Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:02,336
Previously on
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
2
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:03,404
This is Nathaniel Plimpton,
3
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,206
the new co-owner
of the firm.
4
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,807
We're gonna start running
this place like a real business.
5
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,510
My father and our firm
demand nothing less.
6
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,280
Moved here for Josh Chan?
7
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:13,281
Of course
you would do something
8
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,282
like give up
your wonderful life
9
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,716
in New York to be near that...
10
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,052
that loser.
JOSH: I know I hurt you,
11
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:19,353
and I don't blame you
for not trusting me,
12
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,522
but I promise you
it'll be different this time.
13
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,591
We'll start over,
do things the right way.
14
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,758
Rebecca, I love you.
15
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,260
Oh... you love me?
16
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:27,628
You mean you love
something about me.
17
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:28,629
No, you.
18
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,464
I love you.
19
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,101
Oh, my God, I love you, too,
Josh Chan.
20
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,702
Come here.
21
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,305
* I'm just a girl in love
22
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,173
* La-la-la, lovey-dove *
23
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:42,143
* I can't be held responsible
for my actions *
24
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,144
* She's an ingenue *
25
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,279
* I have no underlying issues
to address *
26
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:48,149
* I'm certifiably cute
and adorably obsessed *
27
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,783
* They say love
makes you crazy *
28
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,286
* Therefore,
you can't call her crazy *
29
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,288
* 'Cause when you
call her crazy *
30
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,257
* You're just calling her
in love. *
31
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,292
Blam!
32
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,102
Okay, on the count of three.
33
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,370
One, two, three.
34
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,405
BOTH:
In a relationship!
35
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:13,141
Oh, that's so great.
Let's post to Instagram.
36
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:16,477
Okay, #StatusUpdate
#ItsFacebookOfficial.
37
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,678
Rebecca, leave it
to the professional.
38
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:21,282
#FromTheMountaintops
#EverAfter #DoubleRainbows
39
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,417
#MerrilyMerrily
MerrilyLifeIsButADream.
40
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,419
Okay, done. Posted.
(both giggle)
41
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,355
Skyler's gonna
love this photo.
42
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:30,424
Wait, my cousin Skyler?
Why is he following you?
43
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,426
We're going to his
bar mitzvah this weekend.
44
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,128
I friended practically
his whole class
45
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,263
at Scarsdale Middle School.
46
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:38,399
Jonah Leibowitz is playing
hard to get, but I'll get him.
47
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,534
(clucks tongue) Oh.
48
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:43,237
You know, normally,
I wouldn't look forward
49
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,605
to going to a family
bar mitzvah,
50
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:45,906
but now that
you'll be there,
51
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,742
it's just gonna be
different and supes awss.
52
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,879
#SupesAwss, I love it.
53
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,381
Oh, my God,
I love it, too.
54
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,516
Okay, #SupesAwss,
let's do it. Okay.
55
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,717
BOTH:
One, two, three.
56
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,619
Supes awss!
57
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,188
(Rebecca and Josh laughing)
58
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,155
You know, studies have shown
59
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,791
that couples who post a lot
on social media
60
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,194
are often insecure
about their attachment.
61
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,296
Heather, did you
just look that up?
62
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:09,663
No, I actually started
with a hypothesis,
63
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,399
and then I backed it up
with a Vox article.
64
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,401
It's standard scientific method.
65
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,369
Okay, well, you're way
off because Josh and I
66
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,605
just want to show the
world our happiness...
Mm-hmm.
67
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,241
...and maybe once they see our
happiness, it'll spread and then
68
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,275
there will be no more war.
69
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:22,543
Mm, mwah.
That's right, baby.
70
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,777
That's how peace happens.
71
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,346
REBECCA:
Yeah.
72
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:26,847
Love fixes everything.
(giggles)
73
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,583
I just don't think
that's realistic.
74
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,185
BOTH:
Just shut up, Heather!
75
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,420
Okay? You don't know what
you're talking about.
76
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,322
And you know why?
77
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,691
* We'll never
have problems again *
78
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:41,695
* It's only smooth, smooth
sailing from now on *
79
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:42,863
* Uh-huh
80
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:46,967
* We'll never have
problems again *
81
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,238
* We used to have problems,
but now they're gone *
82
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,272
* Phew
83
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,873
* Do you remember
84
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,543
* Back when we had problems?
85
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:59,813
* Oh, man, that was annoying
86
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:03,617
* But now our love
has magically solved them *
87
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:08,489
* And there won't be any more
in our future at all... *
88
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,624
Okay, so you guys are,
like, super delusional.
89
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,593
Ugh, go away, Heather.
Yeah, get out!
90
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:16,597
Fine, I guess I'll just
Soul Train out of here, losers.
91
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:21,335
JOSH and REBECCA: * We'll never
have problems again *
92
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:25,539
* Now everyone will know
that our love is undying *
93
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:30,344
* We'll never have
problems again *
94
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:31,845
* No more nights
95
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,947
* Of randomly crying
96
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,883
* We'll never worry about
paying the bills *
97
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,552
* The only money
we'll need is sunset *
98
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:39,687
* If we feel like
we've run out of thrills *
99
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,523
* Hey, look,
another sunset *
100
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,458
* We don't need gasoline
101
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,327
* Our car will run on love
102
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,629
* Elon Musk is developing
that kind of car *
103
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,564
* The first test failed
104
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:54,001
* But that's 'cause
it wasn't true love *
105
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:57,471
* They say obsession
biologically lasts *
106
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,906
* Four years at most
107
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:03,277
* But science doesn't
apply to us *
108
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,479
* Some say we're all
repeating patterns *
109
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,515
* Taught by our parents
110
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,717
* But that's just...
111
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,285
No.
That's...
112
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,720
That's not a thing. No.
No, no, it's not. No, no.
113
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:16,457
* We'll never have
problems again *
114
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,492
* No more ups and downs
115
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:20,828
* It's just ups
and ups and ups *
116
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:25,433
* We'll never have
problems again *
117
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:28,502
* Our love has made us
totes invincible *
118
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:31,472
* I've been cynical
most of my life *
119
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:32,806
* And everything's fallen flat
120
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:37,845
* Now, for once, the situation's
a lot less nuanced than that *
121
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,080
* We're problem free
122
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,015
* That's you and me
123
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,451
* We're problem free
124
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,585
* Ooh
125
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,520
* That's you and me
126
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,622
* Live fade out, live fade out
127
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,558
* Live fade out,
live fade out *
128
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,693
(softer):
* Live fade out, live fade out
129
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,628
* Live fade out,
live fade out *
130
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:55,696
* Live fade out.
131
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,798
BOTH (whispering):
Live fade out, live fade out,
132
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,533
live fade out, live fade...
133
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,874
Paula, be totally honest.
134
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,010
Does this suit say, "Hey,
Nathaniel, I'm a lot like you,
135
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,045
"a successful power player
who deserves respect
136
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,748
and at least some important
responsibilities." Hmm?
137
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:17,485
Yeah, you know,
it says something more like,
138
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,687
"Irregular, 30% off,
The Suit Barn."
139
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,722
Maybe not that honest.
140
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,791
No, doofus.
141
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,926
It's what it says on your tag.
142
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,528
Oh! Oh, oh.
143
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:28,629
Good call.
Yeah.
144
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:29,630
Are there any more?
145
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,864
Yeah, no, you're...
146
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,966
you're... great.
147
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,603
Hey, there.
148
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:39,106
Wow, you have the most
intense look on your face.
149
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,411
I'm excited for your other
looks, whenever those get going.
150
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:49,049
Wow, so you found, uh,
Rebecca's, uh, treadmill desk.
151
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,819
Yes. Took maintenance a while
to get out the hot dog smell.
152
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,687
Well, you know Rebecca.
153
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:54,955
She loves to jog and dog.
154
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,457
Darryl, what can I do for you?
155
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,659
The question is:
What can I do for you?
156
00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,693
Because I get it.
157
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,029
You're now the number one;
I'm the number two,
158
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,498
dangling under you,
ready to drop in,
159
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,599
make a splash.
160
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,067
Darryl, stop.
161
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,536
So you're not craving
a number two?
162
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,971
There's no rumblings
for a deuce?
163
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,606
No.
164
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,108
Cool, cool.
Well, I'm not gonna push it.
165
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,910
I'm just gonna go back one out.
166
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:19,947
I mean... I'm just
gonna back out.
167
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,990
Uh-oh.
168
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,525
You're not even separating out
169
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:34,462
the buttered-popcorn-flavored
ones.
170
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,663
Didn't go well, huh?
171
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,798
What? No, it went great.
172
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,600
Yeah, I mean, he doesn't
have a lot for me now,
173
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:40,801
but I know he will soon.
174
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,536
Absolutely.
175
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,638
I mean, it's all gonna change
once he gets that big client.
176
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,940
That what? What client?
177
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,942
You know, that huge client
that he used to rep
178
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,944
in the L.A. office,
and his dad said he could
179
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:51,945
also represent them here.
180
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,647
Oh!
181
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:54,848
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
182
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,917
The-the big client. To...
183
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,086
I thought you said,
"The pig client."
184
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,921
You don't know
about them?
185
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,023
The pork processing
place out in Duarte?
186
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,725
Oh, you got to
check that out.
187
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,627
But you said
"the big client."
188
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,796
That's the one... that's the
one that has the weird name
189
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:09,797
that's... it's
hard to pronounce.
190
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,031
How do you,
how do you say it?
191
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,733
Just off the top
of your head.
192
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,734
Say it. Just say it.
193
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,736
Peterson Car Sales?
194
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,672
Mm, close, but it's
actually Petterson.
195
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:19,707
It's Petterson Car Sales.
196
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,575
Yeah, that's it.
197
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:22,576
Correct pronunciation.
198
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,177
Anyway, over and out.
199
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,514
(mouth full): I got
a lot of work to do.
200
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:35,589
Oh... you found
my old hot dog cooker.
201
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:36,757
Pop the cover off,
202
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,158
set it to 3.4 MPH,
203
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,127
slide some Ball Park fatties
on those rollers,
204
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,763
it cooks up (clucks tongue)
real nice.
205
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,064
(exhales):
Oh.
206
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,199
Yeah... what are you doing
to yourself?
207
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,868
High interval
impact training.
208
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,037
It's intense periodic exertion,
209
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,739
which activates
your fight or flight.
210
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:52,806
It's not a real workout
211
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,041
unless your body is convinced
212
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,676
it's being chased by a lion.
213
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:56,510
Mm, that sounds factual.
214
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,211
So, listen,
I wanted to let you know
215
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,147
I'm heading out
a little early today.
216
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,749
I have some
unused vacation days,
217
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,183
and you can fact-check that
with Karen.
218
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,885
Okay, where you going?
219
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,555
You and Flip Flop
going on a romantic weekend
220
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:08,722
at a Sandals Resort?
221
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,257
Sandals, that was really good.
222
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,526
It's a little sad no one else
was around to hear that.
223
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,894
I don't know,
I might say it again later.
224
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,195
Seriously,
where are you going?
225
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,565
We are going
to a family bar mitzvah.
226
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,701
So, he is going to meet
the entire Garfinkel clan.
227
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,202
That's my mom's side
of the family.
228
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,871
It will be wonderful.
229
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,039
All right. If you say so.
230
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,809
I do say so, because he is
the man of my dreams.
231
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,277
You know you say that a lot?
232
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,079
I've never heard
anyone else use the term
233
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,881
"man of my dreams"
before you.
234
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,149
Sounds like something
a super secure person says.
235
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:39,687
Uh, well... you don't know us,
and you don't know me,
236
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,788
and you don't know us, so...
237
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,857
Well, you are gonna miss
something great around here.
238
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:47,795
My father is just about
to give us a huge client.
239
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,831
Massive. Just waiting for
the final go-ahead from him.
240
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,633
So, go have fun.
241
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,101
I'll be here, being awesome.
242
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,969
Oh, hey, on your way out,
can you just
243
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:56,970
give me a roar?
244
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,939
Like a loud, fast roar.
245
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,040
Doesn't have to be a lion.
246
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,776
It can be like a howler monkey
or something like that.
247
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,012
Anything, really.
Just a predator.
248
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:08,048
A land-based predator
would be-- never mind.
249
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,584
Have a great weekend.
250
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,185
It's a family event;
that's a big step.
251
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,186
Yeah.
252
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,354
(both chuckling)
253
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,789
Almost as big
as when you announced
254
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,357
your relationship status
on Waze,
255
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,292
which I didn't even know
was a thing.
256
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,195
Well, when it feels this great,
you want everyone to know.
257
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,732
Everyone?
258
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:28,836
(exhales)
259
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,777
Thank you for texting me back.
260
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,646
I, um, used up
my data plan
261
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:42,816
sending you sad Bitmojis
and Golden Girls GIFs.
262
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,217
JIFs? Is it GIFs or JIF--
never mind.
263
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,786
It's not your job to tell me.
264
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:49,289
Yeah, uh,
I had to take a few days
265
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:52,059
once I heard about you and Josh.
266
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,294
I wanted to make sure
you're okay.
267
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:58,031
It's not my favorite thing,
you guys being a couple...
268
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,700
but I'm okay.
269
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:00,801
And are we okay?
270
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,135
The answer doesn't
have to be yes.
271
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:05,839
Good, because the answer
is "eh."
272
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,675
Totally get it.
273
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,109
But don't worry
about me, really.
274
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,378
If you need to worry about
someone, worry about yourself.
275
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,913
Me, why?
276
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,882
Don't you see that
Josh is, like,
277
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:16,283
all over the place and lost?
278
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,251
But that was before.
279
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,387
And I saw from the post
you shared on OpenTable
280
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,055
that you're taking him home
to see your family.
281
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:25,793
I know your relationship
with your mom is kind of tough.
282
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:29,429
Yeah, but now I have Josh, so,
you know, it won't bother me.
283
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,431
Love protects you.
284
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,233
(chuckles softly)
So, the things
285
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,902
that used to annoy me
about going home
286
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,436
won't annoy me anymore.
Hmm.
287
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,807
You know?
Josh is like a blankie,
288
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,175
a suit of armor
or a bulletproof vest.
289
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:45,713
Honey, just because Josh Chan
owns all those things
290
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,948
doesn't mean he is
all those things.
291
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,850
He's not magic.
292
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,352
It's like magic, FB,
when Rebecca and I are together.
293
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:55,188
Yeah, I read about it on
your post on Draw Something.
294
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,957
Oh, shh, shh.
295
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,160
Nope.
296
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,929
Sorry, go on.
297
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,230
This family weekend
is really important,
298
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,865
and I don't want
to screw it up.
299
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,000
You know Rebecca's mother
doesn't like me.
300
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,936
At parents' weekend at camp,
301
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,871
she asked me if I had pierced
her daughter's hymen.
302
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,940
A-And I told her,
"No, Rebecca showed up to camp
303
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,141
with those earrings."
304
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,276
Wow.
305
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,212
What if people don't like me?
What if I say the wrong thing?
306
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,749
What if an old person
calls me Oriental?
307
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,816
(chuckles softly)
308
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,918
Look, Josh,
I'm a man of God
309
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,920
and I try to believe
the best about everyone,
310
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,823
but if you think you're gonna
make it through a whole weekend
311
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,960
with a bunch of 70-year-olds
and not get called an Oriental,
312
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,762
you're out of
your ever-loving mind.
313
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,164
Oh!
314
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,833
(sighs) Nope.
315
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,034
But, Father Brah,
I've been bouncing
316
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,836
from girl to girl
all year.
317
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,404
I've told everyone
in my life,
318
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,906
including my followers
on Moviefone,
319
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,341
that Rebecca and I
are the real deal.
320
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,977
This relationship
has to work out.
321
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,211
It just has to.
322
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:54,047
Because it's the main thing
going on in your life right now?
323
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,949
Yeah, kind of.
324
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,786
Josh, do you think
you're defining yourself
325
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,153
through your relationship?
326
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:03,957
You define yourself
by your relationship to Jesus.
327
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:06,393
Wow, you got me there, man.
328
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:10,030
Where are you,
you little minx?
329
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,199
Brah, I didn't know
you were into bird-watching.
330
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,102
Oh, no, I'm not. I, uh, stashed
my weed in one of these trees.
331
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,269
Oh.
332
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:19,039
Yeah, there it is.
333
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:28,115
Okay, so, if my mom asks, you
have no opinion on politics,
334
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,083
I've been using the
bath salts she sent me,
335
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,119
and the Garfinkel ring is
in the safe deposit box.
336
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,121
What's the Garfinkel ring?
337
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,789
It's a long story;
I'll tell you later.
338
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,024
Okay, this is
gonna be great.
339
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,792
Because, with you here,
I'll be calm.
340
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:39,960
I love you.
341
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,361
I love you, too.
342
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,797
It's gonna be great.
343
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,032
Oh.
344
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,901
I forgot you were
bringing the Oriental.
345
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,402
Mom!
346
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,314
Would you, would you
please put on a robe?
347
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,016
I just moisturized.
348
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,552
It has to soak in for an hour
or I'm wasting the La Mer.
349
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,020
La Mer's for your face.
350
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:08,355
I know it's for my face,
but for once
351
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,489
I'm splurging on myself!
352
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:13,326
I got you this Hollywood sign
magnet from the airport.
353
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:19,232
What's with the hair?
Are you gonna say thank you?
354
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,434
Looks stringy. I mean, I know
that that's the fashion,
355
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,170
but you look like
a wet rescue dog.
356
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,238
Okay, you know what? Maybe we
should just stay at a hotel.
357
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,174
We don't have to stay here.
Oh, please,
don't be so dramatic.
358
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,109
You came all this way
359
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:32,279
to see your facacta cousin
fumble through his haftarah.
360
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,282
And, Becky, do you know what
Torah portion they gave Skyler?
361
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,249
What?
362
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,251
The one with
the menstruation and the lepers.
363
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,853
(gasps) The one that
Cousin Stuey got.
(laughs)
364
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,955
When he talked about
his sister's Kotex.
365
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,457
(Rebecca and Naomi laughing)
366
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,027
Uh...
367
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,529
Are you guys not mad at
each other anymore?
No.
368
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,530
Mad? Who's mad?
369
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:51,932
Is he yelling at me?
370
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,500
No.
I'm the one who should be mad
371
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,003
with this hunk of plastic
cluttering up my house.
372
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,471
What, you couldn't find
a See's Candy
373
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,874
walking through the airport?
374
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,342
I'm sorry,
are you talking to me now?
375
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,911
I'm so confused.
No.
376
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:04,878
You're confused?
I've been confused
377
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:07,080
ever since this one
popped out of my vagina.
378
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,549
Oh, my God, Mom,
do not talk about your vagina.
379
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,051
Why? It's perfectly good.
380
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,620
I have had some
fabulous reviews lately.
381
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,488
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, stop it!
382
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,657
Oh...
All right, listen up,
383
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,359
I'm on a grapefruit diet,
but for you,
384
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,495
I put some whitefish salad
in the refrigerator.
385
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,565
Becca sometimes likes to eat
in the middle of the night,
386
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,534
and that's why
her weight fluctuates.
387
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,936
Okay, no,
one time, one time,
388
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,438
one time, yes,
I ate a whole marble halvah.
389
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,006
That was the night
my father left.
390
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,942
It was my party
and I was hungry.
391
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:35,875
You hear the drama?
392
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,410
(mocking):
"It was my party, I was hungry,
393
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,012
and my father abandoned me."
394
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,347
Like we all didn't
see that coming.
395
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,182
(sets bag down)
396
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,284
Good night.
397
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:46,819
Mom!
398
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:50,057
NAOMI: Got to moisturize
the rest of me.
399
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,195
What are you
working on, Tim?
400
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,998
Uh, nothing.
401
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,033
(whispers):
I'm sorry.
402
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:05,405
Wait, weren't you
fired, Jordan?
403
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,974
It's... it is George.
404
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,976
And, uh, Nathaniel
hired me back
405
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,143
'cause I guess
you're shorthanded
406
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,312
and the firm has
so much work to do.
407
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,347
Oh, right, yes, that's right.
408
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:18,051
I do remember that now
because that was my idea.
409
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,120
Hey, look at this busy bee.
410
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,454
How's it going, M-Dog?
411
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,689
Oh, pretty good, D-Money.
412
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,993
Hey, I have to cancel Shirley
Temples and karaoke tonight.
413
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,360
I'm so slammed.
414
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,561
What?
415
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,562
Well, I can help...
416
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,698
Sorry, I was specifically told
417
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,733
not to let you touch
any of the work.
418
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,036
What do you mean?
419
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,137
Wait, what's going on?
420
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,439
No-- told that by whom?
NATHANIEL:
Heads up, folks.
421
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:42,209
I was just into the briefs
for the Peterson case.
422
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:43,476
(with accent):
It's Petterson.
423
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,979
It's not. It isn't.
424
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:49,082
And so sad to say that they're
gonna need a major overhaul.
425
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,284
Reason? They're garbage.
426
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,653
I cannot show these
to my father, all right?
427
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,155
If he's gonna
give us this client,
428
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,489
we need to step up our game.
429
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,091
Our work needs to be
430
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:01,261
Ivy League, and right now,
it's Arizona State.
431
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,296
Go, Sun Devils!
432
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:10,570
So, we'll all be working
on Saturday.
433
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,705
Aw!
434
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:17,110
(coughs, sniffles)
435
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,014
(all groan)
436
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,682
Oh, now you moan.
437
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:26,053
I can't work on Saturday;
I got the kids alone all day.
438
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,255
I'm supposed to do an escape
room with my college roommate.
439
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,490
Some of you may know her,
Zosia Mamet?
440
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,126
My adult ceramics class
is finally gonna glaze.
441
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,095
Look, I hear you, Jer.
Wow!
442
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,697
It's George. I literally have
the easiest name in the world.
443
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:40,100
Guys, don't worry.
I can handle this.
444
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,368
I still matter here.
445
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,403
My name's still on the wall.
446
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,078
I am not an emasculated
sock puppet!
447
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,546
What? No one called you that.
448
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,116
Where did you even
come up with that?
449
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,751
No one said that
under their breath?
450
00:16:58,785 --> 00:16:59,752
I'm pretty sure I heard that,
451
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,288
'cause I would not
just think that.
452
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,825
We are not working Saturday.
453
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,161
Watch-watch this, guys.
454
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,196
Watch...
455
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,164
this.
456
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,636
No.
457
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:23,110
He said he'll think about it
while we're working on Saturday.
458
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,212
(all groan)
459
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:29,716
Don't cry, don't cry,
you emasculated sock puppet.
460
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,319
God, who said that to me?
461
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,221
Wait.
462
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,858
Where's all the candy?
463
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,161
Um, Jim?
464
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,330
Do you knew where
the good snacks are?
465
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,665
Why do we have "pepitas"?
466
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,534
¿Que es "pepitas"?
467
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,868
Nathaniel made us
throw out the candy.
468
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,103
He what?
469
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,338
Yeah, he said
it was disgusting
470
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:54,241
and impacts productivity and
it's a tumor waiting to happen.
471
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,278
(sets jar on counter)
472
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,118
I'm sorry we have
to sleep on the sofa.
473
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,120
My mom uses
my room to hoard
474
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:09,756
old issues of
Marie Claire magazine.
475
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,158
Oh, she's nuts.
476
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,425
Are you okay?
Is this okay?
477
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:13,893
I'm fine.
478
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,262
Are you?
479
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,896
I mean, she seems to rattle you.
480
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,299
Yeah, you know,
normally she would,
481
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,135
but you're here,
so it's helping.
482
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,736
NAOMI (in distance): Don't touch
the air conditioning!
483
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,505
I sweat like a pig!
484
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,807
It's like the
frozen tundra in here!
485
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:28,875
Whoa.
486
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,577
I'm sor-- I'm sorry.
487
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,911
Um, it's just, uh,
488
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:35,248
this place has a slight
negative energy for me.
489
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,217
Yeah, yeah, bad stuff
has happened.
490
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,385
Like, you see
that end table?
491
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,220
I used to hide under
it when I was little
492
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,755
and compulsively scratch
grooves into the inside leg.
493
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,825
Yeah. I was a strong,
feral little girl.
494
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,827
That sounds terrible.
495
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,895
Yep.
496
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,331
Yep, wasn't great.
Was not great.
497
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,501
But now we can
make good memories.
498
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,870
You know, we can pave over
the pain and the suffering.
499
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:01,508
I want to do that for you.
I want to help you with that.
500
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,776
Oh, you're the sweetest.
501
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,145
(moans)
502
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,616
Uh, your mom is
right upstairs, Becks.
503
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,184
Oh, no, no, no,
she sleeps like a rock.
504
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,220
Yeah, glass of wine,
sleeping pill,
505
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,855
Billy Crystal's autobiography
splayed across her chest.
506
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,190
Boom, down for the count.
507
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,493
Now, come on.
508
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:23,796
I am ready to turn my
childhood trauma into a kink.
509
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,398
(chuckles):
I don't know.
510
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:27,300
(both moaning)
511
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,274
NAOMI: I was afraid
that you might run out,
512
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,943
so I looked and I found some
extra whitefish in the freezer,
513
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,745
but I don't know
how to thaw this thing.
514
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,880
Oh, please, don't
stop on my account.
515
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,382
Go ahead,
get back in there.
516
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,450
Get back in there.
517
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,952
I've seen worse from this one.
518
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,221
I will never forget that
crime scene I walked in on
519
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:52,392
between you and Isaac Berger
of the Model UN.
520
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,660
They were having...
521
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,729
* Period sex,
period sex *
522
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,231
* Put down a towel...
523
00:19:58,265 --> 00:20:00,267
Mom! Oh, my God!
524
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,636
Just stop ruining this
like you ruin everything!
525
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,972
Hey, don't yell at me
in front of the Oriental.
526
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,807
They're a very peaceful people.
527
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,476
Oh, my God, you are
so offensive.
528
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:11,244
Okay, y-you know what,
Mrs. Bunch?
529
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,979
L-Let me help thaw the fish.
530
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,314
I'm really good at it.
531
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:16,316
My mom buys
fish sticks in bulk.
532
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,318
Why don't you and I
go into the kitchen?
533
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,986
Finally someone who's actually
534
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,021
offering to help out
around here.
535
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:26,259
Finally someone is not
completely selfish.
536
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,295
Oh, oh, oh,
I'm selfish.
537
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:31,298
I mean, when those fish sticks
come out of the oven...
538
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:32,765
(laughs)
539
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,667
Come on, then. Put your
pickle in your pants,
540
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,536
and let's thaw some fish.
(clucks tongue)
541
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:39,872
(whispering):
I got this.
542
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,408
Get some sleep, okay?
543
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,543
Just... be careful.
544
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,544
I love you.
545
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,379
I love you.
546
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,584
(Josh laughs)
NAOMI: What a great job.
547
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:54,354
The way you flipped it over
after you soaked it in the eggs.
548
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,455
Oh.
I was very impressed.
549
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:56,456
Ah...
(chuckles)
550
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,359
Mm, mm. What's going on?
551
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,361
Oh, your mom taught me how
to make "holla" French toast.
552
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:02,495
No, no, no,
"challah," Josh.
553
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,697
Ch, ch, ch.
554
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:05,832
Ch, ch.
Holla, holla, holl--
555
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,367
I got to keep working on it.
556
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,368
You're gonna
get it, bubbeleh.
557
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,502
You're gonna get it.
Mm.
558
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:10,970
He's never gonna get it.
559
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,039
Why would he?
He's a Pacific Islander.
560
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,907
Wow, what happened to
calling him an Oriental?
561
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,043
Rebecca, that term
is considered antiquated,
562
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,711
Euro-centric
and inherently xenophobic.
563
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,480
Yeah, we Googled it.
564
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,416
I knew it was racist,
I just didn't know why.
565
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:25,352
So get woke, Becks.
566
00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:27,354
Oh! Yeah!
Yay!
567
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:28,655
I love this woman!
(laughs)
568
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,490
He's adorable.
He's adorable.
569
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:32,892
He's so adorable.
I love her.
570
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,468
*
571
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:48,608
Joshua, as soon as
they open the stations,
572
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,643
we better be first in line,
because rumor has it
573
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:53,112
that Ellen has only sprung
for a one-hour buffet.
574
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,113
Can you believe that?
575
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,615
I can't.
576
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:57,016
Well, she's having
money troubles.
577
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:58,017
And her mother has cancer,
578
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,587
and the youngest daughter
wants to be a man,
579
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:03,456
and the husband is
having an affair with a goy.
580
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:04,691
Oh, my God.
581
00:22:04,724 --> 00:22:06,092
Sorry. No offense.
582
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:08,561
(laughs)
No. No.
583
00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:10,129
You don't have to laugh at that;
that's very offensive.
584
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,063
Oh, Becca.
585
00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:13,533
Excuse me, I'm gonna go
get some dumplings.
586
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,867
My blood sugar,
it's in the toilet,
587
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:17,069
which is where those
dumplings are gonna be.
588
00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:18,705
(both laugh)
Eventually.
589
00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:21,073
Well, they sit
there like rocks.
590
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:24,511
(laughs)
591
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:26,446
Listen, I appreciate you
trying to win her over,
592
00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:27,947
but you don't have to
keep pretending to like her.
593
00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,982
Oh, I'm not pretending.
I do like her.
594
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:31,918
In my family,
we don't talk about poop.
595
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:34,787
I had to learn about it
by watching an episode of 90210.
596
00:22:34,821 --> 00:22:35,955
She's awesome.
597
00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,790
Okay.
598
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:41,160
Ooh! Um, should we take a selfie
with our matching little hats?
599
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,563
#HebrewBeaniesForLife!
600
00:22:43,596 --> 00:22:45,665
Uh, no, they're called kippahs.
601
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:49,436
Oh, okay, so
#KippahingItReal!
602
00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:52,138
Um, no, you just do it.
I'm not-- sorry.
603
00:22:52,171 --> 00:22:53,506
I'm not feeling it.
604
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:54,807
Why you in a bad mood,
Becks?
605
00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:56,643
Just because, I don't
know, I mean...
606
00:22:56,676 --> 00:22:57,810
RABBI SHARI:
Rebecca!
607
00:22:57,844 --> 00:22:59,912
Welcome back.
608
00:22:59,946 --> 00:23:01,481
Hello, Rabbi Shari.
609
00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:03,516
How are you, my darling?
610
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,585
How is California?
611
00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,053
Have you found a temple
out there yet?
612
00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:09,722
Well, I don't believe
in God, so no,
613
00:23:09,756 --> 00:23:11,491
it didn't make
my to-do list.
614
00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:13,092
Always questioning.
615
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:16,062
That is the true spirit
of the Jewish people.
616
00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:18,631
Very good.
617
00:23:18,665 --> 00:23:20,667
(chuckles)
618
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:21,934
She seems nice.
619
00:23:21,968 --> 00:23:24,170
She's not nice, she's
a programmed robot
620
00:23:24,203 --> 00:23:26,673
who's trying to incept God
into me all the time.
621
00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:29,642
Whoa. I didn't know that,
and I know a ton about robots.
622
00:23:29,676 --> 00:23:31,010
(sighs):
I know.
623
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,879
I know, it's just you see
the good in everything,
624
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:36,449
which is just so,
so sweet, so...
625
00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:38,551
So... Oh, no. Oh, boy.
626
00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:39,986
Wait, what is it?
Look who it is.
627
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:41,888
Well, well, well.
(sighs)
628
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:44,023
Rebecca Nora Bunch.
629
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:46,058
Audra Esther Levine.
630
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:47,860
Joshua Felix Chan.
631
00:23:47,894 --> 00:23:50,830
This is my husband, David.
632
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:52,699
(sighs) Yes.
Hi, we've met.
633
00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:54,166
How you doing,
Rebecca?
634
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,536
You guys know each other?
635
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:57,570
Yep.
636
00:23:57,604 --> 00:24:00,006
Finished quick,
rotten lay.
637
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:01,508
We both heard that!
638
00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:03,175
Rebecca, hey, come on.
639
00:24:03,209 --> 00:24:04,777
That's not nice.
640
00:24:04,811 --> 00:24:06,646
Nice to meet you, man.
I'm Josh.
641
00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:07,680
And, hey, you know
what they say.
642
00:24:07,714 --> 00:24:09,215
It's not
how long you last,
643
00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:10,717
it's how big
your penis is.
644
00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:12,585
(laughs)
Ah!
645
00:24:14,821 --> 00:24:15,788
Well...
646
00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:18,491
I see you two have really been
647
00:24:18,525 --> 00:24:19,826
hitting the social media hard.
648
00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:21,728
You know you don't have to
post every photo, right?
649
00:24:21,761 --> 00:24:23,129
So funny that you
say that, because
650
00:24:23,162 --> 00:24:24,897
I seem to remember
your engagement photos
651
00:24:24,931 --> 00:24:26,666
clogging up my
feed for weeks.
652
00:24:26,699 --> 00:24:27,800
I mean, it is so crazy
653
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:29,769
that a photographer
happened to be there
654
00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:30,703
when David gave
you that ring
655
00:24:30,737 --> 00:24:32,639
on that turn-of-the-
century Ferris wheel.
656
00:24:32,672 --> 00:24:34,941
At least I'm married
and not living in California,
657
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:36,943
having a nervous breakdown.
(chuckles): Oh.
658
00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:39,178
Right, hey, remember when
I had sex with your husband?
659
00:24:39,211 --> 00:24:40,880
Yeah, as he finished,
he called me "Mom."
660
00:24:40,913 --> 00:24:42,148
Have fun unpacking
that. Mazel tov.
661
00:24:42,181 --> 00:24:43,082
Hey, Josh!
662
00:24:43,115 --> 00:24:44,250
David!
663
00:24:44,283 --> 00:24:46,018
His solo's coming up!
664
00:24:46,052 --> 00:24:47,253
(electric guitar playing)
665
00:24:49,088 --> 00:24:51,758
(laughs)
This guy is the best!
666
00:24:51,791 --> 00:24:53,926
Turns out we both love
Dave Matthews Band!
667
00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:56,796
We should all go
skiing in Mammoth!
668
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:57,764
Totally.
This December?
669
00:24:57,797 --> 00:24:58,765
Done!
670
00:24:58,798 --> 00:24:59,766
Yes!
Yes!
671
00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:01,901
(Josh imitating guitar)
672
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:03,269
You're still a bitch.
673
00:25:03,302 --> 00:25:04,937
So are you.
674
00:25:04,971 --> 00:25:06,639
Ah, it's not
as fun now.
675
00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:08,608
No, it's not.
676
00:25:13,813 --> 00:25:14,814
Paula!
677
00:25:15,882 --> 00:25:17,884
Paula!
678
00:25:17,917 --> 00:25:18,918
Shh!
679
00:25:22,789 --> 00:25:23,890
Skittle me this:
680
00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:26,258
What is a way to get back
at a sugar dictator, hmm?
681
00:25:26,292 --> 00:25:28,595
You're-you're freaking me out
a little bit.
682
00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:30,096
Oh.
Okay.
683
00:25:30,129 --> 00:25:32,632
Hey, you know what?
I'm starting to think that maybe
684
00:25:32,665 --> 00:25:33,833
this whole thing
is not actually about candy.
685
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,902
You're right!
It's about freedom.
686
00:25:35,935 --> 00:25:38,270
Oh, God, Darryl,
would you get real?
687
00:25:38,304 --> 00:25:40,807
You regret selling the firm
to Nathaniel, which you should.
688
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,576
It was a dumb move
and he's a jerk.
689
00:25:43,610 --> 00:25:46,245
But you did it, and now
you got to live with it.
690
00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:49,181
Seriously,
you got to calm down.
691
00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:50,950
Your eyes are just--
they're vibrating.
692
00:25:50,983 --> 00:25:53,820
(whispers):
Do you have any aspirin?
693
00:25:53,853 --> 00:25:55,922
And bam, that's how
you do selfies, you guys.
694
00:25:55,955 --> 00:25:57,156
That's masterful work
right there.
695
00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:59,959
Hi. Cousin Rifka, thank you. Hi.
696
00:25:59,992 --> 00:26:02,595
Hey, there you are.
You want to do a photo?
697
00:26:02,629 --> 00:26:04,997
You want a boa?
An old-timey hat?
698
00:26:05,031 --> 00:26:07,033
A mustache stick?
699
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:09,135
I'm... I'm really good.
(sighs)
700
00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:10,970
But they will tweet,
Facebook, Instagram
701
00:26:11,003 --> 00:26:12,839
and Snapchat your photo
automatically.
702
00:26:12,872 --> 00:26:14,974
Josh, I can't do
this anymore.
703
00:26:15,007 --> 00:26:17,043
What do you mean?
704
00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:21,147
It's just, you're not supposed
to be having this much fun.
705
00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:24,817
Come-- well, uh, I thought you
wanted me to pave things over.
706
00:26:24,851 --> 00:26:27,253
I know. I know I said that,
but what I-- I don't know--
707
00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:30,256
what I think I wanted was just
for you and I to sit in a corner
708
00:26:30,289 --> 00:26:33,726
and laugh about how miserable
and terrible everyone is.
709
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,829
But they're not miserable.
They're...
710
00:26:36,863 --> 00:26:38,297
having fun.
711
00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:39,732
No, they're not having fun.
They don't know how to have fun.
712
00:26:39,766 --> 00:26:40,867
Okay, listen, you
don't understand.
713
00:26:40,900 --> 00:26:44,003
Okay, you are, forgive me, a
non-Jew from the West Coast.
714
00:26:44,036 --> 00:26:45,404
Let me explain how it goes.
715
00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:47,006
East Coast: dark, sad.
716
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:48,708
West Coast: light, happy.
717
00:26:48,741 --> 00:26:50,142
All right,
these people--
718
00:26:50,176 --> 00:26:52,879
they don't understand
what fun is. Trust me.
719
00:26:52,912 --> 00:26:54,080
RABBI SHARI:
All right, everyone,
720
00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:57,750
in honor of the bar
mitzvah boy, a horah!
721
00:26:57,784 --> 00:26:58,818
(applause)
722
00:26:58,851 --> 00:27:00,019
Yeah, b-but it looks like
723
00:27:00,052 --> 00:27:01,688
they're about to do
some kind of fun dance.
724
00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:03,189
Case in point,
perfect example.
725
00:27:03,222 --> 00:27:04,891
Okay, do you remember
the ceremony?
726
00:27:04,924 --> 00:27:06,826
They made a 13-year-old boy
say the Kaddish.
727
00:27:06,859 --> 00:27:09,028
That's a prayer for the dead.
728
00:27:09,061 --> 00:27:11,831
Okay, people like us only know
how to be miserable.
729
00:27:11,864 --> 00:27:12,899
What do you mean?
730
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:14,867
No, listen, Josh.
731
00:27:14,901 --> 00:27:17,369
It sounds like one thing,
but means another.
732
00:27:17,403 --> 00:27:20,239
(sighs)
733
00:27:20,272 --> 00:27:23,275
(klezmer music playing)
734
00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:28,781
* Now it's time to celebrate
735
00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,316
* Grab a drink
and fix a plate *
736
00:27:30,349 --> 00:27:32,051
* But before
you feel too great *
737
00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:32,985
* Remember that we suffered
738
00:27:33,019 --> 00:27:35,354
* Nights like these
are filled with glee *
739
00:27:35,387 --> 00:27:36,823
* Noshing, dancing,
singing *
740
00:27:36,856 --> 00:27:38,825
* Whee!
But we sing in a minor key *
741
00:27:38,858 --> 00:27:39,992
* To remember that we suffered
742
00:27:40,026 --> 00:27:42,061
* Being happy is selfish
743
00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:43,362
* Remember that we suffered
744
00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:45,164
* You have no idea
what pain is *
745
00:27:45,197 --> 00:27:47,233
* Remember that we suffered,
hey! *
746
00:27:50,069 --> 00:27:52,304
* I mean,
would it be such a crime *
747
00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:54,073
* For the Beastie Boys or Haim
748
00:27:54,106 --> 00:27:55,742
* To mention in their songs
one time *
749
00:27:55,775 --> 00:27:57,409
* Remember that we suffered?
750
00:27:57,443 --> 00:27:59,045
* I don't want to
bring up the Holocaust *
751
00:27:59,078 --> 00:28:00,847
* I know, I know,
the Holocaust *
752
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,381
* But the Holocaust
was a really big deal *
753
00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:04,216
* Remember that we suffered
754
00:28:04,250 --> 00:28:05,918
* This DJ is terrific
755
00:28:05,952 --> 00:28:07,086
* Remember that we suffered
756
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,088
My grandma is a survivor.
757
00:28:09,121 --> 00:28:11,090
* Remember that she suffered
758
00:28:11,123 --> 00:28:14,293
(vocalizing):
* Ah...
759
00:28:17,329 --> 00:28:18,297
(gasps)
760
00:28:18,330 --> 00:28:21,400
(vocalizing):
* Ah...
761
00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:26,105
* The sweet and the bitter
762
00:28:26,138 --> 00:28:27,974
* Remember that we suffered
763
00:28:28,007 --> 00:28:28,975
* Streisand and Hitler
764
00:28:29,008 --> 00:28:31,077
* Remember that we suffered
765
00:28:31,110 --> 00:28:33,012
* Spielberg and Hitler
766
00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,814
* Remember that we suffered
767
00:28:34,847 --> 00:28:36,082
* Have me mentioned Hitler?
768
00:28:36,115 --> 00:28:38,017
* I'm just saying
that we suffered *
769
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,119
When I say "we,"
you say "suffered." We!
770
00:28:40,152 --> 00:28:40,820
Suffered!
We!
771
00:28:40,853 --> 00:28:42,989
Suffered!
I can't hear you!
772
00:28:43,022 --> 00:28:44,323
* Remember that we suffered
773
00:28:44,356 --> 00:28:45,524
* Hey!
774
00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:48,160
(applause)
775
00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:51,798
Okay, so, huh?
See what I mean?
776
00:28:51,831 --> 00:28:52,999
I don't know, Rebecca.
777
00:28:53,032 --> 00:28:57,269
It seems like the only person
who's miserable here is you.
778
00:29:10,049 --> 00:29:12,084
(Darryl laughing)
779
00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:16,823
What the hell?
780
00:29:16,856 --> 00:29:18,825
(snickers)
781
00:29:18,858 --> 00:29:20,793
Darryl?
Hmm?
782
00:29:20,827 --> 00:29:23,362
I can see you.
There's slats here.
783
00:29:24,997 --> 00:29:27,834
Have you ever hidden before?
Do you know what hiding is?
784
00:29:27,867 --> 00:29:29,368
If you stocked this cabinet
785
00:29:29,401 --> 00:29:31,470
with candy when you
knew I had it removed,
786
00:29:31,503 --> 00:29:35,007
that's gonna be a very
big problem for us.
787
00:29:35,041 --> 00:29:36,075
Hmm?
788
00:29:36,108 --> 00:29:37,844
Tell me you didn't
do this, Darryl.
789
00:29:40,479 --> 00:29:41,848
Tell me the truth.
790
00:29:41,881 --> 00:29:44,083
You want to know
the truth?
791
00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:46,919
Oh, I'll tell you truth.
The truth is...
792
00:29:46,953 --> 00:29:48,054
I did it!
793
00:29:50,189 --> 00:29:51,590
It was me.
794
00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:53,993
I got the Snickers.
795
00:29:55,895 --> 00:29:58,297
And I got the Skittles.
796
00:30:00,499 --> 00:30:03,202
I got the Milk Duds.
797
00:30:03,235 --> 00:30:05,404
I got the Toblerone.
798
00:30:05,437 --> 00:30:08,240
And I brought
gummy vitamins.
799
00:30:08,274 --> 00:30:09,842
(all groan)
800
00:30:09,876 --> 00:30:13,312
You... can take our candy...
801
00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:15,481
but you can never...
802
00:30:15,514 --> 00:30:18,985
take our candy!
803
00:30:19,018 --> 00:30:20,853
What do you have to say to that?
804
00:30:20,887 --> 00:30:23,890
Well, I say you're all
a bunch of children.
805
00:30:23,923 --> 00:30:25,858
Now go back to work!
806
00:30:28,127 --> 00:30:29,261
Got it.
807
00:30:29,295 --> 00:30:30,930
(sighs)
808
00:30:33,265 --> 00:30:35,201
Rebecca.
809
00:30:35,234 --> 00:30:36,568
What are you doing
sitting by yourself?
810
00:30:36,602 --> 00:30:38,204
Are you not having fun?
811
00:30:38,237 --> 00:30:40,039
No, I'm not having fun.
812
00:30:40,072 --> 00:30:41,407
My boyfriend is, though.
813
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,042
Yeah, yeah, he's making everyone
really happy.
814
00:30:43,075 --> 00:30:44,243
He loves it here.
815
00:30:44,276 --> 00:30:46,078
And that's not
what you wanted?
816
00:30:46,112 --> 00:30:47,079
No!
817
00:30:48,414 --> 00:30:50,282
I wanted him to see
how unhappy everything makes me
818
00:30:50,316 --> 00:30:53,085
and that I'm right and that
everyone here is miserable.
819
00:30:53,119 --> 00:30:54,921
Why is everyone
here miserable?
820
00:30:54,954 --> 00:30:57,556
Um, I don't know, maybe
because Jewish people's DNA
821
00:30:57,589 --> 00:31:00,259
is literally imprinted
with our past trauma.
822
00:31:00,292 --> 00:31:02,962
It's something called
epigenetics; look it up.
823
00:31:02,995 --> 00:31:04,563
Hey, don't be
condescending.
824
00:31:04,596 --> 00:31:06,532
You think you're the only person
who reads Tablet Magazine
825
00:31:06,565 --> 00:31:07,633
on Twitter?
826
00:31:07,666 --> 00:31:10,136
Rebecca,
827
00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:13,639
a people is not responsible
for your life, you are.
828
00:31:15,641 --> 00:31:17,977
Maybe.
829
00:31:18,010 --> 00:31:19,511
I don't know, I just--
830
00:31:19,545 --> 00:31:21,480
I hate it here,
I hate all this stuff.
831
00:31:21,513 --> 00:31:25,918
Ah, well, this stuff,
this town, these people--
832
00:31:25,952 --> 00:31:27,153
they're you.
833
00:31:27,186 --> 00:31:29,621
And if you hate that
stuff, you hate yourself.
834
00:31:29,655 --> 00:31:31,290
Oy, here you go.
835
00:31:31,323 --> 00:31:32,691
And if you hate yourself,
836
00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:35,227
it doesn't matter how
great your boyfriend is,
837
00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:37,896
you'll always be unhappy.
838
00:31:39,966 --> 00:31:42,134
But I thought
that when you loved someone,
839
00:31:42,168 --> 00:31:45,704
it just fixed everything
and made your life great.
840
00:31:45,737 --> 00:31:48,374
That's... that's a lot
to put on a human being.
841
00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:51,343
Yeah, but he's not
a human being, he's Josh Chan.
842
00:31:53,112 --> 00:31:55,214
When we were kids,
he made me feel so happy.
843
00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:58,050
And... I guess I just thought
844
00:31:58,084 --> 00:32:01,020
that if I could get back
to that place,
845
00:32:01,053 --> 00:32:05,024
that my life
would magically be okay.
846
00:32:05,057 --> 00:32:08,494
That's not love, my dear.
It's fantasy. It's not real.
847
00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:18,737
Um, your father's
on line one.
848
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,739
Close the door.
849
00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:22,508
(door closes)
(breathes deeply)
850
00:32:22,541 --> 00:32:25,144
Pops! Papa!
851
00:32:25,177 --> 00:32:28,714
Papa Doodle Doo.
What's the word?
852
00:32:28,747 --> 00:32:31,117
We're all gearing up
to get going on Peterson,
853
00:32:31,150 --> 00:32:35,621
so once we lock them in,
we can hit the ground running.
854
00:32:35,654 --> 00:32:38,224
Uh-huh.
855
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:40,659
Uh-huh, uh-huh, yep, yep, yeah.
856
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:42,761
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so that's a no.
857
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:43,962
That's fine. I hear you. Yeah.
858
00:32:43,996 --> 00:32:46,732
I know. You got to earn it.
Nothing gets handed to you.
859
00:32:46,765 --> 00:32:49,068
I love that. That's how we do.
860
00:32:49,101 --> 00:32:51,437
"Once you stop improving,
you start losing."
861
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:54,140
I know. I hear you, sir.
I love that saying.
862
00:32:54,173 --> 00:32:56,308
Mm-hmm. Okay. Bye-bye.
863
00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:00,346
(sighs)
864
00:33:00,379 --> 00:33:03,149
That's it, I've had it.
I can't take it anymore.
865
00:33:03,182 --> 00:33:05,217
I'm responsible for that
jerk being in our office,
866
00:33:05,251 --> 00:33:07,619
so I should be the one
to stand up to him.
867
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:09,188
(exhales sharply)
868
00:33:11,257 --> 00:33:13,559
(treadmill whirring)
869
00:33:13,592 --> 00:33:15,027
(Nathaniel grunting, panting)
870
00:33:18,264 --> 00:33:19,298
What's going on?
871
00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:21,067
Got to burn the calories.
872
00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:23,102
Got to work hard.
873
00:33:23,135 --> 00:33:26,238
I had a brief lapse of judgment
with that stupid candy!
874
00:33:26,272 --> 00:33:28,240
But it's okay.
I'll just burn it off.
875
00:33:28,274 --> 00:33:31,243
I got to burn the mistakes.
I mean, burn the calories.
876
00:33:31,277 --> 00:33:35,347
Always improving, never a loser.
Always improving, never a loser.
877
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:36,682
(beeping)
878
00:33:36,715 --> 00:33:39,151
Oh, no, no, no. Wait a minute!
I don't think that's safe!
Oh, oh!
879
00:33:39,185 --> 00:33:40,652
Oh!
880
00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:42,754
Nathaniel, are you okay?
881
00:33:42,788 --> 00:33:45,224
(panting)
882
00:33:45,257 --> 00:33:48,694
I'm so sad.
883
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,562
(sobs)
884
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,310
Are you okay?
885
00:34:04,343 --> 00:34:05,844
Yeah, I'm fine.
886
00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:08,547
They gave me a temporary tooth.
887
00:34:08,580 --> 00:34:11,083
(sniffles)
888
00:34:11,117 --> 00:34:12,718
I'm sorry you had
to see that, Darryl.
889
00:34:12,751 --> 00:34:15,687
That was not professional.
890
00:34:15,721 --> 00:34:18,290
You know, it's okay
to be upset.
891
00:34:18,324 --> 00:34:20,526
No, it's not. It's weak.
892
00:34:22,461 --> 00:34:25,731
Does this have something
to do with your dad?
893
00:34:25,764 --> 00:34:27,466
Did he not give
you the account?
894
00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:30,702
Oh.
895
00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:32,704
You know, my dad is
a real jerk, too.
896
00:34:32,738 --> 00:34:35,174
Oh. He used to yell
at me all the time.
897
00:34:35,207 --> 00:34:37,743
He used to call me an
emasculated sock puppet.
898
00:34:37,776 --> 00:34:40,779
Oh. That's where
that's from.
899
00:34:40,812 --> 00:34:42,748
I'm gonna bury
that again.
900
00:34:42,781 --> 00:34:44,316
Hold on.
901
00:34:46,485 --> 00:34:47,586
Done.
902
00:34:47,619 --> 00:34:48,587
Ha!
903
00:34:48,620 --> 00:34:50,589
Hey, you know what?
904
00:34:50,622 --> 00:34:53,292
You're doing really
well, Nathaniel.
905
00:34:53,325 --> 00:34:56,195
No, I see how hard you work,
how talented you are,
906
00:34:56,228 --> 00:34:58,164
how little food you eat.
907
00:34:58,197 --> 00:35:00,232
You're a very
disciplined young man,
908
00:35:00,266 --> 00:35:02,701
and you don't need your
dad to tell you that.
909
00:35:02,734 --> 00:35:06,605
You have to know
that for yourself.
910
00:35:09,475 --> 00:35:12,311
I've been kind of a jerk
to you, Darryl.
911
00:35:12,344 --> 00:35:13,779
And I'm gonna pay
912
00:35:13,812 --> 00:35:16,215
to have the tooth blood
cleaned out of your car.
913
00:35:16,248 --> 00:35:18,850
Well, thank you.
914
00:35:18,884 --> 00:35:20,686
You're a good kid.
915
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:22,754
Apology accepted.
916
00:35:22,788 --> 00:35:24,556
Well, I didn't apologize.
917
00:35:24,590 --> 00:35:25,857
(clears throat)
Well, you kind of did.
918
00:35:25,891 --> 00:35:27,493
I mean, basically you did.
919
00:35:27,526 --> 00:35:28,827
Nope. Never happened.
920
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:39,205
Babe, I'm sorry things didn't
work out the way you wanted.
921
00:35:39,238 --> 00:35:41,740
I was trying really hard,
but I feel like you wanted
922
00:35:41,773 --> 00:35:44,610
something from me and
I didn't give it to you.
923
00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:46,912
No, you were fine.
It's-it's honestly all fine.
924
00:35:46,945 --> 00:35:49,648
Let's just go home.
925
00:35:49,681 --> 00:35:50,716
Are you mad at me?
926
00:35:50,749 --> 00:35:53,819
No. No, not mad. I just
don't want to talk about it.
927
00:35:53,852 --> 00:35:56,555
Um... left something
in the bathroom.
928
00:35:56,588 --> 00:35:57,956
I got to go.
I'll be right back.
929
00:35:57,989 --> 00:35:59,791
Ooh. End of trip selfie?
930
00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:02,561
#ShalomMeansBoth
HelloAndGoodbye.
931
00:36:02,594 --> 00:36:04,563
No. I'm-I'm good, thanks.
932
00:36:08,867 --> 00:36:10,702
NAOMI: I'm gonna
wrap this lox up
933
00:36:10,736 --> 00:36:12,438
so you have something to eat
on the plane.
934
00:36:12,471 --> 00:36:14,673
Now, I know it may
not be enough,
935
00:36:14,706 --> 00:36:17,576
but those nitwits at the deli
were running short, and I...
936
00:36:17,609 --> 00:36:18,910
Josh.
937
00:36:18,944 --> 00:36:20,779
Huh? What?
What...?
938
00:36:20,812 --> 00:36:22,648
What's wrong?
939
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:24,683
Ah, it's just...
940
00:36:27,819 --> 00:36:29,688
Rebecca seems like
she's mad at me.
941
00:36:29,721 --> 00:36:30,856
And I wanted this weekend
942
00:36:30,889 --> 00:36:35,227
to bring us together, but it
feels like she's pulling away.
943
00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:37,996
And you have no idea how much
this relationship means to me.
944
00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:39,865
I told everyone about it.
945
00:36:39,898 --> 00:36:41,633
It can't fall apart now.
946
00:36:41,667 --> 00:36:43,001
Well, it won't.
947
00:36:43,034 --> 00:36:44,703
Because I won't let that happen.
948
00:36:44,736 --> 00:36:46,338
You won't?
949
00:36:46,372 --> 00:36:48,006
No. I actually think
you and Rebecca
950
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,942
are pretty wonderful together.
951
00:36:50,976 --> 00:36:54,480
You soften some of
her sharp edges, thank God.
952
00:36:54,513 --> 00:36:55,881
(chuckles)
953
00:36:55,914 --> 00:36:57,916
Wow. Thanks, Naomi.
954
00:36:57,949 --> 00:36:59,951
That's nice of you to say.
955
00:36:59,985 --> 00:37:02,321
But what do I do now?
956
00:37:02,354 --> 00:37:04,856
Joshua, I am
your Jewish mother now,
957
00:37:04,890 --> 00:37:08,260
and there are two things
I will always have:
958
00:37:08,294 --> 00:37:10,396
indigestion and all the answers.
959
00:37:10,429 --> 00:37:11,797
(chuckles softly)
960
00:37:11,830 --> 00:37:14,766
So just listen to me,
and do exactly as I say.
961
00:37:29,548 --> 00:37:31,617
You know what?
962
00:37:31,650 --> 00:37:33,552
(drops candy)
I do eat a bit too much candy.
963
00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:37,323
My liver's basically 40%
high fructose corn syrup.
964
00:37:37,356 --> 00:37:38,824
(chuckles)
965
00:37:38,857 --> 00:37:39,891
Well, good choice.
966
00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:42,528
You know, I was thinking,
Darryl. (clears throat)
967
00:37:42,561 --> 00:37:44,496
I'm so slammed,
maybe you would like
968
00:37:44,530 --> 00:37:46,765
to take over
the Crestfield account?
969
00:37:46,798 --> 00:37:48,400
The what?
970
00:37:48,434 --> 00:37:50,669
That's... that's, like,
our biggest client.
971
00:37:50,702 --> 00:37:53,605
Yeah. And I need a copilot.
972
00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:57,909
Copilot Darryl C. Whitefeather
reporting for duty, sir...
973
00:38:00,412 --> 00:38:01,747
Maya?
974
00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:03,482
Would you please get that?
I'm very busy.
975
00:38:03,515 --> 00:38:05,317
Got a ton of work to do.
976
00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:09,821
Your office is that way.
977
00:38:12,023 --> 00:38:13,392
REBECCA:
I don't know.
978
00:38:13,425 --> 00:38:15,327
I've been giving it
a lot of thought.
979
00:38:15,361 --> 00:38:18,497
And maybe Rabbi
Shari's right.
980
00:38:18,530 --> 00:38:20,966
About me not loving myself.
981
00:38:20,999 --> 00:38:23,001
You know, maybe there's...
982
00:38:23,034 --> 00:38:26,004
there's something else
at the core of my unhappiness
983
00:38:26,037 --> 00:38:27,839
that-that I didn't realize.
984
00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:33,011
I'm sorry, what did you say?
985
00:38:33,044 --> 00:38:35,714
Well, she said
that I wouldn't find my answers
986
00:38:35,747 --> 00:38:38,584
in another person, and...
987
00:38:38,617 --> 00:38:41,353
I don't know, that's starting
to make a lot of sense.
988
00:38:43,889 --> 00:38:45,891
(whistling the horah)
989
00:38:48,594 --> 00:38:50,596
Go on.
990
00:38:50,629 --> 00:38:54,065
Well... I moved to West Covina
'cause I thought
991
00:38:54,099 --> 00:38:56,134
my problems
would be solved by a boy.
992
00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:58,904
Now I'm with that boy,
993
00:38:58,937 --> 00:39:02,374
and I still have
the same problems.
994
00:39:02,408 --> 00:39:04,109
So...
995
00:39:04,142 --> 00:39:07,413
I don't know,
maybe it's something else.
996
00:39:07,446 --> 00:39:10,982
And... if he is not the answer,
997
00:39:11,016 --> 00:39:14,152
what could it be about?
998
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:17,523
It could be...
999
00:39:17,556 --> 00:39:19,625
my own issues.
1000
00:39:20,859 --> 00:39:21,993
Oh...
1001
00:39:22,027 --> 00:39:24,062
Oh. What's wrong?
1002
00:39:24,095 --> 00:39:26,097
(crying):
Nothing. It's just...
1003
00:39:26,131 --> 00:39:29,100
I'm so...
1004
00:39:29,134 --> 00:39:31,002
happy.
1005
00:39:31,036 --> 00:39:33,071
Oh.
1006
00:39:33,104 --> 00:39:35,741
Could you stay
a little longer today?
1007
00:39:36,842 --> 00:39:37,876
Candace!
1008
00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:40,145
Cancel my next
five appointments.
1009
00:39:40,178 --> 00:39:41,847
Rebecca,
1010
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:45,116
do you think that you're
finally really ready
1011
00:39:45,150 --> 00:39:48,153
to confront your issues?
1012
00:39:48,186 --> 00:39:52,458
I think... I think maybe...
1013
00:39:52,491 --> 00:39:54,560
Yes. Yes, I am.
1014
00:39:54,593 --> 00:39:56,828
(exhales)
1015
00:39:56,862 --> 00:39:58,196
(Josh whistling in distance)
1016
00:39:58,229 --> 00:39:59,831
What's that noise?
1017
00:39:59,865 --> 00:40:01,533
Uh, nothing. It doesn't matter.
You were saying?
1018
00:40:01,567 --> 00:40:05,504
You can't be happy in life until
you're happy with yourself?
1019
00:40:05,537 --> 00:40:06,638
Yes.
1020
00:40:06,672 --> 00:40:10,442
But figuring out what that is,
being happy with myself,
1021
00:40:10,476 --> 00:40:13,111
that's a hard
and scary road
1022
00:40:13,144 --> 00:40:14,680
that I don't know
if I want to go down.
1023
00:40:14,713 --> 00:40:15,681
(whistling continues)
1024
00:40:15,714 --> 00:40:17,048
What is that noise?
1025
00:40:17,082 --> 00:40:19,451
S-Stay with me. Come on.
(chuckles)
1026
00:40:19,485 --> 00:40:21,086
Stay with me.
1027
00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:23,555
So maybe...
1028
00:40:23,589 --> 00:40:26,592
maybe I need to just take
some time on my own...
1029
00:40:28,159 --> 00:40:29,194
...to figure...
(door opens)
1030
00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:32,631
Josh?
1031
00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:33,565
What are you doing here?
1032
00:40:37,068 --> 00:40:38,537
The Garfinkel ring.
1033
00:40:38,570 --> 00:40:40,171
But how did you...?
1034
00:40:40,205 --> 00:40:41,940
You told me you pawned it,
so I went
1035
00:40:41,973 --> 00:40:43,041
to the pawn shop
on East Cameron...
1036
00:40:43,074 --> 00:40:46,044
Rebecca, stay with me.
You're working on yourself.
1037
00:40:46,077 --> 00:40:48,580
You're taking time out
to be alone.
1038
00:40:48,614 --> 00:40:50,181
Oh, my God,
you remembered me saying that.
1039
00:40:50,215 --> 00:40:52,884
This is... so romantic.
1040
00:40:54,620 --> 00:40:55,921
Oh. No!
1041
00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:57,255
No.
1042
00:40:57,288 --> 00:40:59,224
No! No!
1043
00:41:04,996 --> 00:41:06,131
Oh, my God.
1044
00:41:06,164 --> 00:41:07,666
This is like a fairy tale.
1045
00:41:07,699 --> 00:41:09,200
This is everything
I've ever wanted.
1046
00:41:09,234 --> 00:41:11,202
Get up, Josh.
Get up.
1047
00:41:11,236 --> 00:41:12,538
Get up, Josh!
1048
00:41:12,571 --> 00:41:14,606
Rebecca Nora Bunch,
1049
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:16,174
will...
1050
00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:17,008
No.
1051
00:41:17,042 --> 00:41:18,276
(gasps)
1052
00:41:18,309 --> 00:41:19,578
...you...
1053
00:41:19,611 --> 00:41:20,546
Wait!
1054
00:41:21,713 --> 00:41:22,881
...marry...
1055
00:41:22,914 --> 00:41:23,982
Please!
1056
00:41:24,015 --> 00:41:24,983
...me?
1057
00:41:25,016 --> 00:41:26,217
Yes!
1058
00:41:26,251 --> 00:41:27,586
No!
1059
00:41:27,619 --> 00:41:29,855
(groans):
Oh!
1060
00:41:29,888 --> 00:41:30,989
(gasps)
1061
00:41:31,022 --> 00:41:32,490
(moaning)
1062
00:41:36,562 --> 00:41:38,730
So you live in Los Angeles?
1063
00:41:38,764 --> 00:41:39,798
Basically.
1064
00:41:39,831 --> 00:41:40,999
Do you know Jeremy Stein?
1065
00:41:41,032 --> 00:41:42,000
No.
1066
00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:43,168
You know Josh Berger?
1067
00:41:43,201 --> 00:41:44,235
No.
1068
00:41:44,269 --> 00:41:45,904
You know Sam Goldberg?
Nope.
1069
00:41:45,937 --> 00:41:47,172
Do you know Sammy Goldberg?
No.
1070
00:41:47,205 --> 00:41:49,007
Did you go to
Camp Nock-A-Mixon?
No.
1071
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:50,141
Did you go to Camp Winadu?
1072
00:41:50,175 --> 00:41:51,710
No.
1073
00:41:51,743 --> 00:41:53,645
Have you ever met a Jew
before Rebecca?
1074
00:41:53,679 --> 00:41:55,113
No.
1075
00:41:55,146 --> 00:41:59,084
Yeah. Probably should've
started with that question.
1076
00:41:59,117 --> 00:42:00,285
I love Adam Sandler.
1077
00:42:00,318 --> 00:42:01,753
Me, too.
1078
00:42:05,290 --> 00:42:11,329
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
1079
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:14,566
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
76456
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof