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[Thunder Rumbling]

[Wind Howling]

[Man Narrating] Once upon a time,
in a town not far from yours...

there lived a real fast guy.

His life was fast.
His friends were fast.

[Chuckles]
Even his food was fast.

But he was still
not satisfied.

He wanted to share
his fast philosophy...

with someone else-

a beautiful girl.

The trouble was
she was in the arms of...

another man.

** [Dance Rock]

** [Continues]

Whoops!

** [Continues]

[Man]
Good luck, honey.

[Excited Chattering]

- What are we gonna do, Janet?
- It's all right, Brad.

Everything's gonna be
all right.

** [Ends]

** [Organ]

* You'll find happy hearts *

* And smiling faces *

* And tolerance for *

* The ethnic races *

* In Denton *

* You'll find
a ramblin' rose *

* And a picket fence *

* Tenderness *

* And innocence *

* In Denton *

* You'll find
conference rooms *

* And a children's playground *

* Denton is a real
okay town *

* Civic pride
and civic duty *

* And Denton girls are *

[Wolf Whistle]

* Full of beauty *

* You may call us
the goody-goody two shoes *

* We're here to cheer you
with the good news *

* That D-E-N-T-O-N *

* Gets T-E-N
That's ten out of ten *

* If you're looking
for a life of leisure *

* You're gonna get
a whole lot to please ya *

- * Again and again *
- * And again and again *

[Both]
* And again *

[All]
* Denton, Denton *

* You've got no pretension *

* You're where the heart is
You're okay *

* Denton, Denton *

* I'd just like to mention *

* You're the home of youth *

* You're America's truth *

* You're Denton
Denton, U.S.A. *

* This is the mecca
of America *

* The Bethlehem
of the West *

* This is the birthplace
of the virtuous *

* The home of happiness *

* Leisure-wise
we're sure you will adapt *

* Enjoy your stay
Have a happy holiday *

* And we'll all put Denton
Denton on the map *

[All]
* Denton, Denton *

* You've got no pretension *

* You're where the heart is
You're okay *

* Denton, Denton *

* I'd just like to mention *

* You're the home of youth *

* You're America's truth *

* You're Denton
Denton, U.S.A. *

* Denton, Denton *

* You've got no pretension *

* You're where the heart is
You're okay *

* Denton, Denton *

* I'd just like to mention *

* You're the acceptable face *

* Of the human race *

* You're Denton
Denton, U.S.A. **

Well, how about that?

Wasn't that terrific?

And now for,
well, certainly...

my favorite part of the show...

- and I sincerely hope yours at home.
- Get the whole crowd.

- Our regular in-depth discussion...
- Dressing room. Right here.

With Judge Oliver Wright...

Denton's leading
social scientist.

- Judge Wright?
- Mm-hmm.

Did you enjoy
our anthem?

In a way.

I detect a note
of reticence.

Are you perhaps
one of those amongst us...

who feel this emotive form of presentation
is overly manipulative?

Well, Betty,
there are many ways...

that the spider
may catch the fy.

There are
monetary inducements.

- Hi, Brad. Hi, Janet. Come for Marriage Maze?
- Extortion.

Seduction.

I'm exhausted working on this documentary
for Farley's new show.

- Hmm?
- Blackmail.

- Farley Flavors, our new sponsor.
- Oh.

- Whoo.
- Prejudice.

I tell you, Janet,
that guy's as close as we'll come...

to a successful man
in this town.

- And lies.
- Thank you, Judge Oliver Wright.

And now for
a commercial break.

[Children Chattering]

Okay, kids, let's hear
the five F's for today.

- "F" for-
- Farley!

- "F" for-
- Flavors!

- "F" for-
- Fabulous!

- "F" for-
- Fast!

- And "F" for-
- Five!

[All Cheering]

[Woman Announcer]
First and foremost...

Farley Flavors'
fabulous fast foods...

feed and fortify families
for a fabulous future.

[Man On P.A.] Stand by for Marriage Maze.
Strike Denton Dossier.

Thank you so much, Judge Wright,
for another wonderful interview.

Judge Wright? Oh, come on, Betty.
First names surely.

- [Chuckles]
- Oh. Oliver. You're so tolerant.

Time for a coffee break
before you rush off?

I'd love to, that is if you don't mind
being seen with an older man.

Why, Oliver.

Since Ralph and I separated,
maturity is something I look for in a man.

[Both Chuckle]

- Hi, Ollie.
- Hi, Betty.

- Hi, Betty.
- Hello, Neely.

You keep up that
high standard of interview...

and I'm gonna have to include you
in Farley's documentary.

You're so probing.

A free thinker.

Everything's free there.

- Hi, Betty. The usual?
- Plus one.

There you go. Hi, Max. Hey, you gonna
be watching Marriage Maze?

- Sure am.
This could be Bert Schnick's finest hour.
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- This could be a major step forward for him.
- Yeah, a leap in the dark.

I better go check on the Bert.
Otherwise-

- Right.
- Good luck.

- Okay.
- ** [Drumroll]

[Male Announcer]
And here to bring yourjust desserts...

and a recipe
for a perfect marriage...

is that gorgeous gourmet...

tossing the uproarious
salad oflife...

Marriage Maze host,
Bert Schnick.

[Man]
Three seconds.

- Hoopla, Denton!
- [All] Hoopla, Bert!

** [Organ]

[Excited Chattering]

Thank you. Welcome.
Thank you.

Before we start I want to say one or two words
about tomorrow night's great new show...

The Faith Factory Sh-

[Audience Gasps]

And as a matter of fact,
we have in the studio audience tonight...

the host
and his lovely cohost.

Give a big hand, please,
to Ralph Hapschatt...

and the vivacious
Macy Struthers.

[Man]
Hey, Ralph!

Let's get a camera in there
for heaven's sake.

- Over the moon about that commercial, Macy.
- Thanks, Bert.

Got a good show lined up
for us tomorrow night, Ralph?

You bet, Bert!

Good! I'm gonna be there!
Ain't we all, viewers?

[Betty] Macy Struthers with my husband.
God, I must've been blind.

Still, the weaker the man,
the dumber the blonde.

Isn't that Brad and Janet Majors
sitting in the audience there?

What an ideal couple they are.

You know more than anyone else in Denton,
they represent the old values.

Ike would have
been proud of them.

And now, would the first couple who seem
to have made a hash of their marriage...

and cooked their goose,
step this way, please!

- You!
- [Gasps] That's us, Brad.

Come on. What's cooking up there?
Come on down, you guys.

Let's feel you.

- I'm not going, Janet.
- You've got to. Everyone's watching.

[Cheering]

** [Organ]

Face the cameras.
Face the cameras.

Now introduce yourselves.

- My name is Brad-
- I am Janet- Oh. Sorry.

I'm Janet Majors,
and this is my husband Brad.

[Bert] Hey, Brad, we've been hearing some
bad things about you. Haven't we, Janet?

[Both Chuckling]

- Haven't we, Janet?
- Uh, yes, he needs help.

Help? Let's face it, Janet.

Brad's an emotional cripple.

[Audience Laughing]

[Janet]
I know, I know.

It looks like Rest Home for
this stupid old marriage, eh?

[Audience Cheering]

Tell me, Janet.
Do you watch Dentonvale?

Uh, yes, I've caught it
once or twice.

That's right. DTV's
most popular hospital series...

featuring those perennial favorites,
Nation and Cosmo McKinley.

Neuro-specialists
par excellence.

I recommend, if you
pardon my French, Janet...

that you send Brad
to them for treatment.

Oh, uh, well, I know he's a little boring,
but neuro-specialists.

- That sounds a little drastic.
- It's no use pussyfooting around, Janet.

- We have to cut quick and deep.
- [Audience Cheers]

** [Organ]

McKinley? McKinley?

- Bert brought them over from Europe.
- Oh?

They had a very popular series together.
It's still rerun in a lot of countries.

- You must have seen them in Dentonvale?
- No, I never watch that.

I'm afraid there's only one
solution. Isn't there, folks?

One, two, three.

Dentonvale!

Hoopla!
Don't go away!

We'll be right back to see
if Brad and Janet want to play or pass.

** [Organ]

Great.

Congratulations. I think
you've made a wise decision.

- But- But l-
- Janet?

- I'm not going.
- What do you mean, you're not going?

You'll ruin the show.
Bert's made all the arrangements.

But I don't
need treatment.

[Bert]
But you do need glasses, eh, stupid?

[Laughs]
Doesn't he?

[Audience Laughing]

I am sick of being humiliated by you!
Bert's right. You're going.

[Announcer] It looks like Brad
and Janet Majors have a big decision to make.

Here's some more prizes
to amaze here on Marriage Maze.

- * Dear blender *
- You won't blend into the background-

* Won't you help
a first offender *

- * Oh, toaster*
- Pop up in the popularity ratings-

* Don't you put
the burn on me *

- Just look at this.
- * Refrigerator*

* Why are we always
sooner or later *

* Bitchin' in the kitchen
or crying in the bedroom all night *

Living on a knife edge?

- * Dear knife drawer *
- Stay sharp with this keen knife.

* Now won't you help me
to face life more *

- * Oh, trash can *
- You can-can with the trash can.

* Don't you put
the dirt on me *

* Oh, percolator*

- * Why are we always sooner or later *
- No toil, no trouble.

* Bitchin' in the kitchen
or crying in the bedroom all night *

* Everything used
to be okay *

* But I've been had *

* And, Brad
I'm glad to say *

* Is on his way *

* Micro-digital awaker*

* Why are we always
sooner or later *

* Bitchin' in the kitchen
or crying in the bedroom all night *

- * Shower curtain *
- Wash those blues away-

* Won't you help me
to be certain *

- * Oh, toothpaste *
- Arm yourself to the teeth-

* Don't you put
the squeeze on me *

* Depilatator*

* Why are we always
sooner or later *

* Bitchin' in the kitchen
or crying in the bedroom all night *

[Audience Cheering]

Now it's back to Marriage Maze. And for
those of you who are Dentonvale watchers...

here's our
surprise guest.

- And here's Bert!
- Hey, folks! It's Ricky from the Rest Home.

- Hey, Bert.
- Hey, Ricky.

I've come for Mr. Majors.

Brad will learn how to care
in the surgical chair.

[Cheering]

- Nothing serious, I hope?
- Oh, no. Just a routine checkup.

Just a routine checkup,
eh, viewers?

[Bert]
Come in.

* Tell me, spectator *

* Why are we always
sooner or later *

* Bitchin' in the kitchen
or crying in the bedroom all night **

[Announcer Chuckles]
Well, Bert's done it again.

Another rocky marriage
is headed for intensive care.

The subject is committed.

As are we all.

- ** [Organ]
- [Announcer] Dentonvale.

The Arrival.
Introducing Brad and Janet Majors.

Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Majors.
How wonderful to see you.

I'm Doctor Cosmo McKinley...

and this is my sister
and colleague...

Dr. Nation McKinley.

[Nation] We understand you've been
going through a rather trying time.

Well, yes, we have.

Now listen. There's-
There's nothing really wrong with me.

Janet and I haven't
been getting along too well lately...

and I've had a little-
a little trouble-

- Oh, Brad.
- Ooh.

- Does he do this often?
- No, he's never done this before.

Good.
Then there's still hope.

Lots and lots of hope.

[Nation]
If anyone can help Brad, we can.

- Well, he does need help.
- [Cosmo] Nurse Ansalong, you've arrived.

- Oh, that was real short notice
because the other models-
- Attend to Mr. Majors, Nurse.

There are just one or two formalities
that have to be dealt with, Mrs. Majors.

A contract to be signed.

Oh, could I do that
later, please?

[Nation]
Of course you can, Mrs. Majors.

[Whispering]
Sign the contract tomorrow.

Ouch! Mrs. Majors.
Just one or two details.

Does Brad have any living relatives-
any blood relatives?

- No, he doesn't. Could I take care of this later?
- Of course.

Why did you tell me
not to sign now?

Well, that way you
get the first day free.

[Audience Cheering On TV]

- ** [Organ]
- [Announcer]
Here's Bert, that eternal showbiz wiz...

with a family connection
in the 30-Second Quiz.

As Janet's parents,
this should be really easy.

About Brad's family?

Your last clue is...

mental instability.

You have 30 seconds.

Mental instability?

- He was adopted, you know.
- Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten.

Well, I hadn't. I was worried about inherited
craziness when they married.

I said toJanet,
"What do we know of his parents?"

- Which leads us to-
- [Announcer]
This afternoon's surprise prize, Bert...

which is a delirious stay in
that evergreen series Happy Homes...

- with unlimited use of a new dream kitchen.
- Infantile regression?

- You got it!
- I got it!

- She got it! She got it!
- I got it!

I got it!

- She got it!
- [Audience Cheering]

Congratulations. Congratulations.
And it's Happy Homes...

to Harry and Emily Weiss
of Denton.

- [Laughing]
- [Gasps]

Aha.

I got it! I got it!

She got it! She got it!

In one.
Infantile regression.

Our speciality!

- Your speciality.
- I can't wait to begin on him.

Really, Bert, I don't know what
we'd do without you.

I must confess...

the decision to have Brad committed
was not strictly my own.

No, of course.
There's Janet.

But if she was
so keen on getting him in here...

why wouldn't she sign
the contract?

No, it wasn'tJanet
exactly.

- It was, in fact, your new sponsor.
- Sponsor?

- Dentonvale has been sold.
- Sold?

Dear old Bert's
settled everything.

Ja, you endorse
his Faith Factory...

- and he endorses your research.
- He?

How dare this person take
advantage of my weakness!

I don't think he intends
to go that far.

[Both Chuckle]

** [Rock]

* If only you knew *

* How to win some prizes *

* If only you knew *

* How to play *

* If you could sleep nights *

* And stop your crying *

* Then you might find out
I still love you *

* In my own way *

* If that's not enough
then I'm *

* So sorry I met you *

* It was almost like *

* Leading you on *

* But there's more
to it all *

* Than just wringing your heart out
over something *

* That keeps on
going wrong *

* So don't tell me
you love me *

* How am I supposed to know
what that means *

* No, don't sell emotion *

* You can't buy devotion *

* If you're falling apart
at the seams *

* I hope that
you'll smile when you *

* Reach your conclusion *

* I hope that you'll know
just what to say *

* But if it should mean *

* That the party is over *

* You should know
that I still love you *

* You should know that
I still love you *

* You should know
that I still love you *

* In my own way *

* In my own way *

* In my own way *

* In my own way **

- Oh, my poor baby.
- Oh, Mom, it's Brad.

I know. I know, baby.
He's gonna get all the help he needs.

- But in the meantime, look. For you.
- What is it?

They call it a new look
at an old favorite.

I copied it from
The Window on the World show.

- The Far East meets the Midwest.
- Mom-

It's just what
the doctor ordered, I know.

- Come on in. My favorite show's just started.
- What show?

Dentonvale.

** [Organ]

[Female Announcer]
Love starts in the home...

and where better to
find this than in today's Happy Homes.

With guest star,
Janet Majors.

[Male Announcer] If you're sick ofhaving
the goodness boiled away out of your coffee...

replace that old perk of yours with
a coffeemaker of prestigious distinction.

And be the envy of all
with a coffeemaker that says it all.

[Janet]
Oh, thanks.

When that man of yours comes in from
the big outdoors with a burning thirst...

that only Lake Michigan
could satisfy...

make sure there's a cold can
of Krautmeister Light in the icebox.

He'll thank you for it.

And he'll thank Krautmeister.

For crying out loud, Emily.
Leave her alone. She's not a kid.

- Well, I wanted to see her in it.
- It's really very nice.

The material is imported.
Taiwanese.

Damn it, Emily.
She's not interested.

What are you trying to do,
Harry, start an argument?

Don't you want your daughter
to look pretty?

Who's she got
to look pretty for?

- She's got a husband.
- She's got a weirdo!

I've never been able to afford the time
to have a nervous breakdown!

- Oh, poor Brad.
- Thank God he was born an orphan.

It would have killed
his parents.

And thank goodness he hasn't ended up
like that Slepstrini boy.

What are you talking about?
Danny Slepstrini's a chip off the old block.

I played 18 holes of golf
with his father just last week...

and Hank says that Danny's moved
to New York to... better himself.

He moved, all right...

when they found him at the back of
Wilson's Bakery... naked...

with 15 other men.

Mexicans.

I'm gonna catch up on a few jobs
that need doing outside!

- You shouldn't have said that.
- But why?

Your father doesn't
like Mexicans.

Your father doesn't
like Mexicans.

[Boisterous Cheering]

** [Dance Rock]

* A man should
call the toss *

* Wear the pants
and be the boss *

* A man should be
the drake *

* For his own damned sake *

* And men should be
the misters *

* And the masters
of their sisters *

* A man should be
the reason *

* For a heart to break *

* So be moral
Don't quarrel *

* Fair and square is best *

* Let me alert you
that virtue *

* Won't hurt you
or desert you *

* If you wear hair
on your chest *

[All]
* So always remember
to follow the rules *

- * Box clever *
- *Jocks never *

* Hock another jock's tools *

* A man should wax a car
Fix a fuse and tend a bar *

* A man should like his brow
to be wet with sweat *

* And should know
the right occasions *

* To indulge in tax evasions *

* A man should know the settings
that his spark plugs get *

* Faggots are maggots *

* Thank God I'm a man **

What a meal!

Scrumptious, meine Liebling.
I insist on the recipe.

Coming from a gourmet,
that's praise indeed. But... secrets.

Oh.

With Fast-Food Farley at the helm,
it'll probably be TV dinners from now on.

Farley is already
a TVwinner as we shall see.

Dentonvale will run forever
now that his interest...

has embraced mental hygiene.

Our field.

[Oliver] I'm convinced there's
some kind of conspiracy.

- Conspiracy?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, that sounds
a little far-fetched.

Oh, I don't know.
Remember Lieutenant Orpheus?

He disappeared into that underworld series
and never came back.

Sounds like my husband.
He never came back either.

- [Chuckles]
- Not after Flavors gave him a commercial break.

Oh, yes, Farley Flavors.
You know, I find it remarkable...

that his Faith Factory is being financed
by an entire nation's indigestion.

Who do you think gave
you the next episode? [Chuckles]

So thatJanet will
be free to front line...

the new Faith Factory show.

- We're the experts.
- Who trusts experts?

WhyJanet?

Everyone loves
the girl next door.

Particularly Farley.

So it seems.

- [Knocking]
- Come in.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- I just came to give you this.

- Thank you.
- Hi!

- Hi.
- Hi.

We'd better get going.
Tomorrow's the big one, and Farley expects.

Oh, you bet.

- I guess we'd better leave you young things to it.
- Good-bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Oh, Ralph.
- Yeah?

- Shove it!
- Oh, you shove it too, Betty!

Alimony is just
another word for rape.

Conspiracy is right.

- The Denton Dossier is-
- Closed.

- ** [Organ]
- [Announcer] Dentonvale.

Special guest star,
Janet Majors.

- [All] Janet!
- I've come to see Brad.

[Nation] That's out of the question.
He's sleeping like a baby.

- It's you we're concerned about, Janet.
- Yes, Janet, how are you?

- Are you happy?
- Oh, I'm happy.

There are countless people
in this world, Janet...

who believe
that they're happy.

But they only think
they're happy.

Oh, well, that doesn't
make any sense.

This might, Janet.

And a big Denton welcome
to my new delegation.

This is Farley
and I'm here with the score.

We're going to package
and sell some mental health to the nation...

with my dream
of the girl next door.

* Oh, why aren't they doing
tomorrow's new dance steps *

* The way they used
to yesterday *

* And who draws
a perfect circle anymore *

* And if you're waiting for greatness
to shake hands with you *

* You'd better daydream
your life away *

* I've only wanted one thing
and that's for sure *

* You're not just looking
at a fast-food king *

*Just another
well-known face *

* You're not looking
at the king of anything *

* I'm gonna shoot for the moon
I'm gonna play high noon *

* I'm gonna take on
the entire human race *

* You're not looking
at a king *

* You're looking at an ace *

* Ooh, I got sight
and I've seen the light *

* And I'm gonna see
the coming day *

* When the sun in the sky
is a spotlight *

*Just for me *

* I'm gonna take my time
and rock some rhyme *

* Oh, it's gonna take
your breath away *

* You'll be the front page
rage of the age *

*Just wait and see *

* You're not just looking
at a fast-food king *

*Just another
well-known face *

* You're not looking
at the king of anything *

* We're gonna shoot for the moon
We're gonna play high noon *

* We're gonna take on
the entire human race *

- * You're not looking at a king *
- * No, no, no, no, no *

- * You're looking at an ace *
- * You're looking at an ace *

- * You're looking at a goddamned ace *
- * You're looking at an ace *

- * You're looking at an ace *
- * You're looking at an ace *

* You're looking
at an a-a-a-ace **

I just love home movies,
don't you?

Time's tight, Janet.
Do it right, Janet.

Until tomorrow night...

Janet.

Well, Farley Flavors
is fairly fattering.

But I want to see Brad.

The question is, Janet,
does Brad want to see you?

- Quite frankly, he hates you.
- What do you mean?

Brad is harboring deep feelings of hostility
towards you, Janet.

- Towards me?
- It's classical.

Almost a textbook case.

Oh, no!
[Crying]

That's an extremely
negative response.

Yes, Janet. Leave
the crying to Brad.

Is it because
I'm becoming too popular?

On the contrary, Janet,
he wants to see your ratings soar.

He needs a woman of
exceptional desirability.

So, you see, Janet...

you can help us
to help him.

Maybe I can.

** [Organ]

[Humming]

[Man On P.A.]
Stand by for Faith Factory rehearsal.

- I bet that Macy Struthers had a hand in this.
- [Grunts]

We'll probably be replaced by an hour
of fashion tips.

- [Chuckles] Now, Betty, don't overreact.
- Overreact?

You're the one with
theories about conspirac-

- Oliver?
- Yes, Betty?

Are you spoken for
this evening?

** [Organ]

- [Stick Banging Table]
- All right, you guys.

An early start tomorrow forJanet's debut
on Good Morning Denton.

By the time we unveil
Farley's Faith Factory show...

we'll have all earned
our beauty sleep.

- Could I just peep in on Brad before I go home?
- Home?

Home.

This is the nerve center
of operations, Janet.

You must stay here tonight.
That way we can all be together...

when Mr. Sun paints us a new day
with his golden brush.

And you can "peep in"
on Brad in the morning.

Morning?

Are all the beds
made up?

Oh, yes! I've plumped up
all the pillows, changed-

- Then lock up for the night.
- Okay!

[Oliver]
Clever of you to find this spot, Betty.

It pays to know
your way around, Oliver.

I thought the Home of Happiness would
give your theory a new perspective.

A stately
pleasure home indeed.

Oh, I adore
Coleridge Taylor.

As a matter of fact-

"It is an ancient Mariner...

"and he stoppeth
one of three.

"By thy long gray beard
and glittering eye...

now wherefore
stop'st thou me?"

Oh.

[Water Running]

** [Soft Rock]

* I feel the heat
from your skin *

* And the stubble
on your chin *

* You're no good *

* You're no good *

* You've got dirt
on your hands *

* And everybody
understands *

* You're no good *

* You're no good *

- * Oh, what a joke *
- * What a joke *

* You feel like choking *

- * You play for broke *
- * You play for broke *

* He leaves you smoking *

* Oh, romance is not
a children's game *

* But you keep
going back *

* It's driving you
insane *

* Drift into
the treacle deep *

* Slip into its silent depths
Go to sleep *

* With your everything
akimbo *

* Float into
the sandman's limbo *

- * Night, night *
- * Night, night *

* It's time for bye-byes *

* It's been a great day
Thanks a heap *

* Now it's time *

* For everyone *

* To go to sleep *

[All]
* Night, night *

* It's time for bye-byes *

* It's been a great day
Thanks a heap *

* Now it's time *

* For everyone *

* To go to sleep **

[Betty]
"He went like one that hath been stunned...

- " and is of sense forlorn.
- [Snoring]

"A sadder and a wiser man...

he rose the morrow morn."

[Loud Banging]

- Does this bird belong to you?
- [Screaming]

[Beeping]

[Beeping Continues]

Janet?

Are you decent, Janet?

[Shower Running]

Hoopla, Bert!

Nice to see you up and about.

- Mac's waiting in the wardrobe, Janet.
- Uh-huh.

Care tojoin me
in an on-set snack?

[Muffed Screaming]

- [Sighs]
- [Door Opens]

Good morning.

I wanna see Brad.

Look at yourself.
You're beautiful.

The most desirable creature
that ever walked.

Oh, if only Brad could have found it within
himself to say those things to me.

He will, but it's up to you
to reawaken his feelings.

Farley's given you
that chance.

You can use
the Breakfast Show...

to knock Denton dead.

Do you really think so?

Everybody needs you.

- Hmm. But what'll I do? What'll I say?
- Hmm?

- What'll I wear?
- Ah.

* Ever since I was
a little boy *

* Dressing up has always been
my greatest joy *

* But when it's time
to be discreet *

* There's one thing
you just can't beat *

* And that's a strapless
backless, classical little black dress *

* Well, first you go
rip, rip, rip *

* Then you go
snip, snip, snip *

* Then you whip
in a zip, zip, zip *

* And split it up
to the hip, hip, hip *

* And as you
strip, strip, strip *

* You shiver and quiver *

* For that soft caress *

- * As you slip, slip, slip
into that little black dress *
- Hoopla!

* Ever since I was
the ein kleiner herren *

* It was the Cordon Bleu
for which I am most carin' *

* And the one taste treat
so sweet *

* That really can't be beat *

* Is what we have, ja
How you are, caviar
That little black mess *

- Eh, voilà!
- But how?

* Well, first you go
rip, rip, rip *

* Then you go
snip, snip, snip *

* Then you whip
in a zip, zip, zip *

- * And split it up
to the hip, hip, hip *
- [Shouting]

* And as you
strip, strip, strip *

* Oh, you quiver and shiver *

* For that soft caress *

* As you slip, slip, slip
into that little black dress *

- * That minimal *
- [All] * Minimal *

- * Criminal *
- * Criminal *

- * Cynical little black dress *
- [Cheering]

* Let's face it, Mac
That basic black is coming back *

* Let's face it, Mac
That basic black is coming back *

* Let's face it, Mac
That basic black is coming back *

- * That minimal *
- * Minimal *

- * Criminal *
- * Criminal *

- * Cynical *
- [All] * Little black dress **

[Whistles]
Good morning, Denton. Rise and shine.

She'll be here any second now.
So let's give her a great big hand.

Come on now.

** [Dance Rock]

Oh, Janet, I can't tell
you how excited I am... for you.

We've got the band
and dancers and dry ice standing by.

Betty Hapschatt is indisposed,
so Macy will have to do the introductions.

I don't need introductions.

The fabulous, the golden...

the very wonderful-

- I knew it!
- *Janet, Janet, Janet
Janet, Janet *

- I knew it!
- *Janet, Janet, Janet
Janet, Janet *

* There's just
the two of me *

* Alone at last together *

* We've got
the luck so far *

* We are my lucky star *

[Echoing]
Star, star, star, star,
star, star, star, star.

** [Dance Rock]

* Deep in the heart of me *

* I love every part of me *

* All I can see in me *

* Is the danger
and ecstasy *

* Yeah, one thing
there couldn't be *

* Is any more me in me *

* This is the me of me *

* Me, me, me *

* Me, me *

* Me, me, me *

* Me, me, me *

[Cheering]

* I am my destiny *

** [Singing In French]

[Chuckles]
* I'd never lie to me *

* I'd be willing to die
pour moi *

* I'll pray every day
to me *

* And here's what
I'd say to me *

* This is the me of me *

* Me, me, me *

* Me, me *

* Me, me, me *

- * Me, me, me *
- [Excited Grunt]

- * Me, me, me *
- Aah!

- * Ooh, me, me *
- [Exhales]

- * Me, me, me *
- Yeah!

- * Whoa, me, me *
- [Chuckling]

* Look at me *

* Moi, moi **

Ah!

[Woman]
Janet! Janet!

Janet!

And you can see
and hearJanet tonight...

on Faith Factory, brought
to you by Farley Flavors.

- [Audience Cheering]
- All right, Janet.

- You were far out.
- Terrific.

Out of self
came selfessness!

You revealed yourself,
the real you, the secret you.

- And you liked what you saw, didn't you, Janet?
- Well, I must say-

- How's Brad?
- Well, if he caught my act, he'll be lookin' good.

[Laughing]

It seems I'm his medicine,
so we're off to give him another spoonful.

Check you later, Betty.
I gotta freshen up.

[Laughing]

Hey, how about that?
Janet was a knockout!

- Thank you.
- Yeah, she was terrific.

- Sexy!
- What?

At the same time fresh,
untouched, you know.

- Hey, how's Brad?
- [Both] He's fine.

Lucky dog, with a pretty girl
like that for a wife.

Yeah, he sure is.
No sugar. Thanks, Kirk.

Well, I'll sugar his daughter's-
[Chuckles]

Coffee, Kirk.
I'm dying for it.

R.I.P., Betty.
You're off the air.

What's happening here?
Janet's on the Breakfast Show...

Brad's committed
to a nowhere series, and we've been-

Written out?

- ** [Organ]
- [Announcer] Dentonvale.

The Mission of Mercy.

Starring the increasingly
popularJanet Majors.

Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Daddy.

- Hi, Brad. I've just come to
tell you how fabulous I am.
- [Muffed Scream]

Janet, where's that
lovely dress I made you?

Oh, Mac just whipped up
this little crowd-pleaser.

Well, you're
practically naked!

I can't wear anything under it, Daddy.
It would spoil the line.

[Muffed Screaming]

My God, Janet. How can you say such things?
Look at Brad. Look what they've done to him.

- Ah. Janet's parents?
- Are you the doctor?

- Yes.
- There's gonna have to be an investigation.

- There are regulations about this sort of thing.
- It's for his own good.

- Hoopla, Janet!
- Bert! Sweetheart! Oh, it's fabulous!

[Cheering]

- What's going on here?
- You're wearing your black.

- Yes, of course.
- I adore that color.

- [Grunts]
- Patient was in great danger
of doing himself a mischief.

[Nation] We only want what's best for him.
As parents, you must understand.

No. No, I don't!

Brad doesn't need to be trussed up like
a turkey. There are drugs to keep him quiet.

- We used them. All of them.
- And none of them worked?

- No.
- Then double the strength.

- We did.
- We know our job.

[Nation] We also know how you feel.
We're not strangers to confusion.

[Laughing]

- [Emily] We're not confused.
- [Harry] Well, I am, goddamn it!

You trust Brad
with this crowd-pleaser?

- ** [Rock]
- Ooh.

* I'm not a locum with
motive to suture myself *

* I've been a cynic
for too many years *

* Playing doctor and nurse
It can be good for your health *

* I've seen clinics with
those gimmicks in Tangiers *

* But if you open your heart
to a smooth operator *

- Ooh.
- * He'll take you for all
that you've got *

* He'll hand you a curse
that'll be with you later *

* It'll shake you
the way he takes off *

* Like a shot *

- * You need a bit of *
- [All] * Ooh, shock treatment *

* Gets you jumping
like a real live wire *

- * You need a bit of*
- * Ooh, shock treatment *

* So look out, mister
Don't you blow your last resistor *

* For a vista
that'll mystify ya *

* You're blinded by romance
You're blinded by science *

* Your condition
is critically grave *

* But don't expect mercy
from such an alliance *

- * Suspicion of tradition's
so new wave *
- [Groans]

- * You need a bit of *
- * Ooh, shock treatment *

* Gets you jumping
like a real live wire *

- * You need a bit of*
- * Ooh, shock treatment *

* So look out, mister
Don't you blow your last resistor *

* For a sister that'll certify ya *
[Echoing]

- * You need a bit of *
- * Ooh, shock treatment *

* Gets you jumping
like a real live wire *

- * You need a bit of *
- * Ooh, shock treatment *

* So look out, mister
Don't you blow your last resistor *

* For a sister that'll certify ya **
[Echoing]

- [Chattering]
- Aha!

Look at that!
Bert Schnick dancing!

- Bert can see!
- Macabre, isn't it?

The blind
leading the blind.

[Audience Cheering]

- Welcome to the Faith Factory rehearsal.
- Thank you.

- We're all really excited about tonight.
- Oh.

- Oh, do I get one of those?
- Oh, yes, yes, of course you do. Of course you do.

[Audience]
Janet? Janet? Janet?

[Audience Chanting]
Janet! Janet! We wantJanet!

Oh, really?

Macy, why don't you takeJanet
and help her freshen up before the rehearsal?

- Surely.
- [Audience Sighs]

Ralph. You promised
me an introduction.

Later, Francine.

- Frankie!
- [Stomps Foot]

Bert, could you spare
a moment?

- Of course.
- [Chanting Continues]

Janet! Janet!
We wantJanet!

- Janet! Janet! We wantJanet!
- Janet, a quick word.

Could you tell our viewers what exactly you
will be representing tonight?

- Sanity for today.
- Wow!

And that's the word
from Janet Majors...

DTV's newest star.

Okay, guys, let's move on.

- How's Brad?
- He's a wreck.

- Check. The quacks are willing tools?
- Ah, the quacks are fools.

You know, I wouldn't mind doing Janet
one or two favors.

It's time to check
with Flavors.

- [Phone Buzzes]
- Shoot.

[Chuckling]

Is there anything else
you'd like, Janet?

Yeah, a new carpet.
I hate the color. Don't you?

- [Door Closes]
- It's only one night, Janet.

- Don't forget who we're doing this for.
- Who?

Brad.

You know, I'm getting awfully sick of hearing
about that emotional cripple.

I've got a lot going for me, you know.
I'm going places. I'm gonna be someone.

I'm gonna win my way
into the lives and hearts of the people...

even if I have
to kill to do it.

I'll make the pathetic
little crumbs love me.

I don't even know why
I'm wasting my time here with you.

I should be with my people.

[Audience Chanting]
Janet! Janet! We wantJanet!

Janet! Janet!
We wantJanet!

Janet! Janet! We wantJanet!
[Cheering]

Janet! Janet!
We wantJanet!

Janet! Janet!
We wantJanet!

[Man]
Hey, Janet!

- Girl, you're great!
- Oh, thanks.

- Hi. My name's Frankie.
- [All] Francine!

[Francine]
And I think you're beautiful.

Hi, I'm Brenda. This is my brother Oscar,
and this is our friend, Glish Davison.

[Glish]Janet, we really enjoyed doing
the Breakfast Show with you.

This is Janet.
She's a phenomenon.

* So if you're looking for a standard
to which you can aspire *

* Then, baby *

* Look at me
Whoa-oh *

- * Look at me **
- All right!

I think you need
a little rest.

You've got a big night
ahead of you.

- Your clothes are real neat.
- [Door Closes]

[Man On P.A.]
Reminder. Wardrobe check-

[Audience Chanting] We wantJanet!
Janet! Janet! We wantJanet!

[Chuckles]
Aren't they great?

But getting back
to Faith Factory...

all in all, it looks
like an exciting new series for us.

Yes, and an attractive financial
prospect for Denton.

- And fashion-wise?
- What did I tell you?

Well, I can just say that Faith Factory
will be introducing a new look...

that will show off one or two old faces
in an exciting new light.

- [Neely] Really? Sounds interesting.
- Did you hear that, Oliver?

Yes, Betty. But the false
promise of a new dawn...

usually leads to
a most bloody sunset.

No, I don't know whatJanet's next move
will be, but you can be sure of one thing.

- It all starts right here.
- Thank you.

And that's the word
from Ralph Hapschatt...

and Macy Struthers.

[Audience Chanting]
Janet! Janet! We wantJanet!

Janet! Janet!
We wantJanet!

- Oh, Oliver!
- Hmm?

What are we going to do?

Care to indulge?

- Indulge?
- Mm-hmm.

- In a little, um, masquerade?
- [Man On P.A.] Final reminder.

- Oh.
- Wardrobe check
for Faith Factory medical outfits.

Wardrobe check for
Faith Factory medical outfits.

- ** [Organ]
- [Announcer] Dentonvale.

Parental predicament.

Oh, Harry,
what are we gonna do?

I don't know, Emily.
I'm worried.

Maybe I could wear
those black leather brogues.

Too fashy.
They'll clash with the new outfits.

- [Groaning]
- It's all right, Brad, dear.

Have another sedative.

[Groans]

We'll miss you
on the show tonight.

Don't worry, Brad.
I'll be back.

- What about those Italian loafers
I bought in Hawaii?
- Mmm.

[Groaning]

I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.
[Echoing]

Face it, Janet.
Brad's an emotional cripple.

- Quite frankly-
- He hates you.

[Both Laughing]

[Farley]
Time's tight, Janet.

Do it right, Janet.

Until tonight...

Janet.

I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.
[Echoing]

I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.
[Echoing]

* Out on a cul-de-sac *

* And I gotta go back *

* So come on, feet *

* We gotta hit the street *

* We've got it made *

* I'm looking for trade *

* I'm lookin' for love *

* I'm lookin' for trade *

* I need some young blood
I need some young blood *

* I need it now *

* I need some young blood
I need some young blood *

* And we're gonna
get it somehow *

* I'm on a dead-end street *

* I'm like a dog
in the heat *

* I'm like a kid
with no toys *

* I wanna get those boys *

* Oh, I can't be delayed *

* I'm looking for trade *

* I'm lookin' for love *

* I'm looking for trade *

[Video Game Beeping]

* Oh, we're all livin'
like there's no tomorrow *

* And the way things are going
that's probably true *

* But without you and me, Sis
the world would fall to pieces *

* Vena cava
Who's the raver *

* Our raving savior
that's you *

* I'm on the primrose path *

* I'm looking for a laugh *

* Remember, it's no fun *

* To be the chosen one *

* There are games
to be played *

* Looking for trade *

* I'm looking for love *

* I'm looking for trade *

* I need some young blood
I need some young blood *

* And I need it now *

* Oh *

* I need some young blood
I need some young blood *

* And I'm gonna
get it somehow *

* I'm looking for trade **

[Audience Chanting]
Janet, Janet! We wantJanet!

- Janet, Janet! We wantJanet!
- Janet? Janet?

Wake up, Janet.

You've got guests.
You can come in now.

[Door Opens]

- Hi, Janet.
- How are you feeling?

Who are you?

- The band.
- Do you have any friends?

Sure.

You won't have soon.

What are you called,
your band?

Oscar Drill
and the Bits.

[Groans]

[Door Closes]

Betty, it's imperative we getJanet
out of Farley's fast fingers...

and Brad out of that hellhole before
they both disappear forever.

I don't mind
telling you, Oliver...

I'm not looking
forward to this.

If only I could
place that name.

- McKinley.
- There was a president.

President?

Past presidents.

Betty, this is
beginning to add up.

Really?

What'll I pin this on?

Faith, Betty.

But make sure it's your own.

In a hurry, Mr. Flavors?

There's a little lady
he doesn't wanna keep waiting.

- And a date.
- Who with, Mr. Flavors?

The past.

** [Dance Rock]

* Like a virgin with an urgin'
in a surgery *

* I'll be swingin'
I'll be bringing out the nurse in me *

* The art will start
when I play my part *

* As a healer who will
steal your heart *

* Oh, look what I did
to my id *

* Oh, look what I did
to my id *

* With neurosis in profusion *

* And psychosis in your soul *

* Eliminate confusion *

* And hide inside
a brand-new role *

* Like a good-time girl
I'm gonna try some new tricks *

* This could be the start
of a whole new career *

* Got a deep plum lipstick
and some therapeutics *

* This could take us to a town
that's nowhere near here *

* Got the hot fush symptoms
and I'm feelin' sneaky *

* Young male intern
tall and handsome *

* Got my hem so high
they'll say I'm being cheeky *

* With legs like mine
I'm really made for dancin' *

* Whoa-oh-oh *

* Hey, hey, hey *

* When heaven's
in the music *

* Hell is in control *

* The angels got the voices *

* But the devil's got
the rock and roll *

* We may look like
we're phony medics *

* But we took our look
from a book by Fredericks *

* Oh, look what I did
to my id, kid *

* Look what I did
to my id **

- [Janet] Oh, Brad.
- He's an emotional cripple, remember?

- [Janet] Oh, Brad.
- He's an emotional cripple, remember?

Even he wouldn't like
to see you like this.

Ralph, I need a final statement from her,
and if I don't get it, there's gonna be trouble.

- Later, Neely, okay?
- Ralph!

[Sighs]
How is she?

Well, come on.
Farley's expecting her any minute.

You guys get your asses
in front of those cameras...

and try and earn yourselves
a reputation, okay?

Well, move!

We just wanna ask
a few questions.

These are for you, Janet.

They'll make you feel
a whole lot better.

Yeah.

Amateurs.

- [Women] Give us a "J '!
- [Audience] "J '!

- "A '!
- "A '!

- "N'!
- "N"!

- "E"!
- "E"!

- Give us a "T"!
- "T"!

- We can't hear you!
- [Crowd Groans]

- Give us a "J"!
- "J"!

[Cheering Continues,
Indistinct]

[Beeping]

Oh, my God.
Character actors.

[Man On P.A.]
Ladies and gentlemen...

the studio band will soon
be here to entertain you...

in anticipation of tonight's
premiere taping...

of Farley Flavors'
Faith Factory.

[Crowd Cheers]

[Typing]

[Beeping]

And so if you're a follower
of exotic trends in fashion...

you'll find plenty to keep
you going here tonight.

And, naturally,
feeling the excitement...

and not wishing to stick out
like a sore thumb...

I had to get a little outfit
of my own together.

And this...

is it.

[Giggles]

[Ralph On P. A]
Ladies and gentlemen...

to help get you in the mood
for Faith Factory...

DTV proudly presents
Denton's own...

with a suburban
garage sound.

Let's hear it for
Oscar Drill and the Bits!

Oh, Oliver.

This is one time charity
didn't begin at home.

[Oscar]
One, two, three, four!

- ** [Rock]
- [Crowd Cheering]

[Muffed Yelp]

* I know how it feels
to be coolin' my heels *

* I've been down on them
long enough *

* But if I take
to them now *

* Then maybe somehow *

* You'll see
through the bluff *

* Of my playin' it tough *

[All]
* I've been a lifetime on deposit *

* And that's a long time
in the closet *

- * And if you say to me *
- * How was it *

* It was hard takin'
that heartbreakin' *

* Godforsaken route
But I'm-*

- [Backup Singers]
* Buh-buh-buh-buh, buh-duh *
- * Breakin' out *

Whoo!

* You may say
that you choose *

* To be in my shoes *

* But look what it
did for me *

* I got buried alive *

* I don't thrive
on thatjive *

* Look and you'll see *

* That my spikes
don't fit me *

* I've been a lifetime
on deposit *

* And that's a long time
in the closet *

- * And if you say to me *
- * How was it *

* It was hard takin'
that heartbreakin'*

* Godforsaken route *

- * But I'm-*
- * Buh-buh-buh-buh, buh-duh *

- * Breakin'out *
- Where are we goin'?

To a family reunion.

* Breakin' out *

- Breakin' out!
- * Breakin' out *

* Breakin' out **

[Cheering]

[All Laughing]

And she represents everything
our customers want-

innocence...

decency...

and the illusion
of a happy ending.

- [Squeals]
- Oh, jolly good, Mr. Flavors.

And behind her image,
take-away therapy will thrive...

under the capable hands
of two great ethical intellects...

operating on the frontiers
of medical science.

- Huh? Huh?
- Mac and Nation.

Mac and Nation.
Yes. Great work.

And under
the firm guidance...

of a great survivor...

in the treacherous
sea of diplomacy...

our own Bert Schnick.

Huh?
[Laughs]

- Now let's get this show on the road!
- Hey!

[All Chattering]

Mr. Flavors, may I have a moment
of your time?

Sure thing.

We've heard rumors that you're going to
unveil more than just a new series tonight.

- Is this true?
- Absolutely correct.

Could you tell us
a little more about it?

Well, let just say...

we're planning on putting sanity
back on the national menu.

And how does local girl
Janet Majors...

- fit into the scheme of things?
- [Door Opens]

Very...

nicely.

Brad?

And he's resented you
all these years.

- And Janet?
- She represents everything he was denied.

Oh.

[Announcer]
By satellite, Farley Flavors' Faith Factory.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Denton's own,
America's pride...

the world's example...

Janet, the sensation
of the planet.

We bring you
Miss Mental Health.

** [Drumroll]

Isn't she lovely?

Mommy and Daddy
love you, baby!

- [Nation] She walks in beauty.
- That's my little girl!

** [Drumroll Continues]

[Bert]
Attagirl, Janet!

[Emily]
We love you, baby!

[Nation]
We all loveJanet.

- Who do we love?
- [Audience]Janet!

- [Cheering]
- [Nation]Janet!

The dress Janet's wearing has been given
by Crème de la Crème Modes
of downtown Denton...

and we've been asked that you take note of
the individual styling and exquisite tailoring.

This is just one of the many
gifts so freely and generously given toJanet.

The first of, we hope, many.
Miss Mental Health.

[Cheering]

Ladies and gentlemen,
the president.

- ** [Drumroll]
- The president's here!

Zoom in there.

Hi, I'm Irwin Lapsey,
president of Lapsey Autos.

And I'm holding
in my hand here some keys.

Keys which I would like to give to the little lady
who's being so honored here tonight.

And I want to tell you.
If she takes these keys...

she will find that
they fit something.

- ** [Organ]
- [Audience Gasps]

And what that something is,
is an almost brand-new...

ultra-deluxe,
eight-cylinder convertible...

complete with radio, tape deck,
washable seat covers and many, many extras.

And it's all hers
for absolutely free.

[Audience Applauding]

- [Ralph] Well, Janet's-
- [Scoffs]

Janet's absolutely speechless,
ladies and gentlemen.

[All Groan]

But here's someone
we do want to hear from.

Afirm favorite
of yours and mine.

- You've revelled in his recipes.
- [Groans]

You've marvelled at
his marriage guidance.

The all-knowing,
and now, all-seeing-

- [Murmuring]
- That's right!

- Bert Schnick!
- [Cheering]

- [Groaning]
- There. Down there. Come on, Betty.

[Woman]
Bert, you're beautiful!

- Hoopla, Denton!
- [All] Hoopla, Bert!

- Thank you. Welcome.
- What's cooking, Bert?

I'll tell you what's cooking,
buddy, and I'll tell you too, you guys.

She made the blind see,
and it was a gift.

Who was the gift from?

- Let's hear an "F" for-
- Farley!

- And another "F" for-
- Flavors!

[Cheering]

My friends!

And you are all my friends.
[Chuckles]

My friends, tonight we are taking
the first step of defiance...

and starting something
that will grow so big...

that the whole world will
reverberate with its sound.

And wherever our slogan...

"sanity and vanity"...

is uttered...

it will be linked
incontrovertibly with this night...

this station...

and this...
beautiful face.

[Applause, Cheering]

Huh? Come on!
This way!

- [All Screaming]
- [Man] It's a crazy man!

- Seducer!
- And who are you, sir?

- Your twin brother and your accuser!
- Brad.

Arrest that man!
He's committed to our care.

I never signed your contract.

He's not going anywhere.

To revenge your twin,
you tried to abuse her.

A ridiculous accusation!

You force me to refuse her.

- Then why did you choose her?
- Because of you, sir.

[Farley]
* You're a loser*

* An abomination in the eyes
of any sensitive man *

* And you're
a blind-alley cruiser *

* Always headin'
down a losin' straight *

* Dreamin' that you're
screamin' at fate *

* You're a dead-end deadbeat
nowhere mister *

* With a kisser like
a Mississippi alligator sister *

* I've took as much of you
as any man can *

- * You've lost your heart *
- * You've lost your cause *

* You lost your baby
when you lost your balls *

* You've lost your mind
You've lost your grip *

* So say bye-bye *

* We lost our mom
We lost our dad *

* And if I'm losin' you
Well, that's too bad *

* Well, the best thing you
could ever do *

* Is die *

* You're a failure *

* A malformation
in the guise of many *

* An also-ran *

* And you're a weeper
and a wailer *

* Always treadin'
on the toes of the great *

* Generally spreading
your weight *

* You're a spiteful, hateful
asinine creature *

* Apupil with no scruples who
knew better than the teacher*

* I've took as much of you
as any man can *

- * You've lost your heart *
- * You've lost your cause *

* You lost your baby
when you lost your balls *

* You lost your mind
when you lost your grip *

* So say bye-bye *

* We lost our home
Our family *

* You've lost compassion
Now you're losin'me *

* Well, the best thing
you could ever do *

* Is die *

* Well, the best thing
you could ever do is die *

[Farley]
* Well, the best thing you
could ever do is die **

Take no notice of him.
He's mad.

[Murmuring]

I'm as sane as you are.

- Saner!
- And he was only with us for one day.

[Laughing]

They should be sent
to the Danube at dawn.

What?

Just memories.

We'll edit the tapes.
It'll never see airplay.

Um, I hope Mr. Flavors
will accept apologies...

on behalf of all of Denton
for this unfortunate incident.

It seems everyone wants
to be related to the great.

- [Man] Damn right!
- [Cheering]

No offense. No offense.

On the contrary, this is a perfect example
of what we're here to combat.

Out! Out!
Out! Out!

[All]
Out! Out! Out!

[Chanting]
Out! Out! Out!

Out! Out! Out!

Out! Out! Out!

[Chanting Continues]
Out! Out! Out!

Out! Out! Out!
Out! Out! Out!

[Chanting Faster]
Out! Out! Out!

Do you see? You see, the way we got rid
of that dirty little dish...

is the way we're going to put
the rest of our house in order...

including the upstairs!

[Cheering]

Ah, yes, yes.
Miss. You, yes.

Would you come up
and help us to inaugurate...

Farley Flavors' Faith Factory, transmitting
from coast to coast and continent to continent?

- You are Miss- Miss-
- Macy. Macy Struthers.

- Macy Struthers!
- [Audience Cheering]

** [Organ]

Who loves you, baby?

She let me down.

She let us all down!

Shut up, Emily,
and listen to a success story.

This could be worse
than the old series.

In the old series,
we never had a convertible.

And remember,
sanity today...

is a springboard to
the hygienic tomorrow.

[Cheering]

[Cheering Stops]

Now will you follow me...

down the DTV trail
to Dentonvale?

[Cheering]

Thanks, honey. They bought it.
Now out of the way. That's right!

I can't stand it.

Everything good always
happens to other people.

And fast-food giant, Farley Flavors
has just given Miss Mental Health...

what can only be described as
an official kiss of approval.

And the crowd
are loving it...

as they follow her down
the Dentonvale trail.

Hey, look!
They're havin' a party.

Come on, you guys.
We're gonna miss out on the action.

[Woman]
Hurry! Get in there!

* Some people do it
for compassion *

* Some people do it
for the fashion *

* Some people
do it to be funny *

* Some people
do it for the money *

* Some people do it
for enslavement *

- * Some people do it on the pavement *
- * But *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it
no matter how the wind is blowing *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it
We just gotta keep going *

* Some people do it
for each other *

* Some people do it
for their lover *

* Some people do it
for improvement *

* Some people do it
for the movement *

* Some people do it
for enjoyment *

* Some people do it
for employment *

* But *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it
no matter how the wind is blowing *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it
We just gotta keep going *

[Cork Pops]

* Denton, Denton
You've got *

* No pretension *

* You're where the heart is
You're okay *

* Denton, Denton
You've got *

* No pretension *

* You're the acceptable face *

* Of the human race *

* You're Denton
Denton, U.S.A. *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it
no matter how the wind is blowing *

- [Engine Starts]
- * We're gonna do it anyhow anyhow *

* We're gonna do it anyhow
anyhow *

* We're gonna do it
We just gotta keep going *

* We just gotta
keep going *

* We just gotta
keep going *

[Man Narrating] The sun never sets
on those who ride into it.

[All]
* Wejust gotta keep going **

** [Rock Instrumental]

** [Ends]

** [Rock]

* I'm not a locum with motive
to suture myself*

* I've been a cynic
for too many years *

* Playin'doctor and nurse
It can be good for your health *

* I've seen clinics with
those gimmicks in Tangiers *

* But if you open your heart
to a smooth operator*

* He'll take you
for all that you've got *

* He'll hand you a curse
that'll be with you later*

* It'll shake you the way
he takes offlike a shot *

* You need a bit of
ooh, shock treatment *

* Get you jumpin'
like a real live wire *

* You need a bit of
ooh, shock treatment *

* So look out, mister
Don't you blow your last resistor*

* For a vista
that'll mystify ya *

* You're blinded by romance
You're blinded by science *

* Your condition
is critically grave *

* But don't expect mercy
from such an alliance *

* Suspicion of tradition's
so new wave *

* You need a bit of
ooh, shock treatment *

* Gets you jumping
like a real live wire *

* You need a bit of
ooh, shock treatment *

* So look out, mister
Don't you blow your last resistor*

* For a sister that'll certify you **
[Echoes]

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