All language subtitles for 1972 - Country Cuzzins

Why ain't you help me with the chores?

I've been practicing my singing and my
dancing, and Ma said I didn't have to do

no chores when I was practicing.

You ain't practicing nothing.

I seen you yesterday playing with a
Hopkins boy in the barn after you told

you was doing your singing lesson.

You're just too sneaky for your own
good.

What you doing peeking at me anyway?

Who says I can't look in the barn any
time I want to?

You're just mad because the boys don't
pay you no never mind.

You little... Jenny?

Jenny, you come back here!

She's a pretty gal and her name is Billy
Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe. I don't know why I love
her, but I know I'm going to get her.

She's the kind of gal who wants to be
everybody's pal.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe. Why do I love you when I
know I can't have you? You're driving me

crazy. My mind is getting lazy.

Hold me, oh my.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Billy Joe, I do believe you're right.

Wow I

got

her Jeter my

I never knowed you was so pretty, Billy
Joe.

Damn you!

Both of you!

Now let me up high after Mom!

Just don't seem right somehow.

To let you up without doing something.

You just better not try doing nothing.
I'll tell your Pa.

You just hold her tight, Jeff.

I'm at least going to get a little feel.

I don't think Pa would get too mad at
that.

How come you never kicked Cousin Tommy?

I happen to know he felt your tits.

Now, I'm warning you. You boys just
better get.

Just get. I ain't putting up with no
more of your foolishness.

Okay, okay.

Better fun.

Besides, we're going to see more anyway.

I've seen your radio down by the pig
pen, Billy Joe. Oh, fudge.

We could at least say thanks, Stinky.

Watch your mouth, Brother Leroy. I done
had a stomach full of wise boys for one

day.

Morning, Uncle Lester.

Morning.

I think you're clear over here.

Moss ain't worried she won't see me
about something. I think my boys are

in there.

Well, I ain't seen them. Of course, and
I've been down by the chicken barn all

morning.

Lord, it's been hot, Lester. Yeah.

How'd your boys been?

Oh, can tankers and Lansley, as usual.

They still working on that old pickup?

They got that truck so hopped up, it
ain't safe to exist here in town for

nobody. They going in town courtin'
every night.

Howdy, Mo.

Howdy, Mo.

Where's Billy Joe?

He's gone to get a radio, Mom.

Go get her. I want to hear.

What y 'all sittin' around for?

Somebody died?

Mind your tongue, young lady. There's
your elders here.

I'm going to kick you, Peter.

Billy Joe, sit.

Now, I want you all to listen to me.
Careful.

It's been now 30 years since I had all
my kids here together.

And I reckon I got a right to see them
all before I die.

Oh, Ma.

Quiet, Fester.

No one lives forever.

Come to think of it, you've been looking
mighty peaked lately.

Maybe you better get some more collard
greens in your vittles.

So, I invited all the living kin that I
could find to come here and see their

old grandma before she kicks the bucket.

Stop that.

Now don't you go getting teary -eyed
over nothing.

I outlive most everyone in this whole
family.

And I reckon I got a right to die when I
wants to.

Fester, I want you to make all our
kinfolk comfortable when they gets here.

There's lots of room in the barn for
them that wants to stay overnight.

Billy Joe, Jenny, you can make up a bed
in one of them old chicken coops.

Ma, I can't sleep in an old chicken
coop.

What's the matter, Princess?

You too good for a chicken coop?

Ma, make her stop.

Hush up, both of you.

You do as I say. I'll take this here
cane to you.

How come you haven't been seeing me in a
whole week, Leroy?

Because I've been busy.

Melanie, somebody is going to catch us.
Now, come on.

I don't care.

I've been needing you.

Well, listen, there's an empty pen
there. We can go inside there. Come on,

hurry. I don't want to get caught.

Well, I can put these down here.

God,

if Jeff and Jer sees me doing this, I'm
dead.

Come on, get your clothes off, would
you? I don't want to get caught.

You just don't understand. You're in a
hurry.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Oh. Oh.

Howdy, Joe.

Howdy, Phillip.

How's all the young 'uns? Well, just
fine, Fester. And how's Ma?

Oh, fine. Around the corner, sitting in
the shade.

Is Fester in here with the dancers?

Why, sure is, hon, but I can't say
exactly where. Why don't you just go and

for her?

Now, Joe, let's go and have a little
talk with Ma, and then I'll tell you

we're going to do. We're going to have a
little drink.

Now, Joe, you got no call to go drinking
too much. Remember, this is Sunday.

Well, you know I never drink too much,
honey.

Hey, Fester!

How are y 'all, Mule?

My goodness, Tricky, where's all the
young 'uns?

Oh, they're a -comin'. They stopped to
talk to Billy Joe down at the gate.

Howdy, Joe.

Howdy, Phyllis.

Howdy, Mule. Howdy, Tricky. Now, y 'all,
come on. Ma's waitin' for us over here.

Those ever...

Here it is.

Right where I put it.

Oh, come on, Jeter, open it. We're going
to be God sure shooting.

I'm going to hurry and the lid's stuck.
Oh, here, let me think.

You can get it, Leroy. I got it.

Don't talk all day. Take a blanket and
hand it over.

Don't you get in too much of a hurry,
Jeff. I done traded my best knife for

bottle.

Leave him alone, Jeff. You're going to
make him spill it.

Man, that's smooth.

You can't do no better, Leroy.

Yeah? Well, I'll show you, Ant. I've
been drinking for years.

He ain't breathing.

I do believe you're right, Brother
Jeter.

Leroy?

No, you ain't supposed to be a
-drinking. You ain't neither.

Sides, I'll tell.

Better give her a drink, Leroy.

Sides, she won't be able to swallow it
anyway.

Boy, I never thought it. You did that
better than any man I ever seen, Billy

Joe.

Wow, that was... Powerful good, Billy
Joe.

Where'd you learn to drink like that?

Oh, somewhere.

Here, let me try again.

Okay.

Maybe we ought to post a lookout in case
any of the kids come around.

Ain't nobody gonna find us here.

I think it's the president.

The president's here. The president's
here.

of the president's car.

I didn't say a word.

Did to?

Did not.

Did. Not. You did to say a word. Did.
What?

Is that the way we welcome our
relatives?

Everyone, this is Prudence.

She's a Peabody.

Now you can just go around and meet
everyone in your own time.

My, Prudence, you're grown up.

Now you just come on and sit a spell.

Where's your daddy, Brother Bartholomew?

In London, visiting the Prince of Wales.

Do you? Damn.

Yes, I do.

Fester, you and Joe go fetch Prudence a
drink.

I never drink before five.

Oh, that's all right. We haven't got any
clocks out here.

Come in and sit a spell while Fester
fetches some corn liquor.

I'd prefer a martini.

Oh, what's it made out of? I could have
made some and not know the name.

Well, I could have.

My, it's warm here.

Father insisted that I come and extend
his regrets at not being able to be

here. Oh, shame. He can't make it. Well,
ain't no never mind. I'm glad you could

come.

Vista, where's your manners?

It ain't polite to give a lady of
upbringing to swig from a jug.

Fetch her a glass.

How long has your pa been gone?

Oh, about three months now.

Here's to the family reunion.

Hey, all you kids get.

We don't have just because you said so.
I'll tell your pa, young lady.

I can tell something, too. You know
about the bar.

Well, better we should leave and pretend
we didn't see.

Leroy!

Yo!

Hey!

Peter, you people don't drink all that
shine.

Yeah, Professor?

Leroy, why don't you walk Prudence
around the farm and introduce her to

the animals?

Sure, Mom.

Funny.

Our bitter country corn will rub the
rough edges of the city off a person.

Beats me how she changed so quick.

Would you believe?

I went out with a man that looked just
like that.

You sure look funny, ma 'am.

You sure do.

But them pigs, they ain't bad looking.

Oh, really?

Well, just because you're my cousin,
that doesn't give you the right to make

disparaging remarks about my appearance.

Hey,

Cousin Prue.

I didn't mean to make you mad.

Shucks, I ain't rightly sure it is what
you're saying, but it's how pretty you

are. Shucks, I think you're as pretty as
any pig I ever seen.

I don't believe I'm going to talk to you
anymore.

Hold on now.

You're taking the whole thing wrong.

I think pigs are pretty.

Of course, some ain't as pretty as
others.

But they got their good and bad points
the same as people do.

You take that big sow over there.

Why, she's as gentle and sweet as any
person you could pick.

See how she crinkles her eyes up when
she smiles at you? Do you think she

like me?

Well, I reckon she'd like you well
enough, ma 'am, but I don't think she'd

to sleep in the same room with you, no.

You don't even try to be polite, do you?
Well, ma 'am, I ain't trying to be

dispolite. I mean, Prue, it's just
that...

Well, you see, pigs, it's hard to make
friends with them, you know? You have to

take your time.

And they'll like you. You know, they'll
like you. If you just take your time,

they'll like you. That was a good drink
we had up there. Could I have another

one? Why, sure, man. We've got plenty in
the barn.

How come you haven't come to see me all
week?

I was planning on coming tonight.

Anybody seen you?

I don't know, but I don't care.

But we're having a reunion.

Come on. Not here, baby.

Come on.

Hmm.

Oh yeah!

Come on, Billy Joe.

It ain't that bad.

We already seed you once without no
clothes on.

Yeah, that's right. We didn't see what
you got. We just wanted to see it again.

It were different then, though. That
were an accident.

Oh, come on, Billy Joe. All we want to
do is look and touch.

Sure, that's all. Just look and touch.

Well, I guess it's okay.

Promise now, though.

Just look and touch.

Well, don't hog it all. I want to see,
too.

There's plenty of room here for both of
us.

If you boys don't stop it, we're going
to have a whole panel of people out here

watching.

Besides, I want another drink.

Oh, God, don't stop.

Well, hand her a drink, Jeter.

Okay, here.

Ain't you drinking no more?

Yeah, sure, but right now I'm watching.

You mean I gotta drink alone?

Well, hell no.

I'll take a drink, but go ahead.

Jeff, I'll take a drink, too, or I won't
do it.

I'll do it. I'll do it.

I've seen people swing from ropes
before. How do they hold up?

Here, I'll show you.

Take the rope.

You make a knot in the end of it, see?

Bring it back over the top.

You just sit on it.

You got to pull your dress up before you
can do it. You have to pull it all the

way up.

Please don't anybody look.

That's right.

Oh, shit.

Where you going?

Just here.

Just throw in the other stove, change my
clothes.

Oh, Lord, Billy Joe, I don't care. Just
hurry up, will you?

Here, and just look and pet a bit.

There ain't no need for me coming out
there.

Why, sure.

Where are you going, Brother Gene, huh?
Let me be.

I didn't do nothing, Gene. Are you mad
at me?

Lord, Jeff, if you don't let me be, I'm
going to bust you one you ain't never

going to forget.

What did I ever do?

Are you mad at me?

You see, Billy Joe?

I quit.

I just quit.

You see, Billy Joe?

I sure did.

Yes, sirree. I sure did.

Where'd you go?

Yes, sirree. I sure did.

Jeff Peabody, you're drunk.

Oh, Cousin Brew.

I don't know.

Do you have any more of that flang
whiskey?

No, but I know where we could go get
some more.

Come on.

Hey,

hey, Chip, can we have a drink of that?

Well, thank you, partner.

She sure was pretty.

Jeff, you better not let your pa catch
you like this.

Hey, come on. They're going to have a
chicken chase. Come on.

Boy, Ma'll tan you good if she catches
you drinking, Leroy.

Why?

I'm old enough, ain't I? You'll never
convince Ma'll.

Hey,

you see Billy Joe?

I ain't seen her in quite some time.

She must be in a house.

You better stay in the barn, Jeff. You
ain't fit to chase your own tail.

Blame it on that good old...

Oh, hi there, Billy Joe.

We was looking for you.

Here I am.

Come on, let's go show them how to taste
chickens.

Okay, we'll show them how to taste
chickens.

Come on.

Now, remember, whoever catches this here
chicken gets that goat as a prize.

Okay? Here goes!

Billy Joe, where's your clothes?

I suppose I lost them in the barn.

I guess you better go and un -use them,
young lady.

I'll help you, Billy Joe. Just a minute,
young man.

You better go and soak your head in the
horse straw before I take this here,

can't you? Okay, Ma.

I'll do it, Ma.

Yeah! Yeah!

except when there's a wedding.

Or a dance.

I want you all to come to my house for a
big party.

Oh, that's nice.

My God, Mary.

I don't know what got into me to invite
all those dirty people to my lovely

home.

I don't know.

It might be fun to have them to a party
here.

I mean, can't you imagine how everyone
will laugh at them?

I hadn't thought of that.

It might be a type of entertainment.

Leroy. I do.

How are you?

Fine.

What brings you here? Well, me and Uncle
Fester and family and

Jeter and Jeff and Billy Joe and all of
us is going up to the city. I think I've

improved for a couple of days.

Well, I just thought I might stop by and
say goodbye.

I'm real glad you decided.

I figured you were just going to go
right on up without even saying

Norma Jean, I wouldn't do that to you at
all.

Oh, sit down, Leroy.

Maureen, you know... Yes, Leroy?

We've been knowing each other for a long
time.

I know. Went to school together and
everything.

Maureen, I... I really think that I got
a big liking for you.

Oh, Leroy.

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

I never could tell you what I felt about
you, but...

I figured you could see it.

I'm going to miss you.

Norma Jean, I'm going to miss you too.

You're not going to forget about me
there in the city with those... Norma

I ain't going to forget about you
anyway. I hope not.

Norma Jean?

Yes, Neboy?

That's the most pretty thing I've ever
seen in my life.

Thank you.

You look awful good to me, too.

Oh, me boy.

Oh, Jane, please.

It's me, me boy.

Sweet. Do you think that... I mean...
Oh, Leroy,

just kiss me again.

Oh, Leroy, I'm afraid to go too far. You
know... You

know I like you and everything, but...
Touch that woman.

There's nothing to be afraid of, you
know.

It ain't that I'm afraid.

I just can't explain it.

Just kiss me.

Oh, no, Leroy.

What are you going to do?

You know.

Oh, Leroy.

What if my mother finds out?

Your mom ain't going to find out. You
promise, Leroy? I promise. You'll never

say anything to anybody?

I promise I'll never say anything to
anybody. I don't want anybody to know

what's going on between us.

Oh, Leroy.

Oh, I do like you so much.

But I'm...

You

won't tell any of our friends?

No. You promise?

I promise.

Oh, Leroy, I'm scared.

I've never done anything like this.

Don't be afraid.

Oh, Leroy, I'll pray.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Promise?

What's wrong?

You won't hurt me, nothing.

You know Leroy ain't gonna hurt you.

I love you, Mona. Oh, Leroy.

Nobody's ever said anything like that to
me before.

You know I mean it.

Oh, Leroy, do you?

You won't... What if I get pregnant?

You ain't gonna get pregnant.

You promise?

I promise.

I'm so scared.

Leroy.

I've been there the nights I lay awake
thinking about you doing just this.

Why, you wouldn't believe it.

Leroy. What if... What if you don't like
me anymore once you got done?

Oh, Mama Jean, I love you now.

But... What if you don't like me
afterwards?

Mama Jean.

You promise?

Yes, Leroy?

So I'm just going to be gone for a
couple of days.

When I get back, I'm going to be with
you for a long time. Oh, you promise,

Leroy?

Ah!

Oh.

Ugh.

Huh...

Oh. Oh.

Bye.

You sure you don't want to come, Ma?

Oh, you run along now. I'll be fine.

You know, Prudence didn't really want
anyone to come along anyway.

She just had a bad case of the corn
whiskey friendlies. Well, now, Job is

to come over and check on you every
morning.

And Tuber's going to come over and help
with the milking and feeding.

And Mary Lee's going to come over and do
the cooking.

Now, I done told you I don't want no one
messing around in my kitchen.

What do I care for?

Well, I didn't, Ma. She just told me she
was going to do it.

Bye, Bess.

Bye, Ma.

Bye, Ma.

Bye, Ma. Bye.

Now,

mind that pig don't fall out.

Who's going to ride up here with me? I
will. All right.

Thank you.

Can I help you? Hi, Dad.

I thought I'd just stop and see if you
needed some help.

No, we just stopped to let the pig go to
the toilet.

Hate to let him go in the truck.

Matter of fact, we don't like it too
much.

Sure was polite of him to stop,
especially when it looked like he was in

hurry.

How much more we got to go, Uncle
Foster?

Oh, another couple of hours, I reckon.
Hey, you kids had better be getting that

pig down.

Be careful with him, Jeff. He's a
present for Cousin Prue now.

Come on, Jeff.

Oh, I can hardly wait to see Cousin
Prue's

face when she sees this here pig.

Now, Connie, I'm sure you can find some
old hillbilly clothes somewhere.

Good. I'm counting on you.

Bye now.

Fraulein Mary to see you.

You may send her down.

Hello,

Jack.

Did you find any old overalls?

Marvelous. See you around nine.

Are those oaky cousins of mine ever
going to be surprised?

She's really going to be surprised to
see that pig. I just hope that pig likes

her house.

Well, pigs makes mighty fine pets.

I've never seen anyone take the pigs as
she did.

May I help you?

We've come to see Cousin Prue.

She is expecting guests, but I doubt
very much that she is expecting you.

If you don't mind, we'll just step in
and ask her.

You hear that?

You'll wait right here until I talk to
the lady of the house.

He weren't very friendly. Well, maybe he
thinks we're a revenue. We should tell

Cousin Prue so she can go out the back
door.

From the looks of this house, I don't
think that...

Cousin Bartholomew's too worried about
revenue.

Maybe these are gangsters and holding
capsules like in the movies.

No, I'll tell you what I think it is.

That ferret is just constipated and he
ain't feeling good. Probably so.

Yeah.

Miss Prudence said that you are to be
admitted and shown to your rooms.

She is indisposed at the moment.

Did you call a doctor?

I beg your pardon, ma 'am?

Is Cousin Prudence very sick?

No, ma 'am, she is not sick.

Oh.

Well, let's get in or we're letting the
flies in. Yeah, but don't ask me anyway,

even if he does talk funny.

He's asking me no, Jeter.

Ladies, please follow me.

I certainly hope they bathe before they
come down.

Did they smell badly the last time you
saw them?

Darling, everything smelled badly.

How do you like it?

You'll be hilarious tonight.

Those country bumpkins should look so
good.

Where's my costume?

Oh, it's the pink and white stripe
hanging up over there.

Thought you'd like it. That little apron
adds just the right touch.

Beautiful. I adore it.

I like little flowers.

Front, back, home.

They must know how to do this.

I love it.

However, if you need any help... All
right. I surely will.

This is...

It's going to be fun tonight.

Just wait till everyone gets here.

Jack and Irene have got such costumes.
They showed me.

Oh, can you?

Oh, that's tight.

Well,

I just keep thinking I'm skinny all the
time.

Here, let me help you.

right here.

Come on. Look at it. Look.

I'll show you.

I can't imagine all those hillbillies in
one room.

Me neither.

They must really be dumb to come here
and hope to be accepted.

They really are dumb.

They'll probably be so embarrassed they
won't want to stay.

I sure hope they don't. Quiet, everyone.
They're coming.

Attention.

The Virginia Peabody.

Wait a minute here. Try it with this. I
think it'll be a little better. Well,

thank you.

I never realized y 'all was having a
costume party.

Why, you're dressed just like my folks
back home.

Well, Ma always did say the greatest
compliment you can pay a person is to

imitate them.

And I want you to know, we sure
appreciate it.

Now, when Prudence was down visiting us,
she won a prize in a chicken chasing

contest, and we brung it with us.

Oh, no.

And we all enjoyed her so much, and she
had so much fun, that we brung her a

surprise present.

Bring it in, Jeter and Jeff.

Thank you.

Well, you remind me of my favorite cow
back home. Well, thank you.

Right here.

Well, what you do is take off your
clothes.

You take off yours, too?

Why, sure.

All right, you start.

Okay.

What's the matter, Jeter?

Well, I just can't believe it's really
happening.

Well, take your clothes off or it won't.

Yeah.

And I'd like to introduce myself. My
name is Walter Wimpy, and I just happen

be a personal manager.

What's a personal manager?

Well, that's somebody who manages you
personally.

Why don't we go someplace where we can
talk it over when there's not so much

noise?

Everyone is so nice in this.

What are we doing now?

Well, I ain't rightly sure.

Well, we could start looking and
touching.

Yeah, that's it.

You'll need clothes and arrangements, of
course, and many other things.

But I don't have any money.

My dear, that's perfectly all right. You
don't need any money.

You see, I'm just more than willing to
wait until you make your money, and then

I'll get mine.

Did I hear someone cry?

I didn't hear a thing.

You mean you pay for a band?

Mm -hmm.

And for clothes for me? That's right.

And traveling and all those things?

Mm -hmm.

And I wouldn't have to pay you back
until I made money singing?

That could take years.

What was that all about?

With what?

Go away.

But why, Jeter?

Because it just won't work. That's why.

But you can't let a little interruption
like that bother you.

You got no idea how my whole life got
people walking through it.

Just ain't no needin' tryin' again.

You ain't going to get away with that.

Come here.

Come here very many.

I'd like to talk to you for a little
while.

Of course, you'll need clothes and
arrangements and many other things, and

you'll have to have a van to go with it,
but the room certainly is empty, isn't

it?

Yes, sir, like an empty room.

Well, now, I know what you're wondering.
You're wondering, where are you going

to get the money for all this? Well, you
just don't worry. Old Walter Wimpy pays

for everything, and then when you get
the big...

Certainly is an empty room, isn't it?

When you get to be a big rock and roll
star, you can just pay me back.

Oh, I'm a good singer, too. That's what
I've heard. I'm just sure you are. Of

course, I've got to check you out
physically first.

Check me out? A lot of rock and roll
singing depends on the chest

and how it heaves in and out.

It does?

Yes, well, here, let me show you.

See if we can get the chest to even out.
Show me the old chest arena, okay? My,

my, my. Okay, now breathe.

Breathe.

No, no, I think I'm going to have to
show you myself.

No. You sure we got to do this?

Oh, yes, yes. It's very important if
you're going to be a rock and roll

and you must always do what your
personal manager says.

Now, I know being from the country,
you're not used to such a manly gym

physique, but you'll get used to it
eventually.

How can I? Well, now, let me listen to
your heartbeat.

Well, I think it needs... What do you
hear?

Oh, yes, yes, that's nice.

Oh, that's very nice, yes.

My goodness, Mr. Wimpy. Well, I'll tell
you what. We're going to have to listen

to the diaphragm.

Diaphragm? What's that?

Well, here, you sit right over here.

Excuse me.

Take off my shoes.

Beat her.

Yes, yes, they really hurt me. One of
the things, the personal manager, he's

his feet continually.

That's the reason right now I kind of
like to lie down for a little while.

Would you say that too? Well, once upon
a time I was a singer, yes. You'd never

believe it, but I was a basso.

Would you stand up just a minute? I want
to listen to the reading down here.

Oh, my.

Mr. Wimp. My, my, my. Yes, yes. You're
going to be one of the best stars in the

world. Oh, my.

My. Now, now, breathe deep.

And say, dough.

Dough. Dough.

Dough.

Dough. Dough.

Dough. Oh, my. Excuse me. It's just much
too warm in here. I'm going to have to

take off my trousers.

Well, the thing we've got to do is I've
got to test you and see if you've got

any talent. In just a minute, I'm going
to turn you on to old Walter Wimpy's

talent tester.

Now, you lie down there.

Oh, my.

That's marvelous.

Now, just be easy. Now, what you've got
to do is you've got to wiggle the hips a

lot. Now, wiggle the hips.

Oh, you can do it more than that. Oh,
my. Oh,

I do think you have talent.

Now, wiggle them a little more. Oh, a
little more. And a little more.

Oh, you're going to... How am I doing?
Oh, you're doing beautiful.

Oh, yeah.

First, we'll start in Wagon Tire,
Oregon. We'll move on to Beaver Falls,

Montana. Then we'll go to Dickland,
Arizona.

And then we'll go to Dicktown, Memphis,
and Nashville, and New York, and the

Crown Hills. Oh, yeah!

Oh, this is fun.

The audition's over.

This is fun, Mr.

Winfrey. No, no, no. You don't
understand me. It's all over.

Oh, Mr. Winfrey. No, no, no. No. No, no.

You're a little lady. I didn't say it.

I never know it could be so fun.

You don't understand me.

Oh, Mr.

Winfrey. Look.

Oh, Mr. Winfrey. I just don't know what
happened to Jeter.

I mean, we were right in the center of
making love.

And all of a sudden, Jeter got up and he
went into the bedroom.

And I couldn't get him out.

Well, what is it you and Jeter were
supposed to have been doing?

Well, um, it was called, uh, show and
tell or look and touch or something.

and touch. I taught Jeter everything
there is to know about look and touch.

Don't worry about it.

Because I was his teacher.

Now, I'll just show you how to play look
and touch. You really want to know how

to play look and touch?

Well, let's start looking and touching.
Well, what about the maid? This is her

room, isn't it? What's going to happen
if she walks in? Oh, I wouldn't worry

about the maid too much, see, because I
think the butler's taking care of the

maid.

You know how them butlers are. They find
themselves getting into anything they

can. Besides answering the door, they're
answering everything else.

But it's a good thing. I haven't even
seen the butler. I don't think that

there's a butler here.

Can I look at that?

Sure. God, let me touch it.

What?

Is that what you and Jeter were going to
do? Yeah. Just play look and touch?

Yeah. Well, just for a second.

There's a lot more to look at and a lot
more to touch.

What else do you do after that?

Well, you just kind of keep on playing
look and touching, you know?

There's never any end to look and touch.

It's the greatest game in the world. I
mean, you could play it for days.

Oh, for days.

You could play it for years without even
stopping.

You know, it's just one of the greatest
games in the world.

Keep on looking and touching.

And that's about it.

So just lay down here.

Let's put your clothes over here on the
side.

My goodness.

Too bad Judah went in that bedroom and
wouldn't come out.

He's probably still in there.

We could go get him if you wanted to.

You know, get him down here. No. No, I
don't think that's necessary because

Judah... Probably couldn't have done as
good a job as I can do.

Playing, looking, and touching. You're
probably right, anyway.

Ain't this a good game?

My God, this is just really great.

What's the other names to this game
besides Look and Touch? Won't you just

talking and start playing Look and
Touch?

For God's sake.

It's a serious game.

You're not looking much.

Back here is how I am touching.

The thing a lot of people don't know is
that a singer's feet have to be in

beautiful shape.

Thank you.

What's wrong?

Well, that's because you have to hop
around.

Up a ring? Mm -hmm. You know, when
you're doing the... Oh, my. I love your

legs. Do they always do this in the
city? Yes, they do. You know, your legs

all the way down to the base of your
spine. That's the very favorite kind of

legs for a singer.

Spine? Mm -hmm. Oh, my.

I think you have a fantastic muscle,
dog, to be a rock and roll singer, too.

That's from slopping the hogs. Oh, yes.

And do you call the hogs?

Yeah? Could I hear a hog call?

I don't think so, no. Oh, come on, let
me have a hog call. And I'll just put my

hand right here on the top of your
diaphragm and press. Now give me a hog

No, Mr. Winfrey, I couldn't do that.

Oh, you can give me a hog call if you
wanted to.

No, I couldn't call you a hog.

There's one thing I can't stand. It's a
girl without a sense of humor. Oh, you

are just going to be a marvelous singer.
You really are.

I love your navel.

You've just got such beautiful portions
to your anatomy.

Anatomy? Yes.

That's the parts of the body, you know.

You know, the old thing.

This little piggy went to market, and
this little piggy stayed home, and this

little piggy had roast beef, and this
little piggy had none, and this little

piggy went wee -wee -wee all the way
home.

That's amazing.

Oh, I know. I'm just... Too funny for...
Oh, I'm sorry.

I think it's about time we got down to
brass tacks, don't you?

Brass tacks? Yes.

We're going to have that talent
audition.

Oh. See if I'm a good singer. I've got
to find out if you're a good singer. Oh,

I am.

I am. All right.

Well, let's see how you move. You want
me to sing?

Yes. Would you start singing?

Right now? Well, actually, it's body
coordination that's the important thing.

Body coordinates?

What's that?

Let's see how you move your body.

Oh, right.

That's very nice.

And up and down now.

Are you sure this is what they do in the
city?

Mm -hmm.

Haven't you ever seen any of those rock
and roll singers? They just have to move

and move around. They don't do this.

Well, they did it first, every one of
them.

You sure?

Oh, yes. And I have managed some of the
best singers. The girl singers.

Oh, you don't manage any boys? Well, no.
It's just much too hard to test them.

Test them?

Besides, oh, my.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I think you're going to be a
marvelous singer.

Yes, that body control. I can just feel
it surging.

That's marvelous electricity.

Oh, yes.

Mr. Hampton.

Oh, this is fun.

No, no, no.

Oh, this is fun. The audition's over.
I'll call you. I didn't know this could

so much fun.

That's all right.

Don't stop, Mr. Winfrey.

You ought to test me some more.

You're tested.

You don't understand.

Come on.

You're going to have to be careful. My
doctor says I've got a low sugar count.

Oh, Mr. Winfrey. I can feel my sugar
draining out right now.

Don't stop.

Is this the way of being?

No, no, no, no, no, please.

No, no, no, no, please.

No, no, no, no. Here.

No, no, please.

Where is it?

Come on, don't stop.

Oh, Mr.

Whimpy. Mr. Whimpy.

You okay?

Oh, boy.

Mr. Whimpy.

Oh, well, he's no fun top.

Well, maybe I should go find Jeff and
Gina.

They'd play with her.

What is going on in my room?

Oh, now, honey, that ain't gonna change
nothing.

I wish I could die right here and now.

Why, honey.

Dying's for old folks. What ain't got
nothing left to do here on Earth?

I've done about everything wrong on
Earth.

Oh, now, honey.

I think if you'd just kind of step
outside and look around, you'd come to

realize we didn't get all the good
things we got just overnight, like.

Now, Professor, I gave that party to
make fun of you.

I think everybody knew it.

Well...

Listen, I was an absolute snob when I
came out there.

And I had a couple of drinks and let my
hair down and had more fun than I've

ever had in my life.

And we paid you all with a slap in the
face.

Do you think the family will forgive me?

Well, honey, you know, families are
funny things. And we got a kind of a

the hills.

You know, we can fight all we want,
twist ourselves, but no outsider better,

buddy.

Prudence, you're a Peabody, and nobody
expects you to be perfect, especially us

Peabodies. And I think if you really
think it over, you'll come to realize

we don't bear any grudges, just a lot of
love for each other.

I'll fix you this time, Jenny.

Sorry, Cousin Prudence.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I told you I'd help you, Jeter, if you
tell me what's wrong.

I ain't going to ask nothing like that
from my younger brother.

Cousin Prue, maybe you could help me.

I'd be happy to if I can, Jeter.

Jenny, peace, Bonnie.

Oh, Cousin Prue, make her stop.

What are we having? A family meeting.

Well, it looks more like we're having a
meeting of the minds.

We're going to be leaving pretty soon,
aren't we?

Yeah, we are. Pretty soon.

Maybe I can come and visit you again
soon?

You do that, Fruit.

She's a pretty gal and her name is Billy
Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

I don't know why I love her, but I know
I'm going to get her.

She's the kind of gal who wants to be
everybody's pal.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Why do I love you when I know I can't
have you? You're driving me crazy. My

is getting lazy.

Oh, me, oh, my.

Oh, Billy Joe.