Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

(whipping fabric)

- You know, you watch movies,

we've all watched movies and you see

the good guys or the bad guys killing people and,

you sort of shrug it off and...

That's not how it is in reality.

(droning helicopter)

(chopping rotors)

- [Soldier] Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

- Hold the camera straight.

We're here at the Iraqi-Syrian border.

It's been a great tour thus far.

We've done a lot of good.

It's been very challenging.

But, uh, it's a real honor

to be here with the

great soldiers of Grim Troop, 2nd Squadron 3rd ACR.

(radio chatter)

We had to cover ports of entry,

between Syria and Iraq, and Jordan and Iraq.

(chopping rotors)

We did raids against high-value targets.

We did stability and support operations.

One rajul.

One rajul.

(speaking Arabic)

In Iraq, you just...

You literally can't trust anyone.

(speaking Arabic)

You know, I had an old sergeant

who taught me some sage words.

(speaking Arabic)

"Smile,

"be nice...

"But always have a plan to kill everybody in the room."

(suspenseful music)

(horn honking)

We had many different threats,

and episodes that happened there,

and along the Syrian border.

(speaking Arabic)

Corrupt officials were basically allowing

people and stuff to go

unchecked,

through that crossing point,

to be sold on the black market.

(speaking Arabic)

(radio chatter)

On December 21st, of 2003,

I went out with one of my guys.

I was ambushed.

Some men came at me,

and we got into a hand-to-hand combat struggle.

My wing man, put a few rounds into, into (stammers),

into the guy.

I took on blunt-force trauma to my back.

I was knocked out at the very end of it.

There'd been ambushes and attacks and riots, but

it wasn't until I was fading in and out on a chopper,

that I realized,

this is some serious, you know what.

I was beginning to experience symptoms

of post-traumatic stress disorder,

and was continuing to deteriorate rapidly.

After my first tour, I became divorced

and became more reclusive.

Began to drink.

I got upset at my family

for not supporting me the way I needed to be supported.

(ominous music)

But I gritted my teeth and soldiered on,

and I went back for a second tour.

Not having an outlet for

talking to therapists or psychiatrists was killing me.

(ominous music)

I saw so many people get killed...

Uh, or who were dead or were wounded,

little kids that were scarred terribly by

bomb blasts,

faces blown off of suicide bombers,

just laying on the ground.

You know, marketplace bombs,

um, with just body parts...

You know, laying everywhere, and...

You know, I did my job.

I had to do my job, I was a leader.

But I...

(ominous music)

But there's no training for that.

(ominous music)

(cell phone buzzing)

- I don't know where I'm gonna end up.

I feel lonely and I'm scared.

I am staying with a friend of mine's, Chris.

He was nice enough to allow me to stay in his living room.

I'm blessed that I have friends that are helping me out,

and that are there,

and that I don't have to be in a shelter,

'cause that's just terrible.

It's really terrible.

All right bye.

I don't wanna go out there.

Have a good day, God bless.

- [Chris] You too.

- Right now, I'm just focusing on getting up,

and going to school,

in the near future I'm hoping

to get my bachelor's in social work.

So that I can be able to help women overcome fear.

Help them move along from where they're stuck,

because almost four years ago, that was me.

(dramatic music)

I grew up in the South Bronx

in a household that was very dysfunctional.

My father, he was a very angry person.

I walk in the house, there was no asking me anything,

it was straight, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap.

And as he's wapping he's telling me I'm a whore.

"Where was I at?"

I lived with that until the age of 14.

And I wrote him a letter,

and I told my little brother good bye, I had to leave.

And I ran, and I ran, and I didn't look back.

(dramatic music)

I got married when I was 16.

17, I had my son.

After the baby was born, my husband,

he started using drugs,

and alcohol, and becoming verbally abusive.

We were constantly fighting and you know,

grab my hair,

take me through the neck,

threatening me...

With a knife.

The last straw was when my son was crying,

and he just grabbed the baby's face and

just blew...

Blew smoke in his face

so that he could not cry anymore.

It's one thing to hurt me,

but it's another thing to hurt my child.

Which is his child.

So,

I pack my stuff, and I left.

By the time I was 20,

I met my second husband who was in the service.

He was in the Marine Corps.

I wanted that family unit, so with his background

I figured that this is it.

Then over night he started changing.

He was showing signs of my first husband.

- One night I woke up, real late night.

I hear the loudest

thump I've ever heard.

And I'm guessing that was my mom.

And when I walked out that door,

I did see her on the floor.

Her back against a refrigerator,

with my step father above her,

basically in a punching form.

His shoulder all in like about to punch her,

like scaring her.

- "Do I know who I'm messing with?

"Do I know who I'm dealing with?"

And he just kept choking me and choking me.

He says, "I could just snap your neck in an instant."

- I was crying and I told him not to do it,

and I told him to stop.

Just like any little kid could do.

And then my mother yelled at me and told me to go.

Locked myself back in the room.

Woke up and he acted like nothing happened.

She acted like nothing happened.

(ominous music)

- The pain was starting to really get to me.

I was constantly crying.

I just didn't want anyone to know.

I wasn't talking to anybody.

A lot of this stuff that was going on behind closed doors,

I kept to myself.

And then I sunk into a depression.

My best friend became the bottle.

Every time I got upset

I would drink, where I would binge drink.

It wasn't just a two happy hour drinks and I'm okay.

I would put myself in situations,

like sleazy bars, where

you know, bad people would go.

(muffled chatter)

I could drink the bar dry.

And then I would be in a instant black out.

And I started waking up tied up to a bed

in some mental hospital.

I stopped...

Taking care of my son,

and neglected him.

He didn't have a mother anymore.

- I woke up one morning, and go in the bathroom,

and I hear little drops of water, drip, drip, drip.

Pull the curtain and I just see my mother,

nose right here, everything else under water,

and I started shaking her, and she's not moving.

And then she wakes up and she's like,

"Nah I'm okay.

"What's wrong?"

I said, "Mom, dude, you're under fucking water."

- I had shame, you know, I had guilt.

I couldn't manage it.

I figured, that if I drank enough,

I can drink myself to death.

(somber jazz music)

- Taking you to this house that,

my husband and I picked up in a tax sale,

which means we have to,

someone abandoned it basically,

but we're still responsible for paying the taxes on it,

and bringing it up to code.

This is my house, you can see

the way the side looked, this is the way the front looked,

and we're slowly but surely

trying to, we have to finish painting the trim,

and we've cut the grass and we've put plants up there,

and that carpet's been dragged out.

So we're slowly but surely gutting this place.

(door creaks)

Wow.

I knew that I would have nightmares.

I knew that I would be traumatized.

I knew that I would suffer from mental anguish,

and emotional anguish,

and I knew that.

(ominous music)

The week before Katrina,

my husband D.J. and I got married

in Congo Square.

The spiritual heart of the city.

Everything was wonderful,

and then we saw that there were some weather brewing.

(ominous music)

We got out,

drove to Lafayette,

to my husband's grandmother's house.

(metal banging)

We watched the storm unfold.

And we just were balling and praying and...

Just massive flooding.

I've never seen that much water in the New Orleans.

It was horrific.

(chopping rotors)

These are my people.

This is my city.

I can't stand watching this on TV.

I have to do something.

And so we jumped in the car.

We, um, drove into the city and drove into chaos.

(droning helicopters)

It looked like something out of "Apocalypse Now."

Just fires and smoke rising up.

And it smelled like death.

(sirens wailing)

(muffled chatter)

One neighbor died.

To this day I feel like he died because of

my bad instructions.

I told him to walk to the dome,

and that he'd be picked up at the dome,

because that's the misinformation that I was given,

there was some much, oh God,

so much information and he walked,

and they turned him away,

and then he walked back and it was like 104 degrees

with the heat index and he was old, and that was it.

He made it back to his house and he collapsed,

and then I was there when I found him,

and that's, that's...

A failure.

That's one of those things that I

you know, have to live with.

(ominous music)

Once search and rescue was basically called off,

just absolutely overwhelmed and appalled

by everything we'd seen.

We headed to Pensacola, where my mom had a house intact,

and the family kind of regathered there,

and suicidal thoughts started in that car.

And I just progressively got worse.

(somber music)

- As a result of post-traumatic stress, I have

the whole spectrum of symptoms.

I have social agoraphobia,

hypervigilance, anxiety, panic attacks.

I have, uh, insomnia.

I have nightmares and flashbacks when I do sleep.

(slow motion chopping rotor)

(ominous music)

The anger, the shame, the guilt, the rage, the

sadness, the...

The horror, the...

The loneliness...

I think about it everyday,

throughout the day.

When I discharged in September 2007,

had a dismal experience at the Brooklyn VA hospital.

Their mental health program was broken.

When something is wrong or is hurting people,

or affecting people negatively, you fight, you fight.

And um...

That was the type of

personality trait,

that my superiors,

as I progressed up the ranks of the Officer Corps,

really held in high regard.

- I have to tell you,

I feel like I'm talking Luis the Army officer tonight.

I don't feel like I'm talking to,

Luis who's really been in touch

with a lot of his emotions lately.

- I'd have to understand what you mean by

Luis the Army officer,

as opposed to Luis the,

you know, the veteran.

- I mean the textbook says it's an ego defense.

And that you're protecting yourself from,

some unhappy, or unpleasant emotions.

We're avoiding the emotions.

- Okay, ask me a question.

(deep sigh)

- [Michelle] Because you can handle a question?

- Okay, what can't I handle?

- [Michelle] The feelings that are coming up

for you right now.

- Okay the feelings.

Befuddled.

- [Michelle] Befuddled.

Anything else?

- Um...

I'm upset.

- [Michelle] Yeah.

(rushing waves)

- Because of my drinking and radical behavior,

I was doing the wrong things.

You know, I was drinking and driving, and I got arrested.

My attorney told me that there was a big chance that

I would have to spend 30 days in jail.

(choir singing)

- [Priest] In the name of the Father,

the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

- [Congregation] Amen.

- Everyone, he summons

to repent.

(congregation prays)

- What's pushing me is I hit the bottom.

And somehow some strength within myself is allowing me,

with a lot of work, to be able to function.

- [Priest] May the peace of the Lord

be with you all.

- I do meetings the way I did bars.

I go from one to the other, to the other, to the other,

to the other, to change the scenery.

Cause different meeting have different classes,

and different outlooks, and different faces,

and it's nice to just spread.

(group cheering)

- [Group] One, two, three!

Congratulations to you, congratulations to you,

congratulations Erundina, congratulations to you!

- Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!

I'm this much.

- Oh four.

- Four.

(playful giggling)

This is my celebrating month

of making four years without a drink.

- [Luis] Love you mom.

- I love you, too.

I have my bad days,

but I have a lot of good days today.

You gotta try this.

And with the help of my surrounding support,

I'm learning to live with it instead of avoiding it.

I love you.

I couldn't allow my son to take care of me.

As long as I'm pretty much in good shape,

I need to provide for myself.

- [Katherine] So how have you been?

- I've been okay.

I'm a little tired today.

I didn't get much sleep.

My mind is constantly racing from one place to another,

and it's just,

just comes to just, tired.

- Have you been having any nightmares,

or any flashbacks, or anything like that lately?

- My neighbors, they've been fighting a lot,

it's a lot of domestic...

Stuff going on,

and, um...

Just hearing the yelling and the banging,

and the things breaking, and it's just like,

it drives me nuts.

It just, it takes me back to when, you know,

I was at that point in my life.

- [Katherine] What's coming up for you?

- It takes so much outta me to keep pushing myself.

Am I gonna have the,

the guts to go and do what I need to do?

- You're always going to have the memories,

but they're not going to be as painful.

They don't interrupt and interfere with your life as much.

And you have the determination to not give up on yourself.

A lot of people give up.

They're tired.

You have the strength,

because of everything that you've been through.

- Everything that you say, I totally believe.

But something happens once I pass the door,

and I go back into the real world.

- But you can do it.

You are fighting for a reason.

- [Cricket] What I don't like about me now, is

all the anger I have.

I've built up a bad resumé with people,

because of the fact, the attitude, my temper.

- I wanna break this cycle.

I don't want to pass this on to my son.

And if I don't do it, it's just going to continue,

and it's gonna continue, and it's gonna continue.

- I'm a fifth generation New Orleanian.

I deeply love the city.

It's an integral part of who I am.

Prior to the storm, we lived in a 1500 square foot,

beautiful Victorian house in the Tremé.

Three bedrooms, and a library, and double parlor,

and the high ceilings.

In hindsight, it was very cheap rent.

So we're grateful to live in this warehouse.

(somber music)

I found this position as a caretaker.

So I wanna make sure the doors are closed at night,

the trash goes out on Tuesdays,

and the bathroom stays stocked.

It enabled me to have some semblance

of stability and a home.

It took us two years to find a way back home.

Because of housing shortages following the storm.

- That's a problem.

We might need a new crank case just for that.

- Our marriage was under great strain.

You know, we've had some rough patches.

Not everyday is a joyous, sunshine day.

But we're on the same page about building a house here.

(crickets chirping)

Hi Jeff.

Coming to peace with my decision to come home

definitely help with the anxiety.

I'm coming back into a community that, as a whole,

has been through this trauma.

It's much healthier for me personally to be here,

because I'm in this community of people

with a shared similar experience.

But, you know, I sedate myself to sleep, with Valium.

I have nightmares of alligators and dogs

ripping my neighbors apart.

Of people floating in the water.

Of water coming in

quickly.

I think If I were to seek professional psychiatric help

that it would absolutely have to come from,

someone who had been in the military and who'd seen war

at the very least.

Because otherwise, how would they understand

my feelings?

- I got an email from a veteran's organization and they

said there's this program out there,

which wanted to pair service dogs with disabled veterans.

(gentle music)

Tuesday, come on!

Good boy.

It's alright, good boy.

Okay, good boy.

- And now these dogs are going to go on to soldiers.

Actually warriors, they're warriors more than soldiers.

And I'd like to thank Luis for keeping this group,

as a group.

Keeping them a team all the way through it.

Usually in team training we will have like one

red headed step-child out there hanging out,

but not in this one.

It was Luis who kept everyone together.

Thank you, Luis.

(audience applause)

- The greatest thing that a service dog can do,

is I think to provide that

unconditional love that is missing.

It's like family.

Alright, Tuesday.

Tuesday, come!

It's not going to solve everything obviously,

but I think it's going to liberate me in many ways.

Such a good boy.

The most important thing to me is to

live a purposeful life.

You have to fight to be happy.

And I will not go gently into that good night.

- [Erundina] Now which is the way you

said that was shorter?

- When we were inside here coming out.

- [Erundina] I'm working on becoming a social worker.

- [Teacher] The year is 1899 and 1900 were--

- Eventually get licensed

and be a therapist, myself.

So that I can specialize in PTSD,

'cause nobody can really put it across the table

like a person who's living it everyday.

- [Teacher] And America was superpower industrial,

and he believed that it followed--

- [Erundina] And being out of school since I was 14,

going back to a school at the age of 40,

so much it's a big gap,

that there's a lot of stuff missing there,

and my fear is that I'm gonna fail.

I have to stay positive,

and I try not to put a thought into

what if it doesn't work out, but

if it doesn't...

It's not a pretty picture.

(eerie music)

- I didn't wanna go get psychological help.

For me personally it was almost narcissistic,

in that, you know, "Why should I go get help

"when there's

"100,000 other people just like me or more?"

And we're all just gonna muddle through it.

(deep sigh)

Sleeping bags, grill, this whole box is camping supplies,

we have Visqueen for emergency repairs,

there's tarps over here,

bleach is very important for health,

there's extra dog food, propane.

This is the Weather Witch.

A hurricane kit.

Oh, God!

There's fire starters, oh, emergency blanket,

water purification tablets,

baby wipes for hippy baths,

hydrogen peroxide, anti-itch cream, hand sanitizer,

lots of first aid stuff,

not enough first aid stuff, I'm sure.

We learned from Katrina that we have to be self-sufficient.

Lots of protein.

We have oysters, smoked oysters,

freeze-dried chili, and the list goes on.

This is like, this has to be like, just totally PTSD'ed out.

Even with all this, it doesn't guarantee safety.

I do feel more in control of my situation,

being in New Orleans, having the Weather Witch,

having the box.

I'm just not gonna live my life running from...

My fate.

My fate is intertwined with my city,

and I think a lot of people feel that way.

Like a captain going down with the ship.

- Tuesday go, go get your, go get your bone.

Go get your bone.

Good boy.

In the season of love,

you know in the season of hope and peace, and

holidays, and, you know,

and all of that stuff,

wears on you,

to find your mind consumed with

some of the bad things you have seen and done.

Tuesday has been a godsend and,

you know obviously, he is

my best friend, you know?

We spend every minute of every day,

together.

Yeah.

It's nice.

But a disproportionate amount of time is spent

thinking about the past.

There are dates where you think about these anniversaries.

(chopping rotors)

January 8th, helicopter crashes in 2006.

A number of friends of mine are killed.

November 2nd, 2003.

Two Chinook helicopters crash.

November 4th, where elements of the Syrian Army attack

one of my convoys.

You know, December 21st...

The attack on me.

What if, the worst thing that ever happened to you,

kept happening to you?

Makes you wanna drill a hole in your head,

to try and get the demons out.

(vigorous rubbing)

(mysterious music)

I don't think that a person who's been in serious combat

ever gets over the trauma.

At the same time, I don't succumb to

being powerless.

Because of the infinite amount of influence

a single person can make.

I ask myself,

"Are you living purposefully?"

As far as the problems with reintegration

into the United States after deployments, there are many.

I masked my symptoms.

I admittedly, drank to self-medicate.

Do you feel like what your doing

is part of something?

Is it making a difference?

With respects to suicide prevention,

and post-traumatic stress disorder,

a 150 annual suicides was the

active duty number of suicides last year.

The highest year since the army started tabulating

those figures in 1980.

While conferences like this warm my heart,

why aren't there more veterans here?

Why aren't there more students here?

Children and adults with often invisible

or less immediately identifiable disabilities,

can become independent with the assistance of a dog.

War is what I do.

I think for me, to take up the challenge

of working towards a law,

that changes things for people

who have service dogs for the better.

It's all part of a healing process.

- Senator Al Franken has introduced legislation

which will set up a pilot program

within The Department of Veterans Affairs,

to pair service dogs with veterans,

who have physical or mental wounds, including PTSD.

His inspiration, a New York Veteran,

and his service dog, Tuesday.

- [Announcer] Senator Al Franken!

(audience applause)

- He was elected to the senate as a member of

the Democratic Farmer-Labor Party,

and sworn in on a Tuesday,

(audience laughter)

July 7th, 2009.

(audience applause)

I thought I'd let Tuesday speak about how grateful we are

for the destiny of Tuesdays that have led to this moment.

Tuesday?

Speak.

Speak!

(Tuesday barks)

(audience laughter and applause)

Ladies and gentleman, Senator Al Franken.

(audience applause)

- Thank you Luis.

I met Luis, and we started talking,

and Luis said,

"You know,

"We need more service dogs for vets."

And Luis, after being wounded the way he was,

and you know that he walks on a cane, also has PTSD.

And it's pretty severe.

And I said, "Well, tell me what Tuesday does for you."

Here's what Tuesday can do.

Tuesday can anticipate,

and ward off a panic attack,

from hearing the changes in Luis's breathing patterns.

Tuesday can wake Luis

from a debilitating nightmare.

So I started talking to other veterans,

and they told me that their dogs help break their isolation.

That when you have a dog,

you actually have to take the dog out.

(laughing)

I'm so proud,

that we passed a bill,

in a few weeks it's Service Dogs for Veterans Bill.

(audience applause)

- I'm on my way down to the courthouse.

I'm actually being asked to go there to be a juror.

It's the same exact court,

where I was going trying to get outta there,

because of my drinking,

which led me to have a few DUIs.

These, the cop cars...

That triggers me.

It triggers me, it scares me.

I'll get fearful again.

(ominous music)

It's just the whole...

Attitude these, these officers have!

(panicked breathing)

It's like, domestic violence you know?

They tell you to report it, you go and you report it,

you get the paperwork.

And you know, even though you have the paperwork,

it doesn't help you.

It doesn't save you.

Because they literally have to see you with a broken arm or,

black eye and sometimes even with that,

they still you know, "Well he didn't kill you."

When I get like this my joints hurt.

I feel pain everywhere.

Just mentally my body hurts sometimes.

(desperate sobbing)

I knew that this was going to happen.

I was driving and I'm breaking down and...

(somber music) (desperate sobbing)

- There's this weather blog I go to.

I've gotten kinda fond of some of the folks.

But every day, during season, I go through all the models,

to see what's happening.

There's the first one Danielle, Earl,

and that'll be Fiona.

On this model, Earl's scraping North Carolina.

And these are GFS, Global Forecast System.

Here you can see Fiona will get sucked up into Earl,

and start to spin around.

It makes me feel more in control of my...

Potential outcome.

(ominous music)

- [Lady In Black] Thank you very much.

- Oh you're so great. - Awesome, awesome.

- [Luis] Yes, thank you.

(muffled chatter)

- Okay, Luis.

- We'll see you soon yes.

- [Man In Suit] Thank you.

- Down.

Yes, stay.

Good boy.

Stay.

Let's go, open the door!

Open the door!

So many people don't have a clue.

I mean they don't have a clue,

what, what the experience is.

What the experiences are.

Both on the battlefield and

in the aftermath, the day to day that, you know,

you're seeing here.

And...

You know, I...

Uh...

They'll get it.

They'll get it eventually, they'll get it.

Because...

If the country ignores the problem,

like it ignored it in Vietnam,

if it ignores it this time around...

Which I don't think it will.

And I hope it won't.

God help us all.

- [Katherine] You said that you've had

a lot of thoughts about your dad lately.

And I'm just gonna call you out,

you haven't been in.

And your tendency to go avoid,

when you feel that urge to avoid,

that's when you need to come in the most.

- I really thought I was over the whole dad thing,

I really thought I was over that.

- [Katherine] You're never gonna be over it.

- But I really thought I was over it.

- It's like a tattoo it's there for life.

You just gotta learn how to work through it,

and deal with it, and it gets a little easier every time.

But it's work, and it's hard work.

- I just, I hate, I hate the feelings,

you know I hate the feelings.

- I know it's scary but you have to let it out.

And the thing is too, you're 19.

If you deal with this now,

you can have a healthy, happy, functional,

successful adult life.

If you don't deal with this now.

- [Erunida] You'll be like me.

- Yeah, you get to the point

where you can't feel feelings at all.

Where you live in the cave.

- I have my moments, I don't wanna go.

All of a sudden body-wise I get sick.

But I come back to group, I can dump all my stuff,

in this room, and I feel so much better and I leave.

But I have to sit here and be honest,

and say that I do have my bumps, and I do have my humps.

- And you know, you really helped Erun

when she was in her low point,

and do you remember you said that she was your hero,

and that--

- She still is.

Like, she really, like, she really is.

I honesty like how she's pushed herself.

How she knows when she had to get the help.

- She inspires you, you inspire her,

everybody here, exactly.

Life is gonna keep happening.

You have ups, you have downs.

That's the essence of PTSD.

When you start to do the healing,

it slowly becomes less ups and less downs.

It becomes like, instead of a gaping wound like a scar.

It's going to be there but it's not going to be as painful.

- We've touched on this a little bit before,

that, where's your advocate?

Who takes care of you?

- Where are my advocates?

You're dying, or your moving, or you're...

You got other life plans.

- [Michelle] Yeah.

Who does that leave you with?

- It's just me and Tuesday.

But I'll be okay, I've been in worse spots.

- I have no doubt that you will land on your feet.

I recall when you first came in here.

Just feeling like so many injustices had happened.

But I felt like you were so alone in this battle.

And over the time that we have seen each other,

I really felt like we became teammates in a sense,

and in whatever capacity we could, and

you showed the dedication and...

I know what a loss that it was

to not be the person you were.

(blowing nose and sniffling)

(somber music)

- [Luis] Say goodbye to Michelle.

- [Michelle] Bye, Tuesday.

I'll miss Tuesday, too.

(blowing nose and sniffling)

- I really, really value the therapy.

Tuesday.

I need to be able to connect with someone

on a mental and spiritual level,

so that I can trust them and...

And also somebody that you know,

Goddammit, that's not gonna, you know, leave.

I'm moving to a studio apartment on the Upper West Side,

and um...

Good boy.

Let's go.

I'm really happy to be moving.

You know, I feel like it's a whole new chapter.

There are a lot of things that I hope to accomplish.

You know, the key is to make things as efficient

as possible.

So I can advocate for veterans,

and I can advocate for refugees, and

advocate for myself.

My therapist, my former therapist, would,

would appreciate that remark.

Who, by the way, I miss a lot.

(tape scratching)

- It's been essentially, a decade of construction.

My husband's gotten very good at construction.

He was good at it anyway, but he's very confident

in building things now, 'cause he hadn't really stopped

building things for 10 years.

- This was one giant room.

The whole thing with 1800 square feet and open.

- You built out,

pretty much not by yourself,

but your hands have been on every part of it.

Out of pocket.

When you have free time.

- The diffusers that I built are just totally random wood.

That's the leftover wood from building

all of the rest of the absorbers.

So rather than throw away,

you know, a few hundred linear feet of lumber.

- I think repurposing things really got,

I think Katrina had a lot to do with that.

'Cause everyone has kind had to stretch and,

think out side the box a little.

- You know while Katrina was a horrible, awful experience,

that very much changed me as a person,

it still led to a bunch of really cool things.

There's no way that we would have a recording studio,

If Katrina hadn't happened.

(serene music)

- The mission is not over.

The war is not over.

There's so much more to this,

than a single conversation.

I think that there is a number of problems,

and a lot of pain

that have not been discussed.

So I want to try to write a book.

The book is a duty.

It's something that I have to do.

I owe it to those I served with.

I owe it to the veterans and their family members.

But it's hard because,

I have to revisit painful memories,

over, and over, and over, and over, and over,

and over, and over, and over, again.

In as much detail as possible.

(serene music)

My hope is that on personal levels, that the book

lessens my own pain,

and enables me to move forward,

having really studied the journey.

(serene music)

(keys clicking)

- Oh, I should have had this done last night.

I don't believe this.

Okay sister love.

Is that okay?

Is it too much?

- Now you look like a fish.

- [Erundina] What do you mean I look like a fish?

- I was kinda like her mentor when she was growing up.

But we separated when she moved to Florida.

So there was a lot of distance and a lot of stuff,

and the lifestyle that she was living in Florida,

well, I wasn't around to see it all.

I only knew what she shared with me.

And I knew a lot of her hardships.

But some of that she chose to not share.

Why are you taking all of that?

Give me that.

- Because I'm gonna, I'm gonna,

bust that (mumbles) real quick!

It's hot!

- [Paulita] This is going to take her to another level.

She's the first one in the family

that has graduated from college.

- Wow I hate being late.

We gotta go over there.

(indistinct chatter)

(graduation music)

Oh my God, my family's here!

(emotional sighs)

- [Female Graduate] What happened, baby?

- My whole family came and I didn't know they were coming.

- [Female Graduate] Oh wow.

- Oh, I can't believe this!

From a little girl, I was told I was stupid,

and I would never amount to anything.

I used to tell myself, I'll never experience a prom.

I'll never experience what it is to walk across a stage

at a graduation and feel that greatness,

and have people be proud of me.

- [Dean] Erundina Lopez, associate arts with honors.

(audience cheering)

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure,

to present to you,

the graduating class of Miami Dade College Wolfson Campus!

Congratulations!

(cheering and applause)

- Hi!

I can't believe you guys did this!

You guys are just--

- Your sister put it up.

- Oh my God!

You guys got me so good!

I can't believe you're here.

And Mikey, I can't believe, you flew?

- First time.

- [Erudina] And then just kind of play back,

when I just started five years ago,

just about five years ago,

where I was.

- [Camera Girl] Sign another, true love to the bone.

- I just kept, you know, thanking God, and saying, "Wow.

"Thank you for getting me out the rum."

Knowing that when I leave here tonight,

I don't have to go run to a bar to celebrate.

I can celebrate in a different way.

- [Woman] Say cheese!

- [Erunida] Because that was me in the past, you know?

I would go and celebrate,

but my celebration would always end up in a tragic way.

- Wait, Tuesday.

Hey, Mike.

Hey, good boy.

(muffled chatter)

(deep exhale)

"I had performed well in Iraq.

"I was being rewarded, and it felt great.

"At my promotion ceremony, I turned to my men,

"and enthusiastically recited from memory,

"the Army's new Soldier Creed.

'I am an American soldier.

'I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough,

'trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.'

"I went to counseling,

"but I never mentioned my chronic pain, stress,

"or swirling anxiety that had settled over my life.

"I was proud of my service.

"I had a bright future.

"I believed in Operation Iraqi Freedom,

"and especially in the Iraqis themselves.

'I am an American soldier.

'I am an expert, and I am a professional."

"But at the same time, I was coming unmoored.

"My mind dwelling on the hand-to-hand struggle for my life.

"The Syrian ambush, the sandstorms, the riots,

"and Ali, Emad, and Maher, the men left behind.

'I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

'I will never leave a fallen comrade,'

"fueled my downward drive."

(serene music)

(muffled chatter)

Hi.

You know, I was a warrior.

And to go from that,

to being broken,

is very difficult.

Oh yea, there it goes.

- I get a hug.

- Yes you do get a hug.

- [Man] Thank you.

- Writing this book was the hardest thing I've ever done.

It was harder than Iraq.

But I had to write this book

for my own healing.

And...

One of the hopes of this book,

is that it touches you in such a way that you have

a better understanding of the afflictions of

650,000 plus, and ever-growing

veterans.

Thank you.

Shake.

Tuesday has been able to

rekindle my

ambition, my goals, my dreams, my hopes, my wishes.

And that's to help people.

- I like that shirt, I like the fit.

- This is Mark Ecko, it was only $9.99 at Wal-mart.

I see my mom now.

She's getting her degree,

she's happy, she's gonna have a nine to five.

She's going to make a difference in the world.

Took her 46 years you know, but hey, it's coming now.

And I feel like sooner or later

it's gonna happen for me too.

- This just brings me back

to when I first tried to teach you how to drive.

Believe it or not, although my son is a grown man now,

he's still my little boy and I want him to be proud of me.

- She went down, she used to look up to me,

and now I'm looking up to her.

(serene music)

- This got rebuilt and tagged,

but that was just in terrible shape,

and they've hadn't moved in yet,

but they've rebuilt that.

This got torn down.

This one's getting torn down.

And this one should be getting torn down, too.

And this is our hunk of joy here.

Anyway, come on in.

D.J. found this house and he was interested in buying it,

without ever even looking through the window

or opening the door.

Thicker floor boards,

I still think I have to clean those floor boards.

It's been here since the 1850s, it's never flooded.

This is high ground.

That'll be the living room.

This'll be the kitchen on that wall,

dining on this wall.

D.J. built this out and that will be our shower,

and that's gonna be our bathroom sink.

This will be the master bedroom.

We're gonna live here a long time, I think.

Yeah, I love it.

I love it.

It will be 10 years since Katrina.

It will be our 10th wedding anniversary.

It will be good to...

Just be settled in here

when that 10 year mark roles around that'd be,

pretty sweet and feel pretty, I'd feel pretty triumphant

about that I think, you know?

So, yep.

I don't think there will be a place for the hurricane box

here, though.

Yeah.

How's it going?

Hey, how's it going?

My symptoms have remarkably subsided.

It's been 10 years and I still cringe at the sound

of low-flying helicopters,

but it no longer triggers panic attacks.

And this is home, in all of its dysfunctional glory.

It feels right.

(audience applause and cheering)

(phone ringing)

(ominous music)

(desperate sobbing)

(phone ringing)

- [Erundina] Hi, is Katherine Wald in?

I'm an ex-client of her's.

- [Katherine] Hi.

- Hey Kathy, I'm sorry to interrupt your session,

but I'm literally like minutes away

into entering this program for the next year,

so I won't be able to really touch base with you.

- [Katherine] This is the first step back

to reclaiming your life.

- I know, your voice is making me cry.

I've been good up 'till this point.

We've been through this so long together, you know?

- [Katherine] Be really, really proud

of the fact that you made this decision for yourself,

and you're, you know, moving forward with your life,

because you've got so much going for you.

You just have to start to remember,

and realize your potential,

and just free yourself from all the demons in the past,

and all the hurt and everything,

and start to live at this now, this moment.

- We have a self-worth,

all of this as human have a self-worth.

But some of us never find it.

I spent many times praying,

and keeping hope alive

that you would get to this point

where you would see that you matter,

and that you needed to find you.

The young lady you never knew who you were.

Your identity.

If you don't have an identity,

you just don't have a worth.

I knew this moment was gonna come.

I just knew it, I had to be patient.

For you to get here to this destination.

This is the house, right here.

- Okay goodbye phone.

Gonna miss this, I'm so addicted to texting.

No phone for a year.

- She's really going to be okay.

(gentle music)

She's gonna be okay.

(gentle music)

- I'll be here for three months.

From here, I'll be moved to another location.

Where I finish the still remaining seven months.

It's not being a victim anymore,

and having a sense of purpose.

Feeling that I am...

A person, that I am a woman.

It's about me moving on.

(dramatic music)

- Your dress.

Yes.

(airplane roaring)

(serene music)

You know, people ask me,

"Well how did Tuesday save my life."

He helped me to re-realize my potential for happiness.

My potential to contribute.

To have a meaningful life.

(audience applause)

And to be not confined to my apartment,

and confined to the demons in my mind.

- The next guest is a 17 year veteran

of the United States Army.

He is also the author of this new book entitled

"'Till Tuesday."

Will Tuesday come over and give, me a hug here?

- Oh you kidding?

That's one of the things that he does.

- What do I do?

- [Luis] Tuesday, jump on.

Snuggle, snuggle.

(audience applause)

- My hope is, that in

a number of years, we're just gonna see

dogs all over the place.

And that's what I want.

(audience clapping)

- Our culture is behind in being honest about

dealing with trauma.

22 veterans a day commit suicide in this country.

Where is the war?

Is it in Afghanistan?

Is it in Iraq?

Or is it here,

on American soil?

(gentle music)