All language subtitles for My 600-lb Life S03E05

Amber: I FEEL LIKE
A NASTY, YUCKY MONSTER.

SOMETIMES, I FEEL SO HOPELESS.

Man:
I AM LIVING A NIGHTMARE.

I WOULDN'T WISH THIS
ON MY WORST ENEMY.

Woman:
I HATE THIS LIFE THAT I HAVE.

DON'T YOU DARE
PUT IT ALL UP ON ME!

LISTEN, SHE IS GOING TO DIE.
THAT'S ENOUGH!

BOTH OF Y'ALL, STOP.

Dr. Nowzaradan: WE'VE GOT
TO CORRECT THIS PROBLEM.

OTHERWISE, SURGERY
WOULD NOT BE USEFUL FOR YOU.

[ Voice breaking ]
I CAN'T DO THIS

WITHOUT SOMEBODY
TO HELP ME SAY NO.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION.

SHE COULD BE HAVING
A HEART ATTACK.

-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Amber: WHEN YOU LET FEAR
CONTROL YOUR LIFE,

YOU END UP AT A PLACE
THAT'S MUCH WORSE

THAN WHAT YOU
WERE TRYING TO AVOID.

SOMETIMES, I THINK TO MYSELF,
"I'M NEVER GONNA CHANGE."

EVERYTHING HURTS.

MY BACK HURTS.
MY SHINS HURT.

I AM SO LIMITED IN WHAT I CAN DO
AND WHERE I CAN GO.

I HAVE TO DO A BATH DOWNSTAIRS
MOST OF THE TIME.

I FEEL TRAPPED.

I'M MISERABLE.

I FEEL LIKE
A NASTY, YUCKY MONSTER.

I DON'T LIKE IT.
I DON'T LIKE BEING THIS PERSON.

I DON'T LIKE BEING THIS SIZE.

SOMETIMES, I FEEL SO HOPELESS...

AND I THINK
THAT MAYBE IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

MAYBE...

MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER
IF I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN.

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD
ISN'T HEALTHY.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME
OF THE DAY STRESSING,

"WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT,
AND WHEN DO I GET IT?"

OH, IS IT READY ALREADY?

Patty: YEAH.
IT WAS READY A WHILE AGO.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

I CAN'T STAND
FOR MORE THAN 30 MINUTES,

AND SO MOST OF MY FOOD IS COOKED
FOR ME BY MY FAMILY MEMBERS.

I PROBABLY EAT
FOUR OR FIVE TIMES A DAY.

I CAN'T FACE THE REALITY
OF HOW MANY CALORIES I EAT,

SO I JUST DON'T KEEP TRACK
AT ALL.

THERE'S ANTICIPATION BEFORE
I EAT, BUT IT'S NOT ENJOYABLE.

IT'S A FEELING OF DESPERATION
AND SADNESS.

THANK YOU, DAD.

Abe:
YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY.

SO HELP YOURSELF.
HAVE SOME CHICKEN.

Amber:
FOOD -- IT'S A COMFORT,

AND IT'S HELPING ME
AVOID REALITY.

I HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY,
AND I DON'T LIKE IT,

AND I AM AT PEACE WHILE I EAT.

I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT

THE WAY I LET THOSE AROUND ME
DOWN IF I'M EATING.

IT'S A DISTRACTION.

Patty: AMBER'S ANXIETY --
IT'S WORRISOME.

FOOD HELPS CALM HER DOWN
TO FEEL LESS ANXIOUS.

NOW THE OVEREATING HAS
JUST SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL.

SHE'S LOST HER INDEPENDENCE.
SHE'S PRETTY MUCH HOUSE-BOUND.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HER.

Amber: I FEEL LIKE MY PARENTS
SEE ME AS THIS FAILURE,

THIS MISTAKE THEY CAN'T FIX,

AND FOR AS LONG
AS I CAN REMEMBER,

I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT WAY.

I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH MY WEIGHT
MY WHOLE LIFE.

WHEN I WAS 5,

I THINK I WEIGHED
CLOSE TO 160 POUNDS.

I WAS A LITTLE KID
THAT DIDN'T KNOW

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY.

I KNEW THAT PEOPLE EXPRESSED
LOVE TO ME BY GIVING ME TREATS,

AND I TRIED TO LOVE MYSELF

AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
BY EATING.

I WAS 16.

I WENT TO THE DOCTOR,

AND THEY ESCORTED ME
TO A SPECIAL SCALE IN THE BACK

BUILT FOR PEOPLE
WHO ARE IN WHEELCHAIRS.

THEY PUT ME ON IT,
AND I THOUGHT, "THIS IS IT.

I AM BIGGER THAN A PERSON
PLUS A PIECE OF EQUIPMENT."

Omar: ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL,
AMBER WAS REALLY OVERWEIGHT,

AND HER SENIOR YEAR
OF HIGH SCHOOL,

I THINK SHE GRADUATED,
SHE WAS 425 POUNDS.

Amber: I WENT TO COLLEGE,
AND I CONTINUED TO GAIN WEIGHT

AND BECAME MORE AND MORE
INTROVERTED.

AMBER, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DRIVE.

SHE GOT DEPRESSION.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

Amber:
I DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL.

I WASHED OUT, AND I FAILED.

I FELT LESS THAN HUMAN.

I'M ALREADY SUCH A FAILURE,
WHY NOT KEEP FAILING?

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FAILED MYSELF
AND MY PARENTS.

[ GRUNTS ]

Patty:
SHE ALWAYS FELT LIKE

SHE DIDN'T LIVE UP
TO OUR EXPECTATIONS

AND SHE WAS ALWAYS
A DISAPPOINTMENT TO US.

MY LEGS ARE TOO WEAK.
I CAN'T MAKE IT.

Patty: SHE JUST BECAME
A TYPICAL UNDERACHIEVER.

GEEZ.

I SEE A LOT OF PITY

IN MY MOM'S FACE
WHEN SHE LOOKS AT ME.

MOSTLY, I THINK
SHE'S JUST SAD FOR ME.

AND I CAN'T HANDLE THAT.

[ SOBBING ]

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HELP.
I JUST WANTED TO DO IT.

SOMETIMES, MY DAD WOULD MAKE
SNIDE COMMENTS ABOUT MY SIZE,

AND THAT HURT ME.

I WISH I COULD BE
SELF-SUFFICIENT AND SUCCESSFUL

AND SHOW THE WORLD
I AM MADE OF SO MUCH MORE,

BUT I KNOW AS LONG AS I'M BIG,
AS LONG AS I AM OBESE,

I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BE
THAT PERSON.

I'M THANKFUL FOR THE SUPPORT
FROM MY BOYFRIEND.

HE IS THE KIND OF GUY
THAT PREFERS BIGGER WOMEN.

MY BOYFRIEND IS SEXUALLY
VERY FRUSTRATED.

I THINK HE WISHES
WE COULD BE INTIMATE,

BUT I'M NOT REALLY AT A SPACE

WHERE INTIMACY IS A THING
I CAN INDULGE IN.

MY HERO.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OKAY.

I'VE GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT
SINCE I'VE MET HIM.

I'VE GAINED PROBABLY 200 POUNDS.

I KNOW THAT IT'S HARD ON HIM

TO SEE ME EXPLODE
THE WAY I HAVE.

READY?

YEP.

Rowdy: I LOVE HER,

BUT I WORRY ABOUT AMBER A LOT
BECAUSE OF HER WEIGHT.

SHE'S GETTING WORSE,

AND SHE'S BEEN GETTING WORSE
RAPIDLY,

AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER
PASS AWAY.

Amber: I'M ALMOST TO THE POINT
WHERE GOING OUT

ISN'T EVEN POSSIBLE
FOR ME ANYMORE.

WHEN I DO, IT'S ONLY SHOPPING
FOR FOODS I WANT.

THESE ARE SO GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL TRY THIS ONE.

Rowdy: I DO FEEL GUILTY
ABOUT BRINGING THE FOOD,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
IT'S SO HARD TO STOP.

CARNITAS, PLEASE.

I SHOULDN'T EAT ALL THIS.

BUT, I MEAN, WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO
WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, RIGHT?

Amber: I'M SO AFRAID
THAT I WILL GET SO BIG

THAT ROWDY WILL STOP LOVING ME.

IF WE'RE GONNA BE MARRIED,
I NEED TO HAVE A PARTNER,

NOT SOMEBODY THAT
IS GONNA LET THEMSELVES DIE.

Amber: I KNOW I'M DOING THINGS
THAT ARE KILLING ME,

AND I HAVE TO STOP.

I TELL YOU, MY FAVORITE PART
IS THE ZUCCHINI.

I THINK THAT'S MOST EVERYBODY'S
FAVORITE PART OF THIS.

I HAVE TRIED SO HARD
SO MANY TIMES

TO NOT EAT THE WAY I EAT,
BUT IT STILL HAPPENS,

AND IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING,
AND I CAN'T STOP MYSELF.

I COULD BE STUFFED SICK,

AND I WOULD STILL
WANT TO EAT SOMETHING

IF IT WAS PUT IN FRONT OF ME.

I'M ALWAYS HUNGRY.

I REMEMBER TELLING
MY BABY BROTHER,

"IF I HIT 500 POUNDS, KILL ME."

AND I REMEMBER THAT DAY,
HE LOOKED AT ME, AND HE SAID,

"DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID."

Patty: [ Voice breaking ]
I'VE HAD MANY NIGHTS

WHERE I WAKE UP SCARED TO DEATH
THAT MY DAUGHTER IS GONNA DIE.

AT THIS WEIGHT, I FEEL LIKE
I PASSED THE POINT OF NO RETURN.

IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD...

TO BE A PERSON.

I SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALL THE TIME.

IF I DON'T CHANGE, I WILL DIE.

Amber: YOU CAN NEVER FULLY KNOW
HOW HARD IT'S GOING TO BE

TO MAKE A CHANGE
UNTIL YOU DO IT,

BUT IF IT'S WORTH IT,

YOU WILL FIND A WAY
TO DO WHAT IT TAKES.

IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING,

AND RIGHT NOW WE'RE HEADED
TO THE AIRPORT,

AND I'M GOING TO RIDE ON A PLANE

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN FIVE OR SIX YEARS,

AND I'M TERRIFIED.

Patty: WE ARE DESPERATELY HOPING
THAT SHE CAN HAVE SURGERY

BECAUSE THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE
ANY OTHER OPTION FOR HER,

AND WE'VE BEEN TOLD
THAT IF SHE DOESN'T LOSE WEIGHT,

SHE WILL DIE BEFORE SHE'S 30.

Abe:
WALK DOWN THE STEPS.

I CAN'T GET THROUGH.

Amber: ALL THAT'S GOING
THROUGH MY HEAD RIGHT NOW

IS JUST FEAR AND ANXIETY
AND UNCERTAINTY.

I AM RISKING MY LIFE,
MY HAPPINESS,

EVERYTHING I'VE KNOWN
THAT'S FAMILIAR.

I AM BLOWING THE TOP
OFF MY COMFORT ZONE.

THANK YOU, DAD.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE I'VE BEEN
THIS FAR OUTSIDE MY OWN DOOR.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
IF IT'S POSSIBLE

TO GO ON A PLANE
AT THE SIZE I AM RIGHT NOW.

I'M DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER
TO NOT JUST SHUT DOWN.

I'M NERVOUS
ABOUT BEING IN PUBLIC

IN FRONT OF SO MANY PEOPLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

JEFF,
YOU GOT THE KEYS?

OOPS. I'M SORRY.

YEAH, YOU'RE OKAY,
HONEY.

I THINK I BROKE
THE PEDAL.

YOU WANT ME TO GET IT?

UH, LET ME SEE.

Amber:
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

MY WHEELCHAIR JUST BROKE.

JUST USE YOUR FEET
TO HELP.

UH, I THINK...

SIR, I'M SORRY
TO INTERRUPT YOU.

MY DAUGHTER CAN'T STAND
FOR LONG.

IF YOU CAN HELP US.

[ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ]

PLEASE. SHE MIGHT FALL DOWN.
SO, PLEASE.

YEAH, FINISH, FINISH.

YEAH.

OKAY.

THAT WOMAN
JUST SNAPPED A PICTURE OF ME,

AND I'M NOT SURE
I LIKE THAT.

Amber:
I'VE NEVER HAD PEOPLE

SO BLATANTLY STOP
AND TAKE PICTURES OF ME.

KEEP IT
TO YOURSELF.

I AM SO HUMILIATED
AND TIRED.

YEAH, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO WALK
ALL OVER THE PLACE

IF YOU'RE DRIVING.

I HATE BEING IN PUBLIC
LIKE THIS.

I FEEL LIKE
SOME SORT OF SIDESHOW.

I JUST WANT TO GET TO THE PLANE.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW I'M EVEN GONNA DO THIS.

YOU CAN'T GET IN THERE?

UM, SIR?

SIR?

I GOT IT, MOM.

YOU GOT IT?

I HAD TO BUY TWO SEATS
ON THE PLANE,

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING.

THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE.

I HOPE THIS IS ALL
GOING TO BE WORTH IT.

THIS TRIP HAS BEEN HORRIBLE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE ARE FINALLY HERE IN HOUSTON.

RIGHT NOW I AM HEADED
TO DR. NOWZARADAN'S OFFICE

FOR THE FIRST TIME,
SO THIS IS PRETTY SCARY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

WHAT IF HE SAYS
HE CAN'T HELP ME?

Woman: MS. RACHDI?

WHAT IF HE DOES AND I FAIL?

I HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY AND FEAR
ABOUT THIS.

I AM MORTIFIED.

I REALLY WISH THIS WASN'T TRUE.
I WISH THIS WASN'T MY WEIGHT.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?

GOOD.
GOOD.

I'M DR. NOWZARADAN.

DOCTOR, I'M AMBER.

AMBER.

SO, YOU ARE ALMOST
660 POUNDS.

MM-HMM.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE
YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE

WITH YOUR EATING HABIT?

I OVEREAT ANYTIME I EAT.

I KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME,
BUT I EAT TOO MUCH.

YOU JUST DON'T GET FULL?

NO. I NEVER GET FULL.

IF YOU SNACK,
WHAT DO YOU SNACK ON?

ANYTHING YOU CAN FIND
THAT'S EASY TO GET AT.

YEAH, I LIKE ICE CREAM.
I LIKE ANYTHING, REALLY.

WHO BUYS ICE CREAM
AND ALL THOSE THINGS?

MY PARENTS ARE THE ONES
WHO DO THE SHOPPING.

SO THEY ARE THE ONES
ENABLING YOU?

THEM AND MY BOYFRIEND.

YOU GET ANY EXERCISE?

UH, NOT REALLY.

I HAVE A HARD TIME WALKING

'CAUSE I CAN'T GET
MY FEET TOGETHER.

I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME

JUST WITH THE WAY
MY WEIGHT IS STORED.

LIKE, IT'S DOWN HERE
AND HERE.

THIS IS WHAT WE CALL
LIPO-LYMPHEDEMA,

AND THERE'S NO CURE FOR THIS
EXCEPT WEIGHT LOSS.

DO YOU THINK
YOU CAN HELP ME, DOC?

WHAT IS THE POINT, LIKE,
YOU'D BE WILLING TO DO SURGERY?

WELL, YOU HAVE TO BE PROACTIVE
FOR YOURSELF, OKAY?

Dr. Nowzaradan:
THIS IS A BAD SITUATION.

AMBER IS SURROUNDED BY ENABLERS
WITHIN FAMILY.

SHE HAS TO BE WILLING
TO MAKE CHANGES THAT SHE NEEDS.

I WANT TO SEE SOME WEIGHT LOSS
FROM HER

BEFORE I EVEN CONSIDER HER
FOR ANY KIND OF SURGERY.

WE ALL NEED TO DEVELOP
A NEW DYNAMIC

IF SURGERY
IS GONNA BE AN OPTION FOR AMBER.

IF SHE DOES NOT CHANGE
THE DYNAMIC

AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT,

I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO HELP HER.

I NEED YOU TO LOSE 20 POUNDS
OVER THE NEXT MONTH

TO SHOW ME
THAT YOU CAN DO THIS.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY
HAS TO WORK TOWARD IT.

OKAY?

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
THANK YOU.

IF AMBER'S FAMILY
DOES NOT STOP ENABLING HER,

SHE WILL DIE.

Amber:
I KNOW I NEED TO DO THIS.

THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE,
AND I'M GOING TO TAKE IT.

I HAVE TO.

THIS MOVE IS BIG,

BUT IF I HOPE TO RECEIVE
THE CARE I NEED TO HELP ME

DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF HOLE
I'VE DUG FOR MYSELF,

I HAVE TO BE NEAR MY DOCTOR.

Omar: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
THAT'S READY TO GO?

THAT BOX RIGHT THERE
IS READY TO GO.

THIS ONE WILL BE
IN A SECOND.

I FEEL BAD THAT EVERYBODY HAS
TO UPROOT THEIR LIVES FOR ME,

BUT I'M THANKFUL
THEY WILL BE THERE FOR ME.

ARE YOU READY?

I GUESS SO.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

THIS IS MY BEST SHOT
AT GETTING HEALTHY.

HEY, DAD.

I WANT TO FINISH COLLEGE.
I WANT TO DRIVE AGAIN.

I HOPE TO HAVE
A FAMILY OF MY OWN.

IF I DON'T GET SURGERY
OR IF I FAIL,

THIS WILL HAVE MESSED UP
A LOT OF PEOPLE'S LIVES.

I JUST HOPE
THIS IS THE RIGHT DECISION

AND IT'S NOT TOO LATE
TO MAKE A CHANGE.

IT'S DAY 3,
AND WE ARE IN CENTRAL UTAH.

THIS TRIP HAS BEEN HARD SO FAR.

LOOKING AHEAD SOMETIMES
CAN BE KIND OF DAUNTING.

I HAVE GOT A LONG WAY
LEFT TO GO.

[ SIGHS ]

YES.

[ VOMITS ]

I CAN'T WAIT
FOR THIS TO BE OVER.

WE'RE HERE.

THIS TRIP HAS BEEN HORRIBLE.

I JUST WANT TO GET A BED
AND LAY DOWN.

OH, I FEEL A.C. ALREADY.

YEAH.

HOW'S THAT?

YOU GOOD WITH THAT?

Rowdy: THAT'LL WORK.

OKAY, SO, IF YOU'LL
JUST EXCUSE ME, FELLAS,

I'M GONNA
MAKE USE OF THIS.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M IN A NEW PLACE
AWAY FROM HOME,

AND I HAVE TO ACHIEVE
THIS WEIGHT LOSS.

IT'S A LOT, AND I FEEL SICK
THINKING ABOUT IT.

Patty: IS AMBER OKAY?

DO YOU NEED A PAPER TOWEL,
HONEY?

Amber: [ RETCHES ]
IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.

IT'S JUST BILE.

IT'S NOT FOOD.
WE'RE FINE.

I'VE BEEN REALLY STRESSED OUT,

AND I THINK
JUST A LOT OF STRESS

AND, I DON'T KNOW,
BEING ON THE ROAD,

AND I THINK
I'M JUST OVERWHELMED.

I'VE ALWAYS GONE TO FOOD
FOR SOLACE, FOR COMFORT.

I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

I HAVE TO REPROGRAM MYSELF,

AND I HAVE TO MAKE
THE CHANGE NOW

IF THE DOCTOR'S GOING TO KEEP
HELPING ME MAKING THE CHANGE.

I KNOW I CAN DO IT.

I WENT AHEAD AND I COOKED MYSELF
DINNER TONIGHT.

ROWDY WENT AHEAD
AND GOT FAST FOOD.

I HAVE TO KIND OF LEARN
TO OVERCOME TEMPTATION,

SO IT WAS GOOD PRACTICE.

FOR THE FIRST TIME,

I'M EATING HEALTHY
AND IN LESSER PORTIONS.

I'M GETTING OUT
AND EXERCISING, TOO.

STARTING TO WALK AGAIN
HAS BEEN DIFFICULT.

IT HURTS, AND IT'S HARD.

BEING MORE ACTIVE
HAS BEEN MY PRIMARY FOCUS,

'CAUSE I KNOW THAT
NOT JUST DIETING, BUT EXERCISE

ARE HOW I'M GONNA BEAT THIS.

I'M EXHAUSTED,

BUT I'M GOING TO DO
WHAT IT TAKES

TO GET THIS SURGERY.

Woman: RACHDI?

OKAY,
WE'LL GO FIRST.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ON A SCALE SINCE
I SAW THE DOCTOR LAST MONTH.

I KNOW I'VE MADE GOOD PROGRESS.
I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH.

I HOPE IT'S ENOUGH.

GOOD, AMBIE.

I'M HAPPY THAT THE SCALE'S
REFLECTING THAT PROGRESS.

I HOPE THE DOCTOR AGREES
AND APPROVES ME FOR SURGERY.

HELLO.
HEY, THERE.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?
GOOD.

SO, YOU FIGURED OUT WHAT TO DO
TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

AND HOW IS YOUR ACTIVITY?

WE'VE RECENTLY QUADRUPLED
THE LENGTH THAT I'M WALKING.

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
AMBER LOST 17 POUNDS,

AND THIS IS CLOSE ENOUGH
FOR ME TO SEE

THAT SHE'S WILLING AND ABLE
TO MAKE CHANGES TO BE SUCCESSFUL

WITH THE BYPASS SURGERY.

EVERYTHING SEEMS LIKE GOING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

YOU HAVE LOST ENOUGH WEIGHT,
AND YOU'RE READY FOR SURGERY.

THAT'S AWESOME.
OKAY.

EXCITED?

UH...YEAH.

I'M A LITTLE SCARED
OF BEING CUT OPEN.

YEAH, IT IS SCARY.

BUT THIS WILL BE
A WHOLE NEW OPPORTUNITY

TO GET YOU DOWN
TO YOUR IDEAL BODY WEIGHT, SO...

AWESOME.

I'M GONNA SCHEDULE YOU
FOR SURGERY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,

OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

WE'RE GETTING GOALS.

MM-HMM.

IT'S A MAJOR OPERATION.
WHAT IF I FAIL?

ALL OF THESE THOUGHTS
ARE JUST HITTING ME ALL AT ONCE.

I'M AFRAID OF DISAPPOINTING
MYSELF AND MY FAMILY.

IF I ASKED MY DAD, "ARE YOU
DISAPPOINTED IN ME RIGHT NOW?"

HE'D BE LIKE, "NO! WHERE WOULD
YOU EVER GET THAT IDEA?"

BUT HOW COULD HE NOT BE.

LIKE, OF COURSE
THEY'RE DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

THEY WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER
ADMIT IT, BUT THEY ARE.

THEY ACT SO PROUD OF ME
FOR EVERY LITTLE VICTORY,

BUT ALL I'M DOING
IS DISASTER CLEANUP.

I HAVE DRAGGED MY FAMILY

FROM THE PACIFIC
TO THE GULF COAST.

I'VE BEEN DOING
ALL SORTS OF BAD THINGS

TO ALL THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT
JUST TO GET THE HELP I NEED,

AND THAT'S REALLY SELFISH.

WHAT IF THIS ALL ENDS UP
FOR NOTHING

AND I'VE WASTED
EVERYONE'S TIME AND EFFORT?

I KNOW I SHOULD BE HAPPY,

BUT I'M FEELING
REALLY STRESSED OUT

AND ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW.

Amber:
I MIGHT NEED A HAND.

THANKS.

I'M STILL REALLY NERVOUS
ABOUT SURGERY.

Omar: IT'S, YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE WORRISOME, HONESTLY.

IT'S MY SISTER,
AND IF ANYTHING BAD

HAPPENED TO HER,
IT WOULD KILL ME.

HELLO.

Amber: HI, DOCTOR.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?
Abe: HI. HOW ARE YOU?

DOING
THE GASTRIC BYPASS TODAY,

AND GONNA BE READY
TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

I'M PRAYING FOR YOU.

THANKS.
BE GOOD, DAD.

WE LOVE YOU.

MY HEAD IS SPINNING.

I SHOULD BE SUPER EXCITED
ABOUT SURGERY.

LIKE, THIS IS WHAT
I CAME DOWN HERE FOR.

BUT I'M SO TERRIFIED.

I KNOW THAT THE CONSEQUENCES
ARE REAL.

I COULD DIE.

I'M AFRAID OF A LOT OF THINGS.
I'M AFRAID OF FAILING.

I'M AFRAID OF SOMETHING
GOING WRONG.

I'M AFRAID THIS WILL ALL BE
FOR NOTHING.

BUT I CAN'T LET THIS FEAR
AND ANXIETY BEAT ME.

Man: TAKE SOME NICE,
DEEP BREATHS HERE, OKAY?

BIG BREATHS.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AMBER IS HAVING
HER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY TODAY.

WITH A PATIENT THIS SIZE,

A COMPLICATION CAN BE
A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION,

SO WE HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYTHING IS OKAY
TO DO GASTRIC BYPASS ON AMBER.

GASTRIC BYPASS
IS A VERY EFFECTIVE TOOL

FOR WEIGHT LOSS.

WE'RE GONNA CHANGE
THE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM.

USUALLY, STOMACH IS AS BIG
AS THE SIZE OF A FOOTBALL.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT
AS SMALL AS A BASEBALL.

AND BY DOING THAT,
WE'RE GONNA LIMIT

THE CAPACITY OF THE EATING,
AND THE PATIENT

WILL BE ABLE TO GET FULL
REAL QUICK.

Patty: WE WANT AMBER
TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE,

GET MARRIED,
HAVE KIDS, HAVE A FAMILY.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT FOR HER
AS A MOM.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS IS AMBER'S
LAST CHANCE TO LOSE WEIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.
THAT LOOKS GOOD.

AND WE'VE FINISHED THE SURGERY.

WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD
AND MOVE HER TO RECOVERY ROOM.

AMBER, WE'RE IN
THE RECOVERY ROOM, OKAY?

PERFECT.

AMBER IS DOING OKAY,

AND I'M HOPING THAT SHE'LL LOSE

20 TO 30 POUNDS
IN THE FIRST MONTH.

HI, HONEY.

HEY, MAMA.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

NICE TO SEE YOU,
TOO, HONEY.

Patty: RIGHT NOW
IT'S A NEW BEGINNING FOR HER,

AND I JUST -- WE'RE HAPPY.

OKAY.

LOVE YOU GUYS.

LOVE YOU, TOO.
LOVE YOU MORE.

I'LL CARRY MY PURSE

AND I GUESS THE BACKPACK
IF YOU WANT ME TO.

THE BACKPACK
FEELS PRETTY HEAVY.

NO, THE BACKPACK,
I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.

Amber:
I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE GOING HOME
AND TO START ADJUSTING BACK.

I KNOW I HAVE A LOT OF WORK
AHEAD OF ME.

THIS ISN'T GONNA BE EASY.

I'M GOING HOME
TO A DIFFERENT WORLD.

I CAN NO LONGER GO
TO MY HAPPY PLACE WITH FOOD.

IT'S A LITTLE SCARY.
NOT GONNA LIE.

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING,
NOW THAT I'VE HAD SURGERY,

MY PARENTS ARE GOING BACK
TO PORTLAND.

IT'S A LOT OF CHANGE AT ONCE --

TO HAVE HAD THIS SURGERY

AND FOR MY PARENTS
TO BE LEAVING ME.

I'M JUST KIND OF A COWARD.

I DON'T FUNCTION WELL
BY MYSELF.

I ALWAYS NEED A REAL GROWN-UP
HOLDING MY HAND.

HI, PUPPY.

ALL THAT STRESS IS THERE
IN THE BACK OF MY MIND,

BUT I CAN'T GIVE IN OR LET
THAT FEAR AND ANXIETY TAKE OVER,

OR I KNOW
I'LL WANT TO RUN BACK TO FOOD,

AND I KNOW
THAT'S NOT AN OPTION RIGHT NOW.

I'M JUST TRYING TO TAKE
ONE DAY AT A TIME

AND TRY TO NOT GET OVERWHELMED

BY EVERYTHING GOING ON
RIGHT NOW.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
AMBER CAME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM

WITH AN IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT
AND CHEST PAIN.

IT IS POSSIBLE THAT SHE COULD BE
HAVING A HEART ATTACK,

SO WE HAVE TO DO SOME TESTING
TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S OKAY.

THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION.

A PATIENT IN HER SIZE IS ALREADY
PUSHING THE HEART TO THE LIMIT.

ANY CARDIAC EVENT
COULD BE TOO DIFFICULT TO STOP.

WE NEED TO FIND OUT

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH HER
IMMEDIATELY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AMBER CAME IN
EARLIER WITH SEVERE CHEST PAIN.

HER EKG AND ALL THE LAB WORK
TURNED OUT TO BE NORMAL.

SHE APPARENTLY HAD
AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

SHE ALWAYS USED FOOD
TO COPE WITH STRESS AND ANXIETY.

NOW THE FOOD
IS NOT SO MUCH AN OPTION,

SHE HAS NO COPING MECHANISM.

THAT IS AFFECTING HER HEALTH.

SHE NEEDS TO LEARN
TO DEAL WITH HER FEELINGS.

I'M GOING TO SEND HER
TO A THERAPIST

TO HELP HER DEAL
WITH THESE ISSUES.

Amber:
I'M UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.

I REALIZE
IF I DON'T DEAL WITH IT NOW,

THE SURGERY
WILL HAVE BEEN A WASTE,

AND I'LL FAIL, AND I'LL LET
EVERYONE DOWN AGAIN.

THE DOCTOR TOLD ME
WHEN I WENT TO THE E.R.

THAT I'VE GOT SOMETHING

CALLED A PREMATURE
ATRIAL CONTRACTION.

WHICH IS INSANE
THAT MY ANXIETY'S HAVING

SUCH A HUGE
PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION ON ME.

AND NOW
THAT I DON'T HAVE EATING,

MY ANXIETY
IS JUST KIND OF OUT OF CONTROL.

SO I'M HOPING THAT COUNSELING
WILL HELP ME.

HI! AMBER,
COME ON BACK.

Lakhani: SO, TELL ME
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOU

AND KIND OF HOW
YOU GOT HERE TODAY.

Amber:
I KIND OF FELL APART,

STARTED HAVING
REALLY BAD ANXIETY.

SO, WHAT HAS BEEN THE CAUSE
OF YOUR ANXIETY?

IN GENERAL, I FEEL LIKE

I'M A PRETTY DISAPPOINTING KID
TO HAVE,

AND I THINK I WOULD HAVE
A HARD TIME AS A PARENT

COPING WITH HAVING A KID
LIKE ME.

IS THAT PRESSURE
THAT YOU'RE PUTTING ON YOURSELF,

OR DOES THAT COME
FROM YOUR FAMILY?

I DON'T KNOW.

[ Voice breaking ]
I'M NOT SUPER THRILLED

THAT I WASTED
ALL OF MY YOUTH

BEING IMMOBILE AND MASSIVE
AND, LIKE,

TOO FAT
TO KIND OF ENJOY IT.

[ SIGHS ]
LIKE, I'M REALLY MAD RIGHT NOW.

LIKE, I'M MAD AT MYSELF.
LIKE, WHY DID I LET THAT HAPPEN?

AND I CAN'T DO
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

LIKE,
I CAN'T MAKE IT BETTER.

YOU ARE MAKING IT BETTER,

BECAUSE YOU'RE CHOOSING TODAY
TO MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE.

I'M MAKING A GOOD CHOICE
TO GET TO A GOOD PLAN "B."

IT'S GONNA MAKE ME HAVE A LIFE,
BUT IT'S NOT THE LIFE I WANT.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
AND IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY TO BE MAD.

AT SOME POINT,

YOU HAVE TO LET GO
OF THAT ANGER.

YOUR PAST IS YOUR PAST,

AND IF YOU CONTINUE
TO LIVE IN THE PAST,

IT HINDERS
YOUR PROGRESS.

THINK ABOUT JUST BEING ABLE TO
NOT HOLD ON TO THAT.

YOU'RE GOING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

THANK YOU.

I THINK ALL THIS TIME,

I THOUGHT I WAS AFRAID
OF LETTING MY PARENTS DOWN,

BUT MY ANXIETY IS MORE ABOUT ME
THAN ANYONE ELSE.

I'M THE ONE CRITICIZING MYSELF,
WHO VIEWS HERSELF AS WORTHLESS,

AND I THINK OF MYSELF
AS A FAILURE,

BUT I'M BECOMING
THE PERSON I WANT TO BE,

AND THAT PERSON
IS NOT A FAILURE.

THE SECOND I DECIDED
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY LIFE,

I CHANGED,

AND I AM NOT GOING TO FAIL
AT THIS.

SINCE SURGERY, I'VE DROPPED
QUITE A BIT OF WEIGHT,

AND MY LEGS
DROPPED A LOT OF FLUID

REALLY, REALLY FAST.

THERE ARE PLACES
WHERE IT'S A LOT LOOSER

THAN IT'S BEEN
IN A VERY LONG TIME.

I'VE STILL GOT A WAYS TO GO,

BUT I THINK I CAN FIT
BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR,

WHICH IS EXCITING.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT
FOR A WHILE.

WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING IT,
LIKE, RIGHT THERE?

SURE.
I CAN DO THAT.

Omar:
IT'S A LITTLE SCARY.

KNOWING THAT SHE'S GETTING
BEHIND THE WHEEL AGAIN

IS A LITTLE NERVE-RACKING.

Amber: DRIVING IS ONE
OF THOSE THINGS I THOUGHT

I'D NEVER BE ABLE TO DO AGAIN.

THIS IS SO COOL.

YOU WANT TO BUCKLE UP?

I CANNOT BELIEVE
I FIT BEHIND THE WHEEL.

HOW DOES IT FEEL

TURNING AND EVERYTHING,
LIKE TURNING THE WHEEL?

IT FEELS FINE.

IT FEELS NATURAL.

I'M SURPRISED I CAN DO THIS.

I WASN'T EXPECTING IT
TO BE SO EASY.

IT FELT REALLY GOOD.

HOW DID I DO?

GOOD. "A."

I'M NOT AS FAR GONE
AS I THOUGHT I WAS.

THERE ARE STILL SOME PARTS OF ME
LEFT IN HERE

THAT HAVE GOT SOME SKILLS.

I DROVE A CAR, OMAR.

BEING ABLE TO DRIVE MEANS
SO MUCH FOR MY INDEPENDENCE.

I'M NOT THE SAME AMBER THAT
STARTED THIS JOURNEY MONTHS AGO.

I HAVE TO REALIZE
I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

AND TAKING THE INITIATIVE
TO CHANGE.

IT'S BEEN YEARS
SINCE I'VE BEEN SHOPPING

FOR CLOTHES FOR MYSELF.

CLOTHES SHOPPING HAS ALWAYS BEEN
LIKE THIS FOR ME --

I FIND SOMETHING CUTE,
BUT IT'S TWO SIZES TOO SMALL,

OR MOST OF THE SELECTION
IS GEARED TOWARDS OLDER WOMEN.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

I LIKE THAT.

BLACK, HOUNDSTOOTH.

I'M REALLY SURPRISED.

SOME OF THE SMALLER SIZES
THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS

CAN FIT,
AND THAT'S REALLY FUN.

THAT I'M A 2X
INSTEAD OF A SIZE 6X,

THAT'S A HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT
TO ME.

OH, YEAH.
I CAN ROCK THAT.

I WAS THINKING
THAT NOTHING WAS GOING TO FIT,

BUT I WAS VERY GLAD THAT
THAT SWEATER FIT.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY
FULL-LENGTH MIRRORS AT MY HOUSE.

AND LOOKING IN THAT MIRROR,
I SEE A LOT OF ISSUES,

A LOT OF FLAWS.

I KNOW THAT WILL GET BETTER
IN TIME.

YEP, YEP, YEP.
I AM GETTING THIS ONE.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE
SINCE I'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO

THINGS LIKE THIS.

I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK.

I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP.

I AM GOING TO KEEP GOING,

LOSING WEIGHT,
KEEP GETTING HEALTHIER,

AND NOT LET
WHAT I SEE IN MY REFLECTION

DISCOURAGE ME AT ALL.

SO, I'M STARTING TO SEE A LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL,

SO I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE
ANOTHER BIG STEP.

I'M FINALLY AT A PLACE
WHERE I CAN SAY

I THINK IT'S TIME TO START
TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR OMAR TO GO HOME.

I JUST HOPE HE'S OKAY WITH IT.

Amber: WHEN YOU'VE LIVED SO LONG
WITHOUT HOPE,

IT'S AMAZING
WHAT A LITTLE OF IT CAN DO.

Amber:
LET'S GO FOR A WALK.

TODAY, OMAR AND I
ARE TAKING A WALK TOGETHER

FOR THE LAST TIME FOR A WHILE.

HE HAS TAKEN A LOT OF TIME
OUT OF HIS LIFE

TO HELP ME GET MINE BACK.

I KNOW THAT HE'S GOT A LIFE
TO LEAD,

AND HE HAS PUT THAT ASIDE
FOR QUITE A WHILE FOR ME,

AND THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

IT'S TIME I START
DEPENDING ON MYSELF

AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

NOW I AM CAPABLE
AND I AM ABLE TO HAVE

A LIFE OF MY OWN
AND SUPPORT MYSELF.

Omar: I USED TO BE SCARED
FOR MY SISTER EVERY SINGLE DAY,

BUT NOW I'M NOT SO MUCH WORRIED
ABOUT HER ANYMORE.

I'M NO LONGER
JUST HER CAREGIVER,

AND SHE'S NO LONGER
JUST THE RECIPIENT OF MY CARE.

I'LL MISS YOU.

YOU STARTING
TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,

YOU'VE HELPED
ALL OF US.

WE ALL NOW HAVE
A SENSE OF PEACE.

Amber: I KNOW THIS
IS GOING TO BE NEW FOR ME.

I'VE NEVER REALLY LIVED ALONE
WITHOUT FAMILY AROUND.

BUT IT'S TIME.

I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

WE ARE GOING

TO DR. NOWZARADAN'S,
AND I'M REALLY EXCITED,

'CAUSE I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT MY WEIGHT IS.

OOH! IT'S RAINING!

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I WEIGH RIGHT NOW,

BUT I FEEL REALLY GOOD
ABOUT MY PROGRESS.

I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD
OVER THE LAST MONTHS,

NOT JUST TO EAT BETTER,
BUT TO DO MORE.

THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT?
YEAH.

IT HAS BEEN 10 YEARS SINCE
I HAVE BEEN UNDER 400 POUNDS.

I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D GET HERE.

[ KNOCK AT DOOR ]
COME IN.

HELLO.
HEY, DR. NOW.

I SEE YOU'VE LOST
SOME MORE WEIGHT.

I'M GLAD TO SEE THAT
YOU'RE MAKING GOOD PROGRESS.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
AMBER'S DOING A GREAT JOB.

MORE AND MORE,
SHE'S BECOMING INDEPENDENT.

I'M PROUD OF AMBER
STICKING WITH THE PROGRAM.

SHE HAS A WAYS TO GO,
BUT I'M CONFIDENT

SHE WILL GET THERE.

WHEN YOU GET DOWN
TO MAYBE 250,

THEN IT WILL BE TIME TO THINK
OF DOING SOME SKIN SURGERY.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

I SURPRISED MYSELF.

I'VE COME SUCH A LONG WAY,
AND I STILL HAVE A WAYS TO GO,

BUT I'M GONNA GET THERE.

THANK YOU.

I'VE TAKEN CONTROL
OF MY LIFE.

A YEAR AGO,
I AM NOT SURE I BELIEVED

MY LIFE
WOULD EVER GET ANY BETTER.

A YEAR AGO, I DIDN'T HAVE HOPE.

I THINK WE JUST NEED MILK
AND WE'RE GOOD TO GO.

NOW I'M SHOPPING FOR MYSELF,
I'M EATING HEALTHY,

AND I'M WORKING OUT.

I'M ABLE TO GO OUT IN THE WORLD

AND KIND OF ENJOY LIFE
A BIT MORE.

LIFE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT
FOR ME NOW.

TODAY, I'M GOING TO THE ZOO
WITH ROWDY.

IT SHOULD BE A LOT OF FUN.

ROWDY AND I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN
ON A DATE TOGETHER

SINCE WE MET A FEW YEARS AGO.

WHEN I WAS 600 POUNDS,
I COULD NEVER JUST GO OUT.

Amber: LOOK AT HIM!

I WAS BASICALLY HOUSE-BOUND.
I COULDN'T GET OUT.

I COULDN'T DO THINGS.

NOW THE WORLD IS OPEN TO ME.

AW, BABY!

Rowdy:
THEY'RE SO CUTE.

I'M NO LONGER JUST AMBER
OF ONE ROOM,

AMBER OF ONE FLOOR OF ONE HOUSE.

I'M NOW ABLE TO BE MYSELF
EVERYWHERE.

BUT THE BIGGEST CHANGE
FOR ME HAS BEEN

I'M NO LONGER USING FOOD
TO COPE WITH MY ANXIETY OR FEAR.

AW!

I WORK THROUGH IT,

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET IT
CONTROL ME.

HI, BUDDY.

I'M NOWHERE NEAR DONE,
BUT I'M A LOT HAPPIER.

YOU GOT SEA LION KISSES.

I DID.