All language subtitles for MV5BZDY3NDczMzUtNDhlY

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My special!
It's about to come out.

What special?

My stand-up comedy special.

You do stand-up?

What?

When did
you start doing stand-up?

I... I've been doing
stand-up for like seven years.

- What are you talking about?
- Like on stage?

Yeah, like with a microphone.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What do you think I do?

You do TikTok.

You're like an influencer.
You do videos.

I'm not an influencer.

You like do videos
of you in the car,

like, talking to the camera.

Yeah, those are jokes.
I post jokes online in my car.

But it's like,
I don't know, it's not stand-up.

You're like talking,
"Blah-blah, what I wore today."

- I don't know.
- These?

These? Is this what
you're talking about?

Sarah, that's
you sitting in a car.

Yeah, but I do--
That's jokes though.

This message is for Snoop Dogg.

As you requested, I am trying
to be toned, tan,
fit and ready.

But I'm feeling a little soft,
pale, and unprepared,
if I'm being honest.

Yeah, that's
a video on the internet.

That's a, you're like
a funny, like, TikTok girl.

No, I'm a stand-up comedian.

I do those, but I just put
a microphone in my hand,

and then it's stand-up.

Instead of sit down in
my car, it's stand-up comedy.

I don't like your tone.

I know what stand-up comedy is.

That's what stand-up is!

It's just complaining
with punchlines at the end.

You're really about to
tell me what stand-up is.

Sarah, I've been
doing stand-up 13 years.

And I do what you do.

- No, you don't.
- I go with you to the clubs.

Yeah, I thought you just liked
the discount on food and drinks.

- Who likes comedy club food?
- I didn't...

You were getting
on stage at the clubs?

Just watch it.

Sarah Huntington!

We're recording a special.

You guys get way more fun
real fucking quick.

I'm being serious.

Like, what the fuck was that?

You guys are being
fucking hags up here.

Come on.

Hot ladies in the front row.

Hot, hot, hot.

That's my mom.
Still hot, obviously.

She made me.

Guys, I'm so excited to be here.
I'm excited to be in Columbus.

They're like, "Where do
you want to film your special?"

I said the Holy Grail,

where everyone wants
to film a special.

Columbus, Ohio.

Of course.

Now, I recently got
to quit my job
to start doing comedy full time.

Don't clap.
I didn't say it was going well.

I've been trying
to figure out what to do

with all the spare time
that I have now.

So here lately,
I've just been carving out
about three hours a day

to self-diagnose myself on
TikTok.

And that's been
going pretty well.
You guys on TikTok?

It's rotting my brain, dude.
Rotting my brain.

I have no attention span
at all anymore.

But last night,
I did buckle down.

I watched a whole movie. Yeah.

On TikTok.

In one minute increments.

It's rotting my brain.
I love it so much.

I love watching those
little police videos
they have on there.

You guys watch the police
chase videos on TikTok?

And I consider myself like
a pretty liberal gal, you know?

I'm like, defund the police!

But not their social
media team, please.

Keep the cameras on them.

I need my entertainment.

It's rotting my brain.
It's rotting my brain.

All I do on there is just
self-diagnose myself with stuff.

Are you guys guilty of this?

Self-diagnosing
yourself on TikTok?

I convinced
myself that I have autism.

Because of TikTok.

I went to an actual psychiatrist
and said these words to her.

Made eye contact
when I said that, which
should have been a red flag.

I was like, "Pretty sure
it's gonna be autism, doc."

"Yeah, pretty sure
it's gonna be autism."

"I saw a couple TikToks
and I don't like
lukewarm water, so...

"Yeah.
It's probably gonna be autism."

That's what TikTok will do.
It'll convince you
that you have problems

you didn't even know you had.

But after a few months
of talking to her,

we did find out that it is ADHD.

Woo! I have something!

- Whoo!
- Yay! I have it!

I was so excited. I was like,
"I got something! Yay!"

Yes! I fit in with the Gen Zs.

She said, yeah, you do have ADHD
and because you went undiagnosed
for so long,

you probably just
have a lot of PTSD.

I was like, PTSD?

Are you telling me I have
the same diagnosis as my grandpa

because he went to Vietnam

because I couldn't
do math in 7th grade?

Like, that's embarrassing.

My grandpa can't hear fireworks.

I can't hear, like,
"Can you figure out the tip?"

Just let me have autism, dude.

Let me have it.

We're like, oh,
can you figure out 20%?

And I'm like,
"No! Make it stop! Make it stop!

Turn them off! Turn them off!"

Love TikTok.

She was like, "Oh, did your
family ever notice

that maybe you had symptoms of
ADHD when you were growing up?"

And I was like,
"Oh, ma'am, no. Um..."

You see, I come from
a white trash family, okay?

I'm the fourth person
to graduate high school
in my family.

My sister had three kids
before she was 21

and my brother was in prison.

The fact that
I couldn't read until eight,

not a huge red flag for them.
Okay?

They didn't notice that stuff.
We didn't talk about mental
health issues in my family.

We didn't talk about
regular issues we had.

Like, I promise,
I wish I was making this up,

I had a cousin,

he just wore a helmet.

Still to this day,
we don't know why.

I asked my uncle, like,
three months ago,

I was like, "Yo, what
was that helmet for?"

He's like, "It helped."

"Any more questions?"

Yeah, did he have like seizures
or something like that?

"Nah, Sarah, it's just that
when he said weird shit,

so people know he's got
something wrong with him."

"What's wrong with you?
You need a helmet or something?"

Figuring out a lot
about myself in my 30s.

It's weird to figure
all this out in your 30s.

But I do, I like the Gen Z's.
You guys...

Are there Gen Z's here?

All right, fuck y'all.

I hate the Gen Z's.
Fuck them, right?

Hate them. They suck.

Nah, we gotta give them
a little bit of credit, guys.

Because they're
doing stuff for us, right?

Like, as much as
you want to hate them,

they're glorifying things
that we used to hate
about ourselves, right?

Like, the older generation.

Like, if you figured out
that you were gay
in middle school,

as a millennial or older,

do you know what
you did with that information?

You shoved it down, right?

You didn't tell
a single soul, right?

You just walked around,
you asked your friends

what their favoriteTwilight character was,

tried to figure out
if they were gay too, right?

They're like, "Jacob? Gay."

We didn't talk about
that kind of stuff, right?

Like, I didn't even
know being gay was an option.

I remember I asked-- Right?

You didn't even,
you had no idea.

I remember, I watched
a show called Degrassi.

Remember that show, Degrassi?

Yeah, the rapper Drake
was in a wheelchair in it.

And I didn't know that he wasn't
paralyzed in real life.

I thought he was
just a paralyzed person.

So when he came out with
that song, "Started From
The Bottom, Now We're Here,"

like three years later,
I was like, he really did, dude.

That's pretty crazy.
He can walk now.

There's a lesbian on
that show though, right?

And I didn't know what it was.
I had to go home.

I had to ask my very
Christian, conservative mother.

I was like,
"Mom, what's a lesbian?"

She panicked, dude.
She panicked.

She never told
anybody this before.

She was like,
"Fuck, Sarah, a lesbian."

"Okay, yeah,
a lesbian, it's, um...

It's girls
that play basketball."

You know, I got older.
I found out that's not what
a lesbian is

because they play
softball and...

Wish she would have
just told me what
an actual lesbian is, right?

Which is a great relationship

where both parties
get off every time.

Because that sounds
pretty nice, you know?

Sounds pretty nice.

We've come pretty far in the
LGBTQ community though, right?

Like, okay, are
there gays here tonight?

Oh, two lone
survivors over there.

We've come pretty far, right?

I mean, we're reversing back
a little bit,

but like right now,
we're doing pretty good.

Right now,
we're doing okay, right?

We've progressed at this point
so far that we can even
hate gay icons now.

Yeah, like that girl JoJo Siwa.

And like, the Gen Z's hate her,

but I think it's
like progressive that
they hate her, right?

Because they don't
hate her because she's gay.

They hate her for
who she is as a person.

Call that what
you want, ladies and gentlemen.

That's progress, you know?

They're like, yeah, kiss a lady.
We don't give a shit about that.

Just quit doing
weird shit, dude.

Why are you wearing
bedazzled board shorts?

Just to be able to go back
and hate somebody
at their core again.

Pretty progressive.

Because that's what
has to happen, right?

The pendulum has to
swing from right to left a lot.

And a lot of times,
we're way too far right.

But every once in a while,
we swing too far left
accidentally.

Remember when we
swung it so far left,

we accidentally made
Caitlyn Jenner
woman of the year?

And I'm a trans ally.

I absolutely think a trans woman
can be woman of the year,

but can we pick a better one?

Not her.

I was thinking about it.
I was like, who would I want
my woman of the year to be

if she was a trans woman?

And I figured it out.

I follow this
account called No_Limbs.

You guys familiar with No_Limbs?

Well, you're not gonna believe
this, but she has no limbs.

Yeah, no arms, no legs.

But she's a hell
of a woman, dude, okay?

She's doing makeup tutorials.

She's contouring with her mouth.

She's incredible.
That's who I want my
woman of the year to be.

Because you can't hate No_Limbs.
How you gonna hate on No_Limbs?

Even if you're one of those
people that's like
a terrible person

that doesn't like trans people
due to your religion,

what are you gonna do?
Hate No_Limbs?

Go up to her and be like,
"You can't be trans."

God made you perfect
just the way you are.

Because you gotta admit, God
goofs a little bit sometimes.

He makes a couple
little mistakes, right?

He sent her out
and the angels were like,

"Did you forget the arms and
the legs on that woman?"

He's like, "Yeah, and I
put a dick on there. Oh."

Make her woman of the year.
Can you imagine

the only limb you get
is the one you don't want?

That's my woman of the year.

I don't know if you're
allowed to laugh at that.

We're on the right side.

Hopefully you guys are laughing
for the right reasons on it.

I don't know. I like being 30.
I like being 30.
It's interesting.

They don't tell you the things
that are gonna happen to you
in your 30s.

Um, like, ladies,
do you remember eye shadow?

How nice
that used to be to put on?

No?
Nobody's put on eye shadow here?

Dude, it used to glide
on just like a wet pussy.

It was just like perfectly,
just went on.

And now every time
I put on eye shadow,

it's like putting on
a fitted sheet.

I'm just like, "If I just
fucking open my eye this way,
it'll do it."

They don't tell you
you're gonna turn
into your mother.

They don't warn you about that.

They don't tell
you that, you know?

Like, in your 20s, you're
having the time of your life.

You're like, "It's Tuesday.
Let's do a line, Marissa."

And you turn 30,
and you're like,

"Is there gonna
be a line, Marissa?"

"Because I'm not going."

You're having
the time of your life.

You're having brunch with
your friends in your 20s,

and out of nowhere, you're at
a brunch with your friends,

and you hear yourself just go,
"Hey, what's the soup
of the day?"

Like, "No!"

You're trying to
gobble those words back in.

You're like, it's happening,
it's happening, it's happening.

And as you're trying to gobble
those in, you're like,

"And a glass of Chardonnay!"

Fuck!

No!

It's happening!

And you don't want
it to happen, right?

Because as a teenager,
you hate your mom, right?

She's the worst.

She's gross, and she's
got that weird chin hair.

She sucks, dude.

And then in your 20s,

you start to realize
that she did carry the weight
of the world on her shoulders,

and maybe she had
a right to be mad at you

when you let a stranger
pierce your belly button
at a Limp Bizkit concert.

And then in your 30s,
you realize that
chin hair she has

is hereditary.

You're sitting on a Zoom call
trying to pick it out.

This can't be happening.

I was not gonna put that joke
in the special,

and then I was like,
"My mom's friends
are gonna love this."

Because they know
she has that chin hair.

That's why they laugh so hard.

They're like,
"Yeah, no, she does.
She does have that chin hair."

That's not even a joke.

That one's just kind
of the truth, you know?

Cut this. Uh...

Whew, all right.

For a while there, I was trying
to figure out if I was gay

or if I just liked weak men,

and, uh, that was
difficult, you know?

Because I did, like, my type,
like, for the longest time

was just weak, weak men.

You know, physically
and mentally weak,

kind of what I was going for.

Like, low iron,
low self-esteem boys, you know?

Like, a little bit of
jaundice and daddy issues.

And I'm like, skinny and sad,
I'll fuck ya.

That's what I like.

Like, the kind of weak,
like, if they got a flat tire
on the side of the road,

they ask me
how to change it, right?

I'm like, "Let mama do it.
Clean out the trunk, pussy."

That kind of weak.

Physically very weak.

Just physically caved in.

You guys know
what I'm talking about?

You know those
chest dips they get?

Woo!

I'm like, get over here, baby.
I'm gonna eat
guacamole out of you.

I'm gonna eat you out tonight.

How about that?
That's different.

They were hard to find, dude.
They were hard to find.

My friends are like,
"How you finding them?
You getting on Hinge?"

And I'm like, no.
Here lately, I've just been
hanging outside of vape shops.

Looking for the one that looked
like he forgot to eat lunch.

That's my boy.
You can see him
because of the dark circles.

My friends would
make fun of me, you know?

They're like, "Oh, Sarah,
doesn't it bother you

that you end up weighing
more than your boyfriend?

I'm like, "Doesn't it
bother you, Katie,

to think that your boyfriend
could kill you with one hand?"

"You ever think about that?
Yeah, one hand. You're dead."

My boyfriend wants to kill me,
he's gonna have to plan it.

And I know men, he's never
gonna figure that shit out.

He's gonna be at the store
just like, "Babe,

what kills you?"

I had a weird type for
a long time. Very weird type.

I dated two guys that
like a finger in their butt.

You guys feel awkward?
I just said that
in front of my mom.

Fucking loosen up, all right?

Get those assholes a little
bit loose for this joke.

And I'll do it, you know?

Like, I'll put
a finger in a butt, whatever.

It's not because I'm, like,
fun and kinky or anything.

It's just because
I want to be loved so bad.

I'm like, whatever
you like, me too, I guess, now.

I was dating this one guy,
he was like a one-finger
fella for the longest time.

And one night he was
like, you can put two in.

This is gonna get spicy because
we had never done
that before, right?

So I was like, "Oh,
well, let me take my ring off."

He was like,
"Nah, you don't have to,
the ring won't bother me."

And I was like, well,
my mom got me this ring.

When my cousin passed away,
and it has her ashes in it,

and I just
can't imagine losing her twice.

She didn't
deserve to be up there.

She wasn't
a piece of shit, you know?

That was a joke
I was gonna take out,

and then I didn't
because my mom is here.

And she was like,
"Nah, that's true,
there is ashes in that ring."

You guys drinking?

Put them up, do something cool.

I don't know.

This is very weird.

I perform for a lot of
strangers,

and I see a lot of
familiar faces
here.

And I know, I love you guys.
I'm so happy you guys are here.

She goes, "Do you wanna vape?"

I do.

I think that would solve
everything right now, dude.

I gotta quit vaping.

I haven't breathed
right in like seven years.

Cut that. Um...

I had to slow down my
drinking a lot in my 30s, a lot.

Because every time I would have
more than seven drinks,

I would do this really
weird thing called cocaine.

Big problem.

I didn't have
a problem with cocaine,

but people definitely
had a problem with me

when I did it, right?

Because I was under
the impression that people
did cocaine and they got sexy.

That's what I thought.
Like, I thought you did cocaine,

you turned into like
one of those hot girls
that goes out,

and they dance,
and they give blowjobs
or whatever.

But like that's not what
happened to me, and I think
like looking back I'm like

"Oh, it's just the ADHD, right?"

Because I did cocaine

and I was like, "Guys,
I think I know how to read."

"We should go home and
list the presidents in order."

Slowed down my
drinking a lot, a lot. Um...

I slowed down my drinking
because I got this infection,

and the doctor told me
when I got the infection

they were like,
"Hey, we're going
to give you a pill,

and on this pill you cannot
drink on it for seven days."

If you drink on this pill
you will shit out of your mouth
or something like that.

I don't know,
they made it seem really scary.

So I didn't drink
for seven days,

and I couldn't remember
the last time I hadn't
drank for seven days,

and my biggest fear at the time
was that the guy that I was
dating at the time

was going to break up with me
if I couldn't drink with him
for seven days.

I know, isn't that crazy
that he did?

It's fine, he got fat and
he's a DJ, so fuck him, right?

I just didn't know what to do
with all this spare time, right?

Like, do you guys
have, um, hobbies?

Oh, it got real quiet.

You guys had a lot
to say just a second ago.

You have hobbies?

What's your hobby? Drinking.

Yeah. Not a lot.
You have a hobby?

- Yeah.
- What's your hobby?

Dungeons and Dragons.

Oh you're a nerd.

Do you guys know what
Dungeons and Dragons is?

Yeah? It's basically
like women repellent. Um...

I'm kidding.
Is that your girlfriend?

Does she play
Dungeons and Dragons with you?

- No.
- No.

How do you feel about
the Dungeons and Dragons?

Support from afar.

Support from afar.

So you have the whole setup,

the map with the shit on it

and you have
all your friends over?

You made
a Dungeons and Dragons map?

Well yeah,
I started a new campaign.

Have you thought
about maybe drinking?

Might be a little
bit better of a hobby.

I just thought,
yeah, I had no idea.

I'm like, what do
people do other than drink?

So I was like, I'm
going to get my life together.
That's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to get my
whole fucking life together.
I bought a planner.

First step
that you have to do, right?
Get a planner.

Here's the thing, I found
out that I was never busy.

Just really
hungover all the time.

Because I went to write
in the planner and I was like,

wake up.

And that's all I had
to do for the whole day.

Just fucking make it through.

All right, I'm almost done.

This has been fun. Really.

I'm having fun.
Are you guys having fun?

Cool.

You guys getting married?

Anybody in here
getting married soon?

You guys are
getting married soon?

When are you getting married?

Probably within
the next year.

Probably within the next year.

So you're not even engaged.

Oh, you're engaged.

Okay, wouldn't that be crazy if
you were like,

"Probably within
the next year, right?"

Where's my ring, Johnny?

Have you decided on
a venue or anything like that?

No? Do you know where
you're going to go
for your bachelorette party?

Okay. You're a planner.

You're a planner.
You know what you should get?

You should get a little planner.

It really helps with everything.

Where'd you go on
your bachelorette party?

- Didn't have one.
- You didn't have
a bachelorette party? Okay.

Why?

- I was pregnant.
- Okay.

That's a wedding
in Liberty, Indiana.

It's just like,

you have to wear
the long overflow dress

to cover up your belly
with every wedding there.

I keep having to go on
all these bachelorette parties.

That's like, that's
what I keep having to do.

I went to a bachelorette
party in New Orleans.

Have you guys
heard of this place?

Your hair.

Are we going
to ruin the special?

- Cut it.
- Cut my hair?

We gotta fix you.

Keep this.
This is actually hilarious.

I have extensions in.

I know I look incredible.

That was actually
the cutest thing
that's ever happened on stage

is somebody just like
fixed my hair for me.

And that's women
empowerment, dude.

Talk shit about
women all you want.

None of you fat, dumb dudes

would have ever came up here
and fixed my hair for me.

In fact, if this
was a guy up here

and his guy friends were here

and he had something
going on with his hair,

they'd be like, "Dude,
look at his hair,
he looks like a fucking idiot."

"We're going to film it and put
it on YouTube tonight because
it's fucking hilarious."

No one hates guys
more than other guys.

You guys are
assholes to each other.

Okay, anyway, I keep going on
all these bachelorette parties.

We went to New Orleans
for the bachelorette party.

That place sucks, dude.
That place sucks.

And I turned so feminist
the minute I walked into
New Orleans

because what you're supposed
to do there is you're supposed
to show your titties for beads.

And I was like,
I'm not showing my tits, guys.

I'm not showing my tits
for 25 cent beads.

I won't do it.

Three tequila shots.

That's about all it takes.

That's all it takes. Right?

I went up to some bar
and I was like, "Whoo!"

Here's what I didn't tell
you guys. I have A-cup
inverted nipple tits.

Um...

So nobody was excited, right?

I did it and some guy
actually came over and
he took my beads away from me.

He's like, "Let's get you home,
little boy.

I was in front of a church
so that was my bad.

I thought it was a bar.
That was my bad.

I like these bachelorette
parties because I can tell
which one of my friends

have gotten more
responsible over time, right?

You can always
tell by the purse, right?

The bigger the purse,
the more responsible they get,
less fun they get.

It's an unfortunate series
of events that happens to them.

You know what I mean?
Because if they have one of
those big purses

that they can whip
over their shoulders,

they're going to figure out
your taxes that night.

"Get in the car"
or whatever mom's say.
I don't know.

And then you have the girls
that have the crossbody bag.

Right? Those are the fun
and responsible girls, right?

Anybody here
a crossbody bag girl?
Fun and responsible.

Looking to get married,
not quite there yet.

Because she can fit
like her keys
and her dignity in there.

And my keys!
- And her keys. Yes.

And then this is a woman
once again, we love women here.

She can strap it on.

She can hold your keys.

She can fuck you
with that on. Like that...

And then there's those girls
that just have like the
irresponsibility pocket

on the back of their phone.

You know what I'm talking about?

It's just got an ID
and a debit card in there.
That's all they need.

They just show up.
They're like,
"I don't even have keys."

"I lost them to
a DUI like three years ago."

But they're the funnest person
on the bachelorette party.
I can tell you that.

You'll never find them again.

You'll see them
on the first night.

They show up the last day

with just like sticks
and mud in their hair.

They're just like,
"That was the best time
of my life."

I love being back here.
I love being
back in the Midwest.

I hate living in New York.
It's fine.

I hate it.

It's very, it's very fun.
But I miss,
I miss the Midwest a lot.

I grew up in Liberty, Indiana.

Nobody ever cheers for that.

So this is different.

It's a, it's a beautiful city.

If you guys haven't been
there, it is very beautiful.

Um, everyone grows
their own meth there.

Very beautiful.

Everyone there is just like,
we still think Myrtle Beach

is a good place
to go on vacation.

Grew up
a little bit white trash.

I didn't know
that I was white trash though.

Anybody here accidentally
find out they're white trash?

It hurts.
I didn't know
until I got to college.

I joined a sorority in college

and they asked me one time,
they were like, "Sarah, what's
the first drug you ever did?"

They're like,
"Was it Molly or weed?"

And without skipping a beat,
I had to look these three girls
dead in the eye and I was like,

"One time when I was 13,
I tried huffing gas."

I was like, "Is that drugs?"

They're like, "I don't know,
but we're so scared of you."

They're like, "Spencer's never
gonna like you, knowing that."

And I was like,
"Spencer's also a bitch.
Not really interested."

Spencer also makes all
you ladies wait in line to get
to the bars.

I had sex with the line cook so
we can get in through the back.

You know, like
whose side are you on?

I feel like when I tell people
that I grew up white trash,

they automatically
assume that I grew up poor.

We did when I was younger,
but we came into like a large
lump sum

of cash really fast

and I won't bore you guys
with the details,
but it was the lottery.

Like the worst thing that you
can give to white trash people
though is money. Right?

Because we didn't
know what to do with it.

So we just started buying things
we thought rich people bought.

Like the first thing
that my dad bought
with the money,

I wish I was
making this up, was a limo.

A limousine.

It didn't even run.

It just kind of sat in our yard

as the biggest
yard ornament that we had.

I was 13 when this happened.
Right?

So I didn't realize that this
was some like white trash
treasure thing to do. Right?

Like my bullies be baffled.

They'd be like,
"You have buck teeth."

And I'd be like, "And a limo."

Yeah.

Yeah. So watch your mouth
when you're talking to me,
Dylan, okay?

You just gotta buy shit, dude.

We bought a pool,
above ground, of course.

We could afford
the in-ground one,

we just didn't know
they came like that.

Nobody taught us how
to take care of it either.

You know that family,

you go to their pool
and it's just green.

You jump into it,
you're like, why is it slippery?

The house is nice, but gross.
You're playing that little game,

see who can
slide down it the fastest.

My cousin, he bought this
really nice boat with the money,

but he was also my dad. And...

I did think my dad was my cousin

because he is,
but it's just my third cousin
so it's not a big deal.

So I bought my whole family
those Ancestry DNA tests
for Christmas, right?

I was like, I'll ruin a holiday.
I don't care.

I don't have a job.
I get to do this.

I'll ruin
a holiday for this joke.

When you take those little
Ancestry DNA tests,

it kind of tells you
where you're from, right?

It'll be like 90% Wales,
9% Sweden, 1% Congo on mine.

Yeah. I was running this joke
by one of my friends though.

She thought the part
where I said I'm 90% Wales
was the joke.

She's like, "Don't
say you're a whale, Sarah.

You're not even that big!?

I was like, I'm sorry I don't
drink kale smoothies
and do cocaine like you, Katie.

Here's a little back
story about my friend Katie.

My friend Katie is
absolutely beautiful, okay?

She's the type of beautiful
I know she's never

had to use her mouth
to try and save a relationship

and I think
that's great for her, you know?

She is dumb though.
She's very dumb. Um...

Like she's an anti-vaxxer

but then she does drugs.

I'm like, have we tried
selling the vaccine to her

in a little baggie from
some dude named Derek?

She'll try it, I swear.
She loves vaccines.

You just gotta
crush them up for her.

She's always doing
these weird diets, man.

You know, she's vegan

so she won't drink cow's milk

but then she'll let dudes
that sell cryptocurrency
cum into her mouth.

I'm like, I think you got your
liquid priorities wrong, Katie.

She's always trying to get me
to do these weird diets
with her, right?

She's like, "Oh Sarah, why don't
you try and eat some fruit?"

"Have you ever eaten fruit?"

I was like, I don't think I had
water until I was like 19, so.

No, I'm not a big fruit gal.

She's like,
you should try pineapple.

Pineapple's not only
good for you,

it also makes your
pH taste better, right?

Are you guys familiar with this
or are you guys a bunch of
dirties?

Makes everything
taste better, right?

And I was like,
"That's great, Katie,

but like, I'm a millennial
so I'm just trying to figure out

what fruit I have to eat
to make my asshole taste better.

I figured it out, it's a banana.

Yeah, you don't
even have to eat it.

I did find out that I'm 1% black
from that Ancestry DNA test

and I was like, 1% black DNA,
like, not a lot.

How could
that have happened, right? Um...

But it is a mouth swab test.

So I think I probably should've
just brushed my teeth
before I took it.

My boyfriend is here, you can't
say that in front of him.

Oh yeah, Morgan's in
an interracial relationship,
that's cute.

I'm in an interracial
relationship as well

and it's crazy that
my boyfriend still has to
deal with racism, right?

To this day.

From my grandma. And...

I'm kidding.

My grandpa's
pretty bad about it too.

We're working on it, you know?

And I don't think
we can blame old people
for being racist, right?

We can't really blame them.
I'm not saying
that she's a smart person, okay?

She's got an 8th grade education
from the hills of
Kentucky, alright?

They're not smart people.

I know that she's not like
the smartest person in the world

because she named my dad Rancer.

R-A-N-C-E R.

It feels like
my grandma was just like,

"I like these letters."

"Put 'em together."

I asked her, I was like,
how'd you come up with
the name Rancer?

And she's like, "Well,
originally I liked
the name Rance."

You guys
familiar with that name?

Yeah, she's like, "But then
I wanted to add an R
to the end of it."

And I was like, "Damn,
she would add the hard R
to a made-up name."

All right, guys,
I'm Sarah Huntington.
Thank you guys so much.