All language subtitles for Crazy.Ex-Girlfriend.S02E03.All.Signs.Point.to.Josh...Or.Is.It.Joshs.Friend!.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.Rus.Eng_TeamHD_track5_[eng]

* I'm just a girl in love

* La-la-la, lovey-dove *

* I can't be held responsible
for my actions *

* She's an ingenue *

* I have no underlying issues
to address *

* I'm certifiably cute
and adorably obsessed *

* They say love
makes you crazy *

* Therefore,
you can't call her crazy *

* 'Cause when you
call her crazy *

* You're just calling her
in love. *

Blam!

Previously
on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

REBECCA:
I was in New York.
I ran into Josh.

He made me feel warm inside,

like glitter was exploding
inside me.

Then I moved here.
Josh and Rebecca are

having sex and basically
living together.

What?!

I am applying to law school!

(both scream)

Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!

PAULA: My dreams might

actually come true.

I got a DUI,
spent a night in jail,

turns out I'm an alcoholic.

I've been going to meetings
and I'm trying to stay sober.

That's it. Bingo, bango, done.
Beers?

What's this?
Okay, just

a simple contract, laying out
the terms of our friendship.

It stipulates
that my services

as a friend are limited

to consultation and support
and exclude shenanigans.

Rebecca, I'm very glad

you're welcoming the opportunity

to work on yourself.

The reason I got a DUI

is because I was driving
over the next morning

to tell you that I loved you.

Oh, my God.
You and Josh...

you're happy, right?

And he treats you well?

Um... yes.

I deserve to be

with someone who treats me well.

Okay.

Is that Greg's
sweatshirt?

(sighs)

Mmm, I'm so hungry.

I can't wait
for that pizza.

Yeah, me neither.
I'm starving.

Mm.
(door opens)

Greg?

Greg, what are you doing?

Yeah, what are
you doing, Greg?

Pizza in the bedroom,
that's crazy!

I hope you
brought napkins.

Oh.

Oh, come here,
silly head.

(all laughing)

God, this is great.

I was so torn between you two.

I mean, Josh, I've loved you
since I was 16 years old,

and, Greg, I thought you
were too damaged to love me,

but now that you're in recovery,

you seem like a really
viable alternative.

It's so great now that
I don't have to choose.

Isn't it awesome?
(laughs)

Hey, before we dive
into the 'za,

how about a three-way
spoon sesh?

GREG AND JOSH:
Great idea!

Yay!

Hey, who gets to have sex
with me tonight?

You guys want
to arm-wrestle for it?

Sure!
Sure!

(laughing):
Okay.

Kiss time.

That's how it works
when you have

two significant others
at the same time.

Right?

I was on BuzzFeed and I saw
a listicle about polyamory,

and it described it as

the ethical and responsible
practice and philosophy

of loving multiple people.

And it hit me.

Josh, Greg and I could be
a polyamorous throuple,

like you guys, since, you know,
I can't choose between them.

Um...

this sort of relationship
isn't a default option

for someone who can't choose.

And it's definitely not

about arm-wrestling for sex.

You know, I thought you
were writing an article

on us for Psychology Today.

That's what it said
on the Craigslist ad.

Right, okay, so,
don't be mad at me,

but that was a straight-up lie.

But I still want to buy
your TV stand.

Wait, w-w-wait,
please, please, please,

don't go, don't go.
Listen...

I am legitimately torn.

What you're describing

is a love triangle.

That's a completely
different thing.

A love triangle.

I guess you're right.

That is what I'm in.

(sputters)

Oh, dear.

(in baby voice):
What's a girl to do?

* What's a girl to do
when she's stuck between men? *

* It's like she's a Barbie
with two perfect Kens *

* But wait,
it just occurred to me *

* Maybe I can solve this
with geometry *

* Yes, smarts can help
this "sitchywation" untangle *

* So, professors, teach me

* The math of love triangles

Yay.
Time for book facts.

* A triangle is a polygon

* With three edges
and three vertices *

* Take the base
times the height *

* Cut that in half to find
the area of the surfaces *

* Uh-uh, I wasn't really
listening but I can see *

* The center of the triangle
is lil ol' me *

* The math of love triangles

* Isn't hard to learn

* You're not taking in
what we're saying *

* We're a little bit concerned

* Yes, the math
of love triangles *

* Is as simple as can be

* Whichever Tom or Dick
I might pick *

* The center of the triangle
is lil ol' me *

* Actually, a triangle
has multiple centers *

* This triangle's scalene

* That's astute

* So I need to decide

* Which man's more acute

* Here's Pythagoras' theorem

* Will this help me choose?

* If not, I'll be swinging

* From a "hypotenoose"

* Let's take a look

* At what this line bisects

* Is that spelled B-I-S-E-X?

* Those are good puns,
but please pay attention *

* Oh, no, professors,
am I facing suspension? *

(squeals)
A swing!

It's literal suspension.

* The math of love triangles

* Isn't hard to learn

* We're starting to suspect

* You don't sincerely want
to know about triangles *

* Yes, the math
of love triangles *

* Is as simple as can be

* I need to choose between men,
but until then *

* The center of the
triangle is lil ol' me *

* Is this a triangle?

* No, that's a shoe

* Is this a triangle?

* No, that's you

* So, I'm a triangle?

* What? No

* One, two, three, six

* Eight, three, go...

You don't seem to know
how to count.

We're sincerely worried
about you.

Catch me!

You're ruining the number!

* This angle's right

* Which angle's right?

* No, not right like correct

* Ooh, are you erect?

* No, 90 degrees

* That's really erect

* The math of love
triangles is super-duper fun *

* We're tired
of all your tangents *

* That's also a triangle pun

* Oh

* Thanks for teaching me
man math *

* You all deserve a kiss

* Lady, we're all gay

* We get nothing out of this

* Neither man will notice
my learning disability *

* 'Cause the center
of the triangle *

* Is lil, old,
sexy, little baby *

* Me...

(sighs)

(song ends)

(in baby voice):
So, you see my predicament.

Cut the baby voice.

(in baby voice):
Okay.

Rebecca, your approach
to this situation is fallacious.

(high-pitched): What?!

Actually there
are two fallacies:

One, neither man is actually

offering you a relationship.

Uh, mm, is it neither
or kind of both?

And two, because
of your mental health issues,

you shouldn't be in
a serious relationship at all.

But I'm in l...
You feel torn

between two men,
but it has nothing to do

with those men.
It has to do

with your personal issues.

No. You are wrong.

I feel that it is my destiny
to be with one of these two men.

You know what,
if you're not gonna help me,

I know someone who will.

Who?

Dr. Geller?

He's a hack.
He got his degree

in a hotel conference room
in Turks and Caicos.

No, the universe, Dr. Akopian.

Look, the whole reason

I'm in West Covina
is because the universe

sent me a sign, literally.

An arrow pointed straight down

to Josh on the street
in New York.

You're gonna say
that's a coincidence?

Yes.

Ugh! I know you want me

to be so logical,

but that's how
I've lived my whole life

and I have been miserable.

So, you know what?

I'm gonna let destiny
take the wheel,

like Jesus supposedly
does sometimes.

(sighs)

And I feel
so much better.

Oh, my God, thank you.

Thank you, Dr. Akopian.

You know what?
I'm calling it.

We're done.
Take the rest of the day off.

Um, I have other patients.

You're good.

You're really good.

Is it even ethical
to keep taking her money?

I do want that kayak.

REBECCA:
Okay, universe, I'm ready.

Send me some signs.

A karate outfit.

Okay, that's a Josh sign.

(clank)

A whiskey bottle.

Hmm, could be Greg.

Signs, signs, signs.

Wait, there was
a Signs 2 and 3?

How did I miss those Signs?

Aah, this is so hard.

So many signs.

How am I supposed
to make a decision?

You have made a great
decision, Mr. Serrano.

Yeah.
And with
my client's cash,

it'll be
a seven-day close.

Hello.

Dad?

Yeah.
Uh...

who is that lady?

What is she closing?
What's going on?

Greggy...

I got great news.

One of those
house-flipping douches

knocked on the door last week,

offered me ten times

what I paid for this

piece of crap in '78.

(chuckles)

You sold the house?

Like, literally, just now,
that was a transaction?

Yup!

You sold our house

without telling me?

Yup.

You-you didn't own it, jackass.

I'm being very generous.

I'm giving you half the money...

so you can
go to school.

What?
You did what?

Isn't that great?

That is great, right?
(chuckles)

I'm already in school.

Your-Your dream school.

Emory... in Atlanta.

You're always bragging

about getting in,
so-so go already.

Now-Now you can afford to.
Dad...

I'm trying to stay sober.

That's all that matters
right now.

(laughing):
Oh...

Son, no, no. Th-This was fate.

The guy knocking on the door,

it was-- it was like a sign.

Well, it wasn't like a sign,
he had a sign.

It said, "I Pay Cash."
(chuckles)

Listen, I-I wouldn't have
sold the house before,

because I was waiting for you
to get your life together...

You were waiting for me
to get my life together?

I think I was waiting for you
to get your emphysema together.

You still have cigarettes here.

Oh, no. Don't pin this on me.

I'm fine. I got a great place,

a retirement community--
but not that retired.

It's called Barely Seniors.

Singles scene is insane.

So, while you're in Atlanta
working on your MBA,

I'm gonna be hitting on
foxy widows at a swim-up bar.

S-Swim-up bar? What?

Dad, I can't just pick up
and move across the country

out of nowhere. I'm not crazy.

And I'm not supposed to

make big changes this early
in recovery.

I'm afraid to change my socks.

I've been 28 days
in these puppies.

Well, it's your life.

And, you know,
do what you want to do,

but we don't live here anymore.

And the money is yours.

(groans)

Oh, I'm so confused.

I mean,

I've barely been sleeping
or eating,

except for this sandwich--
that was delicious.

I don't want to hurt anybody,
but...

(sighing):
I have to know,

is destiny Team Josh
or Team Greg?

'Cause I keep getting signs
for both.

It's-it's exhausting.

Oh, I just wish someone would

tell me what to do
at this point.

You know?
Not me.

Not anymore.

(phone chimes)
Oh, maybe this is something.

Oh, no, it's
just period day.

Period day?

Yay!
Mm.

Ovunation is...

the best.
Yeah,

definitely worth the $1.99.

(chuckles)
Huh, it says

we're supposed
to get our periods

today. You got anything?

You got, uh, I don't know,

puffy boobs, migraines, cramps?

An urge to dip chips
in frosting?

Oh...
Ooh...

Tonight.
Um, I don't know.
Yeah.

Let me see
what I got here.

(shivers): Yes. Oh, God,
those puppies are sore.

Our red friend must be
on its way.

Oh, thank God.
I'm so glad we cycle together.

Mmm...
It's like we're

our own little blood coven.

(both cackling)

(in witch voice):
Scatter, little boys! Scatter!

(cackling continues)

Oh, God.

Yeah, it is kind of weird that

we're running a little late,
though.

Usually it's like clockwork.

You know what?
It's probably my fault.

I have been so stressed
about applying to law school.

Oh...
I mean,

I'm finally doing what
I want to do, it just--

it feels great, but it's also,
like, really scary.

Mm.
Oh, but you remember

that scene in Working Girl
where all the women walk to work

in their sneakers...
Oh, yeah.

...and then they change

into, like, little kicky
Nine West pumps?

Yeah.
Oh...

God, I always wanted to
be that girl.

(sighs)
And all my life,

people have been
telling me I couldn't.

You know? And I am

so close.

(sighing):
I don't know.

Having to wait six months

to find out if I can
have my dream

is so hard when I've been
waiting my entire life.

Wow.

How long have you been sitting
on that speech?

24 years.
Mm. Paula,

you can do it, okay?

There's really no need
to stress.

It's all gonna happen.
Thanks, baby.

Hello, ladies, I got the
Ovunation push notification.

(chuckles)

So,

I brought in
your favorite chocolate.

Oh.
God,

I got to change my
privacy settings. Darryl,

what are you wearing?
Why are you exposing

your extremely white legs?

Oh, well, WiJo and I
went hiking together.

We found this place in town
called Heritage Bridge.

Have you ever been?
It's so pretty,

and I've lived here
for 15 years,

never even knew it was there.
But that's the beauty of WiJo--

he helps me to see the beauty
that's been

under my nose
from the very beginning.

(retching)

(laughs)
I get it. I get it.

We're so sweet together
that it's almost nauseating.

(laughing):
That's kind of funny.

It's true but it's funny.

No, Darryl, I legit just barfed.

Oh, my God,
I... got water mouth.

Honey, are you okay?

Paula...

I'm pregnant.

So, you think you're pregnant
because you hurled once?

No, I'm pregnant because
I ate that egg salad sandwich.

Yeah, honey, no one
gets the egg salad

from the vending machine.

It's all sweaty and gray.

I mean, you got to start
looking at your food

before you eat it.

No, okay, Paula,
when my mother was pregnant,

she could not eat egg salad.

I mean, just-just
the thought of egg salad,

and she would barf everywhere!

I-It's on the list of
things I ruined for her,

including her career
and her vagina.

Right, okay, and you
don't think it's because

they ship those sandwiches
in hot trucks from Colorado?

No.
No...

No. No, that's not it.

All right, look.

If you think you
could be pregnant,

then let's just-- let's just

go get a test
and then you'll know.

I don't need a test.

I know what I feel.

Paula, don't you see?

Wait,

(laughing):
Paula!

Don't you see? Don't you see

what's happening here?
(mouths)

This baby is a sign.

The universe got back to me.
Thanks, universe!

Oh, my God, it's like
everything was a test,

and ding, ding, ding,

the baby is the answer! A-plus!

Yeah, I-I-I'm just--
I'm not following you,

like, at all.

Okay, okay, okay. Paula,

I put my intention out
into the universe,

and now the universe
is telling me

exactly what I should do.
I mean,

the baby can only be Josh's,
ask Ovunation.

It's-it's his! And if
I'm having Josh's baby,

it means that Josh and I
are meant to be together.

I mean, it would crazy to think

that Greg and I were meant to

raise Josh's baby, right?

(laughing):
Oh, honey.

I am so worried about you.

Okay, so I am just gonna

pop out and get you a test,
mm-kay?

And then we'll just--
we'll go from there.

Having Josh's baby.

(exhales deeply)

Okay. I hear you.

I hear you, universe,
loud and clear.

So what do I do, Guard?

Can I call you that?
Instead of Guardrail?

It's just one extra syllable
to make it right.

Make the effort.

I hear you. Guardy.

Hmm.

Guardrail.

Listen.

My father has literally
handed me my dreams

on a silver platter...

that's not quite as expensive--

like a bronze platter.

He actually doesn't even
own a platter.

He once served cheese
and crackers to me

on a Frisbee.

Point is,

I can't do it.

Why?

'Cause it goes against

the "big changes" rule.

In the book.
In our book.
In ou book.

Those are guidelines.

There's only one
hard and fast rule:

don't drink.

Look,

there's meetings in Atlanta.
And for a sponsor,

I can set you up
with one of the best

retired winos, my friend Barry.

He didn't get a cool biker name?

He's an actuary.

Be careful about stereotyping,
okay?

Greg,

I can't tell you what to do,

but this sounds like
an opportunity

you've been waiting for.

Maybe that is more important.

Are you sure?

What should I do?

I can't tell you what to do.

But, seriously...

tell me what to do.

Literally just told you I can't.

You could write it down.
Nope.

You could send me a text.
Stop it.

What if you told those people

and they told me?
What?

(mouthing)

I'm gonna go.

Hi!

What's going on?

You sent me 17 texts
to come over.

I am so happy to see you.

Mmm. (chuckles)
(moans)

Also, it's not coming over,
it's coming home, so...

(both chuckling)

Whoa, tiger.

I just feel so close to you
right now.

Oh...
(chuckles)

Mmm.

(gasps, laughs)

Wow, I'm so glad I came over--

uh, home.
Yeah, baby.

Mmm.

Oh.
Mmm.

(both moaning)

(chuckling)

Mmm.
Oh, wait. H-Hold on.

What? What?

What-- w-what is that?

Oh, no, no,
look at those later.

That's for later.
What?

Uh...

Oh...

Prenatal...

vitamins?

I'm sorry.

I-I-- I didn't want you
to find out this way.

I was gonna to tell you
after we made love.

What, wait?

Are you telling me
that you're pregnant?

Okay...
(laughs)

So, Josh, I know this is big,
this is really big,

but we've been so unsure

about what's happening
between us.

And now destiny has intervened
right here.

I mean, think about it,
I'm on birth control,

you used a condom.

Like, this is basically
a miracle.

This baby is a sign that
we're meant to be a family.

You should sit down.

You should sit down.
Sit down, sit down. This is big.

Do you need a glass of water?

Yeah, this is hard. Listen,

I'm not saying this isn't hard.

This is gonna be the hardest
thing we will ever have to do,

but it's gonna be worth it.
You know why?

Jeronica.

What do you think of that name,
if it's a girl?

Jeronica. It's like
the "J" names in your family.

I mean Josh Jr.
if it's a boy, of course.

Or Jeremiah,
I really like Jeremiah.

Hold on, I have to pee!

(Rebecca breathing rapidly)
(footfalls ascending stairs)

(door shuts)

(toilet flushes)

(door opens)

REBECCA: Okay! So,
change of plans.

I just my period, so
I am not pregnant!

Wow, this has been quite a day.
Sorry to stress you out.

But the good news is...

now we can have some...

period sex.
(snaps fingers)

*

* Period sex

* Period sex...

* Put down a towel

* Party till it's dry

* With some period sex

* Period sex.

JOSH:
Stop it!

What just happened?

I walked in the door,
everything was fine,

but then you were pregnant,

and then my life started
flashing before my eyes,

then you weren't-- I-I...

Okay, I need some air,
some... air.

Hey, hey, Josh, wait.

No, no. Rebecca,
I need more than air.

I can't do this.

Do you mean the period sex?
It's not gross,

I'll just get a dark towel.

It's not the period sex!

Rebecca, the last three minutes

have been the most upsetting
of my life!

But I thought that you would be
happy a-about...

It's-it's not--
it's not just that.

This confirms
what I've been feeling.

I've been so unsure about us.

What just happened...
that's a sign.

What? A sign of what?

That we need
to stop doing this.

This is all wrong.

Wrong? It's not...
It was just a cas-- okay,

it was just a casual thing.
But then

I started leaving my stuff
here and...

it's just too much, Rebecca.

I got to go.

Wait... what are you doing?
Wait, wait, wait.

You're coming back, right?
This is just a fight.

This is a fight.
All couples fight.

No, it's not.

And we're not a couple, Rebecca.

What?

I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?
Sorry for what?

(sighs)

I don't want to see you anymore.

Josh...

Hey, no,

Josh!

(door closes)

(exhales)

*

Oh, hey, honey.

Listen, I got you a test.
Um, I wanted to bring it by

last night,
but I was respecting our

legally... binding
friendship contract.

I'm not pregnant.

(crying):
And Josh broke up with me.

Oh, no, honey, I'm so sorry.

So, my womb is
empty, like my life.

Oh, no, okay.

Maybe this is for the best.

No, come on,

this love triangle thing,
the bouncing back and forth.

I mean... it's exhaust--

you are exhausted.
(groans)

Why don't you
take a break, okay?

Spend a little time on yourself.

I mean, I think that

would be healthy.

Yeah, you know what?

You're right.

Oh, that whole sign thing,

that was so stupid.

I don't know why I
even came to work.

I got to get out of here.
I'm gonna go on a walk.

Well, y-you want some company?
No.

No, no, I have to be alone.

And plus our mutual periods
might attract vultures.

She got her period.

(exhales shakily)

Scott, meet me at home.

You're, uh, both leaving?

You know, you guys can't
just leave all the time.

Can I come?

Next time.

Yeah.

You've been looking at
this thing for 15 minutes.

It's not gonna pee on itself.

I don't want to know.

The longer I wait,

the longer I can pretend
this isn't happening.

And the more wine I can drink.

Paula, you're probably
not pregnant.

You're only
a couple days late

and we use protection.

Oh, God, this makes
so much sense.

(laughing):
I mean,

this is what happens
to me, right?

I mean, I finally
decide to apply to law school

and that bitch Fate just...

gets me knocked up.

God, why did we decide
to have sex again?

It was such a mistake.

If you're pregnant, we'll
figure out how to deal with it.

Everything will be fine.
(chuckles)

We don't have the money
for another kid

and law school and food

and Brendan's
parole officer payola.

(chuckles nervously)

Oh, I was gonna spread my wings.

Yup, I was gonna
spread my wings and fly.

I'm so stupid.

No, no. no.
No, no.

My dad was right.

I'm a breeder, not a leader.

That's a weird saying.
I know.

Paula, just take the test

and we'll go from there.
I can't.

I can't take the
test right now, okay?

I'm gonna go back to work,

and I will think
about this later.

(sighs)

*

Greg?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey, Rebecca, this is weird.
Yeah.

I just needed a walk.

Lot of hours to fill
when you're not drinking.

Also, I've saved so much money,

I bought these shoes.
Oh!

How'd you end up here?

I, uh, also needed a walk.

And I found out
about it from Darryl.

He and WiJo come here a lot.

God, they're a great couple.

Yeah, God, I ship them so hard.

Yeah, they're really cute.

Crazy that we both end up here

at the exact same time.

What are the chances
of that happening?

I don't know, I think
it's just a coincidence.

I used to think that
coincidences like this

were, like, signs.

Like when you were
a little girl?

No, like an hour ago.

Ah, how you've grown.

Yeah, I was so much
shorter back then.

Is that even possible?

(mocking laughter)

This place is so beautiful.

We...

we should've come here.

You know, a place like
this when we were together.

Why didn't we do that?

'Cause we hated the outdoors?

And each other
most of the time?
Right,

right, right.

The two pillars of
any great relationship.

Yeah, we were great.

(giggles)

All right, I should get
back to work, I, um...

I'm literally never there.

It's a miracle

I'm not fired.

It was nice to see you.

I've missed you.

Yeah, me, too.

This was a great, fate-less,
coincidental meeting

on a scenic bridge.

Okay.

I'm gonna...

(chuckling):
Okay, good-bye.

Wait, Rebecca.

Yeah?

So, you were right.

You told me to stop looking
for signs and I did just that.

I'm glad to hear that, Rebecca.

And it was when I stopped
looking for signs

that I got
the biggest sign of all.

Oh, Lord.

Yeah, he kissed me.

And in that moment,
I realized...

it's him, Doctor,

it's always been Greg.
Hmm.

Let me float an idea out
there, and I know you have

every reason to say no, but...

can we try this again, please?

Rebecca...

I know there's a lot of
water under the bridge.

And I'm not just talking about
the water under this bridge.

There's a drought,
why is there so much...

water under this bridge?

Okay, if we try this again,

if we take it slow,

if we act like
adults this time...

But what about...
Josh?

Josh is done.
That was nothing.

It's-it's done, I swear.

Think about how
this story has played out.

So I move to West Covina,

in love with someone else,
and he's the sarcastic,

messed up bartender
that calls me out on my stuff,

and I ignore him, but we
have undeniable chemistry.

And now Josh and I break up...

and it's about me and Greg.

If you want to start over,

I'll be here in this exact spot

tomorrow night at sunset.

And if you're here,

then we can walk
over to that adorable

mom-and-pop Italian place.

The Olive Garden?

The Olive Garden, yes.
And...

we'll just, I don't know, start
over, pretend we never met.

And... forget all the bad stuff.

Okay?

Just... just think about it.

I mean, duh!
It's the other guy!

It's the guy who was
under my nose all along,

that I underappreciated.

I mean,
him and me getting together--

it's the most obvious thing
in the world.

Do you listen to anything I say?

Ever?

Yes, I'm so glad
you agree with me.

Yup.
(relieved sigh)

I'm gonna go fall in love
at the Olive Garden.

Mm.

(door opens and closes)

The kayak, Noelle.

Remember the kayak.
(inhales deeply)

MARCO:
(grunts softly) So...

Beans said you could
just keep all this stuff

at his house?
Yeah,

he's got a dog mausoleum
with some extra space, so--

until I find a
permanent place to live.

Here, in-in West Covina?

Uh, not necessarily,
maybe El Monte or Glendora.

Dad, I told you.

I can't leave
because of my recovery.

Recovery.
Yeah.

Right.

This is why you're staying.

God, you're so dramatic.

What, are you gonna wave that
around? "I've got exhibit 'A'?"

This is not
why you're staying?

You're not staying
for this girl?

You are.

And isn't that against
the rules of your group, too?

New relationships?

They're guidelines, not rules.

And it's not a new relationship.

We're gonna take things slow,

see how things go...

Maybe we should celebrate
your staying in town

by having a drink.
Dad, stop.

You get back with Rebecca,

you might as well
hit the bottle again.

Yeah, she jerks you around.

You fall for it every time.

She was figuring
out her feelings.

Oh, God, would you
listen to yourself?

You're poison for each other.

She's bad for you,
and you're bad for her.

You have to know that.

Whole lot of parenting
late in the game, Dad.

I got to keep packing.

*

(sighs)

Congratulations!

What? What did you see?
It could be negative.

What?

Oh, God.

Darryl, what do you want?

Oh, I have great news.

So I overheard you
saying the other day

that you didn't want to wait
around to hear from law school.

You wanted to start
right away.

So I thought about it,
and I realized

that I knew someone

from the school
where you applied.

Don't make a big deal
out of it, but I know...

the dean... mm-hmm.

And we actually
know each other.

We're not just, like,
LinkedIn friends.

Okay.

Yeah, well, anyway,
so I called him

and asked him about
rolling admissions,

and I pulled
a few strings, and...

you start this semester.

This
semester!

This semester!

(party horns blowing)

(laughing)

(party horns blaring)

Nothing can stop you, Paula.

Not anymore.

(sobbing)

Oh, my God, what have--
What is that?

Are those... Those are
tears of joy, right?

(sobbing)

(chuckles)

Maya, get the present.

Maya, get with the
program, you millennial!

Sorry, I got distracted
by the crying.

Maya, no one cares.

Get the box!

Nine West heels, just
like Melanie Griffith.

(gasping, sobbing)

It's okay.
It's okay.

I'm her best friend,
I know exactly what to do.

Hey, what's the matter,
sweetie, huh?

What can I do
to make it better?

Do you want me
to fire Maya?

Huh?

I don't really
like her, anyway.

You know what?
What?

It's not that.
(laughs)

I have something
I have to do.

Um... but listen...

thank you, everybody,
for this party...

and these shoes.

And thank you, Darryl.

You have been
such a great friend.

Your best friend?

I mean, you made, you made
my dreams come true, so...

Like a best friend.
You can say it.

Just say it, please.

*

*

(sighs)

Oh.

(groans)

(frustrated grunt)

(phone chimes)

What?!

(sighs heavily)
Well...

this is fun.

It's hard, man.

You're moving-- you just
sprung this on us.

Yeah, this is huge.

This is so huge.

(car alarm chirps)

Guys, Atlanta's not that far,

and I'll still be back
for Christmas and stuff.

My dad's still here.

I can't believe this
is really happening.

No one ever leaves this place.

I just don't understand why
you have to go right now.

Like, right this second.

I'm starting a Tuesday, Thursday
6:00 a.m. boot camp in the park

and I just-- I really think
you'd benefit from it.

Guys, it's time.

I need to get to Atlanta,
get settled in,

meet Barry, all before
my classes start.

Barry sounds like
a great guy.

Guardrail and I really think
he'll be there for you.

Thanks, Chris.

REBECCA:
Come on, come on!

Oh, my God.

Why don't people use...?

Okay.

(grunts)

I gotta go, man.

My mom's waiting
outside,

and she's parked
in the red zone.

BOTH:
Caw!

Thanks for being my
weirdly older friend.

No problem, man.
Anytime.

Well, I should head to the gate.

I gotta go.

My mom's also
in the red zone.

Yeah.

WiJo, I hope to be

half the man you are someday.

(chuckles) You're gonna have
to up your protein intake

quite a bit, maybe start doing
some squats, something like...

Oh, you meant that
metaphorically.

Um, that's nice.
Thanks, man.

No problem.

What are you do...?
Oh, come on.

Come on, just go, go!

Go, go, go.

You're the first friend
I ever made in my whole life.

I feel like a part of me
is leaving town, too.

If it gets too rough,
you can come back, you know.

I-I did that.
No one will judge you.

I did.
I judged you.

(scoffs)

Kidding.

You're not coming
back, are you?

I don't think so.

But thanks.

Thanks for being
a good friend, Chan.

Are you crazy?
(sniffles)

I haven't been a good friend
to you in, like, months.

After all the Rebecca stuff,

I can't even believe
you still talk to me.

It's okay.

You sure?

Yeah.

All that's in the past now.

I'm coming, Greg.

Wait! Wait!
Wait! Wait!

Sorry.

Wait! Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

Greg, wait! Wait! Wait!

What happened?
Where are you going?

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