All language subtitles for Taskmaster (NZ) - s01e04 - Im Queer, Im Here

Ta-da!

Oh!

Nutsack!

Welcome to the fourth
episode of Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells,
and I am the Taskmaster.

Not too long ago I set five
comedians a series of tasks,

some of them
simple, some complex,

all entertaining when people
struggle to do them.

Tonight, I will
judge said comedians

on what they did
and how they did it.

After 10 exhausting weeks,
a winner will be crowned,

and they will receive
my golden head,

which they will then take home
and probably put in their garage.

Our comedians, like every week, are

Angella Dravid

Brynley Stent

Guy Williams

Leigh Hart

and Madeleine Sami.

The same suit. The same suit.

Also, like every week, here's
my assistant. He is Paul Williams.

But should we get right
into it with the prize task?

Yes. As always, each contestant
has been asked to bring in a prize.

The person who has brought in
the best prize gets five points.

And the person with the most
points at the end of this episode

gets to keep all five things.

Tonight, they were asked to bring
in the best gift for an enemy.

Ooh.

A devilish task indeed.
Let's start with Brynley Stent.

Oh, kia ora. I brought in
a haunted doll.

A haunted doll.

Yeah, there she is.

So is this doll actually haunted by spirits
or just generically scary?

A true story ― I bought her
off Trade Me, picked her up,

brought her into my house
for a night, didn't like it,

put it back in the car,

and then when I saw her next, she
had all these cracks along her legs.

So it may be from the heat of the
car, but also it could be haunted.

Guy, what did you bring in?

I've got a really wonderful and
heartwarming gift for an enemy.

It's a certificate
for friendship with me.

Because in the words of the
last great American president,

Abraham Lincoln,

I destroy my enemies when
I make them my friends.

Oh, that's nice.

Aww!

Isn't that lovely?

Guy, the people's champion.

Are you actually extending your
hand of friendship to your enemies?

Or you just saying that it is

the worst thing in the
world to be your friend?

I can see now how
it's backfired badly.

But this is the perfect gift for
everyone out there for an enemy,

and it makes the
world a better place.

Kia kaha.

Leigh.

Yeah, well, mine's not
quite as lame as that, but

my mine's a useful item, but

I found from first-hand
experience that it can be quite painful.

I've got this power grid,
which I built, electricity grid.

Oh! That's awful.

And what I found when I plug
this in, you can actually circulate

power back into the
grid, and, actually,

my power meter was going
backwards for a while with this.

I'm told that the lighting rig
is actually running off it right now.

That's right. Should be an
interesting show.

There is a small problem with
that if you actually take it apart,

it's actually quite useful and
could be really good to have.

No, I've superglued
those in there.

- Angella, what did you bring in?
- I brought in some birdseed.

But it's been...

there's laxatives on it.

So the point is when you hang it
up in your garden, the birds will eat it

and defecate everywhere.

And because we're
in a water drought,

save your 20 litres now, bitch.

I love how subtly the laxatives
have been integrated into the birdseed

I mean, birds will
be none the wiser.

But you realise birds
can fly, and they'll probably

fly back over your
house, potentially.

- If they're next-door neighbours.
- These are for human consumption.

So I can only imagine what
it does to a small bird.

They'll probably shit their innards
out before they take flight.

Probably just have
dead birds on your lawn,

- to be honest.
- Which is a bonus.

- Yeah.
- Cuz now you've got rats.

So, birds, rats.

Mads, what did you bring in?

Well, I brought in something that
on first glance could be perceived

as a nice thing as well.

But what my enemy will not
know about this potentially

very comfortable
feather-filled pillow

is that it has also
been farted all over.

Your farts? Was it you?

Um, potentially mine,
potentially a focus group

that I got together
to fart all over it.

And then that person
would sleep on it,

and there's no way they
wouldn't contract pink eye,

which could actually turn the person
into a bit of better villain,

cuz if they have to
wear an eye patch,

it's a very good look.

So, could backfire as well.

Sounds like a last place, Jeremy.

Don't put words in his mouth.

Well, while I'm scoring this,

if we're thinking about an
evil present for someone

who you want as your enemy,
I think to be friends with you,

Guy, is certainly...

You wouldn't want that
on your worst enemy,

so I think five points to you.

Yes! Yes! Yeah!

I actually think― Mads,
I think yours is juvenile,

but quite effective.

- Yeah, thank you.
- So four points to you.

Brynley, three points, because
those dolls scream murder to me.

Angella, speaking of murder, two,
but only because, as we discussed,

I really think that
those dead birds

are gonna end up on
your lawn, to be honest.

I have friends outside of my area.

- And one point for you, Leigh.
- Just the one, Jeremy, is it?

Well, you can break it apart ―

even if it's superglued,
you can break that apart,

and it could be quite useful.

I challenge you to take that home
tonight and see if we don't have

a new host for the next episode,
because that... it will kill you.

- Would you like a task?
- I always want a task, please.

Well, children look away, because
this task involves vegetables.

Hello.

- Hello, Leigh.
- Paul.

Mads is here, and
she's ready to go for it.

Ooh!

That's cute.

Ooh, a smaller letter.

Hide one of these vegetables completely
inside another.

'If you use the same
vegetable-hiding combination

as another comedian...'

'...you will both
be disqualified.'

'Best unique, hidden-vegetable
combination wins.

When you have 15 minutes.
Your time starts now.'

Ok.

I'm thinking can I get that
pumpkin inside that carrot?

15 minutes? That's a long time.

- You've got 13.42.
- Oh, sh...

Ok.

That pumpkin inside that carrot.

Right, I'd like to see someone

hide a vegetable in
a vegetable, please.

I'll do you one better, actually.
Here's two people.

It's Angella Dravid
and Madeleine Sami.

I don't know why, but my brain is telling
me to drill a hole through this pumpkin

and put this carrot
through the centre of it.

Can I have a drill?

Can I please have a... knife?

Drilling through it
might not be that great.

That's great. Maybe―
Oh, I need to get this... bit thick.

Ooh, yeah.

Ok.

- This sounds like a horror movie.
- Yeah.

Ok. Oh, shit.

Oh, now it's starting
to feel a bit sexual.

I don't feel proud about this.

Oh, now I'm just drilling...
Ooh, that's satisfying. This...

I don't think that's gonna work.

I might just have to stick
the Brussels sprout in this.

I can't find the lid.

That's it. I'm done.

This is a carrot,
and inside is a Brussels sprout.

It's like a dick pic.

It looks like a dick pic.

How many dicks have you seen with
a Brussels sprout hidden inside them?

Uh, not enough.

Would you like to see
the final products?

I'd love to see
the final products.

Right. That's Madeleine. That
was quite impressive, Madeleine.

And you know what―
I watched you drilling,

and you seemed so happy

- when you were drilling.
- I'm really in my element with a drill.

Yeah.

The real butch
in me comes out,

and it doesn't matter
what I'm drilling ―

you know, drilling vegetables,
who knew?

- Yeah.
- It's the thing.

Here's yours, Angella.

I mean, there's something
horrific about that.

Oh my God. That looks...

It looks circumcised. Oh my God.

It does not look circum―

What have you been looking
at? That is not circumcised.

They were reasonably
well-hidden vegetables.

However, I will reserve
my judgment until I see them all.

And that will happen after
watching these advertisements,

which we have masterfully hidden in
an otherwise entertaining television show.

We'll see you after those.

Welcome back to Taskmaster,

a light comedy entertainment
show where the main point is winning.

Paul Williams,
what's going on right now?

We are watching our contestants
hide vegetables in other vegetables,

and we are looking for the
most well-hidden vegetable.

Well, I'd like to see one, please.

Technically, if they're any good
at this task, you won't see it.

Here's Guy and Brynley.

All right. I'm gonna go big.

I wanna put a lettuce
inside a pumpkin.

Cool.

See you soon!

I'm gonna do this in,
like, three minutes.

Kiwi ingenuity.

Wow!

That looks like my wisdom tooth
when it got pulled out.

This time, I'm actually, like,

excited with how smart
what I've come up with is.

And what is that?

- What is what?
- What's the plan?

I'm not telling you;
you're the enemy.

Ooh boy.

It's quite impressive how
that goes back together, eh?

Like, that's quite good.

Ok, we're reaching
a point of tension.

This is probably the smartest thing that
anyone's ever done, you know, ever.

Not gonna go!

You're gonna think that
you're looking at one vegetable,

and you have no idea of the
cornucopia that you are opening up.

I'm gonna compact it down.

I present to you
a Brussels sprout

inside a carrot inside a capsicum
inside a pumpkin inside a lettuce.

Look, I'm just a regular
wet pumpkin.

I'm a television professional
with a long career

of upholding great standards,

but I have to say that, Brynley,

that was
absolutely fucking disgusting.

Yeah, fair.

Well let's have a look at the
picture of how that came out.

Oh, yes. Masterpiece.

- Oh, look!
- Yeah!

That actually looks like
a pumpkin, doesn't it?

Yeah, covered in some green bits.

Yeah. So what did Brynley
have inside of that pumpkin, Paul?

Inside the pumpkin, I believe
she just had some lettuce ―

quite a lot of lettuce.

A full lettuce.

Well, not quite full. You ate― she
definitely ate some of the lettuce.

Guy, you actually managed to
conceal a lot of things inside of...

I mean, did you―?

Did he get all the vegetables
in there?

Yes, he had a Brussels
sprout inside a carrot

inside a capsicum inside
a pumpkin inside a lettuce.

- Gorgeous.
- Clap! Yeah, come on!

- Well, I mean it...
- Wow!

does he look like a
lettuce, you know, to be fair.

But I will reserve judgment.

Who is left for us?

We've got one more offering ―

this one from the master of
vegetable disguise, Leigh Hart.

I might head to the
kitchen and get some stuff.

Ok.

Do you want a coffee
or anything or...?

Uh, I'm not a big coffee guy.

- You sure? Ok.
- Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you, though.

- Yep. Anything else? Are you fine?
- I mean, a glass of water.

- Glass of water. Sure, no problem.
- Yes, please.

- Back in a moment.
- Thank you.

- Sorry, Paul.
- No worries.

Oh, thank you so much.

Check that's working.

Pop that there. I might... pop back,
just get some other tools.

I've got this, but it doesn't have
any... doesn't go with anything.

You've got 6.20.

Oh, this is a time-limit thing, is it?

Yeah, we'll go with that, Paul.

- Stop it?
- Yeah, not bad, is it?

I guess I shouldn't
really stop it.

You've got five
minutes to kind of...

- To do more?
- Well, just to...

- To improve on that?
- Or just free time.

4.30.

This should've
been the challenge.

Mm.

Rig a blender... and parts...
and I'm trying to make it again.

But... no one thought of that.

Ok, there we go.

Time?

- 1.30.
- To go?

Yeah.

30 seconds now.

Wow.

This is an easy recipe
you can try at home.

The full recipe, of course,
will be on the... on the website.

It's so easy when you know how.
There you go.

Well, most people opted
to hide a sole vegetable.

You decided to
make a puree of sorts.

That's right. That's right.

And, you know,
you've got to admit,

there's a few technical
issues there as well,

which I solved all by myself.

Was that your first
time using a blender?

Of that... variety, yeah.

That's the first time
I've used that blender.

Was anyone else feeling uncomfortable
when he put his hand into the blender...

- Yeah.
- while it was still operating?

I felt uncomfortable during that.

But I was under a
time limit by then.

I had, what, a minute to go by
the time the blender started going.

Yeah, Leigh spent a total
of 6 minutes and 56 seconds

trying to get the food
processor to work.

Ok, so what are you
thinking for the scores?

Ok, I got to be honest, Guy,
you've got to take this one out,

because you did get all
the vegetables in there.

Yes! Come on!

- Brynley, four points...
- Wow!

because of the way that
you were regurgitating that stuff.

I think if you did
have a bird family,

you'd be able to
feed them quite well.

- Thank you.
- Mads, three.

The carrot and the
pumpkin was kinda sexy.

Ooh, ok.

Angella, two, because you
left so much of the vegetable,

I mean, you
regurgitated half the thing,

and then just
left it on the table.

Leigh, you spent way too
much time on that blender.

Can I just ask a sort of an
admin question ― is one point...

the best or five points the best?

- I'm a little bit confused here.
- No, one is the worst.

Shall we have
a look at the scoreboard?

Currently out in first with
a perfect score of 10, it's Guy.

Yes!

Leigh currently with the
lowest possible score of two.

It's gonna be one of those nights;
I can feel it.

Now that we've consumed
five-plus for the day,

I'd like a nice, meaty
task, please, Paul.

I'll give you meat backwards.

Team.

It's a team task.

It's crazy, eh?

Oh!

- Hello, Angella.
- Hello.

Hello, Leigh.

Hallelujah.

- I knew I smelt popcorn.
- I knew I smelled it.

Thought I could smell something.

Yeah, you were
right. It's popcorn.

Yeah, yeah.

I thought it was burnt hair.

This is gonna go everywhere.

- Is there a task up there?
- The task may be in there.

Ok.

Oh! No! Oh, here it is!

Ok. Listen up.

'Create a 90-second
long one-shot film.'

'All of you must appear in it.'

'One of you must hold
the camera at all times.'

'Your film must include
three speaking characters...'

'...an impressive stunt
and credits.'

'You have 30 minutes
to prepare...'

'...and one take to shoot
your film. Your time starts now.'

- I'd like to hold the camera.
- What?

- You were in Sione's Wedding 1.
- That's true.

- And were you in 2?
- And 2, yeah.

I didn't think you
deserved to be in 2, but...

Wow!

- All right. Just me.
- Wow.

Someone give him a blog
to start his nasty reviews.

90 seconds is not long.

Should we see how
long 90 seconds is?

I think that'd be a
waste of 90 seconds ―

counting how long 90 second
is, you know what I mean?

Cuz by the time we've
done that, we'd know,

and that's another
90 seconds gone.

Real excited that...

- This scene is chaotic.
- Guys. I feel like we...

- This is not productive.
- It was fun.

I'll tell you what's making
a big splash right now,

and it's all the
superhero movies.

- Yeah, ok.
- I could perhaps be...

I like the hero character.

Hey, what if this
film, just for, like,

equality and feminism
stakes is Jane Bond?

Are you―? Did you just stare
in the camera after you said that?

Doo-doo. Doo-doo.
Doo-doo. Doo-doo.

She's dressed like Jane Bond.
You're dressed like a Nazi.

We're, like, ready to go.

- You're the evil person.
- You're the villain.

I'm a Girl Scout, not a Nazi.

In all honesty,
Brynley, 1 to 10 ―

your level of regret in
choosing your Hitler Youth attire.

10.

How worried were you,
Leigh, when Angella suggested

working out how
long 90 seconds was?

I was extremely worried at
that point, Jeremy.

But I'll tell you what,
it came together.

Really? That didn't sound convincing.

- I don't know.
- I don't actually remember.

You guys have got a harder task,

cuz one person needs to be
holding the camera at all times.

Yeah, it's harder with two.

You'll see the films soon,

but they did have an incredible

- third actor joining them, so...
- Oh, ok, great. Lucky them.

Yeah, lucky them.
Definitely lucky them.

- Is that actor you?
- Potentially, yes.

Two wonderful films await us.

You don't wanna miss
Leigh Hart as a superhero,

Madeleine Sami as a spy
and Brynley Stent as a Nazi...

right after these spectacular
ads. We'll see you soon.

Welcome back to the third part of
the fourth episode of Taskmaster.

We're only four episodes in,

but we are already
making the leap to cinema.

Paul, would you care
to explain further?

Contestants are
split into teams,

and we are about to watch
their 90-second one-shot films.

Every team member
must appear in the film.

One must hold the
camera at all times.

The films need to contain an
impressive stunt and credits.

And they only get
one attempt to film it.

I believe those are the exact
circumstances under which

the film '1917' was made.

Which one are we
gonna watch first?

Here is Madeleine,
Guy and Brynley's effort.

Seven! Six!

All right, everyone to first positions.

Ok, we're starting now. Ready to go.

Bah, bah-bah-bah,
bah, bah, bah, bah.

Get outta here, Toots.
It was a great night.

I called you an Uber.
Just head out down stairs.

- Oh, wonder who this'll be.
- Bring! Bring!

Bond. Jane Bond. I'm
queer; I'm here; get used to it.

What can I do for ya?

Queer! Sorry.

Are you ok? It's what I am.
Come on! What do you want?

Jane Bond! It's Spencer.
I'm from the government.

Yes, I know, Spencer. We've
been working together for years,

but I guess you
hadn't noticed me,

cuz you just thought I was
some damn woman in the office

that was there to
make you coffee.

There's no time
to talk about that.

Ok.

- Right now, there's the Governess.
- Yes.

She's on a crime spree,
importing cocaine via popcorn.

Ok, I got it. I'm there.
I'm gonna to take her out.

Come out of the popcorn box.
I know you're in there, Governess.

Ah-ha-ha!

We meet again.

I see you've still got a penchant
for stroking little horsies.

Mm-hm.

Well, I know that hand's fake,

and I know you've been using it
just to get a disability allowance.

I'm not gonna let you get this
drug-infused popcorn to the kids.

The jig's up.

Bom-bom, baaaaam.

The fake blood was good.
The fake blood was real good, Bryn.

That truly had it all.
You had the stunt.

You had a great performance.
There was a political message.

There was some
queer representation.

Exactly. And Guy only fumbled half his
lines, which is quite impressive.

She goes, 'Hey, Jane Bond
here.' And I said, 'Queer.'

We do have an instant replay of
Guy accidentally calling her queer.

Ok.

- Would you like to see that?
- I'd love to see that.

- Bring! Bring!
- Bond. Jane Bond.

I'm queer; I'm here; get used to it.
What can I do for ya?

Queer! Sorry.

Are you ok?

I thought maybe- maybe
Guy was coming out.

Like, can you explain...?
There was some...

That was my way of coming out,
and what a great job I did of it.

It is gonna take a lot to top
that one, that's for sure.

- Should we see the next video?
- Here's Leigh and Angella.

Leigh, would you like to
say anything beforehand?

Yeah, what you're about to see is
a multilayered, film noir kinda...

It's... It's so...

It's so...

Just roll the clip. It's awesome.

Whatever your plan to inseminate
this city with your evil sperm,

it won't happen.

It will, especially now that I have
these powerful balls.

- Why don't you go (bleep) yourself?
- You're gonna regret saying that to me.

Why?

Because they'll
bleep it out in the edit.

Yeah.

There's nobody who
can stop me now.

There is one.

Wherever there is evil, he is there.

Wherever there is tyranny,
he is there.

Wherever there is a
child crying, he's there ―

not because he caused
it, but because he's fixing it.

- He's there.
- That's right!

Leaf Blower Man.

Whenever there is tyranny,
you will find me.

When people are in need,
I'll be there.

If your gutters need clearing
of leaves, I can be there also,

providing the extension cord's out
to at least 30m. I'll be there.

Leaf Blower Man,
formerly known as Blowjob Boy.

Plug me in, Ricky.

I think I fucked it.
I accidentally pressed a button.

Well, for a moment there,
there was just nothing.

I think, Angella, you
pushed the stop button

- on the back.
- She did, yes.

49 seconds in, she
stopped recording,

and then started again.

That was the sex
scene. That was...

Shall we score it?
I think Angella, Leigh,

featuring Paul, I think
you guys get three points.

Thank you.

Then also one point off
for cutting at 49 seconds.

I think that's only fair,
so that goes down to two.

Then I think we should
add a point for your acting,

Cuz it was actually quite good.

- And your accent was quite good.
- Thank you.

So you guys are
back up to three.

Yeah. And you add a point for
being, technically, two-person team.

Back up to four. Um...

We'll stay there.

So definitely three. That's three.

And Brynley, Mads, and Guy ―

four points, and then
minus one for your acting.

So back down to three
for you guys.

Ok.

- I deserved that.
- I think that's where we go.

Three points for everybody.

Three points it is. I'd love
a lovely dessert task now,

if I can, please.

I have just the thing, and
this one, like all great tasks,

stars, somebody's mother.

Ooh!

Hello.

- Cooee! Ooh!
- Hi.

- Hello.
- Hi.

How's it going?

Hi. How are you?

You're not Paul.
You're Paul.

I'm scared to open this.

Make this mum proud.

'You have five minutes
to interview the mum...'

'...then 20 minutes
to make her proud.'

'Proudest mum wins.
Your time starts now.'

You're a mum!

What sort of achievements
have your kids had?

My daughter, who's a director
of training for MAC cosmetics,

and she left that after 20years,

and her and her husband have
now got into a bed and breakfast

in Harrogate.

Ok, so I've just gotta work
for MAC cosmetics for 20 years,

and then stop that and start
running a bed and breakfast,

and then you'll be proud of me.

It's not a bad idea, is it?

So whose actual mum is that?

Doesn't matter who's mum it is;

what matters is that
they made her proud.

Her name is Marija. She has
three children biologically,

and five more that she
adopted against her will

approximately four months ago.

I'm dying to say how proud
she is of all of you.

But, first, let's make some
large corporations proud

by stopping our
show for three minutes

to advertise their products.
We'll see you in a bit.

Hello, and welcome
back to Taskmaster,

where five brilliant minds are
battling it out for a Guy Williams

friendship certificate.

- Yeah!
- Paul,

would you like to succinctly
remind us how we all ended up here?

Well, earlier this year,
we all signed contracts

agreeing to record
this television show.

And here's what's
happening on the show.

Five contestants are trying
to make a mum proud―

not their mum or Jeremy's mum or my
mum, who is also one of their mums.

It's a different mum called Marija,

and they each had five
minutes to interview her,

then another 20 minutes
to make her proud.

Whose mum pride shall
we examine first?

Let's take a look at two
very different approaches ―

one from Guy and one
from our only contestant

who is herself a
mum, Madeleine Sami.

Ah!

What do you think makes―?
What makes you proud?

What things in particular
― like, sporting feats or...?

Oh, sporting feats, definitely.

- What do you think of smoking?
- I hate it with a passion.

- You hate smoking?
- I loathe it.

What about if you guys set up
a little physical obstacle course for me

that I have
to get through?

You wanna build
an obstacle course.

Yeah, but you
guys have to do it,

Cuz if I do it, then Marija's
not gonna be that proud of me,

Cuz she'll know I know all the nooks
and crannies of the obstacle course.

I've been smoking since
I was 14 years old.

And today I'm going
to promise to you

that I am going to quit smoking.
Have I made you proud?

Do we have it in writing?

This is for you, Mum.
This is for you, Fake Mum.

- Did that count?
- Weave through the cones.

Oh, got it. Come on.

Ooh. Ooh.

I will never

touch a cigarette.

Signed, Guy

Williams.

- Now what?
- Serve me breakfast...

- Serve you breakfast?
- in bed.

My own Bed and Breakfast!
See? Running my own one.

- Here you go, sir.
- Thank you.

Now what do I do?

- Skateboard helmet.
- Skateboard helmet.

Aargh!

Do you wanna sign it as well?

Ok, but my name is M-A-R-I-J-A.

Oh my goodness.
I'm so― That was a bad―

Mum, I'm not making
you proud there, am I?

- Yep.
- Frisbee in the net.

Frisbee in the net.

Shit.

Oh!

Great job.

Mum, I'm gonna tell you right now
I have never smoked in my life.

That's right. I haven't―

I didn't start smoking when
I was 14. It was all a ruse.

Contract was for nothing.

It was to show you how
committed I am to not smoking

and how committed
I've been my whole life.

I'm very proud of that.

Guy, she actually
seemed impressed,

that you signed a
piece of paper to say

that you wouldn't do something
that you've never done anyway.

Why didn't you just say that
you wouldn't murder someone?

That's a very strong point.

Madeleine, would your mum,
your own mum, be proud of you,

a 40-year-old woman doing
an obstacle course?

Yeah, I come from
quite a sporting family.

I was the Dux Ludorum
of my high school.

At my school, there was
the Dux of intelligence

and the Dux Ludorum,
which means sport.

I was the Dux of sports
for Frisbee throwing.

I was the ducks of cricket.
Every game ― ducks.

I see what you did there.

Let's have a look
at the other videos.

Up next, we have a solo
effort from Mr. Leigh Hart.

- Are you working at the moment?
- I'm a yoga instructor.

Yoga instructor.
There you go. Ok.

Get down on the mat.
Put one leg in front of the other.

And come down like this.

Ooh, sorry.

Hang on. Don't injure yourself.

Can you straighten
your leg behind you?

I thought it was.

Change your legs. Maybe
it'll be easier with the other one.

Nah, that's gonna be worse.

Are you familiar
with downward dog?

That's actually pretty good.
You've made me proud.

Oh, you're just saying
that Marija, just...

That's pretty good.

Four minutes left.

I don't think we need it.

I'll be honest
with you, Leigh,

that felt like a
date with yoga in it.

Well, you should see
the rest of the video.

Anyone else that wants to
try their hand at mum's pride?

There is. Here we have
an effort from Brynley so

simple in its execution,

we can show the whole thing
without any tricky editing.

What kind of things have
stuck out to you as, like,

making you particularly proud?

Well, my kids'
achievements at school.

They all did really
well athletically.

They did extremely well.

Should I run a lap?

Let's do it!

Go.

I'm running to that tree
and back for you, Mum!

I'm coming back, Mum!

And she's in first place!

Gooooooold!

Well done.

Thanks, Mum.

Not at all proud.

I don't think you won the
mum over there with that run,

but were you proud of yourself?

Nah.

We have one more attempt.

This comes from renowned
mum fan Angella Dravid.

Would you say one
of the proudest moments

of being a mother
was giving birth?

- Oh, yes, definitely.
- Right.

I'm trying to do
the umbilical cord, but I

don't think this
is what it looks like.

Hey, would you feel more
comfortable being the baby or the mum?

I really don't mind.

How good are you at
crying like a baby?

I mean, it's kind of
a hard thing to gauge, really.

Can you try it?

That sounds like a siren.

Ok.
Or something.

That was pretty good.

So, you can be the mum.

Oh, it doesn't really work.
It looks like a dick.

This is funny.

It's very cold.

- Pass me the water bottle.
- Ok.

Hey, you ready? Is Mum
able to hold your hand?

Yeah.

Oh my God!

Tap your foot when
your water breaks.

I don't know what's...

It was a pretty good birth.

- Yeah, I'd be very proud.
- Thank you.

That was a good effort.

I have no words for that.

What you didn't see is that...

I did get nursed.

- By...
- By Paul?

Do we not have a reel of this?

I don't think we should see that.

The interactions
between these two

during this series have become
more and more disturbing for me.

Now you are giving birth to Angella.

Do you know what I think you
did capture really well, though ―

it's not like they do
it in the movies ―

you really had a silent pain,
which I really appreciated.

I think you're acting is just, like...
You know what I mean?

I really think we
should give Paul Williams

a round of applause for
his fantastic performance, I mean-

It was pretty amazing.
Great commitment.

And if I'm gonna score that,
you've gotta get five points.

So impressive.

Madeleine, you did make the
mum proud, so you get four points.

Thank you. Dux
Ludorum. Thank you.

Guy, you get three
for tricking the mum,

- Thank you, thank you.
- I s'pose.

Leigh, you get two. Did you
end up with the mum's number?

Um... Yeah, I did.

Unfortunately, Brynley, you
just get one because you ran.

That's fine.

I thought my butt look really
good in the shot, though.

We'll be back right
after some advertisements

with an astonishing
final live task.

Don't go away.

Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where a nation holds its breath

to find out who will take home
a bird feeder laced with laxatives.

Surely, someone's in
the lead tonight, Paul.

Out in front currently
is Guy on 16.

Wow!

Madeleine close behind on 14.

Let's not get too ahead of
ourselves, though, of course,

because we've got
one more task to go.

Let's just head up to our stage
for one final glorious task.

Angella, will you please read this task.

'Write the Taskmaster
an anonymous poem.

'The poems will be
ranked best to worst.

The Taskmaster will then
guess who wrote each poem.

'If he guesses correctly,
you do not keep your points.

'You have 100 seconds
to compose your poem.'

- Any questions?
- Can we keep the pens?

After the show, yes,
you may keep the pens.

All right! Well we're
already winners.

- Poets, are you ready?
- Yes.

Grab your pens.

- Angella, do you write many poems?
- Um...

Yes.

Good chat

50 seconds.

- These pens are really nice.
- I'm so excited to get this.

- 25 seconds.
- Oh shit.

Pens down when I blow my whistle.

10 seconds.

Pens down, please.

Let's hear the poems.
Poem one, please, Paul.

'G'day, mate.

'It's not too late
to give me more points.

'And I will anoint you
the best Taskmaster

'faster than you can say,
"G'day, hip-hop, hooray".'

- Anon.
- Ah.

Beautiful.

'Well, well, well.

'You're Jeremy Wells.'

'I hope you are well.
You treat me well.

'When I think of you,

'I well up with tears.'

'I hope you don't fall...

'down a well.'

'Well, that's it from me.

'Jeremy Wells.'

'Why, oh, why

'should a woman cry

'when time is precious until we die?

'I pledge my love to you.

'Please be mine.

'Be mine tonight.'

Gorgeous.

Signed Dave Dobbyn.

'I asked myself
a question the other day ―

'who am I, and what do I do?

'I asked myself over and over

and realised my answer
was in front of me.

'I live to serve the Taskmaster.'

'My love for you is sincere.

'The tasks you set are always clear.

'I will remember these times
and hold them dear.

'Please never forget me.

'Your secret admirer.'

Absolute rubbish.

Do you wanna come down
and let's judge them.

Come and sit down.
Let's talk poetry.

So, what I have to do is I have
to rank the poems worst to best,

and then I have to guess
which person wrote each poem.

Listening to those poems, I'd have
to say the 'Well, well, well' poem,

which featured my
name a thousand times,

which sucked the life out
of me, will get one point.

- Oop!
- And I believe that was Brynley.

I was― no, I was not
groaning for the person who

- got one point.
- It was Brynley.

- Dammit.
- I can confirm that it was Brynley.

Look at that.

Ok, the poem that started with―
Did it start with 'G'day, mate'?

- Was there a 'G'day' one?
- Yes.

Ok, I'm saying that that's Guy.

- No.
- No? It's not yours.

It's not mine.

Congratulations, Madeleine,
on your two points.

The secret admirer poem ― Angella.

- Congrats, Guy. Three points.
- Yes! Whoo!

Well, that's disappointing.

There was one that ended up

with 'be mine tonight' with the
Dave Dobbyn lyric at the end, I believe.

Yes.

The rest of it was quite
moving, and I quite liked it.

There was a little bit
of plagiarism, obviously,

with the 'be mine tonight'.

I thought it was Leigh Hart's.

- Correct.
- Hey!

Sorry, Leigh, you've
just lost those four points.

It was worth it
to hear the poem,

you know, praised so well. I'm
all about the art, as you know.

I don't really care
about the points.

And the best poem I thought
was the 'Who am I?' poem,

which must have been your poem.

So, well, done, you got five points.

All right, well,
that means we can

have a look at the
final points for tonight.

Leigh Hart in fifth place
with seven points.

Brynley in fourth with 11.

Madeleine in third with 16.

Angella with 17.

The winner of tonight's episode
with 19 points ― Guy Williams.

Yeah!

What an evening we have had.

We have put vegetables
inside other vegetables.

We've put Angella
Dravid into Paul Williams,

then we birthed her right
back out of him again.

Most importantly, Guy Williams is
atop our podium for episode four.

Congratulations, Guy.

The Guy Williams
friendship certificate

is yours to give to
whoever you hate the most.

Go and grab your gifts. Go on.

Thanks very much for watching,
we'll see you next week.

She's gonna haunt you for that.

All right. Ok.

You sound kind of
disappointed, Jeremy.

You've watched
five episodes of this.

What point are you not gonna
realise that we're not talented?

Oh!

Oh, if this isn't a pathetic display
of humanity right here.

And thus, the task has ended.