Original subtitles

President Trump left for a major summit

President Trump left for a major summit

President Trump left for a major summit in China yesterday, where he's sure to

in China yesterday, where he's sure to

in China yesterday, where he's sure to discuss important topics such as trade

discuss important topics such as trade

discuss important topics such as trade deals, the war in Iran, and whether the

deals, the war in Iran, and whether the

deals, the war in Iran, and whether the Chinese can help get his fingers out of

Chinese can help get his fingers out of

Chinese can help get his fingers out of that pesky trap.

Honestly, this trip could not have come

Honestly, this trip could not have come

Honestly, this trip could not have come at a better time. Things have not been

at a better time. Things have not been

at a better time. Things have not been going great at home, and at a press

going great at home, and at a press

going great at home, and at a press conference just before he left, you can

conference just before he left, you can

conference just before he left, you can see just how testy he's getting. So what

see just how testy he's getting. So what

see just how testy he's getting. So what happened is uh we have a ballroom that's

happened is uh we have a ballroom that's

happened is uh we have a ballroom that's under budget. It's going up right here.

under budget. It's going up right here.

under budget. It's going up right here. Double double.

Double double.

Double double. >> I doubled the size of it. You dumb

>> I doubled the size of it. You dumb

>> I doubled the size of it. You dumb person.

person.

person. >> Cuba. What about

>> Cuba. What about

>> Cuba. What about >> you? You are not a smart person.

>> you? You are not a smart person.

>> you? You are not a smart person. >> Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, Mr.

>> Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, Mr.

>> Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, Mr. President. Go to your happy place. Well,

President. Go to your happy place. Well,

President. Go to your happy place. Well, not literally. That party's over and

not literally. That party's over and

not literally. That party's over and your wingman is MIA.

metaphorically.

metaphorically.

metaphorically. The point is, I think both Trump and us

The point is, I think both Trump and us

The point is, I think both Trump and us could benefit from this time apart. I

could benefit from this time apart. I

could benefit from this time apart. I mean, nothing wrong with a little break.

mean, nothing wrong with a little break.

mean, nothing wrong with a little break. Get some distance, reset. You know what?

Get some distance, reset. You know what?

Get some distance, reset. You know what? You can you can take your boys with you.

You can you can take your boys with you.

You can you can take your boys with you. >> Making the trip with him, several of the

>> Making the trip with him, several of the

>> Making the trip with him, several of the nation's top CEOs, including Elon Musk,

nation's top CEOs, including Elon Musk,

nation's top CEOs, including Elon Musk, Tim Cook, and Jensen Wong, the head of

Tim Cook, and Jensen Wong, the head of

Tim Cook, and Jensen Wong, the head of Nvidia.

Nvidia.

Nvidia. >> That's your crew?

>> That's your crew?

>> That's your crew? Those are your boys. Not exactly the rat

Those are your boys. Not exactly the rat

Those are your boys. Not exactly the rat pack here, is it? That's the kind of

pack here, is it? That's the kind of

pack here, is it? That's the kind of bachelor party that makes a stripper

bachelor party that makes a stripper

bachelor party that makes a stripper want to get her life back in order.

In fact, you can tell that that was not

In fact, you can tell that that was not

In fact, you can tell that that was not a fun flight by watching Donald Trump

a fun flight by watching Donald Trump

a fun flight by watching Donald Trump walking down the staircase after he

walking down the staircase after he

walking down the staircase after he landed in Beijing. I mean, look at that.

landed in Beijing. I mean, look at that.

landed in Beijing. I mean, look at that. That is a man who spent 19 hours sitting

That is a man who spent 19 hours sitting

That is a man who spent 19 hours sitting next to Elon Musk.

next to Elon Musk.

next to Elon Musk. Yeah, sure. Yeah. All right, let's hear

Yeah, sure. Yeah. All right, let's hear

Yeah, sure. Yeah. All right, let's hear Grock do the Borat voice again. Oh,

Grock do the Borat voice again. Oh,

Grock do the Borat voice again. Oh, yeah. All right. A partite South Africa

yeah. All right. A partite South Africa

yeah. All right. A partite South Africa was very nice. Yeah. When do we land?

was very nice. Yeah. When do we land?

was very nice. Yeah. When do we land? Luckily, China was there to perk him up,

Luckily, China was there to perk him up,

Luckily, China was there to perk him up, though, with a Jennifer Hudson spirit

though, with a Jennifer Hudson spirit

though, with a Jennifer Hudson spirit tuttle of business casual children.

>> That that chant translates to ballroom

>> That that chant translates to ballroom

>> That that chant translates to ballroom now. Ballroom now.

now. Ballroom now.

now. Ballroom now. And then of course Tim Cook got off the

And then of course Tim Cook got off the

And then of course Tim Cook got off the plane and was like, "Hey you kids, get

plane and was like, "Hey you kids, get

plane and was like, "Hey you kids, get back to work." Huh?

back to work." Huh?

back to work." Huh? I'm not paying you a nickel an hour to

I'm not paying you a nickel an hour to

I'm not paying you a nickel an hour to sing. Get back there.

sing. Get back there.

sing. Get back there. Anyway, you know what? I'm sure Trump

Anyway, you know what? I'm sure Trump

Anyway, you know what? I'm sure Trump will have a good time. And while he's

will have a good time. And while he's

will have a good time. And while he's gone, maybe we can have a little

gone, maybe we can have a little

gone, maybe we can have a little check-in back here at home. You know,

check-in back here at home. You know,

check-in back here at home. You know, I'm I'm talking to you, MAGA base. Um,

I'm I'm talking to you, MAGA base. Um,

I'm I'm talking to you, MAGA base. Um, hey,

MAGA pals. What's up, guys? is, you

MAGA pals. What's up, guys? is, you

MAGA pals. What's up, guys? is, you know, this is a safe space. Donald's

know, this is a safe space. Donald's

know, this is a safe space. Donald's gone. It's just you and me, your old

gone. It's just you and me, your old

gone. It's just you and me, your old pal, Jordy Kip, you know, let's rap. Not

pal, Jordy Kip, you know, let's rap. Not

pal, Jordy Kip, you know, let's rap. Not in an urban way. Don't worry.

in an urban way. Don't worry.

in an urban way. Don't worry. So, how we feeling? You know, about

So, how we feeling? You know, about

So, how we feeling? You know, about everything.

everything.

everything. >> Hey, Trump supporter here. This goes out

>> Hey, Trump supporter here. This goes out

>> Hey, Trump supporter here. This goes out to Don Jr. and Eric. WHERE THE IS MY

to Don Jr. and Eric. WHERE THE IS MY

to Don Jr. and Eric. WHERE THE IS MY PHONE?

PHONE?

PHONE? >> WHOA.

>> WHOA.

>> WHOA. WELL, it's it's in your hands, sir. Uh,

WELL, it's it's in your hands, sir. Uh,

WELL, it's it's in your hands, sir. Uh, it's how you're recording this, but you

it's how you're recording this, but you

it's how you're recording this, but you know, maybe you're talking about the new

know, maybe you're talking about the new

know, maybe you're talking about the new Trump mobile phone that Don Jr. and Eric

Trump mobile phone that Don Jr. and Eric

Trump mobile phone that Don Jr. and Eric are backing. You You must have ordered

are backing. You You must have ordered

are backing. You You must have ordered one of them.

one of them.

one of them. >> I ordered three, no, four gold Trump

>> I ordered three, no, four gold Trump

>> I ordered three, no, four gold Trump phones in the summer. NOW, WE CAN'T GET

phones in the summer. NOW, WE CAN'T GET

phones in the summer. NOW, WE CAN'T GET ANY updates on them.

ANY updates on them.

ANY updates on them. >> Well, I stand corrected. It was was four

>> Well, I stand corrected. It was was four

>> Well, I stand corrected. It was was four phones from the world's top phone

phones from the world's top phone

phones from the world's top phone makers, uh, Eric and Don Jr., Uh,

makers, uh, Eric and Don Jr., Uh,

makers, uh, Eric and Don Jr., Uh, look, look, for those of us who don't

look, look, for those of us who don't

look, look, for those of us who don't remember, last June, the Trump Sons

remember, last June, the Trump Sons

remember, last June, the Trump Sons introduced the Trump mobile phone, which

introduced the Trump mobile phone, which

introduced the Trump mobile phone, which had one major selling point.

had one major selling point.

had one major selling point. >> You're going to have um phones that are

>> You're going to have um phones that are

>> You're going to have um phones that are made right here in the United States of

made right here in the United States of

made right here in the United States of America. We're going to be building

America. We're going to be building

America. We're going to be building phones in America.

phones in America.

phones in America. >> It's about time we bring products back

>> It's about time we bring products back

>> It's about time we bring products back to our great country.

to our great country.

to our great country. >> Built for Americans, by Americans, for

>> Built for Americans, by Americans, for

>> Built for Americans, by Americans, for Americans by Americans. Sort of like foo

Americans by Americans. Sort of like foo

Americans by Americans. Sort of like foo for people who call the cops on people

for people who call the cops on people

for people who call the cops on people who wear foo, but still a $500 phone

who wear foo, but still a $500 phone

who wear foo, but still a $500 phone made in America. Say what you want about

made in America. Say what you want about

made in America. Say what you want about the Trump brothers. This is an

the Trump brothers. This is an

the Trump brothers. This is an incredible deal. And of course, the

incredible deal. And of course, the

incredible deal. And of course, the haters will say that you can't build a

haters will say that you can't build a

haters will say that you can't build a phone in America. That the only thing we

phone in America. That the only thing we

phone in America. That the only thing we make here anymore are Nepo babies and

make here anymore are Nepo babies and

make here anymore are Nepo babies and looks maxers. That this whole thing was

looks maxers. That this whole thing was

looks maxers. That this whole thing was just a scam aimed at anyone gullible

just a scam aimed at anyone gullible

just a scam aimed at anyone gullible enough to fall for it. But 600,000

enough to fall for it. But 600,000

enough to fall for it. But 600,000 people ignored the haters and put down a

people ignored the haters and put down a

people ignored the haters and put down a hundred buck deposit because they knew

hundred buck deposit because they knew

hundred buck deposit because they knew they would be proven right when those

they would be proven right when those

they would be proven right when those phones arrived in August.

phones arrived in August.

phones arrived in August. >> August came and went. September came and

>> August came and went. September came and

>> August came and went. September came and went. At one point, we were promised a

went. At one point, we were promised a

went. At one point, we were promised a November 13 date. OKAY, FINE. NOT

November 13 date. OKAY, FINE. NOT

November 13 date. OKAY, FINE. NOT AUGUST. OKAY,

AUGUST. OKAY,

AUGUST. OKAY, but November's not bad either.

but November's not bad either.

but November's not bad either. >> And then November came a win. December

>> And then November came a win. December

>> And then November came a win. December came a win. And here we are in May of

came a win. And here we are in May of

came a win. And here we are in May of 2026 and there appears to be no sign of

2026 and there appears to be no sign of

2026 and there appears to be no sign of it.

it.

it. >> Okay, FINE. NOT NOT NOVEMBER OR

>> Okay, FINE. NOT NOT NOVEMBER OR

>> Okay, FINE. NOT NOT NOVEMBER OR DECEMBER, JANUARY, BUT WE ALL KNOW the

DECEMBER, JANUARY, BUT WE ALL KNOW the

DECEMBER, JANUARY, BUT WE ALL KNOW the names of months here. Okay, so it's

names of months here. Okay, so it's

names of months here. Okay, so it's taking a long time, but so what? It's

taking a long time, but so what? It's

taking a long time, but so what? It's worth the wait to finally have a phone

worth the wait to finally have a phone

worth the wait to finally have a phone that's made in America.

that's made in America.

that's made in America. USA. USA. THE COMPANY'S website states

USA. USA. THE COMPANY'S website states

USA. USA. THE COMPANY'S website states that the phone, which was originally

that the phone, which was originally

that the phone, which was originally advertised as being made in America,

advertised as being made in America,

advertised as being made in America, will now be designed with American

will now be designed with American

will now be designed with American values in mind.

values in mind.

values in mind. >> USA

>> USA

>> USA VALUES IN MIND.

VALUES IN MIND.

VALUES IN MIND. USA

USA

USA VALUES in It's not as chanty as you'd

VALUES in It's not as chanty as you'd

VALUES in It's not as chanty as you'd like it to be.

like it to be.

like it to be. Okay. All right. Okay. So, so the phone

Okay. All right. Okay. So, so the phone

Okay. All right. Okay. So, so the phone went from made in America to designed

went from made in America to designed

went from made in America to designed with American values in mind. This

with American values in mind. This

with American values in mind. This reminds me of shopping for my kids fruit

reminds me of shopping for my kids fruit

reminds me of shopping for my kids fruit snacks. Some are made with real fruit

snacks. Some are made with real fruit

snacks. Some are made with real fruit and some are inspired by the idea of a

and some are inspired by the idea of a

and some are inspired by the idea of a strawberry.

strawberry.

strawberry. All right. Bye. It's disappointing that

All right. Bye. It's disappointing that

All right. Bye. It's disappointing that they couldn't make it in America, but

they couldn't make it in America, but

they couldn't make it in America, but hey, the important thing is that you're

hey, the important thing is that you're

hey, the important thing is that you're absolutely still getting a phone. The

absolutely still getting a phone. The

absolutely still getting a phone. The company behind Trump Mobile quietly

company behind Trump Mobile quietly

company behind Trump Mobile quietly updating its pre-order terms and

updating its pre-order terms and

updating its pre-order terms and conditions last month to clarify that it

conditions last month to clarify that it

conditions last month to clarify that it quote does not guarantee that a device

quote does not guarantee that a device

quote does not guarantee that a device will be produced or made available for

will be produced or made available for

will be produced or made available for purchase.

purchase.

purchase. >> Holy

>> Holy

>> Holy After people bought the phone, they

After people bought the phone, they

After people bought the phone, they changed the terms and conditions to say

changed the terms and conditions to say

changed the terms and conditions to say there might never be a phone. That feels

there might never be a phone. That feels

there might never be a phone. That feels less like a terms and conditions and

less like a terms and conditions and

less like a terms and conditions and more like a gotcha,

more like a gotcha,

more like a gotcha, And no, no wonder the MAGA base is so

And no, no wonder the MAGA base is so

And no, no wonder the MAGA base is so upset. I mean, I'd be furious, too. And

upset. I mean, I'd be furious, too. And

upset. I mean, I'd be furious, too. And the Trump sons must have heard the cries

the Trump sons must have heard the cries

the Trump sons must have heard the cries from inside the F-150 because suddenly

from inside the F-150 because suddenly

from inside the F-150 because suddenly the Trump phone is about to come out

the Trump phone is about to come out

the Trump phone is about to come out again.

again.

again. >> Some of President Trump's mobile phones

>> Some of President Trump's mobile phones

>> Some of President Trump's mobile phones should be shipped out this week. That's

should be shipped out this week. That's

should be shipped out this week. That's according to Trump mobile CEO Pat

according to Trump mobile CEO Pat

according to Trump mobile CEO Pat O'Brien

O'Brien

O'Brien >> this week. Where on earth are they going

>> this week. Where on earth are they going

>> this week. Where on earth are they going to find 600,000 phones to ship? Oh,

to find 600,000 phones to ship? Oh,

to find 600,000 phones to ship? Oh, okay. Okay. That's why they brought all

okay. Okay. That's why they brought all

okay. Okay. That's why they brought all those people to China with them. Now I

those people to China with them. Now I

those people to China with them. Now I get it. Here comes D. Come in as quick.

get it. Here comes D. Come in as quick.

get it. Here comes D. Come in as quick. Everyone grab all the phones as you can.

Everyone grab all the phones as you can.

Everyone grab all the phones as you can. I'll I would do it myself, but this

I'll I would do it myself, but this

I'll I would do it myself, but this thing is more complicated than I

thing is more complicated than I

thing is more complicated than I thought. Grab it. How do I do it? How do

thought. Grab it. How do I do it? How do

thought. Grab it. How do I do it? How do I do it?

I do it?

I do it? Look, I don't know if these phones are

Look, I don't know if these phones are

Look, I don't know if these phones are actually being shipped soon or ever, but

actually being shipped soon or ever, but

actually being shipped soon or ever, but there is a way to describe the kind of

there is a way to describe the kind of

there is a way to describe the kind of person who put down $100 for a phone

person who put down $100 for a phone

person who put down $100 for a phone made by Eric Trump. But I I don't really

made by Eric Trump. But I I don't really

made by Eric Trump. But I I don't really want to say it.

want to say it.

want to say it. >> You dumb person.

>> You dumb person.

>> You dumb person. >> Okay,

>> Okay,

>> Okay, he said it, not me. Still, I have to

he said it, not me. Still, I have to

he said it, not me. Still, I have to think that deep down some MAGA people

think that deep down some MAGA people

think that deep down some MAGA people have got to start feeling a little

have got to start feeling a little

have got to start feeling a little resentful for being constantly tricked

resentful for being constantly tricked

resentful for being constantly tricked and deceived by the family they seem to

and deceived by the family they seem to

and deceived by the family they seem to idolize. Which is why they might

idolize. Which is why they might

idolize. Which is why they might appreciate the newest Trump product that

appreciate the newest Trump product that

appreciate the newest Trump product that will never let them down. Here at Trump

will never let them down. Here at Trump

will never let them down. Here at Trump Industries, we've come up with a lot of

Industries, we've come up with a lot of

Industries, we've come up with a lot of products to separate our supporters from

products to separate our supporters from

products to separate our supporters from their money. Trump Bibles, Trump NFTts,

their money. Trump Bibles, Trump NFTts,

their money. Trump Bibles, Trump NFTts, Trump watches that are missing the

Trump watches that are missing the

Trump watches that are missing the letter T. And frankly, we're getting a

letter T. And frankly, we're getting a

letter T. And frankly, we're getting a little tired of coming up with ideas.

little tired of coming up with ideas.

little tired of coming up with ideas. That's why we're introducing our latest

That's why we're introducing our latest

That's why we're introducing our latest product, the Trump give me $100. Here's

product, the Trump give me $100. Here's

product, the Trump give me $100. Here's how it works. You give us $100.

how it works. You give us $100.

how it works. You give us $100. And that's it. Nice and simple. There's

And that's it. Nice and simple. There's

And that's it. Nice and simple. There's no product, no pre-orders, no supply

no product, no pre-orders, no supply

no product, no pre-orders, no supply chain problems. You want to see the

chain problems. You want to see the

chain problems. You want to see the supply chain? You take that $100 and it

supply chain? You take that $100 and it

supply chain? You take that $100 and it travels from your wallet to our wallet.

travels from your wallet to our wallet.

travels from your wallet to our wallet. It's simple. And best of all, it's fast.

It's simple. And best of all, it's fast.

It's simple. And best of all, it's fast. The second you send us $100, you will

The second you send us $100, you will

The second you send us $100, you will have sent us $100. Some common questions

have sent us $100. Some common questions

have sent us $100. Some common questions you may have. Can I deduct this my

you may have. Can I deduct this my

you may have. Can I deduct this my taxes? No. There is nothing in this for

taxes? No. There is nothing in this for

taxes? No. There is nothing in this for you. You're giving us $100 and you're

you. You're giving us $100 and you're

you. You're giving us $100 and you're losing $100. Uh, can I send $99? No. If

losing $100. Uh, can I send $99? No. If

losing $100. Uh, can I send $99? No. If we wanted $99, we would have called it

we wanted $99, we would have called it

we wanted $99, we would have called it the Trump give me $99. Don't be cute. Do

the Trump give me $99. Don't be cute. Do

the Trump give me $99. Don't be cute. Do you really think we'll fall for this?

you really think we'll fall for this?

you really think we'll fall for this? Absolutely. You'll do whatever we say.

Absolutely. You'll do whatever we say.

Absolutely. You'll do whatever we say. Oink for me. You did it, didn't you? You

Oink for me. You did it, didn't you? You

Oink for me. You did it, didn't you? You dirty little piggy. And best of all,

dirty little piggy. And best of all,

dirty little piggy. And best of all, there's no fine print. There isn't even

there's no fine print. There isn't even

there's no fine print. There isn't even regular print. It's just me telling you

regular print. It's just me telling you

regular print. It's just me telling you right now, give us $100. The new Trump,

right now, give us $100. The new Trump,

right now, give us $100. The new Trump, give me $100. Act now and we'll double

give me $100. Act now and we'll double

give me $100. Act now and we'll double your order to $200. You know what? Screw

your order to $200. You know what? Screw

your order to $200. You know what? Screw it. We're doubling anyway. Oink. Coin.