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FANFARE PLAYS
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STRAINED BUGLE
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00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,520
This programme contains
strong language
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May I present to you
the one, the only,
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Stewart Park!
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Aw! Aw!
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00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,720
You're looking fucking lush there,
Stew. Absolutely stunning.
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Nice arse.
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He's all suited and booted
for his first-ever date!
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00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,360
How are you feeling about it,
Stewart?
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I'm really nervous.
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00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,400
Aw, just be yourself, hon,
and you can't go wrong. Mmm.
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Got any pictures of the lad, Stew?
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No, my workmate set me up,
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so it's kind of like a blind date.
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But what if he's dog ugly?
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00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,320
Oh, yeah, good point.
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00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,320
Oh, I don't think I'd really mind,
you know.
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I'm more of a personality guy.
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00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:54,360
Well, er, you'll all be pleased
to know that I've also got
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a date tonight. Oh! Ooh.
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Oh, how exciting, chick.
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Who is the lucky bastard?
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Well, I haven't met him yet
either. Oh.
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Yeah, I've joined this dating app.
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It's for older rich men
who are looking to meet young,
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smooth twinks like me.
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And there's a wealthy daddy
who likes the look of my photos
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and wants to treat me for dinner.
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Ooh, exciting. Ooh! That's nice.
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Rich little OAP for you.
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Have you got any pictures?
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I do, actually, Lucinda.
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Thank you for asking.
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Here we go.
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What's that?
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It's a photocopy of his bank
statement.
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Yeah, the older rich men
receive photos of the twinks,
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and us twinks receive photographic
evidence of their wealth.
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Oh, that's fascinating.
Jesus fucking wept.
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What's that smell? Oh, yeah.
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Ooh.
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It might be my new fragrance.
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I... I got it from Argos.
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You got a fragrance from Argos?
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What does it remind me of?
I can't put my finger on it.
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It's like... You know, it's like...
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00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,800
Um... Oh. It's... It's...
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Oh, that's it.
Cabbage sauteed in dogshit.
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That's it. Mmm.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
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Here, let's spray a bit of this
to mask it.
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HE COUGHS
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00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,160
Is that air-freshener?
It is, chick.
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Ah, smells like a fresh
summer breeze.
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00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,880
I actually think I'm going to
cancel tonight.
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00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,400
Oh, you can't do that.
What if he's the love of your life?
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I just... I don't think
I'm quite ready to date.
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Tell you what, I'll come to the
restaurant as a secret chaperone.
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That way, I'm there if you need me,
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but I'm distant enough for you to
still enjoy your date.
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I guess that could work.
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Yay! And we'll come along as secret
chaperones as well!
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Um...
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Well... You don't all have to come.
Oh, don't be silly.
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We wouldn't miss it. Yay!
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THEY HOWL
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Ow! Mam, my eyes! Ow.
Ee, sorry, chick.
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00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,120
# When I grow up
Imma be a supermodel... #
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ITALIAN ACCENT: Oh! Ciao, bella!
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Welcome, friend,
you must be Stewart.
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Yeah. How did you know?
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We've been expecting you
for your first big date.
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Follow me.
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00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,920
Ah! Sexy little gay boy.
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00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:33,480
And this is your date
for the evening.
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00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,960
Hiya. Oh, I'm Stewart.
I'm Bradley.
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Ah, I can already feel the love
a-blossoming.
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Here, Linda.
Someone's blocked the women's loo.
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DROPS ITALIAN ACCENT: You are
fucking kidding me.
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That's the second fucking
time this week.
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What the bloody hell
are these women eating?!
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00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,200
Buon appetito.
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00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,400
I've never done the whole
dating thing before.
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Sorry if I seem a bit nervous.
85
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,600
Don't worry.
I get nervous all the time.
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00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,400
Can I get yous a drink, lads?
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Ooh?
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Want wine?
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MOUTHS
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Er... Wi-Wine.
91
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,600
Yeah, white? Wh-White?
White? Yeah.
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00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,200
White's fine.
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00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,600
Right. Where's our Stew, then?
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It's posh in 'ere, like, innit?
Oh, this is really...
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Shh! Remember, we've got
to pretend we don't know him.
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WHISPERS: There he is!
Just tap. Tap water's fine, yeah.
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SHE MOUTHS
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Thank you.
99
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,360
Buongiorno.
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Sedere.
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00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,000
A menu for you. Yes.
102
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'Ere, Mam.
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I need you to give these coleslaws
out to all the tables.
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00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,920
Tell them they're complimentary.
I accidentally ordered too much
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and now I can't get
rid of the bastard stuff.
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Of course, chick.
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00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,680
I really appreciate you letting me
do this, Linda.
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00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,160
Aw. It's his first-ever date. Aw.
Bit nervous, poor love.
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00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,400
Oh, absolutely nay fucking
problemo, Mam.
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Tell you the truth,
you're doing me a favour.
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I've had three people call in sick.
Fucking skivers.
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And we're fully booked tonight.
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I'm glad I could help.
Oh, actually, whilst I've got you,
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women's bog needs unblocking,
if you wouldn't mind sorting it out.
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Of course, chick.
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00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,000
Ah, benvenuta! Welcome, friends!
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Come in, come in. You have a table
booked?
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00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:53,400
No. We were hoping
we could just squeeze in?
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00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,920
DROPS ITALIAN ACCENT: Got fuck all
tonight, love. Try TGI Friday's.
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00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,360
Who wants a free-a cola-slaw?
121
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,200
Oh.
122
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,280
It's a big old menu, isn't it?
123
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,880
They say it's Italian
but you can get anything you want.
124
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,840
Last time I was here I had a chicken
chow mein in arrabbiata sauce.
125
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:17,720
Oh. Do you fancy sharing
a spaghetti bolognese starter?
126
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Well, when in Rome...
127
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You smell amazing.
128
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It's like, I don't know,
a fresh summer breeze.
129
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,720
Oh, thanks very much.
130
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,920
We can't let on
that we know Stewart,
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00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,760
cos we don't want to embarrass him.
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00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:50,000
So let's be as incognito as possible
when we're spying.
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Got you. Understood.
134
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,720
Does it look like it's going well?
135
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,920
I can't really
hear from this far away.
136
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,880
Shall we shuffle closer?
I think we're going to have to.
137
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Soz I'm late. I went to the park
and got stuck in a swing.
138
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,960
What the fuck are yous doing?
139
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,080
We're just trying to
eavesdrop on Stewart and his date.
140
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,520
Fucking hell.
141
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,240
Ohh...
142
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,080
Would anyone like to try the wine?
143
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,360
Ooh, yeah.
Ah, yeah, go on, then.
144
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,280
I like wine, too.
145
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,760
Aye, that's not bad, that.
146
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,440
Oi! We'll have four parmos, yeah?
147
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,800
Oh, good choice.
148
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,680
No paps! No paps!
149
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,680
I'm just trying to live my life!
150
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,680
Bastards.
151
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,120
Hiya, Dickie, chick. Hiya, Mam.
152
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,520
Sorry, Dickie, did you want us
to follow you in as well?
153
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:14,920
No, piss off, Gary.
154
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,400
I told you, you're not meant to
speak to me!
155
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,680
What's this all about, chick?
156
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,880
Is he here? Who?
My mature affluent date.
157
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,160
Oh, no, he hasn't arrived yet.
158
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Oh, for God's sake.
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I was wanting him to see
that I'm also rich as fuck,
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so he wouldn't have to
worry about making me sign a prenup.
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I have to say,
you look like a proper rich bitch.
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Haway, I'll show you to your table.
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00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,240
Dickie's here. Hiya, love.
Hello, Dickie. You all right?
164
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,440
Sorry, I haven't got any change
on me.
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Ooh! 'Ere, eh, Dickie, I've been
thinking.
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00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,800
How do you know which rich old
codger you're meeting
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if you've never seen him before?
168
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,640
Well, he's told me to look out
for a silver fox
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wearing a yellow handkerchief
in his jacket pocket.
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00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,920
Ooh, exciting! Yeah!
171
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:03,800
Ee, you know, back in my day,
wearing a yellow handkerchief
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00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,440
used to signify that you
were into piss play.
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It was a simpler time.
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00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,840
'Ere, Mam. What are you doing?
Table seven needs their starters.
175
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,760
I'm, er... I'm on my break, Linda.
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00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,920
You've only just started your shift.
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# Mia Bella, come to me... #
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00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,960
Mmm.
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00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:35,600
# ..For my heart is longing
for you... #
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00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,400
THEY GIGGLE
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00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,120
So, what star sign are you?
182
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,000
Sagittarius.
183
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,960
You're joking, aren't you?
184
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,720
No. Why? I'm totally incompatible
with Sagittarius.
185
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,440
Oh.
186
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,080
Sorry about that.
187
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,520
I wouldn't normally even associate
with a Sagittarius,
188
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,360
if I'm being totally honest.
Right.
189
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,840
I'm not really sure what
to say to that.
190
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,560
I'm a Taurus, you see,
so I'm, like, proper grounded
191
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,440
and down to earth,
and you're like...
192
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,840
..the complete opposite.
I don't know.
193
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,720
I'd say I'm quite grounded.
194
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,520
Sagittarius would say that.
195
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,000
Right.
196
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,600
I'm just popping to the loo.
197
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,840
I could be a while,
cos I like to do a sit-down wee,
198
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,400
which means that sometimes
a number two slips out.
199
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,440
How's it going, hon?
200
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,280
I'm not sure he's into me.
201
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,840
How can he not be?
202
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,120
You're probably just nervous
and not being yourself.
203
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,520
The key is to just be
completely authentic.
204
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:45,320
And whatever you do,
don't tell him you're a Sagittarius.
205
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,240
There you go.
206
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,880
That'll do on the coleslaw, Mam. Mm!
207
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,240
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
208
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,240
Ooh, what's that?
209
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,360
More coleslaw.
210
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,440
Boop!
211
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,440
Hiya, chick. Oh, hello, dear.
212
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,240
Have you booked a table? Er, yes.
213
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,880
I believe I'm meeting a young
handsome chap.
214
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,120
Oh, you must be Dickie's date.
215
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,360
You are in for a treat.
216
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,000
Follow me.
217
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,240
Dessert's next.
218
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,920
Ahem, Dickie, I believe your date
has arrived.
219
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,560
No.
220
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:39,080
No, this can't be right.
221
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,600
Well... What's the matter?
222
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,040
I'm meeting this person.
223
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,240
Er, yeah, that's me.
224
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,040
No, this can't be you.
225
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,120
The chap in the photo has got
a soft, youthful complexion, um...
226
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,960
..like that one there.
227
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,880
And he's got a firm, athletic body
228
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,600
with an arse that won't quit.
229
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,240
Er, hello?
230
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,200
No offence, but your arse
looks like it quit a long time ago.
231
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,600
How can I not take offence at that,
you cheeky old twat?
232
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,680
Where did you buy your arse from?
Pancakes R Us?
233
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,120
That's not even a real shop.
234
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,560
You know, you really shouldn't
lie on your dating profile.
235
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:19,880
Goodbye.
236
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,600
You couldn't lend us a tenner
for a taxi, could you?
237
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,040
Piss off!
238
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,600
Mind your business, Lucinda,
you nosy bitch!
239
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,440
PEOPLE GASP
240
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,120
Here's some coleslaw.
241
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,200
Oh, I bloody love a parmo, me.
242
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,000
Love a parmo.
243
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:48,200
Oh, ha! Sorry, Danni, that's
actually my bowl of ketchup.
244
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,320
You've got your own one.
Oh, sorry, mate.
245
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,480
Eh, isn't that your pal Mel, Sal?
246
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,960
Er, I can't really
tell from over here.
247
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,800
I'm sure it is. I'll just check.
248
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,720
Mel! MEL!
249
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,560
I'm sure she's probably busy...
MEL!
250
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,200
Hey, guys.
251
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,880
How do? Hey! Hiya, hon.
You look nice.
252
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,480
What's the occasion?
I'm actually just here on a date.
253
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,560
'Ere, there's a lot of dates
going on tonight.
254
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,400
We're having a double date, Dickie's
having a date, and Stewart's
255
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,880
having his first date, but we're
pretending we don't know him.
256
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:39,040
Ah, gotcha. Babe? Oh...
257
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,320
Hi. Guys, this is Arabella.
258
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,680
Hi, Arabella. She's up from London,
she's filming some TikTok videos.
259
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,680
Oh, that's exciting. Yeah.
260
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,680
I don't know if any of you guys
follow me, but basically
261
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,320
I go to really shit towns
262
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,240
and just rip the absolute piss
out of them.
263
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,240
But people fucking love it.
264
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,040
Anyway, Mel, babe,
absolutely devoed.
265
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,960
They don't have any fucking tables.
266
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,080
Why don't you join us?
Say what now?
267
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,760
Hang on. Where the frig are
they going to sit?
268
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,640
Well, we can all squeeze in.
269
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,560
Don't worry about us.
We'll just try TGI's.
270
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,240
Babe, I told you.
271
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,640
I can never go to that place
again after last time,
272
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,440
when I ordered plant-based chicken
and they brought out
273
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,960
a chicken drumstick on top
of a pot plant.
274
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,840
So, thank you for your kind offer,
new friends.
275
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,280
We graciously accept.
276
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,600
SHE GIGGLES
277
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,040
Can we get some fucking chairs,
please?
278
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,320
I don't understand.
279
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,120
I always get told my bum looks like
it's been under a steam roller,
280
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,160
and I just assumed that was
a compliment.
281
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,360
Hey, there's absolutely nothing
wrong
282
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,400
with your ridiculously flat jacksy.
283
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,080
Some people love an arse
so flat it's nearly inverted.
284
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,640
If I can't even get
a dirty old gadgie like that to
285
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,800
go on a date with me, what hope have
I got in finding anyone else?
286
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,240
Mmm, those were the days...
287
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,400
Mam, table six have been waiting on
their katsu curry for half an hour.
288
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,320
I won't tell ya again.
289
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,720
I'm about ready to go.
290
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,920
Meet you down the alley
across the road in five minutes.
291
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:40,960
Ah!
292
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,040
Ta-ra, Dickie. See you later.
293
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,960
Excuse me, babes. Is this
the only exit?
294
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,160
Aye, it is.
295
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,480
Well, apart from the fire exit
in the kitchen.
296
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,720
Oi, are you the new sous-chef?
You're late, dickhead.
297
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,400
Are you the new sous-chef? Yeah.
298
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,320
Sorry I'm late, Chef.
299
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,080
Where do you want me?
300
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,200
How do, Stew? Fucking hell.
301
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,200
How's it going?
He's been gone for ages, Sal.
302
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,480
Think he might have done a runner.
303
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,000
Surely not, babe.
304
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,560
Unless you told him
that you're a Sagittarius.
305
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:12,440
Oh. I didn't realise you'd
still be here.
306
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,920
'Ere, Mam, there's a dead rat
stuck in one of the traps.
307
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,880
Be a love and chuck it
in the wheelie bin, will ya?
308
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,320
I'm a bit busy at the minute, Linda.
Can you not do it?
309
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,880
I'm on violin duty. Hmm.
310
00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:00,240
Hot Chef? Hot Chef, table one are
still waiting for their starters.
311
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,040
Here you go, Mam. Ah!
312
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,320
BEEPING
313
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,320
Oh, shitting hell.
314
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,400
Flipping hell. Bloody, pissing
cauliflowers.
315
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:11,960
Oh.
316
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,960
Think I burnt these cauliflowers.
317
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,120
Are you a fucking moron?
Soz about that, babes.
318
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,640
Oh, hang on a minute.
Where's that gone, then?
319
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,640
Think my blister must have fallen
off into one of those starters.
320
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,560
HE GRUNTS
321
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,240
Argh! Fuck me!
322
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,280
Linda is pissing me right off.
323
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,240
Tell me about it. Just because
Helen and Darren
324
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,560
and Sophie called in sick,
cos they went out last night
325
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,160
and got hammered, doesn't mean
she should talk to us like shit.
326
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,200
Mam!
327
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,280
Don't you guys just miss London
when you're up here?
328
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,600
I mean, I know it's pure
fucking chaos,
329
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,640
but my God, there's just an energy
down there
330
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,480
that you just don't get anywhere
else. Do you know what I mean?
331
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,320
I've actually never been to London.
332
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,160
SHE LAUGHS
333
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:24,560
Are you...? Are you being serious?
What the actual fuck?!
334
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,360
I... I don't... I don't think
I've ever met anybody
335
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,040
who hasn't been to London.
336
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,000
Wow! God, mind blown.
337
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,360
I mean, good for you.
You go, girl.
338
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,320
Like, gosh. I mean...
339
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,600
Um, you've never been up the Shard?
340
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,560
I've been up Roseberry Topping.
341
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,080
Listen, Danni, you really can't
just go round stealing
342
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,080
other people's ketchup.
343
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,480
Some people rely on ketchup to be
able to eat their food.
344
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,360
Are you going to let your dickhead
friends talk to me like that, Sal?
345
00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,040
Er, who are you calling dickhead?
Who do you think?
346
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,600
Danni, babe, please don't talk
to people like that.
347
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,720
I'll talk to people
how the fuck I want.
348
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,520
Whose side are you on?
349
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,040
Wow. I mean, I knew it was
rough up here
350
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:13,080
but I never expected to witness such
horrific aggression first hand.
351
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,560
Arabella, babe. Yeah?
352
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,760
Sometimes it's just
best to keep your mouth shut.
353
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,640
Why? Will they attack me?
354
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,240
Like and subscribe...
355
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,680
..if I survive.
356
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,800
One potato, two potatoes,
three potatoes, four and five...
357
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:32,960
No.
358
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,560
So, Chef, how long have you been
working here for, then?
359
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,200
We haven't got time
for small talk, mate.
360
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,640
Peel them potatoes.
A please wouldn't go amiss.
361
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,560
Can you just hurry the fuck up,
please?
362
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:48,880
We've got tables waiting.
363
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,560
Fucking hell, Gordon Ramsay.
Calm yourself down.
364
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,040
They can wait a bit longer,
can't they?
365
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,680
Don't speak to me
like that in my kitchen.
366
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,000
How is it your kitchen?
You don't own it.
367
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,160
And I'm sorry,
I don't peel potatoes,
368
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,600
cos the repetitive peeling process
inflames my psoriasis.
369
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,200
Listen here,
you little flat-arsed weasel,
370
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,320
if you want to keep this fucking
job, you do as I say.
371
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,880
Do I make myself clear?
372
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,800
Take a chill pill, Cruella de Vil.
373
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,640
Never worked with such an obnoxious
shithead. Cry about it.
374
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,720
You cry about it.
You cry about it.
375
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,440
No, you cry about it.
You cry about it.
376
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,760
You cry about it. You cry about it.
You cry about it!
377
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,080
You cry about it.
378
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,960
Nobody's ever spoken to me
like this.
379
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,280
Cry about it.
380
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:44,760
Oh, so here's a funny one...
381
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,000
PHONE RINGS
Sorry, I've got to take this.
382
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,800
Hiya. Did you get my text?
383
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,280
Yeah, a fucking Sagittarius.
384
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,920
Can you believe my luck? I know.
385
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,040
Fucking joke, babes.
386
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,040
CUTLERY CLATTERS
387
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,280
Yeah. And I think he's wearing
air-freshener.
388
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,760
Why are we still waiting
on table eleven's desserts?
389
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,080
Oh, for God's sake! Not again, Chef!
390
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,080
Er, what does she mean, again?
391
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,920
Have you been kissing
other sous-chefs?
392
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,760
No. Huh!
393
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,000
Not today, anyway!
394
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,480
I can't believe I'm hearing this.
395
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,320
Me and you, we're done.
396
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,560
Here you go, babes.
397
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,880
These are table eleven's.
398
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,880
Who the fuck are you?
399
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,720
Becky! Desserts!
400
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,840
Well, I'm only here one more day,
thank fuck,
401
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,440
but annoyingly I'm back in
a couple of weeks.
402
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,800
That is the problem with
getting a hit TikTok account
403
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,240
from trashing shit towns.
404
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,320
You actually have to
go to the shit towns.
405
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,160
CONVERSATION FADES
406
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,280
Yeah, I know. The nerve of it.
407
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,320
Honestly, so blase! Sagittarius.
408
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,400
He's still here.
409
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,080
Mam, table five needs clearing.
410
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,880
Oh, we've got a fucking good
connection, haven't we, babe?
411
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,320
I mean, we fuck like rabbits.
412
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,880
How many? Sorry?
413
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,160
How many more sous-chefs are there?
414
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,800
What does it matter?
It's in the past now.
415
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,640
I just need to know.
416
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,400
Well, I was sat playing Tetris
on the bog for a good ten minutes.
417
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,600
Didn't get the hint.
You know me, babe.
418
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,880
Can't be doing with
Sagittari-arseholes.
419
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,320
MUFFLED SPEECH
420
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,680
..I swear there must be a bin juice
distillery in Middlesbrough
421
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,000
because the whole town reeks of it.
422
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,960
ARABELLA LAUGHS
423
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:23,400
Oh, God! Don't even think about it.
424
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,600
I'm warning you.
425
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,320
Argh!
426
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,760
What the fuck are you doing?
427
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:58,560
Don't mess with my ketchup, bitch!
428
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,360
Oh!
429
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,920
Screw you, Linda.
430
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,160
SHE SCREAMS
431
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,800
No, I can't hear you. OK.
432
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,160
Bye, babe. Love you. Bye.
433
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,000
Sorry about that.
434
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,160
Wrong number.
435
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,600
Fucking Sagittarius!
436
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,680
SCREAMING
437
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,160
Stop!
438
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,520
What the hell are yous all doing?
439
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:48,880
This is embarrassing.
440
00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,320
Not one of you has hit Stewart.
441
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,880
Fucking hell, Stewart!
442
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,240
You know, even though he wasn't
the one,
443
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,720
I'm glad I've broken
my date virginity.
444
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,000
How'd you find working
as a sous-chef, hon?
445
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,960
Summat to put on the CV,
isn't it, babes?
446
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,640
Best thing was
I got a snog off the chef.
447
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,920
Yeah, of course you did, hon.
I did!
448
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,160
I believe you. You don't sound like
you believe me, Lucinda,
449
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,400
with that patronising tone of yours.
450
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,760
Listen, I'd just like to
say sorry that
451
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,720
I let my anger get the better
of me tonight, guys.
452
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,080
I just ...
I really bloody love ketchup.
453
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,640
Don't apologise, babe.
454
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,240
It's not your fault.
455
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,640
Danni gets pleasure
out of antagonising.
456
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,080
That's just who she is.
457
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,640
And if I'm honest, I'm done with it.
458
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,280
You lot ready? Yeah.
Yeah, go on, Mam.
459
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,440
Let us have it, Mam, go on.
Teach me a lesson.
460
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,040
Just do it, just do it. Rinse me.
461
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,160
Oh, feel the wetness!
462
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,520
It's moist.
463
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,760
Say hello to Richard and Judy!
464
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,040
Why is this water so fucking wet?!
465
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,000
# Figaro! Son qua
466
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,640
# Figaro! Son qua
467
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,880
# Figaro qua, Figaro la, Figaro qua
468
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,000
# Figaro la
469
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,280
# Figaro su, Figaro giu, Figaro su
470
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,320
# Figaro giu
471
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,800
# Pronto prontissimo son come il
fumine
472
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,320
# Sono il factotum della citta
473
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,120
# Della citta, della citta,
della citta, della citta! #
54353
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