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1
00:00:02,286 --> 00:00:04,520
? It seems today
that all you see ?
2
00:00:04,555 --> 00:00:07,690
? Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ?
3
00:00:07,725 --> 00:00:11,193
? But where are those
good old-fashioned values ?
4
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:14,129
? On which we used to rely? ?
5
00:00:14,165 --> 00:00:17,566
? Lucky there's a family guy ?
6
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:20,736
? Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ?
7
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:22,304
? All the things that make us ?
8
00:00:22,339 --> 00:00:23,672
? Laugh and cry ?
9
00:00:23,708 --> 00:00:29,044
? He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ?
10
00:00:37,688 --> 00:00:39,588
Ha! What is this?
It's incredible.
11
00:00:39,589 --> 00:00:41,658
It's-it's, like,
I mean, one must presume
12
00:00:41,659 --> 00:00:43,626
the car was on the way
to eat at home, but, you know,
13
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,161
because restaurants have
a reputation
14
00:00:45,162 --> 00:00:46,663
of convenience
and deliciousness,
15
00:00:46,664 --> 00:00:48,497
the driver was forced
to veer away,
16
00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:50,265
putting other drivers at risk.
17
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,633
But that just underscores
18
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,103
how much better
restaurants are than home.
19
00:00:53,104 --> 00:00:54,436
That's what makes it funny.
20
00:00:54,437 --> 00:00:55,872
That's why we're all laughing.
21
00:00:55,873 --> 00:00:57,206
Have you never seen a meme?
22
00:00:57,241 --> 00:00:59,074
A meme? What the devil is that?
23
00:00:59,075 --> 00:01:01,478
People take an image and put
some stupid little text on it
24
00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:02,911
and think they're funny.
25
00:01:02,947 --> 00:01:05,297
Memes are basically Mad Libs
for personality.
26
00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:07,249
Ah, take it easy. They're free.
27
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:09,085
No, they take zero thought
or effort.
28
00:01:09,086 --> 00:01:10,652
Like movies for Kevin Costner.
29
00:01:10,688 --> 00:01:12,921
Okay, so your character's
in a cowboy hat,
30
00:01:12,957 --> 00:01:14,517
looking way off in the distance.
31
00:01:14,525 --> 00:01:16,859
What if it's just kind of
off in the distance?
32
00:01:16,894 --> 00:01:19,628
Uh, sure. And you're having
a really hard time.
33
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,830
What if it's just
kind of a hard time?
34
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:23,198
That should work.
35
00:01:23,199 --> 00:01:24,801
Oh, and the leading lady
is young,
36
00:01:24,802 --> 00:01:26,972
but I'm guessing
you prefer kind of young?
37
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,438
Nah, I won't push back
on that one.
38
00:01:33,444 --> 00:01:35,944
? ?
39
00:01:35,945 --> 00:01:37,380
Uh, never gonna have
a better opportunity.
40
00:01:37,381 --> 00:01:38,747
Excuse me, sir?
41
00:01:38,748 --> 00:01:40,150
Okay, you're out on the water.
42
00:01:40,151 --> 00:01:41,651
Settle a bet
between me and Cleveland.
43
00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:43,185
Is the Little Mermaid Black?
44
00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:45,420
I don't know about that,
but I'm a Navy SEAL.
45
00:01:45,421 --> 00:01:47,390
So, I'm legally required
to inform you
46
00:01:47,391 --> 00:01:49,024
that I killed bin Laden.
47
00:01:49,059 --> 00:01:51,693
If that's true,
what's his first name?
48
00:01:51,729 --> 00:01:53,262
Osama.
49
00:01:53,297 --> 00:01:54,830
This guy's the real deal.
50
00:01:54,831 --> 00:01:56,499
Do you think
whales ate him by now?
51
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,234
Actually,
based on where we dumped him,
52
00:01:58,235 --> 00:01:59,936
and the way
the ocean historically moves,
53
00:01:59,937 --> 00:02:01,303
he could be near Quahog.
54
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:02,671
Wait a minute.
55
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,340
Guys, if we got a boat
and found bin Laden,
56
00:02:05,341 --> 00:02:07,644
we could charge people five
bucks to kick him in the balls.
57
00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:09,011
Or the butt!
58
00:02:09,012 --> 00:02:10,847
Yeah, sure, balls or butt.
Who's in?
59
00:02:10,848 --> 00:02:12,447
-In!
-In! -In!
60
00:02:12,448 --> 00:02:14,851
-Thank you for your service.
-Oh, I'm not a sailor.
61
00:02:14,852 --> 00:02:17,187
I'm just a Brazilian guy
in my everyday clothes.
62
00:02:17,188 --> 00:02:19,688
Oh, then, thank you
for your outside dancing.
63
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,657
It's nothing!
I'll see you outside.
64
00:02:21,692 --> 00:02:23,692
? Samba, samba, samba! ?
65
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:30,566
Hey, Bri,
are vegans known for, like,
66
00:02:30,601 --> 00:02:32,501
always talking
about being vegans?
67
00:02:32,536 --> 00:02:33,902
Uh, yeah, I guess.
68
00:02:33,938 --> 00:02:35,804
[laughs]
Click on that.
69
00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:39,942
This makes zero sense.
70
00:02:39,943 --> 00:02:41,477
No, because vegans are always,
like,
71
00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:42,946
telling you they're vegan,
right?
72
00:02:42,947 --> 00:02:45,047
-Okay.
-And see, it says "Nobody,"
73
00:02:45,048 --> 00:02:46,983
because, like,
nobody asked, right?
74
00:02:46,984 --> 00:02:49,451
But this guy, our protagonist,
he doesn't care.
75
00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:51,520
Oh, no. He doesn't care
about the nobody.
76
00:02:51,521 --> 00:02:53,857
He's just gonna jump on in there
and give you his two bits.
77
00:02:53,858 --> 00:02:55,591
But, like, nobody asked, right?
78
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,126
That's why
it says "Nobody" up top.
79
00:02:57,127 --> 00:02:58,327
Isn't that hilarious?
80
00:02:58,362 --> 00:02:59,695
Yeah, I'm trying to work.
81
00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:01,364
Yeah, I-I should
get back to work, too.
82
00:03:01,365 --> 00:03:02,799
Forwarding memes isn't work.
83
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,633
Well, the Internet begs
to differ.
84
00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:06,568
I'm getting a lot of likes
on my posts.
85
00:03:06,569 --> 00:03:08,938
They're not "your" posts. You're
not doing anything original.
86
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:11,673
Says the guy writing a script
called Barbie 3.
87
00:03:11,674 --> 00:03:12,842
Yeah,
because somebody's probably
88
00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:14,142
already doing Barbie 2.
89
00:03:14,143 --> 00:03:16,145
Yeah, I think we're doing
the same level of original.
90
00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:17,880
[laughing]
Look at this one!
91
00:03:21,719 --> 00:03:24,586
It's-it's based on the game
"rock, paper, scissors."
92
00:03:24,587 --> 00:03:26,356
That's why it's funny.
But this baby...
93
00:03:26,357 --> 00:03:28,590
Like, I'm already laughing.
Can you even?
94
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:31,293
-[sighs] So this was your idea?
-No.
95
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,896
-But you found the pictures?
-No.
96
00:03:32,897 --> 00:03:34,464
Well, you must have
come up with the text?
97
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,832
No. But I knew
the perfect time to hit "send."
98
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:38,968
-That's what it's all about.
-You didn't do anything.
99
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,469
No, no, Brian, it's like this.
100
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,572
The meme is the plane,
and I'm the pilot, right?
101
00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:44,340
So sometimes
the plane goes on autopilot,
102
00:03:44,341 --> 00:03:46,975
but I'm still at the controls,
drinking Diet Cokes.
103
00:03:47,011 --> 00:03:49,111
So, you're the autopilot
of comedy?
104
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,446
I get you
from Not Laughing, Rhode Island
105
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:52,981
to Laughing, Rhode Island.
106
00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,484
It takes one hour
to drive diagonally
107
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:55,984
across the entire state.
108
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,400
Aw, I should have said Texas.
109
00:03:57,401 --> 00:04:03,226
You know, Lois said it's stupid
to look for bin Laden's corpse
110
00:04:03,227 --> 00:04:05,861
'cause a drunk guy at a bar
said to, but look at us!
111
00:04:05,896 --> 00:04:07,429
I'm getting kind of hungry.
112
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:08,998
What did you bring for eats,
Peter?
113
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,466
Wheat Thins and Costco muffins.
114
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,833
That's all guys need.
115
00:04:11,869 --> 00:04:14,369
-Peter, that is a home run!
-Out of the park!
116
00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:16,638
I was smiling
as soon as you said it.
117
00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,707
Lois looked sad
when she saw the food.
118
00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:20,576
Oh, it's good food.
You did really good.
119
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:22,507
Wives just want us
to do what they want.
120
00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:24,212
Say less, king.
121
00:04:24,213 --> 00:04:26,516
You know, it's so easy and fun
with you guys out here.
122
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:29,184
Sometimes I wish
the world was just guys.
123
00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:31,720
[thunderclap]
124
00:04:31,721 --> 00:04:34,991
Oh, my God!
We've been struck by lightning!
125
00:04:34,992 --> 00:04:36,925
I think
I possibly took the brunt of it.
126
00:04:38,462 --> 00:04:41,029
[all yelling]
127
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:43,799
[all yelling]
128
00:04:47,271 --> 00:04:49,438
[gasping for air]
129
00:04:49,473 --> 00:04:50,939
Oh, my God, the boat!
130
00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:52,842
Yeah, we might be out here
for a while,
131
00:04:52,843 --> 00:04:55,177
so someone needs
to carry the conversation.
132
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,946
Did you guys know
that "Triscuit" is short
133
00:04:57,982 --> 00:04:59,581
for "electric biscuit"?
134
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:02,517
Also, there are no raccoons
in Alaska.
135
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,554
Let's just all drown quietly
to ourselves.
136
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:18,116
? ?
137
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,389
I'll start.
138
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,024
Joe was a true friend.
139
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,392
I'm gonna miss him so much.
140
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,895
And we should probably
start sorting out
141
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,262
who's going after Bonnie-
142
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,897
Nice try, weisenheimers.
143
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,532
Joe! How'd you make it in?
144
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,434
My chair floats.
How about you guys?
145
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,703
We clung
to old graduation balloons
146
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,706
and one turtle
who was caught in the ribbon.
147
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,640
A little help with the ribbon?
148
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,176
We're not supposed to touch you
149
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,977
because then
your mom won't take you back.
150
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,679
My mom died
before America was formed.
151
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,682
Oh, yeah,
you guys live a long time, huh?
152
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,284
Yeah, I was in the Turtle
Brigade in the Civil War.
153
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,186
-Which side-
-Don't ask which side.
154
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,789
Does anybody's phone work?
155
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,758
-No.
-Nope. -Negative.
156
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,327
We need to find shelter
for the night.
157
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,164
Oh, my God! A house!
158
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:12,704
Whoa.
159
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,374
It looks like a villain's lair.
160
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,277
Yeah, it's, like,
RoboCop's beach house
161
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:19,611
from the '80s future.
162
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,012
Word of caution.
163
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,682
If you run around
in socks in this place,
164
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,550
you are definitely slipping,
my friends.
165
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,917
I'm zonked. I'm gonna crash.
166
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,220
Yeah, me, too.
I call the master bedroom!
167
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,288
It's called
a "primary bedroom" now.
168
00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:31,656
Oh, I'm so sorry.
169
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,725
I'll be in the bedroom
primary-bating.
170
00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:38,865
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
171
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,398
Coming up: one side
172
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:42,902
of a local news station
falling into a sinkhole?
173
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,137
But first:
wreckage from a Quahog boat
174
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,073
was just spotted a few miles
off the coast
175
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,541
of famous gay party spot,
Fire Island.
176
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,144
[gasps] I wonder
if that's Peter's boat!
177
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,879
Damn. Right to voicemail.
178
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,915
Hey, this is Pete,
single and ready to mingle.
179
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,849
-[beep]
-[Lois sighs]
180
00:06:58,446 --> 00:07:04,290
There we go. That ought to break
someone's ankle this summer.
181
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,025
Dogs and holes-
name a more iconic duo.
182
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,393
-I'll wait.
-What?
183
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:09,996
No, I'm just saying,
this is a mood.
184
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,330
How-how is this a mood?
Elaborate.
185
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:14,433
No, I'm just saying,
I was today years old
186
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,235
when I learned
dogs are vindictive.
187
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,736
Why are you talking like that?
188
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,137
I'm in my meme phase, Bri.
189
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,907
When I can't see 'em,
I talk like 'em.
190
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,208
My man talks
like a Internet now.
191
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,709
Well, stop it. It's stupid.
192
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,145
Cranky writer upset
at friend's fun.
193
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:29,881
Didn't have that
on my 2026 bingo card.
194
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,349
[laughing]
Bingo card?
195
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:32,951
So good.
196
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,021
What-what... what bingo card?
Show me the card!
197
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,856
Well, it's more about what's
not on the bingo card, so...
198
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,425
Yeah, it's what's not
on there, Brian.
199
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:42,428
Also, don't bingo cards
just have numbers
200
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,029
and not entire phrases?
201
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:46,465
Yeah, you kind of... you kind of
have to be funny to get it.
202
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,167
All right, I'm going in.
You're making no sense.
203
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,536
I think what you mean to say is,
"The math ain't mathin'."
204
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,337
Period. Full stop.
205
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:54,340
Yeah, you don't... you don't
have to say "full stop."
206
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,875
That's...
that's what a period is.
207
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:59,077
Yo. We talkin' about periods?
208
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,950
Let me let you in on a little
toothbrushing secret.
209
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,318
Crest.
210
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:08,053
How is Crest a secret?
211
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,222
Shh.
212
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,858
This was all there was
in the closet.
213
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,259
Yeah, same here.
Do we look chic?
214
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,593
What's "chic"?
215
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:17,829
OMG. Look at all us
chic-ass boys.
216
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,497
I'll check on our phones.
217
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:24,336
Still nothing.
I can't believe this.
218
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,205
-[upbeat dance music playing]
-Wait. Do you hear that?
219
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,073
? ?
220
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,744
-[lively chatter]
-[dance music continues playing]
221
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,645
These must be
the island natives.
222
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,314
They clearly have
a proud culture
223
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,215
of music, dance
and flavored vodka.
224
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,451
Wow. Everybody's just doing
what they like.
225
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,988
Those hefty bearded guys
are watching the Mets game.
226
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,789
And those shiny,
little, jacked guys
227
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,424
are playing
underwear volleyball.
228
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,393
Yeah, and everybody else
is drinking, dancing
229
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,394
and horsing off in the pool.
230
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,396
Is it possible this is Kokomo?
231
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,098
It's checking too many boxes.
232
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,799
[gasps]
Wait. Don't you see?
233
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,425
On the boat, I wished
for a world that was just guys,
234
00:08:57,426 --> 00:08:59,138
and then we got struck
by lightning.
235
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,706
I manifested this place
into existence!
236
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:04,643
Come on, we got to fit in
with the locals.
237
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,177
? ?
238
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,413
Hi. I'm Peter.
Our boat crashed here,
239
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,948
and we slept in a future house
240
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,950
with black toilets
and white couches.
241
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,719
Julian. We all get to the island
in our own way,
242
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,621
but you're here, and you belong.
243
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,057
Are there any women
on the island?
244
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,824
Just one. Her name is Molly,
245
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,426
and she sits in your mouth.
246
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,128
Say, "Hello, Molly."
247
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,030
Hello, Molly.
248
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,368
My God, it feels
like Christmas morning!
249
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:33,138
On Fire Island,
every day is Christmas.
250
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,307
? ?
251
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,642
[to "Deck the Halls"]
? Spike the drinks ?
252
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:37,976
? With pills of Molly ?
253
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,312
? Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-Bowen Yang ?
254
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,480
? Midler, Bette,
and Parton, Dolly ?
255
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:44,883
? Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-Bowen Yang ?
256
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,352
? Don we now our gay apparel ?
257
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,487
? Fa-la-la, la-la-la,
Bowen Yang ?
258
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:52,023
? Might just roofie
Colin Farrell ?
259
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,593
? Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-Bowen Yang ?
260
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,829
? With the ladies
we don't bother ?
261
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,365
? Fa-la-la-la-la, Bowen Yang ?
262
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,634
? Give us Dua Lipa's father ?
263
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,003
? Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-Bowen Yang ?
264
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,706
? Bravo is our only cable ?
265
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,774
? Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
Bowen Yang ?
266
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,043
? Eight mimosas for the table ?
267
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:16,982
? Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-Bowen Yang. ?
268
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,484
And Pete Buttigieg.
269
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,489
Hey, Stewie, what-
what is all this?
270
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:26,492
My memes have been getting
so much attention
271
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,159
-that I got a book deal.
-What?
272
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,529
You just forward other
people's pictures and words.
273
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,930
Yes, the biggest reward
274
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,566
for winning new media is getting
to do old media.
275
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,267
"Drake meme here,
276
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,236
"Boston Cop Slide meme here,
277
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,939
Willy Wonka here,
Kermit sipping tea here."
278
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:42,742
This is ridiculous.
You're not an author!
279
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,510
Well, that's not
what HarperCollins thinks.
280
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,977
[phone dings]
281
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,714
Either Harper or Collins just
sent a clip from my audiobook.
282
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,449
We used Morgan.
Don't you just love Morgan?
283
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:52,952
[Morgan Freeman]
"Chapter Two.
284
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,286
"We see Will Ferrell
with a mustache.
285
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,757
"The caption reads:
'Me shopping with my wife.'
286
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:02,093
It looks to me like
he'd rather be anywhere else"
287
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,130
[lively chatter]
288
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,565
What a day.
Riding bikes in town,
289
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:10,235
being so loud at restaurants
that people leave,
290
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,370
sending food back
before we even saw it.
291
00:11:12,406 --> 00:11:13,972
Thanks for taking us in.
292
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,608
Of course.
We're a community here.
293
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,210
Everyone pulls weight
and helps in their own way.
294
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:22,247
A lot of us don't feel supported
in our regular lives.
295
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,149
That's exactly how I feel.
296
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,353
-[phone ringing]
-[gasps] My phone works!
297
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,588
Peter! You're alive!
298
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:33,291
Not only alive,
I'm thriving on a magic island
299
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:35,394
I wished for
that's just guys who are nice!
300
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,862
I want you to meet Timothy,
Michael and Robert.
301
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,065
Uh, hi, Tim, Mike and Rob.
302
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,667
No! For some reason,
we only use full names here.
303
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:44,236
It's, like, the only thing
we get mad about.
304
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,137
You're on Fire Island, Peter.
305
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,940
It's just a place
for Wall Street guys
306
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,691
and regional weathermen
to be gay.
307
00:11:49,692 --> 00:11:51,110
Lois, you're embarrassing me.
308
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,611
None of these guys' wives
are calling 'em.
309
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,979
Peter, enough.
You need to come home.
310
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,448
No! It's too fun here.
311
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,918
When dessert comes out,
we say we'll only have a bite,
312
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,385
but we have more than a bite.
313
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,287
Then we call Chef Mario a devil.
314
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:05,091
You know what happens when
you tell our secrets, Peter!
315
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,858
Don't do it.
Don't do it, Timothy!
316
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,160
I'm gonna tickle you!
317
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,528
[Peter laughing]
318
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,063
[both laughing]
319
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,133
I'm starting to think
Chef Mario's not the devil.
320
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,334
You are, Timothy! [laughs]
321
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,002
Peter's having a great time.
322
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:20,905
He's definitely not being
tickled too much. [laughs]
323
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,241
I'm alive, I'm fine,
and I'm staying.
324
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,844
-Got to go, Lois.
I'm thriving. Bye! -[beep]
325
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:29,180
Um, Dad's safe!
He's on Fire Island!
326
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:37,056
We haven't paid
for anything yet.
327
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,389
Can we chip in for brunch?
328
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,415
Robert is tallying
the weekend costs,
329
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,427
so you can settle up
all at once.
330
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,329
Oh. Okay.
331
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,632
-$5,000 each should do it.
-[Pete and friends gasping]
332
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,800
I'm-I'm sorry. $5,000?!
333
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:50,335
I didn't even have a bed!
334
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,704
Yeah, slobs sleep on couches.
335
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,072
[gasps]
Aah!
336
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,740
You guys owe $5,000, too?
337
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,576
No. I'm hot,
so I don't have to pay.
338
00:12:58,577 --> 00:12:59,979
I thought this was a community
339
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,480
where everyone takes care
of each other.
340
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,114
Yeah, uggos pay for hotties.
341
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,750
Why should hot people pay?
That's gross.
342
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,619
Do you not have $5,000?
343
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,487
-No.
-Why?
344
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:10,855
Because I have a wife.
345
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,123
[all]
Ew!
346
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,993
Perhaps
there's another way we can pay.
347
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,029
Well, my house does need
a new roof.
348
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,632
Perhaps something... else?
349
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,133
Okay, I cut our debt in half,
350
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,279
but we got to get the hell
off this island!
351
00:13:26,923 --> 00:13:29,357
? ?
352
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,459
I hope
you have an escape plan, Peter.
353
00:13:31,460 --> 00:13:33,629
Don't worry. We just got
to think outside the box.
354
00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:36,331
That's how those guys came up
with the log flume ride.
355
00:13:36,332 --> 00:13:38,534
All right, Madsen,
I need a new idea for a ride,
356
00:13:38,535 --> 00:13:40,301
or you're fired.
357
00:13:40,337 --> 00:13:42,103
Got it.
Have you ever taken a bath
358
00:13:42,104 --> 00:13:44,173
and wished
you were going slowly uphill?
359
00:13:44,174 --> 00:13:45,773
I think everyone has.
360
00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:47,877
And you know how people love
to get soaking wet,
361
00:13:47,878 --> 00:13:50,045
and then not be able
to go home for five hours?
362
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,779
-Yeah.
-And don't you think
363
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,716
the second word
in a ride should be a word
364
00:13:53,717 --> 00:13:56,185
you've never heard before
in any other context?
365
00:13:56,186 --> 00:13:57,685
Maybe. What's the word?
366
00:13:57,721 --> 00:13:59,120
Flume.
367
00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:01,623
Madsen, we're gonna be rich!
368
00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:06,427
Thank you all for coming.
369
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,998
Sorry you had to watch me
whisper-fight my publicist
370
00:14:08,999 --> 00:14:10,431
for getting the wrong tea.
371
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,067
[whispering loudly]
Too late, Tiffany!
372
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,501
All right, chapter one.
373
00:14:13,537 --> 00:14:15,527
So, women take a long time
to get ready,
374
00:14:15,539 --> 00:14:17,572
but this guy takes it
way further.
375
00:14:17,573 --> 00:14:19,642
This skeleton,
who starts, presumably,
376
00:14:19,643 --> 00:14:22,443
as a regular human guy,
thinks his wife is almost ready.
377
00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:26,114
Cut to him being a skeleton
and all of us laughing.
378
00:14:26,149 --> 00:14:28,383
I love how
he called the guy a "human guy."
379
00:14:28,418 --> 00:14:30,351
Very quirky. Very funny.
380
00:14:30,387 --> 00:14:32,654
[clapping]
381
00:14:32,655 --> 00:14:34,623
This isn't clever,
and it's not comedy.
382
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,891
Brian, this is comedy now.
383
00:14:36,892 --> 00:14:38,394
No, it's a shortcut for people
384
00:14:38,395 --> 00:14:40,445
who aren't actually funny
to seem funny.
385
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,231
Well, I like to think I'm
capturing a relatable feeling
386
00:14:42,232 --> 00:14:43,565
and sharing it with-
387
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,134
You forward reheated,
sound-bite leftovers
388
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,570
to idiots doing the same thing!
389
00:14:47,571 --> 00:14:48,903
You're all idiots!
390
00:14:48,939 --> 00:14:51,606
Congrats
on your stolen comedy valor!
391
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,875
Uh, sir, this is a Wendy's.
392
00:14:53,910 --> 00:14:55,376
[laughter]
393
00:14:55,412 --> 00:14:57,111
That's from online!
394
00:14:57,147 --> 00:15:00,682
[low growling]
395
00:15:00,717 --> 00:15:03,785
And...
this guy's done adulting.
396
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,153
[laughter]
397
00:15:05,188 --> 00:15:07,188
So good. So good.
398
00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:15,830
Okay, so the plan is, when
they use the blender, we move.
399
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,210
Put on these rollerblades.
400
00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:31,175
Next blender,
we're through the gate.
401
00:15:35,285 --> 00:15:37,986
Those freeloaders
are getting away!
402
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,021
? ?
403
00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:52,433
Beach Gays, activate!
404
00:15:56,072 --> 00:15:58,172
[Peter grunts]
405
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:00,708
[Quagmire grunts]
406
00:16:01,645 --> 00:16:03,411
[Cleveland grunting]
407
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:05,613
My blades!
408
00:16:08,118 --> 00:16:10,051
[men grunting]
409
00:16:11,855 --> 00:16:13,855
Eh.
410
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,590
Ow.
411
00:16:17,994 --> 00:16:19,661
[boat horn blowing]
412
00:16:19,696 --> 00:16:21,262
Let's try to catch that ferry!
413
00:16:21,297 --> 00:16:23,498
Weren't you trying
to get away from us?
414
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:26,067
[laughs]
Julian! I meant the boat.
415
00:16:26,102 --> 00:16:27,835
Sorry. I'm twisted.
416
00:16:27,871 --> 00:16:31,072
YMCA occupation gays, activate!
417
00:16:37,881 --> 00:16:39,080
[grunting]
418
00:16:41,384 --> 00:16:43,518
[Peter groaning]
419
00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:45,420
Aah. Peter, the deer!
420
00:16:50,326 --> 00:16:52,260
I already got bit by ticks.
421
00:16:54,631 --> 00:16:57,165
[boat horn blowing]
422
00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:58,600
That's the last ferry
of the day!
423
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,268
It's too far!
424
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,438
Wait. Peter, do you still have
that cocaine locket
425
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,105
that Julian gave you?
426
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,108
Yeah, but I wanted to save it
for a special night
427
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,575
-with my family.
-Peter!
428
00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:10,062
[inhales]
429
00:17:17,187 --> 00:17:18,237
[all yelling]
430
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:24,092
Oh, my God. We made it!
431
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:27,028
-[boat horn blowing]
-Bye! Have a fun trip!
432
00:17:27,063 --> 00:17:28,229
Aren't you mad at us?
433
00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:30,531
We're guys.
We get over stuff fast.
434
00:17:30,532 --> 00:17:33,135
[sing-songy]
Come back next summer for our PJ Party!
435
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,569
We'll bring our families!
436
00:17:34,604 --> 00:17:37,572
[sing-songy]
No, don't! Don't bring them!
437
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,443
[Brian]
Morning, Stewie.
438
00:17:42,444 --> 00:17:46,248
[grunting]
What is this? What are you doing?
439
00:17:46,249 --> 00:17:48,359
Well, I can't get you
to stop doing memes,
440
00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:50,618
so this exorcism will rid you
of them.
441
00:17:50,619 --> 00:17:53,021
-[groaning]
-I won't recycle images from The Office
442
00:17:53,022 --> 00:17:54,655
and add my own text to it.
443
00:17:54,691 --> 00:17:56,624
-[whimpering]
-I won't recycle-
444
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:59,660
Oh, Bri, you sweet summer child.
This isn't going to work.
445
00:17:59,696 --> 00:18:02,396
We have... other ways.
446
00:18:02,432 --> 00:18:04,832
Chris? But I thought
you were on my side.
447
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:07,034
Well, I'm Gen Z
and loyal to no one.
448
00:18:07,070 --> 00:18:09,771
Bet you didn't have that
on your bingo card.
449
00:18:09,806 --> 00:18:11,372
What? [groans] What is that?
450
00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:12,974
You're getting a loboto-meme.
451
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,376
When I flip the switch,
all memes will rush
452
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:17,712
into your brain
and explode out of you.
453
00:18:17,747 --> 00:18:19,677
-No! Please!
-[electrical hissing]
454
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,817
[groaning]
455
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,552
-It's working!
-[groaning]
456
00:18:24,553 --> 00:18:26,789
[in deep, distorted voice]
First World Problems.
457
00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:27,855
Cringe.
458
00:18:27,891 --> 00:18:30,491
Weird Flex But Okay.
459
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,577
[yelling]
460
00:18:37,634 --> 00:18:39,767
Stewie, can you talk
as yourself?
461
00:18:39,803 --> 00:18:41,869
Am I... am I doing it?
462
00:18:41,905 --> 00:18:43,805
Oh, thank God, you're back.
463
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,073
I wonder
where all those memes went?
464
00:18:48,011 --> 00:18:50,311
-[whooshing]
-[explosion]
465
00:18:50,312 --> 00:18:52,581
[bland uncle]
And this is why we can't have nice things.
466
00:18:52,582 --> 00:18:54,248
[bland aunt laughs]
467
00:18:54,284 --> 00:18:56,814
[bland aunt]
Where do you come up with this stuff?
468
00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:00,454
Home again, home again,
giggity-gig.
469
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:03,457
Peter, I'm so happy you're home!
470
00:19:03,493 --> 00:19:05,426
Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry.
471
00:19:05,427 --> 00:19:08,263
I guess I learned that both men
and women are pretty bitchy
472
00:19:08,264 --> 00:19:09,630
when money is involved.
473
00:19:09,666 --> 00:19:11,399
That-That's what you learned?
474
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,235
And that I'd rather
get yelled at by a woman
475
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:14,802
than get yelled at by a guy.
476
00:19:14,838 --> 00:19:16,771
Oh, a thousand percent.
It's safer.
477
00:19:16,806 --> 00:19:19,140
I love you, Lois.
478
00:19:19,175 --> 00:19:21,642
Oh, Peter, I love you, too.
479
00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:23,544
I'm glad you're home.
480
00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:27,882
I thought
you'd be more mad at me.
481
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:31,152
Oh, I could be mad
and have a dozen unopened jars,
482
00:19:31,187 --> 00:19:33,588
or forgive you,
have you open the jars,
483
00:19:33,623 --> 00:19:35,156
and start my soup.
484
00:19:35,191 --> 00:19:36,691
Start with the big Rao's one.
485
00:19:36,726 --> 00:19:40,361
I will, Lois, even though
that one always hurts my hand.
486
00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:43,197
I'm just so happy to be back
in a world with women.
487
00:19:43,233 --> 00:19:46,601
Good, because I had
the craziest dream last night,
488
00:19:46,636 --> 00:19:48,569
and I'm gonna tell you
all about it.
489
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,339
Okay, so follow me here.
It's complicated.
490
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,108
Here's $5,000. I want back in.
491
00:19:57,737 --> 00:20:01,066
Sorry, Stewie.
I just need to make sure
492
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,567
all that meme nonsense is done.
493
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,868
[phone dings]
494
00:20:04,291 --> 00:20:09,575
See, he's smirking because
he's so proud of himself
495
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,776
for ordering a pizza.
Funny, right?
496
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,444
No. Not-not funny or clever.
497
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,346
Ah, good
to have you back, buddy.
498
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,616
Said no one.
499
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,284
[beep, whoosh]
500
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,754
It's funny 'cause it's just,
like, ordering a pizza.
501
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,685
That expression
is certainly too big
502
00:20:24,686 --> 00:20:27,007
for just ordering food
to a place you usually wouldn't.
503
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:31,558
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