actually, I spoke first and thought later.

What you did was, you did a pretty nice thing for Raquel. That's what you did.

Yeah, you did.

We're proud of you.

Yeah?

Well, I'm something, huh?

Hey, maybe I should get a Nobel Peace Prize.

Wouldn't that look nice on the mantle?

might not have room for your Cuckoo of the Week award.

You're right. Forget it.

Oh, no.

What do you have?

I have a 9, 19, 20, 39.

Yeah, you owe me...

Seven thousand dollars.

Can you settle for a kiss?

No.

Hey, Tanner.

Yeah, come on. Come on in, Trevor.

Did you see anybody take a couple of pumpkin pies from a back porch?

No.

How's Raquel? Is she back to normal?

She claims the spaceman called her on the TV and told her to take art lessons.

You call that normal?

But at least she's happy.

Well, that's good news.

Yeah. Sorry to hear about those pies.

That's okay. We're going out to dinner anyway.

You want me to bring you back a corn dog?

No, thanks.

We'll see you later, Trevor.

Gotcha.

Did somebody mention corn dogs?