Original subtitles

[yelling]

all: SPB! - St. Pete!

all: SPB! St. Pete!

Oh, that [bleep] is nice!

- How are your relationships going, guys?

- Oh, mine is so good.

Ryan's in the military.

He's deploying to the desert.

- This is our closet, and that's your bed,

and this is my bed.

- Dang, Aimee, you just dropped me

to go room with Nilsa.

- I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm hot.

- How long you think he gonna be faithful?

- What do you consider faithful?

- No matter how good I try to be,

something always has to happen to [bleep] it up.

- Listen, I can't really talk to you right now.

I'm, like, really upset.

- [sighs] Jesus Christ.

I think I need some alcohol or something.

["Sweet Home Floribama" plays]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Sweet home Floribama ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Where the skies are so blue ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪ - ♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪

- ♪ We be fly for nothing, we be fly for nothing ♪

♪ Everywhere we go ♪

♪ Jordan flip-flops ♪

♪ Fresh fade stuntin' ♪

♪ O.G.E... ♪

- Y'all, we ready? Let's go.

- Does anybody know where we're going?

- Uh, I know to take a Louie. That's about it.

- "Take a Louie"? - Left.

Football term my high school used to use.

- Kirk, you're probably trash at football.

- You don't know [bleep], bitch.

- [laughs]

- There's a liquor store too? - Yeah, mother[bleep].

- We're gonna need some more Natty's.

- Codi, did your card decline? - No, it didn't.

- What is...

[pleasant music]

[laughter] - What is it?

- Well, that's what you got.

- How much is this?

- $2.99. - I'll take one.

- Bottle of semen. You know, Gus is at the house.

- Been there, done that.

- Oh...

- We'll be back. Thank you.

[hip-hop music]

- ♪ I'm down to do whatever you like ♪

♪ Now, listen, here we go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪

- Okay, I'm getting in the pool soon.

- ♪ Hop in the car and roll with me ♪

♪ I wanna take you out on the town ♪

♪ ♪

- Yes, I mean, she's just got, like, separation anxiety.

- My dog got the same thing.

[slow instrumental music]

My Shih Tzu, she's just the same way.

[dog whimpering]

- Yeah.

[hip-hop music]

- Me, grill master.

- Those burgers smell good.

This is our first family dinner in the house.

Jeremiah is cooking on the grill.

- Hey, roll them hot dogs over too.

- Will you shut up? - [laughs]

- Jeremiah has to be a good cook.

The man eats so much. I mean, look how damn big he is.

- No!

♪ ♪

Food's ready, guys!

- Thanks, Jeremiah. - No worries.

♪ ♪

- Can somebody get me a hot dog bun?

- Can you stop bitching already?

- This is our first family dinner together.

This is great.

- Jeremiah, would you like to bless the food?

- Kortni can. She does good prayers.

- Kortni, let's go.

- I would like to thank you, Lord God, for this food

that was prepared for us today.

Um, I would like to maybe

make us a little less angry at each other.

Um, and good God, good food, or--

how--how does Candace say--

all: Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat.

- Amen. - Amen.

- I always forget the "good meat, good"--

I can't--I--

till this day, I still can't say it.

- So we need to figure out the room situation.

We need to talk about it.

- Thought we already figured that out.

- Hell no.

First night in the house, we're all drunk as [bleep],

and it was like, wherever you sleep is wherever you sleep.

We need to figure it out.

- How about we just put all our names in a hat

and [bleep] just draw it out?

- I'm about to be a spoiled-ass brat.

My stuff's already unpacked. Aimee's stuff's already packed.

- Last time, you guys got to share a bedroom to yourselves.

- Listen, here's the deal,

somebody's going to have to move their [bleep].

Y'all wanna come in there and be like, "Oh, this is our room.

Nope, me and Aimee, we got this, we got all this."

- Now we gotta figure it out, and now we gotta deal with it.

- I don't care.

I don't know where everyone else is sleeping.

I am in the bed that I wanna be in,

and I ain't going nowhere.

I'm not moving my stuff.

- You're just not being understanding at all.

- Here's the thing, Codi, everybody,

I hate to bring this back up,

but, because of the hurricane hitting,

I appreciate when I have somewhere, my own space.

- Nilsa trying to bring up the hurricane

that happened in Panama City

for an excuse to have the room she wants

is kind of a low blow to anyone.

It shows who's been spoon-fed

and given everything in their [bleep] life.

[bleep] that. Joke's up. [bleep] that bull[bleep].

- Why are you being angry?

[tense music]

- Yeah, we all have-- - Kirk...Kirk...

- No, we all have to. No, it's bull[bleep].

Y'all act like, "Oh, I'm not unpacking my [bleep].

I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this..."

- I can't be in this environment,

'cause I just graduated anger management.

I can't be in this environment.

- How can we help, and how can we fix it?

- The problem is the girls gotta get what the [bleep] they want.

- I didn't get what the [bleep] I want!

Aimee and Nilsa got what the [bleep] they want!

They got what the [bleep] they want.

When it comes to the room situation,

Aimee just dropped me to go room with Nilsa

after we had an agreement for a whole year.

It does make me feel left out,

and I'm not going to be quiet about it.

Y'all some spoiled-ass bitches in this mother[bleep].

- This is so goddamn dumb!

Whoo!

I am not all up in this drama.

- Let's breathe together.

- I will take my [bleep] out the closet right now!

- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten--[hissing]

I'm just trying to woosah, calmese...

- So what's the-- [hissing]--part?

- Hakuna matata.

At anger management, they taught me, when I get mad,

to start counting, and then after that, I go like--

[hissing]-- like a pregnant lady, you know?

It helps.

Ow, you're doing it too hard. See, I'm tense.

- Y'all wanna be bitches about this [bleep],

I will take my [bleep] out of my mother[bleep] closet right now.

- It's not you, though.

- Oh, God, I can hear them screaming from out here.

- Oh, my gosh, wow.

It don't matter, I will move my [bleep]

to another [bleep] closet.

[items clatter] - Dude...

- If we didn't have bad days,

we wouldn't have good ones.

- Are y'all happy?

I moved my [bleep] out my [bleep] closet.

I don't have my own [bleep] closet no more,

so go [bleep] all of y'all hoes!

- Candace, now you're acting like a [bleep] crazy-ass bitch!

I'm sitting here, being calm. I haven't raised my voice once.

Candace is screaming at me, throwing things at me.

Like, are you crazy?

Throw a drink at me again! - Bitch, and I will...

- Throw a drink at me again... - Yes, I will. Yes, I will.

- Because you're being crazy. - You don't understand.

You don't understand where the [bleep] I come from.

- Our neighbors are gonna [bleep] hate us.

- You're arguing over a [bleep] room.

Really, though?

- I'm not arguing. Am I arguing?

- Really, though? You're gonna argue over a room?

- There's no common ground with Candace.

It's either zero or 100.

And right now, she's 100, so we gotta go outside.

- I'm sick of these spoiled-ass bitches.

- I'm not dealing with all this.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten--[hissing]

- I'm done with the females. [bleep] them hoes.

- Hey, no, hey, hey, they didn't do [bleep].

- I'm going down there. - Hey, they didn't do [bleep].

- I'm not [bleep] with none of these hoes.

- Yeah, I didn't do [bleep].

I came out here to [bleep] stay away from that [bleep].

Don't call me no [bleep] ho, Candace,

'cause I ain't no [bleep] ho. - I'm done with all of y'all.

- I don't give a [bleep], don't call me no ho,

'cause I ain't no [bleep] ho.

- Don't [bleep] with me for the whole summer...

- I won't, 'cause I ain't no goddamn ho, Candace!

Don't call me no [bleep] ho! I didn't do [bleep] to you!

- And I am a ho!

[laughter]

- Welcome to the beach house, mother[bleep].

We've been here only, like, one day,

and I think it's safe to say

that the whole house needs anger management.

- I don't give a [bleep].

I don't care.

- Dude, I'm about to [bleep] hit her

to shut her the [bleep] up.

She needs, like, a volume down or an off switch.

We're hoes.

- I'm gonna go try to talk to Candace.

If she punches me, help.

You know, we got Candace out here turning up on Nilsa.

Then she goes outside, turns up on Aimee.

I'm like, "This girl is crazy."

- What you say? - Hey, stop.

- About what? - What you say?

- About what?

- I will throw bricks at these hoes.

Don't play with me. - I know you would.

- You wanna [bleep] that? You wanna be with that?

Go for it.

- Man, there are times that Candace is really going at it,

and I'm like, "Do I wanna be dealing with this forever?"

- I don't give a [bleep] about none of this [bleep].

- "I don't think so." [chuckles]

- I don't listen to nobody. I don't give no [bleep].

- That's your problem. - Okay!

- That's your problem. - That'd be a problem?

- It'll be a problem the whole summer.

- It's going to be a problem the whole mother[bleep] summer,

from the first day to the last.

- Well, guys, did you enjoy those burgers?

[hip-hop music]

- Princess, goddess, mermaid... - Aww.

- What's funnier than to have an anger management party

with anger in it?

[yelling]

[dramatic hip-hop music]

- Um, I just need an ambulance.

[siren wailing]

- Damn, dude, what the hell?

[slow hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- Y'all, I feel like I'm about to have an anxiety [bleep].

- We weren't even coming at her.

- She's angry. She's miserable.

I was angry and miserable as [bleep],

and I acted like that too last year.

- The thing is, don't take it out on us.

- I'm just kind of upset about everything.

Like, Aimee and I were supposed to room together,

and now Nilsa a priority.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm always the second option.

Like, I just think it all built up,

and I released it.

- So are we going to figure out the room situation or not?

[laughter] - I say we do that tomorrow.

- After all that, I'm keeping my room, dude.

We need to just get out of this house,

unwind, and just have some space from one another.

Let's just go to the bar and have a good time.

You going to play around! You going to play around!

- [laughs]

- Don't--stop [bleep] my [bleep] out now, Gus.

Stop now.

[lively techno music]

- All right. - Nice dress, dog.

You look like Saturn with all them rings, mother[bleep].

[soft solemn music]

♪ ♪

- I decided to go check on Candace,

just because I know what it feels like

to be isolated in this house.

And even if I don't necessarily think Candace is in the right,

I don't want her to feel like she's alone.

- I ain't going to be mad.

I'ma go out, I'ma still have a good time.

You see I'm getting ready? I'ma go out to the club.

I'm not going to let none of this [bleep] affect me.

And if I gotta be by myself-- if I gotta be by myself,

I'll be by my goddamn self.

- I don't want you to feel like that it's like,

it has to be that way.

- I don't want it to be that way.

- Me and you, like, we had our, you know, things in the past...

- I know, and it's crazy,

'cause of all the people to come and check on me,

I honestly didn't expect it to be you, and that's crazy.

After me and Gus got off on the wrong foot last summer,

I'm actually really surprised that Gus is comforting me.

Like, that's really sweet of Gus.

Thank you for coming to check on me.

I really appreciate it. - Yeah, I got you.

- Thot mobiles are here!

Let's go.

- Hey, let's [bleep] get it.

[lively techno music]

- I'm riding with y'all.

- That's what I was about to say, you're riding with us?

- Some people are acting really nasty tonight,

so it's only fitting that we go to MacNasty's

and make some people feel like they're at home.

- [indistinct] [chuckles]

[upbeat percussive music]

♪ ♪

- This looks like a dollar drive beer type of place.

- Oh, Lord. - Jesus, take the wheel.

- Oh, Lord. - Oh, [bleep].

- We walk into MacNasty's. It's dollar drive people.

We know how it is with dollar drive people.

[yelling, screaming]

- [bleep]! - [bleep]! [bleep]! [bleep]!

[hardcore rock music]

- No! - Yeah!

[lively techno music]

- That a boy.

♪ ♪

- Hey!

- This will make you wake up...

next to your roommate.

Cheers.

♪ ♪

[screams]

- I have to pee too, Kortni.

- I won't even piss in there.

- Now I see why they call this place MacNasty's.

- It smells like [bleep].

MacNasty's definitely lives up to its name,

and so I had to go outside to pee...

Block me, bitch. No, this way.

[hip-hop music]

- [barking]

- And I accidentally peed on my dress.

[laughter]

- I gotta dry these. - Oh, God.

That thing could be wringed out.

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- I definitely earned this drink,

because, you know, my first night wasn't all that great.

Is anybody sitting here?

When I drink, I get real strong,

and, you know, so I start picking up people at the bar.

How tall are you?

♪ ♪

Why you down here?

- How Candace going to talk to the guy

up at the bar in front of me?

- Ah, hell no. - What you do for work?

- Right in front of me.

She entertaining this mother[bleep] in front of me.

- [laughs]

- She entertaining him.

Right in front of me, she entertaining him.

I don't want Candace entertaining this guy.

That's the problem.

She should be over there, entertaining me.

♪ ♪

- Who? - That guy beside you.

- Evan, and we just sitting here talking.

He ain't even tried to holler at me.

He hasn't. - Is you entertaining him?

- I'm sitting here, drinking my Michelob Ultra.

He ain't even tried to holler at me.

Codi, how dare you come up to me

and interrupt my conversation,

talking about how I'm "entertaining" dudes at the bar,

when you was clearly twerking on a chick at the club.

That don't even make sense.

Listen, don't worry about it.

Like, ha, I'm single.

Put your number on the napkin.

- I'll beat his [bleep] ass.

My whole night is ruined right now.

Matter of fact, it ain't ruined, it's "rurnt."

♪ ♪

- No, no, no. - I gotta go.

♪ ♪

- You guys ready to roll?

- All this fighting in the house has got me worried

that we're gonna waste our summers together

fighting over petty bull[bleep].

I don't need that. I've already got tons of other problems.

- Codi, you might wanna get in that one.

- No, I don't give a [bleep]. I don't care.

- You sure you don't wanna get in that one?

- I don't care. I don't give a [bleep].

- All right. Get in the back.

- Uh, yeah, get in the back,

'cause we got [bleep] to talk about, [bleep].

- Candace, don't start with me. - I didn't start it.

♪ ♪

- I'd [bleep] anything for $3 million.

- [chuckles] A horse?

- Bro, I'd probably do a goat, but not a horse, okay?

[all singing "Pomp and Circumstance"]

- This is the first graduation that I've had, ever.

Oh! [bleep]!

- You had a whole ass in your hand.

You are the epitome of entertaining a bitch.

- I'm sorry, I'm Codi, and I can get what I want.

- Oh, "I'm sorry." - [laughs]

- It's not my problem, not my problem.

- That's the worst thing you could've said right there.

- I've got great guy-lights,

and I have a nice-ass [bleep] beard.

I look [bleep] great. I'm a [bleep] stud.

Kirk, am I in the wrong?

- You in the wrong. - Yeah.

- I'm getting aggravated,

because all the drama in the house.

- I love y'all. I really do.

This is so toxic.

We've been here two nights,

and all we just do is scream at each other.

- There's no reason for it. - No, there's not.

- It seems like it's impossible for all of us to stop fighting.

I love you, Nilly. - I love y'all too.

That's why I don't want to waste this summer

by being so hostile and screaming at each other.

- That's just the beach house.

- He was not trying to talk to me.

- No, first of all--

- Get out, Codi, so I can get out. Get out.

- I didn't do [bleep]. I didn't do anything.

- Calmese, calmese.

I feel like I should start running

an anger management class every day

to help these crazy mother[bleep].

- Oh, Kirk, you better get her.

I'm tired of this [bleep]. - Be tired.

- [whispering] [bleep].

Stress pimple on my face.

- Oh, I'm [bleep] tired of this [bleep].

- I just really do not need this in my life.

All this negativity around me is really bothering me,

because, like, a lot of people don't understand

that life is really short.

[soft solemn music]

[crying] I'm already ready to come home.

- [sighs]

- So Candace, like, threw a--

threw a beer can at me today,

and then everyone started screaming

and yelling at each other.

The thing is that's what George's dad taught me,

is that you don't treat your loved ones

or your friends badly, ever,

because you never know when that's gonna be their last day,

and that's, like-- that's my thing.

This past year, I lost my friend, George,

in a tragic accident,

and it just made me realize, like,

us sitting here, hooting and hollering at one another,

you don't want the last thing you say to somebody is, like,

"[bleep] you" or "I hate you" or throw a beer can at somebody.

♪ ♪

Well, I'm sorry to wake you up. Thank you for answering.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Okay, bye.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

You ready to go to bed? - Don't go up there.

[light hip-hop music]

- I wanna go to the sleep.

- [grunts]

- So we got another night in the house

where I don't know where nobody's sleeping.

But I look at the positive of it.

At least tonight, I'm sleeping inside the house.

Goodnight, Kirk.

♪ ♪

- Can somebody please put this pizza in--

- [laughs] - No.

- In the oven or something? - No.

If you can't put it in the oven, you're too drunk.

- You know, I'm hungry.

I need something to kinda sober up a little bit,

or just help.

Put the pizza in the oven.

- It's not pre-heated yet. - [grunts] Just put it in there.

- [laughs]

- Just put it in there right now.

- What, 425 you think? - Yeah, probably.

Hold up, let me get my PJs on.

Deal with that, okay? - Get your PJs.

[hip-hop music]

- Codi has been stirring the pot long enough.

Now it's time to make him a pizza.

- Go on now, get.

This pizza's about to taste real good.

♪ ♪

- Are you pouring that on the pizza?

- Yeah, I'm [bleep] with his pizza, for sure.

- You're a jokester.

- Don't waste all the French vanilla.

That's the only creamer we have.

- Oh, my God, dump off some of the residual.

- All right... I'm letting it marinate.

♪ ♪

Can you just imagine how bad the combination

of French vanilla and mayonnaise is?

- Ugh...

- Oh, my God, that is so disgusting.

- I'ma puke.

- If y'all ever [bleep] do that to me...

- I'll tell him it's an Alfredo pizza,

straight from Italy.

- [gags]

- I think it's almost done.

Your pizza's going to burn if you don't get it--

I'll take it out for you when it's ready.

- I'm about to eat a piece too.

[up-tempo electronic music]

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

Look at it. Look how good this looks.

- It smells hilariously good.

It's the pizza man.

You guys better get this pizza before I eat it all.

- Thank you, baby.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- It's not good?

♪ ♪

Hold on...

♪ ♪

- [chuckles]

[hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- I don't want any of this pizza.

- [spitting]

♪ ♪

- This is by far the worst piece of pizza I've ever eaten.

- That's a nasty-ass pizza.

That [bleep] was [bleep]-- what y'all put on it, guys?

- [chuckles] I didn't put nothing.

- Gus, I know your ass did that [bleep].

[bleep] Jeremiah and Gus.

[both laugh]

♪ ♪

[smooth pop music]

- ♪ Make me lose my mind ♪

♪ I'm not afraid of falling when you grab me this high ♪

♪ Hanging from the edge ♪

♪ My heart is beat-beating ♪

♪ And I'm not going to step ♪

- I wake up in the morning,

and the vibe in the house is a little tense.

It's so much that done happen last night,

over, like, the room situation and Codi.

Like, I was mad at everybody.

- So, Nilly, where do you stand with Candace right now?

Did y'all, like, talk at all last night when you got back,

or is it just, it kinda is what is right now?

- It is what it is.

- I talked to her, uh, last night, and she said,

at the end of the day, like, she's really hurt,

because she was under the interpretation

that her and Aimee were rooming together.

Aimee was telling her all summer that, yeah,

they were rooming together, they were rooming together,

and then they got here,

and she just kinda got thrown to the wolves.

- I didn't know about

this whole room situation with Candace,

but her behavior last night,

I mean, there's no excuse for it.

- I want her to apologize for calling me a ho.

- I know me and Aimee

are just going to need to talk out everything.

I'm just, you know, a little nervous.

I'm tired of the tension in the house.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- I just feel like I don't even have an appetite.

- When it comes to the room situation,

Aimee needs to understand what I'm mad about.

Like, it's time for us to talk about it.

Excuse me, ma'am, I need to talk to you.

- Okay.

- So, um, yesterday...

- Mm-hmm?

- A whole lot happened.

- Candace, I literally didn't do nothing to you yesterday,

and you talked to me real reckless.

- I know you didn't do anything to me.

I apologize for how I talked. - But you did.

You called me entitled and all kinds of [bleep].

- Because, Aimee, you said you wanted to room with me.

You said that.

Then get in the house, and coming to find out, you know,

that you were rooming with Nilsa.

- I feel like you're trying

to turn [bleep] around on me, Candace.

- I'm not trying to turn nothing around on you.

- I feel like you acted really reckless yesterday...

- Yes, I did act reckless, and I apologize.

- And now you're trying to turn it around on me.

- I'm not trying to say

that the way that I was acting is okay.

That's why I'm sitting you down and I'm talking to you.

I was just feeling some type of way,

like, "Damn, what about me?"

I didn't expect her to just throw me away so [bleep] quick.

Like, underneath it all, I was hurt,

because I didn't expect that from her.

It's not like I'm anti-Aimee and Nilsa.

It's just the fact that, like,

"Damn, just do me right as a friend."

It's not about the room, it's not about the bed,

it's not about any of this stuff.

It was more so just about our friendship.

My feelings...

is mad hurt.

I just be feeling like--

with the girls, I be feeling like

I'm always, like, left out on little [bleep].

[solemn music]

- If you feel left out, I'm sorry, and I will not--

I will not make you feel like that anymore.

- I will do my best to never, ever do that again.

- I can help you with anger management skills,

if you need them.

- I'ma need them. - [chuckles]

- Um, Nilsa...

since you're sitting here, eating your bacon,

the way I behaved yesterday was not right.

All I have is an apology.

I'm sorry for how I acted.

I'm not making no excuse for it. It wasn't cool.

- I'll forgive you, but I'll tell you what,

I ain't gonna forget it.

I'm never gonna forget that she threw a beer can at me.

I mean, I've paid a lot of money for this face.

I can't get it ruined by a beer can.

- I think I just got drunk, and I was so mad about this [bleep].

- Well, I love you, and I really am sorry.

- I love y'all too. We going to work it out.

- I was trying to cater to Nilsa, you know,

because she's been through a lot.

But Candace is my friend,

and I don't want her feelings to be hurt.

Well, it's good to have a drink Let's go drink White Claws.

- I'll make y'all a drink.

- No, I'll make the drinks, for my best friends.

I'll make a drink for my best friends.

- Hey, Candace, I could get used to this.

[laughter]

[hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- [farts]

- I literally heard it rattle the floor.

[mimics farting] - Yeah.

Hey, I've done it before. [laughs]

- Kortni, what you doing down here by yourself?

- I don't feel good.

- You want some chicken noodle soup?

Hm? - Yeah, sure.

[phone rings]

- Hello?

- Hey, uh, this is Ryan, Kortni's boyfriend.

- Aw, hey, Ryan.

- Hey, how you doing? - Good.

- Is this Nilsa? - Yes. How are you?

- Not too bad. I'm about ready to head out.

- Okay, here's Kortni.

He said he's getting ready to get on the plane, I think.

- Hey. - Hey, baby.

Oh, you sound sick.

- Yeah, I'm just getting worse.

Not only do I feel like crap today,

but today is the day that Ryan is actually deploying.

I've been laying down, like, all [bleep] day,

and I just don't feel good.

Like, my throat just is getting worse.

I'm starting to, like, cough so hard

that it's hurting my [bleep] chest.

- Well, hopefully it gets a little bit better.

I gotta get ready.

I just wanted to call you one more time,

while I knew I had a chance.

- Are you allowed to say where you're flying to first?

- I don't know where I'm going to first.

- Yeah.

[Clean Bandit's "I Miss You"]

- ♪ I miss you ♪

♪ Yeah, I miss you ♪

♪ Just to remind myself of how good it is ♪

- This might be one of the last times

I get to talk to Ryan in the next six months.

I'm just kinda stressed out. I want him safe.

That's scary.

- I'm gonna shower and get my uniform on,

and then I'm gonna head out.

I just wanna tell you, I love you.

- I love you.

[sighs]

♪ ♪

[yelling]

[percussive dance music]

- What the-- - [screams]

Bitch, you got me [bleep] up!

Come here!

[siren wailing]

[solemn music]

♪ ♪

- Ooh, food!

- Aimee. - Thanks.

Do y'all wanna check on Kortni?

- I think she's taking a nap. - Oh...

- I know her boyfriend leaves for deployment today.

- I'm sure that's kinda taken an emotional toll on her.

- So, y'all, I want a graduation party,

'cause I worked really hard. - You did.

- You've actually been doing good

really since you've got here too.

- She hasn't hit nobody.

- Look how many hours I did.

- How many? - How many?

- Eight hours? - Eight?

- You did eight hours?

- [laughs] - You should've did 16.

[laughter]

- I did eight whole hours in anger management.

I deserve a graduation party.

- Aimee will basically be the valedictorian of all of us.

- I don't know what the [bleep] that is.

What the hell is the "valed-victorian"?

- Valedictorian's gotta give a speech.

- I already know who I wanna thank.

- Who? - I wanna thank my lawyers...

[laughter]

Um, y'all.

That bitch that said I broke her nose,

let's thank her.

- Remember your breathing now.

- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten--[hissing]

[laughter]

Last summer, I got arrested,

and since then, it's just been, like,

ongoing court cases that just keep getting pushed back,

pushed back, pushed back...

I'm done fighting, I'm done going to jail.

But this summer, I'm hoping for, you know,

a fresh start, hakuna matata.

- Well, guys, let's get this graduation party underway.

- What time are we going to the store?

- Uh, as soon as you put your clothes on.

[lively techno music]

♪ ♪

- Y'all ready to hit it? All right, let's ride.

♪ ♪

- What? What the [bleep]? [laughter]

- If somebody dropped $3 million in front of me,

[bleep] yeah I would. - Hell yeah, I would for that.

- I'd [bleep] anything for $3 million.

- [chuckles] - A horse?

- Bro, I'd probably do a goat, but not a horse, okay?

[laughter]

- No, you wanna hear some [bleep] up [bleep]?

At my grandpa's house in Kentucky--

no, this makes it even worse,

'cause it was in my mom's room that she, like, grew up in--

there was, like, a life-size teddy bear,

and I [bleep] cut a hole in the bottom of it,

and I [bleep] that thing. - Oh, my God.

[laughter]

- Gus [bleep] a teddy bear is the weirdest [bleep]

I might have ever heard in my life.

- It wasn't a regular teddy bear; it was a big teddy bear.

It was, like, life size.

- Were you like, "Oh, yeah, bitch"?

- Yeah, I was. I was smacking that ass.

[laughter]

- What the [bleep]? How do you even, like--

does that not hurt?

[laughs] I'm [bleep] dead, dog.

- "I, Aimee Hall, princess, goddess, mermaid,

want to tell everyone that"--

[bleep].

- "Congratulations."

Here's some party decorations.

What else is there? - I think that looks good.

We could go look.

- "I would also like to thank my mama,

"who threatened to whip my ass if I went back to jail.

So"--

[bleep], I forgot the end of it.

- Look, these [bleep] are out here, for real.

They painted them. That's, like, crazy.

Wow, that's a good claw right there. That [bleep]--oh...

- [gasps]

- "...Princess, goddess, mermaid,

"want to tell everybody,

I"--[bleep].

- [laughs] - Kirk, Kirk, you killed...

- No, I didn't. He's alive.

- [gasps] - Is there a mermaid?

- Is that a mermaid? - You're lying.

- "Class of 2019, bitches.

"Here's to you, fake [bleep].

I'm talking to you, Codi."

[bleep], I forgot.

- Kortni, look what we got.

- You know that thing's gonna die in, like, a second?

[both laugh]

- Why would you want a pet like that?

- It don't bite. - No.

[bleep] that crab. I don't like hermit crabs.

I just like, you know, like, regular animals,

like puppies and dogs and cats.

I'm putting him in the ocean.

- Kortni, will you help me do the table, please?

- Yes.

I got off my death bed

just so I could be here for Aimee.

Hey, Nilsa. - Kortni!

- I'm dying, but I'm here for you, bitch.

- Ah!

- Who's sweeping? 'Cause I'm not.

- Do we wanna sit these somewhere?

[laughter]

Guys, let me get the dolls away from here.

- [laughs] Shut the [bleep] up.

- Don't you [bleep] that poor mermaid.

- Keep me as far away from her as possible.

- Let me make sure there's no holes in there.

- "Aimee Hall, princess, goddess, mermaid,

"is here to tell you,

"you can achieve your goals.

"I didn't graduate anger management--

I mean, yes, I did." What the...

- "From mad to grad."

- We've nailed this graduation party like a split hog now.

We got decorations, cake, cap and gown.

This should be fun.

- "Mad to grad." - "Mad to grad."

- "Mad to grad."

- Aimee Hall? - Yes? Why you have a tie on?

- 'Cause it's your big day, baby.

- [gasps] I get a pink "captain gown"?

- Look, "From mad to grad."

[both laugh]

- Tonight is my graduation party,

and this is the first graduation that I've had ever.

I didn't graduate high school, and I didn't graduate college.

But I make this "captain gown" look good.

- So, here, I'm gonna have to coach you up, okay?

Move the tassel from the left to the right,

so you can throw your hat at somebody.

- I just called it "captain gown."

It's "cap and gown," ain't it?

- What do you do? All you do is pull it?

- I think so. [device pops]

- I'm [bleep] deaf in my right [bleep] ear now.

- [mockingly] "I'm [bleep] deaf in my right"--

[device pops] [laughs]

- "Mad to grad." [both laugh]

- Are you ready? I love you. - Yep, I love you.

- Guys, why is that mermaid laying down?

- I don't know. She looking tempting.

- Hey, get her away from him, for real.

- Y'all ready? - Yes, sir!

- I said, y'all, ready?

- Let's get this graduation started!

- Let's go, baby!

- Oh, I hear them--[indistinct]

[all singing "Pomp and Circumstance"]

♪ ♪

- This feels like an actual graduation.

We're waiting on Aimee to come across the stage here

to give her speech.

Like, I'm so excited.

♪ ♪

- I am so proud of Aimee

for graduating anger management,

because I was nine when I failed anger management.

If I went back today, I would fail again.

Angry, little bitch. [chuckles]

♪ ♪

- Oh! [bleep]!

- Aimee! - Somebody help her!

[all singing "Pomp and Circumstance]

♪ ♪

- Oh! [bleep]!

- Oh, hell no! Oh, hell no!

- Somebody help her!

- Minus the tumble, Aimee looked great

coming down the stairs.

- Evidently, it must be "fall" semester. [chuckles]

- Put your hat on, "Mad to grad."

- All right, one more time.

[all singing "Pomp and Circumstance"]

♪ ♪

- Twerk that ass!

[hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

All right, I need y'all to sit down please, sit down please.

Aimee, obviously, it's your good day,

it's your best day.

You graduated from something for once.

- [screams] - Yeah, yeah, yeah!

- That's what I'm talking about, Aimee!

- Anyone got something to say?

- I just wanna say, Aimee,

I am glad you graduated anger management,

and you learned your breathing.

Shall we all practice it with her real quick?

- Yes, go.

all: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten--[hissing]

[laughter]

And as somebody who has witnessed

all your pretty new specials,

I am proud of you.

You got your diploma.

Girl, you looking good! - Oh, yeah!

- Thank you. - Anyone else?

- Speech! both: Speech!

- The floor is yours, baby. Let's get it.

- "I, Aimee Hall, princess, goddess, mermaid,

"would like to tell everyone,

"hard work and dedication pays off.

"A long, stressful eight hours that felt like 42 hours

"has brought me here today.

I am Zen, I am calm, I am hakuna matata."

- Aimee has come a really long way,

because last year at this time,

Aimee would be punching people.

- "I would like to thank my lawyers,

"my anger management teacher, and my mama,

who said she will whoop my ass if I went back to jail."

[laughter]

"No one controls my emotions. I control me, bitches."

[laughter]

- Aimee graduated anger management,

but she's still a hot mess.

- "God bless America, USA,

the home of princess, goddess, mermaid."

[cheering, devices popping]

- That's what I'm talking about! - Get it!

- Look at Kortni's hair. - Let's get [bleep] lit.

- Let's get [bleep] lit! [cheering]

Tonight was my graduation.

All my roommates went above and beyond.

I just feel really proud of myself,

and I love my roommates for doing this for me.

That was literally the sweetest thing.

I mean, I've never had a graduation party,

so I'm super thankful.

- Oh, yeah, we got you a pet too.

- Buddy?

Look at him. Oh...

- He loves you. He wasn't even coming out for us.

- Don't hide, bud.

I'm a mermaid, so I'm supposed to have a crab.

I mean, normal people have dogs and [bleep],

but I get a crab.

I wanna name it something.

- What you wanna name it? - Sherman.

- He crawling mad fast, though.

Why do y'all got him on the table?

- [laughs] - I love y'all.

- I have held myself together this entire graduation,

and I just do not feel good,

so I think I'm going to excuse myself.

- So, princess, goddess, mermaid,

I would like you to see your cake.

The best thing about it, though,

so that smells like the perfume you put on [bleep].

[yelling]

[yelling, screaming]

[smooth hip-hop music]

- I would like you to see your cake.

both: Aww.

The best thing about it, though,

so that smells like the perfume you put on [bleep].

[yelling]

What's funnier than to have an anger management party

with anger in it?

[yelling]

[yelling, screaming]

- What the [bleep]?

- Aimee, you just graduated anger management.

- So much for the one, two, three--[hissing]

[lively hip-hop music]

- Bitch, you got me [bleep] up!

Come here! - Oh, [bleep]!

- Ow! - No, no, no, no, my lashes.

- Quit, mother[bleep], quit. I'll beat you the [bleep] up.

I ain't graduate anger management, mother[bleep].

I feel like I'm back in high school,

with a food fight going on.

Ow! Not my hair!

I've got cake in my hair, my ear.

It's all over my clothes.

Stop! Stop!

God! That's what you get.

- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten--[hissing]

[laughter] - Oh, my God.

- God, all that screaming,

holy [bleep] [bleep].

all: Oh!

- I did not realize that frosting was that slippery.

- Ah! - Oh, my God.

- Everyone's ice-skating, moonwalking,

trying to slip-and-slide.

Ooh! Ah!

all: Oh!

I almost tore my ACL.

[laughter]

[yelling]

- Ow! [bleep]!

- I said I was gonna keep my cool this summer,

until Kirk stuck my face into a cake,

and I lost my temper.

[laughter, yelling]

[tense hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- I'm just dizzy, and I need air.

I'm going outside.

I just feel like I'm gonna throw up, constantly.

Just not a good night.

- I can't believe Aimee threw the whole goddamn cake.

- Kirk started it.

- But you didn't have to throw the whole [bleep] cake.

- This was my new hair.

- Where's Kortni at?

Is she outside or-- what the [bleep] is going on?

- Kortni, you okay? - No.

- I'm gonna sit out here with you.

- I'm, like, so [bleep] hot.

My [bleep] hands are going numb.

My ass hurts. I have a migraine.

I'm losing my vision.

My whole [bleep] body is just shutting down.

- We need to call an ambulance.

- You want me to, Kortni? - Yeah.

- Okay. - You're gonna be okay.

This is how things go.

Things are great, and then they're bad,

and then they're bad, and then they're great.

I mean, this is a roller coaster we live in.

[phone beeping]

- Hey, you can moonwalk on this bitch.

- [chuckles] - Oh!

- Can y'all be quiet? I'm calling 9-1-1.

- Oh, [bleep].

[laughter]

[bright hip-hop music]

- Um, my friend is really sick,

and I just need an ambulance.

- What the [bleep]?

- I can't--I can't hear you.

Sorry, I can't hear you.

♪ ♪

Okay.

♪ ♪

Hey, what else, um, kind of medical

diagnosis does Kortni have?

- Everything that's in the book.

- Anxiety... - She has anxiety...

- And irritable bowel syndrome. - Irritable bowel syndromes.

- Kortni has at least 30 medical conditions.

- Gastritis, acid reflux... - Gastritis...

- Spinal hernia. - Acid reflux.

- "Gastro-iti"--wait, gas--

- Uh, hemorrhoids.

[laughs] Hold on, let me keep going.

Spinal hernia. - Spinal hernia.

- Hiatal. - Hiatal hernia.

- Hiatal hernia.

- She's a medical mystery. [laughs]

- We actually can't figure this--

- Tell them to shut the [bleep] up

or I'll kill them when I get back.

[siren wailing] - I hear the ambulance.

- Hey, they're here.

- Hey, guys, um, so everything's wet in here.

To make it easier, if you can go around the back this way,

she's on the back porch by the pool.

I'm outside, trying to explain where they need to go,

and I realize I have cake all over my face.

Are they gonna take me serious right now?

[laughter] - [bleep].

- I don't feel good. My head hurts.

I feel like my body's shutting down.

I'm exhausted. - Okay.

- I have really bad anxiety,

and I just don't feel good.

- Would you be able to walk down the stairs to our stretcher?

- We have a big boy that can help bring her down.

- Uh-uh, he ain't going to touch me. I'm walking.

I'm not that big of a [bleep]. I'll be all right.

- [chuckles] - [sighs]

- Damn, dude, what the hell?

[dramatic tone]

- I love you, Kortni. - [groans]

[dramatic music]

- Somehow, I'm not surprised that my graduation night

ended up with a trip to the hospital.

♪ ♪

Kortni, I love you.

[siren wailing]

- I want you to be honest about what you think happened.

Oh, hell no. That's a goddamn lie.

- I don't give a [bleep] about none of this [bleep]!

- Stop using derogatory-ass language!

- Shut the [bleep] up. Shut the [bleep] up.

- Kirk! You don't call me a bitch!

- I'll beat your goddamn ass right now.

- Gus, stop! Stop!

- I'll beat your [bleep] ass right now!