Original subtitles

Stop the Jeep, Sergeant.

What's all this, Captain?

Some entertainment for the men, sir.

Tonight's Christmas eve.

They're moving up tonight, General Waverly.

They should be ready for inspection.

You're absolutely right.

There's no Christmas in the army, Captain.

There's always a slip-up during change in command.

The men get a little loose.

I know I'm leaving them in good hands.

Thank you, General.

Take me to headquarters.

We'll have those men turned out on the double.

- Sergeant, take the short cut. - Yes, sir.

That's not the way back to headquarters.

Joe, you know that, and I know that,

but the general doesn't know it.

He won't for about 11/2 hours.

That sergeant will be a private tomorrow.

Yes. Isn't he lucky?

# I'm dreaming #

# Of a white Christmas #

#Just like the ones I used to know #

# Where the treetops glisten #

# And children listen #

# To hear sleigh bells #

# In the snow #

# I'm dreaming #

# Of a white Christmas #

# With every Christmas card I write #

# May your days #

# Be merry and bright #

# And may all uour Christmases #

# Be white ##

Well, that just about wraps it up, fellas.

Certainly too bad General Waverly

couldn't have been here for this yuletide clambake

because we had a slam-bang finish cooked up for him.

Guess you know he's being replaced

by a commanding general fresh from the Pentagon.

Not a very nice Christmas present

for a division that's moving up.

The old man's moving toward the rear,

a direction he's never taken in his entire life.

I can only say

we owe a lot to General Waverly...

Attention!

Captain Wallace,

who's responsible for holding a show in this advanced area?

- Well, sir... - It was me, sir.

My idea, sir.

When you've got an entertainer

like Captain Wallace...

I mean, sir, it's Christmas eve.

Well, sir, I... I mean, if you were in New York,

uou'd pay $6.60 or $8.80

to hear someone like Captain Wallace.

I'm well aware of Captain Wallace's capabilities.

Who are you?

Philip Davis, private first class, sir.

Well, at ease, Davis.

Yes, sir.

I said at ease!

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

This division is under the command

of General Harold G. Carlton.

Don't forget it, not that he'll let you.

He's tough... Just what this sloppy outfit needs.

You'll be standing inspection night and day.

You may even learn how to march.

If you don't give him everything you've got,

I may come back and fight for the enemy.

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

I guess all I can say is

how much I...

What a fine outfit...

How am I going...

Don't just stand there. How do I get off?

Just happen to have a slam-bang finish, sir.

Yes, sir.

# We'll follow the old man #

# Wherever he wants to go #

# Long as he wants to go #

# Opposite to the foe #

# We'll stay with the old man #

# Wherever he wants to stay #

# Long as he stays away from the battle's fray #

# Because we love him #

# We love him #

# Especially when he keeps us on the ball #

# And we'll tell the kiddies #

# We answered duty's call #

# With the grandest son of a soldier #

# Of them all #

# We'll stay with the old man #

# Wherever he wants to stay #

# Long as he stays away from the battle's fray #

# Because we love him #

# We love him #

# Especially when he keeps us on the ball #

# And we'll tell the kiddies #

# We answered duty's call #

# With the grandest son of a soldier #

# Of them all ##

Look out! The wall!

You all right, Davis?

I'm all right, sir. It's just my arm.

Looks pretty bad.

Nothing but a scratch.

- Hey, Davis, how you feeling? - Pretty good, Captain.

Just dropped by to thank you for saving my life.

It was a life worth saving.

I appreciate it. Anytime I can do anything for you,

uou pick up a phone.

- Thank you, sir. - So long, Davis.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - That's all right, Captain.

Captain, you could do one tiny favor for me.

What's that?

I've written a song.

When we return home, if you put it in your act,

it might be a big hit.

Pick up the phone.

I have it here.

This is for two people. It's a duet.

It needs two dynamite entertainers.

I work alone. Who's the other hunk of dynamite?

Well, I know a fella, Captain.

He's funny in living rooms,

has a fair voice.

- How about me? - I do a single, you see.

Well, that's all right.

I wouldn't want you to feel obligated.

Oh, well...

okay, Dynamite, we'll give it a whirl.

- Okay, Captain. - Good luck.

Bye.

# Hi-hup #

# Hup ##

# We're having a heat wave #

# A tropical heat wave #

# Well, now the temperature's rising #

# It isn't surprising #

# She certainly can #

# Can-can ##

# Let me sing a funny song #

# With crazy words that roll along #

# And if my song can start you laughin' #

# I'm happy #

# Happy ##

- # Blue skies # - # Smilin' at me #

# Smilin' at me #

# Nothin' but blue skies Blue skies do I see #

- # Hoyt-do-doy # - # Hoyt-do-doy #

# Hey, bluebirds Singin' a song #

# Nothin' but bluebirds, bluebirds #

# All day long #

# I never saw the sun shinin' so bright #

# Never saw things goin' so right #

# Noticin' the days hurryin' by #

# When you're in love My, my, how they fly #

# Oh, blue days #

# All of them gone long gone #

# Nothin' but blue skies from now on ##

Keep it bubbling, girls.

Can I see you?

- You know Doris. - Hi.

- Oh, fine, fine. - Onstage, girls. Finale.

- Did you get the notice written? - Yes, sir.

- Good boy. - Show lays off tonight.

Everyone gets 10 days off with pay.

Nicest Christmas present anybody ever had.

You got the tickets for New York?

Rough for the holidays,

but I got you and Mr. Davis are on the 1:00 train.

- Put that on the bulletin board. - Sign this.

We'll be at Radio City

rehearsing for the Ed Harrison Television Show.

Too bad you and Mr. Davis couldn't get a little rest.

I wasn't about to turn this down. This is a plug for the show.

Bring the tickets when they come. Edna, the light of my life.

Bob! Can I see you?

You know Doris.

Another one, huh? How do you do?

Mutual, I'm sure.

I thought before train time,

we'd go eat and have some laughs.

No, we got business to do.

- What kind of business? - Look at an act.

Some other time, I hope.

Well, I like that!

Without so much as a kiss my foot or have an apple!

Last time I'll dig up a date for him.

Excuse me one minute, kids.

I think it's time we had a talk.

That's a good idea. I'll lead off.

- Wait a minute. - You wait a minute.

For three months uou've been clumsily

trying to entangle me with females.

Fat ones, tall ones, thin ones... no matter,

as long as they're wearing skirts and still breathing.

- It's for your own good. - For my own good?

Face it, Bob, uou're a lonely, miserable man.

- What? - And you're unhappy, too.

When you're unhappy, I'm unhappy.

I feel a strong sense of responsibility to you.

- Ever since the day I... - Not that lifesaving bit again.

If you'd rather forget it...

How can I? You won't let me. Since you saved my life,

uou decided you have the right to run it.

You've hammered, drove, pushed, shoved,

and you look at me with your cow eyes,

point at your phony arm, and I melt and go along.

I don't expect any gratitude.

We did great, and I'm grateful.

So thank you, Phil Davis, from the bottom of my heart.

- Now let me alone. - I won't.

No. You're a miserable, unhappy man.

You're wacky. I'm very happy.

You're happy for the wrong reasons.

That's worse than being lonely and miserable.

You're off your nut. I got everything I want.

Sure. I'm off my nut. You've got everything you want,

- except the most important thing. - What?

A girl.

I'll get around to that soon.

When what's left of you gets to what's left to be gotten,

what's left won't be worth getting

whatever it is uou got left.

I figure out what that means... What's back of all this, anyway?

Nothing. Only your happiness.

- My happiness? - Yeah.

When you get an idea that's for my happiness,

there's always an angle for you.

- You really wanna know? - Yes.

- I'll really tell you. - Lay it on me.

Ever since the day we became producers, you're a changed man.

You've gone berserk with work.

Strange is you liked it. You liked being Rodgers and Hammerstein.

- It was your idea. - Sure.

I didn't think I was creating Frankenstein.

I haven't had one minute to myself.

What should I do?

Get married. Have nine children.

Spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's 45 minutes,

and I'd have time for a massage.

You expect me to get serious with the characters you provide?

There were nice girls.

Like that nuclear scientist we just met?

So they didn't go to college.

They didn't go to Smith.

She couldn't even spell Smith.

That's very funny. Ho ho ho!

The crooner's becoming the comic.

Phil, let me tell you something.

There's a lot of sense in what uou say. I have to admit it.

But the girls we meet in this business

are young, ambitious, full of their own careers.

They're not interested in marriage and a family.

I never heard you open up like that.

Someday the right girl will come along.

We'll get married and have those nine kids.

Will 45 minutes be enough?

If I need more, I'll tell you.

Come on.

Your railroad tickets. Drawing room 8, car 207.

Grab those, Phil.

We'll go to the station after we audition this act.

- What kind of act? - It's a sister act.

We don't need any sister act. We're wasting time.

They're Benny Haynes' sisters,

the old mess sergeant.

Freckle-faced Haynes, the dog-faced boy?

- He's got sisters? - Claims he got 'em.

How can a guy that ugly have the nerve to have sisters?

Brave parents, I guess.

- Will you do me a favor? - What?

Give me one reason why we should spend our last two hours

looking at sisters of Freckle-faced Haynes,

the dog-faced boy?

We're doing it for an army pal.

It's not good, but it's a reason.

Hey, Novello.

Good evening, Mr. Wallace, Mr. Davis.

The Haynes sisters been on yet?

They'll be on in 15 minutes.

- Tell them we're here. - Certainly.

Luigi, show them to their table.

This is ridiculous.

We could have been out with Doris and Rita having some laughs.

Girls like that are a dime a dozen.

Don't quote prices when I haven't got time.

- Who is it? - It's me... Novello.

Bob Wallace and Phil Davis are out front.

Wallace and Davis?

Your brother asked them to give you some advice.

You better hurry.

Isn't that fabulous?

Wallace and Davis to see us.

Yeah, fabulous.

Who'd have thought that of Benny?

What a sweet, wonderful guy.

Amazing.

I wonder what gave him the idea?

He probably knew they were in town.

He probably figured we were too shy

to take advantage of an army friendship.

Judy, did you read Mother's letter?

No. Why?

Benny's been in Alaska for three months.

Oh?

Well, he... he could've written from Alaska.

But he didn't, did he?

Well, he might have.

Judy, why did you write the letter?

Uh, well... because it's good business.

You can't leave everything to fate.

Honesty needs a little plus, fate needs a little push.

Let's talk before you push and plus us out of work.

You sound like mother hen looking after little chick.

Little chick needs looking after.

Until someone else does it better,

mother hen's sticking close to the coop.

- Girls, five minutes! - Thank you.

You look beautiful. He'll be crazy about you.

Which one?

Does it matter?

They're both famous.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Haynes sisters.

Imagine Freckle-face's sisters being that cute.

It's incredible.

# Sisters #

# There were never such devoted sisters #

# Never had to have a chaperon, no, sir #

# I'm here to keep my eye on her #

# Caring #

# Sharing #

# Every little thing that we are wearing #

# When a certain gentleman arrived from Rome #

# She wore the dress and I stayed home #

# All kinds of weather #

# We stick together #

# The same in the rain or sun #

# Two different faces #

# But in tight places #

# We think and we act as one #

Ahem.

# Those who've #

# Seen us #

# Know that not a thing could come between us #

# Many men have tried to split us up #

# But no one can #

# Lord help the mister #

# Who comes between me and my sister #

# And Lord help the sister #

# Who comes between me and my man ##

Hey, how about those brown eyes?

No, they're blue.

Brown.

Uh-uh. Blue.

Oh, yeah. Deep blue.

Won't you sit down?

Won't you sit there? You sit here.

It's cozier. Boy, girl. Boy, girl.

I'm Betty. This is Judy.

- You're Phil Davis and Mr. Wallace. - Guilty on both counts.

Isn't this nice? Mr. Wallace was just saying

it's remarkable that Benny's sisters should have eyes...

I mean, blue eyes.

- That is, eyes... - Nice out.

That's quite an act.

Benny never mentioned the talent in the family.

To be honest...

Benny didn't want to take advantage of an army friendship.

He's shy, modest, retiring.

It's a family characteristic.

- I have a recent snapshot. - Oh.

He always was good-looking.

Uh, speaking of families,

I read an article about citrus fruit

and its effect on children's teeth.

Are you interested in families or children?

- I suppose so. - Oh, man. Nix.

Isn't that amazing? Imagine a girl in show business

wanting to raise a family.

It's so refreshing.

Pushing. Pushing.

- How about a cigarette? - No, thank you.

I'd like some free advice.

Do you have any suggestions for the act?

No, just keep plugging away.

There must be something.

Should we both be blondes?

Should Betty go darker?

Should she change the style, more off the face?

No, no. I wouldn't change a thing.

Would you care to dance?

Shouldn't we discuss...

Let's say it with music.

Promise you won't say anything important till I get back.

Bye now.

They look well together, don't they?

Yes.

I was sure surprised to get Benny's letter...

I must tell you.

You are here under false pretenses.

Benny didn't write the letter.

- My sister did. - Judy?

She figured you'd come if Benny asked.

How do you like that?

- Even Judy's got an angle. - She didn't mean anything...

Don't apologize. Everybody's got an angle.

That's a cynical point of view.

Don't you know everybody's got some larceny in them?

For the record, we don't play angles.

- What was that letter? - I don't like you inference.

I've got no squawks.

The kid played a percentage. It worked.

Let's not make a whole big mish-mosh out of it.

They're getting along.

- And so quickly. - Isn't that nice?

When you've been around show business,

uou get used to angles.

Since the chance of meeting again is remote,

it's not important to continue arguing.

I'll drink to that.

Be my guest.

If this keeps up, we'll soon be in-laws.

I don't mind.

Too bad we're leaving town tonight.

That is a shame.

We're leaving tomorrow anyway.

- Where are you going? - Vermont.

- We're booked for the holidays. - Vermont, huh?

Vermont should be beautiful with all that snow.

Yeah.

- You know something? - What?

Vermont should be beautiful with all that snow.

That's what I just said.

We're getting a little mixed up.

Maybe it's the music.

Maybe it isn't only the music.

# The best things #

# Happen while uou're dancing #

# Things that you would not do at home #

# Come naturally on the floor #

# For dancing #

# Soon becomes romancing #

# When you hold a girl in your arms #

# That you've never held before #

# Even guys with two left feet #

# Come out all right if the girl is sweet #

# If by chance their cheeks should meet #

# While dancing #

# Proving that the best things #

# Happen while you dance #

# The best things #

# Happen while you're dancing #

# Things that you would not do at home #

# Come naturally on the floor #

# For dancing #

# Soon becomes romancing #

# When you hold a girl in your arms #

# That you've never held before #

# Even guys with two left feet #

# Come out all right if the girl is sweet #

# If by chance their cheeks should meet #

# While dancing #

#Just proving that the best things #

# Happen while you dance ##

What is this, the best 2 out of 3?

I got carried away.

She carried me right with her.

- I don't weigh much. - We better change.

The sheriff's here with a warrant to arrest you.

The sheriff? What's the trouble?

The landlord claims we burned a rug. He wants $200.

Not that old rug routine?

We sneaked our bags out.

They're in our dressing room.

You go pack. We'll take care of this.

We can't trouble you.

- It's no trouble. - Mr. Wallace already...

We take care of friends.

- We're practically strangers. - We'll take care of that, too.

You might get yourself in a jam. What's in it for you?

45 minutes to myself.

Will you hurry, girls?

- You go stall the sheriff. - How can I?

Tell him the girls have to finish the show.

Bob, the girls are in a jam.

- What's the beef? - Come on.

- Now, wait a minute. - Come on.

Why don't we pay the $200?

Pay off a chiseling rat?

Send a cab out back. I'll meet you in the dressing room.

Why do I listen to you? Give me one good reason.

We're doing it for an army pal.

- It's not good, but it's a reason. - Will you go on?

You hop on a train.

Our tickets aren't good until tomorrow.

You've got to leave tonight.

Wait a minute.

Take these. Get going.

What will Mr. Wallace think?

It was his idea.

He'll think it's some kind of angle.

I told you it's his idea. Now, up.

Here we go.

We'll pay you back. Where can we reach you?

We'll be in touch.

Our trunks and recordings.

We'll get them to you. Please go. The taxi's coming.

Don't stop for anything. Here.

Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

I can't stall much longer.

What about paying?

We must give them a head start.

I've got an idea. Stall him a few minutes.

He's eating me out of business already.

Keep punching, will you? This might work.

- I got a feeling I won't like it. - I got a feeling you'll hate it.

- Then why am I doing it? - Let's just say...

For a pal in the army.

I can't wait while uou eat free food.

You've got your warrant. Arrest those girls.

We agreed to let them finish.

I didn't agree. It was his idea.

I've got rights, too.

You get them after their number.

How long will it take?

It'll only be... Wait a minute.

There's their music.

How's your coffee holding out?

Warm it up some.

Ladies and gentlemen,

an impromptu surprise for you...

The Haynes sisters.

# Sisters #

# There were never such devoted sisters #

# Never had to have a chaperon, no, sir #

# I'm here to keep my eye on her #

# Caring #

# Sharing #

# Every little thing that we are wearing #

# When a certain gentleman arrived frrom ome #

# She wore the dress and I stayed home #

# All kinds ofr weather #

# We stick together #

# The same in the rain or sun, ooh #

# Two difrfrerent fraces #

# But in tight places #

# We think and we act as one #

Ahem.

# Those who've #

# Seen us #

# Know that not a thing could come between us #

# Many men have tried to split us up #

# But no one can #

# Lord help the mister #

# Who comes between me and my sister #

# And Lord help the sister #

# Who comes between me and my man #

# Sister #

# Sister #

# Sister, don't come between me and my man ##

We're a smash. Let's take a bow.

We'll be bowing at the jailhouse.

Hey! Hey, you!

The sheriff.

- Open up! - You've done it again.

If we get out of this...

Taxi!

Boy, girl. Boy, girl.

Here we go.

You gentlemen made it just in time.

You have space on this train?

Show him the tickets.

Tickets? Oh, tickets.

Ducats, yes.

- Hold this. - What's the matter?

I'm looking. Railroad tickets.

- Yeah. - I have a...

I don't have them. Maybe you do.

Me? Are you crazy? I saw you put them in your pocket.

They're gone. I must have left them in my girdle.

Do you have tickets?

We've got a drawing room.

Every space is occupied.

You can purchase tickets and sit up in the club car.

Oh, that's fine. How much for two to New York?

Let me see. $97.24.

How much to Vermont?

We're going to New York.

It's beautiful in Vermont... all that snow.

- Two to New York. - How much more to Vermont?

- Who's going there? - We are.

I mean, we should. It'll do us good...

The snow, fir trees, and clean air.

Great change of pace. Just what we need.

- Two tickets to New York. - It's still $97.24, though.

- Okay, buster, get it up. - I don't seem to have any cash.

Where's that, in your snood? Here.

- Here. - $97.24.

- Here you are. - Where are you going?

- It's for breakfast. - Get some peanuts.

Club car straight ahead. Excuse me, gentlemen.

We had reservations. They shouldn't give it to somebody else.

With the holiday rush, there could've been a slip-up.

Excuse me. The club car's in there.

We pay for tickets twice.

Now we sit up all night.

If we took a plane, we'd sit up all night.

We're not taking a plane. We're taking a train.

We had train tickets

for a room with two comfortable beds

where at this moment, two blonde...

You wouldn't do this to me.

W- wouldn't do what?

After you dressed me like a dame, get me involved with the sheriff,

and almost killed catching a train,

I know, I just know on top of all that

uou wouldn't take away my warm bed

and let me sleep in a drafty club car.

You wouldn't do this to old Bob.

Whatever are you talking about?

I'm going down there to drawing room "A."

If those Haynes sisters are there,

with these two hands, I'm...

Mr. Wallace, how can we thank you?

You were so generous.

Mr. Davis said you insisted on giving us the tickets.

It was just wonderful of you.

Wasn't there something you... ahem... wanted to tell them?

Yeah... ahem.

Won't you have a drink, sandwich, or something?

Can we have some club sandwiches?

- I'll have lemonade. - I'll have a malted.

This is cozy. Boy, girl. Girl, boy.

Where are you staying in New York?

We're not staying in New York. We're booked for the holidays

at the Columbia Inn, Pine Tree, Vermont.

Well... that sounds very Vermonty.

Should be beautiful this time of year...

all that snow, fir trees, clean air.

Brrr. Beautiful. Just what we need.

Could you come up for a couple days?

I don't know.

I wish you could. It'd be awfully nice.

If you're under a falling building

and somebody offers to carry you to safety, don't hesitate.

Just spit in his eye.

- What did that mean? - Means we're going to Vermont.

Oh, boy!

It might not be bad...

snow-covered slopes, the skiing,

christianas and stemming

and blatzing and schussing.

Hot-buttered rum... light on the butter.

And snow.

- # Snow # - # Snow #

# Snow #

# It won't be long #

# Before we'll all be there with snow #

# Snow #

# I want to wash my hands #

# My face and hair with snow #

# Snow #

# I long to clear a path #

# And lift a spade of snow #

# Snow #

# Oh #

# To see a great big man #

# Entirely made of snow #

# Snow #

# Where it's snowing all winter through #

# That's where I want to be #

# Snowball throwing that's what I'll do #

# How I'm longing to ski #

# Through the snow #

# Snow #

# Those glistening houses #

# That seem to be built of snow #

# Snow #

# Oh #

# To see a mountain #

# Covered with a quilt of snow #

# What is Christmas with no snow #

# No white Christmas with no #

- # No # - # Snow #

- # Snow # - # Snow #

# I'll soon be there with snow #

# I'll wash my hair with snow #

# And with a spade of snow #

# I'll build a man #

# That's made of snow #

# I'd love to stay up with you #

# But I recommend a little shut-eye #

# Go to sleep #

# And dream #

# Of snow #

- # Snow # - # Snow #

# Snow #

# Snow ##

Pine Tree.

Coming into Pine Tree.

- Hi. - Good morning, Little Mary Sunshine.

- How did you sleep? - Like a baby.

Remember Nanook of the North?

You got the shelf? Must've lost the toss.

I'll help you down. Let's visit the fireman.

- Your strategy's obvious. - You don't mind, do you?

I got a flash for you. She's a real slow mover.

I got a flash right back. She's in there with the champ.

Our work's cut out for us.

I've got a plan.

Come on. Let's go.

- Hey! - What?

Bob, Betty, Judy, come here! I think we took the wrong train.

It's green out here.

How about that? We're still in Carolina.

They must have grass-covered igloos here.

Here, honey. Take this.

This is warmer than Florida.

Where's the beach?

We should've brought bathing suits.

Is this Vermont, New England's winter playground?

This must be southern Vermont.

I don't understand. Where's the snow?

This is supposed to be America's snow playground.

We haven't had snow since Thanksgiving. 68 yesterday.

- Car for Columbia Inn. - That's us.

Vermont must be wonderful... all that underwear.

Hope I can take the electric blanket back.

- Where's that? - Under the underwear.

You'll get a nice tan...

- # Snow # - # Snow #

# It won't be long #

# Before we'll all be there with #

# Little ol' snowflakes Eskimo pie #

# Chocolate and vanilla for you and I #

# Boom de de boom de de boom ##

Aren't you glad you came?

You can schuss as much as you want.

If ve can find da snow.

Welcome to Columbia Inn.

What accommodations would you like?

I can offer a wide choice, including my room.

We're not guests. We're the Haynes sisters.

We came up for the snow. Where are you keeping it?

We take it in during the day.

We can't use you.

We'll pay you half salary for canceling.

Are things that bad?

We're hanging wash on the ski tow.

You aren't going to stay either.

If the girls are leaving,

I'll get the luggage.

General Waverly!

Sir.

At ease.

How are you, Captain?

I'm fine, General, but...

We keep the general part quiet.

Why? Begging uour pardon, sir.

Putting it in one sentence,

people don't expect a major general to carry firewood.

Bob, I was just thinking... Hi.

Private Davis, sir.

At ease, Davis.

General Waverly...

a janitor.

Never thought I'd make it?

Oh, yes, sir, sir.

You could do anything you put your mind to, sir...

but... a janitor!

Actually, it's worse.

I own this hotel.

- A landlord! - He got in a shrewd business move.

If I start introductions,

can I get to meet these young ladies?

- Why, sure. - My housekeeper, Miss Emma Allen.

- My granddaughter Susan Waverly. - Hello.

- We're the Haynes sisters. - Your floor show.

Don't worry. I told 'em we're canceling.

Why? We have a floor, right?

Yeah, but who will they sing to?

It's worth it for just us.

There'll be snow tonight.

We'll be full tomorrow.

That's the forecast?

No, but the army taught me to be positive

when you don't know what uou're talking about.

You needn't feel obligated. Since there's no snow...

Nonsense! There's a contract.

Your first performance is tonight at 8:00.

Be there, or I'll sue.

Here.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm on KP.

- Yes, sir! - Yes, sir!

# Those who've #

# Seen us #

# Know that not a thing could come between us #

# Many men have tried to split us up #

# But no one can #

# Lord help the mister #

# Who comes between me and my sister #

# And Lord help the sister #

# Who comes between me and my man #

We ate, and then he ate.

We slept, and then he slept.

Then he woke up, nobody slept for 48 hours.

# Sisters #

# Sisters ##

Hi, girls.

We'll give you pointers on that sister number.

- I hate the wardrobe. - It's so "purty. "

Isn't this awful?

Taking money under false pretenses.

Wouldn't he let us work for half-salary?

Light Horse Harry never retreats.

- He's advancing into bankruptcy. - How deep's he in here?

He's sunk everything into remodeling this place.

It was a barn,

now it's a Tyrolean haunted house.

Well, eat hearty.

Isn't there something we can do?

There is. We're going to New York in the morning.

- But you just got here. - We've got connections.

We'll dig him up a spot.

The problem is here, now.

We've got to get people into this place.

- What do you suggest? - I don't know.

Some kind of novelty that...

What's a novelty up in Vermont, brainstorm?

- We'll dig up a Democrat. - They'd stone him.

If you ask me,

what this place needs is a dynamite act.

Now you're talking!

Something really big, like, uh...

Wallace and Davis.

They're too big.

Wait a minute. How about that?

Fit the girls into our old act.

- What do you say? - I think that's a great idea.

Half a great idea, anyhow. Excuse me.

Get me the New York operator.

Okay, Mr. Wallace. This way.

He's got that "Rodgers and Hammerstein look. "

Is that bad?

Not bad, but always expensive.

Excuse me.

I know it sounds crazy, but uou're working for crazy people.

Al, I want the show here in three days.

Sets, costumes, and all the cast you can round up.

What will this cost?

Everybody gets an extra week's pay and you get a bonus.

- What's the cost? - We open Christmas eve.

The tab... how much?

Al, what's this going to set us back?

- Wow. - How much is "wow"?

Al, do the best you can. Good luck.

- How much? - We've got a big job.

- We fill in acts with the sisters. - How much is "wow"?

Right in between "ouch" and "poing!"

Wow. I'm right behind you.

I won't tell the general.

I think bringing your show here is the nicest...

How did you know?

Like any decent, self-respecting housekeeper,

I listened in on the other phone, and I just don't know what to say.

- He thought of it. - It was a lovely thought.

- Wow! - Get a hold of yourself.

Check in the lobby for your room numbers!

Kids, find your rooms.

Get your rehearsal costumes on.

We start rehearsals after breakfast.

You brought your whole show up here?

Most of it, sir.

It's still not clear. Why?

We have to close down for the holidays,

business is bad...

I know about business being bad.

We figured we would do our rehearsing here.

- Why here? - You got this empty ski lodge...

we figured it was ideal, didn't we?

That's the word we used... "ideal. "

We saw this lodge and we said "ideal. "

- Absolutely ideal. - Ideal.

We've established the fact the lodge is ideal.

We can test new material.

We use the audience like guinea pigs.

Pigs we can get.

I'm not sure about people.

Wallace and Davis never had trouble packing them in.

- People, not pigs. - Well, go ahead if you want to.

I just don't understand show business.

- It'll come to you. - It takes time.

We wouldn't be good as generals.

You weren't good as privates.

Take it from the top. And!

That's right.

All right, keep it lively.

Let's keep it going.

Keep it up, honey.

Move that lumber over, fellas.

Take it over on the other side.

# I'd rather see a minstrel show #

# Than any other show I know #

# Ah, those comical folks #

# With their riddles and jokes #

# Now here is the riddle that I love the best #

# Why does a chicken go... #

# You know the rest #

# Yes, sir, I'd pawn my overcoat and vest #

# To see a minstrel show #

# Mr. Bones Mr. Bones #

# How do you feel Mr. Bones #

# Rattlin' #

# Mr. Bones feels rattlin' #

# Ha! Ha! That's a good one #

# Tell a little story Mr. Bones #

# A funny little story Mr. Bones #

# How can you stop an angry dog from biting you on Monday #

# That joke is old, the answer is to kill the dog on Sunday #

# That's not the way to stop a dog #

# From biting you on Monday #

# How would you bring the thing about #

# Have the doggie's teeth pulled out #

# Oh, Mr. Bones that's terrible #

# Yes, Mr. Bones that's terrible #

# Mr. Interloc'ter #

# What is wrong with you #

# Well, I know of a doctor #

# Tell about him, do #

# Sad to say one day he fell #

# Right into a great big well #

# Oh, that's too bad #

# But, but not at all #

# Why speak in such a tone #

# He should have attended to the sick #

# And let the well alone #

# That's a joke #

# That was told #

# In the minstrel days we miss #

# When Georgie Primrose used to sing #

# And dance to a song like this #

# Mandy #

# Mandy #

# Mandy #

# Mandy #

# There's a minister handy #

# And it sure would be dandy #

# If we let him make a fee #

# So don't you linger #

# Here's a ring for your finger #

# Isn't it a humdinger #

# Come along and let the wedding chimes #

# Bring happy times for Mandy and me #

# Mandy! What a gal #

# Oh, Mandy #

# There's a minister handy #

# And it sure would be dandy #

# If we let him make a fee #

# He's got his rent to pay so don't delay #

# It's not a day to linger #

# Here's a ring for your finger #

# Isn't it a humdinger #

# We advise #

# To live and love and honor and obey #

# Before he gets away #

# Make it Mandy and me #

# The wedding chimes #

# Bring happy times #

# For Mandy and me #

# So don't you linger #

# Here's a ring for your finger #

# Isn't it a humdinger #

# Come along and let the wedding chimes #

# Bring happy times #

# For Mandy #

# And me #

# Ohh ##

Wonderful.

This will bring business in, Grandpa.

Was everything all right?

All right? It was great.

Was the tempo a little slow for you right here?

# Mandy #

# There's a minister handy #

Drive in there. Keep it going.

# So listen, Mandy #

# There's a minister hand... ##

- Isn't that better? - Yes, I can see that's... better.

That's much better.

Much, much better.

# Mandy, there's a minister handy ##

# Mandy, there's a minister handy ##

- Anything wrong? - No. I'm just restless.

Anything on your mind?

Uh-uh. Just restless.

- Want something to eat? - I'm not hungry.

Emma left some sandwiches out.

Go to sleep.

And some buttermilk.

Good night, Judy.

Good night.

If you eat something before going to bed...

Judy.

No, no, it drains the blood from the head.

In case you're thinking of anything

or anybody or just anything.

All right. Fine. Okay. Swell.

I'll go get something.

If I don't get something to eat, uou won't go to sleep.

Good night.

Hi.

Well, hello. What's doing?

- I couldn't sleep. - You're young for that route.

Aren't there sandwiches and buttermilk?

This is the place. We is loaded here.

We got the New England blue plate. We got the Vermont smorgasbord.

Not as classy as Toots Schor's, but the price is right.

- What'll you have? - Anything.

What do you want to dream about? I'll know what to give you.

My theory is different foods make different dreams.

If I have ham on rye,

I dream about a tall blonde.

Turkey, I dream about a brunette

on the scatback side,

but sexy, sexy.

What about liverwurst?

I dream about liverwurst.

It's a little chilly in here.

I got just the spot. Grab the cow.

We'll gather around the fire.

Got an open hearth with some Vermont logs burning briskly.

- Isn't this nice? - Wonderful.

- Glad you came? - It's better than a picnic.

Certainly. No yellow jackets buzzing around.

I usually don't have any trouble sleeping.

You've come to the right fella. Here. Sit down.

I have a theory about that, too.

- Would you like to hear it? - Very much.

# When I'm worried and I can't sleep #

# I count my blessings #

# Instead of sheep #

# I fall asleep #

# Counting my blessings #

# When my bankroll #

# Is gettin' small #

# I think of when #

# I had none at all #

# And I fall asleep #

# Counting my blessings #

# I think about a nursery #

# And I picture curly heads #

# And one by one I count them #

# As they slumber in their beds #

# If you're worried #

# And you can't sleep #

#Just count uour blessings #

# Instead of sheep #

# And you'll fall asleep #

# Counting your blessings #

- Do you mind if I say something? - Of course not.

What you're doing for the general

is one of the most decent and unselfish things I've heard of.

- No angle? - No angle.

I apologize about Florida.

I've always been a silly schoolgirl...

The lady fair and the knight on the white horse.

It's dangerous, putting knights on white horses.

Likely to slip off.

I think mine's here to stay.

That's good to know.

A fella feels shaky up there on a bleached charger.

- Are you worried? - Kind of.

# If you're worried #

# And you can't sleep #

#Just count uour blessings #

# Instead of sheep #

# And you'll fall asleep #

# Counting your blessings ##

Ahem! Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

I was after something for a sweet tooth.

You beat me to it.

Try the Vermont smorgasbord. You'll sleep like a baby.

Thank you.

You know something?

You still haven't eaten anything.

I know exactly what I'll dream about.

Good for you.

Hold your fire. I'm coming through.

- Morning, Captain. - Morning, General.

Looks like you're on active duty.

Emma drafted me for some chores.

I picked up the handbills for the show.

- Oh? - Look pretty good, huh?

That should bring in quite a few guinea pigs.

You ever play horseshoes?

I'm too young for that.

One shouldn't play horseshoes

till the parade's passed him by.

That'll be some time.

Thank you.

I still don't know too much about show business.

And guinea pigs,

but if you and Phil are worried

about the welfare of a certain Vermont innkeeper,

uou needn't be.

His innkeeping days are numbered.

I wouldn't say that.

You know, I been watching those clouds.

There's snow in them.

Those are cumulus clouds, elevation 7,000 feet.

It could snow overnight.

Let me tell you something.

I'm going back in the army.

Really?

- I've applied for active duty. - That's wonderful news.

They'd better not give me a desk job.

I'm holding out for a training command.

When will you hear?

I expect a letter from Washington any day now.

Holy smoke! I'm on the ball.

I've got the mail. There's a letter for you.

Here it is. It's from Washington.

- Looks like the one. - "War Department. " See?

My glasses are in my room.

I'd like to read this alone,

but I'm too anxious.

Read it, son. Slowly.

I'm starting to play trombone a little, too.

I have to focus in.

"Dear Tom, uou dirty old... "

Skip that word.

"I was surprised hearing from you.

"Your amusing letter was appreciated.

"You've got time to be amusing,

"sitting on that porch, rocking, while we work.

"I envy you.

"Soon, I was saying to Edie,

'I can take it easy like old Tom. "'

Old Tom.

"Some people have all the luck.

Everything is fine here. "

The rest of it is about the family.

He's telling me they can't use me, no place for me.

We're not fooling each other.

It wouldn't be too hard

to learn horseshoes, would it?

It's a cinch.

There's a lot to be said for leisure.

You've been active, but...

Never kid a kidder, son.

See you later.

That's a good one.

Fine, kids. Take a rest.

Phil, we're ready to run through the choreography number.

In just a minute.

You're going to get a division up here?

Just enough guys from his unit

to let him know he's not forgotten.

Won't the show help?

If you'd seen him with that letter, you'd know it wouldn't.

It'll take five days to put the show on.

How will we contact all the fellas?

Television. Ed Harrison. I'll get on his show

and pitch to the guys myself.

- What do you think? - It's impossible

ridiculous, and insane.

- Anything else? - I wish I'd thought of it first.

You rehearse. I'll go call.

Get the kids for a dress rehearsal.

Emma, would you call Ed Harrison in New York City?

The Television Ed Harrison?

That's the fella.

You'll catch him at Radio City.

- Keep it quiet. It's personal. - Sure. Ed Harrison.

Television. New York City.

All right, fellas. From the top.

The theater, the theater.

What's happened to the theater,

especially where dancing is concerned?

# Chaps #

# Who did taps #

# Aren't tapping anymore #

# They're doin' choreography #

# Chicks #

# Who did kicks #

# Aren't kicking anymore #

# They're doin' choreography #

# Heps #

# Who did steps #

# That would stop the show in days that used to be #

# Through the air they keep flying #

# Like a duck that is dying #

# Instead of dance it's choreography ##

Ed, it's a long shot,

but it's the only way to reach the men in a hurry.

How does it sound?

I love the idea. If it weren't for him,

I wouldn't know how to peel potatoes.

Why not go all out, put the show on TV?

I'll come up myself. Bring the works.

That's not the idea.

It's a great idea.

Televise the show right from Pine Tree,

a real Christmas eve show

about how you're playing Santa to the old man.

Plenty of schmaltz.

It's worth free advertising for you and Phil.

We'll put him on. It'll tear their hearts out.

Here's the laundry, Emma.

We're not commercializing on the old man's hard luck.

I'll just appear on your show and make a little pitch. Okay?

Wonderful, wonderful. See you Sunday night. Bye.

Take it upstairs, Susan.

All right.

Emma!

Was there a telegram for me?

Oh. Yeah.

It's an offer from the Carousel Club in New York.

- You hold them up to light? - That's for amateurs. I use steam.

You're quite a pro.

Stick your nose in other people's business,

uou discover things uou shouldn't.

Anything specific?

The boys are planning to televise this show

right from here on Christmas eve.

Bob fixed it with Ed Harrison. "Real schmaltz. "

They're even putting the general on.

I can't believe it.

That'll make him look pathetic from coast to coast.

What's it gonna do for his pride?

But it means free publicity for Davis and Wallace.

That's a terrible thing to say.

Bob said it. I heard him.

Bob wouldn't do anything like that.

If I'm wrong, I'll resign as president...

of the New England chapter of Busybodies Anonymous.

Oh, my nerves!

Have you seen Bob?

Did he call New York, Emma?

- I understand he did. - Oh, good.

I hear television's entered the picture.

- He worked it out? - Beautifully.

- It's a great angle. - Brilliant.

Keep this quiet.

The general shouldn't know because...

- I understand. - Betty, Bob's waiting to rehearse.

Anything wrong?

Tell him I'm coming.

- How about lunch? - I'm not hungry.

- But... - I said I'm not hungry.

What's with her?

I'm not sure, but I have an idea. I wanna think about it.

Let's think about it over a sandwich.

I'm starving to death.

Maybe rehearsal's gotten her crazy.

Howdy. I was playing this Blessings number.

Might be something we do together. Wanna try it from the release?

# When my bankroll is gettin' small #

# I think of when I had none at all #

# And I fall asleep #

# Counting my blessings ##

What's the matter? Bad key for you?

- I'm not right for this song. - Yes, you are. Let's try it.

- I'm not right. - Don't be silly.

What I'm trying to say I don't feel like doing it.

I'm not sure I'll do the show.

Well, what is this? You sleep well last night?

I'd rather not discuss last night.

Oh, come now. I admit I was carried away,

but don't get upset over a simple kiss.

There's nothing for you to feel guilty about.

- Look who's talking about guilt. - What do you mean by that?

You shouldn't mix fairy tales with liverwurst.

- What did you have for lunch? - I didn't have lunch.

Then eat something.

Why is everybody concerned about my eating habits?

- Leave me alone. - Whoa, whoa. Time. Cut.

Say what you're thinking, or get to work.

I've got details to take care of.

Then let's skip this.

I won't interfere with uour great business plans.

- That's quite a remark. - Sorry. It's the best I can do.

I got no time for games today. Are you singing this song or not?

- I don't want to. - Nobody's twisting your arm.

- Is that all, Mr. Wallace? - That's all, Miss Haynes!

How do you figure that?

Daylight's beginning to glimmer.

Last night she couldn't sleep.

Today she won't eat. She's in love.

If that's love, somebody goofed.

It's love, but she's fighting it.

- Why? - Because of me.

She's always been my mother hen.

She won't leave the roost until I'm settled.

That's funny. Are you sure?

She'll never look for someone until I'm married or engaged.

That's the end of that.

Unless I get myself engaged real fast.

Even if it made any sense, uou're here in the wilderness.

- There's nobody around here. - I don't know.

Oh, be realistic. Who could you find up here?

I suppose it should be someone I know.

- That always helps. - It's gotta be a man.

An absolute must.

A mature man with talent and experience...

Witty, gay, charming, attractive.

Where will you find such a superman?

- Don't be so modest. - Honey, fellas like that don't...

Me?

You're not superman, but you're available.

Don't get any ideas. I'm not the marrying kind.

- It's just an engagement. - I'm not the engaging kind either.

What kind are you?

The "I'll push my friend into it,

but I'm scared stiff myself" kind.

How terrible could it be for a few days? You do like me, don't you?

Uh... sure, I do.

I'm not exactly repulsive.

Of course... Of course not.

You find me gay, amusing, fun to be with?

Sure, but I feel the same way about my cocker spaniel.

Well, let's just skip it.

I was only thinking of Betty and Bob.

Betty and Bob. Yeah.

Look, it would only be temporary?

Well, of course. You don't think I'm the kind

who throws herself at a man, do you?

Of course not. Nobody thinks that.

Let me figure this out.

It would last two or three weeks at the worst... at the most, I mean.

Well, of course.

And we wouldn't announce our engagement

until it was absolutely necessary?

Absolutely necessary.

Well... okay. It's a deal.

But...

don't you think we ought to kiss or something?

Uh... not until it's absolutely necessary.

Isn't it a wonderful party?

Bob, would you like to dance?

I'm game if you are.

Betty, how about some exercise?

Come on.

# The best things #

# Happen while uou're dancing #

# Things that you would not do at home #

# Come naturally on the floor #

# For dancing #

# Soon becomes romancing #

Hi.

# When you hold a girl in your arms #

# That you never held before #

# Even guys with two left feet #

# Come out all right if the girl is sweet #

# If by chance their cheeks should meet #

# While dancing... ##

Mr. Herring, Miss Lettuce.

- How are you? - Mutual, I'm sure.

- Bye. - May I?

Looks like it's absolutely necessary.

What? You mean, uh...

Hold it, fellas.

Give me a little ching-a-ring.

Folks, I have an announcement.

You'll be the first to know.

Do the best things happen while you're dancing,

or do they just happen in Vermont?

But, uh, Judy has just agreed

to, uh... I mean, uh...

She just asked me, uh...

that is, she just said...

I'm trying to say we're engaged.

- Yay! - Yay!

- Congratulations. - Congratulations.

I wish it would happen to me.

Yeah. I do, too.

It's just wonderful.

I'm so happy for you.

I hoped you would be.

Is everything all right?

Sure. I'm fine.

You're getting the best girl in the world.

Oh, uh... yeah.

- Take care of her. - Sure.

This calls for champagne.

I'll help, Emma.

Congratulations, kids.

I don't know what you see in him,

but he's almost endurable.

You're settling down... pipe, slippers, the works.

All the best, boy.

The water's fine. Why don't you take a little plunge?

Seemed a little icy today.

By tomorrow, it'll warm up.

You sold me. I'll go.

Well, aren't you going to kiss the bride?

Kiss the... Oh, yes, sir.

Yes, sir!

That didn't hurt too much.

In some ways, you're far superior to my cocker spaniel.

- At ease, General. - Oh!

Champagne?

Yeah, I think I will.

Champagne?

Here. Let's drink to their happiness.

To buttermilk and liverwurst

and getting things back to where they were yesterday.

We said we'd never break up the act,

but that wasn't realistic.

We both knew that someday one of us

would want to be free.

Now that I'm taken care of,

I'm not your responsibility anymore.

If there's anything special uou want to do,

uou can feel free to go and do it.

Isn't that true?

I say, isn't that true?

Betty, honey, are you asleep?

Hmm.

Good night.

Thanks, General.

When you get back, give this to Judy.

It explains everything.

This might be a tactical error.

I watched you and Bob last night.

You two need a talking-to.

It's a private war. Don't do anything.

I promise.

Good luck.

On Christmas eve

we'll have special trains coming in

from Boston, Philadelphia, New York.

- Can you handle it? - I'll call the traffic manager.

Good. But remember, strictly off the record.

- Yes. - Board!

Oh, Betty!

Where are you going?

- I've got a job in New York. - Where?

Good-bye. Good luck. I hope you have great success with the show.

If I said anything, I didn't mean it.

I must have sounded like an idiot.

- Good-bye. - I didn't mean...

Kids, take five.

Judy, John, let's run through the Abraham number.

Watch your tempo on the last part.

Keep it rocking, fellas.

All right, kids, come up here.

It's for you.

Betty gave it to Grandpa at the station.

Station?

Phil. Phil!

- What's the matter? - Phil, it's from Betty.

How could you be stupid enough to try this?

Phony engagements!

You should be horsewhipped!

First you, then you, and then you again.

I did it for you.

Because I'm lonely and unhappy.

When you're unhappy, I'm unhappy.

After all, I...

Don't start that lifesaving bit again.

I don't expect gratitude.

Sometimes I wish the wall had fallen on me.

Don't say that.

And you, her own sister, how could you do such a thing?

She's been a mother hen...

We wanted the mother hen to leave

so the chick...

I guess we laid an egg.

You laid a Vermont volleyball.

I'm going to New York to try and square it with Betty.

Consider yourself plenty lucky. You might have been stuck

with this weirdsmobile for life!

- Oh, Judy! - Leave the kid alone.

You've confused her enough already.

- You don't understand... - You've mixed things up.

You listen to me. I got a job for you,

if you can get one simple thing straight.

Well, try me.

The general always listens to The Ed Harrison Show.

I'm on about 9:00. Tell Emma. Maybe she can help ypu.

Don't let him near that television.

I won't, even if it breaks my arm!

Break your arm,

but don't break anything valuable.

You can depend on me.

Let's see... break the arm...

Mr. Wallace, I have a table ready for you.

Has Betty Haynes been on yet?

Not yet.

I'm expecting Eddie Harrison.

Show him to the table. Thanks.

Let's not do the number we rehearsed.

Play Blue Skies, anything.

- The rehearsal sounded great. - I know, but...

It's wonderful. Let's do it, please.

# Love #

# You didn't do right by me #

# You planned a romance #

# That just hadn't a chance #

# And I'm through #

# Love #

# You didn't do right by me #

# I'm back on the shelf #

# And I'm blaming myself #

# But it's you #

# My one love affair #

# Didn't get anywhere #

# From the start #

# To send me a Joe #

# Who had winter and snow #

# In his heart #

# Wasn't smart #

# Love #

# You didn't do right by me #

# As they say in the song #

# You done me wrong #

# My one love affair #

# Didn't get anywhere #

# From the start #

# To send me a Joe #

# Who had winter and snow #

# In his heart #

# Wasn't smart #

# Oh, love #

# You didn't do right by me #

# As they say in the song #

# You done me wrong #

# Yes, Mr. Love #

# You done me wrong ##

Surprise.

What brings you here?

- I had business to take care of. - Oh, I see.

- Some of it concerns you. - Really?

You didn't have to break up the act or leave town

because Judy and Phil's engagement was phony.

They were trying to get rid of any barriers

between you and the altar.

They thought we were serious about each other.

That shows how foolish people can be.

Why do people interfere in other people's business?

- That's Phil for you. - That's Judy for you.

We were just having a few laughs,

and suddenly we're in love with each other.

- Ridiculous. - Sure.

They're sorry about it now. Judy wants you to come back.

I'd like to see you come back, myself.

Well, I don't know...

I know your knight has slipped off his charger.

Why? I don't know.

But I'd like to do what I can to get him up there again.

Mr. Wallace has been expecting you, sir.

Bob, come on, it's 8:30.

Oh, this is Ed Harrison.

Hi. Finally got it squared away, just the way you wanted it.

- That's swell, Ed. - We're late.

Just a second. I got to scoot.

- Could I see you later? - Sorry. I have a date.

- Tomorrow? - No, I'll be busy all day.

- You better go. - What'll I tell Judy?

I'll think about it. Good-bye.

Think Phil can keep

the general away from the television?

When it comes to finagling, uou can't beat this boy.

Hello, girls. You have the right station?

Oh, sure.

Grandpa, the battery's dead on the Jeep.

I'll fix it later.

I don't want to miss The Ed Harrison Show.

Judy.

Should be a good show tonight.

Ahh! General, come quickly!

What's this?

A terrible thing! Fell down the stairs.

- Go help him. - Oh!

What is it? Did you fall downstairs?

Yes, sir. I'm all right.

Probably just a small compound fracture.

There we are. How's it feel?

Feels pretty good, sir.

Put your weight on it.

Right here, sir.

Ooh!

Susan, call a doctor.

Oh, please don't do that.

It's probably just a small internal muscular hemorrhage.

It'll be all right.

We'll take you where it's comfortable.

Let's go watch the television.

Oh... oh!

Well, I'm going to call the doctor.

Please, sir. Don't bother.

Just help me back to the bungalow.

Oh... oh!

Thank you, sir.

I wouldn't want to faint in front of the women.

Oh, oh!

Oh! I'll be all right. Oh!

Don't put your weight on it.

No, sir... oh!

Fine, sir.

Thank you, thank you.

It's a privilege to present my special guest,

an old army pal, a great guy and a great entertainer,

Bob Wallace.

Bob's got a special message

for all you guys in the 151 st Division.

It's about someone close to us all.

- Bob. - Thanks, Eddie.

# When the war was over #

# Why, there were jobs galore #

# For the G.I. Josephs #

# Who were in the war #

# But for generals #

# Things were not so grand #

# And it's not so hard to understand #

# What can you do with a general #

# When he stops being a general #

# Oh, what can you do with a general #

# Who retires #

# Who's got a job for a general #

# When he stops being a general #

# They all get a job #

# But a general no one hires #

# They fill his chest with medals #

# While he's across the foam #

# And they spread the crimson carpet #

# When he comes marchin' home #

# The next day someone hollers #

# When he comes into view #

# "Here comes the general" #

# And they all say, "General who" #

# They're delighted that he came #

# But they can't recall his name #

# Nobody thinks of assigning him #

# When they've stopped wining and dining him #

# It seems this country never has enjoyed #

# So many one and two #

# And three and four-star generals #

# Unemployed ##

That song is for the 151 st Division...

the officers and men under the command

of Major General Tom Waverly.

I have something I want you to do.

Don't you want to sit down?

No, sir. Just walk me around the barn.

That's a little too fast, sir.

If we just slowed down.

I know it's murder

leaving your homes on Christmas eve.

It's easier for fellas in New England,

But remember this.

Nobody connected with the show is getting anything out of it,

except a chance to give a Christmas gift

to the nicest guy we'll ever know.

Your objective is Pine Tree, Vermont.

Synchronize your watches for Operation Waverly.

How are you?

Good to see you.

When I give the signal,

fall in single file on the stage.

Fall in at attention like uou did in Montecatino.

Big day for you.

You got stuff hung on you.

Face the general,

and then march out like you used to.

Okay, boys.

Captain, these things have shrunked.

Your appetite hasn't shrunk.

Who's there?

Boom!

They're sure gone.

You sent all my suits to the cleaners?

- You've only got two. - You should send one at a time.

- Wear your uniform. - I won't appear in uniform.

- Please, Gramps. - Absolutely not.

I'll explain to Bob and Phil

that you didn't care to come tonight.

I'll have you court-martialed.

You're not obliged to go.

I'll make my own decisions.

I got along in the army without you.

It took 15,000 men to replace me.

15,000 men...

It'll be awful if he doesn't come down.

It's Betty!

Welcome home, Betty.

Hello, Emma.

Hi, Suzy. Where's Judy?

Honey, I'm so glad you came.

- Did you say anything to Bob? - Mm-mm.

Hurry. You haven't much time.

If I wasn't so mean, I'd cry.

Grandpa.

You look wonderful.

Did you expect me to wear my bathrobe?

No.

Ten-hut!

# We'll follow the old man #

# Wherever he wants to go #

# As long as he wants to go #

# Opposite to the foe #

# We'll stay with the old man #

# Wherever he wants to stay #

# Long as he stays away from the battle's fray #

# Because we love him #

# We love him #

# Especially when he keeps us on the ball #

# And we'll tell the kiddies #

# We answered duty's call #

# With the grandest son-of-a-soldier of them all #

# Because we love him #

# We love him #

# Especially when he keeps us on the ball #

# And we'll tell the kiddies #

# We answered duty's call #

# With the grandest son-of-a-soldier of them all ##

Troops are ready for inspection, sir.

Just routine, sir.

I am not satisfied with this division's conduct.

Having been at Anzio

doesn't entitle you not to wear neckties.

Neckties will be worn here.

Look at you.

You're a disgrace to the outfit!

You're soft, uou're sloppy,

uou're unruly, uou're undisciplined...

and I never saw anything look so wonderful in my whole life.

Thank you all.

- Thanks, Phil. - General.

I'm grateful, Captain.

Ten-hut!

- # When I was mustered out # - Look out!

# I thought without a doubt #

# That I was through with all my care and strife #

# Well, I thought that I was then #

# The happiest of men #

# But after months of tough civilian life #

# Whoop-te-doo #

# Gee, I wish I was back in the army #

# The army wasn't really bad at all #

# Three meals a day #

# Three for which uou didn't pay #

# Uniforms for winter spring, and fall #

# There's a lot to be said for the army #

# The life without responsibility #

# A soldier out of luck #

# Was really never stuck #

# There's always someone higher up #

# Where you can pass the buck #

# Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the army #

# Gee, I wish I was back in the army #

# The army was the place to find romance #

# Soldiers and WACS #

# The WACS who dressed in slacks #

# Dancing cheek to cheek and pants to pants #

# There's a lot to be said for the army #

# A gal was never lost for company #

# A million handsome guys #

# With longing in their eyes #

# And all you had to do #

# Was pick the age the weight, the size #

# Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the army #

# Gee, I wish I was back in the army #

# The shows we got civilians couldn't see #

# How we would yell # Hey-hey!

# For Dietrich and Cornell #

#Jolson, Hope and Benny all for free #

# There's a lot to be said for the army #

# The best of doctors watched you carefully #

# A dentist and a clerk #

# For weeks and weeks they'd work #

# They'd make a thousand dollar job #

# And give it to a jerk #

# Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the army #

# Three meals a day #

# For which you didn't pay #

# A million handsome guys #

# With longing in their eyes #

# I thought that I was through #

# With all my care and strife #

# But after months and months #

# Of tough civilian life #

# Oh, gee #

# I wish I was back in the army now ##

Oh, ho! Buster, lookie here!

- Here it comes! - This is it.

Isn't this great?

Come on, Phil. Open that side.

- Lookie here. - Isn't this great?

We may get snowed in here.

- # Snow # - # Snow #

Merry Christmas!

Remember, hold those candles up high.

Keep a straight line.

How's your voice, Bobby?

- I'm Bobby. - Oh, pardon me.

How's your voice? Let me hear.

# Do ##

Oh, those were the days.

We're going on now.

Watch your spacing. Don't get too far apart.

That's it. Keep the candles up.

Okay, Byron.

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas #

#Just like the ones I used to know #

# Where the treetops glisten #

# And children listen #

# To hear sleigh bells in the snow #

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas #

# With every Christmas card I write #

# May your days be merry #

# And bright #

# And may all uour Christmases #

# Be white #

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas #

#Just like the ones I used to know #

# Where the treetops glisten #

# And children listen #

# To hear... #

Who's there?

Santa Claus. Welcome to the family.

Relatives already?

Wallace and Davis are flat. We gotta take the show to Chicago.

I can't. I'll be busy.

Wait a minute. I'll join you.

- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas!

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas #

# With every Christmas card I write #

# May your days be merry #

# And bright #

# And may all uour Christmases #

# Be white ##