All language subtitles for Crazy.Ex-Girlfriend.S04E01.I.Want.to.Be.Here.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.Rus.Eng_TeamHD_track6_[eng]

Previously on
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

♪ ...wonderful guy. [applause]

This has been
the best summer of my life,

and you're
the reason why.

This is a list of all of
the things that I have done.

It's bad.

How did you
get in here?

You sent me poop?
You tried to kill my Lolo?

And you manipulated me
and lied to me.

JOSH: Why are you making me
move? I have no apartment,

no relationship,
no career goals.

I feel like
there's no ground under me.

NATHANIEL: The last few months
have meant a lot to me.

I'll forget about
everything else for you.

They say love makes you crazy.

No!

[gasps]He was going to kill Nathaniel.

They're gonna charge you with
attempted second-degree murder.

He was trying to hurt you.

I want you to plead
not guilty...

Okay, not guilty.

...by reason of insanity.

You have let me down
so many times,

and you are never going
to be any different.

Wow, I'm sorry, I can't do this.

I want to face the consequences
of what happened on that roof.

So I plead responsible.

I mean... guilty.

I plead guilty.

[sighs]

[clears throat]

I'd like to get started.

The State is here.

Where is your counsel,
Miss Bunch?

I'm so sorry. Nathaniel--

Mr.-Mr. Plimpton should
be here any second.

Yeah, I'm not so sure
about that, honey.

He stormed out.
He seemed really upset.

Nathaniel's gone.

I called him,
but he won't answer.

It's okay. It's okay.
I expected that.

I-I'll-I'll call him later and
explain why I did what I did

and that I still love him, and
hopefully he'll listen to me.

So I guess I'll be acting
as Rebecca's counsel.

Um, full disclosure,

I specialize
in real estate law.

Uh, Judge, can we get this
over with? Because the State

would like to
close its case,

and I have to pee.REBECCA: Great.

Mean prosecutor has
to pee, I'm guilty,

so let's just scribble
"guilty" on that pizzle pad

and let's get this
shizzow on the road.

Okay, just wait
just a... sizzecond.

Uh, Your Honor,
may-may I just have a word?

Are you also her lawyer?

Not yet, uh,
because I don't graduate

for another couple of months,

and then I will,

like Mr. Whitefeather,

specialize in real estate law,
but please, I'm begging you,

please, please
don't accept her plea.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't accept my plea? Paula.

What's wrong with you? I thought
you knew what I was doing here.

I want to finally take
responsibility for my life.

Do you remember
the courtroom?

I gave you a knowing smile,

you gave me a knowing smile.

I thought we were
on the same page,

but now I guess we were, what,

just two idiots
smiling at each other?

Everybody, just calm down.

That's why I brought you
into chambers to tell you

that I can't accept
Miss Bunch's guilty plea.

For starters, it wasn't
even really a plea.

It was more of a speech filled
with, uh, irrelevant details

that you delivered to this lady

with your back to me,
and then I find out that

you're in
a romantic relationship

with your actual lawyer,
who I'm guessing is also in...

ALL:
Real estate.

Right.

So, but great. Right?

Y-You're not gonna accept
Rebecca's plea,

which means you-you
can release her.

No. Your Honor,
respectfully,

give me one second
with my real estate lawyers.

Listen. Hey.

Listen. What are you guys doing?

I really want
to plead guilty, okay?

I want to go to jail.
No.

This game is over.
You made your statement,

and I dug it--
I mean, hence the smiling--

but you are not
gonna go to jail

for trying to defend someone
from being murdered.

Yes, I am. Your Honor, please.

I need to do penance.

If not only for this crime,
then all of my past crimes,

both real and metaphorical.

I need... I want to go to jail.

Oh, well, I'm happy
to hear that,

'cause that's exactly
where you're going.

I'm sending you
to county jail

for six weeks.

Now, let's see how
you like it in there,

and then you can come back
and have another hearing

and decide how
you want to plead.

We are done here.

Okay, okay, great.

I can work with this.
This isn't so bad.

It's six weeks.
That gives me plenty of time

to get the charges dropped.Nope, nope.

I don't care how many
hearings we have.

I'm gonna plead guilty
at every one of them.

And the next hearing
after that.

Guilty. And I forget
what happens after that

because I also specialize
in real estate law,

but this I do know:

Jail is what I deserve.

[gate buzzes]

I deserve this.

[door buzzes]

I deserve this.

[cell door slams]

I deserve this.[crying]

[coughing]

GUARD:
Next. Contraband check.

Lift up your breasts,
squat and cough.

[exhales] I deserve this.

[coughs]

This one's not bad.

Why do you need these again?

I mean, don't get me wrong.
I enjoyed purchasing them.

Nothing like walking up
to a cash register

with just an armful of murder.

Bet I'm not on
any watch lists now.

I told you, I need a machete
for my excursion.

Does everyone take a machete
on a camping trip?

It's not a pansy-ass
camping trip.

It's an intense outdoor
survivalist excursion.

That's why it's called
Death Wish Adventures.

Love that name.
Sounds therapeutic.

Oh, it is, it is.

And for the low, low price
of $100,000,

I pay this company

to beat me up,

drive me out
to the middle of the woods,

and leave me alone
to fend for myself.

[laughs] I can't wait!

[sighs] Okay, look.

I know that you're going through
a rough time, you know,

with the woman you love
publicly rejecting you

in favor of incarceration,

but, Nathaniel,

why don't you just
go and talk to her?

Stop. Okay?

She chose what she chose.
I'm done.

I don't want to talk to her,
I don't want to talk about her.

Look at this place.

I'm eating pizza
and Chinese food.

Obviously,
I need a complete reset.

Okay, yes, but there's
got to be a better way

to reset than killing yourself.

I'm not killing myself,
George, okay?

I'm going on a
death wish adventure!

Go buy me another bag.

Machete-proof.

Well, I can't go
to the same store.

[sighs] I just can't believe
Rebecca's in jail for murder.

I don't think it's murder.

It's pretty clear she was
just defending Nathaniel.

Maybe. I don't know.

I don't know what to
think about her anymore.

I used to think Rebecca
was so innocent and sweet.

Well, we all did, right?

Not really.

Look, I like her
and she's my friend,

but she's done
some crazy things,

pretty much from day one.

So how did I still miss it?
How did I miss it, Hector?

Look, you loved her

and you missed certain things
because of that.

And she has
mental health issues.

She has a disorder.

Disorder.

Yeah, maybe I also have
a disorder.

What, dude?

Yeah, think about it.

Okay, those things
about Rebecca,

they're not the only things
I've missed, like, in life.

I-I didn't realize

being a priest
would be such a bummer.

I didn't realize
I was dancing at a gay bar

for, like, a month.
I didn't realize

your mom doesn't like it
when I whistle in the shower.

Now that you bring it up,
it's weird you live with my mom.

You lived with your mom.

She's my mom.

Oh.

I see what you're saying.
Okay, I get it. Yeah.

So... [groans] that's weird.

See? I have a disorder.

Maybe.
[sighs]

Or maybe you're a little
oblivious, self-absorbed,

and need to be more aware
of the world around you.

No. Disorder.

Or...Disorder. I have one.

I wonder which one.

REBECCA: I deserve this. I deserve this.

I deserve this. I deserve this.
I deserve this.

I deserve this. I...

NICKY: Will you
shut the hell up?

You've been chanting that
for days.

I'm in here for assault,
and I'm trying to be good,

but God help me,

what you really deserve
is a throat punch.

I'm sorry.

I'm just, I'm...
I'm sad and scared.

I came here
to do penance,

but I don't know
what that looks like,

and I think I just gave up
the man I love,

and, God, this place
is terrible.

It's terrible in jail?

Wow, really insightful analysis

of the criminal justice system,
Harvard.

How do you know
I went to Harvard?

Well, other than,
"I deserve this,"

that's the only thing
you've said since you got here.

Oh, sounds like
I worked it in organically.

What?

Well, sometimes it sounds
like you're bragging.

Like, when people ask
where you went to college,

and you say,
"I went to school in Boston,"

and they say, "Where in Boston?"
and you say, "Cambridge,"

and they say, "Do you mean
Harvard?" and you say, "Yeah,"

and they say, "Well, why didn't
you just say Harvard?"

and you say, "I didn't want
to sound like I was bragging,"

and, oh, my God, I'm in jail!

[crying]

You can comfort me.

Yeah, I'm good.

[door buzzes, opens]

Oh, thank God,
activities time. Yes!

Activities?

What do they have?
Anything good?

Eh, there's a nonprofit group
that comes in

and does theater with us.

I'm sorry...

does what?

INMATES:
Zip. Zap. Zop.

Zip.
Zap.
Zop.

Zip.
Zap.

Zop.Zip.

Zap.
Zop.

Okay, let's pick up
the pace, ladies.

Don't think,
just react.

Zip.
Zap.

Zop.
Zip.
Zap.

Zop.
Zip.
Zap.

Zop.Zop-- Zap!

Oh, no, no. Oh, I messed up.

It was supposed to be z-zap.That's okay, Rebecca.

Why don't you start us
off on the next round?

Okay. I have a question.

Um, do you only do
theater games in here?

No, sometimes we do scenes
from plays or films or TV shows.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Okay, um, I actually have
an amazing idea,

and I think it's something
that could take

this theater nonprofit outreach
organization to the next level.

[piano playing]

♪ I'm as corny
as Kansas in August ♪

♪ High as a flag
on the Fourth of July ♪

♪ If you'll excuse
an expression I use ♪

♪ I'm in love, I'm in love,
I'm in love ♪

♪ She's in love

[off-key]: ♪ I'm in love
with a wonderful guy! ♪

[piano flourish]

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

[door buzzes]

Okay, so, I am investigating
everything to do with Trent.

Mm-hmm.We have to prove that
Trent was stalking you,

but then we can show
that your actions

were in the defense
of others.

Uh-huh. Yeah, cool.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Okay, look, I-I-I know you've
committed to this whole

penance thing here, but this
is gonna get old real fast,

and when it does, you're gonna
be grateful that I am here

trying to spring you.

Okay, Paula, I'm sorry,
I know it's frustrating,

but I've told you before,
you're wasting your time.

I'm sorry, I want to be here.
It was the right decision.

And now, I just figured out
what my penance will be.

Making a contribution
to my theater class.

Okay, so I suggested
we do South Pacific,

which everyone loved.

Uh, sure.And the thing

I'm marinating on is:
what do we do next?

And I'm thinking Pippin.

Scottie Pippen
from the Bulls?

I can't...Oh, my God.

Wow, how are we friends?
No, Pippin.It's a musical.

Uh-huh.
So...

Okay, it's a musical.
Look, honey, I'm-I'm

glad that you
found a pastime...A penance.

Okay, I am going to
get you out of here.

And the good
news is, is that

I'll probably be able to
do it before you do Cats.

[laughing]:
Oh, I would never do Cats.

Come on.
I'm not that much of a dork.

[grunts]

MAN:
Enjoy your campsite! [laughs]

[groans]

Great beating, guys, thank you!

MAN:
Suck it, maggot!

[laughs]
Yeah. Oh. Ooh.

Okay.

[panting]

[softly]:
Yes.

[laughs]: Ah, that's why
they said "maggot."

Okay, that's funny. Funny.

[chuckles]

That's gonna miss the spot.

These guys are good.
They're good.

MAN: All right, let's go!
Big stick here, big stick!

[Josh muttering quietly]

No. No.

Oh, a quiz. Ha.

All right, Quimblepop.com,

thank you
for that quiche recipe.

Now tell me
what disorder I have.

REBECCA: Okay, so there's
Pippin, there'sGodspell.

An unknown gem
is Triumph of Love.

It's not perfect.
It's not perfect, Cybil.

Okay, Jasmine, may I have
the talking balloon?

Rebecca?Yeah. Oh, my God.

Of course. I would love
to hear your thoughts.

Okay.

[whispers]: Nicky, you have
the balloon on the wrong face.

[whispers]: No, it's on
the right face. The sad face.

I did not like the dumb
South Pacificsong.

None of us liked it.[others murmur]

Oh, I thought you guys did.

No.

Oh, I'm-- God, I'm so sorry.

It's dumb
and it's old-fashioned.

Right, right, of course, I see.

We all appreciate
your enthusiasm.

I don't.

Yeah, um, no, you're right.

Guys, I am so sorry.

I mean, look,

the song's relevant to me.

It symbolizes a time in my life
when I was, like,

truly happy and I maybe thought,
cosmically,

that's why I'm in jail-- to,
like, reenact that song somehow,

but that's... [grunts]
that's not relevant

to what's actually
happening, right?

I mean, I've never been
to Polynesia. Have you?

Who's been to Polynesia?

I have.
Okay.

So what we
need to do...

Maybe we need to do something
more relevant.

Right? Yeah.

Something that's more relevant
to the here and now,

to all your lives,
to our lives.

I like the class the way it was.

Me, too.
Let's play Zip Zap Zop.

Zip zap stop, hear me out.

What we do is an original piece.

Yes.

Put up an original piece.

Uh, yes! Oh, man, this is
what I can contribute.

This is my penance.

Okay, we put
that piece up.

I mean, I'm sure that all of you
have the most amazing stories

filled with drama and
romance and-and meaning.

I have the talking balloon.R-Rebecca.

Okay, and we put those stories
on their feet,

and then NPR comes to the jail,

and then Lin-Manuel Miranda
tweets about it...

What?I'll show you what I mean.

[dramatic tango music playing]

The hell?

♪ Story, story

♪ What's your story?

♪ Story, story

♪ What's your crime?

♪ What got you here?

♪ Rage, lust or fear?

♪ We all got a story
'cause we're doing time ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta, ra-ta-ta!

[softly]:
♪ Ra-ta-ta

Tell-tell your story.

♪ Ra-ta-ta, ra-ta-ta Um, okay, fine.

My boyfriend had meth in the
glove compartment of our car.

♪ Ra-ta-ta And I got pulled over
for something else...

♪ Ra-ta-ta ...and a cop found it.

Ooh! Well, did you dump
that good-for-nothing

drug-planting boyfriend?

No, we're still together.
I love him.

Oh! Well, did you at least
tell the cops

that it was his meth?[music stops]

I mean, I could have
turned him in,

but my boyfriend
and I have a son.

I can't risk our child having
both parents in jail.

That's true. That's a good,
that's a good point.

[music resumes]♪ Story, story

♪ Let's hear another story

♪ Story, story

♪ That one was just sad

♪ What does your story say
about the patriarchy? ♪

♪ We have all got stories

♪ 'Cause we did bad

♪ Ra-ta-ta, ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta
Story, go.

♪ Ra-ta-ta Okay, I stole a sweater
from the mall.

Ooh! Have you been
stealing all your life?

Was this the culmination
of a lifetime of kleptomania?

Or were you doing it
to stick it

to the problematic
fashion industry?

No. The heat went out
in my apartment

and I couldn't afford
a sweater, so I stole one.

Oh, hey, I stole
a sweater, too.

I got two months.
How long are you in for?

Three years.

I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.Mm.

♪ Story, story

♪ These are barely stories

♪ They're just bleak anecdotes

♪ With no start or end

Go, tell-tell your story.

Tell your story.[music stops]

Okay, sure, I have a story.
I'm in here for murder.

Ooh! Murder? Juicy!
♪ Ra-ta-ta

While I was driving,
my daughter texted me

that she was in the hospital
and I got so distracted that...

I hit a teenager who was
crossing the street and he died.

[panting]

♪ Story, story

♪ Oh, my God, with that story

♪ Story, story

♪ Take away her chair

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Please. I'm so sorry.
What can I do?

Ugh, sorry. Sorry.

Okay, you know what?

I'm-I'm just gonna
share my story.

Because you guys
aren't really versed

with a sense of story structure.

So I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you
how it's done.

[grunts] I was a no-good,
manipulative love addict

with undiagnosed
borderline personality disorder.

I swindled. Drum.
I cheated. Drum!

I called out a hit on
my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend.

Drum, drum.

Then, one day, this guy Trent
came into my life.

He was ironically just like me.

He tried to kill
the man I loved,

so I pushed him off a building!

And then, when I pled guilty

just for, like,
metaphorical symbolism,

the judge knew I was innocent
so she didn't accept my plea,

but I wanted to go
to jail anyway.

[music stops]Wait, what?

You don't have to be here?

You chose to be here?

Yeah!

♪ Ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta

Wait. ♪ Ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta, ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta, ra-ta-ta

[light clicks]

♪ Ra-ta-ta, ra-ta-ta

♪ Ra-ta-ta. [light clanks]

So, surf sponsors.

Who are the surf sponsors?

So, according to
these quizzes,

I have ADHD,
OCD and synesthesia.

Oh. When I think about
the number five,

I see the color blue
and I smell daisies.

Daisies have no scent.

They do if you have synesthesia.
[scoffs]

Yeah, Josh, you don't have
any of those things.

You really don't.Yes, I do.

Okay, for example,
my OCD is why I list things.

Watch. Here are the beers
you have here:

pilsner, pale ale, lager,
hard cider, IPA, porter,

stout and Hefeweizen.
Explain that.

Mm. Yeah, you worked here.
That's why you know those.

I thought listing was an
autism spectrum thing.

Exactly. I have that, too.
Look right here.

Uh-huh. Josh, where did you
get these quizzes again?

Quimblepop.

Quimblepop?
Also,

they're doing
original programming now.

Have you seen Terrier Chef?
Aw...

Josh, online quizzes are just
clickbait; they're not real.

I once took a quiz,

it told me I was Miranda
from Sex and the City.

[laughs]
When you're clearly a Charlotte.

Oh, I thought I was Carrie.

No, no, baby, no. I'm Carrie.

Look, Josh, I really respect
your search for self,

but these are actual disorders
people suffer from,

and you're treating it
like you're just,

like, identity shopping.Yeah, it's kind of gross.

HEATHER: What, Rebecca
wants to be in jail,

you want to have a disorder?

This is, like,
a really messed up episode

of Sex and the City.

Wow, you guys don't want
to accept who I am.

That is cruel and unfair,
but it's your issue, not mine.

This is the kind
of prejudices

we've been dealing with
for centuries.

Who is "we"? You just named
eight communities.

Yeah, Josh, if you think you
actually, like, have something,

you should get some help,
like, professional help.

I'm just a regional manager.

I don't need that.
The quizzes point you

to some really helpful articles,
which are free.

No, I think you guys should get
on Quimblepop and figure out

what disorder you have that
makes you such crappy friends.

[insect chirping]

Hey, buddy. It's okay.

I'm your friend.

[grunting]

That's okay.

It's protein.

You need protein.

Now time for some dew.

[grunts, spits]

Okay.

[slurping]

[crackling in distance]

Who's there?

Hey, pal.

Damn it.

How did you find me?

The company said that
my location was confidential.

Yeah, I threatened them legally,
and it turns out

they cannot afford
another lawsuit.

Did you know
some people have died

while using
Death Wish Adventures?

What are you even doing here?

Okay, so, long story,

my old camp counselor is the
real-life guy from 127 Hours.

I wasn't there for him that day

on that slot canyon,

and now he has no arm.

So I'm not leaving your side.

But don't worry about me,

I'll just be roughing it
alongside you.

And let me know if you want
some juicy bratwurst,

'cause I brought a whole bunch
of tasty meats.

[ska music playing]

♪

Could you...
turn off... the ska?

♪ Now let me tell you
something that... ♪

[music stops]

Can I ask you a question?

Nope.Cool. I'm gonna
keep going, then.

Is this whole thing
helping you

in some way?

Is this helping you
get over Rebecca?

I'm not gonna talk, so...

Great, well, you know what?
I'll talk.

All right?
'Cause I'm not going away.

Just like the ska band
Less Than Jake didn't go away

after their major
label release flopped.

And don't think The Hippos

didn't take
notice of that.

That's another ska band.
So are the Impossibles.

There's a lot of s...

Okay, shut up, I'll talk.

Just stop talking about ska.

No. I don't feel better. Yet.

But I will.

I was pushing myself
to the extreme.

It's how I work
through setbacks.

Gets me out of my head.

When I got a 1400 on the PSAT,
I climbed Mount Whitney.

Went Stanford water polo
placed third at Nationals,

I ran the Death Valley Marathon.

And when my
best friend Trip

joined a cult, I just straight
up jumped into a frozen lake.

Almost lost a toe.

Wow. Hot take:

is it possible that this pain
is not therapeutic?

It's just more
emotional cutting?

No. No, you're wrong, okay?

That's not it at all, all right?

Now, I'm done talking to you.

You want to be here?
I can't make you go away.

But leave me alone, all right?

Fine. Then I'll just have
my flank steak and bratwurst

all by myself.

Sh...

It's so good to see you.
What are you eating?

You look so tight.
Ugh, I wish I was in jail.

Yeah, no. Sorry.

Okay, Rebecca?

We have something to tell you.You know what?

I have something to tell you.
I figured out something huge.

I am privileged.

That just occurred to you
just right now?Right.

It-- I know.
It's a shock to me, too.

But I am privileged.
And I'm myopic.

Okay, Rebecca, stop.
Listen, no, I have some news.

Oh, my God, please don't spoil
Terrier Cheffor me.

It's the only thing I have left.
Please. No.

Oh, I haven't seen it, either.
La, la, la, la...

No. What? Girl, stop.

You have a new hearing.

What? Why?

It's a miracle.
Trent woke up from his coma

and confessed to everything.

To stalking you,
to trying to kill Nathaniel.

Yeah. The state has
no case anymore.

Yep, you got a new
hearing tomorrow.

All the charges are gonna be
dismissed, and you will be out.

I just got you
out of jail.

You're gonna be free!

It's great news, right?

PAULA:
Oh, you do not

still want to stay here?

Of course I do.

What did you expect?
I came here to pay penance,

and I have not done that yet.

I did the opposite
of that.

I was selfish and I tried
to force my own narrative

on these women, and steal their
stories for my own purposes.

And for what? For what?
For a Lin-Manuel Miranda tweet?

Oh, he is so inspirational.

Did you know he grew that
ponytail just for that show?

HEATHER:
What? Okay, Rebecca,

I hate to break it to you,

but you know, whatever
you do in here, nothing

is gonna change the fact that
you're a rich white lawyer lady

who pled guilty
for dramatic effect.

It's kind of gross.

Exactly. Yeah, it's gross.

So now you expect me

just to waltz out of here,

and not even serve
my mandatory six weeks?

My theater friends
can't do that.

Uh-uh-uh, honey, you staying
here doesn't help anyone

who's been wronged,
just like your guilty plea

didn't help anyone
you'd wronged.

HEATHER: Yeah, and none
of that matters anyways,

because Paula got
the charges dropped...Yes.

...so you're getting out of here
whether you like it or not.

Well, I don't like it.
I'm sorry.

PAULA:
Honey,

people just don't want
to stay in jail.

I don't understand.

I know you don't, Paula.

No one does.

[sighs]

♪

♪ Do you ever feel so alone

♪ That if you were
to pick up the phone ♪

♪ No one else would be
on the other end? ♪

♪ Have you ever been
far from home? ♪

♪ So scared you had to roam

♪ And now you're beaten
and tired ♪

♪ With no one
to call a friend? ♪

♪ He doesn't count

♪ You tried your best
to make a change ♪

♪ But people just think
you're strange ♪

♪ And you feel like

♪ No one else
is singing my song ♪

♪ No one knows the rhythm

♪ Enough to sing along

♪ If only someone could see

♪ In three-part harmony

♪ How alone, how alone,
how alone ♪

♪ Only I am

♪ It's late and getting colder

♪ You're only getting older

♪ And you're next to someone
who is fast asleep ♪

♪ That's so specific

♪ Does anyone understand?

♪ Would anyone understand?

♪ Could anyone understand?

♪ Of course not,
'cause no one else ♪

♪ Is singing my song

♪ No one knows the rhythm
enough to sing along ♪

♪ When the core
of your problem is a ♪

♪ Complicated melisma

♪ No one gets how alone

♪ How alone, how alone

♪ Only I am

♪ But maybe while
I'm singing my song ♪

♪ Someone else
is singing along ♪

♪ About a third higher and they
echo at a different moment ♪

[high-pitched]:
♪ Moment

♪ How beautiful would it be

[regular pitch]:
♪ If it was
the entire company? ♪

♪ But that's impossible

♪ Impossible

♪ Impossible, impossible

♪ Impossible...

Or is it?

♪ Of course not, no one else
is singing my song ♪

♪ We're out of paper bags

♪ I mean, duh, no one knows

♪ The ever-changing rhythm
enough to sing along ♪

♪ If only someone could see

♪ In 11-part harmony

♪ Or maybe just unison

♪ It's logistically impossible

♪ I am super unique

♪ Hold out my lonely hands

♪ Ah...

Oh, hey, guys.

Oh, hey.
Hi, guys.

Why am I here?I didn't see you guys there.

Hey, Darryl.[overlapping chatter]

♪ Only I am.

H-Hey.

Do you know any good therapists?

George. Hey.

I'll take one
of those meats now.

Okay.

♪

Hi.

Let's go.

Mmm.Another spicy Italian link?

Duh.
All right.

So good, so spicy.

Ah. Ah...

Let me try some water.Water?

Yeah.Here you go.

So much better than dew.

[laughs softly]Make you feel better?

No.

Well, now, did the torture
make you feel better?

No, that's why I gave up
on the torture. I don't,

I don't know. I don't
know what it is, George.

Maybe I'm just broken.

That is such a sad thing to say.

Part one. Part two, really good
title for a ska song.

Stay with me.

Two, three, four.
[imitates percussion]

♪ Ting, ting, ting, ting

♪ Ting, ting,
ting, ting ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just broken...

[imitates trombone]
Trumpets now.

[imitates trumpets]
And then...

[phone chimes][sighs]

That's interesting.

What-- no. Don't-don't tell me
what it is, all right?

No news from the real world.
I'm still on a retreat.

Rebecca just got out of jail.

What? Let me see that.

You see? That news
made you feel better.

You're right.
[scoffs]

Of course it did.

I need to see her, George.

That's what I need.Yes.

I have been saying that
since the beginning.

Yes, you need to go talk to her.

Yep. Yep, this feels right.

This feels good.
This feels good.

All right.
Let's pack up and go.

JOSH:
So that's about it.

That's my life story.

It really is.
You started at conception.

Interesting you know that story.

So, um, like, how do we treat
all these things I have?

Like, which do we do first,
Dr. Man Akopian?

Should we do OCD first? Because
I might get OCD about my OCD.

Josh, I don't know
how to tell you this.

Actually, I do.

You don't have
any of those disorders.

I really wish people
would stop taking

those online quizzes.

They're very inaccurate.

I mean,
on Sex and the Cityquizzes,

I always get Steve,
but I'm clearly an Aidan.

But... so if-if I don't
have a disorder,

what can I do?

Because something
is clearly wrong.

You can do exactly

what you're doing
sitting here with me.

Look within.

Josh, it's not about

checking a box and getting
a fancy label, or 12,

for what's bothering you.

Instead, you can think
about the choices you make

and why you make them.

That sounds hard.

Yeah, yeah. But don't worry.

It will take a long time.

Okay.
[chuckles]

Nice custom banner, babe.

Yeah, they weirdly
had it at the store.

[baby crying]

Wait, whose baby is that?

Are you, are you kidding?

It's my baby.

The one you helped me make?

Oh! Right, right, right, right.

HECTOR: Hey,
Rebecca, I'm making

my favorite ceviche.Mm. Family recipe?

No, I got it
from Quimblepop.

Also, took the quiz again,

and you're looking
at a Carrie.

You gamed the quiz
to get that, Charlotte.

Hey.

You okay?

Feeling better?

Honey.

Honey, you're home.
You're with your people.

What do you want
to do next? Pie?

Ice cream? Donut?

Wow, we really need to find

some non food-related activities
for us, don't we?

Paula, I don't want
to do anything.

Everything I do is wrong,
by definition.

Because of my privilege.

Okay, that's it.
I've had enough.

Rebecca,
if I hear you

say the word "privilege"
one more time...

You have privilege.
I'm glad you acknowledge it.

So now you have a choice.

Do something good for the world
that actually helps people,

or shut up.

But stop whining.

Baller Miranda move.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You're right. You're right.

I need to do something
practical, to counteract my...

my pri-- my, uh,

systemic socioeconomic
racial and cisgender advantages.

Oh, you mean that?

Hi.

Hi.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Good banner.

[door closes]

Um, look, before
you say anything, I-I...

I want to say I'm sorry.

I stormed out of the courthouse,
and I took your plea personally,

and I shouldn't have.

I'm just...

I'm just so glad
you're out of jail.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, it feels
so good to hear you say that.

You were so mad at me.

Mm. 'Cause you reall--
you have to know

that all the things I said
in that courtroom

truly had nothing to do
with how I feel about you.

I still love you, Nathaniel.

I love you, too.

[laughs softly]

Oh, I'm so glad all
this drama's behind us.

What happened to your face?

Oh, it was, uh, camping.
Long story.

What?Yeah. I'm just
so glad we can be

free and clear now.

Yeah. Well, I mean,
I still have some work to do.

A lot of work to do, actually.

Going to jail
was totally misguided,

but I meant
what I said in the courtroom.

You know?
About being a better person.

I want to do that, somehow.

Right. You want to make some
donations, serve on some boards.

No, more than that. I want to...

I don't know, I want to get
in there and make a difference.

Okay. Sounds vague,

but, um, why don't
we talk about that

after dinner, or better yet,
after Hawaii?

[laughs]:
Hawaii?
Yeah.

I called the Four Seasons
Hualalai, and I got us a room.

[laughs]:
I-- mm.

Mm.

You know what?
I'm so sorry, I just,

I have, I have a lot
to think about right now.

I got to figure
a lot of stuff out,

so, yeah, I can't.

Hawaii-Hawaii has to wait.

[sighs]

Rebecca, you are being so silly.

[chuckles]

I'm being silly?

And selfish, too. I mean,
I-I, I just want us

to be happy and together.

That's what I want.

Y-You just said
you love me, right?

So can you just do that for me?

Can you stop
overthinking everything?

Okay, I'm not
overthinking things,

I'm just trying
to be a good person.

Really? Because from where
I'm sitting,

every time we're happy,
you try to ruin it.

Um...
I-I...

Yeah, you should go
right now.

Okay, fine.

Oh! She's coming.
Go, go, go, go.

[door opens]

DARRYL:
Mmm.

I'm loving this ceviche.

Darryl, you don't have
anything in your hands.

So...

what happened?

I heard him mention Hawaii,
and then you started whispering.

Which is rude.

Look, I'm in love with him.
I am, but...

...we just don't have
the same priorities right now.

Maybe we won't ever,
I-I don't know.

I truly don't know.
[exhales]

All I know is I need
to find my own answer,

and it lies somewhere

between jail and Hawaii.

So amazing those
are your choices.

You know what?
I'll figure it out.

Hey, Darryl?Hmm?

Hook me up with some
of that ceviche.Sure.

Oh. Thanks.

HECTOR:
This is so confusing.

I actually made ceviche.

So what's next, Cookie?

♪

Zip.
Zap.
Zop.

Zip.
Zap.

Zap.

I think they were on zop.

Sorry. Zop.

What is she doing here?

Rebecca would like
to volunteer.

But not with, not with theater.
Don't worry.

Um...

So when I'm not forcing
my opinions and entitlement

on everybody else--

sorry for that--

I'm actually
a pretty good lawyer.

And I don't know much
about criminal cases,

but I can study up
and with your permission,

I would love to try and help you

and any of the other women
in here.

JASMINE:
I told her I thought

it was a great idea.

And the warden
approved it.

So what do you
guys think?

So she's not gonna sing?

Or pick the songs?

No. Again, I'm just,
I'm here to give legal advice.

And she can't mention Sondheim.Duly noted.

I do kind of like
the show Cats,though.

Catsis cool.We should do Cats.

Let's do Cats.

Great. Sign me up
for front row tickets.

Who doesn't like Cats?

It's delightful.
Who cares if there's no plot?

Trent.

Wake up!

Wake up.

Trent!

I am not buying this
for a second.

Coma my ass.

Wake up, you psychotic,

turtlenecked piece of crap.

If you do not wake up right now
and confess to everything,

I am gonna call Princeton

and tell them
to take back your degree.

Actually, I went to school
in Boston.

Aha!

Damn it.

[ska music playing]

♪ Maybe I'm just broken

♪ Maybe
I'm just broken ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just broken

♪ Maybe
I'm just broken ♪

Trumpets now.

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