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1
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,600
Welcome back, Seattle.
2
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,600
Thank you for joining us
in celebrating this,
3
00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:14,200
our 2000th show.
4
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,200
- Hard to believe, isn't it, Roz?
- No, that feels just about right.
5
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:20,800
Ah, yes, well,
what a festive day this is.
6
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,500
No stop has been unpulled.
7
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,400
I would like to take this opportunity
8
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,900
to acknowledge
the anniversary luncheon spread
9
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provided by our friends
at Se�or Jos� Phong,
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home of the sweet and sour taco.
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00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,400
And don't forget, a little later,
12
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:40,000
we'll have Microsoft Chairman
Bill Gates live in studio
13
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:42,700
to congratulate me on
my 2000th show.
14
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Apparently, I hear through
the grapevine,
15
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:47,300
he is a big fan.
16
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[LAUGHS]
17
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Roz, what do we have next?
18
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,200
It's time for another blooper.
19
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:55,800
Oh, well, I believe we're up
to number four
20
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:59,300
as voted by you, the listeners.
21
00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:02,900
Here's what happened
when a certain producer
22
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,400
didn't realise her microphone
was on during the show.
23
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[LAUGHS]
24
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:10,900
ROZ [ON RADIO]:
Now what the **** is this?
25
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:13,000
You call this a ******* paycheque?
26
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,600
How the ****
am I supposed to live on this ****?
27
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,900
I'm gonna have a little word with that
***damn station manager
28
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,400
walking around here likehe owns the mother****ing place.
29
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I can't believe
that wasn't voted number one.
30
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:28,100
Oh, ha, ladies and gentlemen,
it's our station manager,
31
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:31,400
KACL's own Kenny Daly. Ha, ha.
32
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,500
Listen, doc, I got a special someone
out there who'd like to say hello.
33
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,100
By all means,
let's bring him in, Kenny.
34
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:40,900
Ladies and gentlemen,
our special guest has finally arrived.
35
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,200
Please welcome...
36
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[BARKS]
37
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[AIRHORN BLOWS]
38
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- Bulldog?
- Great to see you, doc. Hey, Roz.
39
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,400
FRASIER:
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
40
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,300
it's our old friend and former colleague,
Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe.
41
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,800
Thanks for coming
to celebrate my 2000th show.
42
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,800
Yeah, yeah, congrats.
Didn't think you'd last two weeks.
43
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,000
Listen up, sports fans, Bulldog here.
44
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I know what you're all thinking:
Bulldog's been gone too long.
45
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,300
How can you get me back on the air?
Okay, listen up.
46
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You send your cards and letters
of support to Kenny Daly, KACL...
47
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,200
Hold on, hold on, Bulldog!
Our special guest has arrived.
48
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,900
- P.O. Box 451, Seattle...
- Bulldog!
49
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,600
Would you and your noisemaker
please wait in Roz's booth?
50
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:17,800
- This is an air horn, doc.
- Yes, I was referring
51
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,500
to that flapping hole above your chin.
Now get out!
52
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,700
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's please welcome
53
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,500
Microsoft Chairman, Bill Gates.
54
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:28,200
Ha, ha. Good to see you, sir.
55
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,100
- Sorry I was late.
- Oh, that's all right.
56
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,200
- I was just talking to an old friend.
- Yes, ha, ha.
57
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,300
Well, I've... I've got
so many questions to ask you.
58
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,100
Uh, why don't we just dive right in?
59
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,900
I've been wondering,
60
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:48,600
when did you first
become a fan of my show?
61
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Excuse me.
Warren from Kirkland is on Line 2.
62
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,500
Ye... Yes, Roz. I won't be taking
any calls until after Mr. Gates has left.
63
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:59,100
- Actually, it's for Mr. Gates.
FRASIER: Well, um...
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00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:02,200
Go ahead, caller.
You're on with Mister Bill Gates.
65
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,300
WARREN [ON PHONE]:
Yeah, hi, Mr. Gates.
66
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,200
I bought your newWindows XP programme,
67
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and I'm about to instal it,but it's an upgrade.
68
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,000
- Do I need to make a boot disc?
- That's a very good question.
69
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,200
You don't need to make a boot disk.
70
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,200
You just put the CD in,
and it'll upgrade.
71
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,800
I hope that answers your question.
72
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That's a feature of XP,
very quick, very smooth.
73
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- Hey, this is fun.
FRASIER: Ah.
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Thank you for calling, Warren.
75
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:27,700
Now, where were we?
76
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Can Mr. Gates take a few more calls?
The board is lighting up. Wow.
77
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Who knew we had a Line 7?
78
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,800
Uh, Roz, I believe Mr. Gates
is probably anxious
79
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,100
- to get on with the interview.
- No, no, I'm... I'm happy to.
80
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,500
Very well.
81
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Go ahead, caller.
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WOMAN CALLER [ON PHONE]:
Wow, Bill Gates. This is so cool.
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Thank you.
84
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,300
WOMAN CALLER [ON PHONE]:
Hey, I have a question
85
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,300
about Multilingual User Interfaceadd-ons. What are those?
86
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,300
BILL:
Well, the Multilingual add-ons
87
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let you run Windows in different
languages. You can use it in German...
88
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,800
Do you believe this
egomaniacal gasbag?
89
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,500
He's taking over my show.
90
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,700
Don't you think
you're exaggerating just a bit?
91
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,600
Who do we have next, Roz?
92
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:12,500
We have Bob from Fremont.
He has a question about his laptop.
93
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,100
Go ahead, Bob.
94
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:16,200
I'm listening.
95
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:26,900
[SIGHS]
96
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,500
[CHUCKLES]
97
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:38,700
Two thousand shows, ha-ha-ha.
98
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NILES: Hurry up, Frasier,
we're gonna miss the reservation.
99
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Yeah, I'll be right there.
100
00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,900
[HUMMING]
101
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[GASPS]
102
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,900
Two thousand shows.
That's quite a milestone.
103
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,900
It is. Can anyone tell me
what happened today?
104
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I forgot to listen.
105
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:32,100
I just listened for five minutes
106
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,900
in case he asked me
what my favourite part was.
107
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,600
I just say the call from Tacoma.
108
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There's bound to be
a call from Tacoma.
109
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Excuse me.
110
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,800
Could I see all of you
in my room for just a jiff?
111
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- Come on, I'm hungry.
- I know. I am too.
112
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FRASIER:
Okay, are we all here?
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- Good.
- What's wrong?
114
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,600
Something is amiss.
115
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,200
I'll say. I always thought
that was a sweater cubby.
116
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:07,200
Well, it's not.
This is a collection of all my shows.
117
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:14,100
I was just examining my collection
when I realised that someone...
118
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,100
...had placed one of my tapes...
119
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...upside down.
120
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[MARTIN GASPS]
121
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What kind of sick, twisted...?
122
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,100
Well, turn it right-side up
and let's go eat.
123
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,900
- You probably did it yourself.
- All right, conceivably.
124
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:36,200
But I guarantee you, I would never
have removed my tape from the case
125
00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:41,700
and replaced it with
The Best of Hall and Oates.
126
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,500
All right, I won't be mad.
127
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Just tell me who did this.
128
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:51,800
Nobody did this?
129
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Tell you what. I did it.
Now, can we go eat?
130
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FRASIER:
Not so fast, Dad.
131
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,300
Okay.
132
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- Let's examine the evidence.
ALL: Oh, no.
133
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A Hall and Oates tape.
134
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,900
That rules you out, Dad.
135
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:13,700
And it definitely rules out Niles.
136
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,700
- Dr. Crane...
- Or does it?
137
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,500
Perhaps the tape
was just a red herring,
138
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meant to throw me off the scent.
139
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A psychological game.
140
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:26,500
There's only one of you
that would combat me on that level.
141
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,100
- I did it!
- Ah-ha!
142
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,300
You can't say, "ah-ha."
You thought it was me.
143
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:35,500
- Why'd you do it, Daphne?
- I didn't mean to.
144
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,200
I was trying to listen to a tape in that
boom box you gave me for Christmas,
145
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,200
only I wasn't getting any sound,
146
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,500
and I didn't know if it were the tape
or the boom box,
147
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and I didn't have any other tapes,
148
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,000
so I grabbed one of your tapes
just to test the boom box out.
149
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:51,100
And it turns out
it was the boom box after all.
150
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,600
Only then,
I couldn't get it out of the boom box,
151
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:58,400
so I used a screwdriver to pry it out,
and I broke the tape. I'm so sorry.
152
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,600
- Oh, there, there, Daphne...
- Stand down, Niles.
153
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,700
Daphne.
154
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Do you realise what you've done?
155
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,200
This isn't like any normal tape
156
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:20,100
that you can just go down to
your local music shop and purchase.
157
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,500
It's unique and irreplaceable.
158
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,000
Can't you just get the station
to make you a copy?
159
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:31,200
Unless I get the station
to make me another copy,
160
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,600
which, or course, I can.
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00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:36,300
The only transgression here
162
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,600
is that Daphne didn't come to me
with the truth.
163
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,500
Oh, I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane.
164
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,000
I will never lie to you again.
165
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:48,200
Well, then, if that's
what you learned, it was all worth it.
166
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,200
So, what are we all sitting here for?
167
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,200
I believe we have
a 2000th show to celebrate.
168
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,200
NILES: Here, here.
- So, did you all listen?
169
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,000
NILES: Oh, did we.
MARTIN: It was great.
170
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,400
DAPHNE: I especially liked
that call from Tacoma.
171
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,700
Oh, which one?
172
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:04,900
You know, in nine years,
173
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,200
this is the first time
I've been down to the archives.
174
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:10,100
- Oh, my God. I remember this place.
- Really?
175
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,600
I came down here once
after a Christmas party.
176
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Whatever for?
177
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,200
Well, I had
a little too much champagne,
178
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:22,300
and you know how you get
a little lonely around the holiday?
179
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,700
Brings back memories, huh, Roz?
180
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,300
- Bulldog!
- That was some Christmas, huh?
181
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,700
When Santa left
a bit of Bulldog in your stockings.
182
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,300
[LAUGHS]
183
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,100
You're disgusting.
184
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,100
What, I went too far? I'm sorry.
Why don't, uh, you come back here?
185
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:38,000
I'll slip you an apology.
186
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,800
Bulldog's still got it!
187
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,900
Bulldog, what the hell
are you doing here?
188
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,100
Oh, this is, uh, this is my new job.
189
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,200
I, uh, catalogue the archive.
190
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,800
You know, I clean up a bit,
191
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,500
but, uh, I figure
I'll be back on the air in no time,
192
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,800
as long as I attack this job
with my trademark "can-do" attitude.
193
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:59,300
Great. Well, then, we're looking for
a copy of my show, episode 893.
194
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,400
- No can do.
- What?
195
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,800
What, I only been here an hour.
I don't even know where the john is.
196
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,700
Where...?
197
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,700
Where's my PowerBar?
198
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,300
I had a PowerBar here.
199
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:14,000
Someone stole my PowerBar!
This stinks!
200
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,900
This is total B. S!
This is... Oh, here it is.
201
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,900
Frasier, here's a box marked
"Best of Crane."
202
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,500
Oh, uh, thanks, Roz.
Let's have a look. Ah, good.
203
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:26,900
What...?
204
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,400
There's just a few tapes in here.
205
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,800
- All right, keep looking.
- Oh, hey, doc.
206
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,500
Kenny, just the man
I was looking for.
207
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,500
Listen, where are all the tapes
of my shows kept?
208
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,300
You got them, right there.
209
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,300
- Well, where are the rest of them?
- Yes.
210
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,900
There are no rest.
We record over them.
211
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,200
I mean, look around, doc,
we got a space problem here.
212
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,800
Hey, Kenny, where do you want me
to put these snow tyres?
213
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,400
Oh, put them
right next to my kids' bikes.
214
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:03,800
FRASIER:
Good afternoon, Seattle.
215
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:09,000
Before we go to the phones,
I have a boon to ask of you.
216
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,400
If any of you happens to have
in your possession
217
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,700
a tape of my broadcast
218
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:19,900
from June 14, 1996,
219
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,100
I am in need of a copy.
220
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,400
You see, I understand that
from time to time
221
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,100
people who call in to my show
record it,
222
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,500
perhaps in order to...
To review my advice,
223
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,200
or even just play it for some friends.
224
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,100
Now, I realise that
this is a bit of a long shot,
225
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:41,300
but it is the only missing tape
of my collection,
226
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:45,600
and therefore, of course,
has great sentimental value.
227
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,600
Thanks for your consideration.
Now, Roz, who's our first caller?
228
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,900
We have Joe from Vashon Island
on Line 1.
229
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,800
Go ahead, Joe, I'm listening.
230
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:56,700
JOE [ON PHONE]:
About that missing tape.
231
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,200
- Yes, yes?
JOE [ON PHONE]: Yeah,
232
00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,600
I know what you're going through.
233
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:02,700
A couple years ago, I was ina taxicab and lost a gold cufflink.
234
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,400
Yes, and this relates
to my missing tape how?
235
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:08,300
JOE [ON PHONE]:
Well, it's missing, and I'm bummed.
236
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,900
It has the initials J.S. On it.
237
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,500
If anyone finds it,I'd love to have it back.
238
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,100
Yes, um, I'm sure you would,
but unless it's about my missing tape,
239
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,000
well, then I would prefer
to stick to calls
240
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:23,500
about mental and emotional issues,
as usual.
241
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:26,200
Thank you for your call.
242
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,900
Who's our next caller, Roz?
243
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,600
We have Phyllis from Green Lake.
244
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,000
Phyllis, go ahead, I'm listening.
245
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,400
PHYLLIS [ON PHONE]:
My cat ran away last Wednesday.
246
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,900
She's orange with a white chest andone white paw. Her name is...
247
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,300
Wait, wait, Phyllis...
248
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:40,700
PHYLLIS [ON PHONE]:
So if anyone...
249
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,600
All right, hold on, hold on a minute.
250
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,700
All right, now listen to me, people,
251
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:49,000
I don't want to turn this show into
the lost and found bin of the airwaves.
252
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,000
Phyllis, I'm gonna let you
finish your description,
253
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,500
and then we're going back
to our regular show. All right?
254
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,600
PHYLLIS [ON PHONE]:
Okay. She has green eyes,
255
00:12:56,900 --> 00:13:00,000
a rhinestone collar,and when she's happy...
256
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,400
Let's recap.
257
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,100
Uh, in the last three hours,
258
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,100
we have located
a missing engagement ring,
259
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,700
one lost cufflink,
260
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,700
two missing cats,
261
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:18,600
and we've actually reunited Eric from
Belltown with his biological parents.
262
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:25,500
Still, sadly,
no sign of my missing tape.
263
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,200
To that end, listeners,
264
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:32,300
please scour your attics, basements,
hope chests, whatever.
265
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,200
Meantime, this is Dr. Frasier Crane,
266
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,900
wishing you good day
and good mental health.
267
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:41,400
And don't forget
to look behind things.
268
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,000
- I'm sorry, Frasier.
- Oh...
269
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,100
That's all right, Roz.
I mean, it'll turn up.
270
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,400
I mean, it's only the first day.
Word will get around.
271
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,100
I'm... I'm sure somebody
has that tape.
272
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,700
I just don't want you
to get your hopes up too high.
273
00:13:56,900 --> 00:14:00,400
Chances are
that tape is gone for good.
274
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:03,100
Well, if that's the case, then so be it.
275
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,300
Life will go on, ha, ha.
276
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,600
DAPHNE:
Hello, Dr. Crane.
277
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,900
How was your nap?
278
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,400
It was lovely.
279
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:41,300
Daphne, could you make me
a cup of tea, please,
280
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:45,500
and whatever meal would be
appropriate to this time of day?
281
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,900
Dr. Crane,
you've been in bed all weekend.
282
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,800
How about going for a nice walk?
283
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,000
No, thanks.
284
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,800
Well, how about
going to a movie then?
285
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,700
Take your mind off your troubles.
286
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,200
My car's in the shop.
287
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,800
You could take public transportation.
288
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,300
[LAUGHS]
289
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:09,700
[DOORBELL RINGS]
290
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:14,300
Oh, I wonder who this could be.
291
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,000
Oh, look, it's your brother Niles,
here for a visit.
292
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:26,300
Hello, Frasier, how are we today?
293
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,400
What the hell is wrong
with the two of you?
294
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,700
You'd think I'd been found
walking through the park
295
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,800
in my underwear, talking to pigeons.
296
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,400
- Would we like a walk in the park?
- Oh, good God.
297
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,600
All right, all right.
Frasier, Frasier, wait.
298
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:42,800
Hey, looking good, buddy.
299
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:47,400
- Not any better, huh?
- No, and I feel just awful.
300
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:49,400
- This is all my fault.
- Oh, come on.
301
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,700
I'm the one who ruined
his treasured collection.
302
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:55,200
Oh, all his crap is treasured.
303
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:59,500
But look, don't feel bad.
I've broken lots of his stuff.
304
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:02,000
I've never heard of you
breaking anything.
305
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:05,100
Well, that's because I know
how to cover my tracks.
306
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:08,800
Take a look at that fertility god statue
over there.
307
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:13,000
It used to be a lot more fertile,
if you know what I mean.
308
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:20,300
Oh, my God! This is a Tootsie Roll!
309
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,400
- That's brilliant!
- Oh, that's nothing.
310
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,700
Here, check out this vase.
311
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,800
Two years ago Eddie and I
were horsing around.
312
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:32,600
I knocked it over. It took me hours
to glue it back together again.
313
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,600
Why, you can't even tell.
314
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,000
I had no idea you were so devious.
315
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,500
Ha. Come on, I'll show you
how to make ginger ale
316
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:42,500
look like 50-year-old brandy.
317
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,700
Listen, Niles, I appreciate
your concern, I really do, but, frankly,
318
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,500
I am in no mood to endure therapy
with my younger brother,
319
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,400
- no matter how well-intentioned.
- I'm not trying to butt in,
320
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:56,700
I'm just curious as to
why this tape matters so much to you.
321
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,400
Do you ever listen to these?
322
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,300
Once.
323
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:04,100
When I had a date over.
324
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:08,500
It proved a useful mood-setter.
325
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,700
Okay.
326
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,500
Well, tell me this, then.
327
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,100
Do you ever intend to listen
to any of the others?
328
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:18,900
I don't know.
329
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,200
So why is it so important to you
to have each and every one of them?
330
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,600
Because it's a collection, Niles.
That's what a collection is.
331
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,000
Is it possible that a harmless collection
has become an unhealthy obsession?
332
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,800
- It's... It's just a hobby, all right?
- Or an obsession.
333
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,100
- Yeah, an eccentricity.
- Or an obsession.
334
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,300
It, you know, it's a quirk.
335
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,500
That's it. I'm quirky.
I'm delightfully quirky.
336
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:48,200
Do you realise that your delightful quirk
has brought your life to a standstill?
337
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:53,800
Niles, I've just finished
my 2000th show.
338
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:58,900
I'm exhausted,
physically and emotionally.
339
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:04,700
I believe that I am entitled to
an entire weekend of doing nothing,
340
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,900
don't you?
341
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,600
You know,
you have your pyjamas on backwards.
342
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,400
Another delightful quirk of mine.
343
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,900
Not from where I'm sitting.
344
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:21,300
Hey, Fras, the station called.
Some guy has your tape.
345
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:26,200
Oh, uh, well, thanks, Dad.
346
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:31,500
Yes, well, uh, I'll tend to this
by and by.
347
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,300
- All right, I'll get the car.
- I'll put on pants.
348
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,700
Zipper goes in front!
349
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,300
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
350
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,600
- Hello.
- Hello, yes, Dr. Crane.
351
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,800
Please come in.
Make yourself at home.
352
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,200
You must be Tom.
353
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,400
And you must be
the greatest radio talk show host ever.
354
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,700
Oh, ha, ha. You can call me Frasier.
355
00:18:58,100 --> 00:18:59,700
- I think I'll wait outside.
- Oh.
356
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,100
I didn't know
you were bringing someone.
357
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,700
Oh, Tom, uh,
this is my brother, Niles.
358
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,000
- Oh.
- Hello, Tom.
359
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:10,300
Hi. Yes. Yeah, didn't you, uh, fill in
on Frasier's show a couple of times?
360
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,000
Oh, yes, actually I did.
361
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,300
Yeah, yeah, you were...
You were all right.
362
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:19,100
- Oh, well, you flatter me.
- Huh. So, what's it like?
363
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,300
- Excuse me?
- Being Frasier Crane's brother.
364
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:24,400
Being able to talk to him
any time you want,
365
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,200
having access to that
great mind 24 hours a day?
366
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:32,300
- You know, I think I left my lights on.
- No, no, no, please don't leave yet.
367
00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:33,800
Please. If you don't mind,
368
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,400
I was hoping that you would
take a picture of Frasier and I.
369
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,400
Well, uh, of course he doesn't mind.
370
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:42,800
Uh, actually, I even brought along
an 8-by-10 photo, ha, ha.
371
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,100
Personalized, of course.
There we are.
372
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,300
Oh, my, that's...
373
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,600
- That's really... I don't know...
- Well, I thought you might like that.
374
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,800
Yes, I'll... I'll...
I'll have to do some rearranging,
375
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:58,800
but... But don't worry,
I'll find some room for it somewhere.
376
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:06,200
I, uh, thought that was a window.
377
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,200
Yes, well, it was.
378
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,400
Okay, I'm gonna go get the camera.
379
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,900
Frasier,
this man is deeply disturbed.
380
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,600
Why? Because he has
a few pictures of me on his wall?
381
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:20,800
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
382
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:22,600
The man is obviously
obsessed with you.
383
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,900
Oh, what is it with you?
I'm obsessed, he's obsessed.
384
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,400
I think you're the one who's obsessed
with being obsessed.
385
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,500
Okay, I apologise.
He's delightfully quirky.
386
00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:36,000
FRASIER [ON PHONE]:
Go ahead, caller, I'm listening.
387
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:37,800
WOMAN [ON PHONE]:
This is your mother.
388
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,100
Call me, and changethat stupid message already.
389
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,600
Oh, Mom, get a life why don't you.
390
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,300
Okay, here we go.
391
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,300
Now, I want to record
this historic moment,
392
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,100
because I don't want
to wake up tomorrow
393
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,200
and find out
that this was all part of a dream.
394
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,000
- All right.
- Because I've had this dream before.
395
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:54,800
Many times.
396
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:56,800
Sometimes we're in London,
397
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,600
sometimes we're in Paris,
398
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,800
sometimes we're riding mules
down the Grand Canyon.
399
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,500
Oh, my God!
400
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,500
This is gonna be
the jewel of my collection.
401
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,200
I'm gonna get a special frame for it,
402
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,900
and I'm gonna look at it
while I'm listening to the show, and l...
403
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,500
Oh, wait a minute. Oh, listen,
uh, uh, Frasier's brother,
404
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,600
um, your thumb
was in front of the lens.
405
00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:19,200
If you don't mind, just one more.
406
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:21,300
And you know what?
Bring that chair closer.
407
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,400
Come over here for a second.
Just sit here. Just like that.
408
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,400
This is gonna be great.
Okay, sit here,
409
00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:29,700
and this time why don't you act
like you're giving me advice?
410
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:32,800
Right. All right, uh,
Tom, well, you know,
411
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:37,100
I was just wondering, um,
have you ever called into the show?
412
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:40,200
Me? Why would I call the show?
413
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,400
Oh! Did your head just touch that?
414
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:47,400
- Yes. I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
415
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,400
Oh.
416
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,600
So, uh, Tom,
417
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:58,400
I take it you've been listening
to the show for some time.
418
00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:00,300
Oh, are you kidding?
419
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,100
From day one.
420
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,900
I got so hooked
that eventually I started taping them
421
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:06,900
so that I didn't miss anything.
422
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:08,800
I even was skipping out
of work early
423
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,800
so I could make sure
to be home in time.
424
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:12,400
So, in a way, Tom,
425
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,200
you could say that your obsession
with your collection
426
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,900
was bringing your life to a standstill.
427
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:20,700
Yes. Yes, exactly.
428
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,400
Until I realised
how ridiculous I was being.
429
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,400
I mean, missing work
to... To tape the show.
430
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,500
Oh, good for you, Tom.
431
00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:32,700
So you could say that, uh, it is possible
to have a passion for collecting
432
00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:35,000
without losing sight of your priorities.
433
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,500
Yes, exactly. And...
And that's why I quit my job.
434
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:41,700
Oh, this turned out really nice.
435
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,400
And, you know,
eventually the money ran out,
436
00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:47,000
so I got a gig as a night doorman.
437
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,000
And that way I could, uh...
438
00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:51,000
Oh. I could, you know, uh,
listen to the show
439
00:22:51,300 --> 00:22:53,500
a second time on my Walkman,
440
00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:56,200
and then I could do
my transcriptions at work.
441
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:02,600
- You transcribe the show?
- Well, you gotta have a backup.
442
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,500
Uh, listen, Tom, you know,
I must confess,
443
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,300
I'm a... I'm a bit concerned. Um.
444
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:13,700
I'm delighted to have you as a fan.
I really am,
445
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,900
but the whole purpose of my show
is to help people
446
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,700
live better lives,
447
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,200
and I'm afraid that I've hurt yours.
448
00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:25,100
I just...
449
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:29,000
There should be more to...
To life than...
450
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,400
There should be more.
451
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,700
Yes, but as you always say,
452
00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:38,000
life is most fulfilling when
spent in the pursuit of one's passions.
453
00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:40,300
Yes, but as I've also said,
454
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:46,200
weave the tapestry of your life
with many diverse threads.
455
00:23:46,500 --> 00:23:48,500
Ah, yes, but you added,
456
00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:53,700
make sure to weave the pattern
that pleases you most.
457
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,900
Weave the tapestry
with diverse threads?
458
00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:03,500
Yes. Frasier said all of these things,
and many others.
459
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,000
He is a genius.
460
00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:08,700
Would you like some guacamole?
461
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:11,800
- Uh, yeah, sure. Uh.
- Thank you.
462
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,100
Thanks, Tom. Listen, I'm...
I'm just, uh, thinking. Um.
463
00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:18,200
I don't really want
to talk you into anything.
464
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:21,700
It seems I've done enough
of that already. I, uh...
465
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,200
Thank you.
466
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:28,900
Tom, what I'm getting at here is,
467
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,400
I think there could be
more to your life
468
00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:37,600
than just my tapes and pictures.
469
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:42,000
Now, if you'd be interested in
exploring those issues further,
470
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,400
I can recommend someone
who would be glad to talk with you.
471
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:50,100
[MOUTHING] Not me. Not me.
- Why? I have you.
472
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,000
Thank you.
473
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,200
Well, you know, l...
I think it's time we got going.
474
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:01,900
Oh, no, so soon?
475
00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:03,600
Oh, well, I suppose
someone like you
476
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:05,400
probably has a lot of things
they gotta do.
477
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:07,300
- Right.
- I'm glad you could come at all.
478
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,400
Please, you know,
stop by any time you want.
479
00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:13,000
Thank you, Tom,
and it was a pleasure.
480
00:25:13,300 --> 00:25:15,800
Oh, don't forget your tape.
481
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,100
You know, Tom,
482
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:21,700
I'd like you to keep that.
483
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,000
But this is the reason you came.
484
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,900
If I ever need it,
485
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,600
I'll know where to find it.
486
00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:35,900
Um...
487
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,100
You know those shows
where I sat in for Frasier?
488
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,900
You wouldn't happen to
have those tapes, would you?
489
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,000
Sorry, l... I don't collect just anything.
490
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,000
Hey, there he is.
Did you get your tape back?
491
00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:58,700
Actually, no, I didn't.
492
00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:00,500
What happened?
493
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,800
Daphne...
494
00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:06,100
...tonight I saw an example
495
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:10,400
of how an obsession
can take over a man's life.
496
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,200
I don't want to be that man.
497
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:20,100
Therefore, I chose to leave it
and render my collection imperfect.
498
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,600
But that's all right. You see,
499
00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:25,900
I don't need things to be perfect.
500
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,100
Hello.
501
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:35,700
Something's amiss.
502
00:26:36,900 --> 00:26:37,900
[GASPS]
503
00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:40,900
My double-handled amphora!
504
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,600
All right, no one leaves!
40192
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