All language subtitles for Crazy.Ex-Girlfriend.S04E18.Yes.Its.Really.Us.Singing.The.Crazy.Ex-Girlfriend.Concert.Special.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.Rus.Eng_TeamHD_track6_[eng]
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*
(cheering)
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,908
We're all from West Covina!
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00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:08,809
This is my favorite TV show.
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00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,411
I love you, Rachel Bloom.
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00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,080
(cheering)
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00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,347
Ra-ta-ta!
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00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:16,016
(shouting)
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00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,385
(cheering)
9
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:20,054
Hello, Los Angeles.
10
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:22,623
(cheering continues)
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00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,967
(laughing)
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00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,608
Oh, my God.
13
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,010
You guys kind of
made me tear up.
14
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,045
(whooping, cheering)
15
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,450
WOMAN:
We love you,
Rachel!
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00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,252
* West Covina
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00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,486
(wild cheering)
18
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,924
* California
19
00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,761
* In my soul I feel a fire
20
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:04,765
* 'Cause I'm headed for
the pride of the Inland Empire *
21
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,767
* Actually, it's not
in the Inland Empire *
22
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,068
* It's in
the San Gabriel Valley *
23
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,903
* I should have taken
five seconds to google that *
24
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,940
* Before I wrote the first song
of the television show *
25
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:15,409
(cheering, applause)
26
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,414
* My life's about to change
27
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,251
Oh, my gosh.
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00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,319
* 'Cause I'm hopelessly
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00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:27,655
* Desperately in love with
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00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,056
* Everybody
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00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,726
* West Covina...
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(cheering, whooping)
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* And also, by coincidence
34
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* So random, just by chance
35
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,737
* Who'd-a thunk it?
36
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,806
* So remarkable
and weird, right? *
37
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,107
* It so cray
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00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,510
(Bloom gasps, laughs)
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*
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00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,286
* That this guy Josh
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* Just happens to be
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*
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00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:07,094
* Here...
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00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,129
(audience cheering)
45
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:15,969
(song ends)
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00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,672
(cheering, applause)
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00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,619
BLOOM:
Welcome!
48
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,120
Welcome!
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00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,722
(cheering continues)
50
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,160
Um, so, tonight,
we are so excited
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00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:44,398
to present to you just some
of the 157 songs that we--
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00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:47,301
(cheering)
I know, I know--
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00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:50,304
uh, from
the Crazy Ex-Girfrie songbook.
54
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:53,307
"Songbook" was their cue,
so that was very important.
55
00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:54,608
(audience cheering)
56
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,745
Yes. Yes.
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00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:01,215
Now, uh, because this
whole concert has to air
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00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:04,685
in 42 minutes on The CW,
we have to be very expeditious,
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00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,087
so I am going
to both introduce the show
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00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,156
and change into my next outfit.
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00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,158
This is my dresser,
Tommy Marquez.
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00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,727
(cheering, applause)
63
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,429
* He's single.
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00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:17,064
Um...
(laughs)
65
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,566
See? I'm helping.
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00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:21,068
Um, Tommy has seen me naked
many times.
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00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,271
Many times.
Um, if Tommy had a nickel
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00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,339
for every time
he'd seen my nipples,
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00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,341
he would have an answer
that I can't say
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00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,343
because it was redacted
by Standards and Practices
71
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:33,414
for being too dirty of a joke.
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00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,915
I like how
I'm behind a changing screen,
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00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,851
but the balcony
can see everything.
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00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,787
(cheering)
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00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,022
So, now, I'd like to introduce
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00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,792
my two Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
songwriters.
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00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,194
On bass,
say hello to Jack Dolgen.
78
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,629
(cheering, applause)
79
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:49,997
And on the piano,
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00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,465
Mr. Adam Schlesinger.
81
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:54,868
(cheering, applause)
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00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,470
And now...
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I am changed.
84
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,008
(cheering, applause)
85
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:05,145
Coming up is a song
that manages to be both feminist
86
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,748
and antifeminist
at the same time.
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00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,017
("Let's Generalize About Men"
begins)
88
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,485
Here's your jacket, bitch.
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00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:19,460
* Right now
we're angry and sad *
90
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:22,663
* It's our right
to get righteously mad *
91
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,898
* At every member
of the opposite sex *
92
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,335
* Oh, God, we hate them
93
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,873
* Let's not distinguish
between them at all *
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00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:36,009
* Let's just drink
a lot more alcohol *
95
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,745
* And then high-five
each other *
96
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:42,149
* As we make a bunch
of blanket statements *
97
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:46,153
* Let's generalize about men
98
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:49,590
* Let's generalize
about men *
99
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,158
* Let's take one bad thing
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00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,394
* About one man
101
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,697
* And apply it to all of them
102
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,098
* Let's conflate all the guys
103
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,700
* Let's generalize
104
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,001
* About men
105
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,170
Ooh, it's, like,
"I have a beard." Ugh!
106
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:06,740
* All men are
completely repressed *
107
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:07,875
* Uh-huh *
108
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,778
* All men only want
to have sex *
109
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,346
* There are no exceptions
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00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,615
* All three billion men
are like this *
111
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,718
* All 3.6 billion men *
112
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:21,054
* All men are
emotionally stunted *
113
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:24,358
* When asked how they feel,
every man's always grunted *
114
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,926
* And why do men never listen
115
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,260
* And only think
about themselves? *
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00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,262
* As opposed to women,
who always listen *
117
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,298
* And never think
about themselves *
118
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,200
* Ooh, I hear you, girl *
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00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,770
* Let's generalize about men
120
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,940
* Let's generalize
about men *
121
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,475
* Let's get super lit
122
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,210
* And not admit
123
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,613
* This is some kind
of primal ritual *
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00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,080
* We need now and then
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00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,282
* Maybe our spirits
will rise if we *
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00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,151
* Generalize about men
127
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,488
* All men are
stupid and childish *
128
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,991
* Even the ones who are
"smart and mature" *
129
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,728
* All every man does every day
130
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,496
* Is watch porn, eat wings
131
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,998
* Burp, fart and snore
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00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,735
(audience cheering)
133
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,838
Hey. What about gay men?
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00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,840
(cheering fades)
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00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,408
Oh, no, they're fine.
136
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:18,178
* Gay men are all really great
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00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,280
* Every single one
138
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:21,982
* They're never mean
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00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,083
* Just sassy
140
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,752
* They're all completely
141
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,521
* Adorable and fun
142
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,157
* So let's focus for now
on straight men *
143
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:34,261
* Let's just generalize
about them *
144
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:35,863
* They're all monsters
145
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,531
* They're murderers
* They're rapists
146
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,433
* Totally
Wait.
147
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I have sons.
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00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,637
* Your sons
are gonna be rapists. *
149
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:46,206
(cheering)
150
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,152
All right, uh,
we'll be right back
151
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,288
after I clean up
all the glitter.
152
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,189
Oh...
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00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,324
(laughter)
154
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,359
(cheering)
155
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,468
Anyone want to, um...
156
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,937
you guys want to...
157
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,639
Okay, dare to defy.
158
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:19,840
(cheering)
159
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,942
We'll be back.
160
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,946
(cheering)
161
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,153
(cheering)
162
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,825
(cheering continues)
163
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,799
You know, during
that last commercial break,
164
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,568
while you were all...
going to the bathroom
165
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,470
or getting drinks or...
probably fornicating...
166
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,740
(laughter)
...um, I was actually backstage,
167
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:56,977
uh, donating money
to some very worthy causes.
168
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,211
Wow, Rachel.
Yeah.
169
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,379
That's amazing.
Yeah.
170
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,848
What, um...
171
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,850
what specific charities
did you donate to?
172
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,084
What were the names
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00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,153
of the specific
charities?
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00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,822
(laughter)
175
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,624
Children.
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00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,660
(laughter, light applause)
177
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,162
What's the, uh...
178
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,297
what's the tax ID number
of Children?
179
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,498
(laughter)
180
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,968
Let's just do
the stupid song, okay?
181
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(cheering)
182
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,137
("I'm a Good Person" begins)
183
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,678
* I'm a good person,
yes, it's true *
184
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:34,114
* I'm a good person,
better than you *
185
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,917
* I'm a good person,
can't you see? *
186
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,987
* Doctors Without Borders
don't have nothing on me *
187
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,455
* I'm a good person,
and if you ask why *
188
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:45,793
* I'll spit my good
right into your eye *
189
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:49,029
* Everywhere I go,
I spread such bliss *
190
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,031
* And if you don't think so,
you can kiss *
191
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,465
* My ass
192
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,201
* Which is made of good
193
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,670
* I'm a good person,
that's my thing *
194
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:59,940
* My nickname is
Mother Teresa Luther King *
195
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,743
* I'm a good person,
get it straight *
196
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,211
* And when I say "good"
197
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,946
* I really mean "great"
198
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,148
The best. #HumbleAndBlessed.
199
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,318
* I'm a good, such a good,
real good person *
200
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,154
* I'm a good person
through and through *
201
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,890
* I'm a good, such a good,
real good person *
202
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,959
* Let me hear you say it, too
203
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:22,062
Mom and Dad... Mom and Dad,
say I'm a good person,
204
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,497
or I will put you in a
terrible nursing home.
205
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:25,999
(laughter)
206
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,668
I'm a good person.
207
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,002
No.
208
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,203
(laughter)
209
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,373
Okay, just in case we
need it for broadcast,
210
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,508
I need you both to say,
"You're a good person,"
211
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,377
just in case
it's not clear.
212
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,846
Say I'm a good person,
213
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,047
or I'll put you in
a nursing home.
214
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,248
And it'll be a bad
nursing home, too.
215
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,916
Say it. Say I'm
a good person.
216
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,185
You're a good person.
I'm a good person.
217
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:48,188
Did you still say
"I'm a good person"?
218
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,023
Dad!
219
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,291
Dad!
220
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,194
Dad!
221
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,863
Say it.
You're...
222
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,230
No!
223
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,866
(speaks indistinctly)
224
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,100
Dad!
225
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,369
(laughter)
226
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:05,272
Dad, just,
Mom'll cue you.
227
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,573
Okay.
228
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,208
Say it. Say it.
229
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,177
BOTH:
You're a good person!
230
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,245
Oh, my God,
thank you...!
231
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,282
* I'm a good, such a good,
real good person *
232
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,618
* I'm a good person
through and through *
233
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,187
* I'm a good, such a good
234
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,288
* Real good person
235
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,223
* I'm a good person
236
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,192
* Get it? Screw you!
237
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,294
(cheering)
238
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,397
(song ends)
239
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:31,832
(cheering continues)
240
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,277
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
241
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:49,282
it is my good-person privilege
to introduce...
242
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,886
Donna Lynne Champlin and
the Almost-All-Female Orchestra.
243
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,288
(cheering)
244
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,498
(Champlin laughs)
245
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,300
Thank you.
246
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,436
I got the pretty dress, y'all.
247
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,272
(cheering, applause)
248
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,444
* When I was a little girl
249
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:20,580
* I felt like a princess
250
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:24,517
* So naive and full of hope
251
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:28,455
* I thought my dreams
would come true *
252
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:31,258
* But then as I grew
253
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:34,327
* The world was all like
254
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,196
(chuckles)
255
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,765
* "Nope"
256
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,666
(laughter)
257
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,335
But this time, maybe...
258
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:45,472
just maybe...
259
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,107
(cheering)
260
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,109
* Maybe this dream
261
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,611
* Won't lead to disgrace
262
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,680
* Maybe this dream
263
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,349
* Is in reach
264
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,451
* Maybe this dream
265
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,687
* Won't poop on my face
266
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,589
* Like a seagull
267
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:06,293
* At the beach
268
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,495
* Maybe this dream
269
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,330
* Won't be like
when I go running *
270
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,665
* And I have to take a dump
271
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:15,335
* So I have to rush home
272
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,337
* Plus I also have my period
273
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,806
* So I have menstrual cramps
274
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,040
* Plus dump cramps
275
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,375
* And as I run frantically
276
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,410
* I pee
277
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,045
* Just a little
278
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,047
* Because I've had two babies
279
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,549
* So by the time I get home
280
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:33,486
* My undies smell
like a sewer rat *
281
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,422
* Maybe this dream
282
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:36,423
* Won't be
283
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,893
* Like that...
284
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,930
(cheering)
285
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:56,877
* Maybe this dream
286
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,512
* Will finally make me
287
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:02,515
* Feel...
288
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,553
* Like I
289
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,757
* Deserve...
290
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,764
* A...
291
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:23,570
* Dream...
292
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,906
(cheering, applause)
293
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,240
Ah.
294
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,454
(cheering continues)
295
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,592
(cheering, applause)
296
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,963
How you guys doin'?
297
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:53,433
Yeah! I love ya!
298
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,905
Oh, I have loved playing
Darryl Whitefeather
299
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,907
for the last four years.
300
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:03,776
But alas, it's time
to hang up the spurs.
301
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:04,777
AUDIENCE:
Aw...
302
00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:06,947
But not just yet!
303
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,449
(cheering)
304
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:12,585
So how about we show
a little bi pride, huh?
305
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,421
(cheering)
306
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,856
Because this is all
about feelin' proud
307
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,126
and livin' out loud!
308
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,528
("Gettin' Bi" begins)
309
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,935
* I don't know how
310
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,502
* I don't know why
311
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,438
* But I like ladies
312
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,805
* And I like guys
313
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,807
* I realize
314
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,309
* It's a surprise
315
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,511
* But now I see
that that's just me *
316
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,647
* It's not like I even try
317
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,017
* So if you ask me how I do it
318
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:46,186
* Here is my reply
319
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,621
* I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi
320
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,523
* I'm gettin' bi
321
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,493
* I'm lettin' my bi flag fly
322
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,328
* Not gonna hide it
323
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,197
* Not gonna lie
324
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,898
* I'm a bi kinda guy
325
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,401
* There's no reason to be shy
326
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,735
* My, oh, my
327
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,571
* It's a fact I can't deny
328
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:05,973
* I'm bi, bi, bi
329
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,574
* Until the day I die
330
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,878
* Now, some may say
331
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,514
* Aw, you're just gay
332
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,316
* Why don't you just go gay
333
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,850
* All the way?
334
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:19,352
* But that's not it
335
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,553
* 'Cause bi's legit
336
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,855
* Whether you're a he or a she
337
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,891
* We might be a perfect fit
338
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,594
* So if you ask me how I do it
339
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,596
* I'm feelin' peppy
340
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:30,998
* Sprightly, spry
341
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,599
* I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi
342
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,502
(audience singing along):
* I'm gettin' bi
343
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,005
* I'm gettin' bi,
I'm gettin' bi *
344
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,273
* It doesn't take
an intellectual *
345
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,675
* To get that I'm bisexual.
346
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,711
*
347
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:54,554
(song ends)
Yeah!
348
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,556
(cheering)
Whoo!
349
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,860
Love you!
350
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:04,164
(cheering continues)
351
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,734
Okay, we'll be right back
352
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,737
soon as we clean up
the confetti again.
353
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,272
If anyone wants
to actually help me this time,
354
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,606
that'd be great.
355
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,807
Yeah, we'll help you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so...
356
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:15,908
There you go.
Okay.
357
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,744
Oh, my God, you
need one more more.
358
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:18,611
Okay.
You'll be great.
359
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,647
Take care
of yourself.
Rachel.
360
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,914
BURL:
Good luck.
You're a star.
361
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,616
Thank you
so much.
362
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,420
(laughter)
363
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,489
Itchy Cat,
can you help me sweep?
364
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:30,790
(squeals)
Please?
365
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,060
(cheering)
Itchy Cat?
366
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:36,229
Let's sweep together.
Come on.
367
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:37,730
Yeah, just sweep it there.
368
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:40,267
Thank you so much.
369
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:43,936
You know, maybe I judged
yeast infections all wrong.
370
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:46,639
Thank you so much.
371
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,309
This is a metaphor
for something,
372
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,677
but I don't know what.
373
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,119
(cheering, applause, whistling)
374
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,889
Oh.
375
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,257
Hello. I...
376
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:06,059
I totally saw you there.
377
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,560
(laughter)
You know...
378
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:11,164
when people think
of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,
379
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,233
one word comes to mind.
380
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,068
I'm talking about...
381
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,136
"sex."
382
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,037
Ooh!
383
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:20,207
Did you all just
collectively shudder
384
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,574
at that nasty word?
385
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,876
That's right, "sex."
386
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:26,313
"Doin' it."
387
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,181
"A special hug."
388
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,183
(laughter)
389
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:33,086
"Half past hump o'clock."
390
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:36,189
And so we here
at Crazy Sex-Girlfriend-- ha!
391
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,693
We've prepared for you
a little...
392
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,262
sex medley.
393
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,397
("The Sexy Getting Ready Song"
begins)
394
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,401
(audience whooping)
395
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,205
Uh!
396
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,343
* It's the sexy
gettin' medley song *
397
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:57,210
(cheering)
398
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,212
* The sexy gettin' medley song
399
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,247
* Ooh
400
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,614
* Primpin' and pluckin'
401
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,116
* Brushin' and rubbin'
402
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,984
* The sexy gettin' medley song
403
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,289
* First I make
404
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,124
* Everything shiny and smooth
405
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,325
* Oh, yeah *
406
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,994
* 'Cause I want my body
407
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,297
* To be so soft for you
408
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,898
* Bye-bye, skin *
409
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,334
* I'm gonna make this night
410
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,803
* One you'll never forget, ah
411
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,405
* Ass blood *
* 'Cause, boy
412
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,140
* I know you like
413
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,910
* An hourglass silhoue...
414
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,078
* Ette
415
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,447
Ooh, what's happening
with my...
416
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,249
(cheering)
417
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,851
("We Should Definitely Not
Have Sex Right Now" begins)
418
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:46,125
* We should definitely
not have sex right now *
419
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,828
* We should definitely not
have sex right now *
420
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:52,832
* It would complicate
the situation *
421
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,501
Ooh.
* It's the adult thing
422
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,203
* To not have sex right now
423
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,705
* We have the common sense
not to have sex right now *
424
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,473
* I need time to reflect
425
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:03,109
* And I'm
in a really weird place *
426
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,144
(cheering, whooping)
427
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,515
But you know what?
428
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,882
Screw it.
429
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,951
("Strip Away My Conscience"
begins)
430
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,553
(cheering)
431
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,493
* Strip away my conscience
432
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,395
* Peel away my values
433
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:25,832
* Rip off my compassion
with your teeth *
434
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,034
* Pound away my morals
435
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,836
* Spank off
all my kindness, ooh! *
436
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:33,072
* Expose the dormant bitch
that lies beneath *
437
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,110
(soft, rhythmic grunting)
438
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,083
Michael, what
are you doing?
439
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,052
It's a sex medley,
440
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:49,689
so I'm dancing with my sexy
electric toothbrushes.
441
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,291
(cheering)
442
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,861
(rhythmic grunting)
What are...
what are you...
443
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,663
(laughs): what...
what are you...
444
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,198
hey, what are you
talking about?
445
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,168
That's what that song
I sang was about, right?
446
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,572
Electric toothbrushes
being so, so sexy.
447
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,375
No.
448
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,009
(laughs):
Michael...
449
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,110
Oh, yeah.
450
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,580
Michael...
* Buzzy, buzzy,
buzzy, buzzy *
451
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:15,214
* Buzzy, buzzy.
452
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:18,084
Michael, no, that song
was about pleasing a woman.
453
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:19,952
What's a woman?
454
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,754
(laughter)
455
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:22,855
* You devil
456
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,223
* Lead me to the dark side
457
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,726
* Like a lamb to the slaughter
458
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,127
* Then do me in a hot tub
459
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,929
* Filled with evil
'stead of water *
460
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,964
* Let's make war, not love
461
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,933
* All night and day
462
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:37,103
* It's hot here in hell, so...
463
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,639
Oh. Uh-oh.
Something just happened.
464
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,073
(audience whooping)
465
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:44,311
Ah, this, uh...
466
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,779
Oh, boy. This might not be
the right time to...
467
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,215
do this medley.
468
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,983
Unless you want to have...
469
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,251
(cheering)
470
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,287
("Period Sex" begins)
471
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,292
* Period sex
472
00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:00,927
* Period sex
473
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,495
* Put down a towel
474
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,196
* Party till it's dry
475
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,565
* With some period sex
476
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,166
* Period sex
477
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:10,236
* It's a little gross but I'm
less likely to get pregnant *
478
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,940
* During period sex,
period sex *
479
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:17,677
* Think of it as just Mother
Nature's juice cleanse *
480
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,079
* Period sex, period sex
481
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,814
* Period sex
482
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:24,250
* Sex, sex, sex, sex.
(applause and cheering)
483
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,852
Get off!
Get off the stage.
484
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,119
Come on.
485
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:29,021
Get off!
486
00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:31,023
This is Scott's
time now.
487
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,359
Okay.
488
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:35,328
Speaking of
getting off...
489
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:40,800
* Unfortunately, I want
to have period sex with you *
490
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,502
Okay.
(cheering)
491
00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:44,537
* I don't know
what happened *
492
00:21:44,571 --> 00:21:47,206
* Maybe you lost
some water weight *
493
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:54,146
* For some reason, you're now
on the top of my to-do list *
494
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,182
(audience whooping)
* Let's get this over with
495
00:21:57,884 --> 00:22:00,052
* So I can focus
on other tasks *
496
00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:02,922
* Let's have intercourse
497
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,290
(cheering)
498
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,559
* Just pretend
I'm seducing you *
499
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:08,561
Hey, actually, can we not do
this big lift coming up?
500
00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:10,296
Oh, my God,
my back hurts so bad.
501
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,399
Good. It's just, I don't
like it, either. Okay.
502
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:16,302
* Come on, let's quickly
have intercourse *
503
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,304
* So I can move on
504
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,139
(grunts)
* With my life
505
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,141
Turn around. Let's
see the butt. Nice.
506
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:23,510
Yup. I know.
That's what you want.
507
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:25,044
* My busy life
508
00:22:26,078 --> 00:22:28,247
* You and I
509
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,317
* Are both
highly intelligent people *
510
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,185
Oh, that's nice.
511
00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:34,554
* Although I'm
Oh. Oh!
512
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:36,188
* In much better
physical shape *
513
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:38,491
(cheering)
514
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,527
* And once we do it
it'll be like *
515
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,029
* Well, that's what
that was like *
516
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:46,866
* And then
you'll hopefully go back *
517
00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:48,334
* To seeming weird to me
518
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,269
* But right now,
let's have intercourse *
519
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:52,071
Ow, Scott.
520
00:22:52,104 --> 00:22:54,941
* I mean,
obviously you want to, too *
521
00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:58,578
* Just super quickly
have intercourse *
522
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:05,384
* Good thing I happen to have
an old condom in my wallet. *
523
00:23:05,418 --> 00:23:08,154
(cheering, applause)
524
00:23:11,257 --> 00:23:12,391
You know what?
525
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:14,594
It's a good thing
you have that condom, Scott,
526
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,796
even though it is
way too big for you.
527
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:18,798
(laughter)
528
00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:20,299
Because even though
529
00:23:20,332 --> 00:23:22,469
I am on my period,
I can still get pregnant,
530
00:23:22,502 --> 00:23:24,036
because-- PSA and fun fact--
531
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,539
sperm can live in the uterus
for up to five days.
532
00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:28,808
Did somebody
say "sperm"?
Oh, no.
533
00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:30,142
("My Sperm is Healthy" playing)
(cheering)
534
00:23:30,176 --> 00:23:31,811
* Uh-huh
535
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:34,046
* My sperm is healthy
536
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:35,715
* My sperm
is healthy *
537
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,617
Yeah, yeah.
* My sperm is healthy
538
00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:40,386
* My sperm
is healthy! *
539
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,789
That's also another song
from the show.
RACHEL: Yeah.
540
00:23:43,823 --> 00:23:45,658
Cool. We'll be right back.
541
00:23:45,692 --> 00:23:48,327
*
542
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:50,162
Oh. Oh!
543
00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:52,064
Oh, they're trying
to get me pregnant.
544
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:53,500
They don't know how it works.
545
00:23:53,533 --> 00:23:55,502
Okay.
546
00:23:55,535 --> 00:23:58,971
Okay, I think
this is actually a money shot.
547
00:23:59,005 --> 00:24:00,339
I don't...
548
00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:02,509
(laughter)
549
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:06,312
No, get off me!
550
00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:08,347
*
551
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:13,986
(laughs):
Get off!
552
00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:22,595
(cheering, applause)
553
00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:25,331
Welcome back
from commercial, everyone.
554
00:24:25,364 --> 00:24:27,333
You guys, you guys,
555
00:24:27,366 --> 00:24:32,304
we all know the most important
part of yoga is the instructor.
556
00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:34,707
(cheering)
So let us take it back
557
00:24:34,741 --> 00:24:37,276
to season one Valencia, bitches.
558
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,646
(cheering)
559
00:24:39,679 --> 00:24:43,382
* We're in a yoga class
560
00:24:43,415 --> 00:24:47,119
* Now is the time
to let your mind go blank *
561
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:49,121
* And focus instead
562
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:54,661
* On how awesome
the yoga teacher is *
563
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:57,296
(cheering)
564
00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,532
* Look at me, look at me
565
00:24:59,566 --> 00:25:01,968
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
566
00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:04,203
* Look at me, look at me
567
00:25:04,236 --> 00:25:06,839
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
568
00:25:06,873 --> 00:25:08,841
Exhale on another sigh.
569
00:25:08,875 --> 00:25:11,043
ALL:
Rachel Bloom sucks.
570
00:25:11,077 --> 00:25:13,079
* I do stuff with my body
571
00:25:13,112 --> 00:25:15,481
* That no human
should be able to do *
572
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:18,050
* Like putting my face
behind my knees *
573
00:25:18,084 --> 00:25:20,252
* Turning my hands into a shoe
574
00:25:20,286 --> 00:25:22,488
* As the morning sun
kisses the lotus *
575
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:25,024
* I kiss my own hoo-ha,
can you do that? *
576
00:25:25,057 --> 00:25:27,093
* Greet each day, namaste
577
00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:29,528
* Screw you,
you're fat! *
578
00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:31,564
(laughter)
* Look at me, look at me
579
00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:33,700
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
580
00:25:33,733 --> 00:25:36,202
* Look at me, look at me
581
00:25:36,235 --> 00:25:38,671
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
582
00:25:38,705 --> 00:25:41,340
* Look at her, look at her *
583
00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:43,242
Ah. Ah.
584
00:25:43,275 --> 00:25:44,944
* Look at her, look at her *
585
00:25:44,977 --> 00:25:46,713
* I'm so much better than you
586
00:25:46,746 --> 00:25:48,180
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah, nyah *
587
00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:49,582
* Nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah *
588
00:25:49,616 --> 00:25:51,217
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah *
589
00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:52,785
Om! * Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah, nyah *
590
00:25:52,819 --> 00:25:54,453
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah,
nyah, nyah-nyah *
591
00:25:54,486 --> 00:25:55,454
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah *
I'm so good at yo-o-o-oga *
592
00:25:55,487 --> 00:25:56,789
* Nyah-nyah, nyah * Om!
593
00:25:56,823 --> 00:25:58,124
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah, nyah *
594
00:25:58,157 --> 00:25:59,458
* Nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah *
595
00:25:59,491 --> 00:26:00,559
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah *
596
00:26:00,593 --> 00:26:02,494
* Nyah-nyah, nyah. *
Om!
597
00:26:02,528 --> 00:26:05,865
(cheering, applause)
598
00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:25,384
You know, um,
599
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:27,586
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend--
we have a lot of fun,
600
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:31,390
but really, it is,
at its heart, an earnest tribute
601
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:34,393
to the art of musical theatre.
602
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:35,795
(laughter)
603
00:26:35,828 --> 00:26:37,830
(cheering, applause)
604
00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:42,401
From Gilbert and Sullivan
605
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:44,671
to Hamilton.
606
00:26:44,704 --> 00:26:47,974
We've done neither
of those genres.
607
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:50,009
(laughter)
608
00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:53,913
So when we sat around
and we thought,
609
00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,247
let's do an actual,
610
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,583
inspirational
musical theatre song,
611
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,519
we could think of no one better
to do it justice
612
00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,588
than Miss Vella Lovell.
613
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,824
(cheering)
614
00:27:04,857 --> 00:27:07,026
No. Yeah.
615
00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:09,528
So, no. So, Rachel,
616
00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:11,964
I'm actually not
a musical theatre person at all.
617
00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:13,532
Um, actually,
singing and dancing
618
00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,634
makes me V uncomfortable, so...
("The Moment is Me" playing)
619
00:27:15,668 --> 00:27:17,636
Oh, okay, Adam.
620
00:27:17,670 --> 00:27:19,371
Uh, guess you could
just force me
621
00:27:19,405 --> 00:27:21,373
to sing a song
that I don't want to...
622
00:27:21,407 --> 00:27:23,776
* What does the future hold?
623
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:26,012
* What will tomorrow...
624
00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:27,479
No.
* Bring me...
625
00:27:27,513 --> 00:27:28,647
Don't-- Dave--
626
00:27:28,681 --> 00:27:29,816
* Will be told...
627
00:27:29,849 --> 00:27:31,017
Please don't dance-- okay.
628
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:32,819
* What song is gonna sing me
629
00:27:32,852 --> 00:27:34,653
I'm gonna do it.
No-- okay.
630
00:27:34,687 --> 00:27:37,623
* This is my time to shine,
step out of the line *
631
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,793
* Throw open all the windows
Wow.
632
00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:44,330
* Might be an uphill climb,
but I just got to find *
633
00:27:44,363 --> 00:27:45,865
* What's at the end...
634
00:27:45,898 --> 00:27:47,033
What...?
Say it.
635
00:27:47,066 --> 00:27:48,300
No, no, I don't...
Say "rainbow."
636
00:27:48,334 --> 00:27:49,836
* Of this rainbow...
Yeah!
637
00:27:49,869 --> 00:27:53,372
* 'Cause the clock
just keeps on ticking *
638
00:27:53,405 --> 00:27:55,875
* It doesn't care
that time goes by... *
639
00:27:55,908 --> 00:27:57,543
You're just following me, okay.
640
00:27:57,576 --> 00:28:00,546
* The clock knows its destiny
641
00:28:00,579 --> 00:28:02,648
* So why don't I?
642
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:04,416
Where'd you learn this dance?
643
00:28:04,450 --> 00:28:06,652
* 'Cause today's
tomorrow's yesterday *
644
00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:08,254
* Can't let
the future slip... *
645
00:28:08,287 --> 00:28:10,589
You're psychotic.
646
00:28:10,622 --> 00:28:14,727
* Can't wait to meet
whoever I will be... *
647
00:28:14,761 --> 00:28:16,562
What was that?
648
00:28:16,595 --> 00:28:19,766
* 'Cause I am the moment
649
00:28:19,799 --> 00:28:22,601
* The moment is me
650
00:28:22,634 --> 00:28:26,839
* David is the moment
651
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:29,508
David is not the moment.
This is literally my moment,
652
00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:31,377
it's the title of the song.
653
00:28:31,410 --> 00:28:32,544
Wow.
654
00:28:32,578 --> 00:28:36,783
Wow, look who cares a
very lot all of a sudden.
655
00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:38,384
(laughter)
656
00:28:38,417 --> 00:28:42,321
* The moment is
657
00:28:42,354 --> 00:28:44,290
* We.
658
00:28:44,323 --> 00:28:46,358
(cheering, applause)
659
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:51,864
Thank you!
Okay.
660
00:28:51,898 --> 00:28:53,465
David Hull, everyone.
661
00:28:53,499 --> 00:28:56,035
David Hull,
ladies and gentlemen.
662
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,404
(song ends)
Thank you!
663
00:29:00,106 --> 00:29:03,075
David Hull, everyone!
664
00:29:03,109 --> 00:29:04,977
VELLA:
Oh, Lord.
665
00:29:11,283 --> 00:29:14,586
(cheering)
RACHEL: So,
666
00:29:14,620 --> 00:29:15,988
I think one of the most
gratifying things
667
00:29:16,022 --> 00:29:17,623
about doing this show
is having people tell us,
668
00:29:17,656 --> 00:29:20,960
um, that-that sometimes,
they see things in the show
669
00:29:20,993 --> 00:29:23,996
or hear songs that make them
feel, uh, a little less alone.
670
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:25,798
Um, but what
you might not know is,
671
00:29:25,832 --> 00:29:28,767
it's kind of the same thing
for the songwriters
672
00:29:28,801 --> 00:29:30,269
and-and the writers, too.
673
00:29:30,302 --> 00:29:32,404
There are certain songs
you write, uh,
674
00:29:32,438 --> 00:29:34,773
and lyrics that you write
or pieces of dialogue you write
675
00:29:34,807 --> 00:29:37,476
that you're like, "Ugh, am I
the only one who's felt this?
676
00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:40,246
Am I, like, the weirdo?
Is this gonna go over well?"
677
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:43,649
And so just know when you say
that you feel less alone,
678
00:29:43,682 --> 00:29:46,085
you make us feel less alone.
679
00:29:46,118 --> 00:29:48,120
(cheering, applause)
Really.
680
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:51,623
(intro to "The Darkness"
playing)
681
00:29:55,527 --> 00:30:00,666
* In my life,
I've had so many men *
682
00:30:00,699 --> 00:30:06,372
* But there's one I come back to
again and again *
683
00:30:06,405 --> 00:30:09,375
* We've been on and off
684
00:30:09,408 --> 00:30:12,778
* For such a long time
685
00:30:12,811 --> 00:30:14,780
* And now he's back
686
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:19,151
* And I'm feeling oh, so fine
687
00:30:19,185 --> 00:30:22,354
* He's the darkness
688
00:30:22,388 --> 00:30:24,623
* My first love, my true love
689
00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:27,994
* The darkness
690
00:30:28,027 --> 00:30:31,697
* He knows me
better than anyone *
691
00:30:31,730 --> 00:30:34,233
* He holds me close
and whispers things *
692
00:30:34,266 --> 00:30:36,702
* That I don't want to hear
693
00:30:36,735 --> 00:30:38,704
* When I feel
the butterflies of dread *
694
00:30:38,737 --> 00:30:42,174
* I know the darkness is near
695
00:30:45,244 --> 00:30:48,647
* Well, Rebecca
696
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,649
(cheering, applause)
* You've done it now...
697
00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:52,851
Yeah, you guys know this one.
698
00:30:52,885 --> 00:30:58,657
* Karma's come to tap you
on the shoulder *
699
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:02,561
* All that lying
that's been festering *
700
00:31:02,594 --> 00:31:05,664
* Plus breaking and entering
701
00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:10,869
* Is coming now to crush you
like a boulder *
702
00:31:10,903 --> 00:31:14,873
* You ruined everything
703
00:31:14,907 --> 00:31:18,044
* You stupid bitch
704
00:31:18,077 --> 00:31:21,447
* You ruined everything
705
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,250
* You stupid, stupid bitch
706
00:31:24,283 --> 00:31:28,254
* You're just a lying
little bitch who ruins things *
707
00:31:28,287 --> 00:31:31,857
* And wants the world to burn
708
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:33,459
* Bitch
709
00:31:33,492 --> 00:31:36,695
* You're a stupid bitch
710
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:41,300
* And lose some weight
711
00:31:41,333 --> 00:31:43,569
(cheering)
712
00:31:43,602 --> 00:31:47,239
* You ruined everything
713
00:31:47,273 --> 00:31:48,440
* You stupid bitch
714
00:31:48,474 --> 00:31:49,942
Sing with me!
715
00:31:49,976 --> 00:31:53,445
* You ruined everything
716
00:31:53,479 --> 00:31:55,948
* You stupid, stupid bitch
717
00:31:55,982 --> 00:31:57,549
Yes, I deserve this!
718
00:31:57,583 --> 00:32:00,752
* You're just
a poopy little slut *
719
00:32:00,786 --> 00:32:04,890
* Who doesn't think and
deceives the people she loves *
720
00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:07,826
* Now he knows
I'm not some innocent lamb *
721
00:32:07,859 --> 00:32:10,829
* He sees me for what I am
722
00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:13,165
* Which is a horrible, stupid
723
00:32:13,199 --> 00:32:14,833
* Dumb and ugly
724
00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:16,668
* Fat and stupid
725
00:32:16,702 --> 00:32:21,173
* Simple, self-hating
726
00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:26,445
* Bi...
727
00:32:26,478 --> 00:32:31,483
* Bitch...!
728
00:32:33,552 --> 00:32:35,754
(song ends)
729
00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:37,990
(loud cheering)
730
00:32:40,492 --> 00:32:42,461
("I've Got My Head
in the Clouds" begins)
731
00:32:42,494 --> 00:32:45,464
(cheering, applause)
732
00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:49,601
* I've got my head
in the clouds *
733
00:32:49,635 --> 00:32:52,604
* 'Cause that's
where heaven is *
734
00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:56,842
* No longer stuck in the muck
on the ground *
735
00:32:56,875 --> 00:32:59,445
* I figured out how to live
736
00:32:59,478 --> 00:33:03,782
* It's with my head
in the clouds *
737
00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:06,452
* Got no cares anymore
738
00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:11,457
* No obligations
are holding me down *
739
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:13,825
* That's what religion is for
740
00:33:13,859 --> 00:33:16,162
*
741
00:33:16,195 --> 00:33:17,829
* My puzzle is solved
742
00:33:17,863 --> 00:33:19,665
* 'Cause I'm absolved
743
00:33:19,698 --> 00:33:23,535
* My life will be splendid
now that I've transcended *
744
00:33:23,569 --> 00:33:26,738
* When things get scary,
just say ten Hail Marys *
745
00:33:26,772 --> 00:33:30,542
* I'm Turin off my shroud
746
00:33:30,576 --> 00:33:32,578
("Angry Mad" begins)
(grunting)
747
00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:39,685
Angry!
748
00:33:40,719 --> 00:33:42,721
Feeling bad!
749
00:33:42,754 --> 00:33:44,156
(grunts)
750
00:33:44,190 --> 00:33:45,724
Why do I feel this way?
751
00:33:45,757 --> 00:33:47,826
Angry! Mad!
752
00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:49,661
My heart is hurting!
753
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,830
And it feels... bad!
754
00:33:51,863 --> 00:33:53,865
*
755
00:33:59,438 --> 00:34:01,607
(cheering)
756
00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:05,311
(grunts)
757
00:34:05,344 --> 00:34:06,912
Bad!
758
00:34:06,945 --> 00:34:08,080
(song ends)
759
00:34:08,114 --> 00:34:09,881
(cheering, applause)
760
00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:18,224
("I Hate Everything But You"
begins)
761
00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:31,770
* The smell of the water,
kids screaming with joy *
762
00:34:31,803 --> 00:34:35,641
* I've hated crap like that
since I was a boy *
763
00:34:35,674 --> 00:34:38,644
* While everyone was laughing
and having so much fun *
764
00:34:38,677 --> 00:34:42,548
* I would mutter "This sucks"
till the day was done *
765
00:34:42,581 --> 00:34:45,784
* I detested most stuff
and I still do *
766
00:34:45,817 --> 00:34:51,223
* You see,
I hate everything but you *
767
00:34:51,257 --> 00:34:54,226
*
768
00:34:54,260 --> 00:34:58,130
* I hate the feeling of the sun
when it hits my skin *
769
00:34:58,164 --> 00:35:01,400
* I don't like bands
that have a guy on mandolin *
770
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,535
* I hate
when people post pictures *
771
00:35:03,569 --> 00:35:05,204
* With the hashtag "mood"
772
00:35:05,237 --> 00:35:08,374
* I hate when people
call blueberries a superfood *
773
00:35:08,407 --> 00:35:11,910
* I hate when people say,
"Ooh, it's magic hour" *
774
00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:15,147
* Or when people actually stop
and smell a flower *
775
00:35:15,181 --> 00:35:18,083
* I hate white women who call
their engagement rings *
776
00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:19,985
* "Bling," oh, yes
777
00:35:20,018 --> 00:35:25,824
* I hate everything but you
778
00:35:25,857 --> 00:35:28,093
* I hate the phrase
"Love conquers all" *
779
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:30,028
* And I hate that it's true
780
00:35:30,061 --> 00:35:32,964
* 'Cause I want to not hate
things when I'm with you *
781
00:35:32,998 --> 00:35:36,702
* You love so many things
and you have so much fun *
782
00:35:36,735 --> 00:35:41,707
* It makes me wish
my hating days were done... *
783
00:35:41,740 --> 00:35:44,310
* And there's one thing
784
00:35:44,343 --> 00:35:46,678
* I want you to know
785
00:35:46,712 --> 00:35:48,680
*
786
00:35:48,714 --> 00:35:50,682
* I'll always
787
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:54,686
* Hate guys
who name their cars. *
788
00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:55,687
(laughter)
789
00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:57,723
(song ends)
(cheering, applause)
790
00:36:05,597 --> 00:36:08,267
(laughs):
Ah. Ugh, no.
791
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:10,168
I hear you, Skylar,
I mean, t-this show sucks.
792
00:36:10,202 --> 00:36:11,370
I-I get it, Skylar.
793
00:36:11,403 --> 00:36:13,004
Oh, thanks, randomly
overdressed crew guy.
794
00:36:13,038 --> 00:36:14,640
I appreciate it.
No, I...
795
00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:17,075
Actually, I'm actually a-a
recurring character on the show.
796
00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:20,145
Oh, yes, right. Uh-uh, Dennis.
797
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:22,714
No, it's Danny, actually,
that is my... name.
798
00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:24,716
(cheering, applause)
Uh... you know...
799
00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:27,018
No, 'cause I-I got to tell you,
800
00:36:27,052 --> 00:36:28,587
this show's been
a little rough on me, all right?
801
00:36:28,620 --> 00:36:30,155
I-I had to hold
a board for Vinnie,
802
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,990
which was absolutely terrifying,
and, uh--
803
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:33,592
No, you know what?
804
00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:34,826
Uh, I-I'm taking over.
805
00:36:34,860 --> 00:36:36,194
Bring out the full orchestra.
806
00:36:36,228 --> 00:36:38,196
(cheering)
807
00:36:38,230 --> 00:36:41,099
Strike my mic stand,
Rachel Bloom.
808
00:36:41,132 --> 00:36:42,934
Yes, sir, right away,
Mr. Jolles.
809
00:36:42,968 --> 00:36:45,404
I am sorry for the disrespect.
810
00:36:45,437 --> 00:36:47,406
(laughter)
811
00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:49,508
As you gosh-darn should, Rachel.
812
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:52,110
Give me the coolest lights
you guys got.
813
00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:53,111
(laughter)
814
00:36:53,144 --> 00:36:55,146
(cheering)
815
00:36:57,115 --> 00:36:59,017
This is it.
It's finally my turn.
816
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,253
(cheering, applause)
(drumroll plays)
817
00:37:01,287 --> 00:37:03,322
* It's me
818
00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:05,524
* It's finally me
819
00:37:05,557 --> 00:37:09,395
* And no one can say a word
820
00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:12,798
* 'Cause this time,
I stood up for myself *
821
00:37:12,831 --> 00:37:17,202
* And I'll finally be heard
822
00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:20,205
* Danny won't be ignored
823
00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:23,208
* Danny won't be interrupted
824
00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:26,545
* Because this time,
oh, my God *
(cheering)
825
00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:28,880
* I finally get to fini...
826
00:37:28,914 --> 00:37:30,716
(music stops)
What? Son of a...
827
00:37:30,749 --> 00:37:32,150
(cheering, applause)
Come on!
828
00:37:37,889 --> 00:37:41,226
(cheering, applause)
829
00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:43,261
("A Diagnosis" begins)
830
00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:50,936
(exhales)
831
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:56,408
* For almost 30 years,
I've known something was wrong *
832
00:37:56,442 --> 00:37:58,310
* But Mom said
weakness causes bloating *
833
00:37:58,344 --> 00:38:00,078
* So I tried to be strong
834
00:38:00,111 --> 00:38:01,913
* Fake it till you make it
835
00:38:01,947 --> 00:38:06,518
* That's how I got by
836
00:38:06,552 --> 00:38:08,320
* And when I tried
to find the reason *
837
00:38:08,354 --> 00:38:10,188
* For my sadness and terror
838
00:38:10,221 --> 00:38:13,525
* All the solutions
were trial and error *
839
00:38:13,559 --> 00:38:15,661
* Take this pill,
say this chant *
840
00:38:15,694 --> 00:38:19,931
* Move here for this guy
841
00:38:19,965 --> 00:38:22,701
* But now there's
no need for regret *
842
00:38:22,734 --> 00:38:25,371
* 'Cause I'm about to get
843
00:38:25,404 --> 00:38:28,607
* A diagnosis
844
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,710
* A diagnosis
845
00:38:31,743 --> 00:38:36,748
* Don't tell me "No, sister,
you don't fit in" *
846
00:38:39,017 --> 00:38:42,654
* Doc, prescribe me my tribe,
give me my throng *
847
00:38:42,688 --> 00:38:45,657
* Tell me that this whole time
I've belonged *
848
00:38:45,691 --> 00:38:48,627
* With those other people
who share *
849
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:52,898
* My diagnosis
850
00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:55,734
* What could it be?
What could be right? *
851
00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:59,137
* Schizophrenic
or bipolar lite? *
852
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:03,141
* I've never heard voices,
but maybe it's time to start *
853
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:05,777
BOTH:
You're super cool, Rachel!
Thank you so much.
854
00:39:05,811 --> 00:39:09,114
* Obsessives with numbers,
hoarders with cats *
855
00:39:09,147 --> 00:39:12,651
* I could really rock
a tinfoil hat *
856
00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:17,889
* Perfect they're not, but at
least they know who they are *
857
00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:21,893
* No more bad pills, fads
or tricks *
858
00:39:21,927 --> 00:39:26,231
* Who says there
isn't an easy fix? *
859
00:39:26,264 --> 00:39:28,434
* There kind of is...
860
00:39:28,467 --> 00:39:31,202
(cheering, applause)
861
00:39:44,616 --> 00:39:46,885
("Anti-Depressants Are So Not
a Big Deal" begins)
862
00:39:46,918 --> 00:39:50,622
* From the moment that we learn
to walk and speak *
863
00:39:50,656 --> 00:39:53,725
* Our parents tell us
everyone's unique *
864
00:39:53,759 --> 00:39:56,762
* Now, I'm not saying
that advice is bad... *
865
00:39:56,795 --> 00:39:58,764
'Cause she wrote it.
866
00:39:58,797 --> 00:40:00,532
* But honey,
you're not special *
867
00:40:00,566 --> 00:40:01,600
* 'Cause you're sad
868
00:40:01,633 --> 00:40:02,634
* Not special, no, you're not *
869
00:40:02,668 --> 00:40:04,570
* The butcher, the baker
870
00:40:04,603 --> 00:40:06,204
* The grocery clerk
871
00:40:06,237 --> 00:40:09,975
* They're all on
20 milligrams or so *
872
00:40:10,008 --> 00:40:13,745
* The movers, the shakers,
the happy homemakers *
873
00:40:13,779 --> 00:40:18,216
* You'd be surprised
how many of them know *
874
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:21,587
* Anti-depressants are
so not a big deal *
875
00:40:21,620 --> 00:40:23,555
* Big whoop, you're on
an anti-depressant *
876
00:40:23,589 --> 00:40:25,457
* Sweet cheeks,
here's the deal *
877
00:40:25,491 --> 00:40:29,394
* Welcome to the club
with open admission *
878
00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:33,331
* You're cast in the play
that has no audition *
879
00:40:33,364 --> 00:40:36,301
* Yes, everyone is special,
that's usually the sitch *
880
00:40:36,334 --> 00:40:40,672
* But when it comes to meds,
you're such a basic bitch... *
881
00:40:40,706 --> 00:40:42,741
Watch them tap, y'all,
they're fabulous.
882
00:40:42,774 --> 00:40:44,776
(cheering, applause)
883
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,122
* Fluoxetine, fluoxetine
884
00:40:57,155 --> 00:40:58,990
* Paroxetine, paroxetine
885
00:40:59,024 --> 00:41:00,592
* Our lawyers won't let us
say brand names... *
886
00:41:00,626 --> 00:41:02,594
And remember,
don't be a lawyer.
887
00:41:02,628 --> 00:41:04,229
* Okay
(cheering, applause)
888
00:41:04,262 --> 00:41:07,833
* Anti-depressants are
so not a big deal *
889
00:41:07,866 --> 00:41:10,536
* Big whoop, you're on
an anti-depressant *
890
00:41:10,569 --> 00:41:12,437
* Yawn, here's the spiel
891
00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,472
* Some cry that in the past,
we didn't medicate *
892
00:41:14,506 --> 00:41:16,542
* Everyone...
Hello.
893
00:41:16,575 --> 00:41:18,777
* Witch trials and the Crusades
sound like so much fun... *
894
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:21,613
Come on.
* Anti-depressants
895
00:41:21,647 --> 00:41:23,815
* Are so common
896
00:41:23,849 --> 00:41:27,719
* That taking them
is all we have in common. *
897
00:41:27,753 --> 00:41:29,755
(cheering, applause)
898
00:41:56,114 --> 00:41:58,650
Thank you, thank you so much,
899
00:41:58,684 --> 00:42:01,687
Thank you to everyone here and
everyone watching this at home.
900
00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:03,789
Thank you for loving us
and singing our songs
901
00:42:03,822 --> 00:42:04,956
to your babies and your pets.
902
00:42:04,990 --> 00:42:06,925
Thank you,
and have a good night.
903
00:42:06,958 --> 00:42:08,660
(cheering, applause)
904
00:42:12,130 --> 00:42:14,099
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
905
00:42:14,132 --> 00:42:16,134
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
61207
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