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1
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,477
(Announcer speaking)
2
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(music playing)
3
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:18,773
Oh.
4
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,735
Oh, good morning.
Hi. Hi. Hi.
5
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,446
I'm Chef Goldblum.
6
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,115
And right now
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00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,700
I'll bet you're probably
just getting comfortable
8
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,582
in your own
Schlaaang Super Seat.
9
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,210
But maybe you're
asking yourself,
10
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,839
"What the heck is this
Schlaaang Super Seat exactly?"
11
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,961
Announcer: Here's how the Schlaaang
Super Seat works!
12
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,004
First, several needles
13
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,173
are connected to
a vein in your arm.
14
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:51,344
Chemicals are then introduced
to synchronize your emotions
15
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,433
with the movie.
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00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,973
Next, air tubes are inserted
into the nasal cavity
17
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:59,018
to guide you into
a natural breathing pattern.
18
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,027
Exotic odors are released
19
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,109
to match the excitement
of the movie.
20
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:06,572
Finally, your legs are moved
out of your line of sight
21
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,862
and into our patented
Schlaaang stirrups,
22
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:13,532
to give you a viewing experience
you'll never forget.
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00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,747
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I gotta tell you.
24
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,708
My favorite thing about this
whole Schlaaang Super Seat
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00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:23,216
is the automatic popcorn
machine in the armrest.
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00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:26,424
Of course, be careful.
I... you know, I actually did this.
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00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,715
That hot butter
is gonna come spurting out.
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00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,679
Don't get it on your hand.
It's gonna burn.
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00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,059
And remember,
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00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:36,347
if you're not sitting
in a Schlaaang Super Seat...
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you're just not sitting down.
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Announcer:
The Schlaaang Super Seat.
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The ultimate film-watching
seating experience!
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00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,034
(Announcer speaking)
35
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,787
Close your left eye.
36
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,674
Now rapidly open and close
your left eye like this.
37
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,596
Wow! This is easy.
38
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,883
Announcer:
Now close your right eye.
39
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:16,972
Now rapidly open and close
your right eye like this.
40
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,274
Thank you.
41
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,936
It is advised to remove your
dentures or false teeth
42
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,945
before the movie begins.
43
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:36,411
(Loud tone playing)
44
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(animal noises)
45
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(music playing)
46
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,727
(rock music playing)
47
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:21,539
(soft music playing)
48
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(birds chirping)
49
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Man's voice: I've been walking down
these streets for years.
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Bonjour, Diamond Jim.
51
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,733
Bonjour.
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00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,407
Diamond Jim, good to see you.
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00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,038
Jim: Bonjour.
54
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,743
Jim's voice:
They all know my name.
55
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But I can't say
that I know theirs.
56
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,878
Jim: Bonjour.
57
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,757
Jim's voice: What can I say?
This is my home: sweet Paris.
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00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,252
Jim: Bonjour.
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00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,218
Jim's voice:
The smell of baguettes, flowers,
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00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,304
fresh meat in the air.
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00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,844
Bonjour.
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00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:26,309
Bonjour.
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00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,694
Jim's voice:
This is a town full of beautiful people
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all around you.
65
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Jim: Bonjour.
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Jim's voice:
Oui, oui. Magnifique.
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00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:40,080
I'm Diamond Jim.
This is my home.
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00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,785
My People.
69
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,792
But there's only one
that has my attention.
70
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:05,063
What can I get you,
Diamond Jim?
71
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,941
What do I have to do
to get you to finally go out with me?
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00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,942
Well...
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a girl cannot
say no to diamonds.
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Well, why didn't you say so?
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00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:20,116
(gasps)
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00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,040
(gasps)
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Oh, my God, it is so beautiful.
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00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,293
Now kiss me.
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00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,239
(Projector running)
80
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,260
(projector stops)
81
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,630
What the fuck was that?
82
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,722
- That's it.
- That's our movie.
83
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- Should we?
- Let's go make a speech.
84
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,771
Okay.
85
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,436
(Both clearing throats)
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00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:37,402
(coughs)
- One more second.
87
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,692
Narrator:
This is the story of Tim and Eric.
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00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,201
They were given $1 billion
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to make their first
feature film
90
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,529
by this man:
Tommy Schlaaang.
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00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:48,075
I paid a billion dollars
for that piece of shit?
92
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,585
Narrator: But Tim and Eric did not
spend their money wisely.
93
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,291
Despite the record-setting
budget,
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00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,751
they were only able
to edit together
95
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,042
three minutes
of useable footage.
96
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,709
They had expensive
personal make-overs.
97
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,878
Tim: These two guys don't get
into premiere parties.
98
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,889
These guys get in the front of
the line at premiere parties.
99
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,096
Narrator: And they accidentally cast
a Johnny Depp impersonator
100
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,760
instead of the genuine
Johnny Depp.
101
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,895
- You said it was Johnny Depp.
- It smelled like Johnny Depp.
102
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,897
Everyone said this is Johnny Depp
on the set. It was a big day.
103
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:14,151
No, it wasn't Johnny Depp.
I know my Johnny Depp.
104
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:17,062
Narrator: Other expenses included
helicopter rides to work,
105
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,901
10-course lunches,
106
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,907
and real diamonds
for the Diamond Jim suit.
107
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,410
The diamonds are forever,
though, and we can't return them, so...
108
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,528
Those diamonds
aren't going back.
109
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,242
Narrator:
They hired a personal shopper
110
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,908
and spiritual guru
named Jim Joe Kelly,
111
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:32,749
who they paid an astonishing
$500,000 a week.
112
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,504
I'm not even walking on a set
without Jim Joe.
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If you think I'm gonna
get involved in something
114
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,129
without him being a part of this,
then you're out of your mind.
115
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,293
Narrator: They also employed a team
of personal assistants,
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00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,554
including this
small man named Jason.
117
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,259
Not now.
118
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,050
Tim and I are making a speech about
our movie, and you fucking blew it.
119
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:50,687
Come on, Jason, we need the hot corn
before the movie, not after the movie.
120
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,354
- You mind if I do it?
- Go ahead.
121
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,768
Come on!
122
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,982
Now sit down.
Sorry about that, gang.
123
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,272
Narrator: But perhaps
most foolishly of all,
124
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,315
they signed a
legally binding contract
125
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,109
with the Schlaaang Corporation
which held them
126
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,369
personally responsible
for the $1 billion.
127
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,826
I want my money back!
128
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:12,334
We're going to sue you
for every dime.
129
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,245
You motherfuckers
are going to jail
130
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,585
for what you did!
131
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,294
Narrator: After several
threatening letters
132
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,004
from the Schlaaang Corporation,
133
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,044
Tim and Eric realized
they needed a plan
134
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,758
to pay back Schlaaang's
billion dollars.
135
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,094
- Shred it.
- Okay.
136
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:30,101
We've really got to think
of a way to get that money back.
137
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,228
There's got to be
an easy way to do it here.
138
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:33,980
Are you guys hungry?
139
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,359
We could get some beef chili
and hot dog buns
140
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,111
like you like to put your mouth
around like you like to do.
141
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,773
Ma! When we're hungry,
I'll ring the bell.
142
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,987
Then you'll know
to put some chili on.
143
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:48,324
Narrator:
After days of workshopping failed ideas,
144
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,488
Tim and Eric faced
the very real threat
145
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,657
of spending the rest
of their lives in jail.
146
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,997
But first they had to
terminate their relationship
147
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,379
with their trusted friend
and spiritual guru,
148
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,789
Jim Joe Kelly.
149
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,207
You're not going to believe
what I bought for you.
150
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,000
We've got to tell him.
151
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,169
Oh, mercy.
152
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,767
I'm sensing some...
real depression here.
153
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,181
What's going on?
154
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,020
Tell him.
155
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,560
Jim Joe, we have to let you go.
156
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,354
Wha...
157
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,069
- I'm sorry.
- What? What?
158
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,233
- It's all over, Jim Joe.
- What?
159
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,028
- Tim: It's okay.
- What?
160
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,994
- It's okay, Jim Joe.
- Breathe.
161
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,499
(Gasping)
I can't...
162
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:35,909
- Tim: Breathe.
- Oh!
163
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,704
- Jim Joe?
- Oh, God.
164
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,372
Ohh!
165
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,841
No! No!
166
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,804
(Screaming)
167
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,674
Pull him up.
168
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,847
Tim:
One, two, three!
169
00:09:58,473 --> 00:09:59,895
(Gurgling)
170
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,981
That's not how you do CPR.
You go like this.
171
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:05,363
(Both grunting)
172
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,162
See? Do it. Shit.
He's drying out.
173
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,665
- He's drying out! Put him back in!
- Change our plan!
174
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,747
(Screaming)
175
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,958
(screaming)
I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
176
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,424
No. No, no, no, no.
177
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,936
Just steep it.
178
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,976
Why can't I just work
at a reduced rate?
179
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,522
The money's gone. We lost a billion
dollars. We're screwed.
180
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,988
(Sobbing)
- Easy, Jim Joe.
181
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,618
Easy.
182
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,620
After all that I've
done for you!
183
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,456
Oh, Jim Joe.
184
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,992
(wailing)
185
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,537
This is so much harder
for us than it is for you.
186
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,205
All right. We're sorry.
We're just broke.
187
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,715
(Sustained wail)
188
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,014
Great singing voice.
189
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,180
(wailing continues)
190
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,524
He's wonderful.
191
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,560
He's remarkable.
192
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,354
(vocalizing)
193
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,193
I guess this is goodbye.
194
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,111
Time to move on.
195
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,199
Please out.
196
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,335
Is it "please out'
or "peace out"?
197
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,666
- It's up to you.
- Enjoy it.
198
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,627
Please out.
199
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,012
Narrator:
So, with nowhere left to go,
200
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,801
Tim and Eric headed
to their favorite nightclub,
201
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,766
Circus Disco,
to drown their sorrows.
202
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,728
(Both exhale)
203
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,690
I don't know what we're
going to do, man.
204
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,399
I think we're finished.
205
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,690
We screwed up.
No one's ever gonna let us
206
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,608
direct another movie
after that shit.
207
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:16,779
You know, I used to have this
crazy fantasy of the two of us
208
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,743
walking hand in hand
down that red carpet
209
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,407
on our way
to the Academy Awards.
210
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,075
That's nice.
211
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,461
I don't think
it's gonna happen.
212
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,542
I just want to get
fucking drunk.
213
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,877
Forget about all this
billion-dollar bullshit.
214
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,883
I'm glad you said it because
I'm feeling the same way.
215
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:33,010
I want to get so fucking high.
216
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:35,342
- I want a hashish.
- I'm gonna get skit on my nose.
217
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,722
Yo, I want to go dumb.
218
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,224
I want to cut
my fucking arm off.
219
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,385
I'd love to fucking get
blackout-drunk with you,
220
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,598
get a bunch of dudes,
221
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,183
put a bunch of shit
up our holes.
222
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:44,848
Tim: Yeah,
let's go fucking nuts.
223
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,516
Both:
Let's dance!
224
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,435
(Electronic music playing)
225
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,983
♪ I want to get
so fuckin' high ♪
226
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:56,617
♪ So fuckin' high ♪
227
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,449
♪ I want to get
so fuckin' high ♪
228
00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,908
♪ Yo, I want to go dumb ♪
229
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,698
♪ I'm gonna
get skit on my nose ♪
230
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:02,911
♪ Skit-skit-skit
on my nose... ♪
231
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,246
Aah!
232
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,456
♪ I'm gonna get
skit on my nose ♪
233
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:06,790
♪ Skit-skit-skit
on my nose ♪
234
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:07,954
♪ Dumb... I
235
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,293
- Aah!
(snifts)
236
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,332
(laughs)
237
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,342
(howling)
238
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,385
Aah!
239
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:21,347
(Grunting)
240
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,146
(both screaming)
241
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,682
(screaming)
242
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,767
♪ I want a hashish ♪
243
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,481
♪ Ha-ha-ha-hashish ♪
244
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,941
♪ I want a hashish ♪
245
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,607
♪ Ha-ha-ha-hashish ♪
246
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,284
♪ Cut my fucking arm off ♪
247
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,740
♪ Fuck-fuck-fuck-
fucking arm off... ♪
248
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,575
(Screaming)
249
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,285
♪ Fuck-fuck-fuck-
fucking arm off... ♪
250
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,665
Cw!
251
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,952
♪ Put a bunch of shit
up our holes ♪
252
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,120
♪ Bunch-bunch of shit
up our holes... I
253
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,789
Oh, wow.
254
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,207
♪ Bunch-bunch of shit. ♪
255
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,503
Ohh...
256
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,720
Yeah.
257
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,109
(Sighs)
(urinating)
258
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,732
- You all right?
- Yeah.
259
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,946
Do you want to make
a billion dollars?
260
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,328
It's easy. Come and run my mall.
You'll be rich.
261
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,909
Hey, Eric, come check this out.
262
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,791
You all love malls,
so take my mall.
263
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,326
What's the matter?
264
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,040
You don't want to make
a billion dollars?
265
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,376
Anyone can run
a stupid fucking mall,
266
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,040
even you.
267
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,051
Are you a man,
or possibly two men,
268
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,883
who need to make
a billion dollars?
269
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,797
Come and run my mall.
We're having hard times.
270
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:44,058
We need your ideas.
Everybody needs a billion.
271
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,970
Come and take over the S'wallow Valley
Mall and pizza court.
272
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,638
It's easy.
Not hard.
273
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,182
I said it's easy, not hard.
274
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,818
There's never been an easier
way to make a billion dollars.
275
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:56,775
It's easy. And here's
the fun part: it's easy.
276
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:59,236
What's the matter? You don't want
to make a billion dollars?
277
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,197
My day wasn't going good
until I put on these...
278
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,282
Damian:
Billion dollars.
279
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,616
Man, I love this...
280
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,780
Damian:
Billion dollars.
281
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,494
(laughing)
282
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:11,378
I'm giving away a billion...
billion dollars!
283
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,789
But you gotta run my mall.
284
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:16,378
Please save our mall.
We need your help.
285
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:17,838
Ah.
286
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,095
I work at one of the kiosks,
and it would mean the world
287
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,383
- if someone would come in here...
- She's so beautiful.
288
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:27,348
...and help us make
this mall great again.
289
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,228
Announcer:
Come to the S'wallow Valley Mall,
290
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:31,185
right off the 182 freeway
in S'wallow Valley.
291
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,896
Sounds crazy, Eric,
I know, but I think we can do this.
292
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,059
Yo, I like it.
293
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,149
- This mall could be easy money, man.
- That's right.
294
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,689
You know what? And I'm really good at
numbers, accounting, all that stuff.
295
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,826
Well, you know me. I'm a big P.R.,
strategy, marketing kind of guy.
296
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,237
But you know,
more importantly, man,
297
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,952
I just want to say this could
be a fresh start for us.
298
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,082
We could forget all about
this Hollywood bullshit
299
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,663
and really reinvent ourselves.
300
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,828
Yeah. You know, I've been meaning
to tell you this all night,
301
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,043
but I love you, man.
And I love our friendship.
302
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,752
Well, thank you.
I honor you,
303
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,758
and I honor our friendship,
and I honor our love.
304
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,761
It would mean a lotto me
if we could run this mall
305
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,672
and I could make love
to this hot woman
306
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:06,512
and we could start a business
partnership together.
307
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,096
I love it, but I've
got a big problem.
308
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,511
I hate to do this to you here.
309
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,554
I need to have an emergency
business meeting right now.
310
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,974
Because guess what? We don't have
a name for our company yet.
311
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,609
- Shit.
(sighs)
312
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:17,768
All right.
What are we good at?
313
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,278
Well, we're men
who do business.
314
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,438
We want to be business members.
315
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,107
We're boys who do business.
316
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,616
- Yeah.
- But...
317
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,196
(gasps)
318
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,282
Eric. Look.
319
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,707
It's a sign.
320
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,709
"Doing business."
321
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,838
Both:
"Dobis."
322
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,374
I love it. It's got a ring
to it, doesn't it?
323
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,712
- Yeah.
- Dobis.
324
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,594
"That's who we are."
We're Dobis P.R.
325
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,175
Dobis.
326
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,433
- Look at that.
- Look at all the elements of business.
327
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:51,435
- Look it. They're all there, Eric.
- Market research.
328
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:55,440
- There's strategic P.R.
- Profit and loss.
329
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:58,818
I'll have the report
to you by Monday.
330
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,819
Man:
I'll look forward to it.
331
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,275
Guys,
332
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,156
I told you, you should
never have fired me.
333
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:05,988
Jim Joe, what do you want?
334
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,324
I've got some poetry about regret
I'd like to share with you.
335
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,488
Come on, Jim Joe.
336
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:13,579
Friendship is warm,
friendship is touch.
337
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,368
Jim Joe, please stop.
338
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,879
We have to do this for ourselves.
We're sorry.
339
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,415
- We've got to leave you behind.
- I'm sick, and I'm lost,
340
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,833
and I'm tired
of floating around.
341
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:24,502
We love you, Jim Joe.
We wish you the best.
342
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,296
Let's go.
343
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,681
(Music playing)
344
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:37,357
♪ You cannot look behind you ♪
345
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,609
♪ Oh, no, you can't ♪
346
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:47,154
♪ There's too much ahead
that excites you ♪
347
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,159
♪ Yes, there is ♪
348
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:56,744
♪ Just like two horses ♪
349
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:01,540
♪ Just like two horses ♪
350
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:05,927
♪ Two horses ♪
351
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,429
♪ Running in the wind. I
352
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:14,894
(over answering machine)
Hi, this is Tim and Eric.
353
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,304
Sorry we're not here right now.
354
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,938
We've left town to become
business members.
355
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,189
We are now Dobis.
356
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,600
Please leave a message
for Dobis.
357
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,313
- Be blessed.
(beeps)
358
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,069
Shit.
359
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,902
Son of a bitch.
360
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,821
They just skipped town
on us, Tommy.
361
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:36,741
- You find them.
- Mmmmm.
362
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,877
Find them if it's
the last thing you do.
363
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,084
I want to drink their blood.
364
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,999
- I want to take a knife and gut them!
- Yes.
365
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,045
Oh, God, let me watch
their insides fall out.
366
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,305
Yes. Yes. Yes.
What else, Tommy?
367
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,683
- I want to strap them up...
- Yes.
368
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,094
And let a bamboo tree grow
right up into their ass, huh?
369
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,477
Yes.
370
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,355
Until the tree grows straight
through their brains!
371
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:02,517
Yes. And I will
deliver them unto you.
372
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,777
I want to eat
their fucking hearts!
373
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,107
Yeah!
374
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,864
Yes. Yes. Yes.
375
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,445
(teeth grinding)
376
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,779
(dog barking)
377
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,618
Okay.
Tell me what you think.
378
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,283
Uh, "Dear Mr. Weebs,
379
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:22,124
We are very, very, very,
very excited to meet you.
380
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,288
We are Dobis."
381
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,924
That's all I've got so far.
What do you think?
382
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,302
Oh, I'm sorry, dude.
I wasn't listening to you.
383
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:31,883
I'm just so focused
on this ridiculous look.
384
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,764
It's not working any more.
385
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,641
Let me take a look.
386
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,471
It's just not right.
387
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,981
You know what, Eric, if we're
going to be businessmen,
388
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,859
I think maybe we should
look like businessmen, too.
389
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,816
- I agree.
- Hold on a second.
390
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,623
Now hold still.
391
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,046
Goodbye.
392
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:14,513
(Soft music playing)
393
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,012
Qh!
394
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:40,323
(Sloshing)
395
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:57,074
(beeps)
396
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,986
Good night, Katie.
I miss you, my sweets.
397
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,624
Boy, you're really getting
attached to that photo, bud.
398
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,581
Tim, it's not
just a picture, man.
399
00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:09,245
That could be
the girl of my dreams.
400
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:10,879
All right. Let's just
try to stay focused
401
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:12,290
on what's important here.
402
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,800
Ever since I saw you
in that commercial, Katie,
403
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,802
I felt this electricity
in my heart.
404
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,305
I can't wait to meet you
and make love to you
405
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,465
and go deep inside you
and show you my mushroom tip.
406
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:24,431
All right, well,
I'm hitting the sack.
407
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:33,357
(Rustling)
408
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:40,697
Oh.
409
00:22:41,819 --> 00:22:43,321
Tim:
What the hell?
410
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,956
(Sighs) Okay.
411
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:49,585
- Katie.
- Okay.
412
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:50,995
All right.
413
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:54,381
(Moans)
414
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,752
You want to finish
that in the bathroom?
415
00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,637
Almost done.
Almost done.
416
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,140
(Moaning)
417
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:05,267
(moaning loudly)
418
00:23:09,847 --> 00:23:11,770
(grunting)
419
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:18,071
Okay. Well, I'm gonna
say good night, then.
420
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,914
(Beeps)
421
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:35,541
♪ Just like two horses ♪
422
00:23:35,706 --> 00:23:40,507
♪ Just like two horses ♪
423
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:44,598
♪ Two horses ♪
424
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:47,010
♪ Runnin' in the wind ♪
425
00:23:49,553 --> 00:23:51,726
♪ Runnin' in the wind ♪
426
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:57,562
♪ Runnin' in the wind. ♪
427
00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:03,659
We've come a long way, Tim.
428
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:05,490
We could turn around
right now if you want.
429
00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:07,200
No.
430
00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:09,081
I'm ready.
431
00:24:10,491 --> 00:24:11,913
All right.
Let's go.
432
00:24:14,745 --> 00:24:17,043
(Fire crackling)
433
00:24:20,334 --> 00:24:22,177
(bottles clanking)
434
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:29,510
Hello?
435
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:33,597
Mr. Weebs?
436
00:24:36,517 --> 00:24:38,645
(Screaming)
437
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:47,619
(wolf howling)
438
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:54,997
Mr. Weebs?
439
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,458
(Snoring)
(knock on door)
440
00:24:57,621 --> 00:25:00,545
Mr. Weebs?
Hello?
441
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:02,797
- What? What the...
- Mr. Weebs?
442
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,303
Go to heck!
443
00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:06,088
- Whoa!
- Who is that, Taquito?
444
00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:07,677
No, sir.
It's Dobis.
445
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,592
- It's Tim and Eric.
- Tim and Eric.
446
00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:12,140
Oh.
447
00:25:12,302 --> 00:25:14,145
- Oh. Come in.
- Thank you.
448
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:15,726
Yeah. Come in.
449
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,893
- Tim and Eric. Hello.
- Hi. Sorry to spook you.
450
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,812
- Good to meet you.
- Hi. Come in.
451
00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:24,323
Hi. Hi.
452
00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:27,075
(Kisses)
I did not expect you guys.
453
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:30,704
I don't usually have visitors
at this time of the day.
454
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:32,160
So thank you.
455
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:33,995
Please, sit down.
Have a s...
456
00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:36,581
God! Come on!
457
00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:39,748
God damn it!
There's an order here.
458
00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:41,335
Sorry.
459
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:44,172
Oh!
All this was organized.
460
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,553
Now, I don't know.
461
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:50,888
Because a couple of dicks
walked in and wrecked it.
462
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,677
- Can I help you?
- No!
463
00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:55,096
Have you ever visited
an office before?
464
00:25:55,262 --> 00:25:58,732
- You want us to come back another time?
- No.
465
00:26:00,809 --> 00:26:02,402
I almost had a heart attack.
466
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,279
(Snickering)
467
00:26:04,438 --> 00:26:06,031
Can we have a fresh start?
468
00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:09,610
- That'd be great.
- Hi, I'm Eric Wareheim.
469
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:13,031
And I'm Tim Heidecker.
And we are from Dobis P.R.
470
00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:14,915
We saw your commercial,
471
00:26:15,074 --> 00:26:17,076
and we're here to run the mall
472
00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:18,494
and make that billion.
473
00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:20,333
Do you want to watch "Top Gun"?
474
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,836
- Right now?
- I love that movie.
475
00:26:23,999 --> 00:26:26,627
- You have a copy?
- I have it here somewhere.
476
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,263
There it is.
It was right here...
477
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,798
- Right on top.
- ...the whole time.
478
00:26:30,964 --> 00:26:32,136
Okay. "Top Gun."
479
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:34,051
- Just put it in here?
- Just put it right in there.
480
00:26:34,218 --> 00:26:36,312
Great.
481
00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:38,313
Does it start from the top?
482
00:26:38,472 --> 00:26:40,395
Mm-hmm.
483
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:41,809
"Top Gun" from the top.
484
00:26:41,975 --> 00:26:43,648
(Chuckling)
485
00:26:43,811 --> 00:26:45,813
- Sit back and enjoy the ride.
(tone playing)
486
00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:48,732
- Tom Cruise, I guess.
- Mmmmm.
487
00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:56,202
- Damian: Ah.
- Tim: Great.
488
00:26:56,365 --> 00:26:58,538
- Damian: I like that movie.
- Tim: It's a good movie.
489
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,418
- Terrific.
- Wonderful. Artistic.
490
00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:03,126
Do you want to watch it again?
491
00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:06,250
We just saw
one pass of it, so...
492
00:27:06,416 --> 00:27:08,544
We'd love to focus
in on the business.
493
00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,929
It literally means
the world to me.
494
00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:13,844
Come on.
495
00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:15,429
I guess we can watch it
one more time.
496
00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:16,889
Yeah.
497
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,804
- Rewind here?
- Rewind.
498
00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:20,314
(Chuckles)
499
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:21,769
So while we're rewinding,
500
00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:23,104
let's talk business
about the mall.
501
00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:24,519
And hit play.
502
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:27,234
- Okay. Play again?
- Round two.
503
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:30,240
- Play again.
- "Top Gun" from the top again.
504
00:27:30,399 --> 00:27:33,619
- Sit back and enjoy the ride.
(tone playing)
505
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,456
Eric: I love that movie.
It's a great film.
506
00:27:41,618 --> 00:27:43,416
Great flying.
507
00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:45,798
Yeah.
(chuckles)
508
00:27:45,956 --> 00:27:47,583
I love that music.
509
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,296
Yeah.
510
00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:52,759
Yeah, the music is great.
(laughs)
511
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:56,600
Not just the songs, either,
the score is good.
512
00:27:56,758 --> 00:27:58,806
- The motorcycles and stuff.
- Uh-huh.
513
00:27:58,969 --> 00:28:02,473
Is that Val Kilmer?
Is that Val Kilmer?
514
00:28:02,639 --> 00:28:05,108
Jesus.
515
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:10,322
Fuck.
516
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,983
(whimpers)
517
00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:19,160
All right.
518
00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,540
(Over P.A.)
Taquito!
519
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,326
Get up here right now!
520
00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:24,210
I've got some business for you!
521
00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:26,792
I'll need to introduce
you to Taquito.
522
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:28,798
He lives here in the mall.
523
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:31,422
He's a sick boy.
524
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,929
Hmm, sorry to hear that.
525
00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:35,430
Come here.
526
00:28:39,176 --> 00:28:41,520
He's your problem now.
527
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:44,314
Okay.
528
00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:49,402
Also, you're going to have
to look out for the wolf.
529
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,648
Is that a metaphorical wolf?
530
00:28:52,814 --> 00:28:55,784
- Huh?
- Like an animal wolf?
531
00:28:55,943 --> 00:28:57,616
- Yeah.
- You're talking about a wolf?
532
00:28:57,778 --> 00:29:00,281
Oh, yeah.
He's a real wolf.
533
00:29:00,447 --> 00:29:02,040
(Chuckling) He'll bite you.
534
00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:04,827
(Chuckles)
(biting sound)
535
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:06,461
Noted. Okay.
536
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:08,213
Well, if I could just move on?
537
00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:10,966
One more thing. I hate to do this
to you, but in the commercial,
538
00:29:11,124 --> 00:29:12,876
you said we were gonna
make a billion dollars.
539
00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:15,387
Oh. The money's coming.
540
00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:17,547
Did you wink there?
541
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,842
- Hmm?
- You just winked.
542
00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,306
Look. Don't worry
about the money.
543
00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:25,018
You're gonna make a billion
running this place.
544
00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:27,399
Making the money.
545
00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:28,900
Yeah, it happened again.
546
00:29:29,059 --> 00:29:30,106
I'm sorry.
We're still seeing it.
547
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:31,771
Really?
548
00:29:31,937 --> 00:29:34,065
I find that hard to believe.
549
00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:36,575
I saw a wink.
That was a wink.
550
00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:38,485
I don't think I winked.
551
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,326
Yeah. Well, we both saw it.
You winked.
552
00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:43,286
I don't know if it's some kind of
reflexive thing.
553
00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:44,449
No.
554
00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,209
Would you just mind
saying "Tim and Eric,
555
00:29:46,368 --> 00:29:48,791
you'll make the billion dollars,
run the mall," and there's no wink?
556
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:51,958
I hate doing this, but could you just...
you know, even with your hands...
557
00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:53,922
- I'm happy to.
- ...just keep them open.
558
00:29:54,084 --> 00:29:56,086
Then just say "Tim and Eric
will make a billion dollars."
559
00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:58,506
No wink.
560
00:29:58,672 --> 00:30:00,720
Just say the line
and keep the eyes wide open.
561
00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:02,930
You're gonna do just fine
running this place.
562
00:30:03,093 --> 00:30:05,141
You're gonna make a billion.
563
00:30:05,304 --> 00:30:07,398
Even with them spread,
I... we see the wink.
564
00:30:07,556 --> 00:30:09,900
I don't even know how
it's possible, but you're...
565
00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:12,402
- you're winking through it.
- Hmm.
566
00:30:12,561 --> 00:30:14,655
I think we should just
trust him on this.
567
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,565
- I don't know, man.
- We don't have any other options.
568
00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:18,575
Wink or no wink, we have
to go with this. We're here.
569
00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:21,738
Okay. All right,
well, Mr. Weebs,
570
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:23,701
we'd love to accept the offer.
571
00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:26,458
- Oh, that's wonderful news.
- We'll run your mall.
572
00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:28,584
- Great news.
(coughing)
573
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,087
Yes, Uncle Damian?
What is it?
574
00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:31,462
Taquito!
575
00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:36,502
These are Tim and Eric.
576
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:38,716
Oh, how nice.
577
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:41,257
They will be running
the mall from now on.
578
00:30:41,423 --> 00:30:44,393
- You take orders from them.
- Yes, Uncle Damian.
579
00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,349
Want to see where I live?
580
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,809
Want to know where to get food?
(chuckles)
581
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,440
Taquito!
582
00:30:50,599 --> 00:30:53,318
You do the song
like we practiced.
583
00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:56,572
Yes, Uncle Damian.
584
00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:59,404
♪ My name is Taquito,
I live here in the mall ♪
585
00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:02,365
♪ I got left here
when I was really small ♪
586
00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:05,030
♪ And then the mall closed,
and the wolves came to stay ♪
587
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:06,494
♪ They raised me at first ♪
588
00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:07,953
♪ But now they chase me
all day ♪
589
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,413
♪ So stick with me ♪
590
00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:10,873
♪ I'll show you
all the tricks ♪
591
00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:14,711
♪ But not too close,
or you may get sick. ♪
592
00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:17,001
(Retching)
593
00:31:19,294 --> 00:31:21,388
Sorry, I'm real sick.
594
00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:24,220
- You okay?
- I'll be all right.
595
00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:26,181
It's just the shivers.
596
00:31:28,387 --> 00:31:30,606
My body's hot, but I feel cold.
597
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:35,023
- Mr. Weebs?
(laughing)
598
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:43,031
Announcer: Tonight's movie features
several important lessons.
599
00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:46,242
The following segments
are meant to reinforce these themes.
600
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:54,463
You wanted to see me?
601
00:31:54,621 --> 00:31:56,715
Yes.
You're fired.
602
00:31:56,873 --> 00:31:59,752
Oh, no!
603
00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:01,761
Why? Why?
604
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,048
That's it.
Let it all out.
605
00:32:04,214 --> 00:32:06,842
Oh, no.
606
00:32:07,008 --> 00:32:09,932
This is the best
business scenario for us.
607
00:32:10,095 --> 00:32:11,392
It had to be done.
608
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:13,728
Yes, you are right.
609
00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:15,437
I understand that now.
610
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,479
Thank you.
Good-bye.
611
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:19,942
Psst. Wait.
612
00:32:20,105 --> 00:32:21,652
Come back.
613
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:23,863
This is your severance package.
614
00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:49,852
Sweet old Mrs. Wareheim.
Mrs. Heidecker.
615
00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:51,603
Yes.
616
00:32:51,761 --> 00:32:54,105
You must be so proud
of your boys.
617
00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:56,392
Making a big Hollywood movie.
618
00:32:56,558 --> 00:32:58,435
Aren't you?
619
00:32:58,602 --> 00:33:01,481
The sets, the movie stars.
620
00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:04,946
Geez Louise,
it's something, isn't it?
621
00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:08,620
Well, you see, the problem is
622
00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:12,408
that they
screwed up big-time.
623
00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:14,451
They screwed up, mommies.
624
00:33:14,618 --> 00:33:16,370
Oh, no.
625
00:33:18,872 --> 00:33:21,000
Are you scared?
626
00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:23,715
- Hmm?
- Scared?
627
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,220
Where's your son?
628
00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:27,130
I don't know.
629
00:33:27,297 --> 00:33:28,674
Where are your sons?
630
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,387
I wish I could help you,
but I can't. Sorry.
631
00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:34,271
Where are your sons?
Where are your sons?
632
00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:35,646
Where is he?
633
00:33:35,805 --> 00:33:37,102
(punches)
(grunts)
634
00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:39,438
Earle.
Let me try.
635
00:33:43,688 --> 00:33:46,988
You've got Zaffer's Music
over there on the right.
636
00:33:47,150 --> 00:33:50,996
Ahem. And that's
Dan's Tiny Baby Outlet.
637
00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:53,828
He's only open two days a week.
638
00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:57,039
And this here
is Drimble's Yogurt.
639
00:33:57,202 --> 00:33:59,421
Some folks say it's haunted
640
00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,707
by the yogurt man.
641
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,750
I don't know.
642
00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:06,511
I wouldn't change
too much around here.
643
00:34:06,670 --> 00:34:09,219
The yogurt man might
get real upset.
644
00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:11,475
That's a bobo.
645
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,182
How are you?
646
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:15,937
Hi.
647
00:34:16,096 --> 00:34:18,190
And this is Simon's.
648
00:34:18,348 --> 00:34:20,817
They sell things
for mommies and daddies.
649
00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:23,946
Oh, hey, Eric,
check it out. Swords.
650
00:34:24,104 --> 00:34:26,106
Eric:
Cool, I love swords.
651
00:34:28,525 --> 00:34:30,698
Taquito: Mr. Bishopman?
(coughing)
652
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:33,033
I have a couple of fellas
who wanted to meet you.
653
00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:34,823
What's this? What do you want?
We're closing.
654
00:34:34,990 --> 00:34:36,583
I'm Tim Heidecker.
655
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:38,994
I'm Eric Wareheim,
and we're from Dobis P.R.,
656
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,412
and we're here
to take over your mall.
657
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:41,922
Tim:
That's right, Mr. Bishopman.
658
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,673
We are here to reimagine
what this mall can be,
659
00:34:43,832 --> 00:34:46,301
and, in fact, we got some pretty big
and exciting changes in mind.
660
00:34:46,459 --> 00:34:47,585
Mm-hmm
661
00:34:47,752 --> 00:34:48,969
Eric: So just hand over
your cost report,
662
00:34:49,129 --> 00:34:51,302
and we'll get started on
some business plans for you.
663
00:34:51,464 --> 00:34:53,432
You listen to me.
664
00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:56,311
I'm Allen fucking Bishopman,
665
00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:58,563
and I've run E Z Swords
for 15 years.
666
00:34:58,722 --> 00:35:00,599
And you want me to change?
667
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,108
Fuck you!
668
00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:04,110
Sir, Dobis is here
to help, okay?
669
00:35:04,269 --> 00:35:05,942
I like things this way.
670
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:07,697
I don't want things to change!
671
00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:08,982
Okay.
672
00:35:09,149 --> 00:35:11,026
I sell two swords a year,
I'm good.
673
00:35:11,192 --> 00:35:13,911
I sell no swords a year,
and I'm even better.
674
00:35:14,070 --> 00:35:16,869
You see, S'wallow Valley
wants to keep swords off the streets,
675
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:20,582
and they pay me a monthly fee
to not sell any swords!
676
00:35:20,744 --> 00:35:21,791
Okay.
I didn't know that.
677
00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:25,207
- Well, now you do, you shit!
(whimpers)
678
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,920
Okay. Well, we didn't
know that. So...
679
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:30,212
Well, now you do, you shit!
680
00:35:30,378 --> 00:35:32,005
Well, we weren't aware.
I'm sorry.
681
00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:36,268
Well, now you do,
you piece of shit.
682
00:35:36,426 --> 00:35:39,396
I got a lot of stuff
going around in my head.
683
00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:40,976
I've got to sort it out,
684
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:42,641
and it will help
to not have you
685
00:35:42,807 --> 00:35:45,026
right in my fucking face
the whole time!
686
00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:47,313
Well, we look forward to doing
business with you, sir.
687
00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:50,653
Yes. All the best.
688
00:35:53,068 --> 00:35:54,866
Good night.
689
00:35:55,028 --> 00:35:57,907
(Sobbing)
690
00:35:58,073 --> 00:36:00,701
Anyways, there's a lot
of other fun stuff
691
00:36:00,867 --> 00:36:03,165
I'll show you tomorrow.
(coughing)
692
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:05,956
Well, here we are.
Here's my humble abode
693
00:36:06,122 --> 00:36:09,092
and your temporary home
away from home.
694
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:12,470
Okay. Careful.
695
00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:17,426
This is my secret tunnel.
696
00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:19,515
(coughing)
697
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,896
Well, here's the living room.
698
00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:28,437
Man:
Shut the fuck up, you little cunt!
699
00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:30,150
That's Roy.
700
00:36:30,313 --> 00:36:33,283
- Don't look him in the eye.
(video game playing)
701
00:36:33,441 --> 00:36:35,068
Hello.
702
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:39,118
- Get the fuck out of here!
- Ah!
703
00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:44,336
(Coughing) Here we are.
704
00:36:44,494 --> 00:36:47,043
This is my little palace.
705
00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:49,173
(Coughing)
This is where I sleep.
706
00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:51,426
(Coughing)
(rats squeaking)
707
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:55,134
If you have to do
your business.
708
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:56,718
(coughing)
709
00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:59,179
There's no curtain.
You just close your eyes.
710
00:36:59,342 --> 00:37:01,015
If you have to do any work
711
00:37:01,177 --> 00:37:03,305
or any kind of calculations,
712
00:37:03,471 --> 00:37:05,769
you can...
(coughing)
713
00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:08,936
you can use
this machine I built.
714
00:37:09,102 --> 00:37:11,025
It's called the...
715
00:37:11,187 --> 00:37:14,361
it's called the taqutor.
(coughing)
716
00:37:14,524 --> 00:37:15,525
Eric's our numbers man here.
717
00:37:15,692 --> 00:37:17,285
I'm more of a managerial
type for Dobis.
718
00:37:17,444 --> 00:37:18,661
Really looking forward
to crunching some numbers
719
00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:19,992
on that taqutor, Taquito.
720
00:37:20,155 --> 00:37:23,705
Oh, yeah.
You must be hungry.
721
00:37:23,867 --> 00:37:26,666
- We're fine.
- Here. Have a taquito.
722
00:37:26,828 --> 00:37:29,047
Ooh. (coughs)
No, thanks.
723
00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:31,378
You've got to keep those
refrigerated, Taquito.
724
00:37:31,541 --> 00:37:33,794
I know. That's why
I only eat the middle.
725
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,054
Taquito, don't put that
in your mouth, please.
726
00:37:38,131 --> 00:37:39,849
(Groans)
727
00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,430
(coughing)
728
00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:49,062
Taquito,
is everything all right?
729
00:37:49,225 --> 00:37:52,354
It's only blood.
It's just natural.
730
00:37:54,314 --> 00:37:56,658
I'm not meant to live long.
731
00:37:58,401 --> 00:37:59,778
Poor boy.
732
00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:02,201
All right.
Well, on that note,
733
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:03,706
we should probably hit the hay.
734
00:38:03,865 --> 00:38:05,242
Okay.
(chuckling)
735
00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:08,207
- So...
- We can sleep right back there?
736
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:09,712
Yep.
737
00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,958
- Good night.
- Sweet dreams.
738
00:38:15,418 --> 00:38:17,637
(Coughing)
- Good night, Taquito.
739
00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:19,343
Good night.
740
00:38:20,924 --> 00:38:23,052
Yeah, awfully nice to have some company.
(hacking)
741
00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:24,561
Thanks, Taquito.
742
00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:26,804
Thank you.
743
00:38:29,516 --> 00:38:31,769
(Snarling)
744
00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:41,695
(music playing)
745
00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:57,251
♪ This is what we do I
746
00:38:57,418 --> 00:38:58,965
♪ This is who we are ♪
747
00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:01,802
♪ We're Dobis P.R.,
We're Dobis P.R. ♪
748
00:39:01,965 --> 00:39:03,433
♪ We love what we do ♪
749
00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:05,184
♪ And we love who we are ♪
750
00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:08,438
♪ We're Dobis P.R.,
We're Dobis P.R. ♪
751
00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:10,644
♪ D-O-B-I yes ♪
752
00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:14,482
♪ P.R. ♪
753
00:39:14,644 --> 00:39:17,067
♪ D-O-B-I yes ♪
754
00:39:17,230 --> 00:39:19,324
♪ P.R. ♪
755
00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:25,781
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. Do do do ♪
756
00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:28,245
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. ♪
757
00:39:28,408 --> 00:39:29,785
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪
758
00:39:29,951 --> 00:39:31,999
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. ♪
759
00:39:32,161 --> 00:39:33,413
♪ Do, do, do ♪
760
00:39:33,580 --> 00:39:35,582
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. ♪
761
00:39:35,748 --> 00:39:38,627
♪ Do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do ♪
762
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:42,423
♪ Do, do, do, do, do
do, do, do, do, do ♪
763
00:39:42,589 --> 00:39:45,433
♪ We're D-O-B-I-S ♪
764
00:39:45,592 --> 00:39:48,061
♪ P.R. ♪
765
00:39:50,555 --> 00:39:52,557
(Light applause)
766
00:39:55,143 --> 00:39:56,690
(microphone feedback)
767
00:39:59,606 --> 00:40:03,281
Hello, people of S'wallow Mall.
768
00:40:03,443 --> 00:40:06,322
Let's give a real big
warm welcome
769
00:40:06,487 --> 00:40:09,661
to our presidents
of Dobis P.R....
770
00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:12,543
Tim and Eric!
771
00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:17,002
- Hey.
- Hey, everybody.
772
00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:18,417
Tim:
Awesome.
773
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,460
Eric: What is up,
party people?
774
00:40:20,627 --> 00:40:22,504
(laughing)
- Thank you.
775
00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:24,513
I'm Tim Heidecker.
This is Eric Wareheim.
776
00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:26,219
We are Dobis P.R.,
777
00:40:26,382 --> 00:40:28,555
and we're here to tell you
about our plan
778
00:40:28,718 --> 00:40:30,140
to revitalize
the S'wallow Valley Mall.
779
00:40:30,303 --> 00:40:32,021
Boo!
780
00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:34,182
Tim: And here's how we're
gonna do it, guys.
781
00:40:34,349 --> 00:40:37,353
We're gonna use the three
keys to success.
782
00:40:37,518 --> 00:40:40,021
Eric:
The first key to success.
783
00:40:40,188 --> 00:40:42,782
We gotta get rid
of that wolf...
784
00:40:44,817 --> 00:40:46,034
(growls)
785
00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:51,283
That wolf.
786
00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:53,122
Tim: Okay, our second
key to success
787
00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:55,503
is we've got to clean
this mall up.
788
00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:58,131
All right? We've got to put a fresh coat
of paint on things.
789
00:40:58,289 --> 00:40:59,461
We've gotta get rid
of all you squatters.
790
00:40:59,624 --> 00:41:01,968
The third key to success
791
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:04,174
is to prepare
for the grand re-opening
792
00:41:04,337 --> 00:41:06,431
of the new
S'wallow Valley Mall.
793
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,717
We've got to get rid of
the stores that don't work
794
00:41:08,883 --> 00:41:10,351
and bring in stores
that do work,
795
00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:11,762
that make profits.
796
00:41:11,928 --> 00:41:13,521
That's gonna do it
for us, guys.
797
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,899
And we're gonna be
making our billion.
798
00:41:16,057 --> 00:41:17,183
Eric:
You got that right.
799
00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:18,602
Tim: I do want to add
a small caveat here.
800
00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:21,442
We have absolutely
no experience doing this kind of stuff.
801
00:41:21,604 --> 00:41:24,574
Absolutely not, guys.
We are Hollywood actors.
802
00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:26,734
Okay?
That's our specialty.
803
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:30,747
Re-opening a shit-hole mall?
It's not what we do.
804
00:41:30,905 --> 00:41:32,532
Yeah. We just want
to go on record here
805
00:41:32,699 --> 00:41:34,542
so nobody can come back
and this can't bite us in the ass
806
00:41:34,701 --> 00:41:36,294
that we didn't know what we
were doing here, okay?
807
00:41:36,452 --> 00:41:38,375
When I look in your face,
sir, I say to myself,
808
00:41:38,538 --> 00:41:40,381
I wish I stayed in Hollywood
809
00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:42,884
and just stayed
a superstar actor.
810
00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:45,090
What the fuck
am I doing down here
811
00:41:45,253 --> 00:41:47,506
doing business
in this shit-hole mall?
812
00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:50,095
- But that's Dobis.
- That's the pride of Dobis.
813
00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:52,260
Get used to it 'cause this place
is gonna change.
814
00:41:52,427 --> 00:41:54,100
Qh, yeah!
815
00:41:57,306 --> 00:41:59,183
Come on, everybody!
Say Dobis!
816
00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:01,318
- Dobis!
- Dobis!
817
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:04,447
Talk about it, Mama:
Dobis in the house.
818
00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:07,825
- Dobis!
- Dobis!
819
00:42:07,984 --> 00:42:09,156
Dobis!
820
00:42:09,318 --> 00:42:11,491
(Microphone feedback)
821
00:42:13,322 --> 00:42:15,620
(keyboard clacking)
822
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,286
Got you just where I want you.
823
00:42:18,453 --> 00:42:20,876
- There you are.
(ringing)
824
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:23,462
Oh, you guys are going down.
825
00:42:23,624 --> 00:42:25,092
Excuse me. I was wondering
about this sword.
826
00:42:25,251 --> 00:42:28,050
Hang on. Can't you see
I'm on the fucking phone?
827
00:42:28,212 --> 00:42:29,589
Operator.
828
00:42:29,756 --> 00:42:31,554
Yes.
Hello, operator.
829
00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:34,265
I need the number for
the Schlaaang Corporation.
830
00:42:34,427 --> 00:42:36,680
I have some information
they're gonna want to hear.
831
00:42:36,846 --> 00:42:38,189
Let me give you their
customer service...
832
00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:40,020
No, I don't want customer
service, you stupid bitch.
833
00:42:40,183 --> 00:42:43,027
I want you to put me through
to headquarters, goddamn it.
834
00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:45,530
(Dial tone)
- H-hello?
835
00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:48,191
Oh, she hung up. Great.
She hung up.
836
00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:49,950
What the hell do you want?
837
00:42:51,486 --> 00:42:53,159
Oh, you're just holding
a knife out like I know...
838
00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:55,289
Oh, I know
what to do with that.
839
00:42:55,448 --> 00:42:56,700
I just want to see how
much this sword was.
840
00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:59,915
Get the hell out of my store.
841
00:43:00,078 --> 00:43:02,251
(hair dryer humming)
842
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:11,343
(honking)
843
00:43:14,258 --> 00:43:15,976
(honking continues)
844
00:43:18,471 --> 00:43:19,939
Official Dobis reps here,
845
00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:21,850
stopping in
for a meet-and-greet.
846
00:43:23,309 --> 00:43:26,404
Hi, welcome to Reggie's.
What can I get for you?
847
00:43:26,562 --> 00:43:28,030
We've got a sale
on slightly soiled.
848
00:43:28,189 --> 00:43:29,736
No, no, no.
We're not customers.
849
00:43:29,899 --> 00:43:31,492
I don't know if you saw our presentation
we did the other day,
850
00:43:31,651 --> 00:43:34,404
but we're running things
here at the mall now.
851
00:43:34,570 --> 00:43:36,243
What exactly do you
sell here, Reggie?
852
00:43:36,405 --> 00:43:38,157
Oh, used toilet paper,
of course.
853
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:41,168
There's a lot of demand
for that here, then, Reg?
854
00:43:41,327 --> 00:43:43,045
It's more of
a gourmet operation.
855
00:43:43,204 --> 00:43:44,672
Okay.
Write down gourm...
856
00:43:44,831 --> 00:43:46,583
I got it. G-l...
857
00:43:46,749 --> 00:43:48,501
No,
G-O-R-M-A-Y.
858
00:43:48,668 --> 00:43:50,136
Eric:
G-O-R...
859
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:52,262
- M-A-Y.
- M-A-Y.
860
00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:58,353
Yep. Uh, every night, we go
out to the usual spots...
861
00:43:58,511 --> 00:44:01,105
you know, abandoned
port-a-potties, sewage mains,
862
00:44:01,264 --> 00:44:03,266
those kind of places...
and we do our collecting.
863
00:44:03,432 --> 00:44:05,855
And then we take
the messy slop back here,
864
00:44:06,018 --> 00:44:08,112
and we spool it all
onto new rolls.
865
00:44:08,271 --> 00:44:10,569
(Sniffs)
What's that? Shit?
866
00:44:11,607 --> 00:44:13,985
It's a shit smell.
Is that you?
867
00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:15,574
It smells like po-po.
868
00:44:15,736 --> 00:44:18,615
My father taught me this
profession years ago.
869
00:44:18,781 --> 00:44:20,499
And now I'm teaching
it to my son.
870
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:23,753
- Good.
- Speak of the devil.
871
00:44:25,204 --> 00:44:26,581
Come on.
872
00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:30,043
This is Jeffrey.
873
00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:32,678
- Say hello.
- Hi.
874
00:44:32,837 --> 00:44:34,339
Hello.
875
00:44:35,548 --> 00:44:37,016
Where have you been
hiding this boy?
876
00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:39,803
- That's not a bad boy.
- Come here.
877
00:44:39,969 --> 00:44:41,437
Let me feast my eyes
on that boy.
878
00:44:41,596 --> 00:44:43,223
Come here. Yeah.
879
00:44:43,389 --> 00:44:45,483
Take a look at you.
880
00:44:45,641 --> 00:44:46,984
HEY
881
00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:49,232
Look at the size of him.
882
00:44:49,395 --> 00:44:51,068
Look at this.
883
00:44:51,230 --> 00:44:53,528
Hmm.
884
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:55,159
Let me see your mouth.
885
00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:56,490
Nice. Nice teeth.
886
00:44:56,652 --> 00:44:59,872
You want to sit
on Uncle Tim's lap?
887
00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:02,079
Get on my knee.
888
00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:04,209
I like your son a lot.
889
00:45:04,368 --> 00:45:06,041
All right, all right, Tim.
890
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:08,206
Listen, Reggie, after
a few calculations here,
891
00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:11,171
it looks like your store isn't quite fit
for the new Dobis brand.
892
00:45:11,334 --> 00:45:13,587
Sorry, Reg. We're gonna
have to shut this boy down.
893
00:45:14,754 --> 00:45:16,176
It's been in
the family for years.
894
00:45:16,339 --> 00:45:19,513
The new S'wallow Valley Mall
is about fresh, clean, safe...
895
00:45:19,675 --> 00:45:20,972
You know what, Tim?
896
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:23,183
There's an opening
for head of janitorial,
897
00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:25,189
and I don't know
Reggie's qualifications,
898
00:45:25,348 --> 00:45:26,691
but I feel like we could
give him a shot.
899
00:45:26,849 --> 00:45:28,271
What do you think?
900
00:45:28,434 --> 00:45:29,902
Uh, well...
901
00:45:30,061 --> 00:45:31,404
You do the dust.
You do the shine.
902
00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:33,064
We make a mess,
you clean it up.
903
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:35,905
- That's the job.
- Okay.
904
00:45:36,067 --> 00:45:37,694
Great. Well, Reg,
905
00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:39,988
it sounds like you're gonna be pretty
busy over the next few weeks.
906
00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:41,827
Jeffrey, how about you
tag along with us?
907
00:45:41,989 --> 00:45:43,115
And I can teach you
a little bit about
908
00:45:43,282 --> 00:45:45,284
what it's like to be
a businessman around here,
909
00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:47,124
what it's like
to be a real man.
910
00:45:47,286 --> 00:45:50,916
What it's like to be a real
successful businessman.
911
00:45:51,082 --> 00:45:52,299
Huh? Sound good?
912
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:54,426
- Yes, sir.
- Don't call me sir.
913
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,804
Why don't you call me Daddy?
Say "Yes, Daddy."
914
00:45:56,963 --> 00:45:58,260
Yes, Daddy.
915
00:45:58,422 --> 00:46:00,720
Does that sound good
to you, Uncle Reg?
916
00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:03,136
Yeah. Okay.
917
00:46:03,302 --> 00:46:06,476
Are you gonna be my son?
That's what I thought.
918
00:46:35,876 --> 00:46:37,298
(Hunks)
919
00:46:41,424 --> 00:46:42,801
Attention, squatters.
920
00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:44,435
This is your final warning.
921
00:46:44,593 --> 00:46:46,812
Please vacate the mall
immediately.
922
00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:50,020
This is a direct order
from Dobis P.R.
923
00:46:53,436 --> 00:46:54,733
Get out of here.
924
00:47:14,999 --> 00:47:16,592
Swing, swing, swing.
Swing, swing.
925
00:47:16,751 --> 00:47:17,798
Oh, shit.
926
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:19,177
You got, like, a foot back here
927
00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:20,680
if you swing it hard enough.
928
00:47:21,672 --> 00:47:23,800
I got it.
I got it.
929
00:47:23,966 --> 00:47:26,060
Back it up.
930
00:47:28,721 --> 00:47:30,689
Get out and push.
Get out and push.
931
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:32,942
(Grunting)
932
00:47:33,100 --> 00:47:35,102
(horn blaring)
933
00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:39,949
Hey! I'm trying
to work in here.
934
00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:46,622
All right. Shrim Alternative
Healing Center.
935
00:47:46,781 --> 00:47:48,374
It looks like they have
a video here, guys.
936
00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:50,660
Tim:
You want to watch a movie, son?
937
00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:51,918
Good day.
938
00:47:52,078 --> 00:47:53,421
I'm Dr. Doone Strutts.
939
00:47:53,579 --> 00:47:55,502
And I want to thank you
for choosing
940
00:47:55,664 --> 00:47:57,917
the Shrim Alternative
Healing Center.
941
00:47:58,084 --> 00:47:59,677
Shrim.
942
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:01,837
Shrim can help you achieve
943
00:48:02,004 --> 00:48:03,722
premium body health.
944
00:48:03,881 --> 00:48:06,555
Shrim.
945
00:48:10,054 --> 00:48:11,180
Ooh.
946
00:48:11,347 --> 00:48:14,100
You must locate
your inner shrim.
947
00:48:14,266 --> 00:48:16,815
- Shrim begin.
(speaking in foreign language)
948
00:48:19,688 --> 00:48:21,565
I will help you
find your shrim,
949
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:23,200
along with my sons.
950
00:48:23,359 --> 00:48:26,488
- Shrim!
- Shrim!
951
00:48:26,654 --> 00:48:28,998
Shrim.
(chanting)
952
00:48:30,783 --> 00:48:33,411
- Shrim!
(chanting)
953
00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:38,124
Shrim!
954
00:48:38,290 --> 00:48:39,917
I'd really like to get
my shrim tested,
955
00:48:40,084 --> 00:48:41,381
meet Dr. Doone.
956
00:48:41,544 --> 00:48:43,638
Shrim.
Sounds like shrimp.
957
00:48:43,796 --> 00:48:45,924
Shrimp sounds like Shemp.
958
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:49,390
Shrim. We should get
some shrimp for dinner.
959
00:48:49,552 --> 00:48:50,678
What?
960
00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:52,097
Shrim! Shrim! Shrim!
961
00:48:52,263 --> 00:48:54,812
Shrim!
962
00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:05,617
All right, Katie's
Celebrity Balloons is our last stop.
963
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:07,153
Looks like no one's home.
We can turn around.
964
00:49:07,319 --> 00:49:08,616
- No.
- Let's go back.
965
00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:10,907
Just play it cool.
Play it just like yourself.
966
00:49:11,073 --> 00:49:13,997
Just be natural.
Don't forget we're here for business.
967
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:15,503
Let's do it.
968
00:49:18,164 --> 00:49:21,543
Jeffrey, stick with me.
Play with the balloons.
969
00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,882
Hello. Hi.
Tim and Eric here.
970
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:27,298
- Oh, hi there.
- Hi, I'm Tim Heideck...
971
00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:29,263
Hey, I'm Eric Wareheim.
972
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:32,474
Businessmen here.
I'm so nervous.
973
00:49:32,636 --> 00:49:33,728
So, um, love you.
974
00:49:33,888 --> 00:49:35,390
- No.
- No?
975
00:49:35,556 --> 00:49:37,433
Tim:
Just be yourself.
976
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,318
Hi. Eric Wareheim.
I love you.
977
00:49:39,477 --> 00:49:41,696
- Mm. Start again. Pardon us.
- One, two, three.
978
00:49:41,854 --> 00:49:43,948
Hi, I'm Eric Wareheim.
Very in love with you...
979
00:49:44,106 --> 00:49:45,358
- Okay.
- This is business.
980
00:49:45,524 --> 00:49:47,447
I'm trying to just say
the business thing.
981
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:48,702
We won't be able
to use any of that.
982
00:49:48,861 --> 00:49:50,738
- Cut the love?
- Yeah.
983
00:49:50,905 --> 00:49:53,374
Hi, I'm Eric Wareheim.
We're here from Dobis.
984
00:49:53,532 --> 00:49:55,205
We're evaluating
your balloon stand.
985
00:49:55,367 --> 00:49:56,914
And I love you so much.
986
00:49:57,077 --> 00:49:59,079
All right.
Why don't you take two?
987
00:49:59,246 --> 00:50:01,999
(Kissing)
- Tsst. Tsst.
988
00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:05,136
Take five. I'll get this.
Hi. We're Dobis.
989
00:50:05,294 --> 00:50:07,638
We're just walking around,
trying to get a lay of the land,
990
00:50:07,796 --> 00:50:10,094
figuring out what you guys
need, how we can make this mall better.
991
00:50:10,257 --> 00:50:12,430
Oh. I was in
the audience.
992
00:50:12,593 --> 00:50:15,517
I saw your presentation.
You were wonderful.
993
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:18,023
Thank you for coming
all this way to help us.
994
00:50:18,182 --> 00:50:21,061
These are super cool.
How do you even make them?
995
00:50:21,227 --> 00:50:22,570
Oh, thank you.
996
00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:24,105
Eric. Eric.
997
00:50:28,692 --> 00:50:33,072
Uh, so, Katie, I would love to schedule
an official Dobis dinner
998
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:34,661
to discuss your business model
999
00:50:34,823 --> 00:50:36,996
for your balloon store here.
1000
00:50:37,159 --> 00:50:39,537
With both of you?
That would be great.
1001
00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:41,580
Um, or just me.
1002
00:50:41,747 --> 00:50:43,715
Um, Tim will probably
be busy with his son,
1003
00:50:43,874 --> 00:50:45,922
so you and I can just kind
of go over all the details.
1004
00:50:46,085 --> 00:50:48,053
Friday's no good.
Jeff's got a lot of homework.
1005
00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:49,634
We're gonna
concentrate on that.
1006
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:52,050
Oh. Okay, fine.
1007
00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:54,310
Oh, yeah.
1008
00:50:54,468 --> 00:50:56,812
- Hey, Eric.
(shrieks)
1009
00:51:08,232 --> 00:51:09,905
Jeffrey!
1010
00:51:12,903 --> 00:51:14,029
Jeff?
1011
00:51:17,825 --> 00:51:19,168
I miss you, son.
1012
00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:26,292
(Taqutor beeping)
1013
00:51:31,255 --> 00:51:32,882
What are you working on
over there, bud?
1014
00:51:33,048 --> 00:51:35,176
I'm just crunching some numbers
with the taqutor here,
1015
00:51:35,342 --> 00:51:37,390
and we got a problem.
1016
00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:38,930
What are you talking about?
1017
00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:40,643
Come take a look at this.
1018
00:51:42,266 --> 00:51:43,438
Taqutor,
1019
00:51:43,601 --> 00:51:45,444
load up the Dobis
presentation, please.
1020
00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:47,605
See what I'm saying?
It doesn't add up.
1021
00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:49,819
Eric, it's probably just
a bug in the mainframe.
1022
00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:51,655
I'll have Jeffrey
run a diagnostic.
1023
00:51:51,817 --> 00:51:53,319
We'll get it sorted out.
It's nothing to worry about.
1024
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:55,283
No. There's nothing wrong
with the taqutor, man.
1025
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:58,416
The numbers are right here.
There's no way we're making that bil.
1026
00:51:58,574 --> 00:52:00,622
What are you saying?
That Weebs lied to us?
1027
00:52:00,784 --> 00:52:02,752
You know how stupid
that sounds?
1028
00:52:02,911 --> 00:52:04,504
You know what your problem is?
1029
00:52:04,663 --> 00:52:07,917
Your head's in the clouds
thinking about Katie all the time.
1030
00:52:08,083 --> 00:52:09,130
Let me ask you something.
1031
00:52:09,293 --> 00:52:12,217
How many times did you
masturbate to her today?
1032
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:13,926
Like five or six.
1033
00:52:14,089 --> 00:52:15,261
Five or six times,
1034
00:52:15,424 --> 00:52:16,892
when you should have been
focused on the prize.
1035
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:18,473
You should be focused on this:
1036
00:52:18,636 --> 00:52:20,354
opening up the S'wallow
Valley Mall,
1037
00:52:20,512 --> 00:52:23,231
making the "mooney," okay?
Not some dumb slut.
1038
00:52:23,390 --> 00:52:25,484
Hey!
1039
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:28,522
Say what you want about my
calculations in the taqutor,
1040
00:52:28,687 --> 00:52:30,155
but leave Katie out of this.
1041
00:52:30,314 --> 00:52:33,488
(Growls)
1042
00:52:33,651 --> 00:52:35,324
(high-pitched growling)
1043
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,033
(low-pitched growling)
1044
00:52:37,196 --> 00:52:39,073
(grumbling)
1045
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:41,662
(high-pitched growling)
1046
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:46,171
(music playing)
1047
00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:52,170
May I have a bite
of your apple?
1048
00:53:02,554 --> 00:53:05,023
I wish I had a bigger bite.
1049
00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:08,561
That bite was all mine
because I worked hard for it.
1050
00:53:08,727 --> 00:53:11,401
Yep. I didn't
deserve that bite.
1051
00:53:11,563 --> 00:53:13,736
I should have worked harder.
1052
00:53:13,899 --> 00:53:15,492
(Music playing)
1053
00:53:19,988 --> 00:53:23,913
Schlaaang:
Oh, ladies, ladies, ladies.
1054
00:53:24,076 --> 00:53:25,749
(Chuckling)
1055
00:53:25,911 --> 00:53:29,381
I'm a successful
businessman, ladies.
1056
00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:33,386
I built the Schlaaang empire
from the ground up.
1057
00:53:33,544 --> 00:53:37,549
And if you think two idiots
can make a fool of me,
1058
00:53:37,715 --> 00:53:41,060
then you've got a lot
to learn about business
1059
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:42,891
and the Schlaaang way.
1060
00:53:45,013 --> 00:53:46,310
Yes.
1061
00:53:46,473 --> 00:53:48,396
I've had you here for days,
1062
00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:51,062
and you've given me nothing.
1063
00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,822
Cornell, could you untie
Mrs. Wareheim, please?
1064
00:54:00,404 --> 00:54:01,872
Yes.
1065
00:54:02,030 --> 00:54:04,499
You see this?
1066
00:54:04,658 --> 00:54:06,456
It's a letter opener.
1067
00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:09,413
It was my grandpop's.
1068
00:54:09,580 --> 00:54:12,379
Beautiful.
1069
00:54:12,541 --> 00:54:16,262
He must have used it to open up
thousands of letters over the years,
1070
00:54:16,420 --> 00:54:20,926
but it also settled
more than a few arguments.
1071
00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:23,719
(Screaming)
1072
00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:26,480
Do you want
to lose a finger, too?
1073
00:54:26,638 --> 00:54:27,639
Where are your sons?
1074
00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:29,774
I wish I could tell you
what you need to know
1075
00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:31,685
if it would get your
billion dollars back to you.
1076
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:34,526
But I just don't think I know
where they did get to.
1077
00:54:34,688 --> 00:54:35,780
(teeth grinding)
1078
00:54:35,939 --> 00:54:39,443
Motherfucking Tim and Eric,
where did you go?
1079
00:54:43,614 --> 00:54:45,582
♪ You are my son ♪
1080
00:54:46,784 --> 00:54:49,788
♪ You're better than anyone ♪
1081
00:54:49,953 --> 00:54:52,957
♪ You're just like
a shiny new toy ♪
1082
00:54:53,123 --> 00:54:55,421
♪ You are my boy ♪
1083
00:54:56,919 --> 00:54:59,798
♪ You are my son ♪
1084
00:54:59,963 --> 00:55:01,465
♪ You're better
than anyone. ♪
1085
00:55:01,632 --> 00:55:04,556
- Ahem. Excuse me.
- What?
1086
00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:06,812
Sorry to interrupt, but do you want to
get back to Dobis?
1087
00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:08,893
Or do you want
to continue singing?
1088
00:55:09,056 --> 00:55:11,935
Yeah. It's fine.
Just got lost in my music.
1089
00:55:12,100 --> 00:55:14,853
Well, we've got
Drimble's Yogurt here.
1090
00:55:15,020 --> 00:55:17,398
Uh, looks like the power's
been off for years,
1091
00:55:17,564 --> 00:55:19,942
so we got a lot of spoiled
yogurt we gotta deal with.
1092
00:55:20,108 --> 00:55:22,486
And, as you recall, Taquito
gave us a little intel
1093
00:55:22,653 --> 00:55:25,748
about a so-called yogurt man
that's haunting the premises.
1094
00:55:25,906 --> 00:55:27,283
So Dobo better investigo.
1095
00:55:27,449 --> 00:55:29,497
Well, if there is a yogurt man
in there, Eric,
1096
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,913
then today he's getting
his eviction notice.
1097
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,504
(sniffs) Oh, God.
1098
00:55:40,671 --> 00:55:42,514
The smell.
1099
00:55:42,673 --> 00:55:43,925
(coughing)
1100
00:55:44,091 --> 00:55:45,889
Eric:
Yogurt man, are you in here?
1101
00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:49,350
Hello?
1102
00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:52,062
Yogurt man?
Ohh!
1103
00:55:52,224 --> 00:55:53,521
(Both screaming)
1104
00:55:53,684 --> 00:55:55,277
(roaring)
1105
00:56:02,526 --> 00:56:04,403
(coughing)
1106
00:56:04,570 --> 00:56:06,163
Yogurt man, stand down!
1107
00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:09,040
The mall's haunted!
1108
00:56:09,199 --> 00:56:11,452
(coughing)
1109
00:56:11,618 --> 00:56:14,246
Wait.
1110
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:16,086
Taquito?
1111
00:56:24,047 --> 00:56:25,720
(coughing)
1112
00:56:25,883 --> 00:56:28,386
- Taquito.
- I'm sorry, guys.
1113
00:56:28,552 --> 00:56:32,648
I just don't want
anything to change.
1114
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,649
Taquito, change is important.
1115
00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:37,357
But that doesn't mean we're gonna
forget about our old friends.
1116
00:56:39,062 --> 00:56:41,736
- I don't know.
- Hold on a second, Taquito.
1117
00:56:43,191 --> 00:56:44,613
(whispering)
1118
00:56:52,451 --> 00:56:54,419
Taquito, we just had
a Dobis meeting,
1119
00:56:54,578 --> 00:56:56,330
and we've decided to let you
run the mall fountain.
1120
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:02,090
Really?
1121
00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:04,050
Not only do you have to get it working,
but you have to maintain it
1122
00:57:04,212 --> 00:57:06,590
and keep track of
all the loose change.
1123
00:57:06,757 --> 00:57:09,977
So I think Taquito's gonna be
with us for quite some time.
1124
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:12,137
Thanks, guys.
(coughs)
1125
00:57:12,304 --> 00:57:14,147
I'll do the best I can.
1126
00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:17,276
I hope I don't kick
the bucket before I finish.
1127
00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:22,740
Shut the fuck up,
you fucking cunt motherfuckers!
1128
00:57:22,898 --> 00:57:25,117
I'll kill you, you goddamn...
1129
00:57:25,275 --> 00:57:28,119
- Tim, how do I look?
- Take a peek.
1130
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:30,201
Well, well, well.
1131
00:57:30,364 --> 00:57:32,867
- Sharp as a tack.
- I'm feeling pretty good.
1132
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:34,626
Big date tonight, huh?
1133
00:57:34,785 --> 00:57:36,787
Yeah. I'm taking Katie
to Inbreadables.
1134
00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:38,001
That'll be nice.
1135
00:57:38,163 --> 00:57:40,632
- I'm trying to impress her.
- Oh. Almost forgot.
1136
00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:42,338
I got you a little
something here.
1137
00:57:42,501 --> 00:57:45,505
- It's called a Spanish fly.
- What is it?
1138
00:57:45,671 --> 00:57:46,843
Let's just say it'll enhance
1139
00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:48,507
your lovemaking
experience tonight.
1140
00:57:48,674 --> 00:57:49,971
I put this right in my ass?
1141
00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,683
Mm, no. You put it orally.
Yeah, right in your mouth.
1142
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,682
Did you swallow it?
1143
00:57:57,891 --> 00:58:00,360
- Come on, swallow it.
(swallows)
1144
00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:04,194
- Perfect.
- Didn't go in.
1145
00:58:04,356 --> 00:58:06,654
Come on.
Swallow it.
1146
00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:09,661
(Swallows) Mmm.
1147
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,493
Well, you better
hit the road, then.
1148
00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:13,578
Okay.
Wish me luck, bud.
1149
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,834
I guess I'll just stay here
and work on Dobis.
1150
00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,791
Keep my eye on the prize.
1151
00:58:17,953 --> 00:58:20,706
Good luck with the pills.
Good luck.
1152
00:58:22,708 --> 00:58:24,551
Man: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
1153
00:58:24,710 --> 00:58:27,759
This is James Quall
here to talk about bread,
1154
00:58:27,921 --> 00:58:30,845
and one thing I'd have to say
1155
00:58:31,008 --> 00:58:34,854
is that I'd rather be
saying all these bread lines
1156
00:58:35,012 --> 00:58:36,184
than standing in one.
1157
00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:38,724
(laughing)
1158
00:58:38,890 --> 00:58:42,269
Ah, yes. One thing
that might be a hazard
1159
00:58:42,436 --> 00:58:43,858
about talking about bread
1160
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:48,197
is they might accuse one
of being a loafer.
1161
00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:49,484
(laughter)
1162
00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:51,324
Now I've just
come from Hollywood,
1163
00:58:51,486 --> 00:58:55,036
where they have all these
famous personalities
1164
00:58:55,198 --> 00:58:58,202
like Bread Pitt
and Robert Breadford.
1165
00:58:58,368 --> 00:59:01,247
(Wheezes)
1166
00:59:01,413 --> 00:59:03,086
And now...
1167
00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:05,717
I'll be "baguette"
1168
00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:07,924
in 20 minutes.
1169
00:59:08,086 --> 00:59:10,134
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
1170
00:59:15,594 --> 00:59:17,267
I love this place.
1171
00:59:17,429 --> 00:59:18,931
I know what you mean.
1172
00:59:19,097 --> 00:59:21,725
- You want some of this bread slop?
- I'd love some.
1173
00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:28,073
(Crunches)
(laughs)
1174
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:30,404
- Mmm.
(crunches)
1175
00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:32,911
This is so good.
1176
00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:37,495
(laughs)
1177
00:59:42,412 --> 00:59:44,585
This is a funky place.
1178
00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:47,884
So you were telling me
about your mom.
1179
00:59:48,043 --> 00:59:51,388
Oh. Well, my mother calls
every Saturday night, right?
1180
00:59:51,546 --> 00:59:54,720
It's like she's just calling
to see if I have a date.
1181
00:59:54,883 --> 00:59:57,261
- So she doesn't just call...
- Ohh!
1182
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:58,770
Are you okay, honey?
1183
01:00:13,401 --> 01:00:14,744
Is it getting hot in here?
1184
01:00:14,903 --> 01:00:16,655
I don't think so.
1185
01:00:17,864 --> 01:00:19,457
I'm just feeling really weird.
1186
01:00:21,284 --> 01:00:22,661
Are you okay, honey?
1187
01:00:24,746 --> 01:00:26,464
(Cackling)
1188
01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:28,500
There's so much
fucking bread here.
1189
01:00:28,667 --> 01:00:32,012
Fuck. Fuck.
Ohh!
1190
01:00:32,170 --> 01:00:33,592
Isn't it hot in here, Katie?
1191
01:00:33,755 --> 01:00:36,258
Little something
called Spanish fly.
1192
01:00:36,424 --> 01:00:38,301
Eric, are you okay?
1193
01:00:38,468 --> 01:00:40,470
I have way too many
teeth in my mouth!
1194
01:00:40,637 --> 01:00:42,605
You might need some help.
1195
01:00:44,474 --> 01:00:46,727
- Hi, how are you?
- No!
1196
01:00:46,893 --> 01:00:48,486
(laughing)
1197
01:00:48,645 --> 01:00:50,818
- What?
(laughing)
1198
01:00:50,981 --> 01:00:53,154
Sorry, Eric, there's nothing
I can do for you now.
1199
01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:55,489
- What the fuck is that?
(growls)
1200
01:00:55,652 --> 01:00:56,699
(screams)
1201
01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:58,330
I'm gonna take you
to the Shrim Healing Center.
1202
01:00:58,488 --> 01:00:59,614
Come on.
You'll feel much better.
1203
01:00:59,781 --> 01:01:01,749
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry, everyone.
1204
01:01:01,908 --> 01:01:04,286
(Chanting) Shrim!
1205
01:01:06,204 --> 01:01:08,002
Come on in, my son.
1206
01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:11,044
Dr. Doone has you now,
1207
01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:14,884
and he's going to make you
feel all better.
1208
01:01:15,046 --> 01:01:16,844
- Where am I?
- Shh.
1209
01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:19,260
Quiet, my boy.
1210
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,727
You need the healing
powers of shrim.
1211
01:01:23,889 --> 01:01:25,141
I can sense that.
1212
01:01:25,307 --> 01:01:26,729
Okay.
1213
01:01:26,892 --> 01:01:28,894
You're in a very bad place.
1214
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,033
Now drop those pants.
1215
01:01:37,777 --> 01:01:40,951
Shrim!
(chanting)
1216
01:01:57,047 --> 01:01:58,515
How was your date?
1217
01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:01,935
Not so good.
1218
01:02:02,093 --> 01:02:03,219
Eric got sick.
1219
01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:06,731
Aw. That's too bad.
1220
01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:09,143
It must be really unsatisfying.
1221
01:02:10,435 --> 01:02:12,733
Yeah. It was.
1222
01:02:15,941 --> 01:02:17,909
It's a little awkward,
isn't it?
1223
01:02:19,861 --> 01:02:22,535
- Yeah. I suppose.
- I'm so nervous.
1224
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:27,119
Listen.
1225
01:02:27,285 --> 01:02:29,162
Want to go inside?
1226
01:02:31,164 --> 01:02:32,666
Okay.
1227
01:02:32,832 --> 01:02:34,630
Are you sure?
1228
01:02:34,793 --> 01:02:37,137
No.
1229
01:02:37,295 --> 01:02:40,299
Okay. Let's go.
Come on.
1230
01:02:42,592 --> 01:02:44,765
Step into the tub, my son.
1231
01:02:44,928 --> 01:02:47,556
That's it.
That's it.
1232
01:02:47,722 --> 01:02:51,101
Everything's going to be
okay, Eric, my boy.
1233
01:02:51,268 --> 01:02:53,441
Dr. Doone has got you,
1234
01:02:53,603 --> 01:02:57,358
and he's going to give you
a nice warm shrim bath.
1235
01:02:57,524 --> 01:02:59,652
- What?
- All my boys have been
1236
01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:02,947
hiding the shrim
inside them for days now,
1237
01:03:03,113 --> 01:03:06,037
and they're excited
to finally let it out all over you.
1238
01:03:06,199 --> 01:03:08,793
- What boys?
- Come, my sons.
1239
01:03:08,952 --> 01:03:11,330
- It's time.
(groans)
1240
01:03:11,496 --> 01:03:14,124
Oh, look at them.
They can barely hold it in.
1241
01:03:15,583 --> 01:03:17,301
Boys:
Shrim.
1242
01:03:17,460 --> 01:03:19,633
Shrim.
1243
01:03:19,796 --> 01:03:23,096
Shrim. Shrim.
1244
01:03:23,258 --> 01:03:25,431
(Both moaning)
1245
01:03:27,721 --> 01:03:30,144
- Yeah.
(moaning)
1246
01:03:40,150 --> 01:03:42,699
(slurping)
1247
01:03:42,861 --> 01:03:44,363
Boys:
Shrim.
1248
01:03:44,529 --> 01:03:46,873
Shrim.
1249
01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:48,830
- Shrim.
(whimpers)
1250
01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:50,494
Shrim.
1251
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:52,082
(Farting)
1252
01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:54,547
- Ohh!
- Shrim.
1253
01:03:57,834 --> 01:03:59,006
Shrim.
1254
01:03:59,169 --> 01:04:02,844
My boys only eat
the finest, softest meat
1255
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:06,180
so that they can
achieve a level of shrim
1256
01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:07,970
that's unmatched.
1257
01:04:08,136 --> 01:04:11,015
Shrim. Shrim.
1258
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:32,419
Qh!
1259
01:04:33,870 --> 01:04:35,543
(Splattering)
1260
01:04:35,705 --> 01:04:37,878
(whimpering)
1261
01:04:38,041 --> 01:04:39,463
Let the brown,
1262
01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:41,924
foamy mess wash all over you.
1263
01:04:42,087 --> 01:04:44,306
(Screams)
1264
01:04:50,428 --> 01:04:51,725
(grunting)
1265
01:04:51,888 --> 01:04:54,107
(moaning)
1266
01:04:56,101 --> 01:04:57,694
Oh, that's a beautiful thing.
1267
01:04:59,270 --> 01:05:01,523
(Splattering)
1268
01:05:04,901 --> 01:05:07,905
Shrim, shrim.
1269
01:05:08,071 --> 01:05:09,914
(Sputtering)
1270
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,549
This is the power of shrim!
1271
01:05:19,707 --> 01:05:21,425
(laughing)
1272
01:05:23,545 --> 01:05:25,092
(yelling)
1273
01:05:25,255 --> 01:05:27,303
(howling)
1274
01:05:38,017 --> 01:05:39,519
(coughing)
1275
01:05:43,314 --> 01:05:45,863
Jeffrey?
1276
01:05:46,025 --> 01:05:47,572
Is that you, boy?
1277
01:05:55,660 --> 01:05:57,003
What are you doing, Jeffrey?
1278
01:05:58,329 --> 01:06:00,206
Where's Papa Tim?
1279
01:06:00,373 --> 01:06:01,716
Is he inside?
1280
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:04,131
Where are you going?
1281
01:06:05,378 --> 01:06:07,096
Hello?
1282
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:17,603
What the fuck.
1283
01:06:19,893 --> 01:06:22,066
- Shit.
- What's going on?
1284
01:06:22,228 --> 01:06:23,730
Eric, don't do anything
stupid here, buddy.
1285
01:06:23,897 --> 01:06:25,991
I should go.
1286
01:06:26,149 --> 01:06:28,243
Katie. How could
you do this to me?
1287
01:06:28,401 --> 01:06:30,449
- Eric, I'm so sorry.
- Hey, stop.
1288
01:06:30,612 --> 01:06:32,831
You listen to me.
I saved you from her.
1289
01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:35,617
She was nothing but dead weight, Eric.
She was making you soft.
1290
01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:38,502
- She was not making me soft.
- She was making you soft.
1291
01:06:38,661 --> 01:06:40,379
She wasn't making me soft.
1292
01:06:40,538 --> 01:06:42,711
She was making you soft!
1293
01:06:42,874 --> 01:06:45,002
She was making me hard.
1294
01:06:46,085 --> 01:06:47,382
Rock hard.
1295
01:06:48,713 --> 01:06:50,090
Sometimes, when you're writing,
1296
01:06:50,256 --> 01:06:52,509
you just look for opportunities
to create moments
1297
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:53,847
that take you out of the scene
1298
01:06:54,010 --> 01:06:55,353
and just add...
add a joke.
1299
01:06:55,512 --> 01:06:58,482
The jag was that we were
doing "soft, soft, soft"
1300
01:06:58,640 --> 01:07:00,859
and sort of out of
nowhere we go "hard."
1301
01:07:01,017 --> 01:07:02,985
Boom! Laugh.
1302
01:07:03,144 --> 01:07:04,612
We fought for a laugh track,
1303
01:07:04,771 --> 01:07:07,570
and they said, "No,
this is a feature film for the theaters.
1304
01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,201
A laugh track wouldn't
make any sense."
1305
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,283
Think about it.
1306
01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:14,573
Eric, she was making you soft.
1307
01:07:14,739 --> 01:07:17,208
She's taken your eyes off the game,
Eric, okay? We're here for Dobis.
1308
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:18,994
What did you give me?
That wasn't Spanish fly.
1309
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:20,878
I played the oldest trick
in the book.
1310
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,415
But I had to play it 'cause
I needed to save my friend.
1311
01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:25,003
You poisoned me.
1312
01:07:25,166 --> 01:07:28,136
- What else could I do?
- You son of a bitch.
1313
01:07:28,294 --> 01:07:30,672
(grunts)
1314
01:07:37,387 --> 01:07:39,685
- Motherfucker!
(grunts)
1315
01:07:39,847 --> 01:07:41,224
How could you do that?
1316
01:07:42,308 --> 01:07:43,685
NO! No!
1317
01:07:46,396 --> 01:07:47,989
Jim Joe:
Guys!
1318
01:07:50,942 --> 01:07:53,661
- Jim Joe?
- Why are you fighting? Stop fighting.
1319
01:07:53,820 --> 01:07:55,993
Don't you remember
my poem about peace?
1320
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:57,748
If you don't remember,
I'll recite it for you.
1321
01:07:57,907 --> 01:08:00,706
- Jim Joe!
- P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-peace.
1322
01:08:00,868 --> 01:08:04,418
P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-peace.
1323
01:08:04,581 --> 01:08:05,798
(grunts)
1324
01:08:11,629 --> 01:08:13,757
Come on.
Yeah, yeah.
1325
01:08:19,971 --> 01:08:21,973
Aah!
1326
01:08:28,813 --> 01:08:30,781
Like that?
1327
01:08:32,483 --> 01:08:33,780
Ohh!
1328
01:08:35,278 --> 01:08:36,530
You want some of this?
1329
01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:43,124
Qh!
1330
01:08:45,872 --> 01:08:47,465
Aah!
1331
01:08:54,297 --> 01:08:56,925
Why are you fighting?
(coughing)
1332
01:09:03,056 --> 01:09:05,024
(squeaking)
1333
01:09:06,225 --> 01:09:08,899
Motherfucker!
1334
01:09:13,983 --> 01:09:16,987
No! No!
Aah! Ohh!
1335
01:09:17,153 --> 01:09:19,451
333! you're Sorry!
1336
01:09:19,614 --> 01:09:25,337
- I'm sorry!
' Sal! You're sorry!
1337
01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:28,044
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry I poisoned you.
1338
01:09:28,206 --> 01:09:30,174
- Okay. It's okay.
- I'm sorry for everything!
1339
01:09:30,333 --> 01:09:32,210
I'm sorry I poisoned you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1340
01:09:32,377 --> 01:09:34,220
No, no, no, no.
Listen, I'm sorry, man.
1341
01:09:34,379 --> 01:09:37,303
I'm sorry.
You were looking out for me.
1342
01:09:37,465 --> 01:09:40,093
You were looking out for us
and the whole Dobis thing.
1343
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:41,602
I know that now.
1344
01:09:41,761 --> 01:09:43,263
I'm glad you finally
see it that way
1345
01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:44,897
'cause I'm just trying to help.
1346
01:09:45,056 --> 01:09:48,435
Yeah. I just have to
ask you one question.
1347
01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:51,070
Why'd you have to sleep with Katie?
You know I love her.
1348
01:09:51,229 --> 01:09:54,233
Well, to be honest with you,
the plan made me horny.
1349
01:09:54,399 --> 01:09:56,618
I had to empty my ball sack
into something.
1350
01:09:56,776 --> 01:09:58,278
(Chuckling)
1351
01:09:58,444 --> 01:10:01,243
That moist hole
must have felt so good.
1352
01:10:02,782 --> 01:10:04,375
Boy, you really do
love her, don't you?
1353
01:10:04,534 --> 01:10:06,081
I really do.
1354
01:10:06,244 --> 01:10:08,588
It's not gonna bother you
when you're making love to her
1355
01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:10,123
that my wick got
inside that hole?
1356
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:12,132
Not at all, man.
1357
01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:13,964
There's something
special about it,
1358
01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:15,879
you being deep inside
like that.
1359
01:10:17,380 --> 01:10:19,553
Well, then, it will be an honor
to be your best man.
1360
01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:26,689
Come on down
to the grand re-opening
1361
01:10:26,848 --> 01:10:28,191
of the S'wallow Valley Mall.
1362
01:10:28,349 --> 01:10:29,896
I'll be there. My best friend
Tim Heidecker will be there.
1363
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:31,402
I think you're gonna
like what you see.
1364
01:10:31,561 --> 01:10:32,904
Ooh, you're gonna like
the fake trees.
1365
01:10:33,062 --> 01:10:34,609
Ooh, you're gonna like
all our new stores.
1366
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:36,649
Ooh, you're gonna like
meeting my new son Jeffrey.
1367
01:10:36,816 --> 01:10:38,568
My best friend Tim and I redid this
whole mall for you.
1368
01:10:38,735 --> 01:10:39,782
You got to come down.
1369
01:10:39,944 --> 01:10:40,991
It isn't gonna kill you.
Come on down.
1370
01:10:41,154 --> 01:10:42,827
- It's for Dobis' sake!
- I'm gonna murder myself
1371
01:10:42,989 --> 01:10:44,582
if you don't come down
to my new fucking mall.
1372
01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:45,993
(grunts)
1373
01:10:46,159 --> 01:10:48,127
(creaking)
1374
01:10:48,286 --> 01:10:50,755
Come on down to the grand re-opening
of the S'wallow Valley Mall.
1375
01:10:50,913 --> 01:10:52,665
My dad told me this is
the coolest mall ever.
1376
01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:55,005
You think you know more than my dad?
Don't fucking come, then.
1377
01:10:55,168 --> 01:10:56,841
It's the grand re-opening
of the S'wallow Valley Mall.
1378
01:10:57,003 --> 01:11:00,303
It's just off Route 35
right here in historic S'wallow Valley.
1379
01:11:00,465 --> 01:11:02,092
(laughs)
1380
01:11:02,258 --> 01:11:03,601
(Schlaaang laughing)
1381
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:05,262
Where did you get that?
1382
01:11:05,428 --> 01:11:07,647
This guy named Bishopman.
He sends this to me.
1383
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:10,274
He's been filling up
my voice-mail box for weeks
1384
01:11:10,433 --> 01:11:11,855
with crazy rants
about these guys.
1385
01:11:12,018 --> 01:11:13,440
But look at this.
1386
01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:15,605
We got them, Tommy.
We got them.
1387
01:11:15,772 --> 01:11:18,400
Earle, gather the men.
1388
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:21,695
We found your boys.
We're gonna go get them.
1389
01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:24,114
(laughing)
1390
01:11:54,227 --> 01:11:55,319
All right.
1391
01:11:55,478 --> 01:11:57,230
Listen, guys,
on behalf of Dobis,
1392
01:11:57,396 --> 01:11:59,364
I want to say thank you
for all your hard work
1393
01:11:59,524 --> 01:12:01,322
in getting this mall
back in shape.
1394
01:12:01,484 --> 01:12:02,827
And I gotta say
something personally.
1395
01:12:02,985 --> 01:12:04,362
We're all very proud of you.
1396
01:12:04,529 --> 01:12:05,746
Guys, tomorrow is our big day,
1397
01:12:05,905 --> 01:12:07,999
and Dobis couldn't be
more jazzed about it.
1398
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,784
But right now I want
to have a little fun,
1399
01:12:09,951 --> 01:12:11,794
with the permission
of my best friend Tim.
1400
01:12:11,953 --> 01:12:14,172
Muyo permissiono granted.
1401
01:12:17,834 --> 01:12:19,802
Taquito,
would you do the honors?
1402
01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:22,680
(Coughing) Here goes nothing.
1403
01:12:24,048 --> 01:12:25,391
On three, everybody.
1404
01:12:25,550 --> 01:12:28,850
All:
One, two, three!
1405
01:12:31,681 --> 01:12:33,354
Taquito.
1406
01:12:33,516 --> 01:12:34,517
It's wonderful.
1407
01:12:34,684 --> 01:12:36,357
Eric:
It's gorgeous, Taquito.
1408
01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:39,318
(Coughing)
I worked really hard on it.
1409
01:12:39,480 --> 01:12:42,359
- We should make a wish.
- I love it.
1410
01:12:42,525 --> 01:12:44,948
Oh, Dobis, I wish
for this grand re-opening
1411
01:12:45,111 --> 01:12:47,205
to be the greatest grand
re-opening of all time.
1412
01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:49,331
I wish that Tim Heidecker
remains my best friend
1413
01:12:49,490 --> 01:12:51,868
- and I get to marry Katie soon.
- Hmm.
1414
01:12:57,123 --> 01:12:59,125
(Woman screams)
(wolf howls)
1415
01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,919
I forgot about that wolf.
1416
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,881
I know what to do.
1417
01:13:05,047 --> 01:13:08,392
I will need some duct tape
and some pizza.
1418
01:13:12,388 --> 01:13:14,516
(coughing)
1419
01:13:24,567 --> 01:13:26,194
Eric, I don't feel
good about this.
1420
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:27,987
Taquito, be careful.
1421
01:13:29,655 --> 01:13:31,123
Mama Wolf!
1422
01:13:31,282 --> 01:13:32,374
Taquito.
1423
01:13:32,533 --> 01:13:35,457
I have some nice pizza for you.
1424
01:13:35,620 --> 01:13:37,748
Remember when we had pizza?
1425
01:13:37,914 --> 01:13:39,757
(coughing)
1426
01:13:40,833 --> 01:13:43,461
(growling)
1427
01:13:43,628 --> 01:13:46,381
Hi, Mama Wolf.
Remember your baby boy?
1428
01:13:46,547 --> 01:13:48,265
(Growling)
1429
01:13:49,634 --> 01:13:52,308
I have to ask you
a little favor.
1430
01:13:52,470 --> 01:13:53,596
(Snarling)
1431
01:13:53,763 --> 01:13:55,106
it's time to go
back to the...
1432
01:13:55,264 --> 01:13:57,392
(screaming)
1433
01:14:07,443 --> 01:14:08,615
(wolf yelps)
- Taquito!
1434
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:12,790
He's gone.
1435
01:14:12,949 --> 01:14:15,418
Must have snapped that
neck on the way down.
1436
01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:17,954
- He saved the mall.
- Tell you what, Taquito.
1437
01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:19,588
We're going to change
the name of the pizza court
1438
01:14:19,747 --> 01:14:21,044
to the Taquito court,
do you hear me?
1439
01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:22,424
Goodbye, boy.
1440
01:14:22,583 --> 01:14:24,585
I miss the shit
out of him already.
1441
01:14:26,921 --> 01:14:29,299
- Taquito!
- Mr. Weebs?
1442
01:14:29,465 --> 01:14:31,763
What are you doing here?
1443
01:14:31,926 --> 01:14:34,770
I could sense my boy
Taquito was in trouble.
1444
01:14:34,929 --> 01:14:36,647
It's too late.
He's already dead.
1445
01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:38,683
He sacrificed his body
for the mall.
1446
01:14:38,849 --> 01:14:40,066
He's gone.
1447
01:14:40,226 --> 01:14:42,445
(coughing)
1448
01:14:42,603 --> 01:14:43,900
Taquito.
1449
01:14:44,063 --> 01:14:45,235
He's alive.
1450
01:14:45,398 --> 01:14:48,151
Uh, am I in heaven?
1451
01:14:49,610 --> 01:14:52,159
Taquito, you killed the wolf,
and you saved the mall.
1452
01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:54,164
You did just what you
said you'd do.
1453
01:14:54,323 --> 01:14:56,325
Uh, I did it.
1454
01:14:56,492 --> 01:14:57,914
I killed the wolf.
1455
01:14:58,077 --> 01:15:00,079
(coughing)
1456
01:15:00,246 --> 01:15:02,089
You did, my little boy.
1457
01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:04,125
I'm so proud of you.
1458
01:15:04,291 --> 01:15:06,714
I'm not gonna last long.
1459
01:15:06,877 --> 01:15:09,847
(coughs) I'm in a lot of pain.
1460
01:15:10,006 --> 01:15:11,633
(whimpering) Oh, Taquito.
1461
01:15:11,799 --> 01:15:16,100
Would you like Uncle Damian
to put some lead in you, son?
1462
01:15:16,262 --> 01:15:18,606
It's so cold down here.
1463
01:15:18,764 --> 01:15:20,687
Put me to sleep forever.
1464
01:15:23,019 --> 01:15:25,021
Oh, Taquito.
1465
01:15:26,689 --> 01:15:29,192
I can't watch him die twice.
I can't do it. Sorry.
1466
01:15:30,985 --> 01:15:34,410
(Gunshot)
- Taquito!
1467
01:15:36,699 --> 01:15:37,916
(Groans)
1468
01:15:38,075 --> 01:15:40,043
I'm still here.
1469
01:15:41,412 --> 01:15:44,040
(Gun cocks)
- Better try again.
1470
01:15:44,206 --> 01:15:45,924
Okay.
1471
01:15:46,083 --> 01:15:48,927
Taquito!
1472
01:15:49,086 --> 01:15:51,635
Now I can't feel my legs.
1473
01:15:51,797 --> 01:15:54,220
It won't be long now.
(groaning)
1474
01:15:54,383 --> 01:15:55,430
I can't take this.
Finish him off.
1475
01:15:55,593 --> 01:15:57,391
Damn it, Weebs,
shoot him in the face.
1476
01:15:57,553 --> 01:15:59,226
No.
1477
01:15:59,388 --> 01:16:01,686
I want my Taquito to have
an open casket funeral.
1478
01:16:02,892 --> 01:16:04,485
(gun cocks)
1479
01:16:05,936 --> 01:16:09,236
(coughing)
Ow. Ohh!
1480
01:16:09,398 --> 01:16:10,570
Come on, Taquito.
1481
01:16:10,733 --> 01:16:12,906
Just die, Taquito.
Come on.
1482
01:16:16,655 --> 01:16:19,875
Any minute now.
(groans)
1483
01:16:20,034 --> 01:16:22,537
Maybe I won't be sick
in heaven.
1484
01:16:25,247 --> 01:16:27,750
He's dead.
Is he dead?
1485
01:16:31,253 --> 01:16:33,426
- Yeah.
- Good.
1486
01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:35,341
- Bye-bye.
- Bye, Taquito. Thank you.
1487
01:16:37,093 --> 01:16:38,686
That's it, then.
1488
01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:54,110
A little to the left.
1489
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:57,325
Back a little bit.
That looks pretty good.
1490
01:16:57,488 --> 01:16:58,956
- It's great.
- Yeah.
1491
01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:01,618
You know what, Eric?
There's something I need to tell you.
1492
01:17:01,784 --> 01:17:03,286
I think you may
have been right.
1493
01:17:04,787 --> 01:17:06,289
I did some numbers
crunching of my own,
1494
01:17:06,455 --> 01:17:08,298
and there's no way
we're going to make
1495
01:17:08,457 --> 01:17:10,004
a billion dollars
running this mall.
1496
01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:13,011
I know. But you know what?
That doesn't matter any more.
1497
01:17:13,170 --> 01:17:15,389
It's not about the money.
It's about you and me.
1498
01:17:15,548 --> 01:17:17,676
It's about your new son.
It's about Katie.
1499
01:17:17,842 --> 01:17:20,721
It's about the mall. I mean, we've
really made a difference here.
1500
01:17:20,886 --> 01:17:23,765
You know what? They probably forgot
about that billion dollars anyway.
1501
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:27,105
It's just a billion dollars.
Heel
1502
01:17:27,268 --> 01:17:29,987
I love this fucking mall!
Come on.
1503
01:17:30,146 --> 01:17:31,989
- To Dobis.
- Hey, big news.
1504
01:17:32,148 --> 01:17:34,992
You have just been made
Dobis' employee of the month.
1505
01:17:35,151 --> 01:17:36,949
I want to live in this
fucking mall forever.
1506
01:17:37,111 --> 01:17:38,408
(Slowed down) Yeah.
1507
01:17:39,488 --> 01:17:41,035
Forever?
1508
01:17:47,204 --> 01:17:48,626
Do you forgive me
for sleeping with Tim?
1509
01:17:48,789 --> 01:17:50,041
I do.
1510
01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:53,335
(laughs)
- There he is.
1511
01:17:53,502 --> 01:17:54,799
Ohh!
1512
01:17:54,962 --> 01:17:56,680
I hope you never leave.
1513
01:17:58,716 --> 01:18:00,514
I guess we're gonna
be here forever.
1514
01:18:04,054 --> 01:18:06,352
Look, Dad, our first customers.
1515
01:18:08,392 --> 01:18:09,985
Tim: I don't think those
are customers, son.
1516
01:18:11,312 --> 01:18:12,814
Let me take a look.
1517
01:18:15,649 --> 01:18:17,868
Shit. Schlaaang.
1518
01:18:18,027 --> 01:18:19,495
They found us.
1519
01:18:19,653 --> 01:18:21,576
All right, everybody inside.
Come on.
1520
01:18:28,996 --> 01:18:30,373
What's going on?
1521
01:18:52,019 --> 01:18:53,737
Listen up, Tim and Eric!
1522
01:18:53,896 --> 01:18:55,944
We have you surrounded!
1523
01:18:56,106 --> 01:18:58,529
And if you don't come out
in 10 seconds,
1524
01:18:58,692 --> 01:19:02,322
I'm gonna come in there
and blow you to fucking hell!
1525
01:19:02,488 --> 01:19:05,583
Finally.
Good luck, assholes.
1526
01:19:08,619 --> 01:19:10,747
Ha ha ha! Hey, guys,
it's me... Allen.
1527
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:14,543
I was the one who sent you the tape
telling you where to find Tim and Eric.
1528
01:19:14,708 --> 01:19:17,052
(Screaming)
- Shit!
1529
01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:18,633
- Eric, look out!
- Oh, God!
1530
01:19:18,796 --> 01:19:21,299
(whimpering)
1531
01:19:21,465 --> 01:19:24,139
Okay, okay, listen, maybe...
maybe I overreacted.
1532
01:19:24,301 --> 01:19:26,303
You think there's
some common ground here...
1533
01:19:26,470 --> 01:19:27,892
I like you-you like me
kind of thing?
1534
01:19:28,055 --> 01:19:30,604
Eric: Tim, we need
a Dobis-sized idea stat!
1535
01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,734
Okay, hold on now.
Hold on. Let me think.
1536
01:19:32,893 --> 01:19:35,487
- Come on! Think!
- Come on, Tim.
1537
01:19:35,646 --> 01:19:38,695
- What's going on?
- Ah, I got it.
1538
01:19:38,857 --> 01:19:40,655
Reggie, hey, come on in.
1539
01:19:40,818 --> 01:19:41,944
Come here,
come here, come here.
1540
01:19:42,111 --> 01:19:43,863
- How's everything?
- Good.
1541
01:19:44,029 --> 01:19:46,202
Family good?
1542
01:19:46,365 --> 01:19:48,868
- Yes.
- Okay.
1543
01:19:49,034 --> 01:19:51,036
So, listen, we got
a little thing out here.
1544
01:19:51,203 --> 01:19:53,297
It's not really a big deal. But if you'd
go out there and talk to them,
1545
01:19:53,455 --> 01:19:55,674
maybe knock some sense
into them, Reg.
1546
01:19:55,833 --> 01:19:57,710
- Nice.
- You're a reasonable man.
1547
01:19:57,876 --> 01:19:59,878
They're reasonable men.
You could go out there
1548
01:20:00,045 --> 01:20:01,297
and tell them
to put their guns down.
1549
01:20:01,463 --> 01:20:02,806
Would you do that for us, Reg?
1550
01:20:02,965 --> 01:20:04,308
Yeah, yeah, yeah, do it, do it.
1551
01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:05,809
Dobis needs you,
Reg. Please.
1552
01:20:05,968 --> 01:20:07,265
You'd be hitting it
out of the park for us
1553
01:20:07,428 --> 01:20:09,396
if you did it, Reg.
1554
01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:11,774
- I can do that.
- Will you do it? Oh, good. Thanks, Reg.
1555
01:20:11,932 --> 01:20:13,400
Why don't you go ahead
and do that now, then?
1556
01:20:17,688 --> 01:20:19,907
- Dobis thanks you, Reg.
(Allen laughing)
1557
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:27,948
Hi.
1558
01:20:28,115 --> 01:20:30,243
My name is Reggie.
1559
01:20:30,409 --> 01:20:32,878
I think we should all
take a moment here
1560
01:20:33,037 --> 01:20:34,459
and reassess the situation
1561
01:20:34,621 --> 01:20:36,544
because there are a lot
of good people in there
1562
01:20:36,707 --> 01:20:39,051
and I would hate
to see any of them hurt.
1563
01:20:39,209 --> 01:20:41,337
Fire!
1564
01:20:41,503 --> 01:20:42,629
No.
1565
01:20:49,845 --> 01:20:51,518
(Screams)
1566
01:20:55,392 --> 01:20:57,611
How do you like that,
Tim and Eric?
1567
01:20:57,770 --> 01:20:59,443
Huh? Ha! Ha!
1568
01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:01,198
Aah!
1569
01:21:01,357 --> 01:21:04,110
That didn't work.
Sorry.
1570
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,278
(crying) We're doomed.
1571
01:21:06,445 --> 01:21:09,039
(Sniffing)
What is that smell?
1572
01:21:10,157 --> 01:21:11,875
I pooped my pants.
1573
01:21:12,034 --> 01:21:14,253
Oh, Allen, that's disgusting.
1574
01:21:14,411 --> 01:21:16,539
Look, I'm sorry that
I tattled on you two.
1575
01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:18,048
I shouldn't have called.
1576
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:20,050
I just thought they were going to give
you a slap on the wrist.
1577
01:21:20,209 --> 01:21:21,552
Smell's getting in my eyes.
1578
01:21:21,710 --> 01:21:23,428
Wait a second.
I have an idea.
1579
01:21:23,587 --> 01:21:25,055
Allen, you go
back to your store
1580
01:21:25,214 --> 01:21:26,557
and bring as many swords
as you can carry.
1581
01:21:26,715 --> 01:21:28,809
- Okay.
(squishing)
1582
01:21:30,427 --> 01:21:32,680
You're all gonna die in there!
1583
01:21:32,846 --> 01:21:34,689
(laughing)
1584
01:21:40,437 --> 01:21:42,189
Here you go, guys.
As many as I could muster.
1585
01:21:42,356 --> 01:21:43,983
Thanks so much, Allen.
These are great.
1586
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:45,321
Oh, you're welcome.
You're welcome.
1587
01:21:45,484 --> 01:21:47,031
Anything for you.
I am a team player.
1588
01:21:47,194 --> 01:21:49,367
- Oh. This one's nice.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
1589
01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:50,907
That's one of my favorite ones.
1590
01:21:51,073 --> 01:21:53,167
I personally sharpened
that one... aah!
1591
01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:57,296
That's for betraying us, Allen!
1592
01:21:57,454 --> 01:22:00,333
- Nice.
- Thanks, man.
1593
01:22:00,499 --> 01:22:01,967
You know this is it.
1594
01:22:02,960 --> 01:22:05,179
I know.
1595
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:08,261
I gotta say it's been
one hell of a ride. (laughs)
1596
01:22:08,424 --> 01:22:11,303
- To Dobis.
- To Dobis.
1597
01:22:13,178 --> 01:22:16,057
Katie, I have something
to say to you now.
1598
01:22:22,312 --> 01:22:23,689
You know you're the love
of my life, right?
1599
01:22:23,856 --> 01:22:25,950
Yeah.
1600
01:22:26,108 --> 01:22:28,782
Ever since I met you,
I wanted to consummate that love.
1601
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:32,369
I wanted to go deep inside
you without a condom
1602
01:22:32,531 --> 01:22:34,954
and explode in
your canal. Psssh.
1603
01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:37,745
Grow a little baby up in there.
1604
01:22:37,911 --> 01:22:40,710
Start a family.
1605
01:22:40,873 --> 01:22:43,296
So I have to ask you this
one important question.
1606
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:50,599
Will you marry me?
1607
01:22:50,757 --> 01:22:52,555
Hey, Eric, where'd you
get that big diamond?
1608
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:55,267
I got it on the "Diamond Jim" set.
I got tons of them.
1609
01:22:55,429 --> 01:22:56,806
Oh, yeah, I got a ton
of them diamonds, too.
1610
01:22:56,972 --> 01:22:59,316
I got, like, a billion
dollars' worth of them.
1611
01:23:01,435 --> 01:23:03,563
Will you make me
the happiest man on earth?
1612
01:23:03,729 --> 01:23:06,573
- Yes, I do.
(gunshot)
1613
01:23:06,732 --> 01:23:09,360
- Katie!
- No.
1614
01:23:09,526 --> 01:23:11,153
Nice shooting, Tommy.
1615
01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:13,322
Really, really good.
1616
01:23:13,489 --> 01:23:15,241
(Crying) My love.
1617
01:23:15,407 --> 01:23:17,000
No.
1618
01:23:23,665 --> 01:23:26,009
(Slowed down) Schlaaang!
1619
01:23:26,168 --> 01:23:27,795
Eric.
1620
01:23:30,297 --> 01:23:31,389
We doing this?
1621
01:23:31,548 --> 01:23:33,516
(Deep voice) Hells, yeah.
1622
01:23:33,675 --> 01:23:35,928
Ah, shit, come on.
1623
01:23:36,929 --> 01:23:39,352
(Woman vocalizing)
1624
01:23:43,519 --> 01:23:45,647
(slowed down) Take them out!
1625
01:23:55,781 --> 01:23:59,786
(Slowed down)
1626
01:24:01,203 --> 01:24:03,752
Okay, listen, I need you
to do something for me.
1627
01:24:03,914 --> 01:24:05,882
It's not going to be easy,
but I know you can do it
1628
01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:07,384
'cause you're my little boy.
1629
01:24:10,337 --> 01:24:12,180
You're the best son I ever had.
1630
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:15,384
Hey, Schlaaang!
1631
01:24:18,470 --> 01:24:20,063
(Slowed down) Shoot the kid!
1632
01:24:57,009 --> 01:24:58,511
(slicing)
1633
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:07,273
(shouting)
1634
01:25:17,779 --> 01:25:20,498
(both chuckling)
1635
01:25:20,657 --> 01:25:22,079
We did it.
1636
01:25:22,242 --> 01:25:23,915
We did it, buddy.
1637
01:25:24,077 --> 01:25:26,751
We really did it.
(laughs)
1638
01:25:38,008 --> 01:25:40,477
(announcer speaking)
1639
01:25:59,237 --> 01:26:00,830
(projector running)
1640
01:26:05,410 --> 01:26:06,753
Well, what did you think?
1641
01:26:06,912 --> 01:26:11,008
As Steven Spielberg,
I approve of this movie.
1642
01:26:11,166 --> 01:26:14,921
And let me say this is the greatest
film of all time.
1643
01:26:15,087 --> 01:26:17,761
- Yeah.
- Both: Let's celebrate.
1644
01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:20,802
(Music playing)
(fireworks exploding)
1645
01:26:20,967 --> 01:26:22,344
Yay!
1646
01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:24,354
(yelling, laughing)
1647
01:26:27,265 --> 01:26:30,644
♪ Tim and Eric
have done it, yeah ♪
1648
01:26:30,811 --> 01:26:34,315
♪ They made their movie
that they wanted to make ♪
1649
01:26:34,481 --> 01:26:37,985
♪ You can tell by the smile
on their faces I
1650
01:26:38,151 --> 01:26:39,368
♪ They got what they shot I
1651
01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:41,872
♪ And then they put it
in the can ♪
1652
01:26:42,030 --> 01:26:46,126
♪ "Tim and Eric's Billion
Dollar Movie" is done ♪
1653
01:26:46,284 --> 01:26:49,834
♪ It's over, it's over,
it's over, oh, yeah ♪
1654
01:26:49,996 --> 01:26:53,626
♪ "Tim and Eric's Billion
Dollar Movie" is done ♪
1655
01:26:53,792 --> 01:26:56,090
♪ It's over, it's over,
it's over ♪
1656
01:26:56,253 --> 01:26:58,756
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
1657
01:27:18,817 --> 01:27:20,740
(Cheering)
1658
01:27:29,911 --> 01:27:31,538
(snapping fingers)
1659
01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:51,017
Shrim!
1660
01:27:51,183 --> 01:27:53,106
We did it. You understand me?
We fucking did it!
1661
01:28:01,485 --> 01:28:04,489
Tim and Eric have taken
my part away from me
1662
01:28:04,654 --> 01:28:06,327
like Garry Marshall did to me
1663
01:28:06,490 --> 01:28:08,458
back with "Laverne and Shirley"
and "Happy Days"
1664
01:28:08,617 --> 01:28:10,494
when they chose
Robin Williams over me.
1665
01:28:15,457 --> 01:28:17,585
Hi. We're Tim and Eric.
I'm Tim Heidecker.
1666
01:28:17,751 --> 01:28:20,220
Hi. I'm Eric Wareheimer,
and this movie...
1667
01:28:20,378 --> 01:28:23,257
- Eric Wareheim.
- Hi. My name is Eric Wareheim.
1668
01:28:23,423 --> 01:28:24,766
This is our
billion dollar movie.
1669
01:28:24,925 --> 01:28:26,427
Thanks so much for watching.
1670
01:28:26,593 --> 01:28:28,266
I'm proud of the film.
I'm so proud of you, buddy.
1671
01:28:28,428 --> 01:28:30,305
He's my best friend,
and I love him so much.
1672
01:28:30,472 --> 01:28:32,349
I'm also proud of it
as well as you...
1673
01:28:32,516 --> 01:28:34,268
of you.
1674
01:28:34,434 --> 01:28:36,107
And...
1675
01:28:37,813 --> 01:28:39,690
roll the credits.
1676
01:28:42,984 --> 01:28:44,201
Okay.
1677
01:28:44,361 --> 01:28:45,863
Roll credits.
1678
01:28:47,948 --> 01:28:50,326
(Music playing)
1679
01:32:58,531 --> 01:32:59,703
You guys good?
1680
01:32:59,866 --> 01:33:02,710
Great. Thanks.
Good for me.
1681
01:33:02,869 --> 01:33:04,041
Oh, hi.
1682
01:33:04,204 --> 01:33:05,581
I'm Michael Gross.
1683
01:33:05,747 --> 01:33:08,626
If you would like me
to narrate your life story,
1684
01:33:08,792 --> 01:33:10,544
please contact me at...
1685
01:33:18,718 --> 01:33:21,562
...and someone from my staff
will get back to you.
1686
01:33:21,721 --> 01:33:23,064
You have a good day.
1687
01:33:38,738 --> 01:33:40,411
(scribbling)
1688
01:33:42,492 --> 01:33:44,085
(chuckles)119133
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