Original subtitles

Man: This is my boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they met, it was murder.

Max: Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. H.

- Morning, Max. - Morning, Max.

What happened to you, spring fever?

Thanks.

I'm sorry it was late, Mr. and Mrs. H.,

but Freeway got me up in the middle of the night,

and I couldn't go back to sleep.

I hope his barking didn't disturb you.

No, we didn't hear a thing.

What's the matter, baby? Did you have nightmares?

I guess so. I checked the house.

He's got a vivid imagination.

If it's okay with you two, I'll be back in a half-hour.

I'm going over to see Maria.

Isn't that the Sawyers' maid, Max?

Yeah, she's been depressed or something lately.

She says she's been too busy to see me

for the last week.

Maybe it's because it's her birthday tomorrow.

Well, you know how it is, women and their birthdays.

Maybe she's depressed because the Sawyers are away

on a safari in Africa.

I've got an idea.

Why don't you invite Maria to come to dinner tonight,

- just the two of you? - Is that all right with you?

- Sure, why not? - Sure.

Bring her over, a little party might cheer her up.

Yeah, maybe so.

I'll go over and ask her right now.

Come on, Freeway.

- Freeway, go on. - Get out of there, Freeway!

- Well, you know what I think? - What?

I think that Max is smitten.

With Maria? She's lived next door for years.

Come on, you know how it is.

When it's spring,

a young man's fancy turns to... Forgery?

Well, not necessarily forgery.

There's been a forgery in our neighborhood.

Listen to this.

The world famous Picasso owned by the author Wente since 1968

has been declared a master forgery by a panel

of experts from the L.A. County Museum of Art.

Apparently, the painting was loaned to the museum

for an exhibit.

Wasn't this one of those paintings

they bought in that collection in Geneva last year?

Yeah, I think it was.

And the Wentes are trustees at the museum.

They're pretty tough people to fool.

You know how good forgeries are these days.

I'm awfully glad

we had our paintings examined this year.

Well, you know me,

I always insist on the real thing.

Thank you, darling.

Like butter.

Butter?

For the croissant.

Huh.

Max: I'm coming, Freeway, I'm coming.

Okay, let's go.

Come on, Freeway,

we got a little social call to make.

Come on.

This way, Freeway.

- Good morning. - Can I help you?

I'm Max, I work for the Harts next door

and this is Freeway.

- Is our security system off? - No.

We have keys to your doors and vice versa...

Good neighbor policy.

Is Maria in?

She is, but she's a little under the weather.

Oh, I guess I picked the wrong time.

Well, give her my regards

and tell her to call me one of these days.

No, please, come in. I'll tell her you're here.

- Oh, Max. - Hiya, Maria.

Freeway.

Maria, do you want to come over for dinner tonight

on account of your birthday?

I'd love to, but... Oh, I see.

No, no, no, you don't understand.

He works here. I'll call you at home.

Woman: Maria?

Maria: Oh, Mrs. Hyatt.

Introduce us to your friend.

Yes... this is Max.

Max, this is Mr. and Mrs. Hyatt.

- How do you do? - Friends of the Sawyers?

- Pleased to meet you. - How do you do?

I'm from next door. I work for the Harts.

Oh, the Jonathan Harts, yes.

Peter and Laura have talked about them often.

I came over to ask Maria to come over tonight for dinner.

Well, Maria, you know your responsibilities here.

Can you afford the time?

It's her birthday.

Well, in that case, of course.

Thank you.

Come on, Freeway, let's get going.

Maria, I'll see you about 8:00.

- Thank you very much. - Bye.

- I'll be there. - Thank you, Max.

- Oh, Blake... - Oh, that's all right I've been here before.

Very good, Maria.

If you can convince everyone that well,

the Sawyers have a chance of surviving their little safari.

Don't hurt them, please. I'll do as you say.

That's the fellow I caught her talking to yesterday.

He came in through the garden gate.

They've got keys to our whole system.

Figures.

The Sawyers have the keys to theirs,

but at least now we know.

You won't talk, now will you, Maria?

No, I...

Because if you do, the only endangered species

on that safari will be the Sawyers themselves.

Oh, please!

Oh, Max, that was fast. It's all set?

Yes, she's coming over tonight at 8:00.

- Well, did the invitation cheer her up? - Not much.

I think she's having a tough time adjusting

to the house sitters.

The house sitters?

Yeah, a Mr. and Mrs. Hyatt and their chauffeur.

They're staying at the house until the Sawyers get back.

- Nice people? - Seem all right to me.

The chauffeur's okay if you like very tall men.

But the Sawyers never said anything about house sitters.

We were supposed to look after the house.

Darling, can you be a half hour late for the office?

Sure, just give me time to hitch up the welcome wagon.

Keys. Great.

Darling, what ever happened to that safari trip

we were supposed to go on this year?

Remember? The Bahama trip came up.

Oh, wouldn't it be nice to go to Kenya again?

Remember that little cabin near Maralal?

No phones, no mail,

just 12 hours of sunshine and 12 hours of night.

Let's book that trip again.

Hello.

- Yes, may I help you? - Yes, we're the Harts.

We're friends of the Sawyers.

Oh, yes, your butler was here earlier.

Please, come in.

Thank you.

Thank you.

He's a lot bigger than Max.

Well, maybe Max will make it up to Maria tonight.

Well, this is our day for neighbors.

- I'm Cheryl Hyatt. - How do you do? I'm Jonathan Hart.

- This is my wife, Jennifer. - Both: How do you do?

Oh, Laura's told us so much about you.

Hello, I'm Bill Hyatt.

Nice to meet you. How do you do?

Well, what can we do for you?

Oh, well, I'm afraid we're the welcoming committee.

We would have come over sooner but we had no idea

that you were here.

Oh, please do come in and sit down.

We've only been here a week, and we're barely unpacked.

Otherwise, I would have dropped by to say hello to you.

Would you care for some coffee?

- Oh, no, no, thank you. - No, thanks.

We're just gonna stay for a minute.

Well, it's nice to know that Peter and Laura live

in such a friendly place.

Until today, we hadn't met a soul.

Well, Bel Air can be a very private community.

Well, we're not complaining.

Peace and quiet is what uncle Leo needs.

We're just stopping here on our way to Tahiti.

- Uncle Leo? - Yes, there are four of us,

and Blake's been with us forever.

Just sold my business.

All we want now is a nice quiet place away from it all,

like the Sawyers in Kenya.

Oh, Kenya's my weakness. We were just talking about it.

Bill: They love it over there, too.

In fact, we spoke to them yesterday.

We go back a few years.

Oh, yes, Bill and Peter met in college.

I hope you don't mind Maria coming to dinner with us.

Oh, of course not.

As a matter of fact, I hope it will perk her up.

She misses her employers.

We have known her for years,

but somehow it's just not the same.

Well, I think we should be going.

Have a nice stay while you're here.

- We'll be running along. - It's so nice to meet you.

If there's anything you need while you're here,

please don't hesitate to call.

- Maria has our number. - Thank you for the offer.

- Pleasure. - Good-bye.

- Blake will see you out. - Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks.

- They seem nice. - Mm.

It's interesting that they're traveling with their butler.

I would have thought that Maria

would have had a little more free time.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe Max is losing the battle for Maria's heart.

Ah, never mind. We're gonna solve that.

I'm taking Max shopping today.

We're gonna get her a cashmere sweater and some perfume.

- Cashmere and perfume? - Mm-hmm.

That's the perfect way to treat a lady.

I had a good teacher.

- They're gone. - Good.

I'd like to weld that garden gate shut.

You better check on Maria.

Well, let's get the Monet. Leo needs it again.

Mm-hmm.

Ah, at last.

You know, I cannot work all day from the memory.

We've had company.

Leo, I told you about the draperies.

There is only one thing worse than electric lights,

a painting painted under electric lights.

We seem to have revolving doors on the garden gates,

friendly neighbors.

Not bad.

Leo: Thank you. You're very kind.

Of course, the composition is a bit off,

but that is Monet, not Calioni.

What's the timetable?

Two, three days.

But I think, perhaps, there'd better be two.

One of the forgeries has been discovered.

Si.

How were we to know the lady of the house

was a patron of the museum.

I am good... very good.

But I cannot fool all of the experts

all of the time.

Maybe we're still okay.

That forgery could have been painted six months

to a year ago as far as they're concerned.

No, no, no, no, unfortunately there are tests.

You know that.

They will soon know the paint is only five days old.

This is why we must hurry.

A pity, I like to take my time.

Can you finish in time?

Uh, si, si, it can be done.

The Van Gogh was the hardest.

It was so difficult to duplicate that...

That volatile technique.

Those Harts are going to miss their Vincent.

Bill: They may miss more than that.

If they don't stop crossing the garden,

they may find themselves under it.

- Hi, Max, mail call? - Yeah, Mrs. H,

and this one's got some fancy stamps on it

to add to your collection.

Oh, it's from Kenya.

It must be Peter and Laura.

Let's see what they have to say.

"Dear Jennifer, arrived in Nairobi last week.

It's so beautiful here.

Tomorrow we set out for the bush,

incommunicado for three weeks.

We hate to see this vacation end.

Tell Jonathan hello for us.

Thanks again for keeping...

Thanks again for keeping an eye on the house and Maria.

See you soon, love Laura."

Mrs. H., how come they thank us

for looking after the house

when they got the Hyatts over there?

There's something else, Max.

Why would they say they spoke to them by phone yesterday?

This letter is dated ten days ago.

They're still out in the bush.

There are no phones out there.

- I'm gonna call Maria. - I wouldn't do that, Mrs. H.

I've been trying to get her all morning

to check on tonight's menu,

and the chauffeur keeps saying she's never in.

I got a hunch they don't like her to get calls.

What's going on over there?

Tell you what? It's now 1:00.

Maria is usually gardening from 1:00 to 2:00.

I can go over there and talk to her

away from the house.

I tell you what... let's both go.

Did you see anything?

Plenty, come on.

Jennifer: I know they're planning a switch.

What are we gonna do?

We'll just wait for them to steal the Van Gogh.

We'll do exactly what you said.

Just sit by and let it disappear?

You're right, we've got to take some kind of action...

and we will.

You know what we'll do?

We'll make it easy for them.

We warned you about the curtains!

And I cautioned you as well.

I am not the maid.

I can assume that Mrs. Hart saw the Van Gogh,

and I think she'll guess that we're planning

to hit her house next.

Yes, but she's too clever for her own good.

- Maria. - Yes.

Hello?

It's Mr. Hart.

I didn't call him.

Mr. Hart... Jonathan,

we... well, that's very kind of you.

We would be delighted. 8:00?

Thank you, bye.

What is it?

Our neighbors have suddenly decided to become very chummy.

We are invited to Maria's birthday party.

- I don't like it. - I do, don't you see?

They're playing a little game.

They're planning to set us up for the switch.

And after we leave, they will take what they believe

to be the phony Van Gogh straight to the police.

Hmm, what they don't know

is they'll be getting back the original tonight.

As far as the police go,

they will look like the little boy that called wolf.

Oh, they are making it so easy for us.

Oh, that's perfect, Max. Now put it out on the patio.

I want to get them out of the house as soon as possible.

Right, Mrs. H.

I knew they were no good the moment I saw them.

Poor Maria.

I think she's seen better birthdays.

I know, but it'll all be over by tomorrow.

Just tell Maria to hold tight.

I will.

Darling?

I turned off the alarm system. I left the gate open.

If the chauffeur does his dirty work,

- they shouldn't have any trouble getting in. - Did you loosen the frame?

Yeah, all the screws are loosened.

If we do anything more, they'll have to cut us in.

Now what we'll do is we'll give them plenty of time

to make the switch, then they'll leave peaceably,

then you and I will call the lieutenant.

- Okay. I hope it works. - I hope so, too.

Make a wish, Maria.

It's sure to come true.

Jennifer: Hey!

What a difference a day makes, you'll see.

Oh, you have such a lovely house here, Jennifer.

Why, thank you.

It is getting a bit chilly, though.

Oh, but it's such a lovely evening.

- Don't you think so, darling? - Yes, I do.

Freeway, he gets so excited when there are lots

of people around.

He must be quite a watch dog.

Not really, as a matter of fact,

we're thinking about getting a Doberman

since our alarm system went on the fritz.

- Mm. - Oh, really?

- How inconvenient. - Yes.

The cake is so

Wonderful, and so beautifully decorated.

That was once my profession.

Uncle Leo was the master artist of the squeeze tube.

Darling, would you help me inside with the kitchen?

- Excuse us. - Excuse us.

When are they gonna do it?

- We can't make it any easier for them. - Not unless we wrap it up

and hand it to them as they leave.

Maybe they're waiting for the chauffeur.

- I'm sure he's in on it. - Well, I wish he'd hurry up and get here.

It's getting cold out there. We can't stay out there forever.

Maybe that's it.

Hello, Hart residence.

I'll put you on hold.

It's for Bill.

Uh, Bill, there's a telephone call for you.

You can take it in the living room.

Must be business call. If you'll excuse me.

- Take your time. - Take your time.

Well, is everything going all right out here?

Uh, I think uncle Leo is getting a bit tired.

Perhaps we should drive him home?

Oh, well, it is early, and Maria hasn't had a chance

to open up some of her presents.

Her presents. That's right.

Jennifer: Lovely presents.

- Here you are. - Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

- Jonathan: Happy Birthday. - Thank you.

Oh, all finished with your phone call?

Lawyers, it's one of the reasons I want to get to Tahiti.

It's late, darling.

- I think we should be heading off. - Yes.

Well, all good things must come to an end,

and as they say, "all's well that ends well."

Now you're sure you can manage all these packages?

Yes.

We could bring some of them over for you tomorrow.

Bill: We can manage on our own, thank you very much.

- Darling, can you get the door? - Oh, yes, I'll get the door.

We're awfully glad you could join us this evening.

Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

Yes, you can't imagine what a lovely evening we've had.

It was a lovely evening. We appreciate it.

- See you again. - Well, good night.

- We'll see you. - Bye, Maria.

Night.

Do you think they did it?

Let's take a look.

What do you think?

It looks the same to me.

I don't know. The ears look a little funny.

Whatever you do, don't touch anything.

That's the only evidence we've got.

Lieutenant Draper, please. It's Jonathan Hart.

I know it's late,

but I think we've got something here

that he might enjoy looking at.

You shouldn't have taken any chances

with these people Jonathan, 'cause if you're right,

it might be wise for us to keep an eye on them.

If I'm right, lieutenant?

I loosened the screws on this painting

before they arrived.

Now they're tight.

Believe me, someone has fooled around with this picture.

Besides, we had no other choice.

You wouldn't have believed us otherwise.

There's no doubt about it, Jonathan.

Thank you, Wendell. That's why I brought you out.

You're the best in the art world.

There you are, lieutenant, the forged painting

right in front of you.

Whoa, Jennifer, forgery?

I didn't say anything about a forgery.

You said there wasn't a doubt.

This is the real thing.

I'm sorry, Jonathan,

every one of these paintings is genuine.

It's the first time I've ever apologized for that verdict.

If any exchange took place tonight,

then they exchanged the fake for the original.

Maybe you should thank them.

Good night.

I'll see you out.

Well, at least you didn't get any egg on your face.

Oh, this was nothing, Jennifer.

Until this afternoon Gloria Wente's face

was practically an omelet.

Poor baby, she was sure everybody would think

she'd been deliberately displaying a fake Picasso

for years.

Until this afternoon?

Yeah, we ran some tests down at the gallery.

The paint on that fake was hardly dry,

five days old, week tops.

Whoa, was she relieved.

Well, I have to be on my way.

- Good night. - Good night, Wendell.

- Thank you for coming. - Sure.

Maybe the lieutenant was right.

Hmm?

Maybe the Hyatts switched our fake for the original.

Our fake?

We had this painting certified last year.

Well, if the Wentes were burglarized ten days ago,

why not us?

Hmm.

Max did say that Freeway was restless last night.

What about this for a theory?

Suppose the Hyatts found our keys

that we left at the Sawyers' house

and turned off our alarm so that we wouldn't hear it.

Do you think we were de-burglarized?

See for yourself, Mr. Hart.

William Hyatt, Cheryl Hyatt, clean as a whistle.

No arrests for art forgery or counterfeiting,

any involvement like that?

Not as far as we can tell.

I don't have to tell you art security

has extensive access.

- They're clean. - Nothing strange?

Well, there was one thing.

You said this Mr. Hyatt and Mr. Sawyer went

- to school together. - Yes.

- That's right. - They went to Dartmouth didn't they, darling?

That's right.

Well, this Hyatt didn't graduate from any place.

At least ways Dartmouth didn't claim him,

and we tried a hundred other institutions.

Course, plenty of people lie about their schooling.

Well, thanks very much, Jack.

Bye.

Well, after last night,

the police aren't going to believe anything we say.

What we need is hard evidence.

How did it go with Gloria Wente today?

Oh, Gloria.

Gloria's convinced that it's an international incident.

She's pulling every string she can.

She's even tried to set up roadblocks.

Roadblocks?

Well, that would really set the Hyatts off, wouldn't it?

Hard evidence.

If we could only get that fake Van Gogh back

to show it to the police.

We still have the keys to the Sawyers' house.

Turnabout is fair play.

- Absolutely. - Hmm, let's go.

Cheryl: When will it be dry?

Completely?

A few days.

But we can hang it this afternoon.

And this is the last one.

Good. 'Cause it's time we go.

Well, I hope the Harts had a pleasant evening

explaining themselves to the police.

Yes, I can't remember having such a wonderful time

at a party.

Of course it cost us millions losing the Van Gogh.

Darling, it only takes the loss of a work of art

to turn trustworthy citizens into cranks and crackpots.

I just called the airlines.

We'll have to get there an hour earlier.

Apparently, that Wente woman has everybody worked up.

They're checking all out going baggage with a fine-tooth comb.

Oh, if only that forgery hadn't been discovered

quite so soon.

Come on, we've got to hire a private plane.

- Yes. - Max: The Hyatt car just pulled out.

Couldn't see how many people were in it.

That's great, Max.

Ring the Sawyers' house twice when you see them coming back.

- Got you, Mr. H. - Thanks.

They must have Maria locked in the room upstairs.

We'll get her first and then the phony Van Gogh.

Maria's room is upstairs.

Leo:

Shh.

Wow, he's really good.

Imagine what he could have done with a cake.

If I remember correctly, this is her room.

Are you all right?

Maria, are you all right?

You must leave, please.

They'll kill Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer

if they find you here.

- Get up. - Please...

We're gonna get you out of here, don't worry.

We'll get you downstairs. Let me help you.

Sometimes the chauffeur stays home, Mr. Hart.

Oh.

Okay, get up!

Jennifer: Here.

Up, up.

- How are you? - All right.

All right? She's fine.

Okay, let's get the fake Van Gogh

and get out of here.

- It's in the den. - Go on, Blake.

Oh, no!

Oh, signore, please.

No, don't shoot.

I'm not the resisting type.

I'm glad to hear it.

Oh, it's just a little hobby of mine.

Imitation is the sincerest form of...

Forgery.

Well, we simply came by to steal a little evidence.

But since the surprise has been spoiled,

I think we'll call the police.

We're driving up to the house... quietly.

Lieutenant Draper is out of his office.

They put me on hold while they go look for him.

They are all here... The four Wente masterpieces.

Well, that ought to be enough evidence.

The copies I made were the best works of my career.

If only I had more time.

Where you're going,

you're gonna have plenty of time.

Think of it as an artist's retreat.

Uh, si.

I wonder if they will give me a cell with a northern exposure?

Hello, hello, lieutenant Draper's, office?

Hang up, Mrs. H.

Another party, so soon.

My, my, we do have friendly neighbors.

Take his gun, Blake.

I don't have to tell you, Jonathan, how hard it is

to find good help nowadays.

Are you all right, Max?

Sure, Mrs. H., I'm sorry about this.

Forget it, Max.

Why don't you give all this up, Hyatt?

You're never gonna get those paintings out of the country.

But you will, Jonathan.

- We will? - Yes.

We've been trying to hire a private plane all day.

And suddenly here you are, two friendly neighbors

with a private jet at their disposal.

You and Leo catch up with us tomorrow

when you're finished... mopping up around here.

Blake, keep an eye on Max and Maria.

Cheryl: And put the paintings in the Harts' car.

And we'll stop by your place.

We may as well take the Van Gogh, too.

This time we'll keep the Van Gogh.

- What about the Sawyers? - That's our worry.

Here's yours... We need that plane in one hour.

We're taking a trip to Cuba.

It has to be fueled up

and the necessary customs arrangements made.

Never mind the customs.

We need enough fuel to reach Miami.

We'll top off our tanks there,

and then we'll touchdown in Havana.

Get your pilot on the phone.

Hello, Frank, it's Jonathan Hart.

Something's come up.

I'd like to have you meet us out at our jet

in about a half an hour.

We'll need enough fuel to get us to Miami.

Have you got it?

- You're in trouble? - That's right.

- Can you make it? - I'll be there before you.

- That'll be fine. - That's enough.

Let's go.

You guys are crazy.

Mr. H. isn't about to let you hijack the jet.

That is why you are so very important.

They will do anything to save you.

Any...

Have you... have you ever been painted?

Painted? No.

I was almost tattooed once.

You have a very leonine head.

Listen, just because my hands are tied,

there's no reason to insult me.

Si, si.

Don't move.

Shh.

Don't move!

Have I got a choice?

Bravo.

How did you learn about the Sawyers?

We met them in a bar in Paris once.

They were in a very talkative mood.

After that, well, we applied ourselves.

For 7 million, you don't mind doing a little research.

- Then they're not in danger? - No more than you two.

Maria thinks we have a gun to their head.

She has such a vivid imagination.

- How much longer? - About five minutes.

Hello, Bob, we're off again.

Uh, I don't see you here, Mr. Hart.

Well, it's short notice.

You know the way, Mr. Hart.

- Thanks. - Sure.

- Is this it? - Yes, sir.

I don't see any pilot.

Relax, Frank's probably on board.

Get out.

The keys, Jonathan.

Thank you.

I don't see any fuel trucks either.

It fills up pretty quickly.

You better be right.

All right, Jennifer, after you.

Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

We clear in 10 minutes.

Can I help you with the bags?

No, thank you.

Is everything all right?

Never mind, Frank,

just do everything they say.

We'll go up now.

Jonathan, you help with the paintings.

It's all right, darling. Go ahead.

Hey!

Have you got her?

Darling!

Nice shooting, Jonathan.

Thanks.

Can you get your back-up men up to Max and Maria?

Yeah, right away.

Are you all right?

As long as you are.

Well, what do you think?

- Ain't that something? - Yes.

It's a wonderful likeness, isn't it?

That Leo's something, too.

He promised to do a painting of Freeway

if he gets sent to the big house.

Well, we're on our way, only this time

it's gonna be a real birthday party.

Oh, this is the best birthday I could have.

Everyone's safe,

those dreadful people behind bars,

and the Sawyers flying home early.

Well, we've got to get going.

The champagne is on the table.

Good-bye.

Again, thank you so much for everything

and for this.

It's lovely.

Well, we were glad we could help, Maria.

You have a lovely evening.

- Night. - See you, Max.

- Enjoy yourselves. - Maria: Yes, thank you.

When are we gonna get our Van Gogh back?

I would imagine when the trial is over with.

- Sweetie. - Move over there, Freeway.

Until then...

let's drink to the only work of art in the house.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Did you know that I used to collect art before I met you?

No, I didn't know that.

I thought you always left the art collecting up to me.

No, I used to haunt all the galleries.

I was looking for the perfect work...

something beautiful, tasteful...

that I could hold and look at forever.

Why did you stop looking?

Because I found her.

Aw... I love you.

You do?

♪