All language subtitles for My 600-lb Life S02E06

Paula: MY SKIN IS MY JAIL.

I REALLY DON'T HAVE A LIFE.

I'M JUST TRAPPED, PERIOD.

SOMETIMES, IT FEELS LIKE I'M
DEAD, LIKE THAT I'M NOT ALIVE.

IF I COULD DO IT WITHOUT THE
SURGERY, I WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

MY WAY DOESN'T WORK.

AND THIS IS A DYNAMIC
THAT WE NEED TO CHANGE NOW.

[ Voice breaking ] GET OUT!
I'M DONE WITH THIS!

I -- I QUIT!
I'M DONE!

OH, IT HURTS.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

Woman: I CAN'T BE THE REASON
YOU LOSE WEIGHT

OR THE REASON YOU GAIN WEIGHT,
PERIOD.

[ Voice breaking ] I'M GONNA
MAKE THIS WORK. I PROMISE.

Paula:
I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF BECAUSE I'D
EXPECTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

I CANNOT APPROVE
YOUR SURGERY NOW.

YOU CAN GET TO A PLACE WHERE
HAPPINESS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND.

AND IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL,

THE NEXT IMPOSSIBLE THING
TO FIND IS HOPE.

[ WATER SPLASHING ]

WHEN YOU LIVE LIFE THIS BIG,
YOUR WEIGHT AFFECTS...

IT AFFECTS EVERYTHING.

I'M HUGE.

YOU KNOW, FORGET
THAT I'M JUST OVERWEIGHT,

BUT I LOOK LIKE A MONSTER.

IT HURTS TO MOVE.

IT HURTS TO WALK.

IT HURTS
TO DO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.

ALL OF THE DAY-TO-DAY TASKS --

COOKING A MEAL,

WALK MY DAUGHTER
TO THE PLAYGROUND...

...ALL THE THINGS
THAT PEOPLE TAKE FOR GRANTED

ARE VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO.

I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY
THE WAY THAT I NEED TO.

ALLERGY, SINUS, HEADACHE.

I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN.

THE KIDS REALLY ARE THE ONES
WHO TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE.

BYE.

AT THIS WEIGHT, I AM HEAVILY
DEPENDANT ON MY CHILDREN.

SO, I HAVE TO PUT LOTION
ON HER LEGS

AND PUT HER SOCKS AND SHOES ON.

IT FEELS LIKE SHE'S HANDICAPPED.

I DO FEEL LIKE I DO MORE
THAN A TEENAGER SHOULD BE DOING.

Paula:
I AM A BURDEN TO MY CHILDREN.

BUT I STILL HAVE TO GO
OUT IN PUBLIC.

I STILL HAVE TO DO THINGS.
THEY STILL GET SEEN WITH ME.

I DON'T WANT MY KIDS
TO BE PICKED ON

BECAUSE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE.

I WANT TO PROTECT MY KIDS.

ESPECIALLY WITH EVERYTHING I'VE
BEEN THROUGH WITH MY CHILDHOOD.

WHEN I WAS ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD,
I WAS AVERAGE WEIGHT.

WHEN I WAS 6, I WAS MOLESTED
BY A FAMILY MEMBER.

AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT STARTED
MY WEIGHT GAIN.

I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I KNOW

THAT'S THE SAME TIMEFRAME
AS WHEN IT STARTED.

FROM THEN ON,
I WAS ALWAYS THE BIG KID.

MY NICKNAME WAS "PUDGE."

I WAS ALWAYS, YOU KNOW,
BIGGER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE,

FATTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.

GAINING THAT WEIGHT,
YOU DO BUILD A BARRIER.

PEOPLE,
THEY'RE LESS ABLE TO HURT YOU

BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET TO YOU.

BY THE TIME
I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL,

I WAS PROBABLY ABOUT 220.

AND THEN PRETTY MUCH
ALL THE WEIGHT AFTER THAT

CAME WITH EACH KID.

50 POUNDS WITH EACH KID.

I WISH THAT I HAD BEEN TAUGHT
THAT FOOD LITERALLY WAS FUEL,

THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU PUT
IN YOUR BODY TO MAKE IT GO.

BUT I DON'T EAT JUST FOR FUEL.

I EAT FOR ENJOYMENT.

IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO EAT.

I MEAN, I LOVE FOOD.

I DON'T JUST LIKE FOOD.
I LOVE FOOD.

I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD.

WHEN IT TASTES GOOD,

YOU GET THIS FEELING
THAT IT'S LIKE A HAPPY PLACE.

WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE SUPPORT
OF PEOPLE OR FAMILY MEMBERS,

FOOD WAS STILL THERE.

FOOD DOESN'T HURT YOU
EMOTIONALLY.

IT DOES HURT YOU PHYSICALLY,

BUT IT DOESN'T HURT YOU
EMOTIONALLY.

FOOD HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THERE
WHEN PEOPLE HAVE NOT.

WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOU EXPECT
THAT YOU'LL GROW OLD TOGETHER.

YOU DON'T EXPECT
YOUR HUSBAND'S GONNA DIE AT 33.

THIS IS -- THIS IS ALAN.

HE WAS OVER 600 POUNDS.

HIS KIDNEYS
WEREN'T FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY,

AND HIS KIDNEYS WERE AFFECTING
HIS HEART,

AND HIS HEART
WASN'T FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY.

HIS HEALTH GOT WORSE AND WORSE.

AND WHEN HIS HEART STOPPED,
WE COULDN'T RESUSCITATE HIM.

THAT WAS IT.

MY HUSBAND BEING OVERWEIGHT,
THAT'S WHAT KILLED HIM.

HE LIVED IN THE --

IT'S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR
SINCE HE HASN'T BEEN HERE,

AND I DON'T THINK
THAT I'M FAR BEHIND HIM.

I KNOW IT AFFECTS MY KIDS.

THEY JUST LOST THEIR DAD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

MY 8-YEAR-OLD, SHE'S SAID IT.

"MOMMY,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE."

IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
AMEN.

GET SOME SPINACH.

IT'S REALLY GOOD.

I WANT TO BE
PART OF THEIR LIVES.

I'VE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

IF I DON'T DO IT,
I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE.

THE REASON I'M HERE

IS TO SEE ABOUT GETTING
THE GASTRIC BYPASS.

I HAVEN'T BEEN SUCCESSFUL
IN WHAT I'VE DONE

IN TRYING TO LOSE THE WEIGHT

AND MOVE FORWARD
AND GET OUT OF THIS BODY I'M IN.

MY EXPECTATIONS FOR TODAY

IS TO FIND OUT IF I'M
A CANDIDATE FOR THE SURGERY.

HOPEFULLY IT'S A YES.

JONES?

IF NOT,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I'M EMBARRASSED BY MY WEIGHT.

SO, WHAT SEEMS TO BE
YOUR CHALLENGES TO LOSE WEIGHT?

UM, NOT EATING AND THEN EATING
LATE IS PROBABLY MOST OF IT.

AND THEN,
I LIKE CARBOHYDRATES.

AND I DON'T EXERCISE A LOT.

HOW DO YOU THINK SURGERY'S
GONNA CHANGE THAT?

UM, SURGERY'S
NOT GONNA CHANGE MY DIET.

SURGERY WILL ALLOW ME
TO START TO LOSE THE WEIGHT

SO I CAN EXERCISE MORE, SO THAT
I CAN THEN LOSE THE WEIGHT.

BUT I THINK THIS IS
A WHOLE LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

FOR ME, IT'S A STEP
TOWARDS THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

IT'S NOT GONNA DO IT BY ITSELF.
IT'S NOT GONNA DO IT BY ITSELF.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
PAULA SEEMS TO HAVE
THE RIGHT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING,

BUT SHE DOES NOT SEEM TO APPLY
THOSE TO HER WEIGHT LOSS.

WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO IMPLEMENT
THOSE LIFE CHANGES

BEFORE SURGERY.

SO, WE'RE GONNA CHANGE
YOUR EATING HABIT NOW,

AND WE'RE GONNA SEE
IF THAT WILL WORK FOR YOU.

YOU HAVE TO LOSE 20 POUNDS
ON YOUR OWN NEXT MONTH.

ANY QUESTIONS?

NO.

ALL RIGHT.

SHE NEEDS TO APPLY HERSELF

AND SHOW ME THAT SHE CAN MAKE
LIFESTYLE CHANGES.

OTHERWISE, SURGERY
WOULD NOT BE ANY HELP TO PAULA.

SOMETIMES, THE PATIENTS
THAT HAVE RIGHT ANSWERS

HAVE THE HARDEST TIME
LOSING WEIGHT.

IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS KNOWING
WHAT THE RIGHT ANSWER IS.

Paula:
YOUR LIFE ISN'T A MATTER OF
CHANCE, IT'S A MATTER OF CHOICE.

ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT,
YOU CAN START TO LIVE.

Paula: MAD!
Madison: WHAT?

COME HERE, PLEASE.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE
TO GO IN HERE?

YEAH.

Paula: IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS
SINCE I'VE GONE TO THE DOCTOR.

I'M JUST TRYING TO STICK
TO MY DIET, BUT IT'S HARD.

THE DOCTOR IS HESITANT TO DO
THE SURGERY

ON PEOPLE
THAT HE CAN'T CHECK UP ON.

I'VE DECIDED IF I'M GOING TO
DEDICATE MYSELF TO THIS

THAT I NEED TO MOVE TO HOUSTON

TO BE CLOSER
TO DR. NOWZARADAN'S OFFICE

AND INCREASE MY CHANCES

OF BEING MORE SUCCESSFUL
IN MY WEIGHT LOSS.

BUT FIRST, I NEED TO SAY GOODBYE
TO ALAN'S FAMILY

HERE IN ATLANTA.

AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE

HAMBURGERS AND HOT DOGS
AND BARBECUE CHICKEN.

I LIKE HAMBURGERS, TOO.

ALAN AND I HAD BEEN TOGETHER
FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

SINCE ALAN PASSED, HIS FAMILY
HAS BECOME MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.

I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS THEM.

HEY, PAULA.

PART OF HOW I'VE GOTTEN
TO MY WEIGHT

IS BECAUSE I USE FOOD
TO BRING ME HAPPINESS.

OKAY, WE'VE GOT CHICKEN AND, UM,
HOT DOGS AND HAMBURGERS.

EVERY TIME THAT THERE'S AN EVENT
OR A FAMILY GATHERING,

WE HAVE LOTS OF FOOD.

I ASSOCIATE FOOD
WITH EVERY GOOD MOMENT.

IT'S GONNA BE HARD
TO BREAK THAT HABIT.

PAULA,
ARE YOU -- YOU GETTING EXCITED?

I AM.

I'LL BE BETTER
AFTER THIS DRIVE IS OVER

AND WE GOT A PLACE TO STAY.

I'M EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS.

YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART

THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT ALAN WANTS YOU TO DO.

ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT IT,
PAULA?

YEAH.

ARE YOU TRYING NOT TO CRY?

I'M SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY.

YEAH, THIS MOVE IS WEIRD
WITHOUT HIM.

YEAH.

MOVING AWAY FOR BOTH ME AND MY
KIDS IS GONNA BE VERY DIFFICULT.

HOWEVER, I KNOW
THAT IF I DON'T MAKE THE CHANGE

AND MOVE TO HOUSTON,

I'M GOING TO END UP
JUST LIKE ALAN.

WHEN YOU ASK IF I'M GONNA MISS
YOU GUYS...

YOU GUYS REALLY HAD MY BACK,

YOU DID THINGS
THAT WHAT I KNOW NOW,

A FAMILY'S SUPPOSED TO DO.

SO, TO GO TO HOUSTON
AND NOT HAVE ANYONE THERE,

YEAH, IT'S SCARY.

BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT IT'S TIME.

MM-HMM.

IT'S TIME.
MM-HMM.

I KNOW THIS IS
WHAT ALAN WANTED ME TO DO.

I WON'T BE HERE
IF I DON'T MAKE THIS CHANGE.

HOPEFULLY I GET APPROVED
FOR THE WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY.

MS. JONES?

I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD
THIS PAST MONTH TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I HOPE THAT I'M APPROVED
FOR SURGERY THIS TIME.

THAT'S NOT GOOD.

I THOUGHT THE NUMBER
WOULD BE LOWER.

IT'S A REAL SHOCK
TO SEE THE WEIGHT GAIN.

SO,
YOU MANAGED TO GAIN 17.

YEAH.

WHAT PRECIPITATED THAT?

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY.

I MEAN, I KNOW MY LEGS ARE
FILLED UP WITH FLUID RIGHT NOW.

AND BECAUSE I WAS MOVING HERE,

WE'VE NOT EATEN THE FOODS
THAT WE NORMALLY WERE EATING

THAT YOU HAD ME EATING.

WELL, THERE'S NO WAY
THIS IS GONNA BE

A SUCCESSFUL WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY
WITH YOUR MAKING EXCUSES.

YOU CLEARLY, CLEARLY HAVE
EATING DISORDER.

I CANNOT APPROVE
YOUR SURGERY NOW.

PAULA KNOWS WHAT TO DO,
BUT SHE'S MAKING EXCUSES.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

THAT YOU'RE IN THE SAME
DETERMINATION IN SURGERY.

UNLESS YOU CHANGE
YOUR FRAME OF MIND,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO WELL
WITH THIS SURGERY.

I DO.

AND IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A
CREATURE GROWING IN MY STOMACH.

Dr. Nowzaradan: BUT PAULA
IS NOT READY FOR SURGERY.

WE NEED TO PUT YOU
ON A LIQUID DIET, OKAY?

Paula: OKAY.

SO,
THE CLOCK IS RUNNING NOW.

OKAY.

I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF BECAUSE I'D
EXPECTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

BUT I THINK I AGREE WITH HIM.

I THINK IT IS A FOOD DISORDER.

IT'S ACTUALLY A RELIEF
TO HEAR SOMEBODY ELSE SAY IT.

MY HUSBAND USED TO SAY

THAT STUFF ONLY HAPPENS TO YOU
THAT YOU LET HAPPEN TO YOU.

OBVIOUSLY WHAT I'M DOING
IS NOT WORKING,

SO I NEED
A DIFFERENT PLAN OF ACTION.

MAD, ARE YOU HAVING THIS
WITH US?

Madison:
ARE YOU GONNA MAKE ME ONE?

THE DRINKING LIQUIDS ALL DAY

IS THE HARDEST THING
I'VE EVER HAD TO DO.

THERE'S STILL THINGS
WHEN I SMELL THEM OR SEE THEM,

I WANT THEM.

WHEN THE KIDS WANT TO HAVE CHIPS
OR ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING,

I WANT SOME, TOO.

WHAT FLAVOR IS THERE?

THERE'S BEEF
WITH COUNTRY VEGETABLES.

I'M SICK OF DRINKING LIQUIDS.

YOGURT FOR BREAKFAST,
SOUP FOR LUNCH, SOUP FOR DINNER.

SOUP, SOUP, AND MORE SOUP.

EATING SOUP FOR EVERY MEAL
IS HARD TO DO.

I DON'T KNOW THAT I REALIZED

HOW DIFFICULT THIS PROCESS
WAS GOING TO BE.

BUT AT THIS POINT,
I HAVE TO DO IT.

I'VE GOT TO GET THE WEIGHT OFF.

SO, TODAY WE'RE GOING
TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE

TO GET A FOLLOW-UP.

I FEEL LIKE I DID WELL.

I STUCK TO WHAT HE HAD ASKED,

BUT THAT'S WHAT I SAID
THE LAST TIME.

MS. JONES?

I'VE UPROOTED MY WHOLE FAMILY
TO GET THIS SECOND CHANCE.

SO, I'M HOPING
I'VE ACTUALLY LOST SOME WEIGHT

BECAUSE IF I'M NOT APPROVED
FOR SURGERY,

I MOVED TO HOUSTON FOR NOTHING.

Woman: MS. JONES?

HI.

I'M REALLY NERVOUS.

I'VE UPROOTED MY WHOLE FAMILY
TO GET THIS SECOND CHANCE.

SO, I'M HOPING
I'VE ACTUALLY LOST SOME WEIGHT.

I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WOW!

Dr. Nowzaradan: VERY GOOD.
YOU LOST 30 POUNDS.

YOU READY FOR YOUR SURGERY?
YES.

I'M PLANNING TO GET US SCHEDULED
FOR NEXT WEEK OR SO.

UNTIL THEN,
YOU NEED TO GO AHEAD

AND MAKE SURE
THAT YOU FOLLOW YOUR DIET.

I'M HOPING YOU'LL LOSE
ANOTHER 15, 20 POUNDS.

THAT'S GREAT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M GLAD
TO SEE PAULA LOSING 30 POUNDS

AFTER HER WAKE-UP CALL
OF GAINING 17 POUNDS.

I THINK SHE GOT THE IDEA
THAT SHE CAN DO IT,

BUT STILL,
I HAVE TO WATCH HER,

SO AFTER SURGERY,
WE'LL MAKE SURE

SHE'LL CONTINUE
WITH HER EATING HABITS.

Paula: THIS IS
WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

THINGS ARE FINALLY GOING TO
CHANGE FOR ME.

WHOO-HOO!

I'M FINALLY GONNA GET
THE OPPORTUNITY

TO TRY TO GET THIS WEIGHT OFF.

I'M READY TO CHANGE
EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE.

I'M EXCITED I CAN GET
THE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

AND I WANT A NEW BEGINNING.

I WANT A TOTAL TRANSFORMATION.

AND I'M GONNA START THE PROCESS
RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE GOING TO DYE MY HAIR,

AND IT'S GOING TO BE
THE FIRST PHYSICAL CHANGE.

I WANTED BRIGHT SHOCK GREEN,
LIKE LIME,

LIKE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK GREEN.

[ LAUGHS ]

I USED TO LIKE CHANGING MY HAIR

BECAUSE IT MADE PEOPLE
NOT LOOK AT MY BODY.

WHOO!
[ LAUGHS ]

BUT NOW, IT SYMBOLIZES TO ME
THE DEATH OF THE OLD PAULA

AND THE BIRTH OF THE NEW ONE.

SURGERY IS RISKY,
AND I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT.

BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO
DO THIS FOR MY FAMILY.

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

[ CHUCKLES ]
AWESOME!

AND I'M READY TO DO IT NOW.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL

SINCE ALAN PASSED AWAY.

SO, WHERE DO WE GO?

I'M REALLY SCARED.

WHEN ALAN PASSED AWAY, IT SHOULD
HAVE BEEN A WAKE-UP CALL.

BUT IT WASN'T.

I KNOW THIS IS
WHAT ALAN WOULD WANT ME TO DO.

HE WOULDN'T WANT ME TO LEAVE OUR
CHILDREN WITHOUT ANY PARENTS.

HE WOULD HAVE WANTED THIS
TO HAPPEN.

KIND OF ANXIOUS,
WAITING.

Dr. Nowzaradan: OKAY.

1, 2, AND 3.

[ GROANING SOFTLY ]

Man: WATCH YOUR BACK.

YOU ALL RIGHT, MAMA?

Madison: I'M HAPPY.

BUT IT'S KINDA SCARY.

I REMEMBER SEEING MY DAD
LIKE THIS IN THE HOSPITAL.

I NEED MY MOM.

I NEED HER TO BE HERE FOR ME.

Paula: IT IS MY DINNER.

EATING AFTER SURGERY
HAS BEEN NEXT TO NOTHING.

I REALLY DON'T HAVE AN APPETITE.

NOTHING TASTES THE SAME.

AND EVERYTHING I SMELL
MAKES ME NAUSEOUS.

I DON'T FEEL GOOD AT ALL.

MY STOMACH HURTS
REALLY, REALLY BAD.

IT JUST HURTS.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THIS IS GONNA BE HARD.

I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

DR. NOW'S DONE THAT HE'S ABLE
TO DO FOR ME

TO GIVE ME THAT KICK START.

NOW THE REST OF IT
IS REALLY UP TO ME.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.

WE MIGHT BE ABLE
TO DO THAT.

Madison: I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.

BYE, MOM.
BYE, BABY.

Paula: I'VE TURNED TO FOOD
MY WHOLE LIFE,

AND THE THOUGHT OF FOOD
STILL MAKES ME HAPPY.

CAN I HAVE A NUMBER 1 WITH TWO
RANCH SAUCES AND A CUP OF WATER?

SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD.

THANK YOU. YOU, TOO.

I HAVE TO ADMIT,
NOT GETTING SOMETHING FOR MYSELF

IS A NEW EXPERIENCE.

MY FAMILY AND I HAVE BEEN EATING
FAST FOOD OUR WHOLE LIVES.

IT'S GONNA BE HARD
TO CHANGE ALL OF THOSE HABITS.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME,
MA'AM?

OKAY, EXCELLENT.

I'M TRYING TO GET BACK INTO
THE SWING OF LIFE AFTER SURGERY.

AND EATING RIGHT HAS BEEN
A CHALLENGE.

I JUST GOT A JOB AS A DISPATCHER
FOR A MOVING COMPANY.

THANK YOU, YOU, TOO.
BYE-BYE.

BUT I'M STUCK AT A COMPUTER
EIGHT HOURS A DAY.

I'M TRYING TO STAY
WITHIN THE CONFINES

OF WHAT DR. NOW'S OKAY WITH,
BUT IT'S HARD.

EVEN AFTER HAVING
WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY,

THERE ARE STILL SOME THINGS
THAT I WILL INDULGE IN.

THERE'S STILL FOODS
THAT I WANT TO EAT

THAT I KNOW AREN'T GOOD FOR ME.

I THINK I'VE DONE WELL
THIS PAST MONTH.

I HAVEN'T MADE
ALWAYS THE BEST CHOICES,

BUT I'VE REALLY TRIED HARD,
AND I THINK I'LL DO WELL.

Woman: OKAY.
YOU LOST 10 POUNDS.

I KNEW I'D LOST WEIGHT.

CAN'T SAY
THAT I'M NECESSARILY ECSTATIC,

BUT I'M NOT UPSET, EITHER.

HOW ARE YOU?

Paula:
I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT. SO, HOW'S EVERYTHING
GOING SINCE YOU GOT HOME?

GOOD. I'M ABLE TO WALK FARTHER,
STAND LONGER.

YOU ONLY LOST 10 POUNDS.
WHAT ARE YOU EATING NOW?

MASHED POTATOES.

MASHED POTATO?

THERE'S NO PROTEIN
IN MASHED POTATOES.

NO, THERE'S NOT.

YOUR WEIGHT LOSS
HAS NOT BEEN SIGNIFICANT.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
PAULA IS HAVING SLOW PROGRESS.

WE NEED TO ADDRESS
THE MENTALITY OF THE FOOD,

OTHERWISE IT WON'T BE TOO LONG

BEFORE PAULA
STARTS GAINING WEIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO CHANGE
TO SOMETHING MORE NUTRITIONAL

THAT HAS PROTEIN IN IT,
LIKE YOGURT.

I'M HOPING THAT YOU'RE GONNA
DROP MORE RAPIDLY, SOME WEIGHT.

OKAY.
OKAY.

Paula:
I THOUGHT I WAS DOING BETTER.

I'VE DONE
EVERYTHING HE'S ASKED ME TO DO.

I'M FEELING VERY FRUSTRATED.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

Paula: WHEN EVERYONE'S
PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU,

THE PRESSURE TO SUCCEED IS EPIC.

I'VE DECIDED TO GO TO ATLANTA,

AND WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE
SAVANNAH'S 9th BIRTHDAY

WITH HER FAMILY.

IT'LL BE NICE
TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN.

WHEW!
THAT'S GOT A LINE TODAY.

IT'S DIFFICULT ON THE ROAD
TO EAT PROPERLY.

THE BEST OPTION IS FAST FOOD.

CAN YOU GET ME
THE NUMBER 8?

I NEED
TWO SAUSAGE BISCUIT MEALS.

THERE AREN'T A LOT OF HEALTHY
OPTIONS AT DRIVE-THROUGHS.

BUT MY KIDS HAVE TO EAT.

I KNOW I'M EATING FOODS
THAT I SHOULDN'T,

BUT TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING
DR. NOW IS OKAY WITH

CAN BE KIND OF DIFFICULT.

ALL I CAN DO
IS KEEP WORKING TOWARDS MY GOAL.

IT'S NICE TO SEE MY FAMILY.

BUT IT'S A LONG DRIVE,
AND I'M TRIED AND I'M HUNGRY.

ARE THESE LEMON PEPPER?

YEAH.
THAT ONE IS.

OH.

TWO CHICKEN WINGS,
A TEASPOON OF COLESLAW,

A TEASPOON OF POTATO SALAD,

AND PROBABLY A TABLESPOON
OF SQUASH.

HOW COME YOU DON'T EAT IT
A LITTLE BIT SLOWER?

I WAS HUNGRY.

MNH.

THERE'S A LOT OF TENSION
IN HERE.

I MEAN, I JUST WANT YOU TO
SUCCEED, AND I THINK YOU CAN.

WE'RE A HEAVY FAMILY.
WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG FAMILY.

BUT NONE OF US HAVE EVER BEEN
AS LARGE OR HEAVY

AS YOU AND ALAN WERE.
RIGHT.

I'M TELLING YOU
TO TELL YOURSELF,

"I HAVE TO PUSH MYSELF."

AND GO TO A GYM AND JUST TAKE
WHAT THEY TELL YOU.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW YOU ARE,
PAULA.

YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT.

I THINK ONE THING
THAT YOU GUYS NEED TO DO,

AND YOU NEED TO DO IT SOON,

YOU GOT TO GET
INTO SOME COUNSELING.

I HEARD EVERYTHING YOU SAID.
I FEEL YOU.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SUGARCOAT
IT WITH YOU.

I WANT TO KEEP IT REAL.

MY DESIRE
IS FOR YOU TO KEEP GOING,

BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S
WHAT ALAN WOULD WANT, TOO.

MY SISTER-IN-LAW DOESN'T THINK
I'M TRYING, BUT I AM.

SHE DOESN'T REALIZE
HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME.

I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL.
HAPPY.

TODAY'S SAVANNAH'S BIRTHDAY,

AND I'M HAPPY WE'RE CELEBRATING
IT HERE WITH ALL THE FAMILY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LIKE ALL FAMILY GATHERINGS,
THERE'S LOTS OF FOOD.

IT'S GONNA BE HARD FOR ME
TO RESIST

BECAUSE FOOD IS HAPPINESS,
AND THIS IS A HAPPY TIME.

SO, YOU'RE GONNA EAT THAT,
AND YOU'RE DONE?

MM-HMM.

FOR THE DAY?
TILL DINNER.

SHOULDN'T YOU STOP EATING?
NO.

IF I'M STILL HUNGRY
WHEN I'M DONE,

IF I STILL FEEL LIKE I WANT
A LITTLE BIT MORE, I CAN
HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
THEN I'LL GET A LITTLE BIT MORE.

BUT IF I DON'T...

PAULA,
YOU WANT TO HELP ME, TOO?

HELP YOU DO WHAT?
CLEAN UP.

Paula:
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

YOU GOT TO CARRY
THIS STUFF IN.

THERE YOU GO.

MY FAMILY
TRIES TO BE SUPPORTIVE,

BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT I STILL HAVE SOME LIMITS.

YES, BUT I ALSO HAVE TO HAVE
MY HAND TO GET UP THAT RAMP.

THERE YOU GO.
WORK IT, GIRL.

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO GET HEALTHIER
NOW AND LOSING THE WEIGHT.

SHE SHOULD HAVE MORE MOBILITY.

THERE MIGHT BE SOME THINGS
SHE'S DONE CHANGED,

BUT I'M GONNA TELL YOU.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S
A LOT OF THINGS SHE HAD CHANGED

SINCE SHE HAD THE SURGERY.

IT'S EVIDENT RIGHT NOW.

'CAUSE SHE SHOULD BE OUT HERE
HELPING US CLEAN UP.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WORKED ALL DAY, TOO.

MY FEET HURT, TOO.

I'M CHOOSING NOT TO BE PART
OF THE CLEANUP CREW.

I'M NOT TIRED. I'M NOT ACHY.
I'M NOT ANYTHING.

I'M CHOOSING
NOT TO BE PART OF IT. I WANNA.

IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN
BE LIKE, "MOM, YOU HAD
TO DO DA-DA-DA-DA."

SHE'S LIKE,
"I DON'T HAVE TO DO NOTHING."

THERE'S ALWAYS AN EXCUSE.

IT IS HARD, MADISON,
BUT I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY,

KEEP ENCOURAGING HER.

DON'T STOP.

Paula: HEADED TO DR. NOW'S
OFFICE FOR A CHECKUP.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE
IN ABOUT A MONTH.

HOPEFULLY I'VE LOST MORE WEIGHT.

AS LONG AS I HAVEN'T GAINED
WEIGHT, ALL'S GOOD.

DOES THAT MEAN
I GAINED WEIGHT?

Woman: YES.

THAT SUCKS.

MANAGED TO GAIN
A COUPLE POUNDS ON.

I DON'T THINK THAT I'VE EATEN
ANY DIFFERENTLY.

I ACTUALLY THINK I'VE EATEN
PRETTY MUCH THE SAME.

THE PERCEPTION THAT YOU HAVE
THAT "I DON'T EAT VERY MUCH"

NEEDS TO BE CORRELATED
WITH THE SCALE, OKAY?

PAULA IS A LITTLE BIT CONCERNING
BECAUSE SHE'S NOT LOSING WEIGHT

AND SHE'S TELLING ME THAT SHE'S
ALMOST EATING NOTHING.

IF YOU EAT NOTHING AND YOU'RE
AT HER WEIGHT CATEGORY,

YOU'RE GONNA LOSE
ONE OR TWO POUNDS A DAY.

I'M OBVIOUSLY VERY CONFUSED
WITH THE FOOD, PERIOD.

I FEEL LIKE I'M EATING
WHAT YOU WANT ME TO EAT,

BUT I'M NOT GETTING
THE RESULTS.

SO, YOU DON'T THINK
YOU'RE EATING TOO MUCH,

BUT IN THE MEANTIME,

WE'RE NOT ABLE TO GET YOU
TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT, HUH?

THE WHOLE PURPOSE
OF THIS PROCESS

IS TO SWITCH
TO HEALTHY EATING HABIT.

KEEP WORKING ON IT.

Paula: BECAUSE I FEEL
FRUSTRATED. I FEEL UPSET.

I'VE BEEN FEELING
A LITTLE DEFEATED,

BUT NOT THAT I WANT TO QUIT.

I JUST WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL,

AND I DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW
HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

IT'S PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING
I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.

Paula: YOU CAN SPEND YOUR LIFE
TRYING TO FIGHT THE SYSTEM,

BUT SOONER OR LATER
YOU'RE GOING TO REALIZE

THAT THE ONLY THING
THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE IS YOU.

MY SISTER-IN-LAW TALKED TO ME
ABOUT MY LACK OF ACTIVITY

IN ATLANTA,
AND I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT,

AND I'VE TAKEN IT TO HEART.

I'VE DECIDED TO START
WORKING OUT IN THE MORNINGS.

WORKING OUT IS A NECESSARY EVIL.

YOU ONLY GET BETTER BY DOING IT.

IT'S KINDA LIKE MATH HOMEWORK.

WORKOUT'S NEVER FUN, BUT IT'S
SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO DO.

WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, UH, LET'S WARM YOU UP,
AND THEN WE'LL GET STARTED.

I'LL SHOW YOU
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO TODAY.

SO, JUST GO 15 TO WARM UP,

AND WE'RE GONNA PROGRESSIVELY GO
UP IN WEIGHT.

AND THEN WE'LL BRING THE PAIN.

5 MORE.

YOU GOT TO AIM THAT
FOR YOUR NOSE.

YEAH.

WORKING OUT FOR SOMEONE
WHO'S SUPER OBESE IS HARD.

I'M EXTREMELY OUT OF SHAPE.

EXCELLENT.

TRY TO INHALE THROUGH YOUR NOSE
AND EXHALE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH.

IT SEEMS LIKE I HIT A WALL
WHEN I'M WORKING OUT

AND THE WORLD SPINS
AND MY FEET FEEL HEAVY.

I DON'T LIKE THAT FEELING
BECAUSE SOMETHING'S WRONG.

NOW, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD
THE BALL RIGHT HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP,
PRESS UP, BRING IT DOWN.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

ALL RIGHT.
CATCH YOUR BREATH.

THIS IS GONNA TAKE TIME.
IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME.

DO TRY TO KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN
IF YOU CAN, THOUGH.

I CAN'T.
EVERYTHING'S SPINNING.

IS IT GETTING WORSE?
YES.

OKAY.

I HATE FEELING WEAK.

SOME PEOPLE
WERE BORN TO WORK OUT.

I'M NOT ONE OF THEM.

DUDE,
I'M GONNA PASS OUT.

BECAUSE SHE'S AT THE VERY
BEGINNING STEPS OF WORKING OUT,

PAULA IS FEELING NAUSEA,
DIZZINESS, AND WHATNOT.

I GOT YOU, GIRL.

MNH.

IT'S A PROCESS, AND RIGHT NOW,
WE'RE IN KINDERGARTEN,

AND OUR GOAL IS
TO GET TO COLLEGE.

AS SHE GETS MORE AND MORE
INTO HER WORKOUTS,

THE SYMPTOMS WILL SUBSIDE,
EVENTUALLY.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE WORKED OUT.

I'M NOT QUITE READY
FOR ALL THIS RIGHT NOW.

AS I WORK OUT MORE, MY BODY
SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.

CAN I GET A BURRITO
AND A CUP OF ICE?

THANK YOU.

IT'S NORMAL IN MY FAMILY
TO HOLD THINGS IN

AND NOT DEAL WITH THEM.

IT'S HARD TO CARRY AROUND
THESE EMOTIONS.

YOU GET TO THE POINT
WHERE YOU GO NUMB.

I DON'T THINK I'LL BE SUCCESSFUL
IF I JUST HEAL MY BODY.

I'VE GOT TO HEAL MY HEAD.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

PAULA, WELCOME.
IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

COME ON BACK.

WHAT MAKES YOU READY
FOR CHANGE NOW, OF ALL TIMES?

I THINK A LOT OF THINGS
IN MY LIFE HAD LED ME

UP TO THE POINT WHERE I
THOUGHT I WAS READY BEFORE
AND PROBABLY WASN'T.

AND MY HUSBAND DIED, AND SO NOW
IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT MY KIDS,

TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS,
BE THERE FOR MY KIDS.

I'M NOT GETTING YOUNGER,

AND WHERE I'M AT
AND WHERE I WANT TO BE

AND WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO GO,
I'M NOT THERE.

RIGHT.

NOW, DO YOU FEEL
LIKE IN TERMS OF THE WEIGHT,

HAS IT TAKEN ENOUGH OF ITS TOLL
ON YOU?

YEAH.

THE WEIGHT IS A SYMPTOM,
AND YOU RECOGNIZE THAT, RIGHT,

OF SOMETHING MORE.

IT'S A SYMPTOM OF AN EMOTIONAL
OBSTACLE OVER THE YEARS.

IN TERMS OF THE WEIGHT GAIN,
WHAT WOULD EXPLAIN

THE EMOTIONAL EATING
IN THOSE EARLY YEARS?

I'VE BEEN OVERWEIGHT
SINCE I WAS MOLESTED.

AND HOW OLD WERE YOU THEN?

5 OR 6.

AND SO, THE PHYSICAL
IS A REFLECTION.

IS THAT FAIR THAT YOU SHOULD
CONTINUE THE ABUSE ON YOURSELF?

A REALITY, BUT NOT FAIR.

REALLY, THERE'S NO WAY
AROUND THE PAIN.

WE'RE GONNA GO THROUGH IT.

SO MUCH OF OUR ANGER
IS STUFFED AND BURIED.

HOW MUCH OF THIS
HAVE YOU BEEN STUFFING

THAT YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO LOOK AT?

RIGHT NOW, I'M [CHUCKLES]

ANGER, RIGHT NOW,
IS WHAT I'M FEELING.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IN OTHER WORDS, YOU GET TO
INTERPRET LIFE FOR YOURSELF,

TO TELL YOURSELF WHAT
YOUR EXPERIENCES MEAN TO YOU.

YOU DECIDE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU
WAS INTOLERABLE.

BUT DOES THAT MEAN
THAT IT SHOULD BE THIS BURDEN

AND WEIGHT ON YOUR SOUL
YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

Paula: I DIDN'T REALIZE
THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN MY PAST

STILL HOLDING ME BACK.

I'M CARRYING
A LOT OF ANGER AROUND.

I THOUGHT IT WAS
JUST BECAUSE ALAN PASSED AWAY.

BUT I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
SUCCESSFUL IN LOSING WEIGHT

IF I DON'T DEAL WITH THESE INNER
EMOTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN BURIED.

IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING
TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT.

AFTER SEEING THE COUNSELOR,

I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING THE STEPS
TO MOVE FORWARD.

I'M DONE MAKING EXCUSES.

I'VE LOST A TOTAL OF 19 POUNDS
IN THE LAST MONTH.

BUT IT WASN'T MY GOAL.

HEY, PAULA.
Paula: HOW ARE YOU?

HOW ARE YOU?

I'M ALL RIGHT.

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH YOU?

ACCORDING WHAT YOU SAID I SHOULD
BE LOSING, I'M NOT LOSING IT.

YOU'RE DOING GOOD.
SO DON'T GIVE UP ON IT.

DON'T FEEL FRUSTRATED.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE UPS AND DOWNS.

BUT THE WHOLE IDEA
IS TO STICK WITH IT.

PAULA IS MAKING SOME PROGRESS.

JUST STICK WITH IT.
DON'T GIVE UP.

I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP.

ALL RIGHT. GREAT.

YOU'RE DOING GOOD.

Paula:
I THINK DR. NOW IS RIGHT.

YOU GOTTA BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
AND GETTING MOTIVATED.

YOU HAVE TO.

Paula:
YOU HAVE TO KNOW TRUE DESPAIR
IN ORDER TO KNOW TRUE GRACE.

BUT IN THE END,
LIFE IS ABOUT BOTH.

I GAVE MYSELF A GOAL
THAT ONCE I LOST 100 POUNDS

THAT I WAS GONNA DYE MY HAIR.

SO, IT'S TIME.

I FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE
A POSITIVE STEP.

I FEEL
LIKE I'VE TURNED ANOTHER LEAF,

AND I WANT TO REFLECT THAT
ON MY OUTSIDE AGAIN.

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

I AM MORE MOTIVATED

THAN ANYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN
IN GOING TO COUNSELING

BECAUSE I JUST WANT A RELEASE

OF THE FEELINGS
THAT I STILL HAVE STORED INSIDE.

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE'D
JUST CHECK IN

IN TERMS WITH THE LOSS
OF YOUR HUSBAND.

ANY OF THAT GRIEF THAT'S
STILL HOLDING YOU BACK TODAY?

NO, BECAUSE I THINK
THAT I'M ACKNOWLEDGING IT MORE.

AND SO I'M NOT JUST BURYING IT.
I'M FEELING IT.

YOU'RE GOING THROUGH IT.
YOU'RE FACING IT.

RIGHT. IT'S NOT CONTROLLING ME
ANY MORE.

IN TERMS OF THE MOLESTATION,

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO GET
TO SOME FINAL CLOSURE ON THAT?

I'VE LIVED
WITH THOSE CONSEQUENCES NOW

FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS.

AND I CAN'T CARRY IT ANYMORE.

I'VE LET IT GO.

CAN I HEAR YOU
SAY THAT AGAIN?

I'VE LET IT GO.
I'M TAKING WEIGHT OFF.

I'M TAKING STRESS OFF.

SO, I CAN'T HOLD
ONTO IT ANYMORE.

YOU'VE ALREADY MADE STEPS
THAT PROVE TO ME YOU'RE THERE.

IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME.
YOU WILL REACH YOUR GOAL.

I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

I FEEL LIKE I MADE
ANOTHER BREAKTHROUGH.

I'M NOWHERE CLOSE
TO WHERE I NEED TO BE,

BUT AT LEAST I CAN SEE A LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

WE ARE GOING TO SEE DR. NOW.

I GOT TO SAY THAT RIGHT NOW,

MY FOCUS IS PROBABLY BETTER
THAN IT'S EVER BEEN.

WHOO-HOO!

I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY
HEALTH THAT I'M DOING BETTER.

I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE
IN MY EXERCISE,

THAT I'M GOING LONGER
AND LASTING LONGER.

WE'RE GOING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

ALL RIGHT.
COME ALONG.

HEY, PAULA. HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 390 POUNDS,
HUH?

YES, SIR.

FINALLY,
YOU GOT THE RIGHT TRACK.

IT JUST TOOK ME A WHILE,
BUT I'M GETTING IT,
AND I'M GETTING THERE.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
I THINK PAULA'S DOING VERY WELL.

I THINK SHE'S GONNA BE OKAY.

THANK YOU.

Paula: IT'S BEEN A LONG JOURNEY.
I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.

AND I THINK I'M DOING BETTER.

AND I THINK THAT ALAN
WOULD AGREE.

THE GIRLS AND I ARE GOING
TO MEET WITH A TRAINER

SO THAT WE CAN DO A WORKOUT
AS A FAMILY.

PARENTS NEED TO MODEL
THEIR BEHAVIOR.

I CAN'T JUST TALK ABOUT IT.

I HAVE TO BE ABOUT IT,
AND I NEED TO SHOW THEM

WHAT I'M DOING AND ALLOW THEM
TO BE PART OF IT.

PART OF THIS JOURNEY
WAS TO BE A BETTER MOM

AND TO BE MORE ACTIVE.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING TODAY?

AND I THINK I'M DOING THAT.

HIGH FIVE.

AND IF YOU'RE LEANING BACK,

YOU STILL HAVE TO CONTROL
MORE ON THE WAY BACK.

THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME
WE WORKED OUT AS A FAMILY

IN ORDER TO SET THE EXAMPLE
FOR MY CHILDREN.

I THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT
FOR THEM TO SEE ME DOING IT.

IT'S BEEN EIGHT YEARS
SINCE I WAS ABLE TO DO

A LOT OF THE THINGS
THAT I'M DOING NOW.

4 MORE. 4 MORE.

I DO NOT THINK MY MOM WOULD HAVE
DONE THIS A YEAR AGO.

I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
THAT SHE'S TRYING.

I AM PROUD OF MY MOM.

SHE'S CAME A LONG WAY
FROM WHERE SHE WAS,

SO I'M VERY PROUD
THAT SHE COULD TAKE THAT STEP.

Paula: IT MIGHT BE SLOWER
THAN I WANT,

BUT I'M STILL MOVING
TOWARDS MY GOAL.

I'M IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL.

Jonathan: GOOD JOB TODAY.

THANK YOU.

WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR NOW,

I SEE SOMEONE WHO'S BEAUTIFUL,
SOMEONE WHO'S HAPPIER.

I'M STARTING TO LIKE ME.