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00:00:03,072 --> 00:00:08,084
INSTRUMENTAL:
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
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00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:11,052
How are you? You look nice.
Happy Christmas, love.
3
00:00:15,028 --> 00:00:18,060
You look gorgeous
in your Christmas jumper.
4
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,012
Gwaaar! Go on to fuck!
5
00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:26,044
I love your Christmas hat,
it's gorgeous.
6
00:00:26,044 --> 00:00:27,076
CLAMOURING
7
00:00:30,068 --> 00:00:32,004
No, no!
8
00:00:34,044 --> 00:00:35,068
CLAMOURING
9
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,096
Where's your proof of purchase,
you fucking prick?!
10
00:00:37,096 --> 00:00:39,088
Watch his fucking back, will you?
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00:00:39,088 --> 00:00:41,040
Happy fucking Christmas.
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00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,064
# Repeat, repeat, repeat
Repeat the sound of joy
13
00:00:43,064 --> 00:00:46,004
# Repeat, repeat, repeat
Repeat the sound of joy
14
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,052
# Repeat, repeat
# Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat
15
00:00:48,052 --> 00:00:50,004
# The sound in joy. #
16
00:00:50,004 --> 00:00:52,008
That was a load of bollocks!
17
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:03,088
Christmas is a time for giving,
but when you've got fuck all,
18
00:01:03,088 --> 00:01:05,092
it's also a time for taking.
19
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,092
Take it easy, you're getting pine
needles all over the new carpet!
20
00:01:11,092 --> 00:01:15,072
Would you stop going on about
their new carpet?
21
00:01:15,072 --> 00:01:17,032
But it's cream.
22
00:01:17,032 --> 00:01:18,092
I'm taking off these plastic bags.
23
00:01:20,076 --> 00:01:22,016
Not until we're outside.
24
00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:30,064
HE GRUNTS
25
00:01:30,064 --> 00:01:33,096
TREE PLAYS CHRISTMAS CAROL
26
00:01:33,096 --> 00:01:35,036
You had one job.
27
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:40,084
It's the perfect time for me
and Jock to be doing house calls,
28
00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:43,052
because there's a film being shot
in the city and the whole of Cork
29
00:01:43,052 --> 00:01:46,040
is off trying to get selfies with
your man Robert Sheehan.
30
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:49,012
I'm going through a crowd of fans
at the moment.
31
00:01:49,012 --> 00:01:50,048
Yeah, they're really annoying.
32
00:01:50,048 --> 00:01:53,052
SCREAMING
33
00:01:53,052 --> 00:01:56,032
OK, I'm only going to do this once.
You ready?
34
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,036
CHEERING
35
00:01:58,036 --> 00:02:00,052
SCREAMING
36
00:02:00,052 --> 00:02:02,028
SHE SOBS
37
00:02:02,028 --> 00:02:04,088
Do you think you were the right
actor to play this character,
38
00:02:04,088 --> 00:02:06,028
seeing as you are not gay?
39
00:02:06,028 --> 00:02:07,044
Oh, well, I am gay.
40
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,080
I'm gay for women,
I think about women
41
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,092
in the same gay way
that gay men think about...gays.
42
00:02:12,092 --> 00:02:15,064
And you'll never guess
who's been hired for security.
43
00:02:15,064 --> 00:02:17,084
Stand back!Billy Murphy.
44
00:02:17,084 --> 00:02:20,036
The film producers figured
if he was working on set,
45
00:02:20,036 --> 00:02:21,084
at least he wouldn't be breaking in.
46
00:02:21,084 --> 00:02:24,072
I will fucking punch you. Get back!
47
00:02:24,072 --> 00:02:27,024
All in all, it doesn't seem
very Christmassy this year.
48
00:02:27,024 --> 00:02:29,064
Might be something to do with
our housing estate
49
00:02:29,064 --> 00:02:32,016
being more like Armageddon.
50
00:02:32,016 --> 00:02:34,012
It's been non-stop with protesters,
51
00:02:34,012 --> 00:02:37,000
and half of them are only there
to get on the telly.
52
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,080
It's been 30 days since
the residents of what's been dubbed
53
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:42,040
the Real Capital of Cork -
or Real COC for short -
54
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,072
barricaded themselves
in their council estate,
55
00:02:44,072 --> 00:02:46,096
creating their very own hard border.
56
00:02:46,096 --> 00:02:49,004
The guards are struggling
to keep control.
57
00:02:49,004 --> 00:02:52,056
Only residents and food deliveries
are allowed past the barricades.
58
00:02:52,056 --> 00:02:55,016
Who ordered Szechuan
duck and chicken balls?
59
00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:56,084
That's me, that's me!
60
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:58,060
I paid by card.
61
00:02:58,060 --> 00:03:00,048
Building repairs, me fucking hole!
62
00:03:00,048 --> 00:03:03,056
The authorities offered the same
upgrade to the housing estate over,
63
00:03:03,056 --> 00:03:05,000
but once they got everyone out,
64
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,052
they demolished the lot of it.
65
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:09,092
That's not going to happen to us.
These houses are perfectly fine.
66
00:03:09,092 --> 00:03:11,020
KNOCK ON WINDOW
67
00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:13,056
Mam, the weird smell's there again!
68
00:03:13,056 --> 00:03:15,072
Is the canary still alive?Yeah.
69
00:03:15,072 --> 00:03:18,068
Then stop worrying about it.
Jesus.
70
00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:20,096
Just cos some langer
in City Hall thinks our houses
71
00:03:20,096 --> 00:03:23,012
Aren't good enough
for his safety standards.
72
00:03:23,012 --> 00:03:26,092
CROWD AGREES
73
00:03:26,092 --> 00:03:29,052
Like, what would them firemen
be doing if they weren't
74
00:03:29,052 --> 00:03:31,076
putting out our fires anyway?
Ever think about that?
75
00:03:31,076 --> 00:03:34,008
CROWD AGREES
76
00:03:34,008 --> 00:03:36,044
SHE COUGHS
77
00:03:36,044 --> 00:03:38,068
You OK?I'm fucking fine.
78
00:03:38,068 --> 00:03:41,000
SHE COUGHS
79
00:03:42,008 --> 00:03:44,064
EXCLAMATIONS OF DISGUST
80
00:03:44,064 --> 00:03:46,024
Do you have a hanky, no?
81
00:03:46,024 --> 00:03:49,024
Mam has a hard-on for
everything Christmassy,
82
00:03:49,024 --> 00:03:52,024
but she's always been too broke
to get a real Christmas tree.
83
00:03:54,012 --> 00:03:55,016
It's lovely.
84
00:03:56,056 --> 00:03:58,012
# ..happy new year. #
85
00:03:58,012 --> 00:03:59,020
What the fuck?
86
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:00,072
# We wish you a merry Christmas... #
87
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:02,004
Why three Christmas trees?
88
00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:04,024
They say you can't get oil
past the barricade.
89
00:04:05,048 --> 00:04:08,008
We're going to line them up
like the Christmas tree...
90
00:04:08,008 --> 00:04:09,072
Christmas trees.
91
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,080
Ah! Fucking hell!
92
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,000
Ha-ha!Ha-ha!
93
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,072
You can't do that.
94
00:04:18,072 --> 00:04:22,032
Burning Christmas trees
is like burning Christmas.
95
00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:27,024
Did you get to the doctor?
96
00:04:27,024 --> 00:04:29,076
What's he going to tell me
that I don't already know?
97
00:04:29,076 --> 00:04:31,056
Stuff about medicine.
98
00:04:31,056 --> 00:04:32,076
Fuck that.
99
00:04:33,076 --> 00:04:36,060
FLINT STRIKES REPEATEDLY
100
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:38,060
Fucking thing. Give me that fag.
101
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,036
Are you sure you should be smoking?
102
00:04:40,036 --> 00:04:43,044
It'll help bring up the phlegm.
That's true, actually.
103
00:04:43,044 --> 00:04:44,092
Sure, when you walk around,
104
00:04:44,092 --> 00:04:47,036
you always see people smoking
and coughing.
105
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:51,060
SHE COUGHS
106
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:55,004
SHE COUGHS
107
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,096
Mam!
108
00:04:56,096 --> 00:05:00,004
Are you OK, Mam? Mam!
109
00:05:00,004 --> 00:05:03,052
Everybody, get out the fucking way!
NOW!
110
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:05,016
CLAMOUR
111
00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:14,032
Only one of you can travel with her
now, lads.
112
00:05:14,032 --> 00:05:17,020
I never understood what
an ambulance chaser was until now.
113
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:20,080
SIREN
114
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:30,092
SHE COUGHS
115
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,068
It says here she's doing phenomenal.
116
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:38,040
It says "pneumonia".
117
00:05:40,016 --> 00:05:42,036
SHE COUGHS
Is she going to be OK?
118
00:05:44,024 --> 00:05:45,084
It's not looking good.
119
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:50,052
The pneumonia has done
severe damage to her lungs,
120
00:05:50,052 --> 00:05:52,068
and the smoking hasn't helped.
121
00:05:57,044 --> 00:06:00,048
We can't just stand round here
and watch my mam getting more sick.
122
00:06:00,048 --> 00:06:03,064
The most important thing
is to help lift her spirits.
123
00:06:03,064 --> 00:06:07,000
Being in hospital over Christmas
is going to be really tough.
124
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,020
I'll pick us up
something to eat, yeah?
125
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,024
Happy meal?
126
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:22,048
SOMBRE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC:
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
127
00:06:23,064 --> 00:06:26,020
Mam, you need something
to lift your spirits.
128
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,060
What would you like?
129
00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:30,084
Yeah, we...
130
00:06:32,012 --> 00:06:33,068
..we'll get you whatever you want.
131
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,060
SHE MUMBLES
132
00:06:42,072 --> 00:06:45,048
Sorry, I didn't quite get that one.
133
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,068
I've never seen a white Christmas.
134
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,080
Hey.
135
00:06:55,092 --> 00:07:00,032
Are you sure there's nothing else
that might lift your spirits?
136
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:03,072
Like...A bike.
137
00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:04,076
Aye.
138
00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:07,080
We could get you a bike.Yeah.
139
00:07:09,044 --> 00:07:11,024
Just whisper the make and model.
140
00:07:17,056 --> 00:07:18,068
No.
141
00:07:44,024 --> 00:07:46,048
Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas!
142
00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:52,012
I fucking hate Christmas.
143
00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:56,036
Who's all that crap for, anyway?
144
00:07:56,036 --> 00:07:59,028
Conor and Jock.
I bought presents for them?
145
00:07:59,028 --> 00:08:02,048
We'll need to drop it off to their
house on the way home.Not a hope.
146
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,024
Their estate's like a war zone.
147
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:05,092
OK, we'll walk.
148
00:08:05,092 --> 00:08:08,004
Enda, did you bring your rape alarm?
Yep.
149
00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:10,056
Fine.
150
00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:13,084
Don't worry about it.
151
00:08:13,084 --> 00:08:16,036
I'll do everything I'm told,
because it's not about me,
152
00:08:16,036 --> 00:08:19,016
it's about my money for Christmas
on people I don't even like.
153
00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:20,072
That's what this is about.
154
00:08:20,072 --> 00:08:23,044
I'll get you close. You can
fuck the presents over the wall!
155
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:26,000
Barry, stop being a prick.
156
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,008
What?
157
00:08:27,008 --> 00:08:28,088
You can't even get in.
158
00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:29,092
I know a way.
159
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:38,032
You're going to break
the fucking thing, Barry.
160
00:08:39,064 --> 00:08:43,004
When you've got one dead parent,
and another nearly dead parent
161
00:08:43,004 --> 00:08:45,060
in the hospital, the last thing
you need is optimism.
162
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:48,000
There's actually lots of
successful orphans in the world.
163
00:08:49,088 --> 00:08:51,040
Like Batman.
164
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,024
I'm not an orphan.
165
00:08:53,024 --> 00:08:55,000
Well, what are you
getting angry at me for?
166
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,088
I'm just trying to comfort you.
167
00:09:00,052 --> 00:09:02,020
Superman.Stop it.
168
00:09:04,008 --> 00:09:05,088
Harry Potter.Quit it.
169
00:09:10,064 --> 00:09:12,060
God.
170
00:09:12,060 --> 00:09:14,040
He's the ultimate orphan.
171
00:09:15,052 --> 00:09:16,096
And very successful.
172
00:09:18,060 --> 00:09:22,012
Hey! We could try praying
to Him first, no?
173
00:09:31,024 --> 00:09:34,084
The Lord God
works in mysterious ways.
174
00:09:34,084 --> 00:09:37,072
Lads, get a load of
this fucking prick.
175
00:09:41,036 --> 00:09:43,056
ON IPAD:Why did you choose
to film in Cork city?
176
00:09:43,056 --> 00:09:46,020
Well, we needed a lot of
weird-looking background people,
177
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,088
and Cork has a lot to offer
in this area.
178
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,068
Could you point that thing
in a different direction, please?
179
00:10:08,044 --> 00:10:10,072
Here. We'll give you
the phone unlocking code
180
00:10:10,072 --> 00:10:13,040
after you tow the snow machine
to the hospital.
181
00:10:14,064 --> 00:10:16,072
And how are you going to
get it out of there?
182
00:10:16,072 --> 00:10:19,084
That church is like Fort Knox
since they started filming there.
183
00:10:19,084 --> 00:10:22,088
We know this place better than
we know our own dicks.
184
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:25,084
We break in to drink the altar wine.
185
00:10:25,084 --> 00:10:28,092
And this time, we know
a guy on the inside.
186
00:10:32,092 --> 00:10:34,044
Explain it to me again.
187
00:10:34,044 --> 00:10:36,072
It's a coin-toss competition.
188
00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:38,004
Best of five.
189
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:41,080
If we win, you let us in
and turn a blind eye.
190
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,004
What do I get if I win?
191
00:10:44,004 --> 00:10:46,012
The knowledge that you won.
192
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,080
What more could you want
than the winning feeling
193
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,036
of a coin-toss competition?
194
00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:52,044
You'd be king of the tossers.
195
00:10:54,012 --> 00:10:55,088
Are you fucking serious?
196
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:58,036
King of the fucking tossers.
197
00:10:58,036 --> 00:10:59,040
Fuck off.
198
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,004
You can punch us.
199
00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:05,036
What the fuck?
200
00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:07,008
Do you want to help your mam or not?
201
00:11:07,008 --> 00:11:09,044
Well, obviously, but I bruise
like a fucking peach.Yeah,
202
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:12,016
but you know the only thing he gets
a kick out of is inflicting pain.
203
00:11:14,044 --> 00:11:15,068
Fuck's sake.
204
00:11:17,012 --> 00:11:20,008
For every coin toss that you win,
205
00:11:20,008 --> 00:11:22,044
you get to punch one of us.
206
00:11:22,044 --> 00:11:24,000
Both of you.
207
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,036
That's the deal.Fine.
208
00:11:26,036 --> 00:11:28,020
Has anyone got a coin?
209
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,060
I've a chocolate one.
210
00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:31,064
Do you mind if it's British?
211
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,020
Heads.
212
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:39,012
Thank fuck!
213
00:11:39,012 --> 00:11:40,016
My go.
214
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:41,068
HE LAUGHS
215
00:11:47,092 --> 00:11:49,056
Tails.
216
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:52,040
HE LAUGHS
217
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,040
Arm. Leg.
218
00:11:58,032 --> 00:12:00,088
It's vitally important now
that you don't move,
219
00:12:00,088 --> 00:12:03,084
because I don't want to
hit you in the face.
220
00:12:03,084 --> 00:12:05,016
OK?
221
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,020
Ooh! Ow!
222
00:12:14,064 --> 00:12:16,056
That kind of stung.
223
00:12:16,056 --> 00:12:18,004
Ooh!
224
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,016
All right?
225
00:12:20,068 --> 00:12:24,008
I once tried to give up gambling,
but I found it really difficult,
226
00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:27,044
because even when
you're not gambling...Argh!
227
00:12:27,044 --> 00:12:28,088
..you're still KIND of gambling,
228
00:12:28,088 --> 00:12:30,084
doing things that
don't feel like gambling.
229
00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:33,004
Do you know what I mean?
Not really.
230
00:12:33,004 --> 00:12:35,024
Like, I once battered this fella,
231
00:12:35,024 --> 00:12:38,088
so I got sent away for a couple
of months to Cork Prison.
232
00:12:40,028 --> 00:12:42,008
But had I not stabbed him,
233
00:12:42,008 --> 00:12:45,040
I could be a fucking dentist now
or something.
234
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,052
I won again!
HE LAUGHS
235
00:12:48,008 --> 00:12:49,096
It's my lucky day.
236
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,016
Oh!
237
00:12:53,016 --> 00:12:54,056
Stomachs.
238
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:59,020
BOTH: Ooh!
239
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,024
THEY COUGH
240
00:13:01,024 --> 00:13:03,008
HE LAUGHS
241
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:04,084
Whoo!
242
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,044
If I get this now, this is going to
be three out of three.
243
00:13:07,044 --> 00:13:09,032
Just flip the fucking thing, yeah?
244
00:13:09,032 --> 00:13:11,068
All right. Relax.
245
00:13:11,068 --> 00:13:13,004
Jesus!
246
00:13:18,036 --> 00:13:20,060
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
247
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,084
Whoa, whoa!
248
00:13:25,052 --> 00:13:26,060
I win.
249
00:13:28,028 --> 00:13:29,060
Fuck!
250
00:13:34,056 --> 00:13:37,044
We need two people to replace those
actors who got pissed over lunch.
251
00:13:40,012 --> 00:13:43,036
Have any of you extras
got acting experience?
252
00:13:46,048 --> 00:13:49,000
Just get me two of
the weirdest-looking fellas here.
253
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,088
Will they do?They're perfect.
254
00:13:54,088 --> 00:13:56,068
EXTRAS GROAN
255
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:58,048
Right, you two, come with me.
256
00:14:02,056 --> 00:14:04,064
BACKGROUND CHATTER
257
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,044
What the fuck?Fuck you!
258
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,036
FUCK!
259
00:14:10,036 --> 00:14:13,000
GENERAL MOANING
260
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,064
Get the fuck out...!
261
00:14:17,092 --> 00:14:22,032
The IFTAs will be BEGGING me
to take an award after this.
262
00:14:22,032 --> 00:14:24,012
Begging me on their hands and knees.
263
00:14:32,096 --> 00:14:34,080
Excuse me, Mr Sheehan.
264
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,012
Don't talk to me.
265
00:14:37,012 --> 00:14:40,000
I think he's acting.
HE INHALES
266
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,088
Are you acting?Shush, please.
267
00:14:43,088 --> 00:14:45,012
Thank you.
268
00:14:45,012 --> 00:14:47,020
Five minutes, everyone.
269
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,064
I took two sources of inspiration
for this scene.
270
00:14:49,064 --> 00:14:52,092
The original movie, Alien -
"Argh, argh!" -
271
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:57,072
and this old Maltese lady
who was having an asthma attack.
272
00:14:57,072 --> 00:15:00,088
And she was making
the most fascinating sounds.
273
00:15:00,088 --> 00:15:03,084
Strange, like...
HE GASPS
274
00:15:03,084 --> 00:15:06,044
That's where it comes...
That's where the noise...
275
00:15:06,044 --> 00:15:07,096
Wow.Yes, indeed it does.
276
00:15:07,096 --> 00:15:10,012
Ah, you can hear the Maltese
in that.
277
00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,084
Yeah - thank you.
278
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:14,088
So good. Yeah, so good. Maltese.
279
00:15:14,088 --> 00:15:18,008
You can hear it, like, yeah,
it's Maltese.Yeah, yeah.
280
00:15:18,008 --> 00:15:21,036
That's more just
someone doing a lisp.
281
00:15:21,036 --> 00:15:22,048
Yeah.
282
00:15:25,072 --> 00:15:27,008
Any tips?
283
00:15:27,008 --> 00:15:28,076
Tips?
284
00:15:28,076 --> 00:15:31,084
Acting tips. It's our first time.
285
00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:33,084
What do you mean,
it's your first time?
286
00:15:33,084 --> 00:15:35,008
OK, let's start it up, please!
287
00:15:35,008 --> 00:15:39,096
Ah, ah, ah! Listen, whatever you do,
do not look into the camera.
288
00:15:39,096 --> 00:15:43,024
OK? Great. You'll be great.
You'll be great. OK, great.
289
00:15:43,024 --> 00:15:45,088
All set. 342, take one.
290
00:15:45,088 --> 00:15:47,064
Argh!
291
00:15:47,064 --> 00:15:49,080
And track.
292
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,056
HE GASPS
293
00:15:51,056 --> 00:15:52,060
Action.
294
00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:55,044
Argh!
GUNSHOT AND GASPING
295
00:15:55,044 --> 00:16:00,004
I fear this fight may be at its end.
296
00:16:00,004 --> 00:16:04,056
Those soldiers may slash my flesh,
297
00:16:04,056 --> 00:16:08,064
but God is my only judge.
298
00:16:08,064 --> 00:16:09,096
HE GASPS
299
00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:14,080
Promise me one thing.
300
00:16:16,052 --> 00:16:18,020
You have our word.
301
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,096
You're looking straight
into the camera.
302
00:16:20,096 --> 00:16:23,004
Can we reset, please?
303
00:16:23,004 --> 00:16:25,008
What did I just say?
304
00:16:25,008 --> 00:16:26,048
Don't look at the camera.
305
00:16:26,048 --> 00:16:27,092
And what did you do?
306
00:16:29,016 --> 00:16:30,076
I looked at the camera.
307
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,056
Yeah.
308
00:16:32,056 --> 00:16:33,088
Sorry, Mr Sheehan.
309
00:16:37,052 --> 00:16:43,000
Those soldiers
may slash my flesh but God -
310
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,032
God is my only judge.
311
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:50,012
You've missed your mark.
You have our word.
312
00:16:50,012 --> 00:16:51,072
You've missed your mark.
313
00:16:51,072 --> 00:16:53,032
Your mark is here.
314
00:16:53,032 --> 00:16:55,036
It's really, really simple.
315
00:16:55,036 --> 00:16:57,028
Don't look at the camera,
stay on your mark,
316
00:16:57,028 --> 00:16:59,048
concentrate, yeah?
317
00:16:59,048 --> 00:17:01,088
I really want to get it
on this next one, lads, OK.
318
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:04,076
Go for it, boy. I've got a good
feeling about this one, yeah?
319
00:17:04,076 --> 00:17:05,080
Yeah, yeah.
320
00:17:09,024 --> 00:17:11,036
You have our word.
321
00:17:11,036 --> 00:17:14,096
He's reading his lines
off his fucking hand.
322
00:17:14,096 --> 00:17:16,040
Promise me one thing.
323
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:17,084
HE BELCHES
324
00:17:17,084 --> 00:17:19,012
Cut.
325
00:17:23,028 --> 00:17:27,064
Those soldiers may have
slashed my flesh, but...
326
00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:31,088
Cut to FUCK!
327
00:17:31,088 --> 00:17:32,096
Argh!
328
00:17:41,056 --> 00:17:44,016
Argh!
329
00:17:44,016 --> 00:17:46,000
Argh...
330
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,008
God is my only judge!
331
00:17:50,008 --> 00:17:51,060
HE GASPS
332
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:52,088
CONOR STIFLES A LAUGH
333
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,068
God is my only judge!
334
00:17:57,068 --> 00:17:58,072
HE GASPS
335
00:17:58,072 --> 00:18:00,016
STIFLED LAUGHTER
336
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,024
Sorry, boy, sorry, boy. We've got
this, we've got this. Right.
337
00:18:04,024 --> 00:18:07,028
Use a prop - use it.
338
00:18:07,028 --> 00:18:11,000
God is my only judge.
339
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,064
HE GASPS
340
00:18:12,064 --> 00:18:14,044
LAUGHTER
341
00:18:14,044 --> 00:18:17,008
STIFLED LAUGHTER
342
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,032
I'm never going to get this out.
343
00:18:22,032 --> 00:18:23,036
HE GROANS
344
00:18:24,064 --> 00:18:25,096
CONOR AND JOCK LAUGH
345
00:18:25,096 --> 00:18:30,028
Can we please just get a bit
of professionalism around here?
346
00:18:30,028 --> 00:18:31,036
Aww...!
347
00:18:31,036 --> 00:18:32,040
Take 57.
348
00:18:33,096 --> 00:18:37,052
I heard Robert Pacino say once
that great performances
349
00:18:37,052 --> 00:18:39,012
come out of pain and suffering.
350
00:18:40,016 --> 00:18:43,016
I'd like to think we had something
to do with helping Mr Sheehan
351
00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:44,080
get to that place.
352
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,032
Promise me one thing.
353
00:18:48,084 --> 00:18:50,016
You have our word.
354
00:18:51,056 --> 00:18:52,064
Find my mother.
355
00:18:54,036 --> 00:18:55,076
Tell her...
356
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:03,016
Tell her how deeply sorry I am
357
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:06,000
for leaving her in her time of need.
358
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,060
HE GROANS
359
00:19:16,012 --> 00:19:17,068
And cut.
360
00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:20,040
Ohhh! Thank fuck for that!
361
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,096
Get out of my way, you two amateurs.
362
00:19:26,076 --> 00:19:27,080
Argh!
363
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:36,048
Hey, hey. We're coming.
We're coming.
364
00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:38,052
Just back it up to the gate.
365
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,084
HE GROANS
366
00:19:53,088 --> 00:19:54,092
HE GROANS
367
00:19:56,076 --> 00:19:58,028
All right, Billy.
368
00:20:00,012 --> 00:20:01,056
Heads or tails?
369
00:20:01,056 --> 00:20:02,096
Heads.
370
00:20:02,096 --> 00:20:04,008
HE GROANS
371
00:20:04,008 --> 00:20:05,028
Fuck this!
372
00:20:08,064 --> 00:20:09,068
Over here.
373
00:20:13,048 --> 00:20:16,064
I'm sorry about this, lads,
but I take my job very seriously.
374
00:20:18,004 --> 00:20:19,052
THEY GROAN
375
00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:23,040
THEY COUGH
376
00:20:25,036 --> 00:20:28,068
What would you be doing
with a snow machine, anyway?
377
00:20:28,068 --> 00:20:30,084
You can't sell snow.
378
00:20:30,084 --> 00:20:32,080
It melts.
379
00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:36,028
It's just my mam's not well.
380
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,080
And the doctor's saying
she might not make it.
381
00:20:43,096 --> 00:20:46,028
You see, she's always wanted
to see a white Christmas.
382
00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:48,044
We were just trying
to do something for her.
383
00:20:51,056 --> 00:20:52,096
You know what?
384
00:20:52,096 --> 00:20:56,080
I was really sick
in hospital once.
385
00:20:58,028 --> 00:21:01,072
The only thing I wanted
was for someone to sit with me
386
00:21:01,072 --> 00:21:03,040
so I wouldn't be alone.
387
00:21:05,088 --> 00:21:07,004
But no-one came.
388
00:21:08,088 --> 00:21:11,060
Who's sitting with your mum
right now?
389
00:21:13,092 --> 00:21:15,036
No-one.
390
00:21:18,028 --> 00:21:19,072
Lads, get the fuck out of here
391
00:21:19,072 --> 00:21:22,040
before I kick the living shit
out of you again.
392
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:26,076
Thanks, Billy.Thanks, Billy.
393
00:21:27,088 --> 00:21:31,016
And tell your mam
I was asking for her.
394
00:21:31,016 --> 00:21:32,032
Yeah.
395
00:21:47,020 --> 00:21:48,096
We tried our best, Mam, but...
396
00:21:53,008 --> 00:21:55,020
What an awful Christmas!
397
00:21:55,020 --> 00:21:57,072
Don't worry about it.
398
00:21:57,072 --> 00:21:59,064
The traffic is very bad.
399
00:21:59,064 --> 00:22:01,044
Yeah.
400
00:22:01,044 --> 00:22:05,048
I'll see you when I see you,
all right?
401
00:22:05,048 --> 00:22:07,000
Merry Christmas, son.
402
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,028
Merry Christmas, boy.
403
00:22:10,052 --> 00:22:13,020
I think for every time one of us
has a nice Christmas,
404
00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:16,028
someone else out there
is having a shit one.
405
00:22:16,028 --> 00:22:17,068
Hiya.Hello.
406
00:22:17,068 --> 00:22:19,060
Hey, just thought
we'd come over and say hi.
407
00:22:19,060 --> 00:22:22,052
I'm Conor, this is Jack.
Conor.
408
00:22:22,052 --> 00:22:24,088
Hello, Jack. I'm Francie.
Thanks for calling over.
409
00:22:24,088 --> 00:22:27,056
Pleased to meet you, boy.
I like your eyebrows, kid.
410
00:22:27,056 --> 00:22:30,032
Oh, yeah? Have you got a razor?
I could do yours for you.
411
00:22:30,032 --> 00:22:32,084
Go away. You're joking me.
412
00:22:32,084 --> 00:22:34,072
THEY LAUGH
413
00:22:34,072 --> 00:22:37,000
Do you want...?What would I be like
with one of them?
414
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,024
KNOCK AT DOOR
415
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:39,052
A hospital is the one place
416
00:22:39,052 --> 00:22:41,088
where a stranger will never
tell you to fuck off.
417
00:22:41,088 --> 00:22:42,092
Ssh, ssh!
418
00:22:44,012 --> 00:22:46,020
Good morning, doctor.
SHE LAUGHS
419
00:22:46,020 --> 00:22:47,064
They'll all be happy to see you.
420
00:22:47,064 --> 00:22:49,036
THEY LAUGH
421
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,080
You can even go up and hug
someone you never met before
422
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,060
and they'll be grateful for it.
423
00:22:57,060 --> 00:23:00,000
HE SOBS
424
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,092
Bang. Boom.
425
00:23:01,092 --> 00:23:05,040
An old handshake or even
a pat on the back in person
426
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,084
will mean more than getting
some shitty gift in the post.
427
00:23:08,084 --> 00:23:10,060
Stay still.Am I plucked?
428
00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:14,028
THEY CHEER
429
00:23:14,028 --> 00:23:18,040
And doing something that might only
take a minute out of your day
430
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,032
could last a lifetime
in the memory of someone else.
431
00:23:23,076 --> 00:23:26,092
ALL:Santa is a fanny!
432
00:23:26,092 --> 00:23:30,024
Get away from me.
You need to get back into bed.
433
00:23:30,024 --> 00:23:32,004
Get off me.Mairead, listen.
434
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,044
Whoa! Whoa!
435
00:23:35,044 --> 00:23:36,076
Get back.
436
00:23:36,076 --> 00:23:38,096
I'll fucking do it.
437
00:23:38,096 --> 00:23:41,036
Oh!Aww, Jesus!
438
00:23:41,036 --> 00:23:44,048
Sorry. What's going on?
I want to go home.
439
00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:47,024
She needs full-time
medical supervision.
440
00:23:47,024 --> 00:23:48,028
Argh!
441
00:23:49,048 --> 00:23:51,032
Everyone.
442
00:23:51,032 --> 00:23:52,092
Let's be civilised.
443
00:23:55,080 --> 00:24:00,008
Look, you might know about sickness,
you might know about medicine -
444
00:24:00,008 --> 00:24:04,020
but I know my mam, and she wants
to be home for Christmas,
445
00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:06,020
and that's where she needs to be.
446
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,064
I don't even know who owns this.
447
00:24:19,076 --> 00:24:22,084
HUBBUB
448
00:24:25,072 --> 00:24:26,076
Right, come on, then.
449
00:24:28,016 --> 00:24:30,012
What's she doing out of hospital?
450
00:24:30,012 --> 00:24:32,044
Nice to fucking see you, too.
Come on.
451
00:24:34,096 --> 00:24:38,068
Can we get some help here, please,
lads? Sick mammy coming through!
452
00:24:38,068 --> 00:24:41,020
Mothers spend their whole lives
looking after other people,
453
00:24:41,020 --> 00:24:43,080
so when one of them gets sick,
everyone knows it's time
454
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,044
to put their differences aside.
455
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:56,084
Could you stop here
for a second, please?
456
00:24:59,084 --> 00:25:01,004
One second.
457
00:25:01,004 --> 00:25:04,092
INDISTINCT CHATTER
458
00:25:04,092 --> 00:25:07,084
Driver, can you get us to
the other side of that barricade?
459
00:25:07,084 --> 00:25:09,040
Not a bother, boy.
460
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,060
Are you still there?
461
00:25:11,060 --> 00:25:14,064
Yeah. I think I just figured out
our publicity campaign.
462
00:25:14,064 --> 00:25:16,008
Driver, chop-chop.
463
00:25:18,060 --> 00:25:20,048
It's been two hours.
464
00:25:20,048 --> 00:25:23,044
We're never getting out of
this war zone of a housing estate.
465
00:25:23,044 --> 00:25:25,056
I told you not to come this way.
466
00:25:25,056 --> 00:25:28,020
Concentrate. Stop.
Brake, brake, brake!
467
00:25:37,084 --> 00:25:41,020
Oh, that's great. He'll gallop off
now and tell everyone we're here.
468
00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,080
In our neighbourhood,
the riot police usually only turn up
469
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,084
at good birthday parties.
470
00:25:45,084 --> 00:25:47,064
SHOUTING
471
00:25:47,064 --> 00:25:50,020
'Reinforcements are being
sent in to help the Gardai
472
00:25:50,020 --> 00:25:51,084
'dismantle the barricades.'
473
00:25:51,084 --> 00:25:54,048
Everyone, let's do this peacefully.
474
00:25:54,048 --> 00:25:56,036
We're all people of Cork here.
475
00:25:56,036 --> 00:25:58,052
You can take our land,
476
00:25:58,052 --> 00:26:03,044
but you'll never take our FREEDOM!
477
00:26:03,044 --> 00:26:04,096
Come on!
478
00:26:04,096 --> 00:26:06,076
Aw - for fuck's sake!
479
00:26:06,076 --> 00:26:08,008
'The actor Robert Sheehan
480
00:26:08,008 --> 00:26:11,040
'has come to show his support for
the Real Capital of Cork,
481
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:15,004
'and it appears he has watched
Braveheart one too many times.'
482
00:26:15,004 --> 00:26:18,052
CHEERING
483
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,024
Long live the Real fucking Capital
of Cork!
484
00:26:31,024 --> 00:26:34,008
I'm not fucking going anywhere.
This is my fucking home.
485
00:26:34,008 --> 00:26:37,056
Fuck off, you fucking liar.
Get your fucking hands off me!
486
00:26:37,056 --> 00:26:40,024
Fucking hell!
Get your fucking hands off me!
487
00:26:40,024 --> 00:26:43,044
Get your fucking hands
off my sister. She's dyslexic!
488
00:26:43,044 --> 00:26:47,024
Right, which house is theirs?
And let's get the fuck out of here!
489
00:26:47,024 --> 00:26:48,068
It's that one there.
490
00:26:50,072 --> 00:26:52,068
Jesus Christ!
491
00:26:54,020 --> 00:26:56,040
Right, whoever did that,
you own up straightway
492
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,024
or I'm calling the Gardai.
493
00:26:58,024 --> 00:27:00,052
Mentioning the Gardai
is one idiotic thing to do
494
00:27:00,052 --> 00:27:03,020
with this shit going on
around the corner.
495
00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:05,076
HUBBUB
496
00:27:08,048 --> 00:27:10,084
OK. Which one of you was it?
497
00:27:10,084 --> 00:27:12,068
Get back in the fucking car.
498
00:27:12,068 --> 00:27:15,008
Get back in the fucking car, Bobby.
499
00:27:28,032 --> 00:27:30,008
There's only one tree left.
500
00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:42,012
How about we burn
the kitchen chairs instead?
501
00:27:44,056 --> 00:27:49,012
MAIREAD COUGHS
502
00:27:50,056 --> 00:27:52,080
COUGHING CONTINUES
503
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,024
Keep calm.
504
00:27:57,060 --> 00:27:58,092
I am friends with a guard.
505
00:27:58,092 --> 00:28:00,060
Dad, don't fucking say that!
506
00:28:00,060 --> 00:28:02,044
SCREAMING
507
00:28:02,044 --> 00:28:04,000
SHOUTING
508
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,004
Oh, fucking hell!
509
00:28:06,004 --> 00:28:07,072
SHOUTING
510
00:28:07,072 --> 00:28:10,028
Ah, no, no! No, no, no!
511
00:28:10,028 --> 00:28:12,016
Fuck! Dad, do something!
512
00:28:13,092 --> 00:28:15,084
He's not rain, Barry!
513
00:28:17,064 --> 00:28:21,056
COUGHING
514
00:28:26,088 --> 00:28:28,064
GASPING
515
00:28:28,064 --> 00:28:30,016
She's having a seizure.
516
00:28:30,016 --> 00:28:33,008
Quick, just get something
for her mouth.To eat?
517
00:28:33,008 --> 00:28:35,004
No, like a wooden spoon
or something.
518
00:28:35,004 --> 00:28:37,044
That won't help - you just need to
wait for it to pass.
519
00:28:38,056 --> 00:28:39,084
It's OK, it's OK, it's OK.
520
00:28:41,028 --> 00:28:43,012
SHOUTING
521
00:28:43,012 --> 00:28:44,064
Go home, everybody, go home.
522
00:28:44,064 --> 00:28:45,080
This is our home.
523
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,084
You, you fucking prick!
524
00:28:47,084 --> 00:28:50,048
SHOUTING
525
00:28:50,048 --> 00:28:53,076
GASPING
Mam, can you hear me? Come on!
526
00:28:53,076 --> 00:28:54,080
Mam.
527
00:28:55,084 --> 00:28:57,092
Mam, come on, fuck that,
come on, please.
528
00:28:58,096 --> 00:29:01,024
SHOUTING
Everybody go home!
529
00:29:03,092 --> 00:29:06,048
This is our home!
530
00:29:06,048 --> 00:29:10,008
Mam? Wake up, Mam. Come on, please!
531
00:29:10,008 --> 00:29:11,088
SHOUTING
532
00:29:11,088 --> 00:29:14,016
Calm down!
We're going to be all right.
533
00:29:14,016 --> 00:29:16,008
Mam, wake the fuck up, will you?
534
00:29:17,096 --> 00:29:21,004
I think you only realise
how important hope is
535
00:29:21,004 --> 00:29:22,076
when it's taken away.
536
00:29:27,004 --> 00:29:28,048
HUBBUB
537
00:29:28,048 --> 00:29:31,056
Without hope, a community can be
torn to shit.
538
00:29:33,096 --> 00:29:36,048
But if you gives someone hope...
539
00:29:36,048 --> 00:29:38,088
..even just the tiniest bit...
540
00:29:38,088 --> 00:29:40,040
GASPS
541
00:29:42,052 --> 00:29:44,048
COUGHS AND RETCHES
542
00:29:48,016 --> 00:29:50,068
I'm just doing my job!
543
00:29:52,012 --> 00:29:54,004
Stop it! Stop it!
544
00:29:58,028 --> 00:30:00,024
Mam. What you looking at?
545
00:30:03,076 --> 00:30:06,052
HUBBUB
546
00:30:06,052 --> 00:30:09,000
CROWD QUIETENS
547
00:30:17,048 --> 00:30:19,016
COUGHS
548
00:30:19,016 --> 00:30:22,020
Give her some space,
give her some space. You're OK.
549
00:30:24,036 --> 00:30:25,096
Get away.It's OK, it's OK.
550
00:30:25,096 --> 00:30:28,000
I'll give you space.
551
00:30:32,068 --> 00:30:34,056
Girls, get back inside!
552
00:30:34,056 --> 00:30:36,000
Orla!
553
00:30:47,064 --> 00:30:49,056
It's snowing!
554
00:30:59,096 --> 00:31:03,000
TINKLING MUSIC PLAYS
555
00:31:08,044 --> 00:31:13,092
INSTRUMENTAL:
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
556
00:31:34,016 --> 00:31:36,004
Happy Christmas, everyone.
557
00:31:48,036 --> 00:31:50,068
Happy Christmas to you, too, Mister.
558
00:31:51,092 --> 00:31:54,052
Thank you.You're welcome.
559
00:31:58,032 --> 00:32:01,072
Maybe Christmas
IS a time for giving.
560
00:32:01,072 --> 00:32:03,092
Even when you've got fuck all.
561
00:32:06,068 --> 00:32:08,060
Bah, humbug.
38997
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