Original subtitles

? ?

Do you think this burrito is chicken or beef?

-Who knows? Just enjoy the ride. -So, everyone pumped

for Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night on Saturday?

Oh, you mean where we celebrate our town's history

by staying up super late and lighting stuff on fire

on the beach? I don't know,

I guess I'm pretty friggin' excited, Rudy! [laughs]

-Yeah, baby! -Whoo-hoo.

Well, it sounds amazing. And to think, it's my first one.

-What? -My parents don't love

letting me stay up past midnight for some reason.

They sound unhinged.

But I wore 'em down.

I'm not even sure what this night is about.

Is this to celebrate when we tricked the British

by putting a ship somewhere or something?

You're thinking of Land Ship.

This is Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night,

to celebrate when we tricked the British

into not attacking us at all.

We really like tricking the British.

It was a dark night

in the year 1812...

[Tina] I think it might have been 1813.

-[Louise] Shh. -[Tina] Right.

[Louise] The British were raiding

little towns like ours to burn ships

and steal cows and probably insult our horses, too.

And when they got to us, what does our sneaky town do?

-Um, Lighthouse- -No, you don't know.

-Okay. -We set our own

lighthouse on fire and everyone runs around

yelling and screaming that they had been

attacked and plundered. So the British are like,

[in English accent] "Huh, I guess one of our ships

already plundered these guys."

[regular accent] So they skipped our town and went and attacked

Boston or something.

I think that's what that show Cheers is about.

-Oh. -And that's why every year

on the anniversary of that night,

our town celebrates by building a replica lighthouse

and lighting it on fire on the beach at midnight.

[cheering, screaming]

Well, I'm very excited,

and I will definitely take a badass nap

so I can stay up late and not be cranky.

-Smart. -And then, at midnight,

I become a man.

[sniffs] Ugh, what is that smell?

You mean the terrible one?

Oh, yeah. It's bad.

I'm getting nothing.

I'm still getting over this cold.

Is it coming from outside? And hopefully not from something

in our restaurant that I have to fix?

[sniffs] Ugh! It's coming from outside.

Yeah it is. Oh, mama mia!

You guys trying to solve this stink mystery, too?

We're like Law & Order: SVPU over here, huh?

[Jimmy] Hey, Bob.

Stop breathing on everything.

You're making the whole town stink.

-That's a zoom. -Your breath is probably

-only a little bad, Bob. -[irritated stammer]

Uh-huh. I think it might be coming from the beach.

[Tina] To the beach.

Oh, my God.

Whoa.

You know what I bet is making that terrible smell?

Those thousands and thousands of dead fish.

That's what I thought, too.

Nasty.

[reporter] Warmer currents

can lower oxygen levels in the water,

causing fish to die and wash up on shore, so

good luck out there, it's, uh, mm, gross.

This won't mess up Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night,

right? They'll figure it out, right?

They probably have their top guys in a situation room

-as we speak, right? -Right? -Right?

I don't know. [groans]

I can't take this smell.

Uh, I'm gonna go get some vinegar.

Good thinking, Dad. Escape into a nice salad.

No, Gene, to smell.

Anything besides this.

Your father has a sensitive schnoz.

It's what makes him such a good cook.

God, how has he survived living with us?

-It's been hard. -[phone rings]

Bob's Burgers.

It's Edith. We're meeting about the fish.

Okay. Who's we?

Who's we? OABA, that's who.

OABA?

Ocean Avenue Business Association!

-Oh, right. I-I'm in that. -Yeah.

Come on, Bob, keep up!

Please stop yelling at me.

No! Listen, we're meeting tonight.

6:00. Your restaurant.

My restaurant? W-Why here?

Because it has seats and they're empty.

[sighs] Uh-huh.

Because your restaurant's unpopular.

Yeah, I got it.

[Edith] Thank you for coming

to Bob's empty restaurant.

I hope everyone got a wrap.

You know, we do make burgers here.

Everyone likes wraps!

-They're compact. -All right,

OABA emergency meeting is called to order.

Tonight, we're here to discuss how we're going to deal

with the dead fish situation.

Don't mind me. Carry on.

Hey, you know you're not supposed to be here.

You were discharged from the association, pal.

Okay, okay. Easy.

I'm just here to pick up the rent.

Didn't we already pay the rent?

Oh, my God, we did. That's weird.

Well, then I'd like to order something.

Ooh, those wraps look good.

Fat chance, Charlie.

Fine. I'll just have a shot of bourbon

with a vodka back. Thank you.

-We don't have- -Yes, you do.

-Okay. -Calvin,

you know you can't stay.

I know. I was kicked out.

Just because, one time, I hired a Borat impersonator

to come to a meeting and strip down to his monokini.

Sorry for wanting to bring a little joy to the OABA.

He kept saying everything

was "wah-wah-wee-wah" and "very nice."

It was disruptive.

-Out. -Well then,

so long, Ocean Avenue

"Busy-body Ass-ociation."

That's a better name.

Anyway, I've been in touch with the city.

They're sending a special tractor

with a mechanical beach rake.

It's the most efficient way

-to remove the dead fish. -Hell yeah!

But it's in Georgia right now

and won't be here for seven to ten days.

-[Louise] Aah! -[Gene] What?! -[Tina] What?!

Mom. Dad. Say something.

-Uh... -Uh,

so, uh, what happens

to Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night this Saturday?

It's far too stinky. We got to cancel it.

-No! -No! -No, no, no!

I mean, it's not officially canceled yet.

That's why we're here tonight, to vote on it.

And just to remind everyone,

according to OABA bylaws, the vote must be unanimous.

Fix this.

Okay, uh, wait, Edith.

What if we just move Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night to next week?

Can't. Next week is the Psoriasis Fun Run

and the week after that

is The Bongos on the Beach Bang Fest

and then it's Sand Awareness Week.

Want me to keep going?

Well, what if everyone goes to the beach right now

and picks up an armful of dead fish

and takes it to the dump?

And then we all shower. Not together.

Even if everyone in town picked up fish all day every day,

we still wouldn't make it in time.

[high-pitched voice] What if we tricked a whale

into eating all the fish?

Who even said that?

A cool dude.

So all in favor of canceling Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night

this year, raise your hand.

Bob?

-Uh... -Oh, my God.

Looks like it's gonna be an all-nighter.

Better bring in more wraps.

Damn it, Bob. I got to get home.

I'm supposed to feed my kids or something.

Tonight is me and Harold's sex night, Bob.

And if we have to do it here, we'll do it here.

It'll be loud.

[sighs] I just wish there was a way

-to save the Lighthouse night. -There isn't!

Now quit wasting our time

and raise your furry little hand!

-[sighs] Sorry, kids. -Sorry.

-Son of a bitch. -Damn, that's cold.

Meeting adjourned.

Harold, let's ride.

Start unbuttoning stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Not on you, on me!

Under the table kids' meeting?

So, Dad's a traitor.

He's a regular Trader Joe.

But just because the adults failed us

doesn't mean it's over.

It just means it's up to us now.

It's up to us to get rid of tons of dead fish by ourselves?

-Yup. -Too bad it's not chicken tikka masala.

But we'd need so much rice. Never mind.

Okay, to save Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night from all these

dead fish, we're going to need our school's finest minds.

Michelle Pfeiffer? Oh, wait,

I thought you said Dangerous Minds.

So, who are we thinking?

All the big brains.

I'm talking Chess Club,

Science Olympiad,

the Robotics people,

our pals in the Thinkgineers,

that seventh grader who goes to high school just for math.

We'll build the most powerful nerd alliance

the world has ever seen.

So, okay, this is...

-Hmm. -Yeah.

I guess a lot of people were busy.

"Thanks for coming, Rudy" would be nice.

There was a rumor there was gonna be some fun beverages.

Maybe I just heard what I wanted to hear.

I didn't hear "Thanks for coming, Rudy."

[Bob] All right, that's a little better.

The candles help.

-It's nice. Put on Norah Jones. -Ooh.

Is this fish smell not driving you guys crazy?

Teddy, I can't believe you can eat right now.

Oh, I can always eat.

I ate lunch in a porta potty once.

I believe it.

Yeah, all the guys on the job site

had seen The Amazing Race finale

and I didn't want any spoilers.

Well, I'm nose blind with this cold.

THIS COLD. I FEEL

That could work.

-Where you going, Bob? -To shove basil

-up my nose, Teddy. -Oh, cool.

I said "cool" because I didn't know what else to say.

So this is really it, huh?

How many times are you gonna say that?

It's a little hurtful.

Hey, Tina. I'm here to help

with the brainstorming.

Oh, really? Like, with the brain part?

Get in here J-Ju, you son of a gun!

-Ow, ow! -Come on! Okay.

-I'm gonna get you good. -Not so physical.

I love you! I love you!

[clears throat] Okay, people,

how are we gonna get those fish off the beach?

No bad ideas. Go.

So many bad ideas.

[sighs] Some kind of laser beam?

Yeah, my cousin popped a balloon with a laser beam.

It went "Zzz, papow!"

Maybe it was a laser pointer, I don't know.

Maybe-maybe it never happened.

Uh-huh. Okay,

this keeps coming up.

Trick a whale into eating all the fish.

[high-pitched voice] Wow, what a great idea.

[Susmita] Hey, guys.

-Sorry I'm late. -[Tina] Susmita. Ah, thank God.

Get your big-ass brain in here, friend.

How's it going so far?

Pretty rough, pretty rough.

-Hey. -"Clean up

the beach with magic."

Eh? Wouldn't that be cool?

Okay, well, let's think about this logically.

Fish die in the ocean all the time, right?

They do? Aw.

So maybe we can just return the fish to the ocean.

But won't the waves do that thing that waves do

and bring them right back?

Not if we can get the fish out past the breakers.

How do we do that?

We could fling 'em? Fling 'em far?

What, like some kind of catapult?

Well, if there's one thing us Thinkgineers can do,

it's build a catapult. Heh.

Sometimes I feel like that's all we do.

I'm not complaining. I-I find it meditative.

But we're gonna need something bigger than a catapult.

What's bigger than a catapult?

A trebuchet.

What's a trebuchet?

It's like a catapult. But bigger.

So we need to figure out how many fish we can throw at once

and how far we can throw them.

Sounds like we're making a prototype.

Go get your popsicle sticks and let's make something

that's gonna wow OABA and get us back

our midnight fire on the beach.

? Building a trebuchet ?

? Kids time to save the day ?

? It's not a catapult ?

? It's a trebuchet. ?

-Bam! -We did it.

Yeah, baby! This is gonna work.

Uh, yeah, that's not gonna work.

-Oh. -Oh.

Thank you, Henry Haber.

Your counterweight proportions

compared to the length of your pivot arm? I mean, come on.

That's what I kept saying. Hmm?

? Building a trebuchet ?

? Henry Haber said the first one ?

? Was not okay ?

? It's a better trebuchet. ?

Is this, um... did we do it?

This could work.

[cheering]

Good thing I'm here. Haber's gonna habe.

[Teddy] You sticking more stuff

up your nose, Bob?

Yeah, rosemary.

Wow, rosemary, basil.

You roasting a turkey up there? [laughs]

[laughs] She nailed you, Bob.

Hey, kids. Ooh, what you got there?

Did you build a homework?

Oh, no, we have so much homework we haven't done.

This contraption is how

we're gonna send all those dead fish

flying back from whence they came.

Okay, I'm here. Make it fast.

I got to get back to the store. I got sequins to sort.

-Edith? -Nice nose garden, Bob.

-Mm. -Yes, hi.

Thank you so much for meeting with us.

I had to go outside to hock a loogie anyway.

We have a whiz-bang winner here for you. Tina?

What? Oh, oh. Yeah.

[groans]

I already regret coming here.

Good feedback. Thank you.

Imagine a bigger version of this

that would fling the dead fish deep into the ocean.

The beach is clean, Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night back on,

the town rejoices.

Now, to make this a reality,

we just need between 30 thousand

-and $30 million. -[scoffs]

"How about a demonstration," someone said.

[Linda] Oh, my face!

-Now are you convinced? -Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Go... get your checkbook?

I'm gonna leave here and go back to the land of reality.

[Tina] Because that's where you keep your checkbook?

Thanks for wasting my time. [hocks, spits]

[Louise sighs] Well, it's official.

LFHN is off.

The fish won.

Those dead fish have all the luck.

Hey, kids. Oof.

I can't believe you want to be here.

It smells like how we feel.

I'm so sorry.

And again, I'm sorry about voting to cancel the thing.

I just didn't know what else to do.

I don't know, you could have punched Edith and walked out.

True. Next time, I will.

It's just, Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night is...

it's just a really special night for us kids. You know?

Yeah, I know it is.

Ugh, we were so close to being able to fix everything.

I mean, sort of.

It's just, it's a pretty tall order,

what you were trying to build.

You'd need, like, a huge piece of machinery

to fling the fish really far. Something that can kind of

whip around with just a ton of force.

So, like that thing?

Oh. I... guess.

Good. So let's use that.

-[laughs] Yes! -Oh, yeah.

-Uh, no? -Why not?

Because it's an amusement park ride?

And that's crazy?

All in favor, raise your hand.

Tough luck, Dad, outvoted. Sorry, Bro.

Guess we'd better go to talk to our favorite one-eyed guy.

-That Minion? -The hot one?

-Mr. Fischoeder. -Oh, right. -Right.

So, let me get this straight. You want me

to move the Sky Hammer-

a three-ton ride- onto the beach?

-Yes. -And then you want me

to fill it up with dead fish.

Correct.

Uh, why would I do this?

'Cause you like helping children?

Where did you hear that dirty lie?

Come on, the dead fish smell can't be great

for Wonder Wharf business,

-right? -We've survived worse.

MTV Spring Break filmed here one year.

Sorry, Mr. Fischoeder, I told them you would say no,

but they don't care what I say about things.

Plus, I mean, it might not even be legal.

And I'm pretty sure OABA wouldn't be on board

-with it, so you might as well- -Hmm...

Oh, yeah, OABA?

Oh, they would hate it if you went behind their backs

and helped us clean up the fish.

Okay, I'm in.

Wait. Really? You are?

You can use the Sky Hammer.

We'll move it to the beach tomorrow.

Thanks, Mr. Fischoeder.

Hey, wait. I just thought of something.

Your name is "Mr. Fischoeder"

and we're talking about a fish odor.

-Uh, I don't follow. -Oh.

Okay, wharf workers,

we're going to move a ride.

You know the drill.

And I'm not saying that because in the past,

we've had to make several rides go bye-bye in the night

to avoid a lawsuit, because we never did that.

Anyway, make this

go over there.

? Moving a ride ?

? Carnies working together, side by side ?

? Moving a ride to get rid ?

? Of the fish that died. ?

[Zeke] Ding dang doodle.

It's our model, but bigger.

It's like we did this, but they did this.

Wait, how's this whole thing gonna work?

Well, the fish get loaded into the roller coaster car,

which gets pushed to the Sky Hammer

and dumped into the part of the ride

where you would usually sit.

Then they start up the ride,

it whips around and when

the bucket part is at

just the right spot in the,

um, Henry, give me the smart person words here.

When the pivot arm reaches

the point of its trajectory

with the maximum amount

of kinetic energy.

Thank you, that's plenty.

Then a rope is pulled to release the door

and the fish go flying.

And the in-flight movie

-is The Fabelmans. -Okay.

I feel like I have definitely thrown up on this ride.

And now it's doing this.

[Jimmy Jr.] Life can be pretty beautiful sometimes.

I see you're doing the dumb plan that the children came up with.

Oh, hello, Edith. Funny seeing you here.

You texted me. You wrote "Come to the wharf.

"Bring OABA people. Hashtag, sticking it to you.

Crossed-eyed tongue-out emoji."

So? How you feeling? Perturbed? Tongue out?

I don't suppose you filled out

any permits for this crap show?

Permits? [chuckles] Those are for dorks.

I expect this from him, but Bob,

don't you want to avoid the obvious end to all of this,

when it fails spectacularly

and it's really embarrassing for you?

You think Bob isn't used to embarrassment?

And failing spectacularly?

Thank you, everyone.

Uh, Edith, I know this seems crazy, but the kids

had a big idea to save something important to them,

and I think we owe it to them to give it a shot.

-Sounds stupid. -Mm.

Also, OABA sucks.

[Louise] Let's hit it.

Hey, I say "hit it." Hit it.

[Zeke] Fling it baby, fling it!

? ?

Pull!

[all groaning]

-[Zeke] Come on! -[Henry] Crap.

Well, so much for training for the Psoriasis Fun Run.

-Told you so. -[coughs] Bob's dumb. -[sighs]

Hey, my sinuses just cleared up.

I can smell. [sniffs]

[gags] Oh, my God. Have you been smelling this all along?

[gagging]

[Tina] So, ideally, the fish go out into the ocean

and not straight down, right?

[Bob] Yes, Tina.

-Just checking. -So,

what do we think happened?

It's the rope. We thought we'd be able

to operate the release latch remotely, but no.

It-it's like, uh, you know when you tie a string

around your wiener and you run it down your pants

to your big toe? It just, it never works

-how you want it to. -Mm.

-Can we fix it? -Well, we wouldn't

need a rope if someone

was in the car operating the latch manually,

but who would do that?

You can pay a carnie to do pretty much anything,

but they will not

get on a ride. Ever.

They know a little too much.

So that's it then, huh?

It's just so sad.

Crap in my hat and call it a cake.

What Zeke said.

Serves us right for

having hope, I guess.

-I'll do it. -You'll do what?

Go inside the thing with the fish

and pull the latch to open the door or whatever.

-Whoa! -What?! -What?!

-Are you nuts? -I mean, I'll be strapped in

with the seatbelt thing, so it's pretty safe, right?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

You don't have to do this, Dad.

Yeah, Bob, you'd be trapped in there

with all the stinky fish.

And your nose is so delicate, like a little baby nose.

I wouldn't call it a little baby nose,

but yes, I'm aware that I'll be in with the fish.

It's gonna be like a fishy ball pit, Mr. Belcher.

You don't have to keep describing what it'll be like.

On the plus side, some cats

would kill to be in your position.

[Fischoeder] Helmet.

We used to have a daredevil.

Now he's a dare-angel.

-Oh. -Neck brace

from our neck brace bucket.

You remember that ride The Neck-Cracker?

-No. -And finally,

in case you need a friend up there.

-Oh. -Hippie Potamus.

Okay.

Last chance to back out, Dad...

is something I would have said earlier,

'cause now you're fully committed

and you're all dressed up to do it and

thank you for your service.

I'm proud of you, Dad. You're a male she-ro.

I also think this is maybe just a cool look for you in general.

Don't rattle your noggin around too much in there.

I want us to get smart in our old age.

We're gonna read books, Bobby.

Short ones, probably, but books.

Goodbye, my best friend.

Teddy, I'm not gonna die.

-Sure you're not, pal. -Ow. Teddy, stop.

-You're gonna be just fine. -Ow. Let me go.

-[crying] You're gonna be fine. -Let him go, let him go, Teddy.

-Let me go. -Get off him.

-I can't let go! -Teddy. Teddy. Ow!

-I can't let go. -Get off him.

Get off him!

[whimpering]

Oh, boy.

[whimpering]

? ?

[weak chuckle]

Ooh-hoo-hoo.

This is crazy.

This is crazy. This is crazy.

Okay. Okay. I-I can do this.

You-you can do this. Yeah.

It's gonna be fine. It's not a problem.

Here we go.

And... Ready. And-

Dump the fish!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God. I change my mind.

I don't want to do it. I change my mind.

-Close him up! -Oh, God. I don't want to do it.

-Let it rip! -Oh, God. Oh, God.

[screams]

Oh...

[Linda] Oh, jeez. Oh, oh...

-Oh, boy. -He's so brave.

[Bob screaming]

Bob! Pull!

[cheering]

-Go, Dad! -Nice! -Yes!

[Bob] I... I did it.

I did it.

Yup. Only a hundred or so more launches to go.

Oh, my God.

Dump the fish!

-? You are ? -Oh. Oh...

-? A stinky star ? -[screaming]

? Fling those fish, yeah ?

? Fling those fish ?

-? Fling them far away ? -I hate this!

? You are ?

? A stinky star ?

? Fling those fish, yeah ?

-[screaming] -? Fling those fish ?

-? Fling them far away ? -Why?! Why?!

Why, why, why, why, why!

That poor lady.

Final batch of fish, Bob.

[all cheering]

[Teddy] Doing good, Bobby!

He's never gonna be the same again.

You know that, right?

This is the best day of my life.

Oh, I'm so proud of that stinky cutie.

Well, the ride's kind of the real hero.

I can't believe those safety straps

held up this whole time.

Aah...!

Never mind.

[screaming continues]

I'm alive!

-He's alive! -Oh, thank God.

[cheering]

I don't know what I'm cheering for, but yeah!

I can't believe that dumbass plan worked.

You're welcome. And as a reward,

I have a proposal. OABA- I want back in.

-Hmph! -And I am allowed

one Borat impersonator per year.

Can he be less drunk?

He won't be as good, but I can ask.

? Things are heating up ?

? On Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night ?

? Feel the burning love ?

? On Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night ?

? We flung the fish ?

? Then we got our wish ?

? Now the whole darn village ?

? Can pretend it's being plundered and pillaged ?

? On Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night ?

? Remember when I almost died? ?

? Feel the burning love ?

? On Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night. ?

Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0