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1
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:18,761
Oh.
2
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,723
Oh, good morning.
Hi. Hi. Hi.
3
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,434
I'm Chef Goldblum.
4
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,103
And right now
5
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,689
I'll bet you're probably
just getting comfortable
6
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,570
in your own
Schlaaang Super Seat.
7
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,198
But maybe you're
asking yourself,
8
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,827
"What the heck is this
Schlaaang Super Seat exactly?"
9
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,950
Here's how the Schlaaang
Super Seat works!
10
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,992
First, several needles
11
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,162
are connected to
a vein in your arm.
12
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:51,332
Chemicals are then introduced
to synchronize your emotions
13
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,421
with the movie.
14
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,961
Next, air tubes are inserted
into the nasal cavity
15
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:59,006
to guide you into
a natural breathing pattern.
16
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,015
Exotic odors are released
17
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,097
to match the excitement
of the movie.
18
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:06,560
Finally, your legs are moved
out of your line of sight
19
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,850
and into our patented
Schlaaang stirrups,
20
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:13,520
to give you a viewing experience
you'll never forget.
21
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,735
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I gotta tell you.
22
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,696
My favorite thing about this
whole Schlaaang Super Seat
23
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:23,204
is the automatic popcorn
machine in the armrest.
24
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:26,412
Of course, be careful.
I-- you know, I actually did this.
25
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,703
That hot butter
is gonna come spurting out.
26
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,667
Don't get it on your hand.
It's gonna burn.
27
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,048
And remember,
28
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:36,335
if you're not sitting
in a Schlaaang Super Seat...
29
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,508
you're just not
sitting down.
30
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,091
The Schlaaang Super Seat.
31
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,386
The ultimate film-watching
seating experience!
32
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,775
Close your left eye.
33
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,662
Now rapidly open and close
your left eye like this.
34
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,584
Wow! This is easy.
35
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,871
Now close your right eye.
36
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:16,960
Now rapidly open and close
your right eye like this.
37
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,263
Thank you.
38
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,924
It is advised to remove your
dentures or false teeth
39
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,933
before the movie begins.
40
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,434
I've been walking down
these streets for years.
41
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,060
Bonjour, Diamond Jim.
42
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,721
Bonjour.
43
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,395
Diamond Jim,
good to see you.
44
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,026
Bonjour.
45
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,732
They all know my name.
46
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,988
But I can't say
that I know theirs.
47
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,866
Bonjour.
48
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,745
- What can I say?
- sweet Paris.
49
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,240
Bonjour.
50
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,206
The smell of baguettes, flowers,
51
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,292
fresh meat in the air.
52
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,832
Bonjour.
53
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:26,297
Bonjour.
54
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,682
This is a town full of beautiful people
55
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,183
all around you.
56
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,593
Bonjour.
57
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,512
Oui, oui. Magnifique.
58
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:40,068
I'm Diamond Jim.
This is my home.
59
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,774
My people.
60
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,780
But there's only one
that has my attention.
61
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:05,051
What can I get you,
Diamond Jim?
62
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,929
What do I have to do
to get you to finally go out with me?
63
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,930
Well...
64
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,724
a girl cannot
say no to diamonds.
65
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,765
Well, why didn't
you say so?
66
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,441
Oh, my God,
it is so beautiful.
67
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,281
Now kiss me.
68
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,619
What the fuck was that?
69
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,711
- That's it.
- That's our movie.
70
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,377
- Should we?
- Let's go make a speech.
71
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,759
Okay.
72
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:37,390
One more second.
73
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,680
This is the story of Tim and Eric.
74
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,189
They were given
$1 billion
75
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,599
to make their first
feature film
76
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,517
Tommy Schlaaang.
77
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:48,063
I paid a billion dollars
for that piece of shit?
78
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,573
But Tim and Eric did not
spend their money wisely.
79
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,280
Despite the record-setting
budget,
80
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,739
they were only able
to edit together
81
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,030
three minutes
of useable footage.
82
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,697
They had expensive
personal make-overs.
83
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,867
These two guys don't get
into premiere parties.
84
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,878
These guys get in the front of
the line at premiere parties.
85
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,084
And they accidentally cast
a Johnny Depp impersonator
86
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,748
instead of the genuine
Johnny Depp.
87
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,883
- You said it was Johnny Depp.
- It smelled like Johnny Depp.
88
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,885
Everyone said this is Johnny Depp
on the set. It was a big day.
89
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:14,139
No, it wasn't Johnny Depp.
I know my Johnny Depp.
90
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:17,051
Other expenses included
helicopter rides to work,
91
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,889
10-course lunches,
92
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,895
and real diamonds
for the Diamond Jim suit.
93
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,398
The diamonds are forever,
though, and we can't return them, so...
94
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,517
Those diamonds
aren't going back.
95
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,231
They hired a personal shopper
96
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,896
and spiritual guru
named Jim Joe Kelly,
97
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:32,737
who they paid an astonishing
$500,000 a week.
98
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,492
I'm not even walking on a set
without Jim Joe.
99
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,278
If you think I'm gonna
get involved in something
100
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,117
without him being a part of this,
then you're out of your mind.
101
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,282
They also employed a team
of personal assistants,
102
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,542
including this
small man named Jason.
103
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,248
Not now.
104
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,038
Tim and I are making a speech about
our movie, and you fucking blew it.
105
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:50,675
Come on, Jason, we need the hot corn
before the movie, not after the movie.
106
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,342
- You mind if I do it?
- Go ahead.
107
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,756
Come on!
108
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,970
Now sit down.
Sorry about that, gang.
109
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,260
But perhaps
most foolishly of all,
110
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,303
they signed a
legally binding contract
111
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,097
with the Schlaaang Corporation
which held them
112
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,357
personally responsible
for the $1 billion.
113
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,814
I want my money back!
114
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:12,322
We're going to sue you
for every dime.
115
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,234
You motherfuckers
are going to jail
116
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,573
for what you did!
117
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,283
After several
threatening letters
118
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,993
from the Schlaaang
Corporation,
119
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,032
Tim and Eric realized
they needed a plan
120
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,747
to pay back Schlaaang's
billion dollars.
121
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,082
- Shred it.
- Okay.
122
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:30,090
We've really got to think
of a way to get that money back.
123
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,216
There's got to be
an easy way to do it here.
124
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:33,968
Are you guys hungry?
125
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,347
We could get some beef chili
and hot dog buns
126
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,099
Iike you like to put your mouth
around like you like to do.
127
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,761
Ma! When we're hungry,
I'll ring the bell.
128
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,975
Then you'll know
to put some chili on.
129
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:48,313
After days of workshopping failed ideas,
130
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,477
Tim and Eric faced
the very real threat
131
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,646
of spending the rest
of their lives in jail.
132
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,985
But first they had to
terminate their relationship
133
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,367
with their trusted friend
and spiritual guru,
134
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,777
Jim Joe Kelly.
135
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,195
You're not going to believe
what I bought for you.
136
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,988
We've got to tell him.
137
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,158
Oh, mercy.
138
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,755
I'm sensing some...
real depression here.
139
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,169
What's going on?
140
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,008
Tell him.
141
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,548
Jim Joe, we have
to let you go.
142
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,342
Wha...
143
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,057
- I'm sorry.
- What? What?
144
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,222
- It's all over, Jim Joe.
- What?
145
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,016
- It's okay.
- What?
146
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,982
- It's okay, Jim Joe.
- Breathe.
147
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,487
I can't--
148
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:35,897
- Breathe.
- Oh!
149
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,692
- Jim Joe?
- Oh, God.
150
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,360
Ohh!
151
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,829
No! No!
152
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,662
Pull him up.
153
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,835
One, two, three!
154
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,969
That's not how you do CPR.
You go like this.
155
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,150
See? Do it. Shit.
He's drying out.
156
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,653
- He's drying out! Put him back in!
- Change our plan!
157
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,946
I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
158
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,413
No. No, no, no, no.
159
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,924
Just steep it.
160
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,964
Why can't I just work
at a reduced rate?
161
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,510
The money's gone. We lost a billion
dollars. We're screwed.
162
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,976
Easy, Jim Joe.
163
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,606
Easy.
164
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,609
After all that I've
done for you!
165
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,444
Oh, Jim Joe.
166
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,525
This is so much harder
for us than it is for you.
167
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,193
All right. We're sorry.
We're just broke.
168
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,003
Great singing voice.
169
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,512
He's wonderful.
170
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,548
He's remarkable.
171
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,181
I guess this is goodbye.
172
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,099
Time to move on.
173
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,187
Please out.
174
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,323
Is it "please out"
or "peace out"?
175
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,654
- It's up to you.
- Enjoy it.
176
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,615
Please out.
177
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,000
So, with nowhere left to go,
178
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,789
Tim and Eric headed
to their favorite nightclub,
179
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,754
Circus Disco,
to drown their sorrows.
180
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,678
I don't know what we're
going to do, man.
181
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,388
I think we're finished.
182
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,678
We screwed up.
No one's ever gonna let us
183
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,596
direct another movie
after that shit.
184
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:16,767
You know, I used to have this
crazy fantasy of the two of us
185
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,731
walking hand in hand
down that red carpet
186
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,395
on our way
to the Academy Awards.
187
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,063
That's nice.
188
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,449
I don't think
it's gonna happen.
189
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,530
I just want to get
fucking drunk.
190
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,865
Forget about all this
billion-dollar bullshit.
191
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,871
I'm glad you said it because
I'm feeling the same way.
192
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,998
I want to get
so fucking high.
193
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:35,330
- I want a hashish.
- I'm gonna get skit on my nose.
194
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,711
Yo, I want to go dumb.
195
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,212
I want to cut
my fucking arm off.
196
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,374
I'd love to fucking get
blackout-drunk with you,
197
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,586
get a bunch of dudes,
198
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,171
put a bunch of shit
up our holes.
199
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:44,836
Yeah,
let's go fucking nuts.
200
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,504
Let's dance!
201
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,971
♪ I want to get
so fuckin' high ♪
202
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:56,605
♪ So fuckin' high ♪
203
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,437
♪ I want to get
so fuckin' high ♪
204
00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,896
♪ Yo, I want
to go dumb ♪
205
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,686
♪ I'm gonna
get skit on my nose ♪
206
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:02,899
♪ Skit-skit-skit
on my nose... ♪
207
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,234
Aah!
208
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,444
♪ I'm gonna get
skit on my nose ♪
209
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:06,778
♪ Skit-skit-skit
on my nose ♪
210
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:07,942
♪ Dumb... ♪
211
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,281
Aah!
212
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,373
Aah!
213
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,756
♪ I want a hashish ♪
214
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,470
♪ Ha-ha-ha-hashish ♪
215
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,929
♪ I want a hashish ♪
216
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,595
♪ Ha-ha-ha-hashish ♪
217
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,272
♪ Cut my fucking arm off ♪
218
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,728
♪ Fuck-fuck-fuck-
fucking arm off... ♪
219
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,274
♪ Fuck-fuck-fuck-
fucking arm off... ♪
220
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,654
Ow!
221
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,940
♪ Put a bunch of shit
up our holes ♪
222
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,109
♪ Bunch-bunch of shit
up our holes... ♪
223
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,777
Oh, wow.
224
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,195
♪ Bunch-bunch of shit. ♪
225
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,491
Ohh...
226
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,708
Yeah.
227
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,720
- You all right?
- Yeah.
228
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,934
Do you want to make
a billion dollars?
229
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,316
It's easy. Come and run my mall.
You'll be rich.
230
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,897
Hey, Eric,
come check this out.
231
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,779
You all love malls,
so take my mall.
232
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,314
What's the matter?
233
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,029
You don't want to make
a billion dollars?
234
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,364
Anyone can run
a stupid fucking mall,
235
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,028
even you.
236
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,040
Are you a man,
or possibly two men,
237
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,871
who need to make
a billion dollars?
238
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,785
Come and run my mall.
We're having hard times.
239
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:44,046
We need your ideas.
Everybody needs a billion.
240
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,959
Come and take over the S'wallow Valley
Mall and pizza court.
241
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,626
It's easy.
Not hard.
242
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,170
I said it's easy,
not hard.
243
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,806
There's never been an easier
way to make a billion dollars.
244
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:56,763
It's easy. And here's
- it's easy.
245
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:59,224
What's the matter? You don't want
to make a billion dollars?
246
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,185
My day wasn't going good
until I put on these--
247
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,270
Billion dollars.
248
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,604
Man, I love this--
249
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,768
Billion dollars.
250
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:11,366
I'm giving away a billion--
billion dollars!
251
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,777
But you gotta
run my mall.
252
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:16,367
Please save our mall.
We need your help.
253
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:17,826
Ah.
254
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,083
I work at one of the kiosks,
and it would mean the world
255
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,371
- if someone would come in here...
- She's so beautiful.
256
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:27,336
...and help us make
this mall great again.
257
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,216
Come to the S'wallow Valley Mall,
258
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:31,173
right off the 182 freeway
in S'wallow Valley.
259
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,884
Sounds crazy, Eric,
I know, but I think we can do this.
260
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,047
Yo, I like it.
261
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,137
- This mall could be easy money, man.
- That's right.
262
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,677
You know what? And I'm really good at
numbers, accounting, all that stuff.
263
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,814
Well, you know me. I'm a big P.R.,
strategy, marketing kind of guy.
264
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,225
But you know,
more importantly, man,
265
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,940
I just want to say this could
be a fresh start for us.
266
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,070
We could forget all about
this Hollywood bullshit
267
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,651
and really reinvent
ourselves.
268
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,817
Yeah. You know, I've been meaning
to tell you this all night,
269
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,031
but I love you, man.
And I love our friendship.
270
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,741
Well, thank you.
I honor you,
271
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,746
and I honor our friendship,
and I honor our love.
272
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,750
It would mean a lot to me
if we could run this mall
273
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,660
and I could make love
to this hot woman
274
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:06,500
and we could start a business
partnership together.
275
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,084
I love it, but I've
got a big problem.
276
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,499
I hate to do this
to you here.
277
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,542
I need to have an emergency
business meeting right now.
278
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,962
Because guess what? We don't have
a name for our company yet.
279
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,597
Shit.
280
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:17,756
All right.
What are we good at?
281
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,266
Well, we're men
who do business.
282
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,426
We want to be
business members.
283
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,095
We're boys
who do business.
284
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,604
- Yeah.
- But...
285
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,270
Eric. Look.
286
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,695
It's a sign.
287
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,697
"Doing business."
288
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,826
"Dobis."
289
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,362
I love it. It's got a ring
to it, doesn't it?
290
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,700
- Yeah.
- Dobis.
291
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,582
"That's who we are."
We're Dobis P.R.
292
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,163
Dobis.
293
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,421
- Look at that.
- Look at all the elements of business.
294
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:51,424
- Look it. They're all there, Eric.
- Market research.
295
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:55,428
- There's strategic P.R.
- Profit and loss.
296
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:58,806
I'll have the report
to you by Monday.
297
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,807
I'll look forward to it.
298
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,263
Guys,
299
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,144
I told you, you should
never have fired me.
300
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:05,976
Jim Joe,
what do you want?
301
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,313
I've got some poetry about regret
I'd like to share with you.
302
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,476
Come on, Jim Joe.
303
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:13,567
Friendship is warm,
friendship is touch.
304
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,356
Jim Joe, please stop.
305
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,867
We have to do this for ourselves.
We're sorry.
306
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,403
- We've got to leave you behind.
- I'm sick, and I'm lost,
307
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,821
and I'm tired
of floating around.
308
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:24,490
We love you, Jim Joe.
We wish you the best.
309
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,284
Let's go.
310
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:37,345
♪ You cannot
look behind you ♪
311
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,597
♪ Oh, no, you can't ♪
312
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:47,142
♪ There's too much ahead
that excites you ♪
313
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,147
♪ Yes, there is ♪
314
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:56,732
♪ Just like two horses ♪
315
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:01,528
♪ Just like
two horses ♪
316
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:05,915
♪ Two horses ♪
317
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,417
♪ Running in the wind. ♪
318
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:14,882
Hi, this is Tim and Eric.
319
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,292
Sorry we're not
here right now.
320
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,926
We've left town to become
business members.
321
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,177
We are now Dobis.
322
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,588
Please leave a message
for Dobis.
323
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,302
Be blessed.
324
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,057
Shit.
325
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,891
Son of a bitch.
326
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,809
They just skipped town
on us, Tommy.
327
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:36,730
- You find them.
- Mm-hmm.
328
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,865
Find them if it's
the last thing you do.
329
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,072
I want to drink their blood.
330
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,988
- I want to take a knife and gut them!
- Yes.
331
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,033
Oh, God, let me watch
their insides fall out.
332
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,293
Yes. Yes. Yes.
What else, Tommy?
333
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,671
- I want to strap them up--
- Yes.
334
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,082
And let a bamboo tree grow
right up into their ass, huh?
335
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,466
Yes.
336
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,343
Until the tree grows straight
through their brains!
337
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:02,505
Yes. And I will
deliver them unto you.
338
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,765
I want to eat
their fucking hearts!
339
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,095
Yeah!
340
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,852
Yes. Yes. Yes.
341
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,606
Okay.
Tell me what you think.
342
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,271
Uh, "Dear Mr. Weebs,
343
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:22,112
We are very, very, very,
very excited to meet you.
344
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,277
We are Dobis."
345
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,912
That's all I've got so far.
What do you think?
346
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,290
Oh, I'm sorry, dude.
I wasn't listening to you.
347
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:31,872
I'm just so focused
on this ridiculous look.
348
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,752
It's not working anymore.
349
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,629
Let me take a look.
350
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,459
It's just not right.
351
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,969
You know what, Eric, if we're
going to be businessmen,
352
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,847
I think maybe we should
look like businessmen, too.
353
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,804
- I agree.
- Hold on a second.
354
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,611
Now hold still.
355
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,034
Goodbye.
356
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,001
Oh!
357
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,975
Good night, Katie.
I miss you, my sweets.
358
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,612
Boy, you're really getting
attached to that photo, bud.
359
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,569
Tim, it's not
just a picture, man.
360
00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:09,233
That could be
the girl of my dreams.
361
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:10,867
All right. Let's just
try to stay focused
362
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:12,278
on what's important here.
363
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,788
Ever since I saw you
in that commercial, Katie,
364
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,790
I felt this electricity
in my heart.
365
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,293
I can't wait to meet you
and make love to you
366
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,454
and go deep inside you
and show you my mushroom tip.
367
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:24,419
All right, well,
I'm hitting the sack.
368
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:40,685
Oh.
369
00:22:41,819 --> 00:22:43,309
What the hell?
370
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,944
Okay.
371
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:49,573
- Katie.
- Okay.
372
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:50,983
All right.
373
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,740
You want to finish
that in the bathroom?
374
00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,625
Almost done.
Almost done.
375
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:18,060
Okay. Well, I'm gonna
say good night, then.
376
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:35,529
♪ Just like two horses ♪
377
00:23:35,706 --> 00:23:40,496
♪ Just like
two horses ♪
378
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:44,587
♪ Two horses ♪
379
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:46,998
♪ Runnin' in the wind ♪
380
00:23:49,553 --> 00:23:51,714
♪ Runnin' in the wind ♪
381
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:57,550
♪ Runnin' in the wind. ♪
382
00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:03,647
We've come
a long way, Tim.
383
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:05,478
We could turn around
right now if you want.
384
00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:07,189
No.
385
00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:09,069
I'm ready.
386
00:24:10,491 --> 00:24:11,901
All right.
Let's go.
387
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:29,498
Hello?
388
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:33,585
Mr. Weebs?
389
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:54,986
Mr. Weebs?
390
00:24:57,621 --> 00:25:00,533
Mr. Weebs?
Hello?
391
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:02,785
- What? What the--
- Mr. Weebs?
392
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,291
Go to heck!
393
00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:06,076
- Whoa!
- Who is that, Taquito?
394
00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:07,665
No, sir.
It's Dobis.
395
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,580
- It's Tim and Eric.
- Tim and Eric.
396
00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:12,128
Oh.
397
00:25:12,302 --> 00:25:14,133
- Oh. Come in.
- Thank you.
398
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:15,714
Yeah. Come in.
399
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,881
- Tim and Eric. Hello.
- Hi. Sorry to spook you.
400
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,801
- Good to meet you.
- Hi. Come in.
401
00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:24,311
Hi. Hi.
402
00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:27,063
I did not expect you guys.
403
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:30,692
I don't usually have visitors
at this time of the day.
404
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:32,148
So thank you.
405
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:33,983
Please, sit down.
Have a s--
406
00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:36,570
God! Come on!
407
00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:39,736
God damn it!
There's an order here.
408
00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:41,323
Sorry.
409
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:44,160
Oh!
All this was organized.
410
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,541
Now, I don't know.
411
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:50,876
Because a couple of dicks
walked in and wrecked it.
412
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,665
- Can I help you?
- No!
413
00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:55,084
Have you ever visited
an office before?
414
00:25:55,262 --> 00:25:58,720
- You want us to come back another time?
- No.
415
00:26:00,809 --> 00:26:02,390
I almost had a heart attack.
416
00:26:04,438 --> 00:26:06,019
Can we have a fresh start?
417
00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:09,598
- That'd be great.
- Hi, I'm Eric Wareheim.
418
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:13,019
And I'm Tim Heidecker.
And we are from Dobis P.R.
419
00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:14,903
We saw your commercial,
420
00:26:15,074 --> 00:26:17,065
and we're here
to run the mall
421
00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:18,482
and make that billion.
422
00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:20,321
Do you want
to watch "Top Gun"?
423
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,824
- Right now?
- I love that movie.
424
00:26:23,999 --> 00:26:26,615
- You have a copy?
- I have it here somewhere.
425
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,251
There it is.
It was right here...
426
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,786
- Right on top.
- ...the whole time.
427
00:26:30,964 --> 00:26:32,124
Okay. "Top Gun."
428
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:34,039
- Just put it in here?
- Just put it right in there.
429
00:26:34,218 --> 00:26:36,300
Great.
430
00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:38,301
Does it start
from the top?
431
00:26:38,472 --> 00:26:40,383
Mm-hmm.
432
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:41,797
"Top Gun" from the top.
433
00:26:43,811 --> 00:26:45,802
Sit back and enjoy the ride.
434
00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:48,721
- Tom Cruise, I guess.
- Mm-hmm.
435
00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:56,190
- Ah.
- Great.
436
00:26:56,365 --> 00:26:58,526
- I like that movie.
- It's a good movie.
437
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,406
- Terrific.
- Wonderful. Artistic.
438
00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:03,114
Do you want
to watch it again?
439
00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:06,238
We just saw
one pass of it, so...
440
00:27:06,416 --> 00:27:08,532
We'd love to focus
in on the business.
441
00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,917
It literally means
the world to me.
442
00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:13,832
Come on.
443
00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:15,417
I guess we can watch it
one more time.
444
00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:16,877
Yeah.
445
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,792
- Rewind here?
- Rewind.
446
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:21,757
So while
we're rewinding,
447
00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:23,092
Iet's talk business
about the mall.
448
00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:24,507
And hit play.
449
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:27,222
- Okay. Play again?
- Round two.
450
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:30,229
- Play again.
- "Top Gun" from the top again.
451
00:27:30,399 --> 00:27:33,607
Sit back and enjoy the ride.
452
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,444
I love that movie.
It's a great film.
453
00:27:41,618 --> 00:27:43,404
Great flying.
454
00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:45,786
Yeah.
455
00:27:45,956 --> 00:27:47,571
I love that music.
456
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,285
Yeah.
457
00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:52,747
Yeah, the music is great.
458
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:56,588
Not just the songs, either,
the score is good.
459
00:27:56,758 --> 00:27:58,794
- The motorcycles and stuff.
- Uh-huh.
460
00:27:58,969 --> 00:28:02,461
Is that Val Kilmer?
Is that Val Kilmer?
461
00:28:02,639 --> 00:28:05,096
Jesus.
462
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:10,310
Fuck.
463
00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:19,149
All right.
464
00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,529
Taquito!
465
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,314
Get up here right now!
466
00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:24,198
I've got some business
for you!
467
00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:26,781
I'll need to introduce
you to Taquito.
468
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:28,786
He lives here in the mall.
469
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:31,410
He's a sick boy.
470
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,917
Hmm, sorry to hear that.
471
00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:35,418
Come here.
472
00:28:39,176 --> 00:28:41,508
He's your problem now.
473
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:44,302
Okay.
474
00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:49,390
Also, you're going to have
to look out for the wolf.
475
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,636
Is that
a metaphorical wolf?
476
00:28:52,814 --> 00:28:55,772
- Huh?
- Like an animal wolf?
477
00:28:55,943 --> 00:28:57,604
- Yeah.
- You're talking about a wolf?
478
00:28:57,778 --> 00:29:00,269
Oh, yeah.
He's a real wolf.
479
00:29:00,447 --> 00:29:02,028
He'll bite you.
480
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:06,449
Noted. Okay.
481
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:08,201
Well, if I could
just move on?
482
00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:10,954
One more thing. I hate to do this
to you, but in the commercial,
483
00:29:11,124 --> 00:29:12,864
you said we were gonna
make a billion dollars.
484
00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:15,375
Oh. The money's coming.
485
00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:17,536
Did you wink there?
486
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,830
- Hmm?
- You just winked.
487
00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,294
Look. Don't worry
about the money.
488
00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:25,006
You're gonna make a billion
running this place.
489
00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:27,387
Making the money.
490
00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:28,888
Yeah, it happened again.
491
00:29:29,059 --> 00:29:30,094
I'm sorry.
We're still seeing it.
492
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:31,759
Really?
493
00:29:31,937 --> 00:29:34,053
I find that hard to believe.
494
00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:36,563
I saw a wink.
That was a wink.
495
00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:38,473
I don't think I winked.
496
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,314
Yeah. Well, we both saw it.
You winked.
497
00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:43,274
I don't know if it's some kind of
reflexive thing.
498
00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:44,437
No.
499
00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,197
Would you just mind
saying "Tim and Eric,
500
00:29:46,368 --> 00:29:48,780
you'll make the billion dollars,
run the mall," and there's no wink?
501
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:51,946
I hate doing this, but could you just--
you know, even with your hands...
502
00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:53,910
- I'm happy to.
- ...just keep them open.
503
00:29:54,084 --> 00:29:56,075
Then just say "Tim and Eric
will make a billion dollars."
504
00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:58,494
No wink.
505
00:29:58,672 --> 00:30:00,708
Just say the line
and keep the eyes wide open.
506
00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:02,918
You're gonna do just fine
running this place.
507
00:30:03,093 --> 00:30:05,129
You're gonna make a billion.
508
00:30:05,304 --> 00:30:07,386
Even with them spread,
I-- we see the wink.
509
00:30:07,556 --> 00:30:09,888
I don't even know how
it's possible, but you're--
510
00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:12,390
- you're winking through it.
- Hmm.
511
00:30:12,561 --> 00:30:14,643
I think we should just
trust him on this.
512
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,553
- I don't know, man.
- We don't have any other options.
513
00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:18,563
Wink or no wink, we have
to go with this. We're here.
514
00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:21,726
Okay. All right,
well, Mr. Weebs,
515
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:23,689
we'd love to accept
the offer.
516
00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:26,446
- Oh, that's wonderful news.
- We'll run your mall.
517
00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:28,572
Great news.
518
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,075
Yes, Uncle Damian?
What is it?
519
00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:31,451
Taquito!
520
00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:36,490
These are Tim and Eric.
521
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:38,704
Oh, how nice.
522
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:41,245
They will be running
the mall from now on.
523
00:30:41,423 --> 00:30:44,381
- You take orders from them.
- Yes, Uncle Damian.
524
00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,337
Want to see where I live?
525
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,797
Want to know where to get food?
526
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,428
Taquito!
527
00:30:50,599 --> 00:30:53,306
You do the song
like we practiced.
528
00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:56,560
Yes, Uncle Damian.
529
00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:59,392
♪ My name is Taquito,
I live here in the mall ♪
530
00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:02,353
♪ I got left here
when I was really small ♪
531
00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:05,018
♪ And then the mall closed,
and the wolves came to stay ♪
532
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:06,482
♪ They raised me at first ♪
533
00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:07,941
♪ But now they chase me
all day ♪
534
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,401
♪ So stick with me ♪
535
00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:10,861
♪ I'll show you
all the tricks ♪
536
00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:14,699
♪ But not too close,
or you may get sick. ♪
537
00:31:19,294 --> 00:31:21,376
Sorry, I'm real sick.
538
00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:24,208
- You okay?
- I'll be all right.
539
00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:26,169
It's just the shivers.
540
00:31:28,387 --> 00:31:30,594
My body's hot,
but I feel cold.
541
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:35,011
Mr. Weebs?
542
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:43,019
Tonight's movie features
several important lessons.
543
00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:46,230
The following segments
are meant to reinforce these themes.
544
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:54,451
You wanted to see me?
545
00:31:54,621 --> 00:31:56,703
Yes.
You're fired.
546
00:31:56,873 --> 00:31:59,740
Oh, no!
547
00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:01,749
Why? Why?
548
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,036
That's it.
Let it all out.
549
00:32:04,214 --> 00:32:06,830
Oh, no.
550
00:32:07,008 --> 00:32:09,920
This is the best
business scenario for us.
551
00:32:10,095 --> 00:32:11,380
It had to be done.
552
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:13,716
Yes, you are right.
553
00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:15,426
I understand that now.
554
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,467
Thank you.
Good-bye.
555
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:19,930
Psst. Wait.
556
00:32:20,105 --> 00:32:21,641
Come back.
557
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:23,851
This is your
severance package.
558
00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:49,840
Sweet old Mrs. Wareheim.
Mrs. Heidecker.
559
00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:51,591
Yes.
560
00:32:51,761 --> 00:32:54,093
You must be so proud
of your boys.
561
00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:56,380
Making a big
Hollywood movie.
562
00:32:56,558 --> 00:32:58,423
Aren't you?
563
00:32:58,602 --> 00:33:01,469
The sets,
the movie stars.
564
00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:04,934
Geez Louise,
it's something, isn't it?
565
00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:08,608
Well, you see,
the problem is
566
00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:12,396
that they
screwed up big-time.
567
00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:14,439
They screwed up, mommies.
568
00:33:14,618 --> 00:33:16,358
Oh, no.
569
00:33:18,872 --> 00:33:20,988
Are you scared?
570
00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:23,703
- Hmm?
- Scared?
571
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,208
Where's your son?
572
00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:27,118
I don't know.
573
00:33:27,297 --> 00:33:28,662
Where are your sons?
574
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,376
I wish I could help you,
but I can't. Sorry.
575
00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:34,259
Where are your sons?
Where are your sons?
576
00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:35,635
Where is he?
577
00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:39,426
Earle.
Let me try.
578
00:33:43,688 --> 00:33:46,976
You've got Zaffer's Music
over there on the right.
579
00:33:47,150 --> 00:33:50,984
Ahem. And that's
Dan's Tiny Baby Outlet.
580
00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:53,816
He's only open
two days a week.
581
00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:57,027
And this here
is Drimble's Yogurt.
582
00:33:57,202 --> 00:33:59,409
Some folks
say it's haunted
583
00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,695
by the yogurt man.
584
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,738
I don't know.
585
00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:06,499
I wouldn't change
too much around here.
586
00:34:06,670 --> 00:34:09,207
The yogurt man might
get real upset.
587
00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:11,463
That's a bobo.
588
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,170
How are you?
589
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:15,925
Hi.
590
00:34:16,096 --> 00:34:18,178
And this is Simon's.
591
00:34:18,348 --> 00:34:20,805
They sell things
for mommies and daddies.
592
00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:23,934
Oh, hey, Eric,
check it out. Swords.
593
00:34:24,104 --> 00:34:26,095
Cool, I love swords.
594
00:34:28,525 --> 00:34:30,686
Mr. Bishopman?
595
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:33,021
I have a couple of fellas
who wanted to meet you.
596
00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:34,811
What's this? What do you want?
We're closing.
597
00:34:34,990 --> 00:34:36,571
I'm Tim Heidecker.
598
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:38,982
I'm Eric Wareheim,
and we're from Dobis P.R.,
599
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,400
and we're here
to take over your mall.
600
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:41,910
That's right, Mr. Bishopman.
601
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,661
We are here to reimagine
what this mall can be,
602
00:34:43,832 --> 00:34:46,289
and, in fact, we got some pretty big
and exciting changes in mind.
603
00:34:46,459 --> 00:34:47,574
Mm-hmm.
604
00:34:47,752 --> 00:34:48,958
So just hand over
your cost report,
605
00:34:49,129 --> 00:34:51,290
and we'll get started on
some business plans for you.
606
00:34:51,464 --> 00:34:53,420
You listen to me.
607
00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:56,299
I'm Allen
fucking Bishopman,
608
00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:58,551
and I've run E Z Swords
for 15 years.
609
00:34:58,722 --> 00:35:00,587
And you want me to change?
610
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,096
Fuck you!
611
00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:04,098
Sir, Dobis is here
to help, okay?
612
00:35:04,269 --> 00:35:05,930
I like things this way.
613
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:07,685
I don't want things
to change!
614
00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:08,971
Okay.
615
00:35:09,149 --> 00:35:11,014
I sell two swords a year,
I'm good.
616
00:35:11,192 --> 00:35:13,899
I sell no swords a year,
and I'm even better.
617
00:35:14,070 --> 00:35:16,857
You see, S'wallow Valley
wants to keep swords off the streets,
618
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:20,570
and they pay me a monthly fee
to not sell any swords!
619
00:35:20,744 --> 00:35:21,779
Okay.
I didn't know that.
620
00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:25,195
Well, now you do, you shit!
621
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,909
Okay. Well, we didn't
know that. So...
622
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:30,200
Well, now you do,
you shit!
623
00:35:30,378 --> 00:35:31,993
Well, we weren't aware.
I'm sorry.
624
00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:36,256
Well, now you do,
you piece of shit.
625
00:35:36,426 --> 00:35:39,384
I got a lot of stuff
going around in my head.
626
00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:40,964
I've got to sort it out,
627
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:42,629
and it will help
to not have you
628
00:35:42,807 --> 00:35:45,014
right in my fucking face
the whole time!
629
00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:47,301
Well, we look forward to doing
business with you, sir.
630
00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:50,642
Yes. All the best.
631
00:35:53,068 --> 00:35:54,854
Good night.
632
00:35:58,073 --> 00:36:00,689
Anyways, there's a lot
of other fun stuff
633
00:36:00,867 --> 00:36:03,153
I'll show you tomorrow.
634
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:05,944
Well, here we are.
Here's my humble abode
635
00:36:06,122 --> 00:36:09,080
and your temporary home
away from home.
636
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:12,458
Okay. Careful.
637
00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:17,414
This is my secret tunnel.
638
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,884
Well, here's
the living room.
639
00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:28,425
Shut the fuck up, you little cunt!
640
00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:30,139
That's Roy.
641
00:36:30,313 --> 00:36:33,271
Don't look him in the eye.
642
00:36:33,441 --> 00:36:35,056
Hello.
643
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:39,106
- Get the fuck out of here!
- Ah!
644
00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:44,324
Here we are.
645
00:36:44,494 --> 00:36:47,031
This is my little palace.
646
00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:49,161
This is where I sleep.
647
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:55,122
If you have to do
your business.
648
00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:59,167
There's no curtain.
You just close your eyes.
649
00:36:59,342 --> 00:37:01,003
If you have to do any work
650
00:37:01,177 --> 00:37:03,293
or any kind
of calculations,
651
00:37:03,471 --> 00:37:05,757
you can--
652
00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:08,924
you can use
this machine I built.
653
00:37:09,102 --> 00:37:11,013
It's called the--
654
00:37:11,187 --> 00:37:14,350
it's called the taqutor.
655
00:37:14,524 --> 00:37:15,513
Eric's our numbers
man here.
656
00:37:15,692 --> 00:37:17,273
I'm more of a managerial
type for Dobis.
657
00:37:17,444 --> 00:37:18,650
Really looking forward
to crunching some numbers
658
00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:19,980
on that taqutor, Taquito.
659
00:37:20,155 --> 00:37:23,693
Oh, yeah.
You must be hungry.
660
00:37:23,867 --> 00:37:26,654
- We're fine.
- Here. Have a taquito.
661
00:37:26,828 --> 00:37:29,035
Ooh.
No, thanks.
662
00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:31,366
You've got to keep those
refrigerated, Taquito.
663
00:37:31,541 --> 00:37:33,782
I know. That's why
I only eat the middle.
664
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,042
Taquito, don't put that
in your mouth, please.
665
00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:49,051
Taquito,
is everything all right?
666
00:37:49,225 --> 00:37:52,342
It's only blood.
It's just natural.
667
00:37:54,314 --> 00:37:56,646
I'm not meant to live long.
668
00:37:58,401 --> 00:37:59,766
Poor boy.
669
00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:02,189
All right.
Well, on that note,
670
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:03,694
we should probably
hit the hay.
671
00:38:03,865 --> 00:38:05,230
Okay.
672
00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:08,195
- So--
- We can sleep right back there?
673
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:09,700
Yep.
674
00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,946
- Good night.
- Sweet dreams.
675
00:38:15,418 --> 00:38:17,625
Good night, Taquito.
676
00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:19,332
Good night.
677
00:38:20,924 --> 00:38:23,040
Yeah, awfully nice to have some company.
678
00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:24,549
Thanks, Taquito.
679
00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:26,793
Thank you.
680
00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:57,240
♪ This is what we do ♪
681
00:38:57,418 --> 00:38:58,954
♪ This is who we are ♪
682
00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:01,790
♪ We're Dobis P.R.,
We're Dobis P.R. ♪
683
00:39:01,965 --> 00:39:03,421
♪ We love what we do ♪
684
00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:05,172
♪ And we love who we are ♪
685
00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:08,426
♪ We're Dobis P.R.,
We're Dobis P.R. ♪
686
00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:10,632
♪ D-O-B-I yes ♪
687
00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:14,470
♪ P.R. ♪
688
00:39:14,644 --> 00:39:17,056
♪ D-O-B-I yes ♪
689
00:39:17,230 --> 00:39:19,312
♪ P.R. ♪
690
00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:25,769
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. Do do do ♪
691
00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:28,233
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. ♪
692
00:39:28,408 --> 00:39:29,773
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪
693
00:39:29,951 --> 00:39:31,987
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. ♪
694
00:39:32,161 --> 00:39:33,401
♪ Do, do, do ♪
695
00:39:33,580 --> 00:39:35,571
♪ Dobis P., Dobis P.,
Dobis P., Dobis P. ♪
696
00:39:35,748 --> 00:39:38,615
♪ Do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do ♪
697
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:42,411
♪ Do, do, do, do, do
do, do, do, do, do ♪
698
00:39:42,589 --> 00:39:45,422
♪ We're D-O-B-I-S ♪
699
00:39:45,592 --> 00:39:48,049
♪ P.R. ♪
700
00:39:59,606 --> 00:40:03,269
Hello, people of
S'wallow Mall.
701
00:40:03,443 --> 00:40:06,310
Let's give a real big
warm welcome
702
00:40:06,487 --> 00:40:09,650
to our presidents
of Dobis P.R.--
703
00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:12,531
Tim and Eric!
704
00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,990
- Hey.
- Hey, everybody.
705
00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:18,405
Awesome.
706
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,448
What is up,
party people?
707
00:40:20,627 --> 00:40:22,492
Thank you.
708
00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:24,501
I'm Tim Heidecker.
This is Eric Wareheim.
709
00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:26,208
We are Dobis P.R.,
710
00:40:26,382 --> 00:40:28,543
and we're here to tell you
about our plan
711
00:40:28,718 --> 00:40:30,128
to revitalize
the S'wallow Valley Mall.
712
00:40:30,303 --> 00:40:32,009
Boo!
713
00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:34,171
And here's how we're
gonna do it, guys.
714
00:40:34,349 --> 00:40:37,341
We're gonna use the three
keys to success.
715
00:40:37,518 --> 00:40:40,009
The first key to success.
716
00:40:40,188 --> 00:40:42,770
We gotta get rid
of that wolf...
717
00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:51,271
That wolf.
718
00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:53,110
Okay, our second
key to success
719
00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:55,491
is we've got to clean
this mall up.
720
00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:58,119
All right? We've got to put a fresh coat
of paint on things.
721
00:40:58,289 --> 00:40:59,449
We've gotta get rid
of all you squatters.
722
00:40:59,624 --> 00:41:01,956
The third key to success
723
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:04,162
is to prepare
for the grand re-opening
724
00:41:04,337 --> 00:41:06,419
of the new
S'wallow Valley Mall.
725
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,705
We've got to get rid of
the stores that don't work
726
00:41:08,883 --> 00:41:10,339
and bring in stores
that do work,
727
00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:11,750
that make profits.
728
00:41:11,928 --> 00:41:13,509
That's gonna do it
for us, guys.
729
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,887
And we're gonna be
making our billion.
730
00:41:16,057 --> 00:41:17,172
You got that right.
731
00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:18,590
I do want to add
a small caveat here.
732
00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:21,430
We have absolutely
no experience doing this kind of stuff.
733
00:41:21,604 --> 00:41:24,562
Absolutely not, guys.
We are Hollywood actors.
734
00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:26,723
Okay?
That's our specialty.
735
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:30,735
Re-opening a shit-hole mall?
It's not what we do.
736
00:41:30,905 --> 00:41:32,520
Yeah. We just want
to go on record here
737
00:41:32,699 --> 00:41:34,530
so nobody can come back
and this can't bite us in the ass
738
00:41:34,701 --> 00:41:36,282
that we didn't know what we
were doing here, okay?
739
00:41:36,452 --> 00:41:38,363
When I look in your face,
sir, I say to myself,
740
00:41:38,538 --> 00:41:40,369
I wish I stayed in Hollywood
741
00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:42,872
and just stayed
a superstar actor.
742
00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:45,078
What the fuck
am I doing down here
743
00:41:45,253 --> 00:41:47,494
doing business
in this shit-hole mall?
744
00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:50,084
- But that's Dobis.
- That's the pride of Dobis.
745
00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:52,249
Get used to it 'cause this place
is gonna change.
746
00:41:52,427 --> 00:41:54,088
Oh, yeah!
747
00:41:57,306 --> 00:41:59,171
Come on, everybody!
Say Dobis!
748
00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:01,306
- Dobis!
- Dobis!
749
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:04,435
Talk about it, Mama:
Dobis in the house.
750
00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:07,813
- Dobis!
- Dobis!
751
00:42:07,984 --> 00:42:09,144
Dobis!
752
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,274
Got you just
where I want you.
753
00:42:18,453 --> 00:42:20,865
There you are.
754
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:23,451
Oh, you guys
are going down.
755
00:42:23,624 --> 00:42:25,080
Excuse me. I was wondering
about this sword.
756
00:42:25,251 --> 00:42:28,038
Hang on. Can't you see
I'm on the fucking phone?
757
00:42:28,212 --> 00:42:29,577
Operator.
758
00:42:29,756 --> 00:42:31,542
Yes.
Hello, operator.
759
00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:34,253
I need the number for
the Schlaaang Corporation.
760
00:42:34,427 --> 00:42:36,668
I have some information
they're gonna want to hear.
761
00:42:36,846 --> 00:42:38,177
Let me give you their
customer service--
762
00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:40,008
No, I don't want customer
service, you stupid bitch.
763
00:42:40,183 --> 00:42:43,016
I want you to put me through
to headquarters, goddamn it.
764
00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:45,518
H-hello?
765
00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:48,179
Oh, she hung up. Great.
She hung up.
766
00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:49,938
What the hell do you want?
767
00:42:51,486 --> 00:42:53,147
Oh, you're just holding
a knife out like I know--
768
00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:55,277
Oh, I know
what to do with that.
769
00:42:55,448 --> 00:42:56,688
I just want to see how
much this sword was.
770
00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:59,903
Get the hell out
of my store.
771
00:43:18,471 --> 00:43:19,927
Official Dobis reps here,
772
00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:21,838
stopping in
for a meet-and-greet.
773
00:43:23,309 --> 00:43:26,392
Hi, welcome to Reggie's.
What can I get for you?
774
00:43:26,562 --> 00:43:28,018
We've got a sale
on slightly soiled.
775
00:43:28,189 --> 00:43:29,725
No, no, no.
We're not customers.
776
00:43:29,899 --> 00:43:31,480
I don't know if you saw our presentation
we did the other day,
777
00:43:31,651 --> 00:43:34,393
but we're running things
here at the mall now.
778
00:43:34,570 --> 00:43:36,231
What exactly do you
sell here, Reggie?
779
00:43:36,405 --> 00:43:38,145
Oh, used toilet paper,
of course.
780
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:41,157
There's a lot of demand
for that here, then, Reg?
781
00:43:41,327 --> 00:43:43,033
It's more of
a gourmet operation.
782
00:43:43,204 --> 00:43:44,660
Okay.
Write down gourm--
783
00:43:44,831 --> 00:43:46,571
I got it. G-I--
784
00:43:46,749 --> 00:43:48,489
No,
G-O-R-M-A-Y.
785
00:43:48,668 --> 00:43:50,124
G-O-R...
786
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:52,250
- M-A-Y.
- M-A-Y.
787
00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:58,341
Yep. Uh, every night, we go
out to the usual spots--
788
00:43:58,511 --> 00:44:01,093
you know, abandoned
port-a-potties, sewage mains,
789
00:44:01,264 --> 00:44:03,255
those kind of places--
and we do our collecting.
790
00:44:03,432 --> 00:44:05,844
And then we take
the messy slop back here,
791
00:44:06,018 --> 00:44:08,100
and we spool it all
onto new rolls.
792
00:44:08,271 --> 00:44:10,557
What's that? Shit?
793
00:44:11,607 --> 00:44:13,973
It's a shit smell.
Is that you?
794
00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:15,562
It smells like po-po.
795
00:44:15,736 --> 00:44:18,603
My father taught me this
profession years ago.
796
00:44:18,781 --> 00:44:20,487
And now I'm teaching
it to my son.
797
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:23,741
- Good.
- Speak of the devil.
798
00:44:25,204 --> 00:44:26,569
Come on.
799
00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:30,031
This is Jeffrey.
800
00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:32,666
- Say hello.
- Hi.
801
00:44:32,837 --> 00:44:34,327
Hello.
802
00:44:35,548 --> 00:44:37,004
Where have you been
hiding this boy?
803
00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:39,791
- That's not a bad boy.
- Come here.
804
00:44:39,969 --> 00:44:41,425
Let me feast my eyes
on that boy.
805
00:44:41,596 --> 00:44:43,211
Come here. Yeah.
806
00:44:43,389 --> 00:44:45,471
Take a look at you.
807
00:44:45,641 --> 00:44:46,972
Hey.
808
00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:49,220
Look at the size of him.
809
00:44:49,395 --> 00:44:51,056
Look at this.
810
00:44:51,230 --> 00:44:53,516
Hmm.
811
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:55,147
Let me see your mouth.
812
00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:56,478
Nice. Nice teeth.
813
00:44:56,652 --> 00:44:59,860
You want to sit
on Uncle Tim's lap?
814
00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:02,067
Get on my knee.
815
00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:04,197
I like your son a lot.
816
00:45:04,368 --> 00:45:06,029
All right,
all right, Tim.
817
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:08,195
Listen, Reggie, after
a few calculations here,
818
00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:11,159
it looks like your store isn't quite fit
for the new Dobis brand.
819
00:45:11,334 --> 00:45:13,575
Sorry, Reg. We're gonna
have to shut this boy down.
820
00:45:14,754 --> 00:45:16,164
It's been in
the family for years.
821
00:45:16,339 --> 00:45:19,502
The new S'wallow Valley Mall
is about fresh, clean, safe--
822
00:45:19,675 --> 00:45:20,960
You know what, Tim?
823
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:23,171
There's an opening
for head of janitorial,
824
00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:25,177
and I don't know
Reggie's qualifications,
825
00:45:25,348 --> 00:45:26,679
but I feel like we could
give him a shot.
826
00:45:26,849 --> 00:45:28,259
What do you think?
827
00:45:28,434 --> 00:45:29,890
Uh, well...
828
00:45:30,061 --> 00:45:31,392
You do the dust.
You do the shine.
829
00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:33,052
We make a mess,
you clean it up.
830
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:35,893
- That's the job.
- Okay.
831
00:45:36,067 --> 00:45:37,682
Great. Well, Reg,
832
00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:39,976
it sounds like you're gonna be pretty
busy over the next few weeks.
833
00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:41,815
Jeffrey, how about you
tag along with us?
834
00:45:41,989 --> 00:45:43,104
And I can teach you
a little bit about
835
00:45:43,282 --> 00:45:45,273
what it's like to be
a businessman around here,
836
00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:47,112
what it's like
to be a real man.
837
00:45:47,286 --> 00:45:50,904
What it's like to be a real
successful businessman.
838
00:45:51,082 --> 00:45:52,288
Huh? Sound good?
839
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:54,414
- Yes, sir.
- Don't call me sir.
840
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,792
Why don't you call me Daddy?
Say "Yes, Daddy."
841
00:45:56,963 --> 00:45:58,248
Yes, Daddy.
842
00:45:58,422 --> 00:46:00,708
Does that sound good
to you, Uncle Reg?
843
00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:03,124
Yeah. Okay.
844
00:46:03,302 --> 00:46:06,465
Are you gonna be my son?
That's what I thought.
845
00:46:41,424 --> 00:46:42,789
Attention, squatters.
846
00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:44,423
This is your final warning.
847
00:46:44,593 --> 00:46:46,800
Please vacate the mall
immediately.
848
00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:50,008
This is a direct order
from Dobis P.R.
849
00:46:53,436 --> 00:46:54,721
Get out of here.
850
00:47:14,999 --> 00:47:16,580
Swing, swing, swing.
Swing, swing.
851
00:47:16,751 --> 00:47:17,786
Oh, shit.
852
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:19,166
You got, like,
a foot back here
853
00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:20,668
if you swing it
hard enough.
854
00:47:21,672 --> 00:47:23,788
I got it.
I got it.
855
00:47:23,966 --> 00:47:26,048
Back it up.
856
00:47:28,721 --> 00:47:30,677
Get out and push.
Get out and push.
857
00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:39,937
Hey! I'm trying
to work in here.
858
00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:46,610
All right. Shrim Alternative
Healing Center.
859
00:47:46,781 --> 00:47:48,362
It looks like they have
a video here, guys.
860
00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:50,648
You want to watch a movie, son?
861
00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:51,906
Good day.
862
00:47:52,078 --> 00:47:53,409
I'm Dr. Doone Strutts.
863
00:47:53,579 --> 00:47:55,490
And I want to thank you
for choosing
864
00:47:55,664 --> 00:47:57,905
the Shrim Alternative
Healing Center.
865
00:47:58,084 --> 00:47:59,665
Shrim.
866
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:01,826
Shrim can
help you achieve
867
00:48:02,004 --> 00:48:03,710
premium body health.
868
00:48:03,881 --> 00:48:06,543
Shrim.
869
00:48:10,054 --> 00:48:11,169
Ooh.
870
00:48:11,347 --> 00:48:14,089
You must locate
your inner shrim.
871
00:48:14,266 --> 00:48:16,803
Shrim begin.
872
00:48:19,688 --> 00:48:21,553
I will help you
find your shrim,
873
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:23,188
along with my sons.
874
00:48:23,359 --> 00:48:26,476
- Shrim!
- Shrim!
875
00:48:26,654 --> 00:48:28,986
Shrim.
876
00:48:30,783 --> 00:48:33,399
Shrim!
877
00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:38,112
Shrim!
878
00:48:38,290 --> 00:48:39,905
I'd really like to get
my shrim tested,
879
00:48:40,084 --> 00:48:41,369
meet Dr. Doone.
880
00:48:41,544 --> 00:48:43,626
Shrim.
Sounds like shrimp.
881
00:48:43,796 --> 00:48:45,912
Shrimp sounds like Shemp.
882
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:49,378
Shrim. We should get
some shrimp for dinner.
883
00:48:49,552 --> 00:48:50,667
What?
884
00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:52,085
Shrim! Shrim! Shrim!
885
00:48:52,263 --> 00:48:54,800
Shrim!
886
00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:05,605
All right, Katie's
Celebrity Balloons is our last stop.
887
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:07,141
Looks like no one's home.
We can turn around.
888
00:49:07,319 --> 00:49:08,604
- No.
- Let's go back.
889
00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:10,895
Just play it cool.
Play it just like yourself.
890
00:49:11,073 --> 00:49:13,985
Just be natural.
Don't forget we're here for business.
891
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:15,491
Let's do it.
892
00:49:18,164 --> 00:49:21,531
Jeffrey, stick with me.
Play with the balloons.
893
00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,870
Hello. Hi.
Tim and Eric here.
894
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:27,286
- Oh, hi there.
- Hi, I'm Tim Heideck--
895
00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:29,251
Hey,
I'm Eric Wareheim.
896
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:32,462
Businessmen here.
I'm so nervous.
897
00:49:32,636 --> 00:49:33,716
So, um, love you.
898
00:49:33,888 --> 00:49:35,378
- No.
- No?
899
00:49:35,556 --> 00:49:37,421
Just be yourself.
900
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,306
Hi. Eric Wareheim.
I love you.
901
00:49:39,477 --> 00:49:41,684
- Mm. Start again. Pardon us.
- One, two, three.
902
00:49:41,854 --> 00:49:43,936
Hi, I'm Eric Wareheim.
Very in love with you--
903
00:49:44,106 --> 00:49:45,346
- Okay.
- This is business.
904
00:49:45,524 --> 00:49:47,435
I'm trying to just say
the business thing.
905
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:48,690
We won't be able
to use any of that.
906
00:49:48,861 --> 00:49:50,726
- Cut the love?
- Yeah.
907
00:49:50,905 --> 00:49:53,362
Hi, I'm Eric Wareheim.
We're here from Dobis.
908
00:49:53,532 --> 00:49:55,193
We're evaluating
your balloon stand.
909
00:49:55,367 --> 00:49:56,903
And I love you so much.
910
00:49:57,077 --> 00:49:59,068
All right.
Why don't you take two?
911
00:49:59,246 --> 00:50:01,988
Tsst. Tsst.
912
00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:05,124
Take five. I'll get this.
Hi. We're Dobis.
913
00:50:05,294 --> 00:50:07,626
We're just walking around,
trying to get a lay of the land,
914
00:50:07,796 --> 00:50:10,082
figuring out what you guys
need, how we can make this mall better.
915
00:50:10,257 --> 00:50:12,418
Oh. I was in
the audience.
916
00:50:12,593 --> 00:50:15,505
I saw your presentation.
You were wonderful.
917
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:18,011
Thank you for coming
all this way to help us.
918
00:50:18,182 --> 00:50:21,049
These are super cool.
How do you even make them?
919
00:50:21,227 --> 00:50:22,558
Oh, thank you.
920
00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:24,093
Eric. Eric.
921
00:50:28,692 --> 00:50:33,061
Uh, so, Katie, I would love to schedule
an official Dobis dinner
922
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:34,649
to discuss
your business model
923
00:50:34,823 --> 00:50:36,984
for your
balloon store here.
924
00:50:37,159 --> 00:50:39,525
With both of you?
That would be great.
925
00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:41,568
Um, or just me.
926
00:50:41,747 --> 00:50:43,703
Um, Tim will probably
be busy with his son,
927
00:50:43,874 --> 00:50:45,910
so you and I can just kind
of go over all the details.
928
00:50:46,085 --> 00:50:48,041
Friday's no good.
Jeff's got a lot of homework.
929
00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:49,622
We're gonna
concentrate on that.
930
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:52,038
Oh. Okay, fine.
931
00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:54,298
Oh, yeah.
932
00:50:54,468 --> 00:50:56,800
Hey, Eric.
933
00:51:08,232 --> 00:51:09,893
Jeffrey!
934
00:51:12,903 --> 00:51:14,018
Jeff?
935
00:51:17,825 --> 00:51:19,156
I miss you, son.
936
00:51:31,255 --> 00:51:32,870
What are you working on
over there, bud?
937
00:51:33,048 --> 00:51:35,164
I'm just crunching some numbers
with the taqutor here,
938
00:51:35,342 --> 00:51:37,378
and we got a problem.
939
00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:38,918
What are you
talking about?
940
00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:40,632
Come take a look at this.
941
00:51:42,266 --> 00:51:43,426
Taqutor,
942
00:51:43,601 --> 00:51:45,432
Ioad up the Dobis
presentation, please.
943
00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:47,594
See what I'm saying?
It doesn't add up.
944
00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:49,807
Eric, it's probably just
a bug in the mainframe.
945
00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:51,643
I'll have Jeffrey
run a diagnostic.
946
00:51:51,817 --> 00:51:53,307
We'll get it sorted out.
It's nothing to worry about.
947
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:55,271
No. There's nothing wrong
with the taqutor, man.
948
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:58,404
The numbers are right here.
There's no way we're making that bil.
949
00:51:58,574 --> 00:52:00,610
What are you saying?
That Weebs lied to us?
950
00:52:00,784 --> 00:52:02,740
You know how stupid
that sounds?
951
00:52:02,911 --> 00:52:04,492
You know
what your problem is?
952
00:52:04,663 --> 00:52:07,905
Your head's in the clouds
thinking about Katie all the time.
953
00:52:08,083 --> 00:52:09,118
Let me ask you something.
954
00:52:09,293 --> 00:52:12,205
How many times did you
masturbate to her today?
955
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:13,915
Like five or six.
956
00:52:14,089 --> 00:52:15,249
Five or six times,
957
00:52:15,424 --> 00:52:16,880
when you should have been
focused on the prize.
958
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:18,461
You should be
focused on this:
959
00:52:18,636 --> 00:52:20,342
opening up the S'wallow
Valley Mall,
960
00:52:20,512 --> 00:52:23,219
making the "mooney," okay?
Not some dumb slut.
961
00:52:23,390 --> 00:52:25,472
Hey!
962
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:28,510
Say what you want about my
calculations in the taqutor,
963
00:52:28,687 --> 00:52:30,143
but leave Katie
out of this.
964
00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:52,158
May I have a bite
of your apple?
965
00:53:02,554 --> 00:53:05,011
I wish I had
a bigger bite.
966
00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:08,549
That bite was all mine
because I worked hard for it.
967
00:53:08,727 --> 00:53:11,389
Yep. I didn't
deserve that bite.
968
00:53:11,563 --> 00:53:13,724
I should have
worked harder.
969
00:53:19,988 --> 00:53:23,901
Oh, ladies, ladies, ladies.
970
00:53:25,911 --> 00:53:29,369
I'm a successful
businessman, ladies.
971
00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:33,374
I built the Schlaaang empire
from the ground up.
972
00:53:33,544 --> 00:53:37,537
And if you think two idiots
can make a fool of me,
973
00:53:37,715 --> 00:53:41,048
then you've got a lot
to learn about business
974
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:42,879
and the Schlaaang way.
975
00:53:45,013 --> 00:53:46,298
Yes.
976
00:53:46,473 --> 00:53:48,384
I've had you here for days,
977
00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:51,050
and you've given me nothing.
978
00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,810
Cornell, could you untie
Mrs. Wareheim, please?
979
00:54:00,404 --> 00:54:01,860
Yes.
980
00:54:02,030 --> 00:54:04,487
You see this?
981
00:54:04,658 --> 00:54:06,444
It's a letter opener.
982
00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:09,401
It was my grandpop's.
983
00:54:09,580 --> 00:54:12,367
Beautiful.
984
00:54:12,541 --> 00:54:16,250
He must have used it to open up
thousands of letters over the years,
985
00:54:16,420 --> 00:54:20,914
but it also settled
more than a few arguments.
986
00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:26,468
Do you want
to lose a finger, too?
987
00:54:26,638 --> 00:54:27,627
Where are your sons?
988
00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:29,762
I wish I could tell you
what you need to know
989
00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:31,673
if it would get your
billion dollars back to you.
990
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:34,514
But I just don't think I know
where they did get to.
991
00:54:35,939 --> 00:54:39,431
Motherfucking Tim and Eric,
where did you go?
992
00:54:43,614 --> 00:54:45,570
♪ You are my son ♪
993
00:54:46,784 --> 00:54:49,776
♪ You're better
than anyone ♪
994
00:54:49,953 --> 00:54:52,945
♪ You're just like
a shiny new toy ♪
995
00:54:53,123 --> 00:54:55,409
♪ You are my boy ♪
996
00:54:56,919 --> 00:54:59,786
♪ You are my son ♪
997
00:54:59,963 --> 00:55:01,453
♪ You're better
than anyone. ♪
998
00:55:01,632 --> 00:55:04,544
- Ahem. Excuse me.
- What?
999
00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:06,800
Sorry to interrupt, but do you want to
get back to Dobis?
1000
00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:08,881
Or do you want
to continue singing?
1001
00:55:09,056 --> 00:55:11,923
Yeah. It's fine.
Just got lost in my music.
1002
00:55:12,100 --> 00:55:14,842
Well, we've got
Drimble's Yogurt here.
1003
00:55:15,020 --> 00:55:17,386
Uh, looks like the power's
been off for years,
1004
00:55:17,564 --> 00:55:19,930
so we got a lot of spoiled
yogurt we gotta deal with.
1005
00:55:20,108 --> 00:55:22,474
And, as you recall, Taquito
gave us a little intel
1006
00:55:22,653 --> 00:55:25,736
about a so-called yogurt man
that's haunting the premises.
1007
00:55:25,906 --> 00:55:27,271
So Dobo better investigo.
1008
00:55:27,449 --> 00:55:29,485
Well, if there is a yogurt man
in there, Eric,
1009
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,901
then today he's getting
his eviction notice.
1010
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,493
Oh, God.
1011
00:55:40,671 --> 00:55:42,502
The smell.
1012
00:55:44,091 --> 00:55:45,877
Yogurt man, are you in here?
1013
00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:49,338
Hello?
1014
00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:52,050
Yogurt man?
Ohh!
1015
00:56:04,570 --> 00:56:06,151
Yogurt man, stand down!
1016
00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:09,028
The mall's haunted!
1017
00:56:11,618 --> 00:56:14,234
Wait.
1018
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:16,074
Taquito?
1019
00:56:25,883 --> 00:56:28,374
- Taquito.
- I'm sorry, guys.
1020
00:56:28,552 --> 00:56:32,636
I just don't want
anything to change.
1021
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,637
Taquito,
change is important.
1022
00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:37,345
But that doesn't mean we're gonna
forget about our old friends.
1023
00:56:39,062 --> 00:56:41,724
- I don't know.
- Hold on a second, Taquito.
1024
00:56:52,451 --> 00:56:54,407
Taquito, we just had
a Dobis meeting,
1025
00:56:54,578 --> 00:56:56,318
and we've decided to let you
run the mall fountain.
1026
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:02,078
Really?
1027
00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:04,038
Not only do you have to get it working,
but you have to maintain it
1028
00:57:04,212 --> 00:57:06,578
and keep track of
all the loose change.
1029
00:57:06,757 --> 00:57:09,965
So I think Taquito's gonna be
with us for quite some time.
1030
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:12,126
Thanks, guys.
1031
00:57:12,304 --> 00:57:14,135
I'll do the best I can.
1032
00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:17,264
I hope I don't kick
the bucket before I finish.
1033
00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:22,728
Shut the fuck up,
you fucking cunt motherfuckers!
1034
00:57:22,898 --> 00:57:25,105
I'll kill you,
you goddamn...
1035
00:57:25,275 --> 00:57:28,108
- Tim, how do I look?
- Take a peek.
1036
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:30,189
Well, well, well.
1037
00:57:30,364 --> 00:57:32,855
- Sharp as a tack.
- I'm feeling pretty good.
1038
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:34,614
Big date tonight, huh?
1039
00:57:34,785 --> 00:57:36,776
Yeah. I'm taking Katie
to Inbreadables.
1040
00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:37,989
That'll be nice.
1041
00:57:38,163 --> 00:57:40,620
- I'm trying to impress her.
- Oh. Almost forgot.
1042
00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:42,327
I got you a little
something here.
1043
00:57:42,501 --> 00:57:45,493
- It's called a Spanish fly.
- What is it?
1044
00:57:45,671 --> 00:57:46,831
Let's just say
it'll enhance
1045
00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:48,495
your lovemaking
experience tonight.
1046
00:57:48,674 --> 00:57:49,959
I put this right in my ass?
1047
00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,671
Mm, no. You put it orally.
Yeah, right in your mouth.
1048
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,670
Did you swallow it?
1049
00:57:57,891 --> 00:58:00,348
Come on, swallow it.
1050
00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:04,182
- Perfect.
- Didn't go in.
1051
00:58:04,356 --> 00:58:06,642
Come on.
Swallow it.
1052
00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:09,650
Mmm.
1053
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,481
Well, you better
hit the road, then.
1054
00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:13,566
Okay.
Wish me luck, bud.
1055
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,822
I guess I'll just stay here
and work on Dobis.
1056
00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,779
Keep my eye on the prize.
1057
00:58:17,953 --> 00:58:20,695
Good luck with the pills.
Good luck.
1058
00:58:22,708 --> 00:58:24,539
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
1059
00:58:24,710 --> 00:58:27,747
This is James Quall
here to talk about bread,
1060
00:58:27,921 --> 00:58:30,833
and one thing
I'd have to say
1061
00:58:31,008 --> 00:58:34,842
is that I'd rather be
saying all these bread lines
1062
00:58:35,012 --> 00:58:36,172
than standing in one.
1063
00:58:38,890 --> 00:58:42,257
Ah, yes. One thing
that might be a hazard
1064
00:58:42,436 --> 00:58:43,846
about talking about bread
1065
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:48,185
is they might accuse one
of being a loafer.
1066
00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:51,312
Now I've just
come from Hollywood,
1067
00:58:51,486 --> 00:58:55,024
where they have all these
famous personalities
1068
00:58:55,198 --> 00:58:58,190
Iike Bread Pitt
and Robert Breadford.
1069
00:59:01,413 --> 00:59:03,074
And now...
1070
00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:05,705
I'll be "baguette"
1071
00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:07,912
in 20 minutes.
1072
00:59:08,086 --> 00:59:10,122
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
1073
00:59:15,594 --> 00:59:17,255
I love this place.
1074
00:59:17,429 --> 00:59:18,919
I know what you mean.
1075
00:59:19,097 --> 00:59:21,713
- You want some of this bread slop?
- I'd love some.
1076
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:30,392
Mmm.
1077
00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:32,899
This is so good.
1078
00:59:42,412 --> 00:59:44,573
This is a funky place.
1079
00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:47,872
So you were telling me
about your mom.
1080
00:59:48,043 --> 00:59:51,376
Oh. Well, my mother calls
every Saturday night, right?
1081
00:59:51,546 --> 00:59:54,709
It's like she's just calling
to see if I have a date.
1082
00:59:54,883 --> 00:59:57,249
- So she doesn't just call--
- Ohh!
1083
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:58,758
Are you okay, honey?
1084
01:00:13,401 --> 01:00:14,732
Is it getting hot in here?
1085
01:00:14,903 --> 01:00:16,643
I don't think so.
1086
01:00:17,864 --> 01:00:19,445
I'm just feeling
really weird.
1087
01:00:21,284 --> 01:00:22,649
Are you okay, honey?
1088
01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:28,488
There's so much
fucking bread here.
1089
01:00:28,667 --> 01:00:32,000
Fuck. Fuck.
Ohh!
1090
01:00:32,170 --> 01:00:33,580
Isn't it hot
in here, Katie?
1091
01:00:33,755 --> 01:00:36,246
Little something
called Spanish fly.
1092
01:00:36,424 --> 01:00:38,289
Eric, are you okay?
1093
01:00:38,468 --> 01:00:40,459
I have way too many
teeth in my mouth!
1094
01:00:40,637 --> 01:00:42,593
You might need some help.
1095
01:00:44,474 --> 01:00:46,715
- Hi, how are you?
- No!
1096
01:00:48,645 --> 01:00:50,806
What?
1097
01:00:50,981 --> 01:00:53,142
Sorry, Eric, there's nothing
I can do for you now.
1098
01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:55,477
What the fuck is that?
1099
01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:58,318
I'm gonna take you
to the Shrim Healing Center.
1100
01:00:58,488 --> 01:00:59,603
Come on.
You'll feel much better.
1101
01:00:59,781 --> 01:01:01,737
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry, everyone.
1102
01:01:01,908 --> 01:01:04,274
Shrim!
1103
01:01:06,204 --> 01:01:07,990
Come on in, my son.
1104
01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:11,032
Dr. Doone has you now,
1105
01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:14,872
and he's going to make you
feel all better.
1106
01:01:15,046 --> 01:01:16,832
- Where am I?
- Shh.
1107
01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:19,248
Quiet, my boy.
1108
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,715
You need the healing
powers of shrim.
1109
01:01:23,889 --> 01:01:25,129
I can sense that.
1110
01:01:25,307 --> 01:01:26,717
Okay.
1111
01:01:26,892 --> 01:01:28,883
You're in a very bad place.
1112
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,021
Now drop those pants.
1113
01:01:37,777 --> 01:01:40,940
Shrim!
1114
01:01:57,047 --> 01:01:58,503
How was your date?
1115
01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:01,923
Not so good.
1116
01:02:02,093 --> 01:02:03,208
Eric got sick.
1117
01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:06,719
Aw. That's too bad.
1118
01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:09,131
It must be
really unsatisfying.
1119
01:02:10,435 --> 01:02:12,721
Yeah. It was.
1120
01:02:15,941 --> 01:02:17,897
It's a little awkward,
isn't it?
1121
01:02:19,861 --> 01:02:22,523
- Yeah. I suppose.
- I'm so nervous.
1122
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:27,107
Listen.
1123
01:02:27,285 --> 01:02:29,150
Want to go inside?
1124
01:02:31,164 --> 01:02:32,654
Okay.
1125
01:02:32,832 --> 01:02:34,618
Are you sure?
1126
01:02:34,793 --> 01:02:37,125
No.
1127
01:02:37,295 --> 01:02:40,287
Okay. Let's go.
Come on.
1128
01:02:42,592 --> 01:02:44,753
Step into
the tub, my son.
1129
01:02:44,928 --> 01:02:47,544
That's it.
That's it.
1130
01:02:47,722 --> 01:02:51,089
Everything's going to be
okay, Eric, my boy.
1131
01:02:51,268 --> 01:02:53,429
Dr. Doone has got you,
1132
01:02:53,603 --> 01:02:57,346
and he's going to give you
a nice warm shrim bath.
1133
01:02:57,524 --> 01:02:59,640
- What?
- All my boys have been
1134
01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:02,935
hiding the shrim
inside them for days now,
1135
01:03:03,113 --> 01:03:06,025
and they're excited
to finally let it out all over you.
1136
01:03:06,199 --> 01:03:08,781
- What boys?
- Come, my sons.
1137
01:03:08,952 --> 01:03:11,318
It's time.
1138
01:03:11,496 --> 01:03:14,112
Oh, look at them.
They can barely hold it in.
1139
01:03:15,583 --> 01:03:17,289
Shrim.
1140
01:03:17,460 --> 01:03:19,621
Shrim.
1141
01:03:19,796 --> 01:03:23,084
Shrim. Shrim.
1142
01:03:27,721 --> 01:03:30,133
Yeah.
1143
01:03:42,861 --> 01:03:44,351
Shrim.
1144
01:03:44,529 --> 01:03:46,861
Shrim.
1145
01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:48,818
Shrim.
1146
01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:50,482
Shrim.
1147
01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:54,536
- Ohh!
- Shrim.
1148
01:03:57,834 --> 01:03:58,994
Shrim.
1149
01:03:59,169 --> 01:04:02,832
My boys only eat
the finest, softest meat
1150
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:06,169
so that they can
achieve a level of shrim
1151
01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:07,958
that's unmatched.
1152
01:04:08,136 --> 01:04:11,003
Shrim. Shrim.
1153
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:32,407
Oh!
1154
01:04:38,041 --> 01:04:39,451
Let the brown,
1155
01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:41,912
foamy mess
wash all over you.
1156
01:04:56,101 --> 01:04:57,682
Oh, that's a beautiful thing.
1157
01:05:04,901 --> 01:05:07,893
Shrim, shrim.
1158
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,537
This is the power of shrim!
1159
01:05:43,314 --> 01:05:45,851
Jeffrey?
1160
01:05:46,025 --> 01:05:47,561
Is that you, boy?
1161
01:05:55,660 --> 01:05:56,991
What are you doing,
Jeffrey?
1162
01:05:58,329 --> 01:06:00,194
Where's Papa Tim?
1163
01:06:00,373 --> 01:06:01,704
Is he inside?
1164
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:04,119
Where are you going?
1165
01:06:05,378 --> 01:06:07,084
Hello?
1166
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:17,591
What the fuck.
1167
01:06:19,893 --> 01:06:22,054
- Shit.
- What's going on?
1168
01:06:22,228 --> 01:06:23,718
Eric, don't do anything
stupid here, buddy.
1169
01:06:23,897 --> 01:06:25,979
I should go.
1170
01:06:26,149 --> 01:06:28,231
Katie. How could
you do this to me?
1171
01:06:28,401 --> 01:06:30,437
- Eric, I'm so sorry.
- Hey, stop.
1172
01:06:30,612 --> 01:06:32,819
You listen to me.
I saved you from her.
1173
01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:35,605
She was nothing but dead weight, Eric.
She was making you soft.
1174
01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:38,490
- She was not making me soft.
- She was making you soft.
1175
01:06:38,661 --> 01:06:40,367
She wasn't making me soft.
1176
01:06:40,538 --> 01:06:42,699
She was making you soft!
1177
01:06:42,874 --> 01:06:44,990
She was making me hard.
1178
01:06:46,085 --> 01:06:47,370
Rock hard.
1179
01:06:48,713 --> 01:06:50,078
Sometimes,
when you're writing,
1180
01:06:50,256 --> 01:06:52,497
you just look for opportunities
to create moments
1181
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:53,835
that take you
out of the scene
1182
01:06:54,010 --> 01:06:55,341
and just add--
add a joke.
1183
01:06:55,512 --> 01:06:58,470
The jag was that we were
doing "soft, soft, soft"
1184
01:06:58,640 --> 01:07:00,847
and sort of out of
nowhere we go "hard."
1185
01:07:01,017 --> 01:07:02,973
Boom! Laugh.
1186
01:07:03,144 --> 01:07:04,600
We fought
for a laugh track,
1187
01:07:04,771 --> 01:07:07,558
and they said, "No,
this is a feature film for the theaters.
1188
01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,189
A laugh track wouldn't
make any sense."
1189
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,271
Think about it.
1190
01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:14,561
Eric, she was
making you soft.
1191
01:07:14,739 --> 01:07:17,196
She's taken your eyes off the game,
Eric, okay? We're here for Dobis.
1192
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:18,982
What did you give me?
That wasn't Spanish fly.
1193
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:20,866
I played the oldest trick
in the book.
1194
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,403
But I had to play it 'cause
I needed to save my friend.
1195
01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:24,991
You poisoned me.
1196
01:07:25,166 --> 01:07:28,124
- What else could I do?
- You son of a bitch.
1197
01:07:37,387 --> 01:07:39,673
Motherfucker!
1198
01:07:39,847 --> 01:07:41,212
How could you do that?
1199
01:07:42,308 --> 01:07:43,673
No! No!
1200
01:07:46,396 --> 01:07:47,977
Guys!
1201
01:07:50,942 --> 01:07:53,649
- Jim Joe?
- Why are you fighting? Stop fighting.
1202
01:07:53,820 --> 01:07:55,981
Don't you remember
my poem about peace?
1203
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:57,736
If you don't remember,
I'll recite it for you.
1204
01:07:57,907 --> 01:08:00,694
- Jim Joe!
- P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-peace.
1205
01:08:00,868 --> 01:08:04,406
P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-peace.
1206
01:08:11,629 --> 01:08:13,745
Come on.
Yeah, yeah.
1207
01:08:19,971 --> 01:08:21,962
Aah!
1208
01:08:28,813 --> 01:08:30,769
Like that?
1209
01:08:32,483 --> 01:08:33,768
Ohh!
1210
01:08:35,278 --> 01:08:36,518
You want some of this?
1211
01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:43,112
Oh!
1212
01:08:45,872 --> 01:08:47,453
Aah!
1213
01:08:54,297 --> 01:08:56,913
Why are you fighting?
1214
01:09:06,225 --> 01:09:08,887
Motherfucker!
1215
01:09:13,983 --> 01:09:16,975
No! No!
Aah! Ohh!
1216
01:09:17,153 --> 01:09:19,439
Say you're sorry!
1217
01:09:19,614 --> 01:09:25,325
- I'm sorry!
- Say you're sorry!
1218
01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:28,032
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry I poisoned you.
1219
01:09:28,206 --> 01:09:30,162
- Okay. It's okay.
- I'm sorry for everything!
1220
01:09:30,333 --> 01:09:32,198
I'm sorry I poisoned you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1221
01:09:32,377 --> 01:09:34,208
No, no, no, no.
Listen, I'm sorry, man.
1222
01:09:34,379 --> 01:09:37,291
I'm sorry.
You were looking out for me.
1223
01:09:37,465 --> 01:09:40,081
You were looking out for us
and the whole Dobis thing.
1224
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:41,590
I know that now.
1225
01:09:41,761 --> 01:09:43,251
I'm glad you finally
see it that way
1226
01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:44,885
'cause I'm just
trying to help.
1227
01:09:45,056 --> 01:09:48,423
Yeah. I just have to
ask you one question.
1228
01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:51,058
Why'd you have to sleep with Katie?
You know I love her.
1229
01:09:51,229 --> 01:09:54,221
Well, to be honest with you,
the plan made me horny.
1230
01:09:54,399 --> 01:09:56,606
I had to empty my ball sack
into something.
1231
01:09:58,444 --> 01:10:01,231
That moist hole
must have felt so good.
1232
01:10:02,782 --> 01:10:04,363
Boy, you really do
love her, don't you?
1233
01:10:04,534 --> 01:10:06,070
I really do.
1234
01:10:06,244 --> 01:10:08,576
It's not gonna bother you
when you're making love to her
1235
01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:10,111
that my wick got
inside that hole?
1236
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:12,120
Not at all, man.
1237
01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:13,952
There's something
special about it,
1238
01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:15,867
you being deep inside
like that.
1239
01:10:17,380 --> 01:10:19,541
Well, then, it will be an honor
to be your best man.
1240
01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:26,677
Come on down
to the grand re-opening
1241
01:10:26,848 --> 01:10:28,179
of the S'wallow Valley Mall.
1242
01:10:28,349 --> 01:10:29,885
I'll be there. My best friend
Tim Heidecker will be there.
1243
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:31,390
I think you're gonna
like what you see.
1244
01:10:31,561 --> 01:10:32,892
Ooh, you're gonna like
the fake trees.
1245
01:10:33,062 --> 01:10:34,598
Ooh, you're gonna like
all our new stores.
1246
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:36,637
Ooh, you're gonna like
meeting my new son Jeffrey.
1247
01:10:36,816 --> 01:10:38,556
My best friend Tim and I redid this
whole mall for you.
1248
01:10:38,735 --> 01:10:39,770
You got to come down.
1249
01:10:39,944 --> 01:10:40,979
It isn't gonna kill you.
Come on down.
1250
01:10:41,154 --> 01:10:42,815
- It's for Dobis' sake!
- I'm gonna murder myself
1251
01:10:42,989 --> 01:10:44,570
if you don't come down
to my new fucking mall.
1252
01:10:48,286 --> 01:10:50,743
Come on down to the grand re-opening
of the S'wallow Valley Mall.
1253
01:10:50,913 --> 01:10:52,653
My dad told me this is
the coolest mall ever.
1254
01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:54,993
You think you know more than my dad?
Don't fucking come, then.
1255
01:10:55,168 --> 01:10:56,829
It's the grand re-opening
of the S'wallow Valley Mall.
1256
01:10:57,003 --> 01:11:00,291
It's just off Route 35
right here in historic S'wallow Valley.
1257
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:05,250
Where did you get that?
1258
01:11:05,428 --> 01:11:07,635
This guy named Bishopman.
He sends this to me.
1259
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:10,262
He's been filling up
my voice-mail box for weeks
1260
01:11:10,433 --> 01:11:11,843
with crazy rants
about these guys.
1261
01:11:12,018 --> 01:11:13,428
But look at this.
1262
01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:15,594
We got them, Tommy.
We got them.
1263
01:11:15,772 --> 01:11:18,388
Earle, gather the men.
1264
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:21,683
We found your boys.
We're gonna go get them.
1265
01:11:54,227 --> 01:11:55,307
All right.
1266
01:11:55,478 --> 01:11:57,218
Listen, guys,
on behalf of Dobis,
1267
01:11:57,396 --> 01:11:59,352
I want to say thank you
for all your hard work
1268
01:11:59,524 --> 01:12:01,310
in getting this mall
back in shape.
1269
01:12:01,484 --> 01:12:02,815
And I gotta say
something personally.
1270
01:12:02,985 --> 01:12:04,350
We're all
very proud of you.
1271
01:12:04,529 --> 01:12:05,735
Guys, tomorrow
is our big day,
1272
01:12:05,905 --> 01:12:07,987
and Dobis couldn't be
more jazzed about it.
1273
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,772
But right now I want
to have a little fun,
1274
01:12:09,951 --> 01:12:11,782
with the permission
of my best friend Tim.
1275
01:12:11,953 --> 01:12:14,160
Muyo permissiono granted.
1276
01:12:17,834 --> 01:12:19,790
Taquito,
would you do the honors?
1277
01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:22,668
Here goes nothing.
1278
01:12:24,048 --> 01:12:25,379
On three, everybody.
1279
01:12:25,550 --> 01:12:28,838
One, two, three!
1280
01:12:31,681 --> 01:12:33,342
Taquito.
1281
01:12:33,516 --> 01:12:34,505
It's wonderful.
1282
01:12:34,684 --> 01:12:36,345
It's gorgeous, Taquito.
1283
01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:39,306
I worked really hard on it.
1284
01:12:39,480 --> 01:12:42,347
- We should make a wish.
- I love it.
1285
01:12:42,525 --> 01:12:44,937
Oh, Dobis, I wish
for this grand re-opening
1286
01:12:45,111 --> 01:12:47,193
to be the greatest grand
re-opening of all time.
1287
01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:49,319
I wish that Tim Heidecker
remains my best friend
1288
01:12:49,490 --> 01:12:51,856
- and I get to marry Katie soon.
- Hmm.
1289
01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,907
I forgot about that wolf.
1290
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,870
I know what to do.
1291
01:13:05,047 --> 01:13:08,380
I will need some duct tape
and some pizza.
1292
01:13:24,567 --> 01:13:26,182
Eric, I don't feel
good about this.
1293
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:27,975
Taquito, be careful.
1294
01:13:29,655 --> 01:13:31,111
Mama Wolf!
1295
01:13:31,282 --> 01:13:32,362
Taquito.
1296
01:13:32,533 --> 01:13:35,445
I have some nice pizza
for you.
1297
01:13:35,620 --> 01:13:37,736
Remember when
we had pizza?
1298
01:13:43,628 --> 01:13:46,370
Hi, Mama Wolf.
Remember your baby boy?
1299
01:13:49,634 --> 01:13:52,296
I have to ask you
a little favor.
1300
01:13:53,763 --> 01:13:55,094
It's time to go
back to the--
1301
01:14:07,443 --> 01:14:08,603
Taquito!
1302
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:12,778
He's gone.
1303
01:14:12,949 --> 01:14:15,406
Must have snapped that
neck on the way down.
1304
01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:17,942
- He saved the mall.
- Tell you what, Taquito.
1305
01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:19,576
We're going to change
the name of the pizza court
1306
01:14:19,747 --> 01:14:21,032
to the Taquito court,
do you hear me?
1307
01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:22,413
Goodbye, boy.
1308
01:14:22,583 --> 01:14:24,574
I miss the shit
out of him already.
1309
01:14:26,921 --> 01:14:29,287
- Taquito!
- Mr. Weebs?
1310
01:14:29,465 --> 01:14:31,751
What are you doing here?
1311
01:14:31,926 --> 01:14:34,759
I could sense my boy
Taquito was in trouble.
1312
01:14:34,929 --> 01:14:36,635
It's too late.
He's already dead.
1313
01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:38,671
He sacrificed his body
for the mall.
1314
01:14:38,849 --> 01:14:40,055
He's gone.
1315
01:14:42,603 --> 01:14:43,888
Taquito.
1316
01:14:44,063 --> 01:14:45,223
He's alive.
1317
01:14:45,398 --> 01:14:48,140
Uh, am I in heaven?
1318
01:14:49,610 --> 01:14:52,147
Taquito, you killed the wolf,
and you saved the mall.
1319
01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:54,152
You did just what you
said you'd do.
1320
01:14:54,323 --> 01:14:56,314
Uh, I did it.
1321
01:14:56,492 --> 01:14:57,902
I killed the wolf.
1322
01:15:00,246 --> 01:15:02,077
You did, my little boy.
1323
01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:04,113
I'm so proud of you.
1324
01:15:04,291 --> 01:15:06,703
I'm not gonna last long.
1325
01:15:06,877 --> 01:15:09,835
I'm in a lot of pain.
1326
01:15:10,006 --> 01:15:11,621
Oh, Taquito.
1327
01:15:11,799 --> 01:15:16,088
Would you like Uncle Damian
to put some lead in you, son?
1328
01:15:16,262 --> 01:15:18,594
It's so cold down here.
1329
01:15:18,764 --> 01:15:20,675
Put me to sleep forever.
1330
01:15:23,019 --> 01:15:25,010
Oh, Taquito.
1331
01:15:26,689 --> 01:15:29,180
I can't watch him die twice.
I can't do it. Sorry.
1332
01:15:30,985 --> 01:15:34,398
Taquito!
1333
01:15:38,075 --> 01:15:40,031
I'm still here.
1334
01:15:41,412 --> 01:15:44,028
Better try again.
1335
01:15:44,206 --> 01:15:45,912
Okay.
1336
01:15:46,083 --> 01:15:48,916
Taquito!
1337
01:15:49,086 --> 01:15:51,623
Now I can't feel my legs.
1338
01:15:51,797 --> 01:15:54,209
It won't be long now.
1339
01:15:54,383 --> 01:15:55,418
I can't take this.
Finish him off.
1340
01:15:55,593 --> 01:15:57,379
Damn it, Weebs,
shoot him in the face.
1341
01:15:57,553 --> 01:15:59,214
No.
1342
01:15:59,388 --> 01:16:01,674
I want my Taquito to have
an open casket funeral.
1343
01:16:05,936 --> 01:16:09,224
Ow. Ohh!
1344
01:16:09,398 --> 01:16:10,558
Come on, Taquito.
1345
01:16:10,733 --> 01:16:12,894
Just die, Taquito.
Come on.
1346
01:16:16,655 --> 01:16:19,863
Any minute now.
1347
01:16:20,034 --> 01:16:22,525
Maybe I won't be sick
in heaven.
1348
01:16:25,247 --> 01:16:27,738
He's dead.
Is he dead?
1349
01:16:31,253 --> 01:16:33,414
- Yeah.
- Good.
1350
01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:35,329
- Bye-bye.
- Bye, Taquito. Thank you.
1351
01:16:37,093 --> 01:16:38,674
That's it, then.
1352
01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:54,098
A little to the left.
1353
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:57,313
Back a little bit.
That looks pretty good.
1354
01:16:57,488 --> 01:16:58,944
- It's great.
- Yeah.
1355
01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:01,606
You know what, Eric?
There's something I need to tell you.
1356
01:17:01,784 --> 01:17:03,274
I think you may
have been right.
1357
01:17:04,787 --> 01:17:06,277
I did some numbers
crunching of my own,
1358
01:17:06,455 --> 01:17:08,286
and there's no way
we're going to make
1359
01:17:08,457 --> 01:17:09,993
a billion dollars
running this mall.
1360
01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:13,000
I know. But you know what?
That doesn't matter anymore.
1361
01:17:13,170 --> 01:17:15,377
It's not about the money.
It's about you and me.
1362
01:17:15,548 --> 01:17:17,664
It's about your new son.
It's about Katie.
1363
01:17:17,842 --> 01:17:20,709
It's about the mall. I mean, we've
really made a difference here.
1364
01:17:20,886 --> 01:17:23,753
You know what? They probably forgot
about that billion dollars anyway.
1365
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:27,094
It's just a billion dollars.
Hee!
1366
01:17:27,268 --> 01:17:29,975
I love this fucking mall!
Come on.
1367
01:17:30,146 --> 01:17:31,977
- To Dobis.
- Hey, big news.
1368
01:17:32,148 --> 01:17:34,981
You have just been made
Dobis' employee of the month.
1369
01:17:35,151 --> 01:17:36,937
I want to live in this
fucking mall forever.
1370
01:17:37,111 --> 01:17:38,396
Yeah.
1371
01:17:39,488 --> 01:17:41,024
Forever?
1372
01:17:47,204 --> 01:17:48,614
Do you forgive me
for sleeping with Tim?
1373
01:17:48,789 --> 01:17:50,029
I do.
1374
01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:53,324
There he is.
1375
01:17:53,502 --> 01:17:54,787
Ohh!
1376
01:17:54,962 --> 01:17:56,668
I hope
you never leave.
1377
01:17:58,716 --> 01:18:00,502
I guess we're gonna
be here forever.
1378
01:18:04,054 --> 01:18:06,340
Look, Dad,
our first customers.
1379
01:18:08,392 --> 01:18:09,973
I don't think those
are customers, son.
1380
01:18:11,312 --> 01:18:12,802
Let me take a look.
1381
01:18:15,649 --> 01:18:17,856
Shit. Schlaaang.
1382
01:18:18,027 --> 01:18:19,483
They found us.
1383
01:18:19,653 --> 01:18:21,564
All right, everybody inside.
Come on.
1384
01:18:28,996 --> 01:18:30,361
What's going on?
1385
01:18:52,019 --> 01:18:53,725
Listen up, Tim and Eric!
1386
01:18:53,896 --> 01:18:55,932
We have you surrounded!
1387
01:18:56,106 --> 01:18:58,518
And if you don't come out
in 10 seconds,
1388
01:18:58,692 --> 01:19:02,310
I'm gonna come in there
and blow you to fucking hell!
1389
01:19:02,488 --> 01:19:05,571
Finally.
Good luck, assholes.
1390
01:19:08,619 --> 01:19:10,735
Ha ha ha! Hey, guys,
it's me-- Allen.
1391
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:14,531
I was the one who sent you the tape
telling you where to find Tim and Eric.
1392
01:19:14,708 --> 01:19:17,040
Shit!
1393
01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:18,621
- Eric, look out!
- Oh, God!
1394
01:19:21,465 --> 01:19:24,127
Okay, okay, listen, maybe--
maybe I overreacted.
1395
01:19:24,301 --> 01:19:26,292
You think there's
some common ground here--
1396
01:19:26,470 --> 01:19:27,880
I like you-you like me
kind of thing?
1397
01:19:28,055 --> 01:19:30,592
Tim, we need
a Dobis-sized idea stat!
1398
01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,722
Okay, hold on now.
Hold on. Let me think.
1399
01:19:32,893 --> 01:19:35,475
- Come on! Think!
- Come on, Tim.
1400
01:19:35,646 --> 01:19:38,683
- What's going on?
- Ah, I got it.
1401
01:19:38,857 --> 01:19:40,643
Reggie, hey,
come on in.
1402
01:19:40,818 --> 01:19:41,933
Come here,
come here, come here.
1403
01:19:42,111 --> 01:19:43,851
- How's everything?
- Good.
1404
01:19:44,029 --> 01:19:46,190
Family good?
1405
01:19:46,365 --> 01:19:48,856
- Yes.
- Okay.
1406
01:19:49,034 --> 01:19:51,025
So, listen, we got
a little thing out here.
1407
01:19:51,203 --> 01:19:53,285
It's not really a big deal. But if you'd
go out there and talk to them,
1408
01:19:53,455 --> 01:19:55,662
maybe knock some sense
into them, Reg.
1409
01:19:55,833 --> 01:19:57,698
- Nice.
- You're a reasonable man.
1410
01:19:57,876 --> 01:19:59,867
They're reasonable men.
You could go out there
1411
01:20:00,045 --> 01:20:01,285
and tell them
to put their guns down.
1412
01:20:01,463 --> 01:20:02,794
Would you do
that for us, Reg?
1413
01:20:02,965 --> 01:20:04,296
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
do it, do it.
1414
01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:05,797
Dobis needs you,
Reg. Please.
1415
01:20:05,968 --> 01:20:07,253
You'd be hitting it
out of the park for us
1416
01:20:07,428 --> 01:20:09,384
if you did it, Reg.
1417
01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:11,762
- I can do that.
- Will you do it? Oh, good. Thanks, Reg.
1418
01:20:11,932 --> 01:20:13,388
Why don't you go ahead
and do that now, then?
1419
01:20:17,688 --> 01:20:19,895
Dobis thanks you, Reg.
1420
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:27,937
Hi.
1421
01:20:28,115 --> 01:20:30,231
My name is Reggie.
1422
01:20:30,409 --> 01:20:32,866
I think we should all
take a moment here
1423
01:20:33,037 --> 01:20:34,447
and reassess the situation
1424
01:20:34,621 --> 01:20:36,532
because there are a lot
of good people in there
1425
01:20:36,707 --> 01:20:39,039
and I would hate
to see any of them hurt.
1426
01:20:39,209 --> 01:20:41,325
Fire!
1427
01:20:41,503 --> 01:20:42,618
No.
1428
01:20:55,392 --> 01:20:57,599
How do you like that,
Tim and Eric?
1429
01:20:57,770 --> 01:20:59,431
Huh? Ha! Ha!
1430
01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:01,186
Aah!
1431
01:21:01,357 --> 01:21:04,099
That didn't work.
Sorry.
1432
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,267
We're doomed.
1433
01:21:06,445 --> 01:21:09,027
What is that smell?
1434
01:21:10,157 --> 01:21:11,863
I pooped my pants.
1435
01:21:12,034 --> 01:21:14,241
Oh, Allen,
that's disgusting.
1436
01:21:14,411 --> 01:21:16,527
Look, I'm sorry that
I tattled on you two.
1437
01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:18,036
I shouldn't have called.
1438
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:20,038
I just thought they were going to give
you a slap on the wrist.
1439
01:21:20,209 --> 01:21:21,540
Smell's getting in my eyes.
1440
01:21:21,710 --> 01:21:23,416
Wait a second.
I have an idea.
1441
01:21:23,587 --> 01:21:25,043
Allen, you go
back to your store
1442
01:21:25,214 --> 01:21:26,545
and bring as many swords
as you can carry.
1443
01:21:26,715 --> 01:21:28,797
Okay.
1444
01:21:30,427 --> 01:21:32,668
You're all gonna
die in there!
1445
01:21:40,437 --> 01:21:42,177
Here you go, guys.
As many as I could muster.
1446
01:21:42,356 --> 01:21:43,971
Thanks so much, Allen.
These are great.
1447
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:45,309
Oh, you're welcome.
You're welcome.
1448
01:21:45,484 --> 01:21:47,020
Anything for you.
I am a team player.
1449
01:21:47,194 --> 01:21:49,355
- Oh. This one's nice.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
1450
01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:50,895
That's one
of my favorite ones.
1451
01:21:51,073 --> 01:21:53,155
I personally sharpened
that one-- aah!
1452
01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:57,284
That's for
betraying us, Allen!
1453
01:21:57,454 --> 01:22:00,321
- Nice.
- Thanks, man.
1454
01:22:00,499 --> 01:22:01,955
You know this is it.
1455
01:22:02,960 --> 01:22:05,167
I know.
1456
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:08,249
I gotta say it's been
one hell of a ride.
1457
01:22:08,424 --> 01:22:11,291
- To Dobis.
- To Dobis.
1458
01:22:13,178 --> 01:22:16,045
Katie, I have something
to say to you now.
1459
01:22:22,312 --> 01:22:23,677
You know you're the love
of my life, right?
1460
01:22:23,856 --> 01:22:25,938
Yeah.
1461
01:22:26,108 --> 01:22:28,770
Ever since I met you,
I wanted to consummate that love.
1462
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:32,357
I wanted to go deep inside
you without a condom
1463
01:22:32,531 --> 01:22:34,943
and explode in
your canal. Psssh.
1464
01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:37,733
Grow a little baby
up in there.
1465
01:22:37,911 --> 01:22:40,698
Start a family.
1466
01:22:40,873 --> 01:22:43,285
So I have to ask you this
one important question.
1467
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:50,587
Will you marry me?
1468
01:22:50,757 --> 01:22:52,543
Hey, Eric, where'd you
get that big diamond?
1469
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:55,255
I got it on the "Diamond Jim" set.
I got tons of them.
1470
01:22:55,429 --> 01:22:56,794
Oh, yeah, I got a ton
of them diamonds, too.
1471
01:22:56,972 --> 01:22:59,304
I got, like, a billion
dollars' worth of them.
1472
01:23:01,435 --> 01:23:03,551
Will you make me
the happiest man on earth?
1473
01:23:03,729 --> 01:23:06,562
Yes, I do.
1474
01:23:06,732 --> 01:23:09,348
- Katie!
- No.
1475
01:23:09,526 --> 01:23:11,141
Nice shooting, Tommy.
1476
01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:13,311
Really, really good.
1477
01:23:13,489 --> 01:23:15,229
My love.
1478
01:23:15,407 --> 01:23:16,988
No.
1479
01:23:23,665 --> 01:23:25,997
Schlaaang!
1480
01:23:26,168 --> 01:23:27,783
Eric.
1481
01:23:30,297 --> 01:23:31,377
We doing this?
1482
01:23:31,548 --> 01:23:33,504
Hells, yeah.
1483
01:23:33,675 --> 01:23:35,916
Ah, shit, come on.
1484
01:23:43,519 --> 01:23:45,635
Take them out!
1485
01:24:01,203 --> 01:24:03,740
Okay, listen, I need you
to do something for me.
1486
01:24:03,914 --> 01:24:05,870
It's not going to be easy,
but I know you can do it
1487
01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:07,372
'cause you're my little boy.
1488
01:24:10,337 --> 01:24:12,168
You're the best son
I ever had.
1489
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:15,372
Hey, Schlaaang!
1490
01:24:18,470 --> 01:24:20,051
Shoot the kid!
1491
01:25:20,657 --> 01:25:22,067
We did it.
1492
01:25:22,242 --> 01:25:23,903
We did it, buddy.
1493
01:25:24,077 --> 01:25:26,739
We really did it.
1494
01:26:05,410 --> 01:26:06,741
Well, what did you think?
1495
01:26:06,912 --> 01:26:10,996
As Steven Spielberg,
I approve of this movie.
1496
01:26:11,166 --> 01:26:14,909
And let me say this is the greatest
film of all time.
1497
01:26:15,087 --> 01:26:17,749
- Yeah.
- Let's celebrate.
1498
01:26:20,967 --> 01:26:22,332
Yay!
1499
01:26:27,265 --> 01:26:30,632
♪ Tim and Eric
have done it, yeah ♪
1500
01:26:30,811 --> 01:26:34,303
♪ They made their movie
that they wanted to make ♪
1501
01:26:34,481 --> 01:26:37,973
♪ You can tell by the smile
on their faces ♪
1502
01:26:38,151 --> 01:26:39,357
♪ They got what they shot ♪
1503
01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:41,860
♪ And then they put it
in the can ♪
1504
01:26:42,030 --> 01:26:46,114
♪ "Tim and Eric's Billion
Dollar Movie" is done ♪
1505
01:26:46,284 --> 01:26:49,822
♪ It's over, it's over,
it's over, oh, yeah ♪
1506
01:26:49,996 --> 01:26:53,614
♪ "Tim and Eric's Billion
Dollar Movie" is done ♪
1507
01:26:53,792 --> 01:26:56,078
♪ It's over, it's over,
it's over ♪
1508
01:26:56,253 --> 01:26:58,744
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
1509
01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:51,005
Shrim!
1510
01:27:51,183 --> 01:27:53,094
We did it. You understand me?
We fucking did it!
1511
01:28:01,485 --> 01:28:04,477
Tim and Eric have taken
my part away from me
1512
01:28:04,654 --> 01:28:06,315
Iike Garry Marshall
did to me
1513
01:28:06,490 --> 01:28:08,446
back with "Laverne and Shirley"
and "Happy Days"
1514
01:28:08,617 --> 01:28:10,482
when they chose
Robin Williams over me.
1515
01:28:15,457 --> 01:28:17,573
Hi. We're Tim and Eric.
I'm Tim Heidecker.
1516
01:28:17,751 --> 01:28:20,208
Hi. I'm Eric Wareheimer,
and this movie--
1517
01:28:20,378 --> 01:28:23,245
- Eric Wareheim.
- Hi. My name is Eric Wareheim.
1518
01:28:23,423 --> 01:28:24,754
This is our
billion dollar movie.
1519
01:28:24,925 --> 01:28:26,415
Thanks so much
for watching.
1520
01:28:26,593 --> 01:28:28,254
I'm proud of the film.
I'm so proud of you, buddy.
1521
01:28:28,428 --> 01:28:30,293
He's my best friend,
and I love him so much.
1522
01:28:30,472 --> 01:28:32,337
I'm also proud of it
as well as you--
1523
01:28:32,516 --> 01:28:34,256
of you.
1524
01:28:34,434 --> 01:28:36,095
And...
1525
01:28:37,813 --> 01:28:39,678
roll the credits.
1526
01:28:42,984 --> 01:28:44,190
Okay.
1527
01:28:44,361 --> 01:28:45,851
Roll credits.
1528
01:32:58,531 --> 01:32:59,691
You guys good?
1529
01:32:59,866 --> 01:33:02,699
Great. Thanks.
Good for me.
1530
01:33:02,869 --> 01:33:04,029
Oh, hi.
1531
01:33:04,204 --> 01:33:05,569
I'm Michael Gross.
1532
01:33:05,747 --> 01:33:08,614
If you would like me
to narrate your life story,
1533
01:33:08,792 --> 01:33:10,532
please contact me at...
1534
01:33:18,718 --> 01:33:21,551
...and someone from my staff
will get back to you.
1535
01:33:21,721 --> 01:33:23,052
You have a good day.
109303
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