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Previously
on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
I've had the best time
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00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,339
hanging out
with the both of you.
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00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,241
I think it's official
that we're a squad.
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00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:08,376
Can I drink that extra Juicebox?
5
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,377
Take it.
Thanks!
6
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,244
That's my best friend.
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00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,480
She just had that
"me, me, me, me" vibe.
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00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,248
You don't think that Paula
feels left out, right?
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00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,117
She doesn't feel like
I've replaced her?
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00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,751
Introducing
the newest member
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00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,388
of our girl group,
Pa-Pa-Pa-Paula!
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00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,123
PAULA: Our relationship
has always been one-sided--
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00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,725
I give, you take,
and that is how it works.
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00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,129
Hey.
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00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,797
I work out.
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00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,365
(laughs)
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00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,766
(sighs, chuckles)
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00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,635
Move up. Quit texting
your new girlfriend.
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00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,770
Um, Anna is not
my new girlfriend.
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00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,140
We've only been out
on three amazing dates.
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00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,542
Ha! Sorry, just Anna
texted me a picture of a cat
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00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,810
dressed up like a dog.
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00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:45,179
Where does she find
this stuff?
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00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:50,118
* I'm just a girl in love
25
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,685
* La-la-la, lovey-dove *
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00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,422
* I can't be held responsible
for my actions *
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00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,124
* She's an ingenue *
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00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,159
* I have no underlying issues
to address *
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00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,694
* I'm certifiably cute
and adorably obsessed *
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00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,596
* They say love
makes you crazy *
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00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,832
* Therefore,
you can't call her crazy *
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00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,834
* 'Cause when you
call her crazy *
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00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,836
* You're just calling her
in love. *
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00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,804
Blam!
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00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,483
(to "William Tell Overture"):
* Go to hell, go to hell,
go to hell, hell, hell *
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00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,352
* Go to hell,
go to hell, hell, hell. *
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00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,387
Wha...? I'm throwing it out.
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00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,724
(sighs)
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00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,634
(elevator bell dings)
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00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:41,769
Hey, Trish.
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00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,237
Hey, Eddie.
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00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:45,273
* What's up Juanita?
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00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:46,640
Hey, you.
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00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:49,277
Oh, I'm-I'm George.
Yeah, you are.
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00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,711
Ha-ha!
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00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:51,579
Hey, PP.
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00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,646
What happened
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00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,282
to all your fun desk stuff?
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00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,383
I...
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00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,485
am re-branding.
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00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,854
And, uh, for starters,
don't ever call me PP again.
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00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,457
Oh, wait a minute.
Now, you're not gonna...
53
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,593
throw out
the "Honk if you're horny,
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00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,495
Paula Proctor is 40"
bumper sticker!
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00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,230
That's classic!
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00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,832
I have new...
interests now, Darryl.
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00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,567
REBECCA:
Oh, hello, Darryl.
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00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,768
Good morning.
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00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:15,836
Mm-hmm.
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00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:17,905
And good morning...
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00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:20,208
this guy.
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00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,642
You are lookin'
very well.
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00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,345
Yeah. Thanks. Actually,
my-my mother found a lump on...
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00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,514
(laughing): Oh,
you're so funny!
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00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,782
You are my favorite person
in this three-foot radius.
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00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,784
GEORGE: Well, that's nice
to hear, 'cause the doctor
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00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,786
was crying when...
he told us.
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00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,455
So it's...
it's probably not good.
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00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,490
Yeah, uh-huh. Okay, cool.
But it's just one...
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00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:38,726
We'll talk about
this... talk about this
later, best friend.
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00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,428
Okay. That's fine.
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00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,664
Are you and Rebecca
still fighting?
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00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:44,932
Come on.
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00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,867
You guys are besties.
Someone should apologize.
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00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,602
I don't want to take sides.
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00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,271
No one needs you to do anything.
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00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,239
(sighs heavily)
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00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,873
I wonder what
selfish person
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00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,408
would hog all the
pink highlighters.
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00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,510
Oh! Look at that.
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00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,546
There they are.
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00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,217
(printer whirrs)
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00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,319
I know what you want,
you know.
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00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,321
You want me to apologize.
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00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,357
You know what, though?
I'm not gonna apologize.
86
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,559
You know why? I'm always
the one who apologizes.
87
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,694
I mean, usually it's because I'm
the one that did the bad thing,
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00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:14,962
but not this time,
not this time.
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00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,497
You owe me the apology
this time.
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00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,466
You want to know why?
You want to know why?
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00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,833
Because you came
to my girl party,
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00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,702
and you were rude to everyone,
you were rude to me,
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00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,571
you tried to leave early,
you broke my new house,
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00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,373
and y...
Look, I know you and I
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00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:26,707
are not in a great place,
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00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,742
but I have a big paper
due next week.
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00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,311
I got to go.
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00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,580
Paula... Paula, Paul...
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00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,715
(sighs)
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00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,618
We got to find some way
to make this better.
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00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,355
I know.
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00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,824
I just don't know how.
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00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,370
Hey, babe.
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00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,038
You seen my vest and bow tie?
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00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,008
I need to get my barbershop
quartet outfit dry-cleaned.
106
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,810
Ooh. I think
it's still at the dry cleaners
107
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,011
from your last performance.
108
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,414
I hope they didn't give it away.
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00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,616
Quartet outfits are
a collector's item.
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00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,918
Hey, you might want to
get to the office party
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00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,753
a little bit early
on Friday.
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00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,323
The white wine flies
off the card table.
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00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,525
Ah, I hear that.
Nothing I like better
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00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,560
than a warm Costco white.
(chuckles)
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00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,062
God, I'm so nervous.
This is the first time
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00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,665
I'll be singing
in front of the coworkers.
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00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,300
This is a huge
gig for us.
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00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,768
We even have
an opener.
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00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:28,969
The boss's kids are doing
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00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,639
the first act of Hamilton!
121
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,343
What are you reading?
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00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,077
You're so into it.
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00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,613
Is it one of your
sexy vampire books?
124
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:43,784
No. It is a fascinating
Supreme Court case from 1880
125
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,919
called Yick Wo v. Hopkins,
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00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,888
where the city
of San Francisco had said
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00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:51,091
that it was illegal to operate
laundries in a wooden building.
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00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,861
But the reason they
did that was because
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00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,329
two-thirds
of the wooden laundries
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00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,665
were operated
by Chinese owners.
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00:04:57,698 --> 00:05:01,101
So do you know
what that court did?
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00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,670
(sighs)
They used
133
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,672
the Equal Protection Clause
from the 14th Amendment
134
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,674
Ah.
to find that law
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00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,742
discriminatory!
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00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,979
Boom.
137
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,814
Ha!
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00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,115
Cool!
139
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,417
Right?
Oh, laundry's
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00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,552
tough-- we know that.
141
00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:21,054
We have a stack on the washer
up to the ceiling.
142
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,423
Uh, hey,
do you need
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00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,091
a plus-one for Rebecca
for Friday?
144
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,560
For Rebecca? What? No. No way.
145
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,828
Oh, are you guys still fighting?
146
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,697
You should call her,
work it out.
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00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,565
I'm not gonna call her.
She can call me.
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00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:34,067
She's got my number.
She's being such a petty child.
149
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,669
And she started it.
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00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,138
She's... such a baby.
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00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,640
(soft grunt)
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00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,018
(click)
153
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:54,722
Hi.
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00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,590
Hey, babe!
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00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,726
Ooh!
Oh! Sorry I'm so late.
Are you ready
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00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,961
for the best coffee
you've ever had in your life?
157
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,830
Hell to the yeah.
(laughs)
158
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,164
I can't believe
it's been three weeks
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00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,533
and I haven't
taken you here yet.
160
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:06,667
I've been coming to this place
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00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,001
ever since it was just a pop-up.
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00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,470
Oh. Cool.
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00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,671
(quietly):
What?
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00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,605
Hey, Ichabod.
The usual,
165
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:12,873
please.
You got it, Anna.
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00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,543
One semi-petite latte
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00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,710
with organic
coconut milk.
168
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,912
And you, sir?
Just coffee for me, dude.
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00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,682
What kind?
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00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,717
It's all up there.
Oh. Okay.
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00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:26,654
Ooh, you've got single-origin,
blended,
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00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,689
micro-lot, Indian filter,
French press,
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00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,858
clover, Turkish, Kyoto drip,
Neapolitan flip,
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00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,626
V60, Moka pot, drip pot,
automatic drop...
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00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,027
(inhales deeply)
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00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,830
Um... single-origin, I guess.
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00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,767
Which single-origin?
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00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,702
We have 17 different kinds.
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00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,772
Eh...
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00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:46,006
uh...
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00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,508
Uh, you know what?
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00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,677
Uh, you pick your
fave. (chuckles)
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00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,612
You got it.
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00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,146
Cool. Hmm.
185
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,989
This is awesome.
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00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,657
I got to remember it.
187
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:07,495
Note:
Silver Brew in Silver Lake.
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00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,129
Repeat: Silver Brew
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00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,031
in Silver Lake.
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00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,533
Taylor loves this place.
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00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:13,801
She brought me here
with Lena, Cara,
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00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,068
Gwynnie, Selena and Uzo.
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00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,137
All really great girls,
except Uzo is...
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00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,939
a little bit of a name-dropper.
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00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,775
I can't believe you know
all these famous people
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00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,211
just from tweezing
their eyebrows at your salon.
197
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,213
Well, it's not always
about the tweezing.
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00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,181
Sometimes
it's about not tweezing.
199
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,683
Sometimes
I send my clients
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00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,685
on, like,
six-month growth retreats.
201
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:32,920
It's all about
202
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,556
the bold brow right now;
the bigger the better.
203
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,958
Oh! Like the dad
in American Pie?
204
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,093
Eugene Levy. Yes! Totally!
205
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,029
He's all over
the salon inspiration board.
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00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,931
Before I met you,
I didn't even know
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00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,232
eyebrows were,
like, a big deal.
208
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,934
Oh, that's what I love
about you.
209
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:47,901
Love me?
210
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,202
Love about you.
211
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:50,571
Oh.
212
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:51,972
Yeah. Got it.
213
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,941
You're so... refreshing.
214
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,977
I'm so tired of these skinny,
bearded hipsters.
215
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,712
Thank God I'm not
skinny, or hip.
216
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,113
Or able to grow a beard.
217
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,248
I like you just the way you are.
218
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,250
Oh.
(laughs)
219
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,286
So, Anna... I got
you something.
220
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,756
I know-- we've only been seeing
each other a couple weeks.
221
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,991
It's probably a little early
to pop the gift bubble,
222
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,993
but this is technically
not for you.
223
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,728
Josh, what did you do?
224
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,864
Uh, I got you a present.
225
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,999
Sorry. Uh, I-I thought
that was clear.
226
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,768
Okay. Close your eyes.
227
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,502
Okay.
228
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,673
Okay...
229
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,007
open 'em!
230
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:27,941
(gasps)
231
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,743
I got you a cat collar
232
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,879
for your cat!
Oh, my God,
233
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,146
this is so cute! Josh!
234
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,148
Gravy is gonna be
the best-dressed cat
235
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:36,316
in Silver Lake.
236
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,951
You're so sweet. Thank you.
237
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,319
I love that cat.
238
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,154
You know, I've never
loved a cat before.
239
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,891
Seriously. I've always
thought they were haunted.
240
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,058
ICHABOD:
Here you go.
241
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:46,627
Whoa!
242
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,562
That foam has
a lady's face!
243
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:49,897
Frida Kahlo?
244
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,298
Well done, Ichabod.
245
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,900
That is my girl
right there.
246
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,768
Talk about brows.
I wish I had
247
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,203
her hormone imbalance.
248
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,971
(laughing)
249
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:00,908
Oh. Ha-ha-ha!
250
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,610
Yeah, sorry, I
didn't hear the...
251
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,211
(chuckling)
252
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,746
Wow.
253
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,957
(sighs): Oh,
this is so great.
254
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,659
Hanging out.
255
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,061
You know, friends your own age
who don't judge you.
256
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,330
Oh, so you're still
in a fight with Paula?
257
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,133
'Cause you keep bringing her up
without saying her name.
258
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,669
Just, like, call her
and work it out.
259
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,203
I'm not gonna call her.
She can call me.
260
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,072
She has my number.
Forget about Paula.
261
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:35,008
We are having young fun.
Whatcha up to, Heath?
262
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,778
Um, it's Heather, and I'm
just doing a Miss Douche AMA.
263
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,880
A lot of questions
about baking bread.
264
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,082
People are really
confused about yeast.
Mm.
265
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,951
What about you, V?
Oh, just surfin'.
266
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,753
The Internet is
so much more fun
267
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,354
now that it's
a Josh Chan free zone.
268
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,256
I am so glad we un-followed him.
269
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,958
Oh, my God.
Me, too. I feel that.
270
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,292
Oh, you both un-followed him?
271
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,261
You real stuck it to him, huh?
272
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,329
Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
I don't even have an urge
273
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,231
to look at his feed anymore.
274
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,367
It's, like, who...
275
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,069
cares?
276
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,239
Huh?
277
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,175
What you got there, girlfriend?
278
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,310
Oh, nothing. It's just
an Internet quiz to figure out
279
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,746
what Tom Hanks movie
my hairstyle is today.
280
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,952
Uh, what?
281
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,021
What you got goin' on there,
girlfriend?
282
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:25,092
Oh, nothing. Just watching
another pimple popper video.
283
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,160
(chuckles)
Ugh.
284
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,863
Mmm. Coo.
285
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,432
Coo, coo, coo, coo, coo,
coo, coo, coo, coo, coo.
286
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,834
Coolio.
287
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,169
Yeah,
I love Coolio.
288
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,838
Yeah. "Gangsta's Paradise."
(sputters)
289
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,107
Forget it.
Miss that guy.
290
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,676
Yep. Yep.
291
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,945
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Miss him. I miss him.
292
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,381
I'm sorry, you guys miss Coolio?
293
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,950
Yeah-huh.
294
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,385
Mmm. Mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
295
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,389
Silver Brew?
296
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,090
What?
297
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,859
Nothing.
298
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,300
Oh, my God, who is that?
299
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,302
What?
Oh, nothing. Just...
(chuckles)
300
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,905
Always forget which Kardashian
is which. (chuckles)
301
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,041
Oh, okay, describe her for me.
Is she the tall one,
302
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,176
the naked one, or the mom one?
'Cause if you're talking
303
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:19,012
about the model one or
the lip one, those are Jenners.
304
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,781
Jenners. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Jenga.
305
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,316
Jumanji.
306
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,785
Robin Williams.
307
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:25,452
Williams.
308
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,087
Mmm. Willy.
309
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,455
Willy Wonka.
310
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:31,491
I want candy...
311
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,360
Are you both high right now?
312
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:40,100
(gasps) Oh, my God! Josh has a
girlfriend.
(gasps) Oh, my God.
Josh has a girlfriend.
313
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,835
REBECCA/VALENCIA:
What did you say?
What did you say?
314
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,370
I knew you guys
didn't miss Coolio.
315
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:55,082
Who is that?
I-I don't know.
316
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,951
Okay, she's tagged
as @annathebrowbarian.
317
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,320
You click it. I can't.
You click it,
Okay, okay, okay,
318
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,790
click it, click it, click
it, click it, click it.
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
319
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,224
Her name is Anna...
320
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:07,494
Hicks.
Anna Hicks?
No one has that name.
321
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:11,198
That's like the romantic lead
in an Adam Sandler movie.
322
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,466
Guys, don't do this.
If you fall down the rabbit hole
323
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,936
of Internetting
an ex's current girlfriend,
324
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,938
you may never come back.
325
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,307
Shh... Look at her.
Shh.
326
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,375
Oh, she's so pretty and cool.
Also, she has, like,
327
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:26,313
a permanent flower crown filter
face. What? How do you get that?
328
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,316
Oh, my God! I know who she is.
I read about her in Us magazine.
329
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,318
She does eyebrows
for celebrities.
330
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,420
Yeah. There's, like,
a three-month waiting list
at her salon.
331
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,555
I heard Mary-Kate Olsen
had to pretend
332
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,891
to be Elizabeth Olsen
to get in.
333
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,427
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
What?! Okay,
I need to see, like,
334
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,030
a billion more pictures of her.
Me, too.
335
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:46,199
No. I mean, you know what they
say. Curiosity killed the...
336
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,235
Cat. Look at her.
She has a cat.
337
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,436
She makes being
a cat person
338
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,305
look cool.
Exactly.
Now I want a cat.
339
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,307
What is going on?
340
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,810
I don't know.
Up is down, and down is up.
341
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,078
I-I...
(sighs)
342
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,081
Hey. What are you doing
for the next,
343
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,183
like, 13 hours?
344
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,052
Don't do anything healthy.
345
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,987
Don't be productive.
346
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,522
Give in to your desire.
347
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,925
* Research me obsessively
348
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,828
* Uh-huh
349
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:18,531
* Find out everything you can
about me *
350
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:22,202
* You know you want to dig
for me relentlessly *
351
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,071
* Uh-huh
352
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,073
* Using every available
search tool *
353
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:29,242
* And all forms
of social media *
354
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,477
Yes.
355
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,012
* You know you want to look
356
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,513
* At my Instagram
357
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,415
* But it's private
358
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,017
* So Google me
until you find out *
359
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,019
* Where I went to high school
360
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:42,289
* And then set up
a fake Instagram account *
361
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,557
* Using the name
and the photo of someone *
362
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,526
* That went to my high school
363
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,296
* And hope that I remember
that person a little bit *
364
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,131
Ah. No.
365
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,000
* Then request access
to my private Instagram *
366
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,902
* From the fake account
367
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:58,271
* And in the meantime scour
my work Instagram account *
368
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:01,408
* 'Cause that one's public
369
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,111
* Research me obsessively
370
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,446
* Uh-huh
371
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:11,051
* Find an actual picture of my
parents' house on Google Maps *
372
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:14,321
* You know you want to hunt
for me tirelessly *
373
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,957
* Uh-huh
374
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,625
* It's not stalking
'cause the information *
375
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,961
* Is all technically public
376
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,996
That's true, that's true.
Very true.
377
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,498
* Check out every guy
I used to date *
378
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,935
* And deduce who broke up
with who *
379
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:32,639
* Based on the hesitation
in our smiles *
380
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:35,208
So many unanswered questions.
381
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:38,211
Did I go
to the University of Texas?
382
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,247
Am I an EMT?
383
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,950
Is that my obituary
in which I'm survived
384
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,617
by my loving husband, Eddie,
of 50 years;
385
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,954
children, Susan and Matthew;
and grandchild, Stephanie?
386
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,522
Wait, no. That's just all people
with my same name.
387
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,391
VALENCIA/REBECCA:
Oh.
Or is it?
388
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:54,561
Pay only $9.99 on a background
check Web site to know for sure.
389
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,529
I'll do it. Yeah.
(scoffs) Yeah.
390
00:14:56,563 --> 00:15:00,267
* So don't stop,
just research me obsessively *
391
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,470
* Uh-huh,
and in lieu of flowers *
392
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,206
* Donate to other me's
favorite charity *
393
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,041
Aw.
Aw.
394
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,710
* Research me,
just research me *
395
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,513
* And research me
and research me *
396
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,048
* Oops
397
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,951
* It's three days later.
398
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,589
None of this makes any sense.
Not at all.
399
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,325
There's no way Josh
could land someone that cool.
400
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,693
You guys are still here?
401
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,595
You've been here for three days.
402
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,463
Well, it would've been
a lot less time if someone
403
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:33,200
had stopped me from creating
a fake Instagram account.
404
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,469
I told you that's illegal, and
I cannot go to jail right now.
405
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,338
I am one stamp away
406
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,607
on my frozen yogurt punch card
from scoring a freebie, so...
407
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,010
(groans) What could
she possibly see in Josh Chan?
408
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,145
I-I have literally no idea
409
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,347
what he has to offer
to someone like this.
Right?
410
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,216
You both dated him.
411
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,683
Yeah. But we're mortals.
Yeah.
412
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,020
And she's like a-a fairy angel.
413
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:53,720
Yeah.
I mean, really,
414
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,322
what could she see in a guy
415
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,725
from West Covina who still
wears stitchy jeans?
416
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,060
And supermarket flip-flops.
417
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:00,760
And lives with his mother.
418
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,162
Yeah. He's the worst.
419
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,297
I once saw him bite off
a toenail.
420
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:06,666
Well, I mean, he is
very flexible and strong.
421
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,268
And muscular.
422
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,569
Yeah, and his skin color.
Would you say that's,
423
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,571
like, caramel?
It's just so yummy.
424
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,206
Mmm. Delicious.
425
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,574
Wow, you guys just did, like,
426
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,409
a whole loop-dee-loop there.
427
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,546
Anyway, I don't know.
This-this isn't adding up.
428
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:22,282
I think it's on us to get
to the bottom of this.
429
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,451
Yeah. I mean, just because
we're over Josh doesn't mean
430
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,353
we can let some trendy girl
exploit him.
431
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,721
It's not right.
432
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,091
You are exactly right.
We need to investigate.
Yeah.
433
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:34,294
I'll drive. Let's Thelma
and Louise this thing.
Okay.
434
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,296
Great.
435
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:40,067
(door opens)
Thelma and Louise drove off
a cliff, so...
436
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,469
(door shuts)
...be careful.
437
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,772
(sighs)
438
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,011
(humming)
439
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:59,119
Ba-da-ga-da, ba-da-ga-da,
ba-da-ga-da, ba-da-ga-da.
440
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,321
Ga-da-ba-da, ga-da-ba-da,
ga-da-ba-da, ga-da-ba-da,
441
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,722
ga-da-ba-da.
Warming up?
442
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,457
Yeah.
443
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:07,427
I try to lube the cords
well in advance of a show.
444
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,828
Ah, the West Brovinas.
445
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,463
You're the buzz
of the shipping department.
446
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:11,664
Heard so much
about you guys.
447
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:12,732
You have?
448
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:13,733
Yeah. From you.
449
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,335
Every day.
(chuckles)
450
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,405
(chuckles)
I-I do love barbershop.
451
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,240
Mmm.
Everyone needs a hobby.
452
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,242
Hank, our tenor, likes to say,
453
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,577
"It's cheaper than golf
and safer than whores."
454
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,579
Wait, maybe it's
"cheaper than whores
455
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,248
and safer than golf." Now...
Well,
456
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,250
personally, I can't wait.
457
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,152
I love close harmony singing.
458
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,721
I die over
a perfectly hit seventh.
459
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,124
Wow. Uh, that's cool,
460
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,791
Tanya.
Yeah. See you tonight.
461
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,728
(humming)
462
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,063
Ba-da-ga-da, ba-da-ga-da,
ba-da-ga-da...
463
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,805
I'm so nervous.
Okay, listen,
464
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,874
since you're a
sneaky-stalky virgin,
465
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,610
just play it cool, okay?
She won't notice anything
Okay, coolio.
466
00:17:57,644 --> 00:18:00,813
if you don't notice anything.
Okay, cool.
So we're just here to...
467
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,883
Observe and analyze, like in
the style of Margaret Mead,
Right. Mm-hmm. Yep.
468
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,819
Jane Goodall,
Dian Fossey...
Mm-hmm. What? Who?
469
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,422
Just figure things out.
Okay, I'm not stupid.
470
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,691
You just reference
obscure things all the time.
I know. Mm.
471
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:15,662
Oh, my God. (whimpers)
Wait, O.M.G., her
outfit is beyond.
472
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,531
And I saw that her eyebrows
are staggering, of course.
(scoffs)
473
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,233
No, I know you're jonesing,
but I can't give you
474
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,368
any more of the stuff.
475
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:24,837
Because. No,
I'm still here.
476
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,406
I'm waiting on a shipment.
477
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,276
Mm-hmm.
478
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,611
*
479
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,382
What is that?
480
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,685
(Rebecca gasps)
(Valencia stammers)
481
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,553
Um...
482
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:43,190
Okay, I'm sorry, is she
giving all these women
483
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,692
some sort of white powder?
Cocaine?
484
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,427
I mean, I was thinking
the same thing.
485
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,462
Or meth or crushed-up
oxy. Who knows?
Oh.
486
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,264
(shushing)
Here she comes,
487
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:53,600
here she comes, here she
comes. Peas and carrots,
Mmm...
488
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,468
peas and carrots, peas
and carrots, peas and carrots,
What are you doing?
489
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,470
peas and carrots.
I'm saying "peas and carrots."
490
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,472
It's what you do
when you're faking chitchat.
491
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,874
I did it in my eighth grade
church play, Don't Be Different.
492
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,511
Peas and carrots, peas and
carrots, peas and carrots,
(stammers) It's...
493
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,513
peas and carrots, peas and
carrots, p...
You're saying it
so loud. Just stop. Just...
494
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:08,748
Because some girls abuse it
495
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,517
and then I have to
completely cut them off.
496
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,252
Oh, my God. You're right.
497
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,487
She is a drug
salesperson.
498
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,390
I'll call you back.
Oh, she sees us.
499
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,893
She's a drug dealer.
500
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:24,497
Josh's girlfriend
is a stone-cold narco.
501
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:27,367
I mean, I guess
it makes sense.
502
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,769
You can't pay gentrified
commercial rents
503
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,771
by plucking
forehead hair.
504
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,273
We have to tell Josh.
505
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,674
There's no way
he'll figure it out.
506
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,576
I mean, let's face it,
not the smartest.
507
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,245
No, no, no. He's
not so bright.
508
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,647
He once told me his favorite
animal was Antarctica.
509
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,383
He thinks eau de toilette
is called that because, oh,
510
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,817
it's from a toilet.
Oh, it's from a toilet.
511
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,920
It's so sad. Also, he
talks to telemarketers.
512
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,456
He'll believe anything
anyone tells him.
513
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,424
He's too trusting, too sweet.
514
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,925
I mean,
the guy just radiates sunshine.
515
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:53,993
I love his mouth.
516
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:54,894
Yeah.
517
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,530
We loop-dee-looped again!
518
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,932
We have to tell him.
Yes.
519
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,269
We can't just sit here on our
big fat lazy fat cans all day.
520
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,470
All right, let's go.
Okay.
521
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:04,937
Um, hey, while we're driving,
522
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,407
let's talk about your
continued body dysmorphia,
523
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,542
'cause I thought we'd
nipped it in the bud.
524
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,679
So, body dysmorphia is often
caused by personal trauma,
525
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:16,015
such as childhood teasing
or parental overinvolvement.
526
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,817
(thud)
(gasps)
527
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,353
That's weird. Did you leave
your purse on the ground?
528
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,954
No, I didn't bring a purse.
529
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,990
I brought my mini calf-hair
crossbody. We're on the go.
530
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:27,294
Yeah, which is why I brought my
high school JanSport backpack.
531
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,962
Wait. So what
did I run over?
532
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,698
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
533
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,266
Oh, my God!
534
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,837
Oh, my God!
Gravy?! Oh!
535
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,572
(mewing)
536
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:42,875
What happened?
Who ran my cat?!
537
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:51,050
Oh, my little baby.
It's gonna be okay.
538
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,321
It's gonna be okay.
(meowing)
539
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:55,988
Did you see who hit my cat?
540
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:59,392
Uh, uh, uh...
Um, um, we saw... we saw it.
541
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:00,927
It was a hit-and-run. Someone...
542
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,929
It was a thoughtless man.
It was a man!
543
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,831
It's always a man!
544
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,599
Yeah, it was a man
with, um...
Uh-huh.
545
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,000
Um, a hat.
Yeah.
546
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,603
And-and one eye
and a parrot here.
547
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,072
A pirate? A pirate hit my cat?
That's insane.
548
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,674
Yeah, it was...
it was insane.
(meowing)
549
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,443
That's why she remembers it
so vividly.
550
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,945
It was a guy with, like,
yellow teeth and black eyeliner.
551
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,947
I bet it's one of those creeps
552
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,749
who plays Jack Sparrow
on Hollywood Boulevard.
553
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,352
Oh. (crying)
Yup. Um, hey,
554
00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:27,920
we were... were just gonna drive
your cat to the hospital.
555
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,089
Why don't we take you, too?
(meowing)
556
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,758
(whispering):
What are you
talking about?
557
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,326
It's fine. Shh.
558
00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:40,367
This is all my fault.
559
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,902
I was on the phone, and
I left the door open.
560
00:21:42,935 --> 00:21:45,071
If anything happens to him,
I don't know what I'll do.
561
00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:47,440
(door opens)
(sighs)
562
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:50,009
Will you excuse me
for one moment?
563
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:52,412
(door closes,
dogs barking)
564
00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:54,080
What are we doing?
565
00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:55,982
I'm over there all by myself
comforting the enemy,
566
00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:58,050
who smells like heaven, by the
way. I want to get out of here!
567
00:21:58,084 --> 00:22:00,587
Shh. Shh. Just-just
play it cool, okay?
(sighs)
568
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:03,490
So, listen, it hit me
when we hit the cat. (laughs)
569
00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:05,725
We can't just tell Josh
about Anna's drug business.
570
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:07,494
He'll never believe us.
571
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:10,730
Okay, we need proof,
so I intend to do... just that.
572
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:12,465
Okay, before you go over there,
573
00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:15,735
I told her that your name is
Madge, and my name is Allegra.
574
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,136
Madge?
575
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,738
So you.
576
00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:20,373
Great. Yeah.
577
00:22:20,407 --> 00:22:21,741
Go. Go. Go.
578
00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:23,743
Hey. Hey, honey.
579
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,145
So, the nurse wants you to
fill out all this information.
580
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,615
I just figured I'd do it
since you're so upset.
581
00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:29,882
So it's just
you and me.
Okay.
582
00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:31,384
Don't think. Just rapid fire
583
00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:32,752
answer my questions.
584
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:34,754
So, um, name,
age, height, weight?
585
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,155
Uh, Gravy Miffy Muffins,
586
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,491
uh, six years old,
18 inches, eight pounds?
No,
587
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:39,892
honey, honey. Your name, age,
height, weight.
588
00:22:39,926 --> 00:22:41,761
They need it for you
for some reason, okay?
589
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:43,396
Okay, so, stay with me.
590
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:45,498
Stay with me. Rapid fire.
Stay with me, okay?
Okay.
591
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:47,767
So, name, age, height, weight,
occupation, income,
592
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,869
uh, felonies, misdemeanors,
trouble with the law?
593
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:51,604
Uh, you're going
too fast.
Okay, got it.
594
00:22:51,638 --> 00:22:52,905
I will go slower, okay?
I'll slow it down.
595
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:54,173
But still,
rapid fire with me.
596
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,609
Okay, right with me?
Rapid fire. Okay. So name?
597
00:22:56,643 --> 00:22:58,478
Anna Hicks.
Okay. Age?
29.
598
00:22:58,511 --> 00:22:59,746
Older than I thought.
Good for you.
599
00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:01,614
Um, height, weight? Rapid fire?
600
00:23:01,648 --> 00:23:04,083
Five, three. I don't
weigh myself.
Yes, you do.
Everyone does.
601
00:23:04,116 --> 00:23:05,885
No, I really don't.
Put down 115, Madge.
602
00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,186
Got it. Um, okay.
603
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:08,921
So many questions
on this stupid form!
604
00:23:08,955 --> 00:23:10,757
(laughs)
It's so thorough.
I don't know why.
605
00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:12,124
Um, any... any run-ins
with the law?
(door closes)
606
00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:14,427
Like, felonies, misdemeanors?
Oh, my God!
607
00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:18,665
Is he dead? No.
He's just fine.
608
00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:21,200
We reattached his tail,
and he's gonna be A-okay.
609
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,803
Thank God. My
little Gravy Wavy.
We just didn't
610
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:26,072
want this collar to get lost
in the shuffle. It's so pretty.
611
00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,140
Thank you. My
boyfriend got it for me.
Mm.
612
00:23:28,174 --> 00:23:30,477
Oh, thanks.
(sighs)
613
00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:33,012
Um, so you have... you have...
you have a boyfriend, huh?
614
00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:35,147
That was the next question
on this weird form.
615
00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:37,750
But you have a...? So, you...
Yes, to... yes, boyfriend, yes?
616
00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:40,553
Yeah. Haven't said it
out loud yet, but, um,
617
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:41,921
I guess he is my boyfriend.
618
00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:43,690
It's funny how hard
moments make you realize
619
00:23:43,723 --> 00:23:45,091
who really matters to you.
620
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:48,695
Mm.
621
00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:51,598
You know, um,
since Gravy's A-okay,
622
00:23:51,631 --> 00:23:53,866
why don't I take your mind
off of this,
623
00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:55,468
and we'll just gab like girls?
624
00:23:55,502 --> 00:23:57,203
So tell me about the boyfriend,
girlfriend.
625
00:23:57,236 --> 00:23:59,138
(laughs)
Um, his name is Josh,
626
00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:01,240
and we've only been seeing
each other for a couple weeks,
627
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:04,944
so, I guess it's casual,
but he's so nice, so helpful.
628
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:06,779
I've been slammed
at the salon lately,
629
00:24:06,813 --> 00:24:09,181
and he's been helping me out
a ton, making deliveries,
630
00:24:09,215 --> 00:24:11,851
pickups, going to
Mexico to get product.
631
00:24:11,884 --> 00:24:13,820
Mexico!
Oh, my God!
And he doesn't even
632
00:24:13,853 --> 00:24:16,122
ask any questions.
He's so nice.
Yeah.
633
00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:17,990
And I feel bad for him.
He's been through
634
00:24:18,024 --> 00:24:20,927
some really tough times,
had some toxic relationships.
635
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,962
Toxic? Is that...
is that, uh, his word,
636
00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:24,564
your word,
or Britney's word?
637
00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:26,065
His word. Toxic.
638
00:24:26,098 --> 00:24:27,867
He doesn't like to
badmouth his exes,
639
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,603
but this one girl he dated
hounded him to propose.
640
00:24:30,637 --> 00:24:33,873
Hounded? Is that his word,
your word or Elvis's word?
641
00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:36,743
His word. Hounded.
And then he dated this
642
00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,745
psycho who-- get
this-- quit her job,
643
00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:40,880
and then moved across the
country to be with him,
644
00:24:40,913 --> 00:24:43,282
even though they hadn't seen
each other in, like, ten years.
645
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:44,884
Crazy, right?
646
00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:46,886
It also... it also
could be unfair.
647
00:24:46,919 --> 00:24:49,589
You know, it could be the male
gaze version of the narrative.
648
00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:51,257
No. This girl sounded
legit bonker balls.
649
00:24:51,290 --> 00:24:52,959
She told him that
she was pregnant
650
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,294
with his baby, and then
two seconds later, said
651
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:56,763
that she wasn't
pregnant with his baby,
652
00:24:56,796 --> 00:24:59,265
and then begged him
to have... period sex.
653
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,167
Excuse me.
What happened?
654
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,102
(speaks high-pitched
gibberish)
655
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:05,171
Let's not slut-shame the lady
656
00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:07,173
just 'cause her libido doesn't
go away during menstruation.
657
00:25:07,206 --> 00:25:09,976
That girl, whoever she is,
should be commended.
658
00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:13,646
* Period sex, period sex...
659
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,782
Okay, stop.
Okay.
When Josh finds out
660
00:25:15,815 --> 00:25:17,650
who ran over Gravy,
he's going to flip.
661
00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:19,318
He absolutely loves this cat.
662
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:23,556
Right, but, I mean, how is
he even gonna find her? Him?
663
00:25:23,590 --> 00:25:25,257
The salon's security footage.
664
00:25:25,291 --> 00:25:28,060
What?
What?
665
00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:29,929
I took over the salon
from a jeweler,
666
00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:31,931
so the entire front of
the salon has cameras.
667
00:25:31,964 --> 00:25:35,868
Josh and I are gonna find the
person who ran over my baby
668
00:25:35,902 --> 00:25:37,970
if it's the last
thing that I do.
669
00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:41,207
Did you hear that... Madge?
670
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,710
I did, Allegra.
671
00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:51,350
Oh, yeah, we could buy...
we could buy that place,
672
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,920
or this place looks
quite promising.
673
00:25:53,953 --> 00:25:55,354
Maybe we could buy it. Okay,
look, I was trying to mislead
674
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,023
the neighbors to make them think
we're lesbians looking for
675
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:58,257
a new house.
We really need
676
00:25:58,290 --> 00:26:00,026
to get that
security video,
677
00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:02,161
or we are absolute toast,
so how are we gonna get in?
678
00:26:02,194 --> 00:26:04,764
Do you have a diamond ring
that we could use to cut glass?
679
00:26:04,797 --> 00:26:07,700
Maybe there's a kitty
door or something...?
How about we use these?
680
00:26:07,734 --> 00:26:10,002
Oh, my God, she has
the cutest stuff.
681
00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:11,938
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait. You stole those?
Yes.
682
00:26:11,971 --> 00:26:13,272
I don't feel bad
about it, either.
683
00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:14,807
She was begging for me to do it.
684
00:26:14,841 --> 00:26:17,109
Leaving the house
with that fancy purse?
685
00:26:17,143 --> 00:26:19,946
And then leaving it
on the floor all wide open
686
00:26:19,979 --> 00:26:21,881
with the tip of her keys
poking out?
687
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,083
Did I take her keys?
Damn right I did.
688
00:26:24,116 --> 00:26:25,852
Anyone would have done it.
689
00:26:25,885 --> 00:26:27,620
If anything,
I'm the real victim here.
690
00:26:27,654 --> 00:26:30,790
Okay, so we need to have
a serious talk about consent.
691
00:26:30,823 --> 00:26:32,324
So, consent is something
that must be initiated...
692
00:26:32,358 --> 00:26:34,927
Okay. Wow.
693
00:26:34,961 --> 00:26:36,763
(alarm beeping)
Aah! Aah! Aah!
694
00:26:36,796 --> 00:26:38,097
Don't mind us. We're
just two lesbians.
695
00:26:38,130 --> 00:26:39,932
Nothing to see.
Nothing to see. Aah!
Aah!
696
00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:41,267
Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
where is it? Where...?
697
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:42,769
Okay, okay, okay,
um, um, um...
698
00:26:42,802 --> 00:26:43,970
Oh, my God,
look at this place! Oh! Oh!
699
00:26:44,003 --> 00:26:45,672
Aah! Aah!
Okay, okay. Uh...
700
00:26:45,705 --> 00:26:46,739
Okay, okay, we have
to guess the code.
How?
701
00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:48,040
I didn't study up enough on her.
702
00:26:48,074 --> 00:26:49,742
Okay, I'll try. Uh...
703
00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:50,877
How about her birthday?
704
00:26:50,910 --> 00:26:52,244
No. Oh, Gravy's birthday.
No.
705
00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:53,412
Do you know
Gravy's birthday?
706
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,314
Just... Josh's birthday.
707
00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:57,316
Mm... No.
Yeah. Yeah. Fail.
708
00:26:57,349 --> 00:26:58,718
Uh...
Uh, her parents'
credit scores?
Okay, okay.
709
00:26:58,751 --> 00:27:00,720
Uh, no.
Uh, no. Ugh!
710
00:27:00,753 --> 00:27:03,155
Her weight! Try her
weight! 115! Try it!
711
00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:05,391
Okay. Okay.
Yeah.
712
00:27:05,424 --> 00:27:07,126
No. She doesn't
weigh herself, remember?
713
00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:09,395
Of course she does. Hold on.
714
00:27:09,428 --> 00:27:11,130
Goal weight! That's it!
What?
715
00:27:11,163 --> 00:27:12,932
113. Do it! Do it!
Oh!
716
00:27:12,965 --> 00:27:15,301
Do it!
(dings)
717
00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:17,904
I knew that bitch
weighed herself.
718
00:27:22,341 --> 00:27:25,812
(upbeat music playing,
lively chatter)
719
00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,057
I'm really nervous.
720
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:39,358
Yeah, I get that.
721
00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:41,093
Do what I do
when I get nervous.
722
00:27:41,127 --> 00:27:42,461
Take off your underwear.
723
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:44,096
You mean, picture people
in their underwear?
724
00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:46,198
What? Why would that make me
more comfortable?
Yeah.
725
00:27:46,232 --> 00:27:48,034
That's just awkward.
726
00:27:48,067 --> 00:27:50,937
Nah, I walk around with my bits
all wango tango.
727
00:27:50,970 --> 00:27:52,338
It's very relaxing.
728
00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:53,840
Oh, I'm doing a version of that.
729
00:27:53,873 --> 00:27:55,207
Uh, instead of underwear,
730
00:27:55,241 --> 00:27:56,809
I'm wearing an old T-shirt
upside down.
731
00:27:56,843 --> 00:27:58,811
We haven't done laundry in ages.
732
00:27:58,845 --> 00:28:01,848
Paula's been busy, and I don't
know how to work the machine.
733
00:28:01,881 --> 00:28:04,450
Where is Paula?
I don't see her with the wives.
734
00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:07,186
She's coming. She first had
to do some law stuff.
735
00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:08,487
What kind of law stuff?
736
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,924
I sincerely have no idea.
737
00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:17,429
I just think the relationship
between the 21st
738
00:28:17,463 --> 00:28:19,198
and the 18th amendment
is amazing.
739
00:28:19,231 --> 00:28:21,100
I mean, don't you think?
740
00:28:21,133 --> 00:28:22,902
Actually, I've just been
sitting here thinking
741
00:28:22,935 --> 00:28:25,004
about what I'm gonna pick up
for dinner on my way home.
742
00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:26,906
I finally ran out
of the frozen dinners
743
00:28:26,939 --> 00:28:29,175
my wife made for us
before she...
I'm telling you,
744
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:31,177
I have not been this obsessed
about something
745
00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:33,746
since the first season
of The Wire.
746
00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:35,281
Oh. Yeah.
747
00:28:35,314 --> 00:28:37,383
You don't watch The Wire?
No.
748
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:39,351
(gasping)
What?
I know. I know.
749
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:41,153
Oh, I am so jealous of you
750
00:28:41,187 --> 00:28:43,222
that you get to watch it
for the first time.
751
00:28:43,255 --> 00:28:45,858
Oh, ho! Rebecca and I binged
that in, like, two days.
752
00:28:45,892 --> 00:28:47,293
We loved it.
753
00:28:47,326 --> 00:28:49,896
She is so Avon.
I am so Stringer Bell. It is...
754
00:28:49,929 --> 00:28:52,264
Why am I talking about Rebecca?
I'm sorry. Never mind.
755
00:28:52,298 --> 00:28:54,266
We could talk about my wife.
I did just bring her up.
756
00:28:54,300 --> 00:28:56,535
Oh, of course.
I'm sorry, honey. Go ahead.
757
00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:58,337
She also pre-ordered, like,
758
00:28:58,370 --> 00:29:00,773
a year's worth supply
of toilet paper for us.
759
00:29:00,807 --> 00:29:02,508
She was so thoughtful. I mean,
even in her darkest times.
760
00:29:02,541 --> 00:29:04,944
She was like, "Sunil, I..."
What time is it?!
761
00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:08,414
I don't know.
Oh. N Oh, my God.
762
00:29:08,447 --> 00:29:11,884
Okay, I can make it.
I can... I can make it.
763
00:29:11,918 --> 00:29:13,820
I can... I can make it.
I can make it.
764
00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,521
Where are you going?
I can make it.
765
00:29:15,554 --> 00:29:17,289
I can make it.
I can... make it.
766
00:29:17,323 --> 00:29:19,025
I can make it.
767
00:29:19,058 --> 00:29:22,428
(in harmony):
* Let me call you sweetheart
768
00:29:22,461 --> 00:29:27,299
* I'm in love with you
769
00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:30,136
* Let me hear you whisper
770
00:29:30,169 --> 00:29:35,174
* That you love me, too
771
00:29:35,207 --> 00:29:43,249
* Keep the love light glowing
in your eyes so true *
772
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:46,418
* Let me call you sweetheart
773
00:29:46,452 --> 00:29:50,322
* I'm in love
774
00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:53,059
* With...
775
00:29:53,092 --> 00:29:55,327
* You
776
00:29:55,361 --> 00:29:58,164
* With you...
777
00:29:58,197 --> 00:30:00,466
Hey. I made it. I made it.
I made it. I made it.
778
00:30:00,499 --> 00:30:02,201
I made it. I made it.
779
00:30:02,234 --> 00:30:03,870
I made it. Oh.
780
00:30:03,903 --> 00:30:05,604
Go, so thirsty.
781
00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:08,174
(song ends)
Aah! Oh!
782
00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:11,343
(applause)
783
00:30:11,377 --> 00:30:12,578
That's the end
of the first song, right?
784
00:30:12,611 --> 00:30:14,146
I just missed the end
of the first song?
785
00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:16,115
That was the encore.
786
00:30:27,193 --> 00:30:29,461
Okay, I'll look on this
computer for the footage.
787
00:30:29,495 --> 00:30:31,063
Uh, as long as we're here,
you look for evidence
788
00:30:31,097 --> 00:30:32,398
of drugs, okay?
Go through the drawers.
789
00:30:32,431 --> 00:30:35,401
Okay. Got it.
790
00:30:35,434 --> 00:30:36,936
Hmm.
791
00:30:36,969 --> 00:30:38,337
Okay.
792
00:30:38,370 --> 00:30:40,306
Found the footage
from this afternoon.
793
00:30:40,339 --> 00:30:41,573
Let's look at all the angles.
794
00:30:41,607 --> 00:30:43,175
Maybe...
795
00:30:43,209 --> 00:30:45,344
maybe it didn't actually get us
hitting the cat.
796
00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:47,013
Oh, no. There it is.
Clear as day.
797
00:30:47,046 --> 00:30:48,948
We really...
Yeah, we ran over that cat.
798
00:30:48,981 --> 00:30:52,018
Hmm. My brows are a little thin,
aren't they?
799
00:30:52,051 --> 00:30:53,185
Ugh.
800
00:30:53,219 --> 00:30:55,154
They're '90s brows. Damn it.
801
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:56,622
Hey, what are you doing over
there? Did you find drugs?
802
00:30:56,655 --> 00:30:59,358
(laughing): No. But this
lotion... I'm addicted.
803
00:30:59,391 --> 00:31:01,227
Dude.
What?
804
00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:03,162
Wow. Never mind,
I'll take care of this.
805
00:31:03,195 --> 00:31:05,364
Okay. Delete, delete, delete.
806
00:31:05,397 --> 00:31:06,532
Delete, empty trash.
807
00:31:06,565 --> 00:31:08,234
Oh, thank God.
808
00:31:08,267 --> 00:31:10,136
Yes. Whew.
809
00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:11,370
Oh, what a weight off me.
810
00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,638
I wish I could do that
in my own life.
811
00:31:12,671 --> 00:31:15,107
Just erase things that happened.
812
00:31:15,141 --> 00:31:18,510
God, I would erase all of
junior prom and sixth grade,
813
00:31:18,544 --> 00:31:20,512
and so many courtroom farts.
814
00:31:20,546 --> 00:31:21,981
Okay, great.
Let's get out of here.
815
00:31:22,014 --> 00:31:23,649
Wait. Wait, wait.
It just occurred to me.
816
00:31:23,682 --> 00:31:25,651
If she's doing anything illegal,
it will be on these tapes.
817
00:31:25,684 --> 00:31:26,618
We could show them to Josh.
818
00:31:26,652 --> 00:31:28,520
(sighs) I really don't
want to get caught.
819
00:31:28,554 --> 00:31:30,156
V, look.
I know this is dangerous.
820
00:31:30,189 --> 00:31:31,690
And I know how we both
feel about Josh,
821
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:34,260
but he's an innocent man
being turned into a drug mule.
822
00:31:34,293 --> 00:31:36,028
Yeah. God only knows what he's
sticking in his rectum.
823
00:31:36,062 --> 00:31:37,396
Oh, my God,
have we talked about that?
824
00:31:37,429 --> 00:31:39,065
What?
Oh, so he never...
825
00:31:39,966 --> 00:31:41,267
Nothing.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
826
00:31:41,300 --> 00:31:43,035
No. Uh-uh.
What was I doing? Oh, right.
827
00:31:43,069 --> 00:31:45,171
I'm gonna fast-forward through
this to see if she
828
00:31:45,204 --> 00:31:47,006
is a hopper movin' g-packs.
She's no corner boy,
829
00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:48,174
she's pushin' real weight.
830
00:31:48,207 --> 00:31:49,675
Ugh.
831
00:31:49,708 --> 00:31:51,343
It's The Wire.
832
00:31:51,377 --> 00:31:52,678
Have you never seen
The Wire?
833
00:31:52,711 --> 00:31:54,480
Mm. Am I supposed to?
834
00:31:54,513 --> 00:31:56,182
Oh, my God. I am so jealous
of you right now.
835
00:31:56,215 --> 00:31:57,683
You get to watch it
from the beginning.
836
00:31:57,716 --> 00:31:59,318
Paula and I binged
the whole thing
837
00:31:59,351 --> 00:32:01,453
in two days,
and we were obsessed.
838
00:32:01,487 --> 00:32:03,155
We talked like Avon
and Stringer Bell
839
00:32:03,189 --> 00:32:04,556
for a solid month.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
840
00:32:04,590 --> 00:32:06,092
Wait. Why am I
talking about Paula?
841
00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:07,359
I hate her right now.
842
00:32:07,393 --> 00:32:09,428
Okay, fast-forward, let's see.
843
00:32:09,461 --> 00:32:10,629
She's plucking,
she's plucking.
844
00:32:10,662 --> 00:32:12,464
She's plucking.
More plucking.
845
00:32:12,498 --> 00:32:13,565
Oh, there it is,
there it is.
(gasps)
846
00:32:13,599 --> 00:32:15,367
Look, she's
handing envelopes
847
00:32:15,401 --> 00:32:18,070
of drugs to clients.
Wow.
848
00:32:18,104 --> 00:32:20,106
This is insane. She's giving
envelopes full of drugs
849
00:32:20,139 --> 00:32:22,074
to people out in broad daylight.
It's so brazen.
850
00:32:22,108 --> 00:32:23,976
This is such important work.
851
00:32:24,010 --> 00:32:25,111
I mean, we're gonna blow this
wide open.
852
00:32:25,144 --> 00:32:26,712
We could get a Peabody for this.
853
00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:28,480
Oh, look, look. She's taking
the powder out of the envelope,
854
00:32:28,514 --> 00:32:30,116
and then she's putting it
on the table.
855
00:32:30,149 --> 00:32:31,550
She's showing them
how to do the drugs.
856
00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:34,520
REBECCA: Oh, she's gonna
shoot up the drugs
857
00:32:34,553 --> 00:32:36,122
just like in Breaking Bad.
Have you seen Breaking Bad?
858
00:32:36,155 --> 00:32:38,190
Eh.
How do you live
your life?
859
00:32:38,224 --> 00:32:39,391
I go outside.
That's fair.
860
00:32:39,425 --> 00:32:40,626
Okay, here we go,
here we go.
861
00:32:40,659 --> 00:32:42,261
REBECCA:
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
862
00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:43,395
She's gonna do the drugs.
863
00:32:43,429 --> 00:32:44,596
She's getting high
off her own supply.
864
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,198
It's going in her mouth.
No, no, no, no.
865
00:32:46,232 --> 00:32:47,266
It's going up her nose.
866
00:32:47,299 --> 00:32:48,334
No, no, no.
Mmm.
867
00:32:48,367 --> 00:32:50,336
It's going on her eyebrows.
868
00:32:50,369 --> 00:32:52,704
She's putting coke
on her eyebrows?
Is that a thing?
869
00:32:52,738 --> 00:32:54,440
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on.
870
00:32:54,473 --> 00:32:56,108
She's, she's saying something.
Let me...
871
00:32:56,142 --> 00:32:58,010
Give me a second,
I can lipread pretty well.
872
00:32:58,044 --> 00:33:01,247
My semester abroad,
I took a deaf lover, okay?
873
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,682
All right. Uh-- Ooh, she's about
to say something. Okay, uh...
874
00:33:03,715 --> 00:33:06,218
Put this on your eyebrows
875
00:33:06,252 --> 00:33:08,787
two times a day for a month,
876
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:12,024
and you will see a significant
change in your eyebrow growth.
877
00:33:13,392 --> 00:33:16,762
Oh.
Oh, it, it makes
your eyebrows grow.
878
00:33:16,795 --> 00:33:19,098
Well, that's brilliant.
879
00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:20,599
And disappointing.
880
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:22,368
(scoffs)
Yeah.
881
00:33:22,401 --> 00:33:23,769
I guess that means that...
882
00:33:23,802 --> 00:33:25,137
It means that Josh is dating
883
00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:26,638
a super fly entrepreneur
884
00:33:26,672 --> 00:33:28,640
who's probably
just using products
885
00:33:28,674 --> 00:33:30,409
that haven't been
outwardly cleared
886
00:33:30,442 --> 00:33:33,212
by the Federal Food,
Drug and Cosmetics Act.
887
00:33:33,245 --> 00:33:36,248
Great.
888
00:33:40,452 --> 00:33:42,154
Look, I-I said
I was sorry.
889
00:33:42,188 --> 00:33:43,489
You're not sorry.
890
00:33:43,522 --> 00:33:45,124
No. Uh, well, I-I
heard the last note,
891
00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:46,625
and it was beautiful.
892
00:33:46,658 --> 00:33:49,661
Okay, okay. I messed up
and this is all my fault.
893
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,230
You know how much
the Brovinas mean to me,
894
00:33:51,263 --> 00:33:52,431
but you don't care.
895
00:33:52,464 --> 00:33:54,100
Yes, I do care.
I just--
896
00:33:54,133 --> 00:33:55,634
I should have set
an alarm or something.
897
00:33:55,667 --> 00:33:57,136
I got, I got caught
up in something.
898
00:33:57,169 --> 00:33:58,637
Law thing.
Oh, well, yeah.
899
00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:00,372
And I-- You-you know what?
But it's wrong.
900
00:34:00,406 --> 00:34:01,640
And I know that now.
901
00:34:01,673 --> 00:34:03,242
I have been so supportive,
902
00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:04,443
and I think what you're doing
is great,
903
00:34:04,476 --> 00:34:05,677
but I feel left out.
904
00:34:05,711 --> 00:34:07,546
You're so distracted lately.
905
00:34:07,579 --> 00:34:10,416
I know, I know, but I-- Look,
I-I-I will try to do better.
906
00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:13,685
I was great out there, Paula.
907
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:16,388
I nailed that low "A".
908
00:34:16,422 --> 00:34:18,157
Hank's wife said
I sounded like Lou Rawls.
909
00:34:18,190 --> 00:34:20,626
Tanya, from shipping
bought six CDs
910
00:34:20,659 --> 00:34:22,794
for her care packages
for the troops.
911
00:34:22,828 --> 00:34:24,230
Does she not support the troops?
912
00:34:24,263 --> 00:34:25,364
Wow.
913
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:26,765
Fair. Fair.
914
00:34:26,798 --> 00:34:28,234
Horrible time
for a joke.
915
00:34:28,267 --> 00:34:29,435
Scott.
916
00:34:29,468 --> 00:34:32,238
I am so sorry.
917
00:34:32,271 --> 00:34:35,474
Okay, this is all--
this is 100% my fault.
918
00:34:35,507 --> 00:34:37,109
I don't care who's fault it is.
919
00:34:38,544 --> 00:34:42,181
I just feel bad right now.
920
00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:49,655
Well, I guess
we should go.
921
00:34:49,688 --> 00:34:51,157
Yeah.
922
00:34:51,190 --> 00:34:52,224
There's nothing more
to see here.
923
00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:53,892
No, wait.
Look at that.
924
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:56,495
Oh, Josh gave her flowers?
925
00:34:56,528 --> 00:34:59,431
Wow. That's a big bouquet
of flowers, J. Chan.
926
00:34:59,465 --> 00:35:01,600
The only time he got
me flowers was prom night.
927
00:35:01,633 --> 00:35:03,802
Blue carnations
from a gas station.
928
00:35:03,835 --> 00:35:05,337
From a bucket.
929
00:35:05,371 --> 00:35:06,805
In return, I gave
him my virginity.
930
00:35:06,838 --> 00:35:09,308
I thought this was a
rebound relationship.
931
00:35:09,341 --> 00:35:11,477
No, no, no, no, no.
It is. It is.
(sighs)
932
00:35:11,510 --> 00:35:13,345
He just needs to get the blonde
out of his system.
933
00:35:13,379 --> 00:35:15,314
Shh! What's he saying?
Deaf lover.
Oh.
934
00:35:15,347 --> 00:35:16,882
What's he saying,
what's he saying?
O-o-okay, okay, okay.
935
00:35:16,915 --> 00:35:18,284
He's saying...
936
00:35:18,317 --> 00:35:19,851
"Anna, you are so cool.
937
00:35:19,885 --> 00:35:21,753
I get so stoked when we chill."
938
00:35:21,787 --> 00:35:24,490
Oh, no big deal, he said stuff
like that to me all the time.
939
00:35:24,523 --> 00:35:26,758
He gets stoked when his
mom makes bagel bites.
Um...
940
00:35:26,792 --> 00:35:29,695
"I just had to tell
you that I've never
941
00:35:29,728 --> 00:35:32,764
felt this way
about anyone else."
942
00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,268
"Ever."
943
00:35:37,736 --> 00:35:39,305
"Never ever."
944
00:35:39,338 --> 00:35:40,339
Okay, I got it.
945
00:35:42,741 --> 00:35:46,278
"Like, ever."
946
00:35:52,218 --> 00:35:54,920
*
947
00:35:54,953 --> 00:35:57,556
I told you guys,
curiosity killed the cat.
948
00:35:57,589 --> 00:36:01,327
Mm. It didn't kill the cat,
it just
949
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,596
ripped off the cat's tail,
which has now been reattached.
950
00:36:04,630 --> 00:36:05,931
Mm.
951
00:36:05,964 --> 00:36:07,933
But I guess you were right.
952
00:36:07,966 --> 00:36:09,501
We shouldn't
have gone down the rabbit hole.
953
00:36:10,702 --> 00:36:12,404
The only thing down there is...
954
00:36:12,438 --> 00:36:14,473
regret made of rabbit poop.
955
00:36:14,506 --> 00:36:15,941
Well said.
956
00:36:15,974 --> 00:36:18,277
Well, I'm just glad you guys
are over it.
957
00:36:21,413 --> 00:36:22,648
He never loved us.
958
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:24,683
Nope, either of us.
959
00:36:24,716 --> 00:36:27,219
And he's obviously over us.
960
00:36:27,253 --> 00:36:29,555
So, if he's done,
then we should be done too.
961
00:36:29,588 --> 00:36:31,890
Mm.
It's time to move on.
962
00:36:31,923 --> 00:36:34,293
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
963
00:36:34,326 --> 00:36:36,962
Mm.
964
00:36:36,995 --> 00:36:38,364
Oh, yeah.
965
00:36:38,397 --> 00:36:39,565
That's good.
966
00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,900
Okay, let's see.
967
00:36:41,933 --> 00:36:44,370
Too tall, too hairy,
968
00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:45,704
too bald.
969
00:36:45,737 --> 00:36:47,873
Ugh, too karate.
970
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,276
That one'll do.
971
00:36:53,412 --> 00:36:54,680
Wait, y-you're ditching me?
972
00:36:54,713 --> 00:36:56,382
But we were gonna
go binge-watch something.
973
00:36:56,415 --> 00:36:57,783
I've been saving
Friday Night Lights
974
00:36:57,816 --> 00:36:59,251
for someone special.
975
00:36:59,285 --> 00:37:00,652
I'm sorry, hon,
maybe another time.
976
00:37:00,686 --> 00:37:03,555
And I really do love all
your girl bonding stuff,
977
00:37:03,589 --> 00:37:05,691
but right now,
I really need to get laid.
978
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:14,032
Are you serious?
You've got your jacket? Come on.
979
00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:16,034
What-- don't-- where you going?
Don't leave.
980
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:17,636
I'm gonna grab
a drink with Hank.
981
00:37:17,669 --> 00:37:19,871
Please, just stay
and we'll talk this out.
982
00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:22,574
Paula, I need a minute.
983
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:26,312
I need to cool off.
984
00:37:27,413 --> 00:37:29,948
(door opens and closes)
985
00:37:38,023 --> 00:37:40,592
Hey, Sunil, it's me,
what are you...
986
00:37:40,626 --> 00:37:42,794
Oh, you're busy with the kids?
987
00:37:42,828 --> 00:37:47,433
Just, well... I don't know,
put on a movie or something...
988
00:37:47,466 --> 00:37:49,301
No, it's fine.
No, never mind.
989
00:37:49,335 --> 00:37:51,537
It's-- it was nothing.
990
00:37:51,570 --> 00:37:56,074
Yeah, I'll-- I will
talk to you tomorrow.
991
00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:58,310
(80's power ballad-type
music plays)
992
00:38:24,035 --> 00:38:28,607
* We used to be there
for each other *
993
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,742
* Every second
994
00:38:30,776 --> 00:38:33,479
* With one emoji
we could read each *
995
00:38:33,512 --> 00:38:36,848
* Other's soul
996
00:38:36,882 --> 00:38:39,585
* But since we've been apart
997
00:38:39,618 --> 00:38:42,621
* There's an aching
in my heart *
998
00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:48,126
* It's an aching that
no cocktail can control *
999
00:38:48,159 --> 00:38:49,495
* And I
1000
00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:54,132
* Really wanna tell you
that I'm sorry *
1001
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,501
* And I
1002
00:38:55,534 --> 00:38:58,003
* Really wanna tell you that
1003
00:38:58,036 --> 00:39:00,639
* I am the worst
1004
00:39:00,672 --> 00:39:03,041
* And I just wanna say
1005
00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:05,944
* I miss you every day
1006
00:39:05,977 --> 00:39:08,414
* And I will
1007
00:39:08,447 --> 00:39:12,017
* But you go first
1008
00:39:12,050 --> 00:39:13,485
(spoken):
I mean,
1009
00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:16,021
* This is almost entirely
1010
00:39:16,054 --> 00:39:18,089
* All my fault here
1011
00:39:18,123 --> 00:39:20,125
* But you gotta admit
1012
00:39:20,158 --> 00:39:22,594
* It's just a tiny bit
1013
00:39:22,628 --> 00:39:24,763
* Your fault too
1014
00:39:24,796 --> 00:39:27,032
* This is so all on me
1015
00:39:27,065 --> 00:39:30,436
* But still,
you kinda have to agree *
1016
00:39:30,469 --> 00:39:33,939
BOTH:
* That sometimes
you can be really *
1017
00:39:33,972 --> 00:39:35,674
* Passive-aggressive
1018
00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:37,509
* Self-involved
1019
00:39:37,543 --> 00:39:38,944
BOTH:
* So
1020
00:39:38,977 --> 00:39:43,515
* Go ahead and say
you're kinda sorry *
1021
00:39:43,549 --> 00:39:46,818
* So I can say
"Oh, no, no, please" *
1022
00:39:46,852 --> 00:39:49,621
* Just like I rehearsed
1023
00:39:49,655 --> 00:39:53,024
* If you'll open the door
1024
00:39:53,058 --> 00:39:55,694
* I'll apologize so much more
1025
00:39:55,727 --> 00:39:57,929
* Yes I will
1026
00:40:00,031 --> 00:40:03,134
* But you go first.
1027
00:40:03,168 --> 00:40:05,170
*
1028
00:40:22,954 --> 00:40:24,923
That'll be $300.
1029
00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:26,858
I'll see you again tomorrow.
Bye!
1030
00:40:26,892 --> 00:40:28,193
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
1031
00:40:28,226 --> 00:40:29,795
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
75243
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