All language subtitles for Masterclass David Sedaris Teaches Storytelling and Humor - 13.Conclusion.Two Groups of People

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You know you're in trouble
when at the end of your essay,

you have to do this to show
people you've come to an end.

Oh my god.

That's just such a--

that's cheating.

And it's never going
to work on the page

because you just did all
of that with your voice.

And that's like slowly
breaking, but it's not ending.

They do that on
NPR all the time.

They end-- they end essays,
you know, reports that way,

and it's like, oh, come on.

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The most important thing for
you is to develop discipline

for writing is to set a
time and sit down and stay

at your desk for a
certain amount of time,

and then up it and
up it and up it.

Writing letters
counts as writing.

Writing emails doesn't.

I can't tell you how many
times I've been at my desk,

and I've just had nothing.

And then I've looked
out the window,

and I've seen something.

Maybe it's just I'm
watching birds fighting,

and that can lead to something.

But unless you're
sitting at your desk,

it's not going to happen.

So you really need
to develop that habit

of sitting at your desk.

and you need to keep in
mind that as long as you're

there, and as long as
you do it every day,

and as long as you
read everything

you can get your hands on,
you are going to get better.

Don't confuse
publishing with writing.

They're two completely
different things.

Let the world take care
of the publishing part.

That's not your job.

I wrote every day for 15 years
before my first book came out.

That seemed normal to me.

I throw away maybe a
third of what I write.

That's normal to me.

Sometimes, it's easy.

But most times, it's not.

That's normal to me.

It's not-- every day isn't going
to be a great day at your desk.

That's normal.

Nobody has a great day
at their desk every day.

You really need to
get to work now.

You really-- I
mean, I don't mean

to suggest that you weren't
working before you started

watching this, but you know,
if I could do anything,

if I could do anything, I would
just want you to know how,

how possible it is.

I remember the day that
I announced to myself

that I wanted to be
a writer, and I'd

been writing for five
years by that point.

And I was in North Carolina,
and I was in Raleigh.

And I was riding my bike,
and I remember exactly where

I was on the road.

And I said to myself,
I want to be a writer.

And it's terrifying to
say that because once you

announce an ambition,
if it doesn't work out,

then you're a failure, right?

Even if you just tell
no one but yourself,

you're setting yourself up.

It's scary.

It's scary to say that
you want to do something.

But there comes a point when
if you're serious about it,

then you have to say at least to
yourself, this is what I want.

And then there are stakes.

You know, there are
stakes involved, right?

Because then if you don't get
it, you have to think, OK,

how do I deal with that?

But you know what?

If I can write 10 books and if
I can be in "The New Yorker"

and if I can have my own radio
show on the BBC, anybody can.

I'm not naturally
talented writer.

I'm not.

I have-- there are plenty
of people funnier than me.

There are plenty
of people who are

better storytellers than me.

And I made it.

And there's not a single day
that I don't marvel at that.

And I think, why me
and not somebody else?

But there's nothing
terribly special about me.

I don't look special.

I can't believe I'm on
the radio with this voice.

I met a teacher.

And he had his students read--

listen to a bit
of my audio book.

And he said, what did you think?

And one kid said, I just
feel sorry for that old lady.

And he said, what old lady?

And they said, the one they
hired to read that stupid book.

Not just a woman,
but an old woman.

That's who he thought I was.

But how can you be on the
radio with this voice?

I would suggest to
anybody the second

this is over to read "The
Getaway Car" by Ann Patchett.

It is the best essay I've
ever read about writing,

and it's from starting to write
to having a book published.

Everything-- she covers
everything in that essay.

And I, I read it over just
because it so inspires me.

It inspires me to
be a better writer,

and it reminds me of
the joy of writing,

as opposed to having
a deadline, as opposed

to having to go over, you know,
edits again with, you know,

a line editor.

It reminds me of how lucky I
am and how lucky you are just

to be interested in writing
and to want to do it

and to try and to fail.

I divide the world into two
groups of people, right?

There are those who pay someone
to listen to their problems,

and there are those who
get paid for telling people

their problems, right?

I am very fortunate to
be in group number two,

and there is a spot here waiting
for you when you're ready.

When you're ready, I've saved a
spot right next to me for you.

I can't wait to hear
about everything

that's gone wrong in your life.

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