Original subtitles

Marla: I CAN'T EVEN BATHE MYSELF.

MY KIDS HAVE TO DO THAT FOR ME.

Charity: I FEEL LIKE SOME MONSTER.

Woman: I'VE BEEN HIDING FROM THE WORLD, JUST WAITING TO DIE.

Pauline: [ Voice breaking ] I AM ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED

IN THIS BODY,

AND I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING EVERY DAY.

Susan: I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS MY LAST HOPE TO BECOME NORMAL.

Madison: I NEED MY MOM.

I NEED HER TO BE HERE FOR ME.

**

Man: 10 SECONDS NOW.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

[ SIGHS ] GOOD JOB.

Christina: I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE

TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

Joe: I REFUSE TO LET THEM BURY ME.

Chay: I AM NOW EXPRESSING MYSELF AND LIVING MY OWN TRUTH.

Olivia: I LOST THE WEIGHT, BUT I GAINED MY FAMILY.

Zsalynn: LIFE IS AMAZING NOW. I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

Pauline: I'M STARTING TO SEE HOW I CAN DO THIS.

Chay: THIS IS WHO I AM.

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Pauline: I AM ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED IN THIS BODY.

I LET MYSELF GET WAY OUT OF CONTROL.

AND I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING EVERY DAY.

I CAN'T EVEN MOVE WITHOUT HELP.

AND HAVING MY SON TAKE CARE OF ME IS

ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER.

I TOTALLY FEEL LIKE HE'S THE PARENT AND I'M THE KID.

I GOT TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL.

[ GRUNTS ]

Pauline: DILLON IS THE REASON WHY I'M DOING THIS.

I'M SO TIRED OF BURDENING HIM TO HELP ME.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS IS PAULINE'S LAST OPPORTUNITY

TO TURN HER LIFE AROUND.

Pauline: I'M EATING SOME THINGS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING THE PROGRESS I WANT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THE WAY THAT YOU'RE SITTING HERE AFTER SURGERY,

AND YOU WANT TO ROLL WITH THIS THING INSTEAD OF WALKING?

I CAN'T WALK THAT FAR WITHOUT GETTING DIZZY.

DO YOU REALIZE THE ONLY WEIGHT YOU HAVE LOST

HAS BEEN WHEN WE PUT YOU IN HOSPITAL?

THIS IS NOT WORKING FOR YOU.

THIS IS BULL[BLEEP]

THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN DO FOR YOU

UNLESS YOU START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

FOR YOUR SITUATION.

IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE I MOVED TO HOUSTON

AND STARTED MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

AND I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE CURRENTLY STILL IS

A WORK IN PROGRESS.

THE FIRST YEAR WAS TOUGH,

BUT I WAS DOWN TO 529

FROM 677 POUNDS.

I'M SURE DR. NOW DIDN'T THINK THAT THAT WAS GREAT PROGRESS,

BUT I FEEL LIKE LOSING 148 POUNDS IN A YEAR

WAS PRETTY GOOD.

BUT HE FELT LIKE I WASN'T DOING ENOUGH

OR WALKING AS MUCH AS I SHOULD.

BUT I CAN DEFINITELY GET AROUND A LOT BETTER THAN I USED TO,

AND, UH -- AND IT FEELS GOOD.

YES.

BUT I HEAR SOME OF WHAT THE DOCTOR'S SAYING,

SO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET UP AND STAY AS ACTIVE AS POSSIBLE.

I STILL NEED TO SIT DOWN A LOT, THOUGH.

BECAUSE I HAVE BAD KNEE PAIN,

THE PAIN DOESN'T GO AWAY, AND IT COMES BACK EVERY DAY.

AND SO I CAN'T BE REALLY ACTIVE YET.

AND I STILL NEED TO RELY ON DILLON

TO HELP ME WITH QUITE A FEW THINGS,

SO HE STILL LIVES WITH ME HERE AND HELPS TAKE CARE OF ME.

BUT MY GOAL HAS BEEN TO GET HEALTHY ENOUGH

SO THAT HE CAN START LIVING ON HIS OWN.

SO I TRY TO DO AS MUCH FOR MYSELF AS I POSSIBLY CAN,

BECAUSE BEFORE DILLON HAD TO DO EVERY SINGLE THING.

SEE THESE TONGS, HONEY?

WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS I WANT YOU TO USE THE TONGS

AND TAKE THE TOP ONE OFF

AND GET ME THE BOTTOM UNDERNEATH,

'CAUSE IT'LL BE FRESHER.

Pauline: BUT I STILL WANT TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT

SO I CAN GET MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

SALAD'S READY, HONEY.

Pauline: AND I'M REALLY TRYING TO EAT CLEAN --

A LOT OF PROTEIN, FRUITS, AND VEGETABLES.

OKAY, CARRY THIS IN FOR ME, PLEASE.

THERE'S YOURS.

OKAY.

Pauline: I'VE BEEN MANAGING MY DIET WELL,

BUT I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT SALAD

BECAUSE IT FILLS ME UP AND IT DOESN'T LEAVE ANY ROOM

FOR PROTEIN OR ANYTHING NUTRITIOUS

BECAUSE MY STOMACH IS SO SMALL.

I JUST DON'T HAVE MUCH OF AN APPETITE RIGHT NOW.

SEE WHAT DILL HAS.

AND I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO KEEP ANYTHING DOWN.

BUT WITH MY LOSS OF APPETITE,

I KNOW I'M LOSING A LOT OF WEIGHT.

AND I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT ALL THE PROGRESS I'M MAKING.

I JUST WANT TO START LIVING MY LIFE AND LET DILLON LIVE HIS.

SO I'M GOING TO KEEP PUSHING MYSELF HARD TO MAKE PROGRESS.

TODAY, I'M GOING TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN

FOR A FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT.

AND I'M HOPING I'VE LOST

AT LEAST ANOTHER 30 POUNDS THIS MONTH.

[ CLATTER ]

OH. SORRY, HONEY.

Pauline: EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT ABLE TO GET UP MUCH

BECAUSE OF MY KNEE PAIN, I KNOW I'M LOSING WEIGHT

SINCE I BARELY HAVE AN APPETITE

AND DON'T WANT MUCH OF ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

FOR GOODNESS' SAKES.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

OKAY.

Pauline: I'M PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

I'M JUST HOPING TO HEAR THAT HE'S HAPPY

WITH MY PROGRESS SO FAR.

THAT'S ALL I CAN HOPE FOR.

-HELLO. -HI.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

-GOOD, THANKS. HOW ARE YOU? -ALL RIGHT.

SO, TODAY, YOU'RE DOWN TO 478 POUNDS.

THIS PAST MONTH, YOU LOST 51 POUNDS.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU STARTED A VERY SLOW PROCESS,

BUT YOU MADE A 180-DEGREE TURNAROUND,

AND YOU'RE DOING GREAT. -THANK YOU.

I'M PROUD OF PAULINE

AND THE PROGRESS SHE'S MAKING NOW.

IT MEANS SHE'S EATING LESS,

BUT I'M CONCERNED ABOUT HER LACK OF ACTIVITY.

AT THIS POINT, THERE IS NO REASON

FOR HER TO CONTINUE USING HER WHEELCHAIR.

Dr. Nowzaradan: HOW IS YOUR EXERCISE?

YOU STILL SEEM TO BE USING YOUR WHEELCHAIR.

WHY IS THAT? -I STILL HAVE KNEE PAIN.

I FEEL LIKE MY KNEES HURT AS BAD OR WORSE

THAN THEY DID WHEN I WAS AT MY HEAVIEST.

LIKE, I THINK, FROM ALL THESE YEARS OF --

WELL, THAT'S NOT TYPICALLY UNUSUAL.

YOUR KNEES ARE WORN OUT

BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE A LOT OF WEIGHT TO LOSE.

PAULINE'S THINKS FEELING PAIN WHEN SHE GETS UP

AND MOVES AROUND MEANS THAT MOVING IS A PROBLEM.

HER WEIGHT AND LACK OF MOBILITY IS THE PROBLEM.

THE MORE SHE GETS UP AND MOVES, THE LESS PAIN SHE WILL HAVE.

YOU NEED TO WORK ON GETTING ACTIVE

AND UP AND OUT OF YOUR WHEELCHAIR.

OKAY, I THINK I NEED A REFILL ON MY PAIN PILLS.

THEY ONLY GAVE ME A 30-DAY SUPPLY, THOUGH.

I WISH THEY'D GIVE ME 90 DAYS.

OKAY, PAULINE, I'LL PRESCRIBE SOME PAINKILLERS

TO HELP YOU GET UP AND START MOVING AROUND.

BUT I GIVE YOU 30 DAYS BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU NEED

TO GET UP AND WALKING.

OKAY.

YOUR GOAL IS TO GET MORE ACTIVE.

IF YOU DO THAT AND LOSE ANOTHER 80 POUNDS,

YOU PROBABLY WILL BE READY FOR SKIN SURGERY.

THANK YOU, DR. NOW. I APPRECIATE YOU.

Pauline: I THINK TODAY WENT WELL.

I AM HAPPY WITH THE PROGRESS THAT I HAVE MADE,

BUT I DON'T THINK THE DOCTOR REALLY UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING HARD

SO THAT I CAN GET SKIN SURGERY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

SKIN SURGERY WOULD BE THE NEXT BIG STEP

TO GET MY FREEDOM BACK,

SO I'M GOING TO LOSE ENOUGH WEIGHT TO QUALIFY FOR THAT.

Chay: I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

I HATE MY LIFE,

AND I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY NIGHTS I PRAYED TO GOD

AND ASKED HIM JUST TO TAKE ME.

I KNOW IF I KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS,

I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE MUCH LONGER.

IF I GET THERE AND THE DOCTOR DOESN'T HELP ME,

I'LL BE JUST DEVASTATED.

YOU'RE USING FOOD TO COPE WITH LIFE,

SO I WANT TO SEE YOU TAKE CONTROL

OF YOUR EATING BEFORE WE DO WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

I WANT TO GET MY LIFE BACK.

AND I KNOW THIS IS WHERE IT STARTS.

MY GRANDMA HAS BEEN MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER FOR LOSING WEIGHT.

NOW THAT SHE'S GONE,

I JUST DON'T HAVE MUCH DRIVE TO TRY AND DO A LOT.

I WANTED HER TO BE THERE WITH ME.

NOW ALL I HAVE LEFT IS MEMORIES.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT HER.

FOOD IS THE ONLY THING BRINGING ME

ANY SORT OF COMFORT RIGHT NOW.

IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS, AND YOU HAVE LOST ALMOST NO WEIGHT.

HE'S USING STRESS AND EMOTION AS AN EXCUSE TO EAT.

I HAD A MOTHER WHO WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND A DRUG ADDICT,

SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP, AND THEN I EAT.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING, AND THEN LET IT OUT.

Chay: I'M GONNA FIGHT FOR THIS.

PERFECT. WE'RE GONNA DO 15.

YOU DID GREAT.

I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE READY FOR SURGERY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: NOW HE'LL BE ABLE TO EAT MUCH LESS

AND LOSE WEIGHT MUCH MORE RAPIDLY.

IT'S BEEN A LITTLE OVER THREE MONTHS

SINCE MY GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.

AND I FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE GOING WELL.

EVERY DAY, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER

WHEN BEFORE I WAS STRUGGLING

TO EVEN TAKE CARE OF MY GRANDMOTHER.

Chay: DO YOU FEEL LIKE BREAKFAST?

YEAH, I'M GETTING KIND OF HUNGRY.

OOH!

-GOT IT? -YEAH.

NOW MY BODY MOVES EASIER, THERE'S MORE PEP IN MY STEP,

AND I JUST -- I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

AND I CAN DO SO MUCH MORE.

[ CAT FOOD CLATTERS ]

SINCE SURGERY, SOME THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.

I'M LIVING WITH MY UNCLE AND HELPING HIM WITH HIS KIDS

BECAUSE HE TRAVELS FOR WORK.

BUT OVER THE PAST YEAR, I'VE HAD TO DEAL

WITH A LOT OF MY EMOTIONS THAT LED ME TO GO TO FOOD.

AT MY HIGHEST, I WAS 597 POUNDS,

BUT SINCE THEN I'VE LOST 120 POUNDS,

AND I'M DOWN TO AROUND 480.

AND I'M SO PROUD OF ALL MY PROGRESS.

I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD TO KEEP GOING,

BECAUSE HITTING MY GOALS OVER THE NEXT YEAR IS

SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

AFTER I STARTED MY JOURNEY TO GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

THE GREATEST EMOTIONAL HURDLE WAS THE DEATH OF MY GRANDMOTHER.

SHE WAS MY WHOLE WORLD,

AND TO LOSE HER WAS SUCH A HUGE BLOW.

SHE WILL BE SO GREATLY MISSED BY ALL WHO KNEW HER.

OUR HEARTS ARE BROKEN, AND OUR SOULS FULL OF SORROW.

IT'S STILL NOT, YOU KNOW, EASY,

BUT I THINK SHE'D BE PROUD IF SHE KNEW

HOW FAR I'D COME AND SHE WAS HERE.

BUT I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO,

AND I'M WORKING ON THAT.

BUT IT'S STILL HARD. [ MICROWAVE BEEPS ]

I FEEL LIKE I'M STILL LOSING WEIGHT,

BUT THE CRAVINGS HAVE STARTED TO COME BACK SOME,

AND IT'S BEEN A STRUGGLE SOME DAYS

TO STILL STICK TO MY DIET.

AND I HAVE DAYS WHERE I DON'T MAKE THE BEST CHOICES

ON WHAT I SHOULD EAT.

BUT I STILL HAVE MORE GOOD DAYS THAN BAD OVERALL,

AND MY BAD CHOICES ARE OUTSHINED BY MY GOOD ONES.

BUT I KNOW ON THE DAYS I STRUGGLE WITH MY CRAVINGS

THE ROOT OF IT IS THE STRUGGLE WITH MY EMOTIONS.

I FEEL LIKE, FOR SO LONG, I'VE LIVED A LIE.

I WAS TRAPPED IN A 600-POUND BODY,

AND NOW I'VE STARTED TO BELIEVE I CAN DO THIS.

AND ONCE I LOSE THE WEIGHT, IT WILL BE POSSIBLE FOR ME

TO BE THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS IDENTIFIED AS,

AND THAT PERSON IS A WOMAN.

I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE FOR SO LONG,

BUT I CAN'T HIDE THIS ANY LONGER.

AND I FEEL LIKE THAT HAS BEEN AT THE ROOT OF ALL MY EATING

FOR SO MANY YEARS, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T KNOWN

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONS OF THIS.

THERE'S NO ONE I CAN TALK TO ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS,

AND I FELT ASHAMED ABOUT IT AND LIKE I HAVE TO HIDE.

BUT I KNOW I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER.

SO MY GOAL NOW IS TO PURSUE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

I KNOW THAT MEANS I HAVE TO KEEP LOSING WEIGHT

AND THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT TO MY FAMILY.

AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE IT,

ESPECIALLY MY AUNT AND UNCLE,

BECAUSE I KNOW THEY'RE VERY CONSERVATIVE.

I KEEP THINKING OF THE WORST-CASE SCENARIOS WITH THEM,

AND IT MAKES ME REALLY SCARED.

BUT I SEE THE DOCTOR IN A MONTH TO FIND OUT

HOW MUCH PROGRESS I'VE MADE AND WHAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE

FOR ME TO GET READY TO MAKE THIS CHANGE AND STOP LIVING A LIE.

IT'S REALLY SCARY TO THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING

I'M GOING TO TRY TO ACHIEVE THIS YEAR.

BUT I'M READY TO GO THROUGH THE FIRE

IF IT MEANS I CAN COME OUT THE OTHER END

WITH THE LIFE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED FOR MYSELF.

OH, GOD, MY LEG'S THROBBING SO MUCH.

WE'RE HERE AT THE I.C.U.,

AND MY MOM IS IN A LOT OF PAIN.

SHE GOT UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM,

AND SHE STARTED SAYING THAT HER LEFT LEG

AND HER LEFT ARM WAS NUMB.

IT STARTED TURNING PURPLE,

SO WE CALLED 911 TO GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL.

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW,

AND I HEARD SOMEBODY SAY THAT SHE HAS AN INFECTION,

OR IT COULD BE A STROKE, BUT THEY'RE NOT SURE.

Pauline: I'M REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW.

AND I WANT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DIAGNOSIS IS.

I WANT THE PHYSICAL PAIN TO STOP.

Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULINE'S CONDITION IS NOT GOOD,

AND IT SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE.

CAN I TAKE A LOOK AT PAULINE'S X-RAY?

Dr. Nowzaradan: PRELIMINARY TESTS SHOW THAT SHE IS SEPTIC.

AND THAT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS

AND EVEN, IN SOME CASES, FATAL.

SHE'S GOT SOME FLUID IN THE RIGHT LUNG

AND A BIT OF ENLARGED HEART.

SO WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT THE CAUSE IS FAST.

[ GROANING ]

Dillon: IT'S BEEN REALLY SCARY THE PAST TWO DAYS

WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON.

SHE'S WOKE ME UP FROM JUST SCREAMING IN PAIN

EVER SINCE WE GOT HERE.

Pauline: DR. NOW'S BEEN RUNNING TESTS AND X-RAYS,

AND IT'S BEEN SCARY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG

AND WHY THIS PAIN'S NOT GOING AWAY.

DR. NOW. -PAULINE,

YOU HAVE A BLOODSTREAM INFECTION, OKAY,

THAT IS AFFECTING YOUR HEART AND AFFECTING YOUR KIDNEY.

YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS DOWN,

SO YOU NEED TO BE VERY CAUTIOUS ABOUT YOUR CONDITION.

WE'VE BEEN RUNNING TESTS ON PAULINE TO DETERMINE

THE CAUSE OF HER BLOODSTREAM INFECTION,

AND IT IS LIKELY THAT SHE HAS DEVELOPED

A STOMACH ULCER THAT POSSIBLY HAS PERFORATED

THE LINING OF HER STOMACH AND IS LEAKING

IN THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY

AND CAUSING INFECTION IN THE BLOODSTREAM.

Dr. Nowzaradan: LET'S BACKTRACK.

YOU SAID THE NIGHT BEFORE, YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOM,

AND WHAT HAPPENED?

MY LEFT LEG AND MY LEFT HAND AND MY TIP OF MY TONGUE GOT NUMB.

EVERYTHING GOT DARK, SPOTS ALL AROUND MY EYES,

AND THEN MY VISION WENT LOWER, TOO.

HOW IS YOUR EATING DOING?

NOT SO GOOD.

I WASN'T KEEPING THINGS DOWN,

AND THE MEDICINE STARTED COMING BACK UP, TOO.

PAULINE WAS SO ADAMANT ABOUT PAINKILLERS LAST TIME.

MY CONCERN RIGHT NOW IS SHE HAS BEEN ABUSING

THAT MEDICATION.

[ GROANS ]

I NEED SOME PAIN MEDICINE, PLEASE.

PAULINE, YOU'RE GETTING TOO MANY PAIN MEDICINE,

AND THAT MAY BE A PROBLEM.

[ GROANS ]

PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING. I'M BEGGING YOU.

I-I SUFFERED ALL NIGHT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AN EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF PAINKILLER

WILL CAUSE AN ULCER TO FORM IN HER STOMACH,

WHICH EXPLAINS HER LACK OF APPETITE

OVER THE LAST MONTH.

YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN ON TAKING ANY PAIN MEDICATION,

'CAUSE THAT'S GONNA AGGRAVATE THE SITUATION.

PAULINE DOESN'T GET HOW MUCH DAMAGE SHE'S BEEN DOING

TO HER BODY WITH THIS

AND HOW CLOSE SHE IS TO DEATH RIGHT NOW.

YOUR CONDITION RIGHT NOW IS PROBABLY

THE LOWEST HEALTHY CONDITION THAT YOU HAVE EVER BEEN.

AND THIS IS WITH ALL THE WEIGHT LOSS.

YOU NEED TO BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THAT.

OKAY?

-THANK YOU. -OKAY.

RIGHT NOW, WE'RE STARTING HER ON ANTIBIOTICS

TO TRY TO GET THE INFECTION UNDER CONTROL,

BUT SHE'S REALLY IN BAD SHAPE RIGHT NOW.

IF HER CONDITION WOULD WORSEN,

THE ONLY CHOICE WE'LL HAVE TO SAVE HER IS

TO RUSH HER TO AN EMERGENCY SURGERY...

HOPEFULLY, HER BODY ISN'T IN SUCH A BAD SHAPE

THAT WE CAN'T PULL HER OUT OF IT.

Chay: I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW AND FIND OUT

HOW MUCH PROGRESS I'VE MADE OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS.

AND I PLAN ON TELLING DR. NOWZARADAN

THAT I WANT TO PURSUE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

HE'S MY DOCTOR, SO I WANT HIM TO KNOW.

BUT HE'S ALSO THE FIRST PERSON I'M TELLING,

AND JUST SHARING IT MAKES ME REALLY NERVOUS.

MR. GUILLORY.

Chay: MY LAST WEIGH-IN, I WAS AT 478 POUNDS.

[ SIGHS ] HERE WE GO.

THE DOCTOR'S GOAL FOR ME WAS TO LOSE ANOTHER 50 POUNDS

TO GET UNDER 428,

AND ALL MY DREAMS DEPEND ON STAYING ON TRACK.

SO I JUST HOPE I GOT CLOSE TO THAT.

Woman: 464.

THAT'S NOT AS MUCH WEIGHT LOSS AS I'D HOPED,

BUT AT LEAST IT'S SOME PROGRESS.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HEY, THERE.

SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 464?

YES, SIR.

THAT'S ONLY 14 POUNDS IN 2 MONTHS.

THAT'S NOT A LOT OF PROGRESS. WHAT'S GOING ON?

WELL, I KNOW YOU TOLD ME THAT IF THERE'S A PROBLEM,

I CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY FROM IT OR NOT FACE IT.

I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT,

OR I'M JUST GONNA SABOTAGE MYSELF.

SO I'VE COME TO ADMIT TO MYSELF THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED PERSON,

AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU BECAUSE, LIKE, RIGHT NOW,

YOU'RE, LIKE, MY HEAD OF MY MEDICAL TEAM.

AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW

THAT THERE'S THINGS I'M GONNA DO IN THE FUTURE,

LIKE HORMONE-REPLACEMENT THERAPY AND THAT.

AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE AWARE.

OKAY. ARE YOU GOING TO PURSUE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY?

-I WANT TO HAVE SURGERY, TOO. -ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOUR BODY CANNOT HANDLE TWO VERY MAJOR CHANGES

AT THE SAME TIME.

SO THE TIME FOR RECONSTRUCTION

ARE IDEALLY WHEN YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT.

SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANYTHING VERY BIG

UNTIL YOU GET CLOSE TO YOUR GOAL WEIGHT.

-OKAY. -AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE

THAT YOU'RE GOING TO YOUR THERAPIST

SO YOU CAN WALK THROUGH YOUR EMOTIONS

AND AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO RUN TO FOOD.

YES, SIR.

Dr. Nowzaradan: CHAY'S ALWAYS USED FOOD

TO COPE WITH HIS EMOTION, AND WITH ALL THE CHANGES

HE'S GOING TO BE GOING THROUGH,

HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE HE'S MEETING WITH HIS THERAPIST

AND WORKING THROUGH THINGS.

SO YOUR GOAL RIGHT NOW IS TO LOSE ENOUGH WEIGHT

TO GET SKIN SURGERY.

I WANT YOU TO GET UNDER 400 POUNDS

TO QUALIFY FOR THAT PROCEDURE.

I'M GONNA DO MY BEST. THANK YOU.

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: CHAY HAS TO LEARN TO COPE WITH THINGS

IN A MUCH HEALTHIER WAY IF HE'S GOING TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

IF NOT, HE'S GOING TO FALL BACK ON OLD HABITS

AND END UP BACK AT 600 POUNDS.

Chay: IT WAS A LITTLE HARD TO HEAR THAT THE DOCTOR THINKS

I NEED TO WAIT UNTIL I GET CLOSER TO MY GOAL WEIGHT

BEFORE I CAN HAVE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN WAIT.

I'M THINKING ABOUT ALL THE CHANGES,

AND COMING OUT TO MY FAMILY IS HARD.

BUT I KNOW RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO FOCUS

AND KEEP WORKING TO MAKE PROGRESS,

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THIS CHANCE

TO GET THE LIFE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

Dr. Nowzaradan: OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS,

WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO STABILIZE PAULINE'S CONDITION,

AND HER HEALTH CONTINUED TO DECLINE RAPIDLY.

SO WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT EMERGENCY SURGERY

TO TRY AND REMOVE HER STOMACH ULCER

AND CLOSE UP ANY LEAK IN THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY.

BUT THIS IS GOING TO BE A VERY RISKY SURGERY.

PAULINE'S BODY IS ALREADY SEVERELY COMPROMISED,

AND IT WON'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE MUCH MORE TRAUMA.

BUT AT THIS POINT, THIS IS HER ONLY HOPE TO SURVIVE.

WE ARE OPENING THE BELLY, AND WE'RE LOOKING

FOR THE AREA OF PERFORATION OF THE ULCER.

WE'RE ALMOST GETTING TO IT.

THERE'S A LOT OF LEAKAGE FROM THE INTESTINES

THAT WE HAVE TO CLEAR UP.

OKAY, WE TOOK ALL THE ULCER AND ALL THE INFECTED TISSUE OFF.

AND EVERYTHING'S LOOKING GOOD.

SO WE'RE GONNA CLOSE HER UP, AND WE'LL SEE HOW SHE DOES.

ALL RIGHT, SURGERY IS OVER.

WELL, PAULINE'S SURGERY WENT AS GOOD AS WE CAN EXPECT.

WE WERE ABLE TO STOP THE PERFORATED ULCER

FROM BECOMING FATAL, BUT THERE WAS STILL

A LOT OF DAMAGE DONE TO PAULINE'S BODY.

WE'LL CONTINUE TO DO EVERYTHING WE CAN

TO GET HER THROUGH THIS,

BUT THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW AT THIS POINT

IF SHE WILL BE ABLE TO FULLY RECOVER.

PAULINE HAS A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF HER RIGHT NOW.

Chay: I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT LATELY

ABOUT WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID ABOUT MY BODY NOT BEING ABLE

TO GO THROUGH TWO MAJOR CHANGES AT ONCE.

BUT I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY WAIT

UNTIL I GET TO MY TARGET WEIGHT TO START LIVING AS A WOMAN.

I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING THIS FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

MY BEING A TRANSGENDERED PERSON, HIDING IT,

MADE ME AN OVEREATER AND AN EMOTIONAL EATER.

AND IT'S PLAYED A BIG PART IN GAINING THE WEIGHT I DID.

I WAS LIVING A LIE,

AND I KNOW IF I KEEP LIVING LIKE THAT,

I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE THE PROGRESS I NEED.

SO I'D HAVE TO BE TRUE TO MYSELF

AND START THE PROCESS NOW IN ANY WAY I CAN.

AND I'VE STARTED TO DRESS LIKE A WOMAN WHEN NO ONE'S AROUND.

SOMETIMES, I THINK I MAKE A PRETTY LADY.

AND I THINK I LOOK LIKE MY GRANDMA.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY,

I JUST REMEMBER PRETENDING I WAS A PRINCESS,

AND I LIKED TO PLAY WITH BARBIES

AND NOT WITH, LIKE, TONKA TRUCKS OR STUFF LIKE THAT.

I WAS TAUGHT, "BOYS DO THESE THINGS.

GIRLS DO THESE THINGS.

THIS STUFF'S FOR BOYS. THIS STUFF'S FOR GIRLS."

AND A LARGE PART OF MY FAMILY IS VERY CONSERVATIVE,

SO I JUST ALWAYS FELT LIKE

THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT.

THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULD KEEP TO MYSELF,

BECAUSE, IN MY FAMILY, THAT WAS A BAD THING.

BUT THIS IS WHO I AM,

AND NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE TO DO THIS.

BUT UNTIL I GET CLOSER TO BEING ABLE

TO MAKE THE COMPLETE CHANGE, I'M NOT TELLING ANYONE.

I JUST HOPE THAT EMOTION

AND THAT FEAR DOESN'T BUILD IN ME

AND MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO STAY ON MY DIET.

BUT I'M JUST NOT READY RIGHT NOW,

AND I WANT TO MAKE MORE PROGRESS

BEFORE I WORK UP THE COURAGE TO TELL EVERYONE.

MEGHAN.

YOU HOME?

YOU HUNGRY? I GOT TURKEY POT PIE.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S FINE.

I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO FULLY HANDLE IT

IF MY FAMILY DOESN'T REACT POSITIVELY TO THE NEWS.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE LONGER I KEEP IT A SECRET,

THE HARDER IT IS FOR ME TO DEAL WITH ALL MY EMOTIONS

AND THE MORE I WANT TO FIND COMFORT IN FOOD.

AND I CAN'T LET MYSELF FALL BACK INTO THAT.

OOH! THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Chay: I KNOW I GIVE IN AT TIMES,

AND WHEN I DO, IT'S RISKING EVERYTHING

I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO ACCOMPLISH.

BUT IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT TO NOT GIVE IN,

SO I TRY TO FIND A BALANCE BECAUSE I HAVE TO.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU MANAGED TO EAT ALL OF THAT.

USUALLY, YOU EAT, LIKE, TWO BITES.

I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.

Chay: I'M JUST NOT READY TO TELL MY FAMILY,

AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS

IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T STOP MY PROGRESS.

Chay: I KNOW THE WEIGHT HASN'T BEEN FLYING OFF

THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN GIVING IN SOME HERE AND THERE

AND EATING FOOD TO COMFORT ME RIGHT NOW.

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING WEIGHT

AND I HAVE MORE EXCESS SKIN THAN I HAD BEFORE.

MY ARMS, THEY'RE PRETTY LOOSE AND JIGGLY.

MY BELLY SKIN -- I CAN, LIKE, FOLD IT LIKE A TACO.

THIS EXTRA SKIN BOTHERS ME

BOTH AESTHETICALLY AND FUNCTIONALLY.

I LIKED MY BODY BETTER WHEN I WAS, LIKE, SUPER-FAT

'CAUSE EVERYTHING WAS TIGHT AND SMOOTH,

AND NOW THINGS ARE JUST SAD.

I HAVE ONE MORE MONTH TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT

BEFORE I SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN,

AND I'M WORKING TO MAKE PROGRESS AS BEST I CAN

BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP HIDING WHO I AM.

I KNOW MY EMOTIONS ARE GONNA GET TO BE TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE,

AND I'M GONNA START GIVING IN MORE,

AND I CAN'T START GAINING AND LOSE THIS CHANCE AT MY LIFE.

I JUST CAN'T FAIL AT THIS.

I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW AGAIN AND FIND OUT

IF I'VE MADE GOOD PROGRESS OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS.

I KNOW I'VE STILL HAD MY MOMENTS WHERE I'VE STRUGGLED,

AND I'VE TRIED SOME FAD DIETS

LIKE ONLY EATING BEANS AND LENTILS.

AND I KNOW THEY HAVEN'T REALLY WORKED.

I SHOULD'VE JUST STUCK TO DR. NOW'S DIET.

SO, I'M NERVOUS TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE LOST.

HE WANTED ME TO LOSE 65 POUNDS, TO GET UNDER 400 POUNDS

BEFORE HE THINKS I'D BE READY FOR SKIN SURGERY.

AND SO MUCH IS RIDING ON THIS SURGERY,

SO OF COURSE I'M REALLY NERVOUS RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SCALE'S GONNA SAY.

THAT'S A LOT LESS WEIGHT LOSS THAN I THOUGHT.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A LOT BETTER THAN THAT.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HI, THERE.

-HOW YOU DOING? -I'M OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE AT 464.

AND I WANTED YOU TO GET BELOW 400

IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS,

BUT NOW YOU'RE DOWN TO 455.

THAT'S ONLY THREE POUNDS A MONTH.

AT YOUR WEIGHT, AT THIS POINT AFTER BYPASS,

YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE 20 POUNDS A MONTH

WITHOUT ANY ISSUE.

SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE EATING HABIT?

I-I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW

WHEN YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS?

DID YOU SEE YOUR THERAPIST?

I'VE NOT REALLY DONE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT YET.

YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE A LOT OF BIG CHANGES TO YOUR BODY

IN A SHORT TIME, CHAY,

AND I TOLD YOU YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS

AND TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST.

AND YOU DID NOT DO THAT.

YOU TRIED TO DO THIS ALL ON YOUR OWN,

AND THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

CHAY CERTAINLY HAS A LOT OF REASON

TO WRESTLE WITH HIS EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW,

BUT HE HAS NO EXCUSE TO TRY TO ISOLATE HIMSELF

AND TRY TO DO THIS WHOLE JOURNEY ON HIS OWN.

HE HAS HELP AND RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO HIM

THAT HE'S CHOOSING NOT TO USE RIGHT NOW.

Dr. Nowzaradan: NOTHING STAYED WITH YOU IN YOUR FOLLOW-UP.

WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THAT?

I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT.

I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANY EXCUSES.

Dr. Nowzaradan: IF HE WANTS TO SUCCEED,

HE HAS TO START LEANING ON OTHERS FOR HELP,

OR HE WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS.

YOU NEED TO GO TO YOUR THERAPIST

AND TALK TO HER ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

AND IN THREE MONTHS, I WANT YOU TO BE UNDER 400 POUNDS.

OKAY.

-ANY OTHER QUESTIONS? -UM, NO, SIR.

ALL RIGHT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: IF HIS EATING HABITS GET

OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN,

THEN HE CAN EASILY GET BACK UP TO 600 POUNDS

IN FOUR TO FIVE MONTHS.

SO HE NEEDS TO TAKE EVERYTHING HE'S GOING THROUGH

VERY SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW.

Chay: I KNOW THE DOCTOR'S RIGHT, AND I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN.

AND NOT TRUSTING ANYONE IS CAUSING ME

TO FALL BACK TO OLD HABITS.

I KNOW I HAVE TO START TO REACH OUT

AND BUILD UP THE COURAGE TO STOP LIVING LIKE I AM.

IF I DON'T, I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THIS,

AND I'M GONNA START GAINING AGAIN

AND END UP FURTHER AWAY FROM MY DREAM THAN EVER.

Dr. Nowzaradan: IT'S BEEN A MONTH

SINCE WE PERFORMED SURGERY ON PAULINE,

AND SHE STILL HAS NOT RECOVERED VERY MUCH.

UNFORTUNATELY, SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO GRASP

HOW DIRE HER SITUATION IS RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S WELL ENOUGH TO START HER PHYSICAL THERAPY,

BUT SHE IS REFUSING BECAUSE SHE SAID IT HURTS TOO MUCH

AND SHE WANTS MORE PAIN MEDICATION.

Pauline: I FEEL SO MISERABLE.

I DON'T THINK ANYONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS

HOW PAINFUL THIS ALL IS.

[ MONITORS BEEPING ] EVERYTHING HURTS ME --

TO MOVE, TO SIT UP, TO USE AN ARM,

TO USE A LEG, WHATEVER -- IT HURTS.

I'M LIVING THREE-HOUR TO THREE-HOUR PAIN MEDICINE TIME.

LIKE, I'M SCREAMING FROM PAIN

BY THE TIME IT'S THREE HOURS AGAIN.

BUT AS LONG AS I GOT PAIN MEDICINE IN ME,

I FEEL PRETTY GOOD.

Dr. Nowzaradan: IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET UP OUT OF BED,

HER HEALTH IS GOING TO CONTINUE TO DECLINE

AS HER BODY GETS WORSE AND WORSE.

Chay: RIGHT NOW, I'M HEADED TO SEE MY THERAPIST.

SHE'S HELPED ME THROUGH A LOT,

AND SHE TAUGHT ME TO LET MY FEELINGS OUT

SO I DON'T SUPPRESS THEM AND END UP RUNNING TO FOOD.

I JUST THOUGHT, AT THE TIME, THE EMOTION I NEEDED TO LET OUT

AND DEAL WITH WAS THE PAIN FROM CHILDHOOD AND MY PARENTS.

I GREW UP IN A VERY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD.

SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP, AND THEN I EAT.

THE IMPORTANT THING TO RECOGNIZE IS

THE FEELINGS ARE GONNA GO SOMEWHERE.

YOU SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING

AND THEN LET IT OUT.

I'M TRYING AND WILL TAKE CONTROL.

Chay: BUT MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY HAS HELPED ME TO REALIZE

MORE OF WHO I AM AND MORE OF WHO I WANT TO BE.

AND I'M STILL HIDING THAT FROM THE WORLD.

-HEY, CHAY. GOOD TO SEE YOU. -HEY, THERE.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. -COME ON BACK.

Chay: EVEN THE THOUGHT

OF TELLING MY FAMILY RIGHT NOW IS SCARY,

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET IT OUT.

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON TODAY?

HOW DO YOU WANT TO SPEND OUR TIME?

SO, I HAVE ADMITTED TO MYSELF

THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED PERSON.

-MM. -AND IF I'M GOING

TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS,

THAT'S SOMETHING I CAN SUPPRESS AND NOT FACE.

SO GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY, SHARE WITH ME.

HAS THIS BEEN SOMETHING THAT'S BUILDING?

OR HOW DID YOU REACH THIS POINT OF RECOGNITION OF THIS?

IT'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS DEALT WITH

EVEN BEFORE I KNEW WHAT IT WAS CALLED.

BUT THE WAY I WAS TAUGHT AS A CHILD,

I KNEW THAT...

THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE FROWNED UPON.

AND I KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE,

YOU KNOW, RECEPTIVE TO IT.

SO YOUR FEAR THERE IS WHAT? WHAT IS THE FEAR?

JUST THE CONFLICT.

THERE ARE PARTICULAR PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY THAT,

IF YOU SAY SOMETHING THEY DON'T AGREE WITH,

THEY'RE NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING.

IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT THEM YELLING AND MAKING A SHOW.

-OKAY. -AND THAT'S THE KIND OF CONFLICT

I'D RATHER AVOID. -BUT THESE ARE ALSO PEOPLE

THAT YOU HAVE A REALLY CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH.

YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR OTHER PEOPLE

TO AGREE WITH YOUR POSITION OR EMBRACE THAT.

THAT'S NOT YOUR GOAL.

YOUR GOAL IS SIMPLY SHARING YOUR STORY.

I REALLY KIND OF JUST WISH I COULD DO IT, LIKE,

VIA TEXT MESSAGE OR OVER THE TELEPHONE,

WHERE IF THINGS GET IRATE, I CAN JUST...

THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. YEAH, THAT'S YOUR CHOICE.

BUT THERE MAY BE A LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING THERE,

AND I THINK THAT THAT'S SOMETHING

THAT YOU CAN BUILD ON. -YEAH.

I MEAN, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN

JUST BUILDING AND BUILDING INSIDE OF YOU,

AND I KNOW IT TOOK A LOT OF COURAGE.

SO I THANK YOU FOR SHARING IT WITH ME,

AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT YOU SHARING IT

WITH OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

AND I'M HOPEFUL THAT THEY'RE GONNA BE

ENCOURAGING AND SUPPORTIVE. -WELL, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. -ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, WELL, HOPEFULLY, I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

OKAY.

Chay: I THINK THIS WAS REALLY HELPFUL FOR ME.

I'M STILL SCARED TO TELL MY FAMILY

AND SEE HOW THEY REACT,

BUT I'VE BEEN MAKING IT BIGGER IN MY HEAD.

AS LONG AS THEY ACCEPT ME,

THEN I THINK STEPHANIE IS RIGHT AND THAT I CAN BUILD ON THAT.

SO I HAVE TO FIND THE COURAGE TO DO THIS.

I HAVE TO TELL MY FAMILY.

PAULINE HAS BEEN IN HOSPITAL FOR FOUR MONTHS NOW.

SHE STILL REFUSES TO WALK,

AND SHE REFUSES TO DO ANY EXERCISE.

AND SHE HAS NOT REDUCED HER DEMAND FOR PAIN MEDICATION.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

PAULINE, HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING?

I'M OKAY. HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

THE ONLY POSITIVE THING HAS BEEN WE HAVE BEEN ABLE

TO KEEP HER ON A CONTROLLED DIET.

AND WE HAVE HER DOWN TO 333 POUNDS RIGHT NOW,

BUT HER CONDITION IS NOT GOING TO IMPROVE

IF SHE DOESN'T START TO GET ACTIVE AGAIN.

THERE'S A COUPLE THINGS THAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

FIRST, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET ANY MORE PRESCRIPTIONS

FOR PAINKILLERS.

SECOND, I'M SENDING YOU TO A PHYSICAL-THERAPY FACILITY

TO WORK WITH YOU AND GET YOU UP AND MOVING AGAIN.

Pauline: BUT HOW AM I GONNA STAND UP OR MOVE

OR DO ANY PHYSICAL THERAPY IF I DON'T HAVE ANY MEDICINE

FOR MY KNEES?

YOU DO NOT NEED MEDICINE TO STAND UP.

-OKAY. -YOU NEED TO GET UP AND MOVE.

BUT, LIKE, RIGHT NOW, MY KNEES ARE THROBBING.

YOU KNOW, MY BELLY HURTS FROM TWISTING YESTERDAY,

AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WRONG

WITH LETTING ME BE COMFORTABLE.

YOU NEED TO COME OFF OF THE PAIN MEDICATION.

THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN CONTINUE WITH THAT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: EVERY DAY PAULINE STAYS IN THAT BED,

HER BODY CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE.

THE ONLY WAY FOR HER TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN IS

TO MOVE AROUND AND BUILD UP HER MUSCLE AND JOINTS

TO STOP HURTING.

ALL THESE YEARS OF USING PAIN MEDICATION

GOT YOU ADDICTED TO IT.

YOU ARE A PAIN-MEDICA-- -I'M NOT.

-WELL, YOU SAYING THAT -- -AT HOME, I DON'T EVEN TAKE IT

EVERY DAY.

PAULINE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, RIGHT NOW,

WE'VE GOT A SITUATION THAT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH,

AND WE CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THAT.

WE JUST CANNOT, OKAY?

Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULINE NEEDS TO TAKE

THIS OPPORTUNITY SERIOUSLY BECAUSE THIS MAY BE

HER LAST CHANCE BEFORE HER HEALTH DECLINES AGAIN

AND HER BODY GIVES OUT.

Pauline: THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO DO

WHAT HE'S ASKING ME TO UNTIL THEY GET THE PAIN TO STOP,

BECAUSE IT HURTS TO DO ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST SO FRUSTRATING RIGHT NOW.

Chay: TODAY, I AM GATHERING SOME OF MY CLOSEST FAMILY AND FRIENDS

BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL THEM.

IT'S NOT MY WHOLE FAMILY.

MY MOM, HER GIRLFRIEND,

AND MY FRIENDS HAILY AND LAUREN ARE HERE.

CHAY HAS INVITED US ALL TO HIS HOUSE

TO SHARE SOME KIND OF ANNOUNCEMENT.

I'M KIND OF JUST WONDERING WHAT'S GOING ON.

Cindy: YEAH, THERE'S NO TELLING

WHAT CHAY'S INVITING ME HERE FOR.

HE LOVES TO BE THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING.

HE LIKES TO BE SEEN.

Chay: I'M STARTING SMALL,

BUT I KNOW WORD IS GOING TO SPREAD FAST AMONG MY FAMILY.

I'M MOSTLY WORRIED ABOUT HOW MY AUNT

AND UNCLE ARE GONNA RESPOND ONCE THEY HEAR, THOUGH.

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM A LOT, BUT THEY'RE VERY CONSERVATIVE.

TELLING THEM IS MY BIGGEST FEAR RIGHT NOW.

BUT I'M GONNA OUT AND SHOW THEM WHO I AM --

THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN AND MY NAME IS LOLA.

I WANT THEM TO SEE ME THAT WAY.

BUT NO ONE HERE KNOWS ANYTHING

ABOUT WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL THEM,

SO I HAVE NO IDEA HOW ANY OF THEM ARE GONNA REACT.

EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO,

I'M STILL SO SCARED RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM AND I WANT ALL OF THEIR APPROVAL OF ME.

SO I JUST HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY.

**

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

Chay: I'VE CALLED SOME OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS OVER

FOR A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY.

I'M ABOUT TO COME OUT TO THEM AS A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN,

AND I'M GONNA ASK THAT THEY ALL SUPPORT ME

AND TO CALL ME BY MY CHOSEN NAME NOW -- LOLA.

**

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

WHAT THE [BLEEP]

TA-DA!

THANK YOU.

SO...

I'VE CALLED YOU ALL HERE FOR THIS.

I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I AM, INDEED, A TRANS WOMAN.

I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO CALL ME BY FEMALE PRONOUNS,

LIKE "HER," "SHE."

AND I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO CALL ME LOLA INSTEAD OF CHAY.

LOLA?

LOLA, EVEN THOUGH CHAY WILL STILL BE MY NAME

'CAUSE IT'LL BE MY MIDDLE NAME,

BUT LOLA WILL BE MY CHOSEN FIRST NAME.

SO, I'D LIKE TO KNOW, DO I HAVE YOU GUYS' SUPPORT?

Cindy: YOU GOT MY SUPPORT,

BUT I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER GET USED TO CALLING YOU LOLA.

YOU CAN KEEP CALLING ME TATER. THAT'S FINE.

YEAH, YOU GOT MY SUPPORT.

IT DON'T MATTER TO ME.

I LOVE YOU EITHER WAY. OKAY.

I JUST WANT CHAY TO LIVE OUT THE REST OF HIS LIFE

AS CHAY, LOLA, WHATEVER MAKES HIM HAPPY,

AND STAY FOCUSED ON HIS WEIGHT LOSS

AND SUCCEED AT IT.

WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS?

IF I'M BEING HONEST, IT WASN'T THAT MUCH OF A SURPRISE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO YOU DEFINITELY HAVE MY SUPPORT.

WELL, YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD MY SUPPORT FROM THE BEGINNING,

SO THAT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE.

APPARENTLY, I'M MORE TRANSPARENT THAN I THOUGHT.

THEY ALL ACTED LIKE THEY JUST HAVE KNOWN FOREVER.

IF I'M GONNA BE SUCCESSFUL WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS,

I DON'T NEED TO BE REPRESSING ANYTHING.

SINCE I'VE STARTED BEING MORE OPEN

AND HONEST WITH MYSELF WITH THIS,

I'VE NOTICED MY DESIRE TO JUST SENSELESSLY EAT

HAS GONE DOWN A LOT.

MY GENDER IDENTITY

WAS DEFINITELY PART OF MY INNER CONFLICT,

WHICH CAUSED ME TO OVEREAT.

I FEEL SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE LIKE THIS.

IT'S SO MUCH MORE NATURAL FOR ME.

BUT THE OTHER MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY

THAT ARE REALLY CONSERVATIVE ARE MY BIGGEST CONCERN.

I KNOW THEY'RE GONNA HEAR ABOUT TODAY,

AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT HOW THEY'RE GONNA REACT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OUR FAMILY'S GONNA SAY

WHEN THEY SEE ALL THIS?

THEY DON'T HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE.

IF MY FAMILY DOESN'T END UP ACCEPTING ME LIKE THIS,

IT'S GONNA BE VERY HARD FOR ME TO DEAL WITH.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST GONNA LET WORD SPREAD

AND THEN SEE HOW EVERYONE ELSE REACTS.

I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT, BUT I'M ALSO REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF

FOR TAKING SUCH A HUGE STEP TODAY.

**

Pauline: DR. NOW HAS SENT ME TO START SOME PHYSICAL THERAPY,

BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT I'M GOING TO BE ABLE

TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING TODAY...

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

MM-HMM.

...'CAUSE MY KNEES STILL HURT A LOT AND ARE VERY WEAK.

**

AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW LIMITED I AM

BECAUSE OF ALL THE PAIN.

YOU HAVE A RAMP, RIGHT?

I PROBABLY EXCEED THE LIMIT FOR THE CHAIR LIFT.

I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH USING A CHAIR LIFT.

MY BIGGEST PARANOID THING IS THAT I'M GONNA SLIP AND FALL

'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE GOOD BALANCE.

DO YOU MIND IF MY SON LOOKS OUT THERE JUST TO CHECK IT OUT?

I'M AFRAID IF I PUSH MYSELF TOO HARD, I'M GOING TO HURT MYSELF.

Woman: READY TO COME ON BACK?

SURE.

I DON'T THINK MY CHAIR'S GONNA FIT THROUGH THIS DOOR,

SO I'M PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT SEPARATELY.

HOW FAR CAN YOU WALK?

I CAN WALK SEVERAL STEPS.

OKAY.

I DO WANT TO GET UP AND GET RID OF THE WHEELCHAIR...

BECAUSE I'VE NEEDED IT FOR SO LONG.

HOO!

YOU GOT IT.

GET IN.

[ GROANING ]

[ MOANS ]

BUT RIGHT NOW, THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH I CAN PUSH MYSELF TO DO.

AND I'M REALLY SCARED OF FALLING.

GOT IT? YEAH.

LOVELY.

IF YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME,

IT IS A LOT OF WEAR AND TEAR ON YOUR KNEES.

I'D LIKE TO SEE HER REALLY TRY TO PUSH HERSELF,

BUT SHE'S STILL DISCOVERING HER LIMITS.

PUT THE HEEL DOWN FIRST.

HEEL, TOE, HEEL, TOE.

OOH, THAT'S DIFFERENT,

'CAUSE I'M USED TO DOING THE BALL OF MY FOOT FIRST.

NICE, GOOD.

AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO BACKWARDS.

OH, BACKWARDS.

Pauline: MOVING AROUND IN THE POOL ISN'T SO BAD.

JUST EASIER.

LIKE, YOU JUST GLIDE RIGHT THROUGH.

AND IT FEELS LIKE SOME OF THE PRESSURE IS OFF MY KNEE NOW.

VERY GOOD.

SO, WE'RE GONNA HOLD THIS ONE FOR 30 SECONDS,

AND THEN WE'LL SWITCH OUT TO THE OTHER LEG.

OKAY.

I'VE BEEN AFRAID TO MOVE BECAUSE OF THE PAIN.

BUT AFTER TODAY, I'M STARTING TO SEE HOW I CAN DO THIS.

**

SO I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING MORE

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO KEEP LIVING LIKE I AM.

I'VE JUST BEEN SCARED OF HURTING MYSELF

AND OF ALL THE PAIN OF MOVING AROUND.

AND GETTING UP AND MOVING AROUND

ISN'T SOMETHING I SHOULD BE AFRAID OF.

**

Lola: IT'S BEEN ABOUT A WEEK

SINCE I TOLD SOME OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

THAT I'M TRANSGENDERED

AND THAT I INTEND TO START LIVING AS A WOMAN.

AND WORD HAS SPREAD REALLY FAST.

A LOT OF THEM HAVE SENT ME THESE WONDERFUL MESSAGES OF SUPPORT.

BUT I FEEL LIKE MY AUNT AND UNCLE

DIDN'T RESPOND WELL TO THE NEWS ABOUT ME.

AND TODAY, I SAW THIS VIDEO MY AUNT SHARED ONLINE

THAT SEEMS TO BE DIRECTED AT ME,

BECAUSE IT'S THIS GUY GOING ON ABOUT TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE

USING THE BATHROOM.

[ Chuckling ] THIS IS SO STUPID.

THIS IS SO STUPID.

I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING THEY'VE DONE FOR ME

WITH MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY,

AND I WILL NEVER NOT APPRECIATE IT.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT SERIOUS.

YES, I AM.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY ON YOU.

EVEN IF YOU GET THE SURGERY, IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY ON YOU.

I KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY.

I KNOW THAT.

YOU'RE JUST UPSET.

BUT IT REALLY HURTS ME THAT SHE DID THIS

BECAUSE SHE KNOWS ABOUT ME NOW,

AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN.

I KNEW THIS WAS A POSSIBILITY,

BUT I WAS HOPING THEY'D STILL ACCEPT ME.

AND FINDING OUT RIGHT NOW THAT THEY DON'T HURTS.

I'M JUST SO DISAPPOINTED AND UPSET RIGHT NOW.

I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS.

**

Lola: EMOTIONALLY, I'VE BEEN A BIT OF A WRECK LATELY.

**

I KNEW THE RISK I WAS TAKING COMING OUT TO MY FAMILY

AND THAT SOME OF THEM WOULDN'T NECESSARILY SUPPORT ME.

BUT WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT WAS FOR MY AUNT TO POST SOMETHING

AGAINST TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE ONLINE.

I'M SO HURT RIGHT NOW, AND I CAN'T SIT BY

AND LET HER DO THIS WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING.

SO I'M GOING OVER TO HER PLACE TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT.

**

I'M NOT KEEPING THINGS INSIDE ANYMORE.

**

[ ENGINE STARTS ]

**

SO, THAT WAS A LONG CONVERSATION.

I THINK WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO RESPECT THE FACT

THAT WE ARE NOT GOING TO AGREE ON THIS.

AND THAT HURTS BECAUSE I DO LOVE HER,

AND I WANT HER TO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM.

**

I'M GONNA MAKE THE TRANSITION TO BECOME A FEMALE.

AND IF MY FAMILY CAN'T EMBRACE THAT,

THEN I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH IT.

BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT THIS.

THIS IS WHO I AM.

Pauline: I'VE REALLY BEEN WORKING HARD

THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS

TO DO WHAT THE DOCTOR WANTED ME TO DO.

I WAS HESITANT ABOUT DOING ANYTHING AT A REHAB FACILITY,

BUT ONCE I WENT AND STARTED EXERCISING,

I WAS REALLY GLAD I DID.

Woman: MRS. POTTER?

AND THE KNEE PAIN HAS GOTTEN A LOT BETTER.

AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD

ABOUT WHAT MY PROGRESS IS GOING TO BE TODAY.

**

353.

**

I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MY WEIGHT,

EVEN THOUGH IT'S SHOWING I'VE GAINED SINCE MY LAST WEIGH-IN.

NOT GONNA LET IT GET ME DOWN.

I'M JUST GONNA WORK HARDER

TO HAVE A BETTER LOSS FOR NEXT MONTH.

HELLO.

HI, DR. NOW. HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

HANGING IN THERE.

SO, YOU ARE 353 POUNDS.

YEAH.

I HAD A 5-POUND GAIN FROM THE LAST TIME,

WHICH I'M NOT GONNA LET DISCOURAGE ME

BECAUSE I CAN GET TO THE POOL AND --

WELL, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.

WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOSPITAL, YOU WERE 333 POUNDS.

YOU HAVEN'T GAINED 5 POUNDS.

YOU GAINED 20.

THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULINE HAS LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT,

BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE OF HER INABILITY

TO KEEP FOOD DOWN WHEN SHE HAD ULCERS

AND THEN BECAUSE OF HER CONTROLLED DIET IN THE HOSPITAL.

BUT NOW THAT SHE'S ON HER OWN AGAIN,

SHE STARTED GAINING.

YOU'RE FALLING BACK TO THE SAME ABNORMAL EATING HABITS

THAT YOU HAD.

YOU'RE WAY BEYOND YOUR CALORIE REQUIREMENT.

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE CHANGED IT SOMEWHAT,

BUT THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT OF CIRCUMSTANCES,

AND I HAD REALLY BAD KNEE PAIN, AND --

PAULINE, YOU'RE GETTING THAT MUCH AWAY

FROM ME FIRING YOU FROM MY CARE.

OKAY? THAT MUCH.

OKAY, BUT WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WRONG -- I TOLD YOU FROM DECEMBER,

YOU NEED TO LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH.

OKAY. YOU DIDN'T LOSE IT.

SO IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA START LISTENING HERE,

I'M NOT GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU.

I'VE BEEN LISTENING.

OKAY, IF YOU'D BEEN LISTENING WHEN YOU WERE 333 POUNDS,

YOU OUGHT TO LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH.

OKAY?

YOU DIDN'T LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH.

YOU'VE GAINED POUNDS.

YOU GOT THAT? YES.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING SO HUFFY ABOUT?

YOU KEEP MUDDYING THIS WATER, BRINGING IN ALL THESE ISSUES,

AND I'M NOT GONNA PUT UP WITH THAT.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO GOOD.

I HAD A LITTLE SETBACK THIS TIME.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT STUFF.

YOU KNOW THAT THE EFFECT OF SURGERY

IS GONNA FADE AWAY IN FIVE YEARS,

AND YOU'RE GONNA BE BACK TO THE 700, 600 POUNDS

THAT YOU WERE BEFORE.

PAULINE HAS TO WAKE UP NOW

BECAUSE SHE CANNOT AFFORD TO START GAINING.

IF HER HEALTH STARTS TO DECLINE AGAIN,

THEN WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SAVE HER.

THIS IS A CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND GET HEALTHY,

AND IF YOU DON'T DO IT NOW,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO GET A SECOND CHANCE.

ALL RIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH,

AND IF YOU STICK WITH THE DIET, YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THAT.

OKAY?

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

I MANAGED TO MAKE DR. NOW MAD, AND...

I JUST THOUGHT I WAS DOING BETTER.

Dillon: I THINK HE WAS A LITTLE HARSH,

BUT I KIND OF UNDERSTAND WHERE HE'S COMING FROM.

Dillon: SHE COULD BE DOING BETTER,

BUT SHE HASN'T HAD THE TIME 'CAUSE WE'VE BEEN SO BUSY.

Pauline: I DIDN'T GO IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION,

BUT, I MEAN, HE'S GOT HIS RIGHT TO HIS OWN OPINION.

ALL I CAN DO IS TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

**

Pauline: WITH MY WEIGHT GAIN,

DR. NOW FEELS I'VE BEEN SLIPPING BACK INTO OLD HABITS,

AND I REALIZE NOW HOW CLOSE TO DEATH I WAS.

I DON'T WANT TO EVER END UP BACK THERE,

SO I'M SEEING A LIFE COACH

TO GET MY LIFE MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AGAIN.

AND WHATEVER HELP I CAN GET TO DO THAT RIGHT NOW, I WANT.

WELCOME.

OKAY, SO YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS BEFORE I MET YOU.

SO I GUESS IF IT'S OKAY,

I'D LIKE TO JUST GET YOU TO TELL ME A LITTLE BIT MORE

ABOUT HOW YOU CAME TO THIS POINT.

Pauline: OKAY.

I'VE BEEN HEAVY ALL OF MY LIFE.

MM-HMM.

I WAS 700, AND NOW I'M ABOUT 352.

OKAY, SO YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY.

YEAH.

SO, COMING IN HERE TODAY, THERE MAY BE SOME GOALS

THAT YOU HAVE IN MIND THAT'S SEPARATE FROM THE WEIGHT.

TO ME, HONESTLY, I WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO JUST BE WORKING AGAIN.

I'VE BEEN WANTING NOTHING BUT TO GET BACK INTO SOCIETY,

AND I REALLY BADLY WANT TO BE NORMAL.

THERE WAS SO MANY THINGS I COULDN'T DO AT 700,

AND FOR ABOUT THE LAST SIX TO EIGHT YEARS, MY SON --

HE'S BEEN THE ONE TAKING CARE OF ME,

HELPING ME GET DRESSED, COOKING, DOING LAUNDRY.

HE WAS THE ONE DOING ALL THAT.

OKAY, SO YOU MENTIONED A JOB AND BEING MORE INDEPENDENT.

YEAH.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I WANT TO GET TO YOUR GOALS,

BUT IT HELPS SO MUCH TO UNDERSTAND

SORT OF THE SELF-CRITIC

VERSUS THE SELF-COMPASSIONATE VOICES THAT YOU HAVE.

OKAY.

SO, YOU'VE BEEN SITTING RIGHT OVER HERE, OKAY?

SO I WANT YOU TO MOVE OVER HERE INTO THIS SELF-CRITIC'S SEAT.

OKAY.

IT'S GOOD EXERCISE TO MOVE, I GUESS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO I WANT YOU TO KIND OF TURN TOWARD YOURSELF HERE.

OKAY.

SO, PAULINE, RIGHT NOW,

I WANT YOU TO BECOME THAT CRITICAL VOICE,

AND I WANT YOU TO TELL PAULINE OVER HERE

WHO HAS ALL THESE GOALS AND IDEAS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I WANT THE CRITIC TO COME OUT.

WOW. I DON'T KNOW.

I WOULD SAY, WHAT IF YOU CAN'T DO THE JOB?

WHAT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT

AND YOU MESS UP AND THEY FIRE YOU?

WHAT IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU,

OR WHAT IF YOU PHYSICALLY CAN'T GET UP THE STAIRS?

SO, LOTS OF FEAR.

A LOT OF FEAR.

BECAUSE MENTALLY, I AM STILL 700.

IN MY MIND, I CARRY IT WITH ME EVERY DAY.

ALL RIGHT, SO I WANT THE HEALTHY PAULINE OVER HERE TO COME BACK.

[ Chuckling ] OKAY.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OKAY. RESPOND TO HER COMMENTS.

THIS IS YOUR HEALTHY VOICE TALKING TO THE CRITIC.

SO, YOU KNOW, IT'D BE LIKE, "I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID.

I HEAR THE FEAR."

I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID, AND I HEAR THE FEAR.

BUT TOO BAD WHAT YOU THINK.

I'M GOING TO TRY IT ANYWAY.

AND I'M SURE THEY THINK I'M CAPABLE OF DOING THE JOB

OR THEY WOULDN'T HAVE HIRED ME.

EXCELLENT.

YEAH, AND SO LET'S REMIND THAT FEARFUL PART OF YOURSELF

THE SUCCESSES YOU'VE CREATED, THE WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST.

I MEAN, GIVE -- GIVE THAT PART --

YEAH, I'VE LOST HALF OF ME.

THAT IS, LIKE, A MIRACLE IN ITSELF.

AND I THINK WE COULD SUCCEED.

WE JUST CANNOT GIVE UP, AND...

AND I WILL HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS.

[ CHUCKLES ] IT'S KIND OF WEIRD.

THAT'S WONDERFUL. "I WILL HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS."

I'M NOT TRYING TO GET EMOTIONAL.

SO, THE EMOTIONAL STUFF, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT A MINUTE,

'CAUSE THE EMOTION IS BEAUTIFUL, AND THIS IS --

AND THE EMOTION HAPPENED WHEN YOU CONNECTED WITH YOURSELF

AND COMFORTED YOURSELF.

LIKE, "I'M GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND."

THAT WAS THE PART -- "I'M GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND.

I'M HERE FOR YOU."

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S EMOTIONAL.

YEAH.

I THINK I'VE DONE A LOT OF HOLDING MY OWN HAND

THROUGH A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE.

WE DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE FEAR BEHIND.

WE DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOME IT.

IT'S JUST A PART OF WHO I AM THAT I ACCEPT.

I THINK MOST OF MY PAIN OR NEEDING FOR COMFORT

HAS STEMMED FROM FEELING NOT ACCEPTED BECAUSE I WAS 700.

BUT NOW THAT THINGS ARE CHANGING,

I STILL WANT TO BE OUT THERE,

AND I REALLY, REALLY WANTED TO GIVE MY SON HIS LIFE BACK

BECAUSE I NOTICE THAT I DEPEND ON HIM A LOT.

IF HE SAYS I CAN DO IT, THEN I KNOW -- THEN I CAN DO IT.

RIGHT, AND SO BUT TODAY, HE'S NOT IN THIS ROOM, IS HE?

NO, HE IS NOT. YEAH.

NO, AND SO AS YOU SEPARATE

AND GIVE MORE SPACE TO YOUR SON AND HAVE MORE SEPARATENESS,

THAT LEAVES ROOM FOR SOMETHING TO FLOW IN THERE.

WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GONNA FLOW INTO THAT SPACE?

YOU KNOW, THE NEW JOB AND GOING ON SOCIAL OUTINGS,

AND SO IT'S NOT THAT WE'LL LOSE DILLON.

IT'S JUST THAT WE'LL HAVE TWO SEPARATE, INDEPENDENT LIVES,

AND WE'LL COME TOGETHER AND HAVE MORE TO SHARE AND TALK ABOUT.

RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, PAULINE, I'VE ENJOYED OUR TIME TOGETHER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

I APPRECIATE IT. YEAH.

WELL, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

OKAY.

I DO WANT TO GET OUT MORE, AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE

HOW I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OPPORTUNITIES IN MY LIFE

TO BE SOCIAL OUTSIDE OF DILLON

AND HOW I NEED TO START DOING THINGS

WHERE I CAN DEVELOP THOSE RELATIONSHIPS,

AND I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

**

Lola: TODAY, I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN

FOR ANOTHER FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT.

**

IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I'VE SEEN HIM,

AND HE WANTED ME TO LOSE 64 POUNDS

AND GET UNDER 400 SO HE COULD CONSIDER ME

FOR SKIN SURGERY.

**

BUT IT'S JUST BEEN A REALLY EMOTIONAL TIME IN MY LIFE.

I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH SO MUCH THAT IT'S JUST BEEN REALLY HARD

TO EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO MY DIET.

SO MY BEST FRIEND LAUREN SAID SHE'D COME WITH ME

TO HELP BE MY MORAL SUPPORT

IF THE SCALE DOESN'T GIVE ME GOOD NEWS TODAY.

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY PROGRESS IS RIGHT NOW.

OUCH.

**

THAT'S NOT MUCH WEIGHT LOSS,

AND I'M NOT REALLY LOOKING FORWARD

TO WHAT DR. NOW IS GONNA SAY RIGHT NOW.

GOOD MORNING.

HEY. HOW ARE YOU, CHAY?

I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

IN 3 MONTHS, YOU LOSE 8 POUNDS?

AT THIS POINT, YOU SHOULD BE AT 400 POUNDS.

YOU SHOULD BE LOSING AT LEAST, MINIMUM, 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

BUT YOU STILL SEEM TO BE EMOTIONALLY EATING.

WELL, I'VE TRIED HARD.

WELL, YOU NEED TO IDENTIFY WHAT ISSUES ARE THE PROBLEM.

I HATE TO SAY THIS -- IT'S KIND OF MEAN --

BUT THE PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY DON'T EXACTLY RESPECT MY NEEDS.

AND WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE

THAT YOU DON'T HAVE SUPPORT AT HOME?

THE WHOLE WORLD IS, LIKE, CLOSING UP ON YOU.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THAT'S HOW IT FEELS LATELY.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING THROUGH A LOT RIGHT NOW,

BUT THAT'S THE SAME EXCUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE.

SO, IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS,

AND YOU HAVE LOST ALMOST NO WEIGHT.

WHY IS THAT?

MY GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY VERY SUDDENLY,

AND SO MY EATING IS FOR EMOTIONAL REASONS, TOO.

CHAY, LIFE IS FULL OF STRESS, AND LOSING SOMEONE IS HORRIBLE.

BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE GOOD ENOUGH TO LIVE LIKE YOU ARE.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

NO MATTER WHAT'S GOING ON,

NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU,

THIS IS YOUR LIFE,

AND YOUR CHOICES ARE THE ONES AFFECTING IT RIGHT NOW.

NOT OTHERS -- YOUR CHOICES.

AND I NEED YOU TO START MAKING BETTER CHOICES.

OKAY.

CHAY ALWAYS SEEMS TO LET LIFE OVERWHELM HIM,

BUT LIFE NEVER GETS TO A POINT

WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.

SOMETIMES THEY'LL BE SMALL.

SOMETIMES THEY'LL BE BIG.

BUT IF CHAY KEEPS SEEING HIS PROBLEMS

AS AN EXCUSE TO RUN AND EAT,

HE'S NEVER GONNA GET HEALTHY AND LIVE THE LIFE HE WANTS.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN, FROM YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE,

FROM YOUR MENTAL ATTITUDE,

AND HAVE A GOOD OUTLOOK FOR THE FUTURE.

I WANT YOU TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE PROACTIVE

ABOUT YOUR EXERCISE,

AND IN THREE MONTHS, I WANT TO SEE

IF YOU CAN GET YOUR WEIGHT DOWN TO 400

SO THEN YOU CAN HAVE YOUR SKIN SURGERY.

OKEYDOKEY.

ALL RIGHT? THANK YOU, SIR.

OKAY.

SEE YOU.

SEE YOU.

BYE.

Dr. Nowzaradan: HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO START

TAKING MORE CONTROL OF HIS LIFE

IF HE EVER HOPES TO FIND A BALANCE

WITHOUT JUSTIFYING RUNNING TO FOOD TO COPE.

**

Lola: AFTER SEEING THE SCALE,

I WAS REALLY WORRIED DR. NOW WAS GONNA GIVE UP ON ME.

SO I'M HAPPY HE DIDN'T DO THAT.

I'VE LET THE TRUTH COME OUT, AND I'VE FACED MY BIGGEST FEAR.

NOW, BEING ON THE OTHER END OF THAT,

I FEEL SO MUCH STRONGER,

AND I'M READY TO START TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE

AND BE PROACTIVE LIKE DR. NOW IS SAYING.

I WENT THROUGH THE FIRE,

AND NOW I'M READY TO START LIVING THE LIFE I WANT.

**

Pauline: I'VE TAKEN WHAT DR. NOWZARADAN HAS SAID TO HEART,

AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO EAT HEALTHIER.

IT'S NOT EASY.

BUT I'M TRYING TO BE AS DETERMINED AS I CAN.

A YEAR AGO, MY LIFE WAS SO BAD,

I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR MYSELF.

I WAS NEARLY BEDRIDDEN, AND I WOULD OVEREAT ALL THE TIME.

HAVING MY SON TAKE CARE OF ME IS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER.

DILLON IS 21, AND HIS FULL-TIME JOB IS TAKING CARE OF ME.

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT LIFE EVER AGAIN.

SO I'M DOING WHAT I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

Dillon: MY MOM IS PROGRESSING REALLY GOOD.

I'M VERY PROUD OF HER AND FOR HANGING IN THERE.

AND SHE COULD DO STUFF ON HER OWN

AND I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HELPING HER AS MUCH AS I DID.

I FEEL MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY EMPOWERED

BY THE GOOD THINGS THAT I EAT NOW.

NOT BAD. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?

IT'S GOOD.

EVERYTHING'S LOOKING UP FROM HERE ON OUT.

**

ONE OF THE THINGS I WANTED TO DO

AFTER TALKING WITH THE LIFE COACH

WAS TO GET UP AND TRY AND DO MORE ON MY OWN.

**

I WANT TO START TAKING CARE OF MYSELF COMPLETELY...

**

...SO THAT'S MY GOAL RIGHT NOW.

BECAUSE BEFORE, DILLON HAD TO DO EVERY SINGLE THING.

**

I STILL NEED HIS HELP,

BUT I'M TRYING TO DO AS MUCH AS I CAN.

I KNOW HOW CLOSE I GOT TO LOSING EVERYTHING,

AND I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN.

AND I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE WAY I WAS BEFORE.

I WAS DOOMED TO BE IN AN ELECTRIC HOSPITAL BED

AND WITH A WHEELCHAIR FOREVER.

SO I'M WORKING HARD FOR THIS CHANGE.

OH, GOODNESS SAKES.

[ GROANS ]

WITH HOW DISAPPOINTED DR. NOWZARADAN WAS LAST TIME,

I KNOW THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I HAVE TO HIT MY GOALS.

**

I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT.

IF I DON'T, HE'S LIKELY NOT GOING TO TREAT ME ANYMORE.

SO I HAVE TO DO THIS.

**

OOH.

I'M TRYING TO GET UP,

AND I'M TRYING TO STAY MORE ACTIVE AND DO MORE ON MY OWN.

**

I AM NOW MORE MOBILE, AND I'M DOING MORE WALKING.

I HAVE NEVER WALKED MORE THAN PROBABLY 20 STEPS.

AT 700, YOU CAN'T JUST GO OUT AND TAKE A WALK.

WHAT I WISH FOR EVERY DAY IS THAT I CAN MOVE WITHOUT HELP.

BUT NOW I CAN DO SO MUCH.

OOH, THE KNEES ARE NOT LIKING THIS,

BUT I FEEL ENERGETIC.

I KNOW THE DOCTOR'S RIGHT ABOUT IT HURTING LESS THE MORE I DO,

SO I'M TRYING TO JUST DEAL WITH THE PAIN WHEN I HIT MY LIMITS.

I HAVE TO ADMIT, WHEN I GET THAT BAD KNEE PAIN,

A LOT OF TIMES, I DON'T WANT TO PUSH PAST IT.

BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I HAVE A WEAK MOMENT OR I WANT TO GIVE UP,

I'LL JUST TELL MYSELF, "YOU CAN DO THIS FOR DILLON."

I ACTUALLY HAVE NEVER WALKED THIS FAR BEFORE.

AND IT SEEMS SILLY, BUT IT'S A MILESTONE FOR ME.

**

I'M GOING TO KEEP PUSHING MYSELF TO DO MORE

AND GET OUT IN THE WORLD.

**

Lola: DR. NOW WANTS ME TO BE PROACTIVE,

SO THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP, MRS. DeMILLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M FEELING EMPOWERED AND LIKE I'M READY TO TAKE ON ANYTHING.

AND I'M LIVING MY LIFE.

I WOULD LOVE TO ENTERTAIN SOMEDAY

AND TRY AND BRING SMILES TO PEOPLE'S FACES.

MERCI.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER GET THE CHANCE

TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

BUT I FIGURED YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE.

AND THEN ON THE NEXT BEAT, YOU'LL SWING ME UP LIKE THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO I'VE JOINED A LOCAL DRAMA GROUP,

AND IT'S BEEN REALLY FUN.

I TOTALLY FEEL AT HOME IN THE THEATER

BECAUSE THE STAGE AND BEING AN ENTERTAINER

IS JUST WHAT I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING.

IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE, LIKE I'M DOING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

I'M NOT LETTING MY FEARS HOLD ME BACK ANY LONGER.

I'M GONNA BE ME, AND PEOPLE CAN EITHER ACCEPT ME OR NOT.

THERE'S NO FEELING LIKE IT

WHEN YOU FOUND WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO DO.

**

IT'S THEIR CHOICE,

BUT PEOPLE ARE NOT GONNA AFFECT WHO I AM ANY LONGER.

**

DR. NOW WANTED ME TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT,

SO I'M GONNA GO TO THE GYM

AND HOPEFULLY KNOCK A FEW MORE POUNDS OFF

WITH MY TRAINER, DONOVAN.

**

I'VE LET MY EXERCISE AND DIET LAPSE, BUT NOT ANYMORE.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

Donovan: CHAY!

HOW YOU DOING?

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE SEEN MY TRAINER, DONOVAN.

HE PROBABLY THOUGHT HE'D NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.

LET'S GET WARMED UP,

AND THEN WE'LL GO RIGHT INTO OUR WORKOUT.

BUT THERE'S NO EXCUSE.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET MY FOCUS ON MY EXERCISE AND HEALTH

LAPSE LIKE IT HAS.

MAN, YOU REALLY HAVE COME A LONG WAY.

I REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST STARTED DOING THIS,

THIS WOULD MAKE MY LEGS SO TIRED,

AND THIS IS LIKE NOTHING.

YEAH.

THAT'S IT.

COME ON DOWN.

EXERCISING AND EATING RIGHT ARE NO LONGER GONNA BE THINGS

THAT ARE OPTIONAL FOR ME EACH DAY.

FASTER, COME ON. PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH.

I'M READY TO MAKE IT MY WAY OF LIFE.

THERE YOU GO.

MAN, YOU ARE MOVING LIKE A CAT.

NO MORE EMOTIONAL EXCUSES.

CHAY, KEEP IT GOING.

I'M DONE WITH THAT, AND I'M READY TO TAKE CHARGE OF MY LIFE.

ALL RIGHT, EXCELLENT.

Donovan: I THOUGHT YOU DID A FANTASTIC JOB.

THANK YOU.

AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU MAKE IT A HABIT.

THIS HAS TO BE A WAY OF LIFE.

SOUND GOOD? COOL.

ALL RIGHT, IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU.

THE LIFE I WANT IS ONLY GONNA COME WITH HARD WORK.

**

Pauline: TODAY, I'M DOING SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR DILLON.

WHEN WE GO OUT,

HE'S HAD TO STAY BY ME THE WHOLE TIME JUST IN CASE I NEED HIM.

OKAY, I NEED TO SIT HERE FOR A SECOND, HONEY,

AND I'LL CATCH UP.

OH, BENCH, PLEASE DON'T FAIL ME NOW.

BUT I'M DOING FAR MORE THAN I HAVE IN SO LONG,

SO I'M GOING TO LET DILLON GO DO HIS OWN THING WHILE WE SHOP.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME GOING INSIDE

AND LOOKING AT SOME OF THIS FUNKY FRESH STUFF?

I THINK I CAN MANAGE ON MY OWN,

SO YOU CAN GO OFF AND DO YOUR THING.

OKAY. OKAY?

IT'LL BE FUN.

BE CAREFUL, AND I GUESS I'LL --

I GUESS I SHOULDN'T SAY, "BE CAREFUL."

YOU'RE NOT MY LITTLE BOY ANYMORE,

BUT IN MY HEART,

YOU'RE STILL THAT LITTLE 4-YEAR-OLD ON MY LAP.

SO I'M SORRY, BUT SOMETIMES I CAN'T LET GO OF THAT.

BUT I'M TRYING.

SO, YOU GO ENJOY YOURSELF, AND I'LL BE OKAY.

OKAY. OKAY.

HAVE FUN.

I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR DILL TO BE ABLE TO DO HIS OWN THING

JUST BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL FOR A KID HIS AGE.

EVER SINCE HE WAS ABOUT 14, I'VE JUST NEEDED HIM SO MUCH.

AND SO NOW, EVERY OPPORTUNITY I GET,

I WANT TO SEND HIM TO GO DO THINGS ON HIS OWN.

IT MEANS A LOT TO ME

BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE MORE OF A MOTHER-SON RELATIONSHIP

AND IT'S NOT SO MUCH HIM TAKING CARE OF ME.

Dillon: IT'S NICE TO SEE MY MOM PROGRESSING

AND DOING STUFF ON HER OWN,

AND I AM STARTING TO GET COMFORTABLE

AND I CAN GO AND DO WHATEVER

AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IF I HAVE TO GO BACK AND HELP HER.

SO NEXT STEP FOR ME WOULD PROBABLY BE TO GET A GOOD JOB

TO WHERE I COULD MOVE OUT ON MY OWN,

AND THEN WE COULD BOTH HAVE OUR INDEPENDENT LIVES

THAT WE'VE WANTED TO HAVE.

**

Pauline: I THINK DILL KNOWS THAT I'M GONNA BE OKAY,

AND I HAVE LOT MORE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF

AND MY ABILITIES TO DO THINGS NOW.

THANK YOU, HONEY. HAVE A GREAT DAY.

YOU, TOO. OKAY, BYE-BYE.

IT IS A MILESTONE TO BE OUT ON MY OWN.

AND I'M NOT ALL THE WAY WHERE I WANT TO BE,

BUT I'M SUPER HAPPY WITH WHERE I'M AT SO FAR.

AND I'M NOT GOING BACK.

**

Lola: AS OF TODAY, I'M LIVING LIFE AS LOLA OUT IN PUBLIC.

AND I DON'T HAVE MANY OUTFITS RIGHT NOW,

SO I NEED TO GET SOME NEW DRESSES.

**

THAT'S CUTE.

YOU CAN TRY IT ON. YEAH.

WELL, THIS'LL GET IT STARTED.

I'M EXCITED TO START MY NEW WARDROBE TODAY.

I'M FINALLY GOING TO A STORE WHERE I CAN BE MYSELF

AND BUY THINGS THAT ARE AN EXPRESSION OF WHO I AM.

HOW DO YOU FEEL? I LIKE THIS.

I LIKE THINGS THAT ARE MORE A-LINE.

I'VE HAD TO BE IN CLOTHES MY WHOLE LIFE

THAT I FELT WEREN'T RIGHT FOR ME.

THEY'VE BEEN MORE OF A COSTUME.

LOLA, HOW'S IT GOING?

IT'S KIND OF SHORT.

AWW, SEXY MAMA!

[ LAUGHS ]

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M FINALLY STARTING MY LIFE

AS THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS WANTED BUT HAVE BEEN TOO AFRAID TO BE.

**

TO NOT ONLY BE ABLE TO SHOP FOR OUTFITS I WANT

BUT TO BE ABLE TO FIT IN THEM

IS SOMETHING I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE

TO GO TO A STORE AND DO.

SO THIS HAS BEEN A BIG MOTIVATOR FOR ME TO KEEP LOSING WEIGHT.

I THINK I FOUND THE WINNERS.

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS MORE AND MORE.

OKAY. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

I WILL HAPPILY TRY THIS ON.

ALL RIGHT.

SO TODAY WAS GREAT,

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS AGAIN SOON.

**

I'M HEADED BACK TO SEE DR. NOW FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT.

IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I LAST SAW THE DOCTOR,

AND HE WANTED ME TO FINALLY GET BELOW 400 POUNDS.

AND I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD TO DO THAT.

AND I'M HOPING TODAY, WHEN I GET ON THAT SCALE,

I'M GONNA SEE MORE THAN JUST A LITTLE WEIGHT LOSS.

**

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M DOING EVERYTHING I CAN NOW,

AND THERE'S NO MORE EXCUSES.

Woman: LOLA.

BUT I KNOW IF I HAVEN'T MADE THE PROGRESS I NEED,

THEN I'M NOT GETTING APPROVED FOR SKIN SURGERY,

AND THEN I'M STILL NOT CLOSER

FULLY MAKING THE TRANSITION TO THE LIFE I WANT.

**

Lola: I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS RIGHT NOW.

I'M REALLY HOPING MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS BEEN ENOUGH

TO FINALLY GET BELOW 400 AND TO QUALIFY FOR SKIN SURGERY.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

**

I REALLY HOPE DR. NOW IS HAPPY, THAT HE'S PROUD OF ME,

EVEN THOUGH IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO DO THIS.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: HI, CHAY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

YOU LOOK NICE. Lola: THANK YOU.

GOT A NEW DRESS,

AND I AM ASKING THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO START CALLING ME LOLA,

SO THAT'S MY NEW NAME.

OKAY. GOT IT.

BUT REMEMBER, WAIT TILL YOUR WEIGHT STABILIZES

BEFORE HORMONE THERAPY OR GENDER-REASSIGNMENT SURGERY

TO MAKE SURE THERE IS NO COMPLICATION.

BUT I THINK YOU'RE DOING GREAT,

AND YOU'RE READY FOR YOUR FIRST SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

AND THAT'S GONNA BE A POSITIVE STEP

TOWARD WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN YOUR GOAL.

YES, SIR. SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

Dr. Nowzaradan: LOLA IS DOING BETTER NOW,

AND I'M REALLY HAPPY SHE'S BACK ON TRACK.

I HOPE SHE'LL CONTINUE TO STAY FOCUSED AND MAKE GOOD CHOICES,

AND I'M PROUD OF HER FOR HAVING THE COURAGE AND THE STRENGTH

TO CONTINUE THAT JOURNEY.

YOU HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB, AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER, LOLA.

OKEYDOKEY. THANK YOU, DR. NOW.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

Lola: I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING I'VE ACCOMPLISHED.

I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG,

AND TO FINALLY HAVE MY DREAMS STARTING TO COME TRUE

IS SUCH AN AMAZING FEELING.

AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER RIGHT NOW.

**

Lola: I'M PURSUING ALL MY DREAMS NOW, AND NEXT WEEK,

I'M GONNA BE SINGING IN A NIGHTCLUB AS LOLA.

SO TODAY, I'M GONNA GET MY EARS PIERCED

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE READY FOR MY ONSTAGE DEBUT.

I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS FOR A REALLY LONG TIME, ACTUALLY.

OH, I'M GONNA BE TERRIFIED.

BREATHE IN... [ INHALES DEEPLY ]

...AND BREATHE OUT.

OKAY, THAT WASN'T SO BAD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

IT'S TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW.

MM-HMM.

I'M PURSUING ALL MY DREAMS NOW,

AND I'M NOT LETTING ANYTHING HOLD ME BACK.

I AM WHO I AM, AND I WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT.

**

Pauline: I'M ABOUT TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN,

AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THE PAST FEW MONTHS.

**

I'M JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS, THOUGH,

'CAUSE A LOT IS RIDING ON MY PROGRESS TODAY.

PAULINE POTTER?

DR. NOWZARADAN WAS SO UPSET LAST TIME.

IF I'M NOT BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK,

I'M WORRIED HE'S NOT GOING TO SEE ME ANYMORE.

SO I REALLY HOPE I'VE LOST A GOOD AMOUNT OF WEIGHT TODAY.

**

[ CHUCKLES ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

**

I'M SO EXCITED.

**

HI, PAULINE.

HI, DR. NOW.

ALL RIGHT.

SO YOU'RE DOWN TO 308.

YOU'RE BACK ON TRACK, AND THAT'S GREAT.

I JUST SEEM TO HAVE MORE ENERGY ALL THE TIME.

IT'S LIKE I GOT RID OF TWO PEOPLE

THAT I WAS CARRYING PIGGYBACK RIDE ALL THE TIME BEFORE.

GOOD.

WELL, WITH THIS PROGRESS,

I THINK YOU'RE READY FOR SKIN SURGERY,

SO I'M APPROVING YOU FOR THAT.

[ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU, DR. NOW.

SO WE CAN PROBABLY REMOVE 40 TO 50 POUNDS OF EXTRA SKIN, THEN.

WOW.

CAN I HUG YOU?

SURE. [ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, DR. NOW.

YOU'RE WELCOME. I APPRECIATE YOUR HELP.

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME MY LIFE BACK.

WELL, THAT'S MY JOB,

AND I'M PROUD OF YOU THAT STUCK WITH THE PROGRAM.

STAY FOCUSED AND CONTINUE DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I'M FEELING MORE HOPEFUL ABOUT THINGS.

I THINK IT'S GONNA GET BETTER.

OH, GOOD, GOOD. YEAH.

Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M VERY HAPPY TO SEE PAULINE'S PROGRESS NOW.

SHE'S STICKING TO HER DIET AND DOING HER EXERCISES.

I'M ALSO HAPPY THAT EXCUSES HAVE STOPPED

AND SHE'S COMPLETELY OFF PAINKILLERS.

SO SHE'S ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

ALL RIGHT, PAULINE, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

WE'RE GONNA SET YOU UP FOR SURGERY NEXT MONTH.

OKAY. AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

THANK YOU, DR. NOW. ALL RIGHT.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: THERE WERE MOMENTS

THAT I WASN'T SURE SHE WAS GONNA MAKE IT,

BUT SHE HAS TURNED IT AROUND NOW

AND DOING WHAT SHE NEEDS TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

**

Pauline: TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO GET MY SKIN SURGERY IS HUGE.

I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR THE JOURNEY AND WHERE I'M AT TODAY.

IT'S BEEN THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE.

**

BUT I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR WHAT I'M ACHIEVING

AND WHERE MY LIFE IS GOING.

**

I WANTED TO THANK EVERYBODY FOR COMING DOWN.

I KNOW THAT IT'S A BIG THING

WHENEVER PEOPLE TAKE TIME OUT OF THEIR DAY AND THEIR SCHEDULES

TO COME DOWN AND VOLUNTEER.

TODAY, I'M TAKING A BIG STEP.

I HAVEN'T WORKED IN SO LONG

THAT I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE

TO GET BACK OUT THERE AND GET A JOB.

...PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

IF YOU GUYS DID NOT COME IN TO HELP US OUT WITH THESE DOGS,

THERE'S NO WAY THAT ALL OF THIS WOULD WORK.

SO TODAY, I'M STARTING MY PART-TIME JOB

AT A NEARBY ANIMAL RESCUE.

I LOVE ANIMALS, AND IF I HAD TO PICK ANY JOB,

IT WOULD BE TO WORK WITH THEM.

SO I'M REALLY EXCITED TODAY TO START TO GET OUT ON MY OWN

AND DO THIS AND MEET NEW PEOPLE.

I WOULD LOVE TO DO ANYTHING I CAN,

AS FAR AS LOVING OR FOSTERING.

AND I COULD DO STUFF AT HOME, 'CAUSE I HAVE A COMPUTER,

SO I COULD DO ANYTHING YOU GUYS WANT ME TO DO.

TALKING TO THE LIFE COACH MADE ME REALIZE

THAT I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY OTHER THINGS IN MY LIFE

WHERE I CAN BE SOCIAL

AND EVEN TRY TO HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF DILLON.

WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD AND WALK KELLY.

I THINK SHE'LL BE A GOOD ONE FOR YOUR FIRST ROUND.

SHE'S ACTUALLY VERY FRIENDLY.

SO I'M CHANGING THAT,

AND THIS IS THE FIRST BIG STEP TO ME BEING ON MY OWN,

MAKING A LIVING, AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AGAIN.

GOOD GIRL.

[ DOG BARKING ]

SO TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING WHERE I GIVE BACK TO PEOPLE

OR EVEN LITTLE ANIMALS IS A GOOD FEELING.

**

TODAY, I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE IN A LONG TIME.

I'M GOING TO GET MY HAIR DONE.

YOU EXCITED? Pauline: YEAH, I'M VERY EXCITED.

HAD A PONYTAIL FOR 10 YEARS,

SO I HAVEN'T REALLY DONE ANYTHING TO IT.

I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T HAD ANY KIND OF PAMPERING

FOR YEARS AND YEARS.

I THINK I'VE KIND OF BEEN NEGLECTFUL

OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF,

'CAUSE ONCE I WAS AT MY LARGEST WEIGHT,

I KIND OF JUST GAVE UP AND THOUGHT IT DIDN'T MATTER.

NOW THAT I'M GETTING SMALLER, I'M FEELING MORE FEMININE,

I'M FEELING MORE LIKE I WANT TO PUT MAKEUP ON MORE OFTEN,

AND WHEN YOU LOOK BETTER, YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.

SO I THINK IT'LL ALSO GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE CONFIDENCE, AS WELL.

I LIVED LIFE IN LIMBO FOR SO LONG,

HOPING AND DREAMING TO BE THIS FAR AND FURTHER

BUT NOT KNOWING IF IT EVER REALLY WOULD HAPPEN,

AND SO I'M STILL JUST IN SHOCK

THAT I'M EVEN AT THIS PLACE IN LIFE RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT, PAULINE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

**

NICE. [ CHUCKLES ]

BETTER? YEAH.

NICE. I LIKE IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS RIGHT NOW,

BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A REALLY LONG TIME,

I'M NOT SCARED OF THAT.

**

Lola: TONIGHT, I'M COMING TO PERFORM AT A NIGHTCLUB,

AND I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

BUT I KNOW ONCE I GET ONSTAGE, I'LL BE FINE.

I'M SANTANA, BY THE WAY. OH, YOU'RE SANTANA.

I'M LOLA. NICE TO MEET YOU, LOLA.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

IT'S SO REFRESHING TO GET OUT AS LOLA

AND MEET NEW PEOPLE AND COME OUT OF MY SHELL.

NOW THAT I'M COMING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE A LITTLE BIT

AND PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE AND GOING OUT,

IT'S LIKE, "THIS IS FUN!

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?"

**

IT'S A WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME, BUT I'M LOVING IT.

**

I'M LIVING MY LIFE.

NO PRETENDING ANYMORE THAT I'M SOMETHING I'M NOT.

Announcer: ARE YOU ALL READY FOR MISS LOLA TO SING?

SHE'S SO PRETTY. SHE REALLY, REALLY IS.

MISS LOLA.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Lola: LET ME TELL Y'ALL A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MYSELF.

AT ONE POINT IN MY LIFE, I WAS 600 POUNDS.

I'VE LOST NEARLY 300 POUNDS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SO I THINK I'M GONNA SING A LITTLE SONG

FOR YOU LOVELY LADIES AND GENTS TONIGHT.

SO, MAESTRO, IF YOU WOULD...

[ PIANO PLAYING ]

* I AIN'T GONNA GIVE NOBODY *

* NONE OF MY JELLY ROLL *

* I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU A PIECE OF CAKE *

* JUST TO SAVE YOUR SOUL *

I'M SO HAPPY WITH MY LIFE NOW AND WITH EVERY SINGLE CHANGE

AND NEW THING THAT HAPPENS RIGHT ROW.

THERE'S NO MORE FEAR

BECAUSE I'M NOT WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME.

I'M JUST ME, AND THAT'S NEVER GONNA CHANGE.

* ...NO-O-O-O-NE *

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] LOLA IS HERE TO STAY.