Original subtitles

Carmela! Over here!

What, don't you have a TV at home?

Come on! I've been waiting for you. Watching baby turtles…

You're the turtle! You're so slow!

Hey! Keep your voice down!

You care about niceties but you don't care about wasting my time!

You made me wait for so long.

Carmela!

Valentina's in there with her hair curled!

She really stuck with the whole snake narrative!

- What, she's in there? - Yeah.

What am I going to do?

What is wrong with you?

Carmela, you don’t have a choice.

Face her.

Or you could swallow a rock and have them face Darna.

I hate you.

Carmela, get this over with.

This is your way out.

What's that?

Ah,

you wanted something to do, right?

Well, here you go.

What’s this about?

Remember how Cheska tried to swindle five thousand pesos from us?

You're her godmother, for Christ's sake.

Calling our niece a swindler.

If Virgie hears you talking about her daughter that way, I swear.

You won't be talking again for a whole year.

No! So that kid's trying to trick her godparents to cash out.

Five thousand pesos each, yeah?

Yeah, okay.

Because she won't be celebrating her 18th birthday?

Yeah, she told me she'll spend it on

a feeding program for the Aetas in Zambales.

I just sent money into her account.

Oh my god!

- Our niece is so charitable! - Screw that!

Charitable? More like you're so gullible!

What? What did I do?

I never do anything right.

You think she'll spend that money on some feeding program?

- You're so negative! - She's going to party with her friends!

So this is what I got her instead, look.

What say you?

What is that?

That's my contribution.

Five thousand pesos worth of porridge ingredients.

In kind.

Smart, huh?

I can see it now, Carmela! Her face!

- You're crazy. - Her face when you hand this to her!

Wait. When I hand it to her?

Me?

- Yes! - Wow!

Why?

Their house is far away from mine.

Since you're neighbors, just drop this off, Carmela.

My god, Girlie.

My god, Carmela.

I'm the one with things to do but I'm here joining your fight!

And you won't even hold a bag for me?

Wow, keeping tabs already?

It's your fault for being such a grump so early in the morning.

Bare your horns to those guys in there.

There's the bride of Satan.

Girlie! Watch your mouth.

Sorry,

I forgot you're still married.

Let's just call her 'Mistress of Satan'.

Hey! Hey! What is your problem?

You think other people aren't going through their own shit?

Can you just take your seats?

Sorry, sir.

Jeez!

God!

Good day to you.

Before we continue, I want to clear up a few things.

that this mediation is in accordance with the law,

and a necessary step for those filing for annulment.

Okay?

I am not a lawyer or a judge, but I was given authority by the court

to act as a mediator.

This is an SOP, okay?

We are not here to save your marriage

but if we can find a way, we shall see if we can fix

your relationship as husband and wife.

I wish to remind you that you can't speak directly to each other.

To avoid any commotions,

if there is something you wish to tell the other person,

would you kindly course it through me

and I will relay the message.

Those of you who are not involved, please be quiet.

Is that clear?

- Yes sir. - I'll hit him with my bag.

Shut your mouth.

Did you say something?

Okay.

If you have any questions, just raise your hand.

Who has questions?

One, two, three, four.

Okay, nobody has questions. Let's proceed.

Architect Cortez, you're the one who filed for the annulment.

You may speak first.

Carmela, I just want you--

Through me please.

I just want you to know that,

I don't want to completely ruin our relationship.

Your Honor, I'm sorry, I glanced her way.

It's okay, but I'm not a judge.

Go ahead.

I just want you to know that

I don't want us to end up hating each other.

While I still have some respect for you,

please don't force yourself on me.

- Heard that? Don't force yourself on him. - You have some nerve!

Huh?

Who is this?

Excuse me,

who are you?

Who are you? I mean, who are you?

Who am I? Who are you?

How dare you ask me who I am? Don't you dare!

Don't you dare!

She's--

Sorry, sir.

This is Girlie, my friend. Why, is there a problem, Judge?

I don't have a problem, Judge.

For Christ's sake, don't address me as 'Your Honor'!

Okay? I'm not a judge!

Sorry, sir.

- How should we address you? - What do we call you?

I'm glad you asked.

My friends call me "Niel,"

but at home, my mother calls me "Dan".

"Dan! Come down here! Let's eat!"

You see, it hurts my ears.

That's why I prefer "Niel". Is it alright if we go with "Niel"?

"Daniel" sounds better!

Padilla?

Fernando! Gotcha!

- Go ahead. - Okay, sir, uh…

- Niel. - Okay, sir, uh…

Niel. Niel.

Niel.

Niel, can you please tell her...

that I'm no longer happy.

He's not happy anymore.

I can't bare waking up in the morning next to her.

Sure, let's call it unfair,

but whether she admits it or not,

we only got married because I got her pregnant.

He just got you pregnant.

How dare you, Bart!

- What? What was that? - How dare you, Bart!

How dare you, Bart!

How dare you, Bart!

It's true.

So once we separate,

you can keep the house if you like.

I don't want to live there anyway.

Take it! I already have a buyer.

Let's not drag this out.

It's simple, if you just think about yourself.

That you're not really happy,

you just got used to it for a long time.

I've gotten pretty sick of it.

I also want to be happy with my life.

I don't know about you but I've found the one for me.

He's found the one for him.

I wish the same for you.

The kids are old enough. They can understand all this.

So don't force yourself on me anymore.

This is it. This is our way out.

Missus?

This is your way out.

Just send me the documents right away.

The papers.

The ring.

Missus?

Carmela.

Oh!

Fancy. This looks good on me.

Who is this?

Carmela. Carmela!

Girlie.

You forgot your bag! You're supposed to bring this.

I'm going back up. I need to pee, yeah?

Just drop this off at Virgie's.

Hey!

Hey!

Madam!

Madam!

Hello, ma'am!

I was wondering if I could ask a small favor.

My friends are right there. That's our van.

The thing is, I'm 18 years old.

I'm already 18

but as you can see,

I'm petite!

I was hoping to buy… you know.

Some alcohol.

Then buy some. Nobody's stopping you.

Whoa!

Attitude!

We're good with four bottles. Just for the trip.

Where we're going, there'll be plenty.

Could you maybe help us out and for your trouble,

I'll give you 500 pesos!

500! She's gonna take it!

You'll regret it later.

You know what?

- What? - I know you're in there with strangers.

What, you're going to get drunk, huh?

There are guys there, aren't there?

There are guys back there.

You're going to have a few drinks, then, what?

Have your own partners.

Then you'll engage in premarital sex,

then what, you'll get knocked up?

You'll be forced to get married, you know why?

Because your parents hate gossip!

Then what's going to happen?

That's when his real character comes out!

After 36 years, can you imagine?

He'll meet a new girl

and leave you for her.

For someone naughtier, sexier, with curlier hair like a monster!

Then he's going to file for annulment,

and your car gets clamped!

Come with me! Hurry up!

Get that bag. Hurry.

- Where? - Take that bag and that folder.

Follow me. Come on.

What am I? A nanny?

Wait for me!

I couldn't stop her.

Auntie Mel?

Cheska, I thought you were--

Ah, damn it.

Your Aunt Girlie was right.

The feeding program story you cooked up, it was all for show.

You're going on a roadtrip?

Then you'll drown yourselves in alcohol? Is that it?

Ah, excuse me. Correction!

What, you're not going to get batshit drunk?

We're not going on a road trip.

But we are going to get batshit drunk.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph.

Oldie expression!

We'll celebrate Cheska's 18th birthday. Here's the invitation.

We're having a beach party!

What are you on?

This one took something. She's freaking high.

The drinks we asked you to buy for us are just for warm-up.

So when we get to the party, we've loosened up.

This isn't you loosened up?

You talk as if you're a six-footer.

Virgie’s pissed!

- Aunt Virgie? - I'm calling your mother.

Auntie, don't be such a killjoy!

You better not be calling me names right now!

If you must know, I chipped in five thousand for this bullshit!

Do you know what you're getting into, Cheska?

Do you understand what you're doing?

Phone. It's in the bag. Give it to me. Quickly.

Auntie, please!

- Don't even try. - There's so many things happening lately,

just when my birthday's coming up.

My boyfriend and I broke up

because his mom said, I don't have housekeeping skills.

I failed a subject, too.

This is the only way I can breathe a little.

This is my way out!

This is it. This is our way out!

This is your way out!

Can you say that again?

Auntie, please don't make me.

No, go on. Continue.

There's so many things happening lately-

- No, keep going. - …just when my birthday's coming up.

My boyfriend and I broke up--

- Skip to the end. The very end. - The end?

Come on, fast forward.

I'll just start over.

Auntie, please don't make me.

There's so many things happening lately,

just when my birthday's coming up.

My boyfriend and I broke up

because his mom said I don't have housekeeping skills.

I failed a subject, too.

This is the only way I can breathe a little.

- This is my way out! - That's it. That's it.

Fine, I won't tell your mother. On one condition.

What is it, Auntie?

I'm coming with you.

Ma'am?

What was I going to buy again?

Quickly, take out my purse. Faster.

I can't believe you. Give me my purse. What was your name again?

Beverly, ma'am. Beverly.

Lebron. From now on, your name's Lebron.

- Why Lebron? - Alright, go inside. Settle down.

Get in. Okay.

Wait for me.

Alright, hold on a second. Excuse me.

Are we really going to a beach resort? Is there really a party?

In case you're not aware, we're minors.

And the guys at this party will mostly be minors, too.

We can't exactly announce it to the whole world,

"Hey! There's a party over here!"

Obviously.

Of course we gotta be discreet, Auntie!

As you know, the more mysterious, the more exciting! Yes!

Let’s go, Auntie!

Really, Auntie?

Why, of course. I also watch shows. A lot of documentaries.

- You can find plenty on Youtube and on TV. - Oh my god, finally!

Hey guys!

Let's go? Let's go?

Oh my god, yes!

Brace yourself, Auntie! Welcome to Stranded!

Happy birthday, Cheska!

Cheers!

Cheers!

Ma’am, shot?

We all know that one of us is turning legal later tonight!

Which means we have a new gofer to buy us drinks!

But she can’t fool around anymore because she can be jailed.

In other words, she’s now a—

Jaillable!

Oh, wait! Wait! Hold up!

I told you to wait!

We're not complete up here!

Because Cheska's aunt's here with us! Woo!

There she is.

She's old, but beautiful.

Altogether, now! She's old, but beautiful!

A round of applause!

For Auntie- I mean, Carmela!

Carmela Inocencio!

So you can have a lot of friends, to spend your college life with,

and more importantly, so you don't feel like you're alone.

It's Cheska's birthday!

It's Cheska's birthday today! Birthday!

It's Cheska's birthday!

- It's Cheska's birthday today! Birthday! - Auntie, we're going to have a toast.

It's like a tradition on Stranded.

Me as the birthday celebrant,

I will share my wishes with my friends which are not meant for me,

but for the universe.

So when the DJ says…

What do you want?

To drink myself to death!

Keep the drinks coming!

You get it, Auntie?

What do you want?

To drink myself to death!

Keep the drinks coming!

Just like that!

What do you want?

Your turn, Auntie.

To care for Mother Earth, and protect the sea turtles!

Sea turtles?

Seriously?

And...

To drink mysef to death!

Yes!

Keep the drinks coming!

Just the smell makes me hurl.

It's just a margarita.

You won't get drunk with that.

That’s right.

Go on, it's okay.

Here, drink this.

Shot! Shot!

Boo!

What’s your problem?

That’s enough.

Get up!

One more shot! One more shot!

Come on!

What the hell?

Cheska? What is this?

Chill, Auntie. That's its purpose!

- Exactly. - What purpose?

To kill Lebron?

Beverly!

Beverly!

Don't you know that in the medieval ages, this was considered punishment?

What kind of satifaction do you get from this?

- Jesus… - So annoying.

Medieval ages? I wonder how they punished the dinosaurs?

Auntie, I thought you came with us because you can relate to our problems?

Exactly!

Really? Medieval ages?

What are you, some White Knight? A soldier?

And what are we, damsels in distress?

- God. - Will you quit that Saviour Syndrome?

Saviour Syndrome?

Yes, Auntie.

Saviour Syndrome!

Or White Knight Syndrome.

It's like you have this need to save people even if they don't need saving!

Mommy and Aunt Girlie told me you've been like that ever since.

You think you have to solve everyone's problems,

you give the best advice,

but when it comes to your own issues…

Okay.

I'm sorry.

We're all good.

I'm sorry!

Finally!

Let's go!

Let's go!

Let's go!

Bev! Get up!

Chug! Chug!

Let's go!

Damn Girlie and Virgie!

Making me look like the bad guy.

When all these years, I'm the only friend

who always looked out for them!

If you're a good friend,

even before your friends ask for help,

if you already know they need it, you'll help right away!

When I'm the one who needs their help and they ignore me,

I don't take it against them.

I don't give them hell about it.

Because that's what I'm good at!

Being considerate.

I worry about everything! Everything! And everyone!

Well, fuck me! Because I look out for everybody.

I just love looking out for everybody!

I am sorry! Girlie! Virgie!

I'm sorry for always getting involved!

Sorry for looking out for you!

I'm sorry, Bart, for looking out for you!

I'm sorry, Jen, I'm sorry, Liz!

I'm sorry, Beverly. I am sorry, Cheska!

I'm looking out for all of you! All of you, all the time!

Nosy little shit! Number one!

Always looking out for everybody.

From now on, I'll look out for myself.

I don't care.

I don't care!

If they don't come to me, I won't reach out.

If they don't ask for help,

I won't offer my help!

I don't care because I ran out of care!

Freaking hell… I won't bother!

I don't give a damn!

I don't give a single damn.

I don't give a damn! I don't give a damn!

Oh! Oh, no!

You're so cute, oh my god!

You're such cuties, baby!

Alright, then. Come on, I'll help you.

Get a move on. Hurry to the sea before a predator comes!

Quickly! I'll just help you cross. Here you go.

Ah, you know what? I won't help you after all.

You can do this.

There, that's it. Go over there.

You know, just baby steps.

I mean baby sea turtle steps, baby Pawi.

Just go! Go there!

Over there! You can do it!

All you need to live is your own strength!

You know that little push you did to crack the shell open?

That was all you! You can do it!

Go on, keep going.

Don't think about your mates for now.

They can take care of themselves.

Put yourself first! Don't get wrapped up in other people's business.

Hurry! Go there. Go! Go!

That's all you have to do. Just go where you belong!

There it is! Hurry!

You can do it!

All you have to do now is go and swim!

Over there! Do you see it?

The sea where you belong.

That's where you'll be happy and free.

So all you have to do now is swim!

Swim to reach your happiness!

Come on, baby! Come on, baby Pawi!

You can do it! Go! Go!

Wait, I gotta pee.

Here is fine.

Well, try racing my pee.

Faster! Go! Go!

There's your future! It's going to feel amazing once you get there.

You can totally do it.

Quickly! I believe in you.

Your mates can fend for themselves.

You're all strong!

You'll make it.

You reach your future. Don't worry about them.

Worry about yourself. You'll live without a care!

Leave all your cares behind on this beach.

Because the two of us?

From now on, we won't give a damn.

Me, I don't give a damn.

Not a single flying damn!

I don't give a damn!

Sure looks like it. I can see how much you don't.

You son of a-- Ah!

Shit! Pervert!

How dare you!

Pervert! Pervert!

- Pervert! You peeping tom! - Hey! Miss!

Where's your invitational pass?

Pervert! I'll sue you!

I'll sue you!

Ugh! He was watching me pee! I forgot my shoes!

You're such a pervert! Pervert! Pervert!

He's so cute!

Shit! So embarrassing! And he was so cute.

Oh my god, Bevs!

- Hey! - Shit.

What's the matter with you?

Auntie, can you help?

Water, water.

Here, wet it.

Lebron, look what you did.

You drink like your size can take it.

Jeez, Bev, you really drove it home.

You drank for someone twice your size.

- Drink, drink. - There's more? Here, drink some water.

Come on.

God, and it's so hot.

Go on, have more water.

Are you still dizzy? Huh?

What about you, are you good?

Serves you right. You just went for it.

That's enough.

Gross. You're disgusting.

Wait there.

What's wrong with you?

Are you alright?

These kids…

Cheska, come watch this.

So your next boyfriend won't say you're clueless, good for nothing.

There you go.

There.

Hold this.

Garlic.

Yes, ma'am.

It's pretty hot, so, okay.

Sautee, then onions, okay?

There it is. Next, ginger.

Very good!

Okay.

Cheska!

Be careful you'll ingest salmonella if you don't wash your hands.

Just like that.

- Cheska! - Here, ma'am.

- Are you watching? - Yes, yes.

Make some space.

There.

Be careful. Wash your hands later.

Hand me the rice.

You threw up everything you ate yesterday. Fill yourselves up again.

There's Bev.

She already had porridge earlier.

Where's Lebron?

There she is.

Alright, just relax.

I might throw you in here, mistake you for chicken.

Are you feeling better? Huh?

Okay, drink more water, Lebron.

Okay.

Here's the water, ma'am.

This one's good.

Fair-skinned, tall, and capable.

Can you smell that?

The garlic and onions?

I'm just doing this in a hurry.

Are you happy?

Come have a look.

Wait a second.

How are you going to eat this?

Did you bring bowls? Do you have bowls around here?

None of us thought to bring bowls.

These kids…

Get your shot glasses and your beer glass,

whatever cups you can use.

Wash them first, okay?

That will do.

Let's get more.

They're getting the glasses.

So you can scoop some as soon as it's ready.

Okay, guys.

Welcome.

Welcome, eat up.

Get rid of your hangover.

Thank you ma'am!

Thank you. Welcome.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Get rid of your hangover.

Thank you.

- Thank you ma'am. - Thank you, and you're welcome.

Thanks.

That's how it's done!

- We're so hungover. - My head hurts.

- But Bev was wild last night. - That's Bev.

- Hey. Hi. - Auntie.

- Hi, auntie. - Hello.

You know what, Auntie,

- Hm? - You're cool.

And you don't look old.

Yeah! Actually you're very pretty.

No offense to Aunt Virgie-

But you're so much prettier.

Aw, I'm touched. Thank you.

Well, mommy did say Auntie Mel won all of the beauty pageant titles.

Wow…

Miss Al, Miss Valentine's, Miss United Nations,

Campus Queen, the Prom Queen!

Aunt Mel was even the Reyna Elena.

That was a long time ago.

Is she the woman Aunt Virgie said was--

What did she say?

"So, you want to end up like your Aunt Carmela?

A young mother who dropped out of school?

Then, what? She married too early and botched her chance at life!

And among us friends, she was the popular one, the smartest!

That's what happens when you get tied down too early!

Is that what she said?

Sorry, Auntie.

No, you have nothing to apologize for.

She's right.

Back in my day, your Auntie here,

was somewhat of a campus celebrity.

But everything I did, or didn't do, people would take issue.

You have a new suitor, you're a flirt.

If you ignore them, you're a snob.

If you give them a big smile, you're two-faced.

If you don't smile enough, you're rude.

That's how things were back then.

I didn't know what they wanted from me.

I also had my share of bad experiences.

We're lucky to have Stranded, aren't we?

We have a secluded beach like this.

This is where we go when we feel lost.

Right?

Why did you really come with us, Auntie?

Your mom didn't tell you?

Gosh, Auntie… of course she did!

You're probably here because like us,

you want to forget the bore of your monotonous life!

To forget Uncle Bart and the stress of the annulment?

To forget all the mistakes even just for a few days?

At first, that was actually my plan… to forget.

But something happened last night.

So now, apart from wanting to forget,

I want to do something I'll never forget.

That sounds so naughty!

What happened last night?

What's it to you? Nevermind that.

You see, ever since I got here,

my mind keeps going back to that one and only party

I've ever been to my whole life.

It's where I got pregnant.

I never got to socialize again ever after that.

So you want to make memories. Oh, Auntie!

We can help you out with that!

You want to remember something other than the night

you got devirginized?

- Of course! - Oh my gosh!

I realized something.

What?

Auntie, that means…

Auntie! Auntie!

What?

Only one penis has ever seen you?

- Things that come out of your mouth. - That's true…

Oh my god!

That's devastating.

Does that mean only one got to devastate you?

Silly, I don't even know how to tell.

I don't know if that's big or average.

Does that mean

only one man has ever seen your pussy?

Why are you being so crass about it?

Can't we say 'flower'? Or maybe 'floofy'?

But I think 'kiki' sounds so cute. Hello, Kiki!

Fine, Kiki.

So you've only shown it to one guy? Just one guy?

Well, yeah…

apart from last night.

Oh my gosh, Auntie!

You had sex last night?

Not yet… I mean, no!

Hello?!

But you said somebody saw your kiffy last night!

You girls!

It’s not like anything actually happened.

Dang, Auntie…

So that's your goal, Auntie Mel.

To forget the past, to remember the good times,

and make memories you'll never forget!

Right!

Correct!

Like she's still the Campus Queen!

And the Reyna Elena!

True!

Back when she was still a virgin!

So we will call this project 'Tighten Up'!

'Make it Snug!'

'Hot Stuff'

'Ultimate Makeover!'

Girls, Auntie, you will be…

Revirginized!

Wow!

Auntie, this is pornstar!

Pink pussy, and camel toe!

Auntie, go. Try this.

Auntie, take a shot!

- That's called cameltoe, Auntie. - All?

Yeah, yes.

Go! Go!

And Auntie, this is Peach Storm.

What's in that?

- Ah, peach schnapps. - Peach schnapps.

And this one, 'sperm shot'.

Yes, sperm shot!

- Those are your naming conventions? - And Auntie, this one's the Blowjob shot.

Try this.

Go, go!

Shot! Shot!

I'm going to blowjob?

In front of all of us, yes.

This one's called Screaming Orgasm!

What?

And Naked Yellow Bird!

Try this. It's really good.

- Go, try it. - Lebron, are you trying to get back at me?

It's good, Auntie.

Go, go!

Shot! Shot!

Nice, nice!

- Okay, the last one. - The last one is the buttery nipple.

Wow!

I can't imagine a nipple being buttered.

Well, now, you can.

You can try it.

Go! Shot!

They're all mixed up.

Shot! Shot!

Are they dry?

I love it. Gorgeous.

This is such a pretty color!

Auntie! Auntie! You will love this!

- What is that? - I found you a vetting shoot.

Vetting shoot, with a scarf!

What? What's that for?

Vetting shoot.

Lebron, it's bathing suit!

Betting soot.

You talk to her.

You make her wear it. You asked me to find all these stuff…

Well, Auntie, from head to toe, outfit to arrive,

we're going to fix you up! Auntie, I have a new lipstick!

Yes, Auntie.

We're going to glamour up your mindset, too, not just your looks!

We're going to prep you for your big night tonight!

But before anything else,

we need one more detail before you become a certified NNPK!

Yes.

N.N.P.K?

Yes, foreign porn sites call them MILF,

or 'Mother I Love to Fuck'.

- Oh god, you kids… - NNPK stands for…

Mother who's game to do!

You’re getting naughty. Despicable.

Who told you I wanted to do that?

Toot.

Didn't we just talk?

Why would I be bother getting revirgnized

if I'm just down to be devirginized?

Are you serious?

Auntie, just relax. This is why we're on a beach!

This is why!

Yes! You're the product!

So we have to find the perfect way to sell you tonight.

And Auntie, since you're the product, you need a barcode!

Me? I can't with your terms.

Presenting...

The owner and resident tattoo artist of Stranded,

- Oh! - Morph!

- Tattoo? - Morph!

Tattoo? That wasn't in the plan.

- That hurts like hell, right? - Auntie, it's going to be okay!

- Doesn't it hurt a lot? - Once in a lifetime!

Who's getting inked tonight?

You?!

- You know him? - Pawi?

Pawi?!

Yeah, Pawi, right?

Pawi that doesn't give a damn!

He's the one I was telling you about.

Oh man!

He's the one who saw your-

You fuc--

Floofy. Yep.

Your floofy.

Who knew somebody would be sneaking behind my back

while I'm peeing?!

Right?

I didn't see anything, ma'am.

Whoa, Auntie…

You liar!

- You liar! - Moprh!

Morph, just say the word. The four of us have floofies too.

My floofy's especially yearning for you!

Classic Beverly.

You're so frisky!

What a little flirt.

Where do you want the tattoo?

It's huge.

Ma'am?

What's huge?

Huh?

He's got a huge cock!

It's huge, right?

Auntie!

Auntie!

I meant your tatts.

She wants to forget!

She wants to remember!

She wants to make memories she'll never forget!

Prom Queen 1979!

Miss United Nations 1980!

Reyna Elena 1981!

The inventor of porridge shots!

The fairy of sea turtles!

Our Lady of Give-Not-A-Single-Damn!

Carmela!

NNPK! NNPK! NNPK! NNPK!

I'm so hot!

NNPK! NNPK! NNPK! NNPK!

You have to taste this.

So tasty.

Yeah!

No more. No more.

- Body shot. Body shot. - Oh no.

Body shot!

Come on, body shot!

Excuse me. Excuse me.

No!

Body shot! Body shot!

Oh, body shot!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Go drink it.

Chug! Chug!

Yeah!

Give me shots.

One more. One more.

Chug! Chug!

Oh no.

- You have to try this. - No!

Come on.

Come on.

Cheers. Cheers?

Cheers.

Do it! Do it!

Auntie!

Come here!

What is it? What do you want?

I've been calling you over!

You're growing up to be so disrespectful! Except for your height.

You got time to joke? Just be quiet, Auntie.

- What is it? - Try this.

Try this, Auntie.

What is that?

It's just a party pill, Auntie.

Stop yapping and just take this.

Who are you looking at? Why do you keep doing this?

- Be quiet, Auntie. - Are those drugs?

You're giving me drugs?

It's just a party pill, Auntie.

Party? You mean drugs. You're giving me drugs.

Those have side effects.

There are no side effects, Auntie!

Pretty sure there is.

There are side effects!

I'll prove to you that there are no side effects.

- Alright. - I'll take one, okay?

Did something happen, Auntie?

I don't want to.

I've done that. There are definitely side effects.

There are no side effects!

- There are! - None!

I'm telling you, there are!

Auntie, stop being difficult! There are no side effects!

There are no side effects to this!

Why did you do that?

Do what, Auntie? I didn't do anything.

There are no side effects.

But why did--

There are! Either way, I don't want to take any.

There are no side effects, Aunt--

Oh my goodness! I don't-- There's--

No side effects, Auntie.

No side effects.

I'm leaving. You're on your own.

You look like you've been pos--

You're possessed! I'm leaving!

- I don't want to! No! - It has no side effects, Auntie!

Auntie!

Auntie!

There are no side eff--

Auntie!

I'm telling you, there are no side eff--

No side effects.

Auntie!

Auntie, it has no side effe--

Where'd she go?

Auntie!

Auntie, get back here!

No side eff--

No side eff--

Auntie's gone!

What are you doing there?

Get out of here!

Oh, shit!

Auntie!

Auntie's gone!

Auntie!

Auntie, try this! It's good!

This is fun!

What's this?

There are no side effects!

There are no side effects!

Are you okay?

You okay?

Are you okay?

- I'm sorry. - It’s fine. It’s fine.

Don’t worry. Don’t worry.

It’s fine. It’s fine.

It’s okay. It’s okay.

It's alright, just throw it up.

Throw it up.

Alright, wait here. I'll get some water.

Here.

Are you okay?

Come on.

Let's go inside.

Are you okay?

You still good?

No.

Wait, wait.

So you got devirginized inside a car?

You know what we call that?

Car fun!

That's it.

And if my memory serves me right,

even if my brain's muddled with alcohol,

this dude who took your viriginity

is your husband who wants an annulment

after 36 years of being together?

Son of a bitch.

Why is it-- hold on, hold on.

Excuse me.

I just want to know, why is it so important for you men

to be "the first" one in, to devirginize.

Why is that such a big deal?

So what if she's a virgin?

Does it ever cross your mind

when you're fantasizing about our breasts,

that someday your children are going to suck milk from them?

Yeah.

You keep going on about virginity as if you didn't come out of a vagina.

Come here, I want to show you something.

Hey, hold up.

What's this, Pawi? Clothes off, no foreplay?

Sit here, come on. I'll show you.

Pawi, I already saw that.

Remember, the other night?

The slit, maybe, but not the stitch!

Come sit with me.

- What stitch are you talking about? - This stitch. Look at it.

See that?

- Yeah? - I had a C-section.

I was in labor for 17 hours.

That's how long I waited for my baby to come out.

Can you imagine how painful that is?

To give birth at sixteen?

Wait.

I think I read about that somewhere.

It feels like all your bones are being pulverized.

- Yeah. - Was it like that?

It was that bad?

Worse.

But more than that,

seeing your parents'

hearts break

because of what you did.

Do you know how painful that feels? Can you imagine it?

Your most precious, most cherished darling child

just became a mother in an instant.

But you know what, even if my daughter's 36 years old now,

I'm very happy

because she didn't go through what I went through.

So even though my parents are gone,

and they've forgiven me,

I still can't forgive myself.

Pawi, this is a beach party, not a recollection.

And I’m not a life coach, okay?

- Whatever. - Stay there, I'm getting a drink.

You want anything? I'll get a few beers.

Where are you going?

I'll just go get a beer.

Liar.

You're leaving me.

You're not coming back.

Huh?

Don't be long.

I won't.

I'll be right back.

You're lying!

After you got what you wanted, what did you do?

You left me here in the car.

I waited for you till morning.

Carmela!

I told you. I told you,

"Please don't! Don't do it!"

"I don't want to!"

"I said I didn't want to, I wasn't ready!"

I wasn't ready!

But what did you say to me?

I love you.

Okay? I love you.

Wait for me.

I love you very much.

I waited for you that night,

but you never came back.

- Girlie! - Carmela, this is me, Morph!

Virgie!

Girlie! Virgie!

- Girlie! Virgie! - Damn it, Carmela!

- Girlie! Virgie! - Damn it, Carmela!

- Carmela! - Girlie! Virgie!

What happened?

Something happened between us.

I don't know if I did the right thing or not.

All I know is, I did it because…

because...

I love you, Bart!

I love you.

I love you very much.

You said,

we'll make our dreams come true!

I'll be a lawyer and you'll be an architect.

But when I had our child, and you married me,

only you were allowed to dream.

You worked on yourself,

and left me here!

I put my life at a standstill for you.

You made me believe that my life ended

where you want it to.

Like a--

Like a clamped tire! Or a car with no wheels!

Or a car stuck in the sand!

I'm that. That car.

I'm that car.

That...

I'm that car, end of the line.

Never going any further.

It's not going to start, it's not going to roll,

never going to get a move on in life.

I don't regret becoming a mother.

I regret that I married too early.

I put my life at a standstill for you, for our family!

Because I don't want to be a loser!

I don't want them to say that

every decision I ever made in my life was wrong!

I built my life around you, I wasted my life because of you!

I know that's what everyone is thinking! That I amounted to nothing.

But the truth is,

I let it happen!

I wasted myself!

I'll just grow...

old alone

buried under all my screw ups!

Am I right?

What a waste, I'm all alone.

My life is over.

It's over! I just wasted all my chances!

I wasted my whole life!

So now I'm here merrymaking like a raging lunatic!

Getting drunk in this... whatever this is!

hell hole!

Shit!

- Auntie… - Poor me, right?

I'm such a waste!

Such a waste… I'm such a waste!

What are you doing?

- Hey! - You said this is you, right?

Well, I'm helping you!

I'm going to push you so you can move on!

What? Did you forget?

Everything you said to the sea turtle?

Can't remember?

While you were peeing?

You said, baby steps!

Baby sea turtle steps!

Slowly, you're going to get where you're going!

I know it's not easy.

It really isn't,

and there'll be a lot of obstacles.

But I know

all you need is a little push.

So I'm here,

pushing you!

I'm pushing you

so you can finally move on!

So you can move forward!

To where you're supposed to be!

Where you'll be happy!

Where you'll be free!

Godammit, I told you this is a beach party,

not a recollection.

And get the hell up!

Your floof is showing again!

Come here!

Come here.

Come here, Carmela.

Carmela,

I'll push you

as long as you push yourself.

Go on, push it!

- Push this? - Push it!

What are you waiting for? Push it!

What do you mean?

Carmela, it's not true that this is where your life ends.

And you can't let your happy days end here.

So push the car, Carmela!

Push it for all the pain you felt for 16 years!

Go! Push it!

Push it for the 17 hours you spent in labor!

- 17 hours? Go! - What? Is that all you got?!

Push it!

Push it for your C-section!

Push it!

For your parents who forgave you.

Who cut you some slack!

Damnit, Carmela! Is this all you've got?!

- Push harder, Carmela! - I'm pushing!

Push it harder!

For your law school dreams!

So you can be happy!

So you can move forward!

So you can be free!

"Go auntie?!" Help me push!

Hey! Help us out here!

Over here!

Over here!

So, Carmela, is this as far as you can go?

Push!

Push harder! Faster!

Let's go!

Hurry!

Yes! Push it!

I thought you said you're not a life coach?

Why did you sink your car?

That's alright. That's alright.

Hey, that's amazing! They're upcycled!

Junk art! So cool!

Why are we wearing white later?

Are we having the white party? Later?

No, it's Sunday, we're going to mass.

Whoa, your humor's getting younger.

What humour? I'm asking a serious question,

not trying to be funny.

Auntie, here on Stranded, there's a liquor ban every third night.

You can drink as much as you want on the first and second night,

but on the third night,

we'll be on our way home and you're not allowed to drink.

You're not allowed to drive under the influence.

That sounds great.

But why do you have to be in white?

Auntie, this is what you call 'the rinse.'

You've got to get rid of your hangover!

Clearing the spirits, and letting go of all the negative vibes.

Get it?

Yeah, and you can finally take a shower.

- You're too much, Auntie! - I was just kidding!

Hey, find me a white outfit! I didn't bring any clothes.

Don't worry, Auntie. I'll take care of your white outfit.

Sometimes we do paper boats,

kites, or birds.

But this time, it's going to be fire lanterns.

Wow, it's gonna be so beautiful! Sounds exciting!

Auntie, we'll be over there.

- Later? - Yes, we'll be there later.

Exciting! So pretty!

Will it be late? Or not?

Around sunset.

Okay!

- Come on, let's go get changed. - Hey, Pawi. How's it going?

Pawi?

For the white lantern party later.

You should come out here again.

But it's late!

Hey, why do you have butterflies tattooed all over your body?

Is it because your name's 'Morph'?

Like metamorphosis?

Or it's just a nickname you gave yourself?

My real name's Morpheus.

- I know, right? - Morpheus?

My mom's eccentric.

She's a big fan of The Matrix.

And you know what?

When I got to know the butterfly even more,

Yeah?

I discovered that

they are hardcore parasites.

Just like me.

Parasite?

Why parasite? Butterflies are so pretty,

how could they be parasites?

Well actually,

when a butterfly comes near you,

it's not because you smell like a flower.

Yeah.

Actually, it was attracted by the smell of salt,

in your sweat, and in your blood,

and it wants to eat you.

Is that so?

Not entirely.

On the other hand,

sweat isn't the only salty fluid that comes out of you.

Tears, too.

So…

you're a butterfly.

You want to suck the sadness out of people. No?

You really are a MILF.

Hey!

Hey!

MILF.

Mother I Love to

talk with, chat with,

befriend, right?

You're beautiful and intelligent.

Life coach?

Maybe!

But you know what, Pawi,

you're just a little older than my mom.

Yeah.

But if you'll let me,

I'll definitely court you.

No, really?

Yeah.

No, really.

Think about it, Pawi,

why is it that when an older man asks a younger woman,

it's fine.

No big deal.

Right.

But if you have an older woman and a younger man,

people get so wound up about it!

- It's such an issue. - There are so many issues!

You're absolutely right. I agree!

But there are plenty of other girls out there

who are younger and prettier.

And I can't let you court me just yet,

my wounds haven't healed.

I don't want you to be my rebound.

I think I'm feeling better.

I'm okay now.

- You're feeling better? - Yeah, I feel like--

Really? Already?

Your mother might kill me.

No way! She'll have to go through me first.

No! Let me see. Do you have a picture of your mommy?

- May I see? - Yes.

She must be so beautiful because you--

- You're so cute. You're handsome, - Man, my mommy's so pretty.

This is her.

But you know what,

she and my father broke up-

the foreigner.

She told me she has a new boyfriend.

Some architect. Whatever.

Pawi?

Yeah?

Ask me.

Woo me, go ahead.

Will you be my girlfriend?

- Yes? - What else?

I love you!

- You love me? - I love you, Pawi.

- I love you. - I love you too.

You love me too?

I love you too.

Auntie!

Auntie!

What? I'm busy!

Sis Rina's here.

Huh?

You sure?

Yes, auntie. She's over there.

Pawi, I'll be right back. Wait here. My daughter.

The white lantern.

Yeah, of course!

Sunset. Don't forget, okay?

- Okay. - I have to go to my daughter.

Mom!

Czarina?

Ah, sweetheart.

Correction!

Attorney

Czarina

- Inocencio. - Huh?

Mom.

Inocencio?

Of course, mom.

We're going to use your last name.

Before you were married.

When you were still a virgin.

- My daughter's Top Seven! - Of course, mom.

I'm so proud of you!

Thank you, mom.

Congratulations.

Come here.

Life is a beach.

And we're all people of the sea.

Surfers that battle the waves,

divers that sometimes get out of breath,

tourists cruising on the lives of others.

But whether you are a surfer, diver, or cruiser-

you should be a swimmer.

You should learn how to swim in your own tears.

You can get tired, but you can't drown in your sadness.

You can float along in pain...

on your own.

And even when it's not easy,

jive and join others in sychronized swimming.

Who knows,

you may find companions you'll be swimming with not just for fun,

but who will be with you for mutual survival.

And you won't just survive,

you might even find yourself

grow more beautiful as you come out of the water.

Sometimes, more than beauty,

you will find strength.

Life is a beach,

and life is a bitch!

And so are we.

Bitches are no virgins.

We grow as we experience, to swim in freestyle.

Unburdened, like the stroke of a free butterfly.