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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,968
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
3
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:13,263
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
4
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:16,725
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
5
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:22,940
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
6
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,359
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
7
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
8
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,619
Is dinner ready yet?
9
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,539
It has to be. I've been grating
this Parmesan for an hour.
10
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,832
You've started grating your fingers, Stan.
11
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,334
Oh, yeah.
12
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,795
I don't care. I'll eat finger meat.
13
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,255
I'm just so hungry.
14
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,506
Shut your yap, Jeffrey.
15
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,258
I'm hangry enough to stab you.
16
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,802
Ugh.
17
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,054
These expired three years ago.
18
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,305
Salad's ruined.
19
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,641
It's all riding on the lasagna.
20
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,935
And lasagna's biggest question,
21
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,020
has it cooked all the way through?
22
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,900
Just needs a little elbow grease.
23
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,827
There's got to be a better way.
24
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,996
Why are weeknight dinners so hard?
25
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,747
We could've ate the top part.
26
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,166
I just want my life back.
27
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,668
You all aren't gonna believe this,
28
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,004
but there's a class
at The Learning Annex tonight
29
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,090
called "Easy 15-Minute
Weeknight Meals Colon
30
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"Get Your Life Back."
31
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,844
My raggedy colon could use its life back.
32
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,762
No, I mean the colon that's two dots.
33
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,723
Two dots?
34
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,311
-What's up, dogs?
-What's up, dogs?
35
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,062
Is we're taking our lives back
36
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,523
from the tyranny of weeknight dinners.
37
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,525
Sick. I won't be doing that.
38
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,945
I have a friend coming over.
39
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,740
Can y'all drop me off
at my curiosities shop?
40
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:55,824
Thanks for asking.
41
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:57,117
My curiosities shop
42
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,328
from when Steve
and his friends were witches.
43
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:00,954
Steve, you and your friends ever talk
44
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,331
about being witches again?
45
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,958
-No
-Did he just roll his eyes at me?
46
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,045
Out of his witch phase
and into his bitch phase.
47
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,422
I can't believe
you're going to miss out on this class
48
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,674
just to hang out with some "friend."
49
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,217
- Hey, Klaus.
-Danuta.
50
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,429
Danuta.
51
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,766
Klaus, no. That's why I said "friend,"
and not her name.
52
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:21,850
Her name.
53
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,979
Danuta, of course.
That is the name. She owns it.
54
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:29,191
What mischief are we getting into tonight?
55
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:32,569
We're gonna do hot girl stuff
and burn letters from our exes.
56
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,906
It's a full moon,
so the perfect time to cleanse our souls.
57
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,117
I'd love to watch you
cleanse your soul, Danuta.
58
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,202
-Join us.
-No.
59
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,453
Too late. I accept.
60
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,209
Shouldn't we have stoves
or ovens to cook on?
61
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,463
Friends, are you tired
of spending hours of your day
62
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,048
cooking one meal?
63
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,092
Do you want your time back?
64
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,428
-Do you want your life back?
-Yes.
65
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,681
Well, put your hands together
66
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:05,018
for the one and only, Kricket Limone!
67
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,189
There's a reason I start this class
68
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,733
at precisely 9:47 p.m.
69
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,903
Because that's the time
when we've all given up
70
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:19,700
on whatever crackpot Chef Boingardee slop
71
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,703
they've brainwashed you to make!
72
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,163
Weeknight meals
shouldn't take away your life.
73
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,874
Oh, but it does, Kricket. It does.
74
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501
I know, my son.
75
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,462
Don't sniff my hand.
76
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:37,926
I'm gonna show you how to make
delicious, nutritious,
77
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:42,764
easy meals in only 15 minutes!
78
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,683
-We're going to get
79
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,309
our lives back, Billy.
80
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,603
Picture it. You're at home.
81
00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:50,856
It's 6:45 p.m.
82
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:53,233
And by 7:00, you have...
83
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,279
An ossobuco with red bean cassoulet!
84
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,740
- Fifteen minutes!
- Go, Kricket!
85
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,492
But how did you make it?
86
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:06,788
Easily. And in only 15 minutes.
87
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,547
He'll take forever
to scoot over here.
88
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,757
-Let's just start.
-Double driving canes.
89
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,304
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
90
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,974
Whoa! I can't stop! Catch me! Argh!
91
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,185
What's crackin', babies?
92
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,229
I'll start. This is from Bruce
at the car wash.
93
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,607
He broke my heart and my side view mirror.
94
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,984
And now I'm letting it go.
95
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,821
This is from Nolan,
my boyfriend of one day in eighth grade.
96
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,741
He wrote, "The only chemistry
we have together
97
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,825
"is fifth period."
98
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,579
My turn. These are letters
from various catalog models...
99
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,456
No. Runway models...
100
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,501
No. Runway poker babes
101
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,961
whose hearts I completely wrecked.
102
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,633
Uh, this is a cease and desist letter
103
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,218
from Rue McClanahan.
104
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,011
Didn't she play Blanche on Golden Girl?
105
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,222
Golden Girls, you idiot.
106
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,098
And her character gave mixed signals.
107
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,183
Give that back!
108
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,564
Can you leave us alone?
109
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,316
Danuta and I are vibing.
110
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,277
No. We're having a girl's night
and you're ruining it!
111
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,570
Classic Klaus.
112
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,364
You don't like me, do you, Hayley?
113
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,950
I love you. You're family.
114
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,535
But you don't "like" me.
115
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,786
You don't like me.
116
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,497
You're only hanging out with me
because Danuta is here.
117
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,207
You're kind of a weasel.
118
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,376
You always have an ulterior motive.
119
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,502
That's not true.
120
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,129
I wouldn't have joined
if you'd asked me not to.
121
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,381
I did ask you not to.
122
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,550
Yeah, but I want Danuta
to be my girlfriend,
123
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,386
so I didn't consider how you felt.
You understand.
124
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,804
Y'all want to hear a scary story?
125
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,347
I don't have an active imagination.
126
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,182
Is there a video game version of it?
127
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,308
Come on.
128
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,726
It'll stop you both from fighting
129
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,687
and I'll get to practice talking.
130
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,605
I want to be a talker to people someday.
131
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,440
Oh, you'd be great at that.
132
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,109
You do think so?
133
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,238
It was a night just like this
when the shapeshifter demon
134
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:04,865
who lives in the well
135
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,157
made his first kill.
136
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,663
Two lovers, Tommy and Miranda,
137
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,666
-were parked at Make Out Point.
- Hot.
138
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:18,211
After making out for an hour,
hard, for like an hour...
139
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,671
Just an hour?
140
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:22,549
Probably in a rush
to get to Pound Town, USA.
141
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,717
Yah, yah.
142
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,801
Quiet, please.
143
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,888
They took a lover's stroll
to the well nearby.
144
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,600
Overcome with love,
145
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:35,979
Tommy calls into the well,
"I love you, Miranda!"
146
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,105
It echoes back.
147
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,900
"I love you, Miranda, Miranda, Miranda."
148
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:42,694
But when Miranda tries
to profess her love for Tommy
149
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,571
into the well, she can't.
150
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:48,408
As if a dark spirit
was squeezing her throat.
151
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,660
-When Miranda turns around,
152
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,830
Tommy is gone.
153
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,836
They searched for him,
but he was never found.
154
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,589
Until one night,
155
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,841
Miranda wakes up to a tap,
156
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,720
tap, tap on her window.
157
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,430
When she looks outside,
158
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,475
she sees Tommy. He's back.
159
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,685
He beckons her to the well
160
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,729
where he asks her to try and profess
161
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,272
her love for him again.
162
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,317
Miranda leans over the edge and cries,
163
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,611
"I love you, Tommy"
164
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,029
as the well out goes back,
165
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,614
"Tommy, Tommy!"
166
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,326
Miranda sees the real Tommy at the bottom.
167
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,453
-Dead.
168
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:39,959
Terrified, she slowly turns to the thing
169
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,378
who brought her there.
170
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,880
"Tommy is mine.
171
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,256
"And now you're mine, too!"
172
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,095
♪ Welcome to eufearia ♪
173
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,971
♪ It's like euphoria
but with fear ♪
174
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:54,182
♪ You ain't dead
but you're scared to death ♪
175
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,518
♪ And it feels real good
Like beer ♪
176
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,271
Oh, God. Oh, God!
177
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,606
Come on! Wake up!
178
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,277
♪ Don't get it twisted
This place ain't real ♪
179
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,280
♪ It's a representation
of how fear can feel ♪
180
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:12,492
♪ Sometimes it feels scary
But sometimes it feels good ♪
181
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:13,785
♪ Do you get the gist? ♪
182
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,620
♪ I knew you would ♪
183
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:27,674
Holy crap. That was better
than any high I've ever had.
184
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,844
I was scared, but it felt amazing.
185
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,137
I know this is crazy,
186
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,806
but would you want
to get scared with me again?
187
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,559
Okay. But only if my boy Jurgen can come.
188
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,893
-No.
-Okay.
189
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,526
They were dead when I found them!
Oh, you're alive.
190
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,279
Big time. But we need
your scary story again
191
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,613
and the way it made us feel.
192
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,579
One way ticket to Montenegro?
193
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,874
Oh. No extradition from there.
194
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,501
Because you thought
you'd killed us.
195
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,586
Smart girl.
196
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,047
Give it to us, D. Give us the story again.
197
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,841
I don't think I should.
I thought you were dead before.
198
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,302
Plus, Nerfer is sleeping,
and she gets prickly
199
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,803
if she wakes up to a whole scene.
200
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,138
Give us the story,
201
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:19,017
or I'll slap those pointy bangs
off your gorgeous face.
202
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,394
No, they accentuate her eyes.
203
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,729
Slap the... Slap the...
204
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,564
This is hard. Every part's perfect.
205
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,066
Slap racism!
206
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,693
Now tell the story
before I lose my freaking cool!
207
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:29,819
Okay.
208
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,405
It was a night just like this.
209
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,158
Here it comes.
210
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,744
"And now you're mine, too!"
211
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,039
-Where is it?
-Danuta told it wrong.
212
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,624
Why did you tell it wrong?
213
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:43,917
Maybe you didn't faint
214
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,794
because you already know
how the story goes.
215
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,755
She's right. We need to find
new things to scare us.
216
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,924
-Let's boogie, Klaus.
-My assistant, Steve,
217
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,926
will be by later for my driving canes.
218
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,182
Jonathan, is that you?
219
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,518
- Time to die!
220
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,602
That was it?
221
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:03,978
It wasn't scary at all.
222
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,730
-Boo!
-Boo!
223
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:06,815
You're being disruptive.
224
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,316
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
225
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,401
We're already leaving, nerd.
226
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:11,486
This stinks.
227
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,696
That snap thing you've been doing,
228
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,532
that's cool, Klaus.
229
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:21,079
Okay, this feels pretty spooky.
230
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,789
I brought a spirit box.
231
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,375
It allows ghosts to communicate with us.
232
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,294
I don't know how it works.
It came with a free Hello Kitty keychain,
233
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,796
so I was like, "Uh, sold."
234
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,508
Kill.
235
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,385
That's a good sign.
236
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,304
Killer deals this weekend
237
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,431
only at Nana Pam's Flower Shop.
238
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:42,976
It's just picking up the radio.
239
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,689
Ooh.
240
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,525
It's not the radio. It's me.
241
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,361
The deals are my unfinished business.
242
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,738
Woo.
243
00:10:57,282 --> 00:11:00,618
Rogu, you said you had
something scary for us.
244
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,246
Haunted tub.
245
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,166
-Cursed wrench.
-Really?
246
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:07,250
This is cursed?
247
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:12,088
Exorcise demon by fix Rogu tub.
248
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,592
Okay. I think Rogu is just trying
to get us to fix his bathtub.
249
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,677
Wow. We trusted you, Rogu.
250
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,180
Never trust a bad boy.
251
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,979
It's 6:45.
252
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,647
You haven't started dinner yet?
253
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:30,940
We're starting now
254
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,859
because dinner is at 7:00 p.m.
255
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,944
and this recipe only takes 15 minutes.
256
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,946
I think that lady was a scammer.
257
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,656
We never saw her cook anything.
258
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,491
But we saw her do the splits.
259
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:41,868
What more do you need?
260
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,787
All right, the recipe says
to start with the cassoulet.
261
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,582
-First ingredient, red beans.
-Boom.
262
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,792
"Soak beans overnight."
263
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,877
Overnight?
264
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,462
A little misstep on our part.
265
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,172
Let's pivot to the ossobuco.
266
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,966
Stevie, my boy, toss me the pearl onions
and veal shanks.
267
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,676
Yeah, there's no way we have that stuff.
268
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,678
Should we use substitutes?
269
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:03,097
Let's call Kricket Limone.
She'll know what to do.
270
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,557
Are you crazy?
271
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:07,518
She's probably halfway
to Montenegro by now.
272
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,771
They don't have any extradibiton!
273
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,901
You want to get loud,
you go to a J Lo concert.
274
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,069
You want to get scared,
275
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,447
you come to T. Lumpkin's
Curiosity Shop. Bam!
276
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,407
Gargoyle shoes. Never worn.
277
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,617
That just makes me sad.
278
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,911
Carnivorous pitcher plant
covered in blood.
279
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,579
How did it get covered in blood?
280
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,665
Ah. I used it to clean a paper cut.
281
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,500
That's not a scary story, Roger.
282
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,002
It was for me. It stung, Hayley.
283
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,465
That's Paige. She's the new part-timer.
284
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,093
She's been drinking
that iced coffee all day.
285
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,427
It's been done for hours.
286
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,263
Just keeps sucking the melting ice.
287
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,682
-You done with that coffee yet?
288
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,558
And she laughs at everything.
289
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,685
What's funny?
290
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,311
Nothing.
291
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:53,940
Is it a nervous tic?
Am I part of some sick joke?
292
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,067
I don't know. But I love her.
Let's move on.
293
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,027
Ooh, now this is scary.
294
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,237
A skull.
295
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,738
That's not scary.
296
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,573
That's just something to put vodka in.
297
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:06,327
Damn, I thought an empty skull
would be a no-brainer.
298
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,705
Groucho glasses worn by Stalin.
299
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,041
Paige, do you want a new coffee?
300
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,669
You're funny.
301
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,130
This chick's insane.
I'm obsessed with her.
302
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,596
Roger. What's this?
303
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,682
A map to the demon shapeshifter well
304
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,850
at old Make Out Point.
305
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,854
The shapeshifter story is real?
306
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,106
Yeah. It happened here in Langley Falls.
307
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,233
They say if you call into the well,
308
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,568
and it echoes back,
309
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,945
your soul is taken by the demon.
310
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,200
♪ Oh, baby
That's your ticket ♪
311
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,453
♪ The well is what you need ♪
312
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,873
♪ Ooh, sugar
it's time to risk it ♪
313
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,792
♪ If you want to keep seeing me ♪
314
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,588
We have to go to the well?
315
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,882
You broke the Groucho glasses,
you have to buy them.
316
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,342
-Paige, ring them up.
-Okay.
317
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,928
She's an icon.
318
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,059
Hayley.
319
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,567
I can feel it.
We're going to have eufearia again.
320
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,903
One of us calls into the well, it echoes,
321
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,697
and we get the greatest high of our lives.
322
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,908
I'm freaking out. I can't do it.
323
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,201
Yes, you can.
324
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,994
Before we discovered eufearia,
325
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,330
we were basically two strangers,
326
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,207
both trying to bang Danuta.
327
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,291
What? I'm not trying...
328
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,877
But eufearia brought us together,
329
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,670
and I'm not going to let you give up.
330
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:43,591
We'll call into the well as a team.
331
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:44,675
Okay, let's do it.
332
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:49,138
One, two, three.
333
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,973
-I love you, Tommy!
-I can't do it.
334
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,934
-Klaus, you weasel.
- I love you, Tommy!
335
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,315
♪ Congratulations
You're back for more ♪
336
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,651
♪ You found the key
to your getting scared door ♪
337
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,112
♪ Addicted to fear
Ain't nothing wrong with that ♪
338
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:07,031
♪ But the moment will end
when I put on this hat ♪
339
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,078
Coolest hat in the world. Hayley?
340
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,498
The shapeshifter got her.
341
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,582
Oh, no.
342
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,043
Even cooler hat.
343
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:27,301
You said dinner would be ready
in 15 minutes
344
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,720
like 115 minutes ago!
345
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,098
We had to drive
an hour and a half out of town
346
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:35,685
-to find fresh veal.
-It was very fresh.
347
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,646
Yeah, it was really a bummer.
348
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:41,566
Francine, will you do me the honor
of having the first taste.
349
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:42,733
I'm too close to it.
350
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,195
Ugh. The beans are still hard.
351
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,656
Impossible. Maybe
you're too tired to taste.
352
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:49,740
Steve?
353
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,204
It said to soak them! It said it!
354
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,873
That crunch doesn't mean anything.
355
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,416
Steve's always had weak teeth.
356
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,043
I have delicate enamel.
357
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,421
Yes. Rest, my little sous chefs.
358
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,006
I'll wake you up when it's ready.
359
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,175
I'd like to place
an order for delivery.
360
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,844
My babe's dad is trying
to make a quick, easy meal...
361
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,680
Pizzas famously take 30 minutes,
362
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,599
and dinner will be ready in 15.
363
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,642
I can't do it! I'm sorry!
364
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:19,020
-Stop! You'll ruin your appetite!
365
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,605
I need food!
366
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,274
Hayley is a demon, and she wanted to yell
in the well alone.
367
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,358
Okay. Bye.
368
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,360
Klaus, you're just in time
for dinner. Taste.
369
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,113
The beans are hard.
370
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,573
Also, Hayley isn't Hayley.
371
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,325
She's a shapeshifter out in the woods.
372
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,535
So if you see her,
don't open the door, okay?
373
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,829
I'm going to sleep in your bed
because it feels safer.
374
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,999
Hayley. Yes.
375
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,876
Hayley should taste this.
376
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,506
Everything gets better
with a good night's sleep.
377
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,018
Klaus.
378
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,020
Come to the well.
379
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:06,692
♪ Hearing a scary story is cool and all ♪
380
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,778
♪ But living it is way more fun ♪
381
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,781
♪ You feel big and bad and 8-feet tall ♪
382
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,116
♪ Look, a sexy skeleton ♪
383
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,164
That was scary and erotic.
384
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,168
I'm in the shapeshifter's hand!
385
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,047
Bikini season.
386
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,424
Real Hayley's missing out.
387
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,343
Demon Hayley!
388
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,973
We're back at the well!
389
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:43,104
Oh, shapeshifter.
I'm not even scared of you anymore.
390
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,439
The thrill of eufearia is gone.
391
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,316
It's just not the same without Hayley.
392
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,653
The high has been replaced
with the shame-filled low.
393
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,780
That never happens with other drugs.
394
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,829
Call into the well.
395
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,416
Oh, yes. Time for you
to take my soul, I suppose.
396
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,419
Hayley was right. I am a weasel.
397
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,921
Not only did I back out
of calling into the well
398
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,924
at the last minute,
after promising her I'd be by her side,
399
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:15,761
I literally left her side and ran home.
400
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,598
Bravely sleeping in my own bed.
401
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:22,101
Say the words into the well.
402
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,645
Or are you too chicken?
403
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,606
Bawk, bawk.
404
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,482
I'm not chicken.
405
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,942
If I'm going to do this,
406
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,569
there's one thing I want to say
407
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:34,864
that I should have said
to the real Hayley when she was here.
408
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,076
I do like you, Hayley! As a friend.
409
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,537
I do like you,
Hayley! As a friend.
410
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,872
Hayley's mine,
411
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,457
-and now you're mine, too!
412
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,542
Hayley's mine,
and now you're mine, too!
413
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,502
♪ You're terrified ♪
414
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,546
♪ You're flying high ♪
415
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,049
♪ Like making love to a pretty lady ♪
416
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,010
♪ And she doesn't
get pregnant with a baby ♪
417
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,637
♪ Uh ♪
418
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,722
♪ Uh-huh ♪
419
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:04,560
♪ You made it to the peak of eufearia ♪
420
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:09,523
♪ You never thought
you could feel this fear ♪
421
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:13,944
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
422
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,782
♪ Now slurp up that fear
like a rat that's thirsty ♪
423
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,701
♪ Slurp it up
like Paige with iced coffee ♪
424
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,206
Ah! Whoo! Yes!
425
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,375
Wait, am I dead?
426
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,293
Am I a shapeshifter?
427
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,379
-Hayley?
428
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:34,340
You really thought
I was a shapeshifter?
429
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,050
-You're not?
-No!
430
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,718
Why did you act like you were?
431
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,762
At first, I was doing it
because I was pissed.
432
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,390
-I love you, Tommy!
-I can't do it.
433
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:43,641
Klaus, you weasel.
434
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,060
We were supposed to yell
into the well together,
435
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,603
but you let me do it alone.
436
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,107
I passed out, had sick eufearia,
437
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,441
-but then I fell in.
438
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,737
-When I woke up, I called for you.
-Klaus!
439
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:57,905
Help!
440
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,408
But you weren't there for me. Again.
441
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:01,575
And as you know,
442
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:04,328
I have the upper-body strength
of a gorilla when I'm pissed,
443
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,663
so I climbed out to find you.
444
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,126
I was gonna toss you
in the well out of spite,
445
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,544
but then you said all those nice,
446
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,337
sentimental things on the way over.
447
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:16,090
So I decided to give you
the best eufearia ever
448
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,925
by acting out the ending of the story.
449
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,678
The Grim Reaper had a quad guitar.
450
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,430
That's four, Hayley.
451
00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,890
He grew extra hands to play it.
452
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:29,478
You can just tell he is the boss
of that whole hellscape.
453
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,105
I wish you could have seen it.
454
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,524
Honestly, I think I'm done with eufearia.
455
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,318
We had fun, but we got
a little too into it.
456
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,320
Hayley, something's behind you!
457
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,989
Yeah, that's not gonna work on me.
458
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,324
Taste the beans.
459
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,496
♪ I'm the king of this hellscape ♪
460
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,956
♪ I make skeletons moan ♪
461
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:52,752
♪ In one final twist
my queen is Kricket Limone ♪
462
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,466
Please taste this.
463
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,134
Leave me alone, my guy.
464
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,927
Come on. Just taste it.
465
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,891
Mmm.
466
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:11,520
Mmm. That's really good, actually.
467
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,564
The beans are nice and soft.
468
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,316
Thank you, Mr. Reaper.
469
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,485
Not! I don't give out compliments.
470
00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:20,237
I'm the Grim Reaper,
not the Praise Heaper.
471
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,448
That's so good.
472
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,909
♪ I'm the Grim Reaper ♪
473
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,786
♪ Not the Praise Heaper ♪
474
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,287
Yeah, that works immediately.
475
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:32,249
Why is cooking so hard?
476
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:34,251
Bye. Have a great night.
34027
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