Original subtitles

Kirsten: I FEEL LIKE I'M IN JAIL.

[ CRYING ]

**

Man: NOT FOR ONE MINUTE THAT I THOUGHT MY LIFE

WOULD END UP LIKE THIS.

OW! MY LEG!

Ashley: I'M SO FAR GONE.

Woman #2: I ABSOLUTELY NEED HELP,

OR I AM GONNA DIE.

-I CAN'T DO THIS. -I'M RIGHT UNDER YOU.

-[ Crying ] I NEED OVER! -YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE FINE.

Woman #3: I FEEL LIKE I LET MY KIDS DOWN.

INSTEAD OF ME TAKING CARE OF THEM,

THEY'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF ME.

IT'S YOU -- YOU ARE THE ONE KILLING HIM.

Kirsten: [ GROANS ]

I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP.

WE NEED TO PROTECT KIRSTEN AGAINST HERSELF.

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Kirsten: WHEN YOU LET YOUR LIFE GET COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL,

SOMETIMES THE BEST WAY TO GET THAT CONTROL BACK

IS TO GIVE IT UP.

[ YAWNS ]

I DREAD WAKING UP.

I BARELY CAN GET UP OUT OF BED.

I FLOP AND FLIP AND PUSH MYSELF WITH MY CANE,

BECAUSE IT'S TOO HARD ON MY SHOULDERS ANYMORE

TO DO IT WITH MY ARMS.

MOM? Cris: YEP.

COULD YOU GET THE SHOWER READY FOR ME, MOM?

SURE. THANK YOU.

**

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN JAIL.

I'M A PRISONER IN THIS FAT.

I'M A PRISONER OF WHAT I'VE DONE TO MYSELF.

OKAY, KIRSTEN, I'M SET FOR YOU.

OKAY.

[ GRUNTS ]

Kirsten: I DREAD EVERYTHING ABOUT TAKING A SHOWER,

BECAUSE IT HURTS SO BAD JUST TO GET UP.

BOTH OF MY HIP JOINTS ARE GONE.

IT'S BONE ON BONE.

MY KNEES ARE GOING THE SAME WAY.

I'M COMPLETELY MISERABLE EVERY DAY,

EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY SECOND.

I FEEL LIKE MY HEART'S EXPLODING, ALMOST, INSIDE,

LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

I'M BATHING LESS AND LESS,

BECAUSE I'M SCARED I'M GONNA FALL.

IT'S JUST SO MUCH OF A HASSLE AND IT HURTS TO DO IT,

AND I CAN'T STAND FOR VERY LONG.

IT'S SO HORRIBLE.

GEEZ! MOM!

Cris: I'M COMING.

[ CRIES ]

JUST A MINUTE.

[ Crying ] MOM! I'M COMING, HONEY.

[ CRIES ]

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT?

THE BENCH! MOM, THE BENCH!

OKAY, YOU'RE FINE. IT'S RIGHT UNDER YOU.

I NEED IT OVER! OVER WHICH WAY? THIS WAY.

SIT DOWN. YOU'RE FINE.

YOU'RE FINE. THANK YOU.

YOU GOOD NOW? JUST TAKE A BREATH.

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT SHOWERING.

IT'S HARD TO GET THE WATER

IN PLACES WHERE YOU NEED TO GET IT WET

SO YOU DON'T STINK.

Cris: BASICALLY, ALMOST EVERYTHING,

KIRSTEN HAS TO HAVE SOME KIND OF HELP WITH.

SHE'S MISSING OUT ON ALMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE,

AND I'M AFRAID THAT HER BODY'S

GONNA GIVE OUT ON HER EVENTUALLY.

OKAY.

OKAY, JUST GO SIT DOWN ON THE BENCH.

[ Crying ] I DON'T WANT TO!

[ SNIFFLES ]

Kirsten: [ Voice breaking ] I JUST GET FRUSTRATED

AND MAD AT MYSELF

I FEEL LIKE I START FREAKING OUT.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

NO, YOU DON'T. JUST GET UP.

[ CRIES ]

Kirsten: I GET TO THE POINT WHERE I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING,

BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO HARD TO KEEP DOING IT.

COME ON. YOU'RE FINE.

I'M JUST SCARED I'M GONNA FALL.

YOU DON'T HAVE FAR TO GO.

JUST SIT ON THE END OF YOUR BED MAYBE.

[ Normal voice ] NEVER IN A THOUSAND YEARS

DID I THINK THAT I WOULD BECOME THIS.

OKAY. YOU'RE GOOD.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

I GET THESE THINGS ON MY LEGS.

IT HANGS DOWN.

I CAN'T EVEN GET MY FINGER BEHIND MY LEG

TO CLEAN IT ANYMORE.

MY MOM HAS TO DO IT.

I HATE MY HERNIA THAT STICKS OUT SO BIG.

IT'S JUST UGLY AND GROSS.

[ Voice breaking ] I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON

THAT DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.

I WAS NEVER THAT PERSON, AND NOW I'VE BECOME THAT PERSON.

**

[ Normal voice ] AS A SMALL CHILD, I WAS NORMAL,

AND I LOOKED LIKE

EVERY OTHER KID IN THE CLASSROOM.

ON THE OUTSIDE I WAS NORMAL,

BUT INSIDE I FELT UNWANTED.

I AM THE OLDEST CHILD OUT OF ME AND MY BROTHER,

AND WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,

I JUST FELT LIKE

MY PARENTS LIKED HIM BETTER THAN THEY LIKED ME.

HE WAS ALWAYS SMARTER THAN ME

AND NEVER GOT IN TROUBLE LIKE I DID.

I NEVER DID ANYTHING GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DAD.

I NEVER DID.

MY DAD'S REALLY CRITICAL OF EVERYTHING.

Kurt: I WAS PROBABLY THE STRICT ONE WITH KIRSTEN,

AND I DON'T KNOW THAT WE REALLY HAVE

A REALLY GOOD RELATIONSHIP,

BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS VOICED MY OPINION,

AND THAT KIND OF DOESN'T SET WELL WITH HER.

Kirsten: NOTHING I COULD DO WAS EVER RIGHT.

NOTHING WAS EVER GOOD ENOUGH.

AND HOW I DEALT WITH THAT REJECTION WAS,

I WOULD GO TO FOOD, BECAUSE IT MADE ME FEEL BETTER.

Cris: KIRSTEN WAS AROUND 14 YEARS OLD

WHEN SHE STARTED TO PUT ON MORE WEIGHT THAN SHE SHOULD,

AND, UM, DOING THINGS SHE SHOULDN'T.

Kirsten: AS MUCH AS I FOUND COMFORT IN FOOD,

IT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING OF MY ADDICTIONS.

I WAS DOING DRUGS AND SMOKING A LOT OF POT,

A LOT OF ACID, METH HERE AND THERE,

BUT I STILL DIDN'T SLOW DOWN MY EATING.

WHEN I WAS 15 IS WHEN I STARTED

TO REALLY PUT ON THE WEIGHT, I GUESS.

EVERYBODY ELSE WAS LIKE 120 POUNDS, AND I WAS LIKE 170.

AND MY FATHER DIDN'T HESITATE

TO POINT OUT THAT I GAINING SO MUCH WEIGHT,

WHICH MADE ME FEEL EVEN MORE REJECTED,

AND I'D RUN TO DRUGS AND FOOD,

AND MY FAMILY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.

Cris: ONCE WE REALIZED SHE WASN'T GONNA FINISH HIGH SCHOOL,

AND SHE WAS 17,

SHE WAS PRETTY MUCH WAS GOING OUT ON HER OWN.

SHE JUST HAD LEFT US.

Kirsten: I FELT LIKE MY FAMILY DIDN'T WANT ME AROUND ANYMORE,

BUT WHEN I LEFT, THINGS GOT WORSE.

RIGHT BEFORE I TURNED 18, I WAS GANG-RAPED AT A PARTY.

WE WERE DRINKING,

AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER USED COCAINE.

I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER A LOT,

BUT MULTIPLE GUYS TOOK TURNS.

AND AFTER THAT'S WHEN I STARTED NOT CARING ABOUT A LOT OF STUFF,

AND I KEPT EATING,

AND MAYBE I ATE BECAUSE I WAS HOPING

TO JUST KEEP PEOPLE AWAY FROM ME.

I DON'T KNOW.

I GOT DEEPER INTO DRUGS, AS WELL,

AND I STARTED LIVING WITH DRUG DEALERS,

TRADING MY BODY FOR WHATEVER I COULD GET.

AND THAT'S HOW I GOT PREGNANT THE FIRST TIME.

AND I NEVER KNEW WHO LEXIE'S FATHER WAS.

I WAS JUST DEPRESSED, SO I JUST ATE,

AND IN MY EARLY 20s,

I STARTED PUTTING ON A LOT OF WEIGHT.

I WAS OVER 300 POUNDS.

IT FELT LIKE I COULDN'T ESCAPE MY LIFE.

AND I GOT PREGNANT AGAIN, AND I HAD MY SON, NEIKO.

EVERYTHING WAS REALLY OUT OF CONTROL FOR ME,

AND I COULDN'T GIVE MY KIDS

WHAT I KNEW THAT THEY DESERVED AND NEEDED,

SO I LET MY MOM AND DAD TAKE THEM,

BECAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM ANYMORE.

AND MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN RAISING THEM

FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.

Neiko: GROWING UP, I DIDN'T REALLY GET TO SEE MY MOM THAT MUCH,

BECAUSE SHE WAS DOING, LIKE, DRUGS AND STUFF,

AND SHE DIDN'T WANT ME TO BE AROUND THAT.

SHE KNEW IT'D BE PROBABLY BEST FOR ME AND NEIKO

TO STAY HERE WITH OUR GRANDPARENTS.

Kirsten: I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO

AND I WAS RUNNING AROUND,

AND I WAS STILL EATING A TON AND DOING DRUGS,

AND MY WEIGHT WAS OUT OF CONTROL.

WHEN I WAS IN MY 30s, I WAS OVER 500 POUNDS,

AND THEN THE PERSON I WAS LIVING WITH

THAT WAS GIVING ME ALL MY DRUGS GOT ARRESTED,

AND SUDDENLY, I HAD TO GET CLEAN

AND FIND SOMEWHERE TO LIVE,

SO MY PARENTS TOOK ME IN BECAUSE I HAD NOWHERE TO GO,

AND I COULD NOT TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH MY PARENTS FOR EIGHT MONTHS NOW,

WITH MY DAUGHTER AND HER BOYFRIEND,

AND ME AND MY 14-YEAR-OLD SON HAVE TO SHARE A BEDROOM.

THE WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN HERE, I'VE BEEN COMPLETELY CLEAN.

BUT FOOD IS SOMETHING I CAN'T ESCAPE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WEIGH.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M SO BIG,

I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ANYMORE.

MOM, CAN I GET SOME BREAKFAST?

Cris: OKAY.

MY FAMILY DOES EVERYTHING FOR ME IN EVERYDAY LIFE --

EVERYTHING.

MY MOM GETS MY FOOD READY,

SHE WASHES MY CLOTHES,

AND AT TIMES, SHE HAS TO HELP ME WIPE MY BUTT.

I'M AN INVALID.

THANK YOU.

NEED ANYTHING, JUST HOLLER.

OKAY.

Cris: I'VE BEEN TRYING TO LIMIT WHAT SHE GETS,

BUT SHE WANTS TO EAT EVERY HOUR,

AND I THINK SOMETIMES

SHE EATS SO MUCH IT MAKES HER KIND OF SICK.

Kirsten: I FEEL LIKE I'M EATING ALL THE TIME.

I'M EATING WHEN I'M HAPPY, I'M EATING WHEN I'M SAD,

I'M EATING WHEN I'M UPSET, I'M EATING WHEN I'M BORED.

I THINK THAT FOOD IS FILLING A VOID --

LIKE, THAT'S THE ONLY THING I HAVE LEFT, I FEEL LIKE.

MY FRIENDS ARE GONE, THE DRUGS ARE GONE.

ALL I HAVE IS THIS FOOD LEFT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM WITHOUT IT.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

[ GRUNTS ]

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

Cris: KIRSTEN CAN'T HARDLY GET AROUND,

BUT SHE CAN CERTAINLY MAKE IT INTO THE KITCHEN

TO GET INTO FOOD AT TIMES.

Kirsten: I FEEL LIKE I HAD TO DO SNEAKY EATING,

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT,

AND I KNOW I'M GETTING FATTER AND FATTER FROM IT.

[ Voice breaking ] BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

[ SNIFFLES ]

Neiko: I'VE CAUGHT MY MOM SNEAKING FOOD,

BUT SHE SAID IT WAS HER CHEAT DAY,

BUT IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY DAY IS HER CHEAT DAY.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

SOMETIMES MY MOM WANTS ME TO BRING EXTRA FOOD

INTO THE ROOM WITHOUT MY GRANDMA KNOWING.

AND I USUALLY TELL HER NO, AND THEN SHE TRIES TO BRIBE ME,

OR SHE'LL GET MAD.

Kirsten: [ Normal voice ] I HATE THE FACT THAT ME AND MY SON SHARE A ROOM,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I LOVE IT,

BECAUSE I'VE MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH OF HIS GROWING UP STUFF.

[ LAUGHS ]

THAT LOOKS GROSS. YEAH.

Neiko: I CAN'T TALK TO MY MOM

ABOUT HER FOOD AND HER EATING PORTIONS,

OR SHE'LL GET REALLY, REALLY OFFENDED.

YOU WANT SOME?

SO I JUST GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS

SO WE DON'T FIGHT,

BECAUSE WE HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER.

YEAH.

AND PUT THIS IN THE GARBAGE AND THROW THIS IN THE SINK.

SHE'S BASICALLY JUST BED-BOUND.

EVERY DAY, SHE'S DOING LESS AND LESS.

AND I'M WORRIED THAT ONE DAY, SHE'S GONNA STOP GETTING UP...

AND THEN JUST DIE.

**

THERE'S A GARAGE SALE I WANT TO CHECK OUT.

YOU WANT TO GO? YEAH.

NEIKO?

WHAT?

BRING ME MY CANE.

Kirsten: I HARDLY GET OUT OF THE HOUSE,

BECAUSE IT JUST HURTS TO MOVE.

OKAY.

BUT SOMETIMES I GET STIR-CRAZY,

SO I PUSH MYSELF AND TRY TO GET OUT.

I HAVE NOT BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE

SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS MONTH.

WALKING OUT TO THE CAR SHOULD BE, LIKE, TWO SECONDS,

BUT IT TAKES ME, LIKE, 10 MINUTES.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

Kirsten: [ GRUNTING ]

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT. WE'LL GET YOU.

[ Crying ] I CAN'T DO IT! OKAY, OKAY.

DO YOU NEED IT BACK FURTHER?

JUST SHUT THE DOOR.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

READY? [ CRIES ]

OH. I KNOW I CAN'T FIT.

OKAY, PUT YOUR LEG -- CAN YOU MOVE OVER JUST --

I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO IT.

YOU WANT ME TO TRY IT AGAIN? I CAN'T, HONEY.

I CAN'T DO IT. JUST, I CAN'T.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

[ GRUNTING, CRYING ]

I JUST WANT TO GO BACK INSIDE.

[ CRIES ]

Cris: IF KIRSTEN DOESN'T TAKE SOME DRAMATIC STEPS

TO CHANGE HER EATING,

SHE'S GONNA LOSE HER MOBILITY AND BE BED-BOUND.

CAN YOU MAKE IT?

Kirsten: THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO BIG THAT I COULDN'T FIT IN A CAR.

Cris: IF I CAN'T GET THAT DOOR SHUT,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

I'M GONNA REALLY HAVE A HARD TIME

TRYING TO GET HER OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

Kirsten: LOSING MY MOBILITY IS A DEATH SENTENCE...

[ Voice breaking ]...BECAUSE I KNOW IF I LOSE MY MOBILITY,

I'M NOT GETTING BACK OUT OF THIS BED.

I'LL DIE IN THIS BED.

[ Normal voice ] BUT I CAN'T STOP EATING.

AND, NO MATTER HOW BAD IT GETS,

I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY THING I LOOK FORWARD TO

IS MY NEXT MEAL.

Lexie: MOM, PIZZA'S HERE.

FOOD IS WORSE THAN DRUGS TO ME RIGHT NOW.

I HAD MORE CONTROL OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS OF MY DRUG USE

THAN I DO OVER MY FOOD ADDICTION.

I'M AT THE POINT

THAT I'M NOT ABLE TO FUNCTION BARELY AT ALL ANYMORE.

MOM, CAN YOU GET MINE FOR ME?

Lexie: MY MOM'S WEIGHT IS OUT OF CONTROL,

AND IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SEE

THAT SHE CAN'T WALK AND DO THINGS ON HER OWN

LIKE A NORMAL PERSON SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO.

DO YOU WANT SOME POP? YES, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

Kirsten: FOOD IS SO IMPORTANT,

I'M JUST HAPPY EATING WHATEVER'S IN FRONT OF ME.

IT MIGHT NOT EVEN TASTE THAT GOOD,

BUT I'M JUST HAPPY THAT I'M EATING IT.

I KNOW BETTER, BUT I STILL KEEP DOING IT.

THANK YOU. YEP.

MY EATING IS VERY OUT OF CONTROL.

IT'S NOT JUST KEEPING ME ALIVE LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO.

IT'S, LIKE, BUILDING A COFFIN FOR ME

AT THE SAME TIME.

IT'S KILLING ME A SLOW, DRAWN-OUT, HORRIBLE DEATH.

[ Crying ] A LOT OF TIMES, I GO TO BED,

AND I'M LIKE, "GOD, JUST LET ME NOT WAKE UP IN THE MORNING."

IT'S JUST SO MUCH EASIER.

I WON'T BE A BURDEN ON MY FAMILY.

[ Voice breaking ] I MISSED OUT ON A LOT WITH MY DAUGHTER

THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK.

[ Normal voice ] I FIGURE THAT

MY MOM WILL BURY ME BEFORE SHE DIES.

[ Voice breaking ] IF I DON'T CHANGE, I'M GONNA BE DEAD,

AND I WANT TO GROW OLD TO BE A GRANDMA.

I WANT TO BE A BETTER GRANDMA THAN I WAS A MOM.

AND IF I KEEP GETTING BIGGER,

THEN I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO HAVE THAT CHANCE.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

**

YOU GUYS ARE GONNA CARRY ALL THIS STUFF OUT HERE,

DON'T FORGET MY LITTLE BAG.

**

Kirsten: TODAY WE'RE PACKING UP

AND LEAVING FOR OUR DRIVE TO TEXAS

SO I CAN MEET THE DOCTOR

AND SEE IF HE'LL TAKE ME ON AS A PATIENT.

MY PARENTS ARE DOING ALL THE PACKING FOR THE TRIP.

WHERE DO YOU WANT YOUR COOLER?

YOU WANT IT IN THE VERY BACK?

WILL IT FIT IN THE VERY BACK?

I WISH I COULD HELP MORE.

I WISH THAT IT WASN'T SO STRESSFUL ON MY MOM AND DAD.

EVERYBODY IS BEING INCONVENIENCED AND BURDENED,

BUT IF I DON'T GO, I'M MORE OF A BURDEN

BECAUSE THEN THEY HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

IS THAT EVERYTHING?

SHE'S STILL GOT THAT BIG BASKET IN THERE.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

Kurt: I AM DOING THIS

SO THAT MY DAUGHTER CAN HAVE A NORMAL LIFE,

LIVING ON HER OWN

AND TAKING CARE OF HERSELF AND HER SON.

Kirsten: THIS IS JUST FOR ONE APPOINTMENT.

WE'RE DRIVING 2,500 MILES.

I'M SO NERVOUS, BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO DO IT.

AFTER NOT BEING ABLE TO FIT IN MY MOM'S CAR,

WE BORROWED A MINIVAN FOR THE DRIVE TO HOUSTON.

I'M SCARED I WON'T EVEN FIT IN IT.

Kirsten: NEIKO, I NEED YOU TO PUT THIS FORWARD.

GET OUT AND PUT IT FORWARD.

[ SCOFFS ]

NO. IT'S ON THE SIDE, PEOPLE.

IT'S ON THE SIDE, NEIKO.

OW! PART OF THE DOOR JUST, LIKE, STABBED ME!

Kirsten: I'M GOING TO HOUSTON

BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF EVERY SIMPLE THING

THAT SHOULD BE SO SIMPLE TO DO

IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT.

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

JUST SHUT THE DOOR.

THANK GOD I FIT.

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG JOURNEY,

BUT MY MOM, MY DAD, AND NEIKO ARE COMING WITH ME TO HELP.

MY DAD'S DRIVING HIS TRUCK

BECAUSE THERE'S A NOT A LOT OF ROOM IN THE MINIVAN

WITH ME IN THE BACK.

Cris: I WAS SURPRISED THAT KIRSTEN

WAS WILLING TO TAKE THIS ROAD TRIP

TO MEET THE DOCTOR.

IT'S GONNA BE FIVE DAYS,

AND THAT IS A LONG TIME IN THE CAR.

IT SHOWS ME THAT

SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT HER WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

Kirsten: I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MUCH OF THE WORLD.

I'VE WASTED SO MUCH OF MY LIFE,

AND I'M HOPING AND PRAYING I CAN CHANGE THAT.

**

I'VE NEVER BEEN ON THE ROAD THIS LONG.

IT'S REALLY TOUGH.

THE HARDEST PART IS HAVING TO STOP AND GET OUT

EVERY TIME I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.

OH, DAMN IT.

[ Crying] WHY DID YOU PARK SO FAR?

IT'S STRAIGHT UP THAT WAY. JUST TAKE AND GO RIGHT --

I CAN'T EVEN STEP ON THE CURB.

OH, GIVE ME YOUR HAND. COME ON.

COME ON. LIFT.

DAMN IT ALL.

GIVE ME YOUR GLASSES.

NO. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

Kirsten: THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.

THE BATHROOM IS SO FAR AWAY.

JUST GET ME MY WALKER. I CAN'T MAKE IT THAT FAR.

GET HER THE WALKER. HURRY UP.

Kurt: WE JUST LEFT THE BATHROOM. WHY DIDN'T SHE GO THERE?

Kirsten: I CAN'T EVEN JUST RUN TO THE BATHROOM

LIKE ANYBODY ELSE WOULD.

I HAD TO SIT THERE AND STOP AND WAIT.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

I'M EMBARRASSED TO GO OUT.

IT'S HARD TO GET IN AND OUT OF THE VAN.

[ GRUNTING ]

GET ME --

MOM, HELP!

Cris: OKAY. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED HELP.

[ Crying ] HELP ME, MOM.

OKAY, NOW.

Cris: ARE YOU GOOD?

I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS.

Kurt: WHEN KIRSTEN GETS AGGRAVATED, YOU CAN'T REALLY TALK TO HER.

SHE SNAPS, STARTS SCREAMING,

AND GETS VERY MAD AT EVERYBODY AND ANYTHING AROUND HER.

JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!

WHATEVER.

LET ME GET OUT MYSELF.

Kurt: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME.

THEY JUST DON'T CARE.

MY BODY HURTS SO BAD, I JUST NEED TO LAY DOWN.

[ BED SPRINGS CREAK ]

[ Crying ] WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

Cris: JUST GET IN THE BED.

AND WHAT IF IT BREAKS?

WE ALREADY HEARD THE CRACK,

SO IF IT'S BROKEN, IT'S BROKEN.

[ CRYING ]

MOMMY, CAN YOU JUST LIFT MY LEG UP

SO I DON'T HAVE TO BOUNCE ON IT TOO MUCH?

YOU WANT ME TO GRAB THE OTHER ONE, TOO?

[ Crying ] YES. YES.

OKAY. RELAX.

[ GRUNTING ]

EVEN THOUGH THIS IS

ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS I'VE EVER DONE,

I CAN'T QUIT AT IT.

PUT THEM ON THE BED.

NOW IT'S, LIKE, MY TIME TO FIGHT FOR MYSELF,

OR I'M GONNA BE DEAD.

**

EACH DAY GETS HARDER AND HARDER TO BE IN THIS CAR.

I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN, AND EVERYONE'S UPSET,

AND THIS STRESS JUST MAKES ME WANT TO CONSTANTLY EAT.

MOM, CAN WE STOP AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT?

OKAY.

I'VE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD,

BUT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE A SLIP UP.

CAN I GET THE, UM, NUMBER 21, THE SANDWICH ONLY?

WOMAN: Okay.

THANK YOU. MM-HMM.

Kirsten: I QUIT DRUGS AND I QUIT SMOKING

AND I QUIT DRINKING.

WHY CAN'T I QUIT EATING EVERYTHING?

**

THIS IS THE END OF THE TRIP.

WE'RE HERE IN HOUSTON.

I KNEW THIS WOULD BE HARD,

BUT IT'S BEEN SO MUCH TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT.

I FEEL LIKE THIS MAYBE IS LIKE A FRESH START.

I JUST FEEL LIKE THIS IS MY CHANCE

TO NOT BE SUCH A LOSER ANYMORE,

LIKE MAYBE I WON'T BE SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT.

WHOO. AHH.

HOPEFULLY, THE DOCTOR, WHEN I SEE HIM TOMORROW,

WILL TELL ME THAT HE CAN HELP ME.

IF HE TURNS ME AWAY,

THEN I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY MORE FIGHT LEFT IN ME --

LIKE...

I'M JUST TIRED.

**

TODAY I'M HEADED TO SEE A DOCTOR

THAT MAY BE ABLE TO HELP ME GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

WHAT IF HE TELLS ME THAT HE CAN'T HELP ME?

Cris: IT'S JUST A CHANCE WE HAVE TO TAKE.

THAT'S WHY WE MADE THIS TRIP --

TO FIND OUT. I KNOW.

I AM WORRIED THAT THIS WHOLE TRIP

COULD BE FOR NOTHING,

THAT WE SEE THE DOCTOR

AND HE TELLS US THAT HE CAN'T HELP KIRSTEN,

AND THAT SCARES ME.

WHEN WE SEE THE DOCTOR,

IF HE PUTS YOU ON A STRICT DIET,

ARE YOU GONNA BE HAPPY

WITH THAT BEING YOUR LAST PIECE OF PIZZA?

I SAID I'M NERVOUS.

Kirsten: IT'S SCARY.

MY LIFE IS RIDING ON THIS APPOINTMENT.

ARE YOU READY? YEAH.

IF I DON'T GET DR. NOW TO SAY THAT HE CAN HELP ME,

THEN I'M PROBABLY GONNA END UP DEAD IN A FEW YEARS.

I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT IF I GET TO LIVE OR DIE.

**

Woman: KIRSTEN PEREZ?

Kirsten: I'VE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE

FEELING LIKE I'M WORTHLESS AND BEYOND HELP.

HELLO. HELLO.

AND THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT THINKS,

"WHY SHOULD THIS BE ANY DIFFERENT?"

AND I'M WONDERING IF I'M SETTING MYSELF UP

FOR DISAPPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW.

[ SIGHS ]

AND HOW I CAN LET MYSELF GET LIKE THIS?

WELL, YOU'RE HERE NOW,

SO HOPEFULLY,

THE DOCTOR'S GONNA BE ABLE TO HELP YOU, SO...

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT ROOM.

[ CRIES ]

HOPEFULLY HE'LL TELL YOU, "LET'S GO"

AND WE'LL GET THIS TAKEN CARE OF.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ] HELLO.

HELLO. HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

-FINE. -WE'RE GOOD.

I'M DR. NOWZARADAN.

SO, WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM?

WASHINGTON.

OKAY. A LONG WAY FROM HERE, HUH?

VERY LONG WAY.

SO, YOU'RE 612 POUNDS.

WHAT'S THE HEAVIEST YOU HAVE BEEN?

THIS IS THE HEAVIEST.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS CONTRIBUTING TO THAT?

UM, I HAVE DEPRESSION,

AND I WANT TO EAT ALL THE TIME.

OKAY.

HOW IS YOUR LEVEL OF ACTIVITY?

I CAN WALK,

BUT SOME DAYS,

I'M HAVING WORSE DAYS BREATHING THAN OTHER DAYS,

BUT I CAN USUALLY MAKE IT OUT TO THE CAR AND BACK.

OKAY.

Nowzaradan: KIRSTEN'S LACK OF STAMINA

IS EVIDENCE THAT HER BODY IS IN VERY BAD SHAPE.

IF SHE DOESN'T LOSE WEIGHT,

I DON'T THINK SHE'S GONNA LAST TOO LONG.

SHE'S AT THE POINT THAT HER BODY'S READY TO GIVE UP.

BECAUSE IF YOU GET PNEUMONIA OR YOU GET A COLD,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA PULL THROUGH THAT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SCARED OF THE MOST.

WELL, IF YOU'RE SCARED ENOUGH,

THEN YOU MAKE A DECISION, MAKE THE CHANGES,

OKAY? MM-HMM.

SO, EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW

IS GONNA BE IN YOUR COURT, OKAY?

YEAH. I KNOW.

I KNOW I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

I WANT TO CHANGE.

SO, WHAT'S KEEPING YOU FROM MAKING THE CHANGE?

UM, I FEEL LIKE THAT'S ALL I HAVE LEFT.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY KILLING YOURSELF WITH THE FOOD.

OKAY?

IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA BE EASY TO DO,

BUT YOU HAVE TO RECOGNIZE YOUR PROBLEM,

AND THEN YOU NEED TO CORRECT IT, OKAY?

YOU HAVE A HERNIA?

I HAVE A HERNIA.

I HAVE ONE HERE,

AND THEN THERE'S ONE DOWN HERE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE.

THAT'S GONNA BE A BAD SITUATION.

THAT NEEDS TO BE CORRECTED,

BUT THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE

UNLESS YOU LOSE SOME WEIGHT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU NEED TO DEMONSTRATE

THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO MAKE THE CHANGES,

AND YOU NEED TO INCREASE YOUR ACTIVITY.

WE'RE GONNA PUT YOU ON A 1,200-CALORIE-A-DAY DIET --

ABSOLUTELY NO CARBS AND NO SUGAR.

THE PRIORITY IS TO GET YOU HEALTHY ENOUGH

TO REPAIR THE HERNIA

SO WE CAN FIX THE ABDOMINAL WALL

TO EVEN MAKE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY AN OPTION FOR YOU.

OKAY.

YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO LOSE AT LEAST 50 POUNDS

BEFORE NEXT MONTH. OKAY.

THEN I'LL BE ABLE TO DO SURGERY AND CORRECT THE HERNIA.

KIRSTEN IS A VERY POOR CANDIDATE

FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY AT THIS TIME.

MOST OF HER ABDOMINAL CONTENTS

ARE OUTSIDE OF HER ABDOMINAL WALL,

AND UNLESS WE PUT THE ABDOMINAL CONTENTS

BACK INSIDE OF THE ABDOMEN,

THERE IS NO WAY

WE CAN DO ANY KIND OF WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

IF YOU GET TO THE POINT

THAT YOU CONSIDER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

YOU NEED TO MOVE DOWN TO THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS.

[ LAUGHS ]

ALL RIGHT? YEP. THANK YOU.

OKAY. WE'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ] SO, NOW I'M EXCITED.

OKAY. BECAUSE NOW I KNOW THAT

IF I LOSE 50 POUNDS, THEN I'LL QUALIFY.

I MEAN, 50 POUNDS IS NOTHING.

IF IT WAS THAT EASY,

YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THE PREDICAMENT YOU'RE IN.

WELL, I KNOW,

BUT IF I REALLY PUT MY MIND TO IT,

I HAVE TO DO IT. I CAN'T BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

IT'S GONNA BE A CHALLENGE FOR KIRSTEN,

BUT I THINK SHE'S READY FOR THE CHANGE.

Kirsten: I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO DO IT,

NOT THAT I'M READY,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER OPTIONS LEFT.

Kurt: I BELIEVE WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS, YOU KNOW?

[ Voice breaking ] YOU GOT FIVE YEARS.

I HOPE KIRSTEN HAS WHAT IT TAKES,

SO I KNOW WHEN WE'RE GONE, SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.

Kirsten: THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.

THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE.

SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT.

**

WELL, ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THE SIX-DAY JOURNEY BACK?

I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT BACK.

Cris: HUH?

IT'S TOO HARD TO GO,

AND THEN HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.

MAYBE ME AND NEIKO CAN JUST GET A PLACE,

AND THEN YOU COULD GO BACK HOME

AND THEN COME BACK DOWN WITH THE REST --

WITH OUR STUFF.

YOU THINK YOU CAN STAY ON YOUR OWN WITH NEIKO?

WELL, NEIKO WILL HAVE TO HELP ME.

THERE'S GONNA BE FOOD IN THE HOUSE

THAT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TOUCHING.

YOU CAN'T CONNIVE HIM INTO BRINGING IT TO YOU.

HE'S ALREADY BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD TO DO THAT.

I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE HARD, BUT WE COULD DO IT.

I'M SCARED THAT IF I GO BACK

THAT I'M NOT GONNA COME BACK AGAIN,

BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE TOO HARD ON ME.

Cris: WELL, I GUESS THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO THEN.

Kirsten: I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT MYSELF

TO KNOW I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FORCE MYSELF

TO MAKE THIS JOURNEY AGAIN.

I THINK THE ONLY WAY I CAN STAY FOCUSED ON LOSING WEIGHT

IS IF I STAY HERE IN HOUSTON.

**

TODAY WE'RE MOVING NEIKO AND ME IN TO A NEW APARTMENT.

THESE ARE PRETTY HEAVY.

THIS IS SCARY BUT EXCITING.

I'VE NEVER LIVED ANYWHERE BUT WASHINGTON.

BUT I'M SO THANKFUL

THAT MY FAMILY'S HELPING ME TO DO THIS

SO I HAVE THIS CHANCE.

PUT IT THIS WAY.

I'M TOO HEAVY FOR A NORMAL BED,

SO MY DAD'S BUILDING ONE OUT OF CINDER BLOCKS FOR ME.

I HAVE A BED, BUT NOBODY ELSE DOES.

WE WON'T HAVE ANY FURNITURE

UNTIL THEY COME BACK FROM WASHINGTON.

MY MOM HAS TO GO BACK HOME TO GET THE REST OF OUR STUFF.

SO IT WILL JUST BE ME AND NEIKO FOR A WHILE,

BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY I COULD TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ON MY OWN.

I FEEL BAD BECAUSE

THEY HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK HOME ON HOLD.

BUT THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.

Kurt: IT IS GONNA BE ROUGH TO SAY GOODBYE TO BOTH OF THEM.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY,

BUT, HEY, IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S GOT TO BE DONE.

OKAY. WE'RE TAKING OFF. WE ARE TAKING OFF.

SEE YOU IN 10 DAYS.

TAKE CARE. LOVE YOU AND SEE YOU...

OKAY. LOVE YOU.

IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS. HOPEFULLY, 10 DAYS.

SEE YOU LATER. LATER. BYE.

ADIOS. BYE.

Kirsten: NOW THAT THEY'RE LEAVING, THIS ALL SEEMS A LOT SCARIER.

I HATE THIS BED.

BUT AT LEAST I KNOW I HAVE NEIKO TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW

UNTIL MY MOM GETS BACK.

IT'S BEEN A WEEK

SINCE MY MOM AND DAD LEFT ME WITH NEIKO.

HONESTLY, I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED

IN HOW LITTLE HELP HE'S BEEN TO ME.

I TRY NOT TO ASK HIM TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME,

BECAUSE NEIKO'S EXTREMELY RUDE TO ME NOW.

GOTTEN THE POINT WHERE I CAN BARELY EVEN

STAND TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM ANYMORE.

Neiko: I'M MAD AT MY MOM FOR BRINGING ME DOWN HERE.

I DON'T FEEL RESPONSIBLE.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HELP HER LOSE WEIGHT DOWN HERE.

I THINK THAT SHE SHOULD'VE DONE THIS A LONG TIME AGO.

IT'S BECOME TOO MUCH FOR ME,

BECAUSE, LIKE, I WASN'T ABLE TO EAT FOOD IN FRONT OF HER

THAT I LIKE EATING.

YO, G.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE SUCH AN [BLEEP]

[ LAUGHS ]

IT'S NOT FUNNY, NEIKO.

Kirsten: I'M REALLY TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY,

BUT NEIKO JUST EATS WHATEVER HE WANTS,

AND HE DOES IT IN FRONT OF ME,

SO IT'S HARD TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF FOOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVE TO BUY STUFF LIKE THAT

AND EAT IT IN FRONT OF ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. IT'S RUDE.

Neiko: SOMETIMES I EAT WHATEVER I WANT IN FRONT OF MY MOM,

BUT SHE WATCHES THOSE FOOD SHOWS ALL DAY STILL, SO...

[ SNIFFS ]

...I'M NOT GONNA FEEL BAD FOR HER.

[ SIGHS ]

I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON ONE OF THEM.

YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE FUNNY AT ALL, NEIKO.

YOU GET TRIGGERED ABOUT IT,

AND THAT'S WHAT'S FUNNY.

THE ONLY TIME THAT MY MOM MAKES ME LAUGH

IS WHEN I AM ANNOYING TO HER, I GUESS,

AND IT MAKES HER MAD.

JUST GET OUT OF MY ROOM.

I CAN'T EVEN STAND LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. [ LAUGHS ]

OKAY.

I CAN'T EVEN STAND TO BE AROUND YOU ANYMORE.

[ BLOWS RASPBERRY ]

Kirsten: STRESSING OUT ABOUT THE WAY NEIKO ACTS

MAKES ME WANT TO EAT STUFF THAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO.

I'M JUST REALLY DISAPPOINTED RIGHT NOW.

IT'S HARD ENOUGH TO HAVE TO DO THIS,

BUT HAVING NEIKO SABOTAGE ME IS MAKING THIS IMPOSSIBLE.

**

TODAY I'M HEADED TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE.

MY MOM MADE IT BACK DOWN TO HOUSTON

AND HAS BEEN HELPING ME FOR THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS.

NEIKO WAS MAKING IT SO HARD.

IF I HAD TO DO THE WHOLE MONTH WITH ONLY HIM,

I THINK I WOULD'VE GIVEN UP BY NOW.

YOU WILL BE FINE. YOU'LL BE JUST FINE.

BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING,

AND I REALLY HOPE I'VE DONE ENOUGH.

THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I HAD TO LOSE 50 POUNDS IN ONE MONTH.

I'VE NEVER LOST 50 POUNDS AT ANY POINT IN MY LIFE.

OKAY.

Kirsten: SO, IF I'VE DONE IT, THIS'LL BE A MIRACLE.

THAT'S GOOD.

YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]

I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

I WAS ONE POUND AWAY

FROM HITTING THE 50-POUND GOAL THE DOCTOR WANTED ME TO,

SO I REALLY HOPE I'M CLOSE ENOUGH

TO SHOW HIM I CAN DO THIS.

BUT I'M WORRIED THAT DR. NOW WILL TELL ME

THAT I'M STILL NOT A CANDIDATE BECAUSE OF MY HERNIA.

I KNEW THAT I'D STICK TO

WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EATING,

AND I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO,

AND I GUESS IT SHOWED IT.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING? GOOD.

SO, THIS IS ONE MONTH.

WE ASKED YOU TO LOSE 50 POUNDS, AND YOU LOST 49.

YEAH. THAT'S VERY GOOD.

YOU ABLE TO DO MORE ACTIVITY?

I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT HAVING TO SIT DOWN AS MUCH,

I'M ABLE TO GO A LOT FURTHER,

I'M ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF BETTER THAN I WAS BEFORE.

HOW ARE WE DOING WITH YOUR EATING HABITS?

I HAVE BEEN STICKING TO THE DIET YOU TOLD ME TO.

OKAY.

Nowzaradan: I'M PROUD OF KIRSTEN.

SHE HAS A REALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL DYNAMIC AT HOME,

SO I KNOW THIS WAS VERY HARD FOR HER.

LET ME SEE HOW YOUR HERNIA'S COMING ALONG.

NOW THAT YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT THERE,

DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE HERNIA IS GETTING SMALLER?

YEAH. I FELT LIKE IT WAS UP HIGHER, LIKE THIS,

LIKE IT WAS A LOT BIGGER AROUND.

OKAY.

BEFORE WE DO WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

WE NEED TO FIX THOSE HERNIAS. OKAY?

OKAY. GOOD. [ LAUGHS ] OKAY.

Nowzaradan: MOST OF KIRSTEN'S ORGANS

ARE COMING THROUGH HER ABDOMINAL WALL,

WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE TO GET THE SPACE NEEDED

TO DO ANY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

SO WE NEED TO REPAIR THIS,

AND ONCE SHE HEALS,

WE CAN CONSIDER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

NOW, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT YOU KEEP MAKING GOOD PROGRESS.

THE WEIGHT YOU LOST

IS GOING TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR HERNIA SURGERY.

AND THE MORE YOU CAN LOSE, THE BETTER WE CAN REPAIR IT.

SO, KEEP ON TRACK AND DON'T SLOW DOWN, OKAY?

OKAY. IF YOU DO,

IT COULD PREVENT ME FROM FULLY REPAIRING YOUR HERNIA,

WHICH MEANS I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO

ANY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ON YOU.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER.

-THANK YOU. -ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

THAT MAKES ME MORE HAPPY THAN ANYTHING.

I'M SO TIRED OF LOOKING AT IT.

[ LAUGHS ] I'M SO TIRED OF LOOKING LIKE

I'M HAVING A LOP-SIDED BABY IN ME.

Kirsten: WHEN DR. NOW TOLD ME

THAT MY HERNIA WAS GONNA GET FIXED FIRST,

IT WAS KIND OF, LIKE, A SHOCK,

BECAUSE THE LAST DOCTOR I SAW ABOUT IT

TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS NO POINT IN DOING SURGERY ON IT.

I FEEL ALMOST LIKE MAYBE IT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

SO, I'M GONNA WORK AS HARD AS I CAN TO NOT MESS THIS UP,

BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D EVEN GET THIS CHANCE.

AND I'M NOT GONNA LOSE IT.

**

THIS PAST WEEK,

IT'S BEEN HARD TO FOCUS ON DOING MY EXERCISES

AND STAYING ON TRACK WITH EVERYTHING.

NEIKO WAS JUST STARTING TO GET OUT OF CONTROL.

HE'S ACTING UP CONSTANTLY

AND SAYING HORRIBLE THINGS TO ME AND MY MOM.

NEIKO, PUT A LINER IN THERE.

NO. WHY NOT?

IT'S JUST SO INFURIATING.

AND ANY TIME I SEE HIM,

I JUST WANT TO SHUT DOWN COMPLETELY,

AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM.

AND THAT STRESS MAKES IT SO MUCH HARDER

TO FOCUS ON GETTING MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK.

I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE THIS MUCH MORE,

SO I TOLD MY MOM I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS TIME

FOR NEIKO TO GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.

WHY WERE YOU GUYS HARASSING ME THIS MORNING?

UM, WAKING YOU UP

IS NOT HARASSING YOU. YES, IT WAS.

I TOLD YOU GUYS TO LEAVE ME ALONE LIKE EIGHT TIMES.

Kirsten: NO, YOU DIDN'T. YES, I DID.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN ANSWER ME.

YOU SURE DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS NO PROBLEM

WHEN YOU WERE KEEPING US AWAKE ALL NIGHT

MAKING YOUR STUPID NOISES.

[ BELCHES ] EXCUSE YOU.

NO.

NOW, GIVE ME MY PHONE. YOU'RE NOT PLAYING ON IT.

GIL SENT YOU ANOTHER [BLEEP] REQUEST.

WOULD YOU STOP? [ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S NOT FUNNY. [ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE FUNNY.

Cris: NEIKO'S BEEN VERY HATEFUL TO KIRSTEN SINCE HE'S BEEN HERE.

I KNOW THAT HE'S BLAMING HER FOR HIM BEING HERE.

HE'S NOT WANTING TO COOPERATE,

HE'S JUST GENERALLY VERY ANNOYING.

IT'S LIKE HE WANTS TO SABOTAGE KIRSTEN,

AND I'M SCARED SHE'S GONNA DIE SOON

IF SHE DOESN'T SUCCEED AT THIS.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO WITH HIM.

HE'S NOT HAPPY HERE.

I'M JUST TIRED OF HIM

MAKING EVERYBODY'S LIFE MISERABLE.

Neiko: I DIDN'T WANT TO BE DOWN HERE,

SO I'VE BEEN ACTING UP TO TRY TO GET BACK HOME.

THOUGHT YOU ALREADY DECIDED THAT YOU WERE SENDING HIM BACK.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM, EITHER.

I'M GOING TO HAVE SURGERY SOON,

AND I DON'T NEED TO DEAL WITH HIM

TAKING EVERYTHING OUT ON US BECAUSE HE'S UNHAPPY HERE.

I JUST THINK THAT IT'S BETTER

IF HE GOES BACK TO WASHINGTON.

YEAH, I THINK THAT MAYBE

GETTING HIM BACK IN FAMILIAR GROUNDS WILL HELP.

Cris: I FEEL FOR KIRSTEN'S PROGRESS

AND THE STRESS SHE'S BEEN UNDER

THAT IT'S BEST THAT NEIKO PROBABLY GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.

SO, I'M GOING TO PAY FOR HIM TO FLY HOME,

AND HIS GRANDFATHER CAN DEAL WITH HIM.

WE ALL WANT KIRSTEN TO GET BETTER,

BUT NEIKO IS RISKING ALL OF THIS,

AND IT SEEMS LIKE HE JUST DOESN'T CARE.

AND IT'S HEARTBREAKING.

Cris: NEIKO?

NEIKO, IT'S TIME TO GET UP.

COME ON, BUD.

I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE.

QUIT IGNORING ME.

GET OUT OF THE BED. COME ON.

Neiko: I WENT TO BED AT 5:00 A.M.

WELL, THAT'S NOT MY FAULT,

AND WE NEED TO PACK YOUR BAGS.

Kirsten: NEIKO'S LEAVING TODAY TO GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.

ALL RIGHT.

FOR EVERYBODY'S SANITY HERE, NOT JUST MINE,

IT'S TIME THAT NEIKO GOES BACK.

THIS IS [BLEEP] HOW I JUST PACKED ALL THIS STUFF.

**

Kirsten: I HOPE YOU KNOW GRANDPA KURT'S NOT GOING TO PUT UP

WITH YOUR ATTITUDE AND YOUR PROBLEMS AND --

WELL, NO [BLEEP]

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY NOW, NEIKO --

THE ONLY REASON I ACTED LIKE THAT

IS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE DOWN HERE.

NEIKO, YOU ACTED LIKE THIS WHEN WE WERE UP THERE, TOO!

NO, I DIDN'T. YES, YOU DID.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE MY MOM'S ABLE TO BE A MOM TO ME.

LIKE, IT'S MORE LIKE A SIBLING.

LIKE, WE JUST FIGHT BACK AND FORTH,

BACK AND FORTH ALL DAY.

WELL, HAVE FUN IN WASHINGTON.

I WILL.

Kirsten: MY PRIORITY IS GETTING HEALTHY AND LOSING THE WEIGHT,

AND IT'S REALLY HARD TO DO WHEN HE STRESSES ME OUT.

I HAVE ENOUGH STRESS AS IT IS.

**

Neiko: ARE YOU READY, GRANDMA?

Cris: YEP. IT'S TIME TO GO.

WILL YOU GRAB THE PINK, STRIPED BAG?

Neiko: I CAN'T TAKE ONE MORE SECOND.

I'VE BEEN READY TO MOVE OUT SINCE THE FIRST DAY WE GOT HERE.

BYE, FATTY TWO-SHOE.

Kirsten: PART OF ME IS SAD THAT HE'S LEAVING,

BUT IT'S PART OF ME IS RELIEVED THAT HE'S GOING

BECAUSE I CAN'T PUT UP WITH MUCH MORE OF HIM.

**

**

Cris: I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT KIRSTEN.

SHE WAS REALLY MOTIVATED UNTIL NEIKO WENT HOME,

BUT NOW SHE JUST SITS AROUND ALL DAY

AND REALLY DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HER MOVING MORE.

I GET FRUSTRATED WITH HER AT TIMES

BECAUSE I THINK SHE NEEDS TO PUSH HERSELF TO DO MORE.

HEY, KIRSTEN, YOU CAN'T STAY IN BED ALL THE TIME.

WE'RE GOING TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE,

SO GET YOUR SHOES ON.

Kirsten: I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING VERY WELL,

AND MY MOM'S NOT A HELP WHEN SHE HAS TO MAKE ME GO TO THE STORE

AND I DON'T WANT TO.

I TRY TO TELL HER WHY I DON'T WANT TO GO,

BUT SHE DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND, SO...

I KNOW THAT I SHOULD BE GETTING UP

AND DOING MORE PHYSICAL ACTIVITY,

BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET MYSELF TO DO IT.

ONCE I GO OUTSIDE, I'M NOT COMING BACK IN.

I THINK NEIKO GOING HOME WHEN SHE'S TRYING TO CHANGE

HAS HURT HER FEELINGS.

THE HERNIA SURGERY IS GOING TO BE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,

AND I DON'T WANT HER TO DO ANYTHING TO LOSE THAT.

I THINK I'LL THROW UP.

BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TO GO OUT PLACES.

I HAVE ANXIETY. I DON'T LIKE IT.

Cris: OKAY.

I'M GOING TO LET YOU OUT, AND THEN I'M GOING TO GO PARK.

Kirsten: SHOPPING WITH MY MOM IS NEVER A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE.

SHE MAKES FUN OF ME, AND I CAN'T HAVE WHAT I WANT.

I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE IN WASHINGTON WITH MY MOM

UNTIL SHE SAID STUFF ABOUT ME BEING TOO FAT FOR THE CART.

THE CART, LIKE, KEPT DYING,

[ Voice breaking ] SO SHE TOLD ME I WAS PROBABLY TOO FAT FOR IT.

LET'S GO.

SO, SHE'S REALLY NOT FUN TO BE AROUND.

I HATE THIS.

CAN'T HAVE FOOD, SO SHE BROUGHT ME TO THE CANDY AISLE.

OH. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.

THERE'S, LIKE, ALL THAT FOOD IN THERE THAT I CAN'T EAT!

WHAT'S THE POINT IN GOING IN THERE AND LOOKING AT IT?

IS THERE ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?

A NAP.

OKAY.

WE MIGHT FIND VEGETABLES DOWN HERE.

THEY'RE ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE

AT THE END OF THE OTHER AISLE.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, LET'S GO DOWN AND LOOK FOR MORE VEGETABLES.

WHOO-HOO.

I WANT TO GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

THERE ARE EXPENSIVE HERE.

[ GROANS ]

IT'S 80%, 90%, 93%.

WE'RE GONNA BE HERE FOREVER.

COULD WE GO NOW?

MY LEG'S GOING TO SLEEP.

OKAY.

THIS IS REALLY POINTLESS.

GET OUT OF HERE.

I GUESS I HAVE TO JUST SIGN IT?

Woman: SIGN IT DOWN HERE.

**

WE'LL UNLOAD, AND THEN I'LL DRIVE YOUR CART BACK IN.

GOOD, BECAUSE MY FREAKING LEG'S ASLEEP.

**

[ SIGHS ]

**

Cris: DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE?

Kirsten: NO.

**

ARE YOU READY TO GO?

I CAN GET THAT FOR YOU. IT'S HEAVY.

**

TODAY, I'M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL TO HAVE HERNIA SURGERY.

AND I'M MORE EXCITED TO GET THIS DONE

THAN GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY

BECAUSE I WAS TOLD BY SURGEONS BACK IN WASHINGTON

THAT THEY WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER FIXING IT.

BUT I'M REALLY ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW.

I KNOW I HAVEN'T STAYED COMPLETELY ON TRACK RECENTLY,

BUT I STILL THINK I'M MAKING GOOD PROGRESS.

I'M MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M SICK RIGHT NOW.

[ SNEEZES ]

[ SNIFFLES ]

THAT WAS LOVELY.

[ SNIFFLES ]

MY BIGGEST FEAR IS THAT WHEN I GET THERE,

THEY'RE GOING TO TELL ME THAT I HAVE TO POSTPONE IT

BECAUSE I'M SICK.

I WANT TO GO TO EAT PANCAKES.

I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING ANY TIME SOON.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THE SURGERY TODAY?

WELL, I'LL PROBABLY GET SCARED WHEN I GET THERE,

BUT I'M NOT REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

I JUST KNOW THAT THEY CUT SOME HOLES IN YOU,

THEY STICK SOME MESH IN THERE.

BUT, MY LUCK, I'M GOING TO GET THERE,

AND THEY'RE GOING TO TELL ME I'M SICK,

SO THEY CAN'T DO IT AND SEND ME HOME.

IF MY SURGERY GETS CANCELED, I'M GOING TO BE SO UPSET.

Dr. Nowzaradan: HI, KIRSTEN.

Kirsten: HELLO.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

FINE. ALL RIGHT.

AND YOU DIDN'T EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING SINCE LAST NIGHT, HUH?

NO. OKAY.

YOU READY FOR YOUR SURGERY TO GET RID OF THIS?

YES.

WHAT I'M GOING TO DO,

WE'RE GOING TO TAKE ALL THIS OUT AND PUT IT BACK INSIDE,

AND THEN CLOSE THE ABDOMINAL WALL

THAT YOU GOT A DEFECT IN IT.

YOU'VE GOT A BIG HOLE IN IT THAT BIG.

NOW THAT YOU'VE LOST SOME WEIGHT,

WE HAVE ROOM TO PUT IT BACK IN AND CLOSE THE BELLY, OKAY?

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL GET YOU STARTED SOON, OKAY?

OKAY.

**

Cris: YOU'RE GETTING NERVOUS NOW, AREN'T YOU?

NOW I AM.

NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA START BAWLING.

I GUESS I'M PROBABLY SCARED,

BUT IT'S TOO LATE TO BACK OUT NOW.

KIRSTEN SAYS SHE'S FEELING A LITTLE SICK,

AND SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT THAT PREVENTING HER FROM SURGERY.

BUT ALL HER TESTS STILL LOOK GOOD,

SO WE CAN MOVE AHEAD WITH HER OPERATION TODAY.

HER WEIGHT LOSS HAS SLOWED DOWN,

BUT SHE'S STILL MAKING PROGRESS AND HASN'T GAINED.

SO THERE SHOULD BE NO ISSUE PERFORMING HER SURGERY TODAY.

BYE, MOM. BYE.

I'LL SEE YOU AFTER SURGERY.

HANDS INSIDE THE RIDE.

Kirsten: IT'S HITTING ME NOW, AND I'M GETTING REALLY SCARED.

THEY COULD KNOCK ME OUT, AND I COULD STOP BREATHING

OR MY HEART COULD GIVE OUT.

I JUST HOPE THIS ISN'T THE LAST TIME I'M AWAKE

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO DIE ON THE OPERATING TABLE

IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG.

SHE PROBABLY HAS ONE OF THE WORST CASES OF HERNIA

I HAVE EVER SEEN.

**

Cris: OF COURSE I'M A LITTLE WORRIED FOR HER

BECAUSE SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN AND SHE WOULD DIE.

IT WOULD BREAK MY HEART IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO KIRSTEN.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

Man: 2.0 SILK.

2.0 SILK SUTURE.

**

OKAY. THINGS ARE LOOKING GOOD.

ROOM LIGHT ON.

**

LET'S CLOSE HER UP.

**

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, WE'VE FINISHED WITH KIRSTEN'S LONG SURGERY.

EVERYTHING WENT VERY WELL.

A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPLICATED

THAN WHAT WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE,

BUT IT WORKED OUT FOR THE BETTER

BECAUSE KIRSTEN'S HERNIA IS REPAIRED

AND I PERFORMED WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

SO, WE GET KIRSTEN TO RECOVERY AND LET HER REST.

**

Cris: HI, DR. NOW.

SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.

FINALLY FINISHED.

THIS WAS A LITTLE BIT LONGER THAN ANTICIPATED.

IT'S A BIG OPERATION,

AND SHE'S GOING TO GO TO I.C.U. OVERNIGHT

TO MAKE SURE THAT SHE'S BREATHING OKAY

AND SHE'S DOING OKAY WITH THE PAIN MEDICINE AND SO FORTH.

OKAY. OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

SO, BIG OPERATION, BUT EVERYTHING WENT VERY WELL.

OKAY, GOOD. WELL, I KNOW SHE WAS IN GOOD HANDS, SO...

[ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT. WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

OKAY.

THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

Cris: I'M RELIEVED THAT SHE'S OUT OF SURGERY.

SHE WAS IN THERE FOR QUITE A LONG TIME.

IT SOUNDED LIKE A PRETTY MAJOR SURGERY,

SO I DON'T KNOW HOW FAST SHE'S GOING TO RECOVER.

THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR KIRSTEN.

SHE'S NOT ONE FOR ANY DISCOMFORT,

SO WE WILL NEED TO WATCH HER CLOSELY.

**

**

[ KIRSTEN WRETCHES ]

[ GAGS ]

[ COUGHS ]

THE SECOND I WOKE UP FROM SURGERY,

ALL I FELT WAS PAIN.

AND I CAN BARELY EVEN GET UP TO GO TO THAT BATH BENCH

BECAUSE I HAVE NO ENERGY AT ALL.

I MEAN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THEY EXPECT ME TO GET UP

AND MOVE AROUND WHEN I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO EAT ANYTHING.

[ GROANS ]

MY MOUTH IS SO DRY,

I FEEL LIKE I'M CHEWING ON OLD BAND-AIDS.

I TRY TO EAT THE SLOP THAT THEY GIVE ME,

BUT I CAN'T MANAGE MORE THAN A COUPLE BITES OF IT DOWN.

SO I RESORTED TO HAVING MY MOM GO BUY ME SOUP DOWNSTAIRS

FROM THE CAFETERIA AND ATE THAT.

BUT SHE STOPPED COMING AFTER YESTERDAY

BECAUSE SHE SAID

SHE WASN'T GOING TO HELP ME DO THINGS I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO.

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT

BECAUSE ALL I NEED IS BASIC FOOD.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

NO, MOM, THEY HAVEN'T LET ME EAT YET.

THEY JUST WANT TO PUT ME THROUGH FAT-PERSON CONCENTRATION CAMP.

BYE, MOM.

SHE CAN GET TO TAKE THE DOG TO THE VET

BUT SHE CAN'T COME TO VISIT ME WHILE I'M IN THE HOSPITAL.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET MYSELF GET UPSET ABOUT IT AND CRY,

BECAUSE ONE DAY, SHE'S GOING TO NEED A NURSING HOME,

AND I'M GOING TO PICK THE MOST SKETCHY NURSING HOME I CAN FIND.

**

HEY, KIRSTEN.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

NAUSEATED.

MM-HMM.

MY HEAD HURTS REALLY BAD.

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: KIRSTEN HAS BEEN HAVING TROUBLE

OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS.

SHE HAS NO TOLERANCE FOR ANY DISCOMFORT OR PAIN,

SO SHE'S BEEN ACTING OUT.

YOU'VE BEEN NAUSEATED, BUT NO VOMITING, HUH?

JUST, LIKE, SPITTING UP FOAM STUFF.

SHE'S COMPLAINING A LOT ABOUT THINGS,

BUT SHE'S DOING FINE.

SHE JUST IS VERY DRAMATIC.

ALL RIGHT.

YOUR INCISION IS LOOKING GOOD,

SO EVERYTHING IS PROGRESSING VERY WELL.

WE GOT THE HERNIA FIXED,

AND WE REPAIRED PART OF YOUR COLON,

REPAIRED PART OF STOMACH,

AND NATURALLY, AFTER THIS OPERATION,

YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT VERY MUCH.

AND THAT'S GOING TO BE A POSITIVE THING FOR YOU

IN LOSING WEIGHT.

KIRSTEN NEEDS TO WORK ON GETTING UP AND STICKING TO THE DIET,

SO WE NEED TO KEEP HER MOTIVATED AND ACTIVE RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE GOING TO START YOU ON A SMALL AMOUNT

OF LIQUID TODAY AND --

THANK YOU.

I FEEL LIKE I'M REALLY JUST GOING DOWNHILL

FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT.

YOU STILL ARE OVER 500 POUNDS.

I KNOW. YOU STILL GOT A LOT OF THINGS.

AND YOU'RE GETTING YOUR I.V. FLUID, OKAY?

YOU'RE GOING TO GET USED TO IT.

I JUST MORE WANT TO BE ABLE TO DRINK WATER.

WE'LL GET YOU SOME LIQUID, OKAY?

OKAY.

KIRSTEN IS NOT GETTING ANY MORE FOOD RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T NEED IT TO GET UP.

SO I'M GOING TO GIVE HER SOME OXYGEN TREATMENT

TO HELP HER OUT WITH THE FEELING LIKE SHE HAS MORE ENERGY.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER. EVERYTHING LOOKING GOOD.

OKAY. THANK YOU. OKAY.

SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER EMOTIONAL ISSUES

TO GIVE HER A BETTER OPPORTUNITY

TO BREAK FREE FROM HER FOOD ADDICTION.

Kirsten: YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW DESPERATE I GOT EARLIER

AND WHAT I DRANK?

THE WATER FROM INSIDE MY [BLEEP] BREATHING MACHINE.

BECAUSE I WAS THAT THIRSTY,

THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME ANYTHING TO DRINK.

[ Voice breaking ] I'M NOT ASKING FOR [BLEEP] POP.

I'M ASKING FOR WATER.

IT'S LIKE, I DIDN'T THINK -- WE'RE IN THE UNITED STATES.

YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED SOME WATER.

BUT KIRSTEN IS PROVING TO BE

A VERY DIFFICULT PATIENT RIGHT NOW.

HAVE YOU BEEN COUGHING UP MUCH MUCUS AT ALL TODAY?

NO. I'VE JUST BEEN THROWING UP MOSTLY.

YOU'VE BEEN THROWING UP? YEAH.

THEY MIGHT WANT

TO PRESCRIBE SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT STRONGER...

OKAY.

...TO KEEP YOU FROM THROWING UP, OKAY?

**

I HATE BREATHING TREATMENTS.

**

AND I'LL ONLY KEEP IT ON HALFWAY

AND THROW IT OFF WHEN THEY'RE NOT LOOKING.

I ALREADY THREW IT OFF.

WHY'D YOU THROW IT OFF, MISS?

BECAUSE THEY'RE THAT GROSS-TASTING TO ME

THAT I FEEL REALLY NAUSEATED RIGHT NOW, BAD.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M JUST TOTALLY ANXIETIED OUT, I'M FRUSTRATED,

I'M JUST TIRED OF BEING HERE.

[ Voice breaking ] I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP

AND NOT WAKE UP.

DON'T SAY THAT.

THEY'RE NEVER GONNA LET ME HOME.

**

[ COUGHS ]

I MIGHT HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO ONE OF THE NURSES

THAT I WISH I WAS DEAD BECAUSE I FELT LIKE [BLEEP]

AND NOW I'M ON SUICIDE WATCH.

IT IS SO STUPID.

HELLO.

Kirsten: HELLO.

KIRSTEN, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD.

IS THAT PSYCHIATRIST, DR. MERKL,

COMING TO SEE YOU?

HE SAID THAT HE THINKS THAT I'M EXTREMELY ANXIETIED OUT,

I GUESS, AND THAT THEY THOUGHT

THAT IF I COULD GET UP ON THE DIET,

MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP, INSTEAD OF THE LIQUID.

MM-HMM.

ARE YOU STILL MAKING THOSE COMMENTS

THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE AND ALL THAT?

NO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THAT'S WHEN THEY CAME IN

AND TOLD ME I WAS ON SUICIDE WATCH.

THEY WERE CONCERNED BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU SAID,

"IF I GO TO SLEEP, I'D RATHER NOT WAKE UP,"

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YEAH, WELL, SOMETIMES, LIKE, YEAH, I DO THINK THAT SOMETIMES,

LIKE, I WISH I WOULD GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP, LIKE,

WHEN I'M HAVING A BAD DAY,

BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I WOULD GO KILL MYSELF, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, I THINK EVERYBODY AT ONE POINT HAS THAT THOUGHT.

I DON'T THINK SO. [ LAUGHS ]

WELL, MY FAMILY HAS IT ALL THE TIME.

EVEN THOUGH KIRSTEN SAYS SHE WAS JOKING,

WE CAN'T TAKE ANY CHANCES,

SO I'M KEEPING HER ON SUICIDE WATCH FOR NOW.

WE HAVE A PSYCHIATRIST.

I'M ORDERING TO SEE HIM FOR DEPRESSION.

SO, WE NEED TO WATCH AND MAKE SURE SHE'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN UP WALKING?

NO. WE'RE GONNA START TOMORROW.

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM TODAY

THAT WE CAN'T START TO DO THAT TODAY?

IF THE NURSES WILL COME WALK WITH ME, THEN I'LL WALK.

SO, YOU REALLY NEED SOME HELP TO GET UP AND WALK?

NO, BUT I THOUGHT THAT I NEEDED SOMEONE TO WALK WITH ME.

BUT I THINK IF THEY WOULD LET ME HAVE

HALF OF A TURKEY SANDWICH,

I THINK I'D FEEL A LOT BETTER.

MY BIGGEST CONCERN IS HER PATHOLOGY TO EAT RIGHT NOW.

IF WE SEND KIRSTEN HOME, I'M PRETTY SURE

SHE'S GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING SHE CAN.

SO, WE NEED TO PROTECT KIRSTEN AGAINST HERSELF

AND KEEP HER IN THE HOSPITAL ON A CONTROLLED DIET.

SHE CAN GO HOME ONCE I FEEL

THAT SHE HAS MORE CONTROL OVER HERSELF AND HER BEHAVIOR.

HOW LONG UNTIL I GET TO GO HOME?

NOT FOR A WHILE.

YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON MAKING SOME PROGRESS FIRST.

WE'LL MAKE CHANGES IN YOUR DIET

AND GET YOU UP AND WALKING

AND SEE HOW EVERYTHING GOES, OKAY?

OKAY. THANK YOU. OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR FIXING MY BIG HERNIA.

ALL RIGHT.

SEE YOU SOON, KIRSTEN.

Kirsten: I REALLY HATE THIS A LOT.

I CAN'T STAY HERE LIKE THIS MUCH LONGER.

WHAT THEY'RE GIVING ME HERE IS NOT FOOD,

AND IT'S STARVING ME TO DEATH.

**

**

[ KIRSTEN COUGHS ]

Kirsten: FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN THIS PLACE FOREVER.

I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND SLEEP IN MY OWN BED...

AND PUKE IN MY OWN BUCKET.

HELLO. HOW Y'ALL DOING?

HELLO. ALL RIGHT.

SO, TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SEND YOU HOME.

OKAY.

AND YOU STAY ON A LIQUID DIET.

OKAY.

YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE LIQUID THAT ARE NOT SUGARY, OKAY?

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: WE HAD KIRSTEN ON A CONTROLLED DIET

HERE IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A COUPLE MONTHS NOW.

PSYCHIATRISTS SAW HER AFTER WE PUT HER ON A SUICIDE WATCH

AND DETERMINED THAT SHE'S NO THREAT TO HERSELF,

BUT HER ATTITUDE STILL HASN'T IMPROVED A LOT.

YOU DO HAVE A SMALLER STOMACH NOW

BECAUSE OF THE REPAIR WE DID ON YOUR STOMACH.

OKAY.

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE A GASTRIC SLEEVE,

BUT IT'S GONNA BE MUCH EASIER

FOR YOU TO CONTROL YOUR EATING HABITS.

OKAY.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE

TO LOSE BETWEEN 20 TO 30 POUNDS IN A MONTH.

WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET HER WEIGHT DOWN A GOOD BIT,

BUT THE NEXT STEP WILL BE TO SEE A THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY

BECAUSE SHE HAS TO START MAKING CONNECTIONS

BETWEEN HER EMOTIONS AND HER HUNGER.

BUT WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO PUSH HER TO DO THIS NOW

BEFORE SHE STARTS TO GAIN AGAIN.

I JUST HOPE SHE FOLLOWS THROUGH.

AND YOU HAD SOME ISSUES WITH ANXIETY

AND SOME ISSUE WITH A SUICIDAL GESTURE

THAT MADE EVERYBODY GET NERVOUS ABOUT IT,

SO WE'LL SET YOU UP TO SEE A THERAPIST

AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET EVERYTHING IN ORDER, HUH?

OKAY. ALL RIGHT?

LET ME GET YOUR WEIGHT CHECKED

AND WE'LL GO FROM THERE, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

**

502. THAT'S GOOD.

**

SO, YOU LOST ANOTHER 51 POUNDS SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE,

AND BY THE TIME I SEE YOU IN THE OFFICE,

YOU'RE GOING TO BE UNDER 500.

OKAY. OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.

THANK YOU. OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

**

Kirsten: I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE.

I AM JUST SO OVER THIS PLACE AND READY TO BE ON MY OWN,

DOING THINGS MY OWN WAY.

I TRIED TO TELL EVERYBODY

I COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER ON MY OWN,

SO I'LL SHOW THEM IT WAS STUPID TO KEEP ME HERE LIKE THEY DID.

**

Kirsten: MOM, DO YOU THINK I COULD GET

SOME MASHED POTATOES TO EAT?

OKAY.

IT WAS SO NICE GETTING HOME, AND MY MOM'S BEEN HELPING ME

BY GETTING MY FOOD AND ME STUFF TO DRINK.

THANK YOU. ANYTHING TO DRINK?

YEAH, WILL YOU GET ME SOME MORE...

SOME GINGER ALE? YEAH.

I'M BEING GOOD, MOSTLY BECAUSE IF I EAT WHAT I SHOULDN'T,

I GET REALLY SICK.

THEY DIDN'T DO AS MUCH

AS WHAT THEY WOULD'VE DONE IN A GASTRIC BYPASS,

BUT I CAN TELL A DIFFERENCE.

I'M EATING WAY LESS, BUT I'M HUNGRY A LOT MORE OFTEN.

I CAN BARELY GET A WHOLE YOGURT DOWN.

Cris: I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD FOR HER TO EAT,

BUT SHE'S EATEN WHAT I'VE GIVEN HER, SO I THINK SHE'S OKAY.

BUT SHE'S REALLY NOT WANTING TO GET UP AND MOVE.

MY LEGS ARE FREAKING KILLING ME.

THEY FEEL LIKE MY SKIN'S GONNA TEAR.

I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING UP AND WALKING AROUND,

BUT I'VE BEEN GOING TO THE BATHROOM A LOT.

SO I'M COUNTING THAT AS WALKING.

[ GRUNTS ]

Cris: I THINK THAT SHE DOES NEED TO SEE A THERAPIST

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT SHE'S DEPRESSED,

AND THAT'S PART OF WHY SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING.

Kirsten: I DON'T REALLY SEE HOW A THERAPIST

IS GOING TO HELP ME WITH MY WEIGHT AT ALL.

THAT'S WHY I GOT WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

IF I NEEDED A THERAPIST, I COULD'VE GONE TO THEM FIRST.

**

TODAY, I'M GOING TO GO SEE THE DOCTOR FOR MY POST-OP.

I HAVEN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT. I KNOW I HAVEN'T.

I ALREADY KNOW THE SCALE'S GONNA SAY

THAT I DIDN'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT

BECAUSE MY LEGS ARE JUST TOO SWOLLEN UP.

Kirsten: I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE

BEFORE MY LEG GETS -- IT'S ASLEEP.

I'M WORKING ON IT.

I'M SO SWOLLEN RIGHT NOW, I CAN BARELY WALK.

Woman: KIRSTEN PEREZ?

AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE LOST WEIGHT,

BUT MY WATER RETENTION IS SO BAD RIGHT NOW

THAT THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO SHOW THAT

ON THE SCALE.

[ PANTING ]

507.

[ GRUNTS ]

I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT DR. NOW WILL THINK ABOUT MY WEIGHT LOSS.

HE WAS HOPING THAT I'D BE UNDER 500.

BUT I'M HAPPY WITH THAT.

Cris: JUST THINK IF ALL THAT SWELLING WENT AWAY,

YOU'D BE -- I'D BE WAY UNDER.

WAY UNDER. YOU WOULD BE.

I KNOW IT.

HELLO. HELLO.

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

FINE.

HOW IS EVERYTHING GOING WITH YOU AFTER SURGERY?

FINE.

I'M NOT AS -- I'M NOT GETTING SICK ANYMORE.

OKAY, BUT YOU'RE DOWN TO 507 POUNDS.

YOU REALIZE YOU WERE 502 WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOSPITAL.

YES.

AND YOU STILL HAD ABOUT 20 POUNDS

OF FLUID IN YOU AT THAT TIME.

YEAH.

THE SWELLING AND FLUID HAS PASSED,

SO YOU HAVE ACTUALLY GAINED AROUND 20 POUNDS

SINCE YOU LEFT THE HOSPITAL.

THIS IS NOT A GOOD SITUATION AT ALL.

I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED RIGHT NOW, KIRSTEN.

I'M VERY CONCERNED FOR KIRSTEN RIGHT NOW.

I ARRANGED FOR HER TO START THERAPY,

BUT SHE HAS NOT GONE.

AND SHE MISSED HER LAST APPOINTMENT A MONTH AGO

BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE DOESN'T FEEL WELL.

SO, SHE NEEDS A WAKE-UP CALL RIGHT NOW.

I'M TRYING MY HARDEST. I REALLY AM.

LET ME BE CLEAR.

YOU GO TO A THERAPIST

OR THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN DO FOR YOU,

AND OUTSIDE OF A MEDICAL EMERGENCY,

WE ARE DONE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

MM-HMM. ALL RIGHT.

TAKE CARE.

Kirsten: I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIS HELP,

BUT IT FEELS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE

THINKS THEY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.

**

Kirsten: TODAY, I'M GOING TO SEE THE THERAPIST

DR. NOW WANTS ME TO SEE.

**

I KNOW I LET MY EMOTIONS GET OUT OF CONTROL,

BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.

**

A THERAPIST CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE THAT.

KIRSTEN, WE CAN COME RIGHT ON BACK.

SO, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT TODAY.

OKAY.

HELLO, KIRSTEN.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'M DOING OKAY.

SO, TELL ME WHY YOU'RE HERE AT THIS POINT IN TIME.

WELL, I WAS HAVING A LOT OF ANXIETY.

MM-HMM.

AND DR. NOWZARADAN THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL

IF I SAW A THERAPIST.

DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF ANXIETY?

I HAVE A HISTORY OF DEPRESSION.

SO, KIRSTEN, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT THE WAY YOU GREW UP.

WHEN I GOT INTO HIGH SCHOOL, I GOT INTO IT WITH THE WRONG CROWD

AND STARTED USING DRUGS.

AND WHEN I WAS LIKE 17, I MOVED OUT.

I JUST TOOK OFF AND DID WHATEVER I WANTED TO DO.

SO, SOMEWHERE IN THAT,

A FOOD ADDICTION BEGAN FOR YOU.

WHAT LED TO THE SIGNIFICANT WEIGHT GAIN IN YOUR LIFE?

I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I'VE BEEN...

RAPED A FEW TIMES,

AND I PUT MYSELF IN THOSE SITUATIONS, SO...

HOLD ON.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU SAID YOU'VE BEEN RAPED A FEW TIMES?

I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF.

IT'S OVER WITH. IT WAS A VERY LONG TIME AGO.

THE REASON YOU DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT

IS BECAUSE IT'S A REALLY DIFFICULT PLACE

TO PUT YOURSELF IN, MEMORY-WISE, TO GO BACK THERE,

BUT YOU ALSO DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT

BECAUSE OF THE WAY

YOU'VE WRITTEN THIS NARRATIVE IN YOUR MIND,

WHERE SOMEHOW, YOU'RE JUST AS CULPABLE AS THE PERPETRATORS,

AND YOU'RE NOT.

YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF FEELING ANY RESPONSIBILITY,

SAYING THAT YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION.

SOME OF THE TRAUMA YOU'VE EXPERIENCED IN YOUR LIFE --

BEING BRUTALLY GANG-RAPED, BEING ADDICTED TO DRUGS,

BEING ISOLATED FROM THE WORLD, ALL OF THAT --

THAT CONTRIBUTES TO YOUR DEPRESSIVE EPISODES

BECAUSE YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN.

AND SO, NOT ONLY WERE YOU EATING TO SUPPRESS

AND COVER UP ALL THOSE NEGATIVE FEELINGS,

YOU WERE ALSO EATING AWAY YOUR PAIN.

DIDN'T DO ME ANY GOOD TO DO IT.

I'M STILL FEELING THE SAME FEELINGS THAT I FELT EATING IT.

NOW YOU'RE READY TO DEAL WITH THOSE FEELINGS.

IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU SKEW YOUR THINKING

TOWARDS THE POSITIVE -- WHAT IS WORKING IN YOUR LIFE.

I JUST TELL MYSELF THAT IN...

LIKE SEVEN MORE MONTHS,

I'LL BE, LIKE, HALF THE SIZE I AM NOW

AND THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO GO DO STUFF

THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO IN LIKE 10 YEARS.

I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO REPEAT AFTER ME.

I WILL NOT...

I WILL NOT...

...ABUSE MY BODY...

...ABUSE MY BODY...

...WITH FOOD... ...WITH FOOD...

...AND ABOVE ALL ELSE...

...AND ABOVE ALL ELSE...

...I WILL LOVE...

...I WILL LOVE...

...AND RESPECT MYSELF.

...AND RESPECT MYSELF. [ SNIFFLES ]

AND IT'S NOT THAT HARD IF YOU REALLY WANT IT, I GUESS.

IF YOU'RE WORTH IT,

YOU CAN'T LET YOURSELF SIT THERE AND DIE.

OKAY. YOU'RE WORTH IT.

YOU'RE REALLY COURAGEOUS, KIRSTEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO OPEN AND FORTHCOMING,

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

OKAY.

OKAY.

[ PANTING ]

THAT WAS TOUGH.

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO TALK LIKE THAT.

BUT IT FELT GOOD TO SAY A LOT OF WHAT I DID.

**

I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH, AND I STILL DON'T.

BUT I FEEL LIKE I GOT A GLIMPSE

AT THE PERSON I CAN BECOME TODAY.

AND THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME TO TRY RIGHT NOW.

**

**

I THINK I'VE BEEN MAKING GOOD PROGRESS OVER THE LAST MONTH.

I NOTICED THAT THE ROLLS ON MY BACK ARE WAY SMALLER,

AND I'M NOT HAVING AS MUCH DIFFICULTY BRUSHING MY HAIR.

I MEAN, IT FEELS GOOD THAT I CAN PUT IT UP.

LIKE, I'M NOT OUT OF BREATH.

**

I'M FEELING A LOT HEALTHIER,

AND SO, I'M TRYING TO BE ACTIVE AND DO MORE.

SO, ARE YOU FEELING ANY BETTER?

I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD TODAY.

THEN I'LL MAKE US SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS.

MY MOM HAS TAKEN CARE OF ME FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS

AND HAD TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ME.

BUT SHE'S SICK TODAY, SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

A GOOD TIME FOR ME TO TRY AND COOK A MEAL FOR US.

OKAY, MOM, I'M NOT GUARANTEEING

THAT THESE EGGS ARE GONNA BE ANY GOOD, BUT I TRIED.

YOU MIGHT NEED TO ADD SALT TO THEM.

I DIDN'T ADD A LOT.

ARE THEY DISGUSTING?

THEY'RE FINE.

TALKING TO THE THERAPIST HELPED ME SOME

BECAUSE I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW DEPRESSED I WAS

TO LOSE FOOD AS A COMFORT.

SO, I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH HOW I FEEL DIFFERENTLY.

**

THE THERAPIST TOLD ME TO START WRITING

THESE LITTLE, POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS,

LIKE LITTLE NOTES TO MYSELF, SO I'VE BEEN DOING THAT.

**

I CAN LOOK AT MY WALL AND REMIND MYSELF

OF EVERYTHING I SHOULD BE THINKING

SO I DON'T LOOK FOR COMFORT FROM FOOD.

I KNOW THERE'S A LOT UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE

I HAVEN'T DEALT WITH,

AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT.

I HAVE A LOT OF PAIN WITH MY FATHER

AND A LOT OF PAIN I'VE CAUSED MY SON.

AND THEY ARE COMING BACK IN TOWN TO VISIT ME NEXT MONTH,

AND I'M EXCITED TO SEE THEM.

I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT A FEW THINGS

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO FOR A LONG TIME,

SO THERE'S A LOT TO LOOK FORWARD TO,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,

I KNOW A LOT OF WHAT I HAVE TO DO

IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY AT ALL.

**

Kirsten: LIFE CAN BE SO HARD AT TIMES,

YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN SURVIVE,

BUT WHEN YOU COME OUT OF THE OTHER END,

YOU REALIZE YOU'RE FAR STRONGER

THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU COULD BE.

**

Neiko: ARE YOU READY?

Kirsten: YES.

NEIKO AND MY DAD HAVE COME IN FOR A WHILE

TO STAY WITH ME AND MY MOM,

AND IT'S BEEN NICE HAVING THEM BACK AROUND.

ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS HAS BEEN NEIKO ENDING UP LIKE ME.

I'VE MESSED UP SO MUCH OF MY LIFE,

AND I'M TRYING TO FIX THAT NOW.

**

Neiko: I'M GLAD THAT YOU WALKED THIS FAR, MOM.

YOU'VE REALLY CHANGED A LOT SINCE I'VE LEFT,

LIKE YOUR FACE LOOKS SKINNIER.

I'VE LOST OVER 100 POUNDS.

OVER 100?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LOST THAT MUCH.

YEAH.

THAT'S GOOD.

YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE

HAS REALLY GOT TO ME

ABOUT HOW I MISSED OUT ON EVERYTHING

WHEN YOU GUYS WERE GROWING UP,

AND I LET GRANDMA AND GRANDPA BASICALLY TAKE CARE OF YOU GUYS.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU GOING DOWN THE SAME ROAD AS I DID

BECAUSE LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME.

YOU KNOW, LIKE...

YEAH. ...I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING,

AND I'M STILL LIVING WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.

AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

I MISSED OUT ON EVERYTHING,

AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT ALL OF THAT, YOU KNOW.

BUT I CAN'T CHANGE IT NOW.

I CAN ONLY TRY TO GET BETTER.

I GUESS IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO GROW UP.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

I'M HAPPY THAT YOU'RE GETTING HEALTHIER.

WELL, I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME,

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT GRANDMA'S NOT GOING TO BE AROUND FOREVER,

AND I WAS GETTING, YOU KNOW,

TO THE POINT WHERE I COULDN'T BARELY DO ANYTHING FOR MYSELF,

SO SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE.

I LOVE YOU,

AND I WANT US BOTH TO HAVE GOOD LIVES.

GIVE ME A HUG.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I LOVE NEIKO,

AND I KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO MAKE UP FOR.

I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO REPAIR OUR RELATIONSHIP

AND TO BE THE BEST MOM I CAN TO HIM.

AND THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO RIGHT NOW.

**

TODAY, I'M GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE,

AND I'M GOING TO GO BY MYSELF.

**

I'M DOING MORE AND MORE ON MY OWN.

**

AND IT'S SCARY, BUT IT FEELS GOOD.

**

I AM TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY.

I AM LOOKING AT THE PROTEIN IN FOOD AND THE FAT CONTENT.

THERE'S LOTS OF THINGS IN THERE THAT WERE LIKE,

"OH, IF I WASN'T ON A DIET, LIKE, I WOULD BE EATING THAT,"

BUT I CAN'T EAT THOSE FOODS ANYMORE.

AND I DON'T EVEN REALLY WANT TO.

HERE YOU GO. THANK YOU. HAVE A GOOD EVENING.

SO, IT WAS EXCITING GETTING OUT ON MY OWN.

**

PART OF ME CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING I'M ABLE TO DO NOW.

I'M JUST GONNA KEEP PUSHING MYSELF

AND TRY TO DO MORE AND MORE.

**

I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO MAKE A MEAL FOR MY WHOLE FAMILY.

**

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THAT FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS.

THANKS, KIRSTEN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THEY'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR ME,

I JUST WANT TO START GIVING A LITTLE BACK HOWEVER I CAN.

Cris: I'M PROUD OF THE CHANGES KIRSTEN'S MAKING.

I THINK SHE'S DOING REALLY WELL.

SHE USED TO EAT A LOT OF JUNK FOOD.

NOW SHE'S EATING A HEALTHY DIET, SO IT'S A BIG CHANGE.

THANKS, KIRSTEN. DINNER WAS GOOD.

YOU'RE WELCOME. YEAH.

I ATE TOO MUCH.

I'VE BEEN GOING TO THERAPY AND DEALING WITH MORE OF HOW I FEEL.

I TALKED TO MY DAD ABOUT SOME THINGS, TOO.

IT'S NEVER EASY, BUT I'M GLAD WE TALKED.

Kirsten: WELL, I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW

THAT I'M SERIOUS ABOUT BETTERING MYSELF NOW.

I'M WORKING REALLY HARD AT IT,

AND I DON'T WANT TO LET EVERYBODY DOWN.

I WANT TO ACTUALLY SUCCEED.

AND I THINK YOU'VE SHOWN THAT SO FAR,

THAT YOU DO PLAN ON BEING SUCCESSFUL,

AND WE WANT YOU TO GET BETTER.

Kurt: WHEN THIS JOURNEY STARTED WITH KIRSTEN,

I REALLY DIDN'T EXPECT HER

TO DO NEAR AS WELL AS SHE HAS DONE WITH IT.

IN THE LAST 15 YEARS, IT'S PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME

I'VE EVER BEEN ABLE TO SAY, "HEY, GOOD JOB.

YOU'RE ACCOMPLISHING WHAT YOU'RE SETTING OUT TO DO."

I'M VERY PROUD OF THE JOB YOU'VE DONE

SINCE YOU'VE BEEN DOWN HERE,

STICKING TO YOUR DIET AND DOING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

WELL, IT MAKES ME FEEL REALLY GOOD TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.

I'M TRYING REALLY HARD.

I KNOW YOU ARE.

SO, JUST KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

IF I COME BACK BEFORE AUGUST,

I EXPECT TO SEE YOU OUT JOGGING AROUND THE APARTMENT COMPLEX.

IT'LL BE TOO HOT IN AUGUST TO JOG ANYWHERE.

[ LAUGHS ] THAT'S TRUE.

IT WOULD BE HERE.

[ LAUGHS ]

**

**

Kirsten: I KNOW THAT NOTHING WITH ME OR WITH MY FAMILY

IS GOING TO BE FIXED OVERNIGHT

AND THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A PROCESS.

**

SO, I'VE BEEN PUSHING MYSELF AS HARD AS I CAN NOW,

AND I KNOW I HAVE TO BE DOING WELL.

**

[ CRIS GASPS ]

YES. GREAT. WOW.

I THINK THAT DOC IS GOING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT MY PROGRESS.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Dr. Nowzaradan: HELLO.

TODAY, YOU ARE DOWN TO 442 POUNDS.

HOW DO YOU FEEL WITH THAT?

I'M FEELING REALLY GOOD.

THAT'S GREAT. I'M PROUD OF YOU.

I'M HAPPY WITH THE PROGRESS KIRSTEN IS MAKING RIGHT NOW.

I THINK AT SOME POINT, SHE MAY NEED TO HAVE FULL BYPASS,

BUT NOT UNTIL SHE DEALS WITH MORE OF HER EMOTIONAL ISSUES

AND ONLY IF SHE KEEPS MAKING PROGRESS.

BUT I'M OPTIMISTIC ABOUT HER LONG-TERM SUCCESS RIGHT NOW.

YOUR GOAL WEIGHT IS GOING TO BE 200 POUNDS,

AND I EXPECT THAT WE'RE GOING TO GET THERE IN A YEAR, OKAY?

OKAY.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH.

OKAY. CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG?

THANK YOU. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

OH, YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU'RE WELCOME.

BYE.

I WANTED TO COME HERE AND KICK ASS

AND MAKE MYSELF FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE.

I'VE DONE THAT.

THIS IS THE ONE TIME THAT I CAN SHOW MY WHOLE FAMILY

THAT I WAS GOING TO DO WHAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO.

**

AND I SURE IN THE HELL

DON'T EVER WANT TO BE CLOSE TO 600 POUNDS AGAIN...EVER.

**

Cris: THIS SHOULD BE FUN.

I WONDER HOW BIG OF CROCODILES THEY HAVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO MORE AS A FAMILY.

I NEVER REALLY GOT TO SPEND ANY TIME WITH THEM

UNLESS THEY WERE TAKING CARE OF ME.

**

AND NOW WE CAN JUST TRY TO ENJOY GOING OUT

AND DOING SOMETHING FUN.

THESE THINGS ARE HUMONGOUS.

Kirsten: MY LIFE HAS GONE TO SOME DARK PLACES,

AND I FINALLY FEEL LIKE IT'S STARTING TO BRIGHTEN UP.

WHOA!

Neiko: I THINK TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY,

AND I THINK WE NEED TO GO OUT AND DO MORE THINGS LIKE THIS.

AND IT'LL MAKE THE FAMILY A BETTER FAMILY.

Cris: HE'S GIVING YOU THE EYE.

Kirsten: I'M THANKFUL AND EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE,

SO I'M GOING TO WORK HARD AND MAKE THE MOST OUT OF EVERY DAY

SO I CAN BE THE PERSON,

THE MOTHER, AND THE DAUGHTER THAT I WANT TO BE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO KEEP DISCOVERING MORE OF WHO I AM

AND HOW VALUABLE THAT PERSON IS.