Original subtitles

You are a pebble in the stream.

Allow the water to shape your surface.

You are a reed in the wind.

Bend so that you do not break.

You are the wind in the trees. Oh, fuck!

Easton?

Diana! Is Easton in here?

No!

Well, he knows we have to be at the soup kitchen!

OK, bye.

Where the hell is Easton?

I love that you still pretend

you're actually exercising.

I do exercise.

You just happen to be along my jogging route.

"Jogging route." Cute.

You know, Easton, I miss you in your whites.

There's something so attractive about a man in uniform, you know?

It's that confident projection of, "I have a job."

Not this again. Come on.

Don't you think it's time you pulled yourself up

by your bootstraps and got back to doing what you love?

Can you just stop?

Sorry, I just think, sometimes, it takes a friend

to call out the bullshit.

So, we ARE friends.

Options for today.

A - we can do it in the cellar door in the making

or B - we could replay love in the vines.

Can't we ever just go to your house?

I think tradesmen should use the trades entrance, don't you?

Well, you just said I was your friend.

I think the cellar door option.

I've got a new sofa.

You're better than this. Don't listen to your penis.

Don't listen to your…

It's Danish.

You're pathetic.

Easton!

Easton!

Oh! Oh! Look at this from Aunty Lyn.

Is it right opening presents when we didn't actually get married?

"Congratulations. Sorry about the spelling.

"It was too late to change. Love, Lyn."

"Dennis."

Hello, Dennis.

Oh, and you better dig out your dancing shoes

'cause we've got another wedding present we have to use.

Oh, Brett, you know I don't like surprises.

Well, that's why I'm telling you now…Dennis.

Easton!

Oh! An electric fly-swatting tennis racquet.

Yes! Easton!

OK, so I was thinking we'll reschedule for the 17th,

just before Diana goes back.

Reschedule the wedding?

You're doing what?

And there'll be no alcohol and we'll enforce a no-gun policy.

Oh, jeez, Mum! Rub it in. God! Has anyone seen Easton?

I can't find the douche-nozzle anywhere.

Or we could just use a registry office.

Well, the whole point of getting married

was to publicly celebrate.

Or live stream.

I WAS publicly celebrating, up until, you know, the incident.

I just want our family to do one thing properly.

Just for once! Is that too much to ask?

I am doing right

'cause I am repaying my debts to society.

Oh. Oh, to society.

Well, what about to me? What about to us?

Well, Mum, you sort of did force me to flee the country

after lying about my grandmother's death

my entire life, so I think we're pretty even-stevens.

You Wests, you don't give an inch.

I am right, though.

Maybe you should go to work and have a little bit of a ponder,

and I'll take your mother dancing, and maybe - just maybe -

you can meet in the middle somewhere, eh?

Fine. I'm going to go and find Easton.

He went out jogging.

He goes jogging?

Yeah, through Margot's vines.

Ew.

It was Dennis.

Have a little bit of self-respect.

You are a reed in the wind.

I'm a reed in the wind.

Bend so that you do not snap. Bend so that you do not snap.

Jesus! You lunatic!

Get in the car now. Why?

Why? Because, Easton…

..if you deliberately sabotage our community service

and I don't get back to London for my restaurant opening,

I will haunt you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I will be everywhere.

I'll be in your house, in your face.

I'll be loud and young and effer-flippin'-vescent.

I will make your life a pastel-coloured hell.

It doesn't start for another hour.

Fine, but I meant what I said.

Yeah, I brought your shit. You're welcome.

What's this?

If you must know,

Harry's hired Viggo Jansenn as exec chef,

so I need to get a menu to him asap,

which means I need to invent a new dish, like, yesterday.

You and Viggo Jansenn? Odd mix.

No, WE were an odd mix. He is a genius.

No, he's not. He's just…Danish.

What is this wankery?

None of this looks anything like what you do.

You know this whole Nordic minimalism bollocks

will be over next week?

Yeah, that's what you said about

gourmet burgers and the Me Too movement.

I haven't abandoned the restaurant, Viggo.

We're just held up here for a week or two.

It's a long time.

I can still be across everything off-site.

I just did a medical consult for a scalding burn, all online.

I don't care if you burned you face off.

We need you here.

Your empathy is overwhelming.

This is ridiculous. We need the dessert menu, Harold.

How am I supposed to finalise the menu

if Diana hasn't told me what she's making?

Diana's actually preparing the menu now.

Actually, it looks really exciting. It better not be another vagina.

No, no, no. No chocolate vaginas.

She is thinking of gender-swapping to a penis pie, though, actually.

Harold, you promised me no genitals. Mate, I'm joking. I'm joking.

Her menu will complement yours, alright? I promise.

Your father is not going to be happy.

Get me the menu, Harold. I need it now.

We will get it to you. I promise.

This is ridiculous. I've got to go, Viggo.

I don't want to see you thinking. Just moving.

I can tell when you're thinking.

Like the great poet said, the hips don't lie.

Yes, but I can't move my hips unless I think about it.

I think he's trying that clear-your-mind Yoda thing.

Oh, OK, I'll try.

No, or try not. Do or do not.

Left, right.

Yeah, left… Yeah. Left, right, left, right.

Left, right. Do I go right and you go…?

Try. Left, right, left right.

Left, right, left…

Oh, I'm terrible at this! No, no, no, no, no.

Babe, it's OK. Let's just have fun.

Let's have some fun.

Yeah, but doing things properly is how I have fun.

One more try. One more try. OK.

Left, left… I know. I know.

Brett, why don't you partner with Jeremiah over there?

What? Jeremiah - that one there.

OK, Denise…

Excuse me? Yes?

Um, my name is Brett.

Alberto just asked me to come partner.

Alright, Brett, I'm not here to fuck spiders.

I've got beginners' regionals next week.

Can you merengue? Oh, just a bit. I…

Foxtrot? No.

Rumba? No.

Ballroom? This…this is my first lesson.

Jesus Christ!

That's my part…

And…

That's… Ooh, that's tight. Then loosen up.

OK, Denise, let's stop you from looking like a baby giraffe

walking on a lake of jelly, OK?

The hips don't lie, remember.

Move those hips.

Excuse me. I can see you're a big wheel.

I could tell by your fancy shorts. Diana tells me you won't cook.

I refuse to cook for a world that rewards talent with emojis.

I am a pebble in the stream.

Right.

Well, if it's meaning you're looking for,

is there a better one than cooking for hungry people

who can't feed themselves?

I mean, that fella fed 5,000 on that idea.

We've only got to feed 30. And who are you exactly?

I'm Terry. I help out in the kitchen.

I'm a big fan.

It's going to be fantastic working with you, Chef…

..though I probably can't call you that now.

Well, you can if you want.

Well, not if you're not a chef, I can't.

I mean, I'd like to be called Wing Commander,

but I don't fly a plane.

Look, you just cook and I'll do the rest.

OK, perfect.

You can start by emptying all the bins,

and once you've done that,

you can set up the dining-room chairs,

and then get onto the dishes.

Lovely fella. Oh, yeah.

So, we're making soup and what else?

What I'm going to do is, like, a take

on the mission's apple crumble, right?

But with, like, a Nordic twist.

So, maybe if you want to get started on prepping the apples?

Right, OK.

Carpe diem curry.

Carp?

Yeah, they have a bad rep as a pest species,

but they're good if you clean them right.

Interesting.

So, I've managed to push that party of 12 back to 7:30.

Mm-hm.

And I'd like a 500% pay rise because, without me,

this entire shit show would collapse.

OK, sure.

He's trying my new dish.

Oh, no.

Get down. Get down.

Holy shit!

Harry Sarraf, you whingeing Pom!

Mate! Oh, Benny Zhao, you piece of shit!

It's been a while, mate.

So, why are we hiding?

Heard you were in town.

So, you came to check out my new digs, huh?

Hey, how's your dad?

Hey, Nayani, Kwame.

Ah, I heard you met my crew as well.

But wait - I bet Diana told you all about them, right?

Diana told me a lot about Nayani, but nothing about Kwame, weirdly.

Ouch! How could she leave you out?

Well, Kwame mentioned at the wedding that I should drop in

if I was ever at a loose end.

That's nice of him.

He's just made me a dish.

You can help me decide if it makes the menu.

Ah, lovely.

Cool. Cool.

I guess I'll just make another one.

Where is the lovely lady friend?

Ah, she and Easton are volunteering at a soup kitchen.

Community service.

I heard about this too. Easton shot the celebrant.

Cockatoo.

I think I know the answer to this,

but I do these charity events at a soup kitchen.

Which one are they at?

Northside Mission.

Small world.

Are you going to start the soup soon?

We've got people who rely on us to feed them.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just that Viggo doesn't like sweet desserts

and everything I do comes with a diabetes warning.

Which one did you go for?

Single dew drop on a thorny leaf served in a pond of pixie jizz?

Hobos are going to love that.

Can you please not use that word again?

'Jizz'?

Oh, you mean… Oh.

I'm just trying to complement his menu.

No, you're trying to guess what Viggo wants

as opposed to listening to your intuition.

I'd recognise that bickering family anywhere.

Oh, God, no!

That's no way to welcome an old friend!

What's up, Terry?

Diana, welcome home. Hey. Thanks. Yeah.

I'm not HOME home, though. No, I know.

You're opening a restaurant with Viggo Jansenn.

Harry's at my new joint right now having lunch.

I haven't seen that kid

since I was apprenticing for his dad in London.

Harry's there now? Cool.

Hey, Nayani told me what happened. Hectic.

Guns, dead bird, cops - sounds like my kind of party!

Ben puts on a monthly fundraising lunch here.

Yeah. The looks on peoples' faces

when they taste something truly special, it's humbling.

Can we help you with something? We're kind of in the middle of…

No, no, I just wanted to be the first to come here

and commiserate with you.

What? You're throwing in the towel.

I wanted to see the man in action one last time.

What makes you think I'm retiring?

Well, I have my sources and, you know,

you look…relaxed.

Hey, I'll get out of here.

Terry, keep an eye on these crims for us, eh?

What a prick.

And Nayani's got a big mouth. I know, right?

God, she's like the fricking WikiLeaks of Uraidla.

This soup kitchen's been running for over 40 years

and we've never once not served hot food to the needy.

We need to make soup. Now.

Fuck this!

Really?

Alright, forget him, OK?

You start prepping the pumpkins and I'll…be over in a minute.

Welcome back, Chef.

Shut up. Yes, Chef.

Well done!

Muy bien, Denise.

Look! Yeah, da-da-da-da.

You are beyond help.

I'm going to teach you a dance my dad taught me.

It's called the baby penguin.

I'll lead.

You're still distracted. I think you have blockage up here.

Why do you want to dance, Denise?

We thought we could do a wedding dance.

Oh, wedding dance! Beautiful.

Picture this, right? Close your eyes.

You and Brett on the dance floor alone at your wedding.

Did you even try?

I am trying. Yes, but it was disturbing.

Brett and I tried to get married recently,

but my daughter, who ran away to London

after we told her that her grandmother was dead,

but wasn't actually dead, she shot up our wedding,

and so everyone left before the ceremony,

and we didn't get married, and now I blame her.

Oh, don't blame her. What?

Your daughter shot your mother at your wedding?

This is ridiculous. Shh!

Yeah, and I think that I'm also feeling guilty

because part of me organised the wedding

to get Diana back to Australia in the first place.

So, you're not going to marry for love?

Yes, but, um, I thought I could kill more birds.

Kill? Metaphorical birds.

OK, it's happening - loosening up.

Yeah, yeah, I feel like… That's it.

..I'm unblocking. That's too much. That's too much.

Less, less, less vigour. That's not merengue.

That's it, baby. Just have some fun!

See that?

That's my girlfriend.

Whoo-hoo!

You're going to have to fight him. What?

Kwame? Hey. What's up?

Mate, that curry?

Proper wow.

I mean, yes! Yes, bloody please!

Thanks. I love that carp.

Such a hated species,

but you can really make people love it again

if you just treat it right.

You, sir, are an enigma. Uraidla's best-kept secret.

Oh, there's really no secret. Well, Diana certainly kept shtum.

I wonder why that is.

I guess you'll have to ask her.

He knows. He totally knows.

God, I wish he wasn't such a nice guy.

Jesus! He left a 100 tip.

What a wanker!

OK, we ready for service? Ready.

You guys start. I'll be ready.

Wait, wait. Always check for seasoning.

Wow! It's bloody delicious.

You OK? Fine.

Do you need me to…? No.

You sure?

This is actually what I do for a living, so…

OK, right. Good, good, good.

Someone said it tastes like liquid gold.

♪ Thy kingdom come Thy will be done

♪ On Earth as it is in Heaven… ♪

Tastes like liquid gold.

♪ Give us this day our daily bread

♪ Forgive us our trespasses

♪ As we forgive those who trespass against us

♪ Forgive us our trespasses

♪ Oh-oh-oh… ♪

Liquid gold. Liquid gold.

You alright, mate?

Mm-hm.

Apple crumble. Wait, is that it?

Yeah, it's…Nordic.

What's that? It's Nordic.

Can I have another?

Can I have another?

No, listen, old trick of mine -

grab a biscuit from the coffee station

and whack some jam on it.

The texture's like…phlegm.

There's absolutely no relationship to who you are as a chef…

..but the flavours are very interesting.

Interesting's not going to get these people through

a night on the streets, though, is it?

No.

It's Nordic.

It went well, then?

Charity is exhausting.

Easton is exhausting.

Life is exhausting.

We really need to get this menu to Viggo, pronto.

Yeah, nearly there.

Kwame cooked me lunch today.

I heard. How was that?

Why didn't you tell me that you and Kwame dated?

Diana, can I have a word?

Really, Mum? Right now?

Sorry, I just wanted to say that

I'm really proud of you

and I'm glad that you rebelled

by getting an amazing job and…and a polite boyfriend

instead of - I don't know - a face tattoo.

Thanks. Thanks.

And I'm sorry for…

..everything.

I'm sorry too, Mum.

And…

Just… We'll just… Yeah.

Really good. Yeah, yeah.

I want to come inside…

..your…your house.

He wore his whites.

Yeah, and also, this belittlement thing,

it was a massive turn-on,

but now it's starting to wear a bit thin.

Well, the thing is Easton,

my house is a sacred and private space,

and I'm very particular about who comes inside.

Yeah, I thought you'd say that,

which is why I'm here to inform you that, um…

..I'm going on strike.

Don't you need a job for that? Sex.

A sex strike.

Until you let me into your bedroom, these sacred privates are off-limits.

Are you sure your wrists can handle that?

Carpel tunnel - it's a very serious issue

for the middle-aged man.

I'll hold out longer than you will.

Don't listen to your penis.

Don't listen to your penis.

Shit.

Yes!

So, this Jeremiah is a little bit too pretentious for my liking.

Yeah, he was 10.

No, no, no, he wasn't 10.

He was 12. He was 12.

He could really merengue, though.

I've always wanted to merengue.

Hello. Hello. I'm looking for Jim West.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jim passed last year.

Oh, no, no. I know that.

Jim Jr. Jimmy.

Denise, is that you?

Can I ask who's calling?

I'm June - your mother.

Who is it, love?

Wrong house!

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation