Original subtitles

Bye.

Thank you so much for joining us. It has been a busy week. US intelligence

showed Iran retains substantial missile capabilities.

There was the magnificent headline, looks maxing influencer clavicular

deal in alligator shooting case.

And in the UK, amid turmoil over the future of the Prime Minister, King

delivered a ceremonial speech outlining the government's goals for the coming

year, including this.

My ministers will also proceed with the introduction of digital ID,

That will modernize how citizens interact with public services.

Incredible. For a message about modernizing, that is the least modern

possible. He's like four kinds of cape behind a hundred years ago.

And while there are plenty of things that Charles has the standing to talk

about, like Polo, resenting your mother while also desperately wanting her

approval.

Having dreams of becoming a tampon, just Google it.

Digital ID is not one of them. That man has never been asked for ID in his life.

His face is on the fucking money.

Meanwhile, Trump headed to China for a summit with Xi Jinping, which was

seen as a bust with no major announcements. Well, to be fair, almost

because shortly after Air Force One left Beijing, Trump posted this image of him

and Xi walking, captioned in part, China has a ballroom and so should the USA.

It is under construction, ahead of schedule, and will be the finest

its kind anywhere in the USA.

Because incredibly, despite everything going on in the world right now, Trump's

still relentlessly focused on what's been called a sweeping makeover of the

White House and Washington, D .C. In the past year, he's installed two massive

black poles, a presidential walk of fame outside the White House, paved over the

Rose Garden, and redecorated the Oval Office, as if to answer the question,

if an ancient Egyptian pharaoh owned an Airbnb?

And on Monday, he insisted all these changes were absolutely necessary.

This place was not properly taken care of.

I was told by my wife, you have to act presidential, so don't use foul

I won't. Therefore, normally I would have said it was a shithouse, but I

want to say that.

OK, to be clear, Trump's foul language isn't what's been stopping him from

presidential.

Simply not cursing wouldn't make Trump a fitting president in the same way that

a white coat wouldn't make Gritty a practicing oncologist.

I guess it would technically help if he had one, but his lack of qualification

goes much deeper than that. But clearly... Trump's most ambitious

proposed ballroom, which has spiralled out of control.

When it was announced, it was claimed the ballroom would be paid for by

President Trump and other patriot donors, and that it would cost

$200 million.

Since then, the projected cost has gone up to $300 million, then $400 million,

and last week he argued the only reason the cost has changed is because after

deep -rooted studies, the ballroom's approximately twice the size.

And when a reporter dared to ask him about that on Tuesday, he kind of lost

shit. We have a ballroom that's under budget.

It's going up right here.

I've doubled the size of it because we obviously need that.

And we're right now on budget, under budget, and ahead of schedule.

I doubled the size of it, you dumb person.

You are not a smart person.

Okay, okay, I know it is not unusual for him to demean a female journalist, but

even by his standards, that was bad.

The only time it's okay to yell, you dumb person, at anyone is, as I think we

all know, if you're watching Jeopardy, and you know the answer, but the

contestants don't. Who is Emily Dickinson, you fucking idiot?

19th century, largely unpublished female poet from Massachusetts?

Who is Emily Dickinson? You're not a smart person!

And look, it'd be bad enough.

for Trump to fund this fantasy project with private money, especially while

withholding the identities of several donors, including some with business

before the administration.

But on top of that, it now seems the public may actually get stuck with a lot

the bill because Senate Republicans are now requesting an additional roughly

$400 million in security funding for the ballroom. And that is just the

beginning here.

Trump also wants to use millions to repaint the Eisenhower Executive Office

building white, arguing grey is for funerals, which, by the way, it famously

isn't.

As we all know, black is for funerals, grey is for depressive episodes, and red

is for stealing attention at your ex's wedding.

He's also trying to build this 250 -foot monstrosity in the middle of D .C., and

has lately been fixated on revamping the reflecting pool at the Lincoln

Memorial, a project that he described like this.

Here's a picture of it. You probably recognize it. Right now it's got no

in it because it was in terrible shape. It was filthy dirty.

And it leaked like a sieve for many years. I said, what we're going to do is

going to call all three of these people that have worked for me in the past

doing swimming pools. That's all they can do is a swimming pool.

And I said, give me a good price.

We can do it for.

maybe a million and a half to two million dollars and now we have a nice

surface on which we're putting a industrial grade swimming

pool topping okay i'm not sure what the stupidest part of that

is he starts by saying you probably recognize it about one of the most

places in the country then we get an unexpectedly correct pronunciation of

word fib followed by I'm going to call three guys who I know worked on my

swimming pools.

Which, come on, that is not how to fix a national memorial. It sounds more like

the start of an incredible post -divorce girls weekend for Deborah.

Trump seems to be obsessed with the reflecting pool, posting about it over

dozen times, while I will remind you, this country is at war.

Sometimes in the form of AI slop like this, depicting Trump, J .D. Vance and

some cabinet members floating in it. That is an image in which Trump seems to

have photoshopped his head onto the body of a man 50 years younger. And yet, J

.D. Vance being invited to a pool party is still the least realistic part about

it. And look... I'm not saying the reflecting pool didn't need repairs.

been an issue for years now. But Trump's plan apparently doesn't address one of

the pool's main problems. It's faulty plumbing.

Also, the $2 million cost that he'd estimated for the project has already

ballooned to over $13 million. And that's not even getting into the fact

the company doing the work apparently received a no -bid contract.

And notably, after that story came out, Trump posted, I didn't give out the

contract. Interior did to a contract I did not know and have never used before,

which is not what you... just saw him say in his own stupid video.

As for Interior did it, when Doug Burgum, Interior Secretary, was grilled

that contract during a congressional hearing, he seemed pretty caught off

Are you familiar with Atlantic Industrial Coatings?

I'm not familiar with that. So Atlantic Industrial Coatings is a company.

Are you familiar with that company? You're saying Atlantic?

Atlantic Industrial Coatings.

is the company that received a no -bid federal contract for the project at the

Lincoln Memorial Reflective Pool. A no -bid contract is reserved for situations

where, quote, any delay would cause serious injury to the government.

What is your proposition is what? That there'd be serious injury to the

government if this company didn't get the $13 million contract to do this

particular project right now?

Well, I think we do have a sense of urgency. I mean, we got handed a record

amount of deferred maintenance. We had 19 fountains across the city that didn't

work. That's a serious injury to the government?

A serious injury to the government?

I'm not a lawyer who could decide that, but I think that maybe all of us could

agree that we would want to have our nation's capital looking great for the

250th. I mean, this is a common sense decision.

Yeah, that's not a great answer, Doug.

If you ask your neighbor, have you been fucking the birdhouse in my yard?

And he says, that's a question I suppose a lawyer could decide.

Then you know you need to get a new birdhouse.

Is this the most important thing this president could be doing right now? Of

course it isn't. That would be a tie between learning where Iran is on a map

finally listening to the three ghosts who've been waking him up every

Eve for the last 70 years. But it should really go without saying, if you are a

president who'd rather focus on ballroom construction and pool maintenance than

the crucial work of actually running a country, then I think it is fair to say,

to borrow a phrase that I heard recently, you are not a smart fucking

And now, this.

And now, Stephen Miller's darkest secrets are revealed on his wife's

Who would you trust to babysit your kids?

Who would I trust to babysit my kids? This can only be another member of the

cabinet.

Not your husband.

So right before Donald Trump had won and we had friends in our backyard and

Stephen delivered a toast and said, this time next year, we'll be drinking the

tears of our enemies.

Oh. I'll give you my list of things I disagree with Stephen on just to help

out. Okay, great.

He insists that my children always wear socks with their shoes.

Even if the shoes are already on and they're ready to get in the car, go out

door, he makes them come back inside and put socks on.

I didn't want a big wedding. I wanted the courthouse.

My husband wanted the big wedding. I love that.

He's a bridezilla. He's a bridezilla.

I had a buddy who used to eat french fries and mayonnaise. I thought that was

disgusting. That's the only thing my husband eats.

With french fries or like period?

Period. Okay.

It's my own personal theory. Like, why have I been more nauseous this

Why have I had more eczema this pregnancy? Without question. It's

more of my husband's genetic makeup than mine and his baby.

Well, not more. It's equal.

But I'm telling you, the baby's going to turn out looking like him.

Moving on. Before our main story tonight, I want to let you in on how we

what to cover. Sometimes a story is of urgent interest, like ice detention, or

the Supreme Court, or sexual doorbells for Dutch fish.

Other times it can be incredibly boring, like special districts or pay loans.

And sometimes, like with Subway or Mount Everest, the way a story starts is by

us noticing something ubiquitous and find ourselves going, hey, what the fuck

the deal with that thing?

Well, this is going to be one of those stories. And the thing that prompted

question this time was being there.

I have a structured settlement and I need cash now.

Call J .G. Wentworth.

877 -CASH -OFF.

Yeah, the J .G. fucking Wentworth ads.

You cannot have missed them, because they are everywhere.

In fact, they are such a pop culture staple, it became a running joke on Curb

Your Enthusiasm that Larry David couldn't get that song out of his head.

I have a shot to tell them, and I need cash now, called J .G.

Wentworth, 877 cash now!

877 cash now!

Very good. And look, there is a reason that song is stuck in everyone's heads.

Not only is it infuriatingly catchy, JG Wentworth absolutely blankets TV with

their ad, and in all sorts of styles.

I have a structured settlement and I need cash now.

Call JG Wentworth.

877 -CASH -NOW. I get long -term payments, but I need cash now.

Call JG Wentworth.

877 -CASH -NOW! It's not a loan, so there's no debt, no credit card, advance

regret. Call J .G. Wentworth.

877 -CASH -NOW! It's your money. Use it when you need it.

Call J .G.

Wentworth.

877 -CASH -NOW!

Yeah, it turns out they've produced that song in almost every genre. At this

point, they could release an album presumably called, now that's what I

the song I'm worried will be the last thing I think about before I die.

But interestingly, for commercials you see that much, you probably don't know

what JG Wentworth is actually selling there, which is a little weird, isn't

It is generally a red flag when something has a massive ad budget, you

know what they actually do, whether it's Shen Yun or fucking Cars for Kids.

Well, the good news is we're going to give you an answer tonight. The bad news

is the rest of this story.

A structured settlement is actually pretty easy to understand. You're

eligible for one if you suffered a physical injury or someone died because

wrongful action and you've been awarded a settlement. Maybe you got hit by a car

or suffered an accident at work or were poisoned by lead paint.

That settlement money can then be structured into increments.

often monthly with periodic lump sums, instead of you getting it all at once.

And in theory, that's not a bad idea.

It's income tax -free, and if it's designed well, it means that you're

for the rest of your life or however long the settlement runs.

That is why a lot of personal finance experts are actually fans of structured

settlements. In fact, here's Susie Orman giving them a strong endorsement.

If you are ever in an accident, if you are ever in a situation where you get a

large settlement, For whatever reason, you are to run, you are to not walk.

You are to run to the place that you can get a structured settlement.

Yeah, that is a pretty big co -sign delivered with that signature Orman

really best described as local real estate agent who just snorted Adderall.

And I assume it's the kind of support that she'll lay out in her upcoming

Five Strategies for the Nine Steps Behind the Four Secrets of Life, Love,

Tomorrow, Yesterday, and Structured Settlements, Three Easy Steps by Susie

Orman.

A surprising number of people receive structured settlements. One estimate a

years ago put the number at around 750 ,000 in the US. But some may end up

needing or wanting an advance.

on the money that they are getting. The thing is, that can be a bit of a

challenge with structured settlements, because once the structure has been set,

recipients can't simply change their minds and cash in the remaining payment.

And that is where companies like JG Wentworth come in. And it is why their

commercials are filled with a bunch of Vikings singing, I have a structured

settlement and I need cash now.

Very basically.

These companies will buy the rights to future payments from your settlement and

exchange give you a lump of cash. But they can take a massive cut.

One analysis of several states found that on average these companies are

about 60 % of the money and sometimes far more.

So this is a business built around getting people to sell their settlements

pennies on the dollar. It's called the factoring industry and it is much bigger

than you may think.

These companies buy an estimated $1 billion worth of payments each year. But

is important to know that many who do business with these companies end up

deeply regretting it. Like this man, who was in a car wreck in eighth grade and

suffered severe brain injuries. I'll let him pick up the story from there.

My mom got me a lawyer sometime or another. She set me up in structure

settlement, totaling up to $99 ,000 and some odd dollars. Well, pretty much...

That is horrible.

A financial transaction should not be one of the biggest regrets of your life.

That should be reserved for something like not staying in touch with old

friends, or spending too much time at work, or...

publicly harassing Oscar -nominated actor Adam Driver for nearly an entire

calendar year. You know, the normal things that we all look back on with

regret. The point is, if an industry is this ubiquitous, this heavily

advertised, and can trigger that level of regret, tonight, let's take a look at

the factoring companies who buy structured settlements. Let's start with

fact that one of the first big companies to do this was J .G. Wentworth. They

were founded back in the 90s, and interestingly, none of the founders were

J .G. Wentworth.

They just named their company after a man who doesn't seem to exist, and not,

it sounds like, a legacy admission at Duke who nearly died in his frat house

after butt -chugging yingling. But since then, JG Wentworth has become, in its

own words, the largest purchaser of structured settlement payments in the

And they've done that both under the Wentworth name and under a number of

subsidiaries that they've owned over the years. They've been so successful, in

fact, they've also inspired a whole bunch of copycats, many of whom have

tried to imitate the success of their horrendously catchy jingle, but with

results. Just take a look at this video from another factoring company, 123

Lumpsum.

123 Lumpsum has done a tremendous job with their brand. They're everywhere.

Especially with that jingle. I mean, how can you not sing their song?

One, two, three, lump sum.

One, two, three, lump sum. One, two, three, lump sum.

One, two, three, lump sum.

One, two, three, lump sum.

Okay.

I'm confused. When you say, how can you not sing their song, that seems so very

easy not to do.

To be honest, not even the company's own employees seem to be able to see it.

In general, factoring companies like to present themselves as performing a

public service, lending people assistance to get around a system too

for their needs.

Here is a non -jingle -based J .G. Wentworth ad making that case through a

pretty patronising analogy.

I know you love to draw.

Here are some crayons.

You get one crayon now, and then you get one crayon a year for the next 25

years.

Can't I have the red one too?

Not until this time next year.

But I really need the red.

One crayon a year doesn't make sense, does it? And sometimes neither does

waiting for my structured settlement payments.

Okay. First, it is a little condescending to have an ad whose

essentially, you are a child and you want more crayons now.

But the bigger problem is that that ad doesn't clearly explain that while you

might get a second crayon right now, it could end up costing you half the box.

And that is something that many who enter into these deals don't fully

understand. Partly because they are complex transactions, but in many cases

because people with structured settlement are likely to have some form

permanent disability from the incident that led to the settlement that affects

them physically, and in many cases cognitively, behaviourally and

In fact, some of the first in -depth reporting on this industry came in the

of the killing of Freddie Gray in Baltimore.

Afterward, reporters discovered that he'd been awarded a structured

as a result of a lead paint lawsuit, as had his sisters, and they later sold

them to a factoring company.

And as reporters kept poking around, they discovered many in Baltimore had a

similar story, and some didn't seem to fully understand the contract they were

signing. Take Crystal Linton, who was also exposed to lead paint as a child,

which, as she will tell you, led to irreversible brain damage.

I was in special education probably for a few years and trouble reading,

writing. I can't remember.

Everything. A psychologist found she was less functionally illiterate with a

fourth grade reading level. Her family sued two landlords, eventually settling

for $630 ,000.

But then she started getting flyers like these in the mail, offering quick cash

from companies including Stone Street Capital of Bethesda, Maryland.

Over the next year and a half, she sold her payment stream, then valued at $408

,000 for $66 ,000, most of it. to Stone Street Capital.

Do you feel like you understood how it worked?

No. So you don't know how you signed away your money, essentially?

No.

Yeah, that company persuaded someone to sign something valuable away despite her

not fully understanding the risks involved.

That is so obviously terrible, it's literally what the villain does in The

Little Mermaid.

Except, in this case, the contract came from a factoring company instead of a

sassy half -octopus whose only friends are two bitchy eels.

And Crystal wasn't alone in getting targeted. Another company, Access

allegedly did deals with at least 100 injured and intellectually impaired

Marylanders, most of whom were victims of lead paint poisoning.

And they were aggressive in searching for clients. At one point, they had 22

billboards throughout the city like these, urging victims of lead paint

poisoning to get cash now.

Meanwhile, its employees apparently work to identify lead paint virgins, which

is to say finding people who'd received lead paint settlements but had not sold

them yet, as part of what it called its Virgin Research Project.

Which is obviously terrible, in part because Virgin Research Project sounds

an in -depth study of a college a cappella group.

And internal emails later show just how excited Access Funding was about their

potential new client pool.

There's a whole generation in their mid -20s to mid -30s that all have lead

paint settlements, one executive wrote to another.

All the row houses had paint. We signed two brothers at once, and while there,

our rep found two other family members have payments, and their friends do too.

This is an opportunity.

Wow, that is a lot of excitement for an email about lead poisoning.

And that is generally not how I would use the word opportunity.

An opportunity would be your roommate giving away her cool jacket, or someone

a coffee shop packing up their things at the only table that has an outlet, or

your child ordering an ice cream that they definitely won't finish and it's

actually a normal flavour this time instead of something blue.

Massive lead poisoning is not that.

And it gets worse because in other emails, the company's head of sales

that their clientele can barely form sentences.

And its sales manual instructed staffers to bombard potential customers with

calls, saying you are expected to call that lead nine to ten times a day for

next three days. And you must also be texting them, emailing them, and trying

find them on social media like Facebook.

It also specified that the people who either call in or reply very late at

are most likely the best leads because they are the people who are up at night

worrying about... money and if that wasn't bad enough the last page of that

manual said to be careful what you put in writing and assume that every email

you write will show up on the cover of the wall street journal which is clearly

a pretty fucking stupid thing to put in writing now Thanks in part to those

aggressive tactics, the Maryland AG estimates that over a period of around

years, Access Funding acquired future payments with a total value of $32 .6

million, for which it paid out at most $7 .5 million.

And the thing is, those kind of aggressive sales tactics can be par for

course in this industry, because while these companies love to present

themselves as only helping people with specific, understandable needs for their

settlement money, the truth is...

They might be the ones creating that need.

Here is one J .G. Wentworth employee on a podcast about sales tactics talking

about cold calling potential prospects.

When you call somebody, they don't need anything.

You've got to unlock the want.

You've got to unlock what they want. They don't need anything. They call you

when they need something.

So know the difference. So absolutely you can prospect. Absolutely. Just know

that you're dealing with a different animal when you start making those

calls. They don't need anything. You've got to unlock wants.

Okay.

Unlocking once clearly shouldn't be a tactic for getting access to someone's

structured settlement. At best, it should be a tagline for a YouTube pickup

artist with 30 followers, or the name of a romantic book about an imprisoned

centaur that falls in love with a hot dragon or whatever. I just don't care

about it, okay?

Read whatever you want, have fun, jerk off to magic, but I simply cannot care.

And that process of unlocking once... can start as soon as someone's able to

sign a contract. Because some companies reportedly employ an army of researchers

to plough through court records on the lookout for cases that end with a large

settlement. Some are even sent to troll dockets trying to find people who

receive settlements as children so they can start calling the second they turn

18. And look, there are obviously lots of good things.

about turning 18. You're eligible to vote. You no longer run the risk of

texted by Drake. But getting praised upon by factoring companies is not one

them. And companies can be utterly shameless in their enticements, sending

things like cheques and prepaid visa gift cards, urging people to call and

activate them.

A former employee at a company called Seneca One once said that he's seen

agents pay people $50 to stay on the line for five minutes.

And the company's most desperate for deals can really go all out.

One lawsuit alleges that a factory salesperson wined and dined a settlement

seller at fancy restaurants and clubs, even providing them with marijuana.

While another company allegedly flew a potential customer to South Florida and

took him to two strip clubs to entice him into selling more of his payments.

look, the factory industry will insist that however aggressively they might

market their services, there is a safeguard.

against exploitation because a judge eventually has to sign off on any

transaction, which is true.

Every state in D .C. has a Structured Settlement Protection Act that requires

court approval of these purchases and specifies that they must be in the best

interest of the payee. But it is really worth knowing just how easily that

system can be gamed. And don't just take that from me.

Those who have studied this industry have said that the requirement of court

approval has largely failed.

As this legal expert explains, in hindsight, there was always a

with the setup of this process.

It's an odd proceeding because it's not an adversary proceeding.

The only parties that are there are the purchaser and the seller who, for good

or ill, has been persuaded to sell his or her payment rights.

So there's no adversary presentation, and that puts judges in an awkward

position. Yeah.

He's absolutely right. Speaking of awkward positions, there simply has to

better way of having that man testify.

You are making an expert look like a dental hygienist about to floss me.

But the point here is, often only three people are present for the hearing. The

judge, the person selling the payment, and a lawyer for the company buying

That is the main reason why these transactions often get approved in a

minutes -long hearing.

An investigation in Minnesota found hearings took an average of seven

finish, with some judges approving transactions after just two or three

of testimony, which is clearly not long enough.

RuPaul takes longer than that to deliberate.

She makes you lip -sync for your life, then sits through an entire commercial

break before rendering her judgment.

Now, to be fair, some judges will ask about the details of the deal, like what

seller's plans are.

for spending the money and their other sources of income. But if they don't do

that, or if there are major drawbacks to the deal, the factoring company's

lawyer is not incentivised to volunteer that information.

Also, many judges feel it's not their place to prevent a sale, even if they

think it's a bad idea.

One told a reporter, I'm not surprised that many of these people would have

regrets afterwards, but for the court to intervene and say, we know what's

better for you, I generally don't take that role in their lives.

Meanwhile, other judges seem appalled by the deals that have come before them.

I have never felt good about any of these. I see people who, for the most

are in financially desperate situations and do not fully understand

what they are doing and how much money they are actually losing.

Wow. I've never felt good about any of these.

It is not ideal.

when judges are talking about factoring cases the way I talk about the names of

Mountain Dew flavours.

Code Red, Purple Thunder, Liberty Chill, Star Spangled Splash, Sweet Lightning?

They all sound like horses who lost the Kentucky Derby and I've never felt good

about any of them.

And it's worth knowing some companies go beyond just omitting information and

have been accused of actively coaching or pressuring sellers on how to meet the

best interest standard.

In a case still pending, a woman who suffered lead poisoning as a child is

a company called Vintage Equity, claiming that it did just that.

Apparently, the company claimed that one of the reasons she wanted to sell part

of her settlement was to purchase a vehicle so that she's not restricted to

in her vicinity, which sounds like a good idea, doesn't it? Until you learn

she did not have a driver's license or know how to drive.

The company also allegedly coached her in real time whenever she appeared via

telephone before the court, with one of his employees even going to her home,

sitting next to her on the couch, and using the mute -unmute feature on his

phone to secretly instruct her on how to answer the court's questions. Now, the

company denies doing that, which I really hope is true, because that is

unethical. The mute button should not be used for coaching structured settlement

sellers, as we all know.

It should be used for one purpose and one purpose only, and that is farting

while on a business call.

That is it. We live in a society.

Meanwhile, other companies engage in forum shopping, where they seek out

friendly judges known to approve deals, sometimes even taking cases into

courtrooms far from where the sellers live. One company, Imperial, allegedly

suggested a New York resident take his case to a lenient judge in Florida and

sign a false lease that was used to obtain a Florida -issued ID card, which

frankly, a lot more trouble than I thought you'd have to go to to get a

ID.

I didn't know that you needed a lease.

I thought all you had to do was fail a breathalyzer and they'd assume that

you're local.

And while that company denies any wrongdoing, stories like that are not

uncommon. One attorney who works for a bunch of factoring companies submitted

least 594 cases to the same judge in Virginia in just one year and frequently

got them approved in bulk.

That courthouse was lately described as operating like an assembly line for the

secretive industry of structured settlement purchasing.

And if you are beginning to get the sense that this industry is less about

helping people than about extracting wealth, you are right.

Especially because this doesn't always end after just one deal.

JG Wentworth has reported that their average customer had completed two

transactions with them, and an investigation found that they'd gone to

many as 13 times to buy payments from one woman.

In fact, they've even bragged about how being a repeat customer with them

actually makes things easier in videos like this.

According to J .G. Wentworth, many of their customers have been through the

process multiple times.

And the good news is, if you do end up going back to sell more of your

it can be even easier than the first time. They keep your paperwork on file,

which saves you time.

And since you'll already be familiar with the process, you'll know what to

expect from the beginning.

Okay, but if you have to go back and sell more of your payments, that may not

a sign that you're a happy customer. It could just mean that your financial

condition is deteriorating. And while I'm most concerned for anyone who saw

video and decided to give even more of their money to JG Wentworth, let's also

spare a thought for the individual who watched that on YouTube and left the one

and only comment underneath it that simply says, I love you.

It is not...

the most upsetting part of this story. In fact, it's arguably the least. But I

am now obsessed with the individual who, out of all the videos on YouTube .com,

saw a marketing video for JG Wentworth and was so moved by it and or

uncontrollably horny that they wrote, I love you to the public face of a

factoring company sales team. What could that mean?

Is that commenter in love with her from looks alone?

Or is that her estranged father reaching out the only way he knows how?

Those three little words are a novel.

But the thing is, once you've done one transaction, you can quickly become an

easy target for other companies.

Access Funding once wrote that once someone does a deal with J .G.

there's a public record of it, and they then become part of our calling and

mailing list.

Basically, you get involved with them once, and the predators will then swarm.

It's like giving a pigeon in the park some bread. That is a huge mistake.

Now, it knows you're a sucker. That pigeon is going to bring its friends.

going to move into your house. It's going to fuck your wife.

That is going to happen.

And all of this, the aggressive marketing, the creating wants, the

around a cell and looking for repeat business can lead to some truly

heartbreaking stories.

Gary Davis, who was hit by a train and suffered a stroke that destroyed at

25 % of his brain.

He received a $2 .5 million settlement, but wound up selling it off the vast

majority of it to two companies, including J .G. Wentworth.

In fact, when the Minnesota Star Tribune looked into this industry, they found

that Gary had sold more payments than anyone else in Minnesota, for which he

received roughly 35 cents on the dollar.

And when the paper's reporter explained that to Gary, you can watch him figure

out in real time just what it meant.

I gave them two -thirds, and they gave me one -third.

That's what happened.

Because they gave it to you immediately.

The whole amount of money was what you were going to get for the rest of your

life.

And they said, we'll give you a third today.

But that's it.

That's not a good trade. That's not even trade.

No, you.

You sold about $2 .3 million in payments for about $700 ,000.

And that's about a third of what you would have gotten if you'd have waited

the money.

That's no good.

They should have somebody to keep you from doing stuff like that, don't you

think? Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

Honestly, he just said in one sentence what I've been trying to say for the

20 minutes.

So what do we do here? Well, when it comes to laws...

There are a number of small fixes, from simply requiring hearings take place

where the seller actually lives, to curbing how aggressively these companies

solicit sellers. Following some of the reporting that you've seen tonight,

two states recently did both.

We could also require courts appoint what's called a guardian ad litem, or

attorney advisor, in cases where a seller may not be able to fully

the transaction.

That advisor can then give the court more information about the seller's

circumstances and could also say to the seller what you just saw that reporter

say to Gary. Specifically, they're going to take two -thirds of your money. Are

you sure you want to do this?

Judges in Albuquerque, New Mexico, have started using this approach and one

analysis found courts there had signed off on just 42 % of the deals involving

Guardian ad like them. And in many cases, judges never actually had to rule

all because the sellers withdrew their request after meeting with one.

And look, I do understand there are issues for those with disabilities being

told they're not capable of making a decision for themselves.

But to be very clear here, this will be a limited one -time arrangement just for

the purposes of this sale.

Now, as for individuals, let me just say this.

If you have a structured settlement and you need cash now, if those fucking

Vikings suddenly appear on your TV...

Before you pick up the phone, there are a couple of key things to know. First,

some insurance companies that manage settlements actually offer a hardship

commutation that might, in extenuating circumstances, allow you to get some

upfront cash at a better rate. So I would try them first. But also, please

that this industry is just full of predators.

And I know that they can seem benign. They have very slick ads that air

constantly with some infuriatingly catchy jingles.

but they do not have your best interest at heart.

So to try and inoculate you against their charms going forward, we've

made our own ad to give people a more accurate portrayal of the risk that this

entire industry poses. So the next time that a bunch of Vikings try and sing at

you in the future, which they absolutely will, please try and think of this

instead.

If you have a structured settlement and you're watching TV, you might hear a

song like this, so please listen to me.

Please listen to him.

He'll run the shitty ads all day, and when you finally call...

They'll take your money bit by bit until they've got it all.

Until they've got it all.

We went to a judge and he signed off on the sale.

I'm still not sure why these fuckers aren't in jail.

The deal you talked me into is much worse than it first appeared.

I want to know what's going on and why is there a Viking here?

Why is there a Viking here?

Why am I a Viking?

We really hope that jingle gets stuck inside your head.

Remember that these businesses will bleed you till you're dead.

It's your money. Don't let these parasites get their fucking hands on it.

That's our show. Thank you so much for watching. We're off next week, back on

May 31st. Please enjoy Colbert's final show. He's the fucking best.